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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 6 months

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dnkinktober day 17: brat (taming)

….except i cannot use a normal color palate for the life of me

#death note #light yagami #and technically if but only a hand:#l lawliet #lawlight #dnkinktober #my art #choking #<-tagging just in case even though he’s technically just holding his face #so yeah no normal colors for me today i’m in the mood for bright things #i should probably tag this as #bright colors #bc i just looked at it w true-tone and it is Bright #since i always seem to do so on artworks i shall tell you about my day #uhhhh nothing much happened but i did plan out a tentative schedule for the spring summer and fall semesters #according to my plan i will be able to graduate at the end of next fall (yay)#and then i will have to figure out where i want to do my masters (not yay)#hmmm other than that i skipped class bc it was on a topic i was going to low-key freak out about and did schoolwork instead #and now i'm tired bc i've gotten ~7 hours of sleep in total these last few nights bc my brain's been v panicky which is stupid but whatever #and it's been so cold. so so cold. i hate the cold #if i have to wake up and get out of bed and i start trembling and shivering i will be v upset the weather should accommodate my tastes imo #but i do get up before sunrise (booo) so i'm like really tired and miserable so it's probably not that bad but i'm a complainer #and complaining is good for u i promise. it's okay to curse the weather for wronging you and being upset that you have too much to do #back to the artwork i didn't know how to show brat(taming) visually but i wanted to do either hair-pulling of some type #like hair pulled neck exposed shirt unbuttoned sexy style w light smirking (<-will still do this btw just for something else)#but to get inspo i went to the first fic that popped up when i searched brat taming and they had someone grab someone's face #and tell them they were a very bad girl or whatever and i was like. hey light yagami is also a very bad girl so this works

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why-the-heck-not · 4 months

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19.12.23, tuesday

0.5h of coding lol

wasn’t having the best day so decided to finally watch the barbie-movie (it’s on hbo rn) bc figured that could cheer me up

but bc the universe loves a good timing, on the grocery store trip after, some dudes came to me like ”which one of us would u fuck?” and that annoyed me way more than it should’ve. Like cmon, it’s 10pm at a grocery store; if you’re not cottage cheese or olive oil get tf out of my face

just a short evening walk bc it was windy and I was annoyed

#also the barbie-movie; it was fine #not my favorite but I didn’t think it’d be bc I don’t rly usually go for that genre #also at this point the hype had got to me so my expectations were very unfair #the set tho; it looked so good #I love how I planned that I’d be a machine now this week so could actually not stress during christmas but it’s looking out to be like one #of the most unproductive days I’ve had all autumn lol #i’m thinking if I should just call it and start the holidays now and just idk catch up on some of the days in between christmas & new years #and I do have 8 days after new years before other courses start #but idk if I do thay I might not rly be able to chill during christmas #like rn I’m thinking if I should bring my laptop with me just in case I could squeeze a couple hours here & there during the few days #which is not the thing to do obviously; like it’s 5 days I can be apart from my laptop for 5 days #but it feels like with the amount of stuff I’ve gotten done I rly couldn’t afford a 5 day break rn #idk I’ll figure it out I won’t bring a laptop just to haunt me #(I’m bad at fully relaxing; there’s always the ’’u could be doing something productive tho’’-voice)#(which I don’t listen but then I just get nothing done and also never rly relax which is good super good)#(can u tell im still annoyed at everything rn lol sorry for the tag rant)#december 2023 #2023 #today

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1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam · 1 month

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Just experienced such an unusual burst of BBC Merlin fan energy, and after having spent a good portion of my night surrounding myself with young royals content, I can safely ask why more people don’t talk about how Merthur walked so Wilmon could run??? Also. The knights. The knights are stupid and funny and chaotic lil shits, and thinking about them gives me Forest Ridge named first years (literally just Henry, Walter, and Alex) vibes. Blonde royal with dark-haired “commoner” best friends to lovers speed run (I don’t care that I remain delusional over a decade after the Merlin finale was released, they were SOULMATES, two sides of the same coin and all that idc), the queer-magic metaphor in Merlin and how Wille is queer (unlabeled) and Arthur was literally BORN of magic. As in, there is never any confirmation as to whether Arthur could have a talent for learning magic, but being born of it sounds pretty innate to me (something something unlabeled-uncertainty Wille???). And then Simon and Merlin knowing exactly who they are from the moment we meet them (Simon is out to anyone who cares enough to know, Merlin was born with his magic and has used it throughout his childhood). The “commoner” boyfriends being constantly overlooked or disparaged for their lack of status, but their royals (eventually) get to the point where they couldn’t care less about status. Arthur talking about dragging Merlin away to live on a farm away from the royal life —> Wille telling Simon in s2 that he’d give August the crown so they can be together. The royals having a really shit parent who doesn’t want to accept them or change to the country/kingdom. Sad one, but the “commoner” boyfriends sorta losing themselves in the other guy (Merlin losing his innocence so completely because of how much he puts into protecting Arthur vs Simon being Wille’s ONLY support for most of s1 and the only one Wille feels he can really talk to, prior to his and Felice’s friendship developing). Meta one, but the royals’ character development being a goddamn rollercoaster at times, but they’re getting there.

You can’t say that these two shows aren’t so perfectly aligned with each other in so many ways. The queer-magic metaphor alone goes so crazy!!! I love the conversations about heartstopper and rwrb in connection to young royals but give our OG queer-coded royals some time in the spotlight too, it’s super fun!!!

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heybaetae · 22 days

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hi

#hi #i am just popping on here for a second bc i’m not in the mood to be back yet but my queue is getting quite full #so i think i might have to unpause it soon #maybe tomorrow idk yet #just a heads up in case i seem active again i’m not really i just had a lot of stuff piling up 😭#it will be a Huge shuffled mess so patience is appreciated!!#i apologize if you’re waiting on me but thank you for waiting regardless #please keep using my tracked tag for your creations #i will be back for real eventually #my mental health is quite terrible lately i still need time #it’s about to be a year since the last time i saw my sister before she passed so like. my grief is going through a crazy stage #i’m still not getting a ton of sleep #my brain is just Bad things all day #it’s all just really sucky but i’m trying to do my best 🙃#i hope you are all well i miss you #i will respond to messages at some point too #there are very few which..well it puts things into perspective and validates certain feelings ig lol #it’s all good that’s something i’m working on internally #hopefully i get there #bye again for now 💕

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mattodore · 8 months

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The BOLD THE FACTS tag with Theo (requested)

tagged for theo by @wldestluv-rs and @earthmoonz <3

The Rules are simple! Tag people and name a character you want to know more about! If you want to let the person you tagged decide who to showcase, then don’t name a character and they can pick somebody. Easy! The person who is tagged will then bold the remarks below which apply to their character &, if they want to, include a picture with their reply!

[ PERSONAL ]

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty / other (theo is financially dependent on his wealthy parents and technically has no money of his own) ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly (he overworks himself, gets very little sleep, smokes frequently, and abuses drugs… he’s not doing so hot) / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable ✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but hasn't been caught (theo uses illegal drugs) / yes, but charges were dismissed

[ FAMILY ]

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parents / not applicable / other (while technically living with his parents and being raised by them as a teen, theo was raised more closely by his au pair when he was younger)

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between ♦ disorganized / organized / in between ♦ close minded /open-minded / in between ♦ calm / anxious / in between ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between ♦ cautious / reckless / in between ♦ patient / impatient / in between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in between (he can lash out but generally theo keeps a lot of his thoughts to himself) ♦ leader / follower (theo doesn’t like the spotlight) / in between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between ♦ traditional / modern / in between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown (theo hasn't had enough people in his corner to answer this one with any amount of certainty) ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown (similar to the above, theo hasn't dated enough to give a general answer for this)

[ BELIEFS ]

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual ❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless / other (theo has sex regularly but that doesn't necessarily mean he's favorable... this isn't to say that he never wants or enjoys sex, but that he has a tendency to use sex in unhealthy ways. it's complicated.) ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naïve and clueless / romance suspicious (doesn’t trust people not to hurt him) ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naïve / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / Alcoholic ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed (headache meds regularly and sleeping pills a few months out of the year) / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never/ sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

tagging @wldestluv-rs for faye (i've got you nene ☝️), @veone for nick, @stinkrascal for vlad and also maybe amarie if you wanna, @omgkayplays for malaika, and @lucidicer for pogo and vincent whenever you come back from your break ♥

#river dipping #theodore doe #echthroi #oc extras #ts4 #i'm going through my activity feed veeeeeeery slowly rn. i know i know i'm shocked too #thank you both for tagging me in this <3 it was fun and quick to do which i'm not used to when it comes to answering things abt my ocs lmao #AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT RIVER??? ...true #this is just a random screenshot that i took while in game the other day so this isn't even posed but theo's handsome so who cares #i tried really hard not to add a bunch of extra comments expanding on each of these answers bc it's fr not that serious...#still caved for some of them tho djhdkfgnhk #i have two more of these to do so i'll just tag a few ppl at a time #and i kinda wanna @ ppl in this for just their baldur's gate ocs too........#tho i'm not sure all of these would even apply in that case but dkfnkgjnh #but anyway let me get to matthias's and then i'll have to pause catching up on my activity feed to get in game #and take a pic of one of my other ocs for the @s i got for the tag game that didn't specify an oc...#i'm thinking about doing either imani or......... dionte? delphi? sehyuk?#idk............... i'll probably go with imani since i mention her a lot anyway irt matthias

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themyscirah · 24 days

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Saw a meme post and started doodling and somehow spawned this???????

#this definitely isnt thematically consistent with ANYTHING #i really just started drawing ig #if the dress seems weird its bc that was the post i saw. dont think it fits the vibe or the character really but its rlly there as a remnant #of the original idea. which was just drawing that dress. which turned into hal bc the black said spectre to me apparently? although the cut #isnt consistent w anything theyd wear in my mind #idk who knows. its late im bored and i just started adding things too it until i was like damn. should probably post this bc ppl may get a #kick out of it. even if there are a few things im :/ abt. namely the dress bc again that was a remnant from a diff idea #and i dont think the text fits the vibe of stuff at all (although i wouldnt fully know) i was just messing around there #bc it was parallax and then in turned more spectre and just yeah. kind of eh but ill put it here in case ppl vibe w it #blah #swishy art tag #not gonna put this in any main tags bc again the style + thematic messiness

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spoonmoment119 · 1 year

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Staring at you intensely is it possible to get like. A ref sheet in color of all your creecher babies or soul mate babies whatever you call them (totally not because I want to keep up with all their shenanigans and possibly also draw them also)

this is the best i can do right now ok ok ok gnight

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anonymouspuzzler · 1 month

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(posing on my side so cutely) hiiii hi. I'm in a big OC thoughts mood today. does anyone want to ask questions about my special guys hiiiii

edit: oh yeah &also I have a tumblr specific to villain-coded with character bios if u missed when i started reblogging to that

#anonymous puzzler talks #anonymous puzzler originals #villain coded comic #<- tags for my Specialest Fucking Guys #stuff i can answer in text preferred bc i'm On Da Road for most of today. but also i'll just save stuff i wanna draw for when i got time LO #(which is the case with a few asks i'm saving tbh. ouughghgh i love ideasssss ouuuuu)

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mastersoftheair · 3 months

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on the mustache question

#tho i do have to wonder about the abundance of mustaches- even beyond rosie #bc there are a few more cases where the actual person isn't photographed with a mustache. but the portrayal's all whiskered up #creative choice ig but it's a funny one #not any weirder than crosby having black hair in the show and clearly not-black hair in real life #or how rami malek doesn't look a Damn Thing like the real life merriel shelton. same with rick gomez as george luz imo #idk. just putting thoughts into tags. but i find it funny more than anything else!#masters of the air #hbo war #sam rosenthal

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meldailyarts · 3 months

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day uh. 5? also had to make up for nothing yesterday. anyhow, more ultrakill ocs! the one thats colored in is amitiel, and i was going to draw them with its primary weapon (that wasnt daggers) but i didnt like how it was turning out so i stopped.

the sketched ones are of armaros and @thatocelot's oc asbeel, in outfits we found on pinterest (linked below). unfortunately armaros would never wear something like that </3 it was still fun to draw her though even if i cant draw muscles very well.

i also cant do symmetry when it comes to traditional art for the fucking life of me i swear the only time i drew armaros or asbeel's helmets right was the first time i drew them and NEVER again. frustrating

#ultrakill #ultrakill oc #oc: armaros #oc: asbeel #oc: amitiel #mel/tav/fugo arts #FIRST ARMAROS X ASBEEL CONTENT IVE DRAWN. TOXIC YURI WIN.#so few people yknow the lore behind those two. they drive me so. GUHUHHGHGSRGHHGHHGHGHHH #theyre literately SO unwell for each other. they cant be without each other. they make each other worse and better so much #oh btw the things behind armaros are her 2nd set of arms and her wings. her 2nd set of arms are binded to her wings #and her arms constantly bleed into her wings bc of it #just in case you noticed and were confused. and also bothered to read the tags

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 8 months

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feeling weird mixed feelings atm and I can't really logic them away, ig? on the one hand I'm completely apathetic about it. on the other hand there's a part of me that's absolutely horrified that I could do something like that. the fact that it's still a consistent low-level pain the whole time also doesn't help. anyway those kinds of thoughts are then making me want to harm again to cope with them but also a) it's manageable and b) I currently have a deep horror of self-inflicted pain after the last few days apparently.

#more specific blatherings in the tags so im gonna get them below the read more in case anyone doesn't want to read it #tw sh #because yes this is about the last few days and im gonna add a few more words to get the rest below the read more #the fact that while they aren't as deep as i've ever gone before they are unquestionably in volume far exceeding any #before. not that i count at the time or anything but there are at least sixty new cuts from the last week so no wonder it's painful #but yeah it's just. an interesting emotional feeling once the pressure that triggered them is gone #i don't know i don't understand myself really #glad i have a psych appointment monday really #if i didn't have one booked i'd probably be booking one about now #also bothered by how visible the ones on my wrist are going to be.#hopefully the redness will go away soon bc i don't think they're quite healed yet #teatree oil is helping tho so hopefully they won't be TOO obvious #the location means that yeah they will be visible but hopefully not too too much #and after all i have only for-sure hit the fat layer twice. maybe a few other times. there are a couple taking ages to heal atm #so they might've idk. and i haven't gone any deeper than that #honestly with the wrist ones the fact is that it was blunt and i couldn't #sharpen it at hte time. perhaps tmi but yeah this may have saved my life and or my hand function #but i might be overstating it. anyway apparently that was three weeks and one day ago?? wow #guys that entire day i was convinced i wasn't going to live to see the morning. the WHOLE DAY #i literally have a commie newspaper on my desk currently because they tried selling it at uni and i was so existential i was just like.#'what is life. what is money. who cares' and bought it. see this is the funny story i referred to. i can elaborate #personal #puddleglum hours #tw suicide

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arionawrites · 1 month

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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

#aritalks #i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use #not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before #and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk #but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow #also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years #(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years #and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight #so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday #my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work #my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all #over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered #(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting #when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so #just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my #mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her #and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too #i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure #out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still #dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not #the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one #if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it #but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help #and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks #just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️

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seasaltandcopper · 2 years

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man, I would love to see more toxic/unhealthy/abusive ships in the whump community that aren’t just black and white. like, give me relationships that are messy. give me ones that start out consensual, happy even, and gradually go downhill

give me toxic codependency, give me mutual destruction, give me manipulation and gaslighting, and give me the frog in the boiling water with a whumpee who either doesn't realize or realizes to late that this isn't actually what they want but by the time they want out whumper has their claws in so deep it's nearly impossible

just, overall, give me more nuance. give me gray areas, and antiheroes, or straight up villain protagonists. sweet, meek, good-guy whumpees and ones totally brainwashed to be obedient and 'love' their whumpers are fine, but I would love to see more of the messy side of bad relationships trotted out

give me whumpees who come out the other side meaner, angrier, carrying bad habits they picked up from their whumpers, give them things to unlearn, to struggle with. give me survivors who fought tooth and nail and did what they had to do to get out, but carry guilt because does doing something to survive justify the hurt they caused?

hell, give me survivors who walked into bad things willingly, who made a deal with the devil, who know that the world isn't going to forgive them for the shit they did just because they suffered for it too

idk I just want to see more fucked up little guys do their fucked up little things in ways that aren’t always simple or clean or black or white

also I want more horror-whump but that's neither here nor there

#salt the earth behind you #also in case it might come off this way this isn't shade on anyone who likes other stuff #or writes it #I read and enjoy that stuff too #i've just been in a mood lately and am craving more stories that dig into the nitty gritty #honestly this is just making me want to start a new project LOL #maybe some kind of supernatural horror psychological thing #hmm #if you guys have recs for this kind of stuff on here too much askbox is always open #*my #I can think of a few writers who poke at this kind of content #but I'm always looking for more stuff to read #btw this is okay to reblog I just didn't want to put it in the main tags #bc it's mostly just me rambling #breadcrumbs

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dutybcrne · 2 months

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Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.

#hc; kaeya #//Mentioned before; but am Elaborating on other aspects since Aven get brain juices flowing for this #//Unlike Aven; he's FAR more tolerable of people who touch him unprompted. & more willing to indulge for himself outside his comfort people #//Unless he himself had actively given the indication he doesn't want it; in that case THEN he's likely to anger & retaliate #//But yeah; his response is usually Discomfort & trying to get away from it one way or another. Can tolerate it to appear friendly; sure #//But would rather not want people to touch him so easily. Is decently okay with brief touches tho; like shoulder pats or the like #//Will actively lean into it & encourage further touching ONLY as a means to an end; adjusting any wandering hands only when going too far #//Esp if he can use that like a carrot on a string–if they concede to what he wants; they can touch him more. Maybe MORE than just that too #//He won't initiate any touch unless he deems it Absolutely Necessary; WILL internally scream if they Immediately reciprocate the contact #//Uses it as a 'reward' sometimes; a little pinch of the cheek; a hug; getting right into their space; if he sees they'll react favorably #//Maybe more if they have connection enough; like Huffman or one of his longer-running liaisons. Is p ok w/ sleeping w/ them as reward #//Sometimes he forgets some people don't like that he does this; like Rosie. Tries the tactic to get a favor then Remembers #//Absolutely apologizes; feels mortified when she scrutinizes him for it. Esp since she'd be one of few ppl who KNOWS just how Averse he is #to it in the first place. Him slipping up like that in front of HER is smth he'd STRESS over. She could hold over his head for all he knows #//How can he even joke abt it? Worse if she asks abt his way of doing things or indicate she doesnt Like that he uses himself as bait #//Has absolutely accidentally tried to seduce/bait sb like that who he absolutely should Not have. Like Jean. Ended up playing it off like #a joke between friends; but damn near had a panic attack from the guilt the moment he was safely in his office. bc Jean is SPECIAL to him #could he treat her like THAT? How could he almost let her SEE that side of him? His casual charm and facade are ONE thing #//But him actively doing something like THAT; esp for Jean of all people; is COMPLETELY off-limits; no matter his feelings #//Actually; especially BC he harbors feelings for her. Ppl like Lisa on the other hand; he is VERY comfortable doing this with/to #//She GETS the flirty habit & dishes it back without losing image of him in the way someone he regards at Jean's level possibly could #//And as far as Lisa knows; it's Only a playful habit; not a means to an end. The ones who prolly Know might be certain folks in the church #//But that's just bc he gets frequent checkups after every lil Rendezvous of his. Which is why he's got dirt on Every Single Person There #//Except Barbara; but he absolutely makes SURE she's not the one he's dealing with whenever he goes. Wants to spare her his messes #//Damn; veered a little but it's alright. 'A little'; HA. Nah; my tags are but the cluttered corkboard of my thoughts jhdbfjdf #//Diluc; Addie & Jean are the people he most Fears finding out abt his methods. Doesnt wanna THINK abt how they'd feel/regard him after tha #//Knows for SURE it'd be painful if the way they treat him changes even a SLIGHT. ESP Addie; he can bear the other two; but Addie???#//Nah; he'd be fucken DEVASTATED. That's the ONE person he knows hold true unwavering unconditional love for him; no matter what #//To do anything to damage that? He'd be so fucken GUTTED. He expects everyone to get fed up with/disdain him at some point. But not HER #//Keeps this shit on the down low by always having dirt on the people he gets Involved with; if not using keeping it up as an incentive

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blueish-bird · 17 days

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sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad.#whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’#I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn?#it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence.#like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5.#overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names.#can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

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rotisseries · 9 months

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actually now that the clique thing is a few days old, i didn't really get involved for a reason and I don't feel super strongly in either direction

but I will say that like. while there's certainly a problem of less interaction on the fanworks/posts from less popular blogs, this isn't really a byler exclusive issue? this happens in most fandoms these days, interaction is just on a decline in general which IS. a problem but not really a "byler tumblr is cliquey" problem. in regards to any actual cliques I wouldn't say they don't exist but I don't think it's "the popular kids" themselves doing this. I don't know if the rest of you have some other bloggers in mind that I don't know about, but as someone who is mutuals with a fair amount of who I thought were the popular blogs, they are always very nice and welcoming to me, and actually easy to talk to once you just. see them and talk to them as a normal human and not an omnipotent fandom god. so this is all to say that if there's a clique issue I think it's from the outside. I think maybe people are perceiving these bigger blogs who all happen to be friends as these untouchable idols in fandom and it's. making it cliquey from the outside. like are they a clique or have you just convinced yourself they wouldn't want anything to do with you and isolated this group from everyone else. this isn't to say that people can't be assholes of course just that I don't think any of this is intentional

#I think a lot of post interaction problems are also just probably coming from the fact that I don't think anyone checks the tag anymore #I certainly don't. I just keep up with what my mutuals are posting #and my mutuals are posting their work and they're sharing their friend's work or the work their friend shared from someone else #so if you're a little known blogger it can just be harder because. your posts just aren't making it as far you have a few followers #and they have even fewer. and so unless you get an anomaly popularity boost it'll be harder for a post to get traction #also “it's a clique bc all the popular blogs are friends and only associate with each other” well they have been friends for months #or a year now. and also probably were not as popular when that friendship started #so it's more like. a friend group forms and then when one of you gets a popularity boost so do the others bc you're friends #and then next thing you know it's a friend group of popular bloggers #anyway. all this to say get out and make some friends! either I'm right and this will actually fix the problem #or there really is a clique in which case why tf would you want to associate with them anyway #but genuinely this is rich coming from me actually known to most as godawful at talking to people irl #but it's really so simple to make tumblr friends it just requires you to be a little brave and genuine #if you see someone posting a lot of cool stuff follow them!! and then get in their askbox and talk to them about something #if they have an au you really like talk to them about that if they have some music they've been posting about check it out #and tell them what you thought!#just like. be friendly and open they'll probably respond in kind and next thing you know you have a really cool friend #anyway if you're one of my mutuals and you saw me like a post the other day or whatever that might feel contrary to this #well the other day I was just watching things go down lmao #I didn't care what any posts said I was busy with my own discourse lol #(and also if you're ANOTHER mutual wondering wtf this post is about don't worry about that)#idk I think I just. haven't really witnessed cliquey behavior but I see posts about this with enough notes #that sometimes I think. well you guys gotta be experiencing SOMETHING so idk. idk #I guess this is another “some people just have friends” post #anyway I think a good thing to remember here also is that we're arguing about popularity on Tumblr Dot Com. brother we are bloggers #and we're calling it cliques. like a highschool movie

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