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blackstarchanx3new · 9 months

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FSR Rambles 12 times Vaati got his ass kicked

Insanity, Vaati being pathetic.

What's new?

Ooop. Zelda showing off how she'll kill you within 2 seconds of being in HER castle.

Link's letter was smth addressed earlier: He warned her with a letter he was going to pull the sword.

Which implies a certain amount of impersonal-ness to the action. He didn't want her talking him out of it lmfao. He was already struggling with defying Vio's persistence so it makes sense he didn't want Zelda to try and logic his ass either.

Her outfit being the sneaky armor in botw, presumably so she could sneak attack, whoever ended up attacking her.

I thought it'd also be a fun throwback to Sheik and spoiler:

Zelda's gender identity is pretty open. Link referred to her with "They" pronouns earlier in the comic but I didn't feel it was very relevant to bring up at the time lmfao. Zelda's all sorts of gender in this comic to say the least.

The reason why Vaati knows she's around is smth I'll get into later when it's more relevant.

"Damn would you have preferred Gannon???" - Vaati probably.

Zelda isn't playing around she wants to know where her blonde twink is at.

Vaati is a bitch about it of course.

Oh she mad.

She real mad.

"PATRICK THATS NOT A HOOKER!!!"

"It's not?"

"ITS A BOMB 💣!!!!"

Vaatis stupid as hell expression before she goes boom is hilarious to me.

Smth people seem to be CONFUSED about fsr is Vaati's not so subtle Zelda simping.

Vaati is a Zelda simp, that's really all there is too it. The extent of that simping is smth I've joked about a lot.

So he got his ass handed to him.

Shadow himself noted vaati must be weak as hell earlier so. Guess he was right.

Smth of note: vaati is struggling to keep his form in the "wind mage" form. As his body keeps trying to revert to the "wind demon" design

Those titles are used interchangeably in the manga but I call his Hylian disguise his "wind mage" form and the demon form his "wind demon" form personally.

Zelda casually drops the fact she was trying to murder Vaati with that blast. She isn't playing around. Makes sense this asshole held her prisoner for who knows how long before and did something to her best friend.

Haha vaatis pathetic and also in pain.

Good.

His suffering is all the direct cause of his own actions so...hard to feel TOO bad for him rn.

Zelda certainly doesn't.

Link’s shitty state outright made her a more cold hearted person it seems.

Not that'd I'd blame her for that lmfao.

Vaati struggling to get back to being handsome lmfao.

Vaati, my bro, when are you going to do a single thing for yourself????

Okay but the implication Dark Link let Vaati get his ass kicked and only jumped in to help when Vaati called for help is very funny.

Dark links comedically large sword is just interesting. It's not a four sword replica like Shadow’s.

Zelda is in shock at the weird Link coming out of nowhere.

Darks immediate reaction of being flustered at seeing Zelda is so funny to me.

"HYLIA'S MASSIVE TITS, IT'S A WOMAN!!!"

And fun note: This is the first time Dark's actually for reals appeared in the physical world and not just in the "Headspace".

Subtly creepy he isn't just a mental problem but a physical danger as well.

His attack was very calculated, as he didn't hurt Zelda and just slammed his sword in front of her...

...Haven't we seen smth...SIMILAR TO THIS?

Huh well, look at that...

Sweaty weirdo Dark Link enters the chat.

No it was not just for the memes he's actually just like that lmfao.

So from what we know about Dark so far there's some things to note:

Our buddy boy can see the memories of others and "live" through their experiences.

Yall see what it is getting at right?

Shadow link, Vio, and Vaati's emotions and memories are influencing Darks inability to harm Zelda here.

And perhaps he formed feeling a certain kind of way about her.

He associates her with positive feelings lmfao.

Their influence aside, he still chooses not to hurt her on his own.

Vaati’s reaction is priceless.

Zelda seems to grant Dark some mercy, assumably because he outright denied Vaati here lol.

For his sparing of Zelda he gets squished like a dog toy. Poor Dark Link.

Vaati leaves with his dumbass lackey.

When you casualy blow a hole in your castle lmfao.

She's overwhelmed.

She need break.

She need hug.

She need...Link.

Pff.

Guys, he has self-awareness...fuck.

Vaati, that was just unnecessarily mean to your lackey.

Also Dark Link appearance wise:

His hair color has changed. It's purple toned now when it was grey blue toned earlier....

Okay I'll stop being coy it's because he's mimicking Vio's appearance.

Oh. Well, that's a face, alright...

Is he ANGRY? Is he HAPPY?

Did he make that face because he knows it'd freak Vaati out?

Vaati’s abusive bullshit doesn't seem to damper his mood at least as he's smiling in the 3rd panel.

Dark link and Shadow link are very different people, ESPECIALY when it comes to how they cope with Vaati's abuse.

It left a mark on Shadow where as as of right now at least, Dark acts MOSTLY unbothered by it.

Let's face it rn his idea of normal relationships are Shadow and vio lmfaoooooooo-

The dudes who both almost murdered each other.

Pff

His "I want kisses too" line will never not get a laugh out of me.

It's so indicative of how he actually feels.

He wants kisses.

He drops that Shadow is the demon king and for a second you gotta wonder if Vaati was like

"...Why is Gannon smooching Vio?????"

Dark Link also wants to dance. Both are things he saw Vio and Shadow do, mind you...

Vaati has no idea wtf is going on lmfao.

Dark has eclipsed him as the true villain of this comic-

I say in jest.

Dark casually recaps stuff we already kinda know.

While trying to dance with Vaati pff.

Funny enough, taking the lead in said dance, which reflects how he's the one doing all the work rn.

So, Dark link is interpreting peoples feelings, not 100% understanding them. 🤔

He has to actually think about Blue's emotional state hah and even seems surprised.

It's funny to think that even Green picked up on blue being jealous, and basically everyone did, but Dark had to think about it...

Kinda shows he doesn't really understand people much. Like TRUELY.

Or he's just not as interested in blue vs Vio and Shadow.

Dark stutters again like he did when he was face to face with Zelda.

Vaatis so mean mocking his stutter and continues to berate him.

Well that was an outburst.

And I finally get to talk in detail about Dark Link’s "mechanics" for a lack of a better term will expand on the next page.

Design/art wise:

Dark's teeth are all sharp here when normally, despite being a demon his teeth are flat/human looking teeth.

The background is a more red version of the head-space Vio and Green have been dragged to when Dark talks to them/at them.

Immediately he's back to being himself.

Weirdly happy, which settles in the true horror of the previous outbirst:

He didn't mean, a single word of what he just said.

He said that, PURELY to hurt Vaati because it's something that Vaati already feels about himself. He wasn't actually MAD at Vaati and snapping in response to Vaati's abuse. He was just reflecting Vaati's anger right back at him.

So smth about Dark:

He often reflects DIRECTLY how others behave.

Instances of such:

The madder Vaati got in this talk, the "angrier" Dark Link got right back at him.

He shouted at Dark to "Do something" and he responded angrily back that he didn't want to hurt Zelda.

He shouted and berated Dark Link causing Dark to shout that nobody loves Vaati.

Dark Link's nature is to be calm, quiet, pretty "Happy" and kinda hopelessly romantic lmao. He wants to have his idea of "Fun" with people.

He MIMICS people.

Dark has no identity of his own (At least he doesn't seem to realize he does) so often he just bounces off people. He only takes joy in hurting others atm.

Not even in an outright malicious way. At least not the kind of malicious that's "haha I broke the hero because I hate him". This is just what his idea of "Fun" is. What his idea of normal interactions are. This is just what he's suposed to be doing rn.

He isn't acting much outside of his direct reason for creation. What he even deems as fun is indicative of his creation as well.

Engaging with their range of emotions and characters and memories he deems interesting is FUN to him.

If his dialogue from page 121 is anything to go off of, bro really doesn't give a shit about his job. He just wants to have fun:

He finds it amusing Shadow can ALSO manipulate people's feelings, outright kind of complimenting him for it.

And then gets hopelessly distracted and starts talking about what he'd "Rather do" right now.

Which involves hugging Vio and reading oop.

He didn't get SUPER involved/invested in Shadow's memories until Vio and Shadow were doing more "interesting" things, at least in Dark's opinion of what is "interesting."

Dark wants to engage in relationships lmfao. But he's stuck engaging with memories living though them vicariously and hurting people he supposedly "Likes".

He wants to dance with someone and kiss them and in general have "happy" moments with someone. But is stuck being a curse that's only purpose is to break the hero apart and reflect negativity.

It's kinda sad.

But he clearly hasn't reflected on his own life/situation outside of Vaati's feelings towards him.

Also: Dark has no desire to kill any of the Link or Link himself...keep this in mind.

Again: He reflects Vaati's mood of annoyance with that face in the second panel. Which kills me. You just know Vaati's making the same face off screen lmfao.

Symbolism symbolism

Dark plucks the violet but leaves the silent princess alone outside of petting it. Call back to how he left Zelda alone.

He says more stuff we kinda already know, but recapping is good. Actually, we spent like 100 pages in flashbacks, hah.

It also shows what Dark learned/his takeaway from watching their interactions.

Haha oh Dark why are you ripping petals out?

There's smth to be said about him ripping the petals out as the game "She loves me, she loves me not" is a vibe that's being invoked here.

With the odd amount of petals (Being 5) it'd land on "She loves me" by the way.

A relatively innocent game turned into something sinister as he rips petals out in accordance with how many heroes there are.

Dark's behavior continues to be ODD, as he claims Shadow's predicament is "Sad". Which is true.

But...does his expression REALLY scream that he's ACTUALLY sad about it to you?

His chest eyeball just stares blankly forward, his body language implies he's just kinda pretending or acting sad.

Which makes sense, Dark hasn't been shown to clearly understand sorrow properly as even when he cried he was still smiling.

He compares Vio and Shadow's struggles with their identities directly as they're both struggling with who they're SUPOSED to be compared to who they are.

Again: he's ripping a petal out as he talks about each member of the Link squad.

Notes notes notes my favorite:

For whatever reason Vio is not in his present day look here. He's how he looked 7 years ago.

You could make a lot of different assumptions as to why:

Is this how Dark sees Vio? Vio visually represented to be stuck in the past. Vio just feeling more childishly scared in the face of what's happening.

Dark's comforting Vio here in a similar manor to how Shadow did though.

Also super weird: Dark actually in a round about way compliments Vio here.

"He's so blinded by his self hatred he can't see just how much everyone adores him because of his calm cool nature..."

Dark can feel how others feel about Vio and repeated those opinions.

This is smth to note because so far the only things he's really repeated out loud have been negative things people feel about THEMSELVES.

Outside of when he complimented Shadow.

But this shows he can actually recognize positive feelings people have towards others and repeat those too...

And outright stating: He "likes" Vio.

Because of his strong reaction to Zelda, we can assume that he likes people depending on how others feel about them. Because the team likes Vio: So does Dark Link.

Another petal falls while he dips into Green's problems. Who's the only other one we've seen him play around with so far outside of Vio and Shadow And not even really with Shadow...

Weirdly enough Green feels empty inside because he's diet link lmfao.

I told yall I'd give him a personality.

Harbors guilt for lazing around when everyone else was doing stuff. Ouch.

He felt the need to promise Link he'd keep shit okay but he doesn't even know if he CAN.

Blue and his ptsd.

Dark continues to hug people while utterly obliterating them as people lmao.

Blue can't express his emotions arounv Vio which is a theme we'll see as we go into the comic more.

Vio looking back at Blue tho is, a thing.

To be fair to Dark's assesment of Red: red hasn't done anything in the comic yet.

Him chucking the flower the second it's not pretty anymore and, eating the petal is just funny in a morbid way.

Creepy thing: He ate the petal that "Symbolized" Red. The sweet optimistic character. Kinda just shows Dark consumes everything around him in a pit of despair lmfao. Also it's hilarious that he ate smth that he shouldn't have.

Vaati's disgusted reaction to said petal eating is very funny and Dark's monologue about HIMSELF is very telling I feel.

He thinks he's a hero, because he's saving someone. Removed from context that Vaati is a villain and the fac to "Save" Vaati he needed to hurt the REAL hero of Hyrule...

His actions are preventative at the moment: he's making so Link can't reform and the pieces can't seal Vaati back into the sword.

Dark's actions all make sense to Dark Link. XD

Nobody is cheering him, so he just blatantly says "YAY DARK LINK!!!" Which is honestly the funniest lines Dark has said purely because it shows his childish outlook on this entire situation.

He's just the hero saving Vaati.

Dark's clearly annoyed to some degree nothing he does is bringing Vaati any amount of satisfaction.

He did what he was supposed to do. The sword is drawn. Vaati is free.

Dark even mocks Vaati's impatience and his need to control someone else to do his work for him. Hitting Vaati right where it hurts with Vaati's insecurity about being a pawn.

Instantly also going for the throat with "Master Elzo and Link would be disgusted with you"

Obviously: He's talking about Minish Cap Link NOT "our" Link.

This use of their names offends Vaati to no end.

The fight scene is fun, enough said. XD

Okay fine: Ramble thoughts.

Dark manages to mauver his way into not getting properly hit.

Dark's fascination with strangling people is not missed as he does it to Vaati here.

As he repeats things he knows will hurt Vaati's feelings.

Vaati is being unreasonable and stupid in Dark's eyes so him bringing up Vaati's insecurities to make a point is just his attempt to get Vaati to listen to him.

Despite his actions seeming to go against it: He IS on Vaati's side and IS trying to "save" Vaati.

He isn't even saying/acting out of spite, he's just kinda lowkey annoyed and exasperated at Vaati at best. XD

We hit the image count so I'll pick up later.

#fsr rambles #fsr au #loz au #four swords returns au #four swords returns #loz fsr au

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justakidicarus · 5 days

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Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom is a soft reboot of the Zelda franchise

TL;DR: The title says it all. I feel like anyone trying to figure out where Breath of the Wild + Tears of the Kingdom fit into the greater Zelda Timeline has felt the pain of trying to reconcile the strange lore of Tears and Breath with what the previous game already established. Nintendo themselves haven't given much information regarding its placement besides a general "Reunited Timeline" placement which really opens a whole other can of worms. From Timeline enthusiasts to fanfiction writers, the giant grey area surrounding the recent Zelda games has no doubt irritated many. This is where my thesis statement comes in.

Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom is a soft reboot of the Zelda franchise. Or a normal reboot, I'm not actually too certain about the terms.

Nevertheless, I feel like the recent Zelda trilogy deliberately ignores previous Zelda lore to deliver new premises without worrying about staying canon-compliant with the previous games.

I initially came up with my hypothesis while playing Breath of the Wild, long before Tears of the Kingdom was even announced. Let's start with what weirded me out from that game alone, things that can't be simply explained by the "reunited timeline".

Breath of the Wild Part 1 - The Triforce

This is probably the most obvious thing and also what grabbed my attention from my very first playthrough. What's going on with the Triforce?

Throughout the game, the symbol of the triforce is used quite a bit across Hylian architecture as a symbol of the royal family, and the pedestal The Master Sword is found in is triangular in shape, but the actual Triforce is strangely missing throughout the game. The only time it is seen as if in use is on Zelda's hand, whenever she uses her divine power, in the Zelda's Awakening memory, the sealing Calamity Ganon sequence, and the destroying Dark Beast Ganon sequence. In Zelda's Awakening and when sealing Calamity Ganon, the Triforce appears in full on her right hand. When destroying Dark Beast Ganon, the triforce appears in front of her.

This would imply that Zelda possesses the full Triforce, if not for the fact that within the timespan of presumably a few days, Zelda uses the power of the entire Triforce twice in a row. With how the Triforce is treated in the game, it is safe to say it appears more as a symbol of Zelda's divine power rather than the powerful artefact it had been in the previous games.

Breath of the Wild Part 2 - Radio Silence

This next section isn't about a specific detail, but more so the lack of mention of previous Zelda lore. No mention of the Golden Goddesses, no mention of the history of the Master Sword. No mention of any previous Zelda games besides the easter egg names of various places (Mido Swamp for example). I do not count these as acknowledgements of previous games besides nostalgia and easter eggs. I feel the same way about the various Misko's Treasures, from the Ravio hood to the Fierce Deity's set, these are obviously in the game as nostalgia bait and to encourage people to buy the amiibo's, especially Wolf Link (I mean, it worked on me but still, it needs to be said).

(also side note, if I had a nickel for every time the Hero woke up after an extended sleep and in that time Ganon had already laid waste to Hyrule and now they have to venture to the four corners of the world to awaken sages and then fight the demon king in Hyrule Castle, I would have two nickles, which isn't much but isn't it weird it's happened twice?)

I'm not accusing Nintendo of reusing the same story twice, because obviously they aren't and Breath of the Wild is extremely different to Ocarina of Time. I would know, I've played both. Still, very similar.

(Come to think of it, If I had a nickel for every time the Hero had to complete three trials to strengthen their blade to defeat the demon king, I would have at least two nickles- OK I won't finish that again but still, Skyward Sword this time. (I'm not sure if that's happened in other Zelda games I haven't played through the entire series)

Also, speaking of Skyward Sword, why bring back the sword 'speaking' to the hero when A: Fi never speaks to Link in either game, only Zelda, and B: In Skyward Sword it is explicitly stated that Fi has entered a slumber alongside Ghirahim and Demise within the blade to purge the evil. This implies that after so long, the Demon King and his Blade have finally been fully purged (whether or not that would end the curse is up for debate). Would this allow Fi to manifest again? I'm not sure, but why bring back her chimes the way that they did? It's like they wanted to bring back the concept of the sword speaking without actually committing to giving Fi a voice (which is a bit fair but they could have done it the same way in Skyward Sword anyway, with the unintelligible words and left the interpretation up to the characters).

Ok, I think I should stop before I keep drawing more parallels between Skyward Sword and Breath of the Wild, it's not even the game in the trilogy that has the most parallels. The Triforce was the main part of Breath of the Wild that made me confused, the rest was just a series of minor details that seemed out of place.

Tears of the Kingdom Part 1 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIRST KING OF HYRULE?!?

Dumbledore said calmly.

No but for real what is going on with the Zonai? Ignoring the fact that somehow, the last two Zonai alive are brother and sister and Ignoring everything regarding the secret stones, Tears of the Kingdom takes Zelda far back into the past, to the time of the founding of Hyrule.

Considering we have played through the founding of Hyrule in two previous Zelda games, this matters quite a bit.

By placing the Reunited Timeline at the end of the greater Zelda timeline, it makes the trilogy beholden to the previous Lore. Wind Waker got away with it, having explained its relationship to Ocarina of Time and so when Hyrule was re-founded, it made sense.

Rauru and Sonia are out here claiming to be founding this kingdom from scratch. This does not make any sense.

In Skyward Sword we see how the Skyloftians descend from Skyloft to the Forbidden Grounds, presumably then establishing the Kingdom of Hyrule, named after the goddess Hylia, whose mortal incarnation started the Royal Bloodline (Hence the Blood of the Goddess part of the curse). The initial Zonai Lore presented in the game could have just been a heavily distorted version of these events from the first game (descended from the heavens and all).

Yeah, the time travel sort of changed that entirely.

I genuinely cannot think of a logical explanation to place the events of Tears' past anytime before Skyward Sword. The existence of the Rito alone implies that the past can only go as far back as after the current games in the Adult Timeline. The events of all games in the Reunited Timeline exist purely within their own continuity and do not at all care for the history of the previous games.

That last sentence came out a bit harsh, what I mean is that any history the games abide by is not the same history as the previous Zelda games. It's an isolated thing.

Tears of the Kingdom Part 2 - Sonia

This isn't going to be a long section, more like why does Sonia look so extremely different from the standard Hylian? She looks almost nothing like previous Queens of Hyrule except maybe Tetra. Even then, her ears are so long the only Hylian's I know to ever have ears like that are previous Links. Her morphology is extremely unusual in regards to the Hyrulian Royal family of previous games, which have had largely consistent appearances and this trend is even back to normal in Breath of the Wild with Zelda. What?

Tears of the Kingdom Part 3 - The Kingdom in the Skies

Mostly wanted to say that once again, there are islands in the sky. The colours are very different but presumably, there was yet another cloud barrier that kept the two worlds separate. Why was this here? Why again? How did the upheaval dissipate the cloud barrier? These are questions of mine that will likely never be answered.

Conclusion before this gets too long

There are details among the games that remain the same-ish. The Gerudo has one male born every 100 years, and the Royal Bloodline bears the blood of the goddess Hylia. These details though feel shallow with none of the usual history to support them. Ganondorf doesn't even have the same history he usually has, by remembering the previous cycles. There are probably hundreds of other details I could talk about, but I'd be writing for hours in that case. Nevertheless, I feel like this supports my point.

The Reunited Timeline is a soft reboot of the Zelda franchise.

The base concepts are there, but the previous history of the world is gone. It's Zelda but without the history that could have seemed daunting to newcomers to the franchise. Zelda but made simpler, and more easily accessible to people who haven't touched the games before. That's probably why they did the reboot in the first place. I would just prefer they admit it rather than try and place it in the existing timeline weirdly and confusingly which gives experienced fans and writers a headache.

This is Kid and thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#legend of zelda #zelda timeline #breath of the wild #tears of the kingdom #zelda theory #skyward sword #ocarina of time

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solarsyrup · 2 months

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Would love to hear your extended thoughts on totk (i haven't played it and only played about 10 hours of botw)

Oh boy! I've had a year to stew on this, so here we go!

...er, actually, before I really start tearing this game a new one, I have to acknowledge how central Breath of the Wild is to Tears of the Kingdom's shortcomings. While not championing (pun intended) Breath of the Wild, I do hope that comparing the two helps emphasize the many mistakes of Tears of the Kingdom.

Okay, with that out of the way, here's some stuff. A detailed and hopefully thorough examination of the faults of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, yes, but ultimately: stuff.

Why begin like this? Well, because Tears of the Kingdom LOVES stuff. There is a persistent and irritating theme across the game that you'll have more fun if they just keep dumping more things in your lap. More items, more enemies, more dungeons, more plot (well, sort of), more checklists to fill out, more stuff.

The game's central theme seems to be rebuilding, emphasized both with the general beats of the plot and the emphasis of the new construction mechanics. Certain other abilities were replaced, the weapons system received a major overhaul, and in something of a first for the series, you can actually acquire allies (of a sort) to fight alongside you.

There's a lot going on! I just wish that any of it was done well. Entire areas are introduced only to be practically empty. Central mechanics are a chore of almost hilarious repetition. Many elements introduced in Breath of the Wild were actively made worse.

In short: Tears of the Kingdom is a game that hopes it can dump enough stuff into your lap that you forget it's not actually good.

(If anyone is hoping to read this entire thing, I hope your butt is comfy; that was just the preamble.)

Before anything else, let's get the basics of the plot down: Ganondorf appears, Zelda disappears, and... well, actually, that's pretty much it. While Ganondorf's return and Zelda's whereabouts (spoiler: she was sent to the past and then turned into a dragon) provide the overarching impetus for the plot, very little else contributes.

Each of the major races introduced in Breath of the Wild faces natural phenomenon that endangers them (heavily alluded to be the handiwork of Ganondorf) but are otherwise mostly inconsequential to the narrative. Each arc concludes with a member of said race awakening as a sage and offering to lend their strength to Link, after they have acquired a mineral macguffin, a secret stone that —

Oh. Right. They're literally called "secret stones".

Call me nuts, but going in blind I was absolutely certain that they would be the titular "Tears of the Kingdom". Nope. Secret stones. I guess I'm the idiot for thinking that such a long development time would leave room for a second draft.

The narrative impact of solving these crises is virtually nonexistent. While the completion of each major dungeon in Breath of the Wild both freed the associated Divine Beast to help in the final fight and provided a useful power from its champion, Tears of the Kingdom instead opts to dump a nebulous promise of teamwork and and an eerie, green simulacrum to follow you around in the wilderness.

I cannot overemphasize how poorly implemented these "avatars" are, failing in almost every fundamental way. Rather than providing useful abilities at will, the player is left chasing after a dead-eyed NPC to activate practically worthless powers only when absolutely necessary. And far from providing a sense of camaraderie, the silent and omnipresent avatars can actually be unsettling. They're also miserable in combat, serving more as meat shields than a conceivable ally. To add insult to injury, the final sage — a GIANT ROBOT, no less — is borderline useless, thanks to the game's poorly-thought-out mechanics.

The practical shortfalls of Tears of the Kingdom is such a large topic that I'm practically forced to tackle it piecemeal. While larger constructions were the focus of much of the game's promotional material, I think the smaller Fuse mechanic serves as a better starting point.

A major point of contention within Breath of the Wild was the implementation of breakable weapons. With a very small handful of exceptions (namely, the ubiquitous Master Sword and the ever-recharging Bomb rune), weapons break after a set amount of use. Tears of the Kingdom attempted to remedy this situation by introducing Fuse — an ability allowing players to attach most items to weapons, shields, and arrows, increasing their stats and potentially giving them new properties.

This is a prime example of Tears of the Kingdom brazenly dumping stuff in the player's lap.

The system is an absolute mess. First, to encourage (borderline mandate) that the player engage with this new mechanic, the plot has decided that all weapons in Hyrule have degraded because of... plot. Making them anywhere near feasible for combat relies on using Fuse, meaning the player is in a constant loop of (essentially) gluing items to their weapons. Now not only are you scrounging for weapons, you're also looking for stuff to stick on to it — and reminding yourself to do so, as it's very difficult to do in the heat of combat. Adding insult to injury, there doesn't seem to be a particularly substantial increase in weapon durability after using Fuse. Some later-game items are sturdier, but their rarity makes them unappealing as mere monster mashers.

This leads into another issue with Fuse: constantly fighting for resources. Beyond previously-established uses from Breath of the Wild (making elixirs, cooking, selling, upgrading equipment, etc.), items are now also the means by which you strengthen weapons. Should you glue that horn to a sword, or will you need it for an upgrade down the line? Retrieving an item used this way isn't impossible, but it may as well be. And considering that you'll want to go into fights with weapons pre-Fused, players will constantly be scraping together more stuff just to keep their supplies healthy.

BOMB ASIDE: Okay, please forgive a moment of very specific nitpicking, but nowhere is the Fuse issue more evident than in the absence of bombs. In Breath of the Wild they were (obviously?) used to break cracked walls and as an emergency weapon. With their very notable departure, EVERY cracked wall in Tears of the Kingdom has a chance of spitting out rocks and rusty weapons when broken, just to keep up a supply of cracked-wall-smashing implements. So now even the WEAPONS THEMSELVES are needed for progression, and you have to keep gluing them together. Great!

This also applies to the game's Ultrahand power, allowing the player to cobble together vehicles, structures, and similar devices to complete quests and achieve goals. Aside from the ever-present need to collect more stuff (in this case, Zonai parts) to begin freely assembling these devices, the plain and simple fact is that they're cumbersome and — frankly — kind of lame.

Without going too in-depth (although, hey, if you're still reading this then maybe you'd be into that), the system is a slow process with a lot of room for failure. Misplacing parts frequently sabotages entire projects, trying to move individuals components is frustrating, and the results are generally unimpressive. Sure, there are interesting builds and neat combinations, but they're almost always more trouble than they're worth. More often than not, players will simply find spare parts littered around individual puzzles, slap together whatever the devs had in mind, and move on. Rather than feeling creative or ambitious, it feels like someone simply forgot to put the game together. More stuff.

But it's a good thing you can build vehicles period, because the game introduced entire new levels of Hyrule to explore: the sky and the depths. Each is ostensibly as large as Breath of the Wild's original map of Hyrule, both near-necessitate the use of Ultrahand and its construction abilities to explore, and both are some of the biggest wasted opportunities I've ever seen in a video game.

Both the sky and the depths are absolutely barren. While there are what I would loosely describe as "points of interest" in both, they hold surprisingly little importance. Oh, there are enemies to fight and chests to open aplenty, but it ultimately just acts as more stuff. More rupees. More minibosses. More materials for more upgrades.

Stuff. More stuff.

Since I've already gone this far down the rabbit hole, here's a running list of other bad design choices in Tears of the Kingdom that I can't feasibly include in an essay-style answer but are still worth complaining about:

The addition of caves throughout surface Hyrule was poorly implemented; Breath of the Wild noticeably shied away from using them for the exact reasons they stink here (difficulty in location and navigation, clumsy climbing mechanics inside, camera difficulties, etc.)

Quest and shrine rewards were noticeably less valuable, further prolonging the grind for materials and weapons

Having to upgrade the battery for Zonai devices isn't the worst idea; having to mine in the barren-ass Depths for the ore for it IS

The sheer amount of items in the game makes navigating menus and scrolling a constant issue, and even by mid-game trying to Fuse an arrow takes a preposterous amount of time

While I enjoy the boss designs, they (and their dungeons) are almost totally irrelevant to the plot. While I guess you could make the argument that this is truer to classic Zelda formula (most dungeon bosses being an unexplained monster) I feel like it doesn't hold up as well as the Blight Ganons' personal enmity with the champions

Many promising elements from Breath of the Wild (such as the Zonai mazes) receive zero explanation, relevance, or discussion, and many frustrating elements went completely unchanged (I cannot believe the Korok seeds/inventory upgrade system is the same beteween games, the mind BOGGLES)

The Zonai receive basically zero attention, except for heavily implying that one of Link's earlier incarnations was a Zonai? What a weird thing to purposelessly shoehorn in

Zelda is sent to the past for no other reason than to justify why this game also has ancient structures and technology, making it further baffling why the Zonai are essentially an afterthought to the game

I cannot overemphasize. Secret. Stones.

Shrines are much more of a chore thanks to the aforementioned issues with Fuse/Ultrahand

The house-building system is AWFUL and, just, straight-up, absolutely fails to capture what made the home-buying subplot of Breath of the Wild so beloved

Breath of the Wild's use of Malice (limited appearance outside of major dungeons) was much better than Tears of the Kingdom's use of Gloom (spreading it like peanut butter)

(also Malice is a way cooler name)

Huge tonal clashes throughout the game (trying to play up Ganondorf as a bigger threat than Calamity Ganon vs. mushroom mayoral election?)

The Master Sword absolutely sucks and reacquiring it is a huge letdown aside from the obvious "regenerating weapon" benefit

The Goron and Zora subplots are both awful, it feels less like you're saving a society and more like you're the janitor, the Zora plotline especially is just a miserable follow-up to Breath of the Wild's Mipha arc

Both Link and Zelda have significant alterations made to them that are completely undone at the end of the story, which really undercuts the whole "rebuilding" theme of the game

As much as I enjoyed Matthew Mercer's performance, Ganondorf really doesn't have much story presence and for most of the game her kinda just slides into frame every now and then like a Saturday morning cartoon villain

Speaking of squandered characters, poor Mineru is easily one of the best newbies and she gets like, absolutely nothing

...I liked Zelda's Breath of the Wild hairstyle better THERE I SAID IT

Tears of the Kingdom is a game convinced that if it hands you enough stuff, you'll stop worrying if it's any good or not. I've read that many of the new mechanics were originally conceived as DLC for Breath of the Wild, and I don't know if the devs understand what an indictment of Tears of the Kingdom that statement really is.

Because ultimately, that exactly what the game feels like. It feels like they took a completely different game and dumped some bloat on top of it — items, bosses, cutscenes, whatever.

And one of the most insulting aspects is that Tears of the Kingdom tries to frame it as freedom. You can build whatever you want! You can choose how to solve problems! The lack of cohesion is palpable, and it makes the entire experience feel like you, the player, are responsible for putting together any fun you want to experience. It's bizarrely apathetic.

I'm honestly surprised that more people haven't drawn comparisons to the likewise genre-twisting Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts, considering the attention on mediocre vehicular gameplay and a similarly irreverent tone to its predecessor(s). It's uncanny.

...so anyway, there you have it. I had originally planned to have some kind of robust conclusion here, but I think I'm done with writing about all this... stuff.

#heinousactszx #here are 2000+ words about a video game. i am so sorry.

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chiefatticcreator · 1 year

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i made a patreon | List of memes | Commissions page

List of characters:

Lilith verse:

Taimanin Asagi: Igawa Asagi, Igawa Sakura, Mizuki Yukikaze, Mizuki Shiranui, Oboro, Ingrid, Felicia, Rinko Akyiyama, Aina Winchester, Annerose Vajra, Emily Simmons Yatsu Murasaki, Su Jinglei, Kurenai Shinganji, Asuka Koukawa, Kirara Onisaki, Noah Brown, Tokiko Fuuma, Shizuru Kousaka, Maika Kamimura, Rin Uehara, Sora Kannazuki, Nagi momochi, Saika Fuuma, Shisui Amamiya, Eleonor, Masked Taimanin, Spinel

Cara the Blood Lord: Cara Cromwell, Uehara kitae, Kamimura Azuma, Marika Krishna

Witch of steel Annerose: Annerose Vajra, Lee Mayfeng, Mitiko Fleuretty and Aishwarya Lai

Kangoku Senkan/prison battleship: Rieri Bishop, Naomi Evans, Alicia Viewstream, Maya Cordelia, Beatrice Kushan, Kila Kushan, Kilia Jech (Kangoku Senkan)

Overwatch:

Every single character (generally all as hyper-curvy women serving Jack Morrison's harem, but that will vary depending on asks, jack can be ignored for asks if you really want)

Lynn Morisson: Jack's sister, whom he fucked as soon as he could.

Laura and Mary: Jack and Lynn's twin daughters, born to be their father's fucktoys, and loving it.

Amanda: UN's liaison to Overwatch, initially sckeptical, but was subject to sexual torture from everyone present until she broke and is now a fellow fucktoy, helping jack.

Pria: Amanda's assisstant, former lesbian that was recruited for Jack to break.

Jessica: Sniper, extremely submissive and into pain. Serves as the base's fucktoy when not used by jack.

Jackie: female clone of jack made by talon to kill him, only to be tamed by his cock

teacher AU: Uses the same characters as Overwatch, but soem differences: Amanda is a fellow teacher, Mercy is a biology teacher and headmistress, Jack is the only male teacher (and only male in the school), which basically revolves around him and worshiping him, modifying girls' bodies to be bimboes.

vampire/count AU: Loosely inspired by Junkenstein's revenge, an AU where Jack is a vampire lord ruling over a small land. gothic-themed

hormonal!jack AU: Similar to the teacher AU, but Jack is a horny teen that fucks his classmates, his teachers, his friends and family...

Mass Effect: Every character in the first three games

Warcraft/World Of Warcraft: Every character that I remember

Final Fantasy VII: Tifa, Aerith, Jessie, Scarlet

Dragon Age: Every character of the first two games (haven't played Inquisition)

One Piece: Every single character

Naruto/Boruto: Tsunade, Sakura, Shizune, temari, Ino, Mei Terumi, Naruto/Naruko, Sasuke, Sasuki, Sarada... everyone you want me to write about.

Dragon ball: Android 21, Bulma

Bleach: Matsumoto rangiku, orihime, Yoruichi, isane, Rukia, Unohana, Harribel... any hottie you want. toshiro as the main "harem master"

Pokemon: Cynthia, Lusamine, dawn, Gardevoir, May, Lillie... any girl that can be fucked will be.

Miraculous Ladybug: Every character (with the girls as Adrien's harem)

Warhammer Fantasy: Every character appearing in the Total War: Warhammer games

Skyrim: mostly everyone, i guess.

The Witcher: Geralt, Ciri, Triss, yennefer, Chloe Metz... all sorceresses, all female characters

RWBY: Any girl that i remember/know of, with Jaune and/or Oscar as the lucky guy.

Random characters from various things: Bowsette, Wii Fit Trainer, Samus Aran, Rosalina, Peach, Daisy, Bayonetta, Zelda, Link (Nintendo), Aphrodite/Venus, Jessica Rabbit, Harley Quinn, Pacifica Northwest (Gravity Falls)

Kink list

Some basic rules:

1) I'm mainly into male x female. I can write fxf, futa x f, or male x futa but that will be rare, and I will almost never do male x male stuff.

2) Be nice.

3) People willing to rp as women too get priority. I don't like rp-ing women often, but I do mind if I'm playing women in all our rps. This one isn't an iron-clad rule (depending on my mood, how friendly we are, and so on, I won't mind playing the girl more)

4) I'm always open to asks, snippets, headcanon and the likes.

5) While most of my writings will be "one male and everyone else is a hot girl worshiping him", you can freely ask about other dudes, about au, and so on.

#Overwatch #One Piece #Mass Effect #Naruto #Dragon age #Miraculous Ladybug #Life is strange #Action taimanin #One piece

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kokiriofthevalley · 5 months

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My silly little Ganondorf headcannons

(curing my boredom and my first post on tumblr lol anyways)

Ocarina Of Time

✷he wears gold lipstick/makeup that was commissioned by him from the other gerudo that has very specific, precise and even rare ingredients that can't be made better anywhere else in Hyrule

✷i feel like his usual outfit was made to go to Hyrule, rather than be an outfit he typically wears while in gerudo fortress and his actual outfits look similar to his people's, maybe because it's traditionally considered more feminine? And he felt like they (Hyrule) wouldn't take him seriously unless he was conforming to Hyrule's gender binary of clothes

✷I feel like he'd be really reserved at any type of function or party that's not hosted by him/any other gerudo, like an older sibling at a birthday party. But he would be civil and "involved" with others when he knows it means gaining and maintaining a reputation

✷you would not catch him DEAD doing karaoke if any hylian is there or in a 100 mile radius dear GOD but give him more than a few drinks and leave him by himself and when you come back he'd be soloing "I need a hero" in no time

Wind Waker

✷I already wonder what he did everyday for the past however long between getting out/being freed from the sacred realm and kidnapping blonde children

✷but I think he would send bokoblins and moblins to raid islands for their books, specifically history and folklore books so he could not only gather info of what's happened over how ever long he had been gone but also get at least an idea of what happened to the hero of time and/or princess Zelda afterwords

✷ I'm not even going to lie, when he kidnapped that rich girl that link has to save and she becomes poor, he definitely stole her eyeliner if she had it on her, or he at least got his monsters to raid some woman's makeup drawer

✷He would 100% duet "gotta go my own way" with the helmaroc king while drunk, he would let himself have fun and sing 'cringe' songs he's tired ok

He would do Gabriellas part let's not lie here

Twilight Princess

✷He would get into the Salty Spitoon just by walking past it on the street

✷I personally think he wrapped up the sword of the six sages because it glowed like a light saber and it gave away his location at least one time to some random ass person he then had to kill

At LEAST once thinking about it is so funny lol, you see some tall guy with a glowing stick while going to buy a bag of flour or something and now you're dead lol

✷when he's in bed and he's recalling his earlier days, he definitely cringes to himself at the fact that he got snitched on by a child who most likely can't tell you what a verb, an adjective or a hyperbole is

✷he has to take off his crown(?) when he goes to bed (and even IF he does sleep) because he tried to go to bed with it on once and woke up to his pillow absolutely torn the FUCK up, like it was just rags at that point

Tears Of The Kingdom

This one is gut feelings because I haven't played it yet because I'm broke and if anyone sees this pls don't comment spoilers 😭

✷takes VERY good care of himself/his appearance and definitely has people who work in Hyrule castle who have a crush on him (both male and female and also gender nonconforming)

✷Trained from an early age to fight, but specialized in swordplay and archery, rather than fighting with his bare fists

✷I saw from others posts that don't have spoilers that he absolutely dispises rauru. He would 100% act petty. He would subtlety deform rarus cutlery if they all have a meal together when nobody is looking. not to the point where it's obviously bent but like the handles aren't straight at all now and he knows that they can't fix it unless they completely melt the forks and knives down to reform them

✷He also definitely "discovered" a broken window or two in Hyrule castle

#zelda #ganon #Ganondorf #oot #tp #ww #totk #ocarina of time #twilight princess #wind waker #tears of the kingdom #pls no totk spoilers #ganondorf headcannons #headcanon #the legend of zelda #more like headGANONS am i right??

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demonfox38 · 5 months

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Completed: Breath of Fire II (GBA)

Whaddya mean I last played a "Breath of Fire" game ten years ago?!

I've been having another year where I try to beat one game a month to continue working through my backlog. (Considering I've got at least 20 years of games to beat without touching my Steam list…At some point, it is just collecting for the vibes.) A friend of mine from college recently got in contact with me, and we started going through our game lists. He mentioned wanting to go through "Breath of Fire II," and I was like, "Hey, I haven't done that! December's game, here we go!"

"Breath of Fire II" is the second title of the "Breath of Fire" series, naturally falling into place as the distant sequel to the first game. In it, a young man is cut off from his family, raised alongside a literal thieving dog. After said dog is accused of thievery that he didn't actually commit, the hero is thrust out into the world, righting not only his personal wrongs, but the grievances of the world around him. Naturally, with friends. Some, echoing that Zelda and Link same appearance/name/role but not the same person motif that "Legend of Zelda" games have going.

You know that Church Bad / Dragons Good / Church Bad Because They Won't Let You Fuck Dragons post? That's basically this game in a nutshell.

While similar in composition to its predecessor, there's something distinctly more anime about "Breath of Fire II." It feels a bit like a television series, giving time to each party member to build on their backstory and motivations. Granted, it's usually along the line of "sister needs help" or "princess needs help" or "princess sister needs help", but ya know. It is an effort, and that effort was noted and appreciated.

Because of the time devoted to each character, I feel like I've got a better chance of remembering these party members 10 years on than my current memory stands with "Breath of Fire." In particular, I found Katt to be hilarious from a game design point of view. Gal's all attack, speed, critical hits, and getting the most damaging magic spells, but seems to be paper-frail when it comes to HP, defense, or AP (used for magic.) She's also got a literal pussy out look going on. It's weird. I do not understand this sense of attire. But, I do appreciate the damage output.

Also, it's kind of weird to have the one long-haired Nina design actually have short hair in her sprites. And purple wings that everyone else calls black. I mean, I get the latter more in terms of palette balancing, but why doesn't the translation just call her wings dark instead?

I've got a lot of questions about this translation.

Anyone who has ever played this game should have questions about this translation.

In a way, I'm fascinated with just how this strange English translation came about. The pronoun issues and dropping words from sentences? I get that. Japanese to English is not an easy way to go, so some grammatical whoopsy-doos will happen. I don't get the lack of periods, though. Why? Was it an attempt to free up space in the cartridge by cutting out the most used punctuation? Why did the GBA port repair so little? Capcom couldn't have been that strapped for cash.

The ending credits of this game lists character casts, not game development staff. That only further confuses me. Like, I looked on both MobyGames and The Cutting Room Floor to see if there was any development staff for the SNES version on either site, and the best I got was just for the GBA port. (At least, I assume Masayuki Fukumoto is not responsible for the original translation, given their earliest work was credited in 1998.) The Breath of Fire II Production Staff entry on a fan wiki lists a Justin Berenbaum and Chris Kramer as responsible for the translation, but I don't know what that was sourced from, and it doesn't seem to match a pattern of jobs on MobyGames for either listing I found there. This translation just doesn't seem like something a native English speaker would end up making. Not unless cartridge space issues were really that bad.

Someone's going to have an interesting YouTube essay on this subject, one day. Also, we really ought to send flowers to Ted Woosley as an apology.

In terms of gameplay, "Breath of Fire II" is fairly straight forward. Walk across the map, use character-specific actions to engage with the world, talk to people, enter random battles, grind. You know the RPG drill.

A significant battle modification comes in the way of shaman fusing. By recruiting multiple shamans, a majority of the cast (minus Ryu and a special hidden character) can combine powers with elemental master, gaining stat boosts and potentially changes in character appearance. So, basically, almost everybody gets to be Karn this time. Granted, the greatest of these powers isn't really given to you until the last dungeon of the game, and you'll likely have to consult a guide to get half of the shamans, but when it hits, it really hits. Frankly, it's a shame that they locked the physical transformations until so late in the game. The artwork provided for all of them is pretty neat!

Additionally, a new town building subquest has been added. Depending on the player's actions, they can recruit six distinct residents to their town, most of which provide unique services (like armories, aesthetic changes, stat buffs, etc.) This location (TownShip) can be used for free healing, and under the right circumstances, can even be used as transportation. Granted, if you're expecting something as complex or flexible as "Animal Crossing" games, this is going to be an underwhelming feature. Once you get a resident, they are hard locked in, which can really suck if you don't like the services that the resident in question provides.

Look, this is me giving you permission to hit up a guide. Multiple guides. All of the guides. Maybe I'd feel guiltier about pushing that if the game was sensible, but we're dealing with a decently sized RPG that has multiple endings and hidden features. You should be able to know how to meet those objectives. Like, the ending thing is half obvious, but God help you should you not find a single character hidden in the back of an optional town.

If Capcom put in the effort that Enix did with its "Dragon Quest/Warrior" games, I think it would be much more reasonable to stick to just the maps and manuals provided with the original game. But, hell. Look at this map.

Almost completely useless. (Source: eBay Auction "Breath of Fire 2 II SNES Super Nintendo Complete In Box CIB Authentic Map Poster" by ashtons_shop)

In a related topic, I appreciate how the dungeons in game attempted to shake things up with different objectives. Like, it's one thing to march straight through a cave, and another to root around an obese woman, purging demons from within her. (Yeah, this game could be known as the Anime Furry Vore RPG. It could also stand to be nicer to said demon-possessed woman.) The bit inside SimaFort was madcap as well, even with the aggravating music. It's not every day a person has to punch giant insects into submission and use their remains as food ingredients. (Honestly, I'm sad that we didn't take the frog knight Jean's sister with us instead. She definitely seems like she would have been more useful than he was. Probably had a higher attack stat, at any rate.)

Even with online help, I'm not certain that I understood everything with this game. Like, there's a status called Zombie that never really did anything to me. Probably because I killed enemies reasonably fast, and it seems like a status that takes a couple of turns to kick in. Ditto the flashing dragon gemstone bit. Was there a prototypical affection rating going on with that? That's what the story seems to imply, anyway. Also, I didn't seem to have any luck casting the Angel spell on the few targets that I tried. Had luck with the Death spell, though! That was unexpected.

Also, I'm pretty sure the initial shaman fusing dialogue message is bugged. Feels like it should have its initial Yes/No option mapped opposite the way it actually is. No clue on why the menu takes a few seconds to load in, though.

Like a person who has had two spiritual entities stapled onto them, I feel a bit mixed up about this game. The artistic direction is fun, and there are a lot of plot beats that I found enjoyable. "I don't really care for Sten in combat, but this war drama with him is fascinating." "Man, Rand's mom was cool." "So that's what happened to Ryu's sister! That makes total sense!" Things like that. Some of the side systems have not aged as well as the core, though. Or, at least, I can see the potential beyond what's there, and that bums me out. There's also a fair amount of side content reading that a person would have to do to optimize their playthrough, which I'm finding to be more of a bummer as time goes on. Like, I'd like to pretend I'm smart enough to figure out some of these conditions for a better ending or greater rewards. It's just hard to manifest them when critical characters can literally be hidden behind invisible/background tiles.

I think another thing that bugs me is that this is the one "Breath of Fire" game that I had heard the most praise for over the years. Not to say it wasn't entertaining! But, maybe I'm mourning potential again. Like, I haven't heard anything really bad said about "Breath of Fire III", so I look forward to getting to that one at some point. "IV"'s got continuity arguments up the wazoo, "V" is treated like a mutant, and "VI"…did you even know there was a "Breath of Fire VI"? No? Probably didn't help that it was episodic (not in the fun TV way), Japanese-only, online-focused, and shit-canned in an incomplete state.

Maybe I've got to stop fantasying about what could be and appreciate what is. That, or buy more weird little RPGs on Steam. In an era of AAA graphics, time, and budget bloating, I can't expect Capcom to do more with this series. Especially, not if they need a guaranteed seller. But, I can always throw money at developers who enjoy experimenting with kooky things like this.

#post game evaluation #breath of fire II

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skyloftian-nutcase · 1 year

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Link's Parents play Breath of the Wild! Pt 5

Summary: When the Shrine of Resurrection is damaged, it's up to Link's parents to save the Hero of Hyrule.

Part 1

<<Previous // Next>>

The Great Plateau - Collecting More Runes

After returning to the house and planning things out, the parents settled in bed with Link safely tucked between them. Neither Tilieth nor Abel slept well, both filled with anticipation and neither sleeping well in the daylight. When the sun was high in the sky, the couple finally gave up on trying to rest and decided it was best to make their next move.

It was the warmest part of the day, and the snow shrine was the most accessible despite the climate. They would start there.

"You remember Festival of Farore?" Tilieth asked quietly as they passed under the stone archway that divided the snowbound mountain from the rest of the plateau.

Abel glanced at her, distracted, and nodded. Til had to smile at that. Her husband was very serious when set to a task. It was where Link had gotten it from. But she herself found her mind wandering back to that day many, many years ago when the family had made a pilgrimage to the Temple of Time for the Festival of Farore. Link was only eight years old, and Lyra had just been born. The ceremony was traditionally led by the descendant of Hylia, and that had been the first year Princess Zelda had made a public appearance since her mother's funeral.

Tilieth remembered being struck by just how young the princess was. She couldn't have been any older than Link, yet she was leading a ceremony that attracted the entire nation.

Glancing off into the distance, Til's eyes found the castle's silhouette cutting into the horizon.

"Til, we need to keep moving."

At her husband's urging, Tilieth resumed her pace. Once they reached the River of the Dead, they paused, laying Link on the ground. Tilieth guarded him in the small dilapidated house at the mouth of the river while Abel went ahead to carve a path through the ice chus that would no doubt be prowling. They were easy enough to pick off and continued to return no matter how many times Abel had eliminated them, so the couple had given up on this area a few years ago.

"Who do you think used to live here, Link?" Til asked her son, holding him to her chest so he could stay warm. "I never quite figured out why there was a house here to begin with. Had to be something with tradition behind it. River of the Dead, a guard stationed here... and it's so close to the temple, too."

She heard her husband's footsteps soon enough, and they were on their way once more. They were making their way to the far end of the river, just before the waterfall, because they both distinctly remembered what was left there from the fight against the guardians.

Pulling out the slate, Til used it to create a new bridge from the wreckage of the old metal doors in the area, and the couple crossed the freezing river quickly. From there it was a simple, if steep, climb to the shrine. A touch from both the slate and Link's cold fingers activated the entrance, and Til glanced at the floor outside the shrine.

"We still haven't figured out what a 'travel gate' is," she noted.

"A point on the map," Abel answered. "At least that's how it appears."

"Yes, but it's blue now," Til replied thoughtfully.

"Either way, we can get inside now."

Once inside, they were greeted with a different voice who spoke the same words as the other monk, meriting a degree of confusion from the pair.

"Do... are there monks in every shrine?" Abel wondered aloud.

"And do they share tips on what to say?" Til added with a laugh. "But there must be monks, I suppose. The shrine wouldn't just be empty."

Abel shrugged. "There's another pedestal over there. Let's go."

More runes? Til placed the slate and watched the information distill into it. This rune was called cryonis. Between the word and the water, she could figure out the rest fairly easily.

"An ice pillar!" she said with awe as the water shaped itself into a frozen platform.

The puzzles were fairly simple and easily solvable, but another miniature guardian awaited them around a gate. Til grabbed Link hastily as Abel rushed ahead, eyes ablaze with fury as he cut it into pieces.

"Why would those monsters be in these sacred shrines?" she asked, her voice trembling. "How did they get in here?"

Abel sighed, sheathing his sword. "They were probably designed to be here."

Til almost asked how that could be the case when she abruptly remembered the monsters had originally been designed for them rather than against them. It had been so long and so ingrained into her mind that she'd forgotten.

Goddess.

Shaking her head, she let Abel carry Link as they marched ahead. This time when they reached the enshrined monk, Abel pulled Link into his arms and propped him on the little fence just in front of the sealed area, guiding his hand to touch the crying Sheikah eye.

The scene played out much as it had in the previous shrine, and Til and Abel both nodded in gratitude as the spirit orb floated to their son. As the monk dissipated, Tilieth asked, "Wait, don't we get--"

That was about as much as she could say before she felt the world around her get torn away, and next thing she knew it was freezing and dark and Hyrule's expanse was just in front of her, the sunlight vanishing behind Death Mountain.

Abel shuddered, Link held tightly in his arms. "Can they just let us leave normally?"

Tilieth shivered. "We should get back to the house, he'll freeze here."

"We're close to the cliff side shrine," Abel protested. "Let's get him there. Then the last one will be..."

Both parents paled. The forbidden shrine. The one surrounded by guardians, three of which were still active.

Link sniffled.

Jumping, Til and Abel immediately turned their attention to their son. He hadn't moved a muscle since he'd gotten out of the shrine, slowly dying.

"Goddess above, it's working," Til sobbed, burying her face in her boy's hair.

"We need to keep moving," Abel insisted, kissing her and then Link. "Come on. He needs to eat and drink, and he can't do that like this. The sooner we get more spirit orbs the more likely he'll survive this."

Tilieth nodded, rising. "Let's go."

Reaching the next shrine was a bit more complicated since it was literally on the side of the mountain, but with Link held tightly in his arms, Abel slid down the rocks with some degree of control. Til hesitantly followed, gritting her teeth as she tried to find perches for her hands and feet.

The real dilemma was once they entered the shrine.

Staring at the rotating bridge, and at gigantic rocks rushing down the only pathway to the monk farther along, the couple exchanged an uneasy glance.

"Maybe the next rune is a giant shield or something?" Til offered worriedly.

It turned out, actually, that the next rune stopped time. For a single object. For a few seconds.

"What sort of magic insanity is this technology, anyway?" Abel asked as Tilieth froze the cog turning the bridge, allowing for the two to dart across. "How do you stop time?"

"It doesn't really?" Til tried to reason out, just as unsettled. "It just freezes something."

Reading the description of the rune, she clarified. "Oh. And stores energy."

"What?"

"I don't know!" Til finally threw up her hands. "I need time to figure this out, Abe!"

When they were left with a block and a sledgehammer and no other way around it, the picture grew a little clearer.

"We hit it while it can't move and it holds onto those blows," Tilieth surmised. "That must be what it means!"

"The trial is to beat a rock with a sledgehammer," Abel deadpanned.

"Well just try it!"

Sighing, her husband rested Link against the wall, where she quickly knelt beside the teenager to hold him steady. Grabbing the sledgehammer and the slate, he clumsily activated the rune and smacked the stone a few times.

Til peeked at the display on the slate. "Uh, honey, maybe you should back away now."

"It's not like it's going to go very far," Abel commented. "And I want to see what--"

The rock fired out of its place, smacking into the monk's resting place, bouncing off the ceiling, and nearly colliding with the family as they yelped and hit the ground to duck.

Gasping, the two looked at the great abyss below where the rock had fallen, and Til felt a chill go down her spine when she never heard it land.

"I stand corrected," Abel amended shakily. Then he smiled and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Til asked, looking at her husband like he'd lost his mind.

"Link would love that rune."

#link's parents play botw #writing #breath of the wild #botw #legend of zelda #no editing my writing quality dies like Link #blood of the hero

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sparklyaxolotlstudent · 9 months

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I haven't been very into Miraculous since early in the 5th season... So it's kind of weird that I just had a dream about what could be a somewhat decent storyline.

What I remember of the dream, is that I was watching TV and the channel I landed on had one of the movies that I hadn't watched yet, so I stopped there to watch

My brain is weird, because it had the designs of the Awakening movie, but it was a mix of the movie and the series.

Anyway, Marinette and Adrien were at a gala(Possibly the same one at the end of the movie, as she was wearing the red dress), having fun and what not, when Marinette started seeing weird things happening, like Adrien's outfit changing when she looked elsewhere and looked back at him. At first she thought she was having a dream, as no one else seemed to notice anything, but after some more incidents, it was revealed that Evillustrator was playing some pranks in there. And at first Marinette was annoyed, but then she realized that if Evillustrator was there, it meant that Nathaniel had been akumatized and therefore, Hawk Moth was free, which then was revealed to be a shadowy figure made of butterflies, and we get a flashback of Hawk Moth making a back up plan way before he was defeated, but thinking it had failed, as nothing happened when he made the ritual, we just see a tiny butterfly flying away from a vial of potion.

The butterflies that make Shadow Hawk Moth start flying away from the main body and start akumatizing all the people, and Marinette goes to transform. Adrien still doesn't realize anything is wrong, and Marinette realizes there must be a mind control akuma or something around (it was Princess fragance)

Ladybug appears and catches and purifies several of the butterflies, but some have already made akumas, so she's being attacked non stop.

She's battling the akumas on her own, at the same time purifying the rest if the many many butterflies, trying to prevent more akumas from beeing made, while the other guests keep partying as if nothing was happening and slowly losing, when the akumas suddenly start dropping like flies. She can only see some very fast shadowy human shapes going against the akumas, but is not sure what is going on, and prioritizes purifying the butterflies. When there is just one left, one of the figures catches it in a bottle and she finally sees a guy in a hero suit and a mask, " do you mind if I keep this one?" He says before he and the other 3 behind him disappear.

The title then appeared on screen and it was something like Miraculous: Ladybug and Chat Noir, The Legend of the Four Swords.

I don't remember what followed, but at some point one of the guys (different to the bottle guy) appeared in Marinette's room, revealing that he knew her identity and that she shouldn't trust his siblings, as they were after the Miraculous.

And I woke up shortly after that

And after waking up I realized my brain had based the villains and the name of the movie on Link and The legend of Zelda. Bottle guy looked like a young Ganondorf, warning guy looked like Link, and the shadow figures that didn't appear were female, so I'm guessing one was Zelda. All of them were in the style of the Miraculous movie.

I wrote this at 6 in the morning so I wouldn't forget even more about this delicious and delirious dream my brain made up

#miraculous ladybug #dreams

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daydreamerdrew · 1 year

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1, 4, 11, 13 for the asks!!

1. What are 2-5 already published fiction books you think you want to read in 2023?

My list of comics that I want to read in January is over ambitious and unrealistic but here are 5 things from it:

I want to start reading the Dr. Fate solo stories from the Golden Age starting with More Fun Comics (1935) #55

I’m not a fan of the Walking Dead franchise but I am a fan of Tillie Walden’s work so I’m going to read Clementine: Book One which she wrote and drew, but first I think I’m gonna read Alone in Space: A Collection even though I’ve already read everything in it except for the section reprinting her early comics from when she was young just cause it’s been awhile and I know they’ll be nice to revisit

I’ve been enjoying the “Connie” newspaper strip reprints in Famous Funnies (1934) which were written and drawn by Frank Godwin and I’m going to continue reading those, but Frank Godwin actually also drew some Wonder Woman stories in Sensation Comics (1942) 16-19 and #21 and Comic Cavalcade (1942) #2 which I think will be cool, but I don’t want to start reading early Wonder Woman comics with some random stories so before those I’m gonna read The Wonder Woman Chronicles vol. 1 which reprints her earliest appearances and which I’ve had for years but have never read before

I also need to get back on my Human Target character read through and next up on that is Human Target: Final Cut (2002)

and the stuff you were posting from Scribbly (1948) looked soo good but due to my love of going in order that means I’ve added the Scribbly stories in Popular Comics (1936) #6-9 and The Funnies (1936) #2-29 to my reading list

4. Do you plan to read any genres you haven't read much before?

Well, reading the “Connie” reprints in Famous Funnies (1934) is my first time reading newspaper comic strips and I’m thinking that this year I’d like to read more of those both by reading other stuff that got reprinted in Famous Funnies (1934) like “Jane Arden” and “Flapper Fanny” and also by checking out collections from my local library system like of Calvin and Hobbes, The Adventures of Tintin, the new Nancy stuff by Olivia James, and Brenda Starr, Reporter.

I’ve also never really read manga before but I’m thinking of starting the Sailor Moon anime and if I like it then I’ll probably also check out the manga. And once I’ve played or watched playthroughs of enough Legend of Zelda games then I want to start reading the manga adaptations of those.

11. How do you plan to keep track of your reading? E.g., goodreads, bullet journal, tumblr, etc.

I’m really happy with my current system of weekly round-ups on here, though I’d like to get better about finishing and posting those on Mondays.

And I already have a Comic Vine page to list my completed series and one-shots, but I don’t log that much of what I read on there cause a lot of it’s just certain stories in anthology books. I am thinking of making another list to mark the public domain Golden Age characters whose appearances I read all of.

Also I’m intending on doing a ‘best comics of the year’ list next December like you’ve been doing.

13. Do you plan to attend any author events?

I hadn’t really thought about attending any comic book conventions in 2023. I was never super into them and I haven’t gone to one since Covid started. I have attended Geek Girl Con several times before and Emerald City Comic Con once. I’m not really planning on going to either of those this year but I guess there’s a possibility.

#yay Alissa coming through for me #thank you!!! 💕💕💕#inbox

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princekirijo · 2 years

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I dunno how to word it but top 5 Zelda characters that follow you into dungeons? Y'know like, I haven't played the game in years so I've forgotten her name, but the Rito girl from Wind Waker, characters like that.

Oh yeah ok so top 5 dungeon companions! Ngl I couldn't actually remember the most of them bar three? I know there's more but they're escaping me rn

Number 1: Medli - This is the Rito girl from Wind Waker and I really like her! She's an interesting character and I liked her turning out to be one of the sages. She was a bit difficult to navigate in the Earth Temple but it wasn't that bad (not that I can remember anyway it's been a while)

Number 2: The thief girl from ALttP - so I'm not sure if she counts because she was barely a character and only appeared for a small bit of the dungeon BUT I thought the twist of her being the dungeon boss Blind was so cool and I'd love to see something like that again

Number 3: Gongoron - This is the Goron from the Goron temple in Phantom Hourglass and I don't really have much to say about him. I can't actually remember if I got as far as the Goron Temple when I played PH (it was my first Zelda game I played it when I was like 9?) but I do like the concept of controlling a Goron and I thought the boss fight he was in was well executed.

Number 4: Makar - I'll be honest as cute as he was i found him kinda annoying 😭 i wasn't expecting him to be a sage but I did like that twist (trying to rescue him from the floormasters was annoying though)

#asks #wildcard-rumi #thanks for the ask rui!#kinda embarrassed i dont remember more of these kind of characters lmao #i didnt count zelda companions in general #i just looked at the ones that specifically join you for like one of two dungeons #i can do a list of zelda companions in general though - characters like navi or the king of red lions #but this was a fun and interesting list even if i've probably left out some really obvious ones lmao

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benditozorrito · 3 months

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LoZ BotW Wrap Up

Sadly this marks the last post of the original play-through, and I'm unlikely to pick it up from this point 4 years later [at least not until I'm actually able to let's play games like I'd prefer]. Which is kind of a shame tho bc like a fool, this means me saving the best for last never actually happened. Because the Gerudo man!!!

I remember I had a lot of thoughts on the Gerudo, because I always do LOL I am always intrigued by their role in the story just for the fact alone that Ganon is from this race and they often are in vastly different situations in each game because of it. Like in OoT they're at war with Hyrule bc of Ganon, but there are some who arent cool with that. In TP it's strongly implied Selma is descended from the Gerudo, but otherwise they seem to have been wiped out. Same for WW, where theres really no hint of them at all.

In BotW though they are flourishing really, and well aware of Ganons origins from them. Urbosa makes a point that he's their responsibility, and that she takes pleasure in helping to rid the world of him. So I have to think since they have good relations with others, that the Gerudo of this game hold no love for Ganon and had to work past that stigma. Its also interesting that [to my memory] they dont seem to have had a male Gerudo of significance since. Perhaps because of Ganon they haven't been observing the whole "that one male every 100 years gets to be king" thing? But the possibility of it certainly is still a thing, since you can buy male clothes for gerudo, albeit in secret

No I'm not going to talk about the gender and the cross dressing thing bc uuuuhhhh you know why =_=;;; I'm sure theres essays about it, I remember a lot of discussion about it at the time.

However I am interested in talking about those 8 matron deities the Gerudo here have??!!?! I love this! I am so fascinated by this and want to know more! It appears to be the only mention of any other religion outside Hylia to my memory. And one of them is even forsaken?? In the mountains??? What happened with that??!! I dearly hope that it might be something expanded on in TotK, but I may be asking for a lot lol

Side note also, I adore Riju, she's so cute and is carrying so much on those shoulders and the hat doesn't even fit on her head yet lmaooo

Extra side note, I actually really loved in the final memory viewing, that tiny hint that Fi is still there in the sword.

I did also get the Champion DLC, and while that first trial bit sucked ass, I did like the little memory additions we got for the Champions and the options to learn more about them in their diaries!

Except for Ravioli. That guy continues to suck

Also like.....Urbosa and Zelda's mom were so a thing. Like, the lesbian undertones are practically overtones LOL

I have no idea when I will play TotK, as atm the purchase of it isnt even on my mind right now [grad school be suckin my wallet dry atm] but one day I will get it and probably post about it, if not LP it by then lol

Overall I loved BotW though, it was a fun game to play and a very interesting take on Zelda. Its honestly the one that feels closest to the OG, which I think was the idea lol I'm interested to see how the series will move forward

DISCLAIMER: AGAIN, I HAVE NOT PLAYED LOZ TOTK YET, DO NOT SPOIL ME PLEASE. ALL QUESTIONS AND POSTULATIONS ARE HYPOTHETICAL AND DO NOT REQUIRE ANSWERS!!!

#what does the fox play #a fox plays loz botw #loz botw #spoilers #loz botw spoliers #botw spoilers

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phoenixcatch7 · 2 years

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Okay listen I'm gonna gush about age of calamity but seeing as I myself am only like,,, halfway I'm gonna tag spoilers so (lengthy) happy rant under the cut:

ASDFGHJKL??!! Oh my GOSH it's so GOOD!! It's so solid! Listen I was already squealing when I saw impa appear but I figured since she was a beginner character she'd have straightforward movesets and I'd be encouraged to move on, yada yada, but no!! She absolutely slams! She's so fast and agile, it's amazing!!! She's my third fave so far, Link remains my first of course, and darling mipha is second! Dude, I was SO happy to play as her! And baby sidon is adorable. She's so quick as well!

It didn't take long for me to figure out that my style is fast before strong, because I was so hyped to play urbosa and then her zl is stationary charging ToT, completely killed the momentum. I level her up of course, but I don't really play her anymore.

I had high hopes for maz koshia too! I definitely wish I played him more, but I think I'd need to spend a lot more time in the meditation shrine before I felt comfortable taking him on main missions. He's got the coolest sprint too lmao. Örb™

Sidon is SO fun to play as well, I didn't expect to have as much fun with him! His zl is so great to spam, it's an easy rhythm and deals loads of damage. (he's so big next to his sister ToT I love them both so much). Did Not expect the shark aesthetic but its cool XD.

The cutscenes where the future champions appear was INCREDIBLE!!!! I was like :O!!!! @0@!!! Squirming in my seat heavy rock playing on my phone it was the best! They get to MEET THEM AND HELP AND THEY SAVED THEM AND *CRIES*

Really, just in general, the story in this game is AMAZING!! The cutscenes are so well done, and it's great to see link in the outfits I pick out for him XD. I like being dignified, but I have put him in a moblin mask and nothing else to storm the castle with.

The world building is so good, the characterisations are solid, and it's so awesome to see 100 years ago when everything was still intact!

Ah, the castle mission. I tried to clear all the guardians out the first time, I really over level so it wasn't impossible, but then rhoam died :/. I don't really think much of him but that hit hard, watching poor zelda. I'm really glad they didn't give him a useless or cowards death, they could easily have done that given some opinions of him, but it felt so much more true to him. I tried a few more times to kill all the guardians but I just can't reach them :(. I want to save him at least once!!

Akkala was AMAZING!!! Both the quests I've done are SO FUN! Sooga was a great bad guy (I'm worried for him, WHERE IS HE) he felt like the closest to an equal warrior to link. Didn't stop me from trapping him in a corner and cheesing him for all he's worth, but that's the fun of it.

Speaking of fun fights, I was surprised by Teba! His aggressive speed and combos made him a good match for my style, he's easy to main! Needs levelling up if he wants to join my party proper, but so do the majority lol.

Ngl the fairy fountains I DID NOT LIKE. They're so funny and creative, but ehhhh I don't like the idea of them fighting at all, it really messed with me, alas.

I haven't gushed about the cutscenes enough, they're absolutely AMAZING. They're so well animated! It's incredible!! I love love love how they got all the voice actors back, and everyone gets to be a huge found family ToT. Even revali gets a goof or two (though mostly at his own prides expense lol). Little Egg is just cute enough to be comedic relief without being in the way or depleting the angst (the angst is SO GOOD, OH MY GOODNESS). I don't know if link gets microexpressions or I'm just projecting but his animators did him so fine. He looks BADASS. He's THE COOLEST MF AROUND AND THEY ALL KNOW IT. Putting him in a hood obscures him over the shoulder shots occasionally but it's worth it lmao.

I dont know WHO they have doing the lighting of those cutscenes but PAY THEM MORE. It sets off like EVERY scene, especially the ones on the divine beasts, and at night, just LOOK AT THEM.

The most recent mission I've done, Fort Hateno, AMAZING. INCREDIBLE. SO SO GOOD. Zelda!! Darling!! The interactions between riju and urbosa (she's so tall she has to bend like IN HALF to get to her level I'm crying) were so sweet and so neatly showed their dynamic, and really emphasises how riju is a good and capable leader but also still a child. We don't get nearly enough of that. Also her special is super fast and I love it.

ZELDA SHINING PRINCESS OF LIGHT YOU'RE DOING SO WELL HONEY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT TOT. The shiny light was so fun to play with :D. Underleveled, but I feel like I could finally let her safely on a battlefield by herself. I mean I could before, I mained her a bit, but now she's got eldritch weirdness under her belt, she's not gonna die like an npc escorts if she accidentally winds up in the middle of the field. I'm REALLY going to have to put her through her paces in the meditation room though, I have NO idea what she does now lol. What do the gold rings do??? Why is her zl that?

LINK I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT YOU BUT YOU'RE LOOKING FINE AND OP KEEP IT UP KING. His zl is sooooooo handy, I can whip it out whenever and knock the enemy flat from across the field, definitely think the rito should have that move wholesale but ig not lol. My build for him focuses on the full health sword beams, so I have to be careful with him. But he's so easy to mow down a battalion with, he's soooo overleveled.

Haven't had a chance to play with kohga but he's sure to be fun lol. I'd accidentally been spoiled on the yiga defection, but I didn't see anyone else with him... Respect for sooga, loved his character since I saw him, hope he's okay.... We'll definitely either see him make a dramatic escape or a corrupted boss, but we should end up with him in the roster so it shouldn't be too bad? Right????

Wonder what the purple colour is on wind blight? There isn't a wind element, but it's not malice either. Maybe it'll get explained.

But UGH IT'S SUCH AN INSANELY AWESOME GAME!!! I've already clocked 50 hours easy, and I'm only on chapter six! It's just POW and WHAM and KABLOOIE! Each chapter makes me go OH MY GOSH SUPERB YOU FUNKY LITTLE CHARACTER and clutch my heart like a fainting Victorian maiden seeing a modern shirtless male model XD. Each time there's an amazing plot twist and I'm. Like

W H A T.!???!!!

I actually have the og hyrule warriors, so it's really good to see how far they've come since! More input from Nintendo has done WONDERS with their characters and setting lol. But the moves are creative, the maps are easier to work with, the camera angles aren't nearly so bad! I keep being surprised by the unexpectedly good graphics on such an old ds game, but that's neither here nor there. The fusing system is a million times easier in aoc, too, but it still took me a while to get the hang of it.

IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY BUT SOMEHOW READ ALL THIS, TLDR GET THE GAME

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twitchesandstitches · 3 years

Note

You haven't really given a describtion of what Platformer Girl looks like, so up until this point the 5 pictures i've had of her was; A) Basically a female version of Mario (maybe his daughter?), B) Peach if she had Mario's role, C) Zelda but with traditional medieval armor and big stompa bootz, D) A big fairy who butt-smashes kobolds and E) some sort of fish girl, kinda like Ruto, but still distinct enough to be completely seperated.

To be fair, I hadn’t given a description of her since I didn’t actually have any idea of what she looked like!

This is, admittedly, an issue when you start with general concept first, and then work out the specifics of their appearance. And since my preference is for non-humans and the whole wide world of potential there, this leaves so much possibility I tend to suffer creative freeze out of panic until inspiration hits me.

Thoughts on these pictures:

A: Oh! That’s actually basically the original vibe I had; she’s pretty blatantly inspired by Mario, and if she was in a game, would probably have similar mechanics. (The idea of a Mario daughter is interesting; might be worth combining his look with Pauline, Peach or other potentials to figure out what she would look like.)

B. Character-wise, that’s the big basis for her character, Peach if she was the main platformer heroine! In fact, I’d say that Big-Hipped Platformer Girl is probably best imagined as a combination of Peach and Daisy; flirty, dramatic, perhaps with her ditzy moments, extremely competitive and boisterous.

Hrm. Now I’m tempted to make her an actual queen or princess, or some kind of nobility, going on adventures and heroing when duties don’t call. A few possibilities suggest themselves from there: her role is largely ceremonial and she doesn’t actually rule; or she has yet to earn her rulership and is adventuring to prove something, as part of her kingdom’s practices, and so on. Given her inspirations, it might be worth it to look at what APPEARS to be going on with the Mushroom Kingdom, and play it seriously with her.

C. Not gonna lie, that sounds super cool. I’m a sucker for Zelda as a paladin-ish tank in big heavy armor.

D. Hrm, that does sound good! I’m a bit neutral on fairies in general, unless they’re pretty weird looking (and favor kobolds over fairies, for that matter), but I am a simple man. you say ‘butt smash’, and i pay attention

E. oh, that sounds cute! i love fish girls, and doing something similar to Ruto’s look could be interesting.

Here’s a thought; who would like to see me apply some of these ideas as their own, minor characters?

#replies #anon replies #twitchy!ocs #queued #Anonymous

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beyondconfessor · 4 years

Text

the Infernal Contact [14/16]

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Lilith/Zelda Spellman

Summary: "We wait for Sabrina to blow the horn of Gabriel and watch as demons overrun the world." She gave a sardonic smile as if it was all hilarious. "Then, we watch the world burn."

N.B.: Also posted on AO3

Zelda strode through the Academy's halls, to Faustus' office. The divination spell with Hilda had flickered to Dezemelda's, but when Zelda had turned up there, the woman admitted Prudence had left moments before with Faustus. Zelda had headed first to the Blackwood Manor, finding it in disarray, and then to the Academy.

Exhaustion pulled at her from the chained teleportation spells, draining her resources further than she would have liked as she made her way to where Faustus' Office was.

Two of his Judas boys (ex-students) stood guard and at the sight of her, raised there hands in defensively.

"So help me Amos, Octavius, I helped your mothers bring you into this world, if need be, I will take you out it, too."

The boys flinched at her words, giving her enough time to push past them, into the office. Zelda paused, blinking at the disaster before. There were books strewn across the floor, student files cast asunder, broken trinkets littered amongst it all as if someone had tossed the room in search of something.

Faustus turned on his heel at the protests of the boys as they reached for her shoulders, trying to hold her in place from entering further. Shrugging them off, she centred herself into the room and looked to the two bassinettes, and then to Prudence who stood before them.

"Your Eminence, she just pushed through."

"I can see that," Faustus responded.

There was a hollowness to Prudence as she stood before the bassinettes, hands folded, head bowed awaiting orders. Zelda looked from her to Faustus as her fury grew inside of her. "What have you done, Faustus?”

"A simple obedience spell," he said, waving his hand. "It was necessary to keep Prudence in order."

"Twice Faustus. Twice you've attempted to go against the Satanic tenents. The Dark Lord-"

"Only cares for that brat, Sabrina,” he snapped, before recoiling back and turning on his heel, moving to grab at a set of books before stuffing them into his bag. "Or, so it seems. I had thought I would be exalted. But it turns out that I am to serve that wretched chit of a girl." He shook his head, muttering to himself as he grabbed more papers and stuffed them into the bag he was holding.

Zelda recoiled backwards, staring at him. He seemed to be grabbing anything that he had half a fondness for and stuffing it to his bag––his books, his pens, knick-knacks that had no use outside of decoration.

Surely he wasn't considering running?

Her eyes turned to Prudence again, to the slackened way her body stood as if she was a marionette waiting for someone to pull at her strings.

She should have burned him where he stood. But she held back, glaring at him. "He will find you! There are only a few places you can hide from the Dark Lord.”

“But there are places-" and then he stopped, seeming to remember who he was speaking with. "Shouldn't you be off playing handmaiden to your niece? Or serving the Dark Lord on your knees?"

Zelda glared at him. "I've come to collect Prudence and the twins. I will not have you destroy them in your cowardly attempt to hide from the Dark Lord."

"Despite whatever delusions you have, Zelda, you are not their mother."

"I have more of a right than you. After all, you had no hand bringing them in this world, I did."

Faustus gave her a look as if considering to hex her before thinking better of it. "I don't have time for this. Prudence, take the twins-"

Zelda had snatched at the letter opener, and before she had time to consider her actions, threw it towards him. Her magic held the knife tip to Faustus' throat, barely scratching at his throat. "Belay that order, Faustus, or your blood will be a permanent fixture in the room."

The Judas boys stepped forward and then held in position as Faustus' hand rose in a warning, knowing she could cast faster than they could stop it.

"You would have them here, under the Dark Lord's wrath?" He asked.

"I would have them safe from you and if that means slaughtering you and your so-called boys, then so be it," she hissed. After everything she'd done, everything that had happened, she wasn't going to let him slither away with her family.

"Four against one, Zelda. Are you sure you like those odds?" he asked, lips twisting into a conniving smirk worthy of being backhanded. She watched as his shoulders relaxed, his brow raising in a challenge as he looked over her shoulder.

A sound of fingers clicking echoed across the room, and then Prudence was gasping beside them, looking around wildly at her surroundings before she looked to Faustus and Zelda both. "You––!" she screeched, nearly leaping forward, towards Faustus. A magical barrier erected before Prudence, pressing her back to the wall and leaving her snarling like a cornered animal.

Zelda frowned, knowing it was more potent magic than either of the Boys were capable of. Turning, she looked over her shoulder to where Lilith stood. "I believe the Dark Lord gave you a mission...your Eminence?" Lilith said, raising her brow. "Won't He be interested to see what you're getting up to." Her eyes swam around the room, looking to the Judas boys, to Prudence and then to Faustus and Zelda both. "Not to get in between what is clearly a family issue, but the eldest Spellman has been summoned."

The letter opener dropped to the ground as Zelda turned fully to look at her. “Summoned?" she asked, feeling the terror seize at her heart.

Lilith nodded, not meeting her eyes as she turned to study Prudence. "If I were you, I'd take your siblings elsewhere and deal with daddy-dearest later, hmm?"

"Who are you?" Prudence asked.

"Quick now, I don't have all day," Lilith said, allowing the barrier to drop. Prudence scrambled, grabbing her siblings and glaring out at the room before she disappeared with a pull of a teleportation spell. Zelda felt a weight lift from her shoulders, knowing at least they were safe.

Lilith walked between the Judas boys, coming to stand between Zelda and Faustus. She lifted her hand, her palm facing upward as if she was waiting for something. ”I believe you took something of mine from your wife, and I would like it back."

Faustus' eyes went wide, finally putting the pieces together as he glanced briefly from Lilith to her. His face dropped as the details came together. ”You?”

"Me," Lilith responded before her voice lowered dangerously. “Give it back, or I'll remove something precious of yours." Her eyes wandered over his body, hovering at different extremities before she gave a brilliant, sharp smile.

He hesitated, face twisting into a challenge against the Mother of Demons before he seemed to think twice of it. With a wave of his hand, the ring appeared in the palm of Lilith's. It glimmered in the dim light, magic sparking over the metal and stone––Zelda felt a breath pull in her lungs at the sight of it.

"There," he said as Lilith's fingers folded over the ring, her hand dropping to her side as she looked him over, seeming to look not unlike a mother considering her child's punishment. “What else do you want, you’ve already taken my wide.”

“She was never yours, though, was she?” Lilith said, tilting her head at him. “Now, should I pretend I didn't witness your attempts to elude the Dark Lord? Or shall I tell Him to send his hounds after you?"

"I haven't––"

"I'm sure you remember the last time they were sent after you," she said, her grin widening, "And look at that, you're all out of bargaining chips."

Zelda frowned, watching as Faustus stepped back, paling as he tugged at his collar. He seemed to find it too tight. "No, I'll...I'll be at home. Composing a sermon."

"Good boy. Off you go then. Be sure it's quite flattering to the new world order."

Faustus' shoulders dropped with a despair Zelda had never witnessed. He seemed to lift his head, briefly glancing to Zelda before he teleported away with a faint popping sound. There was an emptiness to his eyes––as if Lilith had ripped all hope from him.

Perhaps it had. The Dark Lord walked the mortal realm, Sabrina was to ascend as Queen, and demons would soon escape the very bowels of Hell. What was there to do, but wait?

There was a creak of leather shoes on the polished floor, and then both women were turning to face the Judas boys. Both of the boys looked small, suddenly realising they were in the presence of someone far more powerful than their leader.

Lilith raised an eyebrow at them, "Shut the door when you leave."

The boys gave each other a look, before quickly withdrawing from the room, closing the door behind them with a sharp click.

And then it was only her and Lilith, Zelda realised as she looked to the woman. Lilith stood tall, but the exerted power softened as if she was just another witch. Sometimes Zelda could almost forget that she was the witch when her eyes lifted and stared at her in such a way that she almost imagines them equals.

And then she remembered and felt ashamed for thinking such thoughts.

”Thank you," Zelda said, before clearing her throat. It felt strange to say the words in this context. "Especially for Prudence and the twins."

"Yes, well..." Lilith began before trailing off. She seemed to pause, her fingers turning around the ring, playing with it absentmindedly before exhaling a heavy sigh. "I'm sure you had it handled."

Zelda watched as Lilith stepped around the desk before taking her seat in Faustus' chair as if it were a throne. Her body seemed to sink into it, almost looking relaxed if it wasn't for the way she toyed with the ring in her hand.

For a moment, Zelda wondered if the summoning had been a lie, but when Lilith's eyes met hers, Zelda’s, her heart sunk in her chest. There was an unbridled fear in the way her eyes darted away, looking over the desk and its contents, the room and anywhere that wasn’t Zelda’s face.

"I've been summoned?" she asked.

"He knows about our contract," Lilith explained as she curled the ring in her fingers. "And before you ask: Yes, Sabrina is fine and no, I have no idea what He's planned." She curled her hand into a fist, and then unravelled her fingers, showing that the ring had been magicked away. "I––" Lilith paused, her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, before she looked out, staring down at the desk. "You would do well not to lie."

Obviously, Zelda thought. Even a hedge-witch would know better than to lie to the self-proclaimed Prince of Lies. Although she knew the words were not mean to be patronising. They were perhaps the only advice she could give.

"What happens next?" Zelda asked. Before rolling her eyes at Lilith's raised-brow expression, as the woman seemed to reflect the question back to her like a school teacher.

"What do you think?"

"Pretend that He decides our arrangement isn't worth His time."

"I don't know," Lilith said truthfully. "We wait for Sabrina to blow the horn of Gabriel and watch as demons overrun the world." She gave a sardonic smile as if it was all hilarious. "Then, we watch the world burn."

"And the contract?"

Zelda watched as Lilith pursed her lips, a distant look in her eyes as she traced over the room. "That won't be a problem."

"And why not?"

"I can't protect you, Zelda. Whatever desire you have towards me will likely sour after this little summoning."

Zelda drew in a breath, feeling her lungs tightened with it. Lilith was afraid for her. The realisation seemed to make her heart beat faster and cause her stomach to twist into knots. What would be so horrible that the First Witch felt empathy for another?

Zelda wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Although Lilith's fear could be for a different reason, she might have cared for her.

"What of your desire?" Zelda asked.

Lilith's eyes snapped to hers. A smirk flickered on her lips, her pupils dilating as she leant forward. And then she seemed to remember the context of where they were. All at once, her expression shifted behind a mask. "Well, we shouldn't keep Him waiting."

"Lilith––" Zelda tried to ask, but the woman's face had turned to stone. There was no warmth or shared promised, nor no playfulness that graced on lips. Only an impassive expression utterly free from any familiarity.

It was a nice, fanciful thought at least, to be worthy of such tenderness from Lilith. It was enough to just be of interest.

And yet she wanted to reach out and ask again of Lilith's desire, implore to her that whatever happened, she did care. Heaven or Hellfire, she cared for her. Maybe even too much.

But she didn’t say the words.

Instead, she nodded and gestured loosely with her left hand, swallowing back all those self-indulgent words and offered a tight smile in return. "At your direction."

Lilith rose to her feet and walked over to her, slipping a hand around her waist. There was a moment when Zelda felt the woman's fingers curl against the material of her clothes as if trying to prove that she was really there. Then the transportation spell sparked, and they were pulled from one dimension to another, transported across Greendale.

Her feet found solid ground. Zelda recognised the hall as the foyer that led to Dorian's gentlemen club. Before she could ask as to why there were here of all places, Dorian himself appeared. "If you'll follow me," he said, before turning on his heel, leading them down into his bar.

Zelda felt the infernal magic coming from the room as if she'd gone from a freezer to the boiler room. The influx of hot, oily magic slid against her own as she was lead down the stairs, to where the Dark Lord stood before the fire.

There were two armchairs, tilted towards Him, and side tables next to both of the chairs, eliciting a dim light from the lamps placed on top.

Zelda moved to stand between the armchairs as Dorian peeled off, moving to stand behind his bar, at the beckoning of the Dark Lord. As they all were, so it seemed.

"Zelda Spellman," He greeted.

“My Lord," she greeted, feeling herself pull in a curtsey before she realised that that custom had probably long since left. When she lifted her head, the Dark Lord stood before her, a soft smile on His lips as He watched Lilith stalk around to where shadows drew over the bar.

He was as beautiful as the Satanic texts promised, and power radiated from Him in a way that had Zelda recoiling her magic deep within her as if she could shield it from his influence. A part of her couldn't believe it. The Dark Lord. Sabrina's father.

Here before her.

She should be terrified, and yet she remained stunned. Perhaps even aroused by His presence.

"It's come to my attention that you struck a bargain with dear, Lilith. Do you verify this?"

"I do," Zelda said, her eyes flickered to Lilith, but the woman was intentionally avoiding eye contact with her, having received a heavy-handed drink from Dorian. Zelda stood up straight, pulling her hands behind her back to feel where Lilith's fingers had been before.

Her magic sparked against a charm, though whatever it was, she couldn't tell.

"And what was the nature of this bargain?" He smiled at her, but it wasn't the charming smile He had a moment before. There was a hunger to it, a predatory gleam as He stepped closer. Zelda felt herself almost step back before she remembered her place and grounded her heels together.

“Power, my Lord,” she admitted, meeting His eyes and then dropping down to look lower, to where His hands were. She felt her lungs restrict, a growing fear twisting at organs as He stepped closer again. She could see a foot remained malformed into a hoof.

"Do I not give you enough power?"

"Plenty, my Lord."

"Then why a bargain with Lilith?”

She froze at the question, feeling it lull around in her mouth. Why indeed?

"My husband...tried a Caligari spell. I wanted further protection from him." She swallowed again, feeling the weight of the words hang in the air. Lucifer was now before her, nearly touching her. She watched as He reached out, His hand cupping underneath her chin before He lifted her chin, forcing her eyes to His.

"You have been most devout, Zelda. I'm sure you know better than most how susceptible I am to lies." His fingers curled against her jaw––hard enough to bruise. "Let's try that again, shall we?"

“Y-yes, Dark Lord," she agreed, her heartbeat pounding in her throat as she tried to recall back to those moments, feeling the terror restrict every muscle in her body. She could barely remember back to that time. It'd seemed so far ago now before she'd known about the prophecy, before the lies and backfired magics. Back when it had only been about her and Lilith.

She remembered her pre-wedding night and how Lilith had kissed down her body. She remembered Rome, and the moment she'd realised who she was playing with. She remembered Lilith sauntering into the Blackwood Manor as if she owned the place.

And yet, all Zelda recalled of those moments was how much she'd desired her. Her perfume, her smirk, the way her eyes had drawn over her body. She wanted Lilith to want her.

"It was offered, and I desired it,” she answered, finding truth in the words.

"Offered?" He turned and looked to Lilith, raising his eyebrows in mocking display of humour.

"Offered," Lilith nodded, her expression remaining neutral with a forced relaxed posture.

"Were you bored, Lilith?"

"She's Sabrina's Aunt."

Lucifer rolled his eyes, His fingers curling tighter against Zelda's jaw. It hurt enough to make tears prick in her eyes, but Zelda bit back any vocalisation of pain. "Yes, I'm quite aware as to who she is."

"Her favourite Aunt," Lilith reiterated. "To have her on my side seemed invaluable to the direction I was provided. Since I was working blind for some time."

"And of the semantics?"

Lilith's face steeled, her lips pressing together as if she wanted to hold the words tighter. "To serve at my request, no sooner or later."

"I see," He said, His words sounding almost like a purr as He turned and looked to Zelda again, scrutinising her face. "An infernal deal has marked your soul, Zelda Spellman. From now and to eternity, you are bound to Lilith as she is to me. Did she tell you that?"

Zelda swallowed at the words, finding it difficult to breathe. "No, my Lord. She said it could be unbound."

His grin widened, pleased at her ignorance. "What ties did my handmaiden place upon your contract?"

His fingers eased so she could speak freely but still held her firm. Her neck was beginning to ache in the position He had it in. "Desire, my Lord," she admitted, trying to not look at Lilith.

"Only at your desire to end it?" He smiled and let her go, pushing her back hard enough that Zelda tripped and fell against a side table. The lamp slammed against her spine before it fell to the ground.

She pushed back up onto her feet, trying to ignore the pain radiating down her back as she looked over to the Dark Lord.

He'd turned away, staring at Lilith with an intense smile that held something monstrous. Lilith's eyes looked away and then lifted to her Lord's face, her shoulders tensing as if she wished to cower from His touch as He swiped His thumb out along her cheek.

Fury raised inside of Zelda as she went to step forward before stopping as she saw Dorian give a subtle shake of his head. This was no longer about her, and if she weren’t careful, she would end up killing them all.

An eternity seemed to stretch between breaths, watching at He possessively stroked Lilith's cheek. She bit her tongue hard enough to taste blood before she heard Him speak. "Do you care for this creature, Lilith?"

"What is there to care for?" It was a flat response, said in such a way that Zelda the words strike her.

"And if I were to rip her apart?"

"Then I'd be no more upset than if you'd ripped a pretty dress," she responded with nonchalance. Zelda swallowed, watching as Lucifer stared at his handmaiden, carefully examining her before a smirk broke over his face.

"Would you like that?" He asked.

"If it would please you," she purred, in the same way, that Zelda had heard her sing her name during sex. There was excitement to it, a play in Lilith's words as she smiled at her Lord.

Zelda could hear the woman’s words from earlier today, ringing in her ears, reminding Zelda that Lilith belonged to the Dark Lord, no matter how the contract been signed. She was His, only His.

Lucifer and Lilith both grinned, turning back to face Zelda.

With the piercing stares, she felt like a doe in the woods, facing two hunters.

This time, Zelda stepped back, her heel cracking over the shattered glass of the lamp before she dug her heels into the carpet, accepting that if she ran, He'd only take further enjoyment of it.

In just four, quick steps He was before her. He grabbed at her forearm, ripping her body up into the air as if she were nothing more than a rag doll. She cried and heard Him laugh in response, taking great pleasure in fear.

“The great Zelda Spellman,” Lucifer declared, mocking her. “Easily turned submissive at another’s will, hmm?”

Zelda squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the pain bloom as her shoulder joint began dislocating from where He held her. Nausea rolled in her belly as dizziness overtook her. If she died here, there would be no one to look after Sabrina, no one to care for Hilda or Ambrose or Prudence or the twins. They would all be alone.

She couldn’t die here.

When she opened her eyes, Lilith was staring at her with bright eyes and an impassive face. The Dark Lord may have believed her, but Zelda didn't. Despite how foolish it might be, she wanted to trust that Lilith would find a way, that neither of them would die tonight.

"Oh, you are so predictable," the Dark Lord said as He drew her close and inhaled deeply. For a second, Zelda could swear she could see His red eyes burning into her own, and then the light shifted, and the iris returned to a stable colour. "Lilith, your magic is all over her. Tsk, tsk," He said, releasing Zelda from the height He held her.

Her legs and back hit the floor first, then her head with a hard smack. A piercing sound of white noise blasted through her ears as the world blurred and turned dim.

She felt the tip of an old prayer on her tongue before it turned to ash. Who could she ask protection from now? The Dark Lord wasn’t her saviour.

Lilith, she felt sing in her thoughts. A simple prayer from the very word. She drew in a breath and felt the world brighten.

Pushing onto her side, she opened her eyes to see Lucifer holding her ring up to the light, examining it with a smirk. "Did you think you could hide this from me?” He asked, but not of her.

Where had he gotten that? Zelda wondered. The last she saw of it, Lilith had magicked it away.

"I never denied providing it to her," Lilith said, tilting her head. "Should I divulge everything thing that passes through my hands?"

"Don't get insolent. It's not a good look on you." He turned the ring thrice in His fingers, washing the magic from it until it was nothing more than a golden trinket. With it, Zelda felt an enchantment snap from her spine to naval. It was like a warm flame dying inside of her. With its cold absence, she knew that Lilith had been trying to protect her. "Dorian, take Zelda outside. I need to deal with my handmaiden."

Lilith's face pale, her body stiffening with fear. Zelda scrambled, trying to stand up and the edge of a spell on her lips, but Dorian was faster.

As she lifted a hand, she found herself teleported away, back to the Spellman Manor, watching as Lilith did cower away this time, obedient to her master.

Zelda landed in the foyer of the Spellman Mortuary and found a fury building up inside of her.

The world seemed quiet, even as she felt the rage build inside of her, shaking her limbs until the whole room was vibrating. There was only the cacophony of rattling furniture and shattering vases in her ears as she shrieked with rage, feeling the sound tear through her vocal chord and thrum through her chest.

How dare He, how dare He take everything! Her anger for Sabrina’s fate, for her family and Lilith growing until there was nothing else inside of her. The Dark Lord had ripped free will away from them; He'd stolen Sabrina's future had taken their happiness away from them––for what? Power with the expectation of blind obedience in return?

How had they been so oblivious to it all!

How dare He!

"Zelda!"

Zelda drew in a deep breath, feeling it burn in her lungs as she looked to her sister.

The site of Hilda seemed to ground her, remind her of where she was and what had happened. She could see the smashed vases around her, paintings that had fallen from the walls and shattered their frames.

The anger lulled, and the feeling of void seemed to fill her. How long would it take until they lost everything? How long until they had all buried beneath the weight of each other’s rotting bodies?

“Oh, Zelds, what’s happened?” Hilda asked, coming over to wrap her into her arms. Zelda fought and then slackened, tired by it all.

The smell of almonds and lavender filled her nose, and Zelda lulled against her, feeling the tension ease.

"Are Prudence and Sabrina...?" she asked.

"Sabrina and Prudence are here, as are the twins, but you're terrifying us. What happened?” her sister asked, pulling away to look at her straight on. “What did He do?”

Zelda shook her head, feeling the breath exhale. "I'm fine," she said, drawing herself to stand-up straight, despite how much it hurt. A wave of dizziness darkened her vision as her eyes flickered close with darkness, drawing in breath once, twice and then a third time. Zelda felt herself exhale slower each time until she'd composed her fears. "I'm fine," she assured, opening her eyes to her sister.

Sabrina stood behind Hilda then, her head peeking around the cardigan, brow pinched in thought. There was a pain in her niece's eyes, betrayal still evident, but it had been softened with concern.

"Sabrina––" Zelda said, before stopping herself from twisting out of her sister’s grip towards her niece. Sabrina had always been like a wounded animal when it came to pain, emotional or physical. It was better to step back and let her niece come to her. "Are you okay?"

"I could ask the same from you." It felt like a rebuttal, and perhaps it was deserved. She'd just blown up her foyer in a fit of rage, accomplishing nothing but a drain on her resources.

Because Lilith––!

No, she couldn't think of what was happening to her. Couldn't allow her thoughts to drift to what the Dark Lord would do to her. Her throat seemed to swell with fear and worry, a part of her wanting to run back, and another part terrified of what would happen if she did. What if she made it worse, what if she inserted herself into that particular narrative.

Nothing was off-limits to the Dark Lord, and what sweeter punishment than having your own lover initiate a cruel punishment?

"I'm––"

"Fine, I heard," Sabrina's lips pressed shut before she looked away, up at Hilda. "I'm fine too," she agreed. "Turns out Nick betrayed me as well, but the Dark Lord did..." she paused, swallowing and Zelda watched a wave of guilt swim in her niece's eyes. "He advised that you were not working for him like that." She averted her eyes then, seeming to be overwhelmed with regret, perhaps, or a surprising lack of pride. "I thought I'd condemned you, He seemed furious when He realised you and Lilith had struck a––" Sabrina shut her mouth, looking up at Zelda.

"Had struck a bargain. No, he's...not happy," she agreed. "But I seem to be insignificant to the overall rage. For now."

"I promised to blow the horn if He spared you," Sabrina said. "I'm sorry, I should have believed you. If I hadn't said anything, He wouldn't have known, He wouldn't have threatened to..." and then her niece trailed off, her jaw tightening to hold back the rising sob.

"You did nothing wrong. You didn't know," Zelda said. “You were right to be upset. I did betray you, unintentionally. You had no reason to believe I wasn't working with the Dark Lord." She sighed, feeling the tension in her shoulders. If she'd been honest from the beginning, perhaps everything would be different. Possibly Sabrina would be safe from all this.

"What do we do now?" Sabrina asked.

It was a worthy question, and Zelda wished she had a better answer.

"We wait," she said. After all, there was nothing else they could do.

"No, there has to be something. Something that we can do!"

Zelda shook her head, wishing she knew, but there was no way the Dark Lord would allow anyone to know his weakness and live. Except one, perhaps.

If there were anyone who did know, it would be Lilith, and she doubted they would be seeing her any time soon.

Sabrina pushed away from Hilda, running past Zelda up the stairs in a flurry of tears, determined to look for an answer. Zelda watched her ascent before turning to Hilda. They both knew it would be best to leave her for the moment, and draw up the stairs after allowing her privacy.

Eventually, Sabrina would come to a similar conclusion as they all had. The world was ending. Everything was lost. Perhaps this was to be the last moments they stood together. They should make the most of it.

It was just a matter of time.

#lilith #zelda spellman #madam spellman #zelith #caos fanfic #morgan writes #morgans fic

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Sick Kids Group Chat

sonmychest: 🤗 tigerbalm: 👋🧡 tigerbalm: it's been so long! 🙀 how are you?? sonmychest: I know! I suck sonmychest: don't want to be the youtuber spending ten minutes apologizing for not being here though sonmychest: I'm doing pretty good right now, how are you? 😚 tigerbalm: it's a bad day, not a bad life...is what I would caption if I was an instagram influencer or something 😸😸 brainpain: 🦸 speaking for me when I haven't streamed in days LOL sonmychest: 🤭🤭 sonmychest: at least we have reasons for being that #extra that aren't the vague notion of NEEDING a break from taking pictures of our ☕ brainpain: I do spend LOTS of time in a dark room but not for 📸 no flash photography PLEASE 😵 inandout: your feed just updated, Lo brainpain: 👮🚓🚨 sonmychest: stalking or hacking? sonmychest: either way I might need those expertise brainpain: I had a 🌈✨🧁 FIGHT ME, Zachary tigerbalm: it is pretty tbh inandout: friend request, but it's not as if I don't have zero hacking or stalking skills sonmychest: wait, what happened to the anonymity rules??? sonmychest: where's @gotspoons and what have you done with her?! inandout: you missed the overthrowing of a tyrant inandout: not really, but the rule book is gone gotspoons: going to pretend I was summoned by mention, not notification gotspoons: say how you really feel, Zach! 😔 inandout: I said not really, rowboat gotspoons: I have 👀 and 👂 everywhere so you better be nice 😏🤭 gotspoons: but no, hi again, @sonmychest! we missed you! gotspoons: it seemed the whole no names no real life details thing was more of a hindrance than a help to the whole goal of this group, so we came to the conclusion by majority, and the higher ups were all okay with it, providing everyone under a certain age got their parents to sign off and we all used the same common sense we use on other areas of the web gotspoons: so feel free to introduce yourself by real name if you would like, but it's not necessary if you would not 😊 gotspoons: reintroduce, I should say tigerbalm: we shared selfies & everyone was 😻😻😻 brainpain: learned what a sex god @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously aka Rich is sonmychest: 😱😱😱 sonmychest: can't believe I've missed so much sonmychest: need to get better at socialization, my mammy is right 😂 brainpain: an unrivalled love story brainpain: not that he's here to back me up on that inandout: Paris and Helen who? Romeo and Juliet who? Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII who? tigerbalm: wait, those are all 💔😿!! brainpain: he's being a brainpain: insert a swear word of your choice sonmychest: *stage whispers* it's not jealousy though, is it? sonmychest: clearly, fill me in on all the nuances whilst I frantically try to find a picture of myself that's even one 😻 brainpain: he's a 👶 you already know brainpain: but Rich will be leaving me for some uni girl 🤓 so he's not wrong about the doomed part sonmychest: face that launched a thousand ships is a really great insta bio though sonmychest: right, so we have Rich, Zach...who else? gotspoons: Rosie here 🤗 brainpain: Lauren tigerbalm: & me, Robyn inandout: the new girl who started the revolution is Zelda inandout: @ihatemyguts sonmychest: no way sonmychest: a fellow nerd, or at least child-of-a-nerd sonmychest: 'cos I'm Kara and I don't totally hate this photo [selfie] tigerbalm: 😻😻 tigerbalm: you look so like I imagined you, except I thought maybe you'd be 👼 tigerbalm: should we all send new pics? brainpain: [does because any excuse] brainpain: they'll be buried tigerbalm: [a selfie that's even shyer than the first one she sent] gotspoons: [the same photo as before] inandout: if I must [some ridiculous selfie] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: This is a nice welcome back tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I've only been to physio brainpain: NOT ready for another selfie drop from you, boy brainpain: I'll be on my fainting couch brainpain: also hi tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Perhaps I should save your 🦴s and my pride when poor Kara, hello again btw, has to pretend to swoon too brainpain: 🦸 has great taste brainpain: we all love a shy boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: My teachers undoubtedly wish I were shy, make their lives a lot easier tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [a photo] here we are anyway, I hope you found a soft surface suitable for you, Lauren brainpain: ☁ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ah, so you're the 👼 brainpain: LMAO 😈 brainpain: but you're looking angelic sir sonmychest: how are you ALL so cute sonmychest: this keeps happening, omg tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👼 face hides a multitude of 😈 sins apparently inandout: but reading between the lines, who else is making you swoon/stalk/hack inandout: that's my question tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well spotted, Zachary 🔎 sonmychest: 🙈 ugh, I'm so embarrassing sonmychest: but we can pretend it's all spilling out now because I played it SO cool in the actual conversation, right 😬😅 inandout: that's the official story, everyone'll confirm sonmychest: thanks, I need the backup so I can also pretend I have lots of friends and a normal social life gotspoons: we are your friends, Kara! gotspoons: though are normal is different from most tigerbalm: & you're coming to my birthday party & even though you have to stand on the other side of the room to Zach, it's still social tigerbalm: OH & we were talking about potentially meeting up!! All of us brainpain: keep it 6ft, children inandout: I'll be in the garden with my date, you can have the indoors with yours inandout: collectively, because we're all speed dating here now inandout: proud of you for picking someone outside this circle sonmychest: GAH so much exciting information today!!! sonmychest: 😁 sonmychest: obviously, I figured no one needed the drama of me falling for you, Zach sonmychest: 💀 not cute inandout: there's already a book and film about it, the chance has been thoroughly missed brainpain: Ignore him, Zelda's nothing but thrilled to find someone else in her age bracket brainpain: 👶👶 brainpain: hit us with your 💞 please sonmychest: well, I didn't just re-log into this chat today, I went on all my old forums because well, boredom, we can all relate, right? sonmychest: what I thought would be the least promising one was the sonmychest: not a dating site, I'm not 100 but you know the kind sonmychest: anyway, the CUTEST boy starts talking to me and he's also really funny and nice ??? tigerbalm: OMG! Did you swap selfies there too? sonmychest: not yet sonmychest: because he sounds so 😻😻 sonmychest: and he wants to talk to me again and he might not if we do tigerbalm: you're 😻😻😻 Kara brainpain: what she said brainpain: + if he's as funny, nice, all of that, as you said brainpain: I doubt he's a shallow jerk inandout: are you a good judge of character or not? inandout: what it comes down to sonmychest: oh, thank you guys! sonmychest: I don't know sonmychest: I think I am sonmychest: he didn't immediately come out with weird requests or weird 📸 of his own and that's a massive start on that site, I was honestly there to 🗑 my account but he changed my mind brainpain: I'll PM you the spooky stories my sister sends me about guys, it'll make you feel better brainpain: you'd know if he was one sonmychest: 🤭 do, can compare notes sonmychest: we honestly just talked about totally normal, nerdy things, it wasn't even a little sketch brainpain: ✉️ + 100000000s brainpain: hold up tigerbalm: that sounds 🧡 & so does this boy tigerbalm: awwhhh sonmychest: [sends the description he sent her slow your roll gal lol] sonmychest: assuming he isn't the archetypal internet weirdo from the 90s scare tactics tigerbalm: WOW inandout: tall, dark and handsome inandout: original sonmychest: okay, I know that covers a lot of bases sonmychest: but someone has to be brainpain: continuing to ignore you, Zach sonmychest: I get it though sonmychest: it's not like I even care what he looks like though, so even if the pics aren't exactly that description brainpain: not every man can be my Rich but doesn't make them 👹/🤡/👻/👽/👥 brainpain: trust your gut, it's not that body part that's failing you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👹 is a solid representation but the hair needs to be longer tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: at the risk of making myself or Zachary appear like overly protective boys, I think as long as you're as sensible as you surely are with this, then there's no harm in the back and forth tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: so if you were going to meet this person IRL, he could perhaps come to the group meet-up, that would be a good way to do it? brainpain: *🧝🏻 that's what needs to be said about your representation tigerbalm: Great idea, Rich! 😺 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when the beard comes in I'll look more Gimli than Elrond but I'll take the compliment 👽 babe from outerspace brainpain: who's watching the LoTRs with me? gotspoons: count me out, I'm the worst film buddy ever 😴 ihatemyguts: how many naps could you have in 20hr28mins assuming we're watching everything extended release 'cos duh ihatemyguts: 🥳 go hard or go home 🥳 brainpain: that's you in ihatemyguts: of course ihatemyguts: long since stopped asking for a pause every time I gotta 💩 ihatemyguts: adept at catching up with the plot is a life skill I didn't expect to gain like this but 🙌 gotspoons: 😅 I could do the whole 20hr28mins and that not be a record for how many hours I've slept consecutively brainpain: I'll act it out for you, I can get the 🧝🏼🏹 costume together during the pauses brainpain: dressing up box runneth over sonmychest: 🙋 dibs Arwen sonmychest: my old Katniss cosplay can be repurposed with some bedsheets and a 👸 vibe to it brainpain: that makes Rich your daddy 👀 you, babe sonmychest: 😖😳 nooooooooooo brainpain: I'll be Galadriel if only so I can speak to my man telepathically 💕 brainpain: swerving off book for that love connection ihatemyguts: obviously eye of sauron ihatemyguts: jokes write themselves inandout: hair of a hobbit wig so likewise inandout: and you know, a jew, gonna be the one to handle the 💎 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: How hairy are your feet, a pickup line that doesn't get thrown about enough inandout: not sending you free feet pics inandout: PM for prices though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Respect the hustle, Zachary tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I have clearly pledged myself and my allegiance to an e-girl already 🧝🏼🏹 brainpain: changed my Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim name to Galadriel for you, Richard, you've officially made me basic brainpain: will cite it in the divorce tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as I can proudly produce said divorce to every mouthbreather that calls me a freak, I am okay with that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: devastated, naturally 💔 but okay brainpain: hit me up for multiple re-marriages at your convenience, I like that for us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Make a solid livestream 👰💒🤵 gotspoons: I'll get officiated! tigerbalm: imagine if any of us actually did get together cos of this forum gotspoons: You never know, Robyn gotspoons: it would be so adorable 😊 tigerbalm: Kara is giving me hope that online dating doesn't have to be a minefield sonmychest: don't give up yet! sonmychest: you're so lovely, a total catch tigerbalm: there still isn't a blushing 😸 emoji & I NEED it ihatemyguts: a travesty ihatemyguts: who do we need to @ for that brainpain: @fibrofog brainpain: he was a BIG DEAL ihatemyguts: 😏 hoping he comes back and I can 👰💒🤵 him obvs brainpain: 🔺 between me/him/Rich was prime in my life ihatemyguts: glory dayz brainpain: if he doesn't show up to stop our first wedding ihatemyguts: Zach won't even properly date me until we're confirmed #foreveralone at 18 inandout: you don't call this properly dating? inandout: @Kara you've got yourself a hater before your romance has fully taken off ihatemyguts: oi, don't drag me in to your 🧂 behaviour ihatemyguts: I'm very nice, I swear inandout: that's just how I taste inandout: she knows brainpain: if I didn't know my CF facts I'd be calling for a ban brainpain: that sounds filthy sonmychest: first declaring Rich my daddy, now 👅 Zach 😲😲😲 sonmychest: I'm also quite nice but not that kind of nice, I 🤞 tigerbalm: I don't think I wanna know.... inandout: But I'll tell you inandout: when we sweat, we lose too much salt, one of our many flaws inandout: on a hot day, you could lick us and taste it, if we like you enough to let you sonmychest: maybe that can be enough of a selling point? sonmychest: if crush boy talks to me again and it invariably comes up inandout: he might get to see it crystallise on your skin, not 💎 or ✨ but hey sonmychest: such a sexy condition, when you leave out all the mucus inandout: ZZ top is feeling it, she wants to properly date me ihatemyguts: 🧂 is a flavour I can enjoy pretty unrestricted ihatemyguts: let me have some pleasure tigerbalm: do the normies flirt like this too? tigerbalm: Kara you'll have to tell us, when you go further undercover ihatemyguts: don't know how lucky you are to have that pickup line in your back pocket ihatemyguts: just add tequila and a lemon and you've got a good time sonmychest: I'll 100% report back, providing he doesn't go 👻 brainpain: you need a drink when a boy lovingly strokes your hair only to feel the dent in your 💀 sonmychest: but also, to work out if your amazing hair is real or nah brainpain: I have too many split ends to be asked if it's a wig sonmychest: I ✂ my own sonmychest: and not often enough 😅 brainpain: don't reach for the bleach cos Robbie sees you as a blonde, there's my sisterly/old lady advice sonmychest: oh God, with these brows? sonmychest: I can swear I won't do that, along with meet up with internet randos alone brainpain: I'd volunteer to come along but I don't do disappearing into the background brainpain: would wear a trenchcoat for the right 💸💸 gotspoons: Normies definitely TRY to use our disabilities as a way to flirt with us, with varying success gotspoons: the amount of time I spend in bed is nothing to be 😏 about, honestly gotspoons: even if I was also chiming in to confirm blondes do have more fun, when they've had all their vitamins, a perfect amount of sleep, the stars have aligned JUST right... 🤭 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as resident ♿ user, they most ask if IT 'works', which is a bizarre level of care for people who aren't concerned about how me getting into their establishment really 'works' tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and, my dear, you are a terrible third wheel tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🔻 suits you better than obscurity 😎 brainpain: but I am a fun time with the TBI having increased the impulsiveness + removing the few inhibitions I did have 😉 brainpain: inappropriate sexual activity is a listed symptom 🤞 boys ihatemyguts: definitely a case of 'okay when I point it out to embolden myself, creepy if you do it' ihatemyguts: think some normies point out their flaws to be endearing but idk, is low-key a disability superpower guys, + 1 for us brainpain: like, what does that mean? Inappropriate for who? Answers on a ✉️ please ihatemyguts: could range from, science, you're being a prude to calling you a master criminal on the low brainpain: so many of my symptoms could describe anyone in their teens or early 20s brainpain: Rich, write a smart boy uni essay on it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depending on the bit that gets damaged, could be the same part that isn't yet fully developed in young people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: checks out 🧠 brainpain: you're SO clever brainpain: you'll be fighting off more than one 🤓 girl tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm not sure about that, on either count tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though the chair is a useful battering ram when it needs to be brainpain: I'm into it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: then you can hitch a ride, of course brainpain: reserved™ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the parking is unparalleled brainpain: not allowed to drive, you are my transport now, no pressure gotspoons: Me either, who can? gotspoons: need to work out the carpool situation brainpain: my housemate will, she owes me 10000s of favours inandout: + my parents tigerbalm: mine too but they're a lot to inflict upon anyone sonmychest: ^^hard same tigerbalm: maybe we get ourselves there unless someone can't? tigerbalm: & those people speak up sonmychest: That makes sense to me brainpain: ok, is there anyone who needs a lift? ihatemyguts: I'm good tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: likewise gotspoons: I'll make a permanent post where people can register interest in the meet-up, as well as need for a lift gotspoons: so anyone who can offer a lift, can respond there too, sound good guys? 😊 inandout: cool inandout: very un-tyrant like gotspoons: thank you, Zach 😏

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