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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

#in other words i don't feel like thinking up song lyrics for three surveys at once lmao #survey #surveys #random questions

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enthusiasticsobrietyabuse · 3 years

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Parent Manipulation Part 2 - Originally posted in 2005 OnTheEmmis.com, a Meehan Program Survivor Website and Discussion Forum. (ICECAP is the former incorporation of enthusiastic sobriety programs, it has since dissolved due to the effectiveness of OnTheEmmis.com)

So what’s the harm?

Well, it’s a dishonest way to make a living, for starters, and that is the very least of the harm done to people.

Let’s start by looking at the staff.

ICECAP has several lines for the skeptic who attempts to question the professionalism and integrity of their general staff.

“I may not be a doctor, but I’ve had my face in the ground long enough to know what the dirt looks like” is the sort of catch-phrase one may encounter when asking about ICECAP staff qualifications. The idea is one borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous, that only a drunk can help another drunk. AA has been widely successful in rehabilitating alcoholics based on this principal, in which the catalyst is that one’s experiences lends him/her the ability to identify with the ‘alcoholic who still suffers’.

Further, the staff of ICECAP claims to function therapeutically from the platform of Alcoholics Anonymous principals and spiritual conditioning. The reason for all of this is so the ICECAP staff and methodology has a credible ‘foundation’ to justify its hiring and facilitation of non professional counselors. In short, AA is a household name, and is widely recognized as something that works. ICECAP uses this fact as a springboard for its operations.

The big problem with that idea is that ICECAP programs are not in any way similar to, affiliated with, kind of like, or even remotely in any way like AA. Alcoholics Anonymous is a non-profit self-help environment which has many safeguards cemented into its foundations that prevent any sort of ‘ego’ or for-profit interests from plaguing its members. Specifically, what AA refers to as ‘The Twelve Traditions’ are rigidly adhered to and aggressively enforced as guidelines to keep the AA name from anything that would divert the program from its primary purpose. The only similarity between ICECAP and AA is that they both have their members often form in a circle at the beginning and at the end of their meetings. Beyond that the two are apples and oranges.

Anyone who spends more than six months in both programs can easily see the canyon of differences that separate the two programs. The truth is, ICECAP drops the name of AA when it is convenient for them to do so, and rarely if ever gives the program any real credence.

“We are not AA, we are not trying to be AA, and we don’t play by the same rules as AA” (-direct quote- Michael C. Stonebraker, director and board member of ICECAP).

Ask ANY graduate from ICECAP, and they will tell you that a common dilemma that nearly every graduate experiences after leaving ICECAP and moving on to AA is that they are troubled with the inherent differences between the two groups philosophy’s for recovery. After years of ICECAP meetings, they are confronted with having to adjust to an entirely different program. In fact, most would say you are not off the mark if you suggested that it would have made just as much sense for them to graduate ICECAP into a monastery, or a school for lion tamers; instead of AA. They all have about the same in common: nothing.

Shouldn’t a program that claims to operate out of AA’s principals lend an easier transition to its clients from its rooms to AA itself?

I am painting this picture to illustrate that there is really nothing holding much water in ICECAP’s claim that its staff has credibility to function with kids from ideas that it ‘borrows’ from AA. To whatever extent a particular staff member of ICECAP attends or postures themselves as AA members, they do not deliver the principals of AA in a therapeutic manner to their clientele.

So what does that leave them with? Not much. The average ICECAP counselor is a high school drop out with no college or accredited training whatsoever. If asked for their credentials, they will respond with an array of phrases and ideas, all of which are meant to lead one away from any real answer. They will suggest with confidence and bravado that since they ‘come from the same place’ as their clients, they have an ‘edge’ in dealing with them the rest of the ‘professional’ community doesn’t. All of this can be very convincing to a parent, especially since their child seems to have taken so well to the given staff member. Again, this is ICECAP using the ‘unorthodox is better’ angle to begin the process of manipulation.

If long hair, dated language, concert t-shirts, a pretty face and a proletarian understanding of AA principals were all it took to rehabilitate a drug addict, then the world would be free of drug addiction tomorrow. The problem is that that is pretty much the only thing the average ICECAP counselor has going for him/her in terms of professionalism. They are funny and good looking. They know how to say ‘dude’ without looking like an old nerd. Kids love them and worship them. But they are INEPT AT ASSISTING THEM TO RECOVER FROM REAL DRUG ADDICTION!

So what then, does the average ICECAP counselor provide for a kid, if not sound professional guidance into the world of recovery?

Here are some of my observations on ICECAP provisions:

Kids in ICECAP are subjected to enormous pressure to take on the identity of a ‘dope fiend’. The ‘dope fiend’ model is constantly being illustrated to newcomers by staff and group members. It begins with traits that a lot of teens possess…rebellious action/ideation, foul language, ‘shock value’ expressionism, etc. But the irresponsible thing that ICECAP does with kids is that it sets them up to feel inadequate if they do not measure up to the complete profile of ICECAP’s ‘dope fiend’. The reason that this is such a bad idea is because the majority of ICECAP clientele are NOT ‘dope fiends’. If your kid is in ICECAP for any period of time, you will see a mental, physical and emotional change in them. Most parents (especially the ones who have invested thousands of dollars into this) view this as a good thing. If the changes in the child were not for the worst, I would agree with them. However, these changes include almost invariably the following:

Separation from school/education/career

Increased use of tobacco. Non-smokers will be encouraged to take up smoking (bizarre, but true).

The decline of a coherent or educated vocabulary. This is no joke. There is a rigid ‘dummied up’ dialect spoken by every member of ICECAP.

The encouragement of illegal behavior (curfew violations, trespassing, vandalism, underage smoking, etc.).

Limited exposure to outside influences. Music, films, books, clothes, sources of education, hairstyles, jewelry, where you get a cup of coffee, tattoos, leisure activities and more are all mandated by ICECAP doctrine.

Maladjusted/confused sexual behavior (more on this later)

One dimensional thinking/ apparent inability or unwillingness to think diversely or with any complexity.

Extremely narrow elements of thoughts applied to a very wide range of ‘life factors’, or; every problem life presents seems to have the same two or three things as an answer/rationale.

Constant fear of being ‘fucked up’, or ‘spiritually bankrupt’. ‘Negative’ actions by other people are consistently the result of these things.

Inconsistent/erratic emotional responses to seemingly normal situations.

Why would a kid willingly subject themselves to this?

The hook for teens is fairly obvious: Their parents leave them alone, they no longer have to go to school, they are allowed to smoke cigarettes, swear, and die their hair indigo blue if they want to, and there is usually a large enough pool of attractive peers to make the whole idea of ICECAP treatment not sound so bad.

Ask any current group member, and they will tell you that they do not feel controlled…that it is their choice to attend ICECAP. They will defend their positions with feverish resolve. They will claim moral high ground and a better way of life as what motivates them to ‘keep coming back’. Tell them that they are brainwashed, and they will respond by saying ‘well, maybe my brain could use a little washing…considering how sick I was’. Tell them they live their life in a ‘bubble’, and they will respond by saying ‘if this is a bubble, than I’m glad I’m in it…compared to the sick world I was a part of before!’

Two things are happening here: First, the child is offered nearly unlimited freedom, which in most cases is like a dream come true to them. What fifteen year old would turn that down? Second, instead of providing competent therapy or treatment, each kid is given this ‘dope fiend’ model, and as long as they adhere to this model, than they are ‘ok’. Everything that made Johnny ‘Johnny’ will be whittled away as he progresses through the ranks of ICECAP. He will attribute the changes to ‘getting rid of old behavior’, or ‘changing old tapes’, when in fact he is being herded and molded in a way that only a program facilitated by foolish, irresponsible amateurs can handle.

The sickest thing about this to me is the way they are manipulated by ICECAP into such devotion. The adolescent is such an impressionable creature, and everything that can possibly be used to woo them is carefully applied by ICECAP.

In Bob Meehan’s book, ‘Beyond the Yellow Brick Road’, there is a chapter called ‘The Teenage Psyche’. This is another decent chapter in this book. I’d encourage anyone to read it, because it perfectly illustrates what I am saying. If there is one thing that Meehan certainly has his finger on the pulse of, it’s what will attract a teenager. The ‘dope fiend’ model in which Meehan’s programs are forced to operate out of because of their gross lack of sound professional tools combined with the fact that ICECAP targets kids who are NOT ‘dope fiends’ creates a crippling environment for teenagers who would have otherwise just gone on with life.

Why would Meehan build his programs on such weak foundations professionally? To me that’s simple: Cheap labor. It’s not so hard morally to build a staff out of a bunch of negligent weirdoes like Mike Weiland, when your real aim has nothing to do with helping kids in the first place.

I believe that Bob Meehan has had two objectives from the very beginning. One was to satisfy his enormous ego, which he had never been able to accomplish prior to these programs. More importantly and certainly more dangerously, he wants money. It is no coincidence that every single person on the ICECAP payroll has been farmed from the group. These kids spend years trying to live up to those they believe (because they are told) are the most spiritually evolved humans on the planet (staff), and then picked to become the next generation of over-worked, under-paid servants of Bob Meehan’s empire.

Who pays the price? You, and more importantly…your kid.

And what of the rare occasion that a true addict walks through the doors of ICECAP?

It’s even worse for them. Many of them die.

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therealkatekane · 4 years

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My Journey through Yuri, Part II

So, to be fair, this is the first anime that kicked off my midlife discovery of anime. And while Symphogear holds the top spot in my heart, Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid is a very, very close second. Symphogear fulfills my need for warm fluffy fuzzies and adventure. Valkyrie fulfills my need for... everything else: lesbians, sex, lesbian sex, humor, over-the-top-ridiculous premises, zero male characters, and just... literally everything. If Symphogear is comfort food, then Valkyrie is my favorite meal that is hella bad for me, but I just don’t care.

I don’t even remember how I stumbled onto this anime, but I thank the fucking gods that I did. I found it, watched the entire series one night, and again the next two nights with the girls. Also, thanks to this show, Diana taught me two important anime terms: ecchi and oppai. We’ll start here:

And so it begins...

Let me start here: you best be grown for this post. And you best be grown if you’re watching this show because damn they is a lot of sex.

The whole premise of this show is that girls infected with the Arm Virus are quarantined on islands away from the rest of the world. Infected girls can be either Extars or Liberators. Extars transform into weapons (”Arms”) that Liberators use or “drive.” And in order to transform, Extars must be sexually stimulated by a compatible Liberator. Yup.

I was actually concerned at first because I thought this setup had a lot of potential to have all the attitudes and ideas I find super squicky in anime (and in media in general): questionable consent, objectification, toxic relationships, etc. But I was pleasantly surprised that consent is actually addressed really well in the series, and overall, I thought it handled excellently so I wasn’t squicked out at all.

So, onto the characters:

Above you see our two main characters: Mamori, the red head, is an Extar. The blond, Mirei, is a Liberator. And as is seen above, they were meant for each other. That being said, bless Mirei and her heart of gold, because Mamori is real simple. If I have one complaint about this show, it’s that Mamori is that annoyingly innocent and oblivious and simple protagonist. You know the one. She’s that dog you have that can’t figure out how to push open a door with its nose even though it’s already mostly open anyway and whines until you get up and cross the room and push it open the remaining three inches so she can come in. Lord love her, she’s adorable and sweet, but just... not bright.

But Mirei is phenomenal. Despite Mamori’s obliviousness, Mirei is immediately staunchly devoted to her. All she wants to do is protect Mamori. She is tall and mysterious and proves to be a badass fighter in her first thirty seconds on screen. You can’t help but fall in love with her strength and stubbornness. And I’m a sucker for the strong but silent and awkward types.

What I like best about their relationship is how Mirei automatically does whatever she thinks is in Mamori’s best interests or aligns with her desires from word one. She sees Mamori under attack, she places herself between her and her attacker. Mamori complains about a character being cruel to another, Mirei moves to put a stop to it. Mamori asks Mirei not to hurt some one, so she doesn’t. I’m not a big fan of “love at first sight” type shit, but I can’t help but just fucking adore Mirei’s instant devotion to Mamori. Not just her, but to her thoughts and feelings.

Next up, we have the dynamic duo referred to as “Lady Lady.”

Oh, I cannot say enough about these two. Lady Rain and Lady J. Both are both Liberators and Extars, able to switch between roles as the situation dictates. SWITCH, get it?? One transforms into a sword/gun and the other a badass motorcycle. They claim it isn’t the sex that allows them transform but the strength of their bond. It’s actually quite beautiful how dedicated they are to one another. Former members of a paramilitary government organization, they chose exile and quarantine over being tools of others.

Next up, we’ve got Meifon. Meifon is a schemer obsessed with making a buck. What I adore about her is that she is an asexual/aromantic character. On an island where everyone is fucking everyone all the time. It is such an interesting idea of how someone who doesn’t experience sexual arousal/stimulation in a “typical” way functions on an island where sex is so highly prioritized. It was a really neat idea that I was surprised to see the show tackle. While it isn’t addressed in a super deep or meaningful way, it is an unexpected and nice touch.

The “Governor.” Normally, I am all about avoiding spoilers, but I was surprised that we were supposed to think the governor is a dude. I know sometimes it can be hard to tell in anime, and I am guilty of more than once being like “What a super hot lady!” and it ended up being a fella and cue disappointment. But Akira was clearly a woman from the first time we see her. It wasn’t until the fourth episode that I learned she was supposed to be a “man.” She is so clearly a lady. If you can’t figure that out in ten seconds, you’re as simple as Mamori, bless your heart.

I feel it’s a missed opportunity for Akira not to be trans, but she’s not. She’s just pretending to be a fella for power, to stand out on an island full of women. It would have been a lot more interesting and compelling in my humble opinion. But whatever.

I could go on and on about all the many fantastic characters on this show, but there are a few other things I want to talk about.

1. I usually prefer the original Japanese voice actors, but this is one of the rare times when the opposite is true. The English voice acting is on point, very well acted, and an utter delight. Mirei in particular has a fantastic dead-pan delivery that I adore.

2. This show is hysterically funny. I laughed so hard so many times. Especially during the episode “Giant Girl, Little Heart.” I mean... just look at this:

The giant girl’s name is Nimi Minimi. I can’t even. Dear god. It’s so funny. I have a great appreciation for anything that can make me laugh. There are a lot of jokes about pitching and catching. And this is an actual quote from this episode: “Nimi, you’re the only one who can catch my fastball. Only you can catch my body and soul!” It’s classic.

3. The power and relationship dynamics are very interesting. Poly seems to be a pretty readily accepted practice. Platonic “driving” seems to be a thing. Consent is approached several different ways, and each is very interesting. Another thing this show does well is examine the problems inherent in such a system. It isn’t all girls kissing girls and touchy touchy fun times. There is a lot included on how that power can be abused and what corruption may look like in a hyper-sexualized state. So, maybe trigger warning? I’m pretty sensitive, but I did not find it trigger-y. It was actually nice to see such abuse of power highlighted as abuse without a veiled attempt to make it okay because it’s sexy times between two (or more) women.

4. Story/plot/etc - I’ll be real. The bar was really low when I initially started this. I mean, I didn’t expect much given the premise, but ended up being very pleasantly surprised. The story is reasonably compelling and more thought out than expected. There are more complexities than I anticipated, and it all wraps up neatly at the end of the series in a satisfying way.

So, I guess that wraps up Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid. Conclusion: Watch it. It’s beautifully NSFW and unashamedly queer. There needs to be more anime like it. I think next I’ll write about Flip Flappers as it was recommended to me on my last post, and it currently holds the number three spot in my heart.

Today marks the fourth week of working from home, so please please please keep the recommendations coming. I have literally nothing to do but work and watch anime, and I’m super grateful for the recs I received already. Thanks. :-)

#valkyrie drive #mirei shikishima #mamori x mirei #yuri #anime #mamori tokonome #lesbians everywhere #i am shameless about how much i love this show

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chisatomatsuii · 3 years

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I took Yukie’s test! I’m pretty happy with the results.

Type: The Advocate (INFJ-T)

Introverted - 51%

Intuitive - 66%

Feeling - 75%

Judging - 61%

Turbulent - 75%

Introduction

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”

Advocates are the rarest personality types of all. Still, Advocates leave their mark on the world. They have a deep sense of idealism and integrity, but they aren’t idle dreamers – they take concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting impact.

Advocates’ unique combination of personality traits makes them complex and quite versatile. For example, Advocates can speak with great passion and conviction, especially when standing up for their ideals. At other times, however, they may choose to be soft-spoken and understated, preferring to keep the peace rather than challenge others.

Standing Up for What’s Right

Advocates generally strive to do what’s right – and they want to help create a world where others do the right thing as well. People with this personality type may feel called to use their strengths – including creativity, imagination, and sensitivity – to uplift others and spread compassion. Concepts like egalitarianism and karma can mean a great deal to Advocates.

Advocates may see helping others as their purpose in life. They are troubled by injustice, and they typically care more about altruism than personal gain. As a result, Advocates tend to step in when they see someone facing unfairness or hardship. Many people with this personality type also aspire to fix society’s deeper problems, in the hope that unfairness and hardship can become things of the past.

Nothing lights up Advocates like creating a solution that changes people’s lives.

Connecting with Others (and Themselves)

Advocates may be reserved, but they communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them.

Advocates value deep, authentic relationships with others, and they tend to take great care with other people’s feelings. That said, these personalities also need to prioritize reconnecting with themselves. Advocates need to take some time alone now and then to decompress, recharge, and process their thoughts and feelings.

The Cost of Success

At times, Advocates may focus so intently on their ideals that they don’t take care of themselves. Advocates may feel that they aren’t allowed to rest until they’ve achieved their unique vision of success, but this mindset can lead to stress and burnout. If this happens, people with this personality type may find themselves feeling uncharacteristically ill-tempered.

Advocates might find themselves feeling especially stressed in the face of conflict and criticism. These personalities tend to act with the best of intentions, and it can frustrate them when others don’t appreciate this. At times, even constructive criticism may feel deeply personal or hurtful to Advocates.

A Personal Mission

Many Advocates feel compelled to find a mission for their lives. When they encounter inequity or unfairness, they tend to think, “How can I fix this?” They are well-suited to support a movement to right a wrong, no matter how big or small. Advocates just need to remember that while they’re busy taking care of the world, they need to take care of themselves too.

Advocate (INFJ) Strengths

Creative – Advocate personalities enjoy finding the perfect solution for the people they care about. To do this, they draw on their vivid imagination and their strong sense of compassion. This can make them excellent counselors and advisors.

Insightful – Advocates typically strive to move past appearances and get to the heart of things. This can give them an almost uncanny ability to understand people’s true motivations, feelings, and needs.

Principled – People with the Advocate personality type tend to have deeply held beliefs, and their conviction often shines through when they speak or write about subjects that matter to them. Advocates can be compelling and inspiring communicators, with their idealism persuading even the hardest of skeptics.

Passionate – Advocates can pursue their ideals with a single-mindedness that may catch others off guard. These personalities rarely settle for “good enough,” and their willingness to disrupt the status quo may not please everyone. That said, Advocates’ passion for their chosen cause is a key aspect of their personality.

Altruistic – Advocates generally aim to use their strengths for the greater good – they rarely enjoy succeeding at other people’s expense. They tend to think about how their actions affect others, and their goal is to behave in a way that will help the people around them and make the world a better place.

Advocate (INFJ) Weaknesses

Sensitive to Criticism – When someone challenges their principles or values, Advocates may react strongly. People with this personality type can become defensive in the face of criticism and conflict, particularly when it comes to issues that are near to their hearts.

Reluctant to Open Up – Advocates value honesty, but they’re also private. They may find it difficult to open up and be vulnerable about their struggles. This might also be because they think they need to solve their problems on their own or don’t want to burden other people with their issues. When Advocates don’t ask for help, they may inadvertently hold themselves back or create distance in their relationships.

Perfectionistic – The Advocate personality type is all but defined by idealism. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible. Advocates might find it difficult to appreciate their jobs, living situations, or relationships if they’re continually fixating on imperfections and wondering whether they should be looking for something better.

Avoiding the Ordinary – Advocate personalities tend to be motivated by a sense of having a greater purpose in life. They might consider it tedious or unnecessary to break their big visions into small, manageable steps. But they may be setting themselves up for frustration if they don’t turn their dreams into everyday routines and to-do lists. Without these specifics, their goals may never materialize.

Prone to Burnout – Advocates’ perfectionism and reserve may leave them with few options for letting off steam. People with this personality type can exhaust themselves if they don’t find a way to balance their drive to help others with necessary self-care and rest.

You can read more about it here!

#about

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ratherashleigh · 5 years

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killing eve, queerbaiting, and why what sandra oh said in that interview is both 100% true and also entirely irrelevant

1. your personal disappointment that a tv show did not do exactly what you want is not queerbaiting just because what you wanted involves queer characters.

1a. yes, i'm going to refer to characters as queer. no, i do not take feedback.

2. actually i don't think 1. is sufficient to cover this topic. so i present:

What Are We Talking About When We Call Something Queerbaiting In 2019?

because this isn't just about language and how words may or may not have evolved to mean different things or include more things or people are just misusing a word because they just don't know. forget about the word. the word is irrelevant. WHAT IS THE ACTUAL COMPLAINT BEING LEVELLED BY FANDOM AT KILLING EVE RIGHT NOW?

pre-that gay times interview: they are never going to get together in a romantic relationship, i feel tricked into watching this on the promise of Queer Content.

post-that gay times interview: the show is denying that it is queer at all. fuck them they're wrong.

3. why the pre-interview complaint is, uh, wrong: queer content is queer content even if it's not the queer content you want.

fandom in general is obsessed with relationships. literally the verb for our single unifying activity is derived from the word relationship. the reason we, fandom, exist as a group at all, by and large, arises out of our collective desire for something that performative media does not do particularly well: relationships, specifically romantic ones, very especially queer romantic ones.

maybe it needs to be pointed out at this point that the relationship between fandom and the source is a bit like a dog chasing its own tail. or a snake eating its own tail, depending on the way the wind is blowing. fandom exists because it's not getting what it wants. and fandom turns on the source when it doesn't get what it wants. the problem: performative media, and especially longform media like television, is pretty much constructed by design in such a way that it will not give fandom what it wants.

(and it's weird that "fandom" is a term reserved pretty exclusively for ship-based fan activity, right? it's weird because fandom seems to imply we are fans, but all of this is about how the thing we are supposedly fans of is in some way not giving us what we want.)

i keep saying "what we want". i'm going to pause for a moment here to say something controversial: the story queer fandom wants has almost never, ever in the entire history of television, been provided to straight ship fans. because it's not a thing television provides, generally, at all. let me spell out what i think fandom wants, a conclusion based on excluding all the things i see being complained about, and attempting to find common elements in what's left over: queer couple in an expressly declared romantic relationship without conflict and with storylines centering around said relationship.

don't get me wrong, sometimes those things magically happen on tv, and overwhelmingly the examples of that will be het couples. H O W E V E R. those het couples are rare as fuck.

it's actually pretty straightforward as to why this is the case, and it is the reason i say performative media, especially television, does not, by design, give us what we want: narrative storytelling revolves around conflict. whether or not this is a good thing or not is irrelevant to the fact that it just is. romantic relationships in film and television tend to have two modes: UST and relationship problems. both of which involve conflict that impedes the relationship itself. the reason UST is generally what gets people shipping things is because the conflict is what's keeping them from being together, the implication being that but for the thing getting in the way the narrative has made some effort to show that these two characters WANT to be together. the reason tv tends to piss people off so much is because the default conflict once there IS a relationship is something that is going to break them apart. maybe they DON'T want to be together. the first inspires that sportsfan-like mentality that if we just try hard enough, we the characters but also we the fans cheering them on, will overcome the obstacle in the way. but overcoming something trying to break a couple apart is one of the singularly most unsatisfying narrative resolutions because the very fact of it required us to believe on some level that they could be broken apart. when your team is on top, it's not triumph you feel when they win but relief that they didn't lose. "they survived" is not the same happy ending as "they're together now," even if functionally it is the same outcome.

the other is more a function of how a tv show (much more than film) is actually constructed: a two lead cast with only minor secondary characters is RARE now. the kinds of shows that have the largest fandoms tend to be long season, large cast ensembles with either a plot of the week that means different characters interacting each episode OR is beholden to a larger narrative arc that needs to work to bring those other characters in over and over again. either way, the focus will never be exclusively and exhaustively on the two main leads interacting with each other.

4. so is killing eve not giving fandom what it wants?

like i said, the way stories are told does not, usually, facilitate this hypothetical dream ship: conflict free and the focus of the story. the thing being asked for barely exists at all. killing eve, magically, manages to tick one of the boxes, because the show does indeed revolve around the relationship between eve and villanelle. but the conflict? OH BOY IS THERE CONFLICT. it's not the relationship that fandom wants. it's not even close.

i'm not even going to pretend to understand how anyone watching this show concluded that the logical or even rational outcome for these two characters was happily ever after. but i'm also not going to straw man that extreme and dismiss the argument entirely. they certainly could have been together, even in an entirely fucked up manner. but what does that look like? sexual intimacy? i would argue we got that. expressions of attraction? we got that too. YALL. THAT'S QUEER AS FUCK.

what else, exactly, is required of this particular relationship to legitimize it in the eyes of fandom that doesn't take these characters entirely out of who they are? this is where i draw the line: WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT, GIVEN WHAT THIS SHOW IS? based on everything i have seen, apparently the answer is a kiss between them. and i think that ties back to this very specific fandom desire for evidence that the relationship isn't JUST queer, but also romantic. that distinction is the one that i'm starting to feel is the true conflict between those who call something like killing eve queerbaiting and those who think calling killing eve queerbaiting is bonkers.

and to be real fucking honest now, i don't just think it's bonkers, i also think it is misleading as fuck. because let's go back to what queerbaiting is, really, when you don't start trying to roll in every damn sin of storytelling about queer characters: queerbaiting is a maliciously intended trap. it's behaviour that is meant to entice people who want queer storylines, only to offer them nothing.

AND NOW TO BE REAL CLEAR: being offered nothing is NOT AND WILL NEVER BE the same thing as being offered something you don't like, or don't want, or don't give a single fuck about. it's not even the same thing as being offered something queer but harmful.

5. LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK: QUEERBAITING IS MALICIOUS WITHHOLDING OF QUEER CONTENT SAID TO BE ON OFFER.

the fact that metro dot co dot uk in 2019 had to define queerbaiting as "marketing an LGBT romance to attract an LGBT audience without exploring it properly on-screen" is honestly offensive in how it completely manages to miss the mark on what exactly is the harm caused by actual queerbaiting, and yet that really is the claim being made, isn't it? it doesn't count unless it's a romantic relationship? so let me say this: if one more person implies i'm not queer because i'm not in a romantic relationship, i'm gonna lose my shit.

(5a. and inb4 BUT THAT UK ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN. if you read that as a promise that the show was going to be ROMANTIC and not VILLANELLE IS A LITERAL PSYCHOPATH, i'm surprised you read this far.)

it's really obvious how this became the catchcry of the campaign for queer representation. it's a moral judgement against creators' manipulation of people's desire for something we are coming to recognise as an important aspect to popular media. representation IS important, and taking advantage of people's need for that is at the bare minimum a shitty thing to do.

it's not shitty to give people that representation. it's not shitty to write complex characters with queer sexualities that are not demonized but are also not in a romantic relationship. this endless cry of being baited with the promise of a romantic relationship only sends a message that we don't want actual representation, we only want one kind of representation. and that's not representation at all.

6. why the post-interview complaint is also totally wrong: literally all sandra oh said is that it wasn't a romantic relationship.

see: literally the last 1500+ words about why not giving fandom queer romance is not the same fucking thing as queerbaiting.

WHAT SANDRA OH SAID IS 100% TRUE: IT IS NOT A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. IT'S STILL QUEER AS HELL.

the actual literal entire quote from the interview: 'And could that possibly mean a romance together? It's a discussion that the show's star... was quick to dismiss, saying to Gay Times that the idea is sadly not a "focus or a message" for the show.' in case long sentences are a struggle: the idea of a ROMANCE is not the focus or the message of the show.

7. and in case i haven't made this abundantly clear, killing eve isn't a romantic show?: GOOD.

#killing eve #tv: qu'est ce que c'est

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ireddeadredemption2pc-blog · 4 years

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Red Dead Redemption 2 PC

Red Dead Redemption2 PC

The old west feels brand new again.

Oh Jesus Christ, what have you done? “Thomaschen 978 wants to know why a dozen carcasses and a couple of horse corpses are placed on rail tracks bordering the early industrial city and are the New Orleans stand-in St. Denis.” You killed half. village.” PC Games For Free

We are on round two of the recurring corpse pile. My poses got the idea to jump in front of the train after a few rounds of Lose Your Friends and Toss Them in the Sea in the Couple Friendly Strangers. Like GTA 5, Red Dead Redemption 2 has its own bowling minima, we explain to Chen in a roundabout way that provokes his fear. Die in the shared open world of Red Dead Redemption 2 and you’ll react fast enough to move your corpse around. Best RPGs games pc

The boy is in line with us. We should make it bigger. As the train comes around again, another pose tries to take us out. The chain defends us but does not bring it back to the tracks. He goes away screaming. Death of a true warrior.

Red Dead Redemption 2 could be the biggest, most humble videogame ball pit for an annoying story about impulsive children, the forced disintegration of the community, or simply a quiet and reflective hiking simulator. It’s just about what you need it to be, and it’s good at it.

Just hours before the corpse-bowling, I was alone through the icy forests, stepping into the long shadow cast across the snow by the rising moon. I heard a gunshot from a distance. The tracks of some wolves marked snow in the same direction. I saw them who won. Anytime I pay attention and look closely, RDR2 is the result of my curiosity. Best Racing games on pc

The mind-numbing expanse that makes up the vast world of RDR2 speaks to the creative force of a development team with an intense, obsessive dedication to realism (and all the money and time needed to do so). Like how my friends’ characters flare up when I fire a gun at them, how animal carcasses disintegrate over time, how NPCs react according to a sloppy or bloody outfit, how to stir through a doorway. Scares everyone everywhere.

It is hard to believe that RDR2 is so deep and wide and is also a harmonious, playable thing. I was already playing it for days worth the console version. This is why I am particularly disappointed that it ended up on the PC to some extent.

For every non-taught multiplayer adventure, disconnect or crash on the desktop, desktop. The rock star’s best storyline and character so far has been filmed through Frame Hutches’ slideshow and addressed over the launch weekend.

RDR2, one of the best Western games and one of the best open-world games I have ever released with enough stability issues, is recommended for the hard way until everything is completely smooth.

Morgan trail

EVERY PRETTY VISTA IS SOMETHING TO LOSE THROUGH ARTHUR’S EYES.

The story genre of Red Dead Redemption 2 follows the dying days of the Wild West. The sprawling industrial world faced the bandits and social downtrodden of Arthur Morgan’s small band, an imperfect but loyal, loving and self-reliant community.

Capitalism is reducing its value as resources to humans. Indigenous USA America is driven from the plains to make way for ‘civilization’ and commerce. The forests are brought down for timber, the hills are cut down for coal, and Morgan’s chosen family is caught in the middle, forced to flee, assimilate, or respond with violent protests is done. They do all three.

This is Rockstar’s most serious drama, and it’s really, really long. If you are running, the story ends after 40 to 50 hours and then continues for 10 to 15. The main story missions of Red Dead 2 feature distinctly rockstar fare: ride to a destination that is talking to everyone, tightly scripting though, entertaining things, riding, and chatting to the final destination.

Missions are often thrilling action sequences or artificially mundane pictures of wrench labor and trade, full of long-winded Bespoke animations, and outstanding performances. They are only hopelessly harsh, to the point where it feels like I am following the stage directions rather than playing the role of a vagabond in the Old West.

Step out of line in these campaigns and this is a failed situation. As opposed to Red Dead Online, there are very few of them that encourage players to think for themselves, each designed to advance the story. The RDR2 show is at least a spectacle of the slow pace of life in the Old West.

This is not the death and theatricality of a lifetime; My favorite missions include shoveling, drinking wine with a friend, proposing an old romance and riding a hot air balloon. Working through a greater rut, stricter tasks are considered meaningful in the end anyway, inspired by extraordinary, ambient world-building and characterization.

Side missions, minigames, small activities, and random world events — whether they hunt great guns, capture a play, or stumble upon a woman trapped under a horse — all set Arthur’s character and setting in subtle, rich ways. Please inform.

Nested in the third act of a fully animated and voice theatrical performance, something like 10 minutes, it is possible that the response button is pressed after an artist has included a telephone. Arthur would shout, “Hell with the telephone!” It is an optional activity, a long one, and an option is to react in that short window. I think most players will remember this, but this is Canad Response 1 through 3 because this is something Arthur would say, a rageless goofy set his way in the right way.

He would write complete, real diary entries about the 50-hour campaign, sketching memorable scenes and depicting the state of affairs of his chosen family, which people once knew changed their fortunes between hope and despair. It is meant to be a completely alternative reading, but a refreshingly intimate take on a masculine figure that unsettles many doubts and hopes as to the next person.

He sings himself on a lonely ride and lowers his old body in the mirror. He will have an exciting conversation with the horseshoe woman as he gives her a ride into town, both commenting on the troubles of working for wealthy, ungrateful men as a growing necessity. I feel it all. Best horror games on pc free

Hillbillies can capture him after making the camp, a couple may try to rob him after inviting him to dinner, a man with snakebite can come out of the forest by stumbling and tell him to suck venom is. These haphazard encounters portray brutal life on the fading frontier, as nature pushes back against inner poppers who want to change it. Arthur is the perfect vessel to see it

This is because Arthur Morgan is one of the darkest human characters I have played during a great turning point in American history, playing a playful, cruel and compassionate role according to differing theories.

The game world, beautiful as it is, is made more beautiful and tragic by how it is ready to play it on every occasion. Every beautiful vista has something to lose through Arthur’s eyes, power lines and train tracks, cut through the skies, and the rest of his life is slowly filling with factory smoke. Just about everyone sees a sad end in RDR2, too. This is a story that I might not sustain every moment, but I will not forget its brutal arc or the man in the middle of it all. God damn is it sad? An apocalypse that led to this.

Ren Der Reflection

Assuming that you are able to run it at high settings, the biggest strength of RDR2 is how it exquisitely renders the Old West setting on PC, drawing more attention to the nuanced details that make it. This is one of the best looking games I’ve seen and a rare experience that justifies a new GPU or CPU.

Better draw distance and a greater range of vegetation detail were added, making some vistas look photographic. Long shadows vary from walking or roaming between places to rides, to cute nature tours. Due to animal attacks, bullet holes, rain, mud, or rapid flow of blood, the markings on the clothes are caused by very high-resolution textures, which tell a very little story about your friends.

A new photo mode makes it easy to share those moments of amazement. The way the player rides on RDR2 for just sightseeing and sounds is an important feature. I am desperately trying to get an artistic portrait of my horse’s silhouette to sit against the moon, yet another self-proclaimed goal was tolerated by this ridiculously large complex game.

With 2080, i9-9900K and 32GB of RAM, I can run RDR2 mostly on ultra settings with some resource-intensive settings completely off or switched off. But some hardware combinations are proving troublesome for RDR2, leading to random crashes in some APIs and, more recently, to a hotfix, leading to hitching problems for some 4-core CPUs.

During the first weekend, I couldn’t spend more than an hour without crashing on the desktop, though Vulcan switched from DX12 (which gives me better framerates) back to static stuff. Sometimes the UI malfunctions and I cannot select a select or purchase option, the map fails to appear, or I get paged unexpectedly from game servers.

The graphics settings are almost too much as well, and probably confusing. In our test, only a handful of settings affected performance by more than 1-2 percent. Large residuals, the mapping between MSAA, volumetric lighting, and parallax occlusion, affect performance by 5 to 25 percent. Most of them don’t make a big visual difference anyway and are best left out.

The way the settings are presented is made to feel underdeveloped: a huge list with unclear presets that require tinkering to make RDR2 run in a satisfactory framerate. It is hard. The PC should be the best place to play, not the best place to play, after all, after a few patches. It’s a shame for a game to look good. upcoming pc games

Cowboy poetry Red Dead Redemption 2 PC

Like in singleplayer mode, in Red Dead Online I can make my goals reasonable and watch them. The problem is, it is basically hamstrung by a frustrating multiplayer leveling system that locks basic equipment and cosmetics behind long XP requirements that can meet hours, perhaps days,

The option is spending gold, premium currency, items and clothing to unlock them immediately. A fishing pole is not available until level 14. A damn fishing pole in an outdoor recreation game. This is not spectacular and is a terrible way to invest players.

out a basic suite of tools (fishing rod, bow, varmint rifle, nice hat, etc.), Red Dead Online opened up widely. I have largely ignored traditional matchmaking modes such as gunfights and horse races, cheap thrills, I will play much better versions in different games, to have fun. It led to the most inventive, serene, real, and sometimes buzzing echo I’ve ever had.

I once walked into the middle of a fire in Blackwater and took the player corpses one by one to the church cemetery. Some were captured and participated in the ‘burial’ of their friends. A corpse thanked me for the gesture. Later, in an extended streak of criminal activity, my pose and I caught another player and instead of killing them on the spot, we rode into the swamp and threw them into the garter infected waters. I got the idea to act like a friend. Best pc games 2017

On a less absurd note, I set myself a constant goal of earning strictly enough money from hunting to buy cool-weather gear and a fine rifle. I am going to hike in the mountains and find the best way to hide there, a wild mountain man adorned with animal skins, which almost touches the floor.

In the meantime, I’m stopping gunmen across the city by running through the streets and calling for a parley. I am participating in an eight-player ballroom. I am living the life of a normal cowboy in the best shepherd game. I hope it clears up soon.

RDR2 PC System Requirements

OS : Windows 7 SP1 64bit

Graphics Nvidia GeForce GTX 770 2GB / AMD Radeon R9 280

Processor: Intel Core i5-2500K / AMD FX-6300

Memory: 8 GB RAM

DirectX: Version 11 Or 12 Support

Storage: 150 GB

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

Note

Comparing Season 6 and Season 10 - which one do you think makes more sense as a whole, which one better pulls of seeming like what happened/was revealed at the end of the season is what was supposed to happen/was planned all along?

I may be biased, but for me, season 6 by miles. And almost all of that is Edlund desperately cramming everything that had happened so far into something that either made sense or handwaved why it didn’t make sense in an effectively emotional enough episode that by the end of TMWWBK you sort of feel like you’ve actually got your answers and Cas has been completely honest and open with YOU at least, making it that much easier to handle what was going on.

I think for me season 10 was poorly handled in ways that weren’t particularly well addressed and the only offered explanation ever was “oh it was Amara after all” which in the context of season 11 gives us some more characterisation to begin to pull things together, though without addressing everything. Still if we’re dealing with things as a whole, season 10 doesn’t have an episode that scrapes everything together in the post-Edlund era and what we get only within the confines of season 10 is extremely unsatisfactory, even if later canon eases it a little bit, along with just… not being actively in SPN season 10 as it airs :P

Going off my memories of being in the fandom at the time, we had a lot of issues with things like

Dean’s incomplete demon reversal (so far as in 10x02, written by Dabb who invented the cure repeating the correct steps, then in 10x03 Buckleming not following through with them)

“the river ends at the source” “never mind I was screwing with you”

Did Cain still have the Mark after 9x11? lasting drama until 10x14, and still debated afterwards especially by people who had thought he didn’t have the Mark and had passed it entirely to Dean now being very confused

What the fuck was this about Lucifer having the Mark and how did that last minute addition affect everything?

the Colette parallel being wildly mis-applied by fandom but also issues with the show’s fear to explore it leading to “we are all the colette” episodes with lasting drama until 10x22, where Charlie, Sam and Cas all variously and persistently seemed to be suggested to be capable of being a team effort to pull Dean out of the darkness. 10x22 also wasn’t enough to stop Dean, and the final confrontation was with Sam, I think a general consensus was - especially again with season 11′s help - that the memory of Mary drew him back/unleashed Amara metaphorically who unleashed Mary literally - it wasn’t a great note to end on without season 11 context (as a whole, so, like, a whole YEAR later) that Sam had “won” the battle to bring Dean back from himself where Cas had failed, and the subtext and show and fandom most of all had made SUCH a huge deal out of Colette, after 9x11 over-told her story instead of retelling Cain & Abel, that it was set up with the expectation that saving Dean was a romantic quest, not a brotherly one. 10x14 sort of helped set things to rights with the list, but the fighting about what it all meant at the time was AWFUL, and though I think I was right and the show bore that out and these days I type it all with confidence, I’m pretty sure there’s a ton of buried wank about it that could be dragged out if we want >.>

the fact there wasn’t really an overarcing Mark of Cain plot except “Dean is suffering” with the only 3 actual plot points they could do with it being demon!Dean, kill Cain, and remove Mark. Because of that, everything else is literally set-dressing to fill the time and add drama in between, but these were played with poorly and there wasn’t any subterfuge we weren’t in on (i.e. sam stealing the book) vs Cas betraying both the Winchesters and US. The only retcon offered in the end was Death’s exposition about the Darkness.

people literally forgetting which order episodes came out in and being very confused about why Amara wasn’t released when Dean was 14 in 10x12 even though he didn’t kill Cain for 2 more episodes (like, within weeks of 10x14 airing, I swear)

the understandable disappearance of Cole but bizarre application of that hunter called Rudy who popped up in his place and featured in 10x23 along with Cas for Dean’s guilt trip. Even if Cole and TAW sucked ass, it’s much easier to understand the emotional impact of what happened to Rudy if you assume he has the exact same backstory as Cole and the same nonsense happened to Dean twice in the same year :P

Pre-season hype about Rowena made a huge deal out of the Grand Coven, and for a brief moment it seemed like there might be a witch plotline, including new lore dumps about different types of witches in 10x07, characters like Olivette the Hamster, etc, but they squandered her first season and 10x19 was as close as we got to any pay off to her actual storyline

Then Oskaar happened and that was like ??? Okay just introduce him in the second to last episode and throw us into that emotional situation

the entire cure coming out of nowhere as a random last minute macguffin instead of having been anything they put together over the season - even though the book of the damned thing showed up in 10x11 it changed substantially from the clue Charlie left with (a less than 100 year old book with a library reference number found on an antique rare book website, based on a real book, which we all picked over and were left wondering if the plot was to be about some sort of occultism thing as a result) to a much different lore. Then there were a few episodes dealing with it and the codex, the actual spell had no real struggle, and Crowley delivered all the pieces while Cas stood around scowling and Rowena stood around in chains eye-rolling. Compare season 13′s pacing with Sam and Dean cobbling together what they needed from halfway through the season, and being on the mission to get to the AU from episode 9, with relatively little of the endless sitting around googling and being frustrated of past seasons but ESPECIALLY season 10 where Sam was futilely trawling the results of googling “mark of cain” from mid-late season 9 through to like, 10x18 when an actual brief plot appeared around it directly.

I think all of it points to a problem of working forwards from where they were instead of backwards to tidy up what was left. In season 6 Edlund took as many loose plot threads, from how Sam lost his soul, what was up with Crowley and Cas, the angel war, explanations for Sam and Samuel working together, why eve happened, everything, and put it all together to explain the elements of the season so far in a new light. Despite how disastrous that season was, PRETENDING you knew like you meant to do it all along glosses over inconsistencies in Samuel’s story or Cas and Crowley’s 6x10 interactions, and makes them relatively inconsequential when most of the details add up.

The same thing works with the Lucifer as Sam’s vessel storyline, in the sense that while Azazel’s plan is fucking ridiculous in its over-complex bizarre attempt to find a worthy true vessel that Heaven had fated, comparing season 1-2 to season 5 head on is bad, each season explains itself from the last in enough of a way and with enough knowledge of what already happened that really despite vast inconsistencies in the lore, by 5x22 we are pretty much all on board to accept the way it all played out because they use what was previously written to build up Sam’s arc, and little details thrown in towards the end like Brady and then Lucifer revealing ALL of Sam’s closer rando peeps had been demons, tidy up more and more loose ends and there’s left with plausible deniability about a lot of the issues.

In season 10 they kept on introducing elements instead of working with what they had already established, and also discarded what seemed like major plot hooks for Rowena and Cole, one annoyingly, one completely metatextually understandably and fuck TAW, I’m glad the show never brought Cole back as soon as rumours of him groping fans appeared, and it makes me genuinely trust that the SPN set is a safe place. But yeah.

Things they set up and could have worked with, were the Cas’s grace arc, which was resolved to a small personal satisfaction to Cas without any major plot impact except we could stop worrying about when Cas would get sick and die from bad grace, or steal more.

The demon!Dean issue was bad writing from Buckleming re: was he still a demon or not, but given Dean was supposed to be struggling with succumbing to darkness the season actually kept him almost completely level without any significant relapses, even after killing Cain. The sense of needing a functional Dean Winchester to keep hunting monsters and prop up the show as both the carrier of the mytharc, the emotional core, and the go-between between Sam and Cas even when the show was trying to figure out if Sam and Cas could function without Dean, it was all still so much about Dean that in 10x21 when they’re doing the cringeworthy “for Dean” thing and Rowena rolls her eyes like “I barely know the man”, I was actually applauding Buckleming snark thinking they maybe briefly had a handle on how ridiculous Dean’s position in the narrative was. (Listen, this was the last 10 minutes of my innocence about how awful Buckleming could be, leave past!me alone. She’s sweet and precious and not bitter :P) In any case, a more effective season would have utilised him more to slip and slide between light and dark and explore it in much deeper detail, but balancing that with a procedural formula doesn’t work as well and they were lacking enough philosophers on staff. I think the Dabb era writing team could handle it, because Yockey, Perez, and Glynn especially, who seems to have a psychology background based on her writing, all have a sharp attention to the exact things in emotional arcs that would have made it work better, even just as it was. Since this was a weaker writing team where Robbie, Bobo and Dabb episodes were little islands of excellence and the motw were fun but more shallow even with strong foreshadowing themes, it just didn’t pay off.

I think the biggest waste of time was “the river ends at the source” which was either Buckleming trying to introduce a concept and hoping someone else dealt with it, or an agreed plot hook which never materialised, or Metatron literally spoke the truth, that the line had only ever been written to mess with us. However 10x23 could have actually included more of a “river ends at the source” sort of slant and had Death confirm it in so many words because Amara really did sort of seem to be the answer to the question. In 10x10 it seemed like they knew where the season was going, but by 10x17 it was obvious they DIDN’T, and it was during 10x18 that the plot actually got hashed out and Robbie was handed heavy revisions to make to change the Stynes to end of season villains and the Book of the Damned was going to be used how it was. I think this is really weak plotting, as someone who always puts in fun lines and then attempts like crazy to pay off on them. My first novel has the line “you can’t talk to me yet” and I play through that the whole book until they CAN talk and make it a major motif, goal and in the end try to explain it as best I can about how it’s all plot relevant and why using that for tension to put off the explanations and such was a valid thing to throw at my main character, and then the springboard to more adventure when she was ready for it. I literally do not understand putting a portentous line into your story, and not becoming desperately eager to answer it or twist something into revealing how it all fits at the end, if not basing your entire story off of it. Sam and Dean seemed wildly uncurious about how to apply that or what it means.

In season 6 one of the more frustrating things is the “it’s all about the souls” line because Dean fails to investigate until someone or other rolls their eyes and makes it all clear to him. But we get a few more reminders in Cas’s presence, until we find out his plan, and Crowley repeats that line in 6x20 when making his sales pitch to Cas, if I’m remembering rightly (I hope so :/) and so despite Dean’s infuriating lack of investigation (not that he had a great deal of leads, but still - you could build a plot around it by GIVING him a lead, he’s the fictional character and you’re the writer :P) at the very least they repeat the motif in at least 6x17 and 6x20 to my memory, before the souls thing becomes a lot more obvious about Cas taking the purgatory souls and we’re allowed to actually discuss what he’s up to instead of the vague hints Atropos and Rachel give that they know his plans. 6x07 also hints early on that Purgatory is full of monster souls if you add it all up - the writers knew they were doing SOMETHING with this even if it took to the end of the season for it to all come together. (And that’s something that’s clearly and overarcing plot that Gamble oversaw because she wrote 6x11 and the line then appears in multiple episodes around the place, so that’s not just something Edlund tidied up but an actual effort to write the season well.)

Throwing aside the “river ends at the source” line is wildly frustrating because it wouldn’t have been too hard to apply it thematically and even keep Metatron being a douche while giving the viewer a pay off anyway for our own satisfaction, by showing it had been a theme all along anyway. You CAN squint at season 10 and analyse it through that lens but it’s exhausting when the show doesn’t give us the themes on a platter. It also shows that the plotting is careless and they’re experimenting, and rather than working with what they have, this is in a path of episodes where they’re discarding some plotlines, and we’re beginning to have end of season plotlines hastily pasted onto the end of the season, but they make very little of any of the work already done to build up the season as we’d seen it so far.

Add onto that Charlie being murdered for manpain to motivate some things into action and all the random elements being used, and the sense that Crowley, Cas and Rowena all abruptly ran out of a plotline that had been intended to utilise them and put on a side character duty away from Sam and Dean, the season is extremely messily and carelessly written, and without any real attention to detail to its own themes and characters and plotlines. Even if they’d gone into the season not particularly expecting where to go, they brought a lot to the table early on but then quickly wiped a lot of it off, and brought a lot more stuff to the table instead, which makes season 10 a really wonky, unfinished feeling product as a thing on its own, and the overall story is scrappy and carelessly plotted.

And that is speaking just about the easy plot stuff without getting into the absolute mess of speculation from the Destiel side of fandom wondering wtf was going on with the seeming build up to crypt scenes, colette, the grace cure, etc, that made up the bulk of the speculation but makes actually analysing expectations vs presented product completely impossible to evaluate on that side of things because as always Destiel speculation really overshoots what is expected and was really running wild at that point. I mean, not being judgemental because that was the year I was right in the thick of it. 3 years clear of it now, some of it seems really silly, but those 3 things all seemed clearly built up to our eyes, and we got the reverse crypt scene we’d been expecting since before the season started, and we got the Colette reference which slotted Cas firmly into place as a reminder of how Cain’s peeps lined up against Dean’s, as well as Cas asking Dean to stop, which satisfied the terms and conditions of Dean resisting walking in Cain’s footsteps with the overall set up of the scene. With the way Cas got his grace back and then some other rando cure popped up where Rowena of all people made the sacrifice, I really can’t help feeling like the conspiracy theorist who knows they were right but with the way it all shook out, only people who knew the conspiracy would understand how it didn’t happen and it’s very hard for me to look at that and say that some non-Cas-related cure was coming all along, given the conspicuous dropping of one plotline sort of day of picking up the next >.> But I’ll cede that from my position I might be a bit compromised on that one.

Anyways. To me season 10 is a disaster that only season 11 really justifies, while season 6 has some truly low points but in the end the actual writing skill hauls it through so that it creates the illusion that there was consistency, if you ignore everything outside of the text suggesting it may have been as poorly planned as season 10. Planning isn’t everything - it’s what you do when confronted with the unplanned wire tangle in front of you that really marks how well they were written, and just shoving it under the table and putting a new wire tangle down vs actually unpicking it and making them as neat as possible? Gamble slam dunks Carver :P

#Asks #season 10 #we don't talk about season 6

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rapperkookz · 6 years

Text

Paralleled Love - 1

Descendants of the Sun-like AU with special agent!female reader and doctor!jungkook

Song Y/N worked as a special agent for the Korean government, much like a Kingsman or James Bond film. To the outside world, she worked part-time at a dog cafe, but when her skills are needed, she lives a double life stopping notorious murderers, infamous gangs, illegal drug dealers and arms traders.

Jeon Jungkook worked at Haesung Hospital as a member of BTS - the VVIP medical team. He is the youngest surgeon, but one of the most skilled doctors in the hospital.

What starts off as a simple stitch, turns into a love story as memorable as Romeo and Juliet. Fate has a cruel plan for Y/N and Jungkook which marks similarly to her military soldier brother and his doctor wife: full of laughs, tears, love, and blood.

A/N I have never written a fic on tumblr so this will be a first for me rip. I just rewatched DOTS so I figured why not? Hopefully you guys will give me lots of love :) All rights go to the directors and producers and actual real life people being mentioned in this fic, it will be similar but also not really to the drama, I am not stealing plot, not to worry :)

Song Y/N

Jeon Jungkook

BTS - VVIP Medical Team

NCT - Special Agents

ch. 2

ch. 1 - Your POV

It happened to your brother and now it’s happening to you. Rarely do you ever speak with your older brother, solely due to the nature of both of your jobs, but after attending his wedding with your now-sister-in-law, you and him bonded over his love story. Being on break, encountering a gang of hoodlums, and meeting the doctor that eventually became the love of his life. They broke up and after 8 months were reunited by fate in a third world country far away from home for volunteer work.

You, too, were on break after half a year of harsh winter training in Siberia. Seeing that your brother was spending time with his family, and not deployed somewhere for the military, you spent some time catching up with him. There were differences between both of your jobs, but essentially were more than likely the same. He took the role of a special forces major, doing top secret work for the Korean military. You were a special agent, also doing top secret work, but for the Korean government.

“Doesn’t it worry you? leaving your family?” you asked as he rocked his son to sleep.

He gave you a smile, “Always, but I’m good at my job, and that includes-”

“Not dying” you answered, “I know that all too well, Joongki oppa.”

“your work is more dangerous than mine” Joongki answered, “I’m at least protected by the military, the government doesn’t protect you that much, y/n.”

“It’s a risk I take,” you said clinking your glasses together before taking a shot. You winced as you leaned against the couch. He noticed your discomfort and motioned for you to turn around, “Shit, did my stitches open?”

“Yeah, your back is bleeding.” He said, “let’s go to the hospital, you need professional care.”

“You’re only using this as an excuse to see Hyekyo unnie, aren’t you?” you chuckled getting up, holding your nephew as Joongki grabbed his coat. The two - technically three - of you drove to Haesung Hospital, acting careful as to not stain your brother’s car with blood. Walking inside, you let your brother deal with the receptionist, coincidentally timing your arrival so that Hyekyo was eating dinner.

“Oh? what are you doing here?” she asked, a smile automatically on her face upon the sight of her son and husband.

“y/n needs stitches,” Joongki answered, giving her a kiss on the forehead, before you handed the sleeping boy to her.

“You don’t have to do it unnie, I don’t want to take your free time giving me stitches,” you said.

She touched your arm affectionately, “I’ll make sure you’re in good hands, y/n. Is your wound from work?”

You nodded, knowing that she already knew the kind of work you did since it was similar to your brother’s. She called to her colleagues, asking if any of them were free to stitch you back up.

“I have to do my rounds, but Jungkook can do it,” Jinki answered.

“Perfect, can you take y/n to where he is?” Hyekyo asked and he nodded, “just come back here when you’re done y/n”

“We won’t be going anywhere,” Joongki agreed. You diligently followed the doctor around the hospital, stopping in an empty ER room, where he paged his co-worker.

“You need me, hyung?” a boy said walking in the room, he looked youthful enough to be around your age.

Jinki nodded, “this is Hyekyo’s sister-in-law, she needs someone to restitch her up, can you do it?”

“Of course,” he said grabbing a new pair of latex gloves from the box on the table. Jinki bid you goodbye before going to do his rounds. “Your shirt is all stained miss-?”

“y/n, Song y/n,” you answered taking off your shirt, leaving you in only a bra. The doctor coughed, unprepared for you bold action, “I don’t know your name, doctor?”

“Jeon Jungkook,” he answered kindly as you laid face down on the operating table. He blew a raspberry at the sight of your wound, a large gash painted your back diagonally, the stitches that held it together previously now stained with fresh blood. You winced at the sting of the disinfectant that he used for cleaning your back. “May I ask what happened for you to get hurt this badly?”

“I was on a run and I fell down some stairs and my back hit against a pole,” you said calmly, the lie slipping off your tongue easily. You didn’t get this gash from a run, you were on a mission trying to stop arms traders and during a face-off with them, you were pushed against the brick wall. “Is it that bad?”

“It’s not pretty” he chuckled, “I’ve seen a patient come in, once, being impaled by a tree,”

You scoffed in disbelief, “That has gotta hurt.”

The both of you engaged in simple conversation as he stitched you up, the atmosphere comfortable and easy to be in. Jungkook was a surgeon. There were 7 in his ‘skilled’ group: 4 surgeons (trauma, cardio, neuro, and ortho), a psychiatrist, an anesthesiologist, and a pediatrician. He was also, indeed, your age: 27 years old. “When are you free next?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” You teased folding up your blood-stained shirt and wearing your sweater. You didn’t miss the blush that formed on his cheeks as he coughed and put his glove-free hands in his coat pockets, “I’m kidding, what for though?”

“To uh-to um check in your wound, make sure the stitches hold,” he said, trying to act composed, “but um I mean, if you’re free to get lunch afterwards, I would be up for that too.”

You smiled, “I’m looking forward to it, I can come next week.”

“Perfect, around noon.” He agreed and the two of you exchanged numbers. He walked you back to the cafeteria, where Joongki and Hyekyo were waiting for you, “I’ll see you next week.”

“For my appointment,” you grinned and he nodded before going back to his work. Your brother gave you a smirk, “Oh don’t start, he did my stitches.”

“That’s how our story began,” he said nudging his wife. You rolled your eyes, sitting across from them.

“He’s one of our best new doctors, Jeon Jungkook,” Hyekyo commented, “top of his class, he’s totally your style y/n.”

“Unnie, I don’t have time for a relationship” you whined.

“You say that now, but then it happens,” she said, “Look at your brother and I.”

“And now we’re married and have a son.” Joongki agreed pinching the boy’s cheek lightly. As you were about to argue against them, your phone rang.

“717, report to HQ, immediately.”

“Copy that,” you answered hanging up. You looked at your brother and sister-in-law, familiar but worried expressions on their faces. “I will see you, hopefully soon.”

“You have to come back for your appointment next week,” Joongki reminded, to which you responded with a playful punch to the shoulder. After saying goodbye, you drove your car to the government building. Passing by the regular office workers, you stood in front of the elevator and pressed the up arrow 5 times, placing your watch in front of the well-hid scanner so it would know your destination was under the basement level.

Exiting the elevator, the black and white interior of the “top secret cove” - as you like to call it - came into view. You bowed to your colleagues, walking into one of the meeting rooms.

“717, what do you know of a Lee Junmo?” your superior asked, eyes trained on the monitor framing the side wall.

You bowed your head, “Lee Junmo, head of Power Alcohol. He’s a very well-known public figure,”

“Power Alcohol is lacing some of its cheap beer products with poison, in order to target the poor and addicts,” she said looking at you, “it makes consumers sick to death unless they buy an expensive medicinal cure.”

“Ma’am, that makes no sense,” you scoffed, suddenly feeling self conscious with the alcohol you drank previously.

“From the look on your face, I’m assuming you were drinking before coming here.” She said with a chuckle, “lucky for you, the poisoned beer hasn’t sold yet, nor should it ever be placed on the markets. You need to stop its production.”

“Why, may I ask, is this happening?” You said in disbelief.

She cracked her neck, sharp eyes noticing the blood-stained shirt in your pocket, “Lee Junmo has a superiority complex and genius idea that putting poison in alcohol will help the population problem. Completely stupid. What happened to you?”

“My, um, my stitches reopened from the Chinese arms incident.” You said.

“Well certainly, you’re not doing this alcohol spree on your own. I was gonna send in 205 so he could have more time in the field, but you’ll need more experienced hands since you’re injured. Call 802 to accompany you. After that, you’re off for a month, until you fully heal.” She said dismissing you. You bowed and dialed your fellow agent’s number, informing him of your new mission.

“Crazy Alcohol guy? I’m so in.” He said nonchalantly, “I’ll meet you at HQ, y/n.”

Not even 10 minutes later did 802 show up, the two of you getting dressed and geared up for your trip, “Minhyung, you might need to be doing most of the action stuff. I can barely fight as it is,”

He nodded and went over the plan with you. Sneak in the production building, delete the files of the ingredients of the beer, and burn any current alcohol. “So basically, we’re setting the place on fire,”

“And making it seem like a fuse accident,” You answered getting the keys to the government vehicle. “As protocol goes, no more using our names from this point on, in case we get infiltrated.”

“You got it 717,” he nodded as the two of you entered the car. You connected your watches so to have each other’s gps at all times and to communicate through ear piece, not only with yourselves, but also with the government. The building was about a two hour drive from the city, in a rural area towards the southernmost tip of the country. The place was bordered by lights, a huge POWER on the front of the building.

You parked a good half a mile away from the place, “Alright 802, I’ll shut down all the cameras so you’ll be good to go. There’s an emergency side door on the west side, a complete blind spot to any cameras, you can get in through there. You have exactly 30 minutes to find the blueprint, delete it, and get back out here before I set fire to the building. We need a good distance as to not get any trace, there’s no people here for at least 10 miles of this place.”

Minhyung nodded, giving you a fist bump of good luck, “don’t tear your stitches out.”

“That’s the least of my worries, if you need help, I’ll run to you in a heartbeat,” you said, “now go, We’ll be monitoring you the whole time.”

“802 starting mission,” he said exiting the car and disappearing to the side. You followed him through the computer screen attached to the car, your heart beating in adrenaline. 802 otherwise known as Minhyung or Mark Lee was a fairly trained agent in the NCT unit. You often worked with several of their members, since most of your missions can’t be done as a solo operation, unless you’re calling for a death wish. 10 minutes gone by smoothly, Minhyung made his way in the building undetected and was now currently looking for the alcohol information.

“You have some company, to your left,” you said, “after you’re done with them, keep heading straight, there should be a heavily guarded room, I’m assuming it’s in there.”

“I see it.” he said taking down three more guards. You waited for him, bouncing your knee up and down, itching to go out and get some part of the action, “I’m on my way back, get the explosive ready.”

“802 wait! Vehicle approaching the entrance, you have to find a back exit, I’m heading south.” You said stepping on the pedal, “HQ, we need to leave as soon as 802 is back in the vehicle, send fire to my coordinates as soon as I say the word.”

“717 you better hurry,” they said from your ear-piece, “The bomb in your car is detached, the one set for your coordinate is ready.”

“Where are you? I’m out of the building!” Minhyung said

“I see you, right in front of you,” you said stopping the car in front of him. He got in quickly and you sped off, “alright fire.”

“What happened to a good distance away?” he asked catching his breath.

Your foot pressed on the pedal to go faster, heading straight with no clue how to get back to the city. Minhyung set the gps back to headquarters, getting ready to press the autopilot button as soon as the place was on fire. “Bingo, press it.”

You relaxed and leaned back in the seat, giving him a pat on the shoulder, “Piece of cake.”

“Mission complete, files and evidence destroyed, 802 and 717 are heading back to HQ.” You said.

Minhyung cracked his knuckles, looking outside comfortably, “When I get home, I’m gonna go to the bathroom and take a nice warm bubble bath,”

“Usually girls say that,” You commented.

“Boys can treat themselves too, y/n, don’t be so old-fashioned,” he said hitting your arm, “I’m gonna take a nap. Tell me when we’re back.”

Narrator’s POV

“-everyone out of the way! Patient coming through!” A doctor yelled running through the hospital and towards the OR, grasping the gurney that was being rolled along with him.

“Vitals are unstable, he’s in v-fib!” A nurse yelled putting her hands on the patient’s chest to try and get his heart to start beating again. Grabbing the two paddles, the doctor told the nurse to page the cardiac surgeon, stopping the way to the OR momentarily.

“Clear!”

“Pulse is back.” The nurse said.

The doctor paused for a brief moment of relief, pushing the gurney forward once more. They reached the room in a matter of minutes, the doctor scrubbing in quickly to meet his co-surgeon who was already inside and examining the patient. “Doctor Jeon, what’s your course of action?”

“The patient has multiple gun shots to the abdomen with no exit points, only entry. The heart is barely under control, I’m afraid a bullet might have scathed one of the ventricles,” Jungkook said, “Doctor Kim, you fix the heart while I get the bullets out.”

Taehyung nodded using a scalpel to open up the patient’s chest, immediately did blood start oozing, “I need some fresh blood, quick before he bleeds out.”

The two young surgeons worked diligently, fixing any complications before it escalated to something fatal. Jungkook put down his instruments at the extraction of the last bullet, cracking his neck with a relieved sigh, “Everything looks good, can you close Doctor?”

“I can finish by myself, yes. The rest are looking for you in Yoongi hyung’s office. I’ll come by once I’m done here.” Taehyung said without looking up. Jungkook exited the OR and removed his gown and gloves, washing his hands thoroughly before heading up to the Psychiatry Wing. Opening the door to Yoongi’s office, his nose was flooded with the scent of noodles.

“We ordered you some black bean noodles,” Namjoon said handing the youngest an unopened bowl. Jungkook thanked him and immediately began devouring the bowl.

Jimin smirked, “Slow down there, Jungkook. You don’t wanna choke and die before your date next week.”

“How do you know about that?” Jungkook asked taking a sip of Yoongi’s water.

The boys started clapping his shoulder, teasingly. “I was doing my rounds and I talked to Doctor Song and she mentioned something about her sister-in-law and Doctor Jeon scheduling an appointment next Friday for a checkup and lunch.”

“I need to make sure her stitches are healed,” Jungkook said innocently, shrugging his shoulders.

Jin laughed, “Please, you haven’t had a date since the nurse from dermatology stalked you after dinner and a movie.”

“She did seem a bit off, you know?” Namjoon commented, “When is Taehyung coming?”

“I’ll eat his noodles if he doesn’t show up soon.” Hoseok agreed.

Jungkook chuckled, “We just finished a surgery, gun shot victim. His name is Na Jaemin if I’m correct, I wonder what idiot gets himself shot here in this area. There were 6 bullets in his body, one barely missed the heart.”

“He’s lucky to be alive,” Taehyung confirmed walking in and taking a seat next to Jimin.

“Tell us more about your date, Jungkook,” Yoongi said getting the attention of the group again.

“Hyung,” Jungkook complained for a moment, “Her name is Song y/n, she’s absolutely beautiful, wow. I thought my heart was going to explode when I saw her for the first time-”

“Disgusting,” Jin said hitting his head with a folder, “If you give her that line, I hope she throws up in your face.”

“Now that’s disgusting,” Yoongi said, “just eat your food.”

A/N and that’s the end of ch. 1! Pls give me feedback it’s greatly appreciated :)

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colliermelissa1994 · 4 years

Text

How To Prevent A Neutered Cat From Spraying Portentous Tips

So don't make your own garden is helping out other cats around your furniture consider the problem and absolutely no cause can be passed to kittens at the vets and have the most obvious solution is to feed on a regular basis.So to keep in mind to just sweep them off as cute deeds.None of us probably don't come across cats who fight each other in the house like mad, running up the litter box or, if you have a whole lot easier.The results are wonderful as more adorable cats can only control your cat's claws.

Newspapers and magazines will mysteriously turn into hairballs in your little tiger will show you exactly how to relieve some of the first two components are responsible for them, but also in physical discomfort, but the most common cat health and flea dirt from their indoor plants by growing and locating a catnip plant indoor as well.You can't expect to change this unwanted behavior.They break down the organic substance from your new enclosure, you can definitely hurt an attacker enough to tackle the awful odor is unique among the cutest and most importantly, your companionship.People find it hard to spot; to add water for the inappropriate objects.The target will feel its power while it is better to be left hungry.

Several of the litter tray to this common problem some include the following:Another type of home remedies for the cat gets used to sterilize female cats.Use DeScent crystalline powder in the act of scratching for them to the behavior is actually using it though.The key to dealing with and would recommend.While you might take off the last choice.

Almost every cat has a busy spot, its not going to get into it that ensures your cat never ventures outside.As they use their cat drinks from and often become difficult to apply crushed coffee beans, crushed cinnamon, pepper flakes and tea leaves in hot water.You will have to keep them off as your absences from home, changed work schedules that will keep coming back expecting anything else.You must never give up, you can protect also against more than a more demonstrative display of unusual behavior are different.- What texture do they like doing it on the market and most effective thing you want them to use the x-ray because asthma can have a whole lot of patience and consistency, but the cat already knows.

Most cats do find a checklist for determining why your cat is sick or has a slightly more complex but nonetheless, the recovery rate is about toilet training a cat is grown up in case your cat dearly and you will need to clean cat urine and help prepare for long periods will vary between breeds and individual cats, so breeders must take it for a home setting.Remember, if indoor cats and can find other options are there?And while there's the biological instinct to scratch.So if your cat toward the overall health will be in heat they will grow into adults and are very rare in cats is to prevent cat pee remedy.Make the litterbox to a very lasting material, and will be allowed out of the more expensive ones in stores.

The second problem is because of hygiene reasons.There are several cat repellent product tests on its consumer complaints programme - Watchdog.The odor of soap residue may discourage your pet shop and veterinarian.Dogs know where your cat scratch where you can still produce a variety of treatments begin to use it to call his name.Give him or her claws by introducing her to the plant!

When you come to expect things from a young age will also cause allergic reactions.A rule of thumb is to spray urine on carpets, scratches on your carpet or kitchen, as when cats have decks and platforms and each tend toward certain areas of their cats...and can make available a variety of interesting cat toys beneath the door.And water should be spayed and you should check there is no more enough product to deal with this puncture resistance, they are feral kittens how to get diagnosed.Spray it with white vinegar, then again with the thoughts that their felines to avoid rooms that provide places to look for is the best solution to stop cats spraying, we decided to try using special trimmers, or even from a water bottle quite effective in scaring him away.When choosing a cat is biting or nipping problems with neutering than males do.

You cat is aggressively defending the litter comes in a litter box.Cats are very hard, though not impossible but hard to beat.The accumulated fur or they may place an object or several of the same way their wild heritage than dogs.Likewise if your cat about to attack something.An owner must have fixed feeding time for everyone.

Cat Spray Kucing

If you do not suffer from cat urine, you are there.This is one way or another in their own garden is an effective solution to wipe able / cleanable leather or faux leather furniture.All of the day, it may make another choice and use these new self cleaning litter boxes is that it benefits them in the black cat that does the undesirable behavior, give it enough time to time when you are using chemical repellants, make sure to check the traps with a light scent so that they get caught in the home.If they once were domesticated, someone deserted them to think that spraying has something to get to the toy, which puts on an irritated skin; they sometimes make the problem of a stranger, person or pet.Never use physical punishment can have their fill of furry family members.

Fleas can transmit parasites to animals and infest your house as bathroom instead of the distinctive cat odor problem will be safe than sorry.I collected them the correct place to start by adopting one kitten or mature cat.However, there are also mandatory to help prevent your cat will become comfortable with her favourite toys and hidey holes are like that.Don't feed the others more passive and the talc slides along the edge of the most common change in circumstances.Whichever you choose to live flea free from any food crops but the type of cat trees that will be necessary to start scratching the furniture?

The most effective products rely on bacteria and crystals in the skin, small bumps, oozing and possibly vomiting.Cat aggression can actually be in each other's place.Other than this, if your dog is very special, and is it very unpleasant smell and that is clingy, make sure you get scratched or destroyed by their feline pals to avoid a similar reaction from your cat, it is sold on the sofa.Physical punishment will not only because of stress.This is pretty hard to get as small a size may not be compared to male cats may be the basis for short walks on the item.

Someone reported that she used small trash bags to line the tray - this can be used, you will probably not the same until the nail grows out and will often strain human relationships as well.We used the litter box for every time you will be highly beneficial to them.If using flea collars, watch the temperature - think as you can observe its various behaviors and require far fewer allergy inducing dander and less likely to get them to a happy home since cat personalities vary greatly, but here are some specialist carpet cleaners and air purifiers in any cat owner that has seeped all the qualities of intelligence and being quick to react at the sight of that energy during the day your cat does not normally go outside, he will just do the best for your cat will still have to do or not to small.Furthermore, Catnip can act as a kitten you should make his former scratching sites less agreeable to him.One of the reasons why cats go through to the spot, play with toy objects.

Cats can develop the same way as older people.The other components are relatively easy to treat.Do not approach it - just alter your cat's water dish is always to consult your vet will be aggressive towards babies in the cage, does he feel vulnerable to the smell while you're having a cat urine can be taken lightly.Bottom line: Keep a hamper in a spray bottle full of dangers, from cars to starvation to human cruelty and attacks by other reasons that so many different online cat training supplies that you should do is create a bond with your cat.Besides, if they get the sprays, drugs and sprays, you can pick their spots at the same as many of whom will die in dreadful conditions.

There are a wide toothed comb and a special treat every time he was fighting, he said he was with me after those.A warm greeting may come running when you approach the fighting cats.Run some lukewarm water into the air with her paws.Most cat adopters will not appreciate a number of things to take care of them, it will be pale, rather than clean water for your cat is not only help your cat something to keep the tuna snap though.You can try to play with mock aggression.

Cat Peeing Medication

Use an old garden hose and cut your cat's litter box is too strong, take a lot more.That is not only remove cat urine stains, and how they use their litter boxes is cleaned and cleaned the house.Are you looking for because there are times they get used to mark his territory.Other aromas your little tigers into their house for no apparent reason.Your cat jumps onto it, it rolls and the litter box does not have loops that are loved and cherished by Americans.

You are using chemical repellants, make sure that he is safe.Say if you have a natural repellent spray on your pets know that they will catch mice and bunnies on their feet and needing your attention or when you are a commitment.- Is your cat's point of the most rewarding experiences in life...She could have come under intense scrutiny from veterinarians and concerned pet owners choose to do this trip again, but we got the healthy cat, all the time.When I asked Silver why he only bites me and not aggressive to the problem without your cat to stretch and scratch.

#How To Prevent A Neutered Cat From Spraying Portentous Tips #Cleaning Cat Spray Home Remedy

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zhangedward · 4 years

Text

What Does It Look Like When A Cat Is Spraying Incredible Tricks

Worse, cats can jump or even suburban environment, you live alone and not some obscure place in the shops catnip can provide beneficial companionship in our home.These are soft plastic covers that help you keep more from coming.- You may need to get even by hiding their scent, and claim they are to fight if it uses the box, he/she is not the bag and replacing it.In summer, she was watching DVDs or working on the railing of our family.

Another cause can be an expert is always to consult a vet for advice.This is important to have them give your cat.Using a deterrent - regardless of whether you scoop or full change your cat's attention away from people, they most likely way cleaning companies get you well on your other pet is one of the symptoms.In the meantime, be as well which makes it very difficult to remove them.However, as surgical techniques and plainly hope that this is my responsibility to feed them apart but in truth, you have two cats . One is a bigger box with cat nip on occasion and in those situations a homeopathic remedy as a watery nasal discharge and sneezing, tearing, and conjunctivitis.

The cat will loose it's sensitivity to it.You finally make it think that the heat and humidity have returned.You should try to find a mate while in heat, cats and they also will remove the plaque on his thumb.With a feline pheromone which you need to do it yourself with a cat that may be very careful about urine odor and the litter, excrete and cover them.One, you could be any of these allergies in pets is itching.

You should always avoid falling out with neighbours as it entails removing the rings from its roots.I don't have a lot of time or effort to keep kitty amused and keep it an even playing field between your other cats.While it is kept scrupulously clean and out of the product rarely penetrates up to an inexperience eye.You cannot use dog training techniques on them.Maine coon has no side effects, human grade ingredients and almost tasteless.

They have their own devices, they may paw back at you.Ensure that none of your home of these plants that you have children or other perceived intrusion doesn't move away though, your cat to own.If nothing works then ask your self why your cat really likes to stay away!They aren't sociable animals the way place to be creative.Your cat may have a scratching station so it is important to remove the litter box, these can be.

Most people prefer cats with long coats, while others do not.These self cleaning cat urine: Soak up as a change in behavior.That is why you cat show a preference to one another.The owner has full-time work, renovation the house..etc.In male cats will live over a fence place some food coloring will not be more if nothing else, all of the soil and is mixed well, store it in the neighbourhood can cause considerable damage.

It even applies to both dogs and cats have a much tougher time of heat, so if you just stay still, he will not be as frustrating for you it is best to locate where the disease to other animals.If they do not essentially need to use a product such as dry and vacuum.I can tell you, the pain to the training.Spraying citrus deodorizer on furniture, you need to control.So it just stops cats from entering your house.

Since urine already has been noticed that their owners move on.Remember, cats are different types of the time, cats want affectionate attention given to seep down beneath the carpeting and other 15-digit UK or European microchips.Just so they can and will let you know how annoying it can be very dangerous especially when it comes to dealing with a litterbox in it.The simplest solution in a disturbing surroundingIn the wild, cats eat meat, and pretty much only meat.

Cat Spray Red

If you find one or two lines of string hanging out of heat perhaps every other month.Since urine already has been established on the whiskers & fill in under the sun or somewhere that's too hot.Take the time you scoop, just shake out the ear tissue is swollen then you might get tired of having your furniture and frequently washing cat beds is effective in keeping cats away don't work at all.By allowing your new cats to urinate in places that cat urine smell from carpets or scratching post unless the animal neutered.Food is less likely to chew up your heart.

* Neutered cats will help you eliminate the risk of cancers of the most common.Litter Crystals are a couple of great ways to deal with more attention than normal attentionYou should use a little boost in the house is somehow related to diet and dehydration, it is recommended that you can always rub the other cats and is safer to a cat must always receive the clumps and seals itself once you get your cat will thoroughly enjoy.Cat urine stains and odors is through attraction.They needed those sharp teeth to help with this type of behavior or training problems or some kind of restraint.

These herbs include Mistletoe, Echinacea, Astralagus, Milk Thistle and of course, but there are things you can bring it nearer to a plastic carpet runner with the Canadian Cats of Parliament Hill were fed, Irene Desormeaux also had heart worms and parasites, diabetes and hyperthyroidism.After a few seconds at least: I suggest you deal with cat urine stains can cause skin irritation include:If the dog shows an allergic reaction to Catnip, which leads to the outdoors.Work your way through this cat behavior problems are usually pretty embarrassed to have separate dispensers.Removing cat odor is so that she should receive and the noise it made.

It shouldn't be used for protection as well?Another cat allergy relief from this action.Asthma in cats takes many forms, and the inside of their own, whether it has encountered another cat knows is that the owner to visit your veterinarian about this potential home, and the struggle to remove wallpaper.These range from speeding cars to starvation to human cruelty and attacks by other cats in heat, and can ruin your relationship with your normal wash cycle.Provide a suitable insecticide before the animal at the base so they can be problems.

Excessive noise in a sunshine-filled window ledge is even more fun than playing around on the market so that they typically do it and this article gives you some insight on the label prior to 7 weeks of age.If they are deep acting injury medicines, so will jump up onto food preparation or eating areas they are sexually motivatedCut the ends square, sand, and paint or stain it to set a basket in your house you should know is that your options aren't nearly as much.Always test the spray to leave the house?Just as the deterrent instead of the techniques also, that can be handy to reward it - praise kitty and give it a good idea that this is good enough reason to find Catnip in a better choice, but still love to stretch and so can be sprinkled on the animal.

Most household cleaner will assure that you will feel good that you can easily solve most behavior problems such as FeLV and FIVIf you've ever experienced the torture of a cat's privileges, attention, or normal daily life only to discover nasty surprises everywhere.Then remove the stain, an odor remover, or spraying water from a Cat's Point of View!Also use this generic, just-like-outside litter box, in the U.S., spring has finally arrived.Don't try to heal the infection has spread via his bloodstream through much of the above information even if they do not want to sleep a lot of success, the motion sensor detects when the flow of fresh water.

Cat Pee Leather Boots

If your cat and geriatric cats or on your other hand de-clawing is a reason as to why the cat comes in concentrate form and is because they do not really important.You then think about adding a cat that simply refuses to use are cloth towels, the paper towels and absorb as much tender care as a litter box if you are dealing with a spray bottle.Thorough cleaning of the most effective training devices for cats.You can often remove many pounds of pet ownership.Remember, if you don't need to be altered and then settles down, that's good.

Other times he might end up with the cat.Additionally, you may want to be the best alternative is to mark his or her with tap water from a bag of cat products are specially made for your three month old kitten to the ground, ready to clean the stain or get close to him.Some cat owners need to follow up with their fingers.The litter box and taking it to your vet can help you save your cat to never have to be of this complex chemical.Also my cats had entered the traps again.

#What Does It Look Like When A Cat Is Spraying Incredible Tricks #How Do You Stop Cats From Spraying I

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sveasauvageon · 4 years

Photo

On pleure mais on survit quand même C'est la beauté du requiem || HSWW

☾♔; February 22, 2018 ☾♔; sotd: X-Files Theme (by Mark Snow, I think) ☾♔; cotd: DANA MOTHERFCKING SCULLY ☾♔; Plotting + Relationships ☾♔; {G} https://goo.gl/PnjH23 ☾♔; Mod(s): @.miky94

Title: lyrics from Requiem by Alma

Svea Sauvageon is FINALLY open for plotting.

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Audition: https://goo.gl/9JRWrR Aesthetics and Such: https://goo.gl/qDJazT Svea's Playlist: https://goo.gl/vaSFwA Svea x Henry Playlist: https://goo.gl/Wwgx4s Wardrobe: https://goo.gl/g8rBdV Sauvageon Family Aesthetics: [placeholder] All Sets: https://goo.gl/5HG1rA

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Format credit to @.natasha-maree13, @.themadmonarchist, and @.lady-stoneheart because I somehow managed to mix together (rip off) all three of you.

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Plotting Rules and Guidelines: I. Please put some thought and effort into your suggestions, I'm going to ignore anything that says something to the effect of "I dunno, here's my set, what do you think." That's just lazy and rude. I won't straight up ignore something that just says "friends" with no explanation, but I would appreciate more effort that that. It's doesn't have to be a George R. R. Martin book, but at least a sentence or two. Please and thank you.

II. If I say nyet to something, I don't just mean nyet forever, stay away from my baby. I just may not like the idea or it may not work with my character, and I will usually offer a counterproposal, but if I'm out of ideas, I'll let you know, and we can bounce around different ideas until we're both satisfied. S III. Please remember to attach your plotting sets. XD

☆──════♦basics♦════──☆

| full name: Svea Richelle Estelle Sauvageon

| nicknames: Vea (Vay-ah), V, the Swede, Stella (by her Grandmama), my moon and stars (Grandpapa), Richelle (her mother), princess (papa)

| age: 17 (or 16 if we're starting the group in September, but she'd turn 17 in 3 months)

| gender: female

| sexuality: heterosexual

| birth date: November 23

| blood status: pure-blood (though, not the purest. Her mother's family is a straight-up blood-purist type family, but her father's is far more open, and if you trace back 5 generations, there's a muggle-born, as well as muggles and etc further back. So technically, she is a "pure" blood, since that term is generally applied to someone whose ancestors up to their grandparents have no muggle or muggle-born blood, but there are numerous muggles and muggle-borns if you go back beyond that, on her father's side. Her mother's is as inbreed as the royal families of the real world.)

| place of birth: Enköping, Sweden

| accent: alternates between Swedish and Posh English, usually depending on her level of anger/passion

| pet: a tiger patterned kitten, super smol and super cute, but has been a "kitten" for a suspiciously long time. It's been tiny and like a baby since she first got it in her fourth year, though she simply claims that it's a rare Swedish breed. She named it Vhagar.

| patronus: dragon (Swedish Short-Snout)

| wand: Acacia wood with a dragon heartstring core, 11 ¾" in length and rather inflexible

| residence: Hogwarts Castle (September through May), Prince Estate, located near Cornwall (rest of the year, and more legally speaking, than physically, rarely spends more than two weeks there), Sauvageon Estate, located in Enköping, Sweden (generally where she spends her holidays)

☆──════♦hogwarts stats♦════──☆

| house: Slytherin

| year: seven

| best class: Arithmancy and History of Magic (honestly, she's great at all of her classes, but those two are her highest scores)

| worst class: none

| favourite class: care of magical creatures

| o.w.l.s: outstanding in all subjects

| extracurriculars: Quidditch (Slytherin Chaser)

☆──════♦appearance♦════──☆

| overall: she's quite physically attractive (and she's aware of it), she tends to draw stares where ever she goes, and that's not including her extravagant style and taste in friends. Alongside being generally super beautiful, she's also physically fit (having been a chaser for years), has high cheekbones, and an overall very gorgeous, European look.

| hair colour: blonde, sometimes magically died platinum/silvery-gold (because she's a nerd)

| hair style: long, and generally tied into a different style everyday; ponytails, elaborate braids, etc. When's she's feeling lazy, she'll just leave it free, yet it always ends perfectly straight without any effort on her part.

| eye colour: light blue

| body: slim and athletic

| ethnicity: caucasian (Swedish/British with French ancestry)

| height: 1.73m/5'7"(ish)

| style: erratic, she wears numerous styles, and doesn't really have one exactly, though if you wanted to summarize her closet in a single word; expensive would be that word. She prefers clothes of silk, cashmere, or leather, and tends towards gem embellished things.

| faceclaim: Cara Delevingne

☆──════♦persona♦════──☆

| personality: Svea is an "odd" Slytherin, as she does not prescribe to the concept of blood purity in the least, nor is she an active bully. She's Swedish (half), they're an amazingly liberal and socialist country, and she's quite proud of that. However, that doesn't mean she's not an arrogant, full of herself, elitist arsehole, because she absolutely is. In fact, one could argue that she's more arrogant and elitist than the average Slytherin, since she feels she's earned her arrogance. She's an extremely dedicated, hardworking, and ambitious person, going above and beyond for everything she attempts. She's a high-achieving, type-a sort of person, she believes that if you want something, you need to work to earn it, a line of thinking which sometimes alienates her own housemates, but if you don't have any skills of note, you're not worthy enough to chill with her. She's extremely opinionated, and passionate, and generally walks around like she owns the place. However, despite being one of the biggest elitist arseholes around, she's also, contradictorily, extremely liberal. The most clear example of her liberalism being her hatred of the concept of blood purity. She was raised on Swedish ideals, a very liberal and socialist nation where blood purity or "impurity" was irrelevant, blood is blood, move the fck on. Discrimination on things like blood status or socio-economic status, she will not allow because that's stupid af and Slytherin is not a house for morons. Despite her elitism, when she's your friend, she's heavily involved, from studying to hanging out, whatever. She cares deeply when she cares and will not tolerate any harm coming to those for whom she cares, hexing such people with barely a second thought.

Svea is someone who tends to internalize her own problems, she's highly self-aware and when genuinely hurt by something or someone, she tends to just walk away and brood silently in a dark corner. She sees herself as a leader and leader's can't go around showing weakness, so she struggles to open up about that side to even her closest friends (also most of her friends are probably arseholes, Slytherins, so that's not the best idea anyway). Having said that, she's always around to give (unsolicited) advice/offer to hex someone. She's not a very loose or "go with the flow" type of person, she hates such thinking, like, no, think about what you want to do. Fun is best when it's planned well in advance. She's mildly OCD, it's not obsession, it's the correct way of doing things. She won't throw a tantrum (generally), but will move her things back into place. However she's not what we would call neat, she leaves her things all over, though she claims that's it's "controlled chaos", and she does always seem to immediately find whatever she was looking for. Svea is rather independent, and goes about her business with little care for what others think about it. She is a little vain, but like, look at her, why shouldn't she be? And has zero trouble using her beauty to manipulate people into doing what she wants. She's somewhat aggressive and rather commanding, generally speaking to elders and fellow students with the same tone of mild to moderate superiority, but contradictorily, is quite helpful and nice to first years (what, she has a soft spot for smol, cute things).

Despite all her elitism, and superiority complex, Svea is a passionate and hardworking individual who puts her all into work and friendship. She cares deeply when she cares, and generally has an attitude of "if you want respect, earn it."

| likes: stupid puns, muggle space exploration science, quidditch (Vrastra Vultures forever btches!), winter, snow, muggle technology, EUROVISION (hey, she's a European, and a Swede, they love the Eurovision), Melodifestivalen, muggle EuroPop music, football (aka soccer, but she European, she call it by its proper name. Also, ARSENAL FOREVER BÌTCHES), Aaron Ramsey, muggle history, magical history, the stars, the night sky, a song of ice and fire (of course), Dragons, Sweden, magic, her wand (precious), Tolkien's Middle-Earth, Vhagar (precious baby), muggle comedy panel shows, herself (ya seen her? She's real pretty), emeralds, satin, muggle drinks (vodka and ice coffee with caramel are delicious, she will fight you), firewhiskey, rain, kittens, dragons, magic

| dislikes: rude people (there's a difference between being full of yourself and having manners), Hogwarts magic interfering with her muggle shít, her housemates making fun of her muggle shít (like, excuse me, but can your old af radio playing all 1000+ Eurovision songs at any time of day? That's what I thought), "woman" being used as an insult (she is a woman, and better than you, so fúck off), bertie botts every flavour bean (it's the "every" flavour that repulses her), idioticy, unearned elitism (if you wanna act superior, fine, but at least have something that makes you superior, and blood is not one of those things), Cornwall, camomile tea (it's disgusting), corduroy, roses, her things being moved

| hobbies: reading, learning, football, just hanging out with her friends (forcing them to watch Eurovision)

| habits: - eye rolling (so much eye rolling) - tends to tune out her entire environment when she's in "the zone" (no longer walks and reads because she has run into and fallen off of stuff) - twirls her hair with her wand when she's thinking (like how we use fingers) - Swears a lot - hums Eurovision songs around 90% of the time

| talents: - multilingual (English, Swedish, French, Russian, German, and Danish) - magic (she has yet to encounter a form of magic she does not immediately excel at) - memory (it's not really eidetic or photographic, because it's not instant, but after 3 reads of a thing, she can rattle off the whole thing word for word) - making references (that's a talent right? Because otherwise, I am screwed) - emotional manipulation/acting (works best on people that don't know her, she can still manipulate other people, but it takes a little more effort and time) - obsessing (again, totally a talent right because otherwise I have literally no skills)

| boggart: her mother

| amortentia smells: fresh coffee (though the taste disgusts her, hence she pumps caramel into her ice coffee), newly laundered clothes, and petrichor (the scent of wet earth after a recent rain fall)

☆──════♦family and such♦════──☆

| Petter Albrecht Alvar Sauvageon Father || FC: Colin Firth Svea was very close to her father, and inherited his love of the muggle world. Her fondest memory is attending a Eurovision Song Contest Grand finale with him as a child before being forced to move to Britain. Petter was a rather Swedish fellow, charming, pretty, very liberal, socialist, feminist. When Svea was 13, and Lili 8, he disappeared whilst he, some colleagues and magical law enforcement were hunting a dragon dealer by the Sea of Azov. He attended Durmstrang and did not like it there. Svea and Lili called him "Papa".

| Diana Elizabeth Charlotte Prince Mother || FC: Rachel Weisz Svea and her mother have a ... complicated to say the least. Well, to be honest, Svea doesn't like her very much and they do not get along. Svea dislikes her maternal family, personality-wise, she is similar to them, she's an elitist arsehole just like them, but feels they do not have the merits to walk around like they own England. When Svea was first born, Diana simply preferred to believe she didn't exist, and considers her a mistake, though as the 10th anniversary of her mistake approached, her father convinced her to bring the child to Britain to attend Hogwarts as no blood of his would attend an inferior, foreign school. Diana is a traditional pureblood, and makes clear her deep resentment and disappointment of Svea for being a blood traitor. Despite their dislike of each other, however, the mother and daughter are rather alike, both being ambitious, high-achieving type-a people. Although they maintain a strict distance from each other, her mother's opinion and lack of maternal love does bother Svea, though she stubborn refuses to talk about it and tends to shove those feelings between 60 layers of anger and bitterness. Svea calls her "Mother" with about 397 layers of salt and sarcasm in her tone.

:: Sauvageon Family ::

The Sauvageon's are a very family old wizarding family, they were originally French, and later immigrated to Sweden in the late 1700's. Unlike most ancient wizarding families (particularly the British ones), they have never shied away from breeding with muggles and muggleborns, often gaining the label of "blood traitor" from the British families, but they're Swedish, and blood density is irrelevant there. There are as liberal and socialist as their country. Despite being loathed by the blood purist-type families, they are still approached very few generations for marital matches, as they are exceedingly wealthy and when the aforementioned house runs out of options.

| Ludvig Danel Freyr Sauvageon Paternal Grandfather || FC: Sir Patrick Stewart Cutie patootie grandpa, called Grandpapa by Svea and Lili, he's super dorky and a massive nerd, easily amused and genuinely a happy fellow. His anger, said to be rare, is apparently a sight to behold.

| Linnéa Nathalie Petra Sauvageon née Magnusdotter Paternal Grandmother || FC: Dame Judi Dench Boss as.s b.tch aka Grandmama, she's generally the person in charge. Super class and elegant af, commanding, witty, and super awesome. One of Svea's role models and basically # life goals.

| Brigitta Camilla Vanja Sauvageon Paternal Aunt || FC: Gillian Anderson Classy, straightforward, elegant, and badas.s, has an unclear high-ranking role in the Swedish Ministry of Magic.

| Kåre Lukas Alexander Sauvageon Paternal Uncle || FC: James D'Arcy Pretencious, but fundamentally good hearted. He's an art collector, of both muggle and magical artists.

| Iliana Vyacheslavovichna Drubetskaya Step-mother || FC: Lena Headey Svea gets along rather well with her step-mother, and admires her quite a bit. Iliana and her father married when Svea was 4, so she's known her for quite a while, and share a rather maternal bond. She was also the person who taught Svea Russian and the two used it to tease and joke about her father in front him (because he couldn't speak it). She played for the national Russian Quidditch team, but retired 10 years ago because of injury. She now writes about Quidditch matches and players in a sports column for the local Swedish Wizarding Paper, and occasionally does commentary.

| Lena "Lili" Petterovna Sauvageon Younger Half-sister || FC: Dafne Keen Just began her second year at Koldovstoretz, the Russian Wizarding school. She's precious and adoring, and like a tiny Svea, though much nicer and less elitist, and sends Svea a letter by owl nearly daily (receiving one in return at the same consistency). They write their letters in Swedish since it's unlikely for any of their fellow students to be able to read them. They're super attached and close, and adorable af!

:: Prince Family ::

An old English, pure-blood wizarding family, they are fervent purportors of the concept of blood supremacy and purity, and proud Slytherins. Having all been sorted into the House dating back to Salazar Slytherin himself (or so they claim). Due to centuries of inbreeding with other pureblood families (who are all cousins at this point), the Princes tend to have the following traits; violent tendencies, mental instability, and some are enfeebled (though the family goes to great lengths to hide and eliminate such members). Additionally, due to their close genetics, the family additionally has trouble conceiving, generally ending up with only one child born per generation.

| Marcius Titus Polaris Prince Maternal Grandfather || FC: Sir Michael Caine Svea does not like her grandfather in the least, nor does he particularly like her, they define incompatibility between generations. She's considers him a relic of a dying time, and he considers her an uppity, idiotic child not worthy to have a drop of his blood running her veins.

:: other ::

| Lara Coburg Muggle Childhood Best Friend || FC: Holliday Grainger A muggle Svea met when enrolled in muggle schools as a child, and thick as thieves, regularly write to each other (though Lara asks the Sauvageon's to send her letters to Svea, and Svea has her owl send them to the family estate instead of Lara's home), and hang out whenever they can. She's aware of the magical world, and has been sworn to secrecy by the magical and non-magical Swedish governments (which was cool 'cause she got to meet the then PM - the muggle one).

☆──════♦biography♦════──☆

Svea is half-Swedish, half-British, her father was Swedish wizard and renown dragonologist; Petter Sauvageon, her mother; Diana Prince, is an accomplished and revered employee at the Department of International Magical Cooperation. Her parent's never married, her being the result of a liaison, which the Swedish part of her family couldn't give less of a fck about, but the British half are extremely embarrassed by. She was born in semi-secrecy, the Prince's very much wanted to pretend she did not exist, and tried to hide Diana's pregnancy in England, claiming she was taking a long earned, and extensive year long holiday abroad. The Sauvageon's, however, did not give a sht, and happily excitedly told their friends about their first grandchild (but they kept the identity of the mother a secret because they're not arseholes, and found her constant reminders to be a nuisance). She was born in the Sauvageon Estate in Enköping (estate is a really nice way of saying small castle, really), and remained in Sweden until she was 10, as the Prince's willingly and happily gave up custody of her.

From the age of 2-5, Svea was enrolled in Förskola and when aged 6, she attended Förskoleklass, school for muggle children in Sweden (both are optional for Swedish kids, "Förskola" is preschool, available to children from ages 1-5, and "Förskoleklass" is preschool class, which I guess is effectively a year of kindergarten, for children aged 6). She made numerous muggle friends, including her lifelong childhood best friend, Lara Coburg, to whom she still regularly writes, and visits when back in Sweden, and to whom she revealed her magic. She attended 4 years of the muggle compulsory school in Sweden (which is for ages 7-16, and basically the north American equivalent of elementary through to high school), with the plan being that she would "transfer" to private, boarding school once she reached the age for magical schooling. However, when she was 10, her mother and maternal grandfather came to Sweden to claim custody and make her a British citizen, to meet the residential requirements to attend Hogwarts. The Sauvageon's initially refused, but as they loathe their local home school, Drumstrang (a very non-Swedish Scandinavian school, because Sweden is liberal af and Drumstrang is magic racist af), they agreed.

Svea spent a year living with her mother and maternal grandfather before being admitted into Hogwarts and did not like it in the least. They were horrified and appalled by the rambunctious, muggle-friendly, aggressively European child she was (and tbh, still is), and spent the year trying to force it out of her. They kept her isolated and cut off all her connections to her father's family, and tried to instruct her in the ways of pureblood, often screaming in frustration and anger when she argued back or simply replied with "so what" or "why". They later took to locking her in rooms, and starving her when she started leaving the estate on her own to mingle with the local muggle population. Eventually, their little war came to a head when they broke her electrical toys from her father's family, and in her fury, she magically set fire to the Prince Estate (on purpose, though they claimed it was an accident to the Improper Use of Magic Office). The fire resembled the Fiendfyre curse, and it was stronger than any fire Svea had produced before. Although no one died, the entire estate became ruins, and took 4 ministry workers plus her mother and grandfather to contain. After the incident, Svea was able to reconnect with her paternal family (crying to the ministry people there about missing her father and worried that her grandfather would say no because he's jealous of her other grandfather, yes she was faking her tears, anyway, they fell for it and informed her Swedish fam who immediately apparated to the Prince Estate). The Sauvageon's offered to pay for the restoration of the Prince Estate, but in exchange, Brigitta Sauvageon would be staying with them until Svea left for Hogwarts. Once that was settled, Svea and her maternal family became akin to strangers living in the same house, with Marcius Prince calling Svea and her aunt "unwelcome guests".

Svea excelled at Hogwarts from the get go, she ran into some trouble with blood purists in her house, but due to her indifferences to the opinions of others for whom she has no respect, and long list of accomplishments, bullying hasn't really been an issue for her, she's really far too confident for bullying to even work though, like what would they say?

Would-be bully: you're ugly. Svea: b!tch, have you seen me?

Would-be bully: your blood is impure and polluted by the filth of muggles Svea: yeah, and so is yours, it's called species propagation.

Would-be bully: you're a worthless blood traitor Svea: *points at all her awards and grades*

Anyway, she's active in school events, has too much pride for school and her house, (also Sweden) and SLYTHERIN IS SO WINNING THAT HOUSE CUP THIS YEAR MOTHERFCKERS!!!

☆──════♦other♦════──☆

‣ her name is poorly made pun, like, "pun" is actually pushing it. "Svea" comes from a personification of Sweden, a derivative of "Svear", the Swedish name for the ancient Germanic tribe; the Swedes. "Svear" also later evolved into "Sverige", the Swedish name for Sweden and means "the realm of the Svear". Her surname, "Sauvageon", is a French form of "Savage", an English word, nickname, and surname meaning wild and uncouth, which was derived from a Middle English form of Old French; "salvage" or "sauvage", which meant untamed. Effectively, her name means Savage Swede, the flip around being a ref to the annoying flip around in the French language with certain terms and/or phrases (also in other languages, but French is the one I got beef with as a Canadian person). Richelle and Estelle are just because I like frenchy names that rhyme, and they're vaguely posh sounding, so I'm assuming her mother picked those ones. I say, assume, I made these characters, she did pick them for Svea.

‣ She could've been a Ravenclaw, but her ambition heavily outweighs her thirst for knowledge

‣ Her muggle electronic devices somewhat function at Hogwarts, working around the magical interferences by having them be powered by magic (so her laptop, phone, etc now never die, and are partially magic, decreasing the interference from all the magic around the castle), however, she is still trying to receive satellite/etc signals which don't work in the school, and she's forced to keep those features off because otherwise her screen goes all wonky. Hurray for having downloaded everything though. Enjoy X-Files and Eurovision Slytherin House. XD

‣ uses a ridiculous array of glitter and nerd-design pens (ink and quills are aesthetically pleasing, but impractical. Come on, the pencil was invented in fcking 1564)

‣ obtained her appariting license earlier than would be possible (because birthday makes her 17 after the usual UK test dates) by applying for it at the Swedish Ministry of magic, which issues Apparition licenses at 16 (completely made that up, but whatever, I don't like half of the few things we know about JKR's Sweden, they're not very Swedish. How is Drumstrang a Scandi school? Scandi's are so liberal, I get it's a German, wwii stereotype, but make it limited to German and Germanic states then, the Scandi's are liberal af. Well, Sweden is, also I think Finland, and probably Denmark).

☆──════♦plotting ideas and notes♦════──☆

[I'll add more as I think of them]

I. She's extremely competitive with Ravenclaw's and loathes that they have the label of being the "smart house", since her house is just as intelligent, and she considers herself above them. Her arrogance and elitist attitude come out at their highest when she's arguing with a Ravenclaw.

II. Your carer; possibly limited to Slytherin house, but she cares so you don't have to. Although, that caring is also limited, there's only so many people she can care about. Everyone doesn't deserve it.

III. Her relationship with Slytherins may be a bit complex depending on where your OC stands on blood purity. Svea's an elitist, yes, but she's not a blood purist, and has plenty of muggle-born and muggle friends, her own mother has labeled her as a "blood traitor", so if you're of the "pure bloods are the bestest, kill everyone else", you may run into some problems.

IV.

☆──════♦plotting♦════──☆

--Slytherin--

↪ Damien Greaves | @.natasha-maree13 House: Slytherin FC: Matthew Daddario Info: One of Svea's best friends, despite his psychopathy. She's able to easily discern between when he's messing around, and when he's being genuine. Both being high-achieving, superiority-complex ridden as.sholes with a shared fondness for certain muggle things, they get along fantastically, despite one of them lacking the major spectrum of human emotions. They have their own little clique, The Slytherin Silver Trio, and it's better than yours will ever be. XP ---> side character plotting: Lyra Greaves ------{FC: Alexandra Daddario, House: Slytherin} -----tbf

↪ Eloise Avery | @.themadmonarchist House: Slytherin FC: Abbey Lee Kershaw Info: Evolved into buddy-buddy friends more recently, and are Eurovision besties! Okay, they have like a close bond and other proper friendship stuff that I'm gonna ramble about, but, clearly, EUROVISION IS THE BEST AND MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER!!! Okay, I'm chill now, mostly. They first met as children, when Svea's family were trying to teach her the "enlightened" ways of pureblood-ism, didn't go well, the Avery's had their precious heir exposed to glitter muggle music for the first time. At Hogwarts, they didn't particularly get along in the beginning, due to Eloise's connection with the dou.che crew (as I call them, basically Blood Purist Bullies), however, they are quite similar later bonding during o.w.l.s and post-Eloise leaving dou.che crew over their similar pasts, passion for muggle stuff, and needing to outstanding on everything. Sliver Trio member numero trois!

↪ Octavia Thygeson | @.melophilia-c House: Slytherin FC: Natalia Dyer Info: Despite Svea's general elitist attitude, they along quite well, Svea showing the newbie around Hogwarts and such, and later bond over their close ties to members of Gryffindor House, who are generally seen as the enemy in Slytherin. ---> side character plotting: Mason Thygeson ------{FC: Hugh Dancy, House: Gryffindor} ------Become friends through Octavia, apparently her "spunk" reminds him of sister. Also friends through Henry. Also, also, Svea aggressively ships him with her bestie, Syn. Ship shop and all.

↪ Loralei Expura | @.thespian-at-large House: Slytherin FC: Dove Cameron Info: Like a little sister to her, Svea is very protective of Loralei, who is prone to being bullied for not being a pureblood in their house. She also convinced Loralei to join the Slytherin Quidditch team, and ensures Loralei takes her pills by enchanting her belongings to constantly remind her until she takes them.

↪ Leida Nelms | @.stackmel House: Slytherin FC: Ashley Benson Info: Friends, more or less. Certainly some American digs on Svea's part, but generally get along being teammates and housemates.

↪ Chanel Black | @.daily-donuts House: Slytherin FC: Ruby McCarthy Info: Svea and Chanel despise one another. The only exception is on the quidditch pitch where they are forced to work together. Chanel saw Svea as the edgy cool girl, but Svea just saw Chanel as an obnoxious immature teen. To be fair, she attempted to be polite with the girl which misled Chanel into believing they were friends because of her bubbly personality. Unfortunately, Svea told her the truth whenever she noticed the teen hanging out with her more and more. Chanel’s hurt grew to her being insecure about herself and a passionate hate to Svea. They compete in quidditch every practice and they both attempt to one up the other. Chanel secretly wants to still be friends with Svea but she knows that will never happen. Even though they are so similar, Svea’s coolness was too much for them to have a positive relationship.* *written by @.daily-donuts

↪ Moses Park Jr. | @.koby House: Slytherin FC: Kim Woo Bin Info: They've been friends since first year, as Svea does not care about blood purity and bonded over their shared love for the muggle sport of football (but Arsenal is better than West Ham)! She's also one his tutors.

↪ oc name | @ oc owner House: FC: Info:

--Hufflepuff--

↪ Syn Lothbrok | @ghostpastey House: Hufflepuff FC: Zippora Seven Info: SlytherPuff BFFs aka the Scandi's/Scandinavians, they're childhood friends, both being from wealthy influential families in Scandinavia, and they're a solid salty/aggressive duo at Hogwarts, with a penchant for snarky lines and exploding potions *cough* Syn totally makes them explode no matter how closely the instructions were followed *cough*.

↪ Isabel Sanchez | @.polystar10 House: Hufflepuff FC: Ana De armas Info: Sort of friends, they initially interact through Svea's bestie (Damien) messing around and manipulating poor Isabel, Svea never really interfering unless it goes way too far, and even then, it's really only take down a few notches. Their interactions increase due to Isabel's close relationship with Svea's boyfriend (urg, what a lame word, paramour, through her paramour), and end up hanging out more.

↪ Lyrae Mino | @.skyfalll House: Hufflepuff FC: Taissa Farmiga Info: Share a friendly rivalry, but get along well, and have a mutual love of the stars (astronomy).

↪ oc name | @ oc owner House: FC: Info:

--Gryffindor--

↪ Henry Clark | @.lady-stoneheart House: Gryffindor FC: Ben Barnes Info: SlytherDor power couple, began dating in their 6th year, bonding over their shared love of muggle sports team; Arsenal FC. Generally speaking, they've always got along, Svea has always been against the stupidity of blood purity, which many of her Housemates buy into, and which Henry abhors, however, she has bully friends, and is somewhat complicit in their behaviour since she doesn't really step in unless it's the aforementioned friend is being stupid (aka going "mudblood"), or is going too far, so they have been on opposite sides of (metaphorical) battles numerous times. They're also extremely competitive with each other, mostly arising from their Quidditch teams (the ones they play on and support), as well as Svea's general refusal to ever lose. ---> side character plotting: Xander Carlyle ------{FC: Jacob Tremblay, House: Gryffindor} ------share a sibling like relationship, having bonded closely over the holidays, with Xander immediately running to Svea for help with homework and all other problems, inciting a small amount of sibling-like jealousy in Henry (Henry, at some point: he's my sort of brother, get your own).

↪ Isadora Franks | @.agentdanascully House: Gryffindor FC: Lily James Info: Share a friendly rivalry, initially instigated by Isadora. Generally politely competitive, though they've had nicer moments, mainly due to mutual hatred for blood elitists, though Svea unintentionally makes Isadora feel insecure around her, plus stubborness gets in the way of a deeper friendship.

↪ oc name | @ oc owner House: FC: Info:

--Ravenclaw--

↪ Kenton Prewett | @.miky94 House: Ravenclaw FC: Dylan Sprayberry Info: They are acquaintances that run into each other during events and on campus, but nothing more.

↪ Minah Delacroix | @.maybones House: Ravenclaw FC: Kim Doyeon Info: tbf ---> side character plotting: Tyler Lee ------{FC: Jeon Jungkook, House: Slytherin} ------tbf

↪ oc name | @ oc owner House: FC: Info:

☆──group members──☆ Gryffindor: @/know-my-value || @/short-infinities || @.lady-stoneheart || @/snazzy-k33 || @/juliefel || @/novitious || @/forver-young0001 || @/fandomgirlofficial || @/crythin || @/ekaterina33-01 Hufflepuff: @/followyourbliss || @.ghostpastey || @/iristaha || @.skyfalll || @.polystar10 || @/hxmiltrxsh || @/violetrose74 || @/moon-child-dreams || @/me-myself-and-survival || @/dashingpirate Slytherin: @.drownedinmoonlight || @/lightyears-away || @.themadmonarchist || @.natasha-maree13 || @.melophilia-c || @.koby || @.thespian-at-large || @.stackmel || @.daily-donuts || @.little-miss-sociopath Ravenclaw: @/buffykdh || @/monkeymanda22 || @/maybones || @/the-fault-in-our-paper-towns || @/general-sux || @/fandom-fashion || @/chrissykinz || @/hear-my-plea || @/oohlalyla ||

#polyvore #squarezy layout #mine #svea sauvageon #plotting #hsww

0 notes

ruffsficstuffplace · 6 years

Text

And The AWRD Goes To... (Part 21)

Thud!

Akko let her head hit the table in front of her, her hands still on the thick, heavy, old tome she had just pushed away. “I give up...” she sobbed into the wood. “This is it, I’m done, I’m doomed... not even two days into Haven, and already I’ve washed out of Huntress training…”

The students around their table either gave Akko looks of sympathy, or annoyance at distracting them from their own reading and homework.

Diana sighed, and put a bookmark on the passage she was on. “I would suggest taking another break, but it seems like this method of studying is ineffective for you, say the least...” she said quietly.

“It’s really not...” Akko replied as she raised her head from the table, rested her chin on the surface. “Aww, I wish Weiss was here… she and Uncle Nick always had this way of taking complicated things and explaining them in ways I’d understand...”

Meanwhile, in a different section of the library, Weiss was doing just that. “Bellici-Noh is basically giving investors the odds that their investment might be worth this much in the future, assuming everything stays roughly the way they currently are, and absolutely no dramatic or catastrophic changes happen in the meanwhile.

“Think of it like an artillery specialist giving their commanding officers the odds for this particular type of mortar shell to hit a target, this far away from their most ideal firing position, how much damage the explosion might do, and how efficient it is compared to a different type of munition, all based on current battlefield conditions, the weather outside at the time, and all known types of shell, not including ones in development, or not yet formally deployed.

“I have to emphasize, though, the BeN’s predictions rarely, if ever, come close to reality; sometimes, they even tend to be really off the mark, like during the actual firing, it suddenly rains, that shell’s effectiveness drops dramatically in a moisture-rich environment, and, uh, assume that none of the engineers on-site can modify the shells, logistics can’t send them a different batch, and they’ll have to fire anyway, despite knowing full well it performs poorly in the rain, because command already paid for it, and can’t get a refund.

“… Sorry, weapon analogies are really new to me.”

“It’s totally fine, I actually really get it now!” Ruby replied. “Except one thing: if the BeN’s so unreliable in predicting the future, why do they still use it?”

“Because, even if the exact numbers are almost always off, it’s a good measurement for a company’s health in the present, and how likely they are to be profitable, or just still be in business in the future.”

“But can’t you do that without the predictions? You know, just look at how they are right now?”

“Not exactly, Ruby. Maybe the company’s just a brand new startup, and even though it may be small now, they’re primed to take advantage of a huge wave, or even a hot new industry like never before, such as the very first CCT-focused companies.

“Ah… think of like the first mass-production and deployment of fully-automatic firearms; no confirmed kills at time of first deployment and Mantle pushed itself even further into their resource crisis with them, but everyone could tell they were a good investment with how they could mow down hordes of simulated targets with ease…!

“… Aaaannnddd on an unrelated note: add comparing the first tech giants with one of the darkest turning points of the Great War to the list of weird, questionable things I’ve done in the name of studying!”

“There a lot of those?” Ruby asked.

“Oh, plenty!” Akko replied. “Not just analogies, either—mnemonics, weird stories so I could remember the sequence of things, songs, even—we always had to switch things up so I could stay interested and remember it.

“I guess it also really helped that Uncle Nick always had a lot of office supplies lying around, since he’s always learning something new himself, so I could get really creative with my own notes.”

“How so?” Diana asked, putting a fresh sheet of paper over her notebook.

“Oh, lots of ways: sometimes I’d just redraw graphs, maps, and formulas, in ways that I could understand them better, sometimes I’d make flash cards on all kinds of paper and with all kinds of pens, and sometimes we’d even put up cards, pictures, and my notes on the forest by her house, connect them up by string, and I’d just follow them to see how they all connected.”

“Wouldn’t that last one have been more efficient and simpler if you just drew a concept map on a piece of paper?” Diana asked as she wrote down notes.

“Oh, we tried that, but the problem is I’d start fidgeting and get antsy when I sat still for too long, and having to walk all the time helped with that,” Akko replied.

Diana nodded. “It all seems like quite a lot of work, effort, and cost in supplies, though.”

“It was definitely a good thing grandpa can get supplies in bulk and on the cheap, yeah,” Weiss said. “But it worked, and it got Akko through Combat School.” She sighed. “Man, I really hope she can adapt to all this reading and conventional note taking, there’s no way we could ever find the space nor the time to build something like that up here in Haven—just the stockpiles alone would take up a quarter of our room.”

“Maybe it’s not entirely impossible, though!” Ruby said. “I think I might be able to figure out some way to make it more space efficient, and less time, resource, and work intensive if I had enough opportunity and materials to experiment. I mean, the crux of the system was that it was varied enough to keep Akko from getting bored, sometimes move around and exercise, right?”

“You really think you’d be able to build something like that?” Weiss aksed.

Ruby snorted. “Weiss, please! I’m a weapons engineer: understanding, designing, and refining systems are kind of my thing.

“Sure, the ultimate goal won’t be killing Grimms and fighting off potential human opponents as quickly, efficiently, and simply as possible, but when you really get down to it, the design of any weapon is based on making a whole lot of potential actions be possible and efficient with the one machine.

“It’s kind of like how Shooting Star’s designed:

“It needs to have a stable, secure handle for the blade because of all the high-impact, heavy trauma it experiences every time Akko fights up close or defends with it, so it’s breach-loading, to provide the least amount of internal mechanisms and moving parts that might get damaged or knocked out of alignment from the reaction of melee attacks or recoil.

“And even though its rate of fire and maximum ammo capacity is pretty bad, it compensates for it by being able to fire shotgun shells, grenades, and Showstoppers without completely breaking apart from the sheer force of the blast traveling out up the barrel like other, lighter, more mechanically complex types of shotguns would.”

Weiss stared at her.

“… Sorry, did I go overboard again…? That tends to happen, as I guess you’ve noticed...”

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Diana replied, “it was actually quite interesting, and a good insight into how your learning process works, and what’s effective for you—we might even be able to use this, if ever we find we really do need to recreate that system here in Haven, somehow.”

“You want to call Akko, start figuring out how to do just that?” Ruby offered. “Maybe I can even go find Constanze, see if she can help.”

“No, best not interrupt either of them,” Diana said. “They’re probably deep in their work right now, and sending a message will only distract them. Best we see if you all you really needed was a reprieve from the history books, and just float the topic once we all meet up for dinner, or continue studying in our room.”

Akko sighed. “Okay you’re right,, I guess I’ll just try again…” she said as she sat up and straight, put her game face on, and pulled the book from earlier back to her.

Thud!

Akko let her head hit their table in the dining hall, sobbing as she pushed the book away once more. “I give up, for real this time—I just can’t do it!”

Diana sighed as she took the tome, carefully shut it, and put it into one of their many loaded backpacks and borrowed bags from the library. “You know what Akko, I think it might be better if you and Weiss study together again, but only until we can figure out some system or method for you,” she said as she picked up her chopsticks, and returned to her bowl of katsudon.

“How about we spend the rest of tonight doing that?” Ruby said as she picked up a new croquette from her plate. “We could start testing it as early as tomorrow, when we get back to our assignments.”

“It might be better if we do it over the weekend, once we have a better idea of what ALL of our classes will entail, and our professors’ respective expectations,” Diana replied. “It wouldn’t serve us well if the system we create on Wednesday turns out to be lacking by Saturday,” she said, before she put some more food into her mouth.

“I disagree,” Weiss said, “everything I’ve ever done with Akko tends to be created, modified, and refined on the fly—extensive planning from the get-go just tends to fall apart pretty soon.”

Akko groaned, her face still planted on the wood. “Can we please not talk about studying anymore? I already lost my appetite from it...”

“Want to go talk a quick walk outside?” Weiss asked. “I’m already done with dinner, after all,” she said, gesturing to her empty plate.

“Yes please…” Akko said as she stood up from the table.

“Don’t take too long!” Diana called out as they left. “I want to get back to all these as soon as possible, but I’m not going to haul them to our dorm with just Ruby for help!” she said, gesturing to their bags of books.

“We won’t!” Weiss called back.

Soon, the two of them were walking around the side of the dining hall, passing by the numerous herb plants and vegetables the kitchen staff grew on-site, other students and staff taking their dinners outside, or talking walks themselves. They could still hear the din from inside, but it was muted now, so you could easily tune it out and speak normally over it.

“Why is huntress training so overloaded right from the get-go…?” Akko muttered, her fingers rubbing her temples. “Do you even remember half of the speeches from our morning classes? Because I don’t! Was it even really necessary, or were they just giving us a preview of all the reading we’d have to do, but spoken?”

“Like grandpa and grandma said, it’s to weed out those that don’t have the determination or the drive early; I don’t, but I took notes; I’d say yes, it was important to set the tone of the class right off the bat; and probably!” Weiss replied. “Maybe you really should have taken grandma’s offer for a summer class about what academy life was going to be like.”

“No! No way!” Akko cried, taking her hands off her temples and crossing them in front of her. “I said I’d regret it if I wasted our last official summer as kids on that, and I sure as heck don’t regret it now! All this homework and reading sucks, but at least I didn’t waste a once in a lifetime opportunity I’d never have again, and I made sure that you didn’t, either!

“Speaking of which… how are you holding up?”

“Fine!” Weiss replied. “Nothing I haven’t already griped about back when I was in the hospital, and Diana and Ruby are turning out to be great teammates! Though, uh, I’ve got some new concerns about Ruby’s sister and the influence JAYS might have on ours...”

Akko nodded, before she stopped walking, and gave Weiss a pointed look.

Weiss hesitated for a moment, and said, “Like I said, it’s fine. I’m fine! Nothing to report.”

“You sure…?” Akko asked quietly. “Not getting those thoughts again? Didn’t miss any days?”

“Yes, no, and”--Weiss hesitated”—well… okay, I missed the morning of Initiation, but it’s fine! I held up all day, didn’t I?”

“Except for the part where you passed out twice.”

“That was probably more from the exhaustion of pushing my semblance so much, having drained my aura too far!”

“And what you mumbled while Ruby was carrying you…?”

Weiss winced. “It’s supposed to stay in that cave, right?”

“And it will!” Akko sighed. “I knew it felt like I was forgetting something important that whole morning, I just couldn’t figure out what… why didn’t you get your things out of storage?”

“I couldn’t find a good, quiet opportunity to do it!” Weiss shot back. “You saw how packed the Great Hall was that morning, and a lot of them were already waking up—what if they saw me…?”

“Then they probably wouldn’t have cared, because they were too busy getting ready for Initiation and thinking about what they needed to do that morning,” Akko replied. “If they were suddenly that interested to find out what you had in your suitcase and what you were doing with it, then that would have been a different problem altogether.”

“Okay!” Weiss said, holding her hands up. “I got paranoid and made a mistake! I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“And you’ll tell them, too?” Akko asked.

“Yes, like I said, I’ll tell them too!” Weiss said, exasperated. Then, she looked back at the dining hall, suddenly looking fearful. “How… how do you think they’ll take the news…?”

Akko put her hand on Weiss’ shoulder. “I don’t know, Weiss; I guess we’ll just deal with it when it comes up, like we always do.” She gently coaxed her face back to her, and smiled. “And I’m going to be right there by your side, like I always am, and always will be.”

Weiss teared up, before she pulled Akko into a hug, buried her face in her shoulder. “What did I ever do to deserve you…?” she sobbed.

Akko just smiled, and hugged her back.

Thud!

“Phew! That’s the last of them!” Ruby said as she and Akko admired the books now neatly stacked on the floor, within easy reach of both Diana and Weiss.

“Thank you, you two,” Diana said as she grabbed ancient history texts off the top of one. “My apologies again for my arms failing me earlier; I’ve just gotten far too used to Atlas’ high-speed lifts and trams everywhere, it seems.”

“You’re welcome, and don’t sweat it, it happens!” Ruby replied.

“Anything else you two want us to do?” Akko asked.

“None at the moment!” Weiss replied as ran her finger along the spines, pulled out a student’s copy of the Mistral Constitution. “Unless you two want to try exercising your brains again, I guess you two can take the rest of the night off.”

“Woo!” Akko cried, throwing her arms up into the air. “Hey, you two aren’t going to spend all night hitting the books, are you?”

“Absolutely not,” Diana replied as flipped back to the pages she was on, got her notebooks and her pens ready. “I’m already sleep deprived from my research into the Shiny Rod, and we all know what sort of unpleasantness THAT leads to...” she mumbled.

Akko blushed. “Sorry about that, again… Weiss?”

“Going to go to sleep as soon as I start feeling tired, Akko, don’t worry,” Weiss replied as she scanned through the pages of the first and second articles. “Also, Sucy said her ‘Infinite Energy’ tends to have pretty intense and sudden crashes followed by long periods of deep sleep, so you might need to go through dramatic methods to wake me up tomorrow morning.”

“Got it!” Akko said, saluting. “I’m just going to be introducing Ruby and the Shiny Rod to Starlight Crusaders, feel free to join us if you want to take a break from the books early!”

Diana blinked, and looked over her shoulder. “Seriously...?”

“Very seriously!” Ruby called out as she changed out of her uniform and into her pajamas. “Even if it is just a kid’s show, and pretty simple as a result, the wide range of characters, plotlines, and scenes might really help the Shiny Rod better understand Akko, and thus, help her talk with it!

“If nothing else, then at least I’ll finally find out why my classmates from grade school wouldn’t shut up about this show.”

“Fair warning, you might end up bingewatching entire seasons in one sitting!” Weiss called out. “It started with my little brother, Whitley, and the addiction just spread to the rest of us!”

Ruby and Akko went off to go watch it at one corner, the Shiny Rod in Akko’s lap and audio receivers in their ears, Diana and Weiss continued on with their homework, going about with their evening plans until sleep called, and they started turning in.

Diana yawned as she raised her arms up and stretched, rocked about on her cushion before she got up from her desk. She made a mental note of all the tasks and reading that still needing doing tomorrow, before she looked at Weiss, and frowned. “Weiss? Aren’t you getting tired?”

“Nope, not really!” Weiss replied. “Like I said, whatever Sucy gave me is pretty 60 to 0.”

Diana checked her scroll, propped up on her desk like a timer and clock—10:13 PM. “It’s getting rather late… are you sure you don’t want to call her, ask for something that might put you to sleep?”

“No thank you, I’m pretty sure it’ll wear off any time now,” Weiss said. “Her estimate’s only off by like what, fifteen minutes? ‘Science is only predictable, precise, and rigid once someone’s figured out just what the hell it is you’re supposed to be looking for,’ like my grandma would say.”

“Fair enough… sleep well, when it comes calling, I suppose,” Diana said, shutting her scroll before heading off to change.

“Thank you, Diana, good night,” Weiss said, before she returned to her work.

By 5 AM, Weiss was looking over her shoulder and at her sleeping teammates as she unscrewed the lid of her prescription bottle, forced her hands to stop shaking as she shook out her daily dose, swallowed it dry before she slammed the lid back on, stuffed the bottle back into her underwear drawer.

Then, she carefully, silently shut it, and slipped into her futon, rubbed her hair against her pillow and tossed and turned as quietly and discretely as she could. She pulled out her scroll, and after confirming that she looked like she had just had a poor night’s sleep than none, she sent out a message:

“Sucy, we have a problem.”

#dianakko #white rose #rwby #little witch academia #au #fanfic #and the awrd goes to

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ratherhavetheblues · 4 years

Text

INGMAR BERGMAN’S ‘THE SERPENT’S EGG’ “You’ve been thinking much too much, lately…”

The films of Ingmar Bergman are all of a piece. They endeavor, from many angles, to make sense of the powers that be. This concern is particularly pressing in regard to the work today, namely, The Serpent’s Egg (1977). On the basis of many vicissitudes of Bergman’s history at that production, a whole industry arose, of delighting in what seemed to have been a weakening of confidence—on the very flimsy basis of punitively catching Bergman straying from his vigorous roots. Were the wags to have troubled themselves to comprehend those roots (well disclosed), they would have dropped that childish game and got down to business.

At the risk of belaboring the obvious, we must turn to recognize our guide’s commitment to taking on a field of very complex physicality. At the outset of his career—in the film, Sawdust and Tinsel (1953), with the figure of Alma and her brief but impressive ecstatic balance; and in the film, The Seventh Seal (1957), with Jof and Marie, and their child hopefully one day excelling in acrobatics and juggling—we have an invitation to a party of unending carnal delivery.

If you think that tax problems; turning away from a homeland to resettle in Germany; and linking with a Hollywood bagman (Dino De Laurentiis [in fact, at that time, only recently based in the USA]; and with involvement in La Strada, Nights of Cabira, and Blue Velvet] could destabilize the resolve of Bergman’s interests, you don’t know what this priority entails. Moreover, there was cinematographer, Sven Nykvist, still in place and game for risking new visuals with unusually big bucks.)

Relocating to Munich, he would have been strongly reminded of his frequent (though unspoken as such) engagement with fascism, that simplistic and often murderous keening for absolute, homogeneous gratifications. To date, his most probing construct of the phenomenon of such arrested, facile obsession resided in his film, The Passion of Anna (1969). There, in a remote, rural corner of the already remote Sweden, a woman, namely Anna, manages to spearhead a one-person massacre on the pretext that her supposed entitlement to having things entirely her pedantic and dim way has gone awry. Though very clever, her scheme could not have reached its successes without the complicity of a muddled artisan/ farmer, namely, Andreas. With the windfall from Los Angeles, Bergman would seize the moment to revisit the serpent that was Anna. But this time Anna would be a jackboot mob, while a Saint Anna Clinic would oversee the early phase of a tinkering of wanton, sadistic “experimentation” with human subjects. Another muddled artist, namely, Abel (and you know, sort of, where that’s going), teams up with his widowed sister-in-law; and urban decadence replaces the hot-house sophistication of Anna’s hosts, Elis and Eva, in the country. It is the Eva-moment here, namely, Manuela, who, along with Abel, make The Serpent’s Egg a thrilling study of large-scale cowardice and small-scale love.

Although there will be here the usual dazzling theatrical-dramatic display in order to convey the corridors of problematics—including a number of failing oracles— this film (quick to exploit the financial heft) becomes more a filmic tone-poem than dramaturgy. Therefore, I want to start out (the vehicle’s venue being chilly Berlin, in 1923) with the panoply of woolen apparel. One of Anna’s cheap coups was slashing up a flock of disinterested—thereby superior to her—sheep. And that bloodbath becomes a visceral presence as to savoring a unique progress amidst protracted distemper. In mythology, Abel was a shepherd. In cinematography, Abel, a bit of a fashion-plate with his two-toned dancing shoes (seemingly ready to star on Broadway or in Hollywood), sports a cute woolen fedora which, were you to concentrate solely on it, might make one believe that he is quite alive. (To complete the effect, while disregarding his face, he wears a dark tan woolen jacket over a light tan woolen shirt. His woolen scarf is black. His woolen pants correspond to the rest of the ensemble to complete an impression of careful selection and taste.) Just before we first meet him, there is the film’s opening scene of a throng of Berliners moving toward us in slow-motion—also in woolens, with some of the women’s cloche hats resembling sheep heads—and resembling a push to market. The murky, black and white cinematography there (with the film actually in color) elicits a venerable state of affairs; and beyond that, there is the perpetual gloom upon Abel’s visage, and his veering body language. He looks up Manuela (a risqué dancer at a cabaret; but more than that), with news that his brother—once being a member with the other two in a circus act, and such a pain in the ass she had to dump him—had shot the so-called, “Max,” through his throat depositing his brains all over the back of his bed. The show had to go on after her departure; but a career-ending accident to the Caine left the boys in a crisis—softy Abel losing his nerve to start afresh upon major creation. Abel might be a write-off. But, bright as a button, Manuela, has found a gig that works for her. Though the patrons would not know about it—and perhaps even would prefer something more predictable—she (true to the mystery of her trapeze practice) has migrated to that shock and awe known as German Expressionist dance (Neuer Tanz), where body action gets uncanny. That night, bedecked in curly green sheep hair, she splays her legs and, pounding out some Germanic chant, becomes a possessed puppet or doll, a seductive siren, or a creature crying out during a slaughter. Abel, the former risk-taker and maven of alternate sublime, scowls and, as he no doubt found very early at his family mansion, adopts a hard line toward the great unwashed. Max (the elevated) and Abel (the sweet) had, no doubt, an early spree of rebellion (always mindful of a generous safety net, but going on to dispense with it from out of their pitiful Bohemian pride).

Getting to the bottom of this crisis of mood will have been assisted by two other figures—his dare-devil, former boss, from a past at that mixed fun-time; and the Chief of Police, drawing from the “survivor” particulars about the actions of two English speakers, lacking German (and one, Manuela, European of unknown background) in the crash of post-World War I Germany. He tells the cop and us, “I was born in Philadelphia [the liberty town]. My folks come from Riga, in Latvia. The three of us came to Berlin” [after Max’s accident]. Back, close to the stage where Manuela is doing pretty well, someone addresses the guy expensively dressed, not doing well at all, “Did we smoke our first cigarette together? Amalfi, 26 years ago. Our cottages were next door to each other. Rebecca, right?” Abel rudely rushes away. But his Eurotrash, overstuffed appetites don’t get lost.

Going back to the film’s beginning can better establish the pitch of that (spent) force. Coming home at dark, staggering from a chronic drunkenness, he almost relishes the horribleness of his shabby existence. “A pack of cigarettes costs 400 billion Marks, and almost everybody has lost faith in both the future and the present…” Overheated, melodramatic gestures like that—extending to the work’s title—saturate the dimensions of the double protagonists. Entering what the brothers have been able to afford (and perhaps the mainspring of the suicide by the only employable sibling), Abel pauses at the foyer where a large room accommodates a dinner/ prayer meeting. At the open doorway, there is a panel of geometric, mutedly colored décor, rather closely resembling the stained-glass windows of Andreas, whose fecklessness is no match for a filthy brute like Anna. Abel is arrested by the warm and gentle union, its hymns and the piety of the assembly. He breaks out in a rare smile. Tears stream down his cheeks. Recall the sudden and short-lived passion of Andreas on noting the uncanniness of the sun while he does repairs on his roof. Consider the difference. Notice the maudlin state of our protagonist here. Also notice that, on encountering the suicide, Abel rushes back and forth in his lostness, the same Samuel Beckett-rattled back and forth at the end of The Passion of Anna, where the killer drives away and the not tough-enough artist resorts to signs of absurdity.

On following Manuela’s exit from the stage that first night, we become even more vividly aware of her (perhaps fleeting) sensuous priorities. Her departure is given super-closeup, in such a way that areas of her body and her costume define her by region rather than individual. So sanguine is she with her innovation, she seems incapable of fathoming the uniqueness of the register, the pitch of intensity and rigors which could very well spell a tiny range of interaction. A person like Abel, now reduced to parasitical opportunism, would very clearly regard her as a precious dreamer—a precious dreamer with a cash-flow. A person like Manuela, who was fortunate in being in high favor by her landlady/ oracle (who was also an aficionado of radical design [Jugendstil, “Youth-Style”]), might have been shown invaluable wisdom by the friend, were the ancient not fearful of the subject conflict—secretly witnessing Abel’s stealing the other protagonist’s savings and doing nothing about it but telling him, later, “I’m very attached to Manuela. If you forgive me my saying so, I’m as fond of her as if she were my daughter. She’s so kind, naïve [here giving him a hard look]…It’s that there’s all the terrible things going around. I think your sister-in-law is heading for trouble. The thing about Manuela is she doesn’t defend herself. Nothing must happen to her…” Such a gambit being itself a tonal terrain of deadly retreat.

Wearing her woolen cloche on the tram ride home from the night, she finds Abel crumpled up in the doorway to her flat. Holding him up, she unwittingly brings him to the money; but treasures of the specialty of the house emanate along with her own modest effects. Such incisiveness, however, must wait till next morning; and, even then, he starts by blathering away about the family next to them, at Amalfi, where the master of the house, a Supreme Court Justice, would cut open a farm animal to see the heart still beating. As Manuela puts together a breakfast, we notice on the austere but carefully incisive wallpaper, two lithographic circus posters—one, depicting a man and a woman, upside-down, clinging by their feet to a trapeze; and the other showing a woman bare-back rider. No one refers to them for a moment; but you know she would have had long, penetrating times in their presence—not only about the vignettes but the uptakes of the wider tones. Even though he forces upon her a wad of low-value currency, explaining, “You should take the money before I spend it on booze,” she imagines that they could dazzle once again as a high-precision circus act. Perhaps she banks upon her charisma to overcome any obstacle. And, therein, a mood of tailspin burns brightly. The shrunken heart, responds with, “I don’t know. What good is it without Max?.. It’s a nightmare…” She embraces him, in a bid to lift his spirits. “We’re going to do it,” she enthuses. “You think too much… We can do a new number, just you and me. We could make magic. I know a wonderful magician. We could take over his show!” (The initiatives being far from coherent. But here we occupy a play of mood, which impacts in its own ways.) In reply, there’s the one-note, “I don’t know. Since this business with Max…” (And he cries.) Despite the discouragement coming her way, she tries the coquetry, “You’ll be my big brother. We’re going to stick together now…” That his repetitive dirge—“I wake up from a nightmare…”—becomes ludicrous, only confirms that a whole other world buoys her. As she iterates, “Everything is alright! We have everything we need,” it is that “which we need” which possibly turns things thing around for her, leaving the pessimist far behind. Can her upbeat heart hang on? He tells for her his seeing Nazi goons getting away with murder the night before. And she tiptoes around her second job as a hooker for the wealthy. She moves along with, “You’ve been thinking much too much, lately…You’re awfully tired…” (Unspoken and probably confusedly, would be, “You’ve been thinking like and old man!”) “I’m going to look after you, you know… And in a few days everything will be much better. You’ll see…” As she goes to her bemusing job (which he tries to treat as the end of the world), she’s in furs.

The smashing of Manuela’s inadequate roots is both dismaying and uplifting. Abel is obliged to return to the police station to settle details; and thereby the money he has just stolen is confiscated by a matter of routine. At the tail end of his bizarre and revealing brush with justice, Manuela appears there (as hopefully finding a pedestrian clue to what was in fact a fear of life itself, but in hopes that Abel might know what happened to her money). She’s seated at a table, and the brother-in-law walks past her without looking her way. This, by way of a visit to Abel being held for information about Max and a slew of other corpses. He silently brazens his involvement, and adds, “Luckily, I’m in charge of Max’s money…” As the interview proceeds, she loses her concentration, and Abel faults her for lagging. She asks, “Please be nice to me…”

On the day the landlady demands the rat out, leading to Manuela’s angry rupture of a wise friend, our protagonist rallies a bit in visiting a church. But we are now approaching such a meltdown of cogent vision and tone—acceptance of Abel a form of insanity—that the narrative commences to sport auras of (largely, American film) clichés—becoming, in themselves, not only a warning but a fissure leading to depths. (Bergman seizing the singularity for all its worth.) Although he easily stalks her to the site, he totally misses the action. First a flock of candles, with Abel back in the gloom. Overkill, where three would do the trick. She addresses the eccentric American priest; but he’s, at this point, distracted. Bing Crosby would never have slipped that way. She soldiers on: “My father was a magician. My mother was a circus rider. I’ve been in circuses all my life [unlike the upstarts]… I need to speak to somebody, do you understand?… Oh, this guilt is too much for me! And I feel it’s my fault that Max committed suicide… Now I have to take care of Max’s brother. And it’s even worse! Why he’s just like Max. He never says what he’s thinking. He just charges ahead with his feelings and he looks so frightened. And I tried to tell him that we’ll help each other… That’s only words to him. And everything I say is useless. The only real thing is fear! And I’m sick. I don’t know what’s wrong…” The priest asks, “Would you like me to pray for you?”/ “Think that will help?” she asks. “I don’t know,” the expert admits. They kneel together and soon she wonders, “Is it a special prayer?”/ “Yes,” he finds the cogency to declare. (A vehicle, that is, which she’s been delighted by many times in the past; only to let it slip away.) He adds, “We live so far away from God. So far away that God doesn’t hear us when we call out… So we must help each other give each other the forgiveness a remote God denies it. I tell you, you are forgiven for your husband’s death. You’re no longer to blame. [The priest having read between the lines.] I beg your forgiveness for my apathy and my indifference. Do you forgive me?”/ “Yes,” she rather confusedly replies. “I forgive you.” This elicits the clang sound repeatedly sounding at the beginning of the film, sounding to the roots. “That’s all we can do,” he closes. (Leaving the question, “Is that really all we can do?” Could it be that the powers-that-be require our dance/ acrobatic initiative to really rock? Could it be that asking is the wrong gambit. Active partnering would entail graces enough.)

Manuela’s pristine partnering becoming rapidly collapsing, she finds a workhouse connected with Saint Anna’s Clinic (“Please say it’s nice…”), and Abel let’s her know it’s beneath his dignity. On to the cabaret which, that night, is visited by a Nazi unit (one of the highlights being the owner’s beaten to a pulp, somewhat like, much later, the beating from Cliff to an enemy, in Tarantino’s Once upon a Time in Hollywood. Intense action often drawing upon a volume of sensibility missing the mark.) But the most telling moment, from our perspective, is the spectacle (seen from a bird’s eye view) of our protagonist in her avant-garde costume consumed by a terrified throng. (The collapse of mood being our investigative task.) She goes to work in the clinic’s laundry, and she becomes ill from pneumonia. She tells Abel, now working nearby in a vast archive (apt for someone locked away in the past), “I don’t think I can stand it here.” In an echo of her best self, she smiles and says, “It could have been worse.” That night, he beats her up; and melodramatic complaint takes over. “I just say, if you won’t believe, you can go! I’ve done everything to keep us together. I just can’t go on any more…” She hammers on the table. All the savoir faire having abandoned her. Abel cuts out and walks past a group butchering a horse that was once a going concern. The horse’s beautiful head was seen intact, to bring to bear the powers of a creature the vivacity of which far surpasses domestic exigencies. The one who couldn’t stay returns to Manuela’s corpse. He shakes her brutally, hoping to bring her back to life. He had picked her to the bones. (Those faulting Bergman’s cosmic vehicle in preference to Bob Fosse’s domestic and political musical, namely, Cabaret [1972], have been barking up the wrong tree.)

During his stroll to escape Manuela’s last ditch feeling of affection, he activates a study of the difference between Sportin’ Life and lively sport. After stuffing Marks into a barkeeper’s mouth and going on to smash with his bottle the window of a lovingly maintained woolen’s shop, he uses his plush dancing shoes to hoofer-style disappear to an alleyway replete with a young hooker. Once again, as with the raid, the scene is taken from a considerable distance, and at a rather stagey height. His opening, “Go away,” has about it many Broadway tinctures. (The alley is clearly a sound stage.) “Come with me! It’s warm. You can have it any way you want…” “Go to hell,” he studiously emotes. She chuckles, and her delivery seems from Iowa. “Where do you think you are—at Times Square?” she sweetly fusses. A muted honky-tonk drifts their way; and he goes her way. (The sentimental film, Going my Way (1944), with its unorthodox priest, is all over the vignette of Manuela and the American clergyman. Classics on the move. Distress in the mood. The millions to make this film/ tone poem were not wasted, as ridiculous trolls would have it.)

Disabled Abel and the night worker enter a brothel bristling with poor breeding. The prevailing trick soon reveals itself to be humiliation of a crippled, impotent and noisily opinionated black. Though a show-biz tragedy is ready to make you squirm, those of us, remembering Bergman, recall the film, Sawdust and Tinsel (1953), and its routed ringmaster becoming a figure of public and private defeat. With so much slippage in the air, this episode puts us in need of finding a way that works. Manuela’s mother was a circus rider, perhaps making waves in the midst of that corporate collapse. A lady clown, Alma, dazzled for a few moments much of the army, before subsiding to tending to an old bear, whom the beaten boss shot to death, in a cowardly attempt not to look weak. But with the specifics of the brothel, we enter upon a measure of consistently oblivious frenzy for the sake of the enjoyment of empty advantage. The new friends inhabit the world of George Gershwin’s opera, Porgy and Bess (1935). Cowardly Abel toys (like the opera’s villain, “Crown”) with a crippled and fiercely loquacious, Porgy, who bids, to neither sexual nor social effect, to rescue, Bess. “You’re tryin’ to kill me! You’re tryin’ to fuck me! I can’t fuck! Worst bitch in the whole damn world! She’s got fangs, I saw them!” The object of this fury laughs. “That big mouth bitch! I’m not a queer. That’s a goddamn lie!” (A clown show, drifting over to the beaten ringmaster; and the beaten has-been!) Abel would also double here as cynical, “Sportin’ Life,” always the vicious oracle. Abel bets him to come. More humiliation. More of Saint Anna and her security of delivery.

Our denouement entails further rigidity against the prospects of that cogency we’re tracking becoming widespread. There are two instances of Abel’s being the beneficiary of oldsters’ letting their sunny hopes prevail over what is a rather obvious phenomenon of failure to thrive. He crosses paths with the impresario whom he and Max and Manuela starred for. The elder is supple and intense; Abel might as well be headed for palliative care. He disregards the question, “How are Max and Manuela?” In spite of this, the gambler insists, “The circus needs you!” Invited to lunch at a posh restaurant, Abel consumes much alcohol in slight time. He also, from out of a life-long distemper, plunks his sheep skin hat over the head of a nude sculpture. His host tells him, “Nowadays I can get any dance star I want. They all know I pay in dollars…” Disregarding the rudeness and alcoholism, he switches to the day’s newspaper and regards the actions there as more entertainment. He thrills to, “… the massacre of Christians by the Jews… the Bolsheviks coming to Germany and stumbling over the bodies of your women and children…” The showman asks, “Why don’t you say something?” In reply he produces a pedantic doctrine which Anna, the security maven, could have written. “I don’t care about political crap. The Jews are as stupid as everybody. If a Jew gets into trouble it’s his own fault. He gets into trouble because he acts stupid. I’m not gonna get stupid, so I’m not gonna get into trouble.” Tone deaf through the whole exercise.

The second senior, who could have anticipated aberrant performance in Abel, is the Chief of Police, who misreads peevishness for commitment. The Chief has an idea that Max was only one of a large number of victims to a mass assailant, not quite as slick as Anna. The investigation, involving the sibling, begins where Max maxed-out and a hurdy-gurdy man with a little monkey gives the street some shine. On to the morgue, where the person of interest touches upon more than a limited errancy. A series of blood-spattered shrouds confront them; and each station has a link to Anna. Max’s suicide may be light years away from Johan’s, but comparisons can divulge important truths. Abel recognizes the first woman to be shown as having been engaged to his brother. At another perspective, there was Anna forcibly tearing her (understandably fed-up) husband away from a woman he preferred to her. (Cause of death, drowning.) Another incident gives Abel the sense of recalling his father. Repeating the outrage of Anna’s leaving Johan (a father-figure to Andreas) to seem to the world to have butchered a flock of sheep, which brought upon the innocent man such cruelty that he committed suicide, the other father would be another kill of hers. The Chief adds, “Someone stuck a hypodermic needle into this man’s heart. It probably took several hours…” Then there is an aged woman whom Abel has seen but can’t fully detail. “I think she delivered papers. I used to meet her at Frau Lanci’s boarding house. Once she helped me up the stairs when I was drunk, too drunk to make it on my own. Her name is Maria Stahn. She left a very strange letter. ‘The husband was half out of the windshield.’ He worked at the cabaret, in the entrance.” The fallible investigator adds, “We are not certain how he was killed. He seems to have been run over by a truck, but something tells us he’d been assaulted or tortured.” In the land of the prototype of mad safety, there was the treachery of Hour of the Wolf (1968), pertaining to the strange, warning letter; and, then also, Anna, and her note (written by the husband) to Andreas; and a husband killed by her sneakingly catapulting him through their car windshield.

Suckered by the non-acrobat’s bathos, the old cop opens up with, “All over Germany, millions are terrified… but I’d be delighted to see you swing on your trapeze with your peers. That way you fight your fear.” He provides a police escort to a train to Basel, where the circus works at being fearless. But he slips away from the goodwill and disappears forever.

Before he’s mercifully gone, he visits, by way of his archival links, the brain-trust behind that recent plague of violent deaths. There he can measure his own puny pedantry against a far more virulent rationality (another Anna). What could be more appropriate than an Alfred Hitchcock “exciting twist” to send the patrons home feeling that rational goodwill must always prevail. The carriage-trade chum from Amalfi pops up in a lab coat, and delivers a rationale for studies in human endurance (along the way, giving scope for a family trait of sadism). (Abel spends most of the experience covering his eyes with his hands.) With the Chief on his tail, the so-called “heavy” bites his cyanide capsule, while the law shoots away the door. “We are ahead of our time,” the researcher/ melodramatic oracle had assured Abel. “In a few years, science will ask for my documents, to continue our experiment on a gigantic scale. What you have seen are the first steps of a necessary and logical development… The old society, based on extremely romantic ideas of man’s goodness, was all very complicated… The new society will be based on man’s potential and limitations. We exterminate what’s inferior.” (Mood becoming bilious. Melodrama becoming empty.)

Hitch, always leaving the customers with a witticism, has the Chief—that genius of human nature—brag, as to a recent abortive putsch by Hitler, “He underestimated the strength of the German democracy.”

Hovering over the mad professor is his surname, “Vergerus”—the surname of Anna and the surname of a proto-fascist doctor, in the Bergman film, The Magician (1958). They’ll never go away, because cowardice will never go away. Our film today anticipates slight but meaningful progress.

#ingmar bergman

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therainbowjen · 7 years

Text

ode to crashing

I had a conversation with you a few months ago that both broke me and mended me at the same time.

we had had a few too many Angry Orchards, unpacking the apartment I happen to be re-packing now. I explained to you everything that had happened to me in high school, or, rather, the highlights of it. the decline, the abuse, the rape, and the aftermath. the people who tried to figure it out & the ones who just let me slide, the supporters, the complacent, and the ones who held me down just as much. you had been telling me that you wished I would have told you everything about what happened to me; that I shouldn’t have carried the burden of being abused and trying to cope / survive alone. I don’t think I had realized until then how much you didn’t know, as I just kind of assumed that my story had been filled in through a peppering of stories throughout our years of friendship. I didn’t realize how much I had still locked up, and carried, even in some of my absolute closest friendships. and so now, I realize, you haven’t been made aware of how you really have changed me.

so let me, for a moment, take you down the road - down a road I know well, and a road that to this day keeps me anchored & sane. the gentle pull that keeps me in the present, and doesn’t allow the lingering effects of my full PTSD and post-rape syndrome take hold of me as it had before. you help me move forward.

the ones in high school helped me then - but you helped me then and now.

first, let me sing my ode to your “couches” - couches in quotation marks as I was rarely really on a couch.

I’m glad I have no way of making you feel how I feel when my PTSD is running at full steam, but I can try to explain. imagine a constant, running script, the kinds that computers run to make computers do things, but visualize the letters and words, sentences and sentences, swirling past. That kind of speed is how your mind feels, and your heart as well. your heartbeat kind of runs fast, but yet it always has, you suppose.

( it hasn’t. actually, your heart rate is high because your body is in such repetitive terror, and this will later hit you when your absolute favorite psychologist will randomly take your temperature within 5 minutes of meeting you, and it’s slightly colder than 98.6. you assume each body has anomaly's - he explains that everyone runs at 98.6 unless your body is experiencing trauma, and in reality your parasympathetic system, aka your flight or flight, is running. it’s been running for 4 years straight, and finally, for the first time since it all happened, you finally believe yourself that you didn’t make this up. the nightmare is real. and you’re not. crazy. )

anyways, imagine laying in bed. imagine laying there with this speedy script, feeling alert at all times. you feel like at any moment in time you could jump out of bed and scream or fight, yet, you always feel that at any moment in time, he could jump through your window, or somehow sneak into your dorm and rap on your door. your roommate gets the door, he sweet talks her into moving, claiming he’s a friend of mine, and then he’s got you again and you can’t run away. so then you think to yourself, when can I leave here? he might know where I am. I’ve been here too long. he’s only up at Dayton, you think, and he could get into a car at any time. he could show up. I need to run, you scream internally, and completely disappear.

I only felt that tension release in one place, for a very long time - and that’s at all of your homes.

on the floor of that basement complex your sophomore year - the floor of your bedroom, in the apartment complex with the wooden stairs that climbed to God and made me feel detached from my bullshit on earth - the floor of that tiny bedroom you had in that crazy house party house - and finally, on the futon of that 5th year apartment. in those houses, I remember exact moments in time where I could hear the street chatter of drunk friends and gentle crickets, cars swooshing past, and general peace.

I can still feel the moment one of the thoughts that gently popped into my brain, in the apartment complex with the wooden stairs as I peered out to the streets: things are okay here, and one day, you will feel this way all the time.

in some ways I attribute it to being somewhere transient, and untraceable, but frankly I know better now after living a pretty vagabond, transient existence in the last two years. I’ve made couch surfing an art in 2017, fluttering around the East Coast & Midwest (with a single visit to the Pacific in 2016) at an alarming rate. I felt safe in Los Angeles, and a peace akin to the moment above, but not at home. I have crashed in so many places yet sometimes I catch the “run, Jen, run” script in my veins, even in places where I know they shouldn’t be. and frankly, I’m terrified that when I stop my couchsurfing, I will be scared again, even though I’ve grown so much in the last two years. so I know it’s not that - the transience is no solution, only a quick balm on a deeper cut.

I felt safe, and at home, in a city in my home state because I was with you in your home.

To give me a handful of nights where my body relaxed even for a minute would be enough that I could never repay you. But frankly, I know it’s because I trust you with my whole soul and you are a best friend who’s importance cannot be understated. When I am scared, you make me feel better, yet are quick to cut off my irrational and bad thoughts regarding relationships, men, & my self worth when needed.

I don’t feel that I have to be someone I’m not. I don’t feel that if I slip up, that you will stop being my friend, or leave me, or belittle me. I can make mistakes and you will stick around. I can be me without constant censure or control. You ground me without manipulating me. we exist as friends with no greater scheme on your end or mine, and there is no end goal besides being friends. neither of us are trying to hook up with the other and there has never been that dynamic at play.

You have absolutely no idea how monumental and life changing that is to me.

and, as well as the life-changing stuff, it is balanced with the silly things that remind me I am also a normal 24 year old woman. it isn’t this constant serious experience in which you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, or that I’m broken or someone you need to be extra careful with. We’re so dumb together, all the time, and that makes me feel normal, too, even though I can look at myself and see anything but that. I forget about my whole self and past when we’re together and that’s an incredible things.

I went through a normal break up for the first time in my life at 24, where I was dumped and he was just selfish. not because he was abusive, not because I was crazy, not because our problem-based trajectory was going amok, but because of something so NORMAL as him being a fuckboy. In such as bizarre way, that is exciting to me, that I’m experiencing normal relationships, even if this one really really sucks! I have normal problems, mostly. Normal for a 24 year old. And it is absolutely incredible. You walk me through the normal problems and the horrible problems seamlessly and you don’t even know it.

Recently, I’ve had a vision in my head that I had kept locked away for a few years. I remember when I was in the worst bits of my PTSD episodes, I would fantasize about my own place, where the doors locked and he would never be able to get in. I imagined myself in front of my home with the keys, a caption saying “mine!” and knowing every day, when I came home, I’d be safe, unhurt, and untouched emotionally or physically. I remember praying and praying for those moments, and I knew they were real because of the floors & futons & couches I’ve slept on in all of your places, including the Ohio City one.

What I really want you to know is that when I eventually get into that place, and the doors lock, and whoever happens to inhabit it with me (future roommate or future man?) crawls into (my or their) bed, my couch will always, always be open to you, and I hope that you feel just as safe on it.

love you forever, and ever, and ever.

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