Tumgik
#I just need to get it off my chest
courtingchaos · 2 months
Text
I’m venting about myself don’t bother with it.
A few years ago I went through a very strange time in my life. I’ve always been full of self hatred but it kind of hit a boiling point and I spent about four months just kind of wishing I wouldn’t wake up. I’d never do anything to rush that along but I’d get up every morning for my opening shift and it got harder every time. I’d cry on the way into work and on the way home. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it because I had no new words for it. I was complaining about the same thing so everyone ran out of things to say to me so I just stopped expressing. I couldn’t get anyone to see how deep I was.
I wouldn’t look at myself after a shower because it would send me into a fit. I’d beat the hell out of my thighs and then put my jeans on and ignore the bruises. I’d pull at my hair when I’d notice more grey hairs and scrub at my face when my rosacea just got worse and worse. It didn’t matter how little I ignored my hunger or how much money I spent on skincare nothing ever got better and I just fell deeper into my self loathing. It didn’t break for months until I think I just got tired of it, the weight of it all. It wasn’t mania it was just me coming to the conclusion that the hate was too heavy.
I wasn’t medicated I just kind of pulled through that. So I know I can do it again but I’m getting dressed out of sight of a mirror again. And I’m scrubbing at my face and pulling my cheeks because I can see my age and it’s too much. I’m brushing my hair too hard and yanking it behind my head so I don’t have to look at it. I’m crying after work a lot and in the dark a lot before anyone else can come home and see it. I don’t want to walk around my hands out again because last time no one got it and it was exhausting. I’m exhausting I know that, I have to listen to it believe me.
I just need to get through it again. I am so incredibly tired and lonely but I’ve done it before.
7 notes · View notes
dapiando · 3 months
Text
it's not surprising that twitter lied to me, but like, the show is Not good. Idk what all the praise was about. Like maybe if you don't know the story, it's fine (despite the egregious dialogue), but this is neither faithful enough to be that awkward, nor good enough to be that different from the source material.
You can't change shit for the worse, if it's a change it needs to be better. I feel like the opposite is happening, every change in dialogue and motivation just made shit worse than the books.
3 notes · View notes
thelightreflects · 10 months
Text
i used to think i didn’t really care for my coworkers like other people do bc we’re here to work not make friends but we just found out the company is restructuring and our team is splitting up and i’m crying in the bathroom bc i’m going to miss working with them so much
3 notes · View notes
writersarea · 1 year
Text
trying to explain to my roommate that i find it really hard to leave the house these days. it’s not even that i don’t want to, but i’m so tired half the time and the other half it’s just like. inertia. getting out the door is hard. it was bad enough in law school, but like, it’s really so much easier to stay home and then i don’t have to worry about covid or if i’m masking (for autism, i always mask with a physical mask) and i don’t know how to explain that i like going out but it also disrupts my schedule and feels weird even if i really enjoy being out
2 notes · View notes
formationlapsz · 1 year
Text
I feel so angry for no apparent reason today like every single thing irritates me idk why this keeps happening and I also got this extreme feeling of escapism I just want to leave I got no idea where, I just want to go
2 notes · View notes
lovesickgyu · 1 year
Text
that counts for a closure then haha for the past few i genuinely i thought we could talk again but well i guess it's over
3 notes · View notes
furubaycrossing · 1 year
Text
just a lil book chat under the cut for anyone interested (I’m gonna be ranting a lil bit)
ok first off for anyone that has previously seen any of my posts regarding books I do enjoy a good smutty read from time to time and this summer I downloaded a bunch of books for my vacation (rip z library) and one of them happened to be The Never King by Nikki St-Crowe. The whole idea of it being a Peter Pan and the Lost Boys retelling really piqued my interest
Since then I’ve read all three books that have been released so far in the series: The Never King, The Dark One, and i literally just finished reading the third one, Their Vicious Darling
typically I like a good smut with plot and fantasy and I’m not usually one to turn my nose up at some “dark romance/themes” as long as the plot can support it and it’s done well
overall the writing was ok, there were a lot of plot holes that bothered me and I didn’t mind the whole reverse harem aspect of the plot line involving the main character, who is a descendant of Wendy Darling, Peter Pan, two Fae Princes and the “dark one” (I feel like there aren’t enough reverse harems out there as it is tbh 🤷🏼‍♀️)
And I was really intrigued by the plot overall however I do feel like the books could’ve been longer and better hashed out. Each novel was incredibly short to the point of frustration and it felt like there was a lot missing. I also feel like the entire series could’ve been handled and written a lot better. I get when it usually comes to smutty books and literotica in general, most often than not we’re dealing with straight up porn with plot but I just feel like the plot was kind of glazed over. So much could’ve been done with it without cutting out the raunchy bits and it just… wasn’t and it kind of fell flat for me but I’m not the type to stop reading a series mid way through. I was still interested in how it would all play out so I stuck through it
now aside from all that, my biggest gripe and issue with the whole series (and anyone who has read it and felt the same way will most likely agree) was the age of the main character. Although the main character is eighteen, she just turned eighteen at the start of the series and here she is having all this really crazy wacky raunchy sex with these immortal characters which are described to be young men but still. The consent is there and she’s a-okay with everything going on and she’s all about female empowerment and she enjoys sex which is great!!! we love that! But why did she have to be so young?????? I’m assuming the target audience for this series is a bit older, early to mid-twenties and up so why eighteen????? why couldn’t she have been made to be older? I get that the whole point of the plot is that she gets stolen away by Peter Pan on her eighteenth birthday like all the Darling’s before her but i truly believed her age could’ve been handled differently and I honestly think it would’ve only made the plot more interesting. Why not twenty-something or even just twenty??? she was already written as supposedly “different” from all the other Darling’s and her mom did all sorts of awful things to her to keep her hidden from Pan (as written by the author), why couldn’t the author work with that a bit more and use it to her advantage??? maybe they could’ve managed to evade Pan for a few more years and then she finally got caught and then we could’ve proceeded with the canon storyline??? that would’ve been so much more interesting story-wise. but anyway it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I get that it’s fiction but regardless she didn’t have to be so young. I just pretended she was older as I read the series tbh. It was the only way I could digest it
also Peter Pan is meant to be a child who never wants to grow up???? why is he a sex crazed animal now???
ok that’s it !
4 notes · View notes
girlfictions · 5 months
Text
something i’ve been thinking about lately is like. growing up muslim right after 9/11 is something i’d never really reflected on much because it was all i’d ever known — at 5, my friend’s mum didn’t let her invite me to her birthday party because i was the only brown girl in our class, at 12, my classmates would joke about my family being part of isis, at 16, my dad was interrogated by american airport security for hours — and it always stung and it always hurt but it was just the way things were because the western world hated muslims. but i don��t think i’ve ever fully comprehended the extent to which we were hated until now.
palestine is being turned into a mass graveyard. every single day there are new photos of the atrocities being carried out against them and videos of them pleading for help and still those who can actually intervene turn a blind eye. israel is claiming to only be targeting hamas “terrorists” while bombing a refugee camp. israeli police raided and assaulted a non-zionist jewish neighbourhood. israeli soldiers are posting tiktoks of them torturing captured palestinians. this is not a complicated issue and it never has been. ethnic cleansing is being committed right in front of us. and yet the western world leaders refuse to call for a ceasefire.
and while zionist organisations accuse pro-palestine demonstrations of anti-semitism, while zionist celebrities insist that they’re afraid to leave their mansions in los angeles, a six year old muslim boy was stabbed to death and his mother wounded in the same attack in chicago. a muslim doctor was murdered while sitting outside her apartment complex in texas. hundreds of peaceful protesters have been arrested (many of whom have been jewish). despite what zionists want you to believe, this is not a jewish/muslim conflict. i have so much love and gratitude to my brave jewish brothers and sisters all over the world who are condemning israel for their actions.
ultimately, israel have been granted impunity by the west. they have slaughtered thousands upon thousands of innocent palestinians. they have bombed hospitals and schools indiscriminately. they have used white phosphorus, violating the geneva convention. they have completely eradicated nearly 900 bloodlines. how many more need to be wiped out? how many more children need to be buried underneath the rubble? how many more doctors need to be confronted with the bodies of their own family members? how many more journalists need to detail the horrific acts of violence they are witnessing? what more can be done to the palestinian people that has not been done already?
i truly believe that palestine will be free one day. i believe the palestinian people will receive the justice they finally deserve. but what breaks my heart is how much they have suffered and will continue to suffer before they are deemed worthy of help. and it would be to all of our detriment if we ignored how much of a factor palestine being a predominantly muslim state has played into the way the world has reacted to their genocide.
18K notes · View notes
marrellidae · 5 months
Text
sorry for posting HWNFST three separate times tonight im on ao3
0 notes
loudcon · 2 years
Text
Oh my god it's a confession post! Haven't done one of these in a while.
Anyway, so I have a friend, and normally hes delightful, a joy. But recently the guy hes been long term dating (who I'm also friends with btw) broke up with him. Now freind no.1 is distraught and I cant hell feeling like a bit of a dick for saying this, but the more he processes the break the more I cant help feeling friend 2 was in the right.
Listen red flag number one after a break up, especially if you claim to still love them is the trash talk. I'm sorry you love this person and yet your out here talking about him like hes an idiot or incapable of certain things, emotional or otherwise, I just wonder about that, because god only fucking knows if you said this stuff to his face or not and if you god fucking help you I'm going to punch your teeth in
Red flag number two was when my man started bashing on his exes freinds for like,, idk hanging out with their freind??????? Its really fucking weird to me, like please hunny the jealous ex thing isnt a good look. Hes not Yours he doesn't belong to you and he can hang out with whoever he wants for as long as he wants you dont have to be invited to Every Fucking Meet and they sure dont owe you anything Now get your head out of your ass
Red flag number 3, the one that's really pushing me over the edge is that, we were fine, we were good, now this mother fucker seems to thing I'm irreparably broken on some molecular level. It's so bizarre cause I never got this from him before but now its "your in a bad place" "I wont say this cause youd crumble like a piece of paper" etcetera
He seems to be projecting either his own feelings or the way he thought about his ex on me and it's the single most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced. I dont need this man to function I go several months a year without even speaking to him, he doesn't seem to grasp the fact that I have Other friends and am now an emotional wreck of a human being.
So the confession in the end is this, I love him dearly I do, I've done my best to balance between them as this situation unfolds, but I dont know if I can stick through the worst of him, I'm getting very close to telling him I'm done with it, and I know hes grieving or whatever but hes doing it in a way that is so unhealthy so unproductive and so destructive to me specifically btw he hasn't started doing this to anyone else just me
I'm just I'm so done, he cant fix me, I'm more emotionally stable then he is and it's just, alot
0 notes
moraxsthrone · 5 months
Text
nsfw. MDNI. x f!reader.
•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙♡*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛
wriothesley binding your wrists with his tie is all well and good...
but what about when he ties it around your ankles before lifting them in the air? his leaking cock bounces when he catches sight of your swollen pussy lips sticking out between the fat of your trembling thighs. he's got a firm grip on the makeshift restraint, keeping your legs up when they want to give out. with his free hand he guides his cock to your slit, spreading your wet lips open around his fat tip as he slowly pushes inside you. you cry out at the fullness of the stretch, your legs shaking on his shoulder as he wraps his hands over your hips to steady you.
"fuck, so warm and tight, baby..." wrio groans, working his cock in deeper with slow thrusts until his heavy balls are pressing against your taint. "gonna fuck my shape into you..."
he fucks you long and hard, making you twist and white-knuckle the fabric beneath you, your eyes rolling back as his strong thighs slap into you. holding his shirt up with his teeth and your ankles together with his tie, the duke watches while your wet, puffy lips suck and give on his creamy, thick length.
2K notes · View notes
useramor · 26 days
Text
the thing that gets to me about buddie posts on here is that people will be like "look at them! friends don't do that! there is no platonic explanation for that" and well. friends do do that. their relationship is deep and beautiful and intense but their actions alone aren't exclusive to romantic partners. what — to me — makes buddie romantic over platonic boils down to their intentions. someone making their best friend their child's legal guardian isn't unheard of. but eddie did it and kept it a secret. eddie thought "this is the only man i trust with my son. this is the only person in this world that will hold my heart gently." and then eddie didn't tell him. that makes me crazier than the actual legal document. a normal friendship would discuss this. it'd be an open conversation. the fact that eddie can't bring himself to say it because he knows that what it means to him is too much to look in the eye? because he knows that telling buck about his decision would be the equivalent of bleeding all over the both of them again? that's what makes it romantic. eddie frantically chasing after buck's limp body after the lightning strike isn't necessarily because he's in love with him. plenty of really close friends would do that for each other. it's when eddie desperately tries to pull buck up to him instead of lowering him that makes it more. because eddie didn't climb the ladder to get buck down to safety, eddie climbed up the ladder to get buck to him. the desperation, the intent behind their actions, the way they can't look at each other when they're hurt because it's impossible to deal with even the idea of living in a world without each other says so much more than any of buck's acts of service alone. a best friend would help you take care of yourself and your kid after you have a mental breakdown, if you're physically injured, if you need help. it's the fact that nobody asked buck, it's the fact that he's the first person chris called, it's the fact that bobby didn't bat an eye, because of course buck's there to help eddie. it's a given. who else in the whole world would it be? because they're everything to each other. in a way that's just a little too much, a little too codependent, toes the line of friendship and lovelovelove a little too carelessly. they're not buck and eddie, best friends, they're buckandeddie, one word. and not because of any of action. because they're in massive stupid head over heels gay love with each other.
934 notes · View notes
Text
Nothing drives me more crazy then seeing people take away skills from Arthur he would have to know and giving them to Merlin to teach him.
Like wdym he Arthur can’t read?!?! He would be one of the only people that actually knew how. I’ve seen fics where Merlin tells Arthur about stars and while I kinda of see it Arthur would already know a good deal about them it’s how he has to navigate.
seen someone write that he didn’t know what to say to a group of people because Merlin usually told him and I burst into tears. Because did you watch the show in a different language with your eyes close wdym Arthur can’t speak infront of people he does it all the time😭
Or the one where MERLIN teaches Arthur to dance.Merlin can barely walk and he’s going to teach Arthur the prince who even if he wasn’t the best dancer would still do better then Merlin with two left feet to dance . And we have seen how serious Arthur takes footwork that man would be able to dance be serious.
Arthur is not a sim stop having Merlin give him all his skills and personality traits thank you😁
508 notes · View notes
absolutepokemontrash · 11 months
Text
One of the strangest Obey Me takes I’ve ever seen was that Diavolo was a shit ruler who his people should hate- like bro- regardless of what anyone personally thinks about Dia, (whatever your opinion is, it’s valid because its yours) in the game itself, his people canonically love him. It’s explicitly stated in one of the earliest chats you can get.
Literally no one is pissed that his student council officers are fallen angels (in the original game, Nightbringer is a different story) because the brothers are almost EQUALLY as loved as Dia. IIRC Lucifer got second place in that RAD popularity contest in one of the first chats in the game, only losing to Diavolo.
And during season two, that other popularity contest that we help Asmo win, it was down to O N E vote between Asmo and Lucifer, meaning the student body must R E A L L Y like these fuckers.
AND JUST A REMINDER, in Obey Me! canon, MC is only threatened with being eaten in the FIRST LESSONS by random background demons. For the rest of their time at RAD, they’re totally fine, and in a chat between Barbatos(?) and Simeon I believe, Simeon comments on how the other demons at RAD have stopped trying to eat him after MC started whipping the brothers into shape, showing that at least most of the student body is chill by season two.
…also this is a dating otome game where we go on wacky adventures with a bunch of loveable dumbasses, why are some people looking at this from a realistic political standpoint-
(I don’t want to start fights or anything, once again, your opinion is your own, just putting mine out there lol)
1K notes · View notes
Text
ladies, I need to wander despondently across a foggy moor asap
#*this also applies to the not-ladies among us#y'all deserve a good pensive ramble across a moor in a really cool greatcoat#just be sure you don't turn it into anything vigorous#this is not the time to be Aragorn we are looking for Jonathan Harker pre-Dracula at best#in regards to the moor: a wind-swept cliffside would also be suffice#it would NOT do wonders for my health of course but hey#fortunately the bestie and I have plans to go hiking next weekend and if we don't have another option I'm gonna beg for the hemlock trail#I'd also take the cedar springs#I just need Nature that isn't the beach#in other news I am happy to report that the week is smoothing itself out somewhat#we're all still on edge but it's not as bad as it was and we've effectively kicked loose the pebble in the the shoe#my darling sister sent me a gift and told me to treat myself so I may get bubble tea after work#and I begged for tomorrow off so I can sleep and then spend the day coughing in peace#(this is such a bizarre cold. I didn't get any of the preliminaries outside of some sneezing)#(and then it was straight to my chest. not even a sore throat first! usually I get a lot of build up and can often get ahead of a bad cough#(thankfully my nose is not congested. I suppose that's the trade-off)#so I'll sleep in and then I may sort some of the filing I'm taking home from the office#by then I'll likely have completely lost my voice#AND I have ingredients for chili because for once I planned ahead. might even make some of my favorite rolls as well.#and then next week...I start a second job#(super simple and it's 2 hours max every evening. once I figure it out it could be an hour tops unless I decide to take it slow)#(the pay is great for the job and it'll give me something to do instead of just...I dunno...reading through the winter I suppose)#(sorry my head is in such a fog I don't know how I'm surviving work)#mine#greatest hits
692 notes · View notes
science-lings · 8 months
Text
okay this has been going through my mind for days and I have to get my thoughts out before I explode
Disclaimer, this is not talking about a specific artist/person and would never condone or participate in anon hate or online bullying for any reason but especially this one. 
I get why people are mad about Link being portrayed as this buff, hypermasculine, tall guy. I am too (again don’t fucking attack people over it though) and it seems like such an infuriating way to change the character just to fit into some ideal of hypermasculine attractiveness or to make a ship fall into a more hetero lense by making him a decent foot taller than whatever girl he’s being paired with. 
The world of video games and action movies and every form of media ever is extremely saturated with male characters that are swole and manly and whatever other descriptors people are trying to push onto Link that don’t fit into his actual character. There are so many characters out there that already fit this male standard and having a clearly androgynous elf guy was like a breath of fresh air. 
Link was literally designed to be a character whose lines on gender were blurred, ‘a girl with a masculine touch or a guy with a feminine touch’ so that anyone could project themselves onto him. His physical design in botw/totk was specifically made to be feminine enough to wear a certain outfit to pass as a woman (which includes a nearly mandatory cutscene where he puts on the clothes and blushes after being called pretty, like you have to be blind to think that its an experience that he doesn’t like at all) and in totk there are a bunch of outfits made for Link that are blatantly gnc, ones that are practically dresses, include nail polish and lipstick, you can even dye his hair bright and vivid colors and that’s half way to giving him new pronouns. The whole reason Linkle isn’t included in more mainline loz games was because her existence would force Link into a gender dichotomy, if there's a clearly female version of the main hero, that means the main hero has to be a man, and they would rather abandon a potential reoccurring character than make Link conform to a gender binary. 
So pardon me when it feels disingenuous and even malicious for him to be morphed into these clear masculine ideals, where he towers over any female romantic partner (even when in canon he is regularly depicted as noticeably shorter than her) or even in m/m fanworks he’s really beefed up, perhaps to make the scene feel more gay or something. 
Perhaps it’s because his more twink-y/ femboy body type is so heavily sexualized (though obviously when people are sculping abs on him it’s totally not because they’re horny about it) and that’s an issue in itself that bothers me. But it’s just so tiring to see one of the very few popular main characters who is short and feminine and androgynous be molded into just another bland muscle-headed action hero over and over and over again. 
I’m not mad at the creators for portraying him differently than how I like him portrayed, I’m mad because we really do get so few characters like him in good popular media, and to be honest, I really like him the way that he is. I love that he’s tiny and has long hair and has the option to dress any way the player likes. It seems a little distasteful to make him taller than a female love interest just because that’s how straight couples have to be, there’s just never been a real straight couple where the guy is shorter than the girl, that’s just Impossible! (/s) 
947 notes · View notes