#Astarion is mostly bad with the potential to be good

[sweatandwoe]

Me when I see a Gale/Astarion simp hating on the other: You FOOL they are parallels, foils, you cannot hate the one without the hating the other (I need blood/magic for nourishment or else I will die, they have a patron they are bound to, they are both bookworms, both can make terrible choices for the world, they have a magic the gathering homoerotic card art, both have the tsim just one is masked and the other is not, etc)

Also if you wanted a morally good man to romance, Wyll is right there.

#Astarion #Gale bg3 #bg3 #bloodweave #<- i want them to kiss like nasty #like all narrative foils should #I would do a whole essay on this but sum it up #Astarion is mostly bad with the potential to be good #while Gale is mostly good with the potential to be bad #In another life we got a Gale and Astarion confrontation like the others got #gale of waterdeep

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Wow, my Baldur's Gate 3 post blew up somewhat... nice. Well, time for more headcanons, of the unapologetically horny variety. (Yes, yes, I know everyone and their mother has done this already, well here's mine. Nyeh.)

Including: Astarion, The Emperor, Gale, Halsin, Jaheira, Karlach, Lae'zel, Raphael, Shadowheart, Wyll, and Zevlor

Tumblr is run by unfun prudes who would like my 30-year-old thoughts to remain Chaste and Pristine™ so filth under the cut until they ban me or whatever

Astarion

So the truly hilarious thing about Astarion is that he claims to be a pillow princess, but is almost always a dom. Like, I find it very funny that he enjoys the Aesthetics™ of being a spoiled brat, too delicate and pampered to lift a finger, but in reality, he's a bit of a work horse who finds having nothing to do dull as rocks.

Not to say that he doesn't enjoy receiving, I fully believe he does, but I think it's mostly relaxing at best and dissociative at worst. We'll assume though he's with a trusted partner for now though, rather than deal with the Hang Ups. I think inevitably he'd eventually roll over and change positions and end up in charge. I think it's an undeniable itch for him, even when he's being treated very well. There's just something so enthralling and exciting about being in control and playing with someone. It gives him a satisfying challenge the way being a pillow princess doesn't.

I think sex is particularly about aesthetics for Astarion as well. Bondage, costume, the art and immersion of it would be appealing. Role play would naturally extend out of this, especially as a safe outlet for some of his more complicated feelings. Succeeding at multiple layers of social interaction and intimacy would be extremely rewarding for him, I think.

He's also a very giving lover. I'm not sure praise would quite do it for him, that's not exactly his build. The submission though... oh yes, that does wonders. And he's very keen to reward that submission with nice things, sweet things, unbearably sweet, more than you can take... that's the kind of torture he's into, whining, begging, pleading, from the too muchness of it all, from how good he's being to you... mmm, yes, that's the stuff. It's soothing to understand you can be in control and not hurt people, to know that the control is not corruptive, not a bad thing in itself. I think it'd do a lot for his confidence and self-image.

Also, very into feeding as a sexual thing. He is a hedonist after all, more pleasure is more pleasure.

(The) Emperor

Hey, haters to the left, please. We believe in free love here and that includes the tentacle-y kind.

Look, okay, the dude comes on... strong. Too strong, to be honest. A little overly possessive, overly needy, but there is a hot, sweet core in there. And with a little patience, time, and reassurance, that can be honed into a respectful balance. If you can be patient and take your time, you can help him understand that he doesn't need to be in your every thought or be constantly touching to still have a deep bond. Do gotta watch those tendencies though.

That said, tentacles are a gift! Strong, dexterous, perfect for holding, squeezing, manipulating, and of course, inserting. It's hard to imagine a more intuitive metaphor for desire than tentacles, constantly grasping as they are. And boy, the Emperor wants. Also potentially has some experience using these, probably has a fair idea of how to make this good for both of you, so a pretty good bonus there.

While the Emperor tends to think he knows best and never enters anything without a plan, I think he'd be willing to take instruction. Your pleasure would be a point of pride so if something could be going better, I think he'd listen. Communication reaffirms trust after all. It's no dishonor to be spoken to or even commanded.

Honestly not sure illithid experience pleasure outside of making you orgasm and just like voyeuring or skimming the pleasure off your brain, so it's probably all about you here. Which also means we're probably not looking at marathon sessions; it'll be just the right amount of attention to a big, satisfying orgasm and then warm, languid rest. But the trick is, you're not going to get any gentle, casual encounters. His focus is unparalleled so it's very hard to back off of 100. That's fun, but can be exhausting, especially if you like a bit of variety.

Gale

Sometimes it's hard to see what Mystra saw in Gale; other times it's blinding. He's the most self-congratulating, infuriating, annoying bastard you know and he's also, somehow, perfect. What the fuck. The basic problem with Gale is that he'll tell you, to your face, that he fucked a goddess and when and where and how and the worst thing of all is he's not lying; he's actually good.

Gale has the enviable qualities of simultaneously being very laid back and very enthusiastic. He's happy with whatever position you suggest and is just thrilled to be invited. Throws himself into whatever's on the table.

Not to say that he doesn't have ideas, god, but he never shuts up about his ideas. And they're all, frustratingly, really good ideas too! "Oh, well I thought since we're in the hot tub, a little ice in my fingertips might be electrifying." "Have you considered the effects of shifting local gravity so you could ride me longer?" "I've taken the liberty of enchanting your dildo so you can feel it when you peg me!" God, don't you just hate him for being right all the time?

And to make matters worse, the stupid prick is full of wondering adoration for you, always trying to give you the best time possible, the best time ever. And he cares So Much he even notices if The Most Sensations Ever isn't the right thing right now and adjusts. He's just as happy to sit and cuddle or read next to each other. Ugh, disgusting. It's like someone made him in the Best Lover Conceivable factory and blew the whole budget on just him! Like, why Mystra gotta ruin the dating scene like that?!

Trouble is, he's obsessively good at doing exactly what you want because he was groomed by a goddess so... 😬 Sometimes you have to remind him he's enough. Sometimes you have to let him know that he isn't as good as what he could do for others, that he was already good, just on his own. Sometimes you gotta take care of him because he won't remember and he won't realize. And he might pout and object, but he deserves a good time too. Not that he wasn't having a good time but... you know what I mean. Let him be the focus.

Gale's very into attention and a slow, sweet time. Work him up painstakingly, bring him to the edge of begging, tell him what a good boy he is. He'll be crying with pleasure. Don't let him rush, rushing is a cheap shortcut and it means he doesn't have to endure being adored just as much as he adores you. It's the only time he'll ever be shy, having to accept love. But this should also, of course, always be paired with letting him reciprocate. One-sided affection or interaction would be torture for the poor boy. He wants so badly to be good, but gotta temper that a bit with reminding him he already is.

Halsin

Oakfather giving Mystra a run for her mother for "ruining the dating scene" with this one. Only The Oakfather went "thicc whores only" and the world cried amen for we were blessed.

What can we say about this polyamorous icon that hasn't already been said? Well, perhaps counter to some above examples, Halsin blessedly doesn't have to be at 110% all the time. Having a soft time is just as good as a rough ride. Although... we all know you're getting more of the latter on average, right?

The nice thing about Halsin is you don't have to worry about him denying himself or doing things just because he thinks you want them; he's a master of balance. He absolutely has his own personal, selfish desires and he knows how to serve them in turn. There's something refreshingly organic about Halsin's attraction, he's into you for perceptible maybe even measurable reasons, you don't have to worry about what's going on in that beautiful head of his so much.

A lot of energy in this one though, gotta be aware of that appetite. But hey, if you're into Halsin, you're probably open to maybe a couple more partners, together or separately. Halsin is certainly down for all of those combos.

Very generous lover, not satisfied until you say so. Down for any length of time, any position, but he strikes me as a man who's not into a lot of frills. Sex is about the physical pleasure, those animalistic instincts, and the kinetic energy between people being used and blended to create something more, something almost beyond us. A lot of artifice and dressing up wouldn't make a lot of sense to him and he's not likely to get much out of it. Don't think he'd yuck your yum, but unlikely to participate himself.

Might even prefer multiple partners at once and the longer the session the better. Short sessions are possible, but he's not going to enjoy it as much unless he can get really into the rhythm of it. Again, it's about balancing the energy, which often involves a bit of warm up and getting into the groove to truly satisfy. If one partner, high energy is best if possible. Come in with some goals in mind or you might get overwhelmed. Wouldn't be surprised if sometimes Halsin doesn't come at all due to his unreal stamina and thresholds.

Can't think of a better teacher to help you try something new though. Patient, kind, thoughtful with feedback from long experience. And he's incredibly appreciative of the unique skills every person has, the things only they bring are always valuable to him, something to be cherished and enjoyed. One of the few people who can be instructive, encouraging, and erotic all at the same time. It's a rare breed.

Jaheira

I'd let Mama Harper boss me around any day. And she is decidedly the boss, she's been giving orders since before I was born and that isn't about to change. Strong dom MILF energy here. And she definitely knows what she wants so those orders are going to be clear and consistent.

I don't think the strap is her preference, but I don't think she'd be opposed. But as another druid, I think she likes to go in bare handed, as it were. And, to be fair, she doesn't need help, I've seen those hands work a lash. She's strong and flexible, whatever you ask for she can give. She seems to have less in the raw energy department than Halsin, but I'll chalk that up to not being chief. I think it would take awhile to wear her down though, can't take her for fast or easy. Just like Halsin, I bet she prefers longer sessions to shorter, but would probably be a bit more flexible on this.

I think her real specialty is probably ropes, any kind of bondage. And she seems keen to teach the uninitiated, to make it not scary and safe. Her argument being the restraint in and of itself heightens the pleasure, why not try it? Not a bad argument.

She also probably enjoys herself most getting a work out in. She can be gentle for you, but her own pleasure is found in conquering, mastering. A test of strength or wills would probably be called for here. Tbh, I can't imagine her being that interested until you can prove you're a match for her in some way. Not terribly interested in coddling.

Karlach

Oh, a goddess among mere mortals. Those tits, that ass! She could break me in half and I would thank her, crying tears of joy. Karlach deserves every happiness on earth. Karlach is maybe the most enthusiastic person here, and that's saying something. The feeling of being close to others, but specifically sex, is such an important love language to Karlach. She has high physical needs and so is very excited and very determined to make you have as good a time as she is having. Unfortunately, sometimes this has a spiraling effect that results in questions like "how many orgasms is too many orgasms?" She just gets carried away, poor thing. But, nonetheless, as addictive as a good time is, you'll probably run out of stamina before she does. Though I bet she'd still keep going past the point of discomfort for herself, just because she's so excited and in love and bursting with joy and energy. It's hard to stop when there's so much you want to say and do and experience. Especially after being restrained so long.

On that topic, bondage probably not a good fit here. Anything that prevents touch for her is not really going to be her thing.

On the flip side, there is no such thing as too much, too hard, too long. I cannot imagine someone more eager to gobble you up, to taste you everywhere, to squeeze you close and shudder and gasp until your sweat smells the same. Like... she is here for this, she is into it. And she'll intuitively go for whatever is going to be more tactile, more of your touch and your body on hers. But also more scent, more excitement. She's going to respond like lightning to any little squeak or shiver to get any reaction out of you. She's so hungry for it.

And she's had a lot of time to think of ideas so you won't run dry on creativity for a good long while. Also important to note, she's only going to be a fast draw in the early days when everything is so urgent. She will slow down in time, though I think she'll end up running faster and hotter than most here. Her appetite is strong, but her stamina is actually on the low side. So more orgasms, but less space between them. Over stimulation is going to be huge here.

Not sure she has the patience for role play or anything fancy. This is not to say she isn't vocal she is... very vocal. Constantly. But that's quite affirming. And I think she'd be pretty into displays, perhaps even a bit of exhibitionism. After all, voyeurism/exhibitionism is all she had for awhile, so I suspect that would carry over into now. I think in particular she'd like to show you off, since she has a keen understanding of the eroticism of visuals. Not everyone's cup of tea of course, and she doesn't have to, but she just gets excited and proud. This makes her feel so good she can't help wanting to shout about it.

All of this said, she's also probably the most attentive in safety and aftercare. Halsin is a safety nut as well, but Karlach absolutely dotes. She wants to make sure she didn't hurt you or wear you out in any way and so will make extra, extra sure any little need is taken care of.

Lae'zel

Lae'zel's pussy could kill a man, in fact, it probably has. Not the most romantic of our choices, at least at first, but vigorous, satisfying, honestly intimidating. But, sex is very accessible with Lae'zel. Sex is part of communion for her, but in a different way than Halsin. It's exercise and contest and entertainment and group cohesion all in one. For these reasons, she's not as intimidating as you'd expect because just you saying yes to her pleases her. If she's invited you, that means she's already judged you worthy. She's not going to be upset when giving pointers because she has no hang ups about how sex is supposed to work. She doesn't expect you to read her mind and would probably be mad if you tried. Clear communication is part of this and you already earned the trust for it.

And on the flip side, she will not be distressed by you stating your desires because she's also not trying to read your mind. She wants you to trust her enough to say what you want. Honestly, she's probably a good starting place for virgins, her openness would be soothing. She might even have the patience to instruct, though she's not a terribly patient woman in general.

Also, not to bury it, Lae'zel just likes sex, the sweat, the scents, the weird, sticky feelings of it, the shivering glow through the body. Sex is fun for her and that's obvious in her vocalizations, both articulated words and not. And she knows that the more times you have sex with the same partner, the easier it gets, the more enjoyable it is. I think she'd like watching that progress, like a good team coming together. It's a sign of trust and affection. And in time, if she comes to trust you a lot, the sex becomes even more intimate and vulnerable, as you start to trust each other experimenting, going by instinct rather than plan. Those little shifts would be thrilling for her as she learns to improvise and accept new ideas. Surprising her would be delightful because she always thinks she has the upper hand. How fun to show her that's not always the case.

Lae'zel is a dom more out of necessity than desire, I think. She's probably a switch, happy with whatever suits; she just ends up doming a lot because no one has earned her subbing/she doesn't trust enough yet. But taking turns would also be valuable team building for her, important everyone trains even the skills they're weak at. Together, we become better at sex and at understanding each other. Weirdly, a very emotionally healthy outlook.

Raphael

I think I feel about Raphael as others feel about Enver Gortash. I want to project every flithy, nasty ass thought onto this wet rag of a man. So, without further ado: humiliation is the name of the game. I think if you fucked Haarlep in front of him, binding him so he couldn't do anything, only watch as Haarlep groans about how much better you are than Raphael, I think he'd come in his over-tailored pants. Cuckold the shit out of him. I think he needs to be stepped on, pegged, and drooling in the street. Never let him have his own way. I think he'd see stars getting pushed around like that. I think it would be great for him. Just use him like a cock sleeve, really dig in there. Absolutely deserved.

Like, imagine if this whole thing is his cringefail attempt to court Zariel. Imagine that level of humiliation. Works on this for thousands of years, only to burn his own house down over a few puny mortals stealing his shit. Oh my goddddd.

If nothing else, it would be Fucking Hilarious.

Shadowheart

So Shadowheart is probably into some hardcore stuff, right? She strikes me as someone with a bit of a home invasion kink. Definitely here for the blindfold/sensory deprivation kink. Restraints, but not just bondage, I'm thinking vinyl suits. Shadowheart's definitely into the unconventional. The more toys and artifice, the better.

It's probably next to impossible for Shadowheart to relax sexually. I don't think it's that she isn't into sex, but it's probably difficult for her to calm down and feel safe being vulnerable, get in touch with soft, gentle things that are just nice. Things that hurt a bit are more comfortable, more familiar, and even have less to do with her personally so she doesn't have to deal with her own feelings and preferences. But, with a bit of patience and a firm hand, you could coax Shadowheart into easing up, allowing herself to be taken care of, and to enjoy just a simple hand job or the too soft touch of lips. She's a bit of a project, but especially if you enjoy a bit of darkness and danger, very rewarding.

And Shadowheart would be big into reciprocation, you can't do something nice for her without her doing the same to you. And she'd take it as a point of pride that she's very good at making people beg for mercy. I think she'd become very giving over time, if you can be patient and teach her how to enjoy herself, in time she will give as much and more back to you.

And to be clear, not suggesting she doesn't also and always enjoy a bit of bondage and sensory deprivation, but I think she'd enjoy it more once she's come to terms with the fact this is not a service she's required to provide, an act which could determine her worth, but just occupations she enjoys for herself, outside of external validation. Teaching Shadowheart to masturbate could be huge. I do worry about her some times. A little self-love lessons might be necessary.

Edging also definitely something to try here. The slower the better. But, it's gotta have that pay off, or she'll start circling back to denial is the end in itself. Which... maybe sometimes, but there's also a lot to be enjoyed in the climax too!

Wyll

Hard to find a sweeter, gentler soul on the road. And a softer touch too. Needless to say, it's a lot of firsts with Wyll. But, he's a quick study and enjoys being tender and lovely. And I'll say it right now, even with this illustrious company, I don't think anyone gives better head than Wyll Ravenguard. Such a soft mouth and singularly focused and determined, he genuinely enjoys it too. It's such an act of service and this boy is all about acts of service. He wouldn't even get distracted by his own pleasure, just entirely focused on what he can give you. Halsin might have greater skill, but that heartfelt desire is unparalleled.

Wyll is made to be commanded, he will do whatever you say in bed. Even if you gave him control, I'm not sure he'd want it and definitely wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, not to say he's a pillow princess, those hips are doing their share of heavy lifting. Just to say that he wants instruction, he wants to follow your lead and let you tell him what to do. Praise would be huge here, tell him what a good boy he is, how well he's doing, he'd go mad.

To prolong the pleasure, a little orgasm denial may be useful, make him work for it. He loves a challenge and a test to prove his worthiness. And, in time, you could get experimental with him as you build his confidence. Maybe a little exhibitionism. Maybe a little bondage, a little role play. As long as the trust and love is there, Wyll's willing to try anything once.

Maybe the most fun thing about Wyll is Wyll actually can keep it down. Some of us just have to scream about it, but Wyll can actually get away with a fair mount because of his cool exterior. And Wyll is available for quickies, an advantage over some others here since he doesn't require a huge amount of energy set aside to have a good time. Wyll responds better to smaller but frequent affection and physical touch than big events spaced out. And Wyll is impulsively romantic, he likes to surprise with fun ideas and sudden invitations, which is a reward unto itself.

Zevlor

And a win for Team Sexualizing Old Men! I remember my roots. It is truly a tragedy that Larian won't let me sex up that old man. Look at him, you know it'd be good. So tender, so thorough. And Zevlor deserves something nice god damn it.

You know he knows what he's about. None of that shy, awkward fumbling you get with the new kids. Heck, he probably knows how to get you off standing against a wall, still in his armor! A true prince among men here. Don't think because no one's asked in awhile his skills have diminished.

Very passable oral skills, surprisingly long stamina, not just in oral too ;). Not the fastest ride you'll ever have and some positions are probably going to be out, battle-scarred knees and such, but for my money, absolutely delightful. Don't have to contend with more power than sense here.

And hey, if you want some Honorable Mentions like Aylin, Enver Gortash, or Dammon, let me know! I'm always down to give sexual headcanons no one wanted! 

#bg3 headcanons #bg3 thoughts #hope you all enjoy #baldur's gate 3 #Astarion #Gale #Halsin #Zevlor #Wyll #Shadowheart #Lae'zel #Karlach #Jaheira #the emperor bg3 #raphael bg3

[wetcatspellcaster]

Metapost: "The Ascendent"

**this is a meta for my fic, Pieces Still Stuck in Your Teeth, and NOT a discussion of the BG3 game canon in any way. If you try and make this into a disk-horse, I will BITE you**

(spoilers under the cut for Chapters 1-23 of Pieces Still Stuck in Your Teeth).

So... remember in the Chapter One endnote when I said I was a Spike/Buffy fan first, and a person second? x

･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ

In more seriousness, there was a number of fictional seasonings/ingredients that went into creating what I felt was the villain of a Gothic horror, and what I felt could turn the Ascendent into something that was both 'fixable', and something I enjoyed writing.

Those ingredients were:

Spike and the idea of 'soulless' vampires in the BtVS canon - do I like this conceit of BtVS worldbuilding and how it's used in the show? No. I think it often underlines how bad Whedon is at writing romance. BUT I do think it gives Buffy this free pass for which vampires she can/can't like or adopt, and I needed some of that for my protagonist. I need a 'I can fix him' moment - BtVS has those in fucking SPADES.

Howl's Moving Castle (this one was accidental, I'm still mad at myself but I can't deny it's there) - man conducts magic ritual for power, removing an essential part of himself in the process that needs to be returned

Picture of Dorian Gray (the idea of an exterior staying pristine while something hidden suffers and decays)

Curse of Strahd (the soulless in Barovia, which I mentioned in Chapter 23)

The idea of default moral alignments in D&D. I have a whole chapter arguing against this in my thesis (mostly bc it's often applied to entire races) but I was fascinated by creating a set of circumstances where I feel like a default moral alignment is valid, actually. 7,000 deaths seems like a good set up. I wanted to imagine a being that was trapped within a default moral alignment, and the laws of its very being prevent it from being good no matter what it tries, and it knows that (this kind of creates a feedback loop with the Spike/Buffy stuff)

The parts of the BG3 canon I took and REMADE (I'm stressing this throughout, I was making a horror story and a horror monster your honour):

Astarion conducts the Rite of Profane Ascension with scars on his back, but has to scar Cazador's back personally, suggesting that um... the Rite REALLY SHOULDN'T BE CONDUCTED BY SOMEONE WHO'S GOT THOSE SCARS. Cazador wasn't going to do it that way, is all I'm saying!!

The idea that Ascended!Ending Astarion is a concentrated version of certain traits that have persisted throughout his story - his flirtiness, his understanding of sex as a mechanism and expression of power, his use of a fa��ade as a mask for trauma he refuses to acknowledge.

The lines alluding to dissociation in the brothel foursome, post-Ascension.

The idea that Astarion seduced Tav to survive or protect himself- in my case, because I made the Ascendent empty save for Astarion's survival instinct, the idea that he would gravitate towards Tav as one of his default modes to potentially survive made sense to me - this is why it becomes an obsession.

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For me, when writing, the Ascendent is a few things:

An intensification of vampirism in a different, fucked-up direction. Yeah, A!Astarion, you can walk in sunlight and you can eat and drink and don't need blood. But you are still a hungering maw of emptiness that feels like it will never be whole or close and connected to the living - just now in a wildly different, metaphysical/existential direction! Welcome to depression, alienation, and otherness!

A soulless being, that knows it is soulless - that initially was very happy with its life but then as the years passed, increasingly spends its every waking moment knowing there is something innately wrong with it that it can't seem to shake, no matter how much it engages with life and all the pleasures of life. (see the 'every meal without savour' speech)

A magically literal metaphor for Astarion's dissociation in moments of extreme trauma, up to and including the fight with Cazador - essentially, the moments when there is nothing but a performance or an exterior, because the self/soul are suffering and they cant' come to phone right now

Astarion's survival instinct. As I say in Chapter 23 - Mephistopheles thinks it is an empty body, who's performance is trying to deny the reality of it's own existence. Rosalie, who has a bit more understanding of Astarion, sees that the performance is not just a coping mechanism but one of Astarion's main modes of survival. The Ascendent is Astarion's survival instinct/techniques for endurance, without any soul or person behind them to protect. This is how I tried to tie in the flirty, hypersexual persona and wrap it with a bow.

I wanted a monster that was undeniably scary, and monstrous to me (oh? you can't fit in or be happy no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try, and you think there's something intrinsically off? how's that autism diagnosis going Emma) but that I also felt sympathy and true sorrow for. I needed to have motivations for him chasing after Tav that I could write meaningfully from and sympathise with.

Not only has Astarion used Tav as a life-raft once before, they've also proven to be the most secure thing he's ever clung to. Of course a rabid survival instinct Astarion would become obsessed, and see them as a potential solution to the problem (this was then intensified by Rosalie also being a walking, overbearing moral compass, and having bound him in a contract in the first week of living, accidentally - a lawful good immoveable objects meets a default moral alignment unstoppable force.)

...Because I also wanted that moral alignment spice!! Wizards of the Coast, default moral alignment is fucked up actually!!! Imagine something trying so desperately to be good - literally being bound in a pact and having been told to be good - but the laws of the universe and its very essence are like "nah mate, we kind of want to destroy and annihilate everything, we're neutral evil personified". That's scary!! that's fucked up!! that's what a birth from 7000 deaths gets you!!!

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So, now for the actual timeline, for people who aren't interested in my silly musings but mostly just want answers lmfao.

Rosalie makes the decision not to intervene in Cazador's mansion, making it seem like she'll support whatever decision Astarion will make there.

Rite of Profane Ascension happens. Astarion conducts the ritual, rips his own soul from his body, the Ascendent is born with literally zero context. Mephistopheles is fucked in Cania, because a bunch of stuff has just gone wrong.

(oh, by the way, the Ascendent knows Infernal as a default language. Bc it's born from an Infernal rite.)

The Ascendent is now default neutral evil, and feeling some kind of way. Rosalie and him break up. He's supposed to have everything, but the one thing he thought was a done deal - his most stalwart suppporter - just rejected him.

Netherbrain defeat (the Ascendent is not invited. Imagine being an all-powerful, hypersexual survival instinct vampire, and your ex-girlfriend neither wants you for sex, nor your power.)

Rosalie accidentally binds the Ascendent (a soulless devil) in a pact demanding that he never kill anyone, when that's literally what the Ascendent's new existence/new default moral alignment is driving him to do. Then, she fucks off and goes into hiding.

Well. The Ascendent can just get another wizard, to help him learn all of Cazador's secrets to cope [Hemlock is recruited].

The years go by! The Ascendent is doing sooooo well. Everything is great, guys! I'm rich, I'm beautiful, I have lavish parties and lots of sex - why do I feel nothing? I'm a vampire perfected - I have no hunger for blood, I can walk in the sun, I can enjoy all the freedoms of a living, breathing man - why do I feel like I'm starving? Why does everything turn to ashes in my mouth? I have friends - oops, I've sabotaged all those friendships with my innate neutral evil destruction. Why can't I feel anything? What's wrong with me? I'm doing everything right? Why doesn't it feel that way?

Also, I can't kill anything to feel better about it, because my hidden ex-girlfriend bound me in a pact.

In this time, to reflect the gradual degradation of the Ascendent's happiness and it's increasing awareness that it is something Other and innately wrong, the reflection starts going weird. Starts going strange. Starts getting a bit fucked up. Almost as if, when he looks in the mirror and sees a person, *nothing* should be what's there. Imagine being a spawn who couldn't see your reflection, and then a vampire who could see it's reflection, but knows that they're innately empty. Knows there's nothing there. I'd freak out a little bit about it as well tbh, I'd go a bit tooth and claw and elongated jaw about it.

The Ascendent finally admits that's there must be something kinda fucked about it. Life just ain't working out, lads. He starts looking for any and all impossible cures that will help with the malaise in his soul (and that innate essence problem, caused by default moral alignment). These include: more bad decisions, such as a house in Cania bc the Ascendent is hoping he'll feel more at home with devils than he does with mortals. All it does is make him feel more isolated and alone.

But eventually, he settles on two things! - Wish (Hemlock's idea), and Rosalie (the Ascendent's idea). Clearly, we just need Rosalie back! Her leaving is actually what fucked him up in the first place - none of this existential bullshit! She fixed us one, she can fix us again.

But looking for Rosalie hasn't worked out. In order to get a shot at her, the Ascendent goes and bargains for his own soul from Mephistopheles. Mephistopheles, adding a new sheet in excel titled 'what the fuck happens when i give this soulless monster a soul to play with?', agrees and starts tracking his new data.

Obviously, just putting the soul back in yourself will fix you. But the Ascendent, the nothingness living inside Astarion's body, will die. Taking the soul back would erase itself. The Ascendent - who is survival instinct personified - would never do this.

So instead, it starts interviewing and cannibalising the soul. Bc a soul is what it needs, this is the closest it's ever felt to being alive. Bc it's made this all about Rosalie, he thinks he's found his solution. The chase is making him feel alive again. It's true love, lads! not the soul.

Wish auction happens - the Ascendent is beaten to the punch by some unknown (hot) wizard.

This avenue cut off, the Ascendent makes the decision to try and win Rosalie back.

Astarion advises that to make her come back to the Gate, he should murder a bunch of people. Because this comes from the soul, not the soulless devil nothingness, it circumvents the pact.

...The events of Pieces begin!

･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ･ﾟ✧

And finally - the Ascendent tries to destroy Jar!Starion for many reasons in Chapter 19:

The Ascendent knows that it dies, if the soul and the body get reunited (or is that constant high alert survival instinct just no longer needed, because the problem is fixed? you decide.)

The Ascendent values Tav above itself. Tav is going to fix them. Astarion believes he could never fix himself.

Dissociation - that soul isn't me. I'm here, looking at my soul. If I get too close, it'll kill me.

Self-hatred - that soul isn't me. That man made a mistake, and I've had to live with the consequences. He doesn't deserve to live, for what he's made me become.

The knowledge that Rosalie/Tav will only ever want that version of him, not the one that's living and breathing, that sees itself as the most wretched, fucked-up version of itself. So... give them no choice. They have to deal with me and love me at my worst.

And if the Rite didn't work - if the version of the Ascendent walking around isn't the best one, and the one people want... what was it all for? Why does the Ascendent feel like this? Why does it have to suffer?

･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ･ﾟ✧

....And, that's my little meta post! If anyone has any questions about the timeline or any motivations at any points in the fic, I'm obviously more than happy to explain things via ask/comment, as always!

TLDR: I just wanted to make a Gothic horror. I wanted a dark romance, fucked up obsession vampire/mortal dynamic, but I also wanted a situation that was scary for both Astarion and my Tav. I personally think an Astarion who is so dissociated and separate from reality that he feels that in his bones daily, is scary. It's the lingering impact of the traumas the Rite and those 7,000 souls embodied.

I was literally just trying to make it a horror, for everyone involved.

#metaposts #long posts #my writing #wip: pieces still stuck in your teeth #spoilers! #i've never really explained my writing process before in this depth so... I hope it makes sense! #writing meta

[fangsandfeels]

i've been thinking about your latest spawn siblings meta since you posted it. i don't know why, but i assumed all the other spawns used the same seduction method as astarion and were probably forced to sleep with cazador's victims, especially since that i saw how petras attempts to reel in tav if they're alone. using similar lines as astarion as if they were trained. astarion says that some of his marks were brothel-goers, so we know cazador forced him to pose as a prostitute, and i assumed that might've been true for all his siblings. (then again, we know astarion was cazador's favorite, and this was a bad thing for him. 'particular attention' was paid to his punishments. so he was also likely more vulnerable to the sexual abuse cazador could force them to endure)

but that was a very good point about the most productive spawns, leon and violet, were both likely able to use magic. it also kinda reinforces what astarion says about himself: sex is "my only talent, i'm fully aware" if you're cruel to him in his act 2 confession, or his breakup dialogue in act 3 if you didn't get the confession "these are the talents i have." even cazador's other spawns had other talents to lure in marks and could preserve some dignity, whereas astarion just had to resort to being used for his body. that must've been so horribly isolating and humiliating for him. it makes me wonder what tactics the others, aurelia dalyria yousen and petras, might've used.

Hi! Sorry for the belated response.

My thoughts about spawns and their differing luring methods are based purely on theory (we have no evidence that other spawns didn't use seduction to lure victims) and Cazador's glaring miserable inferiority complex. Also, when put in an entirely new situation and facing a choice (bring a victim or get flayed), each of the spawns had only what they previously used to be good at as their saving straw - so, to be more precise, Cazador didn't tell them to lure victims in any specific way. He just knew they would have to apply their skills in a new twisted way.

As for Astarion and why his method was mostly seduction...the more I think of it, the darker are my guesses. We all know who had been telling him that sex was his only talent. And if Cazador Turned Astarion when he was a young adult, still figuring himself out...I assume he took particular joy in taking Astarion's future and potential choices away from him, which also included reducing his sense of self-worth and making him think he is only good for his looks and body. He was not to discover any other talents he had. He was not to think that he was good for anything else or worth anything on his own.

So, the deep headcanon of mine is that Astarion was Cazador’s least favored spawn and the most favorite spawn to torture in any way possible because he reminded him of himself. Not in terms of personality, probably, but…maybe his mere existence made him bitter.

A young elf, probably (certainly) a beloved son who got to leave to explore the world, make his mistakes and choices, a beautiful snobby chatterbox who is yet to learn that actions and choices have consequences...All of it made him seethe because Astarion had something Cazador didn’t -- and while he would never admit it (he is a vampire lord! He is powerful! Feared! He has everything he wants!) he became obsessed with the idea of teaching “the boy” some manners, of magnifying his downsides and stripping him of his dignity. And the more he tormented Astarion, the more he saw himself (the part of which he hated and wanted to forget) in him, and the more he saw it, the crueler he got. I think that also explains why he is so fixated on Astarion in his diary; while he would certainly throw a paranoid tantrum if any of his spawns escaped, but in his obsessive notes, he refuses to believe that Astarion got away, that there is an ounce of fight left in him and that he hasn't broken him to the point where he would crawl back, begging for forgiveness. He seems to shun the mere thought that his punching bag, his favorite object for projection, has been stronger than him all along.

It's similar to how an abuser would torment, gaslight, and degrade the shit out of the younger person just because the latter has an entire life ahead of them, which makes the abuser feel inadequate about themselves. So they mask that sense of inadequacy with acts of cruelty, by exerting their power in any way possible -- while endlessly reminding their victim of their worthlessness as a person (without their "guidance", of course).

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #bg3 astarion #shit-hunter the diva

[grandmother-goblin]

Some thoughts about Astarion and romantic relationships because why the hell not!

As always, these are my opinions! My experiences color my interpretation just like your experiences color yours! Not here to fight, just here to talk about a character I like because I’m a huge geek.

1. After all he did whilst under the influence of Cazador, I strongly believe that he doesn’t really want sex or romance without a genuine connection with the other person.

2. This is why the potential scene with the drow twins makes me feel a little bad for him. I think if Astarion agrees to it, it’s mostly for Tav’s sake and not because he really wants to. But he does want to make Tav happy. And I think Tav, in that case, is a bit selfish for asking that of him.

3. Or! If Astarion agrees to the thing with the drow twins, it might just be because he doesn’t know how to say no or he’s falling back into old habits.

3. Or! Lastly, maybe he does genuinely want to try it! And then he gets there and is like “oh…. Oh no… Well, I’m committed now.” While I can see this being possible, I find it a little difficult to wrap my head around why he would want to try it in the first place. Because he’s essentially just using his body for people again. One of those people is Tav, who he cares about, but he doesn’t know the drow from the gnome two blocks down. (This is probably just a me thing. I’m sure him wanting to try would make total sense to some people and that’s valid! My little pea brain doesn’t totally get it though lol)

5. All that being said, I think Astarion is perfectly capable of being in a healthy polyamorous relationship in certain scenarios! But it would depend a lot on his current mental state, where he is in terms of healing from his trauma, and how secure he feels in his relationship. I’ll use Halsin as an example because that’s a possibility in game.

6. Case 1: Astarion and Tav are in a secure relationship and Tav wants to hook up with Halsin (just sex). Astarion, I think, would be okay with that provided that he feels confident/secure in his relationship with Tav. Far be it from him to keep Tav from a good time! No pressure for his involvement beside his permission.

7. Case 2: Astarion and Tav are in a secure relationship and both of them are emotionally close with Halsin. I think Astarion would be totally chill with polyamory in this case. Him and Tav want the same thing and he doesn’t have to worry about Halsin stealing Tav away.

8. Case 3: Astarion and Tav are in a secure relationship, and Tav wants a threesome with him and Halsin. Unless Astarion is already close with Halsin, I feel like he would be less okay with this. It would be similar to (2) on the list where Astarion is mostly just trying to make Tav happy.

9. Last headcanon and one that I know not everyone will agree with: Astarion is a possessive bastard.

10. Astarion went so long without having anything to call his own, not even his own body, so I think that when he’s in a relationship that Tav is his. He can share Tav if he wants to, but at the end of the day he has to know that he is Tav’s first choice.

11. This is where polyamory would probably get messy with him. I think that he would need to be Tav’s favorite. If Tav seemed to be liking their partner just as much as they liked Astarion, I think Astarion would get really jealous and insecure really fast.

12. My personal favorite scenario for Astarion is a monogamous relationship (this is not everyone’s favorite scenario! That is okay! I’m not fighting you!) The reason why this is my favorite because I think this is ultimately what Astarion would feel most comfortable with. It leaves less room for doubt, insecurity, jealousy, etc (I am fully aware these pop up in monogamous relationships as well. I am not exalting monogamous relationships here. I personally just think that would be the most comfortable situation for this particular character. Your opinions may differ and that’s fine!)

I can probably talk about this more, but that’s all I’m gonna say for now! Again, absolutely not judging or calling out anyone who thinks differently. You do you! I’m just throwing thoughts around like confetti because why not?

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #grandmother goblin grumbles

[ryttu3k]

Planning out my BG3 Sascha run and whoops looks like we're doing another 'bad' run. I'm sure it'll be fine!

Using the aasimar mod for that tasty Angel of Caine dynamic 8D

Old(tm). Highest stats are INT and CHA, classed as a draconic bloodline sorcerer/wizard (bloodline is gold/fire, mostly putting levels in wizard). Can't be selected in-game but they're the grandchild of Kereska, dragon god of magic.

So yes a half-deity dragon angel with fire powers I know they're OP I know but also have you seen Sascha canonically.

Trauma in their backstory, because ofc. When they were young, they fell under the control of another aasimar, Symeon, child of Tyr, who in turn served Michael, who claimed to be the avatar of Sune. Symeon was charming and manipulative, and Sascha, then calling themself Myca, fell pretty quickly under his influence. It wasn't a great time.

Had a sweet romance with Ilias, child of Silvanus. Ilias died during the Spellplague. Myca changed their name to Sascha and. Hardened themself off somewhat.

Present day, a powerful sorcerer/wizard who regularly looks in on places like Blackstaff Academy, using illusion magic to hide their wings and stuff.

Secret! Netherese! Cultist!

Has a fascination with illithid technology. It's so visceral. Why is the damn ship crashing why can't they examine the meat crimes more :-\

Immediately takes charge with their OP charisma. General play vibes are like, pragmatic and not very sentimental, but does try to take care of their coterie.

Mostly fascinated with Gale, another powerful and ambitious mage with a connection to Netherese magic. Definitely encourages him to seek out his sorcerer side (he'll end up multiclassing Storm Sorcery) and, uh, the Crown but also with an eye to maybe? using it themself?

Wary about the Dream Visitor. Does not like having their mind fucked with. On the other hand, very open to using illithid powers, although by the time they get the astral-touched tadpole they're already too negative about the Emperor to agree.

Major decisions, act 1: We are straight-out skipping the druids/tiefling/goblin conflict! (Or, well, AFAIK you can't avoid the fight at the gate, but otherwise they're going to do that, trade with Arron, talk to whatshisname who had the run-in with the githyanki, then go "yeah this isn't my business" and leave.) Won't be recruiting Wyll, Karlach, or Halsin, and the tieflings are fucked, I'm sorry everyone ;_; Might end up entering the Goblin Camp just for more info on this True Soul/Absolute business, but staying steadfastedly Not Involved, then heading on to the Mountain Pass and the creche. Obviously that'll go poorly, although Sascha is still going to be like, yeah, the one in the Prism is shifty, sure, I'll kill them. So that'll put a dampener on any potential relationship!

Act 2: I am… actually not sure how to navigate the Shadow-Cursed Lands here, without getting the lyre from either Minthara or Nere, or attacking the convoy. Hm. Might just have to do a straight shot for Moonrise. AFAIK Minthara can be rescued here and Sascha is just "yeah fine why not". Largely skipping the Last Light, so no Jaheira, and, later, no Minsc, so final team will be Sascha, Gale, Astarion, Shadowheart, Lae'zel, and Minthara. Does the Gauntlet for Shadowheart's sake, but will encourage her not to kill their fellow aasimar, so at least someone is getting a good end XD;; Okay they don't seem to like many other aasimar so, uh, sorry Aylin. Otherwise, makes themself at home at Moonrise and wreaks havoc while they're not looking while in the process of Learning Everything. And, uh, the Shadow Curse is not getting lifted, although tbh I think that was a given since I'm pretty sure Halsin dies if you don't get involved with the Grove-Goblin conflict ;_;

Act 3: Learning about the Emperor - they fuckin' knew it -_- When they meet Raphael later, doesn't agree to the deal, but does plan to steal the hammer instead. They want that crown for their bae, okay.

Character arcs: Gale - go for the crown, babe, I'll hold your flower. Shadowheart - she's already turned from Shar, let's just complete the process. Encourages her to let her parents go. Okay maybe she will go Dark Justiciar :| Astarion - …tragically I think they'd encourage Ascension I'm so sorry Astarion bby. Sascha is just, "Get revenge! Fuckin' eat him!" Lae'zel - reject Vlaakith, free Orpheus - although that's in part to spite the Emperor tbh. Don't know what's happening with Minthara, I guess we'll find out!

Endgame: Once they have the stones, have Orpheus turn illithid. Ultimately, destroy the Netherbrain, then encourage Gale to get the crown and become a god. For the epilogue, become a god alongside him. This won't go badly at all!

On the plus side, if I'm doing God!Gale romance here, I might be able to skip one of the several Astarion runs I have planned, and just do the "they actually do make each other better this time" run?

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #ry plays bg3 #mx meat crimes #mx meat crimes (faerun edition)

[emahriel]

Em, I have to know how Fjorn feels about Karlach's backstory. Is he protective of her? Perhaps wishes he'd been around to defend her?

After hearing his thoughts about kids, I'm excited to see what their relationship is like!

Oh my goodness, thank you for the ask! None of this is final (because I love changing my mind), but this is where I'm currently at ~

(warning for potential bg3 spoilers!!)

I think Fjorn doesn't necessarily feel protective of grown people as much as of children, because he knows that at that point in their lives, they're not as helpless as kids. Fjorn had no one defending him, he just had a dream with someone he loved and lost it all - but he broke his shackles, no matter the cost. So he thinks grown people using their childhood as an excuse to be hopeless and not free themselves is stupid.

Now, with that being said, he absolutely empathizes with her. To be tricked and sold as a slave when you are but a child is something that makes Fjorn's blood boil, and so he shares with her this hatred she has for Gortash. Of course Zariel was in the wrong for using her in her experiment, but Fjorn's mostly angry with Gortash. It's interesting because Gortash also went through something out of his control as a child: he was sold by his parents to Raphael in order for them to settle a debt, and enslaved until he eventually left after being physically abused, etc. But at the end of the day, Gortash didn't learn from his past and instead did the exact same thing that was done to him. He may have been intelligent, but Fjorn expected more from someone like him. Power got to his head.

So yeah, Fjorn's with Karlach through it all, but they definitely have their differences. On one hand, Karlach's very impulsive and easy to provoke, she has a strong sense of right and wrong. Fjorn, on the other hand, has his own code of conduct and strongly believes that "it is sometimes necessary to do some bad in order to achieve a much greater good", which may result in committing crimes or dooming innocent people to a dreadful fate - especially if they get in his way or make the job more tedious. But just like how Karlach and Astarion get along well despite of their moral differences, Fjorn and Karlach do as well because ultimately, they all suffered a similar fate and had to/are trying to write a new future for themselves, out of the shadows of their abusers.

I will also say, during the game's events, Fjorn's not impulsive per se but he's quite impatient. He is also incredibly broody and still somewhat angry at the world, but more importantly: he doesn't want to allow himself to be happy, or content. He finds it hard to enjoy the little things, so when everyone gathered and partied after saving the grove, he wished they would just keep going instead. Those little celebrations and moments of respite make him uneasy, guilty. But Karlach strives to live life to the fullest and she revels in life's simple pleasures, a mentality that is slowly rubbing off on Fjorn.

Sorry for the novel, my thoughts are all over the place and I struggle putting them into words lol but I hope this was somewhat interesting to read!

#em: asks #em: oc #oc: fjorn teivel #bg3 spoilers #spoiler involves karlach's and gortash's stories #TY AHHHH sometimes i just need ppl to ask me stuff to push me into writing down these things

[nightmarist]

ive been thinking about Cazador's "These deathless dreams hold memories of a mortal life once-forgotten. Of the boy I was, the man I became, the monster that will not end. I sleep but cannot rest, I live but cannot die. I am eternal and I grieve."

Especially in relation to Vellioth and Astarion.

He was already a powerful vampire lord, but with some of his letters + Astarion's insight I can see him wanting to be The Most Powerful vampire to avoid being put back into submission the way he was with Vellioth, similar to Astarion's want for power.

Astarion's own want for power comes mostly from a place of needing to feel secure and safe, and being The Most Powerful means no one can overpower you. So I think that's where Cazador was headed with the ritual, too, considering his own extreme abuse under Vellioth.

But I also wonder, because of that line when you Detect Thoughts without Astarion present, if he secretly wanted to be ended by Astarion and what the semantics of the reason could be.

He says he's a monster, whether he means it to be the awful things he does or the literal implication of just Being A Vampire, which is interesting.

Vellioth and Cazador both "laughed" when Cazador overtook Vellioth and became a vampire, and there are parallels in how Vellioth treated Cazador and Cazador treated Astarion so I also wonder if he intended Astarion or the other spawn to technically be heir to his power, hoping-yet-not-hoping in contradiction that one of his "own" blood could overpower him and take his place the way he took Vellioth's.

Either that it would "prove" he was a Good vampire lord / good father for his "children" to become powerful enough to overpower him (which is also a frequent sort of toxic masculinity in storytelling paralleling real life abuse from fathers to sons, you're only a "real man" if you can overpower your father)

Or maybe that it is simply Right for one of his own "blood" to overcome him since he's a bit of a pompous noble and an elf (and i wonder if that superiority bleeds into the other spawn, since astarion is also a high elf)

Or if his believing he was a monster meant he wanted to be put down despite he could have stopped being a monster any time (and the potential behind that thought process, whether because it's a power trip, a fear of being overpowered and put back into the position he was under Vellioth, or that he felt it was necessary for him to be a monster as an odd but not uncommon sort of martyr-syndrome some people believe that in order for others to be good they therefore have to be bad)

the fact ascended Astarion basically becomes Cazador but spawn Astarion can heal and get better is so incredible to me as a storytelling device and really makes me want to know who Cazador was Before.

#i have so many thoughts about their dynamic especially as a child of abusive abused parents #'what is family if not the monsters we are obliged to love' gets me too man. damn. can i fix cazador. pretty please. #i feel like im trying to wrap a bat with rabies in a cozy blanket

[invinciblerodent]

And now that I'm talkin' act 2, I'm very preoccupied today by thinking about how Iona (with her high charisma and crooked morality) had the innate potential to be such an incredibly toxic, deeply unsettling presence in the party -especially to Astarion-, without even meaning to be.

Like. She's a liar, and an accomplished one, a legitimate master of the craft (with her +14 to deception on even a bad day), who's had decades to hone her craft by living in her lie and not breaking (in both the sense of not breaking character and the sense of not breaking herself)- there's no two ways to spin that. But most of the party seems to be able to accept that she isn't going to turn this talent against them, and they seem to believe that their own conversations with her have either been honest, or close enough to it to count as such. She says nice things and is perfectly pleasant, she's generally kind and understanding towards them, follows through, and if she is uncomfortable with a question or a topic, she'll more readily tell them "don't ask, and I won't lie" than deceive them, so they mostly just accept that: they seem to be able to trust a liar that's at least honest about being a liar.

But Astarion? Sure, he's the most like her in the group, but the main difference between them is that she's not going off a playbook perfected by centuries of experience, she's just actually good at this, and there's little way for just how scary that is to take root in his mind until like... early- to mid-act 2.

Sure, she's spun many a pretty tale for goblins, cultists, zealots, and other assorted people desperate enough to believe anything before then, but his very own unexamined biases prohibit him from seeing those people as anything more than simple idiots. There's no harm, those people would have always been convinced by the obvious, bare-faced lies she had told with almost a wink and a smile in his direction. Hell, their very own little game of flirtation was conducted with a very subtle undercurrent of mutual understanding that their bullshit is bullshit, at least in part, and the give and take of it was trying to find the other's limits on where the bullshit ends, and the truth begins. She had him off-balance and forced him into going off-script for the first time in centuries, and while that's of course uncomfortable, it's also... kind of fun, in its way. Novel.

But then, once they get closer to Moonrise... it starts getting a bit intimidating.

She talks a mad drider into giving over his only means of protection and walking willingly into the deepest depths of the Shadow Curse.

She goads the surgeon into letting his assistants murder him by spinning it as teaching, and he dies with a smile on his face.

She bargains with a cambion for Wyll's soul, and comes out on top.

She talks an orthon into wiping out his followers and then killing himself, in part as a favor to Astarion specifically.

And while that's all profoundly impressive, there's still something in the way that tiny hint of an impish smile is still playing in the corner of her lips that just... makes his brain prickle with unease.

But in such a deeply vulnerable moment, as he's requesting her aid with Cazador, admitting feeling fear, weakness, damn near everything he loathes the most in himself, when he looks at her... He can see nothing but utter sincerity. She tells him "Of course I'll help. We'll hunt him down and kill him." as if it was the simplest damn thing on the plane, and he believes her.

He's stuck stewing with that odd feeling and trying to figure out what to say for the entire next day, distracted and oddly quiet. Either way, that night, before he'd know it or could stop it, I like to think that the words -however much he would prefer to stay cool about it- are just spilling from his mouth like that because he just needs her to understand that the game is over. He wants it to be over, and isn't over essentially admitting defeat, admitting that he's not lying to her anymore, that he hasn't been lying to her for a while now if he's to be really honest, and that he needs her to not lie to him anymore either. "I want us to be something real."

(I wish I could use the tadpole connection to let him into her head, AND hug him, AND say "we can be together without sleeping together" all at the same time tbh. But the hug will suffice for the scene, the rest can happen in just m'fic. <3)

#squirrel plays bg3 #oc: iona raedir

[heisen-shrine]

The Loss

Otto: hey...how's she holding up?

Karl: as best she can, given the circumstances. I wish life would stop kicking her in the stomach for two goddamn seconds.

Otto: for once we actually agree on something. What exactly happened to the poor little thing?

Astarion: we aren't sure. He just stopped eating after a while and...she couldn't get him to eat again. It's like he just...chose to die.

Otto: (sighs sadly) losing a pet is never easy. And I know she doesn't take loss well. I'll go in and talk to her.

Karl: good luck...

(Otto comes into my room, where I've pretty much been listening to creepy/weird stories all day, expressionless mostly).

Otto: hey...you feeling alright?

Me: (sniffs) about as good as I can, given the circumstances. We're gonna bury him tomorrow morning at the park.

Otto: (sits down with a nod) how do you feel?

Me: you want like specifics or?

Otto: whatever you're willing to tell me.

Me: (sets phone aside) I feel...numb. partly caught up in my own head. I knew it was coming but...it still hit like a truck. I feel like I wanna cry but another part of me is like I already want another one. Is that a bad thing?

Otto: emotions aren't inherently bad. You've always tried to rush negative feelings, ever since you were a kid. I think it's because you constantly lived in survival mode. You have emotional maturity but when bad things happen you try to suppress it and move on quickly.

Me: I was taught nothings permanent. That you can love something all you want, but...it'll never stick around for you. Emotions are more difficult than that.

Otto: indeed they are. Because that's the thing: emotions for the most part...they arent permanent per se, but theyre a constant. They're a part of us. They hold and have meaning that sticks with us.

(Otto puts a hand over mine, and I look at him. He's got a sad sort of half smile)

Otto: it's okay to feel what you do. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel negative. You're not bad or weak for showing that you're hurt. You try to rush healing, you've always done that. Don't be afraid to feel bad or negatively. He was your pet, he was your lizard. You had that little gecko for what, six years? And in those six years so much happened. He was a staple in your life. Let yourself mourn, Ash. Consider the possibility of a new pet but don't go rushing into anything. Let yourself feel your emotions, and...when the times right to get a new one, you'll know.

Me: it's just hard. I hate feeling like this. I don't want to feel like this.

Otto: no one does, honey. Trust me on that. But while emotions are a constant, they're always changing. Your sadness will come and go, that feeling of loss will go. I promise. But for the time being you have to let yourself feel and be kind to yourself, okay? You have a home, a family, and all of us guys here for you, including...a potential sixth I'm possibly hearing about.

Me: (blushes a bit) its...complicated, a little bit. I don't know. I like him but...I don't think he feels the same about me.

Otto: well, regardless, you have a lot of people who care about you. You'll be okay (pulls me in for a hug and I snuggle into him).

Me: Do you wanna stay tonight? Just a little?

Otto: I'll stay however long you need me, Ash. (He kisses my head and I manage a little smile)

Wrote this as a comfort thing after my beloved gecko died this morning. I've been trying to keep my mind off of it but it's been hard. Thankfully I have my family and my guys here, as well as my friends and fans on here. Thanks guys :( <3

#villain f/o #f/o life #karl heisenberg #astarion #otto octavius #self shipping shenanigans #pet loss #death tw

[nether--prince]

for the tav questions: 1, 2, 4, 5, 14, 22, 23, 24, 27, 29, and 30!

oh ive b33n exploded

1) what's your tav's name, class, and race? lux, fiend warlock, asmodeus tiefling. boring but it me

2) which background do they have? how does it play into their story? guild artisan! mostly it's an excuse for being kinda awkward, kinda sheltered, but also manipulative when it n33ds to be

4) favourite weapon type to beat away goblins with? dual scimitars. yes i read drizzt as a kid. no scythes in bg3 ;^;

5) for the spellcasters, what's their favourite spell? im a warlock. eldritch blast baby. but also hunger of hadar is really good

14) what was your tav's life like before they got kidnapped by the mindflayers? on average days, it was just an artist doing work for the local guild, helping draw fancy chalkboards for restaurants, etc etc, while doing little things for its patron, mostly fetch quests and giving him links to the material plane

22) who was your tav's family? did they have any? it was very, very, very alone aside from its patron. (unless this is the au with you, in which case it had its sister ::33)

23) did your tav's dream visitor manifest as anyone in particular, or someone random that they've never seen before? someone random; a big hunky drow. an outcast who was strong and kind and gentle. aka catnip for the lonely loser

24) what was your tav up to in baldur's gate? did they live there, or were they in the wrong place at the right time when the mindflayer ship came through? i think im gonna contradict myself potentially and say it had moved there for seasonal work, maybe a relation betw33n the neverwinter artisan guild and the gate's. maybe there for like a month, enough time to be comfortable going out alone, and then... yoink

27) how does your tav react to wyll's pact and patron? if they're a warlock, was there anything specific? it's SO FUNNY because lux is totally besties with its patron. theyre so close its almost romantic. like qpp level. and its so annoyed with mizora for being a bitch and making it this stereotypical shitty patron relationship and annoyed with wylls dad for being an asshole but it cant say anything because how do you say 'nah man my patrons cool you just got the shit end of the stick'

29) after baldur's gate is saved, what will your tav do? during the rebuild, it lives in the gate with astarion. he's not ready to leave where he's lived for almost 250 years, even with the bad memories attached. but they go on adventures together to look for remedies for his negative vampire traits and visit the underdark and halsin. way in the future i could s33 them moving to outer neverwinter together and having too many cats and being very domestic

30) who's their favourite animal companion at camp? evil question. but it's the cub. tawny is its big baby.

#bg3 #jay meows #ladychraelix #awawawawa