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rthko · 2 months

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Hi :) I read The Tragedy of Heterosexuality and loved it — do you have any other books you’d recommend about gender/sexuality? Thanks <3 I love reading your long posts, you have really insightful ideas and I think we view the world very similarly

Glad to hear that! Here's some context for anyone not in the loop: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality is a book about Heteropessimism, or rather, finding a way out of it. The notion is that heterosexual love is doomed because men and women are just different by nature, and it manifests through relationship self-help books, incels and pickup artists, and the memes and ramblings of countless straight women who they wish they could just be lesbians. Jane Ward think heterosexuality as we know it self sabotages through what she calls the misogyny paradox: straight men love women, except they don't love women. But she doesn't think heterosexuality is doomed or prop up political lesbianism as a solution. She calls for mutual respect and actually leaning into the heterosexuality of, well, actually liking each other, rather than try to "queer" it. This is part of a really interesting turn in queer theory where heterosexuality has emerged as a subject of study--another good example is Hanne Blank's Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality.

So I want to start out by disclaiming I'm not actually that well read. This is something I've been trying to work on more recently. That said, here are some gender and sexuality recs:

Two essays by Gayle Rubin: The Traffic in Women and Thinking Sex. I don't completely cosign everything she says, but these are monumental texts. Thinking Sex is topical especially as the "sex wars" keep playing out.

Gender Trouble by Judith Butler. Everyone's heard of this, so my specific recommendation is to skip to part three and the conclusion, where the text is at its most concise. Butler's theory of gender performativity has exploded beyond their initial reach, so they've since had a lot of interviews and given talks that address a wider audience. People who have read both Gender Trouble and Bodies that Matter tend to recommend the latter text, but I still need to.

The Trouble with Normal by Michael Warner, or if you want a shorter version, his essay "Normaler and Normaler." Even if you're not against marriage in its entirety, his criticisms are so incisive and helpful, especially now in countries where gay marriage was passed but proved to be a dead end. It also really gets into gayness as identity versus behavior, which seems to have exploded into a huge conflict recently. This is how you get people who are on board with queerness in the abstract but appalled by its real-life specifics. I also still need to read Fear of a Queer Planet.

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde, is a collection of speeches and essays by one of the most influential Black feminist writers. "Uses of the Erotic" especially stuck with me, where the erotic is taken not so literally but as a sort of creative synergy with political implications. If you've ever heard "the master's tools will not dismantle the masters house," that's included in this collection.

Close to the Knives by David Wojnarowicz, also a collection of speeches and essays, is one of my favorite books on AIDS. The rage is palpable and crucial, and the essay "Do Not Doubt the Dangerousness of the 12-inch Politician" is eerily resonant today as politicians still stoke violence on TV (and now social media).

Lately I've been getting more into trans writing, with Transgender History by Susan Stryker and Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. The former alarmed me with how much I didn't know, and the latter blew my mind. It was written at a time when trans people, for better and for worse, weren't really in the public eye except for in niche circles, and academia about trans people was about or at the expense of them but not by and for them. Her mark is so tangible today. My next read will be Reverse Cowgirl by McKenzie Wark after hearing rave reviews. I think I'm going to like it.

I am also accepting recs!

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nutcasewithaknife · 2 months

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9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better

Thank you @bbcphile @deepbluewithyellow @kingsandbastardz @potahun @seventh-fantasy @redemption-revenge and @heyyo-heyyo for tagging me! Sorry for y'all waiting for days, the procrastination demons got to me ;-;

3 ships you like: Oh dear. How do I pick only three!! Okay, here are some that have been on my mind the most these past few weeks.

Liansanjiao from Mysterious Lotus Casebook. Kinda obvious but I adore every side and the whole of this triangle.

Moshang from SVSSS. Ice Demon Lord and his pathetic hamster man. God and his most beloved blorbo. Fucking clowns. They have the range.

Chengqing from The Untamed !!! They are both so very alike and understand each other better than anyone else possibly could. They could have chosen each other, but never begrudge the other for not doing so either. I'm obsessed with how doomed they are in canon and how perfect they would've been if they'd ever gotten a chance.

First ship ever: Solangelo! I was a gay teen and this was my first gay ship and I went insane about them for a solid year.

Last song you heard: 天下 by Zhang Jie!! Been slightly obsessed with it since I heard it being performed at the MLC concert.

Favorite childhood book(s): Oh, there are so many. The first Percy Jackson series my beloved. The Ajaya dulogy, which is a retelling of the epic Mahabharata from the perspective of the Kauravas (conventionally the bad guys) and rewired my entire brain. ANNE OF GREEN GABLES!! Also was in love with the James Herriot books so much.

Currently reading: Finishing my Good Omens re-read! I also started Geetanjali Shree's रेत समाधि (Tomb of Sand), reading the original Hindi and the English Translation simultaneously! (Kind of an experiment. It has very short chapters, so I read each in Hindi and then in English before moving on to the next.)

Currently watching:

Dead Friend Forever - Thai slasher/murder mystery/psychological thriller/BL (airing weekly, one episode left!)

House MD - Medical Malpractice Georg my beloved (rewatching after a long, long time. Save me unhinged autistic man. save me.)

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna, Season 2 - JAPANESE LESBIANS FALLING IN LOVE OVER FOOD!!! I AM THRIVING

Currently consuming: Tea :)

Currently craving: The inspiration to write something absolutely devastating or utterly silly. Also a donut.

Tagging @fangdoubing @mx-myth @difeisheng @linacies @toppingjeffsatur @t4tadrienette @tejoxys @salamander89 @wuxia-vanlifer (no pressure ofc) and really anyone who wants to give it a go! Especially if you've spotted me lurking in your notes!!

#I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG GUYS AAAA #tag game #mutuals

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theroyalmisfitmess · 2 years

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NHIE Season 3 Brain Rot

Gotta say... The season was kinda all over the place but I still loved it! I don't like the lack of Aneesa and the confusion about who Kamala is related too (because I could've sworn she was from Nalini's side but apparently she's from Mohan's?), but aside from that and a few other flaws it was enjoyable. I laughed, teared up a bit, I had a good time.

I'm only gonna talk about the actual important things here/plot points that are more relevant...

Let's start off by talking about Paxton. My Lord, do I LOVE Paxton! Even as a Team Ben I always liked him as a character, and though I particularly did not really like him with Devi he was such a good boyfriend to her and he really evolved as a person. His arc this season was very much solo-centric and I think it was a good way to wrap up his storyline (though, I'm hoping he still appears next season). Paxton deserves the world. I'm hoping he finds a girl with substance and who can appreciate him for just him as a person in college.

The Fabiola and Aneesa plot twist? I never actually thought the Aneesa being gay headcanons would come true but I actually liked the cute tension moments between her and Fabiola. The relationship might have been short, but I think it was a good step for Aneesa to discovering who she is. Her lack of appearance is SO DISAPPOINTING but I hope Mindy fixes this by S4. Perhaps this might have to do with Paxton's screen-time? I'm not blaming Paxton but maybe it's a hint that Aneesa took the backseat for a better storyline later *fingers crossed*.

Devi's growth is beautiful. It's really obvious that she's beginning to mature and heal. Her relationship and breakup with Paxton was immensely necessary to all of it too. I especially like how she, Ben, and Paxton learned to all be genuine friends throughout the season and how she was able to date outside of her own social circle. As much as I also liked her relationship with Des, him not fighting for Devi or at the very least considering talking to his mom about the relationship they shared already meant "doomed" for me. From the very start, Devi needed someone who would fight for her. Paxton did, but obviously, they were at different stages in their life and realistically couldn't be together.

Now Ben. He doesn't appear much this season, but he had a lot of good moments. I especially like how he was written as this guy who still had major flaws. A lot of times I questioned if I still rooted for him but at the same time, even in those questionable moments you could really see him willing to change and grow. His storyline about overworking himself and his dad coming home to California to drop everything for his sake was much-awaited and was absolutely heartwarming. Also (and buckle up fellow Team Ben), I really liked how they took time to develop the romance between Devi and him. The season really took their friendship as a priority first and it was so fucking satisfying to watch the ending because of only having yearning, pining, and hints be showed initially. I will always stand by it. Ben is THE ONE for Devi. He is the one because he loves Devi with her flaws and never in spite of them.

And now for the Vishwakumars!! I will miss Prashant but he is never going to be compatible with Kamala. The short storyline about Mr. K being shunned as a potential suitor for Kamala was really chilling (reminded me of Crazy Rich Asians where Rachel was disliked for not being Asian enough). I'm hoping to see more from Kamala and Mr. K.. But also, Nalini and Devi have gotten closer, anyone else noticed? Her defending Devi to Des' mom and even potentially breaking off her first friendship was a treat to watch especially since we've mostly gotten Nalini vs Devi for so long. It was good to see them on the same side.

Anyway, excited for S4! Hopefully more brain rots soon lmao

#never have i ever #nhie #nhie season 3 #devi vishwakumar #ben gross #paxton hall yoshida #eleanor wong #fabiola torres #kamala nandiwadal #nalini vishwakumar #aneesa qureshi #team ben #always #benvi

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meduseld · 3 years

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Satan is tired of Nick's shit and there's God reading the newspaper, saying "I'm gonna send another lesbian to end this. They're my new prophets and judges."

Only the power of lesbian love is strong enough to end this proto-incel Satanist Family, so sayeth the Lord.

But yes it's interesting the one of the core messages of Fear Street is that being oneself, fearlessly and outloud, is what gives you the strength to make it in life, what ties you closer to friends and family, and generates an authenticity that cannot be beat or fold to temptation. Beyond the many, many gay ladies, there's also Josh's Konami Code mantra and embracing his nerdy strengths, or Abby Berman being happier and part of a tight knit friends group through being her authentic slutty self (pretty much the exact words used) as contrasted with Cindy Berman stifling herself and being miserable (beyond potentially also being gay, her entire persona is explicitly a fake).

The Goodes are all miserable, and they're all false. Subsumed to a dark, untellable secret that pervades their whole history, they cannot be themselves which is part of what makes them weak. Solomon was dishonest about all of it, from the start. He claims to love Sarah but even in the first scenes where she jokes people think they are engaged he pretends to not be romantically interested. Add to that the homosexual subtext in his storyline (maybe unintentional but he does seem to have a "so what if I sucked a dick or two in my time, I am straighty mc straighterson and will marry a lay-dee" energy. You could even argue that's why he wants Sarah, specifically, he sees himself in her and also envies her freedom and authenticity. You could argue that is also partially what motivates Nick to call Deena a slur (not saying it's ok or excused, I know you Tumblr). How dare she KISS her gf right there in the sunlight in the precinct and be happy and herself and damn anyone who censors her! That is not how it works! In this house we repress and comform, young lady!).

We see how that ends with Nick, who is absolutely miserable and holds on to the glimmer of having felt like himself and authentic exactly once, with Ziggy, who he can't let go. The one person he told that he doesn't want the Goode life that he feels he must uphold. And that cowardice, that inability to be brave enough to let go, to not accept the Devil's hand (to paraphrase Solomon), leads to his and his bloodline's doom.

#this is why nick goode gives me feelings!#there's a lot to unpack!#goode family #sheriff goode #fear street #anyway yeah this is why lesbians won

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basicallysalad · 3 years

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Hello I'm back, 🎥, 💔, 🏳‍🌈

Heyyo!! Welcome back :D

🎥 - My favourite scene you ask- Oh- and spoilers if you haven't watched the finale for the show.

CoUgH-

💔 - oh gosh wow, I never really disliked a character in Unikitty but if I had to choose one character that I wasn't so much of a fan of its really old Edith. And if you watched the series you know why. But its not just that, it's just the fact that she's a huge Casanova and that makes me uncomfortable sometimes- and seeing her flirt with guys younger than her- was hard- to say the least- I don't hate her character, I just personally find it hard to watch most her scenes-

🏳️‍🌈 - I do actually, here are some.

- Brock likes going fishing and sailing sometimes and other stuff too that includes being around water whether it be with frown or his dad. reasoning is because from what I've seen, crankybeared is a pirate and looking at child Brock's shirt, he likes the seas or sailing too lol.

- Frown's dad used to be somewhat of a doom lord too and that's how frown himself got the job in the first place and that is to replace his father after his father retired or something around the lines of that. But the other doom lord's don't take him as seriously.

- Frown is distant from his family and prefers it be that way. The only person to get to ever meet and know about his parents was Brock.

- Hawkodile likes being feminine but puts this cool outlook to show his friends the more "cooler" side of him, he's a pretty soft person but hides that for only him to know. Does he ever tell the others about it? Currently no obviously, its Hawkodile for goodness sake but he's planning for it.

- Score creeper is aro ace. I dunno why I just like that heh.

- I have more so sexuality lezz go.

Unikitty is panromantic heterosexual (she/her)

Puppycorn is an aro ace (he/him)

Dr Fox is straight (she/her)

Hawkodile is a disaster bi (he/they)

Richard is heteroromantic and asexual (he/him)

Eagleator is also a disaster bi lol (he/they)

Famurtle is a lesbian (she/her)

Owlmander is a pan (she/they)

(all the other Dr's are bi okay-)

Master frown is a biromantic and homosexual

Brock is the big gay lol.

Aight, that's all I can type- hope you guys enjoyed this rambling of mine- thanks for the ask!!

#basic says stuff he might reconsider in the mere future but this is what he thinks for now.#unikitty!#unikitty #ask #ask answered #ask meme

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lovethyqueers · 5 years

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I recently came out to my mom as bisexual (we'll deal with the NB part later in family therapy which we're going to now i guess), and she didn't take it well. I explained to her why I believe it's ok to be in a relationship with someone of the same gender, provided sources and scriptures and my own story about reconciling my faith and my identity. She's still stuck in the mindset that homosexuality is evil, and that i'm breaking her heart. (1./2)

This is a tough question to answer. And first off, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I can only imagine how painful it is. So I extend all the comfort and prayers your way that I can.

Part of it really is up for her to work out with God. There’s only so much you can do. Only so much you can say, do, and try, to help her see things from your perspective a little bit. But ultimately, her mind is her mind and her heart is her heart. It’s one of the hardest things to come to terms with.

There’s many ways you can approach this and I’m honestly not entirely sure of the correct one. It’s a tricky situation.

But, if this is any consolation to you at all: even if she never agrees with you about the lgbtq+ issue. Even if she doesn’t understand how you can be lgbtq+ and a Christian. You can explain and explain and talk and talk and it can in one ear and out the other. But when she sees the way you live, the way you love, and the way you reflect Christ- those are things that are hard to negate. And hopefully seeing those things can help her to respect you as a fellow believer.

So, I’d advise:

1) That you pray. Pray for wisdom in speaking to her. Discernment in your conversations with her. Pray that your heart, mind, and ears are open to listening to her. And pray that you can try to understand it from her perspective.

But also- pray for her to open her heart to listen to you. And pray for her to remember that you are still her child, regardless. Pray she is reminded of the commandments to love and care for you.

2) Know when you need to back down- for your own sake and hers. Sometimes, I get in arguments back and forth with some of my anti-lgbtq+ peers and family, and eventually, hours pass, and I’m sitting there, exhausted to my bones, tears in my eyes, and a weariness in my heart that I cannot bear any longer. Don’t stop at that point. Stop long before. Sometimes, it’s better to say, “Mom, I love you, but we need to stop arguing. I don’t either of us to say anything hurtful to each other. Let’s stop,” than to keep going until you’re so upset you don’t know what to do with yourself.

3) Don’t expect too much. And I’m not just saying this in a, “Your mom will never change, she’s doomed,” kind of way, no. I’m saying this in a “your mom has lived with this particular form of theology/beliefs for a long time and it’s not something that’s going to come undone in one night.”

I was homophobic for about fifteen years of my life. I’m talking about genuinely hurtful terrible homophobia. Gays don’t go to heaven, their ‘sin’ is worse than other sin, and so on so on. I was angry with people, with myself, and God. I also was a closeted bisexual with confusion and dysphoria regarding my gender. But that doesn’t excuse it. Homophobia is a heck of a drug and I firmly believe it isn’t biblical.

But undoing that? Unraveling your beliefs, examining them, and trying to see where the toxicity has been so woven into the fabric of who you are? That’s tough. I’m still not done figuring it out. I’ll probably continue on figuring it out for years to come.

I’m just saying- have patience with her. Don’t put yourself in danger. Don’t let her hurt you. But do understand that, if she’s genuinely putting in an effort, and trying to understand- it won’t happen overnight.

4) There’s a lot of rich theological discussion to be had with her, if she is willing to discuss it calmly. A lot about forgiveness, love, judgement, and especially about being one body of believers, despite our diversity of opinions and backgrounds and experiences and orientations, etc. See if your mom is interested in having a discussion about it. A good verse to reference is this one:

1 Corinthians 12:12-27 (ESV)

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.

14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

Your mom might benefit from examining that passage from a new perspective: you, as an lgbtq+ believer, bring things to the table that others can’t. Maybe urge her to think about what some of those things may be.

Regardless of whether she does or not, you’ve at least given her something to dwell on and pray over.

5) Remind her of this simple verse. We all know it.

John 3:16

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

There are no asterisks. No long terms and conditions. It’s simple enough that a child can understand. And that’s the point. With faith alone that reaches beyond understanding, you can be saved. We cannot save ourselves. Only Jesus can. Salvation is not from your mom, or from you. The moment you declared Jesus Lord is the moment you were “born again,” just as your mom was. It’s us that try to put conditions on God’s love and Jesus’s sacrifice- not Him. He loves you. You are his child. Regardless of sexuality and gender.

and 6) Protect yourself. If debating with your mom or arguing or trying to convince her- if that is hurting you. Take a step back. Tell her that you love her, but you’d like to put the discussion to rest for the time being.

You are valuable member of this family. A family of believers. From different walks of life, backgrounds, experiences, struggles, hurts, and joys. You are loved deeply and valued by the God who created you, the one who will never leave, nor forsake you. Try to cling to that, even now, when things are rough.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/lgbtq-religion/

Trevor Project hotline: 1-866-488-7386

God bless you. You will be in my prayers.

(If I said anything wrong, I apologise. I did my best to respond but I am fallible to error. I ask that you forgive me if I made any. ♥)

#Anonymous #Marin Answers

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