#I can't stand it here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius · 3 months

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Really thought there would have come a time when my mother stopped trying to go through my files but apparently fucking not

#so i'm never leaving my laptop unattended ever again until i move out. okay i see how it is #“why don't you tell me anything” because i can't fucking trust you #and this is why #i can't stand it here

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choking-on-roses · 4 months

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I think I'm going to quit my job in February regardless of if I get this new job or not.

#personal #i can't stand it here #just got yelled at for raising a serious safety concern in an email #next time I'm gonna seriously yell back at the skinny little motherfucker #get myself fired in all likelihood

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detransfem · 2 months

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Nothing hurts like understanding that you need to move out but having zero support system

#can't hold a job to save my life #or drive either #i can't stand it here

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thenerdcommander · 2 years

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Really wish I didn’t have impulse control issues rn bc I promised myself I’d wait a couple months to really think through and thoroughly plan my move with the goal simply to be out of this state and working on my new state residency by the time the overturn of Roe gets voted on...but the urge to jump ship NOW after a mere week of research and planning is so fucking strong. I want OUT. I don’t even have any kind of ID anymore to make it feasible at this present moment in time but I need away from here ASAP.

#oversharing on main yet again? couldn't be me #I've just been hit with this strong feeling of being trapped and caged #it's suffocating #not only because this is a red state and I know I'm in danger #but also because I'm sick of living with my shitty family #they haven't even done anything today to make me want to run #I just hate it here #I want to be free with full autonomy over myself and I want to be able to go to therapy and I want to be out of the closet in REAL places #that aren't the internet and I want to wear binders and transition and I want to be able to have partners that I don't have to keep secret #and to love them openly and loudly where everyone around me can know I'm a simp without putting my mental health in jeopardy and I want to #be somewhere I don't have to abide by unnecessarily strict rules and schedules and don't have to perform to receive love from people who #expect me to be a perfect little lady that'll give them grandchildren and provide for a cishet white husband that I'll definitely have one #day and I want to wake up in the morning knowing I'm safe and that I won't be judged for merely existing #that's all I want #I can't stand it here

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senkuplushie · 2 years

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this

Uh, random vent. Feel free to ignore. I'm only posting because I don't think any of my friends are available to talk at the moment, and I can't turn to anyone I know irl for shit. Fair warning, my grammar and capitalization are gonna be all over the place.

TW: General biological family issues, severe emotional/verbal abuse, referenced physical abuse [it was rare, dw], slightly implied thoughts of suic!de, sorta heavy language

If you're gonna comment something about how I shouldn't feel this way because I'm "related" to them, or how I shouldn't feel this way because others are dealing with worse, just leave [or get blocked]. I don't need that shit.

I can't fucking take listening to my mom say how I should still love my so-called "dad" because "he's my family". No, he fucking isn't. If he was my "family," he wouldn't have abandoned me for some random women off of the street. he wouldn't be the reason I flinch every time someone raises a hand. he wouldn't be one of the main reasons I can hardly ever believe even a little bit in myself. he wouldn't be the main reasons I feel like a piece of shit whenever I even consider asking anyone for help. he wouldn't have neglected close to every parenting responsibilty possible. he wouldn't have spent every second of his free time on everything BUT me, "his" child--no, I'm not saying ALL of his time was supposed to be devoted to me, I'm just saying that he hardly ever spent any of it in that way.

Yes, I understand that my mom grew up in a household with much more "traditional" views/beliefs on family and parenting, and I get that she's struggling to adapt to the changes in those things, but I wish she wouldn't project it onto me. The most I ever get from her when I vent about anything is an, "I know", "you're too young to be stressed," "you're overreacting/over-sensitive," "I had to do/deal with much more than that at your age and I never bitched about it," or something similarly disregarding and/or degrading. Yes, I know she's trying (?) to help, but it just upsets me.

Oh, here's another one of my favorites: "Your brother went through the same thing, and he didn't complain." I'M NOT MY FUCKING BROTHER. I don't hit or threaten to kill other people's dogs just because they were in the way. I don't call other people stupid just because they can't understand something I said. I don't discriminate against others solely because they're different from me in some way/ways. I'm sorry I'm too young to make all of the money for you that he does. I'm sorry I'm too young to help you as much as he does. I'm sorry I can't function perfectly after a week of no sleep like you claim he does. I'm sorry I accidentally tip things over, even if I don't cause any harm to them at all. I'm sorry I acknowledge that I have rights, even if I'm younger. I'm sorry that I disagree with all of the power he's allowed to have over me. I'm fucking sorry that I don't want him to walk all over me and use me like a personal servant. I'm sorry that I realize that all of you are abusive. I'm sorry that I have my own thoughts and beliefs. I'm sorry I'm not a soft-spoken, blank slate for you to force all of your interests and thoughts on, a mind slave for you to own and have complete control over. I'm sorry I didn't enjoy being your personal therapist for your childhood trauma when I was five fucking years old. I'm so incredibly sorry you didn't listen to the doctors when they told you to abort me.

"The youngest child is always the parents' favorite," my ass. I wish people would stop believing that shit and worshipping it like a religion just because it's what they went through.

#fuck this #biological family is overrated #biological family is so fucking overrated #I can't stand it here #and people wonder why I turn to a nonexistant fictional character for comfort #get me the fuck out of here #get me the fuck out of here already #tw: abuse #tw: emotional abuse #tw: emotional trauma #tw: thoughts of suicide #tw: self loathing #tw: verbal abuse #tw: severe verbal abuse #tw: mentions of physical abuse #i just want someone to hold me

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reminiscingtonight · 18 days

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Reign I'm really going to need you guys to pull your shit together for tomorrow's game

#please i beg #i can't stand it here

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greencarnation · 5 months

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eleven is fascinating to me because he came right off the back of tens horrible traumatic breakdown after he lost everything and he immediately tried to establish himself as the opposite of that. he is funny and goofy and almost childlike, and he bulldozes on in his adventures with amy like nothing happened at all. but then something happens and his masks slips and it's like oh! the core of this man is still anger. he is so so angry all of the time and this façade is the only thing stopping him from being consumed by it. he isn't over any of it and he hasn't moved on. he is wearing a fez and laughing but under that all that exists is age old anger and grief and it is going to consume him

#i do think that this pit of anger was eventually covered and soothed by the ponds #but he didn't adress it and he couldn't even look at it until he was twelve #when he stopped pushing back and repressing everything and finally allowed himself to exist as he was #but ok listen #its all layed out in the first 3 episodes of season 5 and in the way amy sees him #episode 1. here is the new doctor he is energetic and reeling and fun #episode 2. the space whale comparison. here is the new doctor. he is unthinkably ancient and almost godlike but he is so so kind #and patient and good. he is ancient and lonely but he can't stand to see children cry. so the doctor helps people #episode 3. daleks. the doctor is a soldier. these are his age old enemies. he wants them dead and he will stop at nothing #all logic and reason vanish. he is hitting the dalek with a pipe and yelling his head off while amy watches in horror #like obviously we know why but amy didnt #this is not a sane or rational man he is unstable and angry #and in that episode he was stripped back to what he largely is: hate #you would make a good dalek ect ect ect #anyway 3 episodes with 3 very distinct and equally definitely traits layed out like: here you go #i don't like elevens era much but those first 3 episodes were great #doctor who #eleven #amy #eleventh doctor #matt smith #dr who #dw #i mean idk this is what river literally had to spell out for him #eleven was careening completely out of control #how long til doctor means warrior indeed?#mine

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bedlund · 3 months

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#tomorrow!! stand your ass up and go to the cinema!! or on friday if you're in the us #lisa frankenstein #also sorry i feel like somebody's already posted this pic on here but i can't find it

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ansonmountdaily · 9 months

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Space dad adopts yet another child: Character development

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds/Lower Decks crossover

STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS 2x07 "Those Old Scientists"

#star trek strange new worlds #strange new worlds #star trek #spoilers #star trek lower decks #captain pike #christopher pike #anson mount #tvedit #trekedit #strangenewworldsedit #*edit #brad boimler #jack quaid #pike's like 'come stand here son'#'where i can see you'#'and where you can't cause trouble'#except of course boimler CAN and will :D #jack quaid was fantastic <3

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ravenekrops · 2 years

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god i am not okay

#i can't stand it here #and i don't even know where 'here' is #*gestures vaguely*#i can't just go to sleep after this #i need to wake up in three hours anyways so who cares #my life is a joke. and an unfunny one at it #chatter #vent i guess

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inkskinned · 2 years

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it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

#pretty in this post is a stand in for . literally all forms of normativity #warm up #tbd maybe idk #ps! hi!! i'm queer!!!!!!!!! it is how i identify! if you tag this 'q slur' i will fight you!!!#i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person!#this is EXACTLY how people reclaim it !!!#it's like practically ACADEMIC in this usage!!#please do any reading into what the fuck the history of the word ''queer'' is before telling me #as someone identifying as queer #that i'm a slur. that the place i find comfort in is a slur #''well it makes me uncomfortable if people use it for me''#im sorry to hear that dude. that sucks. i hope things get easier for you soon #but you don't get to take it from ME #in case you can't tell by the REST of this piece #i DID hear queer used as slur against me. i DID get bullied with it. i DID hear a lot of shit said #i also heard it about lesbians #about ''being gay''#about pretty much any fucking term that could describe me.#i like queer. i like how it feels. and it's mine.#you don't get to undo the work i've done personally because it makes u uncomfortable #it's ahistoric to pretend like there are ''safe'' ways to identitfy if ur queer.#none exist. it has never been safe to be like this.

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steviesbicrisis · 1 year

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💫 Steve Harrington's House 💫

So, after this post, I couldn't let go of this house. I decided to rebuild it in The Sims and then I had so much info I felt the need to share it. Other than commenting on some crazy aspects of this mansion, I think it can give some input/ideas for possible scenarios in fanfiction! (for one, I'd like to know what Eddie thinks about half of the features of this house lmao). My process was: canon information > actual house information > gaps I filled the best I could Disclaimer: keep on describing Steve's house however you want to!! I'm sharing this in case you wanna be as close to the actual house as possible!

Listings: Zillow | Trulia | Homemetry

Credits: Sticky notes by rawpixel.com | Washi tapes by rawpixel.com | background paper by starline all on Freepik

#I stand by what I said last time #Stevie you deserved a better house to be abbandoned in #can you believe they have 3 guest bedrooms?#and LOFTS??#5 car spaces???#3 fireplaces???#WHY #literally all the characters could live comfortably in here at the same time #also I can't stop thinking about Steddie making dumb excuses to sleep in the same bed since CLEARLY Steve has space #or the potential snuggles in front of the fireplace #also the unfinished basement would've been perfect for hiding Eddie wth???#stranger things houses #steve harrington #steve harrington house #stranger things #steddie #steve harrington's house layout #the harrington's house layout

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teaboot · 5 months

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Theoretically I enjoy living with people but unfortunately when you tell people you're a neuroatypical raccoon with twelve ongoing hobbies, completely random work hours, and a series of admittedly unusual lifelong compulsions they tend to hear that and go "oh haha you're trying to be Quirky okay" and then save their ten million questions and concerns for when you can't run away

#Im venting #Sometimes I HAVE TO sleep on the floor #Sometimes I HAVE TO stand on the coffee table #I own a blowtorch because sometimes I NEED TO USE A BLOWTORCH #What kind of lives are yall leading that you just NEVER HAD AN OOPSIE AND SPILLED BEESWAX IN THE KITCHEN #Like what isn't clicking here #'Why do you have a trumpet if you can't play the trumpets because I'm an ADULT #'The leopard is creepy' your FACE is creepy #Objectively I am aware that the way I do things is Not Normal but it's Normal For Me #And so many people demanding REASONS and it's exhaustingggg #I'm autistic I'm bored and I have ten thousand hobbies and a zest for life #If you don't wanna make paper mache body armor at 3pm on a Wednesday just be open about that #But like #I did warn you #I warn EVERYONE so I KNOW I WARNED YOU #*screeching*

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tatakaeeren · 10 months

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