#And literally not... Talk to anyone for a month or more. Then i talk to someone again and i realize i had been lacking social time but i

[danibeanie]

1:24 am astro observations /rap beef😇

🦎 I just realized that my 1st ever relationship/fling was when it was the month of my rising sign -taurus. I feel like this makes a lot of sense because your literally the main character for most of that month… even better if you have the next ruling sign 😋

🦎 mercury conjunct mars people have such a sharp tongue 😭 it doesn’t matter what sign it’s in. the way these people communicate can come off rude but it’s just the way they talk.

ex- my new manger has this and it was easy to get offended by her even though she was just giving me orders lol. also kendrick lamar has this aspect and I’m not even gonna get into it cause y’all KNOW

🦎pluto in second house solar return and YOU will make more bank. drastic changes to your money and you can even think of saving money if there’s not any tense aspects with other planets.

🦎no one is gonna understand you more than someone that has their moon sign as your ascendent OR same sun sign as their moon vise versa.🤷🏻‍♀️

🦎 lilith conjunct ascendent synastry is DANGEROUS because why are you so attracted to me and why am I so attracted to you. yet I don’t want you… def my gemini placements 😭

🦎 what’s up with pisces men and wanting to get high with you?!? any pisces placements in matter of fact. they fall into my 11th house so I’m surrounded by a lot of them but there’s always some substance going on.

🦎I personally am not the biggest fan of 10th house synastry. Only when it’s in the work place but beyond that it can be a bit awkward just trying to talk about more personal things. it really depends on the whole chart.

🦎 you’ll never forget anyone that has fallen planets. there’s this authenticity that exudes from them and SOOO many people like to talk about the negatives but when you learn to maneuver around the obstacles you’ll leave a lasting impression on that planets energy.

🦎 cancer mars has such explosive anger which is why most of us resort to crying cause our emotions just bottle up. kendrick lamar being one is not surprising because believe me when I say this… HE AINT EVER LETTING THIS GO😭 cancer mars hold grudges like no other like there’s a reason he’s dropped 4 diss tracks.

⬆️ I notice that many people are taking his side (me) which is funny considering he’s a libra rising so him already being venusian is helping him a ton -people already wanna like you.

🦎drake being heavy scorpio can benefit him by stepping into his power and transform this whole fiasco into something positive for him. OR- destroy him by being exposed for all his dirty lies and his rap career going downhill.

⬆️ it doesn’t help that his chiron is in gemini so he’s obviously gonna feel some type of way about any ♊️ placements. drake is always taking about gemini women in his songs and how he can never figure them out. 😭

🦎 the whole scorpio-gemini axis is so funny because I genuinely think these signs are more similar than we think. as someone with heavy gemini placements many people seem to think were more “mysterious”. but people tend to forget that we have sag in Pluto so there’s MANY oppositions that people with heavy gemini placements have. this creates that plutonian energy. and since it’s a mutable sign it adapts to mostly anything which is why people call us “two faced”.

2-12 am nighty!🦎

#astro observations #astro community #astrology content

[celaenaeiln]

On note of the Blockbuster thing and Dick’s over working himself, I can recall a time when after the first time Blockbuster got taken out, Dick was so lost emotionally and mentally, he went for months on end getting the absolute hardest cases and capers imaginable, getting more illnesses and injuries so much and frequently. It got so bad Bruce and Alfred had to drag him to the Batcave and Bruce had to get some tough love across.

He let Dick know that he was upset at him for failing to take care of himself and self forgive for what happened to Blockbuster. He forgives Dick for the latter case but will not tolerate Dick losing the value of his own life in self pity and guilt

Thoughts on this?

YES!!!

Dick overworks himself so hard that he kinda passes out and dreams so vivid that they're almost hallucinogenic but when he wakes up-

Nightwing (2016) Issue #117

Bruce is PISSED. Ofcourse it's gotta be because Dick let Blockbuster die right? He just stepped aside and let Catalina take the shot despite the no kill. He broke the OATH the two of them had forged. That's why Bruce is mad right?!

Nightwing (2016) Issue #117

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!

Nightwing (2016) Issue #117

"You have no right to expect me to excuse you - for losing sight of the value of yours."

CMON BRUCE!!

He basically said "I don't care if you killed someone. If you want me to forgive you fine. But don't you dare fucking think for one second that I'll forgive you for almost dying."

Bruce is crazy about Dick. I've already talked before how he has control issues regarding Dick life but I want to reiterate that Bruce wants control of Dick's everything. His life, his relationships, his death.

You can see the visible rage in Bruce's body. You can see how hard he grips Dick's chin. He's furious that Dick would put his life below anyone's.

This isn't the only time Bruce gets furious at Dick almost dying either. Remember Forever Evil?

Nightwing (2011) Issue #30

His sole reason for beating Dick is LITERALLY beat his frustrations and fear that Dick almost died!! He's the one that died Bruce!! Why are YOU mad?!

The thing about Dick and Bruce's relationship or rather Bruce's relationship with Dick is that Dick could literally be standing in a room of blood and corpses and the first thing Bruce would do is rush over to him and check if he's okay. And then scold him because "what if they're blood accidentally got into you, Dick? Haven't I told you the dangers of bloodborne pathogens and other transmittable viruses? How dare you let them hurt you!"

Bruce has a no kill rule but sometimes when Dick's life is in danger he definitely looks the other way. No punishment if Dick does something to someone else but he travels at the speed of light when Dick lets something bad happen to him.

Not only that, he doesn't mind other people dying if it means saving Dick's life. Between the world surviving and Dick, he will always choose Dick. And how do I know that? Because he's done it before.

Forever Evil Issue #5

"No, this is a search and rescue mission first--"

"Richard Grayson?"

"Yes, Luthor. Once Nightwing's safe, we can take down the syndicate."

The world is in SHAMBLES.

Central City

Forever Evil Issue #3

Metropolis

Forever Evil Issue #3

The justice league is gone.

The villains who actually wanted the end of the world are so shocked by the state it's in now that they've decided to become heroes. But none of that matters. It doesn't matter to Bruce that half the population is gone, people are killing, stealing, and dying. As long as Dick is alive - it's okay.

In fact an entire world could be corrupted beyond saying but as long as Dick isn't then it's a world worth saving.

Forever Evil Issue #3

Do you realize what this means? It means that Bruce's scale of measurement for evaluating the quality of a whole fucking planet IS Dick Grayson.

Even an hyper-intelligent construction questions what happens if his favorite, Dick, dies.

Infinite Crisis Issue #3

What happened after Blockbuster, where Bruce completely ignored the death of him. Ah-I said ignored but the reality is created an excuse for - is completely in line with his relationship with Dick and more importantly highlights two things.

Breaking the no-kill rule is acceptable if it's Dick Grayson or relates to Dick Grayson.

Bruce is crazy about Dick and he will go crazy for him.

#dick grayson #nightwing #bruce wayne #batman #batfamily #blockbuster #clark kent #superman #lex luthor #rogue gallery #alfred pennyworth #cl paladin of nerdfandom65 asks #thanks for the ask!

[fairuzfan]

the reason i shared my great-grandmother's story on here a few months ago is not for sympathy or anything, its to illustrate to you just how deeply, deeply anti-Palestinian the idea of zionism is.

i remember my grandmother, the one who watched her mother die in her home, she called us with a plain tone of voice, and she said "she asked to be buried in [her village] but of course the the zionists wouldn't let that happen." the thing that will not leave my head was the way my grandmother said it, the way it just seemed so natural and so obvious to her. my grandmother is *not* a quiet woman, she yells everything she ever says, whether happy or sad but this she said softly. like she was resigned to this, she expected this.

this woman was exiled once from her village, then again from Palestine, then again and again and again and eventually forced to live in poverty in a refugee camp, she knows the 'israeli' state more intimately than anyone i know, she knows what it will and won't allow in its genocidal apparatus and to her it was obvious that they would not respect her mother's body or last wishes. she knew that.

and i always go back to it when i see discussions on here or on twitter or in academia, like you guys (the moderates, the apologists) have never ever spoken to a nakba survivor or a naksa survivor. you don't know just how deeply its affected our families.

so when we ask you to completely reject zionism, when we demand it from allies, we aren't saying this to be stubborn or nonsensical, we're saying it because we know where zionism will lead us. we've been through the "we just want peace" and the "we need to just talk it out" phases already, how can you not think we've been through those phases after 75 years. we've had our meet and greets and our appeals and now we're at literally the worst stage of genocide against our people and you're still insisting on "talking it out" or some variation of it.

the truth of the matter is that we don't have patience for zionism anymore because look where it got us. look where we're at. even soft zionists, you need to stamp those people out from pretending they've got good points, or that you need to build community with them or whatever. we are literally at the worst part of Palestinian history ever, we need to stop pretending there are grey zones to this. Zionist apologists and the like are creating ambiguity that literally gets our families killed under the guise of "complication". I'm sick and tired of watching these same discussions over and over again about how "Israel is a result of antisemitism" when it very much is not. I'm sick of seeing people who know NOTHING about colonization push their own agendas and provide cover for zionists to do whatever they want. Just stop talking about things you don't understand because I promise you, you're directly contributing to the violence you claim to abhor.

#palestine #zionism #going theough my drafts to clean stuff out

[violetasteracademic]

Power and Possibilities

Elriel Month: Theory Post

This week's @elriel-month theme is the perfect time to put together the evidence I have for a pretty popular theory (and one I definitely share) that Elain and Azriel could potentially have a carranam bond. While I'm unsure if it is carranam exactly, I am most interested in the fact that there is evidence of power sharing amongst all of the major mated couples (including Feysand and Nessian, which no one ever talks about!) so let's break it down.

*Multiverse spoilers ahead*

Of course we know Rowan and Aelin are the OG carranam and power-sharers. I have already made a post on the parallel language between Rowaelin and Elriel and the easter egg of true mates being given to another which you can find here.

We have evidence of Bryce and Hunt being able to share their powers in unique ways. While any raw magic can charge Bryce's "battery", they have a unique experience of being able to blend and give each other their powers through intimacy:

Bryce gives him magical orgasms. Literally. 😂

Now, we all already know Bryce and Hunt share power. And of course we know that Ruhn and Lidia had an incredibly unique experience being able to find each other's minds across oceans and not only be able to communicate without a comm crystal, but physically touch each other in a non corporeal space.

Both the Bryce x Hunt and Ruhn x Lidia scenes are very similar to a Feysand scene that I don't really ever see anyone talking about in terms of power sharing with a mate. But they do it, and this indicates it is a connection that happens on all worlds:

Just like Bryce and Hunt, literal stars began to sweep by them. And just like Ruhn and Lidia, they were able to be together in a space where they shouldn't have bodies. And notice the language: I felt him as his power blended with mine.

Another Feysand power sharing moment is of course when Rhys pours his power into Feyre to restore the Cauldron. In Erilea, that's what we call carranam baby.

The Nessian moment is more subtle, but it is there. And I believe we will see all three couples share or blend power on a larger scale:

When Nesta loses herself to the scrying and begins to literally freeze over, Cassian sends his power and heat into her through his kiss and his siphons. He breaks through the ice by pouring his power into her, and unintentionally warms the entire room. Cassian clearly doesn't have a full understanding of what he did or how he did it yet.

Alright.... now what does this have to do with Elriel?

Well, I think Azriel being the one to discover Elain's powers means more than anyone is giving it credit for (and that's saying something, because it is already being given a LOT of credit in the Elriel community!) I believe that the assessments of scenes reflecting Azriel beginning to understand or notice Elain's powers are deeper than just possibly indication of being mates. I think we'll find he can actually feel her power:

Yes he is seeing her and understanding her. He is listening to her. But these passages are worded in such an interesting way. I believe he can literally feel her. Elain starts having another vision, and that's when he discovers the truth of what is happening to her. @rizzoreads88 , this is my take on what these scenes mean from your most recent tiktok!

Now, is this all just theory and speculation? Absolutely, which is why I labelled it a theory post! But I do think it is interesting that Lucien tried to feel Elain. Tried to reach for her through their bond. And this is what happened:

Elain starts actively having a vision while Lucien is trying to reach her. This is in *direct contrast* to when Azriel is studying her while Elain is having a vision.

Even though Elain is using her powers while Lucien is reaching for her through the bond, he doesn't sense or feel anything except the thread of the bond. And likely, due to his blush, the previous thoughts he had the first time he was around Elain. The mating bond commanding that he touch and taste her. But he does not sense or feel her or her powers which are active in that moment. And he is *unconvinced* trying to reach her again will do any good.

We already know Lucien experiences a call from the mating bond to be physically intimate with Elain, and I actually think he was quite respectful in working through that and trying to see past it. However, even while reaching through their "bridge" he could not sense or feel her power while it was active. He didn't feel anything other than the call to be intimate. Whereas all other endgame couples have both.

Elain has already shown her ability to wield Azriel's shadows when she travelled through them and stepped out of them to stab the King of Hybern in the neck. (I do not believe that is a theory, I think that is quite clear. There is no other explanation for how she got across a freaking battlefield by herself in a dress to save her sister at exactly the right time.) Yes, Nesta uses Truth-Teller to remove the king's head, but Elain uses Truth-Teller's power.

Azriel discovers and understands Elain's power.

And yeah, they wanna bang. Do I even need to reiterate that through text grabs?

I can't wait to see how this all unfolds. I truly hope that with Az and Elain already paralleling Rowan and Aelin in so many ways, (Rowan and Aelin sealed their carranam bonds and began sharing power before the reveal that they were true mates and Maeve interfered with fate) they will be the couple that we really get to see power sharing play out with in a meaningful way.

I need their book so bad. It physically hurts.

#elriel #pro elriel #elriel endgame #elain x azriel #elriel month 2024

[starkraivennemad]

Rooftop Confessions

TW: Talk of past suicide thoughts.

Greg Lestrade internally sighed as he stepped onto the roof of St. Bart's hospital and saw Sherlock Holmes already there. He just wanted to smoke in peace and not be harangued yet again that he should quit. It was his choice. 

Sherlock stood near the ledge looking out at the vista of London. The lightly breezy afternoon was taking delight in playing with the man's curls. The dark hair seemed to move as though under water, the smoke of the cigarette he held in his gloved hand at face level swirled around the sharp cheekbones of handsome man. 

Sherlock had a look of concentration. Greg would have thought he was in his Mind Palace again, but that was not quite - right? Greg was trying to decide f he wanted to go a different section of the roof of the roof to smoke or leave altogether…

Then Sherlock gave a different choice.  

"Lestrade come over and smoke or go away but for God's sake stop hemming and hawing at the door. Its squeaks are more irritating than Anderson's voice!" the curly haired genius called out. 

Greg chuckled to himself as he joined the genius for a smoke. The two stood in companionable silence simply smoking. Sherlock finished his cigarette but remained on the roof. Greg has known Sherlock for several years now. Well as well as anyone can know such a man as a Holmes. He and brother were masters of hiding their feelings from people. Greg considered himself blessed or perhaps cursed in being one of the few people who had the fortitude to stay around long enough to begin to see beneath the surface. 

"It's nice up here on clear days like today." Greg broke the silence at last knowing Sherlock was not going to. "I'm glad I chose to stay around and enjoy it." He should have known the ever-observant Sherlock would hear the slight tone in his voice. A dark eyebrow rose curiously. "You, Greg?"

"Yeah me." 

"Do spill the tea as I hear is in vogue to say these days."

Greg sighed, knowing Sherlock won't let it go, and buried memories came to the surface. "I was having a shit time in my life.  In a six month span me mum had died. My shite car had broken down - again. My wife was all on my arse about my hours and never being there. I had a run of cases that were shite, and my superiors were all over me at work. Then came Markell …"  Greg stopped to light another cigarette. He shook one out of the pack and stared at it as he spoke.  "Yeah, they tried to tell me there was nothing I could do. The rookie was determined to go it alone and prove himself and he got killed for it. And I know that now, but just then? Danny Markell was the last straw. I figured I'd blow my brains out. I knew where I could do it. I had done a bust there weeks before, knew how to get in the building. Knew I could score what I needed there to fry my brain. What else I had to lose - right? I was pants at home, pants in the job I thought I loved, and pants at life. Who would fucking care if I was gone? I felt so… So worthless!"

Sherlock looked at him intently for a moment, something subtle shifting in those mercurial eyes, but said nothing, so Greg continued.

"I was on the top landing of the stairwell on my way to the roof that night to toss my life away - literally when I heard a door open some stories below and someone speaking. The voices were kind of warped given the distance and echo, but I distinctly heard him say you have a choice, wallow in your misery and prove the idiots right or rise up above it and prove you have half the brain were blessed with and use them. Use them and show them how wrong they are or let them waste but choose because you can't keep going like this! I don't know who he was or who was being spoken to, but I swear it felt like he was speaking directly to me. There I was a copper in a derelict building known for drug use with enough shit to fry my brain. I knew I was a good cop. I knew I was a good husband. I knew I was a good man, but could all of them be better? Yes. So, I stood, went to the roof and made a choice. I chose to wait a day to see if I would feel better. If I could do better. To BE better." 

Greg smiles as different memories, better memories come forth. 

"The next day I met Linda Younger. I talked her down from jumping off the ledge of her building. Fifteen minutes after she was safe, I went to the loo and flushed the drugs. Had I made a different the night before would Linda Younger be alive now? Whose life will I be saving the next day besides my own because I decided to stay around that one more day?"  Greg reached in his pocket and pulled out his keys. He showed Sherlock a sterling silver key fob shaped like a horseshoe. "She gave me this on the first anniversary of that day. Said her luck had changed after we met. Three years later she was married and had named first son after me. I don't know if someone else would have saved her, I just know because I made the choice to stay one more day, I did. Because I chose to stay, I saved more than one. Because I stayed, I caught killers before they could kill again. Because I made the choice to stay, I met you. It's what gets me through the shite days of this job - like today. Sorry, I got a little maudlin there. And while I'm sure to catch some shite for your barely legal methods - thanks again for your help, last week, a little girl got to see her mum again because of us. It all balances out." He looked at his watch and winced at the time. "Need to head back to The Yard for my press conference for the suicide murders soon. It's going to be a shit show, I know it."

"It would be less of one if you-" Sherlock tried.

"Zip it you. If something changes, I have the new address, I'll come, alright? It's cold, let's go and I'll treat you to a cuppa first?" Greg gestured towards the door. 

"Are you offering me hospital coffee? No, thank you, Graham." Sherlock huffed as he checked his buzzing phone. "Fresh meat? Excellent! You do your press conference; I'll watch. Then I think I will make the choice to run an experiment with a cadaver, Molly Hooper and a riding crop. See how the rest of the day goes…"

"Your choice." Greg laughed. He reached in his pocket and made another choice: he crushed the cigarettes there. He will purchase nicotine patches later and try quitting again. 

"Greg…?"

"Yeah, Sherlock?" Greg blinked and looked at the call of his name. It was the first time Greg could recall Sherlock using his correct first name - ever. Oh, Greg knew once they left the roof Sherlock will go back to pretending otherwise, but Greg understood the importance of it being used then and was honored.

Again, something important shifted in Sherlock's eyes. "For the record, I… I for one am glad you made the choice to stay that night."

"Thank you, Sherlock." Greg smiled up at the man as the. "As am I, mate, as am I."

-----------------------------------

Read on AO3 @calaisreno @MayPrompts2024

#MayPrompts2024 - Prompt 10: Choice

@flashfictionfridayofficial

#mayprompts2024 #flash fiction friday #252 Spill the tea #bbc sherlock #greg lestrade #sherlock holmes

[raethethey]

i started watch 911 in like february? idk but its been two months since then and i have opinions. first, i love tommy. forever i will love tommy hes amazing. second even tho i did start watching it bc i like gay coded tv shows (read: hawaii five-o, spn, etc) and buddie was the only thing i saw from tumblr before watching the show, its just not it for me. i felt their chemistry in the series yes, but it felt very platonic to me. like soulmates yes but platonic soulmates. the whatta man song was hilarious tho. babytrapping buck was hilarious but at least he likes kids.

anyways now that tommy is here i can feel their chemistry. its written to have chemistry. theyre supposed to be together. every other ship besides henren was basically accidental. and now that tim is actually putting thought into how two characters will fit together, i am excited! i want to see buck feel safe and i want to see someone date him with all the crush-like advances involved. flowers, dinner and a movie, sweet kisses that dont lead to anything more. hand-holding during outings or family get togethers. i want to see it all

what i dont want to see is a cheating arc bc fans want a gay eddie with a big feelings realisation. he can be gay sure but that doesnt mean he has to be. if tim decides eddie is straight then his "comphet" behaviour can simply be catholic guilt and trauma and him not being ready for relationships simply bc he isnt ready. he hasnt worked through his trauma. he tried but they were all dead so he literally couldnt. and then they dont show him taking other steps after that to work through other traumas. he hasnt talked to buck about being shot or anyone really abt shannon dying. nothing! he stopped trying after finding out his army buddies all died. and he has had some conversations with chris abt shannon. but it doesnt feel like the situation is resolved or that hes come to peace with it.

cheating would not help in any way shape or form. not for buck since we've seen what one kiss would do to a relationship. not tommy bc buck has tried showing him hes ready for smth with him and cheating would just break that trust. not eddie bc again hed be rushing into things and then it would all come crashing down like always! and it would tear the 118 up if they found out. chris would be devastated. buck would be confused all over again and the fans who do like tommy would have their heart broken for him.

buck will not cheat on tommy for eddie to have his character arc pushed forward. eddie's character will grow in his own time at his own pace with guiding hands from bobby and ?the ghost of shannon? and who knows maybe marisol will stick around. maybe not. personally i like her as a character but not as eddies gf. but then my next question is why does eddie need a gf or partner in the first place? he has chris and i believe hes said before thats all he needs.

and for the love of all things good stop with the fucking fanwars. we've been over this. ship who you ship and walk away from what you dont like. dont leave hate mail bc someone has a different opinion than you. grow up, touch some grass, and drink some water

#911 abc #911 show #911 fox #911 speculation #eddie diaz #evan buck buckely #tommy kinard #911 on abc

[sugarsnappeases]

rita skeeter, at the end of the first war

#the song is show you a body by haley heynderickx #heard it for the first time like. yesterday and have been plagued by visions since #idk if this will make sense to anyone else but this is as close as i could get to what's in my head #rita skeeter #this is post quillkiller btw and rita is obsessively tracking and reporting on bella's trial #and writing article after article and most of them are shittty and nonsensical but there are some that are just the most heartrending thing #and those are the ones she's burning and she's not talking to anybody except to snap at them like literally ripping their heads off #and insisting she's fine but she hasn't slept for more than an hour at a time in months and the only thing she's been drinking is coffee #or alcohol #she hasn't cleaned her flat or let herself properly feel any of her emotions in months and she's FINE she's completely fine stop fucking #asking!! and she's working herself down to the bone bc it's the only thing that's holding her together and nobody understands how she's #still alive and still functioning and then suddenly. she isn't. and she just completely crashes #anyway #kara’s moodboards

[un-pearable]

hiya!!! and welcome back to part 3 of my sonic 2 (2022) sparked nostalgia celebration, with the ever elusive tails and knuckles interactions! they’re good kids sega <3

(knuckles & sonic) (tails & sonic) (knuckles & tails)

#sonic #tails the fox #miles tails prower #knuckles the echidna #sonic the hedgehog 2 (2022) #such good kids deserve more one-on-one time their leg of the team sonic triangle is both delightful and desperately lacking content #EXTREMELY excited that the movie let them have their own dynamic it was adorable #very much looking forward to seeing them interact more esp with stuff like sonic drone home #please excuse this being. months late. it was an accident and also it is annoyingly hard to find #tails and knuckles talking directly to each other #one of these is literally from the 2022 fcbd which came out THIS MONTH #for the same reason please excuse the archie one they are also annoyingly hard to find and need like eight pages of backstory explained #if anyone has a good post reboot moment w/ the two of them. please gimme i love them but as far as i know they’ve got #like negative interaction time. sadly #anyway here’s for a new canon with a cute as hell dynamic between all three :] ty for waiting the stupid amount of time it took #for me to finish this. it has literally been in my drafts since day one #text✨

[mattodore]

Did Matthias do anything illegal in his life? What I mean is morally unacceptable behavior that hurts people. If so, why did he do that?

I mean, has he killed someone? Has he beat someone up? How many times has he done it or has it only been occasionally? Do people find him rude? Should people be afraid of him?

I’ve said this about Matthias before, but he’s someone who’s had violent thoughts and urges ever since he was a child. I do think there’s a possible genetic factor at play there, but I also believe that the way he grew up left something chasmic in its wake, this gouge in his chest that he’s been clawing at ever since. Matthias was severely neglected as a child and his development was… slanted, for lack of a better word. There’s something warped in his head, you know? He’s a product of his upbringing.

To give you a picture of Matthias’s childhood, I want to make it clear that he never had any toys. His nursery was nothing more than a crib in a room. No bright colored walls, no alphabet blocks, no pop-up books. He didn’t play, or… not like most children, at least—not how you’d normally picture a child playing. His childhood was spent alone despite the sheer number of staff on the grounds of the estate. If Matthias reached for a hand or wanted comfort from a nanny or another member of the staff, he’d be pushed away. There was no emotional or physical warmth in the Evanoff household and a harsh line had been drawn between Matthias and everyone around him, including his parents, who he saw no more than a handful of times when he was young. What little socialization Matthias had was… well, it was nothing more than giving orders to attendants or having discussions with his tutors about the subjects he was studying. The staff were forbidden from interacting with Matthias more than was strictly necessary and the effect that had on him can’t be understated.

You can see, then, these early building blocks for cruelty being laid out. As a precocious child whose only real social connection with others was formed through analysis and study, it only made sense that Matthias found himself reaching for the books in his father’s library whenever he could, and through that those very same blocks began to stack. Play for Matthias was deconstructing humanity through history, through fiction, parsing through dense text in the ever-present child’s curiosity: but why? And Matthias’s father was an excessively cruel and frighteningly violent man, so his taste in literature certainly reflected that. This is also what I mean when I say there’s a genetic factor at play with some of Matthias’s impulses. Some of it’s inherited. In a way, he gets this from his mother’s side, too, although she’s a different kind of violent… a hands-off kind. I mean, that violence is how Matthias wound up being tortured for three years while trapped in a “therapeutic” reform school. It’s just as cruel, but it pretends to be righteous. So there’s this snapping violence and this opportunistic kind.

I’m saying all of this because I think it gives context to how much control Matthias exhibits over himself and his violent urges now as an adult. Sure, when he was younger he would react, he’d deride and break and hurt, but he doesn’t do that anymore. It’s not that he feels guilt over the impulses he has—there’s no shame there at all, really. To him, it’s just in his nature to get these flashes, these sudden images of brutality. They’ve been there all his life, you know? It’s normal to him. The only reason he doesn’t act on them is because he had impulse control beaten into him at the reform school and because he’s learned that the social contract is something that he can use to his advantage to get whatever it is he wants. He charms and obfuscates now. In that same vein, it’s not often that people find him to be rude, because he keeps his disdainful and unsavory thoughts to himself. You’d have to be someone who’s incredibly perceptive in order to see through Matthias… which just so happens to be Theo to a T.

So what I mean by this is that now when Matthias does actually act on these thoughts, these urges that dig at his brain, there’s normally a catalyst to them—this trigger that sends fire all through the synapses in his body. Matthias is incredibly loyal to Imani and Theo and he’s someone who’s very protective of them. Throughout his early teen years, back when he and Imani went to the same boarding school, he was constantly shielding Imani from the brunt of the corporal punishment that came with the turf. At that age he was volatile and would even hit back at times, but he knew that would land him in solitude and separated from Imani for days on end, which he just couldn’t have—not if he wanted to make sure nobody hurt her. He learned restraint for Imani’s sake then, but it wasn’t until he was trapped in the reform school that that restraint was fully drilled into him as a result of psychological torture and abuse.

He’s quick to offer a slicing comment, to give a chilling smile, to go eerily still and intimidate with his stare alone, but now as an adult he doesn’t often get physical unless provoked. He keeps it in and he holds himself back, this taut tension in his jaw only there for a moment before the mask submerges him again and holds his head under water. It’s really only when Theo’s involved that Matthias just… God, he really just can’t help himself. The cracks widen and he gets physical. It’s vicious. He has all this strength now, this imagination that only ever comes alive when he’s thinking of this, and he’s had years of experience in actual brawls that were just horrible—he’s been ganged up on, hit with metal chairs, humiliated and jeered at while bleeding everywhere, ripped out of bed and kicked until his ribs broke… It's safe to say that he takes pain like it means nothing to him now. So he swallows the blood he tastes when a hit lands and just plows through like it’s the only thing he knows how to do, like it’s programmed in him. It’s animalistic. It’s vengeful. It’s rapturous.

Like I said, seeing harm come to the only people Matthias loves has a disastrous effect on his self-control. Imani’s in a better place now that she’s an adult, but Theo… well, Theo’s been hurt by a lot of people—his parents, faces at clubs, ghosts from his past… too many instances to even begin getting into each of them. And Matthias has to unravel red yarn before a board and string together all of these physical reactions Theo has around some people, has to tilt his head as he replays the tapes and rewinds through remarks Theo’s made that felt off even before Matthias knew there was something going on there. Theo doesn’t talk about his hurt, doesn’t talk about anything that could make him weak, that exposes the nasty underbelly of his private life, so it’s up to Matthias to pick up on what’s been left unspoken. The specifics may not be there, but it’s enough to see Theo flinch at the sound of his own name being called, to watch him freeze up when a hand raises too fast, to track Theo as he checks the locks once, twice, three times in a row before he moves away. Matthias notices it all and he’s an eye for an eye kind of man. He can’t even help himself there, has no restraint when it comes to Theo, so… he handles it.

The furthest Matthias has ever gone, the worst he’s ever injured somebody, was when he nearly killed someone from Theo’s old summer boarding school. Theo managed to stop him, but only by a hair’s breadth. Matthias could have gone to prison for that one, he easily could’ve, but… there were circumstances and, when it comes down to it, Matthias is obscenely wealthy. In the end, he got off scot-free from attempted murder while the other party was hospitalized. He handled the rest without physical violence, though he certainly wanted to finish what he started. But, at the end of the day, Theo comes first, always.

He’s certainly engaged in far more illegal and immoral activities (his little blackmail moment was a personal favorite of mine), but physically he’s never gone so far as murder (though he’s not opposed…) and while he’s definitely lost control and grievously injured some people, I’d say he’s only ever hospitalized a handful. He keeps himself in check… most of the time, at least. He honestly doesn’t fly off the handle for no reason. If you keep your hands to yourself and watch your mouth then you don’t have to be afraid of him in that way. Still, it’s better to just keep your distance. He has too much fun pulling strings.

#IT WAS THE WAY THE IMAGE WAS CROPPED THAT WAS MAKING IT NOT SHOW UP... LITERALLY WHATTTT? WHATEVER IT'S BEEN CROPPED NOW SO. POST. PLEASE. #river dipping #asks #anonymous #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #echthroi #oc extras #ts4 #cw child abuse mention #cw blood #spent a bit editing this screenshot look at the blood i'm kicking my feet and twirling my hair <3 #while editing this i listened to animal impulses by iamx on a loop it's one of matthias's latest additions to his playlist and woof #''no civilizing hides our animal impulses'' fits him so well. this and bring me back a dog... iamx understands matthias more than anyone #but okay. laying down on the floor forever after finally finishing writing all of this... #i kept deleting everything i would write and starting over like i was going through it with this one #i ended up deciding not to really get into it with the specifics irt the theo stuff #idk i'm conflicted abt it i don't really wanna say anything for sure until i finally make the decision and feel like i can talk abt it #with like... a full grasp of it all? but to that anon from a few months back who asked abt theo's pinterest board: that's who. #................................anyway hello <3 #i was gone for over a week and you may be thinking wow river you must be really far in that game you've been playing about gates #or maybe you thought i've been spending all my time trying to write this reply but ach nae......................... #i've just been reading obsessively like literally reading 24/7 doing almost nothing else #[ayo edebiri voice] i have No. Hobbies. Other Than This. #also my activity feed has been staring at me and i've been staring right back at it since i logged in to post this kjnkgjnh #i need to catch up on some things too i rlly do but you see the draw of reading another epub............ she's a strong temptress #hope you've all been well <3 my avpd is still fighting me but whatever i'm used to it kjngfkjnfh

[maddy-ferguson]

when people who like seasons 1 and 2 better explain why it was better they always lose me when they say "the characters were what mattered the most the supernatural plot was basically not that important it was ALL about the characters" like...that's just what YOU were more interested in not what was happening in the show? like wdym the supernatural plotline wasn't that important in seasons 1 and 2. saying that it was more balanced or more subtle i get but saying that the supernatural plot wasn't THAT important and that it's not what made anyone love the show is a blatant lie

#and like i say: brf slt #and i've seen people say this many times on many occasions i'm not even exaggerating. or making anything up #and i've been saying this for. a year and a half. minus two months. when volume 1 came out someone tweeted 'what the duffers fail to #understand is that no one watches st because they care about the russians or whatever. people watch st to see a ragtag group of kids be #nice to each other! to see a lesbian and a man with nice hair be friends!' and i said i agree with this at like 60% the 60% being ofc that #i hate the russia stuff we know this. but like. as much as i like the relationships between the characters if there's no life-threatening #things going on for more than a few dozen minutes...then i don't really care like that would be another show. (this has been a constant #i was not as into the show or the characters as i am now when i said that like volume 1 was my first time watching the show #since 2019. and it's a constant because it's still true) like that's literally what fanfic is for. or other shows. #and plenty of people watch stranger things for the russians or whatever i was actually surprised when people were ranking the subplots i #saw quite a lot of people put russia in their top 2 i was stunned. it was mostly older people older people meaning anyone who was 22 in #the past. i'm kidding but like idk people who were like 40+ and also guys? idk. like there's actually an audience for that my bad you guys #(not my bad i will always be a russia in st anti. because i hate it.) #my point is. no that was actually it. i just don't get it wdym people don't like the STORY plenty of people do. in the fandom especially i #totally get focusing more on the characters and being more interested in that i literally never talk about the supernatural plot and i #really like the characters yk and i understand when people say that they enjoyed the distribution between character things and supernatural #plot things in s1-2 more but saying that the supernatural stuff was like an afterthought and that no one actually cares or cared ever and #that it was never important is? like i get where they're coming from but also...no #and i get doing the 'if you don't take it as literally the monsters and supernatural plot things mean this and that for real life and for #the characters' i think it's very fun but like. if you don't like the genre and ignored it for the characters...?that's not really on them #i worded this like my joyce and bob post from july i hope you like it. the first sentence only #wait i actually didn't. just realized. false advertising sorry #saying this as someone who likes seasons 1 and 2 better too that goes without saying

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[cinna-bunnie]

i shared a peanut butter cookie with my manager today

#we've been working on a project together this month and I've been getting to see her at her office more ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა #we usually just meet remotely or sometimes at the office in our city but we're setting up a new office so it's just us there #she treated me to lunch yesterday too (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)♡⁠ she got us gyro fries n i had some pepsis 2 share. #chaotic as the project's been it's been rly nice🧍🏾‍♀️im usually just working from home #when i get there we go to the lil coffee shop together ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა i like their drinks n their staff r really nicey 2 me 👉🏾👈🏾 #the new office is nice too actually... even before the building change i just love talking 2 anyone frm her city. they r all so nice n #friendly and inviting. literally so akskska i am always being invited to stuff when i visit. #after moving into my next place i wanna give this city a fair chance now that i actually have a good one to Experience it for a year #and if it's more of the same imma move to her city fr 🚶🏾‍♀️i wonder where the queer ppl kick it at.. #we have some enbies n real sweet gals from that office around my age I'd love to hang with 👉🏾👈🏾 much 2 think

[sea-jello]

i have a test in like 12 hours and overdue homework so of course im going back to posting on tumblr dot com

figure skating au!! this got kicked into gear by @cats-inthe-cradle not super much info on it yet but this is what we got so far

if you wanna see me talk about the design + the scrapped versions

OKAAYY WHOOH this took forever im so shit at designing 😭😭 anyways so the makeup is obviously reflecting the marks he got around his eyes (i have no idea how to draw makeup cut me some slack) and the gray swirl thing is reflecting/opposite nyas seabound marks. nya has it coming in from the right side, morro has it coming from the left over his heart. the other gray stripe things its sorta like a line that starts from the swirl going across his back, up to his shoulder, then it goes under his arm back around and then to the bottom of the shirt. dont think too hard about it.

the wing things are there for the wind effect when he spins or whatever, and mimic wojiras wings, from the shape down to the patterns (sort of i had to take creative liberty) he has a high ish collar to sorta mimic the cloak people draw him with, and it crosses over towards the right bc ninja gi. inside of the shirt and bits of the swirl is purple for wojira ofc, and a fuck ton of glitter because why not. half up half down morro for the win

onto the many many variations i ran through

thats probably not even all of them but i cba

#thats all the art inspo ive got for the rest of the month #im not posting anything original anymore see yall march #i stop drawing for weeks on end and figure skating is what brings it back #yuzuru hanyu has some sick pose references #idk if its gonna be expanded on any more than this tbh #depends on cradle #uhh tell me if anyone wanna see more tho ill see if ill draw more #im talking about this like its my au 😭😭😭 its not its literally cradles idea #ninjago #lego ninjago #morro ninjago #ninjago morro #morro wu #ninjago au

[pl4n]

from a while back

#my art #rare colored drawings #even if its just flats #i feel like ill only ever post art if i want to rant in the tags LOL its awesome #sometimes theres just those kinda vague thoughts and feelings that feel a little pointless to actually talk to people about yk #its nice having a lil blog to throw stuff into :) journaling i guess #i dunno i feel stressed thinking abt juggling all the different life things. its smth i see expressed a lot and yeah. literally how #i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit #but then when im actually doing things i feel like things just keep piling up and idk how long i can sustain it until it all falls down #i guess this anxiety kinda comes from having had really poor mental health during my school yrs... maybe i still do but ahh #i just wonder when the next time that everything comes crashing is gonna be yk. it feels so inevitable but the stakes only get higher #so i dunno. ive been having a hard time sleeping from anxiety.. which gives me more anxiety... which gives me even more anxiety #im supposed to be cramming these tasks into these little pockets of time but i blink and a day is gone and then a week and a month.. a year #i want to do the things i have to do but also the things i want to do. but also REST #and ik that the balance between those things is extremely necessary.. bc losing that balance is exactly how shit hits the fan #hows anyone gonna manage that? #but i guess learning to do that is what life is all about.... lmfaooooooooooooooo #time keeps slipping man i hate it #ill keep trying tho ✌️ all i can do

[professionaljester]

love being 25 and not knowing how to socialize bc i’m autistic and off putting and cringe so no one wanted to talk to me/wanted to be my friend growing up so now i’m an adult with very few friends or ppl i talk to on a regular basis bc i never learned how to socialize or text properly bc no one taught me how

#abc shut it #vent #i’m so lonely it’s not even funny #my talking to myself has just gotten worse in the past few months alone #i just want some friends i can do watch parties with and play games with damn it #i’m so bored and lonely all the time #my life has just been work sleep and chores and it’s driving me insane bc i have nothing breaking up the routine #like it doesn’t help no one texted me bc i was poor and had didn’t get a smart phone until is was basically too late :) #like i know part of it is the depression but #idk i just don’t do anything when i get home #sometimes i do art sometimes i game but usually i just lose track of time staring at tumblr and the next thing i know my few hours— #after work are gone and i have to go to bed #like don’t get my wrong i LOVE my coworkers but i need some more friends within my own age bracket #like is it to much to ask for a group of friends that will watch anime and movies with me in our own discord server #like is that literally to much to fucking ask of the universe can i be allowed to feel like an actual normal human being that’s connected #to the human experience for once in my fuckkng life #and not feel like some sort out outlier that doesn’t fucking exist to anyone #i’m to a point where i think and feel like i’m not even real! lol #like idk i would just like there to not to be days where i literally don’t communicate with anyone #and know what to say when ppl DO text me bc when ppl do text me i half the time don’t even know what to say #and forget the message is there and get to scared to reply after too much time has passed like #i know it’s a me problem that therapy would help but im terrified that it won’t #that i’ll just be going therapy and still be a lonely autisic looser who doesn’t know how to communicate without being off putting #or being too much

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #whats literally so funny was that as soon as i saw him walk in the room last year i knew he was gonna be trouble for me #however i never knew itd be this kind n this deep JDJDNDJJDNDJDNDNDN #we are like........ way closer than i ever anticipated. im terrified that we wont have anything to talk about once school ends #i wanna say so much to him but i... theres so much school stress i just.... i dont wanna add anything extra on top for myself or for him... #hhhhhh god lmao. this time last year i hadnt even spoken to him n now im like..... in this Thing that is maybe mutual but maybe isnt #god....... this shit is so hard NFJFJJFJFJFJF #i only see him like 3 more times in the near future...... #then i gotta wait a bit.... but i dont want to 😭😭😭 #i wanna see him every week.... at least... but its probably gonna be on a month basis even IF THAT.... #god what if it all fizzles out............ #hhhhhhhhhh #im gonna try to keep it going. im just..... idk. im scared #i hope he tries to keep it going too..... #its just hard.... when its 2 ppl that like.... only talk when they need to...... try to keep in touch JFJDJDJDJDKKDKDKDK #the most we go now is a full day without talking...... like either i'll message or he will #usually its me.... but... im more talkative i guess ... IDK #all ik is that i Know hes not talking to anyone else at school LMAO #one of my friends was like.... ya dont bother putting him in a group chat .. he never answere #while im over here like.... LOL he messages me back always within minutes/seconds #and if hes offline... as soon as hes back online. #JXJXKKXKXKXKZ GOD. #n e way. see him today............ looking forward to it but also nervous 😳 #i'll be fine once i see him tho... its just the Anticipation #feel really comfortable around him LOL. never thought id say that #anyway