#I can’t even imagine him should we reach The Hollow Boy and the aftermath of lucy leaving

[alexiethymia]

Listen, book!Lockwood who is so repressed that it just translates to beaming smiles has a special place in my heart, but at the same time I cannot stress how much I appreciate the live action series for showing us unbelievably exhausted Lockwood who’s so obviously scared that Lucy and George will eventually leave (willingly or otherwise) but still has the gall to push them away. My boy was barely pulling it together. And ofc he would be so tired that the bags under his eyes are so prominent because we’re outside of Lucy’s POV now. Lucy who’s always had rose-colored glasses when it comes to him.

Speaking of Lucy, I really do love how she calls him out. She’s so aggressive with her love. It’s like she’s demanding that George and her will love and care for him and there’s absolutely nothing Lockwood can do about it so he just better shut up and take it. Peak found family right there.

How that scene where Lockwood comes to apologize to Lucy in the kitchen had so much ‘husband in the doghouse’ vibes, and how ultimately what Lucy is really mad about is just her wanting Lockwood to value his life more. And for Lockwood to outright admit that yeah he was a bit suicidal but it’s a bit like he found a new reason for living because of Lucy and George, again I say PEAK FOUND FAMILY, this is my jam. The ease of which Lucy being Lucy calms him down. (Ugh, again the domesticity of choosing egg cups). He can’t stand when she’s mad at him and he learns about apologizing properly this time around, but when she wordlessly forgives him, you can see on his face how he could fall so quickly and deeply in love with her. That’s one thing I love so much about the live action series. While the book showed us more of Lucy’s feelings for Lockwood, I actually think the series highlights Lockwood’s feelings more in that if I hadn’t read the books beforehand, I could have easily seen it as Lockwood falling first. His abandonment issues are so prominent in the series and while they play it with humor with Fittes and Kipps, you can just see that desperation behind the lighthearted tone, and for Lucy to say that she chooses Lockwood and George anyway….!

This is basically an excuse to ramble about the little things they add in the series that I love so much, which works because we’re not restricted to Lucy’s POV, in no particular order:

How Flo can immediately see how Lockwood feels about Lucy because of the effect she has on him. Prior to that statement, she’d only met Lucy once before, but that brief meeting told her everything she needed to know. She probably knew Lockwood in the aftermath of his family’s death, so for her to see Lockwood just buttering someone’s else toast for them and being all domestic and smiley, treating another person like a family member especially considering how guarded he is, she must have thought (and rightly so) that meeting Lucy made him have an appetite for life again.

We actually get to see Fittes’ and Lockwood’s side of the fight! And it was awesome. “I’m Anthony bloody Lockwood.” I can no longer remember if that line was in the book or not but idc I love it.

George and Lucy’s scene was in the book, but the acting in the series just really sold it for me. How Lucy’s heart just broke hearing George talk about himself, especially everything he said then were feelings I’m sure she’s also had about herself. I seriously loved that last episode. George and Lucy were adorable. Again I say, found family ftw.

The rise of the Flo x George ship! “You, me, and herons!” Again I say, adorable.

There are some elements that work better in book format, but in many ways the tv series really did elevate this beloved book series. It was a wonderful, wonderful adaptation. As a reader, I couldn’t be more satisfied. As a shipper, I couldn’t be more ecstatic.

#lockwood & co. #lockwood and co #locklyle #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood #george karim #george cubbins #flo bones #books #tv #I loved it so much #I thought pining lucy was bad enough #but pining lockwood?? #omg I can’t believe we’re in the best timeline #if he’s already like this at this point #I can’t even imagine him should we reach The Hollow Boy and the aftermath of lucy leaving #he already had a death wish #he will no doubt end up unhinged at this rate when lucy leaves

[gandrewheadcannons]

I wanted to share some writing I had done earlier this summer with you all! If you like it let me know if I should continue? It’s meant to be a story focusing around the beginning of their time in Washington and into the podcast. I’ve left it at a really weird stop but that’s all I had so far.

Title: Undetermined

Pairing: Garrett Watts/Andrew Siwicki

Tags: Mention of prescription medicine, mention of Jeffree/Shane/Ryland, unfinished

Evening is dimly creeping through the half-opened windowpane casting a glow across the built-in table connected to the cramped inner wall of Andrew's microscopic kitchenette. His studio apartment in LA sat cramped in-between Hollywood and Calabasas, a mediocre waypoint for his work for the last few years. He clicks the viewfinder and focuses on the bright oranges and yellows that dance teasingly across the glittering tabletop; catching flicks of sliver and reflecting them back to the lens. A mug of dark roast with just an edge of too much cream is left forgotten in the corner of the frame. It feels cinematic and lonely all at once. The cafe style booth he sits in causes his back to ache, the rest of the kitchen a sterile and unforgiving white, but he misses capturing the day to day beauty the world had to offer. He imagines the reel being played back with a layered sound of twinkling windchimes, quiet laughter and a piano reverb with cuts of the morning sunrise on a hike and steam off the top of a ceramic mug. A familiar face with flecks of blonde in the beard, strong jawed and a roguish smile weaving in and out of the frame, turning back to laugh at something the cameraman said.

“-with a mandate like this.” Garrett is brushing his teeth through Facetime. Andrew catches the corner of his bamboo toothbrush flashing in and out of the lens. He must have laid his Iphone flat on the countertop because when Andrew really looks he can see the bottom of the mirror and a bunch of bright light.

“I know. It sucks. Couldn’t get honey the other day, man. Fucking honey. It’s not like the bees are going anywhere.” He laughs but it doesn’t feel funny. The minimal supply he had was dwindling thin. He was beginning to ration his meals and he wasn’t sure how much toilet paper was left under the bathroom sink. It was all very apocalyptic without any of the zombies or scientists swooping in with immediate remedies.

“Ah dude.” Garrett spits and there’s a tapping sound like he’s hitting his toothbrush on the edge of the porcelain sink before he fully pops into frame. He looks relaxed, sandy hair flopped to one side and beard properly scruffy though they’d only been locked down about a week and a half now. “I know. I can’t handle it anymore. I miss people.” Andrew hums at that. He doesn’t really. He misses the occasional gathering, sure, but he hadn’t quite placed his anxiety surrounding the idea of seeing others since they’d released the Jeffree series. "What was it that bothered you most about taking part in this?" His therapist had asked him. "I missed the fun," he’d answered. "What was the fun?" She’d pressed deeper. "Garrett," Andrew had been quick to reply. "And like. Everyone else too." He'd added when she hadn't said anything. "I miss it not feeling work." She had let him talk about that instead.

"Some people." He tacks on to Garrett who hums easily. He doesn’t think he misses many of the people he’d spent most of 2019 with, his life a mixed cocktail of Ambien, Adderall and Lexapro without any feelings of relaxation manifesting. His psychiatrist had discouraged upping his doses anymore and by early January she began urging him to begin seeking new opportunities to “work on his environment”. He hadn’t quite figured out the avenue to take to do just that.

"Well, some people." Garrett agrees and he's already back out on his couch. "I don't know how many more times I can watch Winter Soldier before I freak out." Garrett sighs. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Same as you and every other person." He turns his camera off. He needs the break from the screen.

"I miss you." Garrett is easy like that. He isn't ashamed to tell people how he feels in every moment. It was something to be admired and yet Andrew just felt envy at it. When Garrett had begun to slip away from him, melting like honeydew sweet and sour into a depth of a place where Andrew couldn't quite find him, he'd only managed to grab him back out by Garrett's honesty. Doesn't know if they'd be having this conversation if Garrett hadn't used that honesty like an anchor and letting Andrew catch him last minute with it.

"I can come over." Andrew offers. He hates being confined in these walls anyways. It was hollow and dark. The email from Shane still sat open on his Mac across the room on his bed. Thinking of extending the break, can't really decide. Want to get quarantined together? I have a few video ideas we could maybe mess around with or just film some day to day footage until creativity strikes us it reads. His skin itches for the company but the image of their guest room makes him uneasy. Doesn't know if he could withstand being there with very little to fill his hands with, editing complete and no real ideas on the table for the time being.

"I can come to you." Garrett offers like he was inconveniencing Andrew who had offered anyways.

"If you touch your car right now I am going to freak out Garrett Watts." Andrew admonishes. "The second they open up the garages and mechanics again I'm making you take that thing there, burn it and we get a new one." He's opening a duffle now and throwing in his travel toiletries and a few pairs of underwear.

"Oh come on Andrew it's not so bad." Garrett laughs as if Andrew wasn't still reeling from the aftermath phone call of Garrett nearly wrecking on the 101 barreling top speeds until he reached a secluded patch of grass to slow his Pirus down onto. By the time Andrew heard the story Garrett was okay; Michael had gone to pick him up and Garrett was sending pictures of little Star Wars figurines that Michael kept mounted on his dashboard. His heart didn’t calm until he had managed to get his hands on Garrett in person though, sneaking out for an afternoon to grab some coffee with Garrett before heading back to Shane’s to finish editing. His shins still feel heavy with the weight of Garrett’s calf as he’d pressed their knees together until the table while they’d talked – the weight reminding him of how alive and okay Garrett really was.

"Oh yeah a car that dies out randomly is really great." Andrew throws in a box of protein bars and a Gatorade into his bag. He hesitates before grabbing a stitched bear made from gray yarn, green buttons for eyes luring him in. "I'll be over soon." He doesn't know how well the conversation will hold up over Facetime as he's moving.

"Okay cool Andrew." Garrett's eyes are soft. "See you soon. My dad is actually calling."

"Tell him I said hi. See you soon." He so easily could tack on endearment, babe at the tip of his tongue burning hot. Garrett's ending the call before Andrew even has the chance.

**

The half opened can of frosting is across from, the only lights on are the ones twinkling from some intricate set up Garrett had on a shelf. Garrett’s on the third loop of the home screen on Prime, humming thoughtfully whenever he pauses on a summary to read but then continuing to scroll before picking one. He’s slumped down low, long legs kicked out on the coffee table while Andrew is curled up in a ball against his side. Once, Caleb had pointed out that if people didn’t know them they’d get the impression that they were dating. Garrett and Andrew had awkwardly laughed at that comment, tinged with humiliation at how their relationship was being interpreted. They tried to be better then, not letting themselves fall so in sync when other people were around.

Andrew loved it like this though, when it was just him and Garrett, so he could press his cheek into Garrett’s bicep and not have to question why it felt so right. In his left hand his phone illuminated with another message from Shane. Opening it he read a message about how much they all missed him and wanted him there during this time. Apparently Ryland was looking for someone to help film a video he had planned. He quickly shut the screen off and pulled back from Garrett some, his stomach in a sudden tangle of knots.

“Good?” Garrett asked him looking down. His crew neck was for Spokane and looked a little like the Taco Bell logo from when they were younger. He’d paired it with a pair of sweat shorts for the night as they were both supposed to be going to bed soon. Andrew picked at his own Adidas track pants, imagining a loose thread to busy his hands.

“You ever just. Feel like you gotta get out?” He tilts his head to the side and watches Garrett pause what he’s doing with his Playstation controller and set it carefully on his coffee table.

“In what way?” He asks thoughtfully, turning so his chest was open to Andrew. Their knees bumped and Andrew felt like a little boy when he wished he could crawl and hide in the empty space of Garrett’s lap.

“Like okay. Say you just really loved what you used to do. You basically achieved your dream job. You have all these amazing people, you like your boss, things are going really great and you’re making a lot of money.”

“You buy yourself a really good vacuum.” Garrett plays along teasingly causing them both to laugh.

“You get yourself those stackable containers for your meal prepped lunches.” Andrew plays back. “But then…” He runs his tongue inside his teeth then outside methodically. He searches his brain to try to figure out what to say to Garrett to

“Then?” He drums his fingers on Andrew’s knees to get him back to the present.

#gandrew #gw #as #my writing

[emisfritish]

All the sudden I feared

Pairing : Kang Gook/ Han Tae Joo (Where Your Eyes Linger)

Summary : The aftermath of episode 6.

Notes : This is my take on what could happen right after the ending of episode 6. And until the show comes and shatters it all, I’m sticking to it because that shit hurt, and my heart needs a little healing. 

Title from the song Fear by Mino (ft. Taeyang)

For @sarawatism. This is... not at all what you asked for xD ! But here you go anyway.

-------- 

This can’t be happening. 

Gook looks around him at where all the furniture is lying on the floor, table knocked over and couch cushions split open, and his heart starts beating faster than it’s ever beaten before. 

No. This isn’t happening.

Their living room, their home, looks wrecked with the clear signs of a fight having occurred. His eyes catch on the desk where his metallic statues are still standing tall, the only pieces of the room that were left untouched, as if mocking him.

No, no, no, no. This can’t be happening. Not today.

Tae Joo has to be fine. Tae Joo is fine, and this can’t be happening. Gook never imagined that something serious could actually happen to Tae Joo, and he can’t quite believe that someone would harm Tae Joo. That he didn’t protect him.

“Tae Joo !” he starts shouting while walking frantically around their small house.

Please, let him be safe. If something actually happened to Tae Joo, Gook knows he’ll never forgive himself, never recover. Especially not after their fight earlier today.

No. This can’t be happening right now. He won’t let it happen, not when he’s finally decided to stop fighting his feelings. 

A sudden noise coming from the bedroom pulls him out of his thoughts and his head whips in the direction the sound came from, seeing the door to their bedroom closed.

What if the person that had attacked Tae Joo was still there ? 

He starts running towards the door and bangs it open, making his way into the room before he stops suddenly at the sight that greets him inside. 

Han Tae Joo.

From where he’s standing, Gook can only see Tae Joo’s back and profile, the other boy not facing the door and seemingly busy folding some clothes onto the bed. Gook’s eyes travel all over his body, trying to find any sign that the other boy was hurt, and he feels relief swoop all over his body when he notices that Tae Joo doesn’t seem harmed. 

“Tae Joo,” he breathes in relief, and the other boy doesn’t even acknowledge him, the focus on his task unwavering.  

“The living room… The furniture… I thought… You’re okay. You’re really okay. Why didn’t you answer when I called ?” he asks, heart still beating way too quickly even as he can feel it slowing down in his chest now that he has proof that Tae Joo is okay.

“That was me. For a minute, I wanted you to feel scared that something had happened to me, but then I decided it wasn’t worth it. I was going to put it back before…” Tae Joo explains, back still turned to Gook and still busy folding clothes on the bed. 

Why is the entire content of his wardrobe currently thrown on the bed ? Uneasiness starts growing in Gook’s stomach. 

“Before what ?” he asks in a small voice, making his way further into the room and closing the door behind him. He stands next to Tae Joo and tries to catch his eyes with his, but the other boy won’t budge and turn towards him, still thoroughly ignoring him. 

Suddenly he starts walking towards their wardrobe and pulls the suitcase that’s lying on top of it, before making his way back to the bed and throwing it open on it. He starts putting piles of clothes in the suitcase without ever glancing towards Gook.

“Before leaving.”

Before leaving. The words ring in Gook’s ears, and he feels his stomach clench uncomfortably for the second time tonight. 

“Tae Joo… What are you doing ?” he asks, catching the boy’s wrist to stop him from putting yet another pile of clothes in the suitcase. 

Finally, the other boy turns towards him, face completely blank apart from the emotion shining in his red-rimmed eyes. 

Tae Joo stares at him in silence for about 30 seconds before he finally explains. 

“I’m setting you free.”

Gook looks into his eyes and he sees the heartbreak in them, before Tae Joo looks away and forcefully pulls his wrist from Gook’s grasp and starts packing again.

God, he did this. He’d sworn to himself he would protect Tae Joo from everything, and yet he’s the one that hurt him bad enough that the other boy can’t even stand to look him in the eyes for more than a minute. 

No. This can’t happen. He already feared he had lost Tae Joo once tonight, he can’t actually lose him. Not when the boy is right there, in front of him. He can’t lose him, not that way. 

“But I didn’t go and see your dad,” Gook whispers, trying to make sense of the situation and understand how it could have happened. He was supposed to fix this. 

“I thought about it, and why should you be the one to leave ? It was unfair of me to ask. This is your home too, even if you feel trapped in it. So I’ll leave. I’ll talk to dad, ask him to go to England and to find you another job. Or you can find another one if you prefer, you’ll have options. You can be happy, you can be free.”

Tae Joo doesn’t even turn towards Gook while pronouncing the words that are breaking his heart, and Gook feels his breath catch in his throat with the surge of emotions that rush through him.

He thought he had more time. More time to make things right between them. He doesn’t want to be set free. Not from Tae Joo.

It can’t end this way. Gook has spent so long suffering while Tae Joo got with any girl that looked his way. And now that his friend has finally figured out is going on between them, what has always been growing between them, he’s leaving. Tae Joo was brave enough to confess and talk about the feelings that have been growing between them for 15 years, and Gook threw it all back in his face. He has to fix this.

“No,” he says suddenly, catching Tae Joo’s wrist once again, while being careful not to squeeze it too hard, and forcefully turning the other boy towards him.

Tae Joo won’t look at him, eyes travelling over Gook’s shoulder to avoid having to look him in the eyes, but Gook can see the tears pooling in his friend’s eyes and he feels his heart break in his chest. 

“Tae Joo, no. You can’t leave.”

“Look, it’s like you said, I always do what I want anyway,” Tae Joo answers back, voice broken and still avoiding Gook’s eyes. 

“But you don’t want this, I know you don’t want this. And I don’t want this either,” Gook starts to answer, before Tae Joo cuts him off suddenly, tears overflowing from his eyes and falling on his cheeks when he finally turns fully towards Gook and looks at him.

“But I don’t want you to suffocate here with me either !” he shouts, emotion making his voice tremble, and Gook feels like he’s been punched in the chest at the words. He never thought it would happen, yet they’ve managed to break each other so thoroughly that Tae Joo actually believed his words from earlier.

“I’m not,” he begs Tae Joo to understand. “I’m not suffocating.”

“You said that you’d never been happier or felt freer than the week I was gone in the 15 years that we’ve known each other, Kang Gook. 15 years ! And you keep saying you’re trapped here, and that you’re my slave. I don’t want that for us.” Tears are still crawling down Tae Joo’s cheeks and Gook feels tears finally break down his cheeks too, emotion clogging his throat. 

Tae Joo’s head falls towards the ground looking so defeated, the move breaking their eye contact and Gook knows exactly how he feels. He knows exactly how he feels because he feels the same hollowness that Tae Joo must be feeling echo in his own chest. 

“Look, this is my fault,” Tae Joo whispers, voice broken. “I keep forgetting that for 15 years, you’ve been at my side because you’ve had to be, not because you chose to be. But just because you’re the most important person in my life, it doesn’t have to mean you need to stay trapped here with me. You can be free. This master is setting his slave free.”

Gook didn’t think he could regret those words more than he did already, and yet here he is. He really wishes Tae Joo would stop throwing them back in his face, but he also knows he hurt his friend deeply when he told that to Hyemi.

“I don’t want to be freed,” Gook whispers, tears still silently falling down his cheeks as he takes one step closer to Tae Joo, before putting his thumb beneath Tae Joo’s chin and lifting it up so he’s looking at him in the eyes again.

He needs Tae Joo to look at him so he can understand that Gook means every word he’s saying right now. 

“But you said…” Tae Joo starts to protest, eyes wandering all over Gook’s face. 

“I lied ! It was like you said, I only wanted to anger you. I wanted to hurt you the way you’ve hurt me in the past, but I didn’t mean it. I am happy, I’ve been happy all those years. I don’t feel trapped, and I don’t want to be without you.”

Tae Joo stays silent at the words, eyes still travelling all over Gook’s face and silent tears still running down his cheeks, and Gook can read the indecision battling within him, as well as the tiny bit of hope shining in his eyes. 

“Please, I’m begging you,” Gook says, purposefully echoing his words from a couple days ago. “Don’t go. We can fix this.”

They both stare at each other in silence for a minute, tears starting to dry off on both of their cheeks. 

“Please, let’s do what I want this time. And what I want is for you to stay,” Gook continues when Tae Joo still hasn’t said anything.

Finally after what feels like an eternity but is probably only mere seconds, Tae Joo finally nods quietly and Gook feels his shoulder deflate with relief. They can fix this. 

He takes Tae Joo by the wrist, and he pulls him out of the bedroom and away from the dreaded suitcase, walking to the living room. Once they reach the trashed room, he moves a couple of broken pillows from the couch and he sits Tae Joo down on it, before he goes to grab the two chocolate milks he bought earlier and comes back to sit next to Tae Joo, handing him one of the drinks. 

Tae Joo takes it silently, and Gook sees a tiny smile appear on his face, the first he’s seen since before their fight at the gym earlier today.  

Tae Joo pops open the chocolate milk with the small plastic straw attached to it, before he looks around the room.

“I’m sorry about the state of the living room, I shouldn’t have done that,” he says, and Gook shakes his head. 

“It’s okay, we can fix it back up together.”

Tae Joo turns to stare at him, and Gook smiles softly in answer.

Both boys drink in silence for a minute, before Tae Joo drops his head on Gook’s shoulder.

“I don’t see you as my mother,” he says quietly, and Gook swallows his milk, not saying anything. “I know you think that because I keep comparing you to her, but it’s just that no one’s ever…”

Tae Joo stops in the middle of his sentence, but Gook doesn’t need him to finish it to know what he was going to say. No one’s ever cared about him or taken care of him ever since his mother died. No one but Gook himself. That’s the thing though, inspite of what Tae Joo might think, Gook’s still not certain that Tae Joo isn’t actually transferring his feelings for his mother onto him. 

“I don’t see you as my mother, because the things I want to do to you ? Do with you ? I would never want to do those things to my mother,” Tae Joo explains, and Gook feels his throat tighten at the words, remembering the way his heart started beating double rate when Tae Joo pulled him close to him in the school basement the other day. He also remembers the lust he could read in Tae Joo’s eyes when Gook pulled him right back to him after that, or when Tae Joo was lying on top of him in the middle of the field. 

Oh. Okay then. So not so much motherly feelings, then.

“I just feel safe when I’m with you,” Tae Joo continues explaining. “But I promise, you’re not my mother.”

“Okay, I believe you,” Gook answers softly, and he feels Tae Joo nod against his shoulder. 

“I’ll try and make more of an effort with Hyemi if that’s what you really want,” he whispers against his shoulder, the words obviously difficult for him to say judging by the way his voice shakes, and Gook feels his shoulders tense. 

After everything that they just told each other, he completely forgot to tell Tae Joo about Hyemi. This idiot, though. He can’t believe that Tae Joo would think he’d stay with Hyemi after everything that’s happened today.

“I appreciate it, but there is no more Hyemi,” he answers, and Tae Joo’s head whips up suddenly at the words, shock written on his face. 

Gook turns his head towards him, and shakes his head at the look on Tae Joo’s face. 

“I told Hyemi we should just be friends earlier today,” he says, and he sees the hope draw itself on Tae Joo’s face. “In case I didn’t make myself clear earlier, I like you too.”

At the words, he sees a radiant smile grow on Tae Joo’s face. Tae Joo takes the chocolate milks in both of their hands, and puts them on the floor at their feet, before he suddenly pushes himself forward until he’s straddling Gook’s legs. They look at each other silently for a minute or so, before Tae Joo pushes forward until their lips meet in a soft kiss. 

Han Tae Joo’s hands make their way to his face to angle them to better the kiss, and Gook’s hands find themselves on Tae Joo’s hips and squeeze, trying to ground himself to the moment so he can enjoy his first kiss. The fact that it’s happening with Tae Joo, something he never thought he would get to have is still difficult to believe, yet he can smell the other boy’s unique smell all around him. 

“If we start this, there’s no turning back. We’re doing this for life,” he says when they break apart after a minute of kissing, emotion making both of their breaths coming short although the kiss wasn’t too heated. 

“Okay,” Tae Joo whispers against his lips, forehead still resting against Gook and a soft smile gracing his lips. 

“And Tae Joo, if we do this… No more games. No more pretending to hurt your wrist, or trashing this room when you’re angry, or ordering me around all the time. If we do this, I need us to be…”

“Equals,” Tae Joo finishes his sentence, pulling away and staring at him. 

“Yes,” Gook nods in acquiesence. 

“Okay, I promise I’ll do my best,” Tae Joo says, before his usual cocky grin makes its way on his face. “Can we still bout sometimes though ? I think I’m this close to being able to beat you. And now I can try all these new techniques I’ve thought about to calm you down. You thought the ear was bad ? Just wait until next time.”

Gook can’t help but laugh at the words, even as he shakes his head in disbelief. This boy, seriously. What is he getting himself into ?

“You can always try to beat me,” he finally answers, before he takes a deep breath and he pulls Tae Joo into a hug, his arms making their way around the other boy’s back bringing him closer to his body, while he feels the other boy nestle his head in his shoulder, nose nuzzling his neck.

So they’re really doing this, for the rest of their lives, there’s no turning back this time. 

Gook feels peace settle in his chest for the first time in days. 

This is happening.

#han tae joo x kang gook #tae joo x kang gook #where your eyes linger #wyel #wyel fic #where your eyes linger fanfic #wyel fanfic #well those two episodes hurt and I needed this to heal so have a little more angst guys #emi's writing

[allisondraste]

Temperance (24/?)

Pairing: Nathaniel Howe/ Female, Non-HoF Cousland

Story Summary: Nathaniel and Elissa were childhood friends, but time and distance tore them apart. In the aftermath of the Fifth Blight, and Ferelden’s Civil War, both Elissa and Nathaniel must attempt reconstruct their tattered lives. As a series of events lead them to be reunited, both are reminded of so many years ago when things were much simpler.

Chapter Summary:    Fergus get’s married, and Liss tries to cope with Nathaniel’s absence.

First Chapter Previous Chapter [AO3 LINK]

Highever, 9:23 Dragon

Dear Nate,

I have been sitting at my desk, staring at this blank parchment for hours now, trying to figure out what to say.  It’s weird, writing letters. Planning my words carefully is not exactly a skill of mine. It’s hard for me to write an entire conversation without being able to see your face.  How am I supposed to know that I am being ridiculous if you aren’t here to roll your eyes at me?

If you were here right now, I’d just skip the words and hug you.  Too bad I can’t send a hug with this letter.

How is Starkhaven?  Mama’s been there before. She says it’s beautiful, and quite a lot different from Ferelden.  Do they really eat fish pie there? It sounds absolutely disgusting, but you know I’d try it at least once.  I’ve been reading about the Vael family, too, but I am certain that you don’t want to read pages of me going on about Amadis Vael and the Ruby Drakes who aided the Grey Wardens during the Fourth Blight , so I’ll just leave it at that. (She was really amazing, though. You should read about her sometime!)

Fergus’ wedding is today.  Actually, I probably should be running around like a headless chicken just like everyone else, getting ready.  I am just not that excited about it. Don’t get me wrong, Oriana is wonderful, and I am so glad my brother has someone who loves him and makes him happy, but it just reminds me that I’m alone.  It’s not as if I want to be married any time soon, or even ever. That’s not a priority of mine, but it would be nice to think that someone might love me like that someday.

Last summer, I almost thought— well, never mind what I thought.  It doesn’t matter now. You’re gone, and any feelings you might possibly have for me are gone with you.  I just wish we had actually had time to talk about the kiss and what it meant. I tried and tried to tell myself that it was just some stupid, drunken thing, but that’s not true, at least not on my end.  

Nate, I think I’m in love with you.  I’ve tried everything I can think of to explain my feelings, but none of it makes sense.  I think I’ve loved you for a really long time, and didn’t realize it because it’s not like the love I’ve read about in stories.  It’s not some grand, magical thing. It’s not anything I thought love was supposed to be. I’m still not sure how to explain it, but it hurts, especially now that you’re not here.  It’s like a part of me is missing. It’s stupid, I know, but that’s the truth.

I don’t expect you to feel the same way about me.  Please don’t think that. I just think that I might actually explode if I hold all of these feelings inside.  I thought I owed it to myself to be brave and tell you. I thought you should know.

Really, what I want to say most, is that I miss you.  Summer just isn’t the same without you here. I hope that you are faring better than I, and that you learn a lot during your training.  I know you didn’t want to go, but I am still envious of you. Maybe one day, when you come back to Ferelden — if you come back to Ferelden— you can tell me all about it.

Love,

Liss

Liss folded the parchment, slid it in an envelope, and sealed it with a wax stamp as quickly as she could. Before someone could read what she wrote.  Before she could change her mind. She could, of course, still shred the letter or drop it in the fireplace. That was the good thing about letters: Until they were sent, you could always take back the words you wrote.  She didn’t think she would. As much as the thought of telling Nate she loved him terrified her, the thought of not telling him terrified her more.

A tear dropped from her chin to land on the polished wooden surface of her desk.  She had done so well, too, making it through the entirety of the letter without crying all over the parchment.  She wiped at her eyes and cheeks with the backs of her hands, attempting to scrub away the evidence of her broken heart, but they just kept coming. Stupid heart.  Stupid eyes. Stupid tears.

A knock at the door stiffened her back and she worked even harder to hide the fact that she’d been crying.

“Y-Yes,” she muttered, “Come in.”

The door creaked open behind her and she looked over her shoulder to see her father, dressed in his formal attire. His greying hair was combed and styled handsomely.  Despite being so polished, his expression was haggard as it always was when Liss did something bothersome. This time, it was probably just her red eyes and swollen nose.

“My girl, what in Thedas is the matter?”  His voice resonated with concern as he moved closer to look at her face as if he would find the answer written on her forehead.

“I miss Nathaniel,” she said, standing and turning to face him, pressing her lips together to keep them from quivering.  She held the envelope between her fingers and extended it out to him. “I was just… writing him a letter.”

“I know you care for Nathaniel, and that it’s been difficult for you since he left,” he answered gently, but the irritation was evident in his voice, “But Fergus’ wedding will start in just over an hour.  Don’t you think it could have waited until later?”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t.“

He laughed and smiled sympathetically as he took the letter from her hand and tucked it into his coat. “All right, pup,” he said, kissing her forehead, “I’ll take your word for it.  I’ll send it out first thing in the morning.”

“Thank you, Papa,” she mumbled, “I’ll go get ready now.”

Liss turned to wander away and get ready, when Papa called out to her again.

“Liss,” he said and she stopped to look back at him.

“Mhmm?”

“I’m sure that you already know this, but your mother asked me to remind you—“

“I know Arl Howe is here,” she interrupted, “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything to him. I’d actually rather pretend he isn’t here.”

“Well, you can’t blame us for being concerned.” He sighed. “You have a history of… saying whatever comes to mind.”

“I will be on my best behavior,” she promised, meeting her father’s gaze directly to show him she was serious.

“Please do,” Papa said, almost a plea, “If not for mine and your mother’s sake, for Fergus’ and Oriana’s.”

Liss nodded, kissed him on the cheek, and he exited the room.  He closed the door gently behind him, leaving her to make herself presentable.  If she could not engage in outward protest of Rendon Howe’s presence at the wedding after he ripped Nathaniel from their family, she would at least refuse to let him get to her.  He would not have the gratification of seeing her upset.

Of course, it was easy to tell herself that he wouldn’t bother her, and another thing entirely to see his beady-eyed arrogance as he walked into the Chantry with Thomas and Delilah at his side. Liss had not expected her reaction to be so staggering and visceral, and she’d never wanted to spit in someone’s face as much as she did that slimy weasel of a man.  Maker help her if he attempted to flaunt his preferred son about in front of her face like some sort of twisted consolation prize.  

Delilah, pretty as a flower, long dark hair braided elegantly, waved at Liss subtly from across the room, and Liss returned the gesture.  At her side, Thomas stood stiffly, all of the color washed from his handsome face, dark eyes sunken in and hollow. Liss pitied him. It was difficult to imagine the pressure he was under as his father’s heir.  Nate once told her about how Tom had the hardest time handling their father, and how he’d been drinking a lot. She imagined things had only gotten worse without his big brother.  

The ceremony was lovely, even more so than Liss would have imagined, elaborate Antivan decorations brightening up the drab Fereldan chantry hall.  Liss focused her attention on the front of the room where her brother stood, fidgeting nervously and wiping at the corners of his eyes as he looked at Oriana.  He seemed so grown up in all of his finery that it was hard to believe he was the same person as the clunky boy Liss had always known. He was a proper man now, and she was so proud of him.  She turned to see both of her parents smiling, sniffling, and blotting tears from their eyes while Fergus and Oriana promised, before their families, friends, and the Maker himself, that they would love one another forever.

Liss hoped, with everything she had, that they could.  

The formal ceremony concluded with the newly married couple’s kiss, and the attendees filed out of the Chantry in a hurry, most likely ready to return to the castle, where a feast was to be had.  Liss was in no such hurry and meandered about slowly behind the crowd. She wasn’t exactly hungry, and the idea of a large hall full of rowdy people and loud music was not as appealing to her as it typically would have been.  When she reached the castle, chatter already rang out into the courtyard, where several of the guests stood about gossiping.

Several pairs of unfamiliar faces examined her as she approached.  It was rude, but she smiled at them nonetheless. When she walked past, she could hear them whispering behind her.  Lies and nonsense spread about after her dance with Nathaniel last year. She could not count the number of rumors her parents had to discount since then.  Rumors that she was betrothed to Thomas and having an affair with Nathaniel. Rumors that she danced with Nathaniel as a cover for her secret relationship with a servant.  Rumors that Liss was “promiscuous,” and Nathaniel was just one of a long list of romantic conquests. Rumors that Nathaniel was a troubled young man who took advantage of her, and that’s why he was sent away the very next year.  Liss wasn’t certain that Nate’s father hadn’t concocted every last one of them himself.

It all infuriated Liss so much she thought she might catch on fire, her hands tightening into fists at her sides as she bit her tongue and held her breath to keep from turning and giving the noble arseholes a piece of her mind. It made her sick to think that grown men and women had nothing better to do than spread vile, hateful rumors about people more than half their age, about children.  She tried to remember what Papa had told her when she’d first heard them.  “Anyone who matters, knows better than to believe this nonsense, and anyone who believes it doesn’t matter.”  

She managed to keep her nose down and make it past the gossipers and through the gates into the main hall without incident.  She realized she probably shouldn’t have kept her nose down for so long when she bumped directly into another person. She looked up, prepared to apologize, and her blood ran cold.

“You shouldn’t walk with your head down, Lady Cousland,” said Arl Howe in a voice that sounded as if it came more from his nose than from his mouth, “It is unbecoming.”

She would show him unbecoming, she thought, but knew better, and painted on an apologetic smile on her face instead. “Forgive me, my lord.  I am afraid my brother inherited all of the good manners.”

“It seems that is the case in every family,” he replied with a hateful grin, pausing to watch as Liss attempted to not show her discomfort, and then continued, “Nathaniel sends his regards.”

“What would I care for his regards, my lord,” she asked, through her teeth.

“It is my understanding that you two were close,” he explained with more than a little insincerity.

“We were.”  Liss fought back the tears in her eyes and the rage in her chest.

“And yet,  you don’t care for his regards?”  He quirked up an eyebrow at her.

“No, my lord,” she stated, cooly, “I don’t.  Not from you.”

Arl Howe flinched, opening and closing his mouth a few times.  He had clearly not expected her to be so bold. If she were honest, she hadn’t either and instantly regretted her decision.  There would be no taking it back. Panic swelled in her stomach and flushed her face, and then a hand fell gently on her shoulder.

“My apologies, Arl Rendon,” a silvery, voice Liss knew to be Oriana’s rang out, “I need to borrow Lady Elissa for a bit.  Family business and such.”

Liss turned to look at the woman whose gaze was locked on the arl’s, a beautiful and sincere smile painting her face.  Then she shifted her gaze back to Arl Howe, who narrowed his eyes.

“By all means,” he muttered and waved them away with a dismissive flip of his hand.

“Come on,” Oriana said to Liss, motioning to the door that led to the gardens with her head.

They walked arm in arm to the gardens, Oriana smiling and waving graciously at guests as she passed by, stopping just a few times to thank a few people who congratulated her.  She was perfect and elegant and everyone loved her in a way that made Liss know she was made to be the Teyrna of Highever. She’d never felt more thankful for “family business,” in her life, whatever it was.

When they reached the gardens, Oriana released Liss’ arm and turned to face her, placing a hand on each of her shoulders.  “Are you all right?”

“Mhmm.”  Liss nodded absently and looked around for the other members of her family before looking back at Oriana.  “What is the family business.”

“There is none,” she replied with a wink, “I just wanted to get you away from that horrible man.  Are you certain that you are all right?”  

Liss wanted to tell her she was fine, that she had just had an uncomfortable exchange with the arl, and that it was not a big deal.  She didn’t want to burden Oriana with her own stupid problems on her wedding day. She should be inside with Fergus, having fun eating and drinking, celebrating their marriage.  She shouldn’t be out in the gardens consoling her husband’s pathetic little sister.

She wanted to do all of those things, but she could not keep the hot tears from pooling in her eyes under Oriana’s concerned gaze.  She couldn’t stop them from falling down her cheeks, and dripping from her chin. So she shook her head slowly. “No,” she said hoarsely, “I’m not.”

“Oh, poor girl,” she said sweetly and pulled Liss into a protective sort of embrace with one hand in her hair, “I am sorry I did not get to you sooner.”

Unable to hold back the flood of emotions any longer, especially with the other woman’s overt sympathy, Liss wrapped her arms around her and sobbed as Oriana raked gentle fingers through her hair, occasionally reassuring her that everything would be okay.  Liss eventually calmed down enough to pull away from Oriana and apologize.

“I’m sorry,” she said, sniffing, “You shouldn’t be… it’s your wedding and—”

“Nonsense,” Oriana interrupted affectionately, “We are sisters now. Family.  We take care of one another, yes?”

“I, um…” Liss trailed off, too flustered and appreciative to form coherent words, “Thank you.”

Oriana took her hand and led her over to one of the stone benches that sat before the fountain centerpiece.  She sat down and motioned for Liss to join her.

“I have heard the lies these people speak about you, Elissa,” she began, staring out at the water glistening in the fountain, “They have made similar claims about me.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  Anything to destroy my relationship with Fergus, to make him question me.” Oriana closed her eyes and laughed. “Did you know that I am secretly the black sheep of a wealthy Antivan family, who paid your father handsomely to take me off of their hands?”

“They said that about you?”

“It is easier for them to believe than the truth, which is that Fergus fell in love with a commoner.”

“That’s so—” Liss began, but paused when she realized her voice had grown too loud in the excitement— “Stupid.”

“They are small people, Elissa. Insignificant.  Their tiny little minds cannot understand anything beyond power and wealth.  That Rendon Howe is the worst.”

“I hate him,” Liss spat.

“Me, too,” Oriana agreed, sighing and shifting a bit where she sat.  She was silent for several moments and then a smile twitched on her lips.  “It feels good to say that out loud.”

Liss giggled in agreement, and then looked at Oriana more seriously.  “Thank you for rescuing me.”

“It is nothing, honestly,” Oriana said with a laugh, waving her hand vaguely.

“I am glad you are part of our family.”

Oriana smiled gently. “I can’t imagine a better family to be a part of.”

Footsteps rustled through the grass several feet away, and Liss snapped her had in the direction of the noise, only to see Fergus grinning from ear to ear.

“Oriana, love, everyone’s been asking where you’ve—” he stopped when he noticed Liss— “Liss?”

“Surprise,” Liss said dryly.  

Fergus narrowed his eyes and stared at her much as Papa had done earlier, and she began to wonder if she really did have answers written on her forehead.  “You’ve been crying?”

“I always cry.”

“Not like this, you don’t.” He knelt down and placed his hands on her shoulders.  “What happened, Liss? Was it those damned rumors again?”

Liss nodded, tears coming back to her eyes.

“Who?” Fergus’ tone was more serious than she could recall ever recall it being. “I will kick their arses out so fast, Liss, just say the word.”

“Nobody I recognized,” Liss explained quickly, as touched by her brother’s protectiveness as she was alarmed, “It was just a lot, and then I ran into Arl Howe… literally.”

“Shit, sis.”

“He was not pleased, but I apologized, and I did so well…”

“But?”

“He told me that Nathaniel sent his regards,” she answered sheepishly.

Fergus sighed. “And you told him where to shove them, didn’t you?”  

“Basically,” she admitted, but immediately added, “I was so angry it just slipped out.  Luckily Oriana showed up before anything else happened.”

“And thank the Maker for that,” he said, eyeing his wife with admiration before turning back to Liss, “Sadly, Howe is probably the only person whose arse I can’t kick out tonight, or I would.”

“I know,” she replied before frowning playfully, “Now go back and enjoy your party.  Both of you.”

“Only if you come with us,” Oriana chimed in and Fergus nodded.

Liss feigned a sigh, and relented.  She would not let Arl Howe or an army of rumors get the better of her.  They were small and insignificant, especially with her family by her side.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #dragon age awakening #nathaniel howe #nathaniel howe x cousland #cousland #howesland #temperance #my writing #update #GOT STARTED OUT WITH A BANG #L-WORD BEFORE THE CUT WHAT

[smosh-stuff]

In The Aftermath // Chapter Two

"What about this one?"

"What about it?" Shayne eyed it disinterestedly. "We can't get to the hood, Olivia."

Olivia looked at the wreck for a minute. Then she bent down, her thin skirt billowing with the motion, and began crawling under the thing. She completely ignored Shayne's shouts of protest, and soon she'd completely disappeared beneath the torn-up underbelly of the mammoth structure. Shayne jogged closer, looking to see if he could get a better view.

"Olivia- you're gonna get stuck, get out of there!" He bent down to peek under the bus.

"No, no, I got it!" Shayne ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"If you get trapped down there, I'm gonna leave you until the others get back."

Shayne thought he heard Olivia make a fart noise at him, but it was unclear through the distorting echo of the tight space.

Read On AO3

"What d'ya see?"

Lasercorn sighed heavily, hoping his exasperation was clear in his tone. He lowered his binoculars and looked over his shoulder at the thin figure crouching beside him.

"The same thing I saw two minutes ago, Noah."

Noah blinked at him behind the thick frames of his glasses.

"NOTHING," Lasercorn clarified.

"Okay, okay!" Noah put up his hands defensively. Lasercorn shook his head, putting the binoculars back to his eyes. One of the lenses was cracked- they never did agree on who had been the one to drop them into the fire that one time, though Lasercorn secretly still blamed Keith- but they were clear enough to use. He certainly didn't have any trouble seeing the extensive amount of jack-shit that was currently present in their target area.

His elbows were beginning to ache from being pressed against the ground for so long. He didn't want to move position, though; he was laying stomach-down on the edge of the rock cliff they were watching from, and if he sat up, he'd be much easier to spot. He considered switching the watch to someone else, but-

"What about now?"

Lasercorn clenched his hands around the binoculars so hard they could have shattered.

"Y'know what, Noah?" he said after a moment. "I think I do see something!"

"What? Where?" Noah squinted and brought a hand up to shield from the sun as if he could see what Lasercorn was talking about from their perch.

"Here, look." Lasercorn moved back onto his knees, pushing Noah forward slightly and pointing into the distance.

"I don't see it..."

"EXACTLY," Lasercorn brought up a hand and smacked Noah lightly across the back of the head, "and we aren't GOING to see anything if you keep INTERRUPTING MY WATCH."

"Ow!" Noah rubbed where Lasercorn had hit him and pouted. "Alright, I get it..."

Lasercorn watched as the other survivor finally stood and made his way back down from the cliff edge to the flat area where the others were waiting. He almost felt bad. Or, would have, if he had any patience left after a straight hour of being pestered by the younger boy. At least, he thought, it made him appreciate the silence more.

"Don't tell me, don't tell me," Damien held up a hand as Noah returned. "He still hasn't seen anything."

"Nope." Noah flashed a thumbs up to the three others who were lounging around the small, rocky clearing behind the ledge of the cliff.

Keith groaned, swinging his goggles around his wrist by the strap as he sat with his head propped up on the other hand. "Man, I knew this lead was gonna be a bust."

"...Did you?" Noah cocked his head at Keith.

"Yeah." Courtney sat up from where she had been lying back on a chunk of a boulder. "I seem to remember you going on for the whole trip here about how we were gonna 'wreck their shit'."

"Okay, well- I was thinking it, so..."

The other three exchanged various replies of disbelief. Damien reached down and grabbed a rock off the gravelly dirt beneath them. Disregarding aim, he swung loosely and chucked it off the side of the cliff, watching it fly into the distance and it the ground in a small puff of sand. He could see a small animal fly out of the cluster of dry bracken nearby.

They were all getting bored; they'd been out here since morning, and it was past noon by now. They'd come on a tip that Lasercorn had received from some contact he refused to talk about in detail. According to him, their target should be passing through the area at some point today. Of course, Damien thought, there hadn't been an exact time. That would have been too easy.

"Do you think he'll just, like, give up at some point?" Courtney asked. She had unfurled the bandana she kept tied around her calf and dropped it onto her face.

"Have you met Lasercorn?" Noah scoffed.

Damien chuckled. "Yeah, he'd sit through another nuke to catch these guys."

"And we've never even met them," Keith chimed disapprovingly.

"That's a good point," Noah said. "Are we even sure they exist? Maybe they're just, like, a figment of his imagination."

"Ooh, now that’s a twist!"

Courtney smacked Damien on the shoulder for his addition. "Oh, come on guys- give him a little credit."

Keith shook his head. "I'm just sick of waitin' around for nothin-"

"AHA!" Lasercorn suddenly cried from the ledge. "Shut up- shut up, everyone stop talking!"

The four other survivors all jumped up at once as their leader scrambled down from the cliff ledge toward them.

"What happened?" Damien grabbed his belt off the rock where he'd set it down.

"Get your masks on, pussies," Lasercorn tugged his own goggles down with a grin. "It's go-time."

~

Deep breaths, he reminded himself.

His boots crunched slightly in the gravel underfoot, so he shifted his weight to the tips of his feet, trying to lighten his tread. He lifted the rock in preparation as his eyes fixed on his target- some kind of small rodent, rooting around in a dry bush beside the crooked metal skeleton of what could have been a car.

Just a few steps closer. It didn't see him. He focused himself on its position, lining up his arm for the throw. Some birds cried out in the sky. He wiped the sweat from his brow.

The animal raised its head- now or never. He took one more breath, and-

"SHAYNE!"

A new form swung down right into his face; with a yelp, Shayne instinctively chucked the rock, and it hit somewhere that was definitely not his target. He stumbled back and glared at the girl hanging down from the top of the metal frame by her ankles. She grinned back at him, seemingly oblivious to his frustration.

"...What is it, Olivia?"

"What are you doing?" she asked. He looked behind her and saw that the rodent was long gone. He sighed.

"I was hunting," he replied. She cocked her head.

"With a rock?"

Shayne shrugged. "I don't have my hunting gear with me."

"Oh." Olivia reached up, swung her legs down from the metal pole she was hanging on, and dropped down to the ground. "Why are you hunting, though? We're supposed to be scavenging."

"Olivia, I'm pretty sure we've found all we're gonna find here." Shayne gestured around them. "This isn't exactly a gold mine."

The area around them was a particularly sparse ruin. A small truck stop and that metal structure were the only standing features of the area. Olivia looked down at her bag- filled with a small collection of usable scrap they'd gathered from the old cars- and frowned.

"What were you doing on that thing?" Shayne added.

"I was looking to see if I could find anything from up higher!" Olivia said. Shayne blinked at her. He looked around them, and then back at Olivia.

"...We're in a desert."

"Yeah?"

"Olivia, there's nothing around us that we haven't already seen for miles."

"Not true!" she shot back, crossing her arms.

Shayne raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh, really? What did you see?"

"There's a couple of trees that way!" Oliva pointed in the opposite direction from them, towards some distant spots on the horizon. Shayne pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed for what felt like the millionth time in the past two hours.

"That's great."

"Anyways." Olivia walked past him. "We still haven't checked some stuff!"

"Like what? Everything around here is completely hollowed out." Shayne gestured around them, to the myriad of rusted cars. Their hoods sat yawning open, exposing the empty cavities where their batteries or engines should have been.

Olivia approached a different piece of junk; the remains of a bus, with debris piled all over it. The hood was caved in, rocks and metal piled on top.

"What about this one?"

"What about it?" Shayne eyed it disinterestedly. "We can't get to the hood, Olivia."

Olivia looked at the wreck for a minute. Then she bent down, her thin skirt billowing with the motion, and began crawling under the thing. She completely ignored Shayne's shouts of protest, and soon she'd completely disappeared beneath the torn-up underbelly of the mammoth structure. Shayne jogged closer, looking to see if he could get a better view.

"Olivia- you're gonna get stuck, get out of there!" He bent down to peek under the bus.

"No, no, I got it!" Shayne ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"If you get trapped down there, I'm gonna leave you until the others get back."

Shayne thought he heard Olivia make a fart noise at him, but it was unclear through the distorting echo of the tight space. A second later, he heard her clattering around.

"What are you doing?" More clunking ensued.

"I'm- hold on- oh, fuck."

Shayne tensed, instinctively moving closer. "Shit, what is it?"

Olivia was silent for a moment. Then, her wavering voice drifted out from inside the bus.

"I think something's in here..."

"What?!" Shayne instinctively raised his hands, ready to- well, do something. Pull her out, punch something if it popped out, whatever.

And then he heard laughter break out from under the bus.

Shayne immediately deflated. A moment later, Olivia popped out from under the bus with a huge grin, holding her bag up to her chest. Her face was smudged with car grease.

"Dude, you totally fell for that!" she clamored to her feet.

"Nah, I was just going along with it." Shayne lied. Before Olivia could push it, he pointed to her bag. "Did we even get anything out of that? Or just emotional damage?"

Instead of responding, Olivia opened up her bag and shoved it towards Shayne with pride. When he looked in, he saw a collection of spark plugs, wires, and other odds and ends, probably taken from the engine of the bus.

"That's not nothin', is it?" she gloated. "That's two points Olivia, zero for Shayne!"

Shayne scoffed. "Yeah, whatever. You're the one with grease all over your face."

"What?!"

Olivia touched her face and saw black residue come off on her fingers. Before Shayne could remind her of the bandana she had tied around her arm, she reached down and grabbed her thin cloth skirt (Ian and Mari had insisted on getting some shorts for her to wear underneath after it tore to the point of hardly covering much at all). He watched her use it to scrub at her face, leaving black stains on her skirt. She glanced up afterward and saw his odd look.

"What is it?" she asked. Shayne thought about saying something but decided against it.

"Nothin'- when did Ian say we'd meet up here?"

"I think-" Olivia's gaze wandered over his shoulder. "-Oh! Now!"

He looked back as well and saw four people trudging through the desert towards them. He and Olivia both waved, and they waved back.

"How did-" Shayne cut himself off mid-sentence as they reached each other. "Holy shit, what happened to you guys?"

Both pairs looked in equal states of disarray. Mari and Ian were both covered in plaster, dust, and other debris, meanwhile Joven and Wes were covered in some dark, foul-smelling sludge that looked to be slowly drying on their skin and clothes.

"You don't wanna know," Joven said tiredly. Mari just shook her head.

"...Right."

"How did everyone do?" Ian prompted, ending that train of discussion. Shayne figured they'd just ask later; though, watching Wes try to knock some slime out of the creases of his boots, he had the suspicion Joven may actually be right.

"We found stuff!" Olivia replied, opening her bag to show Ian their winnings. "Shayne got some of it from inside the building, and I dug the rest out of that bus!" She looked up at Ian with wide, hopeful eyes.

Shayne saw Ian sigh slightly through his nose. He knew what the older man was thinking. He didn't need to ask to know the other teams probably hadn't had as much luck. The team leader must have been really been hoping for a better haul. But Shayne and Olivia's findings weren't nothing. It wasn't much, but it would probably get them enough for some feed for the mounts, and they could get by with just that if they had to.

"That's great, you two," Ian said after that short moment, smiling encouragingly in reply to Olivia's hopeful gaze. She beamed back at Shayne.

"Is it gonna be enough for tomorrow?" Mari asked. Ian chewed his lip, before looking up at the sky and then waving her off.

"It'll be fine," he said. "We'll make it work- we gotta head back now anyways. We stay out too much longer and we'll get caught after dark."

"Hard to make coin from a Lurker's stomach," Shayne added amicably. The others murmured their agreements, and the pack set off together towards camp. They hadn't strayed far this time, so they'd left the mounts at home, and made the trek back on foot.

They traveled in relative silence. After they'd been walking a while, and the sun was beginning to dip towards the other end of the sky, they reached the Hallway. It was named after its particular formation; a narrow valley, where the ground sloped upwards sharply on either side. Its walls were rocky and uneven, with bits jutting out to form ledges and overhangs all over. It was thin enough that only three could fit side by side at the widest point, at the edges, and only two could do so comfortably.

It was when they got to the opening that Wes suddenly held up his hand. Everyone stopped.

"Did you guys hear that?" he asked.

~

Courtney cringed as the heel of her boot hit a rock, sending it crashing to the bottom of the valley. It wasn't earth-rattling by any extent, but to any trained survivor's ear, it was a warning bell. She looked up and saw Lasercorn glaring at her accusingly. He was crouched on the left ledge, the one almost directly opposite hers. Damien, who was next to her, slapped her arm lightly in reprimand.

She offered the brunet a sheepish shrug, and exaggeratedly mouthed a "sorry" to the team leader. He shook his head and returned his eyes to the pack below.

"I'm not sure," one with purple hair was saying. "It could've been an animal?"

The silver-haired man frowned. "Maybe..."

"I dunno," a blonde piped up. "Wes's gut usually isn't wrong."

Courtney looked more directly below her. There, on a section where two ledges joined to form a sort of natural bridge over the bottom, Noah and Keith were hidden behind a boulder in wait. They were looking up, waiting for their signal from Lasercorn. She watched as Noah adjusted his heavy cowl.

Lasercorn always insisted that they wear something to cover their face when they did these attacks against Toxicitea; he claimed it was so that they wouldn’t be able to find them afterward. Courtney had her goggles and a bandana, Damien wearing something similar. Lasercorn had his eye mask, Noah had his cowl, and Keith paired his goggles with a scarf.

When Courtney glanced back to Lasercorn, he was still watching the other pack, chewing his lip thoughtfully. She figured he was trying to decide whether to jump now or wait to see if they'd come closer.

"I'm not sure we're in a position to take risks at the moment," the one with brown hair- the leader, named Ian according to Lasercorn- said then. "We'll just circle back and go over along the side instead. We have enough time."

That must have been the second Lasercorn made his decision.

He looked down and snapped his head sharply to the left. Noah and Keith knew what to do. Keith moved to the left, out from behind the boulder, and clapped his hands together. His hands lit up with a bright, ethereal glow, as the sound from the action amplified and hit with enough force to shake the valley and send the Toxicitea members at the bottom reeling. Meanwhile, before Keith had even finished, Noah had moved to the other side, pulling out his slingshot and beginning to fire at the enemies. They all knew it wouldn't do much damage, but it didn't need to; they just needed to distract everyone for a few moments.

Lasercorn shifted his gaze to Courtney and Damien then; they were already in motion by the time he nodded. Lasercorn and Damien both leaped down, scaling the walls of the valley. Pebbles and dust kicked up off of the rusty orange sediment. Damien was already reaching for his blades as he moved, and Lasercorn's hands were slowly beginning to glow in preparation. While they did that, Courtney stood and drew her bow.

The curved handle fit into her grip like it remembered the shape of her hand. The motion of grabbing an arrow and drawing it against the string, quick and fluid, came with practiced ease. Squinting down, she tracked the figures moving below.

She saw the blond man from earlier. He was towards the back, and she watched as he swung with his fists towards Damien. Damien dodged swiftly, but the other man’s fingertips snagged the edge of his mask. Courtney watched the cloth untie and fall away, and suddenly the other man stopped- he went stiff, staring at Damien. She didn’t know why, but that wasn’t her job. She shifted her aim so that the arrow lined up with his chest, taking in a deep breath. As she exhaled, she let go. The arrow whizzed through the air, sailing towards its target, and-

"Shit!" Courtney growled. The arrow hit the guy- but not where it was supposed to. He’d come to his senses just a second too early, and the projectile only nicked the side of his arm, barely tearing through his skin. It did knock him off balance though. She saw him reel back and grab his fresh wound, blood spattering the dry earth beneath him. Courtney grit her teeth and loaded another arrow. This time, she told herself, she wouldn’t miss.

The Toxicitea pack were all in the battle now. Lasercorn had caught them off guard first, lifting his hands to release a beam of explosive, blazing heat that the purple-haired girl hardly dodged. It hit the floor with a crash and a small burst of smoke, dust, and gravel, leaving a hot crater in its wake. Damien, having moved on from the blond man, skirted around the edge of the area and attempted to bring both of his knives down onto Ian. But Ian was quick- he spun and in a second barred two hatches in front of his face. Damien's forearms slammed into the handles and he drew back quickly.

Over by the bridge, Noah had sprung back into action. He descended down to the bottom of the valley with the others and pulled out the nail-spiked bat he carried on his back. Swinging it to build momentum as he ran, he sped towards one of the Toxicitea members, who was so small and covered with accessories that Courtney couldn't make out her features. Something about her seemed familiar, in the faintest way- but Courtney didn’t have time to think about that. Refocusing on her goal, she pulled the arrow back against the string.

That was when everything began to spiral out of control.

Lasercorn raised his arms and fired another laser, aiming for Wes, who was charging at him with a knife drawn. But Wes reached him a second before he could fire. Grabbing Lasercorn's arm, Wes managed to shove it upwards just as the blast was set off. The beam hit the wall instead- and as Wes and Lasercorn grappled, it skewed all over the valley. Smoke and rubble tore from the rock in its wake, ledges collapsing as the heat cut through the sediment like nothing. Courtney stepped back and lowered her bow. The overhang she stood on was shaking, and she had to focus to keep her balance. Just as she was looking for a point to jump down to, the beam cut through the wall right beneath her.

The chunk of rock was severed with a resounding snap. Courtney’s stomach dropped. She felt her center of gravity leave her as the platform crumbled out from under her feet. She had no time to control her fall- all she could do was scream as she plummeted helplessly towards the ground.

#smosh #smosh pit #smosh squad #smosh games #ssg #smosh summer games #smosh apocalypse au #nerd writes #ghost.txt #in the aftermath

[semirahrose]

Aftermath (13.23 Coda)

Sam’s breath goes ragged and he crumples to his knees in the too-perfect silence.

“He’s gone,” is all he can say, and Jack kneels beside him, fluttering hands tracing the shape of Sam in the air but not touching. 

His mouth opens twice before words come out. “We’ll find him, Sam. We’ll get Dean back.” (But Sam knows what it sounds like when you’re making promises to keep yourself alive.)

And God, Sam remembers. The relentless, overwhelming fire of possession, the flaying agony of fighting against it, the hold on himself so tenuous that it was everything he could do to just fall. 

Dean standing with that inhuman stillness that not even breath intruded upon. Dean gone. He’s shaking, bad enough that his knees can’t hold him and he falls back onto his ass, but it doesn’t matter. His supporting hand smears at the rough, ashy warmth of an archangel’s death shadow seared into the floor. His body doesn’t know what to do with itself. A deep, deep part of him (centuries deep, and old) breathes for the first time since he fell, and it breathes free. The only thing in the world he truly learned to fear, other than his brother’s death, is gone. The rest of him is torn in every direction. Dean is gone. He’s possessed, and Michael is free, and—

Shit. “Oh, shit. Jack. You’re hurt.” Sam reaches out a shaking hand to press to Jack’s belly where his shirt has grown sticky with blood. He focuses past the hollow ringing in his ears, blinks in the semi-darkness of the church. “We’ve gotta—”

Jack puts a hand over his, and Sam feels the fine tremors of Jack’s fear, too. For some reason, it makes him want to cry. They’re afraid, but they’re together. There’s something in that, something powerful. “I’m fine. It’s shallow, Sam. It’ll heal. I’m...” His eyes flash a sick, dull yellow with whatever drops of his power remain inside him. “I’ll get better.”

The hollowness is in his skull, in his bones. Shock. Sam knows it too well. Jack does, too, he imagines. He forces his slowing mind to focus. “We need to treat it. In—infection. Can’t let it get infected.”

Lucifer is gone. It hits him with a force that steals the breath from his lungs, forces it out in a sob. He crumples forward onto his elbows, letting his hair hide his face. Never again will Lucifer’s hands be on him or the people he loves. Perhaps he can put ancient nightmares to rest.

Sam curls into himself, fighting for breath.

Fuck, he should be happy. He should be dancing. He has no excuse for how hard this is hitting him. He can’t be weak like this. They need to treat Jack, find Dean, figure out a way to get Bobby and his people back home—

But he has to know.

He sits upright, finally registering the weight of Jack’s hand on his shoulder and a litany of Sam, Sam, Sam.

“I’m okay,” he whispers, and for the first time there’s a part of it that rings true.

He follows the scorches from Lucifer’s wings with his fingers, relishing the places where sharp edges cut him and and dying embers singe his skin, because this is real, and the pain makes it so. He follows the scorch marks to the still-warm body the Archangel no longer lives in. He touches Lucifer’s cheek, watches his head tip to the side, lifeless and not yet gripped by rigor.

“He’s gone,” he says. “He... you can’t imagine.” For the longest time, Sam has run on fear. It ran through his dreams and woke him gasping. It kept him alive and moving. He doesn’t know what he’ll do when it goes away. If it does. (Part of it, he imagines, will linger like a phantom limb, glimpsed shadows.) His bones remember the sharp edges of a knife and clawed fingers scooping out marrow, his body opened like a raw, red feast—

Jack’s hand falls on his shoulders and he flinches away just as quickly, apologizing and backing up across the floor on his knees, hands outstretched in surrender or supplication. “I didn’t mean to.... I’m sorry, Sam. He said...”

When Sam turns, he sees that dull glow fading from Jack’s wide eyes, and he realizes what must have happened. “Oh God, Jack.”

Jack shakes his head, looking pale and sick. “No. I—” He takes a deep breath. “He can’t hurt you anymore. Can’t hurt any of us.” He crawls back over the ashy evidence of his birth father’s death until he gets to Sam’s side. He puts both hands on Sam’s shoulder and turns him away from the corpse in front of him, and he nestles in against Sam’s side. The warm weight of him calms the trembling in Sam’s body, and he feels Jack calming, too. They breathe.

Sam inhabits his body again, slowly. The ringing fades.

“We’ll get him back, Jack.” A promise given and returned. Mutual. He wraps both arms around the boy beside him. Jack is far too young to know this sort of pain. He holds on tight, like he can make any of it better. “We’ll get Dean back.”

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