#I have read it online and now I've started a mission to collect all the books

[scoonsalicious]

Here we are ladies, gents, and the non-binaries. The long-awaited Chapter 27 which you've blessed us in FULL today. 8 parts??? what have I done to deserve this? And I've got so many thoughts I Literally had to stare at my screen to collect myself because where do I even start????? Well, first off, I can start with the fact that that was amazing and you're incredible, and thank you for this. I've got so many things to say but I'm literally short-circuiting so AAAH. okay. I'm doing it by roughly by parts so I don't miss a thing. And since you've given us 8 parts, expect this to be the longest essay yet (I'm not even kidding please I apologize this got away from me)

First off, the slow build-up was killing meeee. But then again, I do love seeing them having normal conversations (I mean, a dick in the garbage disposal isn't exactly normal but I digress because that part made me laugh) and seeing Bucky be so protective of her because he has a point. Jesse is out for blood and leaving Pocket alone would be a terrible idea (I mean, well, we obviously see this later). I love their banter too! The teasing and the joking and Bucky's smug lil "nothing I haven't seen before" like okay, pipe down. I love Pocket's stubbornness, arguing with Bucky that she can handle herself (which she can obvs) but I couldn't help but giggle when she *pouts* "I have a gun" *pouts* when Bucky told her that even Nat couldn't handle Jane in hand to hand ESPECIALLY when the unhinged snake is set out for the kill and a super soldier at that.

Now, the footage of Jacky in the Hydra base. That was….a lot. It honestly was so disturbing and scary. It's absolutely insane the way Hydra manufactured her obsession with Bucky. But it's also genius in the sickest way. Because THAT is how you make sure you get a mission done. A teenage crush turned obsession? I mean, have you seen one direction fans back in the day? They were unhinged and could hack anything and that's without training (I was a fan too and I saw it all happen online LMAO). Now we have someone who is a teenage girl with an obsession, who's fucked in the head with all that Hydra manipulation, has super soldier powers, a highly trained assassin and has been made to believe that she can get everything she wants? Who’s stopping that? She makes serial killers look sane. She's been set out to him before anyone even knew she existed. Honestly, that whole thing just had me sitting staring at the wall for a few seconds before I could continue because it's insaneeee. It's so scary, just thinking about someone like her existing in the real world. But that part where she was about to jerk off to Bucky's picture has me laughing and feeling distraught at the same time. But that hint of Bucky being uncomfortable about it followed by Pocket's comment about already sleeping with her, at first I thought he just felt guilty about it but after reading all the parts? A foreshadowing that he's never been comfortable in the first place? I see what you're doing. But god, massacring a whole Hydra base and just the image of her Carrie-style but with a proud grin. Chills. Get her away from me please I'm scared.

(on a side note, Pocket thirsting over Jesus Barnes in Wakanda please BIG MOOD. That really reallyyyyy short clip of him in Infinity War throwing that sack with one hand has me falling in line like, yes sarge, me next please. ANYWAY back to the story)

I'm glad they cleared up that whispering in the conference room when the whole below the paygrade comment. Because people keeping forgetting that were just in Pocket's POV and with that comes some unreliable narrating sometimes because we obviously won't get the full scope of what happened because we're only seeing her thoughts and her perception on the situation. Which is why I always think it's important to think on a broader scale outside what's shown on the text. But god, THAT much money? I'm still heartbroken for Chloe though because she didn't deserve that. But sigh, we just discussed not letting Pocket leave the safe house for her safety and then suddenly we're leaving her alone? Barnes? Really? Have you read any fanfics in your life? Anyway.

That whole commentary about the whole trafficking situation was so spot on. I have nothing else to add to that because you pretty much said it all. It's both sad and so enraging. BUT AH NO. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE POCKET SERIOUSLY. But she genuinely did think Dimitri was the least evil of them all so sigh. I already knew where this was going and I already had a hunch who this "Hydra" boss is waiting at the club. But lol the gasp I let out when I read her name. *insert that 'why am I gasping, I already knew that meme' here* Even just that hint of Jordan being so quick and strong since she's a super soldier, it really sets the tone how Pocket really can't get out of this through physical strength. And now the face off begins.

But damn. I honestly didn't think she'd get even crazier yet here we are. I even felt my skin crawl just knowing the amount of time Jerms spied on Bucky, Pocket, and them both together. She's literally been watching their every move even in the confines of their bedroom. And that gives her so much upper hand because all the fights, insecurities, weaknesses, all their trauma and past, what makes them tick as a couple, what breaks them down, she knows it ALL and she's obviously going to use that to her advantage. Well, she did and she did it well. Imagine playing a cheese game with someone who already knows all your moves. How can you win against that? Every time she says she "loves" him I have the urge to throw up. Like girl you don't. You’re obsessed with him. There's a huge difference. And God that she show here obsession and delusion and that really is the best play Pocket could make. Shattering that deranged fairytale she has in her head of Bucky ever wanting her.

That part, where Juno admitting to feeding Bucky all the things she'd been feeding him, especially the degradation parts. When you're so desperate to try and save a relationship, you really do become willing to try anything and take any advice even if it's not the best ones. And like I said many parts ago, she's smart so the way she manipulated Bucky (who's already so insecure and broken and such an easy mind to manipulate) was so calculated that it was always going to be a success.

Which brings me to the infamous video which was without consent, might I add. The way Jayla made it seem in her text when she recounted it Bucky was so far from what actually happened. She really was selling it as if they'd fuck like no tomorrow and Bucky turned into this feral sex god or something. But that's her delusions playing it up, making it seem like it was the best sex ever when in reality, that couldn't have been farther from the truth. That wasn't fucking, hell I don't even know what you call that. I mean, I could be pushing it here so please do correct me if I'm wrong, but that was SA in a way. An unenthusiastic yes is still a no and you could clearly see that Bucky wasn't into it, tried to stop it even. And with men, there's a different dynamic when it comes to SA because of patriarchal standards and toxic masculinity and this misconception that they always want sex etc. And it truly was pathetic on Josef's part claiming that they fucked because, dude, what was that? But it also left a bad taste in my mouth for Bucky. Because what I saw in my head was just him laying there while she took what she wanted, I guess. And yeah, he didn't push her off and there was a part of him that was so hurt and angry thinking that Pocket betrayed him that he wanted to get revenge but even then, he didn't seem that excited on the fact. I mean, the snake had to bring up the articles and Steve over and over and over again because that's the only way she could keep Bucky angry and hurt enough to not protest and just, let things happen. And she was feeding him lies and hitting exactly where it would sting with that purple push up bra because how could she have known that right? In Bucky's head, that was confirmation that she was telling the truth because he didn't know that Jenny had access to footages. She played her game well and she stabbed him exactly on where the stitches are so that was a lost cause on Bucky's part.

And God, I have all my reports saved in one doc and I really did hit it already did I. About me saying how Bucky probably let Russia happen as a way to punish himself too. And that Jayla truly did play into Bucky's insecurities with those articles because what fight does he have against America's Golden Boy? When he already believes Pocket deserves someone better and that someone took form into the person he's insecure about the most? How can you not spiral? I know I'm repeating myself but we truly can't just ignore what Bucky went through with Hydra in all of this. He's got such a fragile mind and self esteem that it's already easy to break him down if you truly think about it. Now, imagine having someone who knows EVERYTHING that made you crumble and has all the ammo and information to be able to say just the right words for you to trust them? And, well, speaking from experience, you really can't know you're being manipulated until you're out of it. I didn't realize how bad my experience was until I retold it to a friend. So I don't Bucky had an ounce of awareness as to what Joanna was doing to his mental state. It was the sickest most calculated thing what she did that I think even the most secure person could feel that security crumble even for a little. Now you have someone who's already fragile and insecure in the first place? He honestly stood no chance.

Obviously, it doesn't take away the fact that Pocket was still hurt and she has every single right to be. But I think she was more hurt that Bucky wasn't secure in their relationship and her love for him rather than the act itself. Because the way it happened really was kind funny and God I cringed at the way Jocelyn took so so long to even get him going and not even get him going at all because Bucky had to think of Pocket to get hard. And he truly only got himself going by imagining it was Pocket. I mean, he had his eyes closed!!! Beyond me how Juan was able to keep going since Bucky was practically screaming someone else's name so fucking obvious and loud and I have no doubt she heard it since she's a super soldier but she's a different level of delusional so I'm not even surprised. Taking what she could get probably.

I can't WAIT to see feral protective Bucky on the next part. And as much as I want to see all the action, I kinda want him to see him be so calm with his confrontation with Jude. Because you know what would truly break that snake? Bucky telling her over and over and over how he could never love someone like her in all the languages and all the phrases he could. Is it evil of me to want him to break her down on a mental level rather than physical? Because to me, that would be a much more worth it revenge with all the emotional and mental abuse she's done on Pocket and Bucky. Because yeah, Pocket saying those things already hit a nerve. Now imagine it coming from Bucky's mouth? The man she claims she "loves"? Either way, I have no doubt you're going to feed us well so I'm going to be happy not matter what happens. I CAN'T WAIT.

— Jnon 🤍

\y Beautiful Jnon,he 'dick-in-the-garbage disposal' line will live rent-free in Bucky's head for the rest of his life, lol. I like to imagine that it's a visual that got Pocket through a lot of tough times. I loved writing their banter (tbh, I love writing banter in general, lol). I just adore seeing them in a little bit of domestic fluff. And .Bucky has definitely seen it all before, lol. Literally nothing Pocket's got going on hasn't been exposed to his... intense scrutiny, lol. When it came to leaving Pocket alone, the safehouse was probably the safest place for Bucky to do it. I mean, Carthage knew about the Wiggle Room, but she didn't know where the safehouse was.

I'm pleased (which is weird to say) that the Hydra footage was disturbing-- it was 100% meant to be. Like, back in the '90s (the glorious '90s, which I miss with every fiber of my being), I was a HUGE Hanson fan. Like, so rabid I look back on it with embarrassment, lol. And I was thinking-- there's no one with greater obsessive focus than a teenage girl with a celebrity crush, you know? And it just kind of made sense to me that Hydra would harness that to ensure the greatest success to assure they get their asset back. And Jade's not a teenager, but she grew up in isolation, without peers her own age, so I see her as emotionally stunted. In a weird way, she has that in common with Pocket. They were both prevented from growing up in the natural order of things so they could serve the agenda of men. They're like two different sides of the same coin. And Bucky was so uncomfortable at the idea of seeing Jade get off to photos of him, because she did, essentially sexually assault him-- he was never comfortable having sex with her, and the idea that she was using his photo for sexual gratification long before he ever knew she existed makes him feel even more violated.

Let us discus Jesus Barnes. Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have had impure thoughts of a man, repeatedly, lol. But for real, if you're not familiar, please check out Rock Me, Sexy Jesus from Hamlet 2, which is literally THE ONLY thing I can think about when I see this:

Like, turn my water in whine, please. (I'm not even sure how that works as some kind of filthy entendre, but I'mma leave it 'cause I like how it sounds, lol)

I almost didn't include the bit about Bucky telling Pocket what he actually said to Jade during the mission briefing, but I realized I didn't want her thinking he divulged her secrets. He did some shit, but he didn't do that.

Bucky has not read any fanfics in his life, unfortunately, but this just gave me a hilarious idea for a oneshot where Pocket tries to get him riled up by reading a smutty Bucky Barnes fanfic to him, so thank you for that, lol.

Sad part is, Pocket trusted Dimitri. And I think he trusted her, too, which was why he was so betrayed when he found out she wasn't who she said she was. I did need Bucky to leave Pocket alone, but in his defense, the safehouse was the safest place he could have left her. I mean, Jade knew about the Wiggle Room, knew that she would be working there, but she didn't know where the safehouse location was. So, it seemed liked the safest place at the time, and it would have been if Dimitri hadn't shown up for her. Everyone wanted Pocket to kick Jade's ass, and I wanted it, too, but Jade's always been too strong and fast. All Pocket could use to beat her is her wits.

Having her spy on Bucky and Pocket was actually a late addition to the narrative, and I'm so glad I included it, because it really cements how messed up she is. And it gave her so much ammo to use against them. They really did not stand a chance with her having all that access. (Also, I know you meant "chess game," but you wrote "cheese game" and I am in so in love with that, I'm going to pretend you did it on purpose, lol). I also wanted to show that Jade wasn't just crazy, but she was smart, too, and resourceful, which is what makes her so much more dangerous.

And you're not wrong-- the Russia incident bordered on sexual assault. I don't think he would ever see it like that, being a man from the '40s, but it was. An unenthusiastic yes is just as bad as a no. She pushed and manipulated him so badly, he really had no chance. And once she brought up that purple push up bra? It was over. Without knowing she'd been spying, how could he not believe her?

I'm dying to hear your thoughts about Chapter 28! I can't wait! Love you!

#unwanted #jnon report

[eatersgrin]

(Art inspiration for Redback designs)

Since I got some messages a while back about wanting to read more things I've written I decided I'd make a collection of posts with links to my past 10 plus years of fan fiction. Eventually I may put together my original stuff from 20 plus years ago but this is what I have ready access to.

Links after the cut.

Worm/Ward (Parahumans by Wildbow):

Lyric is a Ashley Stillons II/OC initially smut based fic that turned into an exploration of love between two strangers in a post-apocalyptic society set during the early days before Ward's start. Arc 2 is already being written and will be debuting sometime in Fall 2022.

Bad Company is a Taylor Hebert/OC adventure-romance that starts from Taylor's first week as Skitter. A Ward goes rogue from his set mission to keep Sophia in check at Winslow High and gets drawn into Taylor's undercover shenanigans. The story is currently coming into the end of Arc 2 with the Slaughterhouse Nine making the rounds earlier than canon and things are not going well for The Undersiders or our heroes. (While not a smut fic, it does have teenagers living in sin and discussing related practices.)

Shepherd Of Fire, an ABB focused AU featuring Lung and his future bride dealing with running their criminal organization while contending with betrayal, burgeoning race war with the Empire 88, and Parahuman politics in Brockton Bay. It's been compared to Chinese gangster flicks by readers and noted for it's portrayal of a quite sane Carol Dallon. (Series is on hiatus as of the end of Arc 2 and may continue at a later date. Features sex, violence and human trafficking.)

Have No Fear Of Perfection was my first foray into Work fanfic. It's a completed serial with an OC triggering during the Endbringer attack on Brockton Bay. It explores life as a teenage orphan with powers he barely understands and eventually gets sucked into Shadow Stalker's plans to avenge herself using our MC on the Undersiders. (Serial is complete, features a Sophia/OC partnership- relationship, and gets fairly AU with the Worm timeline.)

Elegance Is Not Being Noticed is a Ward based Imp/OC story. It's fairly short and currently incomplete, it's primarily (you guessed it) romance centered story on a thinker who can actually see Aisha while her power is on. I just love Aisha's character and wanted to explore writing a non heterosexual relationship. It's actually one of two of my least viewed stories and I just abandoned it out of lack of views and feedback. It's the fluffiest of my fics and I mostly enjoyed writing Aisha banter.

Dragon Age: Origins/Dragon Age 2:

This is my very first fanfiction I ever wrote. (Correction very first I ever published online.) Being not a fan of people I really enjoyed Dragon Age Origins and Awakening and all the DLC, and I started playing back when the last dlc was coming out. Basically I was waiting for dragon age 2 and used the new lore drops from the dlc to continue my Wardens story. It was a really glitchy playthrough so I had flags and story beats that shouldn't have happened. It basically set the tone for the kinda stories I write even now. (Continued romance between a Cousland King-Consort and Morrigan with an epilogue ending).

The first prequel to In The Land of Ever. Cousland drags Alistair out to Denerim while both are very wanted men by Loghain's forces. Entirely comedic and just a love letter to Alistair as the best pal a PC could have.

Second prequel but set during the wanderings of the Warden, Alistair, Morrigan and Leliana in the Deep Roads, again it's mostly Cousland and Alistair bantering like they are want (wont?) to do.

Finally, Iris named after the Goo Goo Dolls song. It's a Warden! Alistair and Warden! Bethany friendship maybe romance that runs through DA2 continuity. It's incomplete but one of my absolute favorite stories that should probably finish. (No sex, just jokes, arguments and two forever virgins who miss their friends and family.)

#parahumans #worm #ward #fanfic #my ocs #wildbow #linkage #dragon age #dragon age 2

[fahadventure]

Learning any new thing can be tiresome, time-consuming, stressful and filled with excuses but learning languages is not! I've already shared about a multiple number of useful things that I learnt virtually and will be helpful in the future. But today, I'll share my story about learning language online which will be helpful throughout the life and how I mastered the art of regular practices (still learning though!).

It was again, in the year of 2020, when the whole world was taking nap due to the Covid-19 pandemic lock-down and when I, along with 2 of my friends started to realize that we should take the opportunity to utilize this time productively and wisely. Maintaining the safety measures, we used to sit on our rooftops and finally one day, decided to learn French as we were already good at English and our native language Bengali. This is how our first draft looked like 🤣

So, after 2 days of starting the habit, we decided to look for learning languages app and other platforms for learning language online and found a few like Duolingo, Loecsen where you can learn number of languages simultaneously. Randomly, I chose the first one as the interface looked more interesting to me and I got recommendations from one of my friends, however, you can choose any of them as most of them are similar. 

Irony is that, after downloading the app, I continued doing it on a regular basis (I have never missed a single day since the last 450 days!) but my friends joined the sea of excuses with other people leaving me alone 😢. As I said initially, learning anything can seem difficult initially but anything can be conquered through regular practices even if it is for just 5 minutes! From the app interface, you can see that it shows the language you want to learn, the gems you'll collect and can use for greater levels ahead, the learning streak etc. They will also mail you statistics of your progress so that you can keep track and count and be motivated.

There are simple practices for Reading, speaking and listening in various forms and tasks like completing sentences, Fill in the blanks, matching pairs, translation etc. Another good part is that you'll never get bored here as there are options to add your friends or random people, see their progress, motivate & compete against them etc. There are even learning language quotes which will come up periodically to boost and lift you up (Ex: Learning 10 minutes in Duolingo will take you to places, what will 10 minutes in social media do?)

So, all these were small glimpses of how my journey of learning languages or more particularly learning language online started and it's still going smoothly. As I initiated it with French only, now I know a little bit of Spanish too! Out of curiosity, I have tried Romanian and Japanese too but I found there are more convenience and similarities between French and Spanish and I'll keep my mission limited to these for now and keep the other for some other day and time. Till then, I can't wait to see you share your success story or your learning curve and screenshots of your lesson completion from units to units. For now, My lesson is complete! 

Adiós (Goodbye in Spanish)

Bonne journée (Have a good day in French)

#learninglanguageonline #learninglanguages #learninglanguageapp #learninglanguagesapp #learninglanguagequotes

[x-doctor-romantic-x]

Wesker x F!Reader

"Insanity"

This is my first fanfiction, which I ever post somewhere online. I am sorry for grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.

Warnings: blood, major character death, mental problems. 18+

Wesker's perspective

I felt empty. Like a sea shell. I felt nothing. I didn't hear people voices around me. I didn't even heard my voice inside my head. I felt like my soul left my body, my emotions was nothing. Just a body, sitting in my chair, drinking whiskey straight from the bottle and endless cig buns near me.

„I know , that she is still there. I feel it. This can't be the end. No.“

It is been 4 months since that horrible incident happened. When I lost her forever.

Another sip from bottle and dead stare to the wall. I try to notice books in bookshelf, my whole collection, kept by all this year.

Another cig is in my mouth, burning my throat slowly. And then I feel how slowly a tear rolls on my face. Single tear. I don't even remember when I cried, if I ever did. I haven't cried on Spencer's funeral, when Alex died. Never. But now I feel the emotions filling up and taking the top of my mind. Another tear rolls down my cheek and falls on my work desk.

I softly touch the top of the desk. How many memories it reminds me, all with her.

And then strong smash hits it. I'm feeling no pain. I‘m just feeling my eyes starting to glow and headache comes within.

I remember all the times when she insisted to come here, when I used to work with big projects for our better future, distracting me, sometimes just sitting nearby and humming songs in her own language. I loved it so much. But now I will never have a chance to hear that lovely voice of her. She used to sing about her hometown.

Another sip from bottle goes to burn my throat. We missed so much opportunities together. We planned our future. And now everything goes into darkness.

Another bottle that I‘ve finished and I don't even feel drunk. Not even slightly. Stupid fast metabolism and this fucking virus inside me.

I slowly get up from chair to look at the window. It‘s evening. I don't even remember how many days I‘ve been in state like this. I don't even know what time it is nor remember having proper sleep. Not seeing nightmares from that last mission where all my lovely world just got destroyed within single explosion.

I am so mad at her. She sacrificed herself to save me and her friends. Stupid. Fucking stupid supergirl. I had to be in her place detonating that bomb, but no. She took it instead of me. I already made so much evil in this world, she was innocent like an angel. I am blaming everyone. Blaming myself. Blaming every single live organ here.

I need fresh air. I‘m rushing out from the work room straight outside and at the same time I see how dark green car drives into my parking lot. I have noticed familiar figures. Wong and Kennedy gets out of the car. That is what I really don't need right now.

But I've noticed another figure in the car. And when this figure gets out of the car, every muscle in my body starts to shake and anger reaches its peak.

I can see how nervous Redfield gets by being near me. I am trying my best not to punch his face because it was his mission. Because of his stupid actions she is MIA, or even worse...

„Albert, you look horrible"

Great. Now they are mocking me.

„If you drove all this way just to see me like shit,  then you successfully did it. Congratulations. Now get the fuck out of here. And you even took this piece of shit here as well.

I am pointing at Chris, who just stands in silent, holding papers in his hands. I see Ada. She sighs and comes closer to me.

„Please, Albert. For her sake. Calm down. We came to talk"

I hear her shaking voice. Leon just stands in silent. I see that he is nervous as well. Of course.

I exhale a deep breath out of my body and I'm letting all trio into my house. When they are inside I go straight to the kitchen bar. Opening cabinets and taking another whiskey bottle and glass.

Ada, Chris and Leon sits on sofa waiting for me. When I join them, they looks at me with quite surprised faces but perfectly understands the situation. So without hesitation I pour that brown liquid into my glass and finish it with one big sip.

„Talk. Now"

Chris places documents on the desk in front of me. I see BSAA and DSO logos on them. Signed by Chris and Ingrid.

My empty head can't understand all this situation about what's going on but I take documents and start to read them. Then Chris clears his throat.

„Since you've been in grieving situation, we didn't want to include you into this search. We had been visiting explosion site once again with UBCS Team. And after countless laboratory tests we weren't able to find any of her DNA in the explosion site. We are confused and our hands are tied in this case. I am sorry Wesker.“

And then I'm starting to feel useless. Four months? How much have I missed while being a drunk idiot in my place, grieving for her soul.

„We tried to contact you multiple times but your assistant always said the same that you are not available.“

„It doesn't change the fact, that I still want to kill you with my bare hands, Redfield. Now if you said everything what you wanted – you may the fuck out of my sight"

I can't take this anymore. I stand up and run away from them to the outside. I run, I can't see where I am running. I see darkness but I just don't care. I just run, run and run.

Untill I reach forest lake. I used to come here when I wanted to be alone.

I sit on the same big rock and just close my eyes. And I see her. Her long brown hair, long beautiful legs, blue eyes. Her smile. Her damn beautiful smile.

I smile myself as an idiot in the darkness. Suddenly I hear her singing voice near me. That angelic voice.

I open my eyes and I still hear it.

And then I realise, that I am insane.

#resident evil #albert wesker #weskerxreader

[transastronautistic]

I'm not sure if you picked your name or not, but do you have any advice for choosing one? I've been having trouble with picking one

ooooh yeah anon, i picked the name Avery for myself :D besides saying things like “don’t worry if it takes you several times to get your name right, don’t worry about what others think if you change a few times” and “try some names out online / with folks you can trust and see what sounds right” and “it’s okay if a name doesn’t feel quite right immediately; it can take a little while to get used to even if it’s the name you want,” the only advice i have for you is Nerdy Advice:

to pick my name, i looked through a site with a list of gender neutral names and i started out with a list of like 12 i thought i might like. i looked up the meanings of each of those names, got rid of like half of them because the meanings weren’t ones i felt fit me even a little bit. then i thought about things like

“will people spell this wrong constantly?” that was a thing that happened endlessly with my legal name and i was tired of it haha

“does it go well with my full name?” that’s not a huge deal really; most things “go well” with any middle and last name combo and it’s just a matter of getting used to it, but i did wanna make sure i didn’t end up with awkward initials 

“does it Sounds Pretty?” i’m a big Sound person when it comes to poetry -- one of my fave poets is Aflred Tennyson and he’s the king of getting things to sound nice, doesn’t even matter what the poem is about he knows how to pick words that sound like the thing he’s discussing -- if he’s writing about a river it’ll sound like a river, ya know? so anyway yeah name Sound was even more important than name meaning to me

“does it connect to someone / something i care about?” i’m super sentimental, so picking a name that made me feel connected to one of my passions interested me. this last point is what my name choice came down to in the end:

i was between Avery, Adrian, and one other name that i’m totally blanking on right now? i went with Avery because it’s linked to the name Alfred! Avery comes from the Old French way of saying the English name Alfred; both names mean something like “elf counsel” or “elf power.” aaaaand as i mentioned a second ago, Alfred Tennyson is one of my favorite poets!!

i did a whole project on Tennyson in college, he’s one of the poets i had a special interest in for a while, and gosh personality-wise he is my fave poet. allow me a quick tangential info-dump:

he was super timid -- so much so that in Cambridge he was gonna read a thing about ghosts at the Cool Kids Club he was in but read it so quietly no one could hear him

also once he became a Famous Poet he was taking a walk on his Fancy Lordy lands and he saw in the distance what he thought was a crowd of adoring fans approaching to get his autograph and he ran away because Eek Socializing and it turned out it was just a flock of sheep he just had bad eyesite lmaooooo

he was In Love with one of the other students in his Cool Kids Club named Arthur Henry Hallam who was the Coolest of the Cool Kids, all their classmates were like “yeah Hallam is the man. he’s gonna be the most famous dude of all of us”

and Arthur and Alfred were so cute together they like. went on a top secret agent mission yes, an actual real-life spy mission together that i sorta forget the details of because what are politics but i remember it involved crossing some mountains and messages in invisible ink; these dweebs thought they were james bond or those Totally Spies gals or something

but then Arthur died super suddenly at like 22 (okay i just cheated and looked it up i was gonna say 24 what are numbers but wow. 22. that’s so young this poor baby) and Alfred was so heartbroken he wrote a big ol’ collection of poems over the course of quite a few years called in memoriam about Arthur and it’s beautiful and tragic and sweet and very very gay

“BUT NO!” cries my university professor, summoned to this post by my even breathing a word of Alfred Tennyson’s Gayness (Bi-ness more likely) “they were not homosexual together they were homosocial” -- yes professor, i know i know, your favorite Academia Term no-homo-social yes of course

“no homo” tennyson wept while writing about how his grief for arthur is like the grief of a widow for her husband; “no homo” he murmured as he worried about whether Arthur would Move On Without Him in heaven since he made it to the afterlife so much sooner than Alfred; “no homo” he signed the letters to Arthur that his son -- named Hallam!!! -- would burn  after Alfred’s death so the world wouldn’t be able to read whatever totally-not-gay stuff was written in them

anyway anyway tennyson also was probably nonbinary/trans in some way, my best guess is bigender, and you can pry THAT theory from my queer dead hands, Professor Homosocial -- 1) he wrote so many poems from women’s point of view; 2) i know i once read a quote from him about how he believes poets must be both masculine and feminine in spirit in order to be good at their craft, i can never find this quote but i know. i. read. it.

um. whoops. i’m sorry anon. uh.

anyway yes, i chose Avery out of the rest of the names i looked at because of its connection to a poet i love! if there are historical figures, or mythical/religious figures, or fictional characters you really like, and you’re a big ol’ nerd like me, why not name yourself after them? you can go for subtle like i did and pick a name related to that person instead of being the exact same name, if you want.

i hope this helped, though probably it didn’t...sorry for the Alfred spam but! he’s cute!! and a good poet!!!

#chatting tag #Anonymous

[rndyounghowze]

Amplify: Black Theatre Artists Collective Declares Independence from White Spaces

Listen to Black Artists. Honor Their Mission. Amplify their Voices

By Ricky and Dana Young-Howze

Cincinnati Ohio

Dana and I were on a Zoom meeting over the weekend talking with a cohort of applied theatre artists. As we started to talk with the attendees Dana started to notice that there were other Black Professionals in the room besides them. The more and more we looked the more we saw Black people. It turns out that our facilitator was challenged by one of their former students to seek out and find all the Black Theatre Artists that would be allies to the program if they were just invited. And not only did the facilitator listen but they honored that mission statement and they found people. And then they opened the floor for them to speak. And that's exactly what this new blog series is about.

Cincinnati Black Theatre Artists Collective is designed from the beginning to be a space that amplifies and supports Black Theatre and doesn't stoop to explain or apologize for themselves to White audiences. So what do you have to do? You are asked to listen to them..

It is easy for our host Candice Handy to go unnoticed after a while as she introduces such great talent every week. But with Candice I feel like I am in capable hands. I trust her to lead me on this journey every week. She introduced each play and each topic like this is the air she breathes. She also gives you just enough information to know what you're watching and start your research on it later. As she lays out the case for a new era of equality in theatre you have to question some assumptions you have.

Have you heard of Pulitzer Prize Winning playwright Suzan Lori Parks before? When you see these pieces acted so splendidly by Kiesha Kemper and Montez Jenkins Copeland do they fit your definition of what Black Theatre is? Why have you seen work of other Pulitzer Prize Winners like Mary Chase or Tracy Letts on the stages near you but you may have never heard of Parks?

I have read this monologue from “In the Blood” before but I never quite understood the power of it until I watched Keisha Kemper put the nuance into it. I've heard Parks talk about this play but it never was quite as illuminated as it was when Kemper started talking. Great job!

I have had a hard time before connecting to Booth or Lincoln in Topdog/Underdog but Montez Jenkins Copeland’s performance riveted me. I can tell now that Park’s words, which are already poetry on the page, don't get full life until they take up residence in the body of a capable actor like Copeland.

Does August Wilson mean more to you than just a Denzel Washington movie or two? Why have you heard of Neil Simon but maybe not Wilson? Have you heard Candice Handy talk about the Pittsburgh Cycle this long and not even looked those plays up? Is it because you know you would never see LaShondra Hood or Elliott Young portraying these characters on a live stage near you?

Why is that? Why haven't “mainstream” audiences heard of these plays? Would it be weird if this entire cast was in a production near you? It shouldn't because they exude excellence and dedication to their craft.

Hood used the camera to good effect and got in close. Up close we could see her acting with her eyes and drawing you in. I have come up with a little metric after watching a lot of theatre online to determine how good the acting is. If I can stare into the actors’ eyes for at least ten seconds without getting bored I call it a win. I lost count of how long I was watching Hood's performance. That's how good she was.

Hood’s and Elliot Young’s performances are why we've been telling people that this collective’s acting is the perfect example of digital theatre acting. It is a bar that other performances should be evaluated against. Other than some small acting choices that I wish were much stronger I really believe that Young’s voice and energy could reach through the screen and smack you. Great performance!

Do you know that even having to answer these questions I've asked with anything other than an emphatic NO is messed up? Do you know that it's messed up that actors, directors, and other Theatre Artists can't find affirming spaces for them? Do you know that feeling like you have to aggressively take space online by force has got to carry this message (whether we like it or not) that the mainstream white theatre in their town of Cincinnati, in your hometown, and their nation wasn't built for them.

So this collective is endeavoring to create a space for themselves and be unapologetically Black in them. Our job after listening and questioning is to honor their mission and start researching what is needed to make the theaters near you affirming spaces. Make your voice heard and find coalitions of your own to challenge not just your perception but the theaters around you

And lastly I challenge you to amplify the work these artists are doing. Share, praise, reach out. Get their latest video to all of your friends and let the world know what they're doing.You can find their video on their Facebook page. And continue the conversation with us on Facebook.

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