#DID is a covert disorder its not impossible for there to be others

[system-of-a-feather]

Some Anecdotal Debunking Things About DID Treatment and DID in General

So we're thinking of possibly taking a VOLUNTARY break from therapy as we swap insurances, pick up a new job, open a new part in life etc due to it being an additional complication and we have gotten to a place in healing where we are not as dependent on regular professional support (though we do intend to return when settled to work through a few more things)

And while I know its no where compared to how long some others have been in it, after 7 years of weekly / biweekly therapy and 5 years of DID specialist therapist who explicitly worked with the FBI that helped victims from trafficking cases (luckily not us) just some straight up things about DID that I see non-DID people saying especially on a certain other website that starts with r and ends int t.

Thought it would be a fun thing to do while biking and before studying.

DISCLAIMER: This is based on my experience in healing and working with my therapist. My answers are not the only experience. This is 100% anecdotal. I don't think this will get big enough for me to need to say this, but do not use this post as evidence for literally anything.

"DID isn't having a bunch of friends in your head talking and making jokes and waiting for turns!"

Eh, usually not but why can't it be? Like it takes time and work but people without DID can sit in their head and make jokes at themselves and have fun with themselves. Why is it so outlandish that someone with DID could eventually be happy enough with themselves to get that? Cause tbh, its a lot of how thing are now for us so...

"DID is due to severe and horrific childhood trauma! There can't be this many people who experienced that!"

Oh how I WISH I had your naivety.

"No therapist would just acknowledge something! They would always diagnose! If they don't diagnose you don't have it."

Nah they do. Sometimes its not the main or relevant concern to diagnose (as DID is the primary diagnosis) and other times the diagnosis itself is stigmatizing and/or not the strongest in its construct (a lot of personality disorders) or most of the symptoms of that disorder are mostly covered by other disorders; or just straight up they don't like to diagnose those disorders for a number of clinical reasons. Also, sometimes people are undiagnosable which does not mean "does not have" but that their specific case makes it impossible to create a certain diagnostic differential as it is unclear which came first. We are undiagnosable for autism as we have had an autism and trauma specialist both say we behave and appear very autistic however we have too few overt dysfunctions so it is unsure if we "learned it" from the two family members we have + have OCD, OCPD and PTSD or if we are just a well-adjusted / adapted individual. Either way, it would hardly be a relevant diagnosis, so no therapist finds value in trying to spend time getting the the core of it.

"You can't switch on command!"

Yes but no. You can learn to be really good at switching and drawing parts out but there will always be a margin of error cause shit be like that.

"You can't have two alters talking at the same time at the front! You can't rapid switch"

Yeah nah, we've had four it's chill. Welcome to lessening dissociative barriers.

"You can't split alters after childhood"

the fuck you on about of course you can life sucks after childhood too dumbass

"Introjects / Fictional Introjects aren't real!"

Nah. *sips drink in introject*

"Animal alters aren't real! Inanimate object alters aren't real!"

Nah. Our therapist has seen dragons and zombies and werewolves, we had even specifically mentioned this. They're pretty darn common.

"Why are all their alters QUEER?"

Have you considered.... that they might be queer? Just a thought.

"If you had DID people would know! It would be obvious!"

Nope.

"If you had DID no one would know! It would be covert!"

Also nope.

"A GOOD therapist would not let you operate as different parts! They wouldn't feed into the delusion! They'd have you fuse"

Wow, I didn't know forcing your patient to do anything is the HALLMARK of a good therapist, thanks for letting me know. /s

"DID is a life altering disorder! It would ruin your life! You would be unable to do anything!"

Uhhhh no. That's just infantilizing and honestly a really negative / problematic thing to say about anyone with mental illness. Thats the shit that perpetuates the "this mentally ill person should be institutionalized 24/7

"People with DID can't drive!"

Partially true. A lot of people with DID can struggle with driving, but plenty can navigate that.

"Parts can't talk to one another! Parts don't know about eachother! Parts dont know / talk / do XYZ"

Nope. Just that shits all dumb ngl get your head out of your ass.

"People with DID would hate having parts! People with DID would not actually identify as multiple people! People with DID would be chronically miserable!"

Bro stop. Not true.

"People with DID would ALWAYS identify as multiple people. People with DID would LOVE having parts"

Not as common of a thing I've heard but also not true

"Befriending and sharing your experiences / being overt with your DID expression is only harmful and only worsening the condition."

Nah a large part of DID recovery is learning about your disorder and the parts you have to navigate life with and realistically it is very difficult to hide this disorder from people who are permanent parts in your life so a lot of the time - at least with your close personnel - it's very important to be open and communicative about it and leave space for all parts to exist as they wish.

"You can't have THAT many disorders"

Have you read about how badly chronic childhood stress fucks up the body and brain? People with DID tend to have a fucking essay worth of diagnoses. Chronic childhood traumatic stress is extremely damaging and taxing.

That's all for now cause I need to get to studying but just a few. Maybe Ill add more as I think of more stupid things I've heard.

EDIT: one more important one

"XYZ trauma isn't real! This is all just the Satanic Panic! False Memories! Iatrogenic! XYZ trauma is fake! RAMCOA isn't real!"

You are a mother fucking little bitchy asshole huh. Who the fuck do you think you are? Please refer to fucking #2 and I wish I had your naivety

#alter: riku #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #fakeclaiming #did #probably some xiv snark too #ill give him credit #i dont hear him but probably passive influence #alter: xiv

[oscill4te]

i wonder if systems get overshare-y online because its a new, modern way to speak about your experiences without necessarily endangering or outing yourself to people in your real life. but i also do genuinely believe a lot of ppl are LARPing (look at the tumblr tag and sort by newest... and... well...yeah. hehe. sorryyy). BUT i also believe DID and OSDD are much more common than you'd think. I get incredibly uncomfortable at how many people mock people with these disorders due to a few LARPers who are probably just bored teenagers who will grow out of it at some point anyway. If you are going to mock, please at least educate yourself on these disorders so you know what you are mocking. I often see mockers laugh at things that are very real symptoms of DID/OSDD and other dissociative/trauma-caused disorders.

Early childhood trauma is unfortunately more rampant and common than most people want to admit, I notice a strong disdain from people to even consider long-term neglect of a child to be a form of abuse. Also people act like it is impossible that you will ever meet someone with DID or OSDD... DID is diagnosed in 1.5% of the global population... heres another fun fact, the percentage of people with red hair is about 1-2% of the global population! I bet you have met a red-head before. So yes, it is very uncommon, but you likely have met at least one person with a dissociative disorder at some point in your life. They aren't mythological creatures y'know. and due to its covert nature, there are likely more people with DID who have slipped through the cracks, trying to figure out what is "wrong" with them. Some people might be more overt about their experiences in anonymous online spaces (like tumblr) that are divided from their real life, but will you see someone do this on their personal facebook or instagram? probably not!! For understandable reasons. but that doesn't make it not real. Idk.... sure, cringe if you want, but this is just some people's reality and i will always point it out my criticisms about this mockery of DID/similar disorders when I see it. Its probably wasted energy but i want people to have more knowledge and compassion for people with these disorders.

#txt #writing this was cathartic honestly.

[thestarseersystem]

Ooo I saw this going around.

DID, OSDD, P-DID, or C-DID? I don't actually know. In my opinion, DID/OSDD-1+ is a spectrum, as my atypical presentation of this disorder has got me very confused. I know I'm polyfragmented, but due to not having switching amnesia and non-possessive switches, it's impossible to tell. And due to my living situation, I cannot seek a professional atm. (p.s. y'all forgot UDD)

Current Alter Count? Unknown. 30+ definitely, but I don't know if fragments count in that, and a lot of alters that we have rarely front, so it's hard to know.

Alter Count at Discovery? Six. Me (Yuki, main host), Tsuki (primary protector), Darling (sexual protector and caretaker), Hime (little), Emiline/Gwendolyn (persecutor and little), and Glitch (who was a dormant alter who fused with a part of a host, and became a co-host known as Rai). We slowly started learning more overtime, but those were the ones that were most overt.

Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity? Functional Multiplicity for sure. The former is an impossible goal and not something we'd be comfortable in doing.

What roles are you heavy in? No roles in particular, it's pretty even across the board, but almost all non-human alters, from vampires to fey to other creatures and nonhuman things, like dolls and robots.

How's your communication? Shit. mostly. It's inconsistent at best, but when we are able to communicate, it's pretty clear. But due to brain fog, ADHD, etc. its ough.

Are you diagnosed, self diagnosed, or unofficially diagnosed? That's hard. We're recognized by our therapist, but as our therapist knows our living situation, we've asked that nothing be official. Besides, they're not an expert on it. So,, self dx but more unofficially...

Are you in therapy? Yes, but my therapist isn't exactly qualified for trauma processing. In therapy for ADHD.

What alter type are you heavy in? Read question 5.

Overt or Covert? I'm a masker, so covert, but I would be lying if I said that I was completely covert. Some alters are really overt.

Does handwriting differ? Kind of. But we don't handwrite enough anymore to know.

Do others know of your system? Yes, friends, partner, etc.

One thing you wish the community would accept? This is a loaded question. But,, I guess I wish the community wasn't so aggressive towards each other, or self righteous all the time. I think a community based around trauma can be a breeding ground for hate, rather than positivity. But I do understand why it's happening, it's just really common for people to just get in arguments over stupid shit, and to see opinions that I feel like I have to agree with. I just wish it was way more simple to just post a positivity post than to see other creators rip each other apart over a small hill to die on. I get it. But also, just let it go at this point. No need to be so angry over nothing. I know I get that way too. It's just really dumb.

Advice for singlets? Ah hhahhahhhh... Don't just make assumptions on systems based on what a single person does or says. There's a lot of misinformation out there, and if you want to make a video or a post on systems, you need to consult someone who has that lived experience first, someone who's actually diagnosed or medically recognized. It's not fair to other systems, if you shit on one thing in the community, and just direct ableism and hatred towards systems. Because everything you say, can and will directly harm another system, if you're wrong. Please stop hopping on a bandwagon to bring down systems with weird symptoms. It's not fair and it's not right.

Your go to thing for flashbacks? This is unhealthy and not something I advocate for doing, but I will ruminate on it. I will just focus HEAVY and ruminate and obsess and analyze. What I *should do* is distract, ask for comfort, ground myself, etc.

Your favourite educational accounts? Fuck if I know. I just post things, research on the internet and go. But I really like DissociaDID, despite their troubled past,, they helped me realize that I was a system and their videos are a big comfort to me. (please whatever u do, don't bring up the drama surrounding them, one of the ppl criticizing them is ableist against personality disorders).

Any shared spins? What. huh. i have me own opinions.

A role you coined? None, but like I really like systemfluid as a neurogender. Also someone make vampire coining for me or something. aemogais hear me,,,,,, more vampires.

Are you queer heavy? No shit.

Unpopular DIDOSDD opinion? I really fucking hate that there's a consensus that its medical terms and life is scary with DID and go sort of attitude. Having a system is a lived experience, so it fucking bothers me that there's just a coldness, no real fun, only hard facts and sad truths. I hate when people get mad at me for giving a more accurate experience to being a system, rather than just following it by the book. I guess my unpopular opinion is that there's no nuance for atypical experiences of having a dissociative disorder. I don't feel like I'm allowed to be myself in this community.

^^^

Other Comorbid Disorders? For me? I have ADHD, OCD and delusions specifically related to my trauma. For others, I don't know theirs.

^^^

Innerworld Large or Small? Huge. My innerworld is fucking massive with different layers/realms stacked on top of each other/beside each other. There's many different areas only some people can get to.

^^^

How often do you switch? A lot of non-possessive switches, I'm not able to notice how much. It's often enough that I don't remember much when I look back, but not enough that I can tell who's fronting.

^^^

What's your stance on sourcemates? I think it's sweet. I probably wouldn't seek them out, but I think they're alright. I don't think it's inherently toxic, but if a friend had a sourcemate, like of arcane, I would like to talk to them,, but I wouldn't actively seek that out. Also I think i'd probably get jealous of people who shared a similar introject, so I wouldn't talk to them.

^^^

Share something an alter made? I don't have a lot of finished artwork, but here's art I made for my bestie's 20th birthday. (its me and my bestie)

This is ok to rb!!! And put ur own answers, or just make ur own post aaaa

#post.txt #system september #questions #system challenge #also creds to the creator on insta!!!

[symptoms-syndrome]

People keep using overt/covert in ways where like...

Coming from someone labelled as "overt," here are some facts about my presentation in particular:

Most people in my life do not know I have DID

I do not go by different names in my life

I don't even always know who's fronting

My switches are not always clear-cut

I prefer to keep my switches and disorder mostly private

"Overt" and "covert" are loose terms at best, and many people switch (no pun intended) between presenting overtly and covertly. These changes may happen because of greater or lesser awareness, differing parts, and/or different levels of comfort. The differences I've found mentioned in papers have even varied, some saying that overt means one is aware of parts (meaning most people in the Tumblr DID sphere would be classified as overt) while some say that overt means noticable easily by a professional (not necessarily untrained friends/family.)

Overt does not necessarily mean that other people notice you have DID. Most strangers aren't really capable of knowing that anyway, to many it would be hard or impossible to determine whether someone they perceive acting strangely has DID, a psychotic disorder, is possibly is just using substances, or something else entirely. There are a lot of reasons someone could act differently at different times, have "voices in their head," etc which is why DID isn't solely classified as "having alters disorder." DID is primarily a dissociative disorder, many of the experiences tied to DID happen internally and are not always visible to outsiders. Even in the DSM criteria talking specifically about parts, "Two or more distinct identities or personality states are present, each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self." Here, "perceiving, relating to, and thinking about" are all self-focused, rather than describing the ways we may behave outwardly.

My DID was incredibly obvious to my psychiatrist and therapist, even before I was aware of it. This is why I was personally labelled as "overt." Not every psych professional will label someone as overt or covert, because as previously mentioned, that status can change over time, and the definitions aren't even set in stone. "Overt" and "covert" are not diagnoses, just descriptors.

There is also the factor that since people generally know themselves better than anyone else, we may notice behaviors that are uncharacteristic to what we perceive as "normal" to ourselves that are not noticable to anyone else, and think that our presentation is much more overtly different than it actually is to outsiders. This may make someone feel the need to cover up these unnoticeable-to-others differences, which can lead to presenting more overtly just because you're trying to cover your tracks and not acting naturally. Once I knew I was co-con with another part because they ate and enjoyed a huge slice of chocolate and coffee flavored cake, when I can't stand either of those myself. It's unlikely any of my coworkers I was with knew that I was not myself, to them I was just...a person eating some cake. If I had tried to "cover my tracks" by pretending to dislike the cake, that likely would've made more of a weird scene than just going along with it, because I would've had to pretend instead of acting naturally.

Trying to seperate people with DID into a binary system (again, no pun intended) of overt vs covert presents similar problems to the binary of introvert/extrovert: all people with DID are likely to have some level of overtness and covertness. Trauma-stuck parts and small parts are often more overt, while for many people with DID, "daily life parts" may blend together more covertly.

#actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #did #osdd

[c-ptsdrecovery]

“Did it ever get physical?”

This is often the first question we ask someone we know or suspect is in an unhealthy relationship. While starting a conversation around physical abuse is essential, the issue is when it’s the only question we ask.

Stopping short of inquiring about other forms of abuse implies that physical violence is the defining factor of an unhealthy relationship. Even worse, it conveys the message that whatever else might be going on is just “not that bad.”

This is a huge issue, because emotional abuse can absolutely be that bad.

Even if relationship never gets physically abusive, emotional abuse can escalate over time with devastating consequences, even death. And while emotional abuse does not always lead to physical abuse, physical abuse in relationships is nearly always preceded and accompanied by emotional abuse.[i]

Why don’t we hear more about emotional abuse? In addition to the common misconception that it’s just not that serious, many people simply aren’t sure what emotional abuse actually entails.

My aim here is to help you understand what emotional abuse really means and what makes it so dangerous so that you’re better equipped to start the conversation. Because if you want to stop it, you first have to know what you’re dealing with.

Defining Emotional Abuse

Understanding emotional abuse is complicated for many reasons. One reason is because there are several different names used interchangeably to refer to the same kind of abuse, including emotional abuse/violence, psychological abuse/violence, and mental abuse. For simplicity, we’ll use “emotional abuse” going forward.

Another complication is that there isn’t one accepted definition of emotional abuse. It seems that everyone has a slightly different version.

We’ve identified several common threads that make up the most widely accepted definitions and combined them here to create the following description of emotional abuse:

Emotional abuse is any abusive behavior that isn’t physical, which may include verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation, which most often unfolds as a pattern of behavior over time that aims to diminish another person’s sense of identity, dignity and self worth, and which often results in anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts or behaviors, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Wow, that’s a lot.

Each part of the definition presents its own complications to fully grasping the reality of emotional abuse, so let’s dissect what this really means, piece by piece.

Breaking Down Emotional Abuse

1.“…any abusive behavior that isn’t physical…”

Pretty broad, right? Emotional abuse is difficult to comprehend because it encompasses so much. Just take a look at the non-exhaustive list[ii] below of behaviors that are potentially emotionally abusive:

Intimidation

Manipulation

Refusal to ever be pleased

Blaming

Shaming

Name-calling

Insults

Put-downs

Sarcasm

Infantilization

Silent treatment

Trivializing

Triangulation

Sabotage

Gaslighting

Scapegoating

Blame-shifting

Projection

Ranking and comparing

Arbitrary and unpredictable inconsistency

Threatening harm

Forced isolation

We specify “potentially” abusive behaviors because some of the behaviors on this list could occur in a healthy context as well. Let’s take sarcasm and infantilizing speech, for example. Many people consider sarcasm a key component of a good sense of humor. Many people would also agree that using infantilizing speech as terms of endearment is harmless, for example referring to a significant other as “baby.” However, in the context of emotional abuse where the intent is malicious, these behaviors can be extremely cutting, especially when disguised as affection or an innocent remark. For example, someone who repeatedly tells his or her significant other “My baby is so smart” in a way that’s meant to mock their partner’s intelligence using sarcasm as well as infantilizing speech to make them feel small is a form of emotional abuse.

2. “ …which may include verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation”

The key word here is “may.” Not only is the list of emotional abuse tactics incredibly long and dependent on context, the particular combination of behaviors that show up, how they show up—whether overtly or covertly—and with what intensity can also vary greatly from relationship to relationship. As a result, we have another layer of complexity: emotional abuse doesn’t have one specific look.

For example, an emotionally abusive relationship where overt aggressing behaviors like yelling, threatening and blaming are predominantly used will look very different from a relationship where only very subtle forms of abuse like gaslighting, passive-aggressive put-downs, and minimizing are used.

3. “a pattern of behavior over time”

Emotional abuse is rarely a single event. Instead, it occurs over time as a pattern of behavior that’s “sustained” & “repetitive.”[iii] This particular characteristic of emotional abuse helps explain why it’s so complicated and so dangerous.

Even if you’re the most observant person in the world, emotional abuse can be so gradual that you don’t realize what’s happening until you’re deeply entangled in its web. As a result, the abuse can go unchecked as the relationship progresses, building for months, years, even decades, especially if the abuse is more covert. In such instances, the target’s self-esteem is steadily eroded and their self-doubt becomes so paralyzing that they often have only a vague sense that something (though unsure what) is wrong.

4. “aims to diminish another person’s sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth”

Regardless of how emotional abuse unfolds, experts agree that it has devastating effects on those who are subjected to it.[iv]

Unfortunately, these effects as well as each harmful act of abuse are largely invisible. This makes it difficult for most people to comprehend the very real risks and damage of emotional abuse.

Let’s demonstrate why. For a moment, try to imagine a scene of physical violence, a fight. Even if you’ve never witnessed or experienced it firsthand, your imagination can probably fill in the picture pretty well. The struggle. The adrenaline and fear. The aftermath of blood, bruises, tears. It’s a painful portrait but likely one that you can envision.

Now, try to picture a scene of emotional abuse, specifically someone whose self-identity has been annihilated. Can you see it?

Chances are your mind doesn’t know where to begin. But if you are able to create a picture of either the acts of abuse or what the damage looks like on the person who experienced it, can you put that image into words?

While describing physical wounds is pretty straightforward, it’s much harder to articulate emotional trauma. The parts of a person that sustained emotional abuse destroys—identity, dignity, and self-worth—are abstract, almost impossible to picture or measure.

5. “results in anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts or behaviors, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)”

Because emotional abuse is essentially invisible, singling out the abuse as the culprit of its destructive effects is another kind of challenge and frustration.

Even in cases of extreme emotional abuse, there are no bruises or gashes where the victim can point and say, “This cracked rib is from that constant belittling and invalidation” and “That swollen eye and broken lip are from the incessant name-calling and guilt-tripping and pathological lying.” Instead, what emotional abuse ends up looking like is a person suffering from painful yet not uncommon afflictions like anxiety or depression.

It can therefore be heartbreakingly easy for anyone—whether the person inflicting the emotional abuse, a third-party observer, or even the target of the abuse—to misattribute its damage to some other cause like unemployment or family stress or even blame the target’s prior mental state if he or she battled similar issues in the past.

Closing Thoughts

Hopefully this explanation of emotional abuse is as comprehensive as possible, but I recognize that it’s still bound to have gaps due to the complications I’ve just mentioned. Think of it more as a springboard for future conversations and exploration than an all-encompassing definition.

Emotional abuse, like any other form of cruelty, thrives in the darkness when no one understands, discusses, or recognizes it. Use your newfound knowledge and curiosity to shine the light on the risks and devastation of emotional abuse.

A great place to start is with asking the question, “How does that behavior or action make you feel?” or “Did it ever get emotionally abusive?”

#emotional abuse #abuse #mental abuse #verbal abuse #psychological abuse

[there-will-be-a-way]

1/?? ok so first off im really sorry for sending this ask but you seem as good a person to ask as any. dont feel any pressure to answer or even read through this all tho if you dont want to. this will be a really long series of asks so definitely feel free to ignore them if they overwhelm you, because i cant really keep my thoughts straight atm, but ill number them all and sign off with a '- H.'

2/?? So for starters, I’m not asking for a diagnosis, obviously you’re not a therapist, I’m just asking for any advice/opinions you might have and want to offer up. So I’m 19, I dropped out of school when I was seventeen, almost never attended before that, tried to get a job a few months ago but was fired after a few days of work because I stopped showing up (I was in a numb, dissociative state for the full work days, and I had to get drunk just to be able to have the courage to go in) - H

3/?? I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, autism and c-ptsd all when I was 16 because it was obvious that I was having a lot of trouble functioning in society and socialising with anyone. I have always dissociated a LOT, having out-of-body experiences, talking to people without feeling like I was really personally choosing my words and they were instead just coming out of my mouth from nowhere, feeling numb and having a lot of problems with memory. - H

4/?? I thought for a little while at the beginning of this year that I might have DID because of all the dissociation and occasionally having short spurts of lost time, but I quickly dismissed it because I didn’t think I had any other personalities in my body (I don’t know if that’s the right way to talk about them, forgive me if I say something confusing or wrong, I didn’t know much about DID until very recently). - H

5/?? Anyway, in recently I found your blog and looked through a few of your posts (not many, just the last couple of pages here), and I thought, what if I do have personalities? I often feel like im not fully in control of myself and I have heard voices before, although it doesn’t happen much and I never connected either of these to a definitive personality. - H

6/?? So I decided to try to separate myself into different people (I don’t think that’s the right term but bear with me) and I came up with a list of nine initially. And the more I tried to categorise my behaviour/opinions/hobbies into each of them the more afraid I got, because I think i might actually have DID after all? It was very easy to do, and its very easy for me to see everyone as seperate entities - H

7/?? Except im nineteen so surely SOMEONE would have noticed I had it before now? Even if I didn’t, someone else should have? Although most people who know me would probably write off my behaviour as a combination of the effects of aspergers and ptsd, so they wouldn’t even consider something else. - H

8/?? Also, I read about switching, and different personalities having very distinct voices and presences and I don’t know if its just that I haven’t examined these facets of myself before, but I don’t think I have that? Maybe i just need to think on it more than i have, but im worried im just lying to myself because im so desperate for answers as to why i am the way i am. - H

9/?? So ultimately what im saying is, I don’t know if im lying to myself or if it might be a real possibility I have DID. Just from what ive written here, do you think theres any way I could have it, or is it obvious I probably dont? I think it would be useful to know if it would help me get more in touch with myself, because a lot of the time I don’t even feel like a real person. - H

Hey there 👋🏻

First of all, you are brave for reaching out and wanting to figure out what's going on with you so go you! However, it would be irresponsible of me to judge your situation based on the little information I have about you - and this goes for any stranger on the internet. This is definitely something you should bring up with a therapist, if you can, especially since your symptoms seem to cause you a lot of distress and disrupt your everyday life. Whatever your symptoms stem from, you deserve professional help.

So yeah, my advice would be to bring this up with a therapist and be open to all possible explanations. In the end what matters isn't so much the diagnosis but getting help for your symptoms. In the meantime I'd advice you to look into grounding techniques and practice them since you obviously struggle with dissociation. It can also be helpful to keep a journal and write about your experiences.

Lastly, there is a common misconception in your ask that I'd like to clear up: Dissociative Identity Disorder most often is a covert disorder. The disorder's purpose isn't to make the most elaborated and noticeable 'personalities' but to survive severe childhood trauma. That means different things for different people - and therefore the disorder is different for everyone - but most often dissociated parts of self (= the 'personalities') are so covert that it's common even for therapists to not notice the person has DID. Many people with DID have parts that act very similar and are hard, even impossible for others to tell apart or notice.

Anyway, I hope you understand that I didn't not answer your question because I'm being mean but because I don't want to cause you harm by misjudging your situation (I'm just a stranger on the internet).

I really hope that you can get the help you deserve since what you describe does sound distressing and is worth looking into. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and sending my support.

Take care!

#answering asks #anons #tw drinking mention #didn't not answer? #didn't answer not because? #I have no idea how to say this but you get what I mean #language machine broke

[arcticdementor]

But this is not the only threat that incoming students face. Universities are front and centre of the new culture war and the dominant culture in the humanities and arts is soaked in an anxiety-ridden politics of negation. It is a world with which I am all too familiar, from many years’ involvement in the far-left, which — stripped of materialist analysis and class content — increasingly finds its base in the university. I had come to see those years as misspent but essentially inconsequential and a little embarrassing.

What is remarkable is not that I found these politics wanting — most who move through these scenes eventually do — but that, shorn of their economics, they now appear culturally hegemonic and unassailable. Today these politics represent what Wesley Yang described as the “successor ideology”, the default politics of a new elite coming of age, and this language is the currency of the professional managerial class in the English-speaking world. They do not seem so inconsequential anymore.

I spent my teenage years immersed in Marxist and anarchist circles and literature, at protests and occupations, squats and reading groups. I would listen to ageing Cockneys give talks on class interest and exploitation in the backrooms of dusty pubs. It may not have been much, but it did at least feel like we could lay claim to the heritage of a genuine radicalism.

…

Some blame academics for the radicalisation of students, but in truth self-selecting mechanisms ensured many of us arrived pre-radicalised, and from there it spread memetically, not didactically. The internet was a far bigger radicaliser than Left-wing academics. The handful of academics involved with the political scene were outliers and most were political liberals.

The next three years played out predictably. The organiser of a gay night was denounced for playing a song by Katy Perry because another song of hers was deemed problematic. A rare working class boy had his Union Jack flag stolen and set on fire during a commemoration for the Queen, while students (many of whom from one elite international school in Geneva) denounced him as a racist. We queued round the block for Judith Butler and we tried, sometimes successfully, to get others blocked from public platforms altogether.

Rumours would circulate about people who were “problematic”, often socially awkward men whose problem was that they interrupted people. Talks on sex work and the radical possibilities of kink proliferated. One of my more sordid memories is of person after person taking turns at a public assembly to declare themselves “disabled”, presumably by nature of their mental disorder, and therefore oppressed. A good friend was condemned in a public blog by his ex for the crime of suggesting that her new activist friends might not have been making her very happy.

At first, there was a rush — the feeling of belonging to a community, particularly one defined so clearly against an other, gave meaning and purpose to life. Taking part in “action”, the more covert the better, strengthened this sense of conspiracy. But over time the world darkened and lost colour. Our intellectual world shrunk and everything was subjected to the same dreary analysis. Real conversation became impossible, replaced with irony, intersectional bromides and endless talk of mental illness.

The college was a bucket of crabs and happiness itself suspect, a mark of privilege, as with the rugby lads who had the audacity to actually enjoy themselves. When there was laughter it was heavy and jarring, filled with irony and bitterness, never light or free. The elitism of the university discounted even appreciation of the beauty of its buildings or the surrounding countryside, although by then we were probably too far gone to notice. Though we were aware of our enormous privilege we contrived to see our time at Cambridge as some grim fate foisted upon us.

…

Few have described this process as well as Philip Roth in American Pastoral. The lifelessness of it all and the impossibility of any lightness or dialogue, as he put it: “The monotonous chant of the indoctrinated, ideologically armored from head to foot — the monotonous, spellbound chant of those whose turbulence can be caged only within the suffocating straitjacket of the most supercoherent of dreams. What was missing from her unstuttered words was not the sanctity of life — missing was the sound of life.”

Roth wrote of the manipulative potential of compassion, the only recognised virtue: “There may not be much subtlety in it, she may not yet be its best spokesman, but there is some thought behind it, there’s certainly a lot of emotion behind it, there’s a lot of compassion behind it…” On top of this there was the moral certainty that erases any concern about means. “Rita was no longer an ordinary wavering mortal, let alone a novice in life, but a creature in clandestine harmony with the brutal way of the world, entitled, in the name of historical justice, to be just as sinister as the capitalist oppressor Swede Levov.”

…

Social theorist Mark Fisher described from first-hand experience the manipulation of this scene as a Vampire Castle which “feeds on the energy and anxieties and vulnerabilities of young students, but most of all it lives by converting the suffering of particular groups — the more marginal, the better — into academic capital. The most lauded figures in the Vampire Castle are those who have spotted a new market in suffering — those who can find a group more oppressed and subjugated than any previously exploited will find themselves promoted through the ranks very quickly.” The Vampire Castle recruits on the promise of community and self-healing. The reality is an ouroboros of emotional manipulation, stripped of the political and of all that makes life interesting and worthwhile.

…

Undergraduate wastefulness, self-absorption and misery are nothing new, but the form they took presaged what was to come. In another age, we would have been conservatives — frightened of the outside world, haunted by anxiety and guilt, unafraid to speak or think freely. But instead, the politics of my old friends set the national agenda.

We would have laughed at the idea we formed an elite and we certainly didn’t act like one. But we were the vanguard for a movement that has swept the English-speaking world in the subsequent decade. We still professed to be fighting the old powers — patriarchy, white supremacism, the nuclear family, colonialism, the university itself. But in truth we represented what Christopher Lasch called psychological man, “the final product of bourgeois individualism,” and were being trained in elite formation for the therapeutic age just as surely as our forerunners had been for the previous, paternal age.

#unherd #tobias phibbs #read the whole thing

[pepsiwatermelon]

Do you have any advice on writing a character with DID without making it offensive/a stereotype? Any info is ok

Yeah! We got the basics- DID happens through childhood trauma, typically between 6-9 ish is where people start forming cohesive senses of self, and interrupting that with trauma before that point can cause DID. Not through magic or anomalies or anything, JUST childhood trauma. If it comes from magic or spirituality, that’s not DID that’s soulbonding/possession or something else entirely, don’t confuse the two.

If the character is not aware they have DID, memory lapses are common, and even if they have good communication like we do we still forget shit the time.

Don’t do the “secret evil alter” thing. We’re more likely to be victims of further violence than perpetuate it, and any persecutory alters are more likely to hurt the body and the system than outsiders.

Not all alters will agree with everything everyone does; there may be dissent among them. There also may be collaboration and agreement, especially if they’re well aware and able to communicate more effectively.

DID is a COVERT illness, so if an alter is fronting who acts/behaves drastically differently than the host or what people expect of the system, they likely will try to act like that expectation around people who don’t know about the system or they aren’t familiar with. Example: we’re trans masculine, but we have a few girls in system. At home they might behave/act/present more femininely, but when we’re out we all present the same way where people we know might see us.

Also on the topic of childhood trauma, if you’re familiar with writing characters with PTSD its gonna help a lot here. I don’t know for sure but I feel like it’s almost impossible to have DID and not PTSD in some form. Having DID is messy and it effects all areas of your life.

But it doesn’t all suck; sometimes, especially when communication is good, alters can take care of each other. Feel free to explore inner-system bonds and relationships!

Also, DID =\= schizophrenia. People with DID can have schizophrenia, but they’re not the same. DID =\= Bipolar disorder. People with DID can have bipolar disorder, but they’re not the same thing. I can’t speak for schizophrenia bc I don’t have it, but I know what gets most people confused between DID and Bipolar is how extreme manic and depressive states are different from each other. As someone with both, I can promise you that I’m still 100% me when fronting when manic and when fronting while depressed. It can change my thought processes and behaviors, but I’m still me. Until I’m not fronting, of course!

Someone who knows they have DID may not know how many alters are there and who they are, this is especially common with polyfragmented systems (systems with such severe and/or complex traumas that their systems reach over 100+ or so alters).

ANY TIME after the initial split from childhood trauma, a new alter can form when trauma or stress becomes too much for the alters that already exist. For example, if a system consists of just two people who came into existence when they were 7, alters A and B, and they experience a traumatic event at 16 and neither A nor B can handle that trauma, they can split alter C. A singlet (aka someone without DID) will not split someone new under those circumstances because they already have a cohesive sense of self to deal with it. They might develop PTSD though.

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head? But if you have any questions or more specific questions feel free to ask!

And if any of my mutuals who also have DID wanna jump in feel free.

#kon.txt #DID info #DID #did system #nervousalpacahologram #asks

[ethelbertpaul444-blog]

18 Creepy Declassified Documents That Give Us the Heebie Jeebies

There are plenty of confidentials kept by the government without going into conspiracy theorist province, and sometimes those confidential wars grow declassified.

Reddit-users recently went over some of the creepiest declassified incidents around the world, from a malevolent Soviet-era island to a United States nuclear gaffe that almost ended in catastrophe.

Check out 18 of the craziest declassified bouts in history!

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The U.S. missed flying saucers.

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via: Getty Images

Project 1794 was a top secret program with the U.S. Air Force working with a Canadian aeronautics firm to build a supersonic flying saucer-like aircraft that would be able to simultaneously wage mental battle on our Cold War enemies as well as physical fight( it was also designed to be a bomber ).

The project was scrapped when they figured out that not only would it be too expensive to build prodigious flying disc, but too that workmanships of that influence were near impossible to fly at supersonic acceleration. –VictorBlimpmuscle

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During Operation Sea-Spray , the military forces sprayed presumably inoffensive bacteria over San Francisco to study the spread of biological artillery strikes.

It was revealed that this happened over 200 ages in all regions of the US. –Paranoidas

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A same test was was participating in New York City subway system by throwing lightbulbs fitted with bacteria onto Manhattan train trails.

An army report in 1968 concluded that “similar covert criticizes with a pathogenic disease-causing negotiator during top traffic ages could be expected to expose large numbers of beings to infection and precede illness or demise .”

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via: Wikipedia

Not exactly creepy, but during Operation PBSUCCESS, the CIA backed the 1954 coup d’etat in Guatemala at the behest of the United Fruit Company and US State Department.

Basically a socialist friendly authority was elected in Guatemala and started district reforms to give people an opportunity to better “peoples lives” by divided among large portions of estates and plantations owned by the United Fruit Company.

The CEO and board of directors approached the U.s. state department and demanded to exerting pressure/ intervene to stop these reforms from persisting.

Eventually, because some members of the Guatemalan government were friendly with the Soviets, the President allowed business by the CIA to remove its elected government.

The CIA backed a right wing schism and spoofed a full on armed onslaught. –broccolistinks

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Sweden had a compulsory sterilization platform passing from 1935 -1 979.

It was state-sanctioned and passed without allow, sometimes without the people knowing they were being sterilized.

The three main reasons for these sterilities were

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1) Health fears for the mother.

2) Eugenic( not wanting to pass on personality disorder or different forms of penalty ).

3) Social( antisocial people, offenders, alcohols etc ).

In other statements anyone who didn’t conform properly and was considered unprepared to parent children. –Sugary_skull

This next one obligates it look like the Pentagon has some serious secrets…

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The fact is out there…

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The Pentagon commissioned an initiative called the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program and they lately really released footage of US military aircraft approaching these” boosted aerospace threats.” –JihadiRotiJohn

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Jeffrey Dahmer’s full confession- a got a couple of hundred pages of unadulterated madness.

Necrophilia, dismemberment, surfacing, lobotomy, form segment protection, cannibalism…

Dahmer grew pretty close to his interrogating detectives( Dennis Murphy and Patrick Kennedy ), and stipulated a good deal of detail to them.

A lot of it in a quite candid, off pas style. –Miss_Musket

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Nixon had a second pronunciation prepared in case a los on the 1969 moon landing left Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin marooned with no hope of rescue.

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Operation Northwoods nearly received the US harm its own citizens.

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via: Wikipedia

Basically, the U.S. government was going to carry out attacks its own parties( as well as other military targets) and blame it on the Cuban government, so that the U.S. would have a “justified” ground for going to struggle with Cuba.

The plan concerned blowing up U.S. ships and even instigating acts of terrorism on the streets of America, killing civilians.

It was backed by the DoD and Joint Chiefs of Staff. Thankfully, John Kennedy killed the idea.

According to Adam Walinsky, JFK’s speechwriter and sidekick at the time, JFK left the converge and supposed,” And we announce ourselves the human race.”- Boat_on_the_Bottle

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In the 1940 -5 0′ s the US government returned quantities of radiation to newborns and pregnant women in an attempt to study the effects radiation had on newborns and pregnant woman.

In one consider, researchers demonstrated pregnant women quantities of iodine-1 31.

When they naturally miscarried, they studied the women’s aborted embryo in an attempt to discover at what theatre, and to what level, radioactive iodine crossings the placental barrier. –FreeThe_Truth

But did you know North Carolina was almost blown up twice? In the same collision? Read on to find out how…

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via: Wikipedia

The 1961 Goldsboro B-5 2 slam involved an aircraft breaking up midair, and dropping two 3-4 megaton nuclear bombs( very big than those put on Hiroshima, for cite) near Goldsboro, North Carolina.

A report declassified in 2013 reveals that one missile returned closer to detonating–essentially, a one safety permutation was all that stood between the US and a destructive explosion.

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In the 1940 s a Swedish group of scientist gave mentally ill cases sugar to see the effects it would have on their teeth.

What concludes it peculiarly bad is that these experiments were play-act on people who were “uneducable” who had no say in what went on and needless to say their teeth were beyond mend. –FreeThe_Truth

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The Soviet Union installed a cannibalistic island.

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via: Wikipedia

In the 1930 s, the Soviet government decided to send millions of “undesirables” to a swampy river island announced Nazino with nothing to exist on but bags of flour.

People tried mixing the flour with river water and this resulted in outbreaks of dysentery. Eventually beings started feeing corpses and later on killing other parties for menu.

There was no leaving the island, since the guards would shoot you if you tried. Eventually the settlement was molten and the 2800+ survivors were sent to smaller accommodations upstream.

All of this was obstructed confidential including the government until 1988 when the glasnost program was established and the details were made public.-DemotivatedTurtle

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After the My Lai carnage during the course of its Vietnam war( killing of around 400 -5 00 innocent civilians in Vietnam after an infantry troop killed an entire village ), the U.S. authority launched a group to investigate other war crimes like this occurring in Vietnam.

They procured 7 massacres of equal or greater quantity than My Lai and 203 reported war crimes that the public was unaware of–thousands of innocent people killed by U.S soldiers.

The information has since been reclassified, but there were several journal sections on it when it was firstly released. –TripleJericho

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The abominable Tuskegee Syphilis Study

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via: Wikipedia

The U.S. Public Health Service conducted a study between 1932 and 1972, observing the untreated advance of syphilis in Alabaman African-American workers under the guise of receiving free health care from the United States authority.

None of the men polluted were ever told that they had the disease, and nothing were treated, although there are penicillin was proven to successfully treat syphilis.

Instead, the men were told that the latter are being treated for’ bad blood.’

This next one will stir your blood boil…

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Unit 371 devoted horrible war crimes–and got away with it.

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via: Wikipedia

A covert research and growth cell of the Japanese military, Unit 371, dedicated a vast number of dangerous experimentations on parties during World War II.

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Over 3,000 beings were experimented on, and instead of being tried for war crimes, the U.S. threw Unit 371 ’s researchers exemption in exchange for the data they gathered.

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Operation LAC : from 1957 -1 958, the U.S. Army scattered zinc cadmium sulfide in mainly African-American areas of St. Louis to test the dispersion and geographic assortment of bio or chemical strikes.

The Pentagon maintains to this day that no one get ill from it, but residents and leaders of St. Louis speak differently.

This only got widespread revelation after Missouri’s two senators demanded the declassification of the project about 10 years ago. –AulayanD

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The Nth Country Experiment furnished unnerving results.

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via: Wikipedia

The gist is that three newly-graduated physics PhDs with no artilleries know-how, simply two of whom were working at a given time, were given the task of pattern a atomic weapon in the 1960 s.

They didn’t have access to classified materials( that is , no dwelling atomic weapon designs or weapon-focused subsidizing information ), and only basic computational support.

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It made about two and a half years of part-time work to come up with a workable design of the most difficult” solid worker” form. Understandably, the final motif and a whole lot of details abide redacted from the public version.

The takeaway: rigor of intend is not the limiting taken into account in a number of countries developing a nuclear storehouse.

Not by a long shot.

It’s so easy, a couple new physicists could do it in a pair years back before modern computational methods. –bigscience8 7

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