#Facts Versus Feelings

[uncanny-tranny]

The hardest, but most important, part of my transition has been untangling what my personal dysphoria is, and what is more a result of cissexism.

What I mean by this is that I learned that I am not dysphoric about certain aspects of myself, my body, and my life, but my discomfort in these aspects was influenced by the cissexist culture I live in which told me I couldn't exist as myself.

It's definitely a slow process, but I have found that it helps me self-actualize and actually see myself instead of what others demand of me.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #dysphoria #and what makes this really tricky is that often it isn't clear-cut as to what makes you dysphoric... #...versus what makes you uncomfortable due to your culture or environment... #...i still experience dysphoria but now i find that my motivation isn't to please the people around me... #...if i truly wanted to please the people around me then i would cease to exist altogether... #...and once i truly recognized that and came to terms with this reality i stopped feeling like i owed the world everything... #...i stopped feeling so disconnected with myself... #...i don't think this will be useful for everybody but i want to offer a different approach to it... #...by no means do i think that this is a 'cure-all' in fact it's not even close... #...because what i found that this has done is bring me *closer* to my trans body and my trans soul... #...i have found that my dysphoria has narrowed (especially since going on testosterone) and i feel more at peace

[phatcatphergus]

I was thinking about how Tubbo keeps his rose in his backpack versus how he always kept his funeral flower in his offhand. I wasn't sure why he wouldn't want to keep the flower that Fred gave him in his offhand because surely that one would mean more, right?

I actually think it's a symbol of Tubbo's depression and how he hides it. When he had the funeral flower in his hand, he was sad and didn't really try to hide it. He didn't shower, he was incredibly reckless, and purposefully hurt himself multiple times. That flower was out where others could see, much like his emotions and mental state at the time.

The rose is different. The rose is hidden away and kept safe. Tubbo is seemingly better, he's "showered", started being more mindful of his actions/surroundings, and isn't purposefully hurting himself. But he's still hurting and in a poor mental state that many of the eggs have called him out for. He is still experiencing depression but it's well hidden.

Tubbo kept the funeral flower out because he felt like he had a reason to display his mental state. he figured that if anyone asked and saw how badly he was doing, he had a reason to feel the way he did.

On the other hand, Tubbo doesn't really have a reason to keep feeling like he does after Fred returns. Fred isn't dead, so what is there to be upset about? He hides the rose. He doesn't want people to ask because he doesn't have a reason (in his mind) to still feel the way he does.

Both flowers directly represent how he handles and shows his mental health to others on the island. The funeral flower was out for everyone to see and the rose is only known to exist by a select few people.

#the only ones im aware know about the rose are fit the fed workers that saved him and sunny #versus the fact that literally everyone knew he had the other flower and no one really questioned why he had it #he also panicked when he lost the funeral flower which can be read as him worried that his mental state and feelings are out of his control #he was also afraid of others taking it and not getting it back #qsmp tubbo #qsmp #tubbo #frubbo #qsmp fred #meta analysis #maybe? im just chatting shit but it makes sense in my head

[fidgetspringer-art]

-✦The Broken Halo Club✦-

#art #artists on tumblr #digital art #illustration #me and Raptorjules have been chatting about our kiddos for a while now #and i'm so enamoured with the fact that Caro and Noah both contrast and compliment each other so perfectly #with their shared angel motifs especially #Caro's raise to fame and their unexpected place in the spotlight #versus Noah's fall from grace and very purposeful withdrawal from focus #both of them bearing the same broken halo in very similar yet very different ways #idk it makes me feel some kind of way #these two would get along so well

[crimeronan]

the more loved i am and the more i love people on purpose, the more comfortable i get with who i am. i think this is a natural product of getting older as well, you kinda settle into your skin and figure out what you want and how to go after it. the funny part about doing this for me is that like.... i don't feel things like other people do. i just don't. i have a pathological need for attention and i don't form attachments the same way that others do and i break connections very easily and i don't feel guilty about stuff. i do recognize when i'm WRONG and i change my behavior and/or my viewpoints when they're harmful and i actively work to combat my most maladaptive bullshit, so sometimes it's like.

i dunno. the whole stereotype of the self-aggrandizing sociopath who thinks they're above everything is boring, but sometimes it feels like there's something to it. like i'll see sensationalized explanations of 'narcissism' and 'sociopathy' that are like "these people can just choose not to care about stuff," and i'm like....

....yeah??

So The Fuck Can You.

in fact, you do. CONSTANTLY. by telling yourself that the real life living breathing human being asking for change on the street is a scammer, or a predator, or unpleasant, or too sick, or too strung-out, or otherwise too Other and inhuman to help. you only reserve your so-called "intrinsic empathy" for people that you relate to, and you turn it off when it gets uncomfortable.

i know exactly where i'm spending my emotional energy and who i'm spending it on. when i don't spend my emotional energy on someone, it's not because they're an unperson to me. it's because i simply don't wanna put my emotional energy there.

you guys could learn a thing or two about doing this. like. i know why i am how i am. what the fuck is YOUR excuse????

#i had a Debilitating dissociative disorder when i was younger bc i'd partitioned off the defensive me with no empathy versus #the Good (TM) me who Cares #and the older i get the more i'm like. i don't actually need to overextend myself and pretend i feel things i dont to be a good person. #in fact i hurt a LOT of people by pretending to have more energy than i did and then letting them down when they depended upon me #i'm largely very friendly and open and excited and accommodating and that's not a LIE that really is my personality #but it's also a performance to a point. this is closer to what i sound like when i'm not trying to be likable. #idk what to tag this. low empathy people are literally fine actually.

[rotzaprachim]

I’ll defend the end of rogue one to my dying day as good narrative storytelling BUT it is retroactively noticeable that it killed off the most notable canon concentration camp survivors (cassian, jyn, and melshi) and therefor literally killed off one of the darkest canon recognitions of fascism, therefor also avoiding the ethical questions of imperfect survivors rather than peaceful corpses

#Tw concentration camps #Tw Shoah #Like sw as a narrrwirce doesn’t *have* to come back to that because the canon survivors are now dead #And idk obviously I’ve been thinking about inconvenient survivors versus peaceful corpses a lot #The fact sw never made itself seriously think about what would happen to men like cassian and their children and grandchildren #After the war feels really significant in a way #Jandor #אנדור #Like idk not to metaphorize but it means cassian never had to go back to niamos and then live #Next to that one stormtrooper who arrested him and threw him in the court #Never had to like. Share awkward lunch with that one guy for the rest of his life #And all those uh uncomfortable experiences

[hamartia-grander]

Another connection between Luis and Leon's relationship paralleling Ada and Leon's relationship. The fact that both Ada and Luis feel they have to mask their personalities around Leon and come across as less vulnerable and more put together than they actually are. throwing up

#Like if capcom didn't want us shipping Leon and Luis then WHY did they make Luis Ada's foil WHY did they make serennedy parallel aeon #resident evil #serennedy #resident evil 4 remake #And the fact that they've both missed the mark in that Leon prefers when people are vulnerable with him #and equally a mess as he feels he is. #And I KNOW Ada only masks around Leon to guard herself. Not because she wants Leon to like her more - she doesn't care about that #But she doesn't mask around Luis much at all which goes to show she feels more comfortable around him #they recognise each other as people who have hurt and are hurting and therefore they can be themselves around each other as friends #versus being around Leon feeling like they have to constantly perform #Luis learning how to act from Ada only to find out too late that it pushes Leon away even more (bc leon sucks) #sobbign

[gxlden-angels]

^ Bearer of the curse (Had to be the one to tell my therapist that some southern christians say "Daddy god" unironically)

#We've realized why I've been feeling so weird about my family being pentecostal #essentially I always joked about my family being a cult/part of a cult #it's my fun fact about myself! I escaped a cult! #makes people curious cause holy shit a cult but also wow! ur so cool! you escaped! #but it's a lot easier to make that joke when it's 'haha my family is quirky' #versus 'my family openly identifies with a group considered an extremist cult by mainstream standards' #its not a bit anymore #it's not a fun fact its like #A Real Recognized Cult #that preys on vulnerable people like my family and makes them think they're nothing without it #they get that high during the praise breaks and give a bunch of their already limited income #then go back to being miserable but saying they're joyful because the lord loves a cheerful giver #its fucked up #and it's not a bit anymore #I make it a bit with jokes like that but it's just Not #My therapist said he never met someone who grew up in that #but had seen it a couple times and thought it was Weird #So I make the same old joke about speaking in tongues sounding like gibberish #and it hits different because he doesn't get it #I made that joke with other family members who experienced it #but it's different sitting in a therapist's office walking back and forth back and forth #doing the little [ba dum ba dum badum HA] rhythm they all speak with #before the piano kicks up and people are crying screaming falling on the floor #stomping and shouting and singing #the emotional tension suffocated you and you don't know why you're crying but you are #and here I am #in my therapist's office #as he stares at me in horror and it all falls together #ex christian #religious trauma

[lunaticpsyker08]

draws that fit the moment...HEH this Belial just wants to gib smooches-

lucilius is finally playable in gbfvr. When lucilius touches his own neck tho. wow. amazing. note: I feel like belial licking lucilius's neck would defiantly fall under mature- gonna censor it, never used tumblr's censorship before.

#the complex relationship that belial has with lucilius is juicy #i really do despise the genuine shipping tho #it just feels so wrong...the bb belial is suffering and using love to cope #he hates it all #cilius understands #but really has no interest #granblue fantasy #belial #lucilius #okay so koopa belial just feels right to be so much larger than lucilius #its funny too #cilius is just a TINY KOOPA with IMMENSE POWER #belial is a muscular chub that just wants to give him cuddles all the time #fun fact ...he eats way too many apples #granblue fantasy versus #koopa #bowser #super mario #koopa oc #LUCILIUS IS JUST S SPIKE BALL

[glassknee]

Girl with something fucking wrong with her but then it turns out she is pretty normal. And her bff the girl who is pretty normal but oh wait hold on

#mary who is so by twig universe standards strange and unusual and she’s an experiment but not even an academy experiment #she is made in the image of a real girl she will never ever be one ❤️ #as fundamentally other as Helen is but the fact that she doesn’t set off ‘prey instincts’ like Helen does bc she is an effective mimicry #and then at the end of the day she just wants to feel like she belongs to something #versus Lillian who is literally just. a normal human girl #this is EXTRA CREDIT for her #she does war crimes with human experiments bc of the extra credit and scholarship money 😊 #and her desire and goal is to earn her black coat and become like the people who have damned the children around her #to short and brutal lifespans #twig wildbow #twig lambs #twigblr #twig web serial #wormblr #sylvester lambsbridge #twig lillian #mary couburn

[doolallymagpie]

murderbot and cavalry would be like

(and then MB realizes it's dealing with a human retrofitted into a biomurderbot, not another secunit, and promptly freaks)

(there may be a version of this with this music playing, my money'd be on "circumstances force them to stop fighting, focus on a common foe, and fandom will forever debate who'd win, with martha wells and i refusing to ever give a straight answer, who talked us into an official crossover with the obligatory protagonist duel anyway")

#disclaimer: i've never played ultrakill so i don't know the context of that jam. #but it's called 'duel (versus reprise)' so presumably it plays over some kind of duel #i also haven't read system collapse yet so no spoilers #murderbot #the murderbot diaries #old ones and oligarchs #terminal crazy razorgirl #cavalry eldritchcyberpunk #i'm actually tempted to write 'murderbot somehow ends up on O^3 Earth and rescues cavalry from her own cunning plan' #i mean the fact is my bobbie draper expy for shadowrun ended up being halfway between that and a murderbot expy anyway by way of adam jense #and murderbot feels like a more likely source of inspiration for her to meet than bobbie or adam #(or eliot or reese for that matter; her engagement strategy is kind of a middle of the road between those two mayhem men)

[truethes]

every time i think sv's imagery cannot get better, that the surprises will not catch me off guard they release another chapter and i am stunned into silence once more.

#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜. #me tryin to ignore the amount of pain all my muses are feeling rn: WOAHHHH LOOK AT THE PANELS #ggenuinely tho the fact that this looks to be a fight of ku.ro and mah.iru versus all the djinn / the physical manifestation of their power #but also a contract .... im so very #( you will hear me cry if you listen hard enough ) #sv always gets m back very month im so sorry everyone #here was just too much thats too good in this chapter-- #the chara dev for both law.less and ildi.o whos priority became protecting those they care about #( even if lawl.ess was 90% bc lich.t would have jumped RIGHT into that ) #will never not make my day. they listened to their eves im so .... #( rots in my chair as i read untranslated images like a boss ) #cannot wait for the translations to b released tbqh #spoilers / #large image / #im hoping im finally recovering from this cold ... (its only been 3 days ) #but i feel so much better rn #so will be doing things from now on!

[quirkle2]

ritsu and/or reigen for character bingo 👀

ritsu left, reigen right <3 did both cuz im ill hope this helps

#qktalks #fexiled #OKAY LISTEN . HEAR ME OUT #the only reason i say reigen's design is rly good is bc his gay little pink tie Completes him #and it's also the fact that he's like Always in a suit and i just think it's rly funny #idk it's prolly not meant to be. the other characters wear other shit; #but he has One suit‚ an ugly pair of pajamas‚ and one More suit #and also a coat that makes him look homeless #reigen just ceases to amaze me in every aspect. truly an enigma of a man #and also the fact that he's literally risked his life several times for mob but if i go there we'll be here for the next 18 hours #and also separation arc #and also the one ep where mob doesn't wanna exorcise innocent spirits and reigen chooses mob over his clients #and als. ill stop #ritsu also makes me ill for several different reasons #he's the one i relate to the most for sure #idek how to describe my love for ritsu man i literally cannot articulate the emotions i feel #he's just very good. very good character #and the changes they made for the anime versus the manga r rly rly good and build a lot

[rincewindsapprentice]

It is so weird when I see people complain that there are somehow more trans women than trans men or something (or, more annoyingly, when they say "isn't it weird how there are 3 trans women for every 1 trans guy????" like they are trying to be sneaky about it). Like, it all depends on your circles and what spaces you are in, but it just straight up does not reflect my life at all.

Like, I have only ever met two trans women irl, but know over six trans guys irl, let alone non-binary people of various kinds. Like, there are so many of us of all types out there, but sometimes you have to get a little self-reflective

#sometimes you can't really help who you run into (positive and negative) #the like 'passive' observation of this 'fact' about an imbalance is also always transmisogynistic #like obviously so #like I know I need to make more of an effort to meet more trans women and stuff #but that was not really my choice ya know? #also I feel like I just know more non-binary people than binary trans people anyways #no I am not dipping into the erasure versus hypervisibility shit here

[birdmenmanga]

"suletta's too cute to be a gundam pilot" well clearly you're not ready for the new era of women's wrongs that g-witch is ushering in

#just thinking thoughts... #g-witch #the witch from mercury #cuteness and womanhood doesn't absolve you of sin <3 ! #I think THAT'S a huge thing I appreciate about g-witch. #there's a lot of chatter about how fatness is a neutral trait which men AND women in g-witch can have #but I think even more importantly than PHYSICAL traits being gender-neutral is the fact that MORAL traits are ALSO independent of gender #in the prologue it really follows the sort of classic trope of Men In Charge of War (delling) #Slaughters Innocent Civilians Such As Women and Children #but I think the way that it builds up to the Actually Women Are Capable of Evil Too at the end of S1 is really gorgeous #Suletta's mom FEELS like the best parent out of all the adults in g-witch. she's the only parent whose child actually likes her #she's LIKEABLE on the surface while she's manipulating suletta and you don't QUITE know how to feel about her #like girl!! she is so sus!! but also suletta trusts her. and you want to trust suletta too. you want prospera to end up being good #and like mother like daughter how do you feel about suletta now? are you a suletta apologist? #I think the dichotomy that exists between suletta and miorine at the end of s1 is really great #cute and likeable girl whose morals are revealed to be massively malleable by her mom now has committed horrifying and reprehensible acts #versus an insufferable and unapproachable girl whose morals remain sharply intact* #I think in Suletta HAD to have that kind of personality #or else people wouldn't feel conflicted about her killing people #like I think if she had a different personality it would have been very easy for the audience to turn on her #to say oh well she was a villain anyways. we didn't like her from the start. and condemn her really effortlessly #but I think the team did a great job of making her feel relatable— that bit about her social anxiety was awesome! we really felt for her! #like this is just SUCH a good example of going from :D recognition of the self in the other to oh.. would *I* be okay with killing a man ? #I LOVE the way it highlights the difference between one's ACTIONS and one's DEMEANOR #*complicated by the fact that miorine is horrified by small-scale violence such as murder #but seems okay with participating in the larger military industrial complex #anyways I'm very excited to see where the series goes

[obnoxiousarcade]

!!!!!!! book that speaks of part of my thesis? its likely.

#im reading the reviews and snickering to myself Thinking how fooling they are #WAT TH HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MEDICALISMS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! you say after youve just been proven weird. #Ok i think i will disagree with a lot of these points that are presented in the book but the fact that they made a book on it means a lot #reading an argument in the reviews. Cinny versus Kathy who wins? #! ''WHY DID THEY LET THIS BOOK GET PUBLISHED'' as i expected! #no one helps victims really its odd. Everyone spends more thought into bashing the assailant ignoring near everything else? #And i feel that maybe its still a opposition to even thinking about the perverse that fuels that Makes sense? #And of course to shut out other beasts is to JUST shut them out not to stop them. You just dont want to have to think about it. #Really its all just NO NO DONT TALK ABOUT TJHAT i think. There is SO MUCH you could do if you just looked the problem in the eye! #OK im repeating myself i know but really here. But still!

[imaginejolls]

all of my personal hopes for the fourth wing tv adaptation are so unattainable knowing what the industry is like at the moment, but just. i really want it to have at least 16 episodes to cover the first book. i might even settle for 12 but that would strain the pacing considerably. and i really want them to give a shot to young actors who are actually in their early 20s, even of they're unknown in the industry. is that really so much to ask

#sigh #my excitement over the fact that there will be a tv show versus my acceptance of the fact that it's not going to be good #jolly has thoughts and feelings #fourth wing #the empyrean series #the empyrean