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carefulfears · 9 months

Note

top 5 (or 10 if you have em) scully taking care of mulder moments <3

she said IF i have 10 😭😭😭

1/ sein und zeit

i fear i have talked about this television scene more times than anyone has ever talked about a television scene....like. one, two, three, four, i was even foolishly invited onto a podcast to talk about it more...

my tags here:

she gets down on the Ground. there's something so primal about it. there's such a lack of pretense and sense of desperation about it. the way he hits the table. we so Rarely see him lash out like that. but it's just too much to Bear. like everything in him is just Breaking the only thing that he's even remotely been able to hold onto amidst all of the unbearable loss and trauma in his life has failed. he's fumbling around for anything that might make it better. that audries fic describing him in this moment as an 'addict out of a fix' with 'newborn anger.' “this is the world? this is it?” it's the way that he spends this whole ep cooking up some elaborate mythology about missing children and how they can be found and then the last shot of the episode is that wide shot of all of the children's graves. sometimes he's just wrong. the world is so much fucking darker and uglier sometimes than the way he sees it. and that's what is crashing down around him in this moment. and she's sitting in the wreckage holding him tight.

this is such brave, brave love. i keep thinking about CSM in the following episode, standing in scully's apartment, warning her. "allow him his ignorance, it's what gives him hope."

she doesn't know what will happen to him, to her, to them, when she breaks down the only method of coping that he has. his mother lost her bedrock too, and she didn't survive. from the moment scully enters, you can watch it break her. she does it anyway. she gets down on the ground, and she cries, and she holds him. god, it all just would've been so different, if there'd been just 1 person, 27 years ago.

(thinking about mulder reaching up to hold scully when missy died, and these tags asking: did anyone hold him, when it was his sister?)

i love the show's message on grief (and trauma), in that this is all that is necessary for "closure." there is no "Truth," (and there really isn't any closure, there's no "beyond" the sea). but it matters that someone knows. it matters that someone bears witness. it matters that someone tells you the truth, even when it fucking breaks their heart. sits in the destruction with you.

the exhaustion in her voice the next morning, when she tells skinner, "it's been a hard night for him." she's still wearing her work clothes from the day before. she was up all night. she's tired, and she's scared, and she's sad. it's been a hard 7 years. it's been a hard 27 years.

it makes me tear up every time i see it, the way she blocks him in the doorway. she's not moving. this is just so scully. it's not even starbuck, it's just so scully. she would keep him in that apartment where she could cover him and control what touches him forever, if she could. (she can't, so you're not taking him anywhere without her. the way she looks her boss in the eye and tells him he better book her a flight too. brave love.)

2/ demons

god, this one just makes me sad. this might be the one that makes me saddest. she's dying. she doesn't have it in her, anymore. i talked about this in my newsletter (and i wrote a fic about it once) but this is like...the only time where she never calls him out on what he's doing. she never yells. she never rolls her eyes. she never gets frustrated with him. she doesn't have it in her. she's dying. he will be alone. she won't be here the next time. what can she even do about it?

i always think about this post:

and you know she is thinking about how if she hadn’t been there he would’ve died. and how the next time he does something like this, she won’t have enough life left in her to keep them both alive. she might not even have enough left for herself. and she’ll give whatever she does have left to him, but it won’t be enough to save either of them. she’ll die cold and pale and he’ll burn himself out. and what can she do but hold him? who will he have when she’s gone? what will he do to himself? who will he call?

and these tags:

this is so cautious and tender and apologetic. sorry for all the pain he feels constantly. and sorry that nothing can ease it. and sorry that she is dying and leaving him like this.

she started writing to him as soon as she was diagnosed, begging. begging forgiveness, begging courage, begging grace. begging for him to not feel there was anything more he could've done, to not become the next cause he is lost in. for him to keep going, as she needs to know he's "out there."

but she's seen him hold a gun to himself too many times, and she knows he's coming down with her. and it's such a loss? this is a person she gave up everything, including her life, to follow, because she believed in him and what he wanted to do in the world that much. but things are different now. he won't survive this. he won't be "out there" saving the world.

what can she do? go to rhode island at 5am, wrap him up. stay quiet, stay still, but scream and thrash at anyone who's careless with him. sink down next to him, cover him, hold him. "maybe we need every answer in the world to survive a single question: how long do we have each other?" (x)

(also, her memento mori journal, in general. she sat in that hospital alone, for days, knowing she was going to die. and she wrote letter, after letter, after letter, to him. so that he would have something. so that he wouldn’t be left alone with nothing, again.)

3/ the end

"as mulder appears. the look on his face is of a man who's seeing, smelling, and tasting the loss of everything he has worked for. it's the look of utter defeat. angle on scully at the door. she sees only mulder right now...she moves to him now. putting her arms around him, holding on to keep him from breaking. off this, we fade out. the end." (script)

i think so often about the script notes of this scene. the description of mulder, as absorbed in destruction. everything that he's worked for, literally reduced to (cigarette) ash. scully only focused on him.

in the final angle of the season, you can really see how she's standing in front of him. her fingers clutching him. but when she first grabs him, it's so tentative. it almost feels like she's trying to see if he's still there, if he exists, if his work doesn't.

this is...the whole thing! there's a reason why this was "the end." the final image of this iteration of the series, before everything changes. this is what it is all about. it's mulder walking headfirst into the devastation of the world. drenched in loss. seeing it. smelling it. tasting it. surrounded by it. and it's scully knowing what he'll find even as he's still moving (this script note, from the hallway: "reverse on scully. returning the look. knowing what mulder is going to find. and what it will mean.")

following behind. eyes on him, while he takes in the ash. just holding on for dear life; trying to keep him close, whole.

(also, i love the moment before the fire, at his apartment, after diana was shot. the way scully tells skinner that he can reach her at mulder's if he needs her, because that's where she'll be. he doesn't even have a bed, or anywhere for her to stay!! she's not leaving him.)

4/ paper hearts

oh, starbuck. we are really in it now.

paper hearts is an ahab and starbuck episode, yes. but mostly it's about grief. mostly it's about harsh awakenings. mostly it's about confrontation with fear, scully's included.

one of the most haunting moments of the series, to me, is when they speak to the father of the 14th victim, twenty-one years after his daughter went missing. and through tears, the father says, "i used to think...that missing was worse than dead, because...you never knew what happened. now that i know, i'm glad my wife's not here. she got luckier."

in that moment, as mulder looks over at the photos on the mantle, missing is not worse than dead. it is not worse than knowing. and later that day, in his first scene, roche calls it exactly as it is: "i understand you take this very personally, mulder."

i've written about this scene in the hallway so many times, because it's truly the crux of this episode (my favorite episode).

from my newsletter:

There’s something so viscerally deep about this episode that’s hard to put into words, but to me, it is most palpable in the moment in the hallway when Mulder asks Scully if she believes that his sister was abducted by aliens. And you can see in his face that he knows the answer, and he’s challenging her to come out and say it. You can see in Scully’s that she would rather admit to anything else.

he's challenging her. he's taking their entire dynamic, and throwing it in her face. not to be cruel. not to disrupt. but just to say...so what now? isn't this what you believe?

i don't think that they've ever been so fragile, as in this hallway, honestly. they rarely threaten to break it all down. their entire lives are built on him walking up to tragedy and saying: it was aliens. it was XYZ. and her following behind saying: no. it was a killer, it was a man.

what does that mean? what is she really saying?

this episode is hard on scully. mulder has never been more haunted. there has never been a bigger reminder of what they are actually doing. they are not just chasing little green men, having adventures, studying sewer worms. they are trying to make sense of something that will never make sense. they are trying to find a "truth" that they do not want to know. they are living their lives in mourning, in bereavement, in remembrance, of a missing little girl, and scully is terrified that they'll find her. that it will be exactly like roche threatens. that missing is not worse than dead.

and there is no one else. there is no one else that even knows how haunted he is. how stuck he is, in that childhood bedroom, like he said all those years ago. how deeply sad it is.

it's all of the little things. it's the "you did good work, mulder" in the beginning. it's the way she asks if he's okay to go tell the 14th victim's family. it's way she exclaims "oh my god" when roche says that he just wants to see mulder's face, when he finds samantha's body. one of the few times that we ever see scully lose control, but she just stands up and screams, opens the door and wordlessly waits for mulder to get up and get out of there.

it's the way that she hears "help me, scully" and digs in the dirt, with her bare hands.

(you can tell in his eyes here that he's been crying, and it really gets to me. there's so much that we don't see.)

in the end, they're back in the basement. nothing left but one scrap of tattered fabric, one more lost failure. it's over. she just comes down to check on him.

the progression of scully's face in this last scene is just unbelievably gut-wrenching to me. her smile, when she tells him to get some sleep, and he laughs. the way it disappears when he holds her, and can't see her anymore. with his mother, flashing that smile and hugging her was all that it took to convince her not to worry. when he repeats the same actions with scully, she looks like she could break.

this post:

Episodes like this make me think how alone - not just lonely, but truly alone - Mulder was before her. Nobody lost sleep over him falling apart under the fist of decades old trauma. Nobody grappled with him, let him wrestle his grief against them, and still stayed. Nobody visited him in the hospital, flew to Alaska, lied for him, stayed by his bed for days straight without an extra change of clothes. Nobody else knew he was suffering or wanted to, knew it more than he knew. That end of Paper hearts where she tells him to get some sleep, he laughs at the ridiculousness of it, but also out of incredulity at having someone to wish for better on his behalf. The heartbroken look on her face as he’s laughing into her waist seems to be her coming to the same realisation; “Who looked after you before? How long did you feel like this on your own?”

she is heartbroken. there is so much grief, in being starbuck. there's grief in being needed. there's grief in following ghosts. there's grief in loving someone who is so encased in pain, in loss. he will not go home and get some sleep. a well-placed joke, that smile, a hug, does not convince her that he's okay. he hurts so much, for so long, and he has one person who knows it. and all they do is keep moving: closer and closer to that breaking point that she is so afraid of, and they can't stop.

5/ redux ii

remember when dana scully lied on her death bed and looked up at mulder as he told her that he was not willing to jeopardize skinner to save himself, and she replied, "well, then, you have to lay it on me."

the way he smiles and shakes his head, chokes out "i can't...i can't do that." through tears...they are so kind to each other. all that she has left in the world is her reputation, and she says: take it. take it all. take everything.

she cries when he won't do it.

6/ herrenvolk

okay, i wanna get into some slightly lighter ones, so y'all remember when she nearly fully knocked skinner into the wall, because mulder came in with a (checks notes) scratch on his face?

this is just so scully.

she is so panicked. she just wants to slow him down, to stand between him and the world for even one moment longer.

these tags:

she's almost begging him not to go in. the extent of her worry is heartbreaking. she loves him. it frightens her to know what awaits him.

one of the biggest conflicts of scully's character is that she just cannot stop him, she cannot shield him, she cannot protect him. the way she leans up here, and pulls him to her shoulder. covers him with a blanket. this is what she can do.

there is so much grief in being starbuck!! in loving someone who walks blindly into a world that you do not trust. in following someone into the worst night of their life: over, over, over. years, years, years. in being first mate, holding the responsibility on your shoulders of having to steer in a safe direction, only having one to choose from.

(i also think it's really special, all of the little moments where she checks in. in the previous episode, in the hospital hallway, the way she says "are you okay?" so softly.

in paper clip, when she makes him stop, and says "no, wait, hold on a second...i don't think you've had time to process everything that you've been through."

remnants of the girl who told him she'll cover for him and he should just go get a beer, take some time for himself, after jersey. who suggested he talk to someone, when jerry lamana died. she's always wanted so much for him, but she understands more now. there's still room to pause, for a moment, before he carries on.)

7/ anasazi

ladies, would you shoot your man with a gun, to keep him from endangering himself, while he was being laced with LSD, and then drag him across the country singlehandedly, while he was unconscious, despite him being twice your size? and this, too, is taking care.

the way she says, "i was certain they would have killed you, mulder." and the fear in her voice, his hand on her knee. (she is so young. she really doesn't know what to do, not as often as she seems like she does). the way he says, "thank you. thank you for taking care of me." they are so kind to each other. it'll break your fucking heart.

(i remember asking y'all a few weeks ago, if mulder and scully ever say "i'm sorry," if they ever apologize to each other. and we came up with a couple of times. i'll tell you what, though: not as often as they say "thank you.")

8/ fire

girlbosses when they singlehandedly solve serial murders, to get their best friend's shitty ex away from them!!! okay, i put this one on here because we were talking about it yesterday, but scully really does handle the entire situation with phoebe so perfectly, and that's hard to do, when you're dealing with friends and abusers.

trish, i loved this part of your post yesterday:

scully gives him the space to talk about it, never says too much but she says enough. her phrasing is SO important. she repeats what he just told her in a way that frames it as wrong.

she's a little rabid, lol. we can see it on her face when she's alone, or when mulder's not looking. but around him (around phoebe too) she's calm. she listens, she addresses what he tells her as bad, without pressing. when he tells her that she's off the case, that he doesn't want to expose her to what phoebe is doing, she asks one time: are you sure you don't want help?

he says yes, and she does it anyway. she catches that fucking murderer so that this woman can go home. just, like, an inspiration to us all.

trish's tweet:

really, truly, genuinely. scully solving the case in fire was the absolute best course of action she could have taken. get that woman out of here, an ocean away from mulder. (give him freedom, let him heal, teach him what real love feels like)

(her eyes locked in on him here, phoebe behind her. the way that when phoebe leaves the room, scully says, "you alright?" instantly.)

meeting phoebe just a few months into their partnership made her so fucking crazy like...i make fun of her for being sick in the head in regards to everyone he meets (men and women alike) and never wanting anyone around him other than her but like, my god, can you blame her!!! he's such a gentle person and people are so cruel and it makes her eyes bug out of her head.

yeah, i really don't have much else to say here, you guys. she solved a murder herself, a case that she wasn't even supposed to be working, so that his old gf would go away and stop being mean to him. she doesn't play!!

(also! while we're on the subject of abusive exes, honorable mention to scully cornering diana into an empty room and telling her to "just think" about who mulder is, who he was when she met him, compared to where he is now. "and then try and stand there in front of me. look me in the eye. and tell me mulder wouldn't bust his ass trying to save you.")

9/ deadalive

oh, you guys remember that time she raised him from the dead, right?

scully at 8 months pregnant, sitting in that hospital chair, holding his hand, for days. knowing he can’t feel it, knowing that there’s nothing that says he’ll ever wake up. that it’s impossible. that there is no science…yeah. she just sits there and holds his hand.

i love the moment when she finds out, and she comes barreling through that hallway. she hits skinner first, and starts yelling, “i want to see him. no, i need to see him,” slams her fists into his chest.

then she moves onto doggett. repeats, “i need to see him” through tears. and the way doggett says… “i know. but i wish you wouldn’t.”

she’s loved. they want to protect her, protect her image of mulder as she knew him. but they also both know she will fucking plow them down.

i always think of this fic and feel so ill:

“I pulled you six feet out of the ground,” she whispers, dangerously low. “Because I couldn’t live without you. I gave birth to your child.”

she fed his fish while he was in a casket. she planned a funeral and decorated a nursery alone, at the same time. she ran herself ragged all over the country, trying to keep his work going. she raised him from the dead.

(i also feel that i can throw in here, as related, the time that she busted him out of prison and then abandoned everything in her entire life including her career, her family, and everything she owns, to go on the run from the law and live secretly in seedy motels for years to be with him.)

10/ fight the future

there are too many contenders for my last spot, so i’m gonna keep it simple, and go with the most special movie moment. (of all movies).

from my newsletter:

“Mulder watches the spaceship as it flies overhead, his face glows with a heart-melting grin of childlike wonder and awe.”(x)

That’s exactly what it feels like to me, it’s an innocence and excitement that was so present in season one, that was all over him when he told Scully to come look in the second episode, but that’s rare to see in the later seasons. It’s rare to see at this point in their story, after all that’s happened. They are stranded in Antarctica, both of them injured, both of them freezing in the cold, and they are holding each other and gazing up at the sky. What a perfect thing in their big momentous feature, to bring it all back to what it started with.

there’s such a reverent sentimentality to it, in the simplicity. she had stopped breathing, a few minutes earlier. but when he passes out, she pulls herself up, and grabs onto him. keeps him alive, keeps them both alive, just by holding him close. that’s really the heart of it.

(also, i find it so moving that this film is the only time in the franchise that scully considers leaving, not working with him anymore, and it’s because she thinks she’s not good for him. that she’s holding him back. she never considers him as anything other than wanted, something worth believing in.)

some honorable mentions to: little green men, which i’ve written about here. (especially her secret-signaling him to their secret meet-up place, just to ask if he’s okay). the erlenmeyer flask, which i’ve talked about here. (she literally stops him in the street to tell him that she should have listened to him, and she’s sorry, because she should have trusted his instincts. that means so much, you guys). her telling colton she hopes he falls on his ass after he was making rude comments about mulder in squeeze, screaming at a serial killer that she’ll gas him into hell herself and no one will stop her, if mulder isn’t okay, in beyond the sea….she has threatened and shouted at and smacked around so many people for fucking with him, and this too is care!! (anger meaning you’re worth being angry over, etc etc)

how desperately she became frantic to find their son, after 17 years resigned to never ever looking for him, never ever endangering him that way…because she became convinced that it’s the only thing that would help mulder.

and how important samantha is to her. it matters. it matters, that sam is remembered. that someone else in the world knows. someone knows that they played baseball in the summers, that they fought over the television, that he’s looked for her in every room he’s ever been in. someone else cares about her; not as a white whale, not as a photo on a desk, as a little girl who broke her collarbone because she played on swings too hard. scully listened to her journal, and cried. listened to how much she suffered. how much she just wanted to see her big brother. (scully kept a journal like that, too, once. underwent those same tests. almost died at the hands of those same men. wrote her testimony to that same person.) it’s taking care of mulder, to love samantha. and she does.

#i got really really tired by the end but it is what it is #i want y'all to know #that i almost put 'trust no 1' on here #the way that she yells at doggett that she wants to see mulder 'SO BAD'#but in the end: writes to him that she just wants him to be okay even if she can't see him or hear from him #or even if he can't read what she sends him #and the way that she looks over at william in the stroller and puts her hand on his face #just like...that one semblance of mulder that she still has in her life and that she holds onto- in this baby #and he's growing up without his dad and she NEVER wanted that.#and mulder is writing to her that he just wants to come home to her and to will.#and how her voice shakes and she screams when she talks about how badly she just needs to see him. she feels so alone.#and there are only so many solar system onesies and star mobiles and lullabies from the florida woods that she can give #but ultimately she just wants him to be safe and alive and that's what she tells him and that's what she fights for with everyone else #but it's just so fucking unbearably sad and i couldnt do it after the first few i put on here ksjdfk #i would also say!! that her leaving him post-iwtb and their break-up was in a way taking care of him #getting the fuck out of that house. trying to save herself from that trap of grief.#then coming back when it was less haunted and he was healthier and it was able to be their home again #refusing to suffocate there just because he was. salvaging SOMETHING for him to come back to- and ALWAYS being available for that.#asks #sein und zeit #demons #the end #paper hearts #redux ii #herrenvolk #anasazi #fire #deadalive #ftf

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beanghostprincess · 3 months

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Yes! Please talk more about transfem!Usopp x Nami!!! Power couple!! You think they were annoying together when they were just friends? Its ten times worse now that they're dating <3<3<3<3

Anon, I can't thank you enough. I appreciate this ask so much because they've been living in my head rent free and if I don't talk about this I might collapse. I need it. So. Thank you. Really. I'm gonna add transfem!genderfluid!Sanji and Sanuso too, by the way, to the surprise of literally no one because I am obsessed with them. It's like. My whole online personality. Sanuso, Nami and being a lesbian.

Okay, first things first, transfem!Usopp. She has a hard time realizing she's a girl and accepting it, not because she thinks it's wrong or weird, but because she's so, so focused on being the guy her father would like (Yasopp, before going away, always told Usopp (s)he'd grow up to be an amazing man like him). Usopp still admires him and she doesn't want to be a disappointment. It's kind of dumb, but she has his words in her head all the time. Not to mention that "maybe if I had been that type of boy he would've stayed with us" and also the fact that Usopp just... It feels like lying to her mom, you know? Banchina always knew she had a daughter, but Usopp didn't know yet and never found out about her mom knowing, so she thinks that being a girl now only turns the years she spent with her mom into a lie because she wasn't truly herself. Again, irrational thinking, but it keeps her from accepting she's a girl. When she hangs out with Kaya she feels way better than when she is near guys. She feels safer. At home. Maybe it's just because they're best friends, really. Maybe it's just that being in love makes you feel like this. Safe. But Kaya knows. And sometimes, when they were 15 or so, they used to get drunk without anybody else knowing. And sometimes Usopp told her how nice it'd be to be a girl. Not to wear dresses and having cute stuff like Kaya, she- She wouldn't be like that. Or maybe she would. It's kind of a mix. "If I were a girl, which- Which I'm not, but just imagine for a moment. I'd be so fricking cool, right?" / "Usopp, sweetie-" / "I'd be the coolest woman in the world! Strong. With long hair, oh God, long hair. That would suit me, wouldn't it? And okay, not dresses, because, uh- They don't look comfy. But maybe long skirts. You know that green, long skirt my mom used to wear? That one. But the point is- Hear me out. Boobs. I like yours. They're nice" / "Thank you? Usopp! Please, let me speak-" / "I wish I had boobs. I don't want girly clothes, I really like my overalls. But- But they'd look great with boobs, wouldn't they? And-" / "Usopp!" / "Wha- What?" / "First, stop drinking. You've had enough, honey. And second... You know you can just... Be a girl, right?" / "Mm? Come again?" / "A girl. If you- You can trust me, alright? If you feel more comfortable being addressed as a girl-" / "No! No! Me? A girl? What? Nope. Never. I'm a man, what- What are you even saying? Kaya, babe, I- My dad-" / "Your dad? Usopp, this is about you. Follow your heart-" / "My heart tells me I'm a man. I swear. I'm not a liar".

She has always been one, but she wasn't sober enough for the words to make sense to her. It did hurt to say it, though.

So Usopp joins the Strawhats knowing something is weird about her gender but never quite accepting it. Until she starts spending more time with Nami. The thing about Nami is that she's extremely feminine but unapologetically a menace to society and she doesn't give a fuck about what other people think. She's strong in her own way and she's the smartest person Usopp has ever met. She's gorgeous, too, it makes Usopp wonder what the hell she's doing with this crew when she would rule the world on her own. So she's... She's the girliest of girls and yet she manages to be extremely ruthless and scary too. It's kind of the perfect mix. And it's not that Usopp accepts instantly that she's a girl, but Nami helps quite a lot. Who makes her realize, though, surprisingly, is Sanji.

These are two different stories, you know, but the point right now is that Sanji treats women differently. We all know this. And Usopp isn't sure when it starts. Maybe Skypiea? Water 7? Perhaps even a little bit earlier. But she has this huge crush on Sanji and hates it. Because he's just a guy! Nami won't stop telling her, too. He's!!! He's so annoying!!! But-- But Usopp sees more of him than others do, and he's just so kind and self-sacrificing and he has the biggest heart in the world. So when Usopp sees him interacting with both Nami and Robin and, you know, all the girls he meets... She thinks "Oh, that'd be nice" and it turns into a "Oh. Oh, fuck. Fuuuuuck. Nooooo" because she just realized that imagining herself as a girl being treated as such is not normal man behavior. She comes to terms with that thanks to Nami, because she's the first person she comes out to. She opens up her heart to her best friend. She tells her everything about her parents and her experience with Kaya and how badly she wants to be seen as a girl but doesn't know if people would like her that way. If people would be disappointed. But Nami? Nami loves Usopp deeply. Nobody has ever trusted Nami so much before. it kind of makes her want to cry, so she hugs Usopp to hide the tears a little bit. Usopp hugs her back even tighter. Long story short, Nami makes her see that being a girl is so much more than what people think, and that nobody in the crew would ever think less of her for that. And by the way: "Really? Sanji?" / "He's- He's cute, okay? I know he's a moron but you know how he is" / "I know. I know, don't worry, sweetie. It could be worse".

MEANWHILE! While Usopp was falling for Sanji and coming to terms with her gender, Nami was having a sexuality crisis! She's a lesbian. She's always been a lesbian. She has always known, ever since she was a kid. She has never liked a man that way. Never will. But- But Usopp. You know? But Usopp. They've always been a duo. From moment one. They've always been so, so close. She feels a connection to her (him, at that moment for Nami, but you know) in a way she has never felt before. They have intimate moments she can't quite explain and she never wants to use any romantic labels here because she's a lesbian. She's not supposed to see Usopp that way? But it's not even sexual or anything she's not- She's not attracted to her but if she wanted to she would and if they kissed she wouldn't move away and- And, okay, it's just weird. And when Water 7 happens she knows she's completely, utterly fucked. Because the second she leaves the crew? That's the moment Nami knows she's losing the love of her life (one of them. Vivi is her long-distance girlfriend and is also the love of her life). So imagine her face. When Usopp comes to her to tell her she's a girl (yay! Sexuality crisis solved. Nami's gaydar is awesome. But also- Fuck, she's in love with her best friend) and that she's in love with Sanji. In love. With Sanji. Of all people. And she's in love with him. And not her. And it kind of kills Nami. But they're best friends. She's supposed to help. So she deals with Usopp's drama all the time, pining in the background as she sees this new relationship happen in front of her.

Okay, So Usopp comes out to crew. And guess who was having another sexuality crisis at the same time as Nami? Exactly, Sanji. So everything makes sense right now, and Usopp and Sanji start dating not so long after Usopp comes out. Usopp starts dressing a bit more fem sometimes, everyone of course starts seeing her with different eyes, she moves to the girl's room... Etc, etc. Sanji and Usopp are-- Awfully clingy. It's horrible to witness. Nami is going through the worst time of her life because Usopp right now is the happiest woman ever and,, And Nami should be happy for her. She should move on. But they won't stop kissing everywhere. And hugging. And Sanji pays way more attention to Usopp now, so, okay, whatever, less snacks for her too, to hurt her even more. Nami and Usopp often have private talks together in the middle of the night. They always do. They literally sleep in the same fucking bed which is, the worst thing right now because Usopp is touchy and clingy when she sleeps. And sometimes she spends hours talking about Sanji and- And Nami can't stand having her so close yet so far. And most of the time she can't even stand the sight of Sanji himself. But she has to live with it. She wishes Vivi was here.

So, we have Sanuso dating. Transfem!Usopp being extremely happy right now. And Nami having the worst moment of her life. Yeah?

Well. There's MORE.

Because of course, Sanji and Usopp have THE talk about Nami. Because we all know Sanji loves her to death and isn't sure how... Usopp feels about that. Long story short, after a very brief but emotional conversation, they both realize they're in love with Nami. So. Fucking hilarious. Because they can't make her just?? Join their relationship, right???

Well, things happen.

While everything was going on, Sanji was having a gender crisis. I don't need to explain much about this because we all know how trans-coded Sanji's story is, so I'll just say: Genderfluid Sanji realizing in the timeskip that she wants to have a more normative fem body (Ivankov we love you). She goes by any pronouns but, you know, it changes and she usually prefers she/her but she's alright with whatever. Usopp coming out to the crew truly helped her realize what she wanted. Usopp and... Also Nami. Basically for the same reasons Usopp has. I have a whole post about this. The point is! The timeskip happens and Sanji comes back with a different body and comes out to the crew. Usopp comes back, still in love with Sanji and Nami (idk if they get help from Ivankov or if it's Chopper the one who helps or maybe even Law, but they help her transition. Choose your fav. The girlie wants boobs, I don't care how she gets them). And Nami comes back, still in love with Usopp but finally accepting their relationship. Well, jokes on all of them, because there's more drama.

Whole Cake Island is... It's fucking awful. Sanji comes back to a family that doesn't love her and just wants to play with her feelings. They make her act like somebody she isn't. They make her pretend to be a boy and bind her chest and it's,, Leaving Luffy. Leaving the crew. Leaving Usopp and Nami. It's killing her. While she tortures herself this way, Usopp begs Nami to bring Sanji back with her. And Nami-- When they were at Zou with Sanji. The time she spent with her without Usopp and the others around. Sanji smiling at them before sacrificing herself. Nami is starting to feel things she thought she would never feel for Sanji. And while Usopp waits in Wano, Nami goes to look for Sanji. And when the fight with Luffy happens, she's angry. She's angry at Sanji for treating them this way. She's hurt because she knows this isn't her Sanji if Sanji was even hers in the first place. She's frustrated because she can't do anything to fix this. And she's furious, too, at herself, because she just found out she's in love with Sanji too. So imagine this poly lesbian realizing she can't be with the ones she loves because they're already in a relationship and one of them just left their fucking crew.

WCI happens and... Okay. This is probably Nami's fault. Or Sanji's. Nobody knows who leans in first but right after WCI, they kiss. It's short and sweet and soft and Nami won't stop crying because Sanji is finally back and she won't let her go. Never again. But she's now panicking and Sanji will probably die from a heart attack because she just kissed Sanji??? And Sanji has a girlfriend??? And her girlfriend is also Nami's best friend??? And she just happens to be in love with her too??? So Nami does the most reasonable thing ever and runs away without explaining anything. Yay. She's sure, once they get to Wano, that Sanji will tell Usopp and they're going to hate her forever. She's not used to this! She usually has everything under control! She's losing her mind. God.

But... But Sanji just experienced the one thing he's been waiting for for years??? God, she needs to tell Usopp right away. Wano happens and it's not like they have much time for talking. Sanji is still going through her, um, 'bring on more past trauma' era, so it's pretty difficult. And Nami spends Wano all the time with Usopp and it's so, so hard not to focus constantly on the fact that she has kissed Sanji. And she's about to die when she's fighting against Ulti and sees her whole life passing right before her eyes so she realizes, then, that she has to be honest with both Sanji and Usopp if she gets out of there. When she actually survives she kind of hates herself for making that promise. Yadda yadda, post-Wano happens. They're all partying, still there, and Nami tries to distract herself from all this drama because if she thinks more about it she might end up having a breakdown. But Sanji and Usopp do talk and- And they need to approach this. Usopp is a bit hurt that perhaps Nami only wants Sanji, but she can deal with it. If Nami wants to be with Sanji, that's completely fine with them. So they have the talk, finally, in a private corner of the festival where nobody they know is around.

Nami starts uncharacteristically apologizing? Which is weird for her to act like that, but she does. She's lost so many people already and she refuses to let that happen again. So she apologizes. She should've never kissed Sanji and- And what's even worse is that she's also in love with Usopp. With both. And it makes her look so selfish and greedy and she swears it isn't like that. Her feelings are genuine. But then Usopp starts?? Laughing??? She finds this whole situation hilarious and explains that they've been stupid the whole time.

So, uh, yeah. They're idiots. This is biblically accurate because lesbians are always like this. We do not know how to communicate.

They're all,, So relieved. So, so happy. They won't stop smiling. And Usopp is honestly feeling a bit left out because?? She hasn't yet kissed Nami??? So they finally kiss. And then they kiss again. And Sanji joins. And they're the cutest thing on earth. And telling the crew is just as easy as Franky seeing them like that, telling him... And the word spreads fast enough.

This is getting long but, basically: They're the clingiest throuple in the whole world. If they were all annoying at first, imagine how annoying they are now. At this point, there's no "girls' room" anymore because Robin has moved to sleep with Franky, so Sanji, Usopp, and Nami have their own room. Which is good for literally all the crew because imagine having to deal with them. Sanji is so loud about her love for her girls... She's constantly showering them equally with love and cooking their favorite meals. She's always panicking a bit because she wants to give attention to both but sometimes Usopp is in her workshop and Nami is taking care of her trees so what is she supposed to do??!!! She wishes she could be everywhere at the same time... They end up telling her to do whatever she wants and follow her heart and split her time because they know she loves them equally and she doesn't need to prove anything. For Nami, dating her best friend and the person she thought was incredibly annoying at first is... Weird. She isn't used to so much affection from Sanji. Like, reciprocating the affection and loving him back. It's weird because now he isn't annoying at all but incredibly sweet? And her relationship with Usopp is pretty much the same except that now they kiss and hold hands and whenever Nami is like "Zoro! Carry me!" he always goes "Tell one of your girlfriends to do it" and it sucks because tbh Zoro does look like he has comfy muscles to rest on. Usopp is so excited about this! She loves both of them deeply she never thought this would happen. She sends letters to Kaya constantly about them, too! They're just,,, So so sweet. They go to sleep together and wake up cuddling and all tangled up. Usopp and Nami do gardening together but they always end up making out behind the trees. Sanji and Nami try to be casual about it but Sanji just loves showing all the love she has for her girlfriend to the world so PDA is something assured. Sanji and Usopp always spend the night watches together (Nami doesn't because it's comfier in bed and bold of you to assume she's getting out of there). Usopp gets stronger and toned post-ts and Nami and Sanji are always sitting on top of her. Sanji has a lot of issues going on after what happened in WCI/Wano and both Usopp and Nami help them go through their panic attacks. Usopp draws them all the time and has her whole sketchbook filled with drawings of her partners. Nami always peels the best tangerines from her trees and brings them to them even though Sanji insists on being the one doing it, but Nami says that sometimes she needs to be the one eating and not just serving. They share clothes constantly, but they have different clothing styles so sharing clothes pretty much happens either on accident or whenever they want to make Sanji go insane. Usopp leaves notes and drawings for them all over the ship. Nami is always offering to put makeup on them but it's always an excuse to be close. She also often falls asleep while working on her maps so they have to carry her to their room without waking her up. Nami loves brushing Usopp's hair!! Sanji absolutely adores feeding them sometimes like, playfully, and you can imagine how that ends. Oh!!! And Usopp is always giving them flowers. Not to mention that Nami often creates rainbows for them because they're pretty!! Also, when the fight isn't that serious, both Usopp and Nami act like they need saving because they know how much Sanji adores playing the hero. Usopp tells them stories while they paint each other's nails and talk shit about other people together.

This is the best relationship ever because it's just three best friends to lovers. My absolute beloved. I have a lot of,,, More ideas for them,,, But yeah,,,, Thank you so much for this ask. I love talking about them.

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