#I already feel better

[courtingchaos]

I’m venting about myself don’t bother with it.

A few years ago I went through a very strange time in my life. I’ve always been full of self hatred but it kind of hit a boiling point and I spent about four months just kind of wishing I wouldn’t wake up. I’d never do anything to rush that along but I’d get up every morning for my opening shift and it got harder every time. I’d cry on the way into work and on the way home. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it because I had no new words for it. I was complaining about the same thing so everyone ran out of things to say to me so I just stopped expressing. I couldn’t get anyone to see how deep I was.

I wouldn’t look at myself after a shower because it would send me into a fit. I’d beat the hell out of my thighs and then put my jeans on and ignore the bruises. I’d pull at my hair when I’d notice more grey hairs and scrub at my face when my rosacea just got worse and worse. It didn’t matter how little I ignored my hunger or how much money I spent on skincare nothing ever got better and I just fell deeper into my self loathing. It didn’t break for months until I think I just got tired of it, the weight of it all. It wasn’t mania it was just me coming to the conclusion that the hate was too heavy.

I wasn’t medicated I just kind of pulled through that. So I know I can do it again but I’m getting dressed out of sight of a mirror again. And I’m scrubbing at my face and pulling my cheeks because I can see my age and it’s too much. I’m brushing my hair too hard and yanking it behind my head so I don’t have to look at it. I’m crying after work a lot and in the dark a lot before anyone else can come home and see it. I don’t want to walk around my hands out again because last time no one got it and it was exhausting. I’m exhausting I know that, I have to listen to it believe me.

I just need to get through it again. I am so incredibly tired and lonely but I’ve done it before.

#literally don’t worry about it #I just need to get it off my chest #I already feel better

[aniraklova]

Damn people are so rude, I literally had a guy at work today who were offending and threatening me wtf. I wish I had Vincent irl so he could destroy such idiots. 😭

#kari mumbles #Kari stfu #This day is something else like #I already feel better #But the amount of times I had. Cigarette today is wild

[prozac-shaped-urn]

Lava lamp, lavender tulle table runner, discman & corded headphones, and glow in the dark stars

ordered ✅

#irl post #I’m making a 90s themed closet #with all the accoutrements I had in my childhood bedroom #it’s time to resort to physical media folks #I already feel better

[yohankang]

battling my anxiety one workout at a time

#it's working out + listening to one song on repeat for me #i already feel better #i'm going to walk my dog and catch up with extraordinary attorney woo later <3 #k.txt

[galaxywhump]

You are all so sweet I'm gonna cry, here's a Potato as thanks

#i already feel better #sorry for seeking attention like that but seriously today was really hard #and i don't know what i did to deserve you all #❤️❤️❤️ #marti talks #pyrka the cat #potato the cat #cats

[satelliteinasupernova]

Yes, I am watching Everything Everywhere All At Once as a palate cleanse from all this Riverdale nonsense.

#I already feel better

[toruland]

i think my problem is that i thought i was gonna sleep with a shirt on

#i already feel better #somewhat but at least it’s something #lani’s talking!

[katnficer]

day 15: dagger

#katiferdraws #the amazing digital circus #feeling a bit better today #i love this show sm already it's right up my alley #my only regret is not figuring out a way to fit all the characters in this

[ryllen]

and some extra unused stuff while they are in affectionate mood

#the headlap kiss is just a scene on let's talk chu episode 2 that i really like; yuu was offering a massage & massaging his temples with her #thumbs; saying you really should release pressure from this area #i may be lazy to render it fully but i also feel that my sketches deliver the sense of movement better #(and avoiding to make any sense of the anatomy i am confused about) #(like which is going where) #and so because of all the cluster of lines; ur mind will make its own mind which line would make it look right #FUK I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE I POST THIS ALREADY FHSDH I WAS STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WRITE ON TAGS #twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #twst yuu #twst mc #fanart #damn they are finally kissing and they meant it #this makes my chest all hot and bothered #suggestive

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

Mob Psycho 100 

Main Characters: First Appearance vs. Final Appearance

Bonus:

#mob psycho 100 #mp100 #kageyama shigeo #reigen arataka #kageyama ritsu #ekubo #dimple #hanazawa teruki #serizawa katsuya #suzuki shou #kurata tome #telepathy club #awakening lab #i could've made gifsets of this but i have no time #feel free to make gifs and pick better first vs. final appearance than this though #idk if someone already did this but i've always wanted to do this since the beginning of season 3 so yeah

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now #writeblr #you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like #u don't HATE their partner explicitly #but ur like. what the fuck y'all #like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic #and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like #frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....'' #and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her. #all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it #or ... that it really IS good #and it's just odd to you #tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship #like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend #it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time #around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like #.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond. #so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think #but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something #but knowing you CANNOT #idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person #edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up #PS EDIT: btw i should have said: #the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every #type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''

[cerealbishh]

"Good job, Aerith!" "It was nothing compared to you!" // "I'm so glad you're all okay!" "Right back atcha."

#ffvii remake #ffvii rebirth #aerith gainsborough #tifa lockhart #aerti #aerith x tifa #ffvii rebirth spoilers? #i love them so much #and i'm sure someone's already made this gifset but better... but why not? #i quoted their first and last high five dialogue #aerti high fives are adorable and romantic too i think #but obviously feel free to disagree #ffviiedit #ffviiredit #tifalockhartedit #aerithgainsboroughedit #aertiedit #pls not aerith's little hop/jump and tifa leaning in... it's too cute #twitter could never make me hate either one of these ladies #i might be missing a high five or two so if you can let me knoe which ones i'm missing that'd be great!

[moeblob]

So does he, Gallagher.

#honkai star rail #hsr blade #gallagher #i based this off of how many times i used funny soda man to help be a healer with his poppin soda pop in SU #and then blade constantly just being blade as usual #its normally him saying unnecessary to my actual healer but #i kept forgetting gallagher heals and i kept healing when i didnt even need to so TECHNICALLY yeah it was unnecessary #but the amount of times blade was the recipient...... #i cant use like most of my newer units in story bc i cant ascend or i run out of leveling mats so i just #get them and toss them into simulated universe for funsies cause i can match their levels better #so thats where i tossed gallagher and he is genuinely fun to play as ? like i love his punches and kicks to start the battle #funny soda man is funny (to me) and im really behind in plot still #but last time i tried to play it on my laptop and got a kickass cutscene my laptop lagged and i couldnt even see it RIP to me #so now that its like ... me trying to play it on desktop ? #i mostly get on desktop for comms and if i do much else i feel like im slacking off even if i would take a break anyway #one day i can play more story plot stuff and actually meet the funny guys #also in case you know me for Not Having Boys in HSR i need to point out #i did pull Gallagher however same 10 pull got a 4 star girl copy for someone i never use and she is at e4 now cool #and i didnt even think of the irony as i started this i just like drawing blade and i wanted to draw gallagher #so when i already had the dialogue planned and am drawing i was like OH WAIT haha im funnier than i thought #(no i am not but we can pretend)

[goodlittlefangirl]

I'm sorry it's such a shitty day mommy you deserve better I would definitely curl up so my head would be in your lap and I would let you do anything you wanted to my hair mostly I'm imagining you making little braids and then braiding them together and then pulling them out becasue moving hands can help quiet the mind and becasue it looks kinda cool when you are done

exactly, bb :( and i just love watching how people relax when someone plays with their hair. some people don't like it, but it sounds like you do <3

#i already feel better

[ahaura]

im sure its been said already but as the election draws near more and more liberals will come out of the woodwork to shame people with a conscience to give away their vote to the democrats for free. i'm already seeing posts saying "why aren't people more concerned about a trump presidency?" you want to know why? it's because people already know he's bad. everyone already knows what he is and what he's done and what he'll do. there's nothing to discuss. he's a racist despotic worm of a man. there's nothing else to say.

biden is currently president. the genocide is happening under his watch. he's the one funding isra*l and arming them; he's sidestepped congress more than once to give them weapons. by oct. 27, the biden administration already knew that "Israel was regularly bombing buildings without solid intelligence that they were legitimate military targets." the state department/biden have engaged in atrocity propaganda, cast doubt on the legitimacy of the death toll recorded by the gaza health ministry, and so on. the united states is currently in the process of trying to pin the "war in gaza" on netanyahu (see sen. schumer's speech) after months of backing blatant genocide as a means to act as if they're "doing something" about the genocide (Instead of, say, threatening to cut off all aid to israel with the condition that all hostilities in gaza, the west bank, and occupied jerusalem are halted immediately and permanently, allowing palestinians freedom to travel, allowing aid into gaza, etc etc etc.)

the long and short of it is that liberals view their own lives as being worth more than palestinians'. that's it. they'll vote for another 4 years of the guy ushering in genocide and supporting apartheid + settler colonialism because he isn't outright attacking them (despite various laws and rulings happening both at the supreme court level and at the local level all over the country that will endanger people). they'll settle for the illusion of safety and security and shame anyone with a conscience and accuse them of "supporting the republicans" when in an actual democracy you would be able to use your vote as leverage to extract concessions from those who want to be elected. that's how it's supposed to fucking work.

democrats are not owed people's vote. if biden loses, it will be biden's fault; it will be his campaign's fault; it will be the democrats' fault. trump is bad; the republicans are bad. we already know this. this is not an endorsement of either. but if democrats are too cowardly and feckless and servile to the motivations of the american empire and never do anything for their constituents then why the fuck should anyone vote for them. you want to get mad at someone, why don't you do something useful and stop worrying about team-sports with a purely selfish basis and start hounding the people in power who are supposed to serve you, the voter.

#i think i already said this and frankly idc #uspol #📁.zip #to me personally it's abhorrent and vile to tell palestinians 'biden is facilitating the murder of your people culture and history but you #still have to vote for him!!1' like how is that not unbelievably callous and ghoulish #frankly speaking. a lot of this 'you should be concerned about trump' is going to turn into #blaming palestinians and arabs and muslims and anyone remotely with a conscience for biden's loss #instead of doing something productive like pushing for people in power to do something they'll nitpick and belittle #and tell palestinians + arabs and muslims + everyone who understands that genocide is bad that they SHOULD #settle for a decrepit genocidal monstrous freak who is CURRENTLY facilitating genocide because #it makes THEM feel better and they aren't personally threatened (yet) by the guy currently in power #any and all 'you're not taking trump seriously' comments should be met with extreme skepticism #because i promise i PROMISE that the vast majority of people unhappy with biden are not going to turn around and vote for trump #and if they do? well guess what THAT'S BIDEN'S FAULT! nevermind the vote uncommitted campaign that was very successful and #will be replicated in the near future. but liberals only care about asthetics and superficial and not #about real material change which is why they'll dress up their callousness and racism in a 'you hate gay people if you dont vote for biden' #like this country is already going to shit we are rapidly descending into fascism and i dont see biden doing anything to even remotely #challenge it do you???? once agian. NOT an endorsement of the republican party but my GOD when the 'lesser evil' #is DOING the evil or normalizing the evil then you cannot settle for 'the lesser'! end of story.

[xamaxenta]

Aces flight instincts kicking in when i finally get the guts to tell him hes my lil meowmeow babygirl supreme

#hes like yo this pipsqueak is mad delusional #im already on the floor #xam wips #i have no distinct feelings on this #but his face is cute #not sure abt his body #could be better #he should run im rabid and i bite