I have returned with another nico rare pair meeting the father this time ft a special deity
Nico: Father? Im bringing in my boyfriend ok? You swore on Styx herself to not blast him to oblivion
Hades: I don’t get why you’re so worried, I would never tamper with your happiness.
Nico: if you say so
Nico grabbed a hand behind the door and pulled in a guy with straight black hair, gold eyes, and a necklace
Hades: NICO?! Do not tell me thats-
Nico: Father, meet my boyfriend, Anubis 🥹
Anubis: Hello Lord Hades, nice to see you again after a few millennia’s
Hades: Son?? A deity associated with the dead?!
Nico: I know every death associated deity from the meeting father, we all live in neighboring underworlds
Hades: DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM YOUR MOTHERS MISTAKES?! HAVE YOU NOT SEEN WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!
Nico: DAD?! EXCUSE ME?! 🤨😨
Anubis *looking straight into Hermes’ camera recording everything*: I love drama 🤗
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Never Lie | Freida McFadden | Published 2022 | *SPOILERS*
Newlyweds Tricia and Ethan are searching for the house of their dreams.
But when they visit the remote manor that once belonged to Dr. Adrienne Hale, a renowned psychiatrist who vanished without a trace four years earlier, a violent winter storm traps them at the estate....with no chance of escape until the blizzard comes to an end.
In search of a book to keep her entertained until the snow abates, Tricia happens upon a secret room. One that contains audio transcripts from every single patient Dr. Hale has ever interviewed. As Tricia listens to the cassette tapes, she learns about the terrifying chain of events leading up to Dr. Hale’s mysterious disapperance.
Tricia plays the tapes one by one, late into the night. With each one, another shocking piece of the puzzle falls into place, and Dr. Adrienne Hale’s web of lies slowly unravels.
And then Tricia reaches the final cassette.
The one that reveals the entire horrifying truth.
Tricia and Ethan are newlyweds. A well-off couple from Manhattan, they’re on the search for their perfect house. Marrying 6 months ago after less than a year of dating, Tricia is eager to start their lives together despite harboring a deep secret that she feels would turn Ethan off to their relationship.
After setting up a showing with their realtor, Judy, the two set out to Westchester, New York. In the midst of their travels, a wicked blizzard hits. They do eventually come to the house, but Ethan’s car becomes stuck in the roadway and is unable to go further. Tricia, nervous already after seeing the massive estate before them, notices a light on in one of the upstairs bedrooms despite the rest of the home remaining dark.
Realizing that Judy isn’t there, and with no cell phone reception to get them out, they enter in the house after finding a spare key hidden underneath a potted plant. They take in the massive living space before them, and are overwhelmed by the large portrait of the woman that must have owned the home prior. Realizing that they’ll likely be stuck here for a day or more, they begin to make themselves comfortable.
Perusing the bookshelves before her, Tricia sees several copies of a book titled The Anatomy of Fear by a Dr. Adrienne Hale, MD, PhD. It’s obvious that this is the person who last owned the home, and unlucky for Tricia, Adrienne went missing about three years ago. The story of her disappearance was wild for about a year before eventually tapering off. A boyfriend, Luke, had been questioned for her murder but was never convicted of the crime and it has remained unsolved to this day, especially as Adrienne’s body has never been found.
Interspersed with the present timeline is the perspective of Adrienne herself. Within it, she meets with patients, one of note to be EJ, someone diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, as well as someone called PL, who was the only survivor after three of her friends had been murdered and she was stabbed, as well as GW, an older woman who had paranoid delusions.
Adrienne attempted to help them all. We also see the beginnings of her relationship with Luke, and with a flourish, the two of them quickly begin dating and eventually fall in love. But when EJ begins blackmailing Adrienne, holding a video of her slashing the tires of a man in a shopping center in the Bronx, the two of them quickly realize that they’re very different from one another.
When EJ’s decisions continue, Luke takes off after Adrienne had him attempt to get rid of the video evidence, only for him to become implicated in the blackmail as well. Adrienne confronts her patient PL, stating that she knew from the very beginning that the story of her survival from an unknown assailant in the middle of nowhere was a lie, and that she was the one who killed her fiance and two closest friends, before stabbing herself and claiming what she did.
The PL in question is none other than Tricia. This is discovered after Tricia found a secret room behind a bookshelf while trying to find something to read. When she attempted to pull a book off the shelf, the book was actually what would open the hidden door. Inside were dozens upon dozens of cassette tapes that Adrienne had used in order to record her patients, finding them much more accurate than notes.
Out of curiosity, Tricia began listening to them. After a few nights in the house, Luke returns. After being questioned for Adrienne’s murder, he lost everything and became homeless and broke, and was squatting in the house not knowing that they were in the home, or that it was eventually going to be up for sale. They detain him inside of the office. When Adrienne returns the tapes to the secret room, she keeps hers where Adrienne confronts her about what truly happened.
Tricia had been engaged to a man who ended up cheating on her with her best friend. Two months prior to their wedding, she found out that he was going to leave her for this friend, and decided to take matters into her own hands. Come to find out, these three were not the first people she ended up murdering. There was one girl prior to the three of them, then of course, she ended up being involved in the murder of EJ. She assisted Adrienne in luring him to the house, and eventually returned after Adrienne stashed his body underneath the floorboards in her office, and left him to rot. She confronted Adrienne wanting to know what happened worried that security footage from the casino would come back to haunt her. When Adrienne tried to reassure her that nothing would happen, Tricia ended up killing her and burying her body about two hours away.
The night prior to them leaving, Tricia, who is a few weeks pregnant with her and Ethan’s first child, finds him downstairs burning tapes from the person initialed GW. He confesses that this was his mother, and she was the individual who suffered from paranoid delusions. They never had a great relationship after his father passed when he was young, and he ended up killing her after a heated fight where his mother called him a terrible son. He pushed her down the stairs, took off and called the police the following day. He was never suspected in her death, as she had been found to be drunk when she was found the next morning.
The two of them together decide to get rid of Luke, as he knows too much, especially that the body underneath the floorboards in the office was not that of Adrienne Hale.
Two years later, Tricia is pregnant again, and their first child, a daughter, is one. The two of them had taken care of all their problems, purchased the house and had buried a body in the garden behind the house. Tricia is worried that Ethan may slip up, and she is prepared to fully handle that if the time ever comes.
Discussion Questions
1. Were you surprised somebody was hiding out in the house? Who do you think this was going to be? Who do you suspect rehung Adrienne’s picture? Why might they do that? I was surprised and I wasn’t. A house that large, it was easy for them to be in the same space and not run into each other at all. But Tricia was paranoid, and rightfully so. She was trying to protect the real reasons why she was at the house. I first suspected Ethan as being the EJ that Adrienne saw. I could see some narcissistic tendencies in him, and I gather this is what Freida wanted us to believe.
2. Never Lie relies on Tricia and Ethan being snowed in by the blizzard. Can you think of any other situations that could have isolated them in a similar way? How much did the snow storm and the cold add to the atmosphere for you when reading? Any sort of heavy storm could have done that - a blizzard, a rain storm, a hurricaine. Anything that could trap them in such an isolated and remote spot. But the blizzard itself added an eeriness to the story. Being unable to leave at any given time added to the house having that haunted feel.
3. The use of the patient session tapes adds a “found footage” element. Did knowing these were tape recordings of patient sessions add a different dimension to the novel to say finding a diary? Did you spot any clues in the choice of tapes that Tricia chose to listen to? Tricia was listening to her tapes, likely to relive the situation that led her back to why she came there. She also wanted to hear EJ’s tapes, as she had been involved in his disappearance. She was never able to ask questions about what happened or why she was involved, therefore she got those answers by listening to the tapes. GW was because she knew it was Ethan’s mom, and she wanted to listen to the tapes, though I can’t gather why if she already knew what Ethan had done, though it makes sense since she knew who Ethan was and had become obsessed with him. Their meeting was planned out by her meticulously so.
4. There’s a strong misdirection pointing to Ethan being EJ. Did you have any other suspicions (right or wrong) as to the identities of the other patients on the tapes? I did not. I definitely through Ethan was EJ from the very beginning. I did not see Tricia being PL at all, since Patricia (her given name) was never actually mentioned.
5. Early on it seems to be setting up a classic isolated creepy house mystery, were you surprised by the development into the darker history of murder thriller? Not at all. Freida never seizes to amaze me, honestly, and this was right up her alley for sure. I enjoyed the development into the background of the story, and learning more about Tricia.
6. Were you surprised when it was revealed that Adrienne was dead and had been killed years earlier? Nope. When someone simply vanishes into thin air, and has been missing for several years, it is more likely that they’re dead than alive. It is very rare, but I’ve watched enough crime shows and true crime documentaries to know that timing is very critical in cases like this. The more time that passes, the less likely someone will be alive.
7. Tricia has a very strong ulterior motive, revealed with one of the biggest twists. How did you feel having your perception of the main character twisted from her presenting herself as a nervous wife to finding out she’s a multiple killer? Was there anything in Tricia’s character or behavior early on that made you suspect her true motives? Did you like Tricia in the beginning? Did you still like her as a character once the truth is uncovered? Tricia is very smart, and it is apparent. While it is absolutely possible for her to play both roles and actually mean them, knowing that she killed people in cold blood for oftentimes no reason at all, it just took away that innocence from her character. But, I liked her even more for some reason. She was a strong female character; the twist definitely shocked me. But, I find myself growing fonder of her even after the truth was revealed. While I don’t agree with the actions she took in order to get where she is today, I am hoping that the introduction of her children helps her get over that, and sees that risking their lives by not having their mother, no matter how psyhcotic she is, isn’t worth the risk of killing more people, though it is alluded that she would kill Ethan if he shared their secret.
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❛ wipe the 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅 off your hands , little owl – it doesn’t matter . you’re still a 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐫 . ❜
❝ you’re hardly innocent yourself , 𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 – godhood looks cruel on you ; if i had to do it again , 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 . ❞
𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 , 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐬 , 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬
excuse the dramatics , but hello ! i’m cc , can’t read , can’t write BUT i will be dramatic about it nonetheless . i am SO excited for this , i am the biggest pjo fan in the world & i love pjo rps sm i have been blessed by the gods , paige & dani with this . dana is a very old muse i used to have & recently re fell in love w , so here she is . tidbits before diving in : she fought for kronos & the titans in the war , she’s a daughter of athena that spent five years unclaimed in the hermes cabin & she is for the new cabins – it’s what she was fighting for anyway . if you’d like to plot PLS like this & i’ll come to u , uwu . p.s this is long for no reason PLS come to me if u want a tl;dr .
〔 JEON HEEJIN, TWENTY, CIS FEMALE, TELUMKINESIS 〕╰ DANA AHN just came over half - blood hill . you know , the child of ATHENA who was claimed four years ago ? i’ve heard chiron say that she is INSTINCTUAL & COGENT , but if you ask the aphrodite kids , they’d say they’re DISPARAGING & GLACIAL . i’d say they remind me of quiet grief spent in lonely hours – invalidated by people she swears never cared for her , watching a new constellation form with crystalline tears in exhausted eyes , a lethal slice of celestial bronze ; it brands her a traitor & pile of painted beads crushed underfoot when loyalties are chosen , especially since they’re FOR THE NEW CABINS .
❛ 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖓𝖊 ╱ 𝐚𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭
inspiration
❛ you’re a monster . ❜
❝ better a monster , than an arrogant god . ❞
ethan nakamura ( percy jackson & the olympians ) , ❛ one of my sons recently traded an eye for the ability to make a real difference in the world. ❜
❝ no one made me , i made me – so give me a bitter glory . ❞
cato ( the hunger games ) , ❛ go on . i’m dead anyway. i always was, right ? i didn’t know that till now . ❜
❝ am i the villain in your story , when i was always the hero in mine ? ❞
erik killmonger ( black panther ) , ❛ the world took everything away from me ! everything i ever loved ! ❜
full name . ahn ji su / dana ahn nickname(s) / aliases . dane , traitor age . twenty gender / pronouns . cis gendered female , she / her orientation . demisexual , panromantic hometown . boston , massachusetts faceclaim . jeon heejin
aesthetic . a walking plethora of bad decisions made by a rotting heart , remnants of red rimmed eyes after losing so much more than others in the war , the quiet , ominous static electricity before a lightning strike , watching a new constellation form with crystalline tears in her exhausted eyes , a lethal slice of celestial bronze ; it brands her a traitor , shouting commands over the sounds of her kind dying at her feet & a pile of painted beads crushed underfoot when loyalties are chosen .
label . the premonition , the potentate , the traitorous moral alignments . chaotic good / chaotic neutral ( + ) positives . strategic , instinctual , cogent , potent ( - ) negatives . fustian , disparaging , glacial , acerbic hogwarts house . gryffindor godly parent . athena deadly sin . pride fatal flaw . holding grudges
❛ 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖜𝖔 ╱ 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐞
TRIGGER WARNING : death , murder , injury description
𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢 . her mother , a goddess in her own right ; ahn soo ah joins the navy as kennedy ahn . bright eyed & wise beyond her years , she graduates from the united states naval academy with notable achievements under her belt . she is astute , a walking resource that the navy uses as a strategist – one of the brightest minds of her generation , gone unknown as she helps the military create top secret missions . war written & loved , kennedy has an affinity for battle – she attracts many people that she knows are more than human . but they search for romance , they ask for her love when kennedy has never sought after it – romance comes slow to her , it’s a process & the only person to get that is a grey - eyed liaison named dana astbury . she arrives in a swirl of intuitiveness & intelligent that’s incredibly attractive – but their connection isn’t one based on romance . the way their minds bond is unlike anything kennedy has ever felt before – she’s eager to work with her for the short time ; together they create the perfect brain child . two months after astbury’s departure , a golden bassinet appears with a baby girl wrapped in silk – the product of two of the wisest minds , a mix of godhood & mortality . kennedy doesn’t know who the goddess really is , but she knows the baby is hers .
she grows as ji su , americanized as dana – the smartest woman kennedy has ever gotten to meet & dana grows up loved . what the gods lack in familial love , mankind makes up for it ; ji su , as called by only her mom , grows into a remarkable child . grey eyes that look like they belong to a middle aged woman , a mind that knows too much for someone so young – they see everything . the horns hidden the mailman’s hair , the one eyed man giving her a kind smile when she hands him a daisy , the winged creatures flying over her mom’s new job ; dana holds enough wisdom to make a god stop . kennedy loves her more than herself , waters her with knowledge & sunshine to raise her as an extraordinary human being . dana never knows life without love until she returns home from an after school club just in time to see a creature hold a sword of celestial bronze through her mom . ten years old , witnessing her a woman with one goat leg & one metal leg kill kennedy – on the basis that kennedy knew something about olympus . she didn’t , but she paid the price anyway & dana runs after the creature , intent on getting revenge .
𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐢 . labelled officially as a missing person , it’s a lot harder than she thinks to survive without getting caught . but dana has always been smart , she is sharp , witty & quick on her feet . it takes only DAYS for her to find the creature – an empousa , learned from research & any other monster that’ll help her . the monsters on the streets are kind to her , they spot a helpless demigod with a dirt caked face & dana doesn’t know it , but it’s the most kindness she’ll experience for years . a month later , the celestial sword taken from the empousa hangs on her hip – along with a lessoned learned ; vengeance & revenge don’t feel as good as she thought it would . the monster’s dead , but so is her mom . a prayer sent to gods of every pantheon – greek , roman , egyptian , norse ; she asks for help , for a blessing because she knows they’re real & if they’re real , wouldn’t they help a child ? NO ANSWER . it takes another month before she stumbles past the borders of camp half blood , bloodied & bruised . it’s chiron who shows her around , places her in the hermes cabin with other greek demigods like her . some have lesser gods as parents , some – like her – are unclaimed . the game , to figure out which god is her parent , which god has deemed her unworthy to sit alone in the hermes cabin . everyone knows – even she does , the eyes are a dead giveaway .
but the claim doesn’t come & what’s supposed to be home quickly turns into a prison . she wastes away alongside the bitter , she barely gets to go on quests ( on the basis that upon completion , she’ll be claimed – mr . d tells her to shove it , chiron agrees with her ) only to return empty handed with one less companion . scar after scar , death after death , she turns to the gods empty handed , rid of the offerings she used to make . a CURSE upon athena , a CURSE on all the gods who sit by & watch their children fight THEIR battles . demigods , their children , born to be pawns for the divine – to fight enemies their parents made for them , to DIE so the olympians don’t have to . resentment in her core , she falls into ranks with the blond boy in cabin eleven . luke castellan , the one who whispers with the sleeping one , the scarred boy who promises her glory & change . the gods need a wake up call , who better to give it than their children ? she leaves the summer after the son of poseidon arrives – keeps a hand on luke’s shoulder with a promise of changing the way the gods treat their children .
𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐢𝐢 . a year spent with a rising army before luke asks her to go back . thalia’s tree is dying , an inside man or two never hurt anybody . a little bit stronger , a little bit more trained , she arrives at the same place she had stumbled into five years prior – four years stuck in the hermes camp , one spent on the run with a boy king . almost immediately upon her arrival , a blessing is sent from athena – some call it a welcome back , but dana is smart enough to know the true reasoning behind her claim . the gods are scared , athena herself knows of dana’s potential & the claim is an attempt at appeasing her but dana is far too gone . it’s not enough , she leaves when the golden fleece is brought back . one of many demigods to go missing , she finds solace on board the princess andromeda . the monsters here have shown her more kindness & familial love than the gods ever have . under luke’s instruction , she grows into a formidable opponent – boasting extraordinary skill with any weapon she chooses . she grows closer to the commander as well , shares his troubles from a distance while she keeps her head down . dana pledges herself to his cause , pledges to stand by himself through all of it & mourns luke when kronos arrives in his place . blue eyes turn to gold , dana goes from warrior to sword .
chosen by kronos himself , she spends an unprecedented amount of time with the titan – often out of sight from other demigods . he freezes time for them ( like he does every demigod he chooses to twist ) , fractions of the care she’s always searched for shining through the cracks ; she learns a different way of fighting , a different way of feeling , of thinking . dana learns from the best a titan reminding her of her worth . wrapped in resentment & the blessing of a titan , respect turns to admiration to a twisted psyche before she’s gearing up for the battle of the labyrinth with a sour reminder – the gods never cared , he did . with her features hidden behind a helmet made of GOLD , she proves her prowess erupting from the labyrinth , striking down demigods & the family that never cared for her . after an untimely defeat , one more year is spent preparing . underneath his instruction , dana continues to grow into a weapon at his disposal & she’s blind to the obvious fact – he never loved her , she’s simply a tool for them to use . blindly naive , she continues to launch herself into battle , lay her life down in hopes of waking the gods up . she ascends to her peak , unaware that everyone is waiting for her to come crashing down .
𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐯 . charged with her own command in the battle for manhattan , monsters & demigods alike listen to her orders . demigods of her own kind fall under her sword & she doesn’t know it , but dana is only one of many chosen champions – one small member of a small class . they’re all tools at his disposal & he’s manipulated them all in their own ways ; to the other demigod commander slain by an arrow , he promised glory . to the other commander who charges the hunters of artemis , he promised revenge . to dana , struck down by a celestial bronze sword , he promised love . they all have their titles gifted to them , unbeknownst that NOBODY takes them seriously . demigods , they’re pawns in kronos’s game . it isn’t her first time being injured in battle , often times she returns to him & lets him take back the injury , watches her cuts close up underneath his power – but this time ; hubris mixes with wrath & she lets her guard down . her hands around her neck & blood pours from a deep cut that silences her , stranger’s hands wrap around her armor straps as she’s pulled into safety , holding back blood with pale fingers . she chokes on her own blood while her life is begged for , she’s close to the underworld when she’s healed by people she swears never cared for her . her survival is a travesty – to both her & camp half blood alike ; apollo himself tries to heal her fully , but in punishment he lets her suffer . twenty years old , her throat slit in retribution for her actions .
after the war , a month spent recovering as she radiates like a beacon of disappointment . grief , for the titan & his host – mixed with resentment & distrust . they’re split on whether she should stay – she chose the opposite side until her dying breath , the demigods that saved her can still account for the blood flung from her mouth while she tried to curse them . so she keeps her distance , but she stays because she has nowhere else to go – no degree , no identification , not direction . in the rivalry , she keeps her mouth shut but she stands with the cabins – it’s everything she fought for , it’s all the forgotten wanted & she’ll gladly go to war for it again . but , she’s changed – the image of a lethal opponent turned to crestfallen girl . she doesn’t talk much anymore , she doesn’t use her ability for much , doesn’t train , doesn’t fight . most often found with a couple of scared satyrs while she spends the day at arts & crafts . but though quiet , she still harbors unimaginable HATRED for the gods – she’ll never love or respect them the way they want her to . they want her to shed her title of traitor but refuse to call her the sword of kronos , they want her to beg for a new title at their feet ; dana will never beg them for anything .
❛ 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 ╱ 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
exterior . an outlier in camp , dana pretty much spent more time with the titans than she did at camp half blood . a faint scar on her neck , she wears it like a brand burned onto her skin . despite the power that she displays ( a gift of telumkinesis , along with skill & prowess learned by both kronos & luke himself ) , she doesn’t use her power for much these days . cogent , she’s good with her words & swaying people onto her side – which she used a lot more during the war , since these days she mostly keeps her mouth shut .
a beacon of pessimistic energy , dana still isn’t shy about her dislike for the gods . she says often , that if she had to do it all again , she wouldn’t change a thing . the gods continue to disappoint her , continue to wrong her & do everything in the crudest of ways , so dana continues to be a blasphemous follower in the camp . she’s still here simply because she has nowhere else to go – no degree , no schooling , nothing to give her a way out – dana’s technically still a missing person anyway ; so until she figures out a permanent way to leave , she’s stuck .
interior . she almost misses kronos – at this point , she can see that he was the greatest manipulator of all but she really felt so loved underneath him . he saw her for her , molded her into an outstanding warrior & dana owes him EVERYTHING . but she understands now how bad he is , how much chaos could’ve been unleashed had he won , but it doesn’t erase the twisted care she still holds for luke or the quiet idolization that still lingers for kronos . she held a title in the titan army & it still makes her see red when she thinks about how she went from the sword of kronos to traitor in the blink of an eye .
honed with pessimism , dana is still incredibly intelligent , incredibly potent but she spends a lot of time alone . she prefers the isolation in contrast to spending time with her siblings or any other demigod ; festers alone in very toxic thoughts about ‘ hm shoulda died hate it here ’ vibes . a lot of regret , a lot of very twisted thoughts having grown up with the Worst Villain Ever pretty much raising her .
midway . an entirely too gifted demigod , completely wasted on the bad guys . in a theoretical letter from athena , dana’s godly mother expresses her disappointment that she created such a potent warrior just to watch her fight for the wrong side . determined to give up her powers , she was only recently informed she HAD telumkinesis . convinced she had been trained by a titan himself & that’s where her weaponry mastery stemmed from , she’s learned that it all stems from a power .
still , she has room to grow ; in her dreams sent by the goddess herself , she’s been told that should she want a new title , she would have t o earn it – but does she want it ? does she want to use her power to fight for the gods that have only ever seen her as a weapon ? dana doesn’t know , she frankly doesn’t care enough right now .
❛ 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗 ╱ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧
as usual , this got way too fuckin long & i’m so sorry but dana’s an old & complicated muse . tl;dr , fought w the titans , kronos trained her personally ( & manipulated her , mayb there was a lil sumn sumn but she’s , in my opinion , dumb & didn’t realize she was bein played ) , she almost fuckin died & was saved by the people she was fighting even though she herself killed numerous demigods & now is a quiet , pessimistic loner . hee hee , all her connections are here , all her wanted connects are here . if u read this all i guess i owe you my life !
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Panels Far, Far Away: A Week in Star Wars Comics 10/23/19
Hutts hunt for treasure, storylines converge, and alliances are broken in last week’s (sorry!) Star Wars comics.
Star Wars #73 written by Greg Pak and art by Phil Noto
The biggest setback to Greg Pak’s short sprint of a run on Star Wars has been the disjointed nature in which his three separate narratives pass back and forth. The decision to tell three different stories with different cast members that span genre and tone was an inspired one, but it has often lead to each segment feeling like it got the short stick with barely enough room to forward its story. Of the three, only Chewbacca and C-3PO’s rock people alliance has really been successful.
However, as the different plot threads begin to converge the comic improves as well. Pak dedicates much of the page length for this issue to Leia, Dar Champion, and Han’s mission to foil the efforts of the Bith crime lord Carpo. This story has been stalled the longest of the three and it’s nice to finally get some momentum building once again and to see the early intrigue begin to pay off. The romantic comedy underpinnings also sneak in as well to form a fun foundation for the criminal backstabbing and as a nice reminder of just how close we are to this couple’s fateful encounters during The Empire Strikes Back.
As their plan goes awry, the other two rebel missions get roped in as well for a galaxy spanning climax. It can’t help but feel a little rushed, in Luke and Warba’s story in particular, but it’s more than a little nice to finally see these stories feeling like a connected unit again. For the first time in this run, Pak’s transitions feel fluid and accessible and there is an overall sense of motion and excitement as we hurtle towards the big finish.
Score: B+
Star Wars Adventures: Return to Vader’s Castle #4 written by Cavan Scott and art by Francesco Francavilla and Nicoletta Baldari
As has been the case with the past three issues, Return to Vader’s Castle continues to be a fun and surprisingly twisted little horror anthology for the holiday. It also can’t seem to shake its art problems.
With Thom Hudd dodging the clammy hands of Vanee and now the Fourth Sister of the Inquisitorius, his best plans for survival appear to be in distracting them both with another tale of deep space eeriness. This week we are treated to the ill-fated treasure hunt of Jabba’s cousin Crakka. In an inspired move, Cavan Scott dives deep into classic Star Wars lore and centers the narrative around the brain harvesting B’Omarr monks. The idea of a hidden brain with the location of a secret treasure map is a creative one and Scott takes this little tale into even more twisted territory than one might expect. The ending is particularly off putting for an all ages comic, which I guess is both a feature and a deterrent to readers.
Nicoletta Baldari, however, is simply not the right choice to tell this story. With her colorful and exaggerated character designs, Baldari can’t help but feel out of place in this rather creepy and arguably disturbing story. It continues the trend of the IDW editorial team pulling from regular Adventures artists for this anthology project rather than finding different artists that may fit the
Score: B-
Star Wars Allegiance #3 written by Ethan Sacks and art by Luke Ross
The people of Mon Calomari continue to be the selling point of Star Wars Allegiance. These poor fishfolk have had such a rough go of it over the last several decades that it’s hard not to feel their plight with another war bearing down on them. Nossor Ri, in particular, despite being framed as an antagonist here, can’t help but feel like a sympathetic figure. This is a man, or squid, that has spent his entire life trying to ward off occupation by outside forces. His actions accidentally lead to the Battle of Mon Cala during The Clone Wars, which in turn set the stage for the planet’s eventual occupation and subjugation by the Empire.
None of this is really in the comic by the way. Allegiance works best as a continuation of Star Wars lore and those that have been keeping up with the tug of war of this iconic water planet will find much to latch onto in Ethan Sacks’s script. As has been the case with the past two issues, Leia’s attempts to negotiate with her former allies is the highlight of this story and one wonders if this would have been a better story had much of the rest of the sequel trilogy cast not tagged along.
As is, Sacks still seems to be struggling with how to dig into these iconic new characters. Rey feels overly brash and confrontational as opposed to her more cautious and introspective self. Rose rotates between being awkward and fumbling and having moments of incredible bravery in a manner that feels less in tune with her cinematic counterpart. Finn and Poe don’t fare much better in their still mostly perfunctory B-plot.
Even the usually solid Luke Ross turns in some rather awkward work this week. There is one moment in particular during Finn’s battle with his bounty hunter enemies that is uncharacteristically clunky and confusing in its execution that it forced me to reread three times before I really had any idea what happened.
Allegiance continues to disappoint. There’s a potential story of value here, but it’s failing to congeal in its current state. Let’s hope Resistance Reborn offers the Rise of Skywalker lead up that we’ve been hoping for.
Score: C
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The Princess Switch is a Tale as Old as Time
The Princess Switch is a Tale as Old as Time @MyTherapistSays https://mytherapistsays.ca/the-princess-switch-is-a-tale-as-old-as-time/
Or… as old as the merging-of-two-frames editing technique. Vanessa Hudgens is the latest star to sink down to join in on the low budget Christmas movie train, playing two mysteriously identical strangers who swap places and assume each other’s identities. Sound familiar? The answer should be yes, because since time immemorial we’ve witnessed many a Disney starlet in more or less the same film. The question is, who did it better? Someone call Us Weekly, because we are blowing this sh*t wide open.
IT TAKES TWO
(MARY KATE & ASHLEY OLSEN, 1995)
Okay, to be fair (barring any outlandish conspiracy theories), these two actually are separate human beings, but the identity swap principle still applies. In this 90’s classic, orphan-girl/ inner-city-kid Amanda attempts to trespass explores the woods beyond the grounds of her summer camp and bumps (quite literally) into prim and proper Alyssa, who lives with her rich ass wealthy father, Roger. Amanda is about to be adopted by the Butkises, the family who collects kids for child labour- actually you know what, it was for child labour- and Alyssa is about to have the gold-digging stepmother from hell, Clarice. They decide to swap places so Alyssa can know what it’s like to be a real kid and Amanda can know what it’s like to have real human affection, and they work together to set up Alyssa’s social worker with Amanda’s father. Chaos, food fights, and less-than-romantic horseback rides ensue.
Pros: Olsen twins before their acting skills absolutely nosedived. Kirstie Alley. Whoever the rich dad’s driver was.
Cons: The Butkises. The horror that was THIS scene.
Most memorable line:
Amanda: It’s got to be that can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff, right?
THE PARENT TRAP
(LINDSAY LOHAN, 1998)
Another unmistakable 90’s classic, which also coincidentally involves the same-but-not-the-same girls to meet over summer camp. Hallie is a cool, laid back Cali gal while Annie is a posh English girl. Despite a rocky start meeting at summer camp (what are the chances!) the girls realize they have the same birthday… and the same parents- wait, they’re sisters?! They decide to switch places so that they can like, actually MEET the other parent who has abandoned them for years, and set up their rich vineyard owning father with their classy but slightly disheveled mother, and also get rid of their treacherous stepmother to be, Meredith Blake. They succeed, and though this movie has the best cast and best soundtrack possible, it is seriously unsettling how f*cked up it is for their parents to keep them apart and live without one of their own daughters. What kind of co-parenting tactic is that?!
Pros: Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid. The epic handshake sequence. Vineyards. London. The crackling-candy-wrapper-to-sound-like-static phone hack. Also Janice from Friends.
Ohhh. Myyyy. GAAAHD.
Cons: The cringey prank wars between Hallie and Annie that are honestly very telling of how frightening and ruthless 12 year old girls can be. The hot-pin-and-apple-as-a-homemade-ear-piercing-kit. Meredith and the lizard. This movie is not for the weak of stomach.
Most memorable line:
Hallie (or Annie, who tf knows): So if your Mom is my Mom and my Dad is your Dad… and we’re both born on October 11th, then you and I are… like… sisters.
THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE
(HILARY DUFF, 2003)
In the best movie-from-a-TV-show production of all time, Lizzie and her, like what, eighth grade graduation class take a graduation trip to Italy (??? wtf? Is this PCA? How is everyone affording this?). Lizzie bumps into Paolo, a cute, charming Italian boy whose age I am really troubled by and don’t want to think about too much tbh, because I am already scarred from watching one too many episodes of Age Gap Couples. While Gordo is trapped in the Upside Down friend zone, Lizzie begins gallivanting around Rome with Paolo, who out of the blue drops a bomb on her that she is the exact Doppelganger for his former singing partner and could she like, assume her identity? Leave it to Lizzie McGuire to say yes, Kate willingly helping her out by covering for her (yes, hell really has freezed over) and shit to hit the fan. It all ends with Paolo being exposed for the weenie that he is (which we really should have anticipated from this lewk below):
We have Lizzie performing at the Colo freakin seum, while Gordo is clawing his way out of the friend zone (but I’m sure if Lizzie McGuire continued into their high school years she would have fallen for a Jesse McCartney or equivalent hottie of the day and dumped Gordo’s ass).
Pros: Italy. Pasta. Ethan Craft!
Cons: Paolo. No Miranda?!
Most Memorable Lines (because you can’t pick just one):
Kate: Lizzie McGuire, you are an outfit repeater!
Miss Ungermeyer: David Gordan. I think that’s Italian for ‘sneaky little brown noser with a hidden agenda’.
Miss Ungermeyer: Mr. Craft, you are in the most beautiful city in the world, is this having any effect on you?
Ethan: Yeah the cobble stones are like totally thrashing on my wheels.
Isabella: Sing to me, Paolo!
MONTE CARLO
(SELENA GOMEZ, 2011)
After years of saving from her shitty waitress job, Grace, a down-on-her-luck Texan girl fresh out of high school, finally gets to go to Paris with David Cassidy’s daughter her coworker Emma. Instead of the vacation of her dreams, she gets a shitty tour bus version of the city with Blair Waldorf as her salty stepsister, Meg, tagging along. It doesn’t take long for the girls to have a falling out and find themselves in a swanky hotel lobby to take shelter from the rainstorm that is kind of a metaphor for their disaster of a trip. Their luck changes when Grace is mistaken for a wealthy British heiress, and with some encouragement from Emma takes her place and fills in for her duties, which leads the three girls to Monaco. Grace falls for Theo, a local rich boy with other character qualities that don’t seem notable to me at the moment; Meg falls for an adventurous Aussie, and Emma just really wants to get home to her long term boyfriend Owen and install some dimmer lights. Of course the fiasco unfolds when Cordelia returns unexpectedly, and some drama goes down with an expensive piece of jewelry going missing (a telltale sign of an unoriginal plot). But not to worry because just like every chick flick out there, everyone gets a happy ending.
Pros: The excellent casting of romantic interests (Read: Corey Monteith, Luke Bracey, Pierre Boulanger). Who Says. Monte Carlo- it actually looks really effing bomb. Why is Monaco so underrated?! I might just be too poor to even have it on my radar as a travel destination.
Seriously. God bless this casting director.
Cons: Selena Gomez’s acting. Selena Gomez’s fake British accent. The fact that I will never be mistaken for an heiress and have a whirlwind romance with a foreign wealthy man.
Most memorable lines:
Grace: I finally meet a guy who likes me for me. And I’m not even me.
THE PRINCESS SWITCH
(VANESSA HUDGENS, 2018)
So here we are in present day. Let me just start by saying, there isn’t even a princess in this movie. Lady Margaret is a duchess. It’s called royal decorum honey, look it up. Stacy, a baker from Chicago, is somehow invited to this very prestigious international baking competition in Genovia Aldovia Belgravia (is anyone else noticing that these fake European countries all kind of sound like font families?), and ditches her bakery during what I assume would be her busiest time of the year to hop across the world with her business partner/ best friend and his daughter. There she runs into Lady Margaret, who mysteriously looks exactly like her and proposes they swap places so she can get away from the world of schedules. Stacy agrees, and falls for Margaret’s fiance of an arranged marriage/ loveless engagement, Prince Edward of Belgravia. Meanwhile Margaret falls for Stacy’s DILF friend Kevin. They manage to swap back before Stacy’s competition (which she wins despite her competitor cutting the cord to her Kitchen Aid, which she only notices after the majority of the cake has been baked, which like, b*tch, how were you mixing the batter before?), only for the Prince and Margaret to have to present the awards to the winners (because like, I’m sure that’s how William and Kate fill their schedule). Though Margaret had revealed their secret to Edward before the event, the four go backstage to give Kevin the downlow. Stacy is alarmingly okay with Edward (sort of) proposing to her, and Kevin is alarmingly okay with this despite having JUST caught feelings for who he thought was his best friend? Flash forward to a year later, and Edward and Stacy have married, and it is implied Kevin and Margaret are next? What the hell happened to their award winning bakery?
Pros: Gunner from Nashville. Kevin’s abs.
Cons: The haircut. The Jackie O blazer and pencil skirt ensembles. Another ill fated horse riding trip. The mysterious old guy who kept showing up but whose presence/ significance was never really explained?
Seriously, why is everyone dressed straight outta 1952?
Most memorable line:
Stacy/Margaret: In fact I took a nap on it. Slept like a log.
Edward: A log?
Stacy/ Margaret: Yes, dear, a royal log. It’s an expression we have in Montenaro.
Over the passage of time, the same-actress-two-characters/ swapping identities plotline has served us some of our most heartwarming and cheesy memories of film. I honestly don’t know if there really is a way to rank which is best, because they are all terrible in their own right. What matters most is that this tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme seems to keep going strong 20 years later, so we can expect another version of this more-or-less same story to make us gag/dazzle us in the coming years.
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