#-my brain that's weird. y'know

[coffee-bat]

What's "whump"?

oh uh. right. that might not be as well known as i assumed💀

basically, whump is hurt/comfort with emphasis on the "hurt" part. the thing that differentiates it from typical angst / hurt/comfort is that it gives a strong dopamine rush to the creator/reader/viewer. not because you're actually sadistic or anything, you just enjoy it for fictional characters you like. i don't know how to explain it or why it's like this. but it makes brain go brrrrr

#i'll be real i spent most of my life thinking there's something deeply wrong with me #for wanting my favorite characters to get hurt/liking when they do #bc these scenarios would always give me a big happy chemical rush #and i did a LOT of contemplating and self reflection like. am i a bad person. #'am i actually sadistic'. no. i hate when real people are hurt. this only applies to very specific fictional characters #i've felt a lot better about it since i discovered it's actually a pretty common phenomenon😭😭 like oh hey i'm not alone it's not just- #-my brain that's weird. y'know #ask #sorry for the ramble. tl;dr it's when you get happy chemicals from your blorbos being hurt then taken care of

[yandere-daydreams]

gojo is so unfuckable that gege told the gojo simps that he's not the one

i do want to respect his creator's wishes but tragically i have seen the gojo-jogo grinding clip and therefore cannot. i think it's more that gojo, realistically, would be the worst possible option when it comes to a long-term relationship, proven by the fact that that he drove his only long-term boyfriend to genocide and then spent the next decade doing literally nothing to get over that aforementioned genocide boyfriend. he gives me the vibe of a man who would fall off the face of the earth for weeks at a time without so much as a text to let you know if you're now the single father of the child he adopted, but show up on your doorstep on the verge of tears if you miss one of calls. a real 'would you love me if i was a worm' motherfucker, if you would.

#geto is my favorite out of the two #but there's something about gojo that just itches the brain y'know #he's just a weird little guy and therefore i must talk about him #personal #anon ask

[veinsfullofstars]

“I. Am going. To kill that rat.” “What was that, Boss?” “I said, BACK TO YOUR POSTS NOW!” “Y-Y-Yes, sir, right away, sir!”

(ID: Kirby series fanart comic, Kintsugi AU, four borderless panels featuring Dark Meta Knight, Mirror Axe Knight, and Mirror Mace Knight, in which the latter two comment on their leader’s interesting new battle scars, much to his restrained dismay. Transcript below the cut. END ID.)

Good thing his minions aren’t the brightest bulbs in the bunch - otherwise they’d’ve found out about all the friendly hugs he’s been getting in his off-time.

(… this isn’t too much, is it? Stars, I hope not. I tried to keep it vague enough that it doesn’t have to mean anything spicy. Maybe it was just a very competitive game of tag. Or maybe DMK couldn’t quite reach an itch between his wings and Daroach got a bit overenthusiastic trying to help. Basically anything that could ruin his “big scary cool toughguy” reputation. As long as DMK is too embarrassed to admit to it in front of his crew, they’re all viable options, haha.)

Started 12/25/23, finished 12/28/23, updated 01/04/24. NOTE: This was originally posted on my deleted account on 01/04/24.

—

Transcript:

Panel 1

*DMK walking forward towards our left, M!Axe and M!Mace passing by in the opposite direction, M!Axe waves cheerily to DMK, who glances at them over his shoulder*

M!Axe: Oh, Boss, there you are! Hey, how was the fight? Didja win?

DMK: Hm? What’re you talking about?

Panel 2

*reverse shot of DMK, still glancing over his shoulder, several pink scratch lines can be seen on his back and the base of his wings, each in sets of three*

M!Mace: Got some new scratches on your back, Boss. Nasty ones, too, by the look of it.

M!Axe: (laughing, impressed) Ha! Musta been one heck of a scrap to leave marks like that! I’d hate to see what happened to the other guy, haha!

Panel 3

*front shot of DMK, his eyes shrunk to dots in realization, as a thought bubble hovers over his head - a simple headshot of Daroach, grinning roguishly beneath the shadow of his hat, showing off his claws as they glint sharply*

Panel 4

*front shot of DMK, sweating and glaring fixedly off to the side, eyes still shrunk, a vivid blush inside his visor, while M!Axe and M!Mace stand where they were before behind him, heads tilted in innocent confusion*

DMK: (strained) … … … Yes. … … A fight. … That’s what happened.

#veins art #veins ships #veins fanart #fanart #kirby series #kirby #dark meta knight #mirror axe knight #mirror mace knight #(not tagging them as OCs since they're not really different from their counterparts here) #daroach #dark meta knight x daroach #darkroach #rarepair #AU #kintsugi au #comic #(almost didn't post this one not gonna lie) #(I generally prefer more fluff-centric stuff) #(since even implied spice tends to make the ace brain leap into panic mode) #(plus I don't wanna y'know... accidentally set some kind of weird precedent regarding my art?) #basically I'm overthinking things again) #(but these two have a very specific relationship in my headcanon) #(at least when compared to MetaDede or Marxolor for example) #(not to say there's no fluff btw them - it's just more... neutrally physical? than what the others have) #(“friends with benefits” fits best I think) #anyway - panel 3 DMK face is my favorite thing ever I've decided #suggestive #<- (just in case) #veinsfullofstars

[jeellyjams]

" 'Would it have been kinder to kill you, before you disabled your governor module?'

I said, 'Yes.'

ART-drone said, 'You know I am not kind.' "

okay ill just start sobbing on the floor then i guess

#hi im going to forever be thinking about how mb considers itself this way #how it considers death a mercy if it doesn't have free will #god. GOD #i mean i know it was in A Bad Place during this part but. augh #something about the way ART says that is like... almost comforting?? it feels like it's trying to be comforting in a weird ART way y'know #or.... sad maybe #trying to prescribe human emotions to ART will never work ofc but hey it's how my brain works #jamjams #the murderbot diaries #system collapse spoilers #just in case

[front-facing-pokemon]

#angle under the cut where you can see their eyes because it is NOT very flattering from the front #sharpedo #this is the fucker that zooms after you like a missile in the swsh DLC‚ right? i think it also does that in sv. it's scary honestly #it's so fast. and it makes that big ol' zoomin' effect like the third nozzle in super mario sunshine. i don't remember what it's called but #it's the gray one. super mario sunshine is my favorite mario game which i feel like is not a very popular opinion #but it tracks because i had a gamecube as a kid. so games on that tend to be some of my favorites because nostalgia i guess #luigi's mansion‚ super mario sunshine‚ pokémon colosseum… #i could go on and on about these games. honestly. luigi's mansion is one of my favorites of all time. i still think it's great even as an #adult. it's much better than the other luigi's mansions in my opinion‚ though i guess my opinion Might be clouded by nostalgia #although i would like to think i can look back on it with a critical eye. i still replay it basically once a year cuz it's super short #i think it's super atmospheric and the later two luigi's mansion games don't really capture that same aesthetic #of… what basically amounts to like. a horror aesthetic. which is weird to say because it's a kids' game but #y'know i'm also not putting my whole brain into these tags right now bc i'm distracted but i hope i am making sense #fellow luigi's mansion fans know what i'm talking about. this is not about sharpedo so here is sharpedo #i believe this'll be posting on the last day of my outing when i'll be flying back home. so. finger's crossed #nope i just queued it and it's the day before i'm flying home. either way‚ good luck‚ future me

[dedicatedfollower467]

it's always weird to remember that i am probably the only person ON THE PLANET who pictures yue qingyuan looking the way i picture him in my head.

i don't know WHY i somehow latched onto the idea that he was southeast asian and had dark skin, but it must have latched on before i finished the first book because the illustrations didn't dislodge it and yqy is permanently dark-skinned in my head now.

this is particularly weird because the REST of my headcanons line up with the fanart? it's just yqy who's weird for me?

#svsss #yue qingyuan #headcanon #i think southeast asian yqy might even be FLATLY CONTRADICTED by the canon #or at least y'know. heavily implied to not be the case? #but for some reason my brain latched onto a very specific image of him #and i am the only person who pictures him that way #and it's SO WEIRD

[sysig]

Dr. ZEXenstein (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #ZEX #The Captain #DAX #I made this before Halloween so it was appropriately spooky at the time of creation! I swear!! #I have a favourite Frankenstein: The Musical animatic that occasionally goes through the rotation but it was still a surprise to crossover #But you know how it goes - at first it's just a fun initial silly/spooky idea and then my brain clicks back on and Oh No This Is A Thing lol #But for now! Silliness! #I'm still really enamoured with the idea of ZEX as a warrior and a scholar - very Thucydides y'know ♪ #His extremely brilliant tactical mind needs puzzles! And I mean with all this free time on Cerenkov and given the right Ingredients #He'd certainly have the motivation to try and figure out the trick to life maybe-very-specifically-about-humans lol #It does raise the question of what a ''human'' made by a VUX might be like ♪ Yes he's a reanimated corpse(s) but like #Surely even with all his research - at the very least something /could/ have gotten lost in translation :) #Maybe even just the inherent Thing of humanness - the soul or respect of the dead? Like swearing in another language if you know what I mean #It's interesting :) I mean it's interesting either way haha it's a fun concept! #Especially with Frankenstein specifically since y'know - the creature's whole Thing of why he Came Out Wrong was mostly on Victor! #He rejected and abandoned his ''child'' - of course he's gonna have some emotional issues Victor! #ZEX tho - ZEX has no reason to abandon a human(oid) especially one he intentionally went about bringing about! #So his eyes are a little weird - so he's got some odd stitches and he moves strangely and smells a bit - how different is that from humans? #All humans are monstrous! What's a few extra details? ZEX is already a xenophile and a teratophile is what I'm saying lol #DAX on the other hand is not convinced lol ♪ Drawing his head tendrils change expressions so fast was fun haha #As was drawing the Captain all stitched and with the bolts! Yes yes they're movie addition shhh all art is scaffolded over time #The real question is where ZEX got all the parts from - is that the Captain for realsies? #Or a fun role fill-in ''What if ZEX made a human and it was the Captain [before the Captain would've existed anyway]?'' #It could go either way! It'd be sad if ZEX lost his Captain and then tried to bring him back :') #But then again the alternative is him like........harvesting? (Off the battlefield? Ew lol) #Oh yeah and do you like the broken-off head tendril as a stand-in for Victor's whitening hair lol #I imagine it went necrotic and wasn't quite fully reaccepted - it's still full of blood and healthy but the skin is faded and pale hehehe

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

Steven Universe.. hit different and I don’t really understand why? Thinking about any of my other old hypefixations, I smile. But Steven Universe just makes me a deeply uncomfortable kind of sad that latches onto my brain like a leech and doesn’t let go for many hours. And I have no idea what it did to deserve that lmao

#I guess this show was a much more massive part of my life than I realized? #it's not my favourite show but I think it's. part of me now #if I'd watched it all in one hit for the first time now I'd think ''woag that was awesome'' and proceed to be normal about it #I had a hard time being normal about things I really liked as a kid and 'cause this show went on for so long and I followed it religiously- #for the ENTIRE time it was airing- #I think it became a permanent resident in my brain along with the emotional state I was in when I started watching it #when I think of Steven Universe I'm flooded with all the ways my childhood self took it way too seriously #I think about things I just MADE UP about the show through theories and implied backstory- all the deeper things that never even happened #and it gives me this unscratchable itch. this weird sense of longing #wughfgdh anyways #my ears ache from getting weirdly choked up about this lmao #just did a shortened rewatch of the whole show through watching Scoot's reaction videos #and like #bruh #the show is y'know. REALLY GOOD. But not THAT good jesus christ #nothing is THAT good #it's kinda cool that I used to have such deep emotions about literally everything but man I'm glad I'm not 13 anymore bahah #mannnnnn I really set this show up for failure by expecting it to reach this impossible unachievable level of depth #and then being kinda bummed when it didn't #it's a CARTOON Cas. a reallly fucking good one just the way it is. calm down child #anyways might draw Greg because he's the goat #steven universe #rant #(?)

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

*dusting off this old blog* Well it's been a while, isn't it?

#hello :D so I've been missing since September- scheduled queue aside #Life was stressing me out and I needed to cool off to focus on wrapping up the year else I'd lose it #then Life got worse by Sep-Oct (y'know. horrible real life events + personal stuff + holy shit I need to learn how to Adult) #forgot my password for a while so I was mostly on Twitter and it was Not Fun (and it still isn't) #and I remembered it by the end of January where I was getting most of my shit together and was mostly on Discord with friends #who were the reason I wasn't completely losing it so if you're reading this. thank you and I love you very much <3 #but I missed being on Tumblr and the friends/moots i made. just got nervous to come back here. idk why. brain works in weird ways. #it looks like I'm justifying why I wasn't here and on one hand. yeah it's kind of an update #but it's mostly because I don't like going out and returning like stuff wasn't happening so it's really a me thing so anxiety won't spike #idk if I'm gonna go missing like that again or not but. yeah i'm still alive #(felt good to write that last phrase so maybe *something's* going right in life) #but yeah i think i'm back (not 100% because. Life) and will do a pinned. if you read all of it thank you! :D #okay i'm gonna post this now before my brain decides it's a bad idea-

[elytrafemme]

why doesn't anybody talk about schrodinger's mental illness? seriously i think i'm onto something here

#nightmare.personal #i'm starting to think i'm over it like #i've been so happy lately and i'm having these weird nightmares about my family for no reason but like #i have FRIENDS and i'm taking CARE OF MYSELF and like i thought i looked super pretty today #but i am freaking out a bit about how nice this one friend of mine is being to me #which is so weird bc he'/s like the safest guy to be around ever but suddenly i feel insanely unsafe #hm. maybe i'll be fixed if i go to bed #ugh i have classes tmrw which are FINE classes but like. work. and then also therapy #and therapy's good just like. ugh. Ugh. maybe i'll talk to her about me hating my gf's mom's profession and my moral crisis #bc guys it's kind of awkward i really don't fuck with landlords but my gf's mom is um . Kind of one of those #anyway i think i'm better honestly like the klavier and dahlia stuff is starting to just feel like an inside joke #something earlier happened and i was like klav would like this. andi pictured him a bit in my brain as how he looked #and like. we laughed. but i don't think he was there at all #and the BPD stuff isn't happening like i've not mood swung at all lately i don't think #so maybe it was all in my head andi'm fine now? that could be it honestly like. i'm fine. which! #is weird and abrupt but hey i'm into it. y'know. whatever #it would kind of suck if it turns out i was perfectly fine i was just overthinking it but. hey #honestly whatever. people are fine i'm fine i'm safe and the nightmares are stupid #i need to see this guy anyway tmrw because i invited him along to grab breakfast with me and our mutual friend #we're like a trio so i figure it's fine. hopefully the dining hall isn't still on fire i need to fuck up that pomegranate acai drink so bad #it's SO good you guys. but like. idk. i feel happy like perfectly happy. like i don't think much is wrong #these weird feelings of dread and hovering on the edges of panic attacks sometimes but that's really it #ugh. i hope the lecture hall has good chairs #sorry i cannot focus on this i'm restless rn. i need. like. something #i think me and my GF might break up soon bc of the parents work and the sex thing but like. #someone lobotomize me i'm literally fine what's going ONNNN

[skrunksthatwunk]

wait why is dmc1 good

#not that i thought it was bad just #i mean listen. i've played the first couple of missions twice now but i finally like. y'know. went beyond that #it's just really really working for me in a way it didn't the previous two times #i'm still in this castle though. like i kinda feel like i'll never get out but that's probably not true right. that would be really weird #anyway i kinda got through the learning curve the first couple of times and i've been thinking about it and not playing it for days #and i've been nauseatingly hooked on sdv (again) since the 1.6 update. (70 hours. probably a little more. In The Past Like 2 Weeks. wth) #like i'm actually sick and antsy doing it but i can't stop like that kinda hooked. (boooo. i have more important shit to do...) #so i think it's like im purging with something a) new b) very different and c) that i've been thinking about for days #anyway fuck some of the platforming though. this should not be a game that requires me to hop on moving circles and shit #i'm not good at it but i'm having a good time :) also dante... dante's kinda silly... (<- can smell a blorbo on the rise) #i love his descriptions of things. he'll be like 'it's a statue of their glorious leader riding off to battle. psh whatever what am i doing #so yeah. hopefully i won't fall out of it again because i really do like it so far. but with my brain who knows

[plateauofmemories]

TBH I think it's been a little while since I've played or read anything new, and my brain has been kinda drifting for want of something to dig it's teeth into.

I started the second season of Spy x Family this week, and that's been good, but dumping one whole playthrough of a vn route into it last night has really got my brain buzzing.

It being an R18 otome game makes it a little complicated but that's alright

#one of those days you really hope there's no telepaths in the office y'know #and hope my face isn't being weird as my brain cycles through the content and analyzes it #i also think this route may have had more smut than some of the others will? i guess this route was a Kickstarter stretch goal #but the main routes are supposed to have at least a few sfw cgs. i did not get any sfw cgs with maxim and nika #anyway! #platextsofmemories

[notjanine]

i am in suuuuuch a weird headspace rn, my brain is like. i want half a boyfriend i want a husband i want an easy carefree hookup i want to have sex with only one more person in my entire life i want to have a slut era i want someone to fall in love with me i want to ruin a man's life. who am i

#like okay i said that guy was messy and maybe i am messy too #but only internally! i can at least be consistent and honest in my communication and behavior #but idek what is going on with me #is this a belated quarter life crisis is this being thirty is this what happens when grad school and an internship scramble your brain #scramble your brain so hard that your emotions and physical desires also go haywire #this month is gonna be so weird for me and like i'm depressed enough to not care if i live or die which is when i do my best flirting #and i (theoretically) will have enough time off to take care of myself and get good sleep and do skincare and hair care and work out #and do all the little things to make myself feel more confident #anyway all i know is. i have baby steps initiated progress on some things. #but also the mutually agreed upon six-month post-breakup communication moratorium with my ex is almost up and i am half tempted to call him #i am also half tempted to mess with the OTHER guy in our internship cohort even though that would be THEE messy bitch move #(do not let me do it physically stop me from doing it if it seems like i'm going to) #(but y'know he's. nice. nearby. single. quietly hilarious and has full lips and a similar schedule to my own. pls stop me) #(we might hang out next week. i will not WILL NOT invite him over. i repeat do NOT let me invite him over) #earlier this week i talked to a close very cool and fun and social friend about wanting to start dating again and she was like #Oh i know like ten guys for you lemme have another party and invite all of them and you #and i'm thisclose to being like. actually just fucken see if any of them will go on a blind date with me next weekend. #what the FUCK is wrong with me rn #ANYWAY lemme go work out and finally start the vampire show #bc exercise will distract my body and that toxic relationship bullshit will put a damper on these desires right. right?? #starting to understand why so many religions are like watch out for sins of the flesh or whatever. like how they're like temptation is bad. #lizzo_boys.mp3

[makerofmadness]

Ok looking at fanart having not seen the ruin trailer in a while I have forgotten what Cassie's actual hair color is is it brown or blonde or something in between I keep seeing art of both

like it's FNAF so I don't mind (FNAF isn't consistent with its own human designs I'm pretty sure Susie had her hair go from blonde in the games to brown in one of the books and Vanessa I think went the opposite direction between VR and AR and SB and then there's Michael in FNAF 4 vs. Michael in SL so-) but I genuinely don't know what she was shown as anymore XD

#I usually feel kinda uncomfortable when people change aspects of characters like that #(Like I saw a post that changed several Pokémon characters' eye colors and it fxcked with my brain in ways Idk how to describe) #Usually when I have a weird quirk like this it's because of like autism or something but I never see anyone else talk about this #So I'm assuming that it's either not that or I'm just weird???? Idk anyone have an explanation? #(Like I tried to describe this discomfort to someone once and since that time was concerning when people change characters' races #That person ended up basically accusing me of being racist and like- it hit me like a fxcking truck and hurt my mental health a ton- #And then months later that Pokémon post comes up and the characters' eye colors were changed to brown. WHICH IS MY EYE COLOR. #And I had the exact same reaction. So unless I discriminate against myself I think it's safe to say that was a load of shxt. #But like. I wanna know what the actual cause of this is like is it an obscure rare autism symptom or is it something else-) #Anyway enough of me rambling: #Yeah FNAF is an exception to this for the sole reason that the franchise itself isn't consistent with its own human designs. #So I kinda just. Don't feel the same kind of “off-model” weirdness because what even was the “model” to begin with y'know- #So like I'm chill with both brown and blonde haired art of Cassie but I'm just wondering like which one were we shown again?? #And whichever one it was: I'm still kinda wondering as to why people would change it one way or the other #fnaf #fnaf ruin #fnaf sb ruin #cassie #fnaf cassie

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

So you mentioned how you leave Hawke in the fade, do you ever bring Varric with on that quest? (Maybe I'm just a sucker for angst ((which I totally am cuz for my canon warden I have her date a soft Alistair who is pissed and dumbs her when she makes him king and then she makes the ultimate sacrifice and Alistair is devastated he never got to talk it out with her)) so I always take Varric and Cassandra with cuz I think it's nuts that the game doesn't have him react in the fade to leaving Hawke. So I picture a dramatic speech like fuck this Hawke let someone else be the hero for once, you deserve to live. And Cassandra is there seeing someone she put on a pedestal and saw as an unstoppable hero met their end.)

I've brought a few different combos into the fade but my favorite combo is definitely Varric/Cassandra/Solas; Varric because of Hawke, Cassandra because of Divine Justinia, and Solas for the fade itself.

I love and hate the fade quest for a number of reasons, but the part of me that revels in angst just adores it, it's such a heartbreaking part of Inquisition's story. I keep Alistair a Grey Warden, so it becomes a final choice of either making him stay behind, or my Hawke, Ed... it's a brutal choice that ends with Ed staying behind.

The meta reason for making this choice is I love Alistair too much. I want him and my warden to remain together until the end so I'd leave nearly anyone in the fade just to save him. And I don't want to make him king just to avoid the hard choice; he never wanted it, and Rose wasn't ever going to force it onto him.

But from a story-telling standpoint, Ed staying behind hurts so much because that's literally his fear; if he had his own fear engraved tombstone in the fade, it'd say something like "Abandonment" or "Being Left Behind." It's one of the reasons he stays by Anders' side after the events of DA2 despite ending their romantic relationship, he can't abandon the man he's loved for years even when everyone tells him he should....until, of course, we get to the fade and he feels he no longer has a choice.

Ed never wanted to be some hero or champion, but it's so engrained in his identity now that he constantly feels the burden of sacrificing pieces of himself for others. He feels the guilt of every loss he's suffered, whether it was actually his fault or not. In his mind, no matter how much it hurts, or who it hurts, it's the "right" choice to leave him behind... he's read enough of Varric's tragedies to know how this goes.

I also headcanon that when Carver's made a warden, he goes back to Fereldan to serve under the Hero of Fereldan and becomes best friends with Alistair. So I imagine that's another reason Ed insists he be the one to cover them. He went to great lengths to keep his brother out of this mess [even though Carver protested every step of the way] and doesn't want Carver to lose his best friend, even though he would also be devastated to lose his brother, but y'know.... Ed's just like, "Tell Carver I'm sorry, and that I always thought the world of him."

Even as Alistair, who never got to know his brother and dreamed about meeting his sister only for her to reject him, argued back... it's no use. Ed made up his mind to face his greatest fear to save them, and Ash begrudgingly agrees with him.

As for Varric, it hurts to watch him ask happened to Hawke... and then to listen to him recount a story about the kind of person Hawke was... and to give him a comforting hug... it all hurts.

But... that being said, I have thought about possibly doing a run where I do leave Alistair behind in a worldstate where Rose made the ultimate sacrifice. Alistair lost her and became disillusioned with the Grey Wardens, only remaining because what else is there for him? When it comes to someone staying in the fade, he insists it be him. He faces the nightmare as Hawke and the Inquisitor escape, and mutters under his breath, "Wait for me a little longer, my love," before attacking.

...because why not break my own heart some more, y'know?

Whether I'll be brave enough to attempt that is yet to be seen.

#asks #dragon age #dao #da2 #dai #varric tethras #alistair theirin #carver hawke #da2 hawke #edgar hawke #oh also i have a theory that hawke doesn't die in the fade #or maybe it's just another plot bunny that lives rent free in my brain but whatever #i think ed would survive the fight and eventually find his way out of the fade #and y'know how we find sandal's journal in trespasser but no actual sandal? plot bunny includes sandal showing up at anders' hideout one da #and being like 'come with me please' while refusing to explain further. anders already got the news of ed and isn't exactly in a great plac #but eventually follows along where they find and collect carver for this little adventure that ends in finding a rift that ed falls out of #how did sandal know? i dunno he just did and then he disappears to go do more weird stuff in the fade or something #that's as far as the plot bunny goes but it's there... maybe i just want an anders and carver bickering road trip story or something sksksk #or i just want to feel better about leaving ed behind.... it's probably that one

[intertexts-moving]

having insane person mental health realizations at 5pm on a friday like years after redacted.

#realized. what ive been fucking. assuming was just anxiety for years & years is.... actually. probably cptsd. which. i was always like #well u know. i never had any one single traumatic event (LIE.) obviously thats not a me thing. im just terrified all the time #& then more recently ive been like.hey... wait. i actually love being in weird new situations and getting to know people and talking to #people & shit! im actually not terrified at everything all the time im just terrified at a few very specific things all the fucking time!! #maybe theres a reason i immediately freak the fuck out defcon five shaky for days after style if i accidentally misplace my phone for a #couple minutes!! and other such behaviors which i will not get into!! #and like. man. it sucks because some of this shit is just from growing up. with. y'know. the mommy issues etc etc. & my sibling who is #older & better at brain stuff than me has cptsd also just from like. living there. growing up there. being leftist & nd & gnc there. #& i have those experiences also AND ALSO YHE REDACTED. which fucked me up immeasurably more. iunno. shelving the distressed brain moments #until later when i get home. -_- maybe ill call my sibling abt it.. #txt