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super-paper · 8 months

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"Thank you for such wonderful comedy."

I've been wanting to talk about how MHA plays with the concepts of "fiction vs reality, the characters vs the actor, the world vs the stage" for awhile now, bc I believe understanding how MHA utilizes these concepts is pretty crucial to understanding our Big Bad (and Tomura!) (...and Izuku!) (.. etc!) (y-yeah...!!!) (wooo.....!!!!!)

If this post is more incoherent than usual, I apologize-- I'm just really enthusiastic about stories that play with the fact that they're stories and characters who throw themselves into a fictionalized role as a means of coping. I love the way MHA handles these concepts in particular, so I lost all sense of restraint as usual.

Hori: "I'm Like Dropping Hints That Hero/Villain Personas Are Actually Coping Mechanisms Lol"

"As Tomura Shigaraki and Tenko Shimura, I've got just one wish: the total destruction of everything that created that house." "If my origin as Touya and Dabi was such a simple thing, then... No, there are still things I want to say. Arguments I want to have."

I've seen a few ppl saying that it sounds awkward/strange to have the characters repeatedly asserting themselves in the third person, but imo, the emphasis on real names versus hero/villain names during these particular scenes plays into the idea of the villain/hero identities being "alter egos" that might not actually have the same core desires as the """"actors"""" that are behind these personas.

Tomura and Touya invoke both their real and villain names while asserting their respective wishes. Himiko also invokes her villain name, though it's less obvious to english speakers because she uses her real name as her villain name (in the raws, "HIMIKO TOGA" as a villain name is written using katakana-- and this is what she uses when asserting her wish). MHA plays with the idea of "fiction"/"Alter Egos" as a form of escapism and as a coping method, and at this point in time, the Dabi/Tomura/"Himiko" identities are still being utilized as a crutch/mask by these three very hurt individuals.

*loud, terrifying chanting* PEAK FICTION PEAK FICTION PE--

Ochako's fight being like the second most thematically important fight in the whole series still makes me unreasonably giddy btw.

To contrast, Ochako uses her civilian name alone when asserting her wish-- and imo we're meant to read this as Ochako wanting to save Himiko as herself, not as Uravity. Saving Himiko is not something she can accomplish as her alter-ego-- Ochako is able to save Himiko by stepping off the stage and becoming a "real" person, while also acknowledging the person behind "Toga Himiko (villain name)".

Izuku hasn't had his "I'm Izuku Midoriya"/"I'm-saving-you-as-Izuku-not-as-Deku" moment yet-- instead, we see Tomura intentionally making that distinction between the-hero-and-the-true-self by constantly referring to Izuku by his real, full name. And I'm pr sure Izuku is also the only one he does this to-- we see him referring to all the other heroes he encounters by their hero names alone, or by insulting nicknames (l-lol). Correct me if I'm wrong, tho!

(side note: Tomura switching to calling Izuku just "Hero" in the aftermath of Bakugate is actually a big step backwards imo-- it reads as Tomura trying to push Izuku away by shoving them both back in the hero/villain box and doubling down on enforcing their respective "roles." Not that I ever expected mister doomdere to make things easy, but, woof. Good Fuckin' Luck, Izuku ( ´･ω･) )

TL;DR The final arc has mostly been about tearing off the hero/villain masks to reveal who is hiding underneath— MHA's careful use of names and monikers plays heavily into that and its distinction between "alter-ego"/"true self" a lot. Which is... probably one of the many reasons why All For One still doesn't have a given name, as someone who has all but completely lost himself in his character.

Anyway! That brings us to the meat of this post: how does MHA take the concepts of "reality vs fiction" and "the character vs. the actor" and apply it to All For One (...and Tomura) (and Izuku--)?

"Pay No Attention to That Man Behind the Curtain!"

"If you refuse to submit, then I'll just rewrite the story." - it's amazing how all of this coulda been avoided if someone had just introduced AFO to Demon Lord x Reader fanfiction. (/j)

AFO fancies himself as the author of MHA's greatest tragedy (the desecration of Shimura Nana's legacy via the sacrifice of Shimura Tenko), while simultaneously inserting himself into its overarching narrative and treating himself as the leading villain of the story-- it's self-indulgent and intentionally invasive in the way that most self-insert fanfiction tends to be invasive, with him going to extremes to make it seem as though the whole story revolves around him. AFO wants to be both the author and the leading character and the leading antagonist. This greed is typical of him, but it also establishes him as a character who's more caught up in (read: trapped by) his relationship to "fiction" than anyone else. Again, MHA explores the use of fiction and alter-egos as an escape from a painful reality-- so, it's entirely reasonable to assume that this applies to AFO as well.

To me, so much about AFO reads as an escapist fantasy of someone who is utterly terrified of being put in a position where he is truly seen. The idea of being vulnerable, of being naked, of being "human," is intolerable to him. But by not allowing himself to feel and "be a human," he has effectively cut himself off from what he wants most. The character of “Shigaraki Tomura” is as much an escapist fantasy for AFO as it is Tenko-- It's just another (younger, prettier) layer of skin he can hide his true self in.

"so basically you're saying that AFO is a never nude" yes, actually :)

AFO dehumanizes Tomura through his attempts to turn the boy into his personal comic book character, but he also dehumanizes himself by desperately trying to insert himself into that “character." It's only fitting that Tomura’s innate humanity and capacity for feeling ends up rendering AFO himself painfully, painfully human-- and ultimately causes AFO's carefully constructed character to start crumbling.

If All the World’s a Stage, Then Let’s Destroy the Stage

"That stage is gone now. The theater's knocked down. How much longer can we afford to be spectators on the sideline?" "Once upon a time, a man named All Might showed all of us how to be a hero. But somewhere along the way, people forgot about the heart and soul that made the man." -MHA, Chapter 325

Tomura is attempting to destroy the stage, because without the stage there can be no "Shigaraki Tomura" (Or "All Might," or "All For One," or "Endeavor," etc etc etc). Without the stage, there are no more "characters" and no more tragedies. But-- without the stage, there are no more stories period. There are no more tragedies, but there are no more happy endings either. The world never recognizes the actor behind "Shigaraki Tomura" without the stage. The stage is not inherently a bad thing, so long as people can remember that the actors on the stage still exist outside of it.

But Tomura himself cannot imagine what happens after the curtains fall, and all that's left is Shimura Tenko. He is stuck in a role that was written entirely for someone else, but remains convinced that the role was always his and that the role defines him.

Tomura rebels against the story the only way he knows how--against an "author" who *LITERALLY* views him as a spicier self insert, and against a "setting" that treats his death as a happy ending-- but even so, Tomura still can't picture an ending that doesn't end in tragedy. His rebellion is not about him trying to wring a happy ending out of a miserable, mean-spirited book-- it's about burning the whole damn library down so he never feels let down or hurt by a story again.

Basically: Tomura cannot act outside the confines of his "character" in a way that will truly save him. Even as he rebels, he's rebelling in a way that is painfully consistent with the way his "character" is written-- and that's why AFO (the author) still poses such an enormous threat to him. Destruction cannot save him from this story when he was explicitly penned to destroy.

The only way to break this narrative is to act in a way "the author" doesn't expect, and to tap into all the traits that AFO desperately attempted to "write out" of him-- Shimura Tenko is someone who has always rebelled against his writing, his author, and the unfairness of this story with his kindness and his willingness to accept those that no one else will.

AFO cuts off Tenko's own power at the root by reinforcing Tomura's belief that the world will always inherently reject him, without fail, always and forever-- so he should just reject the world, too (and I've talked at length about this before, but this is why a story that ends with Tomura dying or locked away from society is an ending that fails in its goal to save Tomura). The more Shigaraki Tomura rejects everything and the more Shigaraki Tomura is rejected by everything, the more he distances himself from his root and the source of his power-- and the more Shimura Tenko gets lost in this character.

While AFO is terrified of someone seeing behind his mask, Tomura longs for it. Tenko has been there since the beginning and has been begging for someone to finally see and acknowledge him (both in-universe and out of universe).

"I’ll Be There, Changing Fate by Your Side."

AFO: "Blah Blah Blah Do you still believe myths can save you? Foolish creature. Let me be clear: every version of the story ends with you being slaughtered yadda yadda yadda :) :) :)" ENTER, MIDORIYA IZUKU WITH A STEEL CHAIR.

Izuku's role is that of a completely average boy who gets pulled into a narrative ''that wasn't for him"-- he has no heroic lineage, no hidden powers, and no connection to the centuries old conflict that drives the plot. He's just a boy who did the right thing at the right time and was rewarded for it. Izuku is someone who was "never supposed to be a hero" the same way Tenko was "never supposed to be a villain" per the "rules" of their world-- and Izuku, like Tomura, is someone who exists to destroy those rules and the expectations of their narrative, completely changing the ending.

But rather than burning the book and ending the story forever (like Tomura wants to do), Izuku believes that the story and characters can still be salvaged. There's always something worth saving. It doesn't have to be a tragedy, they can still change the ending. They can talk specifics after Tomura's crazy ass puts the lighter down.

Izuku, like Tomura and so many other characters, throws himself into an alter-ego in an attempt to redefine himself and escape from pain ("Nobody's been saved yet. Don't be the worthless old Deku who can't save anyone" 😬). He almost loses himself in the role of "OFA's torch bearer" the way All Might did-- but just as Izuku managed to find Toshinori Yagi and helped in convincing him that his life as Toshinori has meaning, Izuku ends up getting saved by his friends who couldn't care less about OFA's ~protagonist power~ and know that Izuku is just a goofy, awkward, human boy who needs help.

Like.... If we explore quirklessness as like... a narrative stand-in for characters that the story typically views or dismisses as irrelevant extras/npcs, then AFO's barely restrained anger at Izuku and Toshi (and possibly Yoichi if we're being honest) for daring to ''act beyond their roles'' becomes even funnier. AFO can't stand the idea of his power/the protagonist role being passed on to someone who seems so utterly unworthy, unremarkable, and plain. He can't stand the idea of someone without a quirk/"role" standing up to him, the leading character. Dude really is a toxic comic book fan to the core.

afo really said "I didn't like how things were going so I stopped reading and just wrote a better ending to the story :^)" like...... @mhareddit that's u buddy...........................;

Anyway...........!!!!! AFO is someone who cherry picks what he likes about a story while ignoring the actual intent/message of the work (#theabsolutestateofthemhafandom), but he has no intention of breaking down the dichotomy between heroes/villains and instead actively enforces it (.............#theabsolutestateofthemhafan--). He just wants to flip what side wins in the end.

Tomura wants to break the narrative because he sees that as the only way to escape from his pain (but in doing so, he permanently cuts himself off from being a part of a story with a happy ending). He wants to destroy the dichotomy between heroes and villains because heroes and villains "will never understand each other and never stop creating each other" (lol. lmao, even).

Izuku wants to break the narrative because he's realized that there's something more to this story than your standard "Hero versus Villain," "good vs evil" affair and that he cannot explore what lies behind those masks and labels without tearing them down, first.

These three work together well as a narrative set of Fucking Nerds, and AFO works well as both Tomura and Izuku's villain for all of the above reasons (& also bc he's the only one who is actually benefitting from their current society) ((which basically offers him an endless buffet of hurt and angry children he can exploit on a silver platter)).

Anyway! Kick his ass, Izuku.

#shigaraki tomura #shimura tenko #all for one #sophie.txt #midoriya izuku #mha spoilers #mha.txt

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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months

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man i think part of what fucks me up (/pos) about the wedding scene (klk) is how well it conveys that the fantasy junketsu puts on ryuko is not a romantic one.

like i think it would've been really easy to make it about her wanting to find a man who could take care of things for her or love her unconditionally and when mako busts her out the message is You Don't Need A Man! You're A Strong Independent Woman!! or something (which is a perfectly fine message btw. i bring it up because i suspect that's how some people read it, especially those who see ryuko as straight, in an utena-hetero-girlboss way (yes i HAVE encountered that reading before. head in my hands)). maybe there's a montage of the groom and her at romantic milestones (confession, proposal, dates, moving in, whatever), and mako busts in while they're exchanging rings or leaning in for a kiss or something. they could have done that.

but the show puts SO little focus on the groom, to the point of emphasizing his facelessness and lack of relevance to the fantasy and its appeal (see the door handle knocking him over and ryuko not noticing, too busy looking at mako), that i think it's impossible to read it that way. and that's great bc what's actually there is so much more interesting and thematically relevant.

ryuko wants a normal childhood with a mom who loves her and spends time with her doing typical family stuff, who sticks with her as she grows up. the fantasy is of a normal development and family structure, of assimilation into a typical path of life for a woman, with its typical milestones. that includes getting married to a man. the fantasy is being naturally what society wants her to be, what will allow her to connect most easily to others within it. she's always butted heads with others, never fitting in for reasons she can't really understand, or often because she thinks the rules themselves are stupid. that came with isolation. loneliness.

the fantasy of junketsu's wedding is of conformity. it is also of conformity without effort, without awareness.

she doesn't want to force herself to fit in, because she knows that feels like shit. she wants it to be seamless. second nature. that's what junketsu appeals to. not the fantasy of pretending to be straight or becoming straight, but simply being straight.

(if it isn't clear by now, i view ryuko as a lesbian. this scene is a big part of why.)

it's ryuko pretending to be (and to always have been) something that will never cause her trouble, that will never alienate her. (or junketsu making her pretend that, though i think it caters to a lingering insecurity of ryuko's, that lack of stability, connection, and conformity in her real life).

it's also part of why mako and senketsu's rescue is not about mako being the right one for ryuko, but about ryuko's identity. her core state of being. who she is as a person.

(personally i read ryuko and mako as romantic (and i believe the show does as well, hence, y'know, the date and the mako hallelujah imagery during her asking her out and mako hitting on her and and and. sorry but however you feel about them as a ship they are definitively canon), and the scene does have romantic appeal/a romantic angle to it. but i think that romance comes from mako understanding ryuko deeply, and from calling her back into the person she is, rather than the person she could have been were she to have lived a Completely Different Life, and showing her that she has community and companionship even without this. she can be part of a group without doing all this shit. she doesn't have to fight alone, and this wedding business isn't the only way out of that loneliness. it's a gesture of love and concern for her as a person, one that comes from senketsu and mako together, the people who love her the most.)

ragyo wants conformity. she is a fascist. she wants everybody to wear the same clothes, to be in their proper place in society, and to submit to those who have rightful power over them. A hierarchy with life fibers at the top and humans at the bottom. ragyo designs and distributes the roles (clothes) people ought to wear, talks about clothes that don't suit people, etc. she wants ryuko to conform like she is, and like she has. a feelingless marriage to some man for what she can get from him. fitting in. she wants to have daughters that fit in. she wants to fit in. she wants to fit in because she's fetishized her place above other humans (pigs in human clothing, in roles unbefitting their pig status), her place under life fibers.

it has nothing to do with love, so ragyo doesn't even bother with it. nor does junketsu. even though the guise of love could be a powerful aide here, the staff chose to leave the message unmuddied. it is about conformity.

for ryuko to fulfill this fantasy, she would have had to be a completely different person, with a completely different life.

ryuko could not be ryuko and still wear that wedding dress. so she tore it off to be herself again (something she'd been lamenting/resisting since finding out she was "a goddamned life fiber monster" shortly before getting put in junketsu).

also note that satsuki used this wedding dress for her own aims as well, though she is lucid through it. it pains her. it's a role she takes on to fight against ragyo (fire with fire). but she says she realizes she couldn't win using others like pawns. she couldn't win from inside the hierarchy, the establishment. she couldn't win using a groom and a dress for her own inauthentic reasons, nor using that clout to climb the ranks of something that was wholly rotten just to get closer to ragyo. the whole tree must be felled.

anyway

#anyway i like the gay battle bikini show a lot #klk #kill la kill #ryuko matoi

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pinknightsinmymind · 2 years

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【 mascara - ellie williams 】

ellie williams x fem!reader

wc: 3.3k

content: angst, hurt-comfort, wife!reader, arguing, swearing, SPOILERS FOR TLOU2, mentions of death and grieving

summary: ellie returns from santa barabra, but she's not the same. you reminisce on how she used to be and where this all started in order to understand what got her to this point.

a/n: i was inspired by "mascara" by deftones to write this bc of the angstiness and moodiness i love angst its so delicious i want to eventually turn this into a full length fic that really fleshes out the whole story so lmk in the replies if you want to be on the taglist for that <333

Ellie had started to change the moment Joel passed away; there was no question about it. However, even after that shattering blow to the girl’s life, it didn’t completely destroy her. Not yet, at least. Joel’s death had fragmented her into pieces, but you could still see those pieces within her. Whenever you looked into those green eyes of hers, you saw her, and you knew she was still there. On the way to Seattle you could catch those glimpses of her every time you looked at her, and when your hands wrapped around her waist, the horse jostling you two as you journeyed, you felt her there. You felt Ellie. During and after Seattle, it was as if that small fragment of her that was left fractured in half. She had lost yet another piece of herself, and it was as if she had shrunk in size. Despite noticing this change, she was still your Ellie, and you’d do anything for her. You knew she was grieving, that she was going through a hard time, but you still did your best to comfort her.

You thought the distance and time would help, but the reality haunted her even in her sleep. Sometimes she had episodes and you’d find her screaming. It was hard to watch her go through this, but you still did everything you could for her. You were her wife, after all, and that’s what you were there for. Ellie had asked you to be her wife after things had calmed down from the Seattle trip. It had been at least a few weeks before she asked, and when she did you took it as a sign that maybe things would change for the better. She said that’s what she wanted. She wanted to change, to move forward, and for a while it seemed like they did. Yet the past continued to haunt her, and you saw the light in her eyes dim more and more.

The turning point was when Tommy meddled in your lives and told you both he had found Abby. You were angry with him for doing that, for disturbing your home, and for putting those thoughts in Ellie’s head again—but once it was done there was no undoing it. Once the cogs started turning you couldn’t stop them. Ellie was stubborn, and no amount of pleading was going to change her mind. She was just like her father. You stayed up late with her that night in an attempt to talk about it.

“Please, just think about this," you pleaded with her. “I need you. I need you here. With me. Don't do this again. We barely made it back last time.”

“And what about Joel? So she just gets to live and he doesn't?"

“Ellie, I miss Joel, too. I know how much he meant to you, but would he really want this? For you to abandon everything for her?”

“He'd want me… to finish what I started.”

“Goddammit, Ellie.” You didn’t know if it was the physical or mental exhaustion, but you were so tired. "Baby, please. Let's just go to bed." Ellie closed her eyes and let out a sigh. She nodded her head and grabbed your hand, leading you to your shared bedroom.

“Let's go to sleep, love,” she said quietly. A wave of relief washed over you as the two of you settled back into bed, her warmth comforting you as you slept. But that only lasted a few hours, because you woke up cold that next morning. You looked everywhere around the house, only to realize that she really had left anyway in the middle of the night.

At first you were angry. She lied to you and left you in the farm house all alone, even after the two of you talked it out. You felt betrayed. The two of you were supposed to be a married couple who worked together as a team, but it seemed she completely disregarded that. Your anger festered for a few hours until it was completely washed away by something else. Once the anger disappeared, it was replaced by fear and sadness. Ellie may have been tough, but she’d be completely on her own. Who knew when she’d come back, if ever, which is what scared you even more. You began to weep after that, the tears cleaning away whatever resentment had been growing initially.

After Santa Barbara is when you felt Ellie change completely. It was like the final piece of her left inside finally disintegrated and disappeared like dust on the wind. It seemed as if she lost herself completely in her mission and fell apart at the seams.

You stared in horror as you saw her coming up the steps. Her messily chopped hair was pasted to her forehead with sweat and Lord knows what else. The tank top she wore was dirty with grime and dried blood. She clutched her side and she walked slowly with a limp. The blood on her clothes seemed old because the only thing coating her skin was sweat and the occasional dirt. What happened out there? you thought. As much as you wanted to scold her, to cuss her out, to be angry with her, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Instead you rushed towards her and pulled her in. She was alive, and she had come back to you at last. She awkwardly wrapped her arms around you, but it felt almost reluctant as she grasped you weakly. You led her inside as fast as you could while she stayed silent. You questioned her as soon as the door slammed shut.

“Where are you hurt?”

“Everywhere,” she said. She didn’t seem to be in a talkative mood right now. You held her hands in yours and inspected her arms, finding a new bite on her and old cuts that were barely starting to heal. You eyed the tattoo of hers you knew so well, the one you’d trace with your hands whenever she held you. It was then that you noticed the two missing fingers on her left hand. How will she play her guitar? you thought. She just stood there as you looked at the old blood and dirt on her body, but the real horror was her side. She winced as your hands trailed down to the darkly stained side of her shirt. She lifted up her top and you saw the dirty bandages wrapped around what seemed to be a large wound.

“Do you want to take a shower?” you asked her. “Then I can take care of these?” She nodded. She walked away from you as if she was in a trance to the washroom. You started to pace around the house when you heard the water start to run. You didn't know what to say to her or what she was feeling. In fact, you couldn't read her at all, not anymore.

Ellie entered the downstairs area of the house in fresh clothes as soon as her shower ended. You hadn’t seen her around the house in months, and it felt almost foreign. It felt strange, almost like she was a guest. She took a seat at the dining table expectantly in front of the first aid kit you had taken out. You slid out one of the chairs and sat in front of her before beginning your work. You pulled up the green cotton shirt she wore and immediately sanitized the wound. Ellie grit her teeth and let out small hissing sounds here and there, but other than that she remained completely silent. Once you were done cleaning the wound you applied ointment and fresh gauze. The silence was killing you. This had been the girl you could talk to for hours about anything, who rattled off corny jokes, who would tell you all about space and her comic books. You didn’t know this quiet woman before you.

“I’m… glad you’re back,” you said in an attempt to fill the silence.

“You are?” she whispered. Her surprise caught you off guard and made your heart swell in pain.

“Of course I am.”

“I thought you’d be angry with me.”

“I was at first, but you getting home safe was more important to me.”

“You should hate me,” she said sadly. “You shouldn’t be this patient. I’m a piece of shit.”

“Don’t say that.” You finished wrapping up the bandages and started to clean up your supplies from the table. The silence hung in the air again, and you both knew why. The elephant in the room—the unanswered question: did she do it? After you finished cleaning the table you looked into those green eyes that you used to know so well. What happened to the light that used to be inside them? They used to feel like the sunlight that drifted into the forest, but now it was as if the sun had set and you traveled through a dark forest all alone.

“What are you thinking?” she asked. She was still as perceptive as always.

“Did—did you go through with it?” You fidgeted with your fingers nervously. You looked at her, and it was as if dark clouds gathered in her eyes.

“No.” You didn’t know why you were shocked, but you were. She hadn’t gone through with it? Why? What had happened in Santa Barbara? Yet, even despite all your shock, you don’t know what you would’ve thought if she did go through with it. “Can we go to sleep?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” The two of you walked to your old bedroom awkwardly, but when you felt her next to you in bed, it was as if it all melted away. She pulled you in close to her, her arms wrapped tightly around your waist as she breathed in the scent of your clothes. She had missed this—missed you—but she didn’t know how to say that. She hoped you could tell by the way she held you.

Sleeping next to Ellie again brought two fears forward for you: one, that she’d wake up and leave again, and two, how bad her night terrors would be. Ellie stirred a few times in her sleep, speaking and moving around a bit, but no screaming. Your other fear didn’t come true, either, because when you woke up in the morning she was still holding you.

Ellie was a vision when you first laid eyes on her, and as much as she still is, she's different now. Something broken and dark has settled within her, and you don’t know what to do about it. The first few days she’s back home are awkward and quiet. You only spoke to each other when you needed to as the silence made itself the newest member of your family. While you stayed inside the house reading, cleaning every now and then, sleeping to pass the hours, Ellie stayed outside. She tinkered with things that needed fixing around the house, took care of the animals, watered the plants, anything to not be in the house. She would hardly look at you, and the only time she touched you was when she held you to go to sleep. It was like you didn’t exist. In some way you found that to be more painful than having to deal with her absence while she was away. You didn’t know what to do. You felt so hopeless and alone despite having Ellie back. She made you feel like an unwanted guest. She wouldn’t say anything about what happened either. The mystery of those events haunted you. You started having nightmares of all the things that could’ve possibly happened to her, each one more frightening than the next. However, what you wanted to know more than anything, was why she didn’t go through with it. She had made avenging Joel her life mission, and then she discarded it? Why? It’s not that you were disappointed and felt she needed to exact her revenge, you were just confused.

That night you had gone to bed earlier than usual as you stared up at the ceiling lost in thought. You heard her footsteps on the creaking floor before she entered the room, the covers rustling as she climbed in them and tried to pull you close. You pushed her hands away and turned around to face the other direction which seemed to confuse her.

“What’s wrong?” she said.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” you asked. “You won’t even look at me, and this is the only time you touch me. It makes me feel like a pathetic lost puppy just waiting for you.”

“Look, I’m just trying to sort through my thoughts.”

“And that justifies you ignoring me?”

“I’m going through a tough time right now,” she said defensively. You sat up in bed and faced the wall, staring at the chipping paint. You couldn’t believe her right now.

“You’re going through a tough time, Ellie? Really? You’re so fucking full of it.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so goddamn needy. What are you going through, [Y/N]? Huh? Tell me. What is it that’s going on in your perfect little life that’s so bad?” You whipped your head around to look at her.

“You left me in the middle of the night! You left without a goddamn word to hunt down Abby in another state for months. I never knew if I was gonna see you again while I was stuck here on the farm all alone.” You were so angry with her right now. You tried to be understanding, you tried to be there for her, but you could only do so much for a person who didn’t want to accept your kindness.

“That’s your fucking problem, [Y/N],” she spat venmously. You saw her eyebrows furrowed together, and that’s how you knew she was really angry.

“Yeah? What is it? Tell me since you know every-fucking-thing.”

“You are just a stupid lost puppy. You’re not as smart as you think you are and you have no backbone. If you were smart you would’ve left me the moment I disappeared.” You knew she was just saying that to hurt you and get under your skin. She used to do that in the past. This was her way of pushing you away: her favorite defense mechanism.

“I stayed because I love you, Ellie. I couldn’t just leave.”

“That’s your other problem,” she said. “Loving me is another mistake you made along with marrying me.”

“How could you say that?” you asked her. “I just want to be there for you but you don’t make it easy.”

“Because I don’t deserve your kindness. I don’t deserve any of it. Nothing. I’m a disgusting, awful human being and I have no place to expect anything from the world or you.”

“We’ve all done terrible things, Ellie.” You shook your head as you stared at her. Her cheeks were flushed from her rage, but more than anything she looked tired. It hurts you to see her like this. Who was she? Where was the girl you used to know? The reality of it all made you tear up.

“Not you,” she said. “You’re nothing like me. I don’t want to ruin you with how—how dirty my hands are.”

“You won’t.”

“You weren’t there. I don’t know who I was in Santa Barbara; Seattle was just the tip of the iceberg.”

“So why don’t you enlighten me then?” You were tired of the back and forth with her. You just wanted answers, and she slowly provided them. She told you about the Rattlers, about Abby, the fight, how she lost her fingers, all of it. When she got to telling you about the fight, that’s when she broke down.

“And I saw her there, carrying that kid, and she—she looked just like Joel. Goddammit, she looked just like him. All I could think about was how she probably looked the way Joel did when he protected me.” She wiped the tears away from her eyes, but they kept streaming down her cheeks. “And if I killed her? That fucking kid would just come after me. It would be endless.” She broke down into sobs, and it was then that you had enough. You scooted over and pulled her into your arms. She cried into your shoulder as you moved your hands through her hair.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” you said to her. “It’s okay. You did the right thing.”

“I know,” she sobbed. “I know. It’s what Joel would’ve wanted me to do. I miss him. I miss my dad.” She continued sobbing, her tears soaking up your shirt.

“I know, baby.”

“I just don’t want to lose you like everyone else. I just love you so much.”

“I know, honey, I love you, too.”

“Please tell me you forgive me. I want things to be the way they were before. I want to be the person you used to know. I know I’ve been so horrible.”

“I forgive you. I always do.”

“Marrying you was the best thing I ever did. I’m sorry I said those things.”

“You’ve always done that sort of thing as a defense mechanism. I saw through you, but you still pissed me off. You’re so hard headed, I bet you’re half-rock.”

“Shut up,” she laughed. “What would I do without you?”

“Be so hard-headed that you turn into an actual rock.”

“I’m gonna beat your ass.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m gonna get you some water, then we’re gonna go to sleep, okay?” You felt her nod her head against your shoulder before pulling away so you could get her water. You took a look at her face and saw how red and puffy her eyes were, but she was still so beautiful. You leaned in and placed a small kiss on her cheek. She closed her eyes and accepted the gesture before opening them as you pulled away. You went down the stairs carefully to the kitchen, grabbing the nearest glass and filling it with water. When you returned to the room you found her still sitting on the bed waiting for you. You handed her the glass, and she accepted it willingly. You slid into bed beside her and rested your head on her shoulder. This time she gave you a kiss on the top of your head.

“Come here,” she said, placing the glass on her bedside table. “I’ve missed you so much.” She pulled you into her arms quickly and ran her hands all over your body. “I love you. Always. I’m so sorry for the mean things I said. You’re so patient with me. I don’t know if I even deserve that.”

“I think you do.”

“I’m tired,” she said, then pulled you to lay down next to her.

“Hey!” you said in surprise. She held you so close like she never wanted to let you go. You shifted to try and lay down in a more comfortable position, but she just squeezed you even tighter.

“No. Don’t move. Just lay with me.”

“At least let me lay down comfortably.”

“Fine,” she said. She let you out of her arms just long enough to get comfortable before pulling you back in again. “Do you remember that night we had that dance in Jackson?” she asked.

“I do. How could I forget?” you replied. Your head may have been buried in her chest, listening to her steady heartbeat, but you could tell she was smiling.

“I thought about that night whenever I needed strength. It kept me going. It’s one of my best memories, and in that moment I knew I was gonna marry you one day.”

“You’re being quite romantic.”

“Happy wife, happy life,” she said. You laughed at that.

“Well, your wife wants to go to sleep now, so good night.”

“Good night,” she whispered, petting your hair to lull you to sleep. That night you slept better than you had in months.

#tlou #tlou2 #tlou x reader #ellie williams #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader #ellie the last of us #the last of us ellie #the last of us #the last of us ii

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85-rend · 2 months

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hi it’s me, the person who thinks completely normal thoughts about lethal company. Anyway if you have employee oc’s, what is there role in actual moon looting, and how do they treat eachother in the ship. Also do they have a fave piece of loot and least fave monster?

I have 4 employees, a whole crew, so this might get a bit long :)

Fifty-Six :

"Human" (absolutely not)

Ship captain! has the most experience of the whole crew (they've been here way longer than anyone else. longer than anyone could survive this job)

Maybe a little too happy about the job. takes it very seriously

Prefers to go alone hates taking equipment bc it takes up space they could use for something else

prides itself on efficiency . has everything down to a system

looks scary but they're actually pretty nice and soft (both figuratively and literally)

pretty secretive, mostly lying through omission . doesn't like to talk about themself

doesnt like to be seen without the suit and helmet on. it has to happen eventually but it hates it, raises too many questions. it can try to look more human but its not perfect.

has a tier list in its head of every single piece of scrap for deciding priority of what to take back to the ship. it has a second tier list for if it gets hungry

huge soft spot for cute things. likes rubber ducks and plushies and things like that . will make exceptions in it's efficiency and priorities to take them even if they're low worth

Feels like they need to be doing something with their hands constantly

really likes Zachary, they're very close. doesn't want anything to happen to it... will agree to go together with Zachary despite usually preferring to go alone

likes Elliot, she's alright, she works hard. thinks she's a bit too reckless and hard on herself

alright with Morgan. they don't entirely get along but it's not too bad so it's alright . he notices the weird looks Morgan gives him, no clue what that's about.

Zachary :

Masked picked up from Rend after it tried to hide in a ship and the autopilot left

got "hired" by The Company. it doesn't like this. but it doesn't have a choice

it promises promises PROMISES it won't infect its coworkers. but it wants to so bad. it wants to help them. but it won't.

TERRIFIED of The Company building. absolutely refuses to leave the ship there. Fifty let's this slide, it doesn't mind having to carry some extra scrap to the desk

absolutely refuses to wear the helmets, its uncomfortable and its worried it'll get scratched or something . its fine without it,if that was going to hurt them it would've a long time ago

needs to go with someone in the facilities, becomes very distressed if alone for too long

it'll take equipment if asked, but it often forgets to use things like walkie talkies. it also struggles using it (it has a hard time with the buttons and small things like keys are really hard for it to hold)

hates this job and wants to leave but its scared of what would happen

very touch starved and having no other maskeds around has been effecting it.. (if it does see other maskeds on the moons it'll follow them around instead of its crew)

it wants to be closer with the others, at least El and Morgan are cautious around it. they dont really trust it much

El trusts it more at least, if 56 cant go with it it'll usually goes with her instead (also because Morgan usually stays in the ship but if they do go in still Zachary will more likely go with Elliot)

Morgan doesn't trust it much, they've dealt with maskeds before

Fifty-Six on the other hand, Zachary REALLY likes him. he doesn't mind it being around and hes nice to it

Zachary is like the first of the crew to have seen 56 without his helmet after it found him with it like completely torn apart. it was really worried about him, scared it got hurt. 56 was alright though dont worry

Elliot :

ACTUALLY a human

mostly goes by El instead of Elliot

youngest of the crew, not much experience but good with a shovel

pretty confident going in the facility, will often lead or even go alone. but absolutely CANNOT deal with coil-heads or nutcrackers. all that confidence goes away when they have to

he has automatonophobia and scopophobia. terrible combination to have here if im being honest

helmet is slightly dented after she tried running from a thumper and slammed into a metal pipe (did get away from it, shes still alive obviously . but that did hurt)

his nose was like broken before, never healed the same so its kinda crooked (this was before being at The Company, probably from getting in a fight as a teenager)

he tends to be kind of hard on himself, very apologetic when he makes any sort of mistakes.

his hair feels like shit. its been like bleached to hell so its all brittle and shit

none of the crew have anything against El but they did agree that if anything happens shes dies first (they have not agreed on what "anything happens" or "dies" entails though)

respects 56 a lot, almost exclusively refers to it as 'captain' . nobody else really cares about that, its just El who does that

trusts Zachary more than Morgan does, still cautious because she knows what it can do but believes it that its not going to do that

El and Morgan are rlly cool with each other. she likes to listen to them talk about whatever, they know a lot about stuff and El thinks thats cool

Morgan :

also actually human

mostly does ship duty but does also go in the facility sometimes, pretty good at it.

also takes the job seriously, not as much as 56 though. just wants to be safe, make sure nobody gets killed

they were on a different crew before this one. it didn't end well..

very dry and kind of snippy, they do care though just arent good at showing it

they kinda rlly seem like an asshole but will open up to people sometimes it just takes a while

very interested in xenobiology, got the job to get to observe the moons wildlife more directly. theyre fine with doing the rest of it though

really good at dealing with the creatures because of that

despite not being the fighter of the group they have taken down nutcrackers before, El will not so they deal with that instead.

only one on the ship who actually has first aid training. usually is the one to have to deal with that. only ever seen Elliot and Zachary get hurt though, Fifty-Six is somehow always fine

very suspicious of Fifty-Six, knows something's up with him but doesn't say anything because they don't wanna start shit with whatever kind of alien beast it is

cautious as hell around Zachary, doesn't like to be alone with it. they've seen what maskeds do to people and they don't like it.

but they've never actually interacted with a masked for so long so it's.. an interesting experience at least. there's not much documented about them so this is the most they've gotten to know about maskeds

Elliot and Morgan are chill, Morgan will often talk to her about different things. she's a good listener.

#oc: fifty-six #oc: zachary #oc: elliot #oc: morgan #i haven't shown Elliot much yet and Morgan doesnt have a design finished yet #so that's why y'all havent rlly seen either of them yet but they are there #(Morgan was the guy i did not have a name for. they finally do now)#oc ask box #also this got way longer than i expected it too . oops lol #lc oc rambles

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gold-rhine · 10 months

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Ok since you are sick what do you think other characters like when they are sick too? completely pass out, be grumpy, clingy etc etc. characters are ur pick but we can go with heizou, dehya and kaeya for a start

heizou takes any opportunity to show himself as weak and invite others to take care of him, esp when it doesn't involve being taken hostage by criminals. but bc he comes off as too enthusiastic and energetic about it, others don't really take it seriously and treat it as a joke, so he laughs it up too and crawls away. i get a vibe of him subsisting on purely energy drinks and fast food take out from heizou, so i think after he just curls up in nest of blankets and nibbles on like doritos, wishing someone would make him chicken soup and pet his hair. otherwise, i think if someone would take care of him, he'd be a v well behaved and do everything asked of him, but you can't leave him alone to like rest, bc he will follow you like a cat

dehya acts like she's super tough and tries not to show she's sick at all and just go on as usual, but she's very bad at lying and also very expressive, so it's very easy to see through her facade. when asked to go take care of herself, will try to resist and argue that she's fine, its no big deal, but will fold if pressed by some she likes\respects. like, candace would give her a stern look and dehya would go rest, grumbling that she was threatened with bodily harm and there's nothing to fuss about

when kaeya's sick, he doesn't show it at all, mb being less active, but if asked, he'll claim he is just bored and being lazy. if he's too sick that it's visible and he can't poker face it, he won't tell anyone, hide in his place and booby trap the door, god forbid someone sees him not being hottest person in the grocery store at 4 am. afterwards, he will also not tell anyone he's been sick, and if asked about absence, will pretend that he was just slacking off or doing some shady shit, depending on who asked.

but, if he has like some bullshit "illness", like he cut his finger or throat is a little sore, he'll overplay it and be super annoying about it in everyone's face. he'd be like "Jean, how could you tell me to go on patrol right now? I'm a dying man, Jean. You want me to spend my last remaining hours on something so horribly unromantic as patrolling with Huffman? I can't believe you're being so cruel."

this is partly due to his younger sibling little shit energy and partly a strategy to make sure no one is worried about him when he's actually sick, bc they think that if he's this annoying about papercuts, he'd be so much more vocal if something actually bad happened, so if he's not saying anything, then he's fine

#rhine talks

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uldren-sov · 4 months

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AHEM. HEM! FAVOURITES, TATTOO, HERO, LYRICS, PLS AND THANK YOU (MS CAMY ROSE CALL ME)

omg!!!! tyty for the questions!!!! ms camy rose is free on thursday night....

Favourites: Which song of the band’s is your MC’s favourite? Which is the fan-favourite?

So I chose the title Wasted Desires as the fan fave. It's THE ONE LOVE SONG on the whole album The Gambit that talks about the love lost from her and Seven's actual breakup and the regret in how it ended. And OF COURSE the fans latch onto it, of COURSE it's their favorite, she kind of hates that its their favorite, she does not want Seven to be any more responsible for her success than he already was. She needs to prove to herself that she can do it alone and more than that she needs to prove it to him. So while he still colors a lot of inspiration in her songs, this is one of the few times she sang about him more directly and it's annoying that the fans love it. (Whether or not it's due to the fact that the lyrics are just better bc they're more authentic, or because they just love drama, WHO'S TO SAY but it could really go either way.) and im SO BAD WITH SONGS. But I think maybe the first song they did without Seven is her favorite, not because it was necessarily good, it wasn't, but after writing and rewriting and moments the effort of holding back the tears meant there was no energy left to sing with, but she did it anyways. She stuck it out and stuck her pieces back together for herself and for The Band - because they're relying on her they're the ones who need her and they threw the weight of their dreams onto her shoulders and her shoulders alone - and she knew at least that it only gets easier from then on. Or so she hopes :)

Tattoo: Did they keep the tattoo with Seven’s initials? Why/why not? What was that decision/execution process like? (Bonus: What do they think of Seven keeping their tattoo?)

She did! But she almost didn't!! Because it wasn't only The Vote, it was The Fight, where she and Seven said some unforgivable (at the time) things to each other, and then Seven ghosts her for like a month. So that means, to her, that he cuts all communication but he also doesn't come back home to her (probably staying with his mom again) and the next time she sees him he's halfway through packing his things away in boxes, with him being unwilling to work anything out they fought again (bc that's all they were good for at that point), and he says if only she could have come back when he was done - with nothing left but the spare key slipped under the door. So her knee-jerk reaction was to get rid of everything else, including the tattoo. She booked the appointment and everything before she realized she was being just as impulsive as he was. She told herself to think on it before she did anything (or anyone) as a rebound from all this hurt - she wouldn't sink to Seven's level and risk hurting herself more if only to have the chance to hurt him. So she cancelled the appointment, promising to revisit it on a later day. But then she didn't. Other tattoos help now that she can get them without holding his hand and by the time she considers it again, the significance of the tattoo is as much a headstone as it is a shrine to what their relationship was. And on her lowest nights she kisses it, to try and get any kind of spark of the love she had and has never known again. She misses him and is willing to forgive him some things... but not everything. She never expected Seven to keep his, not with how he acted, not with how hurt he was, not with how viciously he broke up with her. It's almost incomprehensible and is completely at odds with how she thought he would act. Despite her better judgment she's hopeful...

Hero: What is their favourite thing about G? Why is your MC such a big fan?

(Funnily enough I have Griffin, because Gina was an ex bestie I had in HS that did me REAL dirty so I still hate the name Gina lmaooo) Probably the nostalgia lmao. She was a HUGE fan of Misfit Alley and especially when she was that young she was like "if G can do it, I can do it." (Which was, I'm sure, the marketing point they were selling) So G really helped her steel herself when it came to how nervous and uncertain she was when she and Seven were in HS and thinking they were crazy for even considering starting a band. So she tried to see herself in G, manifest that kind of success, and fall back on that idolatry when she just didn't have the confidence in herself (which was often back then.) When no one else got/gets me I know G got/gets me. - Camila Rodriguez-Rose, age 16 The fact that she had a HUGE crush too didn't hurt lolol. NOW though it's so wild and interesting to think about G as a person and strangely enough on such a similar wavelength, the few times they were able to be alone with one another. G talking about how many different versions of himself are in other people's minds, talking about how he's the villain in people's stories, struck her to her core in a way that she has not been able to feel in a long time. The fact that such sentiment, that she can relate to, is coming from G fucking "Reign" is so wild to her that she almost can't believe it. But she certainly believes it when she keeps finding similarities between them and felt the way she did when they sang together...

Lyrics: What are some songs you associate with your character? Any specific lyrics that really scream your character?

SO IM SO BAD AT MUSIC but I want to thank @sotc for giving me songs that made them think of Camy lmao bc otherwise I wouldn't know what to put here lolol I should really get better at this for a music-based IF but here's the two: Uffie – Papercuts generally and Stupid Girl - Garbage

EDIT: I just thought about one of Camy's like "voice claim" bands and this actually really fits: Roots - In This Moment: You wanna know why I like the pain you say There's some sick part of me thankful for the hate I stay positive and I push forward ya see I gotta do the right thing for my family So I smile and say that the world is just fine As these fucking parasites eat up my spine So I ask you once and I ask you again Where do your roots start and where do your roots end

#Ask meme answers #OC: Camy Rose #Infamous oC #BLEH this got long but im just INSPIRED lolol so <333 tyty again for the questions!!

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fallowtail · 1 year

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thinking about hetty again what else is new. putting it under a read more because i feel bad i keep spamming the tag with long posts about my blorbo lol

sorry if none of this makes any sense or is cohesive i'm just rambling ok but i just (clenches fist) the fact they decided to let hetty feel realistic in her place as an upper class victorian woman...(throwing her at the wall) they could have been easy and made her a rich white upper class woman who was still a feminist despite her complete lack of life experience outside the confines of her home, but instead they made her truly feel like she came from her class and stature and i LOVE it. she is so so so fundamentally and deeply flawed

she's awful to people she perceives as below her and she's manipulative and desperate for power and to feel like she's in control and she wants to boss the other ghosts around, and she wasn't a woman who was interested in the idea of feminism because she had no exposure to any other world view than the one she was entrenched in and praised and rewarded for (outside of her direct family situation...we can all agree she was not being rewarded by elias lol) so it didn't even click as an option for her, let alone really even having much awareness of the concept.

she hated how her husband treated her but didn't necessarily think it was wrong of him to be doing so (which we find out from her interaction with molly) bc why would it be, that's just the way things were! we see this "its just the way things were" mindset as well with how hetty is able to bring herself to extend the olive branch to elias despite how much she hates him, because if she is being offered a chance to learn to be good than well...doesn't he deserve that too? until he tells her to fuck off essentially and she immediately, well, we all know what she does with that information lol (i almost wish he hadnt gone down on us so soon after his introduction though, because...would she have kept trying? i think maybe she might have.)

she's managed to get to a place where she realizes how she lived her life was bad and that she's in "purgatory" for a reason, and she realizes that she wants to change and be good, but she struggles with it because she doesn't have any frame of reference to know what about her behavior was bad, and what it was she was doing that made her an awful person. she just doesn't know until someone directly tells her because she has no frame of reference to know these things, and a lot of the times the other ghosts...don't tell her. you get the idea that, up until sam showed up, the other ghosts didn't actually do much to explain things to her, they just get annoyed that she doesn't get it, they roll their eyes because that's just how hetty is, but when stuff actually gets explained to her (sam + flower + alberta, usually) she is able to digest it and we get to watch her very slowly develop empathy and sympathy for other people, even if it takes her some time to get there and if she doesn't fully connect the dots right away.

there's such an interesting plot thread with hetty of the duality of living within a place of privilege and imprisonment at the same time and how that shaped her, and now that she's being exposed to other concepts, to other worldviews, to being able to interact with people outside of her social bubble, she is interested in them, but is repeatedly dragged back down by years of social conditioning (example: the scene where she tells flower not to let pete treat her badly, that she doesn't want to spend her afterlife continuing to forgive the sins of the men in her life, but then continues to do that exact same thing over and over again) because change isn't linear and by god is hetty woodstone walking a wobbly line and looping herself around in circles while she tries to figure it out.

hetty was/is screaming about the yellow wallpaper but instead of tearing herself apart she took it out on everyone else around her, specifically her employees (#girlboss!) because she was in a position to do so with little to no consequences, it was what was expected of her, and it would be the only actual sense of control she had, and she enjoyed it. in the newest episode hetty comes to the conclusion that sam is correct and that you can't treat modern workers that way, in a showcase of how she only ever kind of gets it- the lesson there was that "hetty, treating people like that is (was) wrong period", but she always gets stuck filtering the lesson through the social expectations of her time. she's trying, and making an effort, but she struggles to fully get there, especially when it concerns her own past bad behaviors and isn't something that can bring her a sense of pleasure.

WHEW. hetty woodstone, good lord. what a character.

#sorry i keep clogging the tag with these posts im going through it #cbs ghosts #z #i just. hetty. man #i love that rebecca thinks these things as well i love that all the things i spiral over are acting choices that are deliberate #if u ever wanna talk to me about these characters btw my dms are open #especially hetty if you have things to add bc i am NOT very good at character analysis and would love to hear more

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yuukei-yikes · 1 year

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What are your thoughts on Haruaya friendship? I wish it was explored more in canon

they are so best friends and the gossipy crush talk they forced on ayano and takane in canon really truly belongs to ayano and haruka. *shakes fist* i completely agree. they deserved so much more focus together:( i understand why they didn't cuz there's a lot going on but Man what a wasted opportunity

especially post str heheheheheheheheheheh cuz i can go crazy insane in this setting god bless post str. with shintaro and takane and their fucked up insane codependency haruka and ayano understand each other's struggles a little bit. i think haruka would be the one to talk ayano into therapy LOLLLL cuz like!!! she is trying to keep herself together for her siblings bc they were alone for so long and she wants them to be able to let go and let her take care of things but girl... LIKE AYANO UM SHE IS DEPRESSED. she literally committed suicide and ya it was cuz of a plan but also *plays additional memory* and also both her parents died. like her parents are deadddd and she LOVED THEMMMM and she has to act like a big sister bc shes been away this whole time and feels like such a failure and like she abandoned her siblings and ON TOP OF ALL THIS SHE JUMPED INTO A RELATIONSHIP WAY TOO QUICKLY AND HER BOYFRIEND IS A MAJOR DICKHEAD so she kinda. feels like she has no right being upset abt the family stuff bc she truly feels like she's abandoned her siblings all this time and needs to be strong and do her part so she is like Basically the only reason i am sad is shintaro doesnt pay attention to me (it is 1000% not the only reason and she knows it). she is depressed in general, traumatized, feels like a failure of a big sister and a girlfriend. #slay

takane keeps relationship therapying her and shintaro per ayanos own request bc takane is the only one able to talk sense into shintaro when he's being a total ass which is like a weekly thing. and ayano is accidentally growing to resent takane because whyyyy is SHE the one who can talk sense into shintaro and not her. cant he see ayano is trying her best!!!!!! its not fair!!!!!!!! and she remembers all this stuff she thinks abt her being no good for shintaro bc he needs someone to drive him and how takane felt called out to the point of staying with him all that time and now it's still like this and ayanos like. ohhhh my god. what if he likes her and not me. takane is clearly better for shintaro than me. BUT ITS NOT FAIR I LIKE HIM MORE *silly girl moment* the whole thing sounds like stupid hs crush crap because thats exactly what it is minus the hs and plus the trauma so ayano also feels incredibly stupid bc she's like god there are bigger issues and im here being jealous over a boy. but she cant help it. and also its like she was rly robbed of her silly crush time because she was so busy fucking investigating her dad trying to kill her family and friends. so its like she mentally relaxed a little bit and unconsciously focusing on stupid things out of spite for this. like dammit. so what if i want to be fucking irrational and be jealous of takane. it's just such an easy feeling to feel. its so much easier to hurt over this than everything else. so she's really jealous even if its super stupid ayano is utterly jealous of takane. AND THATS WHERE HARUKA COMES IN

ayano going to haruka cuz aren't YOU jealous and haruka's like well yeah a little but lol ayano u should talk to shintaro instead of me abt this issue. and ayanos like hehe No. SIT WITH ME AND DO MY NAILS♥️ and haruka's like 😐... hehe ok😊

they kind of find this middle ground. ayano intended to go to haruka bc if anyone understands its him but haruka.... the thing with haruka is that he doesnt rly entertain the jealousy thought and he's rather like yeah this is just a very convoluted relationship dynamic all 4 of us need to work on♥️ and ayanos like EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?!?!IN OUR QUARTET!?!? AND ITS NOT ME!?!?!??!*spirals again* and it kind of. forces her to look at things differently. i dont wanna make it sound like haruka is completely out of the unhealthy bit i could go in detail for instances where haruka shows to be pretty perceptive of the ppl around him but maybe another time. so he totally realises the dynamic going on and he talks to takane abt it but he's all like. "BUT ITS OK TAKANE I UNDERSTAND WHY ITS HAPPENING AND I JUST WANT U TO BE COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY DONT WORRY ABOUT ME OKAY BABY STEPS ♥️ how about one night you sleep over with me and the rest u sleep at shintaro's. oh you also wanna bring him over when we should be alone? THATS OKAY LIKE I SAID BABY STEPS♥️(slowly going crazy)" like he's very much aware but also a little (very) spineless and like ayano well he is also jealous at the end of the day. but unlike ayano being like WHY NOT MEEEEE WHY HERRRRRR haruka is more like. terrified of takane breaking up with him. bc he knows if it came down to making takane choose between him and shintaro she would say shintaro. he'd rather have every date with takane bringing shintaro than not have any dates at all. so hes scared that if he presses the issue takane will be like byeeeee (she wouldnt but haruka is so. yknow takane is super best friends with the dan and the whole thing with shintaro and etc and harukas like what the fuck does she see in me) (harutaka are so insane they feel so undeserving of each other but ill go on abt that probably some other time)

SO yeah he is aware but approaches the situation with painful painful painful hesitance and kid gloves which. doesnt really DO that much. like he brings it up enough that takane is aware its an issue at least but shes also so much like nahhhhhhh whaaaaat shintaro and i codependentttt naaaah ur craaaazy and harukas like haha yeah it was silly. *both know its true and sit there awkwardly* and then takane can be like yeah ok sorry we'll work on it but its difficult bc she needs the help of a third to tell her what to do very firmly like she needs haruka to be like DONT bring shintaro over or else i just wont hang out with you but ofc haruka isnt gonna do that but if takane doesnt have that she'll just keep talking herself out of the problem and haruka is completely like. YEAH ITS OK IF U SAY ITS OK (DONT BREAK UP WITH ME PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEEE DONT DUMP ME) its also difficult to talk abt bc haruka doesnt wanna say it in front of shintaro and his ass is ALWAYS THERE

erm. oh yeah haruka and ayano. yeah they clearly find a bit of comfort in each other during this lol but what i originally wanted to go into before getting sidetracked with the shintaro and takane circus was that haruka kinda also talks ayano into talking abt her other issues about her siblings and parents bc he's like yeah all this shintaro stuff on top of all ur family stuff... and ayano's like MY FAMILY STUFF *breaks down*

because. no one else had pointed it out before. ayano thinks she is totally undeserving of mourning before her siblings can. idk if that makes sense. like ofc she can be sad but not sadder than her siblings, she has to be strong, and she feels like such a failure because her siblings are used to rock and rolling by themselves by now and shintaro wont open up to her and basically ayano is sitting there like. i need someone to need me so bad but no one seems to need me but in case anyone suddenly DOES need me then i am 1000% available. so i cant cry abt my parents clearly :3 and for haruka to casually bring up "yeah ur going through a lot with this and that" ayano feels so validated bc its truly the first time someone realises and says it and if he is saying that then it means she isnt selfish and a horrible person for daring to be sad. and she feels so ashamed bc haruka is someone she had also failed to protect back then but he comforts her and takes care of her and tells her its ok and everything she is feeling is completely valid. also they both cry together abt kenjirou bc haruka also loved him as a dad. *goes crazy*

anyways lol she starts therapy👍

they have 0 self confidence. they think they can smile their way out of emotional constipation. they can't bring up an issue without immediately chickening out. they are best friends forever.

#ask tag #headcanons #went a lil crazy with this one.#ayashin divorce #<- counts in this tag tbh

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adellovesrowan · 1 year

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YOU CANT JUST POST BANGER ART AND NOT EXPECT US TO WANT A DETAILED ANALYSIS OF THEIR LORE, CHARACTER ARCS AND STORYLINES (jk jk no pressure obv and this is all lighthearted but i'd LOVE to hear you out on the death is life au)

GJFKGJSKFJMD ANON THATS SO SWEET 🥺🥺 <333

ok well. permission to ramble just a bit JDHDKJS

in case anyones new or couldnt tell, the characters here are rowan (they/them pls !) and adel (my mc, she/her)

both grew up very lonely. adel had no one back home but herself, and rowan had a huge family who all collectively look down on them. these two found each other and suddenly the world feels a little lighter and brighter. theyr inseparable

adel grew up not knowing about the genetical curse she has from her (dead) mother, called the suanggi. its a spiritual parasite that is acquired by a ritual, and unfortunately it passes genetically. its a parasite because the curse works by touching the target and absorbing the magic in them for yourself, rendering them weak and helpless. like a vampire for a wizard's magic.

the khannas have this tradition for their firstborn babies, where a tree from their tree farm "calls" for the firstborn baby, like a wand calling for their owner, and that tree shall later provide wood for the firstborn's wand and also be their name.

the rowan tree that called for rowan happens to contain magic so strong that unusual sparks of magic formed when baby rowan touched the wood. rowan wands are known for its accurate protection magic, and exclusively wielded by good-hearted protectors. just like how rowan protected their friends :)

rowan has always been there for adel, but slowly adel starts drifting away. and rowan misses her so much that it hurts. its like a limb being slowly torn away from their body. one night in a forest grove, rowan took a bullet for adel and her friends and died to save them. the magic from the rowan tree prevented rowan from completely dying, but they are also not completely alive. a ghost, if you will.

adel was absolutely destroyed. like i can write pages about her grief but basically her world will never be the same anymore. she leaves the forest, not knowing that rowan has been trying to talk to her. but she cant hear them from the other side of this plane of existence. they have nowhere else to go.

rowans glowing tree branch looking scars are thanks to the magic of the rowan tree. but as rowan died, so did the rowan tree back in the khanna farms. one of the khannas saw the tree rapidly dying and losing its magic, and no one knew what it meant except for rowans grandmother, who needed time to process such an early death of her own.

adel later finds her brother who she longed for. she fought and sacrificed so much to find him, if only to find a sense of normalcy and love by bringing him back. but her brother forced out the curse in her and attempted to kill her. by hugging her. which is fucked up and it drives me insane bc thats the one thing adel has longed for for years and once she gets it she will die bc of it

but her unstable suanggi allows the magic to fuck up the absorbtion, causing her brother to die instead via magic explosion from absorbing too much of the same suanggi magic. hence the blood splattes in adels piece. adels once again left completely alone in this world. she has nowhere else to go.

rowan could not leave the tree they died beside. for a year or so, theyve just been roaming the forest grove all alone, hoping for company. but ever since their death, no students were allowed to go to that area, once again leaving them a lonely spirit in this world.

until their spirit sensed a great loss that they cant understand. it pulls them down to the ground as they hurt and wail, haunting the forest with their cries of grief.

hearing rowans cries, adel immediately flew to the forest grove, a place she actively avoided ever since that night. rowan immediately sensed adels presence, and adel (no longer mortal) could finally see them. upon seeing each other again, both realise they do have somewhere to go.

no one knows what happened to adel, as she was kidnapped by r and the whole thing happened. and no one knew how adel basically died that night. search parties were sent out, but no one knows that she remains in the deeper parts of the forbidden forest with her partner, both mourned over but are quite alive together.

bonus:

as a ghost, rowan cant touch anything. which saddens them a lot when they tried to hold a feather quill that went straight through them. they will heavily miss writing and reading and feeling adels arms and hugs and. a lot of things

but being with adel helps them. not just emotionally but also bc adels presence as a suanggi attracts the magic in the forest and it comes gathering around their little hut like a fog. and being around such thick magic helps rowan slowly regain a more tangible form.

its been a few years since they both reunited, and rowan never stopped practicing and hoping they can finally hold this quill. sometimes they get upset and frustrated, but adels always there to help them calm down.

one day, rowan got to feel adels warmth again.

#GOES CRAZY RRRAAAAGGHHHGHGHHH #im SO sorry this is long ahahhhh #rowan khanna #adel young #rowan x mc #rowan x adel #death is life au #asks #anon #mine

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some-mari-thoughts · 1 year

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Hi... have you ever thought about a aftermath of bad ending?

Hello! never TOO much regarding the whole gang, but as my URL implies.. Guardian spirit Mari/ghost aspect is absolutely covered, haha.

So, suicide TW from there on. I'll cover what meagre thoughts i have on the gang first and then my brain rot <3

Okay, Obviously bad ending is Bad Ending and likely messes up everyone severely. I am not sure how strained everyone already felt with the aftermath of the fight, but surely Aubrey, Kel, Hero and ESPECIALLY Basil will all be severely impacted by Sunny's silent suicide. There wasn't even a goodbye.

Basil.. I'm sure he's gonna take the first opportunity he gets to end his own life as well. He almost made peace with not being alive that day, but that just surely finished off all of his doubts. I don't think he'd even try to make an effort to tell everyone the truth or talk otherwise. Why would he? or maybe he'd tell them about Mari bc he has nothing to protect anymore, except maybe easing their minds a little. He doesn't care about himself after all, he's gonna be dead anyway. He won't speak about their fight.

Aubrey might count herself at fault partially, due to how she met Sunny with threats and fighting, and so did her friends. She might see herself responsible for how the 3 days he spent outside were a shitshow (its not like he himself was barely stumbling abt and taking on most ridiculous tasks, and yk. Basil's everything). Basil dying doesnt help. Truth will not help either. She just doesn't understand why'd Basil speak up Now.

Hero will feel responsible. He hasn't got over the previous suicide, and he hasn't been there for her brother at all, and now he is gone too. And he is too broken for the one who's surely going next. He will try to alert Polly but that will be all. I don't know how he will react. I simply don't get him enough.

Kel.... Kel brought Sunny out. He doesn't know if it was for better or worse, but if he thinks of the suicide as a consequence of Basil fight that night, well, he is at fault. He's the one who made them interact so much and brought them to stay that night, even though Hero initiated the idea (i think?). He isn't exactly blamed by anybody, but this is a lot to overthink about, and that's what he does. I don't think he keeps his drive or decisiveness. World is kinda crumbling around him and he can fight that only so much.

Now ^^ ghost matters

Trivia recap: Mari as a Guardian is tied to Sunny(alive) and the Truth, and is automatically freed if either is failed/completed. Ghosts appearing as a result of suicide are tied to the place of their death, fixed in the moment of death, their life, or a dream hardly interrupted by the world around them. They might feel more hazy than the ghosts who are free since this sort of fixed unkind to them scenery is really likely to cause them more problems than they already have. (that makes wilderness deaths most lucky.. as lucky as you can call them)

Sunny is tied to the hospital. which has many ghosts, so he's not as alone as he otherwise would be. He is also somewhat Omori. He is also somewhat indifferent to Mari, who is heartbroken. He roams the hospital, or stands outside sometimes. Mari visits him at night. by day she's at Basil's. Omori tends to sit and imagine spending time with his friends for hours and sometimes days. His world is complete. His world is lonely. His world is both crowded and quiet and utterly indifferent to him. He doesn't care much. He likes when Sunny's sister comes around. They can watch stars together. It sucks he can't introduce her to his friends and big sis. She usually isn't around for that, or doesn't follow him there. Shame.

Mari... she's free, but she doesn't want it to be. not like that. She might eventually suggest all three of the ghosts go into slumber til called (Sunny's rest is most peaceful - no one is there to find him. even less so Omori)

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blueiight · 1 year

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So on the show, Claudia wants specifically to find other vampire companions and doesn't seem to want to enter human society anyways? And Book! Armand was a teenager himself so I find it weird that she wouldn't be able to find that being just marginally younger. It'll be interesting to see how and why she develops a distrust of Armand cause theoretically that sort of vampire community is exactly what she was searching for and wanted Louis to leave with her to find.

well books wise she distrusts armand cuz hes constantly suicide baiting her mentally & is essentially courting louis through elaborate gentleman death lestat cosplay .. n louis is like so shamelessly sprung off armand he even says “if i dont go with him claudia id diee~” or sum to that effect and claudia clicks out on her dickmatized ass mamaw. if u knew how much death he feasted off of ud hate him just as u hated lestat or sum to that effect lol. if u think lestat not wanting to be a parent is bad, armand has even less of a desire to be a stepparent lol... books wise armand hates claudia bc of what claudia represents & reminds of his former self as such a small child, and he can never bring himself to love her. w/ his theres only 2 kinds of ppl in the world britney spears circus ass world view, he ends up mocking her in death by vivisecting her & attaching her body parts to random dead adult bodied parts b4 burning this human centipede up. [according to tva & the books anyways] but show wise that experience alone is a reminder to claudia like i said in one of my long posts somewhere on here. its kinda like how louis thought he could use vampirism as a complete escape from humanity, he thought he could have his cake & eat it too. be the big man in the house stuffing cotton in his ears & the vampire paramour to lestat.. but not only will he live out eternity over and over and over again, he will live out this eternity being perceived by the world & living the experience of a black man. claudia too in ep 5, thought she could escape humanity and find better vampires than her progenitor & his self made bride. but she will live out her eternity being perceived by the world and living the experience of a black teenage girl, even though she is a woman well into her 30s-40s n such. if that makes sense? which is why she resigns herself by ep 1x06 of telling louis find vampires worthy of your [his] love, not our [their/her] love??. which is just. claudia😭😭

#yn.#yn answers #iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #claudia #armand #tvc

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krizkrozapplesoz · 9 months

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i have a vision

Mario movie sequel, it starts with spike the foreman whose wrecking crew is actually doing badly now without Mario and Luigi around so he hires two new guys, a biker guy who says upfront he only applied for the money and this pasty twink the biker mentions knowing. They show up they start getting trained, they get their uniforms, in yellow and purple, reveal comes in, its Wario and Waluigi. When spike checks their applications, he makes a comment about how similar their names are to Mario and Luigi and the two say they've never heard of those two guys. This is purely for the sake of quelling fan-theories.

Cut to a wrecking job in the middle of town. Off-hand background reference to Pauline, who was previously just a news anchor, running for major now to show that time has passed. Wario and Waluigi are, of course, completely incompetent as a duo cause all they do is squabble and bicker. They get into an argument about something trivial and start fighting on the railing of a tall building, fall off like idiots and miraculously survive, and find themselves in the sewers below New York.

They find the Yoshi egg and start discussing what to do with it. Wario wants to see if they could sell it, Waluigi wants to make a giant omelette out of it. The egg starts rattling and moving on its own, rolling towards the pipe that led to the mushroom kingdom. Wario and Waluigi follow it. (they do not get separated in the warp stream because I’m gonna go ahead and say that was a skill issue on the Mario bros’ part)

They get greeted by the toads, who are by now used to human visitors from the other world and they’re given the Mushroom Kingdom tour. It goes right up to the throne room of Princess Peach herself, although she isn’t present to greet Wario and Waluigi at the moment. Suddenly, the Toad who was leading them has to go to the bathroom so they run off, leaving Wario and Waluigi alone in the throne-room with the tiny Bowser in a cage from the last movie. They get into a random petty argument again, start pushing each other, one of them falls backwards a way that causes a wild and wacky chain reaction around the throne-room, ending with Bowser’s cage being knocked over and the gate swinging open, Bowser himself flying out through the window. They look at each other and say “uh oh.” in unison.

Peach finds out shortly that bowser has escaped. Scene where she furiously yells “WHO RELEASED BOWSER FROM HIS CAGE?!”, cut to nervous and still crowd of toads, silence broken by a big fat fart, everyone turns to look at Wario and Waluigi cause Wario was farting. He points at Waluigi. Waluigi points at him. This scene is going to be in all the trailers.

Wario and Waluigi have to be trained because its their fault Bowser broke out now they have to help re-capture him. They meet the Mario bros. There’s petty squabbling and bullying from Wario and Waluigi's side, and general distrust from the Mario bros, along with an impostor accusation. Finding out that Wario and Waluigi worked for Spike does not comfort the Mario bros in the slightest. Mario has to mentor Wario, Luigi (with the help of some toads bc of his shyness) has to mentor Waluigi.

Cut to Wario at the training grounds with Mario and Peach. Wario is given one mushroom but it turns out Wario really likes mushrooms, unlike Mario who still can’t get himself to enjoy the taste. Wario grabs the ?-block and gets like 10 mushrooms out of it and eats them before anyone can stop him. Peach gets super nervous because no one’s ever eaten that many before and no one knows what’s gonna happen now. Wario does a popeyes-style muscle power-up sequence and also suddenly grows taller than Mario (maybe he also gets the pointy ears through this somehow?). he starts powering through the course, not with agility, but by literally ripping pipes out of their blocks and other such feats of inhuman strength. Being bitten by a goomba barely even makes him flinch, much less shrink. (reference to the “I can’t die cause I don’t feel like it” gimmick from Wario Land 2 & 3)This makes peach and Mario VERY nervous.

Meanwhile Luigi is trying to show Waluigi why he should even care about these little mushroom people, because empathy is NOT something Waluigi has. Like. At all. His attempts at unsuccessful, until Waluigi somehow finds out that Toads don’t dance. This shocks him deeply, as he is a passionate disco fan. Dance montage where Waluigi teaches the toads how to dance with earth wind and fire music in the bg. This is also going to be in all the trailers. This also makes Waluigi like the Toads enough to agree to helping them.

The next problem is that Luigi, while athletic, is not nearly as proficient in fighting as Mario. They look for help elsewhere and somehow stumble into the soda jungle (or any other named forest from the Mario games, Forest of Illusion, most appropriately Piranha Plant Forest, The Forever Forest, The Forest Maze, Toadwood Forest, Mushroom Forest, Dimble Wood if god loved me etc.) here, they find Piranha Plants, and even Petey Piranha itself. Luigi gets scared and any Toads following them are scared off too, but Waluigi tries to befriend the sentient plants, most likely due to his recent surge in kindness after the Toads. He does a how to train your dragon type scene with Petey Piranha where he stretches his hand out to show he trusts Petey and Petey responds by putting him in its mouth, his legs stick out and are kicking wildly. It turns out that this is how Petey shows affection, and Waluigi did in fact manage to successfully befriend the Piranha Plants. He starts carrying one around in a pot on his back. Getting bitten and eaten by Piranha Plants as a sign of affection becomes a running gag throughout the movie for Waluigi. (think James from the Pokémon anime) He also picks up an arsenal of Bob-ombs along the way at some point, perhaps with nobody noticing.

Big final battle with Bowser, Wario and Waluigi manage to beat him thanks to the attributes they gained over the course of the movie. Waluigi’s Piranha Plant eats any fireballs shot at the duo, Wario shoulder bashes the shit out of Bowser, they pelt him with Bob-ombs, at one point Wario farts in Bowser’s face (this is also going to be in at least one trailer for the movie)

Finally at the end, Wario puts on an explorer’s hat, that he grabbed off captain toad while he was walking by, says he’s going to go out and explore this great new world and find all its treasures, and walks off while Wario Land music plays in the background. Waluigi on the other hand decides to stay with the Toads and admits the whole adventuring thing really wasn’t something he’d ever want to do again. He opens up a dancing school, but mentions that if Mario is ever playing some sports event or having a party, he can invite Waluigi.

#talkin #if you read this all ily <3 #long post

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paintingformike · 2 years

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I completely believe the monologue was full of lies and it being based on Will’s feelings is definitely gonna come up in season 5 but I still can’t help but have a bit of doubt when I remember the Duffers saying they were proud of it and it was Finn’s best performance. Like if they’re going to have mitochondria break up next season why even have a love confession in the first place? I’m literally so confident in byler but this is the one thing that keeps me from completely believing it’ll happen to be honest 😕

ok anon im here to assure you that you really dont have to worry too much about it!! i had this kind of doubt before but tbh ive already moved past it bc i believe the monologue wasnt “unnecessary” by any means, the reason people say that if byler was meant to happen they wouldnt have had inserted the love confession is because they’re viewing it purely through a byler lens and not consider what it means for el’s arc specifically...one thing im certain about in the monologue is that whether or not mike was trying to be genuine or was lying the whole time, el didn’t receive his words positively. she didnt believe a single word he said even if it wouldve been a sincere attempt from him. while he was delivering the monologue she didnt actually feel the love she was supposed to feel from the words that went out of his mouth because if she did, it wouldve been shown to us visually. they wouldve shown us el recalling memories from all the times mike supposedly loved her, but instead we get her gradually being choked harder and looking even more in despair? we know that they had the opportunity to make use of more memories because they did use one memory from when el and mike first met, but it’s the only one that managed to surface on el’s mind because to her, it was the only truthful thing she felt from mike’s words. the monologue was necessary because it helped her realize that even after that verbal affirmation of ily coming from mike, she still didnt feel that he loved her. it helped her realize that his words alone are shallow and empty if he didnt actually show it to her. as someone said, it was a situation where el needed to hear the words ily from mike’s mouth in order for her to realize that she didn’t actually need it this whole time. it was necessary for her arc before she could finally decide to let go of him, as it was the final nail in the coffin that revealed he truly didnt love her *romantically* and just further proved that she didn’t need him anymore since his love confession didn’t actually work and wasn’t what managed to make her free herself from vecna’s grasp.

as for the duffers saying it was finn’s best performance...i think its because it does capture a lot of emotions at once (mike desperate to save el and saying what he thinks she wants to hear from him and the anxiety from having to see if it will work, and the urgency of the situation) and its not just supposed to be taken at face value thats why i believe theyre “proud” of it, though i dont agree with them that it was finn’s best performance but thats how i see it 🤷‍♀️ and ofc at the end of the day it was all prompted by will’s words and feelings (and they actively chose to write it that way) which will eventually lead to everything thats currently holding mlvn’s relationship to fall apart.

just remember that if they intended it to be mlvn’s big moment and something only about the love between the two of them, they wouldn’t have had constantly panned it to will and jonathan’s reactions or even show will in the background because it removes the intimacy in a moment thats supposed to be just about the two of them. the fact that they were even showing us will’s pained face just means that they wanted us to sympathize with him even up to that very moment!!

#ask #byler #mike monologue

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shatteredfears-arch · 2 years

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Having Headcanon thoughts abt Donna seems off rn considering shes on my req list but anYWAYS

as stated on the archive, I personally write Donna as the youngest, and most recently transformed of the lords. The lore we can discover in game, and some of the lore discoverable outside of the game, hints that Claudia is her little sister. The bones left behind are not the bones of a child, but you know what is the right size and shape to be a childs bones? Angie, who close ups you can see, Donna’s father most likely created Angie from Claudia’s decomposed corpse.

And Donna is non the wiser. I don’t think she’s childlike because of ‘mental illness’ (personally, btw, i headcanon donna as autistic w mutism, much like myself when i was younger). I don’t think the scar mentioned in game is physical, since it’s only referenced in the American adaption and the japanese adaption basically says she just has anxiety around people and being picked on. I do not headcanon Donna as older than 21 years old, personally. 25 max (at death and subsequent rebirth from the mutation)

also, here’s a thing. Many autistics have one eye thats slightly more closed than the other. i know personally my thinner eye gets injured, swollen, and the skin splits on its own without warning. I wouldnt be surprised if it were the same for Donna as a child, which led to the town bullying her, and her reclusive nature. She craves that connection, she just doesn’t know how she could achieve it.

When Donna was transformed via the cadou in her eye, she lost all vision in that eye. it became a bulging, concerning mess that made what Miranda thought would be a perfect Eva, into far less than perfect for her physical looks alone. Donna becoming a lord and being left to her own devices definitely didn’t help matters.

after slaughtering her help in order to prove her loyalty to miranda, she’d ultimately be left often alone. her hallucinagenic powers left to grow, and she used it to envision the sort of friendships she always wanted— thus how the idea to spread her cadou throughout her dolls came to be. it gave her the ability to live through them, the life she always wanted.

i think she’d have adored her ‘siblings’ actually being like siblings to her, but she wouldnt know what that is without violence just based around how she was raised. Barely a child when Claudia died, and barely a teen when her father gave her angie and sacrificed her to miranda before him and her mother both dying.

personally, i think the fraction of the cadou that held her spirit was put into Angie, and the only part she truly kept in her physical body was her mind. that’s why she completely disintergrated, and angie was left behind in her place. because everything left about her was in angie. the fraction of a soul she had left is angie. Angie gave her the ability to speak, to not be concerned or scared or nervous. the physical projection of what Donna always wanted to be.

also one day i’ll make a transformed version of donna tbh bc capcom didnt, but i think they did have reason for that: she spread her cadou across every fucking doll she made. She could control all of them and make the entire town hallucinate from the flowers she had planted around. she weakened herself when she spread her mind across all the dolls, meaning donna’s physical body wouldn’t be what would transform. The most of Donna left behind wasnt her physical body, it was placed within Angie. Angie would ultimately be the one to transform if anything, because every aspect of Donna’s life, the life Donna dreamed of at the least, is in Angie.

#and dont even get me fucking started on the thoughts i have about claudia or the probability #that donna putting her cadou in her sister’s corpse might have caused her sister to take control over everything #because her sisters body was too weak for the cadou #but donna’s wasnt #but donna spreading her mind across all the dolls #very easily could have forced claudia and donna’s minds to meld together #which could also explain why angie’s the strongest #and not donna herself #out.#anyways im having thoughts #《 passed down like folk songs 》HEADCANONS #and yes i lay i to the belief that claudia and donna were sisters bc it makes the most sense to me #bc in what fucking world would a reclusive most likely autistic girl who couldnt go outside without being bullied by villagers #end up w a daughter that young when ahe’d already been given to miranda by then #unless miranda made a fucking teenager have a child which i wont even go into that and id hope she wouldnt #anywYs wtf to i tag this as #child death cw #cause of claudia #yeah thats all i got #besidez whatever it is when you turn a dead body into a doll #idk what its called ho

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myloveforhergoeson · 8 months

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omg chapter 20!!! more roxy lore w mag!! cant believe we're in season 2 already wow. whats been your favourite episode/plotline you've written so far? whether its in the main story or bonus chapters

ahhh chapter 20!!!! thanks for hanging in there until season 2 ❤️ like i do for most asks people send in, i am truly unable to pick just one concise answer... here is what i'm thinking...

i have favorite roxy-other character interactions overall, which can be a separate post i make if yall are interested, but i think one of my favorite episodes to have written was either the 6th (writing wrongs; mansion sitting) or the 18th part one (mona lisa (when the world comes down); james and roxy minnesota team up). in terms of stand alone plot lines, i really loved writing chapter 19 (no sleep til brooklyn; letters to jo and camille).

chapter 6 kinda hit me out of left field i'm not even going to lie because i didn't write it in succession with all the other chapters - i completely skipped it because it's one of my least favorite episodes of the entire show. i think once i started writing chapter 11/12/13ish i decided i wanted to start posting my story somewhere so it didn't just live in my docs so i told myself i had to put it in there lol. i'm not sure if from a reader standpoint yall can tell, but if i don't like an episode/plot line/scene in the show i kinda run and make it my own until i like it again and then the chapter ends up being superrr long so chapter 6 was like that for me. i think it really starts to establish roxy as part of the guys' friend group - she kind of solidifies herself as someone that they can rely on and someone who wants to see them succeed and they start to really accept her as someone they can count on (not that they didn't before... but this chapter hits a bit different imo...) plus it has one of my favorite roxy-james moments hehe. i ended up adding that in after i wrote the entire chapter bc i realized they went on their mini date in chapter 5 and i never mentioned it again so i wanted to get some establishment about the beginnings of their relationship together. plus if i ever manage to get myself to write some more his girl friday scenes - minor spoilers for everything about the story i keep in my head to reveal later - we'll learn that that's kind of the first time james begins to see her as someone he likes far more than for purely aesthetic reasons.

chapter 9 at the ice rink... SELF EXPLANATORY WHY I LOVE IT

chpater 17 with the music video and jo and camille!!!!!!!! they ❤️

chapter 18... both part one and two are so so so dear to me but the first part when they're in minnesota is just... my favorite thing to think about... like two forlorn individuals coming together to overcome their situation together and reach their similar goal for each other. theres a few times in there i think where roxy's like, whoop! gotta get back to LA so james can be the star he deserves to be! and doesn't realize its because she likes him and wants to see him successful and happy... girl... it also lets me go 'hmm what would have happened if she had known them in minnesota before' and then i have a little scenario to think about before i fall asleep lmao. i also like it bc its the first time we really see roxy and her dad interact even if its for a microsecond and even how he reacts to james eheh. and the begingings of roxy learning she might actually have feelings for one of her friends while she's going through it and making her comfort food... AHHH I WENT CRAZY WRITING IT!!! sidenote - the part two kiss literally had me shaking in my boots i was so embarrassed writing it so we'll see how i fare writing them as a couple

chapter 19 i like for completely a different reason - that being i wrote it in about two days because it was so easy for me to get inside roxy's head. i swear it's like she was typing through me in a weird sort of way. plus, if any btr historians were reading, i used real locations from their first tour! it was super fun to look up their tour path, map it out and get an accurate amount of time from place to place, learn fun little things about different towns around the US i've never been to. and a little easter egg for me shouting out cities in which ive seen them too <3 roxy never really talks about her emotions before that chapter, so i think it was a nice launching point for her to then feel more comfortable opening up to her friends face-to-face like she did logan in chapter 20 as opposed to on pen and paper. that, and it kind of establishes she's not really built for tour like she thought she was... woah... wonder if that might come back later...

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING once again im sorry im unable to answer questions without a literal essay, but i just get so excited talking about my story with other people :))))

#thats all she wrote fic #ash talks tasw

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