#I don't know shit about the bible

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Apple Seed 5: The Name Game

Buckle up, Buttercups. We got another long one here.

Charlie: (beginning to waddle from the cantaloupe sized bump in her belly as she makes her way towards her office) Ugh... This thing is starting to weigh a ton, and we're barely halfway there!

Vaggie: (walking with Charlie and holding her hand while rubbing her lower back) I know, babe. I know. Good news, though. You're not puking every morning and evening anymore.

Charlie: You have a good point. (enters the office and sits in her plush chair. She tries to lean over to untie her shoes but winces in discomfort, both from the baby belly pinching and how the heels are constricting on her sore hooves) *whiiiiiiiine* Vaaaaggiiiiieeeeee~

Vaggie: I gotcha, babe. Relax. (kneels down and removes the heels, watching amusingly as the hooves flex and spread in absolute glee from being freed, before sitting cross-legged on the floor and gently rubbing the soreness out of each hoof from tip to calf)

Charlie: (melts into her chair as the soreness and stiff muscles relax, tears instantly springing to her eyes) You- *sniff* You're an amazing wife, Vaggie. I don't *sniff-sniff* deserve you.

Vaggie: (rolls her eyes fondly as she continues massaging Charlie's hooves) So you say every day, hun. I'm just trying to take as much stress and ache away from you as possible.

Charlie: I say it every day because it's true...

-Pleasant silence spreads through the room-

Charlie: I have about an hour before I have to do anything.

Vaggie: (slightly perks up) Oh?~

Charlie: (wiggles excitedly) We haven't talked about baby names yet! Can we think of some now?

Vaggie: (not where her mind was going) Oh....

Charlie: Yeah! We should think of a couple to have on hand! Since we don't know the sex yet, can I-

Vaggie: Choose the girl names while I pick possible boy names?

Charlie: *gasp* How did you know?!

Vaggie: I watch you sketch names into your little baby notebook every night, babe. It's not rocket science. But, sure. I'm game. Do you want to throw a few out and the other can agree or disagree on the name?

Charlie: Yes! Okay! Me first! Rhiannon!

Vaggie: Rhiannon?

Charlie: Mm-hmm!!! And if she wants to go by a nickname like me, She can call herself Ria!

Vaggie: I guess that's alright.

Charlie: What about you?

Vaggie: Me? I don't know. I haven't thought of anything. I'm not exactly the creative type.

Charlie: Come on, Vaggie. I know you can come up with something!

Vaggie: Okay... Uh... CJ?

Charlie: CJ?

Vaggie: (blushes) Ya know... Charlie Junior?

Charlie: (big puppy eyes) Awwwww.... You want to name him after me? You're so sweet, Vaggie~ But pass. Not a fan of naming kids like that. Having you moan my name during sex would be ruined forever.

Vaggie: That's fair. (works a nasty knot out of Charlie's left calf muscle) You're turn.

Charlie: Lucy or Lily? Oh! Lucily!!!

Vaggie: After your parents?

Charlie: (nods relentlessly) Mm-hmm! My relationship with my dad has gotten a lot better since the war with the Exorcists. I think it'd be sweet.

Vaggie: You know he would cry worse than the baby when they arrive if we did that, right?

Charlie: Babe, I'M going to be crying worse than the baby when they arrive. What's your point?

Vaggie: (sarcastically) Ah, yes. The Morningstar theatrics. How could I have forgotten. (stands up, pulls a second chair over, and sits next to Charlie - gently stroking her hand over the taught skin of her belly) We're gonna have to get you new shirts and pants soon. I'm surprised we haven't had to yet.

Charlie: (groans) Don't remind me! I'm getting fat! ...Aurora?

Vaggie: Not fat, maternal. And not naming a daughter after the most useless Disney Princess. Next..... Santiago? Call him Diego for short?

Charlie: *gasp* How dare you?! Princess Aurora is.... she's..... okay, you got me there. You want to name our son after a saint? And how about Calista? Cali for short?

Vaggie: Ouph... never mind. Scratch that one..... So we go from Salvadorian to Greek names? That one's not so bad. I'm for Cali or Lucy. Rhiannon is on the fence.

Charlie: Okay, possible girl names. Check! You need to come up with one more boy name.

Vaggie: Hmmmm..... (drums her fingers gently against Charlie's belly)

Charlie: (giggles) Vaggie, that tickles.

Vaggie: (smiles) Sorry, hun. Let me see.... Well.... I'm not fully versed in the Bible or anything, but if we wanted to keep the motif of naming them after your folks. How about Samael?

Charlie: Samael? What does that have to do with my parents or the Bible?

Vaggie: Wasn't your dad's name Samael when he was in heaven? He only changed it to Lucifer after he fell???

Charlie: I.... I actually have no idea.

Vaggie: Well, we can name him Samael and call him Sammy for short? It won't be as confusing as calling him Lucifer, and I'm sure your dad will be over the moon having the baby be named after him anyway.

Charlie: (giggles again and swats Vaggie's hand off her belly) Vaggie, stop it! I said that tickles.

Vaggie: .....I didn't do anything.

Charlie: Huh?

Baby: (flutters again)

Charlie: *GASP* (holds her belly) VAGGIE, HOLY SHIT, THE BABY KICKED!!!!

Vaggie: What?! (plasters her hands to Charlie's belly)

..............

Vaggie: Nothing....

Charlie: Hmmmm.... (mental lightbulb turns on) Say the name again!

Vaggie: Samael?

Baby: (little flutter)

Vaggie: ............Sammy?

Baby: (big flutters)

Charlie: (crying quiet happy tears) Okay... Sammy... We got a name. We'll just think of a boy and girl version when they're born.

Vaggie:

#apple seed #apple seed au #chaggie #charlie morningstar #charlie #vaggie #baby names #vaggie is a fucking soft “daddy” #baby first kicks #I don't know shit about the bible #part 5 #YES I KNOW THIS ISN'T HOW THIS WORKS #I HAVE A CHILD 4FS #soft wifey #soft girlfriends #domestic chaggie #domestic #soft chaggie

[gxlden-angels]

Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn

Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished

And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue

#bro I had a coworker go 'unpopular opinion I think some kids really do need beatings' and I'm like???? #unprompted???? what's going on there???? #well anyways I ended up going 'yea so I plan on specializing in play therapy with autistic children so I've been learning about talking #to children and the ways their parents and environment affects them' #and they're like hmmm but beating this kid with a stick after they broke something or I upset them to the point of yelling is good actually #had a boss say it taught him and his kids respect cause they were hard-headed #and I'm like?? that's fear not respect! they fear punishment! they do not act out of respect for you! #he's a conservative christian black man tho so he's like 'But Authority!' like bro I don't even respect you what are you on about #'You don't respect police and their authority?' Nope! I fear them! I do not respect cops and every cop/cop-adjacent person I personally know #has reinforced that for me #'We'll agree to disagree' Cool! Doesn't mean you're not wrong! I could believe trees aren't real but that is in fact incorrect #then he pulled out the bible verse and I was like ah okay I forgot you like 'here's how to treat slaves' book you're so right bestie #I'm totally wrong now and so sorry for doubting you and your 2000+ year old book I don't believe in <3 #They'd go 'well I turned out fine!' then say something that directly contradicts that #anyways I need christians to get their grubby little hands off the current state of Child Protection and Rights in the U.S. #So we can actually start working on helping kids without the force of christian hands suffocating them #cause homeschooling and child raising by evangelicals are so fucked up bro I'm tired of this shit #I'd only stay in my current state to help children get out of that cycle since I'm in the bible belt #ex christian #religious trauma #child abuse tw

[fooltofancy]

theology conversations with my dad are also very funny because he will very earnestly say something and i have to very earnestly be like dad that's a heresy.

#he did Not go to school for theology and sometimes it shows. #he's. looking to be a chaplain for like. nursing homes etc. when he retires in a year or so and most of those places require a theo degree #and he's like well i have been reading the bible constantly for forty years!!!! and i'm like you have!!!! and that's great!!!!!!! #but you need to know that there are. vast interpretations for That Thing and you are Going to come up against them in that kind of position #and it would be GREAT to have some idea. about those things. #on the one hand i do not want to engage with that shit any more than i have already but on the other hand i would love to be able to be lik #... here are some texts. i don't believe this shit but i think u should read them perhaps.

[aa0akaace]

Gabriel probably isn't a boy kisser because- [IMMEDIATELY HAS KNIVES AND PITCHFORKS POINTED AT ME] .... because he probably doesn't even have a mouth, probably. I mean for all we know his helmet could be a part of his face or something, until we get an in game face reveal he's just shrodinger's boy kisser

#you like boyyyyssss #also i should clarify im talking about gabriel ultrakill not gabriel from that one book known as the 'bible' #also i was raised Christian but don't fucking know shit about Bible gabriel 💀💀💀💀💀💀 i forgor💀

[encrucijada]

never paid attention in church because you have adhd and all you did was daydream while looking at the ceiling but still want the catholic aesthetic in your latine coded book? introducing: just make shit up

#SHOUT OUT TO SASHA @LASBRUMAS FOR SIMPLY SAYING THEIR WIP FEATURES FANTASY!CATHOLICISM #like. YEAH i can just make shit up and borrow the aesthetic #it's okay guys i'm allowed to do this i was raised catholic it's not appropriation it's within my jurisdiction #i don't want to actually have to read the bible or do actual research (see: do more than a couple seconds of googling) #to write my hashtag religious aesthetic wips #this is gonna make barrio ángeles and catholicism gothic and hase dogs and unreliable so easy lmao #this does not include angeology because i do want to learn all i can about angels those guys are So Cool #i do know a few things again i was raised catholic and i did like 5 years of church youth group #i don't know Any specifics though lol #pia.txt #piacore

[fluffykitteninabox]

literally just downloaded a pdf of the bible and added it in my "Good Omens fanfiction" folder

#I don't know if I'm going to read it all I've never done it before #but 90% of fic writing is doing research about random shit that never interested you before this point so #plus that means the first uni I got into didn't end up being for nothing after all #shocking: former theology student has never read the bible #good omens

[scattered-winter]

looking to fuck myself up this weekend inquiring top 5 jason comics :)

while there are in fact very many jason comics in this world, asking for 5 good ones is a very tall order. nevertheless I did my best because I love he :]

5: batman: a death in the family

as depressing at it is, it's a great look into the catalyst event that really created jason as he is today <3 it has some.....less than stellar moments (joker becoming an islamic diplomat for some fucking reason, for one. what the fuck, dc) but overall if you're looking for being fucked up <3 that's a good way to go <3 and also a very good starting point for jason comics in general if you're getting into them for the first time!!!*

4: wayne family adventures (on webtoon)

funky and fun :] if you're looking for basic info/characterization on jason (or ANY batman character, tbh) it's a pretty good place to start for people who don't know who they like yet/where else to go. I will say that the character portrayals are VERY surface-level and since the webtoon is more of a comedy/slice of life genre, a lot of the....darker, messier aspects of the characters are left out, and some of the fanon characterizations have some influence on the writing from what I've seen. however it's very good for some fun shenanigans that don't require much brainpower <3

3: countdown: search for ray palmer

jaykyle bible <3 I also really love jason's characterization in this one as well, which is fairly hard to come by because his writing is so inconsistent. if you want clarification on the huge crisis event that this comic is part of, I am the Wrong person to ask <3 I largely ignore the big crises because they're so fucking confusing and I have a brain the size of a peanut

2: red hood: lost days

second to utrh only because of The Unspoken Thing that happens at the end of one of the issues (I.....cannot remember which one for the LIFE of me) that every jason fan has collectively wiped from their memory <3 it never happened <3333 but other than unspoken horrors, it's a good jason read!!! it shows some background on how he grew and changed after his resurrection into the red hood

1: batman: under the red hood

here it is <3 the red hood bible <3 every time someone has an incorrect idea of how jason acts/thinks I am waving this comic under their nose and assigning it like homework. imo this one is essential reading to understand red hood jason and if I had my way it would be required to read before writing ANYTHING about him (both canon dc writers and fanfic writers smfh)

*it's a good place to get into jason if you want to read about him as red hood, since that's the kickoff that begins his red hood journey, but if you want to read more about him as robin it's one of the last things you read. unfortunately I haven't read very many robin!jason comics since (while i LOVE the boy!!!!) he isn't as interesting to me as red hood!jason, but there are people you can ask for recs!!! @/autisticredhood would be a great person to ask for robin jason comics I think <3

ask me my top 5/10 anything!!

#i'm not a gatekeeper but utrh is in fact the jason todd bible and if you havent read it you shouldnt be writing red hood jason <3 #on GOD it was hard thinking of 5 entire jason comics that i actually like. dc cant write him consistently worth SHIT #but regardless!!!!! #these are in no particular order btw!!! they're only in order of how much i personally like them :] #but for people new to jason i would suggest reading death in the family > lost days > under the red hood #with wayne family adventures on the side as a separate thing because its fun to read but not very accurate to jason's characterization #(or Anyone's for that matter) #anyway :] i hope this is helpful :] #for Peak emotional devastation i would suggest death in the family > under the red hood #just because there are so many PARALLELS between the two that make me sooooooo unwell #its been a really long time since ive read lost days so idk where it fits into the emotional devastation aspect #ANYWAY. I KEEP GETTING DISTRACTED #ik there were some mutuals thinking about getting into comics (can't remember WHO) but hopefully this is helpful :] #if you don't know where to find any comics there are a NUMBER of free websites you can use!!! i can rec if needed #day 💫 #jason todd

[robotpussy]

its always "be your own person, i support you self expressing yourself" but as soon as i mention anything i want to do all of a sudden its the wrong decision and i should just do whatever my mum tells me

#like ok i dont want to go to church anymore i don't want to read the bible with you anymore and i don't want to do a master's degree #after my current course i would like to rest and find a job and when i mention this its 'no no no you have to do and listen to what i say #im your mother i know everything even though i have shown that i actually have no idea about your interests' #its the same with what career i want to go into with film. i want to be in the art department but my mum so badly does not #want me to be in that department she always gets upset when i say i would love to be a production designer and its like #the actual industry job is very likely not going to EXACTLY like how it is at my school.... there is a whole department for that #its noy just one person doing everything. and then i have the coding classes... #i am literally taking them so she will shut up and wont start crying the same way she does when my sister doesn't do what she #tells her to do. i have NO INTEREST in tech at all and I'm taking these stupid classes because she secretly wants me #to be in tech because she knows everything abt that industry and not film I #and when i say uh i dont want to do that actually she just guilt trips me into doing i literally cant take this shit anymore

[thetriangletattoo]

.

#yes hi hello anon #i don't know the bible and it's something ive always said and always complained about #and I'm apologizing in advance if someone here is christian #but I've been forced into the church spaces and into communion and confirmation and baptism #church and god was something i had to accept just like that #bc god is great and he loves all of us and he made us in his image #and he forgives all the wrong things we do #well that's where i started losing it #but also nobody NOBODY in ten years of weekly bible and religious lessons nobody ever opened the fucking bible and explained shit to us #and yeah i get it now I'm an adult i can do it for myself #well i don't care about it right now #it's not my fault is the church is more worried about convincing you they're the good people than to explain what happened in their so #called sacred text #i haven't been willingly in a religious setting in ten years and it was the best decision ever #also a stair can be so many things #you may be right you may be wrong #i didn't literally say anything i don't understand why you gotta talk bible in my inbox

[itstheelvenjedi]

Venty Vent post

The amount of family drama I have fucking dealt with over this past....week and a half, that came to a head this weekend. Y’all have no idea (and yeah hey hi, I dropped off the face of the earth, this is why lmfao. My parents suck 👍👍)

Anyway I think if BOTH of your kids sit you down and spend OVER 4 HOURS very gently trying to tell you that you need to see a fucking doctor and get help because you’re hurting other people AND yourself and we’re tired of pretending you aren’t anymore. And your only response to that is to fucking Bible-bash them. And straight up SAY “I know “bible-bashing” is a thing but-” as if we’re MAKING IT UP or it’s NOT REAL. Before proceeding to do FOUR HOURS of Bible-bashing without listening to a single motherfucking thing we have to say.

Then you know what fine. Fuck you. Go “pray” about it or whatever, I don’t fucking care anymore. I’m done. We’re both done with you guys. We don’t care no more.

#vent #elven screams into the void #anti-christianity #christianity critical #caps lock #ask to tag #cause i'm not rlly sure what to tag this as but uuhhh yeah #idk its been 3 days & i'm still fucking mad at this asshole #the lion the witch and the *AUDACITY* of this bible-thumping bitch #the urge to go complete NC is so strong #but i'm scared to bc they've kept me so socially isolated & so dependant on him for help #that if some fucking shit goes wrong i wouldn't know what to do & that scares me #but idk how much longer i can keep this shit up. idk how much longer i can pretend it doesn't bother me when it does #this is only the tip of the iceberg btw he had various other equally sus and fucking horrifying things to say #that i don't rlly wanna repeat here bc tumblr.hell do be cracking down on people talking about *their own damn trauma* now #and i don't wanna get murked lulz

[skullinahat]

hey i realized i can just take notes on my fantasy setting and i am. so happy

#gabbering #WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF WRITING A WORLD BIBLE #THIS SHIT IS SO MUCH FUN #i don't have SHIT about the world figure out but writing it is serving a similar function to talking #in that i'm comin up with things i didn't even know where true. its GREAT

[gxlden-angels]

*Youth Pastor Voice* The children are so used to playing around in Minecraft, but you never hear about them calling for Mine Christ

#I don't even know what to do with this one it's just so #this is cathartic it feels fucked up while also being so so ridiculous #like holy shit Jesus in fuckin Minecraft #I would've begged my parents for this shit growing up but it came out after I starting distancing myself #I also had just stopped using the girls' bible I just talked about #and started using my phone #which was frowned upon but allowed #I'm crying rn #ex christian #religious trauma

[callouiee]

x

#my cousin is so dedicated on sending #bible verses on our extended family gc #every single day 😭 #(and he's not the good kind of catholic 🫠 #mans commented so much SHIT #on one of my shared post about state and religion having #to be separate #that it looked like he was harassing my classmates #who decided to butt in the conversation 💀 #had to unfriend him) #anyway #im so SO SO tempted to send a #mocking bible verse 😭 #Styles 3:38 #[11] Spinning‚ I'm waiting for you #to pull me in; #I can see you're lonely down there; #don't you know that I am right here? #😭😭😭😭

[cidnangarlond]

consulting my sister as to why moloch and beelzebub were in a dream I had earlier today

#they were named specifically. yes I was tortured yes I ended up making a deal with the latter for revenge it was a whole thing #for reference I don't like. dabble in anything occult. the only occult things I own are the satanic bible and the satanic verses #but they're just on my bookshelf I don't really handle them. and those my sister gave to me #so idk why they were there but if anyone has any knowledge do share. why were they there <3 #also again for reference I didn't know shit abt moloch before today. and in my dream it was spelled molok but yeah #beelzebub I already knew about albeit vaguely. really I just know the imagery and how beelzebub and satan get interchanged #but other than that nothing. so I had a fun dream it was like saw in there. there was acid too not the fun kind the kind that hurts #made out of. my dream said snake venom there were loads of it. wasn't pretty what it did to a human body! #ask to tag #just in case

[48787]

So, as it turns out, my capacity for tyranny is actually fuckin huge and I'm really fucking good at it

I have so many more things to put in my book now

Peace Through Tyranny will be real circa 2048 and it'll still be sued by fucking Hasbro

#yippie peace through tyranny!! #matrix visions #So many fuckin matrix of leadership and matrix of conquest visions it's fucking unreal #A few days ago woman came up to me and my latest victim and was like “So what's wrong with you two?” #and then she started talking about the Bible. So I matched her by happily talking about my Bible study and shit #And she got taken aback and asked “So why are you living a life of sin?” and without hesitation #“Sin? What sin? Do you see any sin on me?” dressed as the most obviously queer person imaginable with a mask and cap on blocking my smile #and most of my telling facial expressions. She looked me up and down for a moment and went “Oh. Oh I see.” and then started talking about #where she's from and before she got to the “we don't dress like that there” part i go “Oh cool #I've got family there!“ which wasn't a lie because lying is inefficient and asked where she was from in her own damn home state and she #just got flustered. Eventually she fled with a smile on her face and I don't know what the hell she saw when she said “I see” #Maybe she realized I wasn't gonna stop talking. Maybe she realized I knew what I was talking about. Maybe she remembered the golden rule! #But to be completely honest I think she just realized she literally couldn't tell what was in my pants and didn't want to risk #the ego damage of realizing “Damn I can't actually tell who is and isn't trans even though I keep saying I can” #Because if she called me a man I'd nod my head. If she called me a woman I'd nod my head. This shit ain't nothing to me man. #I'm just. So glad my friend who I was taking care of this for didn't turn around and show off the literally Satanic shit she was wearing #Anyway that was the most opely hostile interaction but imagine that stretched over the course of a week #And I made them all fucking smile. Gave em the Lucitron Razzledazzle. or whatever lol #The Matrix of Deception really fuckin did light my darkest hour I can tell you that much. The other 2 were giving so many visions too. #There was even plenty more to the lady I mentioned but god. I am so fuckin good at tyranny it's unreal #I am a MACHINE that turn REACTIONARIES into FAGGOT LOVERS #And I'm coming to a State near you!! #Thinking it's the “Gay Agenda” means you've already fallen for my literal communist plot

[navree]

i want everyone to know that this latest issue of gotham war legit has me mad enough that i'm like a heartbeat away from deciding to make one of my class papers (meant to be about the myths of our modern culture) entirely about the myth of the superhero and the idea of comics being "good" solely so i can waste a good chunk of the word limit fucking raging about batman

#personal #if dc could perhaps stop ruining the relationship i am most invested in wrt their properties and also traumatizing my fave character #for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES #i just want a solid 365 days where bruce doesn't do something horribly abusive to his children in general but also specifically to jason #i would like a full year of their relationship making steady fucking progress without shit getting in the way #yes i KNOW it's zur en arr but i certainly don't fucking trust any of these writers so far to do the aftermath well #i certainly don't trust them to actually like...make the conversation be about the fact that jason has the right to feel real fucking angry #and super hurt #or to put any focus in future issues on bruce having to take concrete steps to mend that relationship and have HIM put in the effort for on #*once #i probably won't make this my paper topic just cuz it's a bit too nebulous for what the overall goal of the paper is #it's probably gonna be more about historical accuracy in the bible #but man i just might i really just might #to excise my own rage