#(for the record: fuck Paul. won’t get into it but fucking hate that guy. Fight me behind a Wendy’s dude.)

[hamletthedane]

My friend - a progressive Presbyterian minister - posted this on her Instagram story and I keep thinking about it and bursting out laughing

#like yeah that’s basically Paul’s letters in a nutshell #(for the record: fuck Paul. won’t get into it but fucking hate that guy. Fight me behind a Wendy’s dude.) #religion #christianity #technically a Christian-specific post but I like to think that dunking on Paul can be a unifying multifaith experience #pretty sure this is meant to be about him showing up in Damascus but I like to think it’s everything he ever wrote #dude co-opted an entire religion and became a cult leader for personal gain and then calls everybody who wouldn’t follow him ‘sinful’ #seriously fuck that guy #okay okay I said I wouldn’t get into it

[mirkwoodshewolf]

We will rock you assistant; Queen x teen reader

*Author’s note*

Hey all, well here I am with yet ANOTHER UPDATE YAAAAAYYYY!!! Okay so in this fic that was requested on my Wattpad, I had made you the reader, Roger’s sister (they asked for either Bri or Rog and I went with our fabulous blondie hehehe). Anyways not really any big warnings except for the FLUFFINESS, but if I had to pick individual warnings I’d say swearing, mentions of P**l Pr***ter, scars (NOT SELF INFLICTED), animal attacks. So enjoy my lovely darlings :)

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@ixchel-9275

@geek-and-proud

@queendeakyy

@coolcxt

@waddles03

____________________________________________________

It was 1977, I had finally returned from my 4 year study abroad program that counted towards my shot at a biology major.  And there was an offer saying that if you wanted to complete a 4yr program rather than a full college career that was also an option, so I actually got spend the rest of my secondary school year (years 10-13) down in Queensland, Australia to study in the Zoology program.

I’ll admit it was hard the first year I was there because I had never been that far away from home ever in my life on my own, but I made some really good friends and the professors there were amazing that they became parental figures for us rather than just our teachers.  I got to learn a lot about Zoology and the study of the animals of South America. But it was so good to be home.

Especially now since I get to finally see my big brother after 4 years of not seeing him. And some of you may know him, blonde hair, blue eyes, incredible drummer. Yep I’m talking about the famed Roger Taylor, drummer of Queen.  

When I first told him about the program he at first being the overprotective big brother that he was, refused to let me go.  We fought about it constantly until that’s when our mother made the final decision and allowed me to go because she thought this would be a good experience for me. Especially now since she couldn’t afford another kid going to college at the time.

He was also outnumbered because the rest of the band thought it was also a good thing for me to experience.  Oh yeah, did I not mention that I’m real close with the band? Yeah I’ve known all of them since they formed Queen, but besides my brother, Brian is the one I’ve known the longest.

In fact he was the first to agree that going to Australia for this program would be wonderful to get a full experience background and it would help in future job applications in the future.  Brian’s like a second brother to me so I know that if Roger won’t give into my ways, I can always fall back on Brian to be ‘Brother of the year.’

And Freddie and Deacy were a blessing to have around as well.  Freddie was known to the world by now as the frontman of Queen, but to me he’ll always be known as Freddie, King of the cats and lord of fashion.  He’s always been there to help cheer me up whenever I felt a little blue or after a big fight with my brother, and Deacy was the band’s bass player and mediator if things got chaotic, but whenever it was just the two of us, we got to share an interest of our studies so if he had to do anything regarding to biology I was there to help him as best as I could and he taught me a little bit about electronics and how they worked.

So even though there were tears shed on the last day of spring of 1973, I told the boys I would keep in contact and write every single day and they promised the same thing.  Of course people in Australia knew who Queen were by 1975 when their 4th album ‘A Night at the Opera’ came out.

All my friends couldn’t stop talking about it and some couldn’t stop listening to it, and I was the same way.  But it also helped me out whenever I got homesick and missed them too much.  Just hearing their voices and instruments play brought me back to home and back to them.

And now here I am, standing before the studio where mum said they rehearsed and recorded their albums.  While I was beyond thrilled to finally see the guys again, I was also really nervous.

Cause I mean last time I saw them, sure they were popular but only just through England, Japan and America.  They were still rising stars, now ever since A night at the Opera, they’ve completely exploded to the levels of Elton John, David Bowie, ACDC, the Beatles, and a hell of a lot of other rockstars.  And sometimes egos get in the way or they just forget about who their families are and never talk to them anymore once they’ve hit it big.

I was worried that with as long as I’ve been gone, the four of them probably forgot all about me, or just didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I stood before the door of the studio about to go in but I stopped and set my bags down.

“Okay, calm down (y/n), you can do this. You’ve known these guys since forever. You gotta make this reunion right.” I then did a practice mock turn and said with the most angelic voice, “Greetings my brothers.” I groaned out.  Pathetic.

I then tried another tactic, a simply grand gesture wave but making my voice all high and strange sounding but that didn’t work.  Then I thought, maybe a simple hide and suddenly appear as they come out.  I managed to find a shrub tree so I grabbed that, set it in front of the door and hid behind it before practicing peeking out and saying oh so casually.

“Oh hey guys, didn’t see you there.” I groaned and muttered to myself, “None of this is going to work.” I sighed heavily. “Maybe just a simple, sincere welcome back. Yeah, yeah that’ll do it. It’s only just the most important reunion of your life, what could go wrong?”

*3rd Person POV*

After waiting for over an hour and a half for Freddie, the remaining three members who had come with their wives all decided that they should return home since this rehearsal didn’t seem important enough for their lead singer.

“All that waiting for nothing.” Exclaimed Roger.

“Well we should’ve expected this, I mean after all since—well you know he and Mary broke up and Paul weaseled himself into his life, he’s been a bit….off.” Brian said.

“I only just wish he hadn’t made such a big deal about coming to rehearsal and then not show up himself.” Stated Deacy.

“He’ll come around love, meanwhile why don’t we all head out for some lunch. Our treat boys since you all have worked so hard.” Offered Veronica, his lovely wife.

“No love we can’t ask that—”

“She’s not asking. We’re offering.” Stated Chrissie, Brian’s wife.

“Thanks darling.” Brian said softly as he softly pecked her cheek.  That was until Dominque, Roger’s wife took a hold of the door and they were all shock to reveal a young teenage girl with bags and suitcases behind her.

“Sup party people I’m back in the hizz-hou—ohh no! God that was so American of me to say, why did I let Zack convince me to talk like that? I’m so sorry that was terrible, can I get a do-over?”

*My POV*

Well I totally fucked that greeting up. Hizz-house? Really? God next time I see that boy I’m gonna strangle him.  I saw my brother with a raven-haired girl standing beside him, in fact Deacy and Brian all had girls by their sides.  Deacy was arm to arm with a beautiful blonde woman while Brian had a brunette.  

All three of my boys looked at me, almost like they were ready to bawl, especially my brother.  I smiled softly and said.

“Hey Rog.” He just stood there.  All was silent then just before I could say anything else, Roger rammed himself into me, picking me up in his arms and spinning me around.

I let out a shriek at first but immediately hugged my brother back as he cheered happily, hugging me as tight as he could all the while kissing all over my face.  After what felt like eternity, he finally set me down but refused to let go of his embrace. Not that I minded anyway, I missed him just as much as he missed me.

“Oh (y/n) I can’t believe it’s you. You’re—you’re actually here. Home at last!”

“I know, 4 years seems like forever.”

“You have no idea lovie, god I’ve missed you like crazy.” He hugged me once again before getting a second look at me, “Ohh look at you. You’ve grown so much. Last I saw you, you were this big.” He gestured playfully as he placed his hand to his waist.  I playfully shoved him and exclaimed.

“I was never that short, you overgrown blonde giant!”

“Don’t you raise your voice at me little Ms. Thumbelina!” The two of us glared at each other for a brief moment before I let out a giggle and hugged my brother one last time saying.

“Oh I’ve missed you so much big bro.”

“And I you little sis.” It was then my attention turned toward Deacy and Brian. I got out of my brother’s arms and slowly walked towards them cautiously.  Okay so the reunion with Rog was an immediate check point, but I guess that’s to be expected because he’s my brother, but what about the two guitar players of Queen.

“Bri, Deacy. Been a long time. I hope you hadn’t forgotten little ol—” but then just like Roger, but instead of one of them coming up to embrace me, both of them did. Sandwiching me between them.  I smiled as I leaned my head against Deacy’s chest and tried to hug both of them with each arm as best as I could.

“Oh love look at you. You truly have grown into a beautiful young woman. Last we saw you, you were just a kid and now just look at you.” Said Deacy.

“Well how about you? Last I saw you your hair was down to here, now you’ve cut it to a true man’s hairstyle.”

“Do you hate it?”

“No this look suits you just fine. Though I can’t say I’ll miss braiding your hair in secret while you sleep.”

“So it was you who was doing that!” he exclaimed.

“Hey Rog goaded me on. He said I couldn’t do it without waking you up.”

“Don’t you drag me into this!” my brother exclaimed.  I playfully stuck my tongue at him when I was pulled away by Brian. He spoke not a word but just smiled lovingly down at me as he placed both of his hands at each side of my head before gently caressing downward around my face till he cupped each side of my jawline.  A common sign of affection he always did with me.

“They weren’t lying. God you’ve really become a woman now.”

“I know, but I also know that like Rog you can’t help but imagine me as that little girl you first met when my brother joined Smile.”

“That I do.” He smiled softly and gingerly kissed my forehead before hugging me close to him.  It wasn’t until a throat cleared and that’s when my attention turned towards the three women standing there.

“Hate to spoil the reunion, but just letting you guys know we’re still here. And we would like to know just who this famed young girl that has our husbands’ wrapped around her finger is.” The blonde spoke up.  There was no trace of malicious or jealousy in her words, but there was a hint of teasing towards the end.

“Sorry. Chrissie, Veronica, Dominque. This young woman is our biggest fan, future zoologist and Roger’s younger sister, (Y/n) Taylor. (Y/n), this is Brian’s wife Chrissie, Dominque, your sister in law and my lovely wife, Veronica.” Deacy said introducing us.

“Ohh so I’m finally meeting the three famed wives of Queen. Each of your husbands have told me a bit about you, I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together when I first saw you.” I spoke as I walked up and stood before them.

“Believe us, the boys have told us all about you, especially Roger.” Said Dominque.

“Oh god I swear if he told you any embarrassing stories about me, forget them they didn’t happen the way he says they did. And he’s responsible for most of them happening.” I shook hands with my sister in law and she smiled down at me and she whispered.

“Don’t worry I had your back in defending your honor.” Before winking at me.  Oh I like her already.

“I can’t believe we’re finally meeting the famous (y/n). I especially have been looking forward to this moment for 4 years. The way my husband talked about you I expected to meet a little girl, but you my dear are so grown up.” The brunette Chrissie said.  I smiled and said.

“They all still see me as that little girl, guess it’ll take time for them to see me now.”

“Lovie no matter how big you get you’ll always be my baby sister.” Roger teased as he wrapped his arm around my neck and playfully pinched my cheek.  I whined and shoved him off and that’s when I began looking around.

“Where’s Fred?” at the mention of his name, the guys went either stoic or pissed off.

“C’mon in the studio love, there’s a lot you need to catch up on.” My brother lead me inside the studio while Deacy and Brian grabbed my bags and we all went back into the studio.

It was then I was filled in on everything that had happened.  Apparently now Mary and Freddie broke up with each other and his assistant Paul Prenter had slowly began to move into his life.  Now I vaguely remember meeting Paul a couple of times, but even then I knew there was something about him that I didn’t like.

“Geez, poor Freddie.”

“Paul’s poisoning his mind.” Stated Deacy.

“I wouldn’t doubt that. I mean, even with the couple times I’ve actually met him, I knew I didn’t like him. One look into his eyes and it’s like a Taipan is staring right back at you.”

“Taipan?” asked my brother.

“One of Australia’s most dangerous snakes. One of the boys in my group got bitten by one about a year ago. We never saw it coming; it was wrong place, wrong time.”

“Jesus was he okay?” asked Dominque.

“Yeah, luckily we managed to get him to the hospital where they gave him anti-venom.”

“What’s that?” asked Chrissie.

“They milk venom from the snakes and with the help of some brilliant chemists and scientists, they can create a potent to counteract the venom in the body. If they are given it in time, and it has to be from the same species of snake or spider or whatever venomous creature you’re getting it from. If you use black mamba anti-venom to counteract a rattlesnake venom, it does nothing.”

“Wow, the things science is doing for us nowadays.” Said Veronica.

“Okay so we’ve established the fact that Paul’s a snake, but what can we do to help Freddie?” my brother demanded.  No one spoke up until I said.

“I guess the only thing we can do is just be there for him as much as we can.”  The guys were hesitant but they agreed solemnly. “So what were you guys up to before I got here?”

“Well we were supposed to rehearse at Freddie’s request but of course he decided to not to show up.” Answered Deacy.

“So we were gonna head out and treat the boys to lunch, would you care to join us?” asked Veronica.

“Yes please, if you don’t mind. I’ve been on a plane for over 12hours with only snacks to keep me happy. And don’t get me wrong but plane food can only go so far.”

“Then have no fear sister dear, let’s get that tummy of yours filled with some real meat.” Roger as he poked my stomach making me curl up and push his hand away. It was then Brian spoke up.

“(Y/n), what’s that scarring on your leg?” I looked down and sighed.

“Well let’s just say Cody, the boy who got bit by a snake wasn’t the only one who experienced an animal attack. Mine however was a bit more vicious.”

“What happened? What hurt you and how come you never told me about this? How long ago was it?” Roger began frantically asking questions in a demanding tone.

“Rog relax I lived. Aaron got a bit cocky thinking that just because he was from Texas he could wrangle any pig. So he snuck out away from the school grounds and found a trial leading to a herd of wild feral pigs. Nearly got himself killed had I not been there to save his sorry ass. Thankfully before the pig could tear a main artery, the professor came and fired a gun into the air which scared the boars away. Had to be given over 20 stitches and 4 weeks of bedrest, but at least I didn’t end up with an amputation.”

“Did they call mum and inform her what had happened? How long ago did it happen?”

“It happened 6 months after joining the program, and yes they did. They always inform the parents of anything that happens to the students, and critical injuries or hospital visits are immediately told to the parents.”

“Well why didn’t she call me about it?”

“Weren’t you guys on the American tour around that time?” He shrugged before wrapping his arms around me bringing me close to him.  “Hey, I’m alright. Just hurt like a bitch but I’m okay.” I said softly as I rubbed his forearm.

“I just wish I could’ve been there. I could’ve saved you, helped made you comfortable as you were on bedrest. Kissed your boo-boos away.” I groaned out his name he softly chuckled and said, “still scars or not you’re still every bit the baby sister I know and love. I’ll take you no matter what.” He stroked down my hair and leaned his head on top of mine.  I smiled and nuzzled into his neck until Brian spoke up.

“We’ll try coming here again tomorrow, but for now I say let’s celebrate our best girl’s return with a well-earned English lunch.”  Everyone was in agree so we took my bags, placed them in the trunk of my brother’s car and we all headed out to lunch.

Throughout the entire day, we spent the day at my favorite restaurant and I told them more about the program and how my official diploma would be shipped to me in the next month or so.

The next day it was pretty much like the same thing as yesterday.  I was sitting between Chrissie and Veronica on the couch. Roger and Dominque were sitting together on a chair looking through a boating magazine.  Deacy who was sitting on the other side of Veronica were talking together while Brian sat on the drum risers.  I’ve noticed that for the past hour he’s been softly tapping his foot twice and softly clapping his hands.

“What about this one?” muttered Roger.

“This one is for me.” Dominque spoke.

“I don’t see how you can buy a boat Rog, and most importantly where would you keep it?” I questioned.

“First of all it’s a yacht, totally different. And second down by the docks of course. We’ve got a lake house that we bought about a year ago.”

“How come you always get the good stuff when I go away?”

“Aww don’t worry love, I’ll buy you one soon enough. Till then you can take the basement whenever you come and visit.”

“Roger, don’t you boot your sister down there, it’s not even finished.” Dominque said.

“Thank you Nicky, you’re the best sister I could ever ask for.” I reached out for her hand and she took mine.

“Everyone up on the drum risers.” Brian suddenly stated as he now stood up.  We were a bit confused a bit till Brian emphasized his point once more, “Up on the drum risers.”

“Finally some action!” I moaned out as I sat up and as I walked up Brian said.

“Thank you (y/n), showing some enthusiasm.” As I stood beside him, he wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head as I hugged him around his waist. It was then Deacy spoke up.

“Just (y/n), or all of us?”

“Yes, yes c’mon John. Everyone up, I’m not waiting any longer.” Soon everyone got off their butts and walked up onto the drum risers.  Chrissie stood to my left while Dominique stood to my right.

“Bass?” questioned Deacy as he made the gesture of holding his bass guitar in his hand but Brian told him and even gave him a mock kick to his bum.

“No don’t need it, get up. Well c’mon Rog take your time.”

“Alright. What’s this about?” Roger spoke as he was the last to get up on the stage and that’s when Brian said.

“You remember our last concert? The crowd were singing our songs back to us. I mean it was deafening but—it was wonderful. They’re becoming a part of our show. I want to encourage that so…..I’ve got an idea to involve them a little bit more.” He then began stomping the ground twice before breaking on the third beat. He did that a few times before John sneered with sarcasm.

“Genius.”

“Thank you John.” Brian spoke mockingly.  I just rolled my eyes at their interaction before Brian urged all of us again, “C’mon.” Soon everyone started to stomp along with Bri.  I felt a little out of place and I was just about to slowly back off when Brian spoke again, “That means you too (y/n).”

“R-really?”

“Yeah, now c’mon join the ranks.” My brother then pulled me between him and Deacy and I joined in on the rhythmic stomping.  “Good. Now I want you to clap on the third beat.”  Soon it formed into a STOMP, STOMP CLAP. STOMP, STOMP CLAP.

“Don’t speed up!” My brother claimed but he looked down at me and playfully bopped my nose.  I glared playfully up at him as Brian said.

“Rog keep that time.” We all continued the tempo following my brother’s lead when I heard Brian speak up again after he had turned toward the piano to play a single key, “No Prenter? It’s unusual to see you without your clone?”

“It’s unusual seeing you be so bitchy.” I looked up to see the last Queen member I didn’t see the other day, the front man himself Freddie Mercury.  He looked different as well, much like Deacy his hair was now shorter.

“That’s usually me.” Deacy spoke as he pointed to himself and I playfully bumped into his arm.  Brian turned back around toward us and playfully teased my brother.

“Ahh you’re keeping time Rog, good.” I heard my brother playfully scoff and that’s when Freddie stood beside Bri and asked.

“What’s going on?”

“You’d know if you were on time.” Said my brother as we all ceased our stomping and claps and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.  Freddie turned to look at my brother as he said.

“I’m a performer darling not a Swiss train conductor.” He then turned to Brian and said, “Sorry I’m late.”

“Again.” Deacy spoke bluntly.  Fred turned back towards us and when he finally took notice of me he said.

“And just who is here with us today?”

“If you were here yesterday Freddie, you’d realize it’s me.” His eyes widened and he said.

“No way, (y/n)? Little (y/n) Taylor?” I nodded and grinned at him.  He grinned back at me and stated as he pointed at me, “Afterwards, you and me, outside. We’ve got some things to talk about.” He then turned back to Brian and continued, “Now back to the matter at hand, will you please tell me why you’re not playing any instruments?”

“I wanna give the audience a song that they can perform. Alright? Let them be a part of the band so what can they do?” Brian then resumed stomping and clapping two times before we all resumed and joined him.  Even Freddie joined in at one of the claps.  “Imagine….thousands of people. Doing this in unison, hmm?” Freddie had a processing look in his eyes before finally saying.

“What’s the lyric?” And it was then a new Queen hit was being born.

As the day went on, I walked over to Brian who was at the controls with pieces of paper scattered around him, pencil in head connecting it to his brain trying to get the right lyrics.  I slowly walked up towards him and asked.

“So this is how the great Brian May works his lyrics?” He turned to me and he smiled.

“It’s how we all work. Though you should’ve seen us when we went to Rockfield farm to record a Night at the Opera. Sheet music everywhere.” I chuckled and sat down next to him in the extra chair.  I grabbed one of the lyrics sheets and read the lyrics.

“This is good Brian.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I mean just based off of the rhythm you had going down, made me think about all the sporting events that happened back down in Australia. You think London is fanatic when it comes to football, you clearly haven’t seen the Aussie’s do it, along with rugby. Those fans get insane.”

“I can imagine. But I’m unclear of which order to do some of the lyrics.” I stood up and placed the lyric sheet I had back down and leaned over his shoulder to read what he had so far.

“Why not do it like an evolution type thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean like you’ve got each new stanza starting with man. But why not go in age order. Start with a young boy who once started off in the schoolyard kicking mud around, then the young ambitious young man thinking he was gonna rule the world someday, kinda like what my brother envisioned.”

“Before finally ending it with an old man, after all is said and done all he wants is peace. Love you are brilliant!” he gasped before bringing me into his lap and hugged me tightly.

“What would you guys do without me?”

“Probably have another car song by your brother.”

“Oh don’t even get me started on that.”

“So you agree with me?”

“Yes, infinitely. I was embarrassed at just hearing the song being played by some of my fellow zoologists, mainly the boys who were also car nuts like my brother.”

“Oh I see how it is!” We looked up to see my brother standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.  He walked over to me continuing, “You also think my song’s stupid? Siding with this rotter here?”

“I’m sorry Rog but you’ve got to admit it makes you sound like you’d have sex with a car.”

“At least one Taylor sees the problem with your song.” Brian pipped in.

“You keep out of this!” Roger pointed to Brian.  He then directed his attention to me, he gestured with his finger a ‘come hither’ motion, “You come here.”

“No, no Rog I know that look! Back away from me!” I warned him as I got off of Brian’s lap immediately recognizing the sign of what he was going to do.

“You’ve got nowhere else to go (n/n). Only one way out of here and you gotta get by me to get to it.” I backed myself into a corner as he kept walking toward me.  I quickly looked around before running to the left but he followed and blocked my path.

However what he didn’t expect was for me to go to the right and race out but just before I managed to get out of the door, Roger grabbed me around the waist and threw me over his shoulder.

“Oi yah big goober! Put me down! Roger I’m not kidding I’m not seven years old anymore you can’t do this to me!!”

“Not till you apologize, ready for the helicopter?”

“No! Please Rog anything but tha—HEY!!” As we were now in the middle of the studio, he began to spin me around.  “Stop it! Rog I’m not kidding put me down!”

“Not till you change your mind about my song.”

“Never.”

“Okay then you’re not getting down.” He kept the act up for about 10 minutes till I finally relented and gave my brother what he wanted, even though my opinion didn’t change.  I just wanted to stop the room from spinning and the blood from going to my head.

After helping the boys record the song, I was allowed to go to my first Queen concert in over 4 years.  We were at Madison Square Garden and I was up in the front row in a special center-stage reserved seat that the boys managed to swindle for me.

And getting to see them on a bigger stage with a larger audience and more fans than they did when I last went to a Queen concert at the Rainbow back in ’74 before I left for my program.  They were now full-fledged Rock-gods and I was honored to be apart of their close circle, hell I’m lucky to be related to one of the band members themselves, and a surrogate sister to the other three.

#bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody imagines #bohemian rhapsody movie #bohemian rhapsody x reader #bohemian rhapsody imagine #roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x sister reader #ben hardy!roger taylor #ben hardy!roger taylor x reader #john deacon #john deacon imagine #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor imagines #john deacon imagines #joe mazzello!john deacon #joe mazzello!john deacon x reader #brian may #brian may x reader #brian may imagine #brian may imagines #gwilym lee!brian may x reader #gwilym lee!brian may #freddie mercury #freddie mercury x reader #rami malek!freddie mercury #rami malek!freddie mercury x reader #queen x teen reader #queen platonic

[statusquoergo]

Part I

Whoops; Katrina happened to overhear Esther yelling at Louis, and she wants in on stopping the merger without telling anyone about the assault, but to accomplish that, they’re going to need help. From…someone. Cool.

On his way out of the prison, Harvey calls Cahill to inform him that pressing Forstman was a bust, so Cahill needs to start putting pressure on Malik’s bosses to get him to lay off and he needs to do it tonight and I mean now. Cahill, who’s apparently on leave, possibly related to that pesky indictment thing he’s got going on, heads back to the office to ask some guy he works with to “go to Andrew Malik’s boss’s office and read him the riot act.” When Cahill points out that Malik has a long record of going after Harvey, the guy agrees to do it, but he also slips in the reminder that “the person who put [Cahill] in this position isn’t Andrew Malik… It’s Harvey Specter.” (I mean, he’s got a point.)

Donna then decides to get in on the fun, paying Malik a visit to inform him that he’s gonna lose “because [he’s] not just fighting Harvey. [He’s] fighting all of [them].” Well, Donna and Alex, at least; if memory serves, Louis and Katrina are otherwise occupied, but I guess “You’re fighting some of us” doesn’t sound quite as threatening.

Now, who did Katrina have in mind to recruit to Louis’s case? Samantha Wheeler, of course. Meeting up with her in some bar, Louis opens the conversation by telling her that thing his sister asked him not to tell anyone about how she was assaulted. Samantha bets Richmond has done this before, and Louis asks her to “do whatever it takes to take this piece of shit down.” He then goes to visit Esther, apologizing for breaking her trust as they proceed to have a canned discussion about how “you hear about this kind of thing now… But back then, you didn’t”; she blamed herself, she felt ashamed, it’s not her fault, all the standard notes and basically none of the heart. He offers to leave it alone if she still wants him to, but he did “get [them] some help,” and it looks like this one’s going forward after all.

Cahill’s friend getting Malik’s boss to pressure him to leave them alone seems to have backfired, as Malik catches Harvey on the street to arrest him “for conspiring with a federal prosecutor” (that’s not a thing). FYI, if you’re ever arrested, the appropriate response is: “I invoke my right to remain silent. I invoke my right to an attorney,” and then shut the hell up until your lawyer gets there. Harvey, Alleged Actual Attorney, instead says “I wanna call my lawyer,” at which point the arresting officer drops his cell phone on the ground and steps on it, and Malik ships him off to jail. When Malik stops by to gloat, Harvey brags that when “[he] asked for [his] attorney, [Malik] smashed his phone, which means [Harvey] could tell [him] he killed Kennedy, and it wouldn’t be admissible.” Again, false; Harvey said he wanted to call his lawyer, which is not “an explicit request for an attorney,” meaning Malik can ask him whatever the hell he wants and keep any of Harvey’s responses on the record (Davis v. United States, 512 U.S. 452 [1994]). In any event, Malik tries to get Harvey to talk by informing him that Cahill’s been arrested for obstruction, and whichever of them caves first gets to…save his career? I guess this is a prisoner’s dilemma, but I'm going to have to dock them a few points for not making it clear that the first one to flip gets a lighter sentence, and also for Harvey actually labeling the situation “this little prisoner’s dilemma.” Too obvious, man; have a little class.

Back at the firm, Donna tells Alex about a really bad feeling she has about Malik and Harvey, so I expect Alex is going to end up representing Harvey in this matter.

Anyway Malik starts off his interrogation of Cahill by alleging that Cahill owes his job to Harvey for taking down Eric Woodall, which Cahill categorically denies; we then start switching back and forth between Malik’s interrogations of Cahill and Harvey, who appear to be giving exactly the same story (and why that in and of itself doesn’t set off some alarms, I’ve no idea): Cahill’s deal to take down Sutter was with Mike, not Harvey; Harvey took Sutter on as a client because Kevin got Mike out of jail; two dozen calls between Harvey and Cahill at that time aren’t evidence of conspiracy, they were about protecting Mike from Gallo. Malik keeps saying he has proof, but I dunno, so far this sounds like a lot of conjecture and circumstantial evidence. Then Alex shows up to tell Malik that his clients are done answering questions, and Malik gleefully announces that Cahill has retained Faye Richardson as counsel and she advised him to take the deal, which he did, so…take that, Harvey. He’s got you now. Definitely.

Oh, by the way, when Katrina “was a prosecutor for six years before [she] joined the firm,” she once failed to get justice for a woman who was assaulted by her boss even though “everyone believed her,” so she’s demanding Samantha let her help with the plan to get Richmond.

Right, so, Harvey’s first act upon his release from jail is to punch Cahill right in the face (way too much windup, he would’ve seen that coming fifty miles away), also yelling “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on,” which is just very cute. Cahill argues that Malik had them (you sure?) and he cut a deal to keep them both out of prison (a real prisoner’s dilemma should have ended with Harvey going to prison while Cahill went free), and Harvey counters that yeah, he colluded, “but [he] did it to get a man who never hurt a soul away from a convicted murderer who was gonna kill him”; furthermore, he’s spent his entire life doing what he thinks is right, and “rules aren’t right or wrong” so he’s “fine with what’s in [his] soul.” How very sanctimonious. (Also, “every line [he’s] ever crossed, [he’d] do it again”? He’s been a lawyer for like twenty years, I seriously doubt he’d stand by every single decision he’s ever made.)

Tag team time: Donna demands to know how Faye could betray Harvey by getting Cahill to take Malik’s deal, asserting that she just did it because she hates Harvey. Faye counters with actually a really good point: “In his heart, he believes he’s a good man. That’s why he won’t change and why he’s a cancer on this firm.” The fact that everyone at the firm loves him actually makes things worse because they’ll blindly follow him anywhere, and they’re kidding themselves if they think they’ll always be able to convince him to do what’s right. Donna snaps that it was Harvey’s moral code that kept him from turning Faye over to the bar (the judiciary…), which seems to give her pause, although for real, if she’s as stringent about adhering to the law as she claims to be, she should just report herself and let the chips fall where they may. At least that way she gets to control the narrative.

Despite the fact that they’ve found six women who Richmond assaulted over ten years, Samantha and Katrina still have no case because none of the women are willing to testify. Katrina then has the bright idea to go straight to the lawyers who arranged all the women’s NDAs, pitting them against one another in what I think is supposed to be the episode’s second prisoner’s dilemma, except that if these lawyers won’t talk, they have nothing to hold over them, so no one would face any consequences, and if one of them talks, the other one isn’t going to suffer for it, so they have nothing to bargain with. In any case, Katrina talks to one lawyer and Samantha talks to the other, and it’d be a little more badass if they had any actual leverage, but whatever, good on them for trying.

Donna’s hurt that Harvey didn’t tell her about Cahill’s deal, but it turns out that might not matter anyway because Alex discovered, between Harvey’s arrest warrant and Sutter’s autopsy report, that Malik had Harvey arrested not because his boss was giving him shit but because Harvey was closing in on the fact that Sutter died suddenly and thus couldn’t have given a deathbed confession, making Forstman’s testimony inadmissible hearsay. But Harvey doesn’t just want proof that Forstman lied; he wants to nail Malik to the wall, which they might be able to pull off “by giving Sean Cahill a chance to make things right.”

I think Katrina and Samantha’s gambit worked, but it’s a little unclear that it mattered, because Samantha goes to Louis’s to inform him that while they “have a road map to every time Paul has done this before and the settlements he’s paid… [They] still don’t have a plaintiff,” so the case is a no-go. Louis can’t ask Esther to testify, but based on that case she failed to prosecute, maybe Katrina can; meeting one-on-one, Katrina lays the situation out for Esther, plus the fact that she called the plaintiff from her old case, who said that even though they lost, she doesn’t regret coming forward. Also they “don’t have much time” before the merger goes through, so if they’re going to do this, they need to do it soon.

Brace yourself, here comes the big wrap-up: Harvey and Cahill ambush Malik to inform him of their Forstman-related findings and have Malik arrested for fabricating evidence. Malik says he’s not fabricating evidence…because he’s “the goddamn State’s Attorney,” which, no he’s not, New York doesn’t have a State’s Attorney, and even if it did, that doesn’t make evidence fabrication any less illegal. Whatever, he’s going to jail and Harvey and Cahill are friends again, and that's the end of that. Samantha and Louis show Richmond the evidence they collected of all his cover-ups and Esther arrives at the last second to play the necessary accuser, so Richmond resigns on the spot and Esther tells Louis she couldn’t have done it without him. Harvey stops by the prison to let Forstman know that they know he committed perjury and now Cahill gets to decide how much time is going to be added to his sentence, so good luck with that. Also the whole thing with Esther made Louis think about the importance of family to him and Sheila, and now he wants to cram a wedding in before the season finale. I mean, get married before Sheila gives birth.

Okay, so everything in that mad dash to the finish line feels pretty conclusive, right? We’re all happy with how it all ended up? Except according to Korsh, “[Episodes] 9 and 10 are sort of the consequences of what happens at the end of [episode] 8.” There’s like a minute left, what more could possibly happen?

Glad you asked. As soon as Harvey arrives home to preen about his win over Malik and Forstman, Donna makes an announcement: “[His] mother had a heart attack. She’s gone.”

So I have some thoughts about this.

Part III

#suits usa #s09e08 #season 9 #analysis

[blogs-of-our-lives]

I, Frankenstein is a Trash Movie

           I’ve been putting off writing this for some time now. I watched Episode 98 immediately after watching 97, and you can tell it was getting a little hazy by the end. I can vaguely remember the beginning of the episode, and that’s when my memory was at its clearest. So I may take some creative liberties and make my own plot as I go.

           Welcome to Carter’s nightmare carnival funhouse version of Days of our Lives.

           This show makes me sad. I write way way way slower than they produce episodes. As I write this review for Episode 98, they’ve already released episode 205. Granted, I have no intentions of following it every day (episode 200 has a thumbnail of Ciara passed out on the floor as an obviously fake fire consumes her house, so I’m abso-fucking-lutely reviewing that one next), but the blistering pace that this show takes is disheartening. It just goes to show that life moves fast. You blink, and kids your age are getting married. In the previous NFL draft, the Buffalo Bills selected linebacker Tremaine Edmunds in the first round, at the age of 19. He’s younger than I am. That’s ridiculous. I’m getting old, fast.

           The episode opens with John at the hospital. He looks flustered, glancing around desperately. For those who haven’t read about the previous episode, the last we saw John, he had just entered the Dimera mausoleum with Will. As the door shuts, we hear a gunshot. Shortly behind him is Paul (wearing a black leather jacket, everybody in this show is wearing a black leather jacket, it’s like the soap opera version of Sons of Anarchy).

“What have you done?” Paul asks, staring in horror at the floor.

John steps in behind him, holding a comically small gun. “The same thing I’m going to do to you,” he says. It cuts to the outside of the mausoleum, where we hear another gunshot.

I didn’t mention this last episode, but imagine if that was the last thing you heard. It was clearly not a sincere question. Paul knew what happened. Ugh. I hate that line so much. Imagine your first memories. Imagine kindergarten, first grade, all the way up to middle school and high school. Every moment of your life, every love and every regret, every moment of anger or sadness, has been leading up to an old guy in a black leather jacket with a tiny gun saying “The same thing I’m going to do to you” and then shooting you.

Anyway, we’re caught up. John is distressed, and at this point it’s kind of unclear what he’s trying to do. I can’t remember if John is trying to finish off Steve (John is a spy tasked with killing Steve, the eyepatch guy), trying to tell his wife (Will’s grandma, and just so you guys all know, there’s no coming back from murdering someone’s grandson. No amount of foot rubs and boxes of chocolate shaped like hearts can help you come back from murdering your wife’s grandson) that he’s a spy, or maybe he just had a moment of clarity and realized that Days of our Lives can only rent like three sets at one time and he truly had nowhere else to go.

I’ll just tell you all the truth. Will and Paul are alive. They both make an appearance on the thumbnail of episode 191, and unless it’s from a flashback (more on that later), they survived. Just as a good rule of thumb, if this show wants you to think somebody is dead, they’re probably alive.

Fun fact, when someone on the show says “They’re in a better place” when talking about a dead character, they’re telling the truth.

Oh god, I just realized that it doesn’t even matter. They’ve blurred the lines between life and death so much (Will returning from the dead with amnesia, the Salem Stalker victims returning to life, John dying in a car accident and somehow appearing in this episode) that there truly is no reason to believe anyone is dead. It doesn’t matter if an actual licensed doctor comes on screen and pronounces the character dead. You could probably bring back your favorite character just by emailing the producer. The email is [REDACTED BY EDITOR – You absolutely may not use my personal email address], by the way. Email that at least twice a day every day, and soon you’ll get your character back.

The scene cuts to a man and a woman standing next to each other in front of the Dimera mausoleum. The mausoleum has “DIMERA” etched into the marble, just in case the viewer has forgotten that scene from less than 24 hours earlier. It could have easily been confused with any of the thousands of mausoleums that appear in our day to day television. These two people (the woman is a former lover of Andre Dimera, the most recent Dimera to pass away – which apparently is common enough that it merits the need for a mausoleum – and the man is of absolutely no consequence and isn’t worth the number of words I’ve invested in him already) take up most of the episode, pondering Andre’s life in front of his tomb, before they will presumably enter and discover Paul and Will’s “bodies” (I have no idea what they will find there), but are also painfully boring. I’ve said before that a single Days of Our Lives episode contains very little content. Usually it has about a conversation’s worth of information. For example, the description of episode 189 is “Kate makes a huge confession to Chad.” Presumably they also talk about the confession, right? Usually not. Usually the episode breaks down in the following way: Kate sees Chad and says hello, cut to other characters, cut to commercials, Kate says she has a confession, cut to other characters, cut to commercials, Kate says the confession, cut straight to commercials, Chad looks upset, the episode ends.

This is a very long-winded way of me telling you that it takes the full 60 minutes of Days of our Lives for the two people to enter the goddamn tomb.

It’s about time I talk about the flashbacks. I don’t remember what each individual flashback contained, but there were two or three in this episode. And holy crap, they were genius. Not the content of the flashbacks, but the idea of them. Because they literally reused old Days of our Lives footage. Imagine if I could copy and paste bits of previous Blogs of our Lives episodes, label them as a flashback, and call it a day. Oh man, I am jealous of the writers. Until I remember they’re stuck in the Fields of Asphodel that is being a writer for Days of Our Lives.

Naturally, the flashbacks have slightly lower quality than the episode itself. We live in an age of progress, and in a few years, even the most recent movies will look dated. But this is just absurd. It looks like someone went frame by frame and printed out the entirety of the flashback, photocopied them, photocopied them again, and put them back in. Also the audio sucks. I don’t have anything poetic to say about it. It just sounds like the voice actors did their recordings via walkie-talkies.

Remember Gabi, the chic murderer? Well now she’s talking with a police officer in the station. He’s trying to get help her out, clearly a friend of hers. “You’re going to be home to see your daughter soon,” he said.

“That’s not likely,” a woman says, strutting into the room. She’s got a satisfied, smug smirk. “I’m pressing charges.” Ah, she must be the DA. I think? Is that how law works? The DA can just press charges? Does that mean that she just as easily could have chosen not to? For murder? I’ll give DOOL a pass because I don’t understand it myself.

And now my notes start making even less sense. The handwriting is larger and sloppier and mostly illegible.

The former lover of Andre Dimera and the man accompanying her continue on their Hamlet-style soliloquy, talking and talking and talking and just standing outside the damn mausoleum. Finally, she opens the door and gasps, before the camera fades to black, ending the episode. Which is the biggest cop out I’ve ever seen, but nothing in this show surprises me anymore. I’m not mad, just disappointed. I’m telling you guys, an hour of Days of our Lives contains about five minutes of something actually happening.

Of course, this isn’t the end of my notes. I will transcribe them below exactly as it is written:

·       GUY IS MURDRER

·       WOMAN SEES THINGS

·       PUNTS SRYNGE IN SLEVE

·       FIGHTS OF ANGELS AND ALL THAT

All of these wonderful pieces of insight culminate in a full page entry, in all caps, on the next page. SHE FINDS HIM THERE.

I don’t know. I was going to put more to that sentence, but I realized it answered every question one could possibly have about that list. Why did I forget how to spell? I don’t know. Presumably I was in a rush to get all my ideas down. Where does the syringe (or rather srynge) come in? Who is the woman that sees things? Why are the angels fighting? I don’t know.

My best guess is that John Black stole a syringe to inject Steve with poison, seeing as both were in the hospital. Which opens up the possibility that I meant to write “punts srynge in STEVE.” Somehow I doubt that, however. I assume I meant “flights of angels,” a Shakespeare reference. Who even knows. You guys can probably decipher my notes better than I can.

The other day, I was at Walmart (while procrastinating writing this, and I suppose in a way I’m still procrastinating by writing this side segment), when the $3 movie bin caught my eye. I’m drawn to it every time. I love DVDs (there’s something to be said about physical media rather than digital), I’m a cheap bastard who loves cheap-ass shit, and I love love love love love bad movies. More on that later.

I found a three movie collection of Prom Nights 1-4, starring Jaime Lee Curtis. It seemed to be some kind of an off-brand Carrie. Also, for those of you with keen eyes, it was not a mistake that the 3 movie collection contained 1-4. For whatever reason, the set contained Prom Night, Prom Night 2, and Prom Night 4. Why not Prom Night 3? Won’t I be lost without knowing what happened between Prom Night 2 and Prom Night 4?

I truly, sincerely believe I have good taste in movies. I watch a lot of good movies and can understand what makes them good and why. However, on one fateful day about three years ago, I discovered that it was far easier to enjoy a bad movie with your friends than a good one. I get upset if people talk during a good movie, and don’t care if people talk during a bad movie. We can make fun of bad movies, but not good movies. Most of all, a good movie often invokes a specific mood. It’s hard to match that mood with a group of people. A bad movie also invokes a specific mood, always laughter, which is very easy to match with a group of people.

Which is why I’ve seen Fridays the 13th Parts 1-8, Jason Goes to Hell, Jason X, Freddy vs. Jason, Nightmares on Elm Street 1-3, FACE/OFF, The Room, a lot of Scooby-Doo direct to DVD movies, Scared Shrekless (in my defense that was a gift), The Wickerman (the one with Nicholas Cage, obviously), The Gingerdead Man (starring Gary Busey), Starship Troopers (starring Gary Busey’s son), Antz, Darkman (treat yourself, it’s pretty great), Flushed Away (I enjoyed this one a little too genuinely), Birdemic: Shock and Terror, S. Darko, Jurassic Park III, Vampires Suck (not as much as that movie did), Hellraiser, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Meet the Robinsons, Hannibal Rising (swapping Jodie Foster for Julianne Moore was a poor decision), Alvin and the Chipmunks, Eragon (sweet Jesus Christ, I forgot about Eragon), Annabelle, Annabelle: Creation, The Conjuring (people will try to tell you the Conjuring is a good movie… don’t let them), Ouija, The Boy, and The Visit. Honorable mention goes out to Rubber, which isn’t actually a bad movie, and one other.

I, Frankenstein.

A movie so bad its title needed to be separated so it couldn’t taint any other sentences. The worst movie I’ve ever seen. But I can save that for another post.

You’ll notice that a lot of these movies are horror. I looove horror movies, so I say this with all the love in my heart. It’s a trash genre. I’ve never seen anything like it. For every one good horror movie, there are at least fifty horrible ones. Not fifty bad ones. Fifty horrible ones. I’ll talk about horror as a genre next time, but I’ll leave you with an anecdote. My friends and I wanted to watch a horror movie, so we found a list of the Top 100 Horror Movies of All Time. We didn’t recognize a single movie until #50, and they had the movie Oculus as the 25th best horror movie of all time. That’s ridiculous. The nicest thing I have to say about Oculus was there were a lot of parts of the movie where I didn’t want to get up and leave. There were a lot of mediocre scenes, and I mean that as a compliment. I thought about this for a moment, that Oculus was ranked 25th of all time, and realized that’s about right. There are so so so few good horror movies, and just an absurd amount are terrible. I think it’s due to the fact that all horror movies are vaguely formulaic, relying on tropes for the genre. It makes them really easy to write and produce.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I’ll have the next Blogs of our Lives out much sooner than I got this one out.

Fuck I, Frankenstein.

#Days of Our Lives #blog #soap opera #movies #funny #hopefully #I'm the internet equivalent of a guy talking to himself on the bus #bad

[leagueofawesomedudes]

2020 LOAD Week 7 Preview

Alright boys, we’re friggen back. I sat at my computer watching a rant-filled groupme conversation as I flipped back and forth between the 37 tabs of the historical data LOAD spreadsheet when I came to the decision 6 weeks is long enough. No longer will you be deprived of my majestic, dare I say, God-like pen to paper fantasy football previews. That’s right, pucker up your buttholes and be ready to masturbate with your tears of joy, laughter, and distraught as I destroy each and every one of you. No Browns talk, no putting it lightly, no bullshit.

Before I start, TJ we appreciate your commissioning efforts in the 2020 season. This is not in spite, I just really missed the preview articles and is my push to somehow keep them around.

And now back to your regularly scheduled cheek spreading unadulterated fun.

 “Jared, wait for this sick drop” The Injured Reserve (1-5) vs.

“Burg, I think these guys actually want to fuck me” Can’t Guard Mike (3-3)

If Jon’s not ferociously defeating the CoCo (Covid19) or nervously giggling as the Squad guys make questionable sexual advances on him, he’s putting together a solid team. I mean you can’t knock a guy with a 3-3 record when you’ve scored the most points in the LOAD. Buuut I’m going to anyway. Suck it Jon. Casey’s still recovering from drafting Joe Mixon in the first-round last year but I will say has elevated his strive for the playoffs. He even did a trade! Good job man someone had to respond to Dom eventually. Your participation in the Groupme on game days (mostly Monday nights) is welcomed and if you ever schedule a tee time at 7am that doesn’t also require a 2 hour commute I’m totally down. Unless Doug’s there I’m all set on my 401k. Unfortunately for Casey, Jon is returning Michael Thomas after his teammate altercation (HideYoWifeInNawlins?) and looks to earn a playoff spot the old-fashioned way with his record.

Jon > Cholly

 “The Snowman” SheDiggsMyCobb (0-6) vs.

“Why’s the Snowman doing all my coke” Pelting Coopers (4-2)

Bennett as much as I appreciate you on my side of the Kicker argument your record is almost making me want you on the other side. We’ve all seen the “historical” data showing where you stand but you do realize you have to get W’s or you fall behind right? This is what you get for recklessly abandoning your strong stance on a roster full of white players only housing 4 on the roster? And to think we all depended on you. Dom I have to say we all enjoy you a lot more without the bullshit time advantage our previous waiver wire system afforded you. The FAAB system has given us all new found time and sleep on our hands but unfortunately for you has also opened the door to the testing facility every other Wednesday. No one blames you with the LA puh and that hair of yours. Speaking of trade rapes, no one talks enough about the Hunt for Edelman straight up during a tough Browns opener and an extremely intoxicated Chad. Well done sir, whether ethical or not, well done. Bennett stays as defeated as his meat on page 113 of XNXX and counting, and takes the L.

Salami > Benito

“What’d you say you use to slow balding?  My friend was wondering” Dj Play Moore Drake (2-4) vs.

“Bro check it it’s River, like Rocky River, where I live, get it?!?!” jared donovan’s team

 Man, I’ve seen few people more confident than Paul heading into the season. He had the mock drafts, the magazines, the insiders, hell even Reddit! And yet here we are. You all thought I was trade raped but yet here. we. are. Our loving Paul with the closest thing to an unbreakable spirit, almost broken. I do think there’s potential for a rebound this year, but Jared is totally trying now and never was before last year so it won’t happen this week. New house, new puppy, same Jared. Guy throws a moving party on my birthday weekend of all weekends. Just when you think Jared can’t surprise you any more, he gives me an entire day to show off how fucking big I am in front of all my friends. No ladies, your boyfriend is still not bigger than me.  Thanks again dude it was the highlight of my 2020. Jared somehow gets one of the top QB’s in the league AND Darius Slayton for a rookie QB potentially on the rise and he’s in a spot to continue to do some damage in the LOAD. Paul, you’re going to need one of Jared’s 3 hour long showers to recover from this beatdown.

Jerry > Pav

 “I’m not triggered but CEH’s game was undisputedly the 1st game of the year” 2 Younghoes 1 Kupp (4-2) vs.

“Wait I don’t have Wentz anymore?” Under the Influwentz (2-4)

A Mr. Douglas Yeckley is the latest to join the fiancé gang and I personally can’t wait until I hit my annual quota of 1 face to face hang out at the Secret Santa to congratulate him in person. I’m still trying to figure out if he checks his email more than the groupme and actually knows he’s the second-best fantasy manager in the LOAD. Yahoo favors the autodraft, can’t wait to see how he does without it next year :) Sam, Sam, Sam. Trying to determine how I feel about writing this on your birthday. I can hate on your dedication to Fantasy as much as I want, but gosh darnit do I have to respect it. Especially with Ashley calling all of your shots this year. We all know she’s been the brains behind this operation this year. Just wait bud, that spreads into all decisions you make real soon. The old “well her lease is up so it makes sense” is how it alllll starts my friend. Won’t be long until that hair of yours starts to look like mine and Pauls. And just because I always root against you, I’m sticking to my guns.

Fur > Sammy

 “You said she’s 18? Nah too old for me” Street Charks (3-3) vs.

Dad (6-0)

Battle of the daddys. Chad out on the streets, and Shawn in the burb life. I’ve been sitting here trying to determine which one of their kids has a better chance of coming out with a bomber on. History repeats itself so I think we have the answer. It’s not often I’m called a trend setter, but this may be the start. Shawn needs to watch out as Chad’s newly shaved arms not only make him look more jacked, aerodynamic when he fights, but it also packs an extra punch in fantasy. Shawn’s the only remaining undefeated team left, but I feel the walls are closing in on him with some injuries to the roster. Even as he’s reading this Chad’s defending Shawn in his head, and giggling as he hears “Right Shawn?” “No, left Shawn”. Just hoping I can get one random, witty comment from Shawn in the groupme from this and I’ll feel accomplished. You’re upset of the week boys, you heard it here first.

Wardog > Carothers

 ***Game of Ze Week***

“It’s actually classified as hair-thinning, that’s all” Kickers & Defense (4-2) vs.

“Oh yeah? Well my friends all tell me I’m the best commish they’ve ever had” Tony Time (3-3)

 If you thought I was going through all of this trouble to write this and not putting myself as the game of the week you’re dumber than Malik. And with that, I’ll lead into a fan favorite, story time:

It’s a brisk Fall morning amidst a global pandemic but more importantly, fantasy season. The squad members have begun to wake and start their days. It’s Friday, so Solden has already been trying to get the troops going as Chad frantically thinks of things to talk about. A small tickle from his mustache causes Tony to slowly open his eyes, taking in a deep breath as Petey licks his face. It’s a calm 8:45, so he still has time to drink his coffee outside before starting his day. As he scrolls among the 37 groupme notifications he figures, why not download the Yahoo app and see what’s going on. Notifications? Hmm I wonder what that could be. His eyes widen. Mouth drops. Sweat begins to pour as The Darth Vader coffee mug slips from his grasp. *Justin Herbert – Questionable (ribs)* *Dionte Johnson – Out (back)*

*Clyde Edwards-Helaire  – Questionable (Ankle)*. This can’t be he says. I rallied them all yesterday it mustn’t be! These trades were fool proof! He frantically sprints over to the computer as Petey sits next to his empty food bowl. “At a time like this?!? Not now Petey!!!” He repeats in his head chant-like “The spreadsheet will have the answers, the spreadsheet will have the answers” as he frantically logs in. No…   No it can’t be…. He had it saved to the desktop he’d just edited it the night before for 9 hours! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!

“Tj wake up” He jumps. He checks his mustache to make sure it’s still there. It was just a dream. And all is right in the world again.

Solden > Tj

  What’s that Jon? I can’t hear you with Trumps dick in your mouth. Boom Roasted.

Tj is your full-time job as a Commissioner or at Park Place? Boom Roasted.

Dom a 3 is still a 3 in LA we all see the snaps. Boom Roasted.

Shawn locked yourself out of your house lately? Boom Roasted.

Sam when’s the coronavirus peak coming? Boom Roasted.

Jared it’s going away right after the election, right? Boom Roasted.

Doug I’m not talking about work at Secret Santa. Boom Roasted.

Chad a 3 is still a 3 in Lakewood we all see the snaps. Boom Roasted.

Casey I miss driving you to O’Bleness. Boom Roasted.

Paul I’m writing this while I’m working from home at home. Boom Roasted.  

Bennett I’m writing this while I’m working from home at home. Boom Roasted.

Malik you’re an idiot and can’t read this. Boom Roasted.  

Damn that felt good. Until next time boys. Solden out.

[theavengingmusicjournalist]

EXTRA EXTRA! NOISE IN THE ATTIC IS BACK!

Modern Crowds (interview with Charlie Kupilik)

Together, Charlie Kupilik, Adam Baczkowski, Doug Gatta, and Joseph Pellegrinelli birth Modern Crowds. A local, Jersey Shore indie rock band, who have just released an incredible eponymously titled  record.

Just to quickly recount, Modern Crowd’s band name is inspired by, well, modern crowds.  

Our band name, Modern Crowds, was mainly derived from the current concert going experience. It is very common to see everyone either staring down at their phones, taking selfies, or filming the show rather than living in the moment. This is the modern crowd that many bands and artists have to learn to adapt to, shared Baczkowski in our last interview for Noise in the Attic.

Having their record eponymously titled is, therefore, interesting to me. This record resonates the band living in modern crowds, audiences, as if to say, This is the way it is now. I feel like this record allows me to feel close to all natural things: I feel like I am living in a time where organic processes of creating, of listening, of writing are without the technological realm. And I believe this is why I think of Jack Kerouac when I listen. I feel like he would have enjoyed listening to you on the road. No matter how you feel about Kerouac, each band mate is writing their on the road story.

As young guys in our twenties we all have our personal lives, a lot of ups and downs, learning who are becoming as people, and we feel like that all got put into this record, said 25-year-old Charlie Kupilik of the band.  Kupilik said that this record is like a personal time capsule between the four band mates. He continues to say that creating the record Modern Crowds along side, producer, mixer, and engineer of the record, Paul Ritchie, is something the band will never forget.

With this said, audience members can expect this record to be played stripped down. Not only has the band played some of the songs off of this record the last time they came around, but have been able to practice unplugged versions of the songs at The Asbury Hotel.

Kupilik shares how much it means to play a show which gives back to those suffering from cancer. It makes us feel even better to know we are doing what we love to help out others. We would do this any day of the week if we were asked to help out the way we are on Sunday, said the musician.

As a band, Kupilik, says the adrenaline and the overall great feeling of performing, as well as, watching live shows is what excites the band to do as they do. The Jersey Shore local music scene takes refuge upon the shore together. The playground of Asbury Park makes for countless shows each week and as a result of this, the support each musician and band has for one another is immense.

The bandmate brings up artists amongst the scene that make a difference such as Matt Dubrow, The Mercury Brothers, Avery Mandeville, The Burns, Dead Poet Society, Foes of Fern, The Tide Bends, We’re Ghost Now, Cranston Dean and The Cranston Dean Band (just to name a few). “Just meeting all around good people who give us good honest feedback and tell us how much they enjoy our music is just adding the fuel to the fire to keep us doing this,” shares Kupilik

Music has always been a sanctuary for us, says Kupilik.

Making music takes a lot of time and work. In these modern times, it seems the average, middle class twenty-something year old is set up for failure, or it at least it feels like one must work triple as hard to receive the minimum in return. Nevertheless, the band is a family, they work as both individuals and a group to assure their art reflects their aspirations for quality. Modern Crowd’s new record is an example of their passionate work, and yes, it does show. Hopefully, one day, the big record labels will get off their high horse and see that too.

Kevin Daly

Music to me is community, said 21-year-old Kevin Daly of the Highlands, Its a sense of identity that I never had before. The artist speaks about finding himself through the music he and the people he has met creates.

Imagine a person grasping their voice through the output of sounds, instruments, technologies, lyrics, etc.? one’s own vulnerability starts to become them. It seems for Daly, he has been able to direct the person inside of him to his audience—that’s quite beautiful.

Daly said that it gives him great joy to play for the benefit of the Ashley Lauren Foundation. Both my mother and father have been lucky enough to beat cancer and I’m happy to help fight for a cause that I have such a personal connection with, said the artist.

Having the opportunity to play for the sake of children with cancer and their families, Noise in the Attic will be a place local music lovers should go to see Daly. A lot of his heart shines on that stage. What excites about music is performing. There is something about getting up there and pouring your heart out and leaving everything you have on that stage. It is the most wonderful pleasure on this earth.

With that said, Daly’s hometown, Highlands, is where his inspiration flourishes—a place in his life that takes precedent in his music.

I have always held music near and dear to my heart, and, yes, I would say music is very sacred, says Daly. The musician explains that his music is very personal. He hopes that, as a result of this, people can connect to his craft.

Since music and art is vulnerable, or as Lady Gaga puts it, as though open heart surgery, I sincerely believe that being a performer—an artist—can be brutal in a way. You put your heart and soul into what is your heart and soul, out for the world to see, judge, but more importantly, embrace.

The advice Daly gives to up coming artists is to never give up. I know it sounds lame and corny or whatever, says the musician, “but you have to keep writing and playing. He continues to say that it only takes one song, one person to hear it—that music is a beautiful chain reaction.

The respect local musicians have for the local music community is truly admirable—something unseen in the larger music world of production. Nevertheless, Daly feels the music industry at large should adopt the comradry brought on the local scale. He feels this can come from the support of the artist’s supporters: Regardless of what you play, or what scene you are looking to be a part of, go to your friend’s shows. Support local music. Buy their demo.

Matt Dubrow

When I sit down with an idea I know that the next 10-15 minutes are going to be a creative orgy in my brain, Says Matt Dubrow, 26-year-old local musician from Oceanport, when discussing his excitement for music.

Dubrow is the type of person you smile at on the street and can expect a smile back from. As for his music, he shows that same regard and respect. The musician, who yes, is indeed playing Sunday, Sept. 24, says I resort to music as a means of translating those feelings, and thoughts. Dubrow says that these can often be thoughts and feelings that, if vocalized without music, would turn into a mess of hoopla.

The musician even gives an example, saying that for years he has been feeling that there is a dimension so close that it is beginning to bleed into the dimension he lives in. He continues, saying, that his inner monologues shepard him to places in his mind, that conclusions (I imagine of his thoughts), garner chords, while feelings of resolve, unfold as lyrics.

A song you can expect on Sunday, “Come Around” can exemplify—even clarify—what all these thoughts have manifested into. With that said, be preapared for a good sense of humor—music that, overall, gives the audience a sense of the thoughtful human that is  Dubrow as a musician and human.

Music has always been something I can use to just be sardonic, irreverent, quirky, all the things that made me a weird kid in school can come out and play in my songs, says Dubrow.

The Ashley Lauren Foundation, the foundation Noise in the Attic will be hosting this Sunday, is a federally recognized non-profit organization in Monmouth County. The foundation gives back to children and their families fighting cancer—helping financially to emotionally.

Dubrow describes playing to raise money for this foundation as exciting, but very personal. The musician continues, When you hear a word like “cancer” each human on earth will have a different emotional response, different memories, different tragedies. Since Dubrow acknowledges that everyone has their own personal pains, he shares how this is something he keeps in mind anyway—that everyone is carrying something so very personal, something for which is sacred.

To the Jersey Shore musician, to play Noise in the Attic is to keep that awareness of everyone’s personal difference, and put on a performance that distracts the crowd from anything that is negative.

Unapologetic about his craft, the musician will also take inspiration from anywhere, anyone, and anything. Music, or it seems most artists, gather their inspiraiton from just about all that surrounds them, for as Dubrow says, Sometimes I’ll conceptualize an idea for a song and it won’t manifest ‘til after I’ve helped a friend move out of their apartment and I’m sitting in a chair on the street catching my breath and I pick up a ukulele they hardly keep in tune.

Nevertheless, I have asked Dubrow if his craft has ever defeated him. He says his music only defeats him when his musicianship is not on par with what he is writing. Although the musician would not necessarily call this defeat, he says it’s nothing that doesn’t take a little practice. It seems Dubrow would say this about any human looking to become a musician too.

The musician encourages other musicians to play the music they like. Laugh at yourself for getting the lyrics all fucked up, says Dubrow, Hate yourself for fucking up the G to a D chord. Don’t worry about people around you just wail on the thing. They’re not judging you, they’re jealous.

And if you ever need some recording time, Dubrow will trade you for a little bit of grub!

All interviews done over social media or email

Write ups published as written for each artist

#music #noiseintheattic #rocknroll #moreprogressiverock #MAttDubrow #Asburypark #asburyparkmusic #theinkwell #theinkwellcoffeehouse #musician #writer #writing #people #humans #love #givingback #theashleylaurenfoundation #fightcancer #localmusic #jeryseyshore #jerseyshoremusic #diymusic #diy #journalism #journalist #musicjournalism #musicjournalist #theavengingmusicjournalist #musicindustry #livemusic

[dalmatianplantationsensation]

CHARACTER SHEET: Roger Jonathan Radcliffe

As I hide behind these books I read  / while scribbling my poetry / like art could save a wretch like me / with some ideal ideology / that no one can hope to achieve. / And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me. -- Waste of Paint, Bright Eyes

It takes strength to be gentle and kind. --I Know It’s Over, The Smiths

STATS:

Birthday: 11 October 1991

Hogwarts House (Primary): Ravenclaw (modelling a blend of Hufflepuff and Slytherin)

Hogwarts House (Secondary): Ravenclaw

Myers-Briggs: ISFP

Enneagram: Type 5

Height:  5’11

BACKGROUND OVERVIEW:

Mother: Harriet Martha Hunter Radcliffe

Father: William Jonathan Radcliffe (deceased)

Mother’s Occupation: manager at a fabric store

Father’s Occupation: musician

Family Finances: lower class

Birth Order: only child

Other Close Family: Gran on his dad’s side; he has two male cousins on that side who are pretty Patts-esque lol; didn’t really talk to his mum’s side all that much till about a couple of years ago

Best Friend: Paul Patts

Other Friends: from home: Lucy, Finn, Ed; from here: Anita, Perdita, Berlioz, Stan, Brad, Belle?

Enemies: none, really—Lou?

Pets: 32 Dalmatians lol (he had a Dalmatian named George when he was growing up)

Home Life During Childhood: eh so it was happy till he was about ten, then his father started drinking more than usual and doing bad drugs and there were a lot of fights and broken furniture and all that and Roger blames himself

Town or City Name(s): London, England—East End, near Shoreditch

What Did Her Bedroom Look Like: sloping wall with green-striped wallpaper, lots of books jammed into a little shelf, a little wobbly desk with a single desk lamp, kept a bunch of knick-knacks on his desk, lots of sheet music

Any Sports or Clubs: probably in school band or orchestra, also did theatre

Favorite Toy or Game: He had a stuffed dog that he went to bed with every night till he was like 13 or something and it wasn’t “cool” anymore and one of the bigger kids teased him about it so he stuffed it in the bin, but his mum rescued it and it’s on the shelf above his childhood bed

Schooling: finished secondary

Favorite Subject: Music, of course, and English

Popular or Loner: had his own group of friends, was never really a true loner, also helped that his best mate was like the most popular bloke in school

Important Experiences or Events: Dad died when he was 15, he found the body in the bathroom

Health Problems: prone to addiction, undiagnosed depression probably, also near-sighted if that counts lol (he wears contacts most of the time)

Culture: English

Religion and beliefs: his mum’s family goes to church pretty regularly and he’s, like, the type of guy who wishes he could believe in God but isn’t sure—even so, does Christmas, Easter, that whole thing, and when he’s feeling particularly vulnerable, he will pray

PERSONALITY:

Bad Habits: nervous talker, easily addicted to substances, smokes, drinks too much when he’s in a depressive spell

Good Habits: loyal, dedicated to his craft when he is in a steady spell, very good with kids and animals

Best Characteristic: dedicated—to the people close to him, to his craft, to his passions, he won’t quit on you

Worst Characteristic: low self-worth—he doesn’t think much of himself at all and it’s a big hindrance to, like, his life

Worst Memory: finding his dad’s dead body ha ha ha

Best Memory: when Powell approached him and introduced himself and said he had talent

Proud of: his musical ability

Embarrassed by: uh his like,,,everything—his looks, his background, his finances, his grades

Driving Style: he’s very average, speeds a little but remembers his turn signals

Strong Points: kind, artistic, passionate, intelligent, goofy

Temperament: melancholic

Attitude: can be broody

Weakness: tbh he’s like really sensitive if you doubt the one thing he is proud of (musical ability); also fuck with Paul/Anita/his mom (and Perdita by extension), he will get upset

Fears: not living up to his artistic potential, turning into his father

Phobias: turning into his father highkey

Secrets: sometimes he’s happy? His dad died bc it really put his mum out of a lot of misery…

Regrets: getting good at music, because that’s what ultimately drove his dad down the drain

Feels Vulnerable When: talking about himself in general lol, he likes talking to other people and does genuinely want to know more about them but he hates it when it’s about him

Pet Peeves: snobby rich people—he can deal with regular rich people who aren’t snobs and think that his social class is his own fault, kale (really does not like kale)

Conflicts: desire to follow his artistic dreams vs how freakin’ hard it is to do, as well as not wanting to like totally leave his mum in the dust

Motivation: to be a true, genuine artist and hoping success will follow

Short Term Goals and Hopes: get some sort of record deal—either as a musician or a composer

Long Term Goals and Hopes: gosh—make a decent living as a composer, trying not to be a sell-out, but also still getting his time in the limelight

Sexuality: bisexual, if we’re talking Kinsey-scale it’s like a 2.5 (prefers women, but still likes men)

Exercise Routine: gets most of his exercise from working tbh

Day or Night Person — Night.

Introvert or Extrovert — Introvert.

Optimist or Pessimist — Pessimist  

LIKES AND STYLES:

Music: jazz, of course! He grew up listening to the greats and has a fondness for Charlie Parker. Errol Garner is another favorite. Other than that he listens to a lot of classic rock—London’s a great city for classic rock, eh? Got the Stones and the Beatles and the Who—real great place, music’s everywhere, didya know that lots of the classic rock bands were influenced by jazz? Roger can show you where they played. Also really into the Smiths. And indie stuff. Fan of the occasional really good musical. Just doesn’t really like pop is all (ok except for some songs....)

Books: classics, he’s partial to the 1920s era—Hemingway (yes, I know), Fitzgerald, Stein, and all that good stuff. Also a fan of Virginia Woolf. Also a huge Jane Austen fan, he won’t admit that right away but it’s easy to pry out of him.

Magazines: tbh not many,,,he keeps up with music stuff online

Foods: good pub food—he likes a good steak pie with loads of green peas and mashed potatoes on the side. Also a good English breakfast (his favorite part’s the sausage).

Drinks: tea—black, the English Breakfast blend. Likes a good beer as well, or a shot of whiskey.

Animals: Dogs. No, but seriously, he’s always been fond of them and will take care to point them out on the street to whoever he is with.

Sports: He plays football but sucks at it haha, but he follows Paul’s team!

Social Issues: LGBTQ+ rights, he’s like really against gentrification, having lived it firsthand

Favorite Saying: “Life is like jazz; it’s a lot better when you improvise.”

Color: Grey. He likes how varied it is. It reminds him of home and of silver and the sky and the Thames and a lot of things he likes.

Clothing: he’s like very particular about how he dresses, tries not to wear shorts and t-shirts, he likes to keep it dressy casual, like hipster style (wow, roger)

Jewelry: he has a nice watch his dad passed down to him and a ring his granddad gave him when he graduated

Games: played pokemon when he was younger, will take a turn on those first-person shooters when he’s with friends, likes the Legend of Zelda

Websites: Instagram, tumblr, has his own like wordpress or something with music reviews, posts some piano covers on youtube (not terribly many)

TV Shows: Fools and Horses, other british sitcoms which i am too lazy to research r now but he’s a sitcom sorta bloke when he does watch tv

Movies: he likes weird horror movies, big zombie fan; secretly really adores Love, Actually, but says his favourite movie is Ray (which is a great movie, he just likes Love, Actually more....); prefers the BBC Pride and Prejudice over the Kiera Knightley one and is passionate about that

Greatest Want: to be a true artist™

Greatest Need: to overcome his bad self-esteem and love himself

CURRENTLY:

Home: lives in the Dalmatian Plantation farmhouse, on the top floor in an attic bedroom

Household furnishings: lots of sheet music, he keeps his closet pretty neat, but the rest is quite messy. Always has a stack of books on his bedside drawer. There’s usually an empty mug of tea because he’s too lazy to bring it downstairs lol. Bed is usually not made.

Favorite Possession: probably a book from either Paul or Anita (or both)

Most Cherished Possession:  the piano in his house in London, which belonged to his dad and his dad’s dad; also the watch his dad left him

Married Before: Nope.

Significant Other Before: Finn, Sarah (those are the only significant ones)

Children: n/a

Relationship with Family: very close with his mum, they stuck together when it got really bad on his homelife end; she’s always been supportive of him; his mum’s family used to not speak to them much, but recently have been reaching out; dad’s family talks to them more

Car: n/a

Career: dog care-taker, record shop clerk, musician/composer

Dream Career: composer/jazz musician [music teacher, but he doesn’t know that yet]

Dream Life: ok so honestly—Roger’s destined to become a teacher. He’s great with kids and in the end, he will (hopefully) realize that his passion for music is meant to be passed down to others. Sure, he’s gonna still write the occasional almost-famous tune and play in ensembles and venues, but he’s gonna be truly happy as a teacher.

Love Life: uh—kinda dating Anita? What is? Going? On?

Hobbies : playing music, reading, walking the dogs lol, likes playing football sometimes (sucks at it), acting

Guilty Pleasure : will, on occasion, like a pop song; rom-coms

Sports or Clubs: n/a

Talents or Skills : great musician—plays piano excellently, trumpet pretty well, and can manage a bit on saxophone and guitar; has a good singing voice too (baritone)! Decent driver (can drive manual wow that’s impressive to me tbh); good with kids and animals (also impressive to me lmao)

Intelligence Level : artistically inclined—he was bad at science/math classes, but good at music, literature, and history. He’s not dumb by any means, but his strengths aren’t really in a technical area. He’s knowledgeable and interested in learning about things, but don’t ask him to solve some intricate mathematical proof

Finances: manages alright on his own (he basically doesn’t have to pay rent, so he’s doing p good; sends money back home too)

#roger gets two quotes bc he's special #and im in love with him #character sheet #about #hc #stuff

[brooklyndrinksandgoeshome]

It’s embarrassing, the last three written entries on here have mostly been about people passing away as if I’m surrounded by the all-encompassing grim reaper everyday at every turn. I mean, this is what happens when you write about the past and naturally the people who are no longer with us will get a bit of extra space because all we have from them now are memories, but for fuck sake, I’m not mister doom and gloom all the time. If anything, it seems as if I’m surrounded by a self-contained bubble of early 90s Japanese wrestling, 70′s power-pop, Radio Garden, this Oliver Sacks book that I’m hoping to finish before the end of the week and curling. No really, curling. Seriously, curling rules.

I haven’t written that much about music in the last several years mostly because of burnout and if I’m not careful, it’ll start to feel like a job and I’ll want to put it off until my non-existent deadline creeps up on me which I can push back to infinity without any consequence (hell, it’s taken me a week and a half to finish this pointless exercise anyway). Besides, critiquing music as a serious profession, I’ve come to realize as the years have past is, well, kind of stupid; like if you don’t have anything nice to say, just ignore it and all the bad music will all hopefully vanish, right?  

That being said, I do wonder why a lot of bands from yonder past never never got the credit or recognition they deserved. Usually from a DIY perspective, I’m quick to blame poor distribution deals from a company run out of their mom’s basement, or a local band who never played beyond the same 20 people at the same club for their entire existence, (this plagued almost every Detroit band from the early-80s until the late-90s) or just plain old self-destruction that still bites people back, whether if it’s drug addiction or a fear of failure/success. My personal favorite --and I can’t find it on the internet to save my life right now, was when a jilted ex destroyed all but a hundred copies of her boyfriend’s first and only EP of his band, thus making it an instant collector’s item with their tracks being discovered fairly recently on a Killed By Death bootleg.

I also think my own opinions on music have always a been a bit left of center as I get bored way too easily and I quickly turn into a crotchety old man whenever Pitchfork creams their jeans over another Garageband produced dance track that sounds as boring and milk toast as any song put together from laptop bloops and bleeps.* Feeling this old out of touch makes one resort to the jazz or country section of any used record store, or when anyone asks me what I listen to these days, I usually say “podcasts.” But something about the aforementioned 70s power-pop obsession has arrived after a brief yet expensive summer of Northern Soul collecting that got put on hold as I have a hard time paying more than $20 for a 45; yeah, this phase didn’t last very long. Before that, it was Sun Ra who has literally hundreds of releases under his always spotty discography and after awhile, it became overwhelming search through scores of, I’m sorry, no disrespect, bin fillers, to eventually find a reissued gem like Sleeping Beauty or Lanquidity. Before that, it was electronic, sci-fi synth soundtrack sounding 70s prog made by the guy who use to drum for The Shadows. Did I mention that I get bored way too easily?

Even by record nerd standards, I know I have some unpopular opinions on popular unpopular music: Big Star weren’t going to be next Beatles ever and they probably have five good songs top. As much as I love The Jam, Style Council have a handful of tracks that blow away anything else Paul Weller’s ever done (oh snap, fighting words). With a few exceptions, The Yellow Pills comps are wildly overrated with a lot of tracks sound more like a second rate Rick Springfield --even if it was the point for a band to be the next Rick Springfield. Also, it still bothers me that The Fastbacks, mostly ignored for their entire 22 year career, got more recognition when they opened for The Presidents of The United States of America when “Peaches” was in heavy rotation. Seriously, I’ll take Answer The Phone Dummy over any 90s Sub Pop release any day.

The Keys: I Don’t Wanna Cry

Produced by Joe Jackson and still managed to have only found a recent audience from the depths of obscurity thanks to a Youtube hero. Not bad, but probably too nice and squeaky clean as The Buzzcocks and Undertones already did this way better and louder. Still, the singer hits those high notes with ease and could have easily been a hit if it was written for, I don’t know, Elvis Costello or someone else a bit more angsier. 

The Letters: Nobody Loves Me

Again, way too wussy and self-hating even by pop-punk standards, but I still love this track as it’s bouncy pogo energy and raw production more than make up for the shitty lyrics. One and done, never heard from again until a 2002 CD reissue of their mostly unreleased discography, or is it a reunion record? I don’t know.

The Tours: Language School

Another one and done from the UK who got plenty of hype from John Peel, signed to Virgin and imploded within a year never to be heard from until Cherry Red reissued their unreleased album a few years ago which is now also going for a steep price on Discogs. Nice short, poppy number here that if anything, makes you realize how much (again) the Buzzcocks influenced a generation of UK bands in the late 70s-early 80s.

20/20: Remember The Lightning

I first remember hearing about these guys from the well meaning Radio Heartbeat Records who reissued a single that quickly went out print along with the rest of the labels discography --some moved on to form Captured Tracks who eventually went on to re-release all of Milk ‘n Cookies output on a (sorry) completely unnecessary 2xLP box set, huge picture book included. 20/20’s first album got lost in the shuffle of another busted label (notice a trend here) that got swallowed up by Epic Records, which is a shame because we could have had a punkier younger brother of the Knack.

De Cylinders: I Wanna Get Married

Spontaneously heard a live set of these guys on the always fantastic, very missed Cherry Blossom Clinic on WFMU and rushed to see their record release/only American show ever in front of a dozen others at a random Brooklyn bar. The wonderful Sing Sing Records reissued this single and naturally, there’s a way out of print CD discography compilation  that’s only available in Japan for like $40 bucks on Discogs. Uh, I have to find a job first.

Nasty Facts: Drive My Car

God, I love the internet. This gem would have never been discovered if it wasn’t for some Youtube hero who posted a vinyl rip of a bootleg as the original pressing is long gone --cheapest one I found on Discogs going for $70 and it’s tough being a cheapskate and a record collector at the same time. Anyway, punky rocky from New York with a singer who sounds like less gruff but equally badass Joan Jett; America’s answer to the Rezillo’s! Get on it, weirdo!

Ail Symudiad: Garej Paradwys

Probably never made it farther out than Cardiff because everything’s in Welsh, but they put out a surprising number of singles that were all pretty consistent throughout the 80s --I’m pretty sure this is their third one. Full of energy despite the weird guitar effect pedals used throughout the song and if you’re curious, they’re called Second Movement and according to Google Translate, this songs about partying in their garage. I don’t know, I didn’t go farther than their “Paradise Garage” song title.

The Elevators: Your I’s Are Too Close Together

The least punky song on here, but it did make me laugh out loud the first time I heard it. I mean, of all the reasons why he won’t go out with her, and he lists everyone one on here, her facial structure was the final straw. Probably a wee mean spirited, but the lyrics go perfect with the chorus, high notes on the lead guitar and all.

The Records: Starry Eyes

Saving the best for last. There’s no excuse, this should have been a huge hit. I mean, it’s great that we have our own song to share with our closest friends --for example, a heartbreaker of an ex or whatever it was you want to call it when we had an on and off again thing in 2012 introduced me to this and well, all it did was prolong some coulda-woulda-shoulda feelings that lasted a bit longer than it should have. Anyway, this song’s a power-pop masterpiece that, unintentionally or not, sounds like an unreleased Big Star track and it makes me angry that these guys got swept under the rug for whatever reason.

I’m tired and I’ve run out of adjectives, just like how I use to back when I (barely) made a living writing about music, no benefits, no thesaurus. Will try to write more about something like Atsushi Onita or how much I love The Great British Bake Off or something. 

*Nothing made me feel more out of touch with underground/contemporary music when I had a hard time understanding what the big deal was with The Fiery Furnaces, but when I couldn’t get away from Animal Collective, that’s when I get up and settled into a WFMU k-hole. I can tell you the exact moment sometime around the end of 2007, on the 7 train heading into Long Island City for work, reading The Metro --I’m a sucker for free daily newspapers no matter how badly written, and came across their best album of the year list with Strawberry Jam being number four or something. “This album rules” the brief review started and once again, I just didn’t get it. I don’t always take part in any schadenfreude, but I’m glad significantly less people give a shit about them these days.   

#welovepowerpop #the rezillos #big star #20/20 #radioheartbeat #the great british bake off #atsushi onita

[scottielambchop]

My Review of The Summer Set Festival (1/2)

You know, as a 32-year old man, I don’t really feel like I’m all that old. I’m hip, I still have that old devil-may-care attitude, I’m in pretty good shape, I play video games and don’t have many responsibilities. I love music, and I certainly feel that I’m more than open listening to new music and giving it an honest shot.

Then I started my security job at a Minneapolis bar called Psycho Suzi’s and got to know (and befriend) many people in their early 20s. Now, I’ve now come to realize that I don’t know shit. One such coworker recently posted the flyer for Summer Set (a local EDM festival), and only three names sounded familiar to me: Run the Jewels, Die Antwoord, and Zeds Dead—and that last one was only because it’s a Pulp Fiction quote.

So, as an attempt to fit in with these wacky youths, I’ve decided to listen to one song by each band (group) in the order it was written on the flyer and post my initial thoughts on each. It’s like a stream of conscience from hell. Let’s see how this one goes.

Zeds Dead - Frontlines (ft. GG Magree): This girl’s voice is okay, but musically who gives a shit? Oh, never mind; now it’s turned into a goddamn dubstep song. What in the holy fuck have I gotten myself into? It would be a lot cooler if this featured G.G. Allin — and I really hate G.G. Allin

Zedd – Clarity (ft. Foxes): This song sounds like every song played at my gym. It’s fine. I probably would have liked it in, like, 2001 when I went through a bullshit Paul Oakenfold phase. Do you think this guy has a beef with that Zeds Dead group? I guess that would make this festival kinda neat to see how they hash that shit out.

GRiZ – Hard Times: I’m really hoping this is about Dusty Rhodes, but I think I need to get that out of my head right away. This song starts off kinda cool, like a hip hop version of a Reservoir Dogs-type movie intro. Oh, now the dumb bullshit dubstep kicked in and ruined it — should have figured that nothing stays gold in the context of this miserablelittle adventure I’m on. Also, watching this video, you need to understand this this dude is the most stereotypical white guy trying to be a hip hop DJ. It’s like if Edward Snowden put on a hockey jersey and shitty glasses.

Run the Jewels – Run the Jewels: I’ve heard this before. These guys are cool. But then again, I’m a white guy who casually listens to NPR, so of course I like Run the Jewels. My only problem with this song is that I think only Angel Witch and Minor Threat should have titular songs.

Die Antwoord – Ugly Boy: I don’t know how two people can look so much like juggalos but not be lumped into that group. Instead they’re like the best thing to happen to graphic designers since the Adobe Creative Suite. I used to really like these guys but, then again, I used to be really fucking stupid.

RL Grime – Core: This is building up to something that I’m probably gonna hate. Not to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but holy shit was I right. It has buildups that I felt like will have a significant payoff, but then it just does fucking nothing. It’s like audio edging. For fuck’s sake, this song goes nowhere. Well, at least I can say that I also really hate their name.

Datsik – Redemption (ft. Excision):  Oh great, I found the official background music to every YouTube vape video. When they inevitably remake the Matrix movies, I fear this is all they’re going to sound like. The track says it features another artist, but the only thing I can hear is some random audio clips. But then I did some research to find out it took TWO separate DJs to make this bullshit.

Post Malone – White Iverson: First of all, this guy needs to land on his basketball references. Second of all, this video has 276,473,194 views—a number I wish I were joking about. This song just sounds like every other modern hip hop song, minimal beat and some dude inaudibly saying dumb shit without a rhyme. Now that I’ve established how milquetoast this song is, I’d really like to comment on how this guy looks. He’s the missing link from Riff Raff and James Franco’s character in Spring Breakers. Seriously, if they were to make a reboot of Malibu’s Most Wanted, casting had better snatch this honkey up QUICK! He seems like an exaggeration of someone trying to appropriate black culture, and it’s heartbreaking no one is calling him on this shit. I can’t wait until we’re in a time of post-Post Malone.

Seven Lions – Worlds Apart (feat. Kerli): Honestly, this starts out okay. Kerli has a pretty voice, the electronic beat isn’t overbearing and the video features bloated images of outer space that you’d probably find on the wall of a “worldly” teenage stoner. I’ve heard way worse. Granted, this could also be my old “techno” fan coming out. There’s a middle dubsteppy part that I could do without, but whatever. Yeah, I didn’t mind this one.

Zomboy – Like A Bitch: Right from the get-go I’m told to, “stop acting like a (woop) and get my hands up.” Here’s the deal, Zomboy: you only get one chance to make a first impression. And you insulting me for not doing what you want isn’t going to make friends with anyone. So, no, I won’t stop acting like a bitch.  The mere fact that you keep repeating it, isn’t going to motivate me to do it any faster—if at all. With that said, musically, this also sucks.

Audien – Something Better (ft. Lady Antebellum): Hey! This has a structure of a legit pop song! I don’t know if this project has been beating me down, or if this is actually decent. Don’t get me wrong, it has the really annoying electronic hooks that most modern music has, but compared to some of the garbage I’ve already put in my ears, it’s pretty alright.

Bakermat – One Day: Man, what a progressive song. Nothing says, “heartstring cash grab” better than mixing samples of MLK’s “I Have A Dream” speech and sexy saxophone with generic dancy electronic beats. It honestly sounds like the backing beats to Marky Mark’s “Good Vibrations.” Oh well, at least it was short.

Big Wild – Aftergold: This song sounds like it was tailor-made to be used in the opening narrative of an “inspirational” teen movie. Imagine an opening shot of an urban high school with the main character doing a voice over explaining his life and school, now think of the music that is playing in the background. Yeah, you’ve got it. It’s light and floaty with an array of unique instruments (strings, Taiko drums, etc.) and then sample in some record scratches and electronic noise and that’s it. It’s not offensive. It’s not anything. It’s just a thing.

Bleep Bloop – Slippin: Before I start, I want you to know that it was THIS band that made me venture into this masochistic assignment. It all started when a group of younger coworkers posted the flyer for this festival on social media and expressed their sincere excitement. Now, being the complete asshole I am, decided to shit all over their good time by stating that it sounds like the worst time imaginable. (I was essentially being facetious because I really don’t care what they listen to. But for the record: I’m right). Anyway, after skimming through the names, my eyes caught the name “Bleep Bloop” and everything in me laughed and cried all at the same time. I voiced my opinion about this band without ever hearing them, stating that this just sounds like a generic EDM placeholder until these assholes can figure out something dumber to call themselves.

Cut to a few days later. It’s a Saturday and once we were finished closing up, I decided to invite some coworkers over for drinks. While everyone is over, I take it upon myself to throw on a record that I figured would appeal to many. So I put on my copy of T-Swift’s 1989 (it’s solid pop-gold, fight me). I throw on the record, and it’s mostly well received. At this moment, the person I was giving shit to about Bleep Bloop made his opinion heard by stating that he can’t believe that I would listen to/enjoy 1989, but refuse to open myself up to Bleep Bloop. Now once he said “Bleep Bloop” out loud, I couldn’t help by throw myself into maniacal laughter. I mean, just think about how goddamn stupid that sounds. Imagine your favorite band of all time. Then imagine their name is fucking Bleep Bloop. Now try and defend that band to someone who hasn’t heard them before. It turns into the biggest, most useless uphill battle you’ve ever waged upon someone else. It’s also just really funny for the other person, if you’re dead serious about them.

Okay, now that I’ve got the backstory of this shit-ass band, it’s time to dive into the music.

This is just a series of dumb sound effects. It honestly sounds like it was created on the Playstation version of MTV Music Generator. Then they have remixed versions of a guy saying the same damn thing. It’s seriously giving me a headache. I don’t know why anyone would want to listen to this for enjoyment. It’s really fucking confusing. All in all, it’s exactly what I expected out of a band named Bleep Bloop.

Destructo – Higher: Have you ever seen an action movie from the late 90’s/early 00’s where the protagonist has to kill a mafia boss in the middle of a douchey club? You know, those scenes where in which shit really escalates into a full-blown gun fight and the fire alarm goes off making everything wet creating a unique aesthetic? Yeah, this is the shitty music playing at the beginning of the scene that lets the viewer know that the location really sucks. The video is blatantly alluding to straight-up heroin/sex addiction—it’s pretty glamorous. And then she dies at the end from a broken heart while some guy repeats, “get higher, baby.” All in all, better than other stuff already reviewed on this godforsaken list.

Ghastly – We Might Fall (ft. Matthew Koma): This video started out by saying “Dubstep Electro House” which is weird because I can almost guarantee it should just say “whiny dude singing over bullshit.” It started off slow with dumb vocals, then it slowly built up to a techno climax (which is also a medical term for when you ejaculate lasers) with a high-pitched autotune. And then it repeats. Whatever, it sucks, but it’s fine.

Well folks, that’s it for the first half. I’m currently waiting on edits for the second. I’m sure you’re waiting with baited breath. Trust me, it fucking sucks.

[xcandycorn]

Intro Toned body Can't atone with me Took the music when he left Lover of the stars Cared more about his cars Than my career Tossed my records in the dirt Drug my name through it too Now I'm running on empty I need to refuel Sat across from a man so doped up That he's starting to drool To make it through a world so cruel I'm gonna need to pull up a barstool Nothing left in my glass To keep my mind still I think it's time to refill Boom! Boom. Boom... Can't get onto that couch again Sat there while you poked around in my mind And I didn't even know it  Yeah, it helped back then  But there's more barriers now A terrain once easy to navigate  Is now a mine field  That's ready to blow Yeah, it's ready to blow Boom! What was I so worried about Why was I shaking Did I cry over a guy Boom. Stressed out over meaningless things Couldn't see the good things Life continuously brings  Boom... Feels pretty damn good To finally at least feel okay Even if it's just for part of the day Boom! Boom. Boom... Same pill, same time, same day Not how I want to live  Not that way No not today I'd say not tomorrow  But will tomorrow even come This is what I deal with Where's that thought even from  My life's not that bad But on any given day  I go from passive to sad In three seconds flat  Really, why's my brain Dropping bombs like that  Boom! What was I so worried about Why was I shaking Did I cry over a guy Boom. Stressed out over meaningless things Couldn't see the good things Life continuously brings  Boom... Feels pretty damn good To finally at least feel okay Even if it's just for part of the day Boom! Boom. Boom... Don't want your bottle of solutions  That'll only help until they don't  Or until I won't  Or my body just can't  When I take a nosedive  Into the dark recesses of my mind I need something to lift me up Raise me up high  Why blackout on the ground  When I can light up in the sky Boom! What was I so worried about Why was I shaking Did I cry over a guy Boom. Stressed out over meaningless things Couldn't see the good things Life continuously brings  Boom... Feels pretty damn good To finally at least feel okay Even if it's just for part of the day Boom! Boom. Boom... Big Girl Boots Lace me up (up, up, up) Prepare me Don't scare me Already shaking Beneath this stadium floor Gladiatorial tour Eyes on me Waiting for me to fall Or throw up my liver In the bathroom stall Torch those tennis shoes! Torch your opinions of me. You want to send me flowers? Torch your roses Torture to have your eyes on me I'm in my big girl boots I can handle chaos in large doses My big girl boo-oo boo-oo Boo-oo-oots My big girl boots! Will I bleed Will I scar Will I drink and drive Just to crash another car Everyone's waiting on me to relapse I will not give in I will not collapse These boots hold me up When the world pulls me down Torch those tennis shoes! Torch your opinions of me. You want to send me flowers? Torch your roses Torture to have your eyes on me I'm in my big girl boots I can handle chaos in large doses My big girl boo-oo boo-oo Boo-oo-oots My big girl boots! Pop girl here Came to rock and roll Rock and roll band here Singin the blues No genre limits Not on this road Only wear big boy shoes As they tap to the beat If you only came for one thing Better give up your seat Torch those tennis shoes! Torch your opinions of me. You want to send me flowers? Torch your roses Torture to have your eyes on me I'm in my big girl boots I can handle chaos in large doses My big girl boo-oo boo-oo Boo-oo-oots My big girl boots! Ricochet I am on the road I'm on the run  Engaged in an arms race But forgot my gun What a sickening sound The way you recoil  Should've kept that safety on You shot, you missed Bet you didn't know those were  Poisoned lips that you kissed  You've unleashed a crazy woman Unearthed a fearless warrior Took aim at a retched soul  Give it some time Your misfirings will take their toll  Ricochet-et-et Pulled the trigger But you won't hit me, No, not today-ay-ay Each time you shoot at me That bullet's coming back to you  Ricochet-et-et Ricochet.  Don't even think about Raiding this caravan  I'm a caring woman  But I still have eyes on my back  Friends watch my six Armed with stones and sticks  I know what makes you tick I am the arms of the clock  I'll decide when Enough is enough  And when the end Of this war has come  Ricochet-et-et Pulled the trigger But you won't hit me, No, not today-ay-ay Every time you shoot at me That bullet's coming back to you  Ricochet-et-et Ricochet.  Bullets bouncing everywhere  Did you really think that I would not hear About the guns you played with  When I wasn't looking?  Caught a whiff of the lies You always seem to be cooking.  Don't hurt yourself trying to reload, It'll all be in vain. My rhyming ass already hit the road,  Ears ready to hear you cry out in pain.  Ricochet-et-et Pulled the trigger But you won't hit me, No, not today-ay-ay Every time you shoot at me That bullet's coming back to you  Ricochet-et-et Ricochet.  It Hurts If I ain't screamin I ain't happy Don't need roses Poems are sappy Step back, step off Why don't you jerk off If you ain't hard enough To hurt me. If this ice cream Is labeled vanilla You can keep it, That shit ain't for me. I demand some with a kick, A slap or a hit. Make me say ay, papi Till my head game is sloppy Won't let nothing stop me Or you. Can't wait to put you on... lock And all I want is your... cock Ohhhhhhhh If your loving ain't... pain, Then I don't want it. Boys make it... rain, I need a man to make it storm Until my clothes are... torn And my body is... worn Ohhhhh fuck It Hurts, your lovin', It Hurts Hurt Me! Be the needle in my arm Come on and cause me harm As I come down from the high Won't you be my paul bearing guy  Fantasize about how my blood might taste Does that make me a vampire  Or masochistic waste  With the devil's arms Wrapped around my waist  Let me sink into this bed Come on, watch me drown  Life keeps slipping away  Cuz' I'm going down  Down, Down to where I belong  Dancing to Satan's song  Not expected to care  Not told to be strong  Yeah, I'm going down  I don't want to be your one and done cure I want to be your everyday drug Loving shouldn't be this pure Make this dirty Begging you to hurt me! Hurt me! Hurt me! Ohhhhhhhh Just don't desert me Hurt me! Hurt me! Fucking hurt me Be the liquor in my bottle Inebriate my ability to handle the throttle As my liver dies inside my body Will you wish to be the one to stop me Curious about the liquid on your lips I gave up the bottle But your lips I can't quit If I drink off them Do I still get my chip Sure I'm still sober This was just a slip Into the dark I go Where the shadows become one With those whose form they steal Into the dark I go Where the devil forged my name on his deal I don't want to be your one and done cure I want to be your everyday drug Loving shouldn't be this pure Make this dirty Begging you to hurt me! Hurt me! Hurt me! Ohhhhhhhh Just don't desert me Hurt me! Hurt me! Fucking hurt me Na-na-na-narcan in my system You you you weren't supposed to save me You were supposed to dig my grave Pump vitamins and fluids into my veins You you you were supposed to let me die Not be the hero I Never needed Never wanted Never even asked for I am evil's whore Flirting with darkness and death High on the flames Produced by Hades' lungs Funeral song has been sung I don't want to be your one and done cure I want to be your everyday drug Loving shouldn't be this pure Make this dirty Begging you to hurt me! Hurt me! Hurt me! Ohhhhhhhh Just don't desert me Hurt me! Hurt me! Fucking hurt me! Daddy Hose me down, I'm a naughty girl Make my day, pull the trigger daddy Haven't known you Since before mommy had me You hate how I turned out Should've tried to raise me After you left The world learned to praise me Jealous of the light You tried to trap me in the dirt I earned that name The first night I lifted up my skirt I'm not your Daddy's Daddy's Daddy's Girl Not the center of his whole world I'm not your Daddy's Daddy's Daddy's Girl But I'm scared I might be him one day Call me Daddy, boy Spank me, I'm a very bad girl Take away my pain, light me up daddy This bullet in my chest would've killed If you'd given me a heart Took it with you when you left You shot a hollow doll Not quite porcelain I didn't shatter Still you shed your own blood Acted like it didn't even matter I'm not your Daddy's Daddy's Daddy's Girl Not the center of his whole world I'm not your Daddy's Daddy's Daddy's Girl But I'm scared I might be him one day Call me Daddy, boy Only daddy-daughter dates Were at the end of a gun Passed this on down Yeah, do you remember your son Runaway daddy drove my brother insane Broke him down, he lived to cause me pain Took after Mommy You like how I fight back Take joy as your sight Fades to eternal black I'm not your Daddy's Daddy's Daddy's Girl Not the center of his whole world I'm not your Daddy's Daddy's Daddy's Girl But I'm scared I might be him one day Call me Daddy, boy Runaway Man Wish you had left me for dead At least that would mean We made it till death do us part  Burn me at the stake  For crimes against man Don't give me a break Break my heart  Turn into the marathon man Got miles to go  Until I can't reach you  Tried so hard to teach you I'm not the woman you leave  Throw it in reverse Got tread marks leading to you  With my money in your backseat Gotta know I'm gunnin' for ya Runaway Man, doin things Only runaways can  Runaway Man No sense of responsibility  Would've hurt less  If you just killed me  Left me with no booze  In the bottle  Now my hand's on the throttle Eyes see clearly what's ahead  What looks like a man Will soon be dead I'll make roadkill Out of all that flesh If I put your body in my trunk Does that make this a muscle car Or a hearse?  Throw it in reverse Got tread marks leading to you  With my money in your backseat Gotta know I'm gunnin' for ya Runaway Man, doin things Only runaways can  Runaway Man Dropping you off Where the highway don't go  Where your body lands No one will know  Peacefulness left in my rear view  In pieces is how I'll leave you  Will you decay  Become one with the dirt road  Will you burn  Become the ashes in my throat Either way you'll never run again  Driving you to a dead end  Throw it in reverse Got tread marks leading to you  With my money in your backseat Gotta know I'm gunnin' for ya Runaway Man, doin things Only runaways can  Runaway Man

[fathersonholygore]

Hulu’s The Path Season 2, Episode 12: “Spiritus Mundi” Directed by Sian Heder Written by Coleman Herbert

* For a recap & review of the previous episode, “Defiance” – click here * For a recap & review of the Season 2 finale, “Mercy” – click here In the woods, Mary Cox (Emma Greenwell) finds herself lost after fleeing the car with Sean (Paul James), his mother, and the cult deprogrammer. Now she can’t find her way through the darkness, calling for Cal (Hugh Dancy), for anyone to come get her. Then she gets pains in her stomach, her baby could possibly be in danger. Meanwhile, Abe (Rockmond Dunbar) talks with Eddie (Aaron Paul) about Sarah (Michelle Monaghan) and her blackmail, facing a “4 years minimum sentence” for what she’s done to the Meyerists who once unburdened in the faith and hopes of privacy. So, how do these two men go about navigating the waters ahead? Eddie believes Abe needs to make his own choice, in regards to what he ought to do with the information he’s gathered. At the compound in one of those little white rooms, Cal and Sarah interrogate Richard (Clark Middleton) about taking things to Eddie behind their backs. At the same time, Felicia (Adriane Lenox) is likewise interrogated. Whereas Richard gives them bullshit, Felicia doesn’t mess around and tells them the truth – Steve (Keir Dullea) and the Light intended on Eddie taking up the cause. Nevertheless, Sarah feels betrayed by Richard particularly, wanting to label him a denier. Later when Bill (Brian Stokes Mitchell) arrives, he’s not pleased with what Felicia’s been doing behind his back; he’s also more realistic, in a way, than his partner. He doesn’t believe in the Ladder burning her, calling it all a story, which seems to drive a deep wedge between them right away. She’s not ready to “atone” for anything Cal, Sarah, or Bill want her to, and this really looks like it eats them all up inside; Cal most. Eddie: “Sleep the sleep of the just”

Hank (Peter Friedman) goes to tell Eddie that “they know” and that everything is over. I get the feeling this is going to push Eddie into a dangerous space. Because he knows he’s right, in many respects. But it’s now a question of whether he wants to push things past the breaking point, and whether the Meyerist cult is going to retaliate in an unsettling way. How far is Sarah willing to go, now that she’s gone so far over the line? She wonders if Steve was right, though. About Eddie. After which Cal tells her: “Steve‘s words mean nothing.” If so, for real, how can they go on believing what they believe? Out on the town, Eddie tracks down another denier. A bartender who was kicked out for supposed subordination. All due to a run-in with Cal, because he was getting ahead and Cal wasn’t at the time; Steve was favouring someone else. The guy seemed to have loved Meyerism, for what it was, an enlightening experience of self, but it was Cal, those competitive, weird bits that were the destruction. Cal and Sarah try reassuring everyone, after Richard’s betrayal, that things are going well, and that going forward they’ll be fine. Big, big talk. Hawk (Kyle Allen) and Noa (Britne Oldford) look on proudly. Russel (Patch Darragh) goes to Cal alone to tell him he wants to help “maintain law and order” however possible. Although Hank’s still not sold, even if he pretends to accept things as they lie. And Abe, he drops off his tests about the water in a car – Sarah’s car – in the parking lot. I wonder what this will set in motion.

Out finding more deniers, Eddie convinces others he wants to change the movement. To reform certain policies, to make Meyerism what it’s meant to be and not some insane cult. In the trees, Sarah lurks, watching. He confronts her and tells her the movement can be better. He also lets slip he knows of the blackmail, that the deniers could testify against her. Eddie speaks ominously when he says to his wife: “One way or another, you will be punished.” Whoooa, that was an intense moment courtesy of both Mr. Paul and Ms. Monaghan. When she’s on her way back home a vehicle stars chasing her, ramming the car from behind, before it pushes her into a guardrail and flips her car, crashing hard. What timing, after Eddie’s harsh yet plausible words. Poor Richard wakes up in a homeless shelter, nowhere in the real world that will take him after many years under the veil of Meyerism. Life hasn’t exactly turned out how he expected. He goes to a law school, tracking down a man named Jeremiah (Brian Yang); someone he knew in another life, before the cult. Jeremiah’s married to a nice man, kids, the whole deal. Richard needs a couch to sleep on, but his old friend – a lover, most definitely – can’t oblige after two decades. Sad to see the ruin of a life like Richard’s after believing in a faith that ostracises and pushes people away, often in a violent emotional manner, now coming out the other end worse for wear. Everyone’s worried about Sarah, she hasn’t come home, she hasn’t called. Cal and Hawk assume she’s with Eddie; the two of them and Hank try calling around to find out where she’s disappeared. And Mary, she’s still lost, too. Having complications when her water seems to burst.

In the hospital, Sarah wakes with luckily only a broken arm. At her bedside is Cal. She tells him she was run off the road. More paranoia for them and the movement. She also tells Cal that Eddie knows, of the money, the blackmail. Will this lead them to Abe working undercover? If that’s the case, I worry for him. I never stop worrying about Eddie, either. Only takes a suggestion for Cal to believe he had anything to do with Sarah’s accident. He then takes his suspicions to Hawk, which could make things get ugly. Cal knows what he’s doing by telling him. Rotten and manipulative. Abe is busy building his case. People are brought in to videotape their statements, bringing out all about Sarah taking money from those who once unburdened themselves to Steve and the movement. Back at his place Eddie discovers Hawk waiting, angry. This is disgusting to watch. Cal has manipulated the kid into hating his father, believing the worst of him. He is so far gone he’ll never come back. He wants Eddie to leave, won’t even call him dad anymore. And it breaks the well-meaning father’s heart to hear and see. At the compound Mary is found on the roadside, bloody, unconscious. Her baby happy and healthy, it seems. For the first time Sarah looks at the child, then at Cal, and realises who the father is, truly.

Eddie: “There‘s a fine line between a tool and a weapon” Going to see Eddie, Richard pleads for him not to leave. He wants them to help people, to actually do good instead of letting the bad overcome all the Meyerists worked for over the years. For his part Eddie isn’t willing to fight, not any harder than he has already. Will he come back? Everything for Sarah and Cal has changed. Just in the way she looks at him, it’s evident. He apologises without her saying a word. “I was asleep,” she tells him re: his true self, his behaviour, the bodies and wreckage in Cal’s path. She already knew. However, what does she do now that she’s “wide fucking awake” after all this time? Things have really taken a turn, in all respects, during this episode. While everyone in the movement has a ceremony for the baby, Richard shows up, declaring Eddie Lane as the true leader. He locks everyone inside their little church, calling Cal a “snake” and yelling for anyone nearby to hear. He heads to the records room. As Sarah and a guard try to get in, Richard produces a gas can; is he really going to light all those files, the tapes, himself, and the whole place on fire? An excellently edited sequence sees Richard pouring gas as Eddie fills his car with gas elsewhere; Eddie feels something happening. Haunting score, intense cuts, perfect acting. Before Richard lights the place, he urges Sarah to run. And she obliges. What an intense episode! WOW. Richard sacrificed himself to something greater, for real. No Ladder, no Light. He sacrificed himself, and now where does the movement go from here? Likewise, does this put a wrench into the works for Abe or does he already have enough information to bury Sarah, Cal, and the entire cult? We’ll see. Only one episode left, titled “Mercy” – and then it’s Season 3, or bust. I hope they’ll give us another one, depending on how the season finishes. Excited to watch what’ll unfold. The Path – Season 2, Episode 12: “Spiritus Mundi” Hulu's The Path Season 2, Episode 12: "Spiritus Mundi" Directed by Sian Heder…

#Aaron Paul #Cult #Hugh Dancy #Hulu #Meyerism #Michelle Monaghan #Season 2 #Spiritus Mundi #The Path