#DUDE I’m so tired I’ve been getting to sleep deprived trying to finish art | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crowsent · 5 years

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Whumptober 2019 Delirium

Yusuke Kitagawa, Persona 5, Delirium

CW: Madarame’s shitty parenting, starvation, hallucination, child abuse (minor)

Akira took one look at him and shook his head. “Stay behind, Fox.” The others nodded absentmindedly, agreeing with Joker’s decision. “You look a bit pale. We’re just going to handle a few requests today, so we won’t even be delving that deep into Mementos.” Yusuke could see the traces of a smile on Joker’s lips, meant to assure him that Yusuke wasn’t being a hindrance by not fighting, that it was perfectly alright for him to stay in the backlines. “Rest up. Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Haru, ever considerate, said, “We should go out to eat after this!” It was met with a chorus of agreements. Ryuji, in particular, hollered in delight, which prompted Morgana to swat him with a paw. “I’m sure we’re all going to be tired after fighting and there’s a place I’ve wanted to go to for so long. It would be much better if we could all go together, right?”

“Right!” Morgana cheered. “Now, onto the mission!”

Yusuke wanted to argue. Proclaim that he was so close to finishing his recreation of “Desire” and turning it into a piece worthy of something. A piece that depicted the inner workings of the heart, a theme that had eluded him for so long. Mementos, a place teeming with the unfettered desires of human souls, would be the perfect reference point from which Yusuke could begin his research into furthering himself as an artist. The designs and aesthetics of each individual level were so vastly removed from each other that Yusuke could analyse them for years and still never fully grasp it in its entirety.

The shadows as well, were of interesting shapes and colours. Why, the giant elephants that could very quickly tire out their group were quite fascinating to look at. Yusuke could stare at them for hours and to have a hands-on experience in a fight would prove beneficial to sparking his creativity. After all, battle sharpened his senses, honed his skills, and allowed him to pinpoint even the smallest minute detail he would otherwise never notice.

He should be on the frontlines, fighting. He’s quite capable of it. Though Akira was right that Yusuke was paler than usual, frailer than usual, he was certain that he would not be a burden. Admittedly, his aim might be impaired by the fact that his vision was swimming, but if he widened his range, then surely he would be able to hit something. Or at the very least, push the shadows towards someone whose vision wasn’t filled with black dots.

But ultimately, it was not his decision to make. And before he could even conjure up a convincing argument, Akira had decided on a party, and Morgana had already shifted. Whatever words he might have thought to say died on the tip of his tongue and Yusuke followed the others onto the bus, accepting the lack of stimulation for today’s trip into Mementos.

It was a shame. While working on the sequel to his Desire, Yusuke had several, smaller pieces he needed to finish. His art teacher hadn’t caught on to his slump as of yet, but it would be a matter of time before Yusuke’s incompetence was revealed. He needed to do something to prevent that. There were several half-painted canvases he had at the Kosei dorms, but lately, whenever he picked up a brush, his artistry simply fled.

What is he to do without inspiration?

Mementos, in a way, was Yusuke’s temporary answer to the drought he was facing. If he could fight, if he could feel death reaching its bony fingers out, attempting to grasp him, trying to drag him from the mortal realm and into the land of the forsaken, then surely, he would discover something new, something breathtaking, something that he absolutely must capture with paint.

Oh well. A lost opportunity is a lost opportunity. Akira -no- Joker, he was Joker here, was flexible and fair. If one of the Thieves wanted to fight, he let them, but should he deem them sick or tired or in Yusuke’s case, severely exhausted, then no amount of negotiation would change his mind. The only way Yusuke was fighting, was if the party was ambushed by a Shadow far too powerful for them to handle and Joker called backup.

Compared to that scenario, Yusuke would much rather go a day without having anything interesting to look at.

He could still try gleaning something from the dark cavernous depths he could see outside Morgana’s window though. It wasn’t quite like experiencing everything directly, but it would have to do. Yusuke pulled out the sketchbook he had tucked in the coat of his thief outfit and a pencil and watched the walls run. Sketching something, anything, when he was starving proved to be a challenge, but one that he was already familiar with. It would be no different than he was at the shack. Although, every jolt of the Mona Bus reminded Yusuke that he hadn’t eaten anything since

Since.

He can’t remember. It couldn’t be less than a week ago, when he turned in a project for his class. A mediocre piece that somehow fooled his instructor into thinking that Yusuke was not in the slump he was in. Technically masterful brushstrokes and a vague, abstract subject can get one far, apparently, despite hunger and fatigue. Yusuke hasn’t eaten.

He was starving. There was food being sold at the Kosei cafeteria, and if Yusuke remembered correctly, he had done some grocery shopping just the other day. Bread and jam, with one or two cans of sardines, but if he wanted, he could easily get some food for himself when he got back.

Not that it mattered. Yusuke could postpone having a meal until after he’s finished at least one of his projects. Worldly attachments prevent you from painting to your fullest potential. You must cast aside your pain and your hunger and focus on nothing but art. Art is the only thing you will excel at and you must devote all of yourself to perfect that craft.

If Yusuke focused on eating, on food, on base desires, then he would never create the masterpieces that he was surely capable of. Art is pain. Art is suffering. Art is beauty that can only be achieved through dedication. Food can wait, even as his stomach felt empty. Great art is worth suffering for and until you create something worth your food, you’re not getting a bite. It’s all for you, Yusuke. Don’t you see? This is how true art is created. It’s all for your sake. I’m doing this for you so be a good boy and paint.

Absently, Yusuke found himself nodding.

“Uh, Fox? You good man?” Ryuji sat with Yusuke near the back of the bus and nudged Yusuke’s arm. “What’cha doin?”

Yusuke turned away from the window to look at Ryuji. The skull mask looked menacing in the yellow light of the Adyeshach levels. “Isn’t it obvious?” Ryuji shook his head, the confused curl of his lips visible. “I’m sketching ideas for my new piece.”

Ryuji’s eyes darted to Yusuke’s sketchbook, then to his face. “Right. Hey Panther?” On Ryuji’s other side, Ann jolted to attention from her nap. Ryuji tapped her arm repeatedly and gestured to Yusuke. “I think I might be going insane so check for me. Does Fox have a sketchbook in his hands?”

“Ugh. You woke me up for this?” Ann slumped back into her seat and punched Ryuji in the shoulder. Yusuke found himself nodding. How can he sketch without a sketchbook?

“Of course Fox doesn’t have anything in his hands. Don’t be stupid.”

Wait.

“I assure you I have been spending my hour productively.” After all, if Yusuke can’t fight, he should at least spend the trip to Mementos sketching out ideas. “The yellow light brings an ambience to Mementos that I would otherwise not find in the real world. I would not be such a fool as to waste this opportunity.”

This got Ann wide awake. She shifted in her seat, leaning over Ryuji to stare Yusuke down with narrowed eyes. “Oracle!” Ann yelled. Futaba, sitting near the front, turned around. “What colour is Mementos?”

Futaba made a non-committal noise. “Kind of purple, kind of red. Why?”

She was wrong, but Yusuke elected not to comment on that.

“Doesn’t he look paler than usual?”

By now, everyone was turning to look at him. Yusuke could see the worry behind their masks. They were worrying too much.

“I’m perfectly fine.” Yusuke assured.

And promptly passed out.

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“Is he okay?”

“The Doctor called the school dorms and told them that Yusuke was suffering from stress and mental fatigue but... she said that should be fine.”

“He can stay at Leblanc right? I’ll talk to Sojiro about that.”

“Right. Right. Yeah. Okay. I’ll get some blankets on the bed for him. I can sleep on the couch.”

“Dude. I can’t believe that he just collapsed. Makoto almost crashed the car.”

“I panicked! I didn’t think that Yusuke would just faint like that.”

“Still, I can’t help but wonder. Why did he pass out like that? Um. I’m still quite new here so I don’t know if I’m overstepping, but he doesn’t seem very healthy to me.”

“He’s always so pale…”

“Hey, Guinea Pig.”

“Takemi. How is he?”

“Fine. It’s nothing life threatening.”

There were disembodied voices around him, floating in the air. Yusuke blinked his eyes open to find drab white walls and the stench of sterilisation pungent in the air. It smelled like a hospital. Or a clinic. He hasn’t been to one recently. Why was he here? Or was the room redecorated without his knowing?

“What happened to him, Doctor?”

A woman stood at the foot of his bed. It wasn’t one of sensei’s pupils, but she was fairly young. Perhaps a visitor? No. Sensei did not allow visitors to stay at the shack. She had unusually blonde hair. Yusuke would love to paint it. He might just make that the next piece he submitted. She stood next to a woman in a white lab coat; a doctor.

“Exhaustion and fatigue plus an inordinate amount of stress caused him to collapse. Not to mention delirium and auditory and visual hallucinations that stem from malnutrition and sleep deprivation.”

“Oh no.”

“But when I messaged Inari just the other day he told me he had some food at the dorms! Did he not eat them?”

“Possibly.”

Yusuke can’t eat just yet. He had to create a new piece, before the deadline, before Sensei gets angry at his lack of productivity. He can’t just lay around doing nothing. Yusuke shifted and everyone in the room turned their eyes on him. What an odd group.

A young man with jet black hair sat beside Yusuke and gently pushed him back onto the bed. “Yusuke. Sleep. Just. Just sleep. I should have realised sooner, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Yusuke slurred. The black-haired man wore glasses. Yusuke would like to paint him too. “I can’t eat until I finish something. Sensei said so.”

“Sensei?” The black-haired man had lovely black eyes that matched his hair. His brows were creased in worry. “Yusuke. He’s not here. You’re safe. He can’t make you do anything anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Sensei stood by the door, scowling. He looked like a shogun, with a shiny gold robe and gaudy make up. Yusuke tried to point. The black-haired man held his arm down. There was an IV drip in the crook of Yusuke’s elbow. “He’s right behind you.”

The doctor sighed. “It will be a while before he’s back to normal. I suggest that you all get some rest.”

“I’ll stay with him,” said the black-haired man.

Sensei would get angry if there were visitors in the shack. Yusuke should have them all leave, for their sakes. But. A part of him didn’t want to be left alone. His eyes were heavy and he slid them shut. The black-haired young man looked worried.

Yusuke was starving.

He needed to finish another painting soon.

#whumptober 2019 #whumptober2019 #no.3 #persona #persona 5 #p5 #yusuke kitagawa

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tinsley-goldsworth · 5 years

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you can’t get it back

read on ao3!

summary: ricky wants his boyfriend back and shane just wants ryan back

wc:1705

A/n: ricky and tinsley are spirits in this story just to clarify

As everybody knew, Shane didn’t believe in the paranormal. He simply refused to believe that the “supernatural” existed; science could debunk any claims about the paranormal. Of course, this irked Ryan and Ryan had gone to great lengths to prove that ghosts, spirits, demons, or whatever spooky entities he read about on the Internet were real. But Ryan obviously did not expect to get possessed by one.

After the true crime season ended, Shane and Ryan agreed to take a little break before starting on a new supernatural series. Shane took this break to actually rest and spend time with Sara while Ryan, whose thirst for mysteries was never quenched, still stayed up until 3 am reading Wikipedia articles about ghosts.

One sunny summer day, Shane was minding his own business and bingeing a new show that came out on Netflix when he got a call from Ryan. As he pressed the pause button on his remote, Shane answered Ryan’s call, “Hey Ryan! What’s up?”

“I got some unsolved supernatural ideas in mind and I was wondering if you could come over to my place so we could discuss them?” Ryan’s voice sounded a little off but Shane couldn’t place a finger on what exactly was different in his voice. Shane was probably just tired and his mind was probably just playing tricks on him.

“Yeah, sure man. I’ll be right there,” Shane replied, standing up and turning off the TV as the call ended. He walked up to Sara, who was focused on her drawing and tapped her on the shoulder, “I’m heading out to Ryan’s place. He wants to talk about unsolved. Do you want me to pick up dinner on the way back?”

“That’d be great, thanks! I’m fine with anything; you can pick,” Sara didn’t even look up from her art, a sign that she was really focused on finishing the piece. Shane chuckled at his girlfriend’s behavior, kissing her on the top of her head before heading out.

When he arrived at Ryan’s, he knocked on the door, waiting for Ryan to answer it. There was a beat of silence before Ryan called out, “Come in! The door’s open.”

Shane didn’t think twice about his odd behavior before stepping into the house, closing the door behind him. He didn’t notice that the lock turned and locked itself behind his back. The windows were partially closed and only a few rays of summer sunlight slithered through the drawn curtains. The lights were off as well and Shane started feeling a little uneasy as he wondered why it was so dark. He walked into the living room and saw Ryan sitting on his couch, his legs crossed and his arms crossed.

Ryan was staring at the blank, dark television screen and Shane was starting to get really creeped out. Ryan seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in when he saw Shane enter the room out of the corner of his eye. “Shane. Boy am I glad to see you.”

“Glad to see you too,” Shane replies hesitantly, carefully approaching Ryan as if he was contagious. Ryan smiled and a shiver ran down Shane’s spine at the way he bared his teeth. “Are you okay? You’re acting kinda weird.”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just a little sleep-deprived,” Ryan commented casually, seeing to be unaware of the fact that he was acting a totally different person. Shane hesitantly sat down next to him on the couch, glancing at the blank TV screen. He opened his mouth to speak and suddenly, Ryan reached out his hand and wrapped it around Shane’s arm.

Pain bled into Shane’s arm and suddenly memories colored in black and white flashed through his head like a rapidly playing movie. They flew by too quickly but Shane had a feeling that they weren’t his. Shane jerked his arm out of Ryan’s grasp, staring at his friend in shock as he stood up, walking towards the door. To his dismay, Ryan, or whatever that thing was, stood up as well and followed him, a grin fixed on his face.

Shane took out his phone, dialing Sara’s number in panic and waited for her to pick up. Ryan’s pace quickened and Shane’s slow walk sped up into a jog. Shane ran to the door, trying to open it to find that it was sealed shut. The call went to voicemail and he ended it, trying to call the police only to look up and see that Ryan’s hand was on his arm again.

This time, the memories exploded into colors and emotions, making Shane’s head burn and a scream accelerated out of Shane’s throat. He felt a million emotions at once and saw some colors he didn’t even know the names of and all the chaos halted to a sudden stop. He opened his eyes, feeling something foreign in his systems. Shane tried to speak, cry out, and make any sort of noise but he had no control over his own body. Instead, he looked up at Ryan and a voice bubbled out of his body, “Ricky?”

“Tins! You’re back!” Ryan- wait, no, Ricky?- exclaimed delightedly, embracing Shane. Shane tried to budge and pull away but he still had no control over his body. He had no idea who was speaking through his body and his fear was starting to envelop him.

“Why am I in this body? I- didn’t we die? What are we doing here?” The entity possessing Shane stuttered as Shane still tried to fight for control. He felt like he was stuck behind a bulletproof window, watching the two people talk while he pounded on the glass, trying to get into the room. Shane heard a whisper somewhere in his headspace; a name that sounded like “C.C. Tinsley” and figured that that was probably the name of the spirit who was in his body.

“I brought you back! I found a host and I found you a host. We can be together again. It’s been so many years since we’ve been together and I’ve missed you so bad. I found the perfect hosts and we can spend as long as we want together now,” Ricky held Tinsley’s hands in his, looking him in the eye with his golden-brown eyes. Ricky’s lovesick expression shifted into one of surprise when Tinsley pulled his hands out of his grasp.

“No! Ricky, we can’t stay in these bodies. These two humans have lives. They still have a long life to live. We already have lived our lives but they still have a lot to do,” Tinsley argued and Shane wanted to whoop with joy at that remark, even if Tinsley was using his body to say that. At least one of the spirits was rational.

“But… but what about us? I love you. I can’t lose you again,” Ricky sounded like he was on the verge of tears, barely keeping himself together. Tinsley looked away, pain blossoming in his chest as he felt his boyfriend’s desperation combat with his judgment. Shane felt Tinsley as he sifted through his memories, observing his life silently.

“Ricky, I love you too but we can’t take their lives away from them. You’ve basically blocked all of Ryan away and letting Shane have some view of what is happening is even worse. They can’t live like this. We can’t live like this. You can’t get our past back. Do you understand?” Tinsley held Ricky’s hands in his, meeting his boyfriend’s teary eyes. Ricky nodded slowly, a single teardrop sliding down his face. Tinsley straightened, smiling sadly as he said, “We’ll meet again one day. I promise. I love you Ricky Goldsworth.”

“I love you too,” Ricky echoed and Shane felt their hands separate as he gained control of his own body again, feeling a comfortable warmth spread through his entire body as he returned to reality. He gasped for air, not even realizing that he felt like he was suffocating when Tinsley was in his body.

Shane saw Ryan lose his rigidity as Ricky left his body and quickly caught him before he slumped to the ground. Shane carried Ryan over to the couch, laying him down as he tried to fight off the mild headache. Ryan regained consciousness after a couple seconds, gasping for air just as Shane did after Tinsley left his body. “Where- what… what happened? What day is it?”

“It’s Tuesday,” Shane replied softly, watching Ryan’s confused expression shift into one of terror. He sat up abruptly, wincing as a pain shot through his brain.

“I- I remember it being Sunday. Something… something was in my mind. Who…?” Ryan barely managed to string his words together as tried to form coherent sentences. He ran his fingers through his messy hair, eyes still wide with shock.

“Some guy named Ricky Goldsworth I think. He then got some dude named C.C. Tinsley to possess me. It was wild,” Shane informed, watching Ryan try to gather bits and pieces of what happened. He figured that Ryan had no recall of anything that happened when Ricky possessed him since Tinsley mentioned that Ricky completely took over Ryan’s body while Shane maintained some sort of consciousness while Tinsley was controlling him.

“I had a feeling a spirit had followed me home,” Ryan shook his head, murmuring under his breath and shaking his head. Shane frowned as he watched Ryan sit up completely, reasoning, “You couldn’t have possibly known for sure. Don’t blame yourself.”

“I guess,” Ryan put a hand to his head as if he was trying to feel if he had a fever. Shane’s phone started ringing and Shane took it out to see that Sara was calling. He answered it, speaking carefully as if he was terrified that he was going to hear Ricky Goldsworth’s voice on the other end of the line, “Hello?”

“Hey Shane, are you okay? Why did you call me?” Sara asked tentatively. Sara somehow always managed to sense when something was wrong with Shane.

“No reason. Everything is fine now,” Shane lies, watching Ryan stand up and start pacing around the living room. Yes, Shane hadn’t believed in the paranormal but after that experience, who wouldn’t?

this was my first time writing for buzzfeed unsolved! I’ve been lurking in the fandom for a bit and finally decided to write a fic :)

Feel free to send requests!

#fics #bfu #tinsworth #buzzfeed unsolved #ricky goldsworth #c.c. tinsley #ryan bergara #shane madej #sara rubin #buzzfeed unsolved cinematic universe #bfucu #fanfiction #buzzfeed #angst #possession #writing

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