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serenadeonacanoe · 3 years

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Waiting for something. (Namjoon x OFC)

Pairing: Namjoon x Original Female Character

Genre/Warnings: Smut, Fluff, Angst, too tired to beta

Summary:

Me: [12:24 AM] Soo... is this actually Namjoon then? Namjoon: [12:39 AM] It is. Me: [12:41 AM] I think I need proof. [...] Me: [12:51 AM] Okay, I am convinced. Namjoon: [12:52 AM] And how do I know this is Olivia? [...] Namjoon: [1:02 AM] Alright, yeah. I think that is the girl RM apparently not so low-key flirted with a few weeks back. Ollie hadn't planned to have her music show blow up when Namjoon jokingly flirts with her at a red carpet event, how could she? But now the footage is out there and yesyesyes all very funny... but wait... why are they still texting?

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CHAPTER 1

The truth was that there was something a bit gross about red carpet coverage. Yes, it was exciting and nervewracking in a good way, sometimes actually interesting conversations were held and most of the time - with the help of a little editing of course - the result was worth it. But there was also just a lot of waiting. Standing around. Constant screams around you. A. lot. of. fake. laughter. And that made sense in a way, who could keep their energy up for so long... well not me. Between interviews, I would just drop my shoulders, trying to relax my shoulders a little, just to cheer up again moments later, when I suddenly had another chance. Minutes of fast speaking, cheeriness and ... well, sometimes, yes, fake laughter would follow and then back to dreaming you could please take a nap on the sidewalk behind you.

"Cheer up! You forgot that you love this!" Nick, my cameraman murmured, his head still hidden from my view behind the camera on his shoulder. Still, I looked in his direction, my mouth fell open for a second. Jesus, he was right. Why was I complaining... when had I gotten used to all this spectacle to a point that I forgot that I was so very lucky. I was doing what I loved, just as much as the people I interviewed. How many people studying journalism and obsessed with music would actually end up where I now was. My own music show for a year now. Okay, online, not regularly on TV, but still financed by a network. But this was the 21st century and streaming numbers were probably more important to some than their own grandmother's life, yeah... I should have been more grateful. And while I stared at Nick, I could see a grin in the corner of his mouth, even though most of it was hidden. And then I grinned as well and interviewed Harry Styles. You know, casual Friday, some might say...

Somehow Nicks comment had saved my night. I forgot about the fact that I was tired, or that I had promised my mother three days ago that I would call and had never gotten around to it. Or that my ex-boyfriend was currently at the Great Barrier Reef with the girl he had told me nothing was going on with while we had been dating. It was me and people passioned about the art they were making, which hyped me enough to actually feel like I was doing a pretty good job of asking the right questions at the right time.

And still, Nick just hissed a hasty "Step it up!" at me when he realized that we had a pretty good chance at interviewing BTS next, even before I realized that they had gotten so close. I had definitely realized they were here somewhere, the screams had gotten so loud when they had stepped out of their car. But - bam! - suddenly a stern-looking woman pointed towards me and seconds later they were standing in front of our camera. Matching suits, polite smiles, super professional and me just in awe. Some clever editor would later play it up, as if I had actually gone into stand by mode, inspired by the fact that I turned around to the camera the next second and pretended I had lost my shit, before snapping out of it moments later, turning around again. "Oh my God. It's BTS, how are you guys?" They were professionals, but so was I.

I got two questions in before the woman tried to rush them away from me, but I pretended to not hear her and got one more question out there before we said our good-byes. Jimin waved at me like a toddler and for some reason, it made me "dawww". He didn't hear, but Namjoon, the last to move over to the next interview, did, turned around again and chuckled, before winking at me. I blinked. And then they were gone.

"Did Namjoon just low-key flirt with me?" I asked Nick, who was still recording me. "You wish..." he said, which made me laugh, and I nodded slightly, eyes closed as if to say "Guess so". Nick stopped recording and I dropped my shoulders again. Man, who was I to complain about fake laughing when I could go from quirky-hyper-music journalist-me to energy-saving mode in about five seconds? Checking my phone I realized it was time. I had to head inside, otherwise, there was no way I would make it backstage before stuff got really really hectic there.

The award show was alright. We didn't actually do any interviews backstage, the truth was that these things we so incredibly organized that there was no time to waste on the sidelines, no time for a chat unless it was pre-planned. This was all to show how much fun I was having, probably to be edited into a montage or something. And I mean... I was having fun... but then again it just sometimes felt a bit goofy, jumping around, clapping for people when they came off stage as if we were friends. After a while Nick and I had found a good spot where we weren't in anyone's way, could see the side of the stage and still had a monitor close to us that was showing us what the audience on tv saw. I finally relaxed a little after Nick had decided that he had enough material. He had set the camera down, and we were having a beer while watching the rest of the show.

It was towards the end of the show when the evening's hostess was giving a little speech about how much fun the event had been, followed by a montage of scenes from different celebrities getting ready to the red carpet. Nick said something about the fact that the turn around time for the clips was pretty fast, considering that some of this had happened only two hours before and I just made a "mmhh" sound to answer him when I was really checking my phone. Moments later he had kicked my shoe with his and I looked up confused. For a second I thought he was upset because I had not given him proper attention, but he gestured towards the screen and for a good reason. Because I was on there. Seemed like the behind-the-scene camera people had been standing right behind Nick when I had interviewed BTS. They showed my little "OHMYGAWD, IT'S BTS" moment and I had to smile, then there was a hard cut and next thing I saw was the whole "Did Namjoon just flirt with me?"-moment, just from a different angle. And with the knowledge that the whole audience inside the hall saw the same thing as well. I could hear the laughter and then while there was some sad applause, the live camera was in front of BTS, zooming in on RM... who was still looking up at a screen and seemed a bit overwhelmed, before acting all nonchalant about it towards the camera. The other boys were laughing their asses off, Hobi looked as if he was about to fall off his seat. Namjoon played the coolness up, even more, nodded into the camera, holding a hand up to his face, mouthing a "call me", before looking a bit uncomfortable the next second, maybe because he couldn't believe himself that he had just done that. And then they cut back to the hostess and I only realized that I had moved my hand in front of my mouth when I turned to Nick. He had laughed through the whole thing as well.

Okay. So, nothing about this whole bit had been particularly clever or as funny as everyone was making it out to be. Award show humor. What was funny was that everyone had seen my childish comment. Including the person, it had been about. It was harmless after all and so now I started laughing as well and I didn't stop for a good while. Yeah, I was a bit embarrassed. But at least they had made me look more relatable than desperate and Namjoon had taken the joke well.

When I got to my hotel room - several glasses of sparkling wine later - I realized my best friend, back home in New York, had texted me.

Lauren: [12:13 AM] So who is the new boyfriend? Me: [12:42 AM] If everyone who ever winked at me once was my boyfriend... Lauren: [12:47 AM] You'd still be single! ha!

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#namjoon fanfic #bts fanfic #namjoon x reader #namjoon fluff #namjoon angst #namjoon smut #rm

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nyrator · 4 years

Photo

ARE YOU ALL READY

for my first ten days in Animal Crossing New Horizons in picture form (aka the 20th-29th)

because I have close to 3,000 screenshots and it was hard go through them all but I did (mostly because I ran out of the 10,000 limit and had to upload them to my computer anyway)

letsa gooo

The start of the game.

Heck yeah, Tommytown. Also shoutouts to Rocket and Teddy, my first new friends in the town. Can’t say I relate to Rocket, but she’s pink and has a pink house eventually so that’s nice. Teddy’s okay, though not a fan of Jocks in general.

Thanks, random motivational dream K.K.

The start of Nyville

People say Timmy and Tommy are the same, and I admittedly was not a fan of them in ACNL, but I know thanks to this game that Tommy is a true friend and I would die for this tanuki

Also shoutouts to catching like two tarantulas in the first night, jesus

And in one night, managed to get Blathers to want to join our town.

And then the rest of the days came.

DAY 2

Met Gulliver (jerk thinks my head is big all the time)

Made some pro designs and changed my hair

Lots of good friend visits/visiting (though one random guy I added from Splatoon invaded and stole all my apples, rippp)

and that was my second day of playing

AND ALSO I’VE RECEIVED A LOT OF NICE LETTERS FROM PEOPLE... I am bad at writing letters and I’m not sure if people would want them public but aaaa thank you for the letters (shout outs to lala-ko in particular what a good AC frienddd)

DAY 3

Lots of things being built

Got some reactions~

MABLE... but, more importantly, that means...

SABLE... the best NPC in the game...

More friendshippp

Paid off my first loan~

Also shoutouts to local friend letting me get some apples to make some furniture for people to move in after some jerk stole all mine

Also met Harvey, what a dude. ALSO, MY OLD FRIENDS...

And that was only day three of my adventures.

DAY 4

Met Wendy, a Peppy Sheep. You’re okay, Wendy, you’re okay.

BY THE WAY THE MUSEUM IS GORGEOUS

they did not have to go that hard but they did

whoops I didn’t expect it to be that close oh well, I can move things around later so for now everything is next to each other for convenience

also met a ghost friend and he gave me expensive(?) flooring

DAY 5

Got a cute alligator friend, you’re okay too, Gayle. ALSO I SEE YOU MABLE...

Also, finally, new phone, who dis? Dis stylin’ Nyrator. May adjust it later on since I found there’s a template online on how it works.

Did some fishing as well, apparently caught some rare first that day.

Nook continues to ruin me financially, but at least I got more storage space.

DAY 6

Some frog joined, and I think I’d like him if it wasn’t for the burpy noises and the facial hair. Lazy villagers seem great in this game though.

hello Saharah

thanks for all the rugs/wallpaper I guess

Thanks, Wendy.

ALSO SHOUT OUTS TO KOMETA a good friend she got me a lovely heart apron and hair pin and pink hoodie and things and they’re so nice and aaaa thank youuu

Also made more pixel art designs because why not

even wendy agrees

DAY 7

it better, Nook

give me Tommy back to wander the island with his flag and leaf umbrella I miss socializing with Tommy

excuse you Nook told me you wanted this here

more friendship

this game a nice game to socialize in with people (even though I’m terrible at it I apologize especially for never imitating anything with anyoneee)

the letters and the casual tours and having fun are really nice, plus it’s nice to just share things like fossils and DIY recipes, good times

thanks, Wendy

ALSO LOOK AT THIS BAD BOY

It took over 50 bait until I failed a catch and failed getting that one achievement again (farthest was 81/100 fishing in a row and I keep getting into the 60s-80s before screwing up, close to 90 today though so we’ll see how it goes), after failing I was like, heck with it, just throw bait over the small fish until a big one appears, and sure enough, my second-to-last bait, and my third large fish, bam, this baby arrives.

ALSO SPEAKING OF BLATHERS

STAR WANDDDD...

thank you celeste now give me your bow...

Didn’t see a meteor shower at this point, but you better believe I just crafted one today and boy is it good (though stores clothing in the wand which is a bit weird but saves my storage space a bit, I just need to buy multiple hairpins)

DAY 8

there she is, the jingly girl herself

also I put a podium there but misplaced it, sorry Nook I’ll get it right tomorrow- oh wait you don’t do these outside anymore... ripppp

However, before any of that silly nonsense

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LALA

you don’t know how heartwarming it was to be invited to this and celebrate this that morning, had no idea it was happening until it happened, but aaaaaaaaaa so wholesome...

SERIOUSLY THIS WAS ONE OF MY MOST WHOLESOME ANIMAL CROSSING EXPERIENCES...

so anyway back to Nook and Isabelle

and getting this immediately because heck with all the inventory management in this game

So Project K, got it. Heck yeah, K.K.

Also made a town theme (forgot to screenshot it but it’s the Yume Nikki save theme, might change it to Mary Had a Little Lamb though), and also a flag design was already prepareddd

also hi Gulliver again

and a campsite...

heck yeah it’s all coming together

YEAH WHAT OF IT

WENDY YOU WERE JUST COMPLIMENTING ME

jerks all of you are jerks but you’re all still pretty okay/10 (not Merry/Kyle level though)

DAY 9

seriously though rip that podium idea

thank you mabel...

And a campsite~

EXCUSE ALL OF YOU WITH YOUR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE SUGGESTIONS

Kometa gave me this apron and I will continue to cherish it

But yes, that’s about it for today~ Town’s unweeded, campsite’s built, things have been slowing down while at the same time picking up~

DAY 10

okay cool

okay AAAA YESSSSSS SABLE TIMEEEE FASHION TIMEEEEE...

also hello Daisy Mae, the internet loves you for some reason, can I have some turnips

that is expensive you little snot nosed brat but fine I’ll play your stalk market games, cover my whole town in four million bells worth of turnips again like ACNL...

Also thanks Lyle, I’m a B apparently.

Wow okay I don’t even have a choice, rippp

at least he’s smug, smug villagers are the best personality of villagers

heckk yeahhhh bad placements all arounddddd

I can’t wait to start fixing this island up to a better shape, rip my haphazard placement (I admit I kind of miss the randomness of earlier games, having this much control is weird)

AND THAT’S THE FIRST TEN DAYS OF ACNH...

I may have ran out of screenshot space early the next day and thus uploaded them all to my computer because I need that space (10,000 screenshots, man...)

Got a lot accomplished, I feel~ Still haven’t paid off my back room loan, but I got a bridge paid, got another bridge on the opposite side being built, and I saw some meteor showers the past two nights AND GOT A STAR WAND...

Got Gwen and Hamphrey also moving in and can’t get Merry in town just yet but she’s in the campsite, watching, waiting... debating if I should get ten randos first before moving cards in, though

Also met Gulliver/Celeste/Wisp again the past few days, and also today is the beginning of Easter stuff (so many eggs, also random esports fish guy, he’s weird, also NO BLANCA, rip my empty-faced April Fools cat dude thing (apparently a girl in the US? but I will continue to be a weeb and think of them as their Japanese selves mostly because the voices tend to be masculine)

but yeah made like over 100 wishes in two days and got a bunch of neat star things (not as many as I’d thought I’d get but I’ll take it)

Also, SABLE IS A FRIEND and I love the clothing store but am weirded out that I can’t seem to order things in bulk, just what I’m wearing in the dressing room, which is awkward. Oh wellll

(also may have realized I never got a recent passport screenshot so went and did thattt, should think up more titles maybe)

#nyrator plays animal crossing #animal crossing #animal crossing new horizons #acnh #long post

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xbananaleensyo · 5 years

Text

The Pining Club

Ship: Vanohm/Ohmnoss

Warnings: mentions of alcohol/drinking, mentions of sex/sexual content

Words: 4,630

Summary: Evan knew having feelings for Jonathon wasn’t ideal. It was worst when Jonathon had feelings for someone else. In the midst of heartbreak, Evan decided he didn’t want to be alone that night. And when he meets a green-eyed stranger at the club, he realizes loneliness is a wild thing.

A/N: Did you know that Vanohm is a pretty neat ship? Well, now you do! Fun fact: this story is based on the song Dancing with a stranger by Sam Smith and Normani. I was obsessed with that song for a month and listened to it repeatedly while writing this. Thank you for reading! I appreciate all reblog/likes/comments! Have a nice day, yo.

Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. But that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. The hurt was bitter because Evan knew Jonathan wasn’t his. But each fucking time he set himself up and fell for him. Fell for his striking blue eyes. For his chaotic dumb laugh. Fell for the caring look he gave him on a bad day or the excitement in his pupils on a good one. Evan knew he was an idiot and that falling for his close friend was not a good idea. But a little whisper inside him just hoped that maybe one day he didn’t have to swallow his feelings for Jonathon. That maybe he’ll fall for him too…

But, fuck, maybe this is how it’s meant be.

Evan shook his head, fighting the tears he already spilled out for the past couple nights. Anger, regret and pain were still raw in his veins, but he was done sitting in the dark of his room. Evan can’t handle his feelings for Jon, he can’t handle that he can’t have him but when Jon spends their nights talking about the “certain special girl�� that has stolen his heart, Evan couldn’t help but have his jealousy go overboard and have true loneliness set in. Evan didn’t want to be alone tonight, not with Jon on his mind. He wanted to forget.

And that’s why he’s here now in a nice button up and black bomber jacket, wearing the jeans that hug him just right. He’s leaning on the bar, staring through the flashing lights of the night club and feeling the music vibrate in his chest. He’s not quite sure how many drinks he’s had already, buying some of his own and having a couple more bought for him in exchange for a dance or two. But it’s enough that Evan is feeling pleasantly warm, adventurous, and the drink he was sipping just didn’t taste like alcohol anymore. Soon, he was on the dance floor again, swaying his hips in time with the music. It was at that moment, a green-eyed stranger caught his eye.

The first thing Evan notices was that it was morning. The birds chirping outside was proof. The second thing he noticed was the slight headache he had and that his body ached all over. And, finally, the third thing he noticed was that he wasn’t in his bed, nor his room, and he was completely naked. Panic started to set in as he tried to remember the events on how he got here. His memories were blurry with alcohol but he recalls spending most of his night with one specific stranger. The green-eyed stranger. The one with the thin scarf and tight, grey V-neck. The one he had his hands all over as they grinded hips to the beat and found their rhythm with no breathing space in between. He remembers curling around the stranger’s neck, lips brushing his collarbone until his face was being pulled up and the stranger asked for a kiss. Evan agreed, nodding before their lips met, in soft presses at first until it got out of control and they were practically making out in the middle of the dance floor. Evan followed him home, their lips attached as the guy dragged him to his bedroom with his fingers around his belt loops until he had no jeans at all. It was a feverish act, sweat and limbs, skin on skin, moans hitting the walls. The last thing he remembers was being tucked in as sleep washed over him.

Evan looked around, realizing there was no one in the room but him, the side of the bed was empty and cold. He didn’t find his clothes on the floor, instead they were folded neatly on an office chair with a note detailing where the bathroom was and that he can use whatever products he needed. Evan changed quickly, rinsing his face with cold water to feel more alert. He decided to gargle his mouth with mouthwash and comb his hair to waste time. He wasn’t sure what to do. Should he try to find the guy he slept with? Should he try to leave quietly? After pacing the bathroom a couple times, he concluded that he didn’t want to be rude. He didn’t want to be that guy. Besides, someone that folds their hook-up’s clothes afterwards couldn’t be that bad, right?

“Oh, you’re awake. Hey, there.” Evan heard when walking into what he assumed to be the dining room. The voice sounded tired but was as velvety as he remembers. It came from the kitchen, eventually making its way to Evan. “Did you find everything okay?”

“Y-yeah, I did. Thanks for everything…Ryan, right?” Ryan nodded. Evan noticed he was wearing glasses this time and a long green robe. Evan inwardly smiled at the fuzzy, bunny slippers on his feet.

“And if I remember, your name is Evan?” Evan rubbed the back of his neck and nodded back.

“Yeah, that’s me. Good morning, I guess?”

“Well, it’s technically the afternoon but, yeah, good morning.” Ryan chuckled and pointed to the table. “There’s uhh Tylenol and water there if you need any…are you hungry, by the way? I made breakfast…or lunch? I wasn’t sure how you liked your eggs so I just scrambled it. Unless you’re vegan or something! I have oatmeal then if that’s fine? I also brewed some coffee. I personally like mine very sweet but I didn’t want to touch yours if that’s not how you like it. I also have black tea if that’s more your style and, and I’m sorry I’m rambling.” By this time Evan was already seated on the table, gulping down his glass of water and two pills. He smiled politely at his host.

“Scrambled eggs are fine, Ryan. And just make my coffee just like yours, I’m really not that picky. But thanks again, you really know how to make a man comfortable.” Evan softly laughed followed by Ryan’s own little giggle.

“Good hospitality happens to be my forte.” He says before going into the kitchen and coming back with a plate of eggs and a steaming mug. Evan didn’t realize how hungry he was until he put a spoonful of eggs in his mouth. They ate in silence, utensils scratching plates and occasional sips filled the air.

“I’m sorry if this is weird or awkward…or if I seem nervous. I don’t usually do this kind of thing. This picking-up-guys-at-the-club thing.” Ryan said sheepishly. Evan hummed. He understood. It’s not like he partook in the activity often himself.

“So, what was the difference this time?” He saw Ryan furrow his eyebrows at the question. It was clear he was debating something in his head and Evan was afraid he hit something personal.

“I, I mean you don’t have to tell me. I was just wondering…”

“No, no Evan, you’re fine. You’re in my house and I kinda brought you here so I think it’s fair that I’m real with you.” Ryan averted his gaze, choosing to look at his plate instead. “I was…I was trying to get over my crush. His name is Luke and he’s a good friend of mine. But he’s getting married at the end of the year so my chances are nonexistent. And you know what they say: to get over someone you have to get under someone else.” Ryan laughed again but it was empty. It was filled with the pain he knew too well. And maybe that’s why Evan laughed too. It was as hollow as his. What are the odds he found someone like him.

“Now, I know it’s sad but you don’t have to laugh and be so rude Ev—”

“Jonathon.”

“What?”

Evan poked at his eggs. “His name is Jonathon. The guy I’m trying to get over. He recently started dating this girl and I was so heartbroken that I needed to go out and do something. I really didn’t want to be alone last night…” There was a moment of silence until Ryan lifted his mug towards him.

“Well, welcome to the club, Evan.” He said bitterly. They clanked mugs in unison.

The next time Evan sees Ryan is about a week later. It’s by this time that they’ve exchanged numbers and texted casually. It seems seeing someone naked and then exposing theirs and your own emotional turmoil over breakfast makes you automatic friends. It’s a good thing Evan gets along with Ryan so well.

“Have you—have you not seen a single Marvel movie, dude?” Evan chuckles, his hands flat on the table in disbelief. Ryan rolls his eyes, blowing at his spoon before taking a sip of his clam chowder. They were sitting in a booth in a nice local café they both knew that was near the club they met in. It was a decently popular café, a nice flow of traffic moving around the two men.

“Of course, I have! Just not—"

“—ones made in the last decade?” Evan teases pointing a french fry towards his direction. Ryan waves his hand, dismissing Evan’s words.

“Details, details. Hey, I review video games, not movies. I don’t have to watch all of them.”

“Oh? Is that like your job or something?” Evan asks, realizing he actually didn’t know what Ryan does for a living and the question piqued his interest.

“Yeah, it kinda is. I’m umm an editor and columnist for this online magazine that talks about video games. I have a segment on there where I review and give my first impression on certain video games…kinda geeky, huh?” Ryan laughs but keeps a nervous hand on the back of his neck.

Evan nods. “Yeah, that’s totally geeky. You’re only lucky that I’m fucking geeky too.” Ryan raises an interested eyebrow before Evan continues, “I do the same thing. Well, not the reviewing and writing part but I do work with video games. I’m a sound engineer. I’m that one guy that makes all the sound bits that go “bam!” or “wapow!” and shit. But I mostly love working on music tracks that go into the background…” Evan looks at Ryan to find him beaming, his hands slowly going to his cheeks

“Oh Evan! That’s like one of my favorite parts! I enjoy reviewing the best and the worst gaming soundtracks. Which “boom” is a good “boom.” Oh c’mon, man, you gotta tell me what games you’ve worked on. I gotta know if I reviewed any of your stuff…” Evan throws his last fry at Ryan, earning a squawk from him.

“I ain’t fucking tellin’ you anything.” He laughs before picking up the check and paying for both of them despite Ryan’s protests.

Their friendship is normal most of the time. They hang out and get coffee together. They’ve exchanged gamer tags and rave about upcoming titles. Ryan makes fun of Evan’s PC set-up. Evan makes fun of his Spotify playlist. Evan especially likes the days when he visits Ryan’s place and gets to play with his new puppy, Tiny, on his living room floor. And Ryan swears, if he gets another meme at three in the fucking morning from Evan, he will break into his house just to throw his phone out the window. It was a nice and chill friendship, like most of the friendships Evan has had. It was normal most of the time.

The lonely nights, however, the lonely nights is where it gets interesting, Evan thinks. Sometimes, there’s tears. Like that one time Ryan knocks on Evan’s door near evening with blood-shot eyes and tear-stained cheeks when Luke’s Groomsmen duties were taking a toll on him. Or that other time when Evan called Ryan in the middle of the night, sobbing about how loving Jonathon’s eyes get when he talks about her and how that will never be directed at him. Or a time more recent when they both couldn’t handle their broken hearts as they sat in Evan’s living room, silently passing a bottle of whiskey, drinking it straight, until there was nothing left. They were the pining hearts club; the club known for making bad decisions. It was nights like these that happen way more often than they liked to admit. And it was these nights that almost always end with Evan straddling Ryan’s lap on whoever’s couch it ends up being. Hips grinding against each other, tongues down each others throat, and the wild need of acceptance. Because if Evan can’t fill himself with Jonathon then he’ll fill himself with Ryan instead. And Ryan knew; Ryan knows what Evan was doing, as he bites the soft spot on Evan’s neck, because somewhere in Ryan’s mind, he was doing the same exact thing. It was a mutual deal to them. A mutual understanding of loneliness in companionship that they transcribed that first night. To make the other gasp their name instead of the name they would’ve been gasping if left alone with their hand and their own devices. To make the other feel a brief sense of sexual pleasure over the heartache. It was enough for them for that night…but Evan couldn’t help but feel a tad pathetic.

“Yeah, it kinda is, huh?” Ryan mumbles into Evan’s untidy hair. Tonight ended in Evan’s bed, Evan curled into Ryan’s bare chest while Ryan’s fingers drummed on Evan’s hips. They cuddled under the covers, legs entangled with the other, something they started to do after their more intimate activities. Evan was a talker after sex and had a tendency to voice his latest thoughts during this time, which he was glad Ryan entertained.

“Wow, thanks for the reassurance Ryan.” Evan half-teases, hearing a low giggle coming from Ryan’s throat above him.

“I’m just being honest, Evan. You’re kinda pathetic but that makes me kinda pathetic too. But…I don’t know? This might sound really, really wrong but I’d rather be kinda pathetic together with you than being pathetic alone.”

Evan hums, agreeing to the statement. He doesn’t know what that says about both of them but he admits it: he’d much rather have good sex, good conversations, and good company over crying alone in his room. They start talking about their day and random occurrences in their life. And when Ryan’s breath starts slowing and he can tell he’s asleep, Evan couldn’t help but agree more with the statement.

“You talk about Ryan way too much sometimes, dude.” Jonathon teases, knocking Evan’s controller out of his hands and into his lap.

“I do?” Evan tilts his head, questioning. They were both at Evan’s house sitting on his living room couch. It was a common thing they did: Jonathon coming over to Evan’s house with whatever snacks tickled their fancy. Sodas were opened and chips were littered across the coffee table while they were in the middle of a Far Cry run…until Jonathon joked about Ryan. Evan blinked, he didn’t even realize he was talking about Ryan.

“Uhh yeah, bitch.” Jonathon rolls his eyes like it’s obvious. “I’ve barely met the guy a-and I think I know way too much about him because of you.” He snickers and starts counting off on his fingers “Like his favorite color is lime green, and his favorite coffee creamer is French vanilla, he uses women shampoo instead of men’s, he has a whole drawer full of sticky notes, he has an irrational fear of Ferris wheels and now that he is a total boss at Dead by Daylight? Like? We aren’t even playing that game, Evan.” Delirious starts to laugh, bumping his shoulder against his as Evan’s cheeks start to burn.

“I’m sorry, Jon. I guess, I do? I can stop if you want.” Jonathon shakes his head.

“No, it-it’s fine. I just like pointing stuff out is all. He seems like a nice guy and like…” suddenly he takes a deep sigh, putting his own controller on his lap. Jonathon gives him a soft smile and places his hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Look, I know, I know I’ve been busy with Rachel and my brother’s wedding and all that stuff, plus adult friendships just fucking suck anyways, so we haven’t been hanging out as much. So, I’m kinda…happy? I’m happy you have Ryan. He makes you happy.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I met him too.” Evan admits. He’s surprised by the feeling in his stomach, and the warmth in his chest and the truth to his words. But before he can process it, Jonathon is screeching about a bear in-game. Evan shakes his head and throws a grenade to save his ass.

That evening, Evan called Ryan. He asked him what he knew about Jonathon. And when Ryan couldn’t come up with as specific of information as Jon did, he didn’t know what to think of it.

Evan was nervous. He was so nervous that he couldn’t button the last couple buttons on his shirt and instead twirled them around his fingers. Evan looked good, dressed casually but nice enough to make a good impression. He was due to meet Jonathon in half an hour where they were going to grab some lunch and possibly an arcade afterwards. But Jonathon wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he was going to meet—

“Hey, do you need help in there?” Ryan entered his bathroom. Evan nodded, his heart beating too hard to do anything else. Ryan looped in his buttons before pausing and decided to straighten out his collar as well. Evan let go of the breath he was holding.

“Thanks so much Ryan for coming. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I went alone and third wheeled with them.”

“No problem. Anything for a homie.” Even if Evan was use to the strange things his friend said, didn’t mean it disgusted him any less.

“Okay, can we agree that you never say that ever again?”

“You can’t silence me, man. I will make no such promises.” Ryan stuck his tongue out but then quickly fell serious after seeing Evan’s face. “Do you really have to meet her? You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“Yes, I really do. He’s one of my best friends and it was going to happen eventually. Besides, I can’t really give him a reason not to meet her.” He really didn’t, without outing himself that is.

“Well, just let me know if you wanna dip out. I’ll just make it my fault, say I feel sick or something and need a ride home from you.”

“Bet?”

“Evan, I’m serious.”

“I know, I know. I just…” Evan sighed, trying to relax. “I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks…homie.”

“Okay, I agree. Let’s never say that again.” Ryan, however, said it ten minutes later.

He can’t hate her. He really can’t. She’s sweet and nice and overall an easy person to talk to. She’s wonderful, emitting an energy that draws you in and Evan can see him being friends with her. He can’t deny the chemistry they have, the electricity in the air. He knows she’ll take good care of Jonathon.

Evan stares from afar, the couple playing a game of skeeball. They’re enjoying themselves, throwing their balls into each others lane until one of them is somehow missing a ball and they don’t know how. Evan smiles at the scene, watching the two searching every inch of the contraption. He felt a hand catch his shoulder, a thumb rubbing it in circles.

“Hey, you okay?” Ryan asked. He must’ve seen him staring. Evan knew it would hurt looking at them but he was surprised that it didn’t hurt as bad. It wasn’t like the night where he had to numb himself with drinks. This hurt was…manageable.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He swiped his fingertips across Ryan’s knuckles reassuringly. He really was fine.

“I’m an idiot Ryan. A huge idiot.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I totally forgot.”

“Yes, you did.”

“And now I need a suit.”

“And that’s why we’re here, Evan.” They were at the mall, searching the countless racks for an appropriate suit. They bickered between the aisles.

“For the fucking record, Jon never called him Luke. He always says, ‘my brother Cartoonz.’ It’s like a childhood nickname or something. How would I have known it was the same Luke?”

“Common sense. You were invited to a wedding on the same day as the wedding I had to go to, after all.”

“I said I forgot! If Jon and Rachel didn’t remind me, I probably would’ve missed it.” Ryan just tsked at him.

“Evan, for someone as smart as you, you’re pretty damn clueless sometimes.”

“Aww you’re calling me smart?”

“I’m also calling you clueless. Here, this is your size, put this on.” He was handed a hanger and pushed into the changing room. He looked at the contents in his hands and frowned. Man, he forgot how many stupid parts was in a suit. He looked at the mirror after putting it on, twirling and stretching to test it’s comfort. He noted some places that needed adjustments but overall it fit well. Evan opened the door with the suit still on. Ryan probably wanted to see it.

“How does it look?” Evan struck a pose, putting his hands inside his pant pockets. He felt Ryan’s stare but no response. Ryan visibly swallows. Then clears his throat. Then swallows again.

“It, it looks good Evan. Really good. You…should get that one. Yeah.” Evan has never felt the air turn so heavy so quickly before. But the way Ryan’s eyes scanned him caused something to stir in his stomach. He knew what lust looked like on Ryan, how sexual desire appeared on his face. This…was not it.

“Th-thanks. I’m gonna uhh change out now.” He rushed back in, spending a couple more minutes to hush the stirring in his stomach. Ryan wasn’t in the waiting room this time when he walked out. He found him an aisle over, busying himself with a rack of ties. Evan stood next to him, picking out a purple one he thinks would look good. He was glad the air felt clearer than before.

“I can’t believe it’s almost the day…” Ryan whispered more to himself than Evan. It really was the end of the year, huh?

“I’ll be there, Ryan. Remember that. I mean, I have to be there now anyways but if I didn’t I would’ve came if you wanted me too. I’m not letting you go though this alone. So…call? If you need me? We’ll crash another wedding at the venue.” Evan picked out a green tie and put it around Ryan’s neck. It really brought out his eyes.

“No, Evan we aren’t…we are not going to…thanks.” Ryan decided to say instead. “I want you there so it’s okay. It’s just…how does this work? Am I your plus one or are you mine? Do we just both go as singles? What do I write down?”

“Simple. You’re my bitch.”

“Asshole.” Ryan huffed before taking the tie off his neck and walked to the cashier.

Evan watched the two of them dance in the middle of the dance floor. There were more couples around them dancing to the same steady song but his focus was solely on the pair. They laughed and when one of them dipped the other, Evan’s grip on his glass tightened. He needed more control but this was too familiar. He was anxious. What if someone got hurt again.

“Whoa Evan! Please, please don’t kill the groom! He just…he just got married.”

“What?” Jonathon appeared in his vision, holding his own glass. Rachel was behind him, giving Evan a quick hug before turning to talk to Jonathon’s mom.

“You should see yourself, dude. You have this, this scary look on your face like you’re gonna stab a bitch or something. I know you have a giant crush on Ryan but don’t kill my brother! Imagine the betrayal!”

“N-no, it’s not like that. I-you don’t understand. I’m just-I don’t have a crush on Ryan I-“ have a crush on you. He wanted to finish in his head. But for some reason it didn’t settle right in his chest. It hasn’t settled right for awhile now, he noticed. When he thought about Jonathon, it wasn’t the scorching blaze lapping at his chest like it was before. It was more like a soft heat, a faded one. Like a forgotten campfire that was dying from the lack of kindle.

“Hey Jonathon, do you mind if I borrow Evan for a little bit?”

“Take the mess away.” Jonathon snickers while taking the glass away from Evan and skittering away to entertain other guests. Ryan now stood in front of Evan alone. Maybe it was the playful smirk that he could never swipe off his face or the suit that fit his body too well. Or his hair that swept to the side. Or maybe it was the softness in his eyes, the way they prioritized him, as the ballroom lights danced across its greenness. Ryan extended his hand towards him. It left Evan out of breath and his heart burning…

It was Ryan. It was all Ryan.

Evan grabbed his hand and was brought to the dance floor.

“How are you doing?” Ryan asked, placing a hand on the small of his back and the other on his shoulder.

“No, how are you doing? I saw you and Luke dancing…”

“Were you worried for me?”

“Of course, dumbass.” Evan scrunched his face. How could he not be worried?

“Well, I’ll have you know, I’m perfectly fine. It went well. We just fooled around and talked.” Ryan spun Evan around once before they continued swaying again. “We talked a lot about you actually…”

“M-me? Why?”

“Evan.” They stop and lock gazes. Ryan’s hand slips up the curve of Evan’s cheek.

And suddenly, they’re kissing. The first time they ever kissed in front of people and not the isolation of their homes. There was no desperate need in it, no clawing to feel something. It was intricate and light and tingled from the softness. Evan wanted to press on, get lost in the feeling of Ryan’s lips but they disappeared a moment too soon.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Evan.” Ryan stepped back. Evan was confused and a little disoriented. He was floating and it took some time for his mind to come back to Earth. “I should’ve asked before I did that. I don’t want to force you into anything and I didn’t ask how you define us…I just…I wanted to prove something to myself. I was being selfish. I don’t know when it started. I really don’t. I don’t think it really matters. But when we kiss…it’s you. It’s only you. What…what about you? What do you see?” Old habits really did die hard.

“What do I see? I see two idiots who should really get over themselves and stop this pining thing. Because I see just you, Ryan. I see only you, too.” Evan caught Ryan’s surprise expression that slowly dissolved into a smile. He was smiling too, unable to hide the feeling of bliss off his face.

“Two idiots, huh?”

“Yup.” Ryan moves in again, placing his hands so they cradled Evan’s face.

“You can’t be more romantic, Evan?” Their foreheads start leaning into each other.

“Nope. I can’t be all feely and shit like you.”

“Can you at least try?” Evan hugs Ryan closer.

“Just kiss me breathless again, asshole.” Ryan didn’t need to be asked twice, capturing Evan’s lips between his own. The world muted around them, they were too engulfed in each other to notice anything else. But nothing else mattered at that moment. In their mind, it was only them.

#banana writes #banana bus squad #vanohm #ohmnoss #that last line always gets to me lol its so cute

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mateodoodle · 4 years

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for the asks thing: 12, 29, 43

12. What is something you want right now?

The Amazing Devil's album, Love Run. The songs are gorgeous, the lyrics moving, the vocals lovely, aaahhh its just lovely. I would buy at least my favorite songs on bandcamp, but the prices are in pounds and that intimidates me. I don't know how to do that and I am honestly too afraid to ask.

29. What if your favorite film(s)?

I absolutely adore Quest for Camelot because it has great representation for disability (one of the characters is blind) as well as a fucking fantastic soundtrack.

I also love the Prince of Egypt because it has a lovely soundtrack and beautiful animation.

I also love Girl's Lost. Its a Swedish movie where three friends gain the ability to like, physically 'become' a guy because of a magical flower and one of the kids realizes he's trans and struggles with this and its just the epitomy of my trans fantasies as a child. Like 'haha wouldn't it be crazy if one day, BAM I was a dude? Crazy haha right? I only fantasize about this almost every day in some way or another!' And despite not being the best form of representation, it's a great step forward for like, casual representation in media? And it means so much to me because it was the first movie with trans rep I had ever seen.

Along the same vein, I love The Way He Looks. Its a Brazilian film about a blind teen who meets a new student at his school and they become friends and then fall in love, struggling with discrimination because of his disability and normal teen issues like struggling to express one's emotions, which is SUPER relatable. Uh, also its gay and it was on Netflix and i am hella pissed it was removed

43. What is your favorite song ever?

How dare you? Ask ME this??? I am indecisive as shit and my tastes vary vastly from week to week, so really nailing down a Song(tm) that is my favorite is Super Fucking Hard, ngl. I could maybe list songs from certain genres that are my favorite, which is still kinda hard. So I'll do that :-)))

Rock. Euh I think it'll have to be King For A Day by Pierce the Veil. That song comes on and a part of me goes feral

Punk. If you classify it as punk and not emo, I'm leaning toward Famous Last Words by MCR. I love so many of tbeir songs, but I have a habit of listening to this, Mama, and Sing on repeat for hours on end

Indie. I think its gonna have to be Wildfire by Seafret. It sounds so good and, no joke I cried the first time I watched the music video on youtube, it's so beautifully emotional and hopeful in regards to love.

Folk. I don't listen to a ton of this unless its a particular song, but I absolutely adore Red is The Rose by the High Kings. Its one of my top favorite love songs, no lie

Broadway musicals. I love School of Rock, it was the first musical I saw on Broadway, and I love to listen to Stick It To The Man on repeat as like the background music for my fantasies of yelling at my parents. I used to listen to it on repeat every day in 8th grade while i worked on high school Bio online. I would also play coolmath games while not paying attention and use Brainly amd Quizlet to cheat when I didn't know the answers, so...

Thank you for asking questions and sorry this took a little bit! I was working on homework then i got distracted

#asks #my asks #peach p0t

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justasmallbloginabigklainefandom · 5 years

Text

Rec This Thing: Panic! At The Disco Pray For The Wicked Europe Tour at AFAS LIVE

Panic! At The Disco Pray For The Wicked Europe Tour at AFAS Live

My story: Look, in the span of less than a year I became a huge fan, so when they announced their show at AFAS Live, I was in.

Story: It’s a concert.

Rating (1 to 10): 10

Why?: After Hayley, and Troye, it was time for Panic! and lemme tell you something.

This was my favourite.

Once again, I was on my way to Amsterdam with Sammy in tow. We originally planned on going with Maikel, but tickets were sold out in seconds and he didn’t manage to grab them.

The road towards Amsterdam was wonky due to a possible terrorist attack in my country and due to faulty trains. On our way, we met up with two strangers who were also on their way to the concert. We talked about fake vegan burgers and airport security fails and of course Panic! At The Disco.

We parted ways at the entrance. It was packed. We were lucky we got there after the doors opened, because the line was so damn long that they added a second line. That line also happened to be shorter. That was our line. We still queued for a small half hour (and the police kept driving by because... y’know... possible terrorism) (it really was a terrible day for my country).

We bought merch and I got the long sleeved white shirt with High Hopes lyrics and then it was time to find a spot in the venue. Eventually, we got great balcony seats. Third row, close to the middle aisle. We had an amazing view.

*record scratch*

Wait. Hold on? You’re telling me that you could’ve found a standing place almost up front, like you did with Troye Sivan’s concert, and you didn’t?

Nope. I didn’t. For a few reasons actually:

We didn’t have to use the wardrobe.

The show was a very visual show and you could see it best from the balcony, since you could see the entire stage.

After all, Sammy and I are relatively small, so we wouldn’t be able to see shit unless we were completely front row.

I don’t like being stuck in crowds.

And the crowd was massive. It’s really confusing, cause both Troye and Panic! played sold out shows at AFAS Live but Panic!’s crowd was double the size. Ever since it got announced that Panic! got AFAS, I was very confused, because if you look at other venues of the PftW tour, they have massive venues sold out. Panic! easily could’ve played Ziggo Dome or whatever, but nope, they got AFAS. Hmmmm.

Anyway, I did consider going all the way up front so that I could hopefully give Brendon an ace flag to wear during Girls/Girls/Boys, cause that would mean the world to me, but the cons outweighed the pros and besides, I have nothing to complain about my seats.

Especially now that I’ve seen YouTube videos from the people down at the standing room. It got hectic and loud and woah, at least I could still hear Brendon Urie himself.

The opening band was A R I Z O N A. The band, not the state. They’re from New Jersey. I wasn’t familiar with them, but by now I’ve listened to their entire discography and they’re good.

Then, it was time for an half hour long break and it was time for people to get annoying. Yup, as I mentioned, I had a great seat on the third row on the balcony. I was the first seat of that row, so no one blocked my view. It was wonderful.

But during A R I Z O N A’s set, people started leaning against the banister (is it called a banister?) of the balcony and people were crowding the steps in the aisle, aka people were blocking our views.

Sammy and I got so pissed.

Luckily, we weren’t the only ones cause the man in front of me actually told some people to leave, because they were blocking our view, but the moment those people left, new ones arrived.

So yeah, Sammy and I were pretty annoyed and then the countdown started, so we had a “well, shit, if we have to” moment, but three minutes before Panic! came on stage, security wiped the entire aisle. Everyone had to go all the way to the back to stand there behind the rows of seats.

A part of me felt a bit bad that all those people got pushed to probably the worst places in the entire venue, but man, on the other hand, Sammy and I were so damn glad.

And so, the countdown counted down (wow) to zero, while Toto’s Africa was playing, and the show started. I actually took a small video of all numbers and I put them together in a complication, excluding Girls/Girls/Boys and Bohemian Rhapsody. Those were long enough to have videos of their own.

Now, if someone’s reading this (hi), get something to drink cause this is gonna get long. When I talk about concerts, I write down the entire setlist and my thoughts on the performances, and wow, Panic!’s show was almost two hours long.

How long? Well, someone put the full show online and it’s 1:48:20 long.

So yeah, the gorgeous purple lights turned on and Nicole (I’m gay), Mike, Dan, the horny boys and the wicked strings (I’M GAY) started playing and then Brendon arrived to start off with...

F**k A Silver Lining: We had one of those smaller stages (cause again, Ziggo Dome who??? I don’t know her!) so all those extras like Brendon jumping out of the stage didn’t happen. Luckily, the wonderfully beautiful visuals and lights were there. Silver linings came out of cannons and the show started. It was a beautiful sight, although it took me a while to realise that the images on the projections were supposed to be “motherfucking” cherries, not dicks.

Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time: Ah yes, Brendon Urie showing off his vocal range by singing random parts in falsetto. I love it and I sang along.

Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind): So delighted to hear this one, since it’s my favourite V&V song and once again, Brendon killed everyone with those high notes. They also put Mike in the spotlight, and it wasn’t the last time they did that during the show.

Hey Look Ma, I Made It!: Ah yes, Beebo. He actually showed up before the countdown. He was just chilling on stage. Anyway, I fucking loved the song.

LA Devotee: Nicole and Mike got front stage and bam LA Devotee, my favourite song from Bachelor, started playing. It was awesome.

Hallelujah: The girls in front of us lost it when the first note started playing. Brendon did his classy falsetto again and it was great.

Crazy = Genius: Hey look, fire. Anyway, this song is amazing and is it underrated? Idk? I love it so much.

The Ballad of Mona Lisa: People went apeshit when the first notes started playing. I really liked it.

Nine In The Afternoon: Where did Brendon go? Oh, he’s at the piano, aka it’s time for Nine In The Afternoon. I loved that you could hear the strings at the end so clearly.

One Of The Drunks: Ah yes, they added this song for the second leg and boy am I glad they did, since I absolutely love this song.

Casual Affair: Wow, okay. The visuals and the lights were amazing in every damn song, but Casual Affair had by far one of the best. AFAS Live became a big laser show. And nearing the end, a laser circle appeared on stage and Nicole and Mike joined Brendon in the circle. And then Brendon started singing very, very high. Probably the highest notes he’s had all evening. I was in absolute awe.

Vegas Lights: I am also so happy they did this song. I’ve loved it ever since I first listened to it and the energy in the room was so high.

Dancing’s Not A Crime: Annika from Plurk said that this song was so much fun live, and I am inclined to agree with her. This was so much fun! They did change the lyrics from “MJ up in the clouds” to someone else and the ending was also done in falsetto, which was great. Yup, yup, yup, Annika was right.

This Is Gospel: Brendon got a guitar and it was time for This Is Gospel. Now of course, this song is great and the added high notes were wonderful, but the very end was the best. After the song ended, Brendon, Nicole, Mike and Dan just jammed for one whole minute. Just music. I knew it was coming, so I filmed it.

Death Of A Bachelor: No surprise here, but Brendon told everyone he wrote it because he wanted to be Frank Sinatra. Since this is a smaller venue (... still... why...), he didn’t have to do the Death Walk, which is a good thing. It was just him and the horny boys on stage and the funk part was so much fun. Heh, horny boys. What a great pun.

It was time for a silent moment. The horny boys left the stage and Brendon started talking about he tried to learn Dutch at 3AM but he couldn’t get very far. Well, he got “Hartelijk bedankt” and “Ik hou van jullie allemaal”, and he thanked Google Translate. Anyway, he moved to the piano and he talked about how he hated it that his mum tried to teach him piano, but that he learned this song. The wicked strings returned and he started playing.

I Can’t Make You Love Me/Dying In LA: In the middle of the song, it transitioned into Dying In LA. Again, smaller stage (wtf), so the whole floating piano thing wasn’t there, but the music was obviously the same.

The Greatest Show: From a slow piano ballad to BAM this. I was not as disappointed by Panic!’s version of The Greatest Show as others, but I definitely agree that the song is much better live. Brendon sounded a bit raspy, which was great. He’d been raspy the entire show and it was great, but here it was amazing.

Girls/Girls/Boys: YES. IT’S TIME TO GET GAY. THE ONE I’VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO. Sure, I didn’t get to show off my ace flag, but Brendon still got flooded by flags, including 2 pan flags, 1 bi flag, and 1 trans flag. He commented on how it was the most flags he’s ever gotten. I saw even more flags in the audience, so he didn’t even get all of them. The Panic! Hearts were lovely, even though there was no rainbow. There was no assigned seating, so colours were everywhere. I had an orange heart and Sammy had a blue one. It still rained glitter and I almost cried when the rainbow love banner appeared. After the song, the rainbow laser lights appeared and Brendon gave a small speech. I want to relive this moment again.

King Of The Clouds: Smoak clouded (pun intended) the stage and it was time for King Of The Clouds. Not much to say, apart from the usual: it was great and the visuals were beautiful. The purple/green/blue colour scheme at the end was mesmerising.

High Hopes: CAN I JUST SAY THAT THAT MOMENT WHERE THE WICKED STRINGS BEND BACKWARDS IS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS EVER? And also, oh boy, there were some high notes at High Hopes.

Miss Jackson: Brendon lost his golden jacket and Miss Jackson started playing. He did a backflip as well.

Roaring 20s: Another song that got added for leg two and just like One Of The Drunks, I welcome this change. Yup, I was one of those “*shoves 20$ to Brendon* Add Roaring 20s to the setlist!” people. NOW ONLY THE OVERPASS AND OLD FASHIONED LEFT.

Bohemian Rhapsody: How can you not sing along with this song? It’s iconic. I love the “ending”, so I filmed that (see link above). It’s 3 minutes long.

Emperor’s New Clothes: This is the one song in all of Panic!’s discography that I have mixed feeling about. Like, there are some songs I just dislike, and some I like, and some I love. But this song? Bruh idk. I sing along from the top of my lungs, because I like the energy, but do I like the song? Well, this time I fucking did cause it was a blast to hear it live and the lights were beautiful.

Then it was time for the encore. Some poor unfortunate souls behind us left. I heard another woman saying: “Don’t ever do that. Oh, this is so stupid.” The band slowly came back to the stage and Brendon lost his shirt.

Say Amen (Saturday Night): HE HIT THE HIGH NOTE HECK YEAH. I LOVE THIS SONG.

I Write Sins Not Tragedies: Ah yes, Sammy’s favourite song, since it’s a banger according to her. Well, she’s right. I am kinda glad that Brendon didn’t ask an audience member to sing with him.

It was time for the last song. Brendon said that he’s not the smartest guy (”I didn’t even go to college”), but that he knows that everyone is important due to, well, biology. He gave one of those inspirational celeb speeches about how everyone is important to him, but also to themselves. We were all born as winners, and that stuff.

Victorious: I knew they were going to end with Victorious and it’s the perfect song to end the show. It rained confetti and it was time for them to go. I didn’t want it to end.

They all waved goodbye and Mike and Dan threw stuff to the audience (probably guitar picks and those things). The girl in the seat behind me dropped her heart before Girls/Girls/Boys and she couldn’t find it. I found it after the show. I wanted to return it, but she was already gone, so I now also have a yellow heart.

And yeah, that was it.

Overall thoughts? Well...

I can’t go into detail about the visuals, but they really added something to the overall experience, so I actually recommend getting a seat that allows you to see the full stage in its glory.

Also, Sammy said: “I can no longer listen to the recorded versions now that he’s added all those amazing high notes” and that’s a big ass mood.

To quote Sammy some more, she said something about the beautiful intermission instrumentals between songs and how she’d even buy an album filled with those. That is also a big ass mood.

To continue this trend of quoting Sammy, I agree with her that watching Brendon dance was so much fun. I like that he’s having fun.

Anyway, it was time to go. Some girls complimented me on my ace flag, which was so fucking cool. Just like with Troye, the train station was flooded and there were still many flags.

Sammy and I got the train back home and we briefly saw the girls from before, so I said hi.

And that was it. What a day.

Recommend?: Please.... I want to do this again... oh god....

#lb 2019 #rtt: concert #rec this thing #pftw adam #p!atd

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innuendostudios · 6 years

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The newest installment of The Alt-Right Playbook: Mainstreaming. If you like this series, or my other work, and want to see more of the same, consider backing me on Patreon.

Transcript below the cut.

Say, for the sake of argument, there’s this acclaimed science fiction writer and essayist who’s writing his memoir in the late 80’s. I’m gonna drop the pretense right now and say his name is Samuel R. Delany, he’s been namedropped on this channel before and he probably will be again because he’s my favorite writer. Delany’s writing about his experience as a young gay man in the late 50’s/early 60’s - that is, nearly a decade before Stonewall - and he opts to share a couple of anecdotes, which I will relate to you now.

One is about a time when he decided to come out to his therapy group. While being gay in mid-century New York brought Delany a lot of joy, he found himself describing his life to the group as though being gay were something he was trying to fix. By reflex, he presented himself as lonely and ashamed, though, in reality, he was neither. And, while he did eventually describe himself more accurately, he can’t help but muse, in the book, on the limits of language at the time.

Back then, the word “gay” was explicitly associated with high camp and effeminacy, where Delany is more of a bear, a term that was not yet in common usage. The default term was “homosexual,” which was then a medical classification for what was deemed a mental disorder. “Queer” and the f-word were still slurs that had yet to be reappropriated. So, while all the words to describe himself were, technically, available, they all carried the connotations of the most popular narrative about gay men: that they were isolated, aberrant, and pitiable.

Another story is about Delany being present for a police raid at a truck stop where queer men would meet for casual hookups. By the nature of being hidden in the bushes or secreted between parked semi trailers, any man in attendance could see the men nearest to him, but none could get a view of the whole. But, during the raid, from his vantage point, Delany saw, for the first time, the size of the entire crowd, and was shocked to see nearly a hundred men empty out of the parking lot to evade the cops. In the morning, the police blotter mentioned only the handful of men who’d been arrested, and not the 80 or 90 who got away.

Both of these stories are about how the dominant narrative of the isolated gay man becomes self-reinforcing: A constant threat of police violence meant gay men stayed hidden from the cops and, consequently, from each other. And the terminology of the era being mostly dictated by straight people made it very hard to talk about queerness without reinforcing their narrative.

Delany argues that, among the most revolutionary things the 60’s did to culture, was the radicalization of language - redefining old terms and popularizing new ones - and giving marginalized groups a budding sense of their numbers. In short, two of the most powerful tools for making any marginalized group less marginalized are Language and Visibility.

Folks, we’re talking today about Mainstreaming, the process by which a group or idea from the fringes of society moves towards the center. How strangers become neighbors and how thoughts become common sense. There is a concept known as the Overton Window, which I am not going to describe because plenty of people have done so already - link in the down there part - but, in short: as a fringe group becomes more visible, and their language becomes commonplace, their presence in society starts to seem normal. They become demystified. Some people who thought they were strange and threatening will start to warm up to them, though this does not happen across the board. Many who hated them when they were fringe will see their becoming mainstream as a kind of existential occupation of territory, as in “If this is normal now, what does that make me?”

But much of what is considered standard in society today has gone through this process.

Now, straight folks like myself often think that greater queer visibility and the proliferation of queer language is for our benefit; if our queer friends feel safe coming out to us and we know which words we should and shouldn’t use, it makes it easier for straights and queer folks to be pals! And it is true that no one gets mainstreamed without advocates in the existing mainstream, but let’s not beat around the bush: Language and Visibility are tools of consolidating power. Visibility means having a sense of your numbers. Common language means forming alliances. You get a bunch of formerly isolated gay men connecting with each other and accurately describing their experiences, you’ve got yourself a movement, with or without straight friends.

This is why it’s to the benefit of straight society to tell queer men they are isolated, because isolated queer men are in no position to make demands.

(Just so it doesn’t get left out of yet another conversation, Delany is writing about gay men because the book is a memoir and that’s his experience, but neither he nor I are ignoring that the Gay Rights movement was kicked off by trans women.)

Okay!

While the example I’m using is a positive one that any progressive worth their salt should be in favor of, mainstreaming is a morally neutral phenomenon. Culture is plastic. Any fringe group or idea can become normalized, regardless of its inherent worth. And, for a certain subset of extremely online people with fringe beliefs, who understand the ways mainstreaming has evolved in the attention economy, it can be a weapon.

We need to ask how a group of predominantly disgruntled twenty- and thirtysomething white men congregating on anonymous imageboards becomes a political movement, whose members get profiled in the New York Times, whose writing patterns are recognized by most of the internet, and whose figureheads get staffed in the White House. Where did the Alt-Right come from?

Mainstreaming is not a wholly organic process, because usually the people who get mainstreamed are actively working to become so. But people usually have only so much control over how and how fast this happens: A group expands its language and visibility; if this leads to larger numbers and greater mainstream acceptance, the process repeats, this time with a bigger group and a bigger audience; so long as there is growth, each cycle is more impactful, as the bigger a group is the faster it gets even bigger and the more common language becomes the faster it proliferates.

By all rights, if your beliefs are wildly unpopular, this process shouldn’t work. Your language and visibility don’t expand because too many people don’t want to talk like you or about you. So what do you do then? Well, normally, you either give up or bide your time, but, if you have a lot of media literacy and no real moral compass, you get it done dirty.

If the media doesn’t want to cover you, make yourself newsworthy. Threaten to publicly out immigrants in front of a crowd. Start a hoax about white student unions. Lead a white power rally and leave the hoods at home. Do the kinds of things that journalists cannot, in good conscience, ignore. Once you’ve made yourself news, they’ll feel they can’t publish a condemnation without getting your side of the story, so, bam, you’ve got an interview. The more erratic and dangerous you seem, the more they’ll want to write a profile so people can figure you out; the article about how surprisingly normal you seem in person basically writes itself. If you want to spread a conspiracy theory, send it to a small, local news site that doesn’t have the resources to fact check you; once they publish something salacious, all the bigger news channels will have to talk about it, if only to debunk it. Put provocative stuff in front of politicians; anything they retweet has to be news. In a pinch, you can always piggyback off a famous activist by making takedown videos, or, if you’re really ambitious, harass someone at a conference.

Everyone’s desperate for clicks. If you can generate them, you’ll get your message out.

If nobody’s adopting your language, adopt it for them. Make sure you and all your friends each have half a dozen fake Twitter accounts spamming the same terminology at everyone who discusses race, gender, orientation, or ability. Put every Jewish name in parentheses until everyone on the internet knows what that means whether they want to or not. Hell, don’t even do it yourself: Russia’s not the only one who can make bots. Make thousands of bots. And make sure your real account, your fake accounts, and your bots all talk the same so no one can tell the difference anymore. Make hashtags and get them trending all by yourself, and, while you’re at it, spam all the hashtags for movements you hate with porn and gore so they can’t be used. And if your words and memes still aren’t popular? Just steal words and memes that are already popular. Just decide “this? this means white power now,” “this is antifeminist now.” Saturate the web with your new usage, always insisting that you’re doing it “ironically,” while eroding confidence in anyone who uses these words in the original sense. And never stop insisting that most everyone would talk the same as you if there weren’t so much damn censorship.

Delany’s experience was having few words to describe himself that could conjure images of a gay man in a loving community. What the Alt-Right does is shout “you just call everyone you don’t like Nazis” while their people are giving interviews wearing Nazi paraphernalia; they even imply that calling dudes marching to the tune of “Jews will not replace us” Nazis is somehow antisemitic. Meanwhile they ask to be called identitarians and race realists. They want to stigmatize words that conjure images of white fascism - which, again, they very explicitly support - and replace them with words that conjure images of clean-cut philosophy majors.

And where Delany saw a group of 80 or 90 gay men reported in the papers as a group of 4 or 5, the Alt-Right wants to get reported as being much larger than it actually is. They want to draw attention to themselves by any means necessary, up to and including violence, but to ensure that, any time the cameras train on a violent act, there is a man in a suit ready to distance himself from it; to paint the picture that, but for a few bad actors, this is a peaceful movement of young, presentable intellectuals.

This isn’t simply a battle between different ideologies, this is a battle over the definition of normal. The Alt-Right knows how plastic culture can be. Their anger comes from the normalization of things they hate, and their movement exists because they believe anything that becomes mainstream can be made fringe again. Which is why, if you wanna cater to them, you promise to reassert old norms.

Much as we’d like to believe people are driven by morality, most people are driven by the desire to be normal. And when the news is filled with images of swastikas, iron crosses, and tiki torches, the guy in the suit with the fashy haircut looks pretty normal by comparison. And that’s why he wears the suit.

Thankfully, the plasticity of culture cuts both ways. Just as surely as we can lose all the ground we’ve gained over the last half-century, everything the Alt-Right does to make itself palatable can be undone. (In fact, it’s maybe beginning to happen.) It’s going to be a long road that will probably require changes to how media platforms generate traffic and a lot of new politicians. But I want you to keep a phrase close to your heart: this is not normal.

That phrase has become something of a mantra since the election in 2016. It can be misused: white supremacy, sexism, and every other kind of bigotry are part of the fabric of American life and always have been, so, even if this is more extreme than the ushe, it’s not by nearly as much as most privileged people like to think. So I want you to treat it less like an observation and more as a statement of intent. Whatever shit the Alt-Right pulls, I want you to say: this is not normal; this is not normal; this is not normal.

We will not let this be normal.

#video essay #the alt-right playbook #alt-right

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allieblogzthings · 6 years

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I have a theory that reputation is actually an album about the fans (somewhat)...

Hear me out.

TRACK 1: Ready For It? -Taylor has been gone for a while. Those of us here during the drought know it was agonizing. Then BAM she is BACK and the sound is different (and awesome). Taylor is actually asking if we’re ready for it. Ready for her to come back. Ready for this new sound. Her loyal fans that have always been there of COURSE are ready.

TRACK 2: End Game -Sure, you could see it as someone wanting to end up with another person for life... why not the fans? Her treatment of her fans is a BIG CONVERSATION because she fly as hell on the internet and sweeter than honey. She invites us to her house, for godsakes. She wants us to be her till the very end and like of course, Taylor. I didn’t make a promise while scream singing Long Live just for fun. I’m in this for life.

TRACK 3: I Did Something Bad -This is more about how the media treated her during the darkest days, and we all know during those days the Taylor Haters and the casual fans turned on her. Things went down bad and she was like psh I’d do it over again.

TRACK 4: Don’t Blame Me -One of my personal faves. Imma go ahead and say Taylor would do so much to meet loyal fans no matter what. She’d fall from grace and stay up all night on tumblr. I guess she gets on a high when we’re all all supporting each other and her on social media.

TRACK 5: Delicate -Originally when I first heard this song, I thought of us. The phone lights up in the black because she’s probably getting hella notifications on Tumblr. And just the chorus, yall. Are we cool with things she’s said and mistakes she’s made? Are we cool with her still thinking about us? We stuck around when times got tough. I mean there’s some other messages and lines that are more sexual, but all I could think of during the music video was this look and on the other side was a bar full of fans screaming for her.

TRACK 6: Look What You made Me Do -This is like when a single mom against the odds does what it takes for her kids. She was beat down by the media and some unspeakable trash dorks, but she got smarter and stronger not just for her but for us. She’s saying LWYMMD to the media and to whoever wronged her, but why can’t there be a positive spin? Look what you made me do, loyal fans! I made myself into a badass, positive example!

TRACK 7: So it Goes... -This one’s a bit of a stretch, as there’s very obvious and more saucy descriptors, but why couldn’t it also be about us? The world was watching Taylor and her fans. How were her fans reacting to everything. We could take or leave her, and she wants to do bad things with us... like break world records? Right?!

TRACK 8: Gorgeous -Taylor is drawn back to her fans after silently lurking for months. We all know Taylor has gotten online while drinking wine or Old Fashions to chat with us and pop into Lives. Maybe I should take it as a compliment that she’s never noticed me? She hates that she can’t meet every single person. Oh and of course she thinks we’re all gorgeous because we are and she loves us.

TRACK 9: Getaway Car -Another personal fave. Yall, we are in a high speed getaway car with Ms. Swift. She was the first to leave the internet (if she really did go anywhere...). We were the loyal fans and yes we were thinking for ourselves because we can Stan whoever, but she’s saying maybe we weren’t thinking enough? Maybe she thought she didn’t deserve us as we fought for her? We were running, she was screaming for us to GOOOOOO and we were driving the internet getaway car, stanning hard. Then she switched to taking a break and just sort of left us.

TRACK 10: King of My Heart -After her break, she’s like damn those fans were the best and longest relationship I ever had. Screw boys and cars and fancy things. She’s secretly choosing people on the internet for SS. She wants to just hang with us and mend her sorrows. Like, okay this one has some more relationship type songs, but a friendship is a relationship.

TRACK 11: Dancing With Our Hands Tied -Why can’t this one be about us still loving Taylor despite the trouble she’d seen. Just like people in her personal life, we still painted her golden and held her as close as we could. And Tay, yes. we can dance through an avalanche.

TRACK 12: Dress -How am I going to make Dress not about making sweet sweet lemonade with a cutie patootie?! Pshhh guys she was keeping her life and her music a secret for three years. She was holding back and us just chatting away online waiting for her return was driving her insane. And maybe she wants us like a best best friend? Either way, we see the best of her in the worst of times, and we will go down as the best fans ever. And maybe it could even be a metaphorical dress? She put on one type of persona just to take it off and be free with us.

TRACK THIRTEEEEN: This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things -Another more obvious meaning, but this is another one at the media and at unspeakable garbage dorks. 1989 was so Gatsby, yall. We partied and it was awesome. She’s locking the gate to those that aren’t her true friends. And we don’t care about the he-said-she-said. I’m sure that lil’ section meant a lot. That’s why this one made it all the way to the last three tracks. The last two are def hella meaningful (and of course track 5 is always a biggie).

TRACK 14: Call It What You Want -We saw how Taylor was treated, but we didn’t even care. We fly above the haters. We wear her merch not because she owns us, but cause we love her. She trusts us and we hopefully bring that spark back. We will always love her. And yes, Taylor, we will run away with you.

TRACK 15: New Year’s Day -Sure, it could be about having someone there to clean up and that being just as romantic as a kiss at midnight, but we’ll be there to clean up no matter what goes down, and taylor will be there for us in our darkest times. These may not be the prettiest times, but they’re the most needed and thus the most necessary.

#Taylor swift #Reputation #Reputation Theory #Fan Theory #Taylor Swift Theory #Taylurking

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