#HOW DID YOU DELETE THE READ MORE WHAT

[nerosdayinanime]

generational trauama<3

very basic explanation: Shuya, the youngest child, was killed during a mission Sanemi was leading & Kyogo was very disrespectful and dismissive about it bc he doesnt see them as anything other than fodder. Sanemi, overcome with the grief of his latest sibling's death and the years of abuse, lost his shit and lunged at him with intent to kill.

His arm went through Kyogo's chest and together they went through the window, Kyogo briefly fought back and Sanemi used a wind jutsu to utterly shred the inside of his chest cavity. He sits back and processes what just happened and realizes that the pain and grief hasn't gone away.

Shizu finally gets to him- Genya close behind though I didn't show it -and he breaks down over the fact he just killed so brutally so easily. He's become a monster just like Kyogo shaped him to be. Shizu calls for some water & washes the blood off, then gets the bone fragments out and heals him.

Rest of the clan's freaking the hell out bc He Just Snapped We're Next Oh Fuck Oh Fuck, no one knows what to do abt Kyogo bleeding out, but hes just Sitting There, Crying

#kny clan au #shinazugawa sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #shinazugawa shizu #shizu shinazugawa #shinazugawa kyogo #< even tho he dont fuckin look like it #listen in my defence he has literally 1 panel and i wanted to make him less boring #but then he ended up looking like captain yami & i cant be arsed to fix his dumbfuck expression #this was gonna be a sorta introduction post(?) for the shinazugawa clan but i was struck by a divine vision of this situation w #that one verse from tatu's All The Things She Said #so im posting it so that one will make more sense #kny clan au: shinazugawa #oh yeah shizu looks like that bc she was originally Kocho- they had a marriage alliance #edit: TUMBLR WHY DID YOU BREAK THE POST EHAT THE FUCK #HOW DID YOU DELETE THE READ MORE WHAT #neros art tag

[sarcasmchandlerbing]

Some Leafs players collages

#fuck i can't do any other collages/players/teams anymore cos the app i did the thing was taking too much storage/space on my phone 😭🤬😟 #toronto maple leafs #tml #maple leafs #leafs #nhl #collages #mitch marner #matthew knies #auston matthews #tyler bertuzzi #ryan reaves #william nylander #nicholas robertson #john tavares #nick robertson #mitchell marner #my edit #sarcasmchandlerbing #hockey #ice hockey #sports #tried to do mark giordano and timothy liljegren also but then phone/gallery was starting to act up too much and then i had no choice but to #delete the app or whatever. it was fun making these while it lasted 😭 wanted to make much more of these but whatever! no fun for me then! #idc if people ignore these because yes i know these are not very... how would you say... professional? awesome? cool? these are easy to make #not so greatly done and i just use others photos (from google duh - but they are some others photos) - but i want to make badly made things #okay idk what am i saying anymore but if anyone is reading this (no they're not!) have a very nice day! 😊 #hockey players #nhl players

[09lover]

my reaction after ()’s attempt to gaslight me for the uncountable time into trying to repair this broken relationship that they ruined

#es talks #no because why………… #you ended it i didnt do… anything…. (head in hands in disappointment) #story time here.. click for more if u wanna read..? #ill call them (). one day they texted me about our friend who ill call koru who unfollowed(?) them on twt because they kept #commenting (more of in a critical way..) about how their art was missing fingers despite it being drawn correctly. so they tried to somewhat #force me to stop talking to koru and shit talks about them to me…. which i still remained in contact with koru and told them everything #so we stayed as besties and eventually () came by to visit me and eventually found out i was still friends with koru then decided to throw a #temper tantrum and ignore me to the point their mother had to get involved… which still didnt work out after their mother helping us 3 times #then our … like 4 years or longer relationship just went down the drain… all because of that. #unfriended me and also started shit talking me to their friends then just yesterday which i found out today #<- discord btw -> she then sent me multiple messages in some gcs we were in… calling me disgusting & said i shouldnt ignore wtf i did in #an attempt to gaslight me thinking what i did was gen wrong and also guilt tripping me to crawl back to her to beg and apologize as i always #do… but i just had enough ehfjejdje #well ill most likely delete this later just needed to get this out of my system!

[xxcapybaragamingepic1337xx]

If they didn't want people sleeping during the day they wouldn't have made beds so comfortable

#hi I just woke up and my blankets are so soft and it's the perfect temperature as well and I have so much work that needs to be done #it's a cruel world #I've also lost all concept of time and barely know what day it is but whatever #maybe.... another 20 minutes... what's the worst that could happen #sorry for rambling just woke up with very strong feelings about how comfortable I'm feeling rn #also unrelated to anything I think modern oil paintings are really interesting especially ones that are more realistic and focus on everyda #scenes or still lives #personally I always associate oil painting with very classical art and that comparison brings a whole new layer of appreciation to the #piece like yea you've painted your McDonald's happy meal and hundreds of years ago somebody painted this bowl of fruit #and the medium in which you did it stayed the same the whole time #it's similar to how I feel about (modern) art in museums in that because it's placed in museums it gives it the feeling of an important #art piece and something that you should study intently #love modern art btw don't think it has only value if it's placed in an museum I just think it's interesting how much impact the surrounding #have on what we consider art #which is a fun thing to try out like for example if I say my IKEA chair is art that gives it a different value #making me study it more closely and in the process I'll realise yes it is art to me the way the pieces fit together #how the form was designed etc and it works for everything and makes your day much more fun #ramble over if someone's still reading this here's a fun little guy: 🐕 and sorry for taking up so much space on the dashboard #I'm going to go back to sleep now (bed is still veryyyy comfortable) #delete later

[bossladytae]

~

#will delete later; #i had to lol when one of my old meta posts popped up in my activity feed #it was one on oboro and shouyou/utsuro #i can't remember my thoughts at the time to where i was thinking 'what the heck is all this' while rereading my own meta lol #it's been so long since i indulged in writing meta posts #i don't write or read them anymore for two reasons: #1) i'm not in the mindset anymore to where i used to recall every single detail and could find things again quickly #and 2) long-time gintama fans have Been There Done That with everything including meta #all the 'am i the only one' type of posts -- no you aren't; i guarantee it's been thought of and expressed before #even the same old 'arguments' about how certain gintaladies' characters aren't 'relevant' will pop up in new form #all i intend to do is enjoy gintama for as long as i can #i've paid my dues and made my contributions; i'm more into writing fanfic or supporting/commissioning fanart for gintama these days #i will always love gintama even if the intensity of those feelings has changed since the ending #i don't regret loving this series for 18 years and counting #i'm sure some of my other meta posts are still kicking about or still on private #if i can remember half of what i was thinking when i wrote some of them i'll be glad lol #it's fine for newer fans to continue analyzing; it was fun when we did it too #but i will stay retired

[surreal-duck]

messing around a bit

#delete later #man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird #trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg #shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me #should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔 #still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess #just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made. #im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough. #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony #well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole #even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw #actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself #but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate #hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week #man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay #hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini #masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh #ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini #aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr #me when i have to do my job at work #i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower #sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit

[arolesbianism]

So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my day trying to learn how to look into onis code and while I may not have yet succeeded I will likely keep fucking around with shit tomorrow and if I manage to succeed it'll spell great doom for my sanity as oni becomes the interest I've officially poured the most effort into analyzing

#rat rambles #oni posting #for now I must sleep but hopefully tomorrow Ill figure out how to decompile files #the real question is going to be if Ill be able to do this on my shitty ass laptop or if Ill need to figure smth else out #I just want to be able to view stuff so ideally it won't make my laptop chug too bad but rly Im more worried abt space #I might have to try to do some cleanup and delete some shit maybe Ill go scan through the shit that came pre installed #and hey maybe if I can get this to work I can go mega hacker mode and tweak some stuff for funsies #probably wont since I don't wanna break my game and I dont trust myself but yknow #itd probably help if I actually retained any information from the Two programing classes I took when I was younger but alas #one of them was even specifically a video game programming class and lemme tell you I remember absolutely nothing #also from what little I was able to view without fancy applications I have no new info but I can finally fully put jean in the we 100% know #their last name zone cause while we definitely already 100% did Technically we only got jea- for first name confirmation #but theyre referred to as jean in a note in a bio bot story traits file ty whoever added the notes there #god I hope theres other notes in the files I want to read those so bad #btw this was all spurred by that one nails log that disappeared cause I have found a file that looks like it but I cant fully view it #and I desperately need to view it I need to view it #also if I can look in the code then in theory itll make copying down all the lore logs easier #also the datamining thread of the forums hasnt been particularly active so who knows maybe I can become a proper dataminer #(<- will not do that probably unless it turns out to be easier than I thought) #but admittedly I am interested in hunting for potential future update content even if I probably won't hunt too hard for it #again Im mostly just hunting for lore #hey maybe if Im lucky Ill find some genuinely new and usable information in that department #maybe the secrets of b363 and dr. holland lie in the files ooooo (they probably dont) #man it'd be nice if I had a proper pc itd make my life so much easier and my desk feel less enpty lol #in a world where I get to play videogames at a higher framerate than 10fps #I mean we do have some older computers laying around the house although theyre probably also crusty pieces of shit #idk maybe I can see if I can salvage one itd be nice to have a proper computer to fuck about with #Im sure my mom wouldn't mind as long as its one that hasnt been touched in years #which tbf I dont know how many options thatd leave me but we at least have one computer that could theoretically be usable #albiet its definitely packed with viruses from me and my siblings being dumb kids

[itadore-you]

i was NOT letting twitter get me today with jjk 213 leaks I had to scroll like a mad man to find some normal fanart lmao

but I'm literally crying tears (humour = coping) SUKUNA STRAIGHT UP VORES HANA? WHAT?

#jjk spoilers #jjk leaks #jjk chapter 213 leaks #SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? #nah i cant even keep laughing when I keep thinking about what the FUCK he did to yuuji #gege how are you fixing this please #im not letting them let jjk get tragic-er than this #i literally am gonna go get amnesia at this point I don't want to remember this #times like these makes me wonder yeh but whats the point #NO LISTEN IM STILL TALKING jjk is great yeh but #BUT #at least lets have a bittersweet ending because I understand that in the world jjk is set in it is almost impossible to find any happiness #but like #i cant express what i MEAN #LIKE WHATS THE POINT #WHY AM I OBSESSED WITH MISERY?? #i cant pinpoint my feelings about jjk #maybe im too emotionally immature to keep reading idk idk #i might delete this after thinking about the chapter a bit more this was an instant reaction

[exoscreamsoda]

who is lying ? 🕵️‍♂️🕵️‍♀️

yesterday ksoo claimed he didnt cry when he watched prince of tennis..

HOWEVER other members have stated that he cried when watching it for around 9 years now ?!?

even korean fans are calling this debate jongin versus kyungsoo as theyre unsure who to believe

theory time on who is lying~

so the reason soo mentioned prince of tennis in the 1st place was because the fans in the bubble messages keps saying that when he claims he cried from a drama

chanyeol 1st mentioned that he cried from this anime all the way during exo’s showtime in 2013 and other members joined in laughing about it as if they were either there or they heard about it. kai mentioned it on his bubble in 2020. that means not only are there MULTIPLE witness accounts of the event but the statements are a whole SEVEN years apart. if only chanyeol had mentioned it then maybe we can brush it off as just a funny thing he said for the show but why would kai mention this fake event years later and on his own accord?!?! hes even questioning why he cried 🥴

(hes as confused as me because i watched some clips from the anime and its just a standard action anime.. nothing is sad 💀)

so is it safe to assume mr doh kyungsoo is lying???

its believeable that he thinks naruto is sad, it does have some serious moments. hes also clearly not too embarassed to say naruto is sad, so is he too embarassed to say he cried from prince of tennis??? i dont think so... while one is clearly more embarassing than the other it just doesnt make sense that he would lie for this anime, in fact he could have just ignored the bubble messages that mentioned it but he went out of his way to say he didnt cry? what IF he isnt lying??? what if exo have had this weird misunderstanding about soo crying over this dumb tennis anime for a whole 9 years and hes too embarassed to tell anyone the real reason? 

this misunderstanding theory is mentioned when theyre explaining but then they double down and poor soo never says anything 😭

so in conclusion to the most pointless essay ive ever written i can safely say that mr. doh kyungsoo is not lying when he says he didnt cry from this anime but the other members are not lying either.

as for what was actually making him cry? i guess we will never know...

#you know what... imma be honest.... i deleted a whole 3 paragraphs about how this could be related to kaisoo but i wanted to look normal #i mean i dont look normal anyway but i felt like i looked completely insane making it about kaisoo lol..... #basically i was gonna mention how soos bubble language changed from his hue hues to kais kekekes #its cute but like why did his typing change to kais style unless... its a joke between them ......... #it seems like chanyeol walked in on him already watching it and saw that he cried but like why did kai have more detail... #was kai watching it with him in the 1st place... hmmmmmm. #if someone is reading this pls ask me to explain more in my ask box because i swear i spent an hr finding random things about this anime #exo #d.o #d.o. #kyungsoo #kai #jongin #kaisoo #chansoo #chankai #chanyeol

[that-was-anticlimactic]

actually, no. you know what? i am so sick of this “marinette is just a friend” bs. okay. cool. adrien said she was just a friend a few times. whatever. it’s not that big of a deal and everyone in the mlb fandom like. hyperfixates on that??? idc if it’s a “just a joke” because it’s utterly ridiculous at this point. i have literally seen people go on heated rants about how stupid or clueless adrien was during the umbrella scene because he called mari just a friend. are you kidding me??? y’all are really going to take away that moment for him? he just made like his first ever friend in nino and when he called her a friend, he looked so excited because this boy has only ever had one friend before. of course he’s going to call mari just a friend because he just met her and the only time she’s actually spoken to him outside of the suit at this point is to yell at him like... y’all...

and this is not me hating on mari because i love her so so so much. i just hate how passionate and heated fans get about this. i mean... y’all... adrien didn’t even think mari liked him??? like, in puppeteer two, he is literally upset because he came to the conclusion that mari hates him. also, of course he’s not like in love with or crushing on her when she’s barely spoken actual sentences to him! again, not me hating on mari and her nerves because like i get it, it’s hard. and also this is like adrien’s first time interacting with people as peers, so 1. of course romance is not his main priority 2. he doesn’t understand social cues or situations very well At All which is made abundantly clear in the show 3. i don’t... i don’t think adrien knows what affection is??? i mean, he’s definitely learned some over the course of the show, but he’s used to a neglectful / abusive father, his stoic assistant, his bodyguard who doesn’t really talk like at all, chloé being chloé, and hoards of fans declaring that they’re in love with him, hanging all over him, acting like he’s a shiny thing rather than a person, etc... so like. how is adrien supposed to actually comprehend that mari likes him???

and okay no my last point: so so so sick of the double standard. i have seen countless people rant and rave and scream and shout about how stupid adrien is for not returning mari’s feelings or knowing he has a crush on her and then these same people will turn around and berate chat noir and say things like “gosh ladybug isn’t obligated to return his feelings:/” like... hELLO??? why is ladybug not obligated while adrien is??? it’s ridiculous and disgusting and i’m so so so tired of “just a friend” jokes on tumblr, in art, in fics, in youtube compilations... like... can’t we be normal about this? and i don’t mean normal as in “casually enjoy” i mean normal as in can we stop being so aggressive and harsh and hostile towards literal fourteen year olds my God they’re children they’re allowed to make mistakes and mess up and my God the way y’all talk about lila is disgusting, too like i hate her but i don’t want her tortured and killed??? and the way people characterize the classmates as physically and verbally assaulting mari because of lila??? like... my God they would never??? they would all honestly side with mari chameleon is a bad episode and is poorly written and everyone is out of character please use your critical thinking skills and understand that chat noir is not harassing ladybug anymore than mari may be harassing adrien (aka they are not harassing each other at all my God) and stop insulting and demonizing fourteen year olds so your otp can get together thanks

#i have. feelings. #sorry y'all #this may be harsh but i am so beyond sick of it #i've been going through the classmates tag on ao3 and filtered out all the s.alt fics for all the characters and the majority of the fics #i'm seeing are aggressive lila takedown fics or like unproperly tagged s.alt fics #where the classmates are still rude and aggressive and bully mari when even lila doesn't really bully mari that badly??? like yes it is #awful that she tried to get her expelled and lied a bit about her but lila has never been physical nor tried to kill mari and nor would any #of the classmates actually turn against her like. they may disagree with her or think she may be acting on her crush and yes lila did #threaten mari in the bathroom but like... what has she done since then? try to get her expelled and then... nothing. like. this is Not me #saying not to take bullying seriously but people take it to the extreme with lila and how she treats mari in fics and i am so so so sick of #it!!! i just want to read mlb classmate fics where they're all silly and being teenagers without mari being unreasonably and uncanonically #bullied and without the tags 'alya/adrien/classmate redemption' HELLO??? WHY DO THEY NEED TO BE REDEEMED??? THEY AREN'T VILLAINS??? THEY ARE #FOURTEEN??? as a rule of thumb i refuse to read fics with those tags like sorry but if you tag fics like that then you obviously don't know #the characters. i'm sorry if this sounds mean or harsh it's just exhausting trying to find fun or sweet or found family mlb fics because so #many of them are so negative and ooc and involve like extreme hatred towards fourteen year old fictional children... like... how do we not #see the problem with that??? like... am i overreacting??? please someone tell me they agree with me!!! i've been working on this really #stressful assignment that determines whether i graduate my future career and also costs three hundred dollars to take so i've been really #stressed and every time i try and take an mb fic break i end up more stressed because the fandom is so cruel to children ahhhhhhhh #okay i am. done. maybe i'll delete this later... i just need to see if someone agrees with me because i am. :))) on the verge of losing it #lol #mlb

[devilsskettle]

Whiplash is pro-abuse propaganda, it sets out to explicitly condone masculine dominance violence. It tells men in positions of power over others to be "tougher" that their criminal abuse is actually helping people achieve. It tells victims to be quiet and love their abusers. It tells people who witness abuse to do nothing, that abusers are in the right. It's a disgusting, violent, abusive movie. It's a weapon aimed at vulnerable people.

i think that’s a really reductive prescriptivist reading of the movie, if you think it frames his actions in a positive light i think that’s a significant misinterpretation. i think it’s fake deep about its whole trying to achieve “greatness” theme, i think it sets up a false dichotomy between the tortured artist and the well-adjusted but unremarkable and tries to deconstruct that idea at the same time that it reinforces it, i think it has very little substance despite framing itself as profound which is pretentious as hell, i think it is extremely male and representative of toxic masculinity, it's also another extremely white movie about jazz, i think it is a red flag for a man to really like this film tbh because i think there is too much room to interpret abuse as “effective” or “helping people achieve” as you put it, and i do take issue with that but that would largely be the fault of the viewer, not the filmmaker. like when people think fuckin fight club is encouraging people to actually do fight clubs (and domestic terrorism) - completely missing the point of the criticism of toxic masculinity. representing the teacher’s views and motivations is different than condoning them, and i think it pretty clearly illustrates that his methods are detrimental to his students' personal wellbeing and their success as musicians. if you think the audience is meant to think he's in the right, i think you have real problems with media literacy and i’m not going to change my opinion of the movie because you misread it. especially since i thought it was only an okay movie! i do think it has a great ending, not because the main character is "successful" or whatever but because of its ambiguity - is he going to get sucked back into the same unhealthy cycle of abuse or is this act of defiance showing that he’ll escape it? will he attribute this performance to being “pushed” or will he realize that this achievement was in spite of that treatment (where his previous “failure” was because of it)? i think we’re meant to get the idea that he will continue to be trapped in this cycle and we’re supposed to be deeply unsettled by this, like his father is - isn't his father recognizing how harmful this is to his son the audience's way into the story, since we, like his father, watch him spiral and recognize it's an unhealthy dynamic even though the main character himself doesn't? doesn’t this film also serve as a criticism of how ineffective “holding people accountable” is when they’re able to get the same job and create the same power dynamic and continue the same patterns of abusive behavior? that's a huge issue in the film industry specifically but also in other artistic fields which has persisted for years, these ideas about commitment and growth through pain and the “tortured artist” being used to manipulate young people trying to break into the industry, and this movie speaks to that issue. i think there are a lot of other films that do this better but i would hardly say it condones this behavior. not a single person who has talked to me about this movie think this guy’s actions are justified. but like yeah, this movie is violent, it’s a movie about violence. the premise is that it’s a depiction of abuse and manipulation. i’m not sure what genre it’s considered officially but it’s essentially a psychological thriller. it’s hardly meant to be taken as a model for good behavior. also you say the film tells people to stay silent when they witness or experience abuse but i don’t see how you drew that conclusion. because the main character feels conflicted about it? because the teacher isn’t a one dimensional villain? because it's not a movie about general morality but about the experience of emotional abuse, and how abusers' tactics affect their targets? do you need them to spell it out for you in bold letters that abuse is bad and this guy's behavior is batshit? do you need movies to spoon feed you the Big Moral Lesson like a disney movie

#wondering how you feel about movies like fame and black swan and i tonya #also like. i don't really get what your point is in sending me this. #in response to a thoughtless no notes post about it? #i guess sorry if i read your message as more hostile than you intended but i do think you're wrong #i didn't realize i had thoughts about this movie until you made me re-examine it so thanks for that i guess #i guess i will choose literally any hill to die on. even if it's about a movie i thought was like a 2/5 at best #i guess it's more about the lack of nuance. can we please get some fucking nuance here #also why did i think this movie just came out when it was made in 2014 #i did delete that post though it was too cavalier #it’s like not that fucked up compared to a lot of psychological thrillers but if you consider it a straight drama then it is #and like. it’s the same thing with joker where people hype it up SO much and then you watch it and it’s barely even suspenseful #i mean you’re hyping it up right now you’re creating this unwarranted reputation that there’s something more to it #when it’s honestly just a pretty shallow boring movie #it’s not even like. uniquely bad lol #whiplash

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #i keep having panic attacks and need to think of something else so here's my essay on mr magoriums wonder emporium #vs my brain #the first thing you gotta understand is that im autistic and have always felt like im not supposed to be here. #i used to talk to the moon all the time and always felt like i belonged up there with her more than i ever did in the world #the second thing you gotta understand is that i didnt hage friends for a large part of my childhood and instead found solace in reading #and making things that made me happy and felt right abd good #fhe third thing you gotta understand is ive got mad daddy issues #and the fourth is that although i thought myself very smart as a kid i was also constantly certain that i was an idiot who was #trickong everyone and that i wouldn't go anywhere #so in comes this film. one main character is a young boy who cant make any friends. who has specific interests and who makes things #one main character is a woman who was a prodigy until she ran out of hope and energy #one main character is a man who is completely seperated from what makes him happy and the wirld around him #and the last main character is a kind old man who supports them all whilst always knowimg and being at peace qith the fact #that he was different abd wasn't meant to stay #i still dont know which character i identified more with as a child. i think its probably all of them at obe point or another #but the major one was mr magorium himself. bc he made his world so it fit him. and was not ashamed of any of it. #he was completely at peace with the fact that he was different that very few pelple understood him that he was noticeably weird #and he was loved for it. #and then he died. abd not to be a downer but my childhood was filled with obsessions about how i was going to die #how much it would hurt how much blood there'd be. i think this was the first film i saw where it was so simple. it was just his time #obviously the way i thought about death was never healthy bc after those obsessions came the suicidal ideation #but this film presented it in such a neutral matter of fact way. its just a fact of life. it doesnt matter hoe prepared you are #its always hard it always hurts but it must happen anyway. after my grandma died i didnt have yhe ability at the time to process it #but this film helped. abd now when i try to make ky thoughts about death more neutral and not fear or hope based #i think about this movie. and i think about all the joy it presented in living abd accepting yourself in all your oddness #and it makes me feel a little bit sad that a place like that doesnt exist. but it also majes me a little bit happy and a little bit hopeful

[melancholiaenthroned]

if i dont learn cantonese soon im gonna kms

#why did i just see a white person in the notes of a post about anti asian racism talking about hard it is to be a white person who speaks #mandarin. because other white ppl hate china so much they hate our language in itself like yeah bro #i bet that sucks. have you tried being chinese. #anyway. and multiple of my white friends took mandarin lessons and can speak it just for fun or to read books and i know its not a big deal #but mannn. i cant even talk to my family their own language like im being such a baby but it feels so stupid and unfair #and i dont know anyone who speaks cantonese near me or who could help me learn and ive heard duolingo is unreliable but i dont rlly know #what else to do... #watever. will delete soon<3 #poison.txt #vent #i just prlly just suck it up and try to learn mandarin since i have friends and classmates who speak it and its obviously the more popular #language but i just. you know how it is

[sweetest-devotion]

trigger warnings.

(x)

#. #watched MP today for the second time with couple of friends at my place and it was truly the most horrible experience ever — #i always find being in the cinema with a group of people watching and experiencing the same human stories quite an intimate experience but #oftentimes people are awful and they laugh and they talk over and you come to eventually realise that not everyone is as sentimental as #you think they are or ought to be — #so you can imagine what went down. not to mention being interrogated and lectured after it — through and through — #on how i even have the stomach to watch *insert homophobic slur* going at it #and how 'Marion did the right thing because Tom is a cheater and destroyed her and Patrick is an asrsehole' #i hate how they even mentioned how good it is that homosexuality in our country is still heavily outlawed and that penalties of 'debauchery #are up to ten years of imprisonment even (during patrick's prison scene w Marion) #like i don't wanna even go through more deets of this day in my head anymore 'cause i don't want to remember it #because I'll anyway remember how it made me feel. #anyway... #sending love and strength to the people of our community who has to face any form of discrimination on regular basis. #i don't often let myself feel sorry for myself because i fear it'd make it real but sometimes i do when it's too much #but i don't have safe irl friends i can sincerely talk to and even on the internet i oftentimes delete #what i'd have to say in a post when i realise its too uncomfortable for strangers to just read that and feel in some way obligated to reply #.... #anyway back to my policeman.. here are (linked) some initial reactions after my first viewing yesterday!! #excuse the grammatical errors and typos ugh #when will tumblr ever grant us the bless of editing tags

[juuheizou]

i can’t understand how people orphan their fics on ao3. even the ones i wrote in high school and would change so many details of and cringe when i reread certain parts, i wrote those. i wrote them and they’re mine and for some reason i still really want people to know they’re mine no matter how much my writing has changed

#this is indeed brought about by me scrolling through the same 16 suzumutsu fics i've been reading and rereading since i was 14 #and seeing just how many are orphaned now #and yeah i deleted any fics i did briefly feel confident enough to share at that age and contributed little content until i was 17-18 #but i was there #and i remember all those users that are now orphan-account #sometimes i feel like a wise observer who knows all your ancient sins #and i mean ALL your sins #but other times i realize i'm just some hermit who's still going to be writing the same pairing from the same just okay series in a decade #when no one knows what i'm even talking about anymore #also i think even the fic i wrote then i was 17 and hadn't actually taken classes in pharmacology and anesthesiology and stuff... #is pretty decent for 17 #but also if i do decide to revamp more of my older fics #i want anyone still around to care to KNOW i'm the og writer and not some random person remixing it #not that it matters when no one reads your shit but its still in my mind #actually you know what its kind of amazing how ive come from 14-y-o me deleting everything i write #and now wanting people to know yep that god awful novel-length fic is MINE

[karmaphone]

singlets stop presuming that everyone is multiple to some degree, actually challenge

#bruh there's a big distinction #does everyone experience dissociation? yes most people daydream and read books and lose track of what exactly they're doing while driving #the big distinction is SEPARATE personality states #if you do not have more than one of you in your head then you're a fucking singlet no matter how much dissociation you experience #there's a big difference between say someone with did or osdd and someone with dpdrd #can it run the whole gamut of experiences thereupon? yea. are there some people who don't align fully with either and who don't fall into #neat little boxes because that's not how the human experience works? yea #but there is a huge difference between acknowledging the level of dissociation that people experience every day and not integrating multipl #personality states between the ages of six and nine #it's a literal documented thing. there's research about it. it's not like systems are doing ALL of this in the dark #it's not like systems are out here pointing at singlets and being like You Have Exactly 0% Of What I Experience because it's just not true! #everyone experiences dissociation but not everyone has multiple fucking people inside them!!! #compare me losing entire days and weeks and remembering NOTHING except vague minute long snippets to people suffering in school from not #being able to pee when they need to #is much of our daily life traumatizing? yes. is it so traumatizing as a whole that Everyone's A Little Bit Multiple Actually? hell no #we make up 1-3% of the population not fucking 10-20 or 30-50 and certainly not 90 #I realize this comes off as super psychiatry approval-y which I personally don't believe much in but like. we'll take what fucking #scientific evidence of our existence we can fucking GET #I'm. literally Angry right now ****** will probably delete this later but jfc are you serious