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realcube · 3 years

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YOU BUY A PLUSHIE OF THEIR BEST FRIEND

characters ♡ iwaizumi, kenma, akaashi & tendou

tws ♡ graphic plushie abuse and parent!reader in akaashi’s

HAJIME IWAIZUMI

♡ honestly, you saw the oikawa plushie sitting in the window of some sports shop in the mall which you rarely visit

♡ and that same morning you had heard from iwaizumi that oikawa would be in town and visiting y’all tomorrow, so what would be a sweeter gift to give a rich volleyball player than a miniature version of himself?

♡ hence you bought it without a second thought (well, trying your best to ignore the ungodly price they had plastered on a glorified piece of stuffing)

♡ in fact, you also thought it would be cute to show iwaizumi since he hasn’t seen his best friend in years! perhaps he’d appreciate the little token of fame that displayed how far his childhood teammate has come

♡ but you couldn’t have been more wrong

♡ like you even went to the effort of showing it to him while he is cooking bc that is when he is most peaceful, but no.. he was still annoyed

♡ but he wasn’t irritated for long, bc who could stay mad at such a cute face? (don’t ask whether he means your face or the plushies lol)

♡ however, even if he drops the “argument” (parenthesis bc it was just banter disguised as a quarrel), the oikawa plushie will still likely be defaced within the next 1–3 business days

♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥

“ew, what the fuck is that!?”

“it’s oikawa.” you hummed, gaze flickering between the plushie and iwaizumi’s utterly disgusted expression. honestly you couldn’t see anything wrong enough with the plushie to merit such large reaction; the eyes were a bit cartoony but other than that, it was cute!

“exactly. get it out of my house before i throw it in here.” he spat while motioning to the pot of boiling rice, attention hastily fixating on the steam rising from the water, rather than having to view that thing any longer. “how much was it?” he muttered, hesitant to even imply that he was the slightest bit interested in it, but his curiosity was strong.

“expensive.” you croaked while averting your gaze, staring at the bubbling pot and smiling as if you didn’t notice how he was glaring you down, out of the corner of your eye. “but whatever, it’s not for you, anyway. it’s for him, and i’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”

iwaizumi rolled his eyes and scoffed, which is seemingly all he has been able to do since he laid eyes on the plushie, “put the receipt next to my gym bag. i’ll return it on my way there tonight.” he said in an oddly flat tone, which contrasted with the exaggerated gasp that was ripped from your throat.

“no way!” you pressed the back of your palm against your forehead while lifting the plushie in an exaggerated manner; if he was going to make a big fuss over a piece of stuffing, you may as well be dramatic too. “just because minikawa is better at volleyball than you, doesn’t mean you have to be envious of him. i love you both equally.”

catching on to what you were doing, iwaizumi first had to suppress an chuckle before snatching the plushie from your clutches and holding it above the pot of boiling rice; poor minikawa’s fluff being dampened by the steam. “let’s see if he can swim.” he tried to utter in the most sinister tone possible, but failed as you both had already burst out laughing.

once he was able to catch his breath, he retracted his arm from above the pot and casually threw the plushie back to you, “here.” he said gruffly, as if he hadn’t just been cackling like a maniac a few seconds ago, “but if you’re gonna give it to him, at least let me sew the thing a better outfit first.”

you hummed, raising an eyebrow before glancing at the plush, scanning it’s attire and realising it was wearing his blue, argentinian uniform. immediately figuring out what he meant, your nose scrunched with joy, “it’s fine, i’ll sew a small seijoh uniform right now. you work too hard.”

iwaizumi chuckled, reaching backwards to slip a strong arm around your waist and pull you forward, planting a kiss on the first place his lips could reach; your jaw. followed by sensual whisper, close to your ear, “thank you, angel.”

KENMA KUZOME

♡ okay it really depends which bsf you buy — kuroo or hinata

♡ but realistically, why would a plushie of kuroo exist? he’s literally an employee at japan volleyball association (or an pornstar/tax evader depending on what manga panels you’ve been looking at)

♡ meanwhile hinata is a pretty famous athlete, so it’s not surprising when you find a plushie of him for sale on amazon

♡ kenma had entrusted you with the task of finding “a few cute gifts” to give shōyō when he comes to visit

♡ you had bought all the usual stuff like soaps and flowers, also you had the idea to buy a customised MSBY jackals bottle opener and towel, so you thought you were set

♡ but you had never ran to the virtual check-out faster than after you saw that plushie

♡ (also since kenma is famous too bc he is a stock trader/CEO/youtuber, there is probably a plushie of him for sale on amazon too — along with kageyama — and all three of them were in the “frequently bought together” section)

♡ kenma is terrified

♡ it didn’t bother him too much at first; he acknowledged that he thought it was creepy but he decided not to mention it since it wouldn’t be his problem for long anyway

♡ but then you arranged all the gifts in a hamper, which you placed on the vanity which sat directly across from your shared bed

♡ so when he woke up in the middle of the night and took a small sip of water, he caught a glimpse of the plushie and it’s beady, dead eyes staring him down and he literally screamed

♡ it wasn’t loud enough to wake you up but it still left his throat sore for the next week, and he spent the rest of the night hidden under the sheets, almost suffocating

♡ when he told you to get that gremlin out of his room and you asked why, he almost had a breakdown trying to explain that he wanted the plushie gone without admitting that he was scared

♡ because if he did — since he married a menace — he’d probably end up finding ten other plushies around the house, in the most unsuspecting places and it’d give him a heart attack every time

♡ one eye open when i’m sleeping 👁

♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥

upon ripping open the parcel that had just arrived, you immediately sprung to your feet and rushed to kenma’s office just to show him the adorable item you bought.

he owns a small suction cup sign which he sticks to his door whenever he is streaming or simply does not want to be disturbed, so when you notice that the sign wasn’t up, you barged into the room with the most cheesy grin gracing your features and the plushie hidden behind your back, “guess what?”

“you bought something.” his gaze remained fixated on his PC screen, yet he replied without missing a beat.

“correct!” you announced proudly, noise scrunching with delight, “it’s for hinata, and i think it’s so perfect.”

before kenma got the chance to utter a single question, he flinched along with his desk as a large item was slammed onto the surface. turning to look at the source, his hairs jumped to stand on their ends as he met the lifeless eyes of a ginger goblin; he could’ve sworn he saw hellfire in it’s inky pupils

“perfect?” he questioned, voice being reduced to a hoarse whisper.

“yeah,” you trailed off, noticing how his expression fell into a grimace, “don’t you like it? look what it does!” you tone was still surprisingly lively as you pressed it’s stomach, and hell broke loose. it sounded like hinata’s bathroom song being sung by a choir of devils; the noise caused kenma involuntarily cringe and avert his wide stare, yet he could still see out of the corner of his eyes that you seemed to be.. content? pleased with the chorus of ungodly screams? wearing a cute smile too? were you both hearing the same thing?

left speechless, all kenma could think to utter was a brief, “okay.” before returning to his work. if he didn’t care about you deeply, he’d have thrown the thing out the window by now. but he doesn’t want you to think of him as irrational or manic, so he forced his mouth shut and glued himself to the chair. in fact, he was too paralysed in fear to even move his arms; bonus!

happy with the response, you picked up the plushie and began heading for the door, but kenma couldn’t help but snicker at how you held the wretched thing dear like a baby when it was literally the visual manifestation of sin.

“alright, kenma.” you peered over your shoulder and playfully blew him a kiss, which he reciprocated — he basked in your radiance, even if it was over a cursed gift, “i’ll let you get back to work. but remember to take a break soon.”

you reminded him, since he had a tendency to overwork himself (when he wasn’t procrastinating) and he nodded, letting out a small sigh as you closed the door behind you. he wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to break it to you that the plushie was a bit freaky, but that was a problem he could deal with later. perhaps he’ll surprise you with a new car and then — while you’re overwhelmed with joy — he’ll ask you to take it on a test-drive to the incinerator and throw the plushie inside.

KEIJI AKAASHI

♡ the most supportive boyfriend <3

♡ even if the plushie is literally terrifying, he will try to fix it with marker or just sew/knit a new one

♡ and if y’all have a kid/baby he will show it to them and be like “look! it’s uncle kou..”

♡ and while the baby is all happy and content, he’ll take a video and send it to bokuto, who replies with a video of him making funny faces, for akaashi to show the baby

♡ either way, akaashi will be pleased...

♡ ...until his kid starts carrying miniature bokuto everywhere

♡ and whenever you try to take it off them to wash it, they immediately start wailing

♡ it was endearing at first; how they were cuddling with the plushie almost all the time, and how akaashi had a bunch of pictures of mini-bokuto in the most random places bc your kid refused to leave it at home (including the aquarium, the mall, the cinema and the supermarket, sitting on the shelf amongst the towering diet coke bottles)

♡ but it got to the point where you were both afraid that they’d never grow out of it..

♡ but fortunately, once bokuto actually came to visit y’all — and your kid got to see uncle kou in the flesh — they kinda left their plushie in favour of the real deal

♡ even when bokuto had to go back home, your kid spent so much time playing with the toys he brought, they pretty much forgot about the plushie all together

♡ benefits of tiny child brain 👍

♡ but what you and akaashi failed to consider, was the fate of the grimy, tattered bokuto plushie once your kid had given up on it

♡ it was in too poor condition to give to charity, so that only left you with one option...

♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥

“i suppose this is goodbye.” you monologued, watery gaze fixated on the torn plushie in your hands. well, your hands that were protected by two layers of disposable plastic gloves, of course; there was no way in hell you’d touch that thing with your bare palms. not when it was covered with grime, dust, filth and memories.

“don’t be so dramatic, sweetheart.” akaashi chuckled. though he found it endearing that you were almost as attached to the plushie as your baby was, he simply couldn’t bare another second so close to the object without some sort of nose plug; it reeked.

as you stared dejectedly down on the plushie hovering over the endless trash void, akaashi considered swatting the plushie out of your hand and into the garbage to spare some time, but he didn’t dare to touch it without hand protection. “why are we still standing here?”

you sighed, turning the plush to face him with it’s beady eyes, “look, it’s so cute. plus our baby adored it so much, maybe we should keep it for memories’ sake?”

“or maybe we shouldn’t.” akaashi reached up to squeeze his nose shut, which conveyed to the point he was trying to prove.

“yeah.” you said nonchalantly as your grip on the object loosened, allowing it to fall from your hand and join the rest of the trash. though your stare was filled with sorrow, akaashi appeared as though he couldn’t care less, but he did try to force a frown for your sake.

his gentle touch lingered on your back, opposed to holding your hand, “i’m glad our house is free of that stink.” he mused, planting a brief kiss on your cheek before walking inside, likely to feed the baby.

needless to say, you both spent the rest of the night looking through his gallery of photos with the baby and their ex-best friend.

SATORI TENDŌ

♡ worst mistake of your life

♡ he’s a menace

♡ makes it his personal goal to put the poor ushi plushie through everything

♡ at first he did exclusively evil stuff; like putting it through the blender, the washing machine, the oven, encasing it in chocolate etc

♡ like it is wasn’t even for stress-relief or anything- he just thought it was funny

♡ (he even opened up a secret tiktok account to showcase his shenanigans @ushiwakasmoothie )

♡ (and he’d send the tiktoks to ushijima like “yo dude, this guy on tt is DESTORYING your plushies” and ushiwaka is 99% certain it’s tendou making the videos but he still replies “Haha! 😂” )

♡ but eventually you convinced tendou to be nicer

♡ (so now that he is a changed man he has to make a new account for his cute photos @ushiwakaismyson )

♡ and his feed is mainly comprised of the plushie doing nice things like drinking milkshakes, going on walks, doing yoga, enjoying a bubble bath — generally just the opposite of the hell he was put through earlier

♡ and the account probably becomes really popular too bc who doesn’t want a picture of mini-ushijima riding a toy tractor as their homescreen?

♡ ultimately, all good things must come to an end, though

♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥

trying to take a nice skyline photo with the plushie sat on the balcony railing of tendou’s penthouse wasn’t exactly a smart idea. but who’s to say any of your ideas ever were?

“more to the right.” you mused, staring at the scene through your phone camera, trying to capture a gorgeous shot of the horizon while also keeping the plushie as the focal point.

in tandem with your request, he adjusted it, but not without tossing his head back and letting out an exasperated groan, “my arm fucking hurts.”

yet all you could do was giggle, “i’m almost done.”

“really?” his eyes practically lit up with joy as he jolted to his feet and let go of the plushie in favour of running behind you, peering over your shoulder to peek at the photo you had yet to take.

“i said almost.” you grumbled, just about to snap a shot until a large gust of wind caused your hair to flew over your eyes. once it ceased, time seemed to slow down as you both watched the plushie lose balance on the thin railing, stumbling backwards on it’s uneasy feet until it was gone, over the edge.

the look of concern you both shared after watching the object quickly disappear past the glass barrier quickly morphed into one of stifled delight, “what the fuck—” you cackled, tears brimming at your lashline.

“there he goes!” tendou had to rest a hand upon your shoulder to stop himself from keeling over with laughter, “oh, god—”

this went on for a while until you were both able to successful stand up and repress your snickers enough to form whole sentences again, “should we maybe head down and grab it?” you inquired politely, only to be met with a roll of tendou’s eyes as he guided you back instead.

“nah, it’s fine. he had a good run.”

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#haikyuu x reader #hq tendou #akaashi x reader #iwaizumi x reader #kenma x y/n #iwaizumi fluff #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu tendou #tendou x y/n #tendou scenario #akaashi keji x reader #akaashi x gender neutral reader #iwaizumi x gender neutral reader #kenma x reader #kenma hcs

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