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#I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED THAT TAG

nickkcha · 5 months

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WTF I HOPE FORNITE KEEP MAKING THESE EPIC RENDERS BC THESE ARE SICK ASF-

Bro I'm putting it as background on my pc

I can't believe I have a Fortnite render as background

#HARDEST PIC I'VE EVER SEEN #tmnt #tmnt fornite #fornite art #I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED THAT TAG #i was never into a shooter game #I'll start to play Fortnite bro i swear #why are they so good

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darkandstormyart · 8 months

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OFFICE AU: CASUAL FRIDAY PART 3

you know i had to do it to em

#mo dao zu shi #the untamed #mdzs #office au #nie huaisang #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #????i can't believe im actually using this tag holy moly

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notquitecanon · 6 months

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Tell 'em bout the Twinkie // Dr. Egon Spengler x extroverted!Reader

Summary: Egon takes care of you after a long night on the town with the other Ghostbusters. While somethings are always the same, you surprise him yet again.

I found this hand written in a notebook from two years ago while I was cleaning so I figured id type it up and post it since there wasn't much new stuff in the tag. Dinner is served.

Warnings: alcohol use, drunk reader, sober Egon (obvi), descriptions of scraped knees and cut hands, blood mention, and first aid. Lots and lots and lots of fluff. Possible cringe. shameless use of Twinkie as an emotional allegory

Dr. Egon Spengler was enjoying a rare night of quiet in the firehouse. Janine had scheduled the whole week around the entire group being free tonight. Peter had insisted a little R&R was due in spades. And for Egon that meant spending a quiet night in, lackadaisically charting his mold and fungus, and catching up on relevant literature at his leisure.

But for the rest of the Ghostbusters staff, it meant going out to a nearby bar for drinks and music. That included you, the Ghostbusters resident research analyst (as you were listed on their payroll).

You had been hesitant to leave Egon alone, especially on one of the few nights you wren’t working to the wee hours of the morning or having dinner interrupted by what Winston had dubbed the "bust alarm". Still, the scientist encouraged you to join the others, knowing deep down you wanted to go.

One of the many reasons he admired you was your easy and outgoing nature, your desire to be out in the world. Due to his introverted and nose in his book habits (even worse when he was in college), your extroverted demeanor was probably the only reason you had managed to befriend him. And because he admired it and profoundly enjoyed your company, he never Egon ever wanted to be the reason you didn’t do the things you wanted to.

However, that didn’t mean he had the slightest inclination to join you in a Friday night crowded bar: packed with sweaty people he didn’t want to touch, drinks he didn’t want to drink, loud music he didn’t want to hear, smoky air he didn’t want to breath, and sticky countertops he didn’t want to sit at. And that’s just the reasons he got out before Peter gave up trying to convince him.

So, he was content to gently push you towards the door with the assured promise he’d be happily waiting with for your return with leftover takeout- both of your favorite ways to end a late night since meeting each other as Grad Students. Nothing better than cold noodles after coming home little drunker than you meant to- and well, Egon didn’t drink but did enjoy an excuse for a late night snack (and an excuse to be close to you).

And with the firehouse still and quiet, Egon was enthused, seeing how ectoplasm interacted and affected the growth of his molds, making mental notes to show you.

Aspergillums wouldn’t grow at all, actively decaying at ectoplasmic contact. Cladosporium both grew and decayed erratically with Ecto contact, creating a cascading starburst affect. Alternaria first grew at unprecedented rates but wouldn’t produce spores. Penicillin frew at normal rates but produced an odd smell. Fusarium grew rapidly and abundantly at first but died off just as rapidly.

"Spengie!" A recklessly loud shout, Peter no doubt, echoed from the main entrance, "You gotta marry this girl!”

And thus his quiet night was suddenly over- con. But it meant you were home- pro! Venkman's shout was accompanied by the sound of quick footwork stomping and scuffing above him, and Egon could imagine him doing a little spin around the fire pole. It was Winston’s voice that following in scolding.

"Peter if you don’t shut the hell up, I will leave you at the bottom of the stairs for the night. We both know you won’t make it up by yourself.” His voice was a warning, but Venkman’s voice was cheeky.

"After all we’ve been through, Zeddemore?”

"Especially after all we’ve been through.”

Egon smirked at his friend’s antics, shaking his head as he removed the Trichoderma slide from the microscope, encapsulated it, labeled it, and sorted it into his hobby file base. A well practiced move as a set of footsteps clunked down the stairs to him. His eyebrows twitched.

Those weren’t your footsteps.

And while he loved his friends dearly, they had gotten your company and attention all night. Despite his insistence on your outing, he was feeling uncharacteristically territorial about his night time traditions with you.

"I’d knock but I don’t have a hand." Ray’s voice called out, sounding three quarters of the way down, chipper tone underplayed by a touch of strain. His steps were unaccompanied and you hadn’t called out to him yet- not even a good night. Had you decided to skip takeout all together in favore of crashing on the upstairs couch? If anything, the couch he had in the basement would be better for your REM cycle. Not to mention Egon was also in the basement.

Nonetheless, Egon answered, inviting him into the lab as he rose from his work stool. Finally, Ray turned the corner, silently answering all the scientist’s questions. Because there you were, wrapped around Ray’s back like a proton pack, your own jacket hanging behind the both of you like a cape, your purse on Ray’s shoulder, and shamefully useless shoes in his hand. Rays arms looped under your lax knees, and your arms were loosely around his neck like the worlds drunkest scarf. Meanwhile, your face had tucked into Ray’s neck, between your arm and his collar, now smudged with your lipstick.

There was a momentary flash of jealousy until it was squashed by Egon’s sudden attention to your knees. He tensed, seeing a patch of blood on both knees, staining ripped tights and dripping to your ankles. There was a more subtle smudge of injury on both of your palms.

"What happened?" Egon’s voice was clipped, zeroing in on your wounds as he crossed the lab, suddenly much more worried that you hadn’t even twitched. You were breathing deeply, but hand’t made a sound…

Ray had been expecting this reaction and kept a calm face, "Just took a little tumble, Spengler, see?”

With that, he shook one of the arms holding your legs, jostling you enough to rouse you a little. Without looking up, one of your bloody hands weakly formed a thumbs up before going limp again. Egon looked between your hand and Ray’s face in a mix of disbelief, worry, and irritation. Stantz swallowed thickly, shifting from foot to foot under his friend’s discerning gaze.

"That didn’t answer my question, Raymond.”

It only took one more cold look for Ray to start rambling the truth.

"Awww, don’t Raymond me, Spengs, it was all Peter’s fault, honest! It was like graduation weekend all over again. Venkman wanted a rematch, and, you know, (Y/N) had just enough to drink that she was feeling competitive. They agreed to the same stakes as last time and since you weren’t there (Y/N) placed a bet on your behalf." Ray explained quickly, not managing to hide his happy smile as he moved to gingerly deposit you on the couch. Egon was following like a shadow, taking great care to keep your head from falling back uncomfortably. Graduation Weekend had been the last time you had been carried home like this, only Egon had done the carrying that weekend, after going shot-for-shot with Venkman. After that and the subsequent hangover, you had vowed to 'grow up' and never get too drunk to walk for yourself. Until tonight apparently, Egon mused, brushing some hair out of the dried sweat on your forehead and noting your breathing, heavy but shallow. Not unusual after alcohol consumption. As Ray unlatched your knee from his hip, he perked up, "On the bright side, Peter’s cleaning the soot out of the Proton packs’ exhaust vents for a month! Lost on a technicality.”

"Hmmm." Egon hummed, adjusting you into a more comfortable sitting position as you slowly started to wake up, "Get the first aid kit for me?”

"Sure thing."

Egon watched your slow, scrunched blinks and how you slowly lifted your head to look at him, squinting before deadpanning until the blurry shape came into focus. It was hard to be irritated with you when your flushed face broke out into an unabated, silly grin, half lidded eyes brightening as you called in sleepy excitement, "Egon!"

Spengler took the opportunity to analyze the dilation of your pupils- glassy and dilated, but responsive. Good. He offered you a dry smile to appease you as Ray put the first aid kit beside you. In his other hand were three bottle- another college tradition. A non-FDA approved electrolyte and mineral enriched drink, formulated by Egon when he lived with Peter who was insufferable when hungover. Venkman called it "Liquid Rewind" and begged Egon to patent and copy right it, only after convincing him to add flavoring to mask the terribly bitter taste.

Spengler nodded a thank you as he plucked the red one from Ray’s hand, giving it to you. Ray watched you pressed the chilled bottle against your warm cheek. This left the already opened grape to Ray who sported a purple ring around his mouth and orange for Peter.

"Egon, red is Pete’s favorite." Ray pointed out as Egon started unpacking the first aid kit.

"I know."

"He hates orange." Ray reminded him.

"I know."

Ray nodded slowly, he knew how petty Egon could be when he was irritated, and he didn’t plan to attract the scientist’s wrath. Instead, he cheerfully patted Egon’s shoulder and moved towards the staircase, "Alrighty then, she’s all yours now. G’nite, Spengs."

"Goodnight, Ray. Thanks for getting her home.”

"Well, she sure didn’t make it easy. For a research analyst, she’s pretty slippery." Ray laughed, mostly to himself as he shuffled up the stairs most likely to the bunk room while Spengler pulled on a pair of medical rubber gloves. Egon also knew this from experience- Graduation Weekend he had also done the chasing when you pulled honestly impressive feats of escapism. Now, alone in the lab, Egon was kneeling in front of you in record time.

He took the first aid scissor and made quick work of ripping off your already shredding tights with such an efficiency that if you were in your right mind you probably would have been too flustered to think straight.

Egon ignored your little noise of protest, attractive scientist or not, those had been your good tights. The scientists offered you a cocked eyebrow as he rolled the tights down your legs. You simply sighed as he started gentle strokes to clean the blood off you now bare skin.

"Did you have to give Ray such a hard time?”

The scolding was playful even though delivered with his usual level of directness, still, even drunk you knew him well enough that it made you smile.

"Well, I was actually giving Peter a rough time, Ray just happened to be collateral damage." Sleep was starting to wear off, leaving your words only a little slurred, as if you were taking great efforts to make sure they were clear.

"And what did Peter do to deserve your ire this time?" Egon dousing some gauze with antiseptic. He didn’t flinch at the acrid scent, and usually you wouldn’t either, but this time your nose scrunched as Egon moved in even closer. However, you didn’t flinch in the slightest when he started dabbing at the shredding parts of your knees. Instead, you took the chance to appreciate the view of the good doctor kneeling in front of you, overhead lights casting a halo on his dark curls. It would be the perfect distance to lazily run gentle fingers through those curls. You seriously contemplated, but decided not to. You didn’t want to get blood in his pretty, soft hair. Wait- you were supposed to be answering his question…

"Made an uncouth comment." You sniffed as Egon moved to the next knee to clean the scrape. He hummed again noticing your non answer but not commenting- one problem at a time.

"Most of his comments are uncouth." He pointed out, pausing to smirk up at you, sighing in relief when you giggled. The was a comfortable pause as Egon focussed in on the deepest gash, but not for long.

"How is the ectoplasm variant going?" You asked after going quiet long enough that Egon wondered if you had fallen back asleep.

"I’ll have to show you tomorrow. I want your thoughts." Egon informed, a slight smile and point of pride that you had inquired after his work even in your current state as he dabbed antibiotic cream on your knees, "The Cladosporium is behaving particularly erratic."

"Ugh, my bet was on the Asparagus." You sighed, prodding at the edge of one of the deeper cuts at the top of your knee. Egon gently, but sternly, nudged your hand away, giving you a warning eyebrow before taping large bandage on over one knee.

"Aspergillus." He correct, almost sounding amused as he moved to the next knee, applying the bandage with just as much care, "Hands."

"Yes, doctor." You teased, offering both your palms. Egon gently took your left in his larger hand, using his other to repeat the same process. These scrapes were much less deep, mainly superficial, a product of catching yourself before your head hit the pavement, your knees had taken the brunt of it, but Egon was nothing if not thorough. It was quick work to clean and bandage both palms.

"There, that should prevent an infection." Spengler informed you, holding both of your treated hands in his after disposing of his gloves, he gave them a quick, tender squeeze before pressing the bottle of red ~liquid rewind~ into your grasp, quickly cracking the lid off for you, "Drink that."

"You know I’m not even that drunk." You scoffed, giving him a playful glare but obeying anyway, taking a long pull of the bottle, only stopping to swallow and breathe before going back in. This time both of his brows were raised as he stood, taking the trash from his impromptu clinic to the nearest bin.

"How much have you had to drink, exactly?"

You thought to yourself for a second, raising your eyes to the ceiling and mouthing numbers before tallying them on your fingers while you mentally replayed the night. Egon waited expectantly as he removed his lab coat, getting increasingly more concerned the longer the tally went on.

"Lets see…. approximately pi cubed divided in half times 1.5, minus six."

Egon didn’t even have to think about the calculation, instead being bewildered by the sheer amount of liquor you had managed to imbibe. His voice raised just a bit, mostly in disbelief and concern, "17 drinks?! (Y/N)."

His disbelief sounded more like frustration to you, and your lip wobbled a bit as you lurched forward, regretting the sudden move but powering through as your eyebrows knitted up, looking up to the scientist pleading, voice a whine, "Don’t be mad."

Egon shook his head with a deep sigh, catching your hand as you reached for him.

"I’m not mad. Surprised you’re coherent? Yes. Impressed at your current equational prowess? Definitely." He listed as you weakly pulled him back towards you. Egon nudged the forgotten red stained bottle, "C’mon, a little more."

After a long swallow, you nodded, "Well, after I slipped the boys, I made it pretty far uptown before they found me-"

You had started almost sheepishly, this time expecting Egon’s crinkled eyebrows and interruption.

"They lost you?" He repeated lowly, but you just shrugged, squeezing his hand as you continued your tale.

"Only for an hour, but it was a long walk back home. Well, it was for Ray at least. So I had plenty of time to workshop my math, Ray doublechecked it for me. And I still had time for a nap." You seemed pretty proud of yourself. Egon opened his mouth, eyebrows raising then falling as his mouth closed.

"I see. Is there a particular reason you needed to escape?"

"Noooo…."You dragged out, using his hand to pull yourself out of you slouched sitting, using him to keep yourself steady. Egon didn’t budge, allowing the contact. His head cocked ever so slightly to the side, looking at you over the rim of his glasses. You crumbled instantly, "Yes."

With an innocent smile, you fished into your jacket pockets, patting yourself down with increasing franticness, "I kept going until I could find a 24 hour bodega."

"You ran off inebriated by yourself in the middle of the night to a late night convenience store in New York City? This neighborhood is basically a demilitarized zone. We’re definitely going to have to discuss that." He muttered, checking you over for any injuries he or Ray might have missed. You were undeterred by his scolding because you had found whatever you had been searching for.

"Well, where else was I gonna find these at this hour?" You asked earnestly, revealing two only slightly squished Twinkie's. It was your turn to quirk an eyebrow, "What? Did you think I would forget about our late night snack?”

You were interrupted by a overpowering yawn, eyes suddenly drooping, "Gonna be honest though, don’t think cold Thai food is a great move for me at the moment.

Egon took the slightly squished confection out of your hand, giving it an appraising gaze, before breaking into that signature sideways smile as you leaned into his chest. With all the secrets of the night in the open, you didn’t have much else fighting to keep you awake. Egon his arms around your back, using one hand to rub soothing circles on your back. The good doctor allowed you to stay like that, his cheek pressed against the top of your head. As your breathing slowed, more and more of your weight slumped against him.

Egon didn’t mind, finally getting that close contact he’d been waiting all night for. Instead, he stared down at the twinkie in his hand. The cream was squeezing out of the sponge cake and smearing onto the crinkled plastic wrapper, but you had ventured countless blocks out of your way, escaping three of New York’s ghostbusters, just to pick up something you knew he’d like. Even with 17 drinks actively shrinking your neurons, you were always so thoughtful.

Egon was well aware of how much his friends loved him, and he would always be grateful for finding each of them. But there was always just something different about your love. If Egon possessed a more artistic disposition, he might describe it as a warm ocean wave washing over a beach. Gentle, yet unstoppable. All encompassing. He wasn’t quite sure what he had done to deserve someone like you to love him like you did, but whatever it was he’d do it a thousand times over- even if it meant cleaning you up after a long night out on the town.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" He asked quietly, feeling you nod into his chest . His sweater was soft against your cheek and he smelled as wonderful as always: earthy yet clean and the slightest hint of something smoky like a full trap or lab experiment gone wrong. After a deep inhale you nodded again through another yawn.

"Mmmhm. ‘missed you though." Your voice had slowed back down to its sleepy, slow tone that Egon would never admit to loving as much as he did, the warmth of him and quiet lulling you. You were fighting to stay afloat, but Egon’s thumbs working slow circles into your back were winning as he answered.

"I missed your company as well."

And it was later, when you had fallen into a deep unbothered sleep on the lab’s couch after stealing one of Egon’s t-shirts- the ones he would wear under his jumpsuit-, and using his lab coat as a blanket, that Egon thought about all this, taking a slow bite of his slightly squished gift.

Peter was right. One day, he needed to marry you.

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so I tried two somethings new. 1.) tried writing this more from his perspective, which isn't something I really do with any character. 2.) Paired him with a more extroverted out going reader, because I feel like we usually see him paired with more introverted types

anyways I typed this up at 3 am after crying for five hours so please excuse any typos.

#egon spengler x reader #dr. spengler x reader #dr. egon Spengler x reader #ghostbusters x reader #can't believe im writing ghostbusters fanfic in the year of our lord 2021 #using that tag bc TECHNICALLY I wrote this in 2021... I just reread and typed and posted it in 2023

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cartoonsinthemorning · 8 months

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felt sudden and strong longing for my childhood OTP 🥺

#leegaa #gaara #rock lee #naruto #I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IM USING THESE TAGS IN 2023 #im dissolving into dust

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the-alpha-doodle-dome · 4 months

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hey guys hahahahaha,,, so there's this video game series

#alpf art #garten of banban #garten of banban fanart #banban #sir dadadoo #jfc i can't believe im actually using these tags

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arnaerr · 1 year

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I'm taking a ride with my best friend

✦ prints and patreon ✦

#tlou #the last of us #tlou hbo #joel #ellie #my art #CAN'T BELIEVE I PAINTED IT IN 1 HOUR WTF #song tag

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okkennymay · 1 month

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It's been a very interesting year to say the least- those months still weren't 100% healthy but it was such a difference it was like living a different life, one not filled with constant dread and fear of the next monthly health episode.

It was unreal and I wish I'd made more use of of that time online while I had the chance, instead of being nervous of setting my body off and ruining a good thing going- but having past a new month my body completely imploding (only partially, which still sucks eggs), I can start to pick myself back up and keep going, hopeful once more! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

To all of you who have watched fade in and out of existence since my return online, Thank you for always being so patient 💖 my god was my previous username ghost-chicky ironic as hell, s2g it would be more appropriate these days than anything 0w0"

#okkennymay #comic #I still can't believe it's been ten years since by conditions first reared their head #thinking back through what i've been through #honestly it is a fucking miracle and a half i'm still alive-there certainly were a few way way way too close calls but man what the fuck #As hard as life still is these days it's still a vast improvement to what it used to be- I only survived through sheer determination #and the love and care of my family-I'm extremely lucky in that regard and I don't take it for granted for a single second #which is why I never stop trying to be a successful artist online-they've always believed in me and I refuse to let them down #I want to earn enough to give them a easier lives-to be there to help them as they helped me-my mum especially #I don't care that I sound like a repeating record in my tags- Blame the brain damage destroying my memory #they're my tags i'll belt out my heartfelt feelings if I want to dang it

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qcomicsy · 9 months

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Explain which fucked up character is more of a twink; Jason or Bruce. Elaborate on why you think this. (12 marks)

Alright So,

Jason is a hunk

He's not a twink, I believe if anyone ever called him a twink he would be so shocked he would forget how to punch them. He's a hunk. A twunk even. He's built, strong looks as big as a fucking closet.

I mean look at this mf

Now his father???

This is what twink death looks like:

And for the definition.

You know those gradients people do with actors and other celebrities when they go from Twink to Daddy? As much as Bruce Wayne isn't my cup of tea.

This is him.

Like– It's literally him

He's the Twink -> Daddy Gotham edition.

And before someone comes in here and says " Oh He's still a twink–" Do not lie to yourself, he can be whatever you want him to be in your heart, but that man is huge, he's a CLOSET. His son is 6,0 and he managed to be BROADER. He's humongous. He can carry bane on his fucking back that's not a twink deed that's a brawny motherfucker he could break our arms like a twig.

I, in fact. I could argue that Bruce Wayne could actually be a bear depending on the artist that draw him (which also makes debatable the argument that Bruce Wayne in fact shaves his chest and I would say that's probably with laser because no razor makes a man chest and abs that smooth.) but I don't think the fandom is ready for that.

On an unrelated note, Jason Todd from Wayne Family adventures is a twink and I will fight people on that–

So in conclusion,

Jason Todd, is a twunk he was never a twink in his life. His father on the other hand was a Twink that evolved to a Daddy, which leads us to the end of my dissertation where measuring which fucked up character is more of a Twink... Bruce Wayne wins the crown, congrats Bruce Wayne you will always be famous.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk where I say things with enough confidence that makes it seem like I am right. Because I am.

#Now if we're talking of the entire Batfamily Dick Grayson takes the award #and you know what? Good for him. GOOD FOR HIM #I spend too much time on this as someone just take me out #on a date?#I don't know guys be creative #twink Bruce Wayne #can't believe I'm using this tag #this is where my life lead to?#yeah #I suppose it is #And I don't know how to feel about it #thanks for the ask babe I love the opportunity to be more deranged on this site than I was on this past few months #q asks #long post #🦇🐦

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dez-wade · 1 month

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Hey QSMP French community, I need to tell you this since everyone likes to say the opposite: You're allowed to feel angry and upset! It's not doom posting, it's not lack of empathy.

They're lacking empathy FOR YOU GUYS! All the French admins are gone (it's not even a "if" situation, THAT'S REALITY), and we won't know if they'll ever receive at least financial compensation even though they quit or were "fired".

The future is uncertain even for the CCs, who might follow Lumi's footsteps something they previously claimed they would do.

And that's not even mentioning some community reactions, especially the harassment Lea is getting despite doing the right thing.

It's absolutely insane for people expecting you to smile and still hold out hope for the future. It's absolutely insane the lack of humanity. The lack of support.

You guys more than anyone have the right to feel mad over the work abuse they suffered and the constant exclusion. And if you don't feel optimistic that's completely understandable!

And for those who aren't French: try to put in their place a little. Try to be more understanding. I feel like you guys aren't fully grasping what has been going on. It isn't something small. It's something very serious. It's not about vague ass messages saying "oh this suck hope you get better, anyways!".

And if anyone wants to vent, my inbox is open.

#qsmp #qsmp discourse #<i feel completely sick using this tag but i don't want annoying people bothering me #you guys deserve much better i can't believe people are being self enough to ask you for patience #fandom neg

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ar0acejay · 2 months

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No bc radioapple is actually so weird like........ what????? Not only because Alastor is aroace and very obviously romance- and sex-repulsed + non amorous but also because of their age difference. Like who thought "as old as time itself" x "witnessed the start of the holocaust" is appropriate????

#hazbin hotel #aromantic #asexual #aromantic asexual #hazbin #alastor #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor #radioapple #I can't believe I actually had to use that god forsaken tag #EW #“but Lucifer doesn't act like he's that old” doesn't change that he IS THAT OLD #Also let romance and sex repulsed aroaces have ONE character s'il vous plaît thank you #apothisexual #apothiromantic

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jamieedlund · 2 months

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He was just ignoring him cause he has a distaste for dragons 🤭

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I think both of them are very dumb smart people so they just intimidate each other into getting more sense 😂

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A compilation of some of my January to February brainrots.

#my art #the dragon prince #tdp #callum #aaravos #short comic #doodles #sketches #tdp callum #tdp aaravos #i can't believe there's a day when i use other tags but it's here #soren #rayla #these are the things I think about while workin on my thesis #drawing is hard and my brain is made of soggy noodles...#i'm slaving away as always #sorry i haven't posted for like a month #I've been getting more nervous about posting #mostly because I can't finish anything fast enough #and the last time I posted it didn't perform very well #i'm thankful for every one who still stay and enjoy my work tho #i hope everyone is doing well #i have an obsession #with aaravos and umbrellas #you don't understand #tall ass man and his shorty short cake #so i think aaravos actually bend down when callum grab his shirts #it's hilarious cause the headbutt probably doesn't even hurt #it's just a light bump #two idiots fr

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theminecraftbee · 8 months

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Normally, traitors aren’t frog-marched to the Emperors themselves, regardless of what rank of information they had. These aren’t normal circumstances, though, Techno bemoans to himself. For one, the man is refusing to speak anything but French and a tiny amount of broken Bayesh. For another, on being made, he immediately handed over about three folders of classified information then loudly waited for handcuffs to be put on him.

Phil is lounging in his throne; he’d never been one for propriety. This leaves Techno to be, uh, the actually serious one. The one adorned in uniform, sitting and glowering down. It’s lucky that the traitor isn’t a pigman, because Techno isn’t actually great at glowering, but humans are weird about pigman facial expressions so he should be fine?

The traitor stands before them and grins. In perfect Bayesh, he says: “Finally. It took way too long for you to catch me, bitch.”

Techno pauses. He stares. In Piglish, he barks to his guards: “Everyone out. It’s Leader business.”

They file out. They’ll be waiting outside. Phil straightens in his seat and reaches for his own sword.

Techno, laboriously, drags his hand across his face. He switches back to Bayesh. God, does he regret being fluent in multiple languages sometimes. “What are you doing here, Tommy.”

“Showing you your intelligence weak points, fucker. Do you know how easy it is to slip Bayesh spies in here? I was smooth. A smooth customer. I was hearing classified milkitary secrets—”

“You were caught within two hours,” Techno says.

“That’s—that’s just what you think, innit?” Tommy says. Phil laughs. He’s the real traitor here.

“Tommy. I don’t wanna have to cause an international incident, but I’ve had a really long day, so if you just tell me who hired you to run a spy op, and why you decided it was a good idea to run it yourself, instead of sending one of your experts…”

“No one,” Tommy says.

“Hey, don’t lie you little shit. Techno might not want to start an incident but I don’t care,” Phil says. He grins and holds up his sword. “You wanna wake up in a jail cell and reveal some secrets? We may all be Leaders but it won’t stop torture from hurting.”

“What the fuck, Phil,” Tommy says.

“No one’s torturing anyone. We’ll just bomb them later if we must,” Techno says.

“And I wasn’t lying. It’s—can I take the wig off by the way? It fucking itches.”

“I despise you.”

Tommy takes off the black wig, revealing his blonde hair. “Anyway, I don’t want to work with you guys either, so I figured I’d get your attention by like, acting like we’re enemies and stuff. Got hired for espionage enough back in the day to pick up that much.”

“Who the fuck wanted you as a spy?” Phil asks.

“Fuck you,” Tommy says and doesn’t elaborate.

“Please just tell us what you want,” Techno says. “Please. I can’t handle this much you at any given time.”

“This needs to be Leader to Leader,” Tommy says, and something heavy laces his words. The hairs on Techno’s arms stand up.

“You coulda asked,” he says, in one final desperate bid for normality.

“No, I couldn’t have,” Tommy says. “I think Chip’s dead.”

Techno doesn’t notice that he’s standing until he is.

“What?”

“Yeah,” Tommy says. “Yeah. And, uh, I fucking. Need your help to figure out what happened. Before we get blamed. And I know, politically, you’ve got no reason, but if we don’t figure out—”

Techno sits back down, heavy.

“I know you understand Piglish. Let me talk in my native language. Phil.”

“Yeah, mate?”

“Go get the stuff.”

Phil’s eyes darken. “Right. That. Well, I’ll be back.”

Tommy’s voice, for the first time since Techno met him as a newly-minted Leader, standing on a wooden bench and yelling about executions, is small.

“You believe me?” he says.

“Why else would you come here?” Techno asks. “Not like we like you.”

“Good, because I’m shit at infiltrations. Would have been embarrassing if you, like, didn’t know your enemy well enough to know that,” Tommy says. He’s saying something else underneath it. Techno is neither good enough at Bayesh or at Tommy to guess what.

“Let’s work out an excuse to make a treaty. And you tell me everything.”

#smp earth #WELL THAT'S A TAG I HAVEN'T HAD TO USE IN A WHILE.#a bee fic #anyway have you ever had to excise a story hook that's appeared in your head?#anyway: in which business bay gets framed for murdering chip and unfortunately as much as tommy would like the notoriety #he can't afford to let a guy who could kill chip just run around. also no one believes him.#so he goes to the antarctic empire hoping to ruffle enough feathers to at least get them out of the way #and technoblade immediately goes 'oh god something that incredibly stupid WOULD happen to you. oh no.'#AND THEN THEY ARE FORCED TO WORK TOGETHER TO CATCH THE GODKILLER #for the record. i probably won't write this.#if you're in a certain server with me please ignore how much i've been going 'but i COULD write bedrock bros' recently i PROBABLY WONT #anyway. i thought maybe you all would like this. the worldbuilding is like. ADJACENT to empires earth? with a lot of months in-between #like it definitely has influences from when i was doing the empires earth stuff.

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