#I am rly happy lately and very much in love with life somehow but also I am sick of being myself I dont want to be some1 else but Im angry

[littleragondin]

Watching/Rewatching/Planning to Watch List

Got tagged by @excessivelyobssesed thank you =3 Okay let's try this! Work, life, and my brain have been uncooperative lately so I am late on nearly everything, and my "rewatch" list is smaller than usual, while my "plan to watch" is even longer than ever lol

Currently watching :

Between Us - up to date, having a grand time with that one (but it would have been pretty hard to rly disappoint me with how happy I was to get the UWMA cast back)

Choco Milk Shake - up to date, n_n

GAP the series - up to date, love them so much

My tooth your love - behind, but I love them!! (also I, too, have a teeth thing so Xun An feels like a kindred spirit in that regard lol)

Oh ! my assistant - behind, but hopefully will manage to catch up next week end.

Remember me - behind, was too worried for Name, am now too =( about him, but I will catch up

Till the world ends - up to date, this one is so bonkers I can't end the week end without catching up usually

Current rewatches :

Ingredients – I use it as my advent calendar, with one sweet episode a day

Love by Chance - just put my finger back in that one because Ae/Pete's softness is what I need right now (and I know I keep saying it but the Tar/Tum brainrot is fucking me up so) (also yes I already rewatched it once this year but why restrain yourself am I right)

Paused watches I want to get back to:

The Uncanny Counter

Alice in Wonderland

Quantum Leap 2022

those three I have been enjoying a whole lot, time just isn't infinite sadly TT

To watch – currently broadcasting/finished :

609 bedtime story - look I just can't resist Fluke, and the trailer looked SO good

I will knock you - you can't prove this one is because of that recent gifset of the thug grabbing the chin of the other guy who looks like he's gonna cry....

My school president - the level of pinning and dumbassery I've seen from gifs means I need to give it a try

Goukon ni Ittara Onna ga Inakatta Hanashi - I'd have watched for Nanami Hiroki alone, but it also looks goddamn funny so

Weak hero: class 1 - this one looks like it's gonna hurt too, which is why it's not started yet

Happy ending romance - mainly for Leo, been putting it off so far because it seems bittersweet and like he is the losing edge of the triangle

The Ghost bride - this one has been here for a while but recent (beautiful) gifs on my dash pushed it back on top of the list

Criminal Minds: Evolution - Probably the series I have followed the longest, if they're back then so am I ...

Glitch - it seems vaguely sci-fi and the gifs I've seen of the two (main?) ladies somehow burnt that one in my memory so on the list it goes

180° Longitude passes through you - I keep seeing raving reviews about that one from people with tastes I trust, it looks absurdly gorgeous, and I'm pretty sure I will love it. I've just been a big chicken about it so far.

To watch – upcoming :

Candy Color Paradox - I have enjoyed to adored all the MBS BL I have seen so far (yes, even Senpai, the end blew it but before that I liked it), so I'll give this one a try, too.

Never let me go - my brain got stuck on Phuwin since I watched The Gifted Graduation earlier this year, and i am SO happy to see him play with Pond in something (anything) other than FUTS. Plus, it looks both pretty and good, if not ... necessarily happy ............ and a first taste of Chimon/Perth

Grand Guignol - the trailer for this one embedded itself into my brain, it hits far too many of my buttons for me to not try to get my hands on it

Wish me Luck - I would have watched for Fiat in a 1st role, and Na, but the story also seems cute and they put Tonnam in glasses so. Can't pass it up.

Wish you Luck - Sci-Fi !!!!! also Tonnam and Title Teshin as main, this is an immediate addition

23.5 - Milk and Love, soft shy VS popular sunshine, need I say more? (also Milk in all those little beanies?? <3)

Only friends - the cast is impeccable, and it looks so incredibly messy I can't resist

Dangerous Romance - very intrigued by this one, could be hit or miss on the story for me, but Pert/Chimon is a pair I wouldn't have expected so that ups the appeal too.

I also have a pretty consequent list of GL but for my life I can't get my hands back on it?? But if it's a GL and it crosses my path, be sure that I plan to watch it.

Oh and I definitely plan to finally get into Vietnamese BL - heretherebedork has been doing some excellent marketing on that front lol

I will tag @benkaaoi @fandomfairyuniverse @machikeita @sadday4sure if you want to do it! and anyone else, really, if you see it and to it tag me I am always curious to see what everyone watches =)

#guaranteed to have forgotten a boat load of stuffs because my brain is a pierced bucket #but I think I covered most of the prominent stuffs lol #the plan to watch was the hardest because my method of tracking those is #1) see gifs or trailer or info about a thing #2) says 'oh gosh that thing looks great I really want to watch it when it comes out I should make a note somewhere!' #3) proceed to not do that and forget about the thing until it crosses my path again #so the efficiency of it all isn't GREAT #anyway as often I used it as an excuse to babble about things that make me happy lol #the ragondin answers

[wonwoonlight]

📣: husband!Shua // pregnant!YN // somewhat cont. of this // not rly angsty tho more like ~comfort~ // 900~ words

A/N: HAPPY COMEBACK DAY GUYSSS!! i contemplated on posting this today or not but i kinda feel bad for not posting for a few days bc i was sick so here i am now T-T take care of urself guys, being sick sucks 😭😭 thank you for the request, anon! hope you'll enjoy this and this kinda ends the same way as the drabble from before haha

find the rest of requested drabble here

When Joshua’s phone pings with notification from Seungcheol, he’d never imagine the guy is calling him from the hospital.

He’s just been at the studio, working at something with Jihoon and Hansol when the leader has called. Joshua knows you’re over their house because he’s dropped you off there earlier and is supposed to pick you up again later.

You’ve told him Sooji has been wanting to play with Seungcheol’s daughter, and, with you being pregnant and all, you decide it’d be better to come over to their house. Joshua has been a little worried, because your pregnancy hasn’t been easy but he also knows you’ve been staying at home for too much for the very same reason. He figures you probably want a little change of environment even though it’s just a few hours in Seungcheol’s house.

Seungcheol has told him to let someone drive him, already knowing he’d be either too worried to drive or drive too fast and end up on the hospital himself. He knows it won’t matter even if he’s said you’re stable and everything’s okay. Joshua talks a lot about how hard pregnancy has always been to you and Seungcheol knows more than anyone how worried the guy is, and for good reasons too.

When he’s arrived, you’re alone in the room with Seungcheol.

“Sooji’s with my wife and the kids at home,” Seungcheol says before he even asks, and then makes his way to the door as he pats Joshua comfortingly. “Tell me if you want me to bring her here, okay? Or she can sleep over with us tonight.”

Joshua barely even manages to nod, too worried as he finds your eyes and see your guilty smile from the bed. Once Seungcheol closes the door behind him, Joshua is already by your side, one of his hands holding yours and the other caressing your head.

“You’re okay?” he asks even though Seungcheol has briefed him over the phone. Tears pool your eyes the moment Joshua comes closer, suddenly feeling even more guilty for putting you and your baby in danger. “You’re really okay?”

You nod shakily with tears-stinging-eyes, unknowingly rubbing your belly where your unborn child is in. “Yeah, I… I kind of missed a step, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

He shakes his head and drops a long kiss on your forehead before sitting down on the chair near your bed, his hand never leaving yours.

“No need to say sorry, baby,” he says gently as you finally burst into tears. Joshua doesn’t say anything, simply wipes your tears with his hand and lets you cry it out. “It’s not your fault, understand? It’s an accident and both of you are okay. That’s the only thing that matters.”

You want to agree, want to nod and say okay, but it’s hard when you have somehow endangered your baby’s life by being careless. The fear is still fresh in your mind, you can even still hear Seungcheol’s worried scream as you missed the last step of his stairs; a second late and you’re pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to catch you and you’d hate to think what would happen to your baby if that had happened.

“I know you’re blaming yourself still,” his soft voice whispers to you, and you can tell Joshua himself is trying his best not to cry for you even though he’s worried out of his mind. The fingers that are holding yours tighten before he continues. “But please know no one is blaming you, okay? I’m not blaming you. You’re fine, the baby’s fine, that’s all that matters.”

You continue to cry, and Joshua patiently wipes every single tear that come out of your eyes, whispering how much he loves you and the baby, how it’s okay for you to cry now, and how you’re okay and so is the baby.

Eventually, Joshua ends up carefully climbing up to the bed (that’s surprisingly big enough for two people) to calm you down. He gently pulls you towards him, hand patting your back in a rhythm that comforts you down like you usually would do to Sooji when she wouldn’t stop crying.

“You believe me, right?” he whispers against your hair once you’ve calmed down, his hand that was on your back is now on top of yours, waiting for your baby to move even a little so you’ll know for sure the baby is really okay.

You give him a nod, tears have reduced down to sniffles.

“Then please stop blaming yourself, okay? I mean it when I say no one is blaming you.” he says gently, pulling back a little so he can look into your eyes. “You’ll stress yourself out and we know that won’t do you or the baby any good, right? It’s an accident, baby, no one could’ve known it would happen. Thankfully it’s just a small one and you’re okay. That’s the only thing you should remember, okay?”

Out of the many things that you love about Joshua, his ability to calm you down is probably somewhere on top of the list. You’re not sure if it’s his words or just the way he says them, or if it’s the way his hand would either strokes your back or waves through your hair.

Or maybe it’s just the fact that he’s Hong Jisoo, the person you love most and loves you just as much if not more.

“See?” He says as your baby suddenly kicks, looking down to your belly and promptly places his hand there. “Even our baby agrees.”

So you put yourself together and nod, more to yourself than to him. Forgiving one own’s self is never easy, even more when you’re already convinced you’re wrong. But if there’s anyone who’s able to break through the wall of your harsh self judgement, it’s Joshua.

And he’s here.

And everything will be okay.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved.

#joshua scenarios #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #seventeen fic #seventeen x reader #wwreq #svt fic #svt fluff #svt imagines #seventeen imagines #joshua imagines #shua scenarios #shua fluff #shua oneshot #joshua scenario #joshua fic #joshua oneshot #seventeen angst #joshua angst #joshua fluff #svt scenarios

[twoidiotwriters1]

Hollywood!AU -(Anne xFem!Reader)

A/N: Warning, this is LONG and ends up abruptly. I hope it was somehow near to what you were imagining! -Danny

Request: 🍇-Ik I'm late but I rly wanted to try this out. So the characters and me and a girl named 'angie' Anne. It's basically set in hollywood and they both are enemies, but they grow fond of each other over time and start dating. Paparazzi interfere and what not (i'm bored). Can you make it really angst and some smuts? (I'm a bi girl, btw) @nandos-hub-for-dumbasses​

Warnings: Mentions of smut and sad cuties

Twoidiots Masterlist

Okay so, you guys kinda grew up in the industry so you became “enemies” while being really young

And it was probably a silly fight, or maybe your parents put you against each other, or maybe you were always competing for the big parts on tv shows and movies

The point is that by the time you guys were seventeen you hated each other with a burning passion (as any seventeen-year-old does)

Then it happened: You were casted as best friends for an indie teen movie

You really wanted to refuse, but Ruby (your irl best friend) did her best to convince you against it

This could be your big break (and it was)

But only bc the chemistry you and Anne had on screen was ??? so wholesome and great???

You even made a sequel 

And then it became a trilogy, with your characters going to different schools by the time they graduate HS so it’s really cheesy and heartfelt

but Anne and you actually worked out your differences during the process and by the time you finish the third movie you both actually cry bc you won’t work together again??

You keep in touch but both of you have projects and things to do, until three years later when you both are invited to the Oscars and HOLY FUCK ANNE IS HOT NOW???

Like sure she was always beautiful, which was part of the reason why you kinda disliked her but omg right now you wouldn’t mind it if she kicked you in the face

Anne sees you and rushes over to hug you, the paparazzi are going WILD this is the reunion of the bffs from that movie everyone used to love!!

In the middle of the ceremony you even convinced THE Marilla Cuthbert (amazing actress) to switch seats with you so you can spend the rest of the night with Anne

The after party’s wild, everyone’s there. Funnily enough, you can’t recall most of the faces bc all you can remember of that night is 1-you ended up drunk as hell and 2-right before you two started drinking Anne had already made out with you in the bathroom

What came next was pretty much the best time of your life. Dates, nightcalls, instagram stories, suddenly a month turned into six, then nine...

As twenty-something-year-olds, you and Anne have tons of offers falling into your laps, Anne gets a call for a casting call and she gets the main role.

This main role happens to have a romantic interest. Who turns out will be played by none other than Gilbert John Blythe.

He’s been in the industry for like two, maybe three years. But the kid’s a charmer, he’s got brains and he’s beautiful. Everyone loves him. 

And everyone wants Anne to love him as well. 

You get tons of video recs on youtube titled “Anne and Gilbert in love for ten minutes straight” or “everytime Anne undresses Gilbert with her eyes”

It’s alright, you’ve seen this before, and you can’t blame them, they have an amazing chemistry in the show and it’s only natural that people wants that to be real

But god, the toxic fans are the worst, the comments about “imagine having to say goodbye to Gil only to go home and find Y/N there... disgusting”

You should stop reading those comments, really you should. They’re unhealthy, and these people don’t even know you

You manage to ignore most of it until the press releases the pictures: Anne and Gilbert walking out of some random restaurant in the city where they film the show... kissing.

Angry doesn’t even start to describe you rn. You’re seething, you’ve been humiliated, your twitter and your texts are both blowing up with notification. 

Anne calls you at least thirty times before she stops trying.

She finished season one and takes the first flight back to you, and it takes all of her courage, but she goes to your house as soon as she lands safely. 

Then two hours pass before you open the door. 

You were out with Ruby getting wasted, so when you get home you come face-to-face with Anne sitting on your driveway and crying her eyes out thinking you’re just ignoring her.

She sees you and she stands up, you try to escape and ignore her, you tell her you don’t wanna know, that she should move on and forget you bc she’s clearly happy with Gilbert

She says it took her by surprise, that Gilbert kissed her without her consent, but you don’t believe her.

But you’re also very drunk, and shit, you’d missed Anne so badly...

Her perfume somehow smells stronger than usual, and your eyes land on her pouty lips, you’re bitter, but you’re also desperate to feel her mouth on you.

You pull her in roughly for a kiss she was definitely not expecting, but her hands are quick to get all over you. Half an hour later, her fingers are in you.

You hate her, but you’re deeply in love, and you can’t remember where one ends and the other starts. You’re all feelings, and every single thought in your mind belongs to her.

it’s only when you’re completely sober, after the third -or was it the fourth?- round, that you decide to get it over with.

“Do you like him?” 

Anne’s falling asleep with her arm around you, but she tenses. She wants to say no, of course she doesn’t! Gilbert would never compare... Gilbert shouldn’t occupy a single though in her mind

Yet, she keeps thinking about his kiss, even though they ended up in really bad terms afterwards

“I love you. Isn’t that what you should care about?”

That’s not the answer you want, and both of you know she can’t give you a real answer, you know her so well by now, you can practically read her swirling thoughts, all confusing, undecided.

“I can’t be your partner for as long as you continue working with him. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to quit, I’m not asking you to... I’m tired of the hate in social media, of me being the one that somehow doesn’t belong next to you simply bc I’m not the popular heartthrob—” “I want you!”

“But I want to be happy.”

Add yourself to out taglist!

Forever Taglist.

@i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual​ @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​ 

ANNE Taglist.

@ninizkd @http-itsrebecca​ @aleksosoto​ 

#twoidiots writing #anne shirley cuthbert xreader #anne shirley smut #500 followers celebration #anne of green gables

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Idk how useful this information is to you but ive been thinking abt this for a few days and i need to tell it to a Spongebob Connoisseur(TM)

Ive been remaking some of my older dnd characters/characters i wasn't rly happy with that never really got used either, and one in particular i noticed while rewriting his backstory, he is like. Personality-wise, REALLY similar to squidward. And especially with his dynamic with basically the spongebob of his story, feels very much like sponge and squid's dynamic in some of the classic episodes like pizza delivery and such. Idk if this was just a natural progression of his character and where i wanted it to go or if i just particularly had spongebob on the mind, but thinking about that always makes me smile.

Also his backstory itself, id describe as like the hash slinging slasher episode (i KNOW its not called that but aghh i forgot what the episode is called 😔) but if the hash slinging slasher was real and actually attacked them, and through a series of mistakes and bad and good luck on everyone's part, sponge and squid accidentally became warlocks with the slasher as their patron

Thank you for telling me! :>

I'm absolutely sorry for the late reply! I know this ask is from months ago but I couldn't get around to answering. That and also tumblr is a terribly buggy mess. Sometimes posts go missing when you add a picture that's a little too high quality. It's frustrating and I'm deeply terribly sorry.

Anyways to reply, I think that's lovely! I don't know a thing about DnD. Every so often I hear about it and wonder if I should look into it. Honestly you've convinced me a bit.

Also might I say that I find it absolutely adorable how your characters have the Spongebob/Squidward dynamic? I know their relationship was kinda modeled after Mr. Wilson and Dennis the Menace as well as Laurel and Hardy. It's a classic combo that always works!

Honestly I can imagine your characters having rather sweet moments like pizza delivery. The grumpy one might sometimes get frustrated with thr SB-esque character but deep down really cares for them and doesn't want them to get hurt.

Also the episode is Graveyard Shift. But no worries I know what ya mean! I really like your idea. The hash slinging slasher event could actually make for a really good set up 👀 and you can build off so much more from it! Except sponge and squid somehow becoming warlocks and the slasher as their patron sounds absolutely wild. Honestly if this was a written story I'd love to read it. It's got all the interesting sort of twists and turns 👀

Honestly for some reason I can see your graveyard shift idea being a real episode in SB? We know a version of DnD happening in the SB universe and Spongebob being a huge nerd would probably play it. Perhaps with Squidward? And it can be them playing and using experiences in their life such as the hash slinging slasher event and incorporating it into the story! Also with their self inserts being the characters in their game! It would make for a good episode 👀 I can actually see it happening.

Honestly I'm so glad that you decided to share this with me! It was such a joy to read. And I really am truly sorry for such an insanely long wait for this reply. But I just want you to know this ask was greatly appreciated it and I really did enjoy reading and replying to it!💙 honestly you should keep me updated with how your DnD stories go 👀

#Speci-society #Ask #spongebob #spongebob squarepants #the spongebob connoisseur #sb #spongebon squarepants #spongebob meme

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

#ughhh #parent your fucking kids #religious bullshit #adults dont fuck up the children you are in charge of challenge #religion don't fuck up trans kids challenge #good dick really breaks a motherfucker #vent

[paradife-loft]

1&2 for general, ships, characters & story

General

1. If you had to join a sect, which would you join?

Ahahaha oh, oh no, the difficult question!!! *covers face*

Tbh I would. join the Lan sect and then be like, the most problematic Lan ever to Lan XD (”But James, don’t you have a reflexive fight me!!! response to rules and authority....?” yes maybe so shush now that’s why I said problematic.)

Like the thing is. I DO like being a nerd, and I DO like the idea of cultivating with music certainly moreso than with swords look I do not enjoy physical exertion a lot of the time, and I semi-regularly become full of emotion and start wailing to whoever’s nearby about wanting to live in somewhere as beautiful as the Cloud Recesses??? It is SO lovely there. Also the only other option I was considering, the Jiang, tbh gives me the impression that I would die miserably of humidity in Yunmeng sooooo :/

But also for real I am... a lot more chill with following rules when I agree with them about their purpose being to better you ethically and also to form a cohesive community, and I’ve chosen to adhere to them by my own will? Uhh, demonstrably lmao. But yeah I’d definitely still be Arguing about things and eating hot peppers in Caiyi town and playing the “it’s not really drinking if you neutralise the alcohol” game ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. Your three favorite characters?

*lies dramatically on the ground* How am I supposed to pick just threeeeee???

But ok, so, Jin Guangyao, and then *spins the roulette wheel for today’s picks* probably Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian, averaged out?? But I have a lot of feelings about Everyone ;u;

Ships

1. What’s your OTP?

*chinhands* Surely we all know this by now :P

2. What’s your NOTP? Or any other ship you hate?

Uhhhhh hhhhhhh hahaha ngl I usually feel guilty talking about notps in public??? Probably bc often as not it’s more about “90% of the content I see in the fandom is relatively fluffy and/or mundane and/or lacking in meaty conflict and therefore bores me to tears” oops.

But I will say tbh that I have a pretty visceral unhappy NOPE reaction to LXC/NHS in. Probably 95% of contexts ever. Unless I feel particularly into reading, like, sex-as-self-harm fic on any given day, lmao.

Characters

1. If you could date any character from MDZS, who would you pick?

Lol, none of them.

2. If you had to kill a character, who would you kill?

Save a sex worker or POW, toss JGS off a cliff :) (predictable answer but hey) (I mean, this is distinct from an answer to “who would I kill at a point in the story prior to their actual death,” but. I would be remiss at existing if I didn’t take the opportunity to say I would kill JGS given the slightest excuse.)

Story

1. If you could make one major story change, what change would you make? Why?

Ahhhh, hell. Actually, you know what? I would slightly revamp Qin Su’s character to have her be aware of her parentage since roughly the same time as JGY is, and have them both separately keeping that a secret from one another for roughly the same reasons. She’s disturbed by the letter from Bicao simply because of the implications around someone wanting to make this knowledge public. (On the other hand: she DOES still ask JGY about how Rusong died, and IS still angry and horrified by the attitude he takes to that question and the implication that he was the one who orchestrated that death, because wtf just because his parents were siblings doesn’t mean he should have been anything other than a happy, perfectly loved, alive child??? Get a fucking grip!)

...And then I think. if she does still end up dying* then it’s probably gonna be directly NHS’s fault, in this context? Because “oh okay I was not expecting her to be chill with that, that’s an unpleasant surprise; well I still gotta ruin JGY’s marriage somehow SHRUG”. But on the other hand I really really don’t love all the women dying, so maybe instead he just reveals her complicity publicly and destroys her reputation and turns her into a pariah? :/ Which is still unpleasant but at least isn’t. death.

Anyway the reason why is like. Partially just aesthetic preferences!! I like “morally questionable power couple” much better than I like “evil dude and morally pure innocent victim wife”. (I in fact very much dislike the latter. Looking @ u, late Numenor.) And also partially - I very much like the additional resonance of “JGY underestimates he sweet and kind people around him and doesn’t notice that they can also have sneaky ruthless streaks” that this would add re: Huaisang? While also for that matter foreshadowing the Huaisang reveal?

And, yeah, a lot of other changes I would “like” to make, honestly fall more into the genre of “things I would like as fix-it fics” rather than changes I want to make to the base story, because so many of the pieces I’ve gone “augh but what if that were different!” are just. structurally important to MDZS’s tragic and other thematic elements. Messing with this aspect to Qin Su’s story doesn’t have to make the base plot non-tragic, but does improve on a few issues I have with e.g. morally polarised female characters who all die anyway.

2. Which character would you bring back to life?

!!???!!? when are we talking, here! in what fashion?

....okay, so for the sake of not making my head explode with potential options, I’m going to limit this to cases of characters who are 100% confirmed dead, being brought back either as a fierce corpse or via sacrifice-summon, generally within the main timeline of the story (i.e. not several decades post-canon).

And of that set under those conditions, I’m gonna pick Jiang Yanli. Look. I LOVE the possibilities of fierce corpse!Jiang Yanli. As a scenario it’s both incredibly fucked up but also the possibilities for really emotional reconciliation between all three Yunmeng siblings in the present timeline??? Logistically I think this would have to take place in a bookverse-style “LWJ carries WWX off to the burial mounds post-Nightless City battle” situation... so like, in a fit of practically qi-deviating rage-grief, WWX reanimates JYL’s corpse right as she dies, a la Wen Ning? and then part of what he’s doing, half out of his mind, during the missing time in the Burial Mounds is working on bringing her spiritual consciousness to put back in there.

........there’s definitely more logistics to be worked out, most notably “where is she during the intervening decade?” but. I love the idea of Jiang Cheng’s anger being not only “you killed my sister” but also “YOU TURNED MY SISTER INTO A FUCKING ZOMBIE”. I love the idea of, eventually, her being ACTUALLY PRESENT to express some of her own opinions and feelings on how WWX & JC fighting over her death (& fierce corpse status) is rly fucked up. make them deal with her as an actual person who’s inconvenient in her wants and needs and willingness to always extend a hand to others, not just a place to hang all their messy emotions on! give her eventually a chance to bond with Jin Ling, and the awkwardness and grief about how much of his life she missed, interspersed with “!!!!! I get to have this back! feelings!”

Because also just in general, I’d really love to have her around to interact with all the characters in their fucked-up “one timeskip later” iterations, and her perma-dying really just robs us of that chance and it’s very rude!

Bonus: holy fuck what would it be like for all her talents and skills and weaknesses to suddenly be completely reversed? Extremely physically strong and capable now! But more likely to scare people than charm them. Can she still, like, taste food properly? Who knows. But wouldn’t THAT be a juicy situation to explore for her! :O

#stripedroseandsketchpads #about me #ask meme responses #no good things for the poor sad cultivators #ask a James

[after-lauhgter]

Hey dude, I really like your music taste so do all the music questions that you didn't already answer 🌚

OK DUDE HERE THEY COME (except 1,6 & 14) ... ok lets do number 1 again  What's a song you've been listening to a lot lately? as the world caves in by Matt Maltese, if I get high by nothing but thieves, and literally anything off waterparks’ new live album, that thing makes me feel so ALIVE bc like LIVE MUSIC  Is there an album you recently discovered and are obsessed with it now? well waterparks live in the uk obviously but if the last 6 months count as recently, then the new abnormal by the strokes. its... absolutely breathtaking. I don't have words. 0 words. except these dudes know what the fuck they’re doing. and then I found the devil and god are raging inside me by brand new and jeeesus. literally Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was my most played song in 2020 AS IT SHOULD BE bc its EVERYTHING this album is THE SHIT. every song is just *chef kiss* like there's limousine (omg limousine) and you won't know and not the sun and AHH listen to these albums omg  Put your playlist on shuffle and show the first 10 songs. No cheating. i assume “your playlist” means all my saved songs so Topography by Civilian (pls go listen its SO great) Na Na Na by mcr yees issa classic  Du schreibst Geschichte by Madsen omg geeerman  just saying by EDEN (pretty pretty pretty) Westerland von den Ärzten another classic  letdown by nothing,nowhere. sad but the good kind of sad  The Man by the killers making fun of toxic masculinity gives me LIFE  Graffiti by CHVRCHES YES  and death stranding by CHVRCHES too YES SO GOOD simmer by Hayley Williams, a queen  How do you tend to discover new music? If you do at all of course I do enjoy what Spotify suggests, like my weekly mix brought a lot of bops in the past, although sometimes it just sucks lets be real. I also like the artist- or album-radio, when I wanna find something similar to an album but not the album.  and another thing I lovvve is when artists I like recommend music, for example, have you seen dallon weekes instagram stories? THE TASTE? bc yes, someone who writes music like that MUST have a superior taste in music and he fucking does. 

What app do you mostly use to listen to music? Spotify :) Is there an artist that you feel ashamed of listening too? I can't think of anyone so probably not  What is your favorite album cover art? omg. I have to go with more than one. so there's where the mind wants to go/where you let it go by I the mighty, one of my favorite albums of all time, and I'm going to say it how it is, I LIKE THE COLORS. the blue-ish imagine with the red omg. look at it pls.  Also fandom by waterparks looks SO COOL. again the COLORS  and I love the art for Isola by Kent.  I recently discovered you wouldn't believe what privilege costs by civilian and I think that cover is pretty cool too.  well and then there's petals for armor by Hayley Williams, the cover art is so fucking powerful Jesus I get goosebumps just thinking about it. in case you don't know about it, long story short: there's been a lot of shit going on in Hayleys life in the past. relatable imo. then they made after laughter and its been like u know what fuck it we’ll just laugh and dance through the pain. together. and I LOVED the vibe omg it gave me so much. but for Hayley it kinda postponed REALLY dealing with shit. she came home from touring with AL and she also got divorced during the AL era and everything's shit and out of all that came petals for armor. and in it she reclaims femininity, being alone, being powerful, being a women, everything. and ah yeah we were talking about the cover art, the cover is her, having a line of squares on her face, three of these squares are tattooed on her fingers though bc its where her ex husbands initials used to be that she got covered up. WHAT A MOVE. THE POWER.  (if anyone is interested in hearing Hayley talking about/explaining all this, I really recommend watching her interview with zane Lowe. its SO GOOD basically free therapy) How much did your parents influence your music taste? a. lot. my dad listened to a lot of “dad rock” you may call it, I guess a lot of dads listened to stuff similar to this. Deep Purple, the police, simple minds, Green Day, Billy Talent, the scorpions and things like that. what influenced me the most tho was the beatsteaks (german band, very good), die Ärzte (german band, very good) and LAST BUT NOT LEAST the fricking blues brothers. my favorite movie (not the 2000 remake, go watch that in hell where it belongs), a great, charismatic band, unbelievable live performances. very big WOW from me.  Do you own any vinyl? don't get me started omg. I DO. I wish I could take a photo but my records are at my parents house so ill just name my favorites.  -after laughter and brand new eyes by paramore -violent things by the brobecks and their song boring on 7inch (this is very rare ok) -razzzzmatazzz by idkhow in gold :) -may death never stop you by mcr (my first one, I bought it first and then bought a record player for it, that's how it started lol) -omg the black parade is dead by mcr, this was never available on vinyl until record store day 2019 (?) and I hunted that bitch like idek what it was insane but I found a super cute small record store and the owner didn't have copies of it bc NOBODY DID but he fucking CALLED THE LABEL even though it was way too late and he asked if they'd send him a copy and THEY DID I FUCKING OWE THIS MAN  -and omg Isola by Kent (in Swedish tho bc the English version was never pressed on vinyl) this was intense. I searched for like 2 weeks and then, on google results page 8 or something, I found what could've been the only copy on the damn internet and it was very expensive but its MINE NOW -my signed vertigo vinyl by EDEN, its clear and on side D it doesn't have music but a little message engraved it the vinyl IT IS CUTe -Placebos MTV unplugged! I am so I love with this album. SO. in love. and one day, when I was in Berlin to see palaye royale, back when we had concerts, I walked by a random record store and they have like 4 records left bc they were closing or idk and the only one displayed in the window was this one. tell me about FATE  Do you own any cds? not many. sometimes when im at the store and I see ones I know or like, I just buy them and put them in me moms car bc I want her to listen to them. or when I find a cd by a smaller artist I enjoy, I buy it just to push the nachfrage. HI i am HERE and I WANT this music  Is vinyl really better than listening on a digital device? im not gonna be that middle aged white male audiophile that hates on our generation for using Spotify. bc its great. I think its just different. I mean im sorry I don't carry my record player on the bus with me, pls forgive me for using my phone? having immediate access to most of the music that is out there? wow. what a concept. I love the internet. YES TECHNOLOGY. but. vinyls are... different. I feel likes its a different kind of listening. I feel like youre rly LISTENING. and that way isn't better, or right, and im not saying it works like this for everyone. but when I put a record on, my only activity at that moment is listening to music, I sit down and I listen. to the entire album. so skips and no pauses, bc that's how it works. and I think that sometimes, that can do a lot for you. if you let it.  and besides that, physically owning a record makes me happy on a level nothing else really does. fuck I love music so much and when I fall in love with it, I fall hard. and then owning a copy of it, something I can touch, something that is MINE, putting it in my little shelf, looking at it every few days and just being in love? fantastic feeling.  What is a genre of music that you tend to go to for comfort? sad shit. I feel like I can get great comfort from the sad shit. or maybe just slow shit. and songs that mean a lot to me and have been around me for some time, they have this other level of comfort. like for Emma, forever ago by bon iver for example. I have a playlist, maybe I'll reblog this again and link it ;) Do you tend to like poppy upbeat songs, or more intricate and interesting songs? both. sometimes I wanna have complicated stuff and analyze the shit out of lyrics and instrumentation, sometimes I just wanna v i b e If you have a favorite band or artist, tell us about how you got into them I liked paramore before but when they posted the video of them performing last hope at reading? it was over. when Hayley sang the bridge it was over. now im a die hard fan and I never looked back Is there a song that came out this year that you like? maybe after reading all this shit you expected a list but somehow I can't. where do u even start. but the answer is definitely yes.  THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS 

#asks #music #i guess #not me putting I guess after my tags all the time #I like guessing #questioning everything is a lifestyle

[bellexmort-a]

BELLEXMORT / BLOODYXBEAST’S FOLLOW FOREVER

so lately, i’ve been dealing with some stuff and i really just want to shout out some very important people in my / lydia’s / cam’s lives for being absolutely babes and being not only wonderful rp partners, but wonderfully spectacular humans. i’m grateful for ya’ll.

the first wives’ club:

@mieczlw​ : lea. you already know how important you are to me. almost ten years later and here we are. where’s the time go? when did we get so old, bitch? i can’t believe it’s already been 5 years since i’ve seen your face in person and i hate that for us. but anYWAY. you’re such a lovely person. inside and out. you keep on bein’ my friend and i really just don’t know what i did to deserve you in my life. despite me running away, you always keep me coming back to you. your stiles, love of lydia’s life just....perfection and excellence. but like mother like son....i guess kind of? idk work with me here. point being is that i love you with my whole ass heart, and wish you nothing but love and happiness always and forever. thank you for lovin’ me (thank u for bein’ there. EVERYBODY’S THANKIN.)

@claustrophobicwerewolf​ : lizzie bearrrrrr. my love my heart. another person who some how sticks around when all i do is throw crack at you. fr. i’ve seen you grow up basically and like WOW U STUNNAH. you’re not only a gifted writer, but you have a genuine heart and want to make the people you love and care about happy no matter what. you also give such life and love to isaac it just makes my heart so fucking happy. even when you’re hurting me with sparks and wires u fuckin twat. i can’t wait for you to come visit and let me kidnap you to nyc forever and ever and ever. 

@codeworn​ : emmaaaaa. you’re just the lovliest. like? i am v fortunate that i have met you. you are crazy talented, crazy gorgeous, and always up for a fucking adventure. you throw literally everything at me and i do the same and its just a wild ride. i love it so much. you’ve been in my life such a short time, but i have already decided i am never letting you go. please never change, keep on being a bad ass allison, and a wild child of muses. it gives me such joy to see you on my dash, in my ask, on my discord, and just everywhere. you’re fucking amazing and don’t ever forget it.

@hiighking​ : bee bee bee. one of my first ever wives. MANY MOONS AGO in a land far far away, kaleb brought you to me and we have been friends ever since. my wife and my friend and sometimes my mom. literally the best of everything rolled up into one. you’re always there to remind me to take care of myself and make sure i’m alright when things are very much not. you know so much ab me and my life and have been there through MAJOR ordeals for me and somehow you like...still stick around? i’m sry ur stuck in that hell swamp but know that i love you lots.

husband harem:

@scartissuexx​ : t re n t. my wonderful bear husband. #1 husband in all the land. another person who has been in my life a short while, but i feel like i’ve know  you for forever. the person who reminds me to hydrate every day, who checks up on me when things aren’t right. who keeps me sane and calm when i wanna kill everyone. who for WHATEVER REASON loves me basically unconditionally. i do not know what i did in my life to deserve you to be a part of it. you’re a strong as fuck person who takes no shit, and i adore that about you. you’ve gone through a lot and just like..... idk man daddy af and u know it. not to mention your derek. also the love of my / lydia’s / cam’s lives. you put so much love and care into him, and have basically torn him down to the studs and rebuilt him into what TW never could, what he honestly truly deserves. there’s such depth and fleshed out facets that every day i learn something new, and it’s never ending this journey of derek with you. i adore what you’ve done and keep doing with him. he’s a fucking asshole, but god do we love him. and you. always. let’s move to mars already. love ur bear wife.

@astrepur​ : kalebbbb. although i’m still heartbroken you left me for bee (doesn’t MATTER YOU WERE ALREADY DATIN WHEN U MET ME AND SHES THE LOVE OF UR LIFE. SHHH. IRRELEVANT.) i forgive u. i miss you a lot always and i know you know that. you also went through some shit with me and got me through a lot of my damaged bullshit and just. wow. such a strong, bad ass individual. you’ve been my husband for as long as i can remember. ok for like 10 years bc thats how long we’ve known each other but whatever. thank you for always being there no matter how long it’s been since we’ve talked. thanks for always returning my texts even when i’m being weird. thanks for the drunk facetimes with bee. thanks for being fucking you, because i wouldn’t be me without you and i rly want you to know that.

@lycanstark​ : n i k k o. you are just like. how to even begin with you babe? like just....i don’t even know how long we have known each other, i’ve honestly lost track. from the moment you and logan came into my life, it was like the best fucking thing. you’ve spent years keeping me sane more than you really know. another person i talk to basically almost every day. who listens to me bitch. who indulges me with weird crack AUs and pairings. who tortures me with elijah gifs cause she fuckin’ can like. fuck you for that honestly but whatEVER. you always remind me that things aren’t always gonna be shitty. that despite a ton of bullshit, good things  (like our friendship) can last. and i really just adore and love you so much.

anyway here’s a thing about these fucking awesome babes that i will follow to the end of my days and ya’ll should too. thank you && goodnight.

#follow forever. #i fuckin love u all u awesome nerds #welcome to my follow forever here in the year 2012

[mercuriial]

oh my god this is so EXCITING ok here we go !! hello ,, i’m jin — eighteen, she/her pronouns, from vancouver, luvs cats, a cancer ( .. virgo moon cap rising <3 ). i am SO ecstatic to be here ?? like this group literally sprouted from me n kelly joking abt making an rp goin’ “jk... unless 😳” to THIS !! anywaaaaays ,, this is my luv rosie ! of course i would love to plot so just like this & i will message u or feel free to hit me up first here or on discord !! pls be my friend !!

TW: MENTAL ILLNESS & SUICIDE ! 

✎⌠diana silvers. cisfemale. she/her⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only rosemary adler. though, around here they’re known as the quiescent. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the twenty-three year old librarian / musician kinda has a reputation of being reticent and scatter-brained. but y’know, they can be perceptive and sanguine too. typical cancer. anyways, welcome home and stay safe rosie ! ❞

BACKGROUND

ok ok ok SO rosie ( yes as u might guess . most call her rosie ) grew up here as the youngest with three older brothers !!

her parents separated when she was like seven n so a lot of her childhood was spent goin’ back and forth between her parents houses, but eventually her dad moved away because he remarried n started a whole new family. she has a couple half-sisters but tells people she only has brothers !

her mum, who she’s primarily grown up with & loves dearly, was a musician , albeit a struggling one but rosie always looked up to her. naturally she also started playing instruments when she was super young n has not looked back ever since !! can play the piano, guitar, but also like … the accordion, flute n banjo hah

yea so !! due to her mum’s profession & her dad kinda peacing out eventually, they were always a lil strapped for cash but still, they were happy. as individuals maybe not but still, a good n tight-knit family dynamic. however rosie, on her own, has struggled a lot w/ her mental health !! like at a young age, she was diagnosed w/ anxiety n then eventually depression as well & she basically can’t remember a point where her life wasn’t affected by these things

she had her first suicide attempt at fifteen which as you can imagine really fucked her up long-term. like. she stopped going to school for a while, social circle dwindled in size, just stayed home really

altho rosie was pretty behind in school by the time she returned, she managed to catch up and went to university outside of misty hollow ! she majored in creative writing but after her first year, she dropped out bc it just … wasn’t for her

after that she moved back home n was kind of back at square one, spending the next year just working part-time n making music, doing the occasional gig at a local bar. as much as university wasn’t for her, this state of her life was still really tough on her as she felt like there wasn’t much to do or work for. this time in her life was when her second suicide attempt happened

afterwards, rosie decided she couldn’t stay at home anymore n moved to new york at the age of twenty to try to pursue a career as a musician ! obviously moving wasn’t a quick fix to her struggles with depression but a change of scenery definitely made her feel more hopeful n purposeful

she joined a band as a lead guitarist n was so so desperate to “make it” somehow . this band treated her like shit n the band members were super toxic to each other & her ! just overall a really bad environment to be in but rosie put up with it because she was so attached to the idea of being a successful musician. she lived w/ these people n worked with them too so … it was rly not pleasant … but eventually she left after two hellish years because there was a big scandal abt one of their band members n it all fell apart

and uh ... she was kind of broke at this point and moved back a year later !! since then, she’s been back at misty hollow working as a librarian at the town’s public library & doin’ her music thing on the side. it’s kind of like before, doing small gigs n whatnot. the town’s pretty small so her band is known around town but outside of it, not really !! 

note: i understand that mental illness is a heavy topic n can be hard to read / write about for some people ! i will definitely be respectful n obviously not take anything too far but if anything u see from me ever makes u uncomfy, please let me know !

PERSONALITY

BASICALLY u can picture her bein like… not outgoing but also not shy ? like she rarely shares personal things abt herself (unless it’s thru her ~music~) & is a rly private person - she’ll often just disappear for like a week or somethin’ and then come back into everybody’s life like nothing happened

she’s independent but also so painfully sensitive !! she is a closeted softie !! if you are her friend or she ( very very secretly ) wants to be your friend , she will think about u literally 24/7 !! puts a lot a lot of effort into her relationships but also . doesn’t expect / want anybody to do that for her ??

RLY scatter-brained n messy hah. her room is just stacks of books, cups everywhere, sticky notes on the walls, unmade bed, can literally never find where anything is. she is late to everything !! leaves dishes out for daaaays !! you get the picture. she is both physically n mentally messy

she has a love-hate relationship with misty hollow ?? like some days she wants to rip her hair out and can’t stand the thought of spending another day here because it��s just so awful but other days ,, she appreciates the small town aspect n luvs everyone here. 

u can check out the playlist & pinterest board i have for her if ur curious !

WANTED CONNECTIONS

lich rally anything luv ... <3

but some ideas !! a ride or die, best friend, sister she never had, life-partner, etc etc... just give this gal a best friend she would absolutely die 4. i want them 2 platonically cuddle and kiss each other on the cheeks and cry on the phone together . 

a former flame !! could be recent, old, angsty, funny, i want it ALL !! 

a regular at the library who has gotten to know rosie thru subtle compliments they give each other on their book choices ... they give each other book recs ( obviously ), gossip abt seniors who frequent the library ,,

an ex-friend maybe ?? rosie is . uh very non-confrontational ,, maybe they were super good childhood friends n then lost touch somehow & now it’s just not the same ... so many things left unspoken 

friends who smoke n complain abt how dumb misty hollow is together at two in the morning .. this could be literally anybody because who doesn’t hate misty hollow ?

ANYTHING . give me ur ideas <3 

#misty.intro

[covnterfeiit]

( adeline rudolph, demigirl, they/she, kingdom hearts ) * &. i know it must be scary for you, xion, after surviving the takeover. to turn into someone like shiloh moon, a twenty-one year-old clerk at one-up arcade and baker & clerk at born and bread castle town, right here in castle town. just remember that you are as optimistic as you are forgettable, and to be wary, be safe, be true to who you are : neutral through and through. ( lightning mcdumbydumb )

          HELLLOOOOO folks m’name is still HYLIA and welcome to probably not only one of the most tragic fuckin’ characters in game history but ALSO the most tragic intro in the history of ever since... this is gonna be baaaaaad. not gonna lie.

— BEFORE CASTLE TOWN. / X I O N

S’OOOOKAY i will admit i’m not the most knowledgeable person on KH lore but I do know the twist & turns of this beautiful character but even so i STILL don’t trust myself since I did watch all the cutscenes a bit ago and i couldn’t even get through playing kh3 bc i honestly,,,, just couldn’t get into a groove and kh lore cONFUSES THE HELL OUT OF ME but !

if u have any kh questions i’ll pull a tommy n just say ask him/fae/bailey since they’re way better at explaining than i could and FOR SURE know more than me.

bt i can tell u the important fax of xion,,, i’ll probs forget some stuff but i rly am gonna try n keep this short bc i have replies + commission stuff + d&d stuff + admin stuff probably to do and SOMEHOW i thought it was a bright idea to pick up my seventh character !

but alright alright ALRIGHT so.

xion is basically.. well, long story short, they weren’t supposed to fucking exist.

the basis is they’re an imperfect replica of roxas made of sora’s memories by organization xiii, kind of like their backup if roxas/sora didn’t do what the org(tm) needed them to do.

THIS MEANS like them, they can wield the keyblade.

buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut since xion was initially just meant to be a puppet ( i honestly liken them to the kh version of an A.I. ), u can probably guess in typical story fashion(tm) their creators’ plans go awry since xion starts to... wait for it... develop a personality & free will & sense of personality

or well as much as nomura is willing to give a female character- // BRICKED

aka, xion and roxas, who’s tasked with looking after them, being fast friends. they also befriend axel but in tHIS TIME,,,, there’s an issue. because they also come in contact with riku which throws xion off since now they start questioning their identity. bc them wielding the keyblade is apparently ?? a nono ??

and they eventually go w/ riku to find answers and then axel’s like SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS and takes them back to the org(tm). 

then things really turn for a loop when xemnas’ plans start working - xion becomes better attuned with the keyblade as roxas’ power wanes, which ,,, ain’t good. 

- i’m interrupting this to tell u all as i’m checking my phone to make sure i cover all my points my battery is at 69% NICE -

this is when xion and namine come in contact and they have a lil chitchat and xion uncovers the truth of how they fit in this godfucked hullabaloo - which... they don’t. they’re an anomaly made of memories and like beings made of memories do, once the memories are returned, xion will not only cease to exist but also the memories of them in everyone else will fade.

so this is a catch 22 for xion, giving them an ultimatum - either they continue existing as xemnas’ puppet and roxas loses his power, leaving everything to go to shit OR they go back into sora, but nobody remembers them & the heroic sacrifice they made & the bonds they formed with their friends

because xion is a fucking good person they decide to go back into sora but then axel’s like SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKER X2 and. yeah.

now,,, this is where things get sad.

xion knows what’ll happen if they continue living - roxas will disappear, and xemnas will get what he wants. so they pretty much act like they’re all in xemnas’ hands now and pretty much force roxas to fight them so they can be set free & the memories they’ve absorbed can be returned. and yeah they’re OP as FUCK but somehow roxas defeats them and they die, fading away like shattered glass and saying some sad as hell shit

and this is where jesse mccartney asks ‘bUt wHo aM i sUpPoSeD to hAvE iCe CrEaM wItH’ 

yeah.

it’s also xion’s first ct memory, nice !

but yeah and LIKE NAMINE PREDICTED.... everyone’s memories of them do fade but it takes longer than expected.

and then kh3 rolls around and there’s some even more fuckshit i can’t explain but eVERYONE is happy and reunited and somehow xion’s back thanks to more replica shenanigans so ?? cool ?? 

yeah.

— AFTER CASTLE TOWN. / S H I L O H

okay so for starters because I still can’t wrap my head around their KH3 involvement, I’m going to be pulling from Xion after their death. Fun times !!

bUT in CT they were reborn as Shiloh Moon , younger sister to Ven Moon and someone who... never really knew their place in the universe.

they grew up not really thinking they had any kind of talent for anything since they never stuck with the same people, never got into the same things - nothing was consistent and shiloh always felt like someone who just.. clung to other people and tried to mold with the crowd. 

they kind of are still in a similar state - but they work at both the arcade & bakery; the latter is actually due to an interest of theirs, they love ice cream more than baking but making pastries is a little easier than making ice cream.

the arcade’s simply because it’s fun and shiloh’s never really had a consistent friend group so. they’re honestly there to make friends and money.

they’re not enrolled in college because again they don’t know what they want to do and it’s a little awkward since... well... ven’s the librarian but yk.

they DID survive the takeover so they know who they really are - and they’re sort of using this opportunity to try and live out another life like they wanted but they’re convinced that again, when ct fades, they’ll also fade again and basically, they’re on a clock until this place unravels.

so shiloh’s eager to figure out themselves and try and make themselves their own person - they’re generally very shy and softspoken , tend to catch onto things a little late but when they do you better watch the fuck out

it still. really gets to them though that they basically don’t have an identity to go off of and that they’re still kind of doomed to the same fate but in typical xion fashion they’re just bottling up everything and not telling anybody SHIT

also they identity as a demigirl & both they/them & she/her pronouns are fine but also both feminine & neutral titles !!

also a lesbian uwu

anyways i !! am going to go do SOMETHING i’m not sure what it is yet but heeeere’s one thing done !! i’ll try n message folks for plotting soon !

#castletown.intro #death tw #memory loss tw #food mention #i'd do my new pretty intro formatting but. i'll be straight up. i'm tired folks.

[studylustre]

(matcha latte anon🍵) hello carol!! first up, i wanna tell you that i love reading through your posts alot!! especially the soft boy™, it's so cute!!! >u

matcha latte (!!!) and the second time i met him (which was 2 weeks after), he remembered my order which was really nice and unexpected. also, i was with my friend that day, and i offered some yam chips (in a container) to another female collegue (since i am more used to seeing her, and also because i’m kinda shy to give him). he came to the table and gave back my container, and had a very small talk, in which he offered us drinks/ice cream but we declined. after my friend left, i continued studying and suddenly, he came to collect my cup which i was going to say thank you, but to my surprise, he placed another new cup of matchalatte for me!! i was shocked and didn’t know what to do so i just mouthed a thank you to him. at this point, my heart is already melting, considering this is the first time anyone has offered me a drink like this. we also said bye when he left. our third encounter: the next day, in which he came but i don’t think he had work. he sat at the chair in front of my table, but i was so HORRIBLY SHY that i didn’t look up that much. i have no idea if he was looking at me or not but it remained like this for about (more than) 5 minutes long?? after that, he went to stand near my table and said “no matcha latte today?” so i replied “yea mocha today” !!!! but we were interrupted by the female collegue who said “haha you talking to customer ah” *in chinese* but in like a jokingly manner. then i think the situation got shy and he said no in chinese once again and then we bid farewell :c. it was such good memories and i never met him after that, and i thought i never will. the only info i had about him was that he’s a year older than me. i think i’m a person who falls in love quite easily haha, so i couldn’t stop thinking about it for quite a while. fast forward to jun 14, i signed up for a school camp (i usually don’t go to camps) with 2 of my friends. it was a camp with 5 different schools. as time passed on during the first day,i couldn’t help but notice this guy felt familiar?? i kept noticing the way he talked, the way he walked, and it hinted me that it mIGHT be him ?? (i’m not very good at remembering faces, and also his hair is also wayyyy longer than before) during that night, i was talking to my friend about how i had a feeling that it was him, but i don’t know if i really want to know if it’s him (bc he seemed close to this girl, and my self-esteem is quite low :c). but i decided that i should just ask him. during the next day, i didn’t see him around often, but i couldn’t quite find the courage to ask him, and i don’t really want to do it infront of my friends. when the camp was nearing to an end, i almost thought i won’t ask him, but man i just went with it, go up to him and awkwardly goes like “wait, did u work in a cafe before?” he seemed hesistant so i thought i got the wrong guy, but NO! IT WAS REALLY HIM! aaaa but we got interrupted again, and one person asked if we were cousins LOL.we didn’t manage to talk alot, but found out we’re in the same school??? but he’s year 3 while i’m year 2. once again, i was really amazed to meet him again such circumstances, and that we were in the same school all along?? i thought i would meet him sometime soon,,, but turns out i was wrong.. i didn’t have any contact of him and once again, as time goes by, i didn’t think much about him again. fast forward early to end jul-early aug, i signed up for a japan uni talk (once again, not something i usually go for but somehow did). on that day, i was thinking about how long i’ve never met café guy but was happy cause i’m over it. but life decides to (idek what life is trying to do to me) bring him back into the picture again! i was waiting for my friend when i suddenly saw this familiar looking guy, i only saw him walking two steps (he’s blocked by a pillar) and i had a gut feeling that it might be him. but this time he was wearing glasses and his hair is short now. after seem peaking around here and there, it turns out it really was him??!?! at that point of time, i was very shy and awkward, it was hard for me to say hi or anything, i was just freaking out. to sum up that day, i basically didn’t manage to say hi to him (regrets :cc). but my friend, managed to find a mutual friend of both of us’s instagram. i went to follow him and found café’s guy instagram eventually!! to sum up, i eventually used my main account to follow him, in which he followed back ( that was like almost a 3 day process uwu). also, i dropped huge hints to lowkey scream *i’m the matcha latte i hope u remember me!!!* aaaa he dm-ed me and ask if im the matcha latte girl!!! we talked abit (not alot really) and (yesterday) he said he’s working but at another chain of the café (which is about 3 mins walking distance to the café i met him & usually go to). he asked what time i was leaving, and since i was meeting my friend, i said around late 5 to 6. he then said his break was only at 6plus, so i thought maybe i can wait a little longer to catch him (but i was a little afraid to meet him as well haha) i was going to pack my bag when he came!!! he immediately came to my table and talked to me!!! but my friend called me so i had to pick up, when it ended, he came back to my table again and we talked for about 20mins?? it was nice talking to him (some context: my mind usually goes blank when making conversations with people!!! >u

hi angel!! sorry for the late reply - i saw ur ask a little while ago but bc i didn’t have my laptop (it was off for repairs) i couldn’t reply :(( anyway, it sounds like ur both mutually interested in each other!! i think u should go for it. i mean, from what i can tell, it sounds like u kinda like this guy (u seem rly excited whenever u catch glimpses of him and idk i feel like he definitely made a big impression on u bc why else would u a) remember all your interactions b) get so excited about seeing him time and time again and c) bother to tell me all this, right? ✨) like it just seems like u both have interest in each other but are too shy to make a move. i think u should go for it bc u’ve already nearly lost him several times now - u only get so many chances and i feel like u might regret it if u don’t do anything and just let this opportunity slide… also i think u might be overthinking it - you may be different people, yes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing?? also u guys don’t really know each other all that well yet so it’s really too soon to be worrying so much, just try to take the time to get to know each other better and then see how things go once u have a better grasp on who he is etc. u have nothing to lose from giving it a shot, especially since u already hope for it to work out, so why hold urself back and deprive urself of something that could potentially make u a really happy? everyone’s scared of things and it’s natural to be scared of something like this, but it would be a shame to let that fear hold u back from something that could be really great

#answered #matcha latte anon

[jeonginsdimple]

Ship members of the beacon babies gc with stray kids!

ikzjdjdj okay this is going to be hard 😪 but let’s go hoes also anon i really am so sorry if u wanted me to include u in this and i didn’t bc i have absolutely no idea who this is ))))): i love u i promise. that goes for everyone that didn’t end up in this i had such a hard time picking for everyonebdhdhdjjd

(this isn’t based on biases so i’m sorry if u don’t get ur bias 😔😔)

woojin: @awoojinstan literally i cant think of anyone more fitting for this. not only are you THE MOST beautiful girl i have EVER seen, and also like the most devoted woojin stan (ex. showing up immediately when woojin’s name is mentioned), but i genuinely think u and woojin would be a good match. ur dancing from what i’ve seen is incredible!!! that with woojin’s singing is like the ultimate power couple u would be so unstoppable watch out. we don’t talk much and i’m very sad abt that ): but !!!! i can see y'all being super super soft w each other and having him play guitar for u late at night and tell each other dumb stories and he’s like the most gentlemanly boy u have ever seen wow i’m getting soft u guys r the only couple i need in my life

chan: @changbiins yeah i’m fucking doing this elaine what r u going to do we all know i’m right thot. you’re both greasy and embarrassing (IM KIDDIGNNDJSJS). seriously though your sheer beauty mixed with this hotdog grease will cancel out and make the perfect visual couple. y'all will blind me for two completely different individual reasons. anyway u guys would prob hang out in the producing room bc i don’t think this boy ever leaves thta place and you’d take naps while sitting on his lap 👀👀👀 and he’d think ur fucking cute but he wouldn’t say it bc he’s ugly

minho: @soyeonboys abby!!! my wife!!!!! minho better watch his back )): you guys both give off this like mom vibe tho (even if minho’s is more like wine mom and ur the cool mom but that’s not the point). you’d both prob spend time yelling abt ur kids (us + sk) to each other. also we’ve been knew but he’s super clingy and kinda greasy so prepare for the CLINGIEST BOY of the century. he’ll always be trying to kiss u 😔😔 i can see u guys going on cute dates like in town or smthn and forcing him to take selfies bc his collection is dry as FUck but he’d force u to get in them too bc he loves to see ur face wowo this is oily

changbin: @versekiller ik ur not in the gc anymore but ))))): imo you’re a really good match for changbin. you’re both super cute and soft but claim ur dark (which is the biggest lie both ways don’t even try). and you’re tiny which is great! because changbins a whole fucking midget. he’d prob try to act cool around u @ first but give up rly fast and just let his soft bitch side show through 😔 acting cute for u n shit to get u to do things for him what a little shit. he’d prob take u out to super expensive places that’s probably make u want to eject ur lungs out bc of the price (but that’s ok it’s his mom’s money anyway)

hyunjin: @wangingmorktuna okay tbh you would make a really good match for hyunjin. for one, you’re SO PRETTY ITS INSANE??????? and hyunjin is INDEED an iconic visual. you guys would literally be glowing i’d actually have to look away so i wouldn’t be killed instantly by you’re stunning visuals. he’d compliment you a lot and try to be cool abt it but be super super flustered and embarrassed and you would totally be able to tell but he’d deny it to his grave. i can see u guys going on little cafe dates and having small talk and taking a lot of pictures together it’s cliche but it’s so cute dhdhjwjsjdj

jisung: @stantalentstansk okay nathan is literally the biggest meme in this whole gc that’s no debate. and u know who ELSE is a big ass meme? jisung himself u right. both of u hoes are G R E A S Y like u rly like loving everyone. jisungs out here trying to kiss everyone and ur just sending us all WHOLESOME LOVE memes and it’s too much for my soft heart. so combine the two and you get the most greasy couple possibly ever (but in a good way). i can see y'all cuddling a lot like a lot lot lot of skinship seems likely w u sweethearts )): also jisung writes raps for u sometimes (not like johnny’s jshdjsjsjd no ‘fucking titties bitch jisungs out ✌🏻)

felix: @lexilanta bitch!!!! you and meme boy!!!!!!!!!! every time you use the 💀💀 emoji i get weird flashbacks to my friend sam calling felix (flax seed) a funky white boy there’s literally no correlation but somehow it happens. you’d probably roast him a lot tbh and he’d act all hurt by it until u called him cute sorry it’s the law he won’t leave u alone until u do. he’s possibly the clingiest boy i have EVER seen so prepare for some extreme skinship. you also get the special privilege of kissing his freckles 😔😔 make sure to let us know how his dog hair is btw–

seungmin: @xxstraykids idk why saja but you and seungmin are like the ULTIMATE couple in my mind. this boy is the cutest boy i have ever seen in my entire life literally he hurts me and you also happen to be the cutest person i’ve ever seen in my entire life so it’s already perfect. he’d be super super sweet to you and always ask how you’re doing and if you ate and what you’d want to do before suggest something. he’s super shameless and kind of embarrassing sometimes but that’s the good part so hehe. he’d lay his head on ur shoulder a lot and be kind of needy like a whole ass puppy. i can see you guys just kinda chilling and watching movies or youtube videos or something and just enjoying each other’s companies it’d be a really comfortable relationship 😪😪😪

jeongin: @gothfelix cici you’re so sweet it hurts me ))): you always compliment me and you make me so happy and you give me the best vibes and i cant this stress enough. jeongin is a BABY!!! your sweet (and really easy to talk to) personality would be like ideal for him because we all know he’d have kind of a hard time in a relationship. after a while though he’d get really comfortable and you guys would be able to actually do skinship without his lungs threatening to explode. you guys would definitely go on like mini movie dates and then go to a small diner or smthn like something simple u kno. overall it’d be really soft and i )))))))): i love this concept wow

—

okay i went like really really all out w this so i hope it’s up to ur expectation )): i love u all

[survivorsunsetrodeo]

Ep 10 | Am I Just Plain Irrelevant? - Josh

Soooo I am the partial owner of an idol with Taylor!!! So hopefully we get ourselves through this round. I need to tell Ari about it but I’m worried they’re gonna tell Taylor, so maybe I’ll just let it be for now. BUT I PROBABLY WILL TELL THEM RN hahahahaha. Idk if they’ll be mad about it or just happy it’s in someone’s hands. The bad thing is that someone has the whiskey too so that idol is out and about as well. I am BEAMING that the vote worked out as it should. 

WHEW ya boi really survived yet again despite being called out as most likable player in the game!!!!!! idk but i deserve some kind of award the vote went pretty much as expected minus all the scrambling/drama that rly isn't interesting to talk about.... now we have some new tea to spill which is a) idols and b) next moves.

a) the idol randomization this round is absolutely chefs kiss - taylor was planning to buy the last gun anyway which she has now done with the help of a loan from dan, and the only other idol that's active is the whiskey that me and jacob have been sipping + which still nobody suspects we have (i hope). taylor thinks josh has it so im like yeah mhm probably! anyway this means we dont have to worry about the vote going screwy and if we really needed we could play that, but i think that won't be necessary. b) so basically immediately after council, taylor says in the 3some group chat that she thinks it's time for jabari to go next and i said yeah good call i have no problem w that. the only people left here who aren't my bffs are jabari and emma, and jabari proved herself a loose cannon this round with trying to flip on ali so as much as i love her, she gotta go. with the newly solidified trust between taylor + dan, i really don't see how this could go wrong (knocks on wood) because that's been the biggest disconnect so far in our majority group and now they have something to share so that should be helpful in bringing everyone closer together.

in other news, taking stock of relationships - taylor dan jacob ali are all still saying they trust me over anyone and wanna take me to final three which is a very cute look for me but obviously i'm not gonna believe it till we get there. i'm starting to get a little worried about how much jacob knows my game, like i mean i tell him everything and im fine w that but i don't want him to get any funny ideas about how he can sell our story better than me! i'm also nervous about dan clocking the two of us because he said something just now about how we were both doing good at keeping people close, "[him] with taylor and [me] with jacob" which i mean yeah duh to an extent i know everyone knows this but i'm still trying my best to distance myself as much as possible. ali im not worried about obvi and taylor i don't think she will vote me out until close to the end so that gives me time to figure out what to do about her at that point. so likeeee i think we should be good for a while? i've bought myself a couple more rounds probably before i have to really start hustling? we'll see but these fools really did say "ari is the most likeable and talented person in this game let's keep them around <3" they will regret it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel bad for Nic he seemed to have spiraled after the tribal Brandi went. I wonder if this was avoidable but people aren't gonna let the AARP roam free when everyone knows about us which is exactly what I've been thinking from the start. From now on I really have to play smarter. I've been trying to limit the info I give to Ari but I need someone to be 100% honest with and like I'm not a dummy to bring Ari to FTC they'd wipe the floor with me. They just have so much connections and is basically untouchable but people will have to catch up eventually. This is why you always go 5th!!! But for now I plan to hide behind Ari because they're a big target. I honestly dont believe Ari got extorted like lmao ok you've been voted for everything good on touchy subjects and you get extorted for money?? but i'll go along with it and Emma seems to have bad reads so I'm not sure how much I can rely on her to sus things out but I need her as a vote and to pool money with. Taylor seems to be the most open and fluid player so I need to keep a close eye on her. After losing Nic my trust ranking is something like this: 1. Emma* (I just trust Emma the most at this point but I can't let her know everything) 2. Ari* (I also trust Ari the most but I have to limit the info I give to them and only give info that is personally relevant to them) 3. Taylor 4. Jacob 5. Dan 6. Jabari 7. Ali (please do not take 48 hours to reply back or send conversation enders I'm not good at talking to people)

https://prnt.sc/xjoq7k

I'm really annoyed at how Ari seems to be keeping things from me all the time and then telling me things at the last minute where I wouldn't be able to do anything and my dumbass here keeps on telling them things all the time and now Ari told me they lied about their horses? Literally what am I supposed to do Ari is so vague all the time!! I'm not in any position to lie about my horses because I'm taking this opportunity to gain allies but really all this does is make me not trust a lot of people. I don't know who to trust but I don't have the luxury to choose so I'm just blindly gonna follow Ari because they're the only one giving me info. Dan also said he wants to talk to me and Jacob came clean on why he lied to me but I'm just really annoyed. I was in no position to do anything to save Nic and I've been telling everyone I would be fine if Nic goes just tell me if people are voting for him AND THEY DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING? What did they think I was gonna do I haven't bought things from the shop they should know I've been giving Emma money so what the heck yall.

I'm really hoping my talk with Dan will help illuminate some stuff because I'm only getting things from one source (well two but Emma's reads are kinda bad) and I don't even know how long Ari wants me around since Ari is the most well connected person here so all I'm doing is getting on Ari's good side and with my back against the wall I just have to trust them....but I have to play smart if I can survive this next round I think I'll have a general idea on where people stand. I think it would be very funny if I send Ari home at 5th place for the memes but I don't have any pull to even do that.

PS: if you're reading this Ari ily but yes i am very annoyed at the moment <3

Another PS: Am I overestimating my impact in this game or am i just plain irrelevant.

If Jabari wasn’t dead to me in this game before, she certainly is now! She just got off a call with Ali and said I voted him out and she voted to keep him. What a fool. Obviously Ali is gonna tell me about it. He told Taylor first which is..... scary to me because maybe he’s closer with her than me. But he still told me so.

I just wanna make sure if I get to f5, I’m not outnumbered by an OG Beeho alliance that they’ve had from day 1.... which is a possibility but 5th place is also kinda cute? 

alright alright alright okay okay okay i need to be a little less cocky here yeah. the rope purchase this round shook me because i have no mf clue who did that or why and that BOTHERS ME!! we're 99% sure jabari has the rifle, josh would tell me if he did it, and none of my ppl are dumb enough to waste their money on that in the middle of a round so like......... it has to be emma??????????????? but where did emma get that money???????? man i dont know. it bothers me.

either way though, basically it has to be jabari this round and the only possible obstacle is if dan/taylor get too freaked about her possibly having the whiskey. i kinda sorta brought up to jacob that we might want to tell them about it but i think he doesnt rly wanna tell anyone and i don't super want to either so we're just saying josh prob has it, sorry josh, i know u don't drink. so hopefully that should be okay idk i don't see another way this could go wrong but i also have immunity so like that helps.

im also Very Worried about whatever twist is coming down the pike because the ftc schedule does not add up and my spidey senses are tingling i just really hope it's not someone coming back because that would be no fun at all. well ok chloe could come back i'd be fine with that <3

i really don't know how to feel abt my personal relationships w everyone because dan keeps saying like he wants to be with me in the end he doesn't care if he loses as long as he gets to play with good people etc etc and it sounds too good to be true but somehow i believe him? but i gotta keep my head in the game. and then taylor, our talks have gotten more personal lately and she's been just saying so much of how amazing she thinks i am and how grateful she is we've met and i'm not saying i don't believe that, i'm just saying it makes me nervous because i can't let that distract me from the very real possibility she makes a move against me at some point. it's safest to assume dan and taylor will come together to flip on me EVENTUALLY and probably SOON so we just have to get there first. which is why my priority thus far in merge has been eliminating all the wild cards as quickly as possible. brandi we didn't know where she was truly at, nic would have kept shaking things up, and jabari's so hard to read because the way she plays is just on a different level from everybody else. so if all of them are gone, then i'm really truly not worried about josh or emma because they're both floaters not scramblers and that leaves me with a group of people whose motives i can understand and predict at least to some extent. the devils you know, right? so hopefully i can keep that up and keep a step ahead of them for a while longer!!

i'm getting a little too used to this look.... https://prnt.sc/xl0ne8

Welcome to my Ted Talk :D

I have been hurt  by this game, I know I am not a bad person, I am loved in my personal life because I love giving. I guess people do not really get how real I am. It is just sad. I never have won an ORG and I really want too. :(

I get its a game and all but i was gutted when people lied to me about horses, it honestly makes me think there's bigger things at play. I might have to find other options in this case 

so many thoughts... um i'm starting to think a lot more about how to get to the end game with ppl that i think i can beat and it's just a lot to think about and i'm afraid if i'm gonna do that i'm gonna piss a lot of ppl off by making big moves and stuff and that is just so scary to me but it must be done

I heard it was jabari but why ppl just going for people in the bottom thinking about just telling jabari hey girl if u have an idol play it im burnt out because im on the very outs the only person here is making me wanting to play is josh if hes gone its gonna be super hard to play this game without them my will to play = lost even tho its hard now rather me then him going if the jabari thing is a lie.

Y’all I am SPENT. I just feel like each round I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into crackheadery and I need to RELAX. I am really proud of the game I have been playing and if I go out now, I’m going to be crushed but also proud. I would be proud of the fact that I was seen as a threat and got taken out bc of it. I don’t want to think negatively but there are SO many idols in play it’s hard to really navigate these votes.

I know the shotgun is with me and Taylor but this fricken whiskey is MIA??? I am hoping someone like Ari has it. They have been really certain that no BS is gonna go down tonight, but how can you be so sure unless you have the idol no one knows the location of?? I mean they’re also safe with immunity so idk.

I am just gonna hope I’ve put enough work in with people to not get voted out tonight. And if I do, it is what it is! 

Power Rankings: ONE - ARI  (+1) Threat: 9 (-1) Trust: 9 (NC) This week was definitely Ari’s week. They won immunity, had everyone give them the correct horses. They also got put in an alliance with josh and I where we got good intel from the other side and what they’re thinking. I think anyone would be stupid to believe that Ari isn’t the biggest threat in the game. TWO - TAYLOR (+1) Threat: 8 (+1) I put myself at two for the same reasons as Ari. I think the other side is opening up to me more now that nic is gone, I have more info. I’m also trying to make people feel guilty for listening to nic. Really using manipulation in a sense to make them feel bad for me. I also want good rapport with them as jury management is key in this stage. THREE - JACOB (+2) Threat: 7 (NC) Trust: 7 (-1) Jacob is someone I’m surprised to seee high this week. However, with being included in the whispers last round, and again this round without his name coming up, I think he deserves to rank third this round. Jacob’s game is very under the radar, and hes playing really well with the power to take the game in the direction he wants. FOUR - JOSH (+4) Threat: 4 (NC) Trust: 6 (+1) Josh got to work this round which is a pleasant surprise. He made an alliance with Ari and I which was a great move for his game. There is also a really good chance he has an idol this round. So he does hold a lot of power and information compared to his past rounds. FIVE - ALI (+2) Threat: 4 (NC) Trust: 10 (+1) Ali seems to have steered clear of his name being on the chopping block this round. Honestly Nic going last round is just as good of a move for my game as it was Ali’s. He just doesn’t have as much information and if he does get any information he comes directly to Ari and I. SIX - DAN (-5) Threat: 8 (NC) Trust: 9 (+1) Dan really plummeted this week as every crazy good week normally follows a terrible week unless you do the right damage control. I think Dan is complacent in our alliance and felt the need to not worry about the mess he was going to leave behind after nic left. But now people don’t trust him, and his name has been brought up by the minority. SEVEN - EMMA (+1) Threat: 1 (+1) Trust: 4 (+4) Emma like usual is toward the end of the power rankings. Her and I did clear the air, but I still don’t like how she just let nic dictate how she played the game. I understand she’s extremely loyal but to not talk to someone for three rounds because your ally doesn’t like them is questionable gameplay. It’s likely Emma goes this round if Jabari idols. EIGHT - JABARI (-4) Threat: 6 (+3) Trust: 0 (-2) After the shady round jabari had last week, it’s no surprise she’s in hot water this round. She also did a terrible job damage controlling the situation. She lied and said Dan flipped, threw multiple people under the bus, and no she’s acting extremely nervous. She’s become everyone’s number one target because she tried to flip at the wrong time.

Okay so im nervous but if i go it isss what it isss Jabari is the plan i think theres a big chance she has an idol im like debating if i should yolo it and throw my vote at jacob i love jacob but i feel like at this point they are kinda in the core alliance how i see it maybe rn are like ari-ali-jacob jacob with dan > Taylor > Jabari i am glad that me and taylor either are good or gonna end this game good idk if i am going yet but after this vote if i survive i really want to work with taylor!! either way i have nothing bad to say about taylor i think shes great me working with nic kinda hindered trust there but i am to loyal to default this game i do love nic tho but atleast i kinda have a game to play!! idk i am also probably just gonna vote for jabari because if its like 4-3-1 mega oof ASDFG i dont trust any of these hoes yet except for josh oh well if i go which i think its a high chance of me going atleast he gets 400 dollars richer hehe also i didnt even want jabari out at first but then she tried to throw me under the bus to dan smh

dont trust anyone not even urself

#confessionals #AintNoGloryInTheWest

[hcbgoblin]

ok i wanted to watch the full day4 of mma but its only being uploaded at 4am for me and i caved in and watched the lq bts performance and i just

why   do you enjoy making me C RY 

so stream of crying consciousness first impression...... stuff 

a black swan intro A BLACK SWAN INTRO i mean i kinda wanted them to perform the whole song too but hey

it was way too fucking beautiful to be REAL i am LIVING i love love LOVE how much they leaned into classical and contemporary for black swan its more than i ever expected and i just cry every night into my pillow- 

first off i love tae and hoseok as a pairing it doesnt happen often and of the dances black swan could parallel i did not think dna would be one of them but it fucking works and it looks breathtaking 

the HEIGHT of taehyungs jump

swan namjin is just majestic and their postures were rly good, jins port de bras was a+; they over prepared a little for the pirouette but it somehow looks rly cute im whippedajfldkf

ok so. OK. oh   . jungkook,   jimin,    oh wow. oh WOW. jikook has had a lot of dance duos over the years and not to be dramatic but it was all leading up to this MOMENT ksdjn. no but ok the water dance was gorgeous and how delicate and yet midly terrifying they manage to look when theyre being carried (amazing sound direction too ) by the backup dancers is so entrancing, and when they finally come together to dance their FREAKING PAS DE DEUX. (bts danced a straight up pas de deux i cant get over it they really did THAT im losing it) anyway when they dance together you can see it even better!!

that bullet was getting too long so, ok, pas de deux is usually danced by a man and a woman (its more common for this to switch it up in contemporary, but still) , and even though it takes a lot (like a fucking lot) of strenght to maintain the various poses and steps while youre being lifted(usually women), in ballet  its a Thing to not let it show and appear as delicate and effortless as possible. so a lot of people who dont dance get the impression that whoever is lifting is doing the most work, but! thats not true, aND. jimin somehow manages to portray all that strenght while still being tear inducingly delicate. the sequence is sharp, delicated, jagged and desperate and jikook are PERFECT for it, bc their individual dance styles have always been so good at balancing sharp/delicate and intense. 

jimins extensions are, as usual, absolutely thight and in full display. their position for the lift turn was perfect. it was so gorgeous

the final swan pose was so so so so beautiful i loved that formation. bts rly has some of the best designed (like, idk how to say this in english, but literally ‘desenhada’ ‘drawn’) transitions formations and poses. their choreographies are so teatrical, every stop is a painting and i love it. jin just delivers the final blow w the final arms and releasing the bird... mercy

speaking of which the stage design here.................. exquisite

and last but suddenly not least, the backup dancers did the MOST, mad mad props. that bridge drop before jimin first appears might genuinely war with ot7s dancing for most beautiful part of the intro

so. like.      i really love black swan idk if it is noticeable. 

THE STAIRS FOR ON THE NO STAIRS AAAA AND THE N;O  STAIRS AND POSES AND INSTRUMENTALSSSSS 

their STYLING. insane.

ON you beautiful bitch i missed you . you deserved to have been so BIG UGHSJDFN

is it just me or does on feel simultaneously shorter and more INTENSE 

the purple mappp :((( and armys making up bts photo oh my GOD:((( ;;o;;

since its very unlikely they would have released anything outside of mots7 this year were it not for covid, their final performances would probably be n.o, black swan and on, maybe with wabte. im kinda sad now 

but now for long, quarantine savior life goes on is here 🥺🥺🥺

life goes on is so good live its ... ugh 

how SOFT their faces went in yoongis verso tho

its a bangtanarmy world

they did the PAH

dynamite quarantine bop lets go

uhHHHhhHh hoseok?? this VELVET FIT. JHSRKDKJS 

taejoons talk the talk that was SO CUTE. ILLEGAL

they look so happy and energetic i love to see it

dynamite has such a fun choreo. its their simplest one since.... just one day, probably, but they make it SO engaging 

also the way their suits change color is MAGICAL

jin air kisses into the dance break? yEs

THIS DANCE BREAK. ITS PURE DISCO OH MY GOD OH My GoD DISCO QUEEN DYNAMITE!!! U DID THAT . the vibez are absolutely exquisite , dare i say........ GROOVY

super fast footwork and their delivery is so suave and cool holy shit im hypnotized ; that little HEAD BOP on the suspended kick - . like this dance is brimming with personality i love it so much 

hoseoks subtle roboting just adds that Something to it , 

his style is so interesting to me bc like, usually street styles use a lower posture, heavier/sharper finishes, and are visually bolder styles of dancing, highlighting the impact of the steps (i wish i could explain what i mean better but im not super familiar with street styles ughfgfd ) . as opposed to contemporary/jazz/ballet etc but hoseoks style is like a hybrid lately, its very light, almost like hes floating across the stage (voguings a street style that has that lighter higher disposition, but hoseok doesnt rly vogue afaik.... someone once noted, that, interestingly, thats also the core logic of classical dancing and that creates such an interesting contrast in a way that is different but parallel to the way jimin also likes to create that type of contrast in his dancing?? ugh yes.) 

 and anyway, he manages to be so fluid and light and still so sharp and this choreography highlights that soooo well. his footwork and his extensions when hes leading the dance line- chefs kiss . also that hat and that suit   . thank you bh

their linesssssss cries

jimins high kick tumble cries the 70s just kicked me in the face + the synced jump the others do just as he kicks a+++++

they are so synchronized . like they usually are, but it looks even more satisfying here

this dance break..... i didnt think dynamite would do this for us, but its among my favorites 

taehyung is made for This

2seoks suits are driving me feral

was just talking to a friend today abt how i thought back in 2016 that no one could top that mama performance, not even bts themselves......... ha . hahahah ha. 

bangtan. never. disapoints. 

#m. #STREAM OF CONCIOUSNESS BC IM GOING THRU IT #IT JUST INSPIRED ME #goddddddd bangtan #and mind you i havent even watching in hd yet akjfngnmdsm #kal

[eludum-a]

(scheduled to post this around noon on thursday my time.)

as we head into this (american) thanksgiving, a lot of us are gonna be dealing with some Grade A Bullshit: retail work, bigoted relatives, etc. i wasn’t actually gonna do this originally, but then i realized what holiday was coming up right around the time of my blogiversary and i was like... welp. alright. guess we’re doing this then. things lined up too perfectly NOT to, and things can be kinda shitty for people around this time of year, so let’s put a little positivity back into the community! or something like that.

(yes i realize some of the people here are not american. no reason to deny my love tho.)

anyway, onto the callouts!

@ultimatetalentless have i talked about how much i love sin’s hinut lately? his and nanami’s friendship/rivalry (and his and chibot’s unresolved romantic tension) is so much fun to write and it’s so great having an Angst Partner to shoot terrible ideas at. on top of that i love talking to sin out of character and sharing some of the things we come across that remind each other of our muses. 

@mideoku​ julie followed me and the following day, snakes started manifesting physically in my house. i get no peace from them. they follow me home every day and beat me down with a two by four while yelling down with cis. but if we’re being real here julie’s shitposting lights up my dashboard every day for better or worse and theyre actually a really cool person. we’ll fight in pokemon when u catch up to me binch

@steinways​ sarah’s one of my oldest mutuals from all the way back when she just had her mahiru and i?? love sarah?? she’s such a sweetheart and all of her characterizations are so absolutely stellar. 10/10 would sarah again and also she made my theme so. yknow. amazing all around

@ongakuvoices rio’s a special brilliant soul w so much love for their muses and it shows in everything they write... i adore both their ibuki and their nagisa to pieces!! i know theyre gonna go places in life and ill be over here cheering them on from the sidelines, probably holding up some signs with memes on them

@jrco-disd actually i hate seth. nevermind. i’m not doing this

@nullverum​ boss was like one of the first ndrv3 blogs i interacted with long before the game had its official english release. i remember i made a post a while before saying that i thought ouma/nami would be a strange but cute brotp and hell! i was absolutely right in every way. its even funnier upon finding out ou/ma kind of plays the na/nami role just as much as the ko/maeda role in actuality (he’s gotta do both since a CERTAIN SOMEONE gets fridged at the beginning), so they’re surprisingly good (bad, actually) for each other. 

@ayatsurii sparkle’s peko is great ok? best sword girlfriend, would shower her in love and affection and cute things. nanami apparently has a thing for taller, stoic individuals with red eyes who could kick her ass one-handed. (don’t we all tho??) ahem. anyway. would recommend sparkle’s pekpek.

@kibouzuru i know we were mutuals for a while before i got involved with truth syndicate stuff? i feel silly not having interacted with u before because i rly should have. im really glad i got a chance to bc u and ur egg are cool (well, naegi’s a total dork) and now i can have nanami tease leggy and eggy about their relationship. she’s gotta get back at hinata for all those years of short jokes somehow, too bad naegi’s just collateral

@hikaup i remember i was on the lookout for pokemon blogs a while back and i stumbled across ur blog and was like... what the heck, this hikari seems way too cool... and wow!! i was totally right!! i love ur portrayal so much it’s such good shit and chiaki and hikari already have such a good dynamic. i hope chiaki gets to do Spooky Shit with hikari someday (and maybe even hold hands???? lets not get ahead of ourselves here) btw i get whiplash from how often u put out amazing themes

@kibcu

and yes, im gonna be at your basketball game tomorrow. stop telling me about it

@cantalazarus u know how i feel about u. ur smart and funny and talented and ur take on ur muses is So Good and 

@malchancevilain​ watchy is another one of my oldest mutuals and its always great to see their togami on my dash! we’ve been in a few group verses together now and i love seeing how he handles different situations (always with a great degree of salt) and just hanging out ooc! also: greg grimaldis wherever you are you better believe im getting those fifteen dollars back *mic drop*

@seineijashu​ oh.

hey nerd. we havent rly spoken much in a while but im still out here 100% in ur corner and i love everything u do. i know i dont know like anything about Boruto’s Dad like i said (im more a hunter x hunter guy myself,,,) but even if roleplaying opportunities are scarce im still totally down to talk like any time. now if only our time zones would line up. ps theres a secret message hidden here did you see it

@hopefromtheordinary​ it’s so great to see you back in the dr rpc! i loved your komaeda and your kamukura way back when. i love the twin shenanigans you and sin get up to (serious or crack) and i really can’t wait to get more chibot/kamukura stuff going! im excited i hope ur excited too

@gamblingqueen ANOTHER person i’m so glad to see back over here!! u were one of the first people to rly plot with me to any extent ooc and i am very excited to get right back into it! chiaki and celes are such an odd pair, but it’s wonderful to see them interact after they’ve both been brought so low. im over here rubbing my hands together at the speed of light in anticipation

@mxssias if naegi tries to get nanami to watch sword art online with him one more time shes gonna kill him and hide the body in the reserve course grounds. ahem. anyway. alex you’re such a little shit but you’re funny and i love your egg boy even if he’s constantly getting himself into trouble and sacrificing himself like he doesnt have anything better to do. get that boy a better hobby? thanks

and sorry if i forgot anybody! doing these is kind of exhausting for me and i might have gotten a little lazy, but i tried to hit most of the people i’ve been in contact with ooc at least a bit (who have been active within the past week or so).

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@jrco-disd ok fine fuck you. seth was one of the first people in the fandom to reach out to me and even if he’s often belligerent at me for no good reason (ok, fine, maybe i deserve it) i still really appreciate his friendship and am glad that we can exchange shitty sonic memes with each other. the day we get that sonic forces monster factory is the day we both can die happy, probably after strangling each other

#jnfbhjng i hate how in some of these i talk abt them like theyre not the ones reading this #and in others i address them directly #but im not rewriting this now!! take it or leave it!! #[welcome to my christian minecraft server // ooc] #follow forever