#I keep drawing shit and then deleting it

[carpathiians]

sketches

ref

#rdr2 #rdr2 fanart #javier escuella #john marston #jovier #uhhh its implied i guess #im working on other stuff but ill leave this here in the meantime #sorry for only ever drawing these two im not normal about them #thank my social anxiety for not letting me act crazy on here bc otherwise id be so annoying 🙏 #ive been taking it all out on my notes app it looks fucking BAD in there #anyway #john is so hard to draw I hate him and his stupid giant eyes </3 #gotta get better at drawing then both tbh #thats why its taking me so long to post #I keep drawing shit and then deleting it #ok weird rant over if anyone reads my tags im sorry #my art

[wu-does-art]

so many times in fics ive seen people describe mike giving will awestruck eyes while he's just laughing about something, and i think thats really neat!

#stranger things #stranger things fanart #byler #mike wheeler #st mike wheeler #will byers #byler fanart #mike wheeler stranger things #st mike #st will #im sorry that its not comics or something i swear im just like. doing my best #was debating about posting the other two but a friend convinced me to keep em so i hope you guys dont mind that #im so indecisive on how i draw noses and thats mainly cause it never looks right #hope this isnt completely shit im trying my best #if no one enjoys this ill probably delete it and thats a-okay!

[camellcat]

I wonder if Scott's alpha teeth made him nervous even after he got used to them just Being A Thing Now. If, when he would catch the glint of red eyes staring back at him, he had to still an instinctive flinch and try not to think of all the people who have threatened to or almost ended his life with that same vibrant hue. If the feeling of blood under his claws, on his skin, in his hair and soaked into his clothes ever became normal, if it was ever something truly able to be numbed and ignored. If seeing his shadow with pointed ears and elongated claws and shredded shirts gave him day terrors like the Nogitsune never went away; a paranoia that everyone could see how fucking messed up (how scary) he was. If Scott ever truly moved on from feeling afraid of being a monster, of becoming a Monster. Not all monsters do monstrous things, but all Scott has ever seen is monsters who choose to act like their namesake.

If he continues to be cautious and aware of his teeth, of his eyes, of how blood is overwhelming and what it's like to be afraid --- because if he looses his humanity, his tie to slow healing and faulty lungs and what it feels like to be prey to somebody else, how will he be any different from the monsters that plague him?

Scott is the outlier, and he does not let his monstrous features define how he chooses to behave and who is chooses to be.

#I'm having so many Emotions over Scotty rn #Scott McCall is so Fucking Good #even when he makes mistakes and fucks up and is flailing for someone to help him because his entire world has just been tilted on it's axis #and it's terrifying and shit just Keeps Happening and no one is trust worthy and he has to trust everyone bc he's just trying to Stay Alive #and make sure every single person that he can keeps on breathing even though he really does not have to considering no one else would #he is do his fucking best to Stay Good. #I think many of the villains in the show were just people who forgot what it was like to be people #and maybe some who never were at all #it's late and I am so tired I can barely read what I've said #does this make any sense at all #is this cringe as fuck it might be tell me so I can delete it if yes #fun fact I can write as well as draw #not very good and not very often but sometimes it forces its way out of me to be known and remembered #scott mccall #teen wolf

[strawberrycircuits]

ahahaahhahaha......... clem aroace flag palette ............... lol

lets hear it for aroace manwhore rights!!!!!!!

#drawing this made me realize i have never posted vallen w his actual color palate. oops! #except for that one time but i deleted that forever ago lol #anyways u were so right when u said they shld keep some of the shit they stole #ivw #strawberryscribbles #honestly aroace val is a very real way to interpret them #as theyre being written now they view what they do less as an enjoyable thing and more as a necessity to get by in life #but the issue there is that hes constructed this constantly shifting persona to appeal to as many people as possible n hes kept it up for so #long that hes not rlly sure who they are as a person anymore. Anyways !

[pyrriax]

hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing

#haunted ecosystem #this is not helping with how much my hands hurt on a daily basis this is why i type and dont handwrite/draw very much. #im lured in regardless and i really need to find an artform that doesnt Hurt but for now. digital art <3 #like theres a difference between my dumb doodles (quick easy not much different from regular computer usage) and actual art #but im an artist at heart i spent sooooo long being an artist and thinking i was shit at writing. that is wrong! im actually kinda good #im rambling in tags today because i have been not social (my partner is in genshin hell and my beloved is. somewhere.) #okay but on another note i reread the first. couple chapters of wtds this morning? the pacing is a little weird and the tense is fucked #but its actually a lot better than i thought it was? you can tell i was fleshing everybody out in my head and i totally forgot about how #i described the watcher [who i am STILL redacting the name of until we get there] and just. ough. pandora being very logical #and then jumping to the latest chapter and fucking sobbing because i forgot about how it went and just. pandora and his. #whatever the fuck is wrong with him. #i have gotta start recommending people read that again. its surprisingly friendly without context because of how i approached it #that fic has taught me so many things its actually a little comical. it also made me relearn how to make and write ocs so thats fun #once i finish that main fic (and i WILL i am actually planning to sign up for a thing. im finishing it i swear.) i finally get to show off #more of the world and characters ive crafted. showing backstories and what-ifs and all these oneshots ive been keeping close to my chest #for like absolutely ages because i dont want any spoilers on my tumblr #and. im finishing that fic in pseudo-memoriam of somebody who deleted their accounts everywhere. still miss you dane! #ok this has completely gone off topic ily tumblr im going back to drawing and i might make a new pfp #it'll still be lavius but it'll be fray lavius since i think about him a lot and i like his color palette.

[illir]

oh right i talk abt this sometimes on twitter but never here so

if you want to repost my art, please ask me first. i will most likely say yes, but PLEASE ask! not only for my art but anyone's art, really. it doesn't matter if you're going to give credits or not. some artists don't want their art reposted at all, not even with credits. make sure to ASK FIRST.

same way if you're going to use someone else's art for personal use (icon, header, etc). DON'T DO IT UNLESS: 1) the artist has stated that it's okay to use their art for personal use (check their twitter bio, about page, carrd, etc), or 2) you personally ask them and they say it's fine. if they don't answer, it means NO.

don't treat someone's art as a free drawing you can use however you want!! is all.

#the thing with reposts is a general problem within the art community itself but #in yuumori fandom we've had 'fights' with several reposts account especially on instagram LMFAOOO #it was tiring every time... since they were all being defensive instead of just deleting their posts #there was even one time where a japanese yuumori fanartist made a callout post and asked everyone to report this one acc on ig #and they only deleted the tweets once the reposter took down all their posts #it was... an experience 💀 i didn't expect them to do that lol #fortunately our fandom isn't that big in terms of number of ppl who are constantly active #plus the intl and jpn fans generally get along pretty well too i'd say #so these things are resolved quickly bc words tend to spread fast #it's just sad that this keeps happening #i feel like the only people who get defensive about reposts are people who don't draw #like i hurt my back and arm while drawing this shit's not easy #it can be super draining #people who say “artists are so whiny” piss me the fuck off because it's not like we're whiny for no reason #oh my god that was long jhfjdsk #anyways

[hypodermicfroggy]

Genuinely the one thing I like about Tumblr and "parading around its relics" is that blogs deactivate, die off, become abandoned/hacked, or slapped with the mature label with such frequency if you are *not* actively using them (and sometimes even then), and then the only way content survives is through the reblogs.

I've been cleaning out my likes and looking for a bunch of fanart I knew I had saved from a blog. Couldn't find it. Turns out the blog is dead now, hacked and blanked out. That artwork is now limited to other people's reblogs.

Parade the relics around. Get into the habit of archiving. We live in an era where everything is remembered and forgotten simultaneously and nothing is guaranteed.

#Tumblr #croak.txt #this is also why I deeply do not like the turning off reblogs function because if your blog is lost #and you don't have copies of your work #what are you going to do then? #like the artist I liked in question is still active on Twitter but is no longer in the fandom #and now doesn't want to be associated with 'problematic content' (which the fandom they used to draw for kinda is) #so like...they sure aren't going to repost their work #there's also the fact that now people will just straight up edit posts to 'delete' them #which means misinformation and covering up shit gets easier #like yeah...maybe some random's fanfic or fanart isn't the equivalent of a great cultural du force #but it brings someone happiness. and isn't that reason enough to keep it around? #isn't it enough to look back and see how far you've progressed?

[sketchtxt]

Dude I absolutely cannot stop thinking about minecraft-ing the dca but WHAT THE HELL DO I MAKE THEM

"oh Moon is definitely a phantom" ok. BUT WHAT DO I MAKE SUN. the only guys I can kiiiinda think of being a pair to the phantom is like. a parrot or a bee??? but those are SO DIFFERENT to phantoms.

and then I was like. slime & magma cube. but how in the fuck do I make hybrids of those. it's either cube or human and neither of those are directions I want to go in

and I also really really want to make them a drowned and a husk but. THOSE ARE TOO HUMAN. how do I make drowned and husk that are not just Human Guy™. also there were other reasons I didn't want to do that (mostly story-wise because yes I'm going to turn this into a comic why the fart wouldn't I) SO. WHAT YHE FUCK DO I DO

#i know a vague amount of people see my posts. give me reommendations #i also dont reaaaally want to restrict the ideas too much but I'd like to keep ghem in like... Inhabitable biomes. #I MEANT habitablt not inhabiltable but i dont wanna delet the tag #because y/n is gonna make a house and my hardcore player ahh would never dare to live in any forest biome ever #like.... houses i make are usually either #a) a small cave that i light up easy and dont worry about mobs in #(usually a lush cave or surface-level cave) #b) a mountain base. either going with a “dirt house but pro builder” vibes in the side lf the mountain or with a balcony. #can usually be in like.... any basic ass biome that has small mountains #c) MOUNTAIN base. on top of an actual mountain in the mountains biome. near goats n stuff ykyk. #d) desert or savannah base. i dont need to say much more. these are my absolute favorite fucking biomes #also i sometimes make underwater bases but i dont really think y/n would want to make a complicated water front door swim-in-swim-out shit- #-in a lake like i do. plus i dont even know how I'd BEGIN to draw and/or write that #but it's always an option.

[rillette]

Don’t feel obligated to respond to this I just wanted to say that you are literally so fucking funny and I love reading your tags/ just seeing you post !

TYSM!!! that's very sweet of you to say!!!! T^T <3 <3 <3

#jason todd #asks <3 #ty for the ask!! #and the kind words <3 #me not drawing a cityscape in the background challenge (impossible) (failed) #i love talking in tags dude i say this a lot but tags are so much less pressure to talk in for me than like the actual post #so like thats why most of my posts are like a sentence at best but the tags are like five miles long its bc i am silly #OH YEAH if u havent guessed yet im back from Vay Cay and im tryna chunk thru summa the shit in my inbox #we are trying to get this shit in the TEENS not the TWENTIES!!!! #some it of it i probably wont answer bc i either dont know how to or i just dont want to answer it <- (lazy) #theres a couple in there that im simply not going to answer or delete bc i just keep staring at them like O_O #if u have sent me an ask though i appreciate u very muchly for realsies even if i dont answer it <3 #basketball

[rindomness]

i think the thing that makes me most powerful as an artist is the fact that i have kept copies in some form or another of almost everything i have made since i started and thus whenever the imposter syndrome is hitting i can look at the literal piles of sketchbooks and notebooks and binders i keep the physical copies of my work in and go oh yeah. ive been working at this for like ten years. and then it just goes away.

anyway i absolutely recommend this as a strategy no matter how cringey it might seem keeping visual evidence of skill progression is an incredible tool against imposter syndrome. voice in your head can't tell you you're faking your skills if you can pull out a literal record of your skill growth against it

#even digital stuff like. #keep a file on a physical drive with your shit on it. back it up every once in a while. #google docs is fine but nothing quite beats digging through your files on your laptop and finding something you wrote five years ago #that's maybe not as technically sound as what you can do *now* but still isn't like bad. #legitimately i found a notebook while cleaning last month that was just like. #half of a novel. handwritten in this little composition notebook. #was it *good?* eh! but im also looking at that after yeah like five or six YEARS of practice #and that even beats finding stuff i wrote. like. Actually Legitimately Ten Years Ago #always makes me sad to see younger artists than me declaring theyre gonna delete their stuff cause its embarrassing or cringey #like. ok so what i spent a full two years drawing bad undertale comics with every panel on a new piece of paper. #im going to keep them until i have no choice but to get rid of them which will likely be when *i* die and not a moment before #reminder i need to back up my stuff . wheres my hard drive for that.

[rev-tone]

honestly kind of afraid to post much here at all because I WAS doing it last year for a little bit until i got an anon one day wishing i die in agony from prostate cancer completely unprompted. The only reason that happened is because i had posted and tagged something innocuous and a random transphobe found it. and with twitter no longer having moments (and the posts that were put in them just removed so now nothing archived) and cohost like last 2 days just not letting ppl post photos idk where to put art anymore lol

#the simpler solution is to just keep off anon but the few times i ever get asks are on anon itsliek. idk i really dont think it matters #idk how much longer i'll even want to stay on this site but i say that about everything :\ #and like i just want somewhere to put stuff i draw because i have fun and would like to think other people want to see it or would enjoy it #but also like what if i wake up and my sd card is corrupted and i just lose all the stuff ive drawn over liek 4 years i want it SOMEWHERE #growing up like basically anytime we moved my mom would either throw out or lose our stuff in a storage unit she couldnt keep up with rent #and i used to have a habit of deleting everything online when i deemed it wasnt worth being seen because of self depreciation so #sometimes it feels like theres no proof i ever existed before 2014 afterwards idk im insane maybe i shouldnt care about this shit #and like no matter what app or website im on im still seeing trans women harrassed and threatened constantly like why did i ever feel like #could be myself and show more of myself online its really no different than “IRL” i just dont think i'll ever be comfortable

[qumiiiquinnquin]

ill never be good enough at anything

#vent #events of today only proved it #im genuinely so close to giving up completely #i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing #I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im #the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did #i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships #i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long #i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math #i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive #hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough #i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi #i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i #know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out #i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on #just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height #the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly. #ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from #if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic #i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me #i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.

[xxzapvanityxx]

dude i miss communications. i was so talking to one of my guys about it bc i was super into ghost and pals during like my middle school yrs, like. 2016-18 area? maybe even 2015 honestly. and i was on quotev mainly as my social media and my friends and i would roleplay the communications characters and i was always henry with the one time exception of playing nancy i think. and my friend jamie was behind one of the biggest if not second biggest communications confessions blogs on here at one point. and goddamn.. we all made like fan ocs to roleplay too... it was so fun. and then the jelf the elf joke, my ex boyfriend and i made like a jelf the elf takeover over on quotev for it and it was pretty sizable. and then the fuckin youtube comment on ghostie-p's album upload on spotify thats like "thanks to you..." was a comment my old friend juice's little brother left on one of their songs because juice always listened to it and annoyed their brother with it! shit is fucking crazy honestly its so weird to think about... i literally dont talk to any of these people except for one of them anymore and hes like a little brother to me. life is genuinely so crazy. the world is a small and crazy place

#wyatt says #like fnaf and cp and ew were like some huge fandoms for me when i was younger #but other than fnaf i think my biggest and most formative fandom experience was goddamn the ghost and pals communications fandom. #Literally insane #like i still love their shit and keep up with it and have all of their old stuff backed up on my phone #since you cant find it anywhere legit anymore #and i remember where i was for most of the uploads past communications #like amygdalas ragdoll #and hyperdontia and fucking broadcast illusion and appetite of a people pleaser #like holy shit lmfao #literally listening to star of the show rn 👆 #moving forward i think im repurposing my old communications oc and im gon a make fan cases #and i think i might go back to drawing fanart for the songs #im so sad i dont have my old happy days fanart and my old tumblrs been deleted for a long while

[zenithpng]

hm.

#feeling like. all around bad. and idk why really #i just dont want to do anything. i want to rot. everything is hard. #why does everything feel like a chore!! i love playing minecraft and sewing and drawing and writing but it all feels Bad rn #and on top of that i dont even wanna talk to my partner for some reason. i love them a lot but my brain keeps going 'you should just never #speak to them again. because why the fuck not.' and i dont know why. #(riot if you see this it is not about you) #but. idk. i just wanna have a breakdown but i dont wanna have it alone but also. i dont have anyone irl. #i should text ms v and meet with her probably. she would let me hug her. she would understand. #on top of all the emotional and social bs ive also got my perpetual family issues to deal with and im. so tired. #i want to move away somehow #but even dorms might not be possible because i fucked up my grades as i usually do. great job jet. #idk i just wish i could be mentally well and have friends and parents that weren't shit #sigh #a guy can dream! #delete later