#I just dont feel connected to any of it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

liquidstar · 5 months

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i think that on here we've kinda talked a lot about how the traditional "coming out" narrative presented in popculture is flawed in reality. because it always presents this idea that you have to tell everyone who you Really are, that youre Hiding parts of yourself, that you can never be You until you bare your Secrets to the world. and that actually this isnt because people feel entitled to your personal business but that its hurting YOU when they dont know your personal business so you should really just tell them. (but also dont be "too" proud because thats annoying :( act mostly cishet please but dont lie about it! hehe!) it will work out every time for sure :)

but ofc thats not how real life works. i mean, naturally i understand that there are OF COURSE people out there who want to be loud and proud about who they are, and that this is incredibly important to their identity which theyve suppressed for so long. but that "coming out" narrative is harmful because it ignores many of the reasons it had to be suppressed to begin with. its fucking dangerous! its dangerous to a lot of people for a lot of reasons. they can lose their support system, family, job, house, and their entire life. both in the sense that they'll be completely uprooted from it, and in the sense that they could be killed. so constantly presenting the notion of "coming out is good for you no matter what because its the Only way to be your Real Authentic Self and also you HAVE to do it eventually because thats how this narrative is just Meant to go. be a good little queer and please dont stray from this path."

and the problem is that plenty of young LGBT+ people completely internalize it too! ive had so many convos with young people worried about coming out to their conservative family because, well, theyre supposed to! and their minds are completely blown when i tell them that actually they dont have to do that. that theyre under no obligation to tell everyone their business and its okay to just keep being them w/o making an announcement about it. ESPECIALLY IF IT PUTS THEM IN DANGER!!!! and to be clear this issue doesnt stop at age 18 or at moving out or anything like that either, there continue to be many obstacles for many people that make coming out unsafe, or just a bad life decision to uproot everything Right Now. it's okay to just be in the closet and it isn't a moral failing like cishet media wants to convince us. we all agree, right?

good! but here's what my actual real point is:

when we talk about this, for some reason, we seem to only reaaaallly be talking about the gay side of it, right? like im sure lots of people imagined, like, teenage gay boy movies. maybe a couple lesbian and bi characters too perhaps. and that makes sense because thats like the most common narrative for this sort of trope, so ofc those are the first examples we imagine. and ofc theres the more complex addition of "passing" when it comes to trans versions of this story, the idea that you gotta look a certain way to be "valid" adds another layer.

so i think its time more people started to acknowledge this about trans people too, right? i think we can all agree with this on paper already; no trans person is obligated to come out or present a certain way if theyre not in a place where they currently are able to do so. physically, mentally, financially... or just because they dont wanna! whatever the circumstances are, there is no criteria they have to meet to be vindicated in this. it doesnt only apply to 14 year olds living with shitty parents who plan to move out soon and become "Really Trans" (as if they didnt count before conforming to The Narrative), the person could be 40 and never planning to be completely out, and its the same. they dont owe you this "showing the world who you Really are in order to [earn the right to] Be Yourself" crap. thats their choice only.

however, i also think that even if most ppl on here in lgbt circles on here agree with the general sentiment... sometimes it doesnt always get applied it practice. though the whole "truscum" thing kinda died down (thank god) i still think that rampant transmedicalism has left its scars on lots of people and the things they internalize, combined with similar cisheteronormative messages in popular media about how your narrative Should go and how you Should act and look to be respected, and its Morally Wrong not to fit that mold.

so when encountered with people who dont pass, who dont TRY to pass and instead actively choose to look like their agab due to the fact that they are literally in the closet irl (lest we forget people have whole entire complex lives outside of the net) this sort of short circuit happens in ppls heads, where that internalized idea of "but you're supposed to be THIS WAY! youre not doing it RIGHT!" pops back up and they end up labeling that person as fake or Not Trans Enough for this reason.

and i do also think part of this stems from people not having enough sympathy for those whose paths are different, because they were told not to. theres a Right way, and they did it the right way. and likely they struggled for it a lot, so isnt it unfair that people are doing it the Easy Way (as if its easy to be closeted to begin with) and claiming theyre like you? thats Wrong. they have to Earn it. you lgbts should all get mad at EACH OTHER actually! this will help your community be better [in the eyes of cishetero society that doesnt really want you to exist to begin with]

additionally the reason im emphasizing the internet side of this so much is because... well, in this day and age, thats the space lots of people go to to NOT be in the closet. to at least microdose on being "out" while in real life they very much arent. like i said before, being in the closet is rough and taxing, suppressing yourself hurts which is why so many people wanna be loud and out and proud! not everyone can though, so turning to a place with relative anonymity to get that is great, and i think its probably saved a lot of people. but also because of this, its pretty much the only way to get the scenario this is positing to begin with- where you know a stranger can know that youre trans even if youre otherwise closeted completely, just so they can tell you that youre Not. but how many people in the past do you think lived lives where they never let these feelings out at all? how many alive today do you think dont even express them online?

you know that sort trope (often stereotypes in media) of a trans person "crossdressing" only when alone, in order to get a short bit of relief or euphoria that they cant in their closed life? i think that today we have the internet to do that. i think its kind of the same thing. but its also very different, because its not as private. its still secret, because its anonymous, but its also something shared with plenty of strangers at the same time. they dont know you irl, so its safe, distant, and gives you that rush of being yourself, and being referred to correctly by others too. theres community, theres support, and theres friendship too, once you get to know those strangers. its not a "second life" or a "persona" is just a side of yourself you dont show elsewhere, an identity that needs to be let out one way or another.

who the fuck are we to deny others the right to this life-saving connection just because they arent out? because they dont pass or dress the Right way irl? because we decided they arent trying hard enough to "fit in"? because they dont plan to change their lives to fit the right narrative anytime soon?

should they not be allowed into the community then? that would be perfect wouldnt it? leave many who need support out to die, because they did it Wrong. fight within our community over who is doing it Right until we've broken it in half. the righteous ones [according to cishet standards] are surely going to be treated with respect once they get rid of the Bad ones, right?

yeah, i dont think so. thats horseshit. we're stronger together than we are apart, thats why infighting is so useful to those who dont want us to be strong to begin with. its important to help each other, boost each other up, even if some of us arent playing the "right" part irl. are we really just going to sit around and accept the cishet norms as rules to live by? fuck that. not everyones story will reflect it, and you have to accept them anyway if you want a strong community. it doesnt matter how much they might look/act like their agab irl, if theyre telling you otherwise take it at face value, respect them the way you would any other. again, many of us agree with this on paper, but i think we still have to put work into acting on that too.

the end <3

#under the cut its just a way longer version of what i just said but in regards to how closeted trans ppl are often treated online #i cut it bc it was long but im telling you what it is now if you wanna read it basically #but a lot of this is personal musings too. its not connected to any kinda disk horse or anything #just stuff ive been thinking abt mostly. how i wish there was more support for such things #bc even online i feel like most ppl overlook closeted ppl who are not kids. yknow?#as if thats the only acceptable time to be closeted bc you have an excuse. tho part of it might be remembering personal experiences too ofc #but well. like i say here everyones experiences are different and we gotta respect that basically #and i think. its ok if you dont look or act a certain way. i guess

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overtake · 21 days

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admitting ur a larrie and saying it brought you to your current ship is such a brave personal choice. this comment should be an official diagnosis in the dsm-5.

#ive had this in my drafts for ages but ppl are being weird so im here to be a hater sorry #and this just feels timely with people being attacked for telling people to get reading comprehension #like if ur ever comparing ur ship to larry then plz do some personal reflection #larries are fucking batshit off the wall out of this world unhinged #ships are supposed to be lighthearted and fun and something that makes you happy #i have plenty of fun w max and daniel content #but i cannot keep reading the unhinged levels some people are reaching w l*stappen #it’s transitioning from ‘i like the content and their interactions and ao3!’#into ‘i am inventing evidence and connecting dots and genuinely believe these two men are fucking’ like i fear its not fun and games anymore #this is nothing against l*stappenies themselves at all. keep on keeping on #this is all about the weird ones #theres weirdos in any ship but the number of them keeps increasing w this particular one so i just wanted to say. plz do not be larries.#(sorry for the asterisks like l*stappen is a slur i just dont want it to show up in the tag lol)

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wildstar25 · 25 days

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What physical part(s) of Arsay does her partners find the most attractive! Is it the same for all partners or does it differ between them?

(also optional bonus ask of what part(s) of/about Arsay generally do they love the most, physical or not!)

Meanwhile, if you were to ask the same of Arsay:

#ffxiv #wolship #g'raha tia #y'shtola rhul #wolgraha #wolshtola #y'shtola x wol #arsay nun #graharshtola #y'shtola calling arsay a pain in her side is very much an affectionate thing btw #and i couldnt pass up the joke of g'raha giving the sweet gentlemanly response only for yshtola to be like 'tits tbh'#her defaulting to an answer that would probably stop the conversation before she has to talk to much about her deeper feelings imo #i have. a lot of feelings about yshtola and arsay's friendship #someone who is constantly trying to build walls between herself and others vs someone who desperately wants to form real connections #its not a 'wearing that person down' type situation either #just one lonely person seeing another lonely person and hoping that they could be less lonely together #or that she could at least bring some cheer to #and idk yshtola strikes me as the type to have been like 'if they want to be my friend they have to work for it'#which arsay certainly did #i could ramble on and on how their friendship lines up so well with yshtolas character development but theres a limit to these tags #so just look at how cute shtola is with the slightest blush on her cheeks #graha is a much more complicated topic since he went from Extreme adoration to I want to be her friend but I dont think im good enough #to 100% Hero worship again to Shes my hero and I love her to Shes a person and I love her #to I love Arsay. Even the parts she can't love in herself. I will love all of her till my dying breath.#he thinks shes the most beautiful person in the world and the most important thing in his life #but he now knows how insane she's been about being everyone's hero and he really doesnt want to feed that beast #so hes trying to build her up in other ways #focusing more on the adventuring side than the saving the world side #and then there is arsay who loves so much about her partners and is in capable of narrowing it down to any one thing so its #'here let me list everything that comes to mind right now' with 0 shame or filter

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bonetrousledbones · 1 year

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whatever you do DON’T think about how papyrus undertale’s biggest motivations lie in encouraging the people around him to improve themselves and finding the joy in friendship and how he doesn’t have any of that in deltarune whatsoever and instead he’s just hiding inside of a dark house while everyone else is outside going about their lives relatively fine without him just dont think about it

#trousled rambles #deltarune #papyrus #undertale #its 1am and im having deltarune papyrus thoughts again dont look at me #was just thinkin more abt his possible knight motivations and. well what would he do when he has no one to keep on the straight and narrow #and when there's no one to keep HIM on the straight and narrow..........................yknow #his brother runs a whole grocery store by himself so i think its safe to say he didn't need papyrus to push him into it like in ut #and undyne's BORED sure but she's still okay. she's still forming a connection with alphys without papyrus having anything to do with it #alphys is more confident without ANY of papyrus's help at ALL #head in hands HE HAD SO MUCH INFLUENCE IN UNDERTALE AND NOW HE HAS HARDLY ANY AT ALL......HIS NAME ISNT EVEN MENTIONED......................#i need to go to bed BUT DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THE VERY CONCEPT OF HIM FUCKS ME UP AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR #edit had to make this more accurate to what im feeling rn #blood //

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thestarofcottonland · 3 months

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i pray my bf never finds out how friendless i am its so embarrassing . i havent been sad about it in a long time. but i kinda am tonight

#i have coworkers i get along really well with but i dont feel any way i can connect with them outside of work nor do i feel they want to #i have ghosted every guy friend online because they were more like guys that hit on me and sometimes we talked about games #and ive been okay since then with just my bf. but sometimes on my days off when hes busy. i feel really alone #i dont want to be isolated but i always end up this way.....i wish i had girl friends....v_v #and as per my post im obviously not going to tell my bf im struggling with my loneliness lol hell no....ill just get over it by tomorrow...#i go to work and it takes my mind off everything else #need some hobbies need to get lost in something on my off days #squeaks

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luvbug724 · 24 days

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obsessed w jeanee Actually. she drove hours in the middle of the night for him. she organised a heist for him. she blackmails a university for him. she was willing to break into the nest w brute force for him. she was willing to rob a hardware store to do it. she seriously contemplates climbing over barbed wire fences to get to him. she handles diversions and distractions with grace for him. she has the invasive curiosity to want to know all abt his little knick knacks. she resorts to violence when someone tries to stop her from getting to him. she prays for him. she talks to him softly when the only feeling in the room is rage. she pushes his hair out of his face. she checks his pulse obsessively. YEAH………… are we all seeing this rn

its so wonderful to me too because like this is RENEE. renee, who is a bad person trying very hard to be good. there was a post going around maybe a month ago how empathy for everyone circles back around into empathy for no one i can't remember any of the specifics but it rlly did something for how i see renee because shes a protector. its defensive. its safe. she knows the limits, she knows the point of no return because shes been to rock bottom and clawed her way up but she's willing to do whatever she needs to to get jean out of the nest.

there is a big difference between cradling allison when andrew hurts her vs actively threatening eau, going on the offense to make sure jean leaves safe with her. there's something insane to me abt how a few months of texting and calling jean could push her to that point, the point where she needed to be talked down off the ledge before the plan was more natalie than renee because this was something she absolutely could not fuck up. she knew that her efforts would be worthless if she didn't create a plan that couldn't backfire, because the punishment for jean trying to leave and failing (and i'm sure that message to renee would be used against him) or leaving and coming back would be 1000x worse than whatever they could do to him from a distance.

and then when she has him in his arms and she knows he's going to be safe, he'll be okay as long as she can get him to abby, she can let herself be kind again.

#IT DRIVES ME INSANE #like helloooooo??????#i genuinely am not sure if this makes sense or if its just wordvomit but DO YOU GET IT #it may not be love yet but it IS something worthwhile. you know #they havent even known each other for that long!!!!!!!!#i said a few tags back that renee's actions arent lesser if theyre based on romance and like i know its been maybe 2 hours since i said it #but i still agree!!!! renee i think doesnt get her due diligence for her motivations. in the pursuit of like the strong independent #woman archetype i think we've neglected the fact that you know. a woman can be motivated by romantic feelings and it doesn't make her any #less strong or liberated #having a connection with a person isn't a weakness #feminism is so nuanced! there is no one size fits all! restating this idea for the third time this post but there is no weakness in love #even though misogyny has made it so easy to get reactionary with it and claim that any show of strength isn't motivated by it at all!#do u catch my drift. i can say it a different way a fourth time if necessary i dont think i can verbalize my thoughts well #hm ok thoughts to chew on!#back to my shitty hockey novels while i wait for tsc to drop!#jeanee #asks

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craycraybluejay · 29 days

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On the next episode of Are Maleness and Sadism Interlinked or Am I Just Weird About My Masculinity and Kink

#my tranny sex mysticism is cooler than your cissy sex mysticism #although gender in general is a construct and everyone ties things to their gender which have little or no #real connection to anything like that #bc gender is identity #clothes are the easiest example but #i think i understand when people say stuff that sounds nonsensical like 'my gender is venus flytrap'#because gender is identity and if its a big thing in your identity you kinda like #connect it to your femaleness or maleness or both neither other #like when a girl fights shes still feminine kicking ass and that doesnt make her any less good at kicking ass #or when a guy does his nails it can very much be a masculine thing for him #its all made up and based on vague feelings and concepts #so sure conservatives feel free to identify as an ak47 you know its not a gotcha #and radfems feel free to keep calling me a monster it makes me hard <3 #but yea like. identity is both complex and simple. its the human condition to identify with things #and i dont think 'neogenders' are particularly new i just think we had different words or no words for that #but people have and always will identify with anything and everything #thats human nature. we mirror and absorb and grow #even twin sisters experience femaleness differently or even call it different things #girlhood or being a lady etc etc #even within the cishet society gender is not as simple as authoritarians would like you to believe #anyway yeah my gender identity is sadistic male aligned freak and other things

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jelixpo · 11 months

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When does boo refer to Luigi as 'our' sweet luigi is there a possibility that Luigi and boo have a hidden past that only they know about?

nothing more hidden than what's already present in the Luigi's Mansion games

#ask #anon #ya'll really want a love triangle between luigi bowser and king boo huh lol #ok here's a question: why is it called a love triangle if all 3 characters present dont always connect #like wouldn't a triangle signify that they all have feelings for each other in one way or another?#but i always see examples of love triangles where 2 boys like 1 girl and hate each other #wouldn't that be like a love V?#or does ANY form of a relationship count in a love triangle? So therefore a hate relationship is part of that?#anyway just a random thought

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yuridovewing · 2 months

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sorry to post a negative wof thing but sometimes i remember the “morrowseer is moonwatcher’s dad but no one knows or cares, its just this quirky trivia thing” bit and get irrationally frustrated. like if you didnt have any ideas on what to do with that tui then you couldve just. not done it.

#it literally makes no sense why she shouldnt know beyond ‘’some stray thoughts her mom accidentally let out’’ either #like ok iirc secretkeeper was barring her own mind from her. however she did that #but youre telling me that No One Else ever thought about morrowseer and his crimes #none of the nightwings none of the rainwings no one ever thinks about the queens right hand man #who orchestrated crimes against dragonkind and ruined so many lives or was a hero to some of them #no ones ever spared that guy a second thought?#or like- did no one know secretkeeper was morrowseers wife? did no one connect the dots that her secret baby was probably morrowseers secret #secret baby? its not like no one knew she was pregnant with his kid right???#NO ONE that ever looked at moon and directed hostile thoughts abt her that affected her self worth ever went ‘’oh shes morrowseers baby #of course SHE was spared our same trauma’’#NO ONE HAS THOUGHT ABOUT HIS CRIMES???? NOT A SINGLE ONE???#wouldnt this contribute to her mistreatment and anxiety since he used his supposed power to hurt and manipulate people??#but…. no tee hee its this silly little bit of trivia we wont delve into #like. again…. you didnt HAVE to make morrowseer her dad!!#like it comes across like tui came up with the idea of having the new protag be related to the previous antagonist and thought it was cool #but then didnt have any real ideas beyond that so she just made it this weird unspoken ironic fact?#like…. no i dont think its this ironic scene that she finds his literal corpse in the volcano and doesnt know its him #and doesnt seem that horrified by it #she should see that and feel incredibly complicated and disgusted feelings

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maledistributionsystem · 2 months

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thank u for posting transhet stuff, sometimes i fall down the "all men are a danger to themselves and others" rabbit hole so to speak and it makes me feel hopeless so seeing stuff of girls loving us being men and wanting us to be men is very helpful anyways your stuff rules no matter what :) have a great day bro

Thank you for contacting the Male Distribution System Bark Line. Remember: Self-made men are loved and adored. All of them. Your message is in the queue...

Hey you're absolutely welcome! I know what you mean too, there's this very loud and proud "i hate all men because theyre evil and they suck!!" mentality that has (in my opinion) a rather large presence in queer spaces and it makes existing in them as a trans man really, really exhausting. Especially when some people decide its okay to say these things to your face, as if you aren't a man. Especially when it comes from white people, since they tend not to recognize how they look saying that kind of thing to men of color.

But hey, i have a wife and she's like the coolest/strongest/lovliest person i know, and is my best friend. I promise there are literally millions of girls who love trans men and don't think we're becoming evil/violent/dangerous, and who also don't think we're hurting ourselves/making ourselves uglier.

I also know a handful of other men who have wives/fiances/girlfriends, and I wont lie and say that it was easy for them, especially since they tended to go for cishet women, but they're in long happy relationships nowadays. You can do it too. I promise dude :)

You take it easy and have a great day!

#MDS Bark Line #i'm gonna use the tags to continue a line of thought i had but didn't feel necessary to respond directly to nonny with #it really truly fucking sucks that it feels like as a trans man i have this very noticable very palpable 'decision' to make between #being seen as a man-full stop-but also being shunned from your community if you just look like some random dude bc you wanna be stealth #or accept proximity to womanhood/femininity to be given a sort of 'pass' from being assumed to be dangerous #it hurts my heart to talk to other binary trans men. you wanna know why they dont exist very much?#its because we get pushed out of spaces we technically belong in because we DONT want to be overtly readable as queer #and men get fucking tired of that and decide to make peace with cis bi/gay spaces or they decide to just not have any community connection #and thats. really fucking sad.#it shouldnt be so fucking hard to find other binary trans men who are deep in their transition. but it is.#and i feel like it really really shouldnt be.#It would really help if queer spaces would uhhhh stop demonizing men and our masculinity. :/.

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oathofkaslana · 16 days

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im the first person to criticize the way mhy deals w queerness (ive made multiple posts on how i find the sexualizaton of the minors and the sexualization of lesbianism gross) but i neeeeeed white queers to understand that at the end of the day mhy is not homophobic like yeah no shit theyve done fucked up shit but acting like all of their wlw things have been queerbait is inaccurate. people who say this dont know shit abt hi3. you havent even played the fucking game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc if you did you would understand that the queer relationships in hi3's main game are written w so much respect and clearly valued by the writers. they're serious about it! like. parts from the game i dont see mentioned a lot:

they have an ongoing leitmotif related to happy moments and reunions and in kiana and mei's reunion in chapter 32, they composed a backtrack specifically for it w that leitmotif! its also the only official ost w that leitmotif that they released! and they titled it "i'm back, kiana"

kiana and mei have a moment in ch 32 where they both confess and reinforce that they are the most important and beautiful parts of the world to the other.

i have my gripes w azure waters and the way it portrays sex and sa but the bronseele kiss was always portrayed as something innocent and serious. its not treated as a joke nor is it fetishized and it means infinitely more to the characters than to straight audiences (it literally being a part of their promise which motivates bronya and seele to survive throughout the time theyre apart.)

#some of you are just racist!#this connects back to my gripes w people complaining abt genshin 'not having any lgbt characters'#it is not the developers fault that you refuse to see the importance and validity of queercoding when theyre in a country that has laws #concerning queer censorship #downplaying what theyve done is so disrespectful im actually so mad abt this #i feel like people dont even try to understand what its like for queer fans in china. i feel like people dont even care that they exist!!!!#f criti #im so mad i need people to understand what theyre talking about before they actually talk about it

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