leagueofawesomedudes

[leagueofawesomedudes]

2020 LOAD Week 7 Preview

Alright boys, we’re friggen back. I sat at my computer watching a rant-filled groupme conversation as I flipped back and forth between the 37 tabs of the historical data LOAD spreadsheet when I came to the decision 6 weeks is long enough. No longer will you be deprived of my majestic, dare I say, God-like pen to paper fantasy football previews. That’s right, pucker up your buttholes and be ready to masturbate with your tears of joy, laughter, and distraught as I destroy each and every one of you. No Browns talk, no putting it lightly, no bullshit.

Before I start, TJ we appreciate your commissioning efforts in the 2020 season. This is not in spite, I just really missed the preview articles and is my push to somehow keep them around.

And now back to your regularly scheduled cheek spreading unadulterated fun.

 “Jared, wait for this sick drop” The Injured Reserve (1-5) vs.

“Burg, I think these guys actually want to fuck me” Can’t Guard Mike (3-3)

If Jon’s not ferociously defeating the CoCo (Covid19) or nervously giggling as the Squad guys make questionable sexual advances on him, he’s putting together a solid team. I mean you can’t knock a guy with a 3-3 record when you’ve scored the most points in the LOAD. Buuut I’m going to anyway. Suck it Jon. Casey’s still recovering from drafting Joe Mixon in the first-round last year but I will say has elevated his strive for the playoffs. He even did a trade! Good job man someone had to respond to Dom eventually. Your participation in the Groupme on game days (mostly Monday nights) is welcomed and if you ever schedule a tee time at 7am that doesn’t also require a 2 hour commute I’m totally down. Unless Doug’s there I’m all set on my 401k. Unfortunately for Casey, Jon is returning Michael Thomas after his teammate altercation (HideYoWifeInNawlins?) and looks to earn a playoff spot the old-fashioned way with his record.

Jon > Cholly

 “The Snowman” SheDiggsMyCobb (0-6) vs.

“Why’s the Snowman doing all my coke” Pelting Coopers (4-2)

Bennett as much as I appreciate you on my side of the Kicker argument your record is almost making me want you on the other side. We’ve all seen the “historical” data showing where you stand but you do realize you have to get W’s or you fall behind right? This is what you get for recklessly abandoning your strong stance on a roster full of white players only housing 4 on the roster? And to think we all depended on you. Dom I have to say we all enjoy you a lot more without the bullshit time advantage our previous waiver wire system afforded you. The FAAB system has given us all new found time and sleep on our hands but unfortunately for you has also opened the door to the testing facility every other Wednesday. No one blames you with the LA puh and that hair of yours. Speaking of trade rapes, no one talks enough about the Hunt for Edelman straight up during a tough Browns opener and an extremely intoxicated Chad. Well done sir, whether ethical or not, well done. Bennett stays as defeated as his meat on page 113 of XNXX and counting, and takes the L.

Salami > Benito

“What’d you say you use to slow balding?  My friend was wondering” Dj Play Moore Drake (2-4) vs.

“Bro check it it’s River, like Rocky River, where I live, get it?!?!” jared donovan’s team

 Man, I’ve seen few people more confident than Paul heading into the season. He had the mock drafts, the magazines, the insiders, hell even Reddit! And yet here we are. You all thought I was trade raped but yet here. we. are. Our loving Paul with the closest thing to an unbreakable spirit, almost broken. I do think there’s potential for a rebound this year, but Jared is totally trying now and never was before last year so it won’t happen this week. New house, new puppy, same Jared. Guy throws a moving party on my birthday weekend of all weekends. Just when you think Jared can’t surprise you any more, he gives me an entire day to show off how fucking big I am in front of all my friends. No ladies, your boyfriend is still not bigger than me.  Thanks again dude it was the highlight of my 2020. Jared somehow gets one of the top QB’s in the league AND Darius Slayton for a rookie QB potentially on the rise and he’s in a spot to continue to do some damage in the LOAD. Paul, you’re going to need one of Jared’s 3 hour long showers to recover from this beatdown.

Jerry > Pav

 “I’m not triggered but CEH’s game was undisputedly the 1st game of the year” 2 Younghoes 1 Kupp (4-2) vs.

“Wait I don’t have Wentz anymore?” Under the Influwentz (2-4)

A Mr. Douglas Yeckley is the latest to join the fiancé gang and I personally can’t wait until I hit my annual quota of 1 face to face hang out at the Secret Santa to congratulate him in person. I’m still trying to figure out if he checks his email more than the groupme and actually knows he’s the second-best fantasy manager in the LOAD. Yahoo favors the autodraft, can’t wait to see how he does without it next year :) Sam, Sam, Sam. Trying to determine how I feel about writing this on your birthday. I can hate on your dedication to Fantasy as much as I want, but gosh darnit do I have to respect it. Especially with Ashley calling all of your shots this year. We all know she’s been the brains behind this operation this year. Just wait bud, that spreads into all decisions you make real soon. The old “well her lease is up so it makes sense” is how it alllll starts my friend. Won’t be long until that hair of yours starts to look like mine and Pauls. And just because I always root against you, I’m sticking to my guns.

Fur > Sammy

 “You said she’s 18? Nah too old for me” Street Charks (3-3) vs.

Dad (6-0)

Battle of the daddys. Chad out on the streets, and Shawn in the burb life. I’ve been sitting here trying to determine which one of their kids has a better chance of coming out with a bomber on. History repeats itself so I think we have the answer. It’s not often I’m called a trend setter, but this may be the start. Shawn needs to watch out as Chad’s newly shaved arms not only make him look more jacked, aerodynamic when he fights, but it also packs an extra punch in fantasy. Shawn’s the only remaining undefeated team left, but I feel the walls are closing in on him with some injuries to the roster. Even as he’s reading this Chad’s defending Shawn in his head, and giggling as he hears “Right Shawn?” “No, left Shawn”. Just hoping I can get one random, witty comment from Shawn in the groupme from this and I’ll feel accomplished. You’re upset of the week boys, you heard it here first.

Wardog > Carothers

 ***Game of Ze Week***

“It’s actually classified as hair-thinning, that’s all” Kickers & Defense (4-2) vs.

“Oh yeah? Well my friends all tell me I’m the best commish they’ve ever had” Tony Time (3-3)

 If you thought I was going through all of this trouble to write this and not putting myself as the game of the week you’re dumber than Malik. And with that, I’ll lead into a fan favorite, story time:

It’s a brisk Fall morning amidst a global pandemic but more importantly, fantasy season. The squad members have begun to wake and start their days. It’s Friday, so Solden has already been trying to get the troops going as Chad frantically thinks of things to talk about. A small tickle from his mustache causes Tony to slowly open his eyes, taking in a deep breath as Petey licks his face. It’s a calm 8:45, so he still has time to drink his coffee outside before starting his day. As he scrolls among the 37 groupme notifications he figures, why not download the Yahoo app and see what’s going on. Notifications? Hmm I wonder what that could be. His eyes widen. Mouth drops. Sweat begins to pour as The Darth Vader coffee mug slips from his grasp. *Justin Herbert – Questionable (ribs)* *Dionte Johnson – Out (back)*

*Clyde Edwards-Helaire  – Questionable (Ankle)*. This can’t be he says. I rallied them all yesterday it mustn’t be! These trades were fool proof! He frantically sprints over to the computer as Petey sits next to his empty food bowl. “At a time like this?!? Not now Petey!!!” He repeats in his head chant-like “The spreadsheet will have the answers, the spreadsheet will have the answers” as he frantically logs in. No…   No it can’t be…. He had it saved to the desktop he’d just edited it the night before for 9 hours! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!

“Tj wake up” He jumps. He checks his mustache to make sure it’s still there. It was just a dream. And all is right in the world again.

Solden > Tj

  What’s that Jon? I can’t hear you with Trumps dick in your mouth. Boom Roasted.

Tj is your full-time job as a Commissioner or at Park Place? Boom Roasted.

Dom a 3 is still a 3 in LA we all see the snaps. Boom Roasted.

Shawn locked yourself out of your house lately? Boom Roasted.

Sam when’s the coronavirus peak coming? Boom Roasted.

Jared it’s going away right after the election, right? Boom Roasted.

Doug I’m not talking about work at Secret Santa. Boom Roasted.

Chad a 3 is still a 3 in Lakewood we all see the snaps. Boom Roasted.

Casey I miss driving you to O’Bleness. Boom Roasted.

Paul I’m writing this while I’m working from home at home. Boom Roasted.  

Bennett I’m writing this while I’m working from home at home. Boom Roasted.

Malik you’re an idiot and can’t read this. Boom Roasted.  

Damn that felt good. Until next time boys. Solden out.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

2019 LOAD Championship Preview

Well, well, well, look what we have here heading into the championship…All seems to be right again and the world looks to be back on its axis with Dom home in Cleveland because he missed the snow too much, Doug back on the map because cares about us again, Paul doesn’t know what a minority owner is, Bennett in his wrinkled blue button up shirt, Casey making Christmas mixes that sound much like the rest of his mixes, TJ is threating to quit again while also spending hours searching for a Friends episode to take a snapchat of a scene but trying hard to make it look like he randomly stumbled upon it, and yes finally Sam back in the championship which makes it truly feel like Christmas.

We’ve been on a drought with the articles as of late but the championship needs a preview so here we go.

***Championship Final***

Christian McCuri’s vs jared donovan’s team

The moment that Sam has been waiting patiently for…no not to avenge his status as the LOAD Champ but to be all alone with Jared.  I believe Sam’s specific words this week were something along the lines of pounding Jared’s ass.  Props to Jared who over the summer said that he’s going to give it his all this year and holy shit, dude is in the championship.  Looks like the game of tummy sticks will have to be postponed.  

These teams are just about even at every position with all players projected for big totals.  Sam will need to get every point possible from his players if he wants to Brees through this week and claim his 4th LOAD title.  Our Matt Gayest owner will be on his knees practicing his Christian faith Sunday praying for a big game out of CMC making sure he’s light and doesn’t go out on the field with a full load of Landry.  The big question for Sam’s team is will McCaffrey get 30 points or 40 points this week? A big change of pace for Sammy this week with a lot of boom or bust potential at WR as it will be a Scary Terry afternoon if Perriman can’t carry him in back-to-back weeks.  On the opposing side Jared has solid players up and down, yes solid up and down just like Jared himself.  Jare looking to put Sam’s momentum in Parker by getting solid production from old man Adrian Peterson who wants to put the whooping on the Giants defense like he did to his son until it Ertz.  Ultimately I think Jared has the more solid team this week and he’ll upset Sam and bring home the Gould.  Move over Samwise, there’s a new claimer to the Throne.  

Jared 152.06 > Sam 145.02

Heck of a season boys. Get your brainstorming session in prior to the winter meetings where we’ll be looking to make some changes heading into 2020.

Singing Off,

LOAD Presidente

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 13 load preview

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you butt fucking homos! There hasn’t been a preview done in 3 weeks, but apparently chad wants one done before our playoffs start. And whom to better to run you all through the potential playoff scenarios then the person who is on the NFL playoff machine for 3 hours a day? With the bills beating the boys last night 2 things have been assured: 1) Jason Garret will be relived of his duties at the end of the year the same way we all relieved some of our own duties after our thanksgiving feasts last night and 2) there is effectively only going to be the 6th and final spot up for grabs in the AFC playoff race. Long story short, fuck the colts, fuck the raiders, especially fuck the Steelers and all of their hick ass cousin fucking toothless fans and Gooooo browns babbyyyy. Matchup: She diggs my Cobb (4-8) vs. the injured reserve (4-8) Analysis: Who cares, both teams are eliminated. If forced to choose, since I already gifted Bennett one thing this year by backing out Solden’s wedding, Casey, here ya go I’m picking you to win this matchup. Seems pretty even. Matchup: Christian McCuri’s (9-3) vs. Rooney Tunes (5-7) Analysis: lot of playoff implications here. Sam who looks poised to make another deep playoff run is battling for the number 1 seed and a potential bye. If Sam wins he locks up the 1 seed, if he loses and Jared and I both win, he’ll fall to the 3 seed and lose his coveted bye week. Shawn on the other hand, needs to win and outscore the loser of the Jon/Doug game as well as outscore Paul and solden if they win their matchups. None of that matters since Sam is going win. Matchup: Jared’s team (9-3) vs juju kachoo (5-7) Analysis: Jared can lock up a bye with a win, however if he loses and tj beats me he can still secure a bye on total. points. He’ll lose his bye position if he loses and i beat tj. Pauly on the other hand needs a lot of help. Not only he need to go back to English class to learn how to read and write, he also needs solden and Shawn to lose as well as Doug to beat Jon all while out scoring Jon by 21 points...again not sure this matters since Jared is going to win. Matchup: kickers and defense (5-7) vs. mahomies chubbie (3-9) Analysis: Chad 3 wins? Jesus, I thought you were supposed to be a football guy. Solden though is in solid position here, if he wins, which is a lock this week, his best chance at getting in will be Jon losing to Doug. If jon beats Doug then solden will need to outscore Doug by 16 to get in. If Shawn beats Jared then solden will need to outscore Shawn by 31. Matchup: butker in the cooper (8-4) vs uncle Rico (8-4) Analysis: honestly I’m still creaming over my team name. Fuck. Her. In. The. Pooper. Anyways, Tony and I have already clinched a playoff birth, but a decent amount is at stake here since we both have a shot at getting a bye. If i win and Sam and Jared lose I’ll have the number 1 seed. If i win and one of them loses I’ll get a bye. Similar situation for teej but since he’s behind in points he’ll need to outscore Jared by 91 to get a bye. Hey it’s possible bc look at your lineup. Are u still complaining about starting 3 WR now when you’re fielding a lineup with Michael Thomas, Tyreek and sharknado...that’s fucking scary bro bro. Anyways good luck this week... you’re gonna need it, bitch. Matchup of the week: under the influwentz (6-6) vs. my quads are danger6 (6-6) Analysis: the last playoff spot is going to be heavily factored by the outcome of this battle as previously mentioned so i won’t get into all the details again and mainly bc I’m about to take off and want to get this posted. Doug even though sashi was right about Carson not being a top 20 qb long term i still love your team name way more than jons so i think you’ll pull this one out. So who gets that last playoff spot now? I’m predicting solden does and gets in over Jon on total points. Anyways, I’m off to SoCal, I’ll see everyone at the Christmas party. Btw, do you guys think Gina will like it if i get here a dildo? Can’t be any worse than whatever the fuck we got dev and gazdak last year. Peace bitches!

[leagueofawesomedudes]

LOAD Week 9 Preview

Well well well well well well well.... would ya just look at this.... Jared Donovan’s team, the number 1 fantasy team in the entire country. Is it a coincidence that the first year that I said I would try I’m dragging my balls on everyone’s face below me? No it’s not. Fantasy is 100% skill, there’s literally no luck involved whatsoever, I always knew it would be too easy if I actually cared but I just said fuck it this year and thought I could use some extra cash. My experience as a Division III CB and John Carroll Univeristy early has paid off.. it essentially makes me a Patriots football coach and directly correlates to my fantasy football skillset. It’s science. But enough of the obvious facts, let’s get to these predictions, huh?

*Warning: content is in no way a preview of the players on the managers’ teams*

Jared Donovan’s team vs. Mahomies Chubbies

Just ran into chad in the bathroom before I started writing this. We had a good talk about the Browns sucking and us giving up on them and how fantasy just isn’t going well for him this year. You’re telling me bro, you fuckin suck at fantasy idiot.. also, tiniest pp on the planet. I was going to say he might be more laser focused since moving out of the penis palace that was His and Dom’s Bingham apartment.. but it’s hard to believe you can’t focus in a place with what seems like 5 couches thrown on the floor, 4 TVs, endless wires, and a pool table coated with semen. That’s ideal if you ask me. Also, now he’s in Lakewood, where the gays are plentiful so there’s nooo way he’s gunna be able to focus. He’s gunna be fuckin dudes and chicks left and rooight. Might even sneak into Bennett’s apartment and fuck him too. Luckily for me this all plays to my favor, not that I need any luck, like I said it’s all skill... Jared > Chad

Under the Influwentz vs. Kickers and Defense

What can I say, Doug and I have really gotten a lot closer this year, 2019 has been filled with so many great memories for us, to that thing we did and then that other thing we did, man... friendship ya know? It’s great. Now Solden... there was no way Solden was going to have a good year in fantasy... the dude got engaged and is planning a wedding, but trying to have a kid which may possibly trump the wedding... wow, now THAT is stress. Also, bold move planning a wedding 1,600 miles away on an island country but maybe possibly not having it in case you plop a baby in Mere. This would be great for me since I told you I likely won’t be going and would have less FOMO and would feel like a better friend. This wedding is tentative, how fast can your swimmers swim, the clock is ticking... kickers and defense huh? well Kick that D into overdrive and go to town. And no jerking off, save it for when it counts. God I’m a good friend. Good luck man. And you get the W in fantasy this week. Solden > Doug

My Quads are Danger6 vs. Rooney Tunes

Dammit I don’t have any ammo against these two men... both stand up guys. But have they ever met? I don’t think so, but nevertheless... Jon, Shawn said you’re a bitch. And Shawn, Jon said lick his nuts... so... yeah I don’t know what you guys wanna do about that but I thought I’d just relay the message. Shawn hasn’t set his lineup yet but based off of the 92% chance Jon currently has of winning that definitely won’t change, Jon > Shawn.

Uncle Rico vs. She Diggs My Cobb

Ohhhh boy... look at this one. These two have had a nice little rivalry building over the past few weeks.. Bennett lives for just a few things... triggering TJ, bridges, fishing shirts, and endless blizzards... it’s almost as if Bennett has intentionally been trying to trigger TJ... but let’s be honest TJ, you’re triggered easily... fucking pussy. But really...TJ has definitely had a rough 2019 guys... from sales people doing sales people jobs, from fortnite dramas, sjws that literally have no affect on his life, a few birthday IG stories that sent him spiraling into fury, not to mention the ankle injury ending his 2019 beach volleyball season. And I swear to God if you guys don’t respond to his GroupMe messages quicker there will be hell to pay. Maybe one of the bright spots this year from tj was falling back in love with fantasy, falling out of love with it, falling back in love with, falling out again, and then his knight in shining armor Gardner Minshew arrived and restored hope. unfortunately Minshew has disappeared just mysteriously as he arrived, but he has left an everlasting mark on the Uncle Rico’s and lifted yet another 2018 consolation championship contender into the top 3... just look at us now TJ. TJ > Bennett

Christian McCuris vs Injured Reserve

I did the math, and according to my calculations it’s OK for Casey to date his brother’s girlfriend’s sister. I probably said that last year but fuck it’s still funny. Unfortunately for him there are no calculations that result in a W for him this week so I’ll just get that out of the way now.... Sam > Casey. Sam has somehow cheated his way into the top of the crop again.. but who are we kidding we all knew this would happen. I can see his fake innocent smile, smiling at this preview right now... sickens me. he won’t beat me this year so 1st place is out for the question, the only hope for you 2nd place contenders is that he gets distracted by his new future wife, Ashley. What a love story ya know guys? I did the math on that too...Sams in the clear, right Paul? AYOOOOOOOOOOO. Which brings me to my game of the week.

Butker in the Cooper vs. Juju Kachoo

4 vs. 8... this has big implications moving forward. Dom went from the top spot for most of this season but has dropped off to the 4 spot as we begin the all important second half stretch... it’s almost symbolic as he slowly phases himself out of Cleveland life while preparing to move to LA... Moving to LA.. Reaaaaa original!!!! But imagine how many places have bottle service out there... it’s basically gunna be him, Nico, probably 40 finance bros and fuckin Mel getting bottle service 4 days a week. Don’t forget that pool table Dom! And Paul... Paul, Paul, Paul... has Paul changed? I’ve heard some murmers that Paul’s a dick now? I’ve missed like 3 roast sessions where Paul has supposedly told you all how he really feels... I’m upset that I haven’t received my roast from Paul yet but I hope to someday. Maybe he’s upset because he was once champion but now is nearing the bottom of the league... which essentially proves last year is a fluke and the championship should probably be voided. We’ll look into that. What do I need to do to get roasted Paul? I’ll do anything.... even tell you how you’re gunna lose this week... Dom > Paul

Alright that’s it. Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Good luck idiots

[leagueofawesomedudes]

LOAD week 8 preview

Here we go the moment you’ve all been waiting for, my review! I hope this spruces up your week and gives you all the insight you need for trades, roster moves, and a W. I mean let’s be honest if you’re ain’t first you’re last! And it seems like Butker in the Cooper is running away with it all. This brings me to the Game of the Week. *Game of the Week* Butker in the Cooper (best player: Butker) vs. Christian McCuri’s (best player: New England’s D) Dom is killing it week in and week out but his pornstar QB is on a bye and is bangin ghetto ass hoes on a pontoon boat with his niggas in San Juan. I’m excited to see who he picks up behind center (Dom I heard James Dean and Ron Jeremy are free agents). Sam has New England’s D against Baker the INT maker. Thus, I only see Baker throwing 1 INT this week, I see him fumbling for a New England Tuddy too. FYI Cleveland is no longer on the list of gayest cities to live in, with its newest resident L.A. takes the cake for biggest dong suckers. Tony’s Bitch > L.A. *Game of the Week ll* She Diggs my Cobb (best player: Antonio Brown) vs. Rooney Tunes (best player: Uber driver) Another Game of the Week folks! This is a good one! #7 vs. #8. One of these teams could make a jump to the better half of the league. I so wish this was real life and Bennett was the slave owner... I mean team owner.Bennett is owning a team of some real dark players. I could see the jerseys made out of Blue Columbia button ups (100% cotton from the fields). Bennett’s suite would consist of heaping piles of cocaine, chipotle catering, and endless corona and limes. That image alone has me picking Bennett, that and the fact that Shawn is still locked out of his house and can’t find his keys. Oh and he’s married... idiot! Blue Coats > Home Alone *Game of the Week lll* Uncle Rico (best player: Minshew ll) vs. Kickers & Defenses (best player: surprisingly not a K or D) If you don’t see a trend that every game is important, then Fuck You! Another Game of the Week! Solden is getting married... what an idiot! He’s also in 11th place... trash. He does have one of the best QBs in the league in Wilson and if Thielen is healthy he could put up some points. He’s going against Tony Minshew ll, or a make-a-wish kid, or Lex Luthers gay brother. Whoever he is, this man has many identities and many team names. Fork over the $5. He is so disappointed for having a winning record... if it wasn’t 2019 and everyone didn’t have sand in their vaginas I’d say it was the end of the world. But it’s 2019 and Tony is looking like a Paul sandcastle in Myrtle Beach. Chalk up a loss for Solden though. Sandman > Jamaican weed *Game of the Week lV* Jared Donovan’s Team (best player: Jared Donovan) vs. The Injured Reserves (best player: none) This is an important game to see if Jared doesn’t get punked by the last place team. Even though Casey had some nice picks and good players they just haven’t produce together as one. I challenge Jared to get a tattoo of his team name if he wins the championship. Jared by a landslide. Tatted > Ratchet *Game of the Week V* Mahomies Chubbie (best player: Nick fuckin Chubb) vs. Under the Influwentz (best player: Team Name) I know we’ve said it before but great team name by Doug. This game would be huge especially if Zeke didn’t have a bye. I would have love to seen a Zeke vs. Chubb match. However Doug has a secret backup for a missing Zeke, his name is Carlos Hyde. Need I say more. Even with Zeke out his RBs are stacked with Jones and Gurley. I’m so happy that a trade was made. I didn’t like the timing of the trade for Chad because of JuJu being on a bye, however, I do respect it since he got himself a wideout he desperately needed. Anyways Mahomes is so good that I think if Chad decides to start him he could still give him 25 plus points. But he’s not starting, so he has Tommy slanging the pigskin against a weak Browns D. I’m hoping Ward and Greedy get back this week. I see Dougs stout RBs winning this one. OSU backfield > No Wideouts **America’s Game of the Week** My Quads are Danger6 (best player: everyone) vs. JuJu Kachoo (best player: JuJu) The official game of the week! Baker has been benched and possibly dropped. He still leaves an impression on his teammates and an imprint of his dong cemented in the locker room. Barkley is back and we all know he hangs dong too. I don’t really like my wideouts that’s much so I’m open for trades (Dom not those trash offers you’re giving me). Paul is the other team on the first trade of the season. For the record I feel like someone needs the call the cops because Paul robbed Chad. He got a rejuvenated Josh Gordon, Levon Bellcow, and Hunt who is coming back soon. With all that praise I’m giving him, I’m still winning. Best team assembled > Kleptomaniac Alright, alright, alright! I nominate Casey for next preview. Let’s get a Browns W this week! Baker: 21/31 226 yards; 2 TD; 1 INT; 1 FUM Chubb: 22 Att 113 yards; 1 Rush TD; 4 Rec 33 yards OBJ: 6 Rec 99 yards 1 TD Seals-Jones: 4 rec 56 yards 1 TD Garrett: 2 sacks, 1 force fumble Browns 24 Pats 21

[leagueofawesomedudes]

LOAD Week 7 Preview

LOAD Week 7 Preview

Looks like you guys are stuck with me again this week.  Big shout out to Bennett……after posting the worst preview article in the history of fantasy football articles, he forgets to nominate someone to write the week 7 preview.

Let’s make it quick boys…

The Injured Reserve vs Rooney Tunes

Man this is about as appealing as the Redskins vs Dolphins.  Casey drops a two point conversion like Kenyan Drake and Shawn takes this one. (I’m open for trades hmu boys).

Shawn > Casey

Christian McCuri’s v Uncle Rico

The first saga of roommate vs roommate this week.  TJ comin’ in hot with that Minshew momentum only losing to me the last few weeks. HERE COMES TONY.  Sam off to another strong start as he’s as consistent of a fantasy owner as he is a good friend.  But that ends this week.  TJ gets payback for Sam swooping his crushes and beats him into the dirt.  I’m Team Tony.  And I’m looking forward to storming the beaches with him and powning noobs in the new COD next week.

TJ > Sam

 Kickers & Defense vs My Quads Are Danger6

Big big matchup in (6) vs (9).  Solden grasping for any momentum he can get before he chalks this season up as an L for yet another year while Jon the preseason favorite looks to catch a dub and insert himself into the top half of the standings.  If Barkley is back this week, this one is a blowout.  If Jon doesn’t get Saquan however, this is about as questionable as a wedding in Jamaica.

Jon > Soldylocks

JuJu Kachoo vs She Diggs My Cobb

Paul takes this one in a no brainer as Bennett won’t have time to set is lineup.  He’ll barely be capable of changing out of his light blue shirt that he’s had on for the last 5 weeks and will also be braindead after hitting the slopes all night with the hillbilly folk at Holla’s party.

Paul > Bennett

Jared Donovan’s Team vs Under The Influewentz

This should probably be the matchup of the week but I’ll never not put my own matchup in that category. Jared is legit this year and his fantasy coaching is almost as on point as his hair.  Fuck me that shit is luscious.  Doug, happy we were able to put together such a good team for you this year while you missed 90% of the draft.  These two teams look to be legit contenders throughout the season this year and I’m having a hard time picking a winner…

So I won’t

Jared = Doug (LOAD’s first tie)

GAME OF THE WEEK

Chad and Dom looking to savor their last moments together as roommates and potentially friends as Dom moves out to LA and will be becoming best friends with the second dumbest Clark. Chad on the other hand continues to grind and be the scrappiest, high football IQ, coaches son fantasy owner in the league and looks like things are gonna start to trend in the right direct. But not this week without Nick Chubb. Dom by a million.  See you again one day I hope.

Jon you are writing next week.  You only get one shot at a first impression.

Signing Off,

LOAD Presidente

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 6 Preview

Week 6 Preview

Matt > Mat

Many of you by now have probably noticed I live in Lakewood. Which from first glance probably seems weird if you have ever spent any amount of time around me. There was a time not all that long ago where the only people I thought lived in Lakewood were the gays. Now having lived here, I can say I was right. Knowing that, it’s not surprising at all that most of the squad has lived in Lakewood at some point or is about too. Sup Chad?

I am sure you all are wondering, “where is Bennett going to move next?” It’s a question we all ask each other constantly as our leases come to an end seemly minutes after they start. But to know where I will move next, you have to go back and look at the journey that brought me here. I moved to Columbus and lived there for two years after we all left OU. Next, I got transferred down to Cincy for 2 years. After that I moved to mentor for a couple months while I waited for my apartment to open up. Finally, I slid over to Lakewood to where I am now. But this path, it sounds so familiar you say? Well it is. My path has mirrored Solden’s up to this point but it ends here. I will not allow this madness to continue.

 Sam > Jon

 I park my car, open up the door, and walk into Canes.

Now, it is a Sunday after long week of reminding Athens who we are. A few of us gathered in Athens for a weekend of drinking Vegas Bombs and hot nuts, reminiscing of our time at OU, and constantly checking the weather report in the bathroom.  

 Straight ahead of me are my friends who arrived before me and just sat down with a bunch of box combos. As I walk in, I notice something in the air. The kind of thing that makes you know you are in for a meal to remember. As I sit down, there is fried chicken, fries, garlic bread, and canes sauce everywhere. They all begin to dig in and just before I get up to head to the counter to order someone says, “There is some weird shit going on up there”.  At that point in time, I had no idea he had just laid down one of the best and most appropriate for the situation that was about to ensue, one liners Id ever heard. I get to the counter and nothing before in my life has been more apparent than “the weird shit” he was referring to. There stood what could only be described as a gay transgender that was having serious problems figuring itself out. It had pink hair, maybe one of the oddest voices I have ever heard, and just a very different demeanor about it. As I struggled to keep my composure and regain control of the urge to giggle, I realized that the moment I was currently in was one of those moments in life you never forget.

 Jon thank you for making Burg take engagement photos. We all were worried she wouldn’t want to take photos and post every single one multiple times. I am impressed you convinced her to do that. Welcome to the LOAD where we are all about load management.

 Tony < Chad

Just a few days ago I saw a message in the group me that appeared to be making fun of me dancing, or barely dancing at Doug’s party. It is pretty old news that I am not much into dancing, especially if it’s not during the winter. But that is just who I am. I just don’t feel music inside me making me want to dance. If I am dancing, I am faking it to fit in with people around me. Kind of like Tony with Long hair. Just because your roommate invests more in his flow than his Fortnite skins doesn’t mean flow is for everyone. Welcome back Tony quick buzzes.

Chad what happened Bro? I thought I was going to see you at Doug’s. I guess you really do stand with Bobby. Looking forward to having you in Lakewood. Living in the same building together again. It’ll be just like freshman year again. Jared will only come for a short while then leave and we’ll never see Hervey here.

 Dom > Jared

 Dom, I hear California is nice this time of year. The time of year where it is hot, windy, and THEY TURN OFF ALL OF THE POWER TO PREVENT WILD FIRES. I feel like just turning off the power is a pretty extreme measure to prevent wild fires. To me that is like using abstinence to prevent pregnancy. Yeah, not having power or sex does reduce the odds of wild fire or pregnancy, but is it worth living like we did 200 years ago and not getting laid? Good luck out there. Camping is fun. I’m sure you’ll love it.

 Jared, where have the Coors snaps been? I’m not sure we are even snapchat friends anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve seen one. But I know we still are. You wouldn’t leave the squad snapchat group like TJ did.

  Casey < Doug

Well we have the two newest homeowners of the group in a battle this week. Casey that house warming party you had in August was just like Chad and Tony at Doug’s house warming party, non-existent. For those of you who missed Doug’s party, which is pretty much everyone, it was just about as you’d expect. When I arrived, Doug was wearing none other than a grey flannel with some white and back mixed in. Doug also painted many of his walls grey which is probably the least surprising thing you’ve heard all year. Doug’s basement sports a projection TV that is 0.002 miles wide. For those who can’t really picture how long 0.002 miles is, I’ll convert it to a unit you all are more familiar with. It is equivalent to the length of 21 PS4 controllers side by side. Or the height of about 85 tuna cans stacked.

 Shawn< Paul

I would be remiss if I didn’t not congratulate Shawn on tying the knot. As a big fan of knots, I am very happy for you two. My personal favorites are bowlines and clove hitches. But I will tell you what, when you are in a bind, a trucker’s hitch will always do the trick.

 As today is Paul’s birthday, I searched high and low for reasons to drag Paul through the mud on his special day. Mud you say? That reminds me of some gold I found deep in the the Instagram. Paul sports not one but TWO photos with Rachel Mudd on his gram. Yes, you read that correctly, Rachel Mudd. Few things surprise me these days, but that caught me off guard. Another post showed Paul with Hannah Oster captioned “Hottest couple in Athens” as he hugs her while holding his own hand. The gems that can be found deep in the archives not only bring back fond memories, but they remind me that we have  been on a long journey that has led us all here together where we are today.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 5 Preview

Alright the moment nobody has waited for is finally here, so let’s get this shit over with bc the challenge is on at 9.

#5 My Quads Are Danger6 vs. #6 Mahomies Chubbie

Jon I’m just gonna come out and say it - I personally loathe your team name. And if you’re as bad at naming things as you’ve led me to believe, then I can’t wait to meet yours and Burg’s future son, Chad.

Jon > Chad

#10 She Diggs my Cobb vs. #4 Christian McCuri’s

Bennett you should change your name to She Diggs my Tuna Can. Sam if she Diggs your Cobb then chances are I introduced you to her. Or you met her on bumble, because I guess people still use that app?

Sam > Bennett

#3 JuJu Kachoo vs. #11 Kickers & Defense

Paul just wanted to say congrats on winning last years fantasy football championship. Maybe if I win a few of those I too could afford a trip to Jamaica.

Solden > Paul

#1 Butker in the Cooper vs. #9 The Injured Reserve

If this preview could get any worse I’d call it the way Dom leaves the apartment when Chad’s not home. If this preview could get any better I’d call it Casey’s sick house warming party.

Dom > Casey

#7 Under the Influwentz vs. #12 Rooney Tunes

For those who don’t know, Alyssa and Shawn’s wedding hashtag was #NicolFoundHerDime - when I asked Alyssa about it, she said it wasn’t her first choice, but #NicolFoundHerSevenAtBest didn’t have the same ring to it.

Shawn > Doug

Matchup of the Week

#8 Uncle Rico vs. #2 jared donovan’s team

Here’s a tattoo idea: you’re a bitch.

Tony > Jared

The challenge is on in 7 minutes so I gotta wrap this up.

I hope you enjoyed my preview - and if not, well then I’ll be sad.

Good luck this week - I hope you all win.

And I nominate Bennett for next weeks preview.

Peace and love

-Tony Time

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 4 LOAD Preview

Well, well, well how the turntables have turned. Week 4 and I finally get the preview? Didn’t know this was the year I was going to be so underappreciated, but guess I’ll just go commando, put my baby powder and big dick jeans on and rock this fucking preview. All this bullshit about everyone so nervous about the Browns and Shawn’s just sitting on his front steps, thinking about how bad the Steelers are going to be as he waits for Alyssa to get home with the house keys. Really puts things into perspective, because if you don’t wear brown and orange, you don’t matter. Unless you’re a media member saying something mean and then we will acknowledge you and clap back. Nonetheless, we are in a good spot ready to whip out our cocks after Baker wins this shootout against the Ravens (Dom and Paul take the over, I know a guy ;) Let’s get this party started.

 Kickers & Defense (1-2) vs. Rooney Tunes (0-3)

Well I guess I’ll start out with my most boring preview because it’s not the best matchup. I’m not going to rag on myself because everyone knows I’m a second half team, and Shawn’s like getting married on Friday or whatever. Get over it dude you’re like so thirsty for attention.

^^Enough said

Old Solden > Shawn

 Mahomies Chubbie (2-1) vs. She Diggs My Cobb (0-3)

A matchup of the two newest Lakewood residents. Does it even count if you don’t live with Sam? Idk but they will be sharing the same building which means the amount of Chicken breasts, Chipotle, and gains within those walls are about to increase faster than a black kid who thought he just spotted his dad for the first time. Did I do that right? Trying to mix in a Naggerguy joke for two of my most racist friends. White power. I mean can they be given any more lead roles in movie these days? Why do you have to be a “Black lead” nowadays why can’t you just be a great actor who’s a great fit for the role? Oh shit, this isn’t the SJW blog I write to this is the preview. @Tj, feel free to take that material. As Dom so eloquently put it, based off the viral tweets of several copycat sports writers, Mahomes is having his Curry run and it’s showing no signs of slowing down. I thought Chad’s draft wasn’t as strong as he did, but he’s putting together a nice run with Mr. Heinz himself and a bunch of guys who will start coming back down to Earth by midseason. Mr. Snowman almost completing the quartet of White QB, White Receiver, White TE andddd White Kicker but there’s just no damn white RB’s left in our sacred NFL. Can the real slim shady please stand up? Aw hell, might as well keep the white power trend going for my guys.

Mr. Snowman > Yeah, she was decent

 My Quads Are Dangerou6 (2-1) vs. jared donovan’s Team (2-1)

Our newest member takes on our newest wild card taking over the late great Holla’s spot. Oh shit, I forgot has anyone talked to him to make sure he’s still alive? Ah, I’m sure he’s fine this important. Jared figuring out how to draft a fantasy team is more shocking than Sam switching to structured meal plans where he can have a precise routine that he never changes. Oh wait…No no no it’s more like me masturbating 3 times in a day once a week. Damnit, that’s not right either. I got it! Jared figuring out how to draft is like him being able to cum standing up. Just an absolutely shocking change of pace. Jon, my sweet sweet Jon. I hope the intro to the LOAD and these previews have been nice and not too much of an adjustment you absolute dirty cunt shitbag. Just wait till I play you and shove Bakers fake dong flop (his arm) so far up your ass I’ll be able to use you as a puppet to respond to Cowherds rants about our leader. Woah, blacked out there for a second, I’m back. Welcome to the LOAD! Both teams have some great matchups this week, but I’m going to have to go with Jared on this one, because I’ve seen his Quads and at this point in the year they’re more Dangerou6 than Baker. Put it away, Sam.

Pick a fucking team name > Burgs fiancé

 Uncle Rico (2-1) vs. The Injured Reserve (1-2)

I’ve never seen someone so unhappy to be 2-1 in fantasy through 3 weeks as TJ is. Also, Case, he might need to pay another $5 and borrow your team name if this trend continues. I feel like I have rode the Millennium Falcon the amount of times TJ has changed his mind about fantasy this year, but if there was one thing to bring him back home to his boys it couldn’t have been any better that it was Gardner Minshew. The second? I don’t think anyone knows but damn can that guy throw a football over the mountains. Casey – I don’t know what the last few previews were about your housewarming party was so much fun I don’t remember anything, remember? But for real, the amount of puppy lovers you have in this group and you’re depriving that good boy of his uncles? Fucked up man. How many barkbox reveal snapchats do I have to be personally invested in before I meet this dude in person. With the two lowest projected weeks but the most spunk, I’m going with Tony Two Time Minchewing caseys barkbox and getting the dub.

Uncle Rico > The Injured Reserve

 Butker in the Cooper (3-0) vs. Under the Influwentz (1-2)

Doug, despite what all the other guys have been saying nonstop about you I’m glad you’re still hanging out in the league with us. I will say, if you don’t tell us ahead of time next year that you won’t be able to make the draft on time we’re going to put some kind of penalty on you. I don’t care how many friends/girlfriends you have with boats and docks, next time you’re on time bud. We all saw what happened when Casey had to actually draft (Mixon in the first round), and I would sure love to see that happen to you. Dom, Dom, Dom. Stealing takes about Mahomes, sending absurd trade requests the second I reject one of them. Sending me a trade for multiple mediocre players for my best players is not a good trade Dom, and you’ll never catch me drunk or high enough to get me to go through with one of them. Take your flowy hair, great style, and fake glasses and gtfoh with that. Also, your team is pretty good this year so I’m back to hating you.

Dommy Salami > Mr. Fixer Upper

 **GAME OF THE WEEK**

Christian McCuri’s (1-2) lol vs. JuJu Kachoo (3-0) wow

Flashback to 2016, it’s a breezy morning at 6:29am. Paul is in a fluffy robe and slippers with a vanilla late from the first floor of 12000 Edgewater between both hands keeping him warm. He’s power stance leaning on the ledge of the balcony overlooking the calm swells of Lake Erie. As his hair moves slightly in the wind, he glances down at his apple watch and sees the time is 6:30am. He gives a slight smile and Arthur like fist clench on his side. He knows now his plan is in action. Samuel emerges from his room to the kitchen. It’s time for his morning scrambled eggs, bagel, banana and/or fresh cut pineapple. His first step in, he freezes and immediately knows something is awry. A quick glance to the sink and it sets in. Paul has woken up early and made eggs with the only pan Sam knows how to cook with. As he stares blankly down, now knowing his entire daily routine will be thrown off by approximately 2 minutes and 17 seconds, Paul emerges from the abyss with a fake punch and a whisper in the ear “you’re going down this week, pussy”. For Paul knows now, the entirety of Sam’s day will be slightly askew affirming the real estate he owns in his head. Sam begins to panic – did he pack his lunch the night before? Will his lift be as good as expected after work? Will his chipotle even taste the same? The matchup has been won…….before it even started. Fast forward 3 years, living in separate households, the real estate still exists. Dormant at most times, but enacted upon at the precise moments Sam would never expect. Now it would be downright negligent to say I don’t know what Paul is planning, but I refuse to spoil a well-planned, well-timed prank against a fantasy opponent. Samuel, God’s speed, check your shoes before sliding them on, and check the corners before you turn them.  

Pauly Pranks A Lot > Susceptible Sam

 Chad, she actually wasn’t decent. Boom Roasted. Bennett, fall asleep with the stove on lately? Boom Roasted. Casey, are you and Tim technically eskimo brothers now too? Boom Roasted. Doug gets to do house work every day now? Now we’ll really never see you. Boom Roasted. Shawn you’re about to be married. Are you the bride or the groom? Boom Roasted. Dom, go get me a shot of tequila. Boom Roasted. Paul you’re a pussy queef. Boom Roasted. Sam how are your stepchildren? Just my yearly reminder. Boom Roasted. Jon where are your balls? Oh nvm I see them in Burgs pocket. Boom Roasted. Jared can you tell me the spiritual back story behind your tattoos? Boom Roasted. TJ can you tell me the spiritual back story behind your tattoos? Boom Roasted. Solden can you tell me the spiritual back story behind your tattoo? Boom Roasted.

 Second half team bitches just like the Browns. This is my year and much like the Browns, I’ll be moving to the playoffs and sitting in the champions lounge at year end. Suck my balls. But seriously, love my dawgs, love raggin on all of you, and love receiving it back :). Go Browns. Go LOAD. Solden out.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

LOAD 2019 Week 3 Preview

Hello gentleman, it’s your 4 time LOAD champ reporting in from the penthouse of the Champions Lounge. I’m pretty sure Paul is around here somewhere cleaning the trophies and Tony is downstairs in the consolation basement rubbing one out. We’re all really excited about the possibility of adding a new member at the end of this season.  However Paul did tell me the other day that he thinks you’re all a bunch of “soft pussy queefs” and “there’s no chance he doesn’t repeat”. His words not mine.

I’m writing this on Tuesday because I won’t have time tomorrow or Thursday so if your lineups aren’t set I’m just rolling with whatever is out there. Also I can’t even begin to explain how relieved I am to no longer have to set my Apple Watch alarm for 2:58 AM on Wednesday now that I’m a waiver guy. I finally feel free. Speaking of Apple Watches shout out to Chad for becoming the newest pretentious fuck in the group. Welcome aboard brother. Something tells me he’s not going to be the only new Apple Watch guy in the group this week but I won’t name names.

Anyways it’s week 3 so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the first trade gets made so start sliding into those DMs fellas and let’s see some action. I’m going to keep these short and sweet so let’s get into the matchups.

#1 Butker in the Cooper vs. #12 Rooney Tunes

Figured I’d start with the most lopsided matchup of the week. Between his fantasy team and his real life team I think we can all agree at least we’re not Shawn. I like Shawn more than most of you though so I’m pulling for him to turn it around. Except for the Steelers they can go 0-16. Dommy Salami’s team is rolling to start the season and he comes into this matchup hotter than Jared in shorts. The Cowboys/Dolphins game this week is going to be a lot like Dak and his boys pounding out a bunch of Dominican whores on a boat during spring break so expect him and Cooper to eat. There really isn’t a weak spot in Dom’s lineup right now so this week should be no different than his last two and Dom takes an easy one.

Butker in the Cooper > Rooney Tunes

#4 jared donovan’s Team vs. #11 She Diggs my Cobb

Sick fucking team name Jared. This looks like a pretty boring matchup on paper honestly. Bennett not only has to deal with a big you know what on his team in AB but now we’ll see what Kamara and the Saints offense looks like without Brees. AB and Tommy are going to light up the Jets though so Bennett’s roller coaster ride keeps on going. Most of Jared’s matchups are pretty average but he’s got a few horses in Ertz and Allen that should carry him. This will be a close one but Jared pulls out (I wish) a close one.

Jared donovan’s Team > She Diggs my Cobb

#5 My Quads Are Danger6 vs. #9 The Injured Reserve

Jon has been a great addition to the league this year and looks like he’s going to be competing for a playoff spot all year. I’m a little biased but I think Baker breaks out of his slump and whips out his big meat stick on Sunday night, 26-35, 372 yards, 3 TDs. Mark it on the board. Between Big Dick Bake, Barkley, and Ekeler he should put up some points this week. I also look for Kittle to finally have a blow up game against the pussy queef Steelers. Casey has a great matchup for Lamar this week and if Bake is throwing 3 tuddies you know Odell is grabbing at least one or two of them. However his running backs have been dog shit and the chances of them turning it around this week are about as high as Casey inviting us to his housewarming party. Jon takes this one.

My Quads Are Danger6 > The Injured Reserve

#6 Christian McCuri’s vs. #11 Kickers & Defense

I almost made this the matchup of the week based on projections but it didn’t feel right with the standings. Solden is going to Jamaica this weekend so this dude is going to be so god damn high all weekend I’m really hoping he forgets to set his lineup. I don’t trust any of his receivers right now but all three of them are capable of breaking open a big game. But wow this guy really needs a running back holy shit. No wonder he’s thirsty for a trade. CMC is going to bounce back this week against the Cardinals with or without Cam and Ridley should stay hot. Also I’m thinking the Patriots D just might put up another 30 burger against the Jets for me again this week. I have way too many question marks on my team right now though to feel all that confident. That being said why would I not bet on myself. Fuck you Solden I cruise this week.

Christian McCuri’s > Kickers & Defense

#7 Under the Influwentz vs. #8 Tony Time

I’m just going to get right out in front of this.  After an injury filled weekend Tony has made it known that this will be his last year doing fantasy. He’s said this before though in previous years and I’ve never seen someone more focused and ready for a season pre draft than he was this year so he’ll be back. He did say he would be going out with a bang though so stay tuned. Doug is loaded at running back and Golladay looks like a legit WR1 this year. Honestly there’s no reason why Doug shouldn’t win this week. But I’m here for the Tony Time farewell tour. I’m hopping on the bandwagon baby let’s go. Tony with the upset of the week!

Tony Time > Under the Influwentz

**Matchup of the Week**

#2 Mahomies Chubbie vs. #3 JuJu Kachoo

That’s right, 2nd vs 3rd place gets matchup of the week status in a battle to stay undefeated. Chad has been awfully confident so far and to his credit his team looks real solid. It’s a long season though so let’s see if this is finally our Commissioner’s year. His receivers are pretty boom or bust and Samuel takes a hit if Cam doesn’t go. Williams’s status is also in question so he’s got a lot working against him this week. Mahomes is so fucking good though so you can never count Chad’s team out. The defending champ has to deal with no Ben throwing to JuJu and some up and down running backs that haven’t been very consistent through two weeks. Julio could blow up again this week so this will be a close one. I’m sure if he just asked Chad to bench his entire team and in return he’ll come over on Saturday night Chad would probably go for it. Chad ends up taking this one and stays undefeated.

Mahomies Chubbies > JuJu Kachoo

Alright fellas that’s all I got this week. I’ll miss you all this weekend while I’m in Denver but I’ll be back in time to watch the Brownies shock the world on Sunday Night. For next week’s article I nominate Chicago Dom. Byyyyeeeeee

[leagueofawesomedudes]

My Case for Two WR’s Instead of Three

My Case for Two WR’s Instead of Three

 Back when we had 10 teams in our league, this was our roster format:

1 QB

2 RB

3 WR

1 TE

1 FLEX

1 K

1 DEF

6 BENCH

 We have since added two teams, bringing our total to 12 teams, and this is our roster format:

1 QB

2 RB

3 WR

1 TE

1 FLEX

1 K

1 DEF

6 BENCH

 We have added more teams, without adjusting our roster format. Meaning the talent across the board has been thinned out per team.

-          Starting lineups are weaker

-          Bench is weaker

-          And the talent on the waiver wire is weaker

This means that the teams that were lucky enough for their draft picks to hit and/or avoid the injury bug have an insurmountable advantage over the teams that weren’t lucky enough for their draft picks to hit and/or avoid the injury bug.

Because under the current format, weaker teams do not have a reasonable opportunity to turn their season around. If your draft picks don’t hit, and/or you lose guys to injury – chances are your season is over, simply due to the lack of talent available across the board.

Removing the third WR – will bring balance to everyone’s roster and the waiver wire. 

Additionally, making this adjustment will only increase league engagement, as weaker teams will still have an opportunity to compete – as opposed to being dead in the water.

This is beyond “get good at fantasy loser” and more about bringing balance to the league.

Under the current format, our league is determined more by chance, than skill as a manager.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 2 Preview

The draft excitement is gone. Week one butterflies are over. The nervous Mondays, heartbreaks, second guessing, and frustrations are in full effect. Week two is about to begin and for some of you, it could mean your whole season. It’s time to see who is going to be a contender and who’s still sleeping at 3am Wednesday mornings.

But first, let’s talk about the elephant in the room... A blow out? A tough stubborn quarterback, a star wide receiver ready to make the team his, a stud workhorse running back, traded away the guy who didn’t want to be on the team, poised for a big statement, ready to take back the AFC North, and this is what happens? Punched in the mouth and blown out by 30 with the world watching?! I mean, how embarrassing for Shawn. It must really suck being a Steelers fan.

With that out of the way, let’s take a look at this week’s matchups. You’re either 1-0 or 0-1 so it’s still anyone’s year, but if you want the throne. You gotta come take it.  

#10 She Diggs My Cobb vs. #12 The Injured Reserve

First up, is Bennett vs Casey. I think I speak for all of us when I say, welcome home Bennett! Glad to have you around more, although sure seems it’s came with more snow fall? Weather and nose bleeds aside, happy to have you. Casey, you have a home I think, I know you have a puppy, and possibly are dating your brother? Not sure how it works, but we don’t judge here in 2019.

As far as the matchup, both these guys always have strong drafts and stacked teams. Casey could have a secret weapon in action L Jackson and I’d have to imagine OBJ has a big game on Monday night. Bennett should expect the normal big numbers from Kamara who we all know pained him to draft and a bounce back game out of the bad man Rodgers. This one will come down to if Mixon can give it a go, without him and losing T Coleman, Casey maybe be left shorthanded. If he plays, I think Cholly has the edge. Based off current line ups, which these two guys combined have seen a lot of, Casey takes it.

The Injured Reserve > She Diggs My Cobb

#9 Christian McCuri’s vs. #8 Rooney Tunes

Moving on to Sam and Shawn. Not much Christian about team Mecuri besides his RB, lord knows his weekends aren’t. But gotta give credit where credit is due. Sam is never an easy win and always on his game throughout the season. Every week, along with his Freshly deliveries, he gives himself a chance to win.  Shawn has put together a strong squad this year. He either breaks into the playoffs or into his home after losing his keys again.

Sam turns to his new waiver wire adds instead of David Montgomery, and hopes CMC can repeat another monster week. Hard to tell which players are weekly studs or if he’s going to be shooting off trade proposals next week. Shawn, lead by his beloved Steelers and Kelce, should put up numbers every week and I don’t think this one is any different. I like Sam’s players matchups a little better but I think Shawn puts him into an 0-2 hole..

Rooney Tunes > Christian McCuri’s

#1 Butker in the Cooper vs. #4 Tony Time

Next up is Dom vs Tony. I’ve already received a trade offer from Dom typing this, and assume by the time I’m done there will be another. But this is fantasy season and that’s what he does. He’s also leaving us here to rot but that’s fine. West cost Browns games are going to be so fun when we come stay for each one. Tony’s team has already been bitten by the injury bug. Hopefully he can fight diversity and sneak out another championship (consolation) but its going to take some savvy roster moves.

Dom might have the most well-rounded team and I would love to see them go at it when TJ was full strength, and then play fantasy football because I really like his team too. If Tony’s RBs can have big performances again he may have a shot but I can’t help to think Dom takes his bye week and moves to 2-0. Tony’s fight against SJWs wages on as he moves to 1-1 because everyone is equal.

Butker in the Cooper > Tony Time

#11 Kickers & Defense vs. #3 Mahomies Chubbie

For this next match up between Chad and Solden, picture this scenario. It’s Thursday at Park Place Tech. For Chad, it just hits different. Filling his snooter tube, prepping the DMs, and confirming his weekend plans, which he’s had since Monday after checking the weather report. For Solden, it means family parties, double dates, and baby clothes shopping, he can never be too prepared nor can he wait.  

They are destined to meet in the fantasy world, their paths ever so different in the real. There is no friendship when playing each other. As they approach the breakfast line at work, Chad pushes by Solden with a “watch it bro bro”, he’s not bigger than me Solden tells himself. He tries to stay calm but only ends up sweating through his shirt. Solden knows who the better team is, but his drive to best Chad in what he loves most only fuels his fire. They ride the same elevator up, both leave their headphones in. Solden turns his music up, Chad goes even louder. They each take turns trying to drown out the other. The girl stuck in there with them grows uncomfortable, although the lil Yachty/Chase Rice mash up is surprisingly not bad, she gets out as fast as she can. Chad thinks about going after her, after all she wasn’t bad, but stands his ground. Now is no time to give up alpha status. The doors close and up they go.

Back at their desks, Chad sets his lineup and admires his team, no way he could lose this one. He’s already looking ahead to his next matchup. Bad luck couldn’t strike again, could it?  But to Solden, this isn’t just a fantasy anymore. No way he’s bigger than me he keeps repeating in his head. There’s no playing ROK on his phone all day, this day he stands up to the fantasy bullies. No more giving him crap about his drafting or how bad his players are. Not this day, this day… he fights. Wheeling and dealing trades (good ones), making free agent pickups, and doing his research on who to start, he’s ready, ready to claim his spot among the fantasy elite. Solden is ready to catch Chad and the rest of us all off guard. He’s about to start his season long run. Turns out all he needed was a little push.

Kickers & Defense > Mahomies Chubbie

#5 JuJu Kachoo vs. #2 jared donovans’s Team

Your defending champion, yes champion until unseated vs Jared. While our on sand chemistry is off the charts, there is no love or handshakes in fantasy. Jared decided to I guess read up on drafting this year? He put together a very nice team and looks to be in the hunt all season. After putting up the second highest total last week I can only hope he comes back down to earth. D Watson looks to be the real deal all year and his RBs are solid. I can’t see Arob being a weekly thing but what do I know? I’m only the reigning champion. I think my receivers give me the edge in this one, but I’d give up a Crowder donut if it meant the Browns won. Jar may live down the street but ill be living in his head all weekend. Look for Gronk to come out of retirement and seal this victory for me. Did I mention I’m writing this from the champions lounge?

JuJu Kachoo > jared donovan’s Team

#6 Under the Influwentz vs. #7 My Quads Are Danger6

My game of the week! Newcomer Jon may be the oldest member we have but that baby face is as smooth as his team. He talked the talk and walked the walk come draft time. His team is one of the stronger in this league should they stay healthy. Last week may have been a loss but no one was keeping up with Dom that time around. I expect Jon to be a tough draw for whoever he goes against. This matchup is filled with stud RBs and is sure to rack up some points.

Doug is just being Doug. Dude does this shit every year. Shows up in muni to take his annual photo with us then disappears into the grayness. Guy always drafts some studs and puts up numbers all season long. With a stacked RB roster, he’s going to be hard to beat each week, but I think Baker bounces back in huge way and helps Jon bring home his first win in the LOAD. Barkley and Ekeler will be too much to handle and Doug will have to go back to the drawing board.

My Quads Are Danger6 > Under the Influwentz

 That’s all I have for us this week. Best of luck to everyone. Let’s hope our boys give us something to be happy about on Monday before we all lose our minds. We need it. For our sanity. Plz.

DAWG CHECK

 PS: Not to be a tattletale or pot stirrer… but someone changed their name while I was writing this and I can’t go back and retype it and his initials are Anthony Caito and he should be fined even though he doesn’t believe in the rules and that’s it.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

LOAD 2019

Week 1 Preview

Important: Pick your official team name by 1:00 pm EST this Sunday 9/8/2019.  There are no team name changes after this date this year or you will be charged a $5.00 fine that goes to the winner for the 2019 season.  Jon, new guy, this is the rule.  For everyone else it’s just serving as a reminder…

Alright slap dicks it’s finally that time of the year again to get back to business.  It’s about time that the summer is over and we can finally direct our focus towards the thing that matters most in life and not things like pets’ birthdays, engagements, career advancements, Fortnite championships etc…

Not gonna sit here and bore you with a bunch of talk today since you get that from me in the GroupMe on a daily basis so we’re just gonna jump right into the previews.  I do however want to say I’m glad we’re back and thank you boys for another year of the LOAD.

LETS ABSOLUTELY GO!

Kickers & Defense (Solden) vs Jared Donovan’s Team (Jared, duh)

We’re kickin’ it off with two dudes who are bigger than every girls’ boyfriend.  Bigger egos or bigger shoulders?  I have to hug the wall when I pass them up in the hallway at the office.  Just when you think it’s a sure thing that Jare will take either a Heisman winner or a Brown with his first pick he changes it up and goes with David Johnson. Thanks for always keeping me guessing bb.  Kinsbury’s pretty boy offense is pretty pass heavy so we’ll see if this works out, or if D Johnson is on the trading block week 2.  On the opposite side of the ball Solden’s two top dawgs aside from me include Russ Wilson and Davantea Adams.  These guys should be production machines all year and should carry Solden’s team until he ruins the rest of his roster by himself.  History repeats itself, it’s more inevitable than Thanos. I’m taking Jared this week with big games out of Allen Robinson in 2012 form and DeShaun Watson.

Jared Donovan’s Team > Kickers & Defense

JuJu Kachoo (Pauly) vs The Injured Reserve (Casey)

Paul, what is Kachoo? A Nintendo character?  Idk about that but all I do know is Paul is coming off of a hot streak winning his first fantasy championship and he’s looking to defend the crown in 2091.  I mean 2019. Paul doesn’t know the difference because he’s disleksick and doesn’t know how to spell anywaze.  And Case, good to have you back again brotha.  Your party at your house this summer was an absolute blast and I can’t wait to do it again!  Both of these guys have studs at the WR positions (hmu for trades please) and should be putting up some big numbers this week.  If JuJu can be a legit #1 Paul should look to have himself a good start to the season.  Paul has Julio, JuJu & Crowder while case has OBJ, Robert Woods and Mike Williams. Odell puts up enough numbers this week to makeup for Williams and we will drown ourselves in Jameson Crowder because of it.  Case does have the edge this week due to his superior RBS (Paul seriously let’s trade). Mixon and Freeman help Case change it up and pull out for him this weekend.

The Injured Reserve > JuJu Kachoo

G-reg 3rd leg (Bennett) vs Under the Influwentz (Doug)

Bennett may be the only person I know who can draft Kamara and still have a trash roster.  AB suspended.  You better hope he gets cut and goes to a new team. And Melvin Gordon won’t be playing?  Someone better stop being stubborn and start attempting to make moves mid season.  Looks like your luck has finally run out brotha. On the other side finally, Doug changes the fantasy team name up and it’s a damn good one.  I like it Douglas Fir.  Don’t have to think to hard to do Bennett’s previews this year because he’s finishing 12th.

Bennett don’t come after me when you read this it’s just fantasy dude.

Under the Influwentz > G-Reg 3rd leg

My Quads Are Danger6 (Jon) vs Butker in the Cooper (Dom)

The newcomer to the league and the family Jon vs the always dangerous Dommy Salami.  Two great fantasy names between these two.  I didn’t even realize Jon had Barkley until this moment when I’m looking at his roster.  I had just figured he was talking about his own legs.  Dom with another clever name that he spent a workweek trying to figure out but did achieve his goal by making everyone laugh at it.  Jon coming in guns hot from the get go and having arguably the strongest draft of any team. Saquan obviously puts up monster numbers but he’s stacked at almost every position.  Especially with 6 under center for him.  No surprise here, Dom drafted well once again.  However his team is going to be heavily reliant on if Amari Cooper and Chris Godwin can establish themselves as consistent fantasy contributers.  Wait what? Oh had to look at his flex at the bottom and see that he has Nuke Hopkins there.  That threw me off.  I’d appreciate an explanation for putting him there, but it does look cool.  As long as the roster is healthy it does appear Jon has the best starting roster in the league and will help Dom move to 0 – 1 and to LA afterwards.

My Quads Are Danger6 > Butker in the Cooper

Tony Time (TJ) vs Rooney Tunes (Shawn)

Shaved head Tony is back which means he’s back as a serious contender in fantasy.  And yes there is a direct correlation between the two.  On the other side there’s Shawn…who has to be eager for a bounce back year after a weak showing in 2018.  As long as he doesn’t lose his keys again I expect Shawn to double down on the effort and try to make a push this year.  Even if that means ignoring his future wife on their honeymoon.  Best matchup on the board has to be their defenses in Seattle v Baltimore so you know Paul will be glued to his screen for this one.  Michael Thomas, Tyreek and Josh Jacobs look to put up massive numbers for Tone, even more massive than Tone’s Fortnite kill count while Shawn starts WRs that are borderline nursing home material with Fitzgerald, Edelman & Jeffery.  The RBs will be the deciding factor in this one while James Conner, Tarik Cohen & Phillip Lindsey will allow Shawn to dictate when Tony Time actually begins with Jacobs, Carson & Sanders going for him.  It’s alright Teej you will still bounce back.  Please don’t announce that you’re giving up after week 1 for the second year in a row.  This league needs your personality.

Rooney Tunes > Tony Time

****** Game of the Mother Fuckin’ Week ******

Mahomies Chubbie (Chad) vs Chrsitian McCuri’s

Yup yup HERE WE GO.  Week 1 of the season and we have two heavyweights going at it from the get go like Stipe vs Cormier.  The undisputed, best overall manager, the smartest, and biggest football guys’ guy since the origination of the League Of Awesome Dudes will take on his opponent, Sam.  Sam however once again drafted well and I wouldn’t expect anything less from the co-commish who listens to fantasy podcasts in his sleep with his apple watch and ear pods.  That pretentious freakin’ fuck.  He’s looking to be rumblin’ stumblin’ on the weekends bumblin’ and hopefully not fumblin’ his way back to the championship in ’19.  CMC going to be putting up monster numbers on a weekly basis. Anything otherwise and I’d be shocked about that gym rat, first guy in last guy out, scrappy, football smart, hardworking coach’s son.  Mike Evans still a premier WR in the league, and I honestly won’t even be pissed if Jarvis puts up a 50 burger because that means the boys in orange and brown are gettin’ a dub.  On the other hand, my roster?  No wideouts? No problem.  Bell, Chubb and Mahomes carry the bulk for yours truly and are going to pile it on.  This should be a shootout however I think Sam takes the week 1 matchup.  See ya again in week 12 when our rosters look 80% different and playoff seeding is on the line.

Christian McCuri’s > Mahomies Chubbie

That’s it for this week. Paul, you’ve got the preview for Week 2.

Go Browns.

Long live the LOAD.

Signing Off,

LOAD El Presidente

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 11 Preview

Hi guys, thanks for tuning in to this week’s preview.  It has been quite some time since I have visited the concrete jungle to party with you guys.  I need to schedule something.  As we enter week 11, Paul (AKA the luckiest man alive) is in the lead.  It blows my mind how he’s able to manage a 1st place fantasy team while going on vacation every other week.  I’m very interested to hear how spiritually invigorating your woman's retreat was in Greece.  Coming up the rear is Jared who seems to have given up on the season.  Its ok, I’ve about given up also so don’t feel discouraged.  I’ve actually only watched two NFL games this year and that was the Browns home opener and the Thursday night game.  So, whenever Dom sends me a trade, I have no idea who he is trading let alone the players he wants from my team. Let’s get into to some thrilling matchups.

Blowing Down Ingrams vs. Green Eggs and Cam

Chad, I’d like to thank you for notifying me that I have a cousin named Brandi. I hope she responds to your Dm’s and you can introduce me to her. According to yahoos projected scores, Chad is going to have the edge over Shawn.  I have never met Shawn but I do have a cousin named Shawn so I feel like I already know you.  My cousin Shawn knows a lot about fantasy football so I’m assuming you do too.  With that being said, I’m going to go with the underdog.

Shawn  >>>> Cousin Fucker

Golden Taints vs. Jared Donavans Team

Sam, it’s great to see that you are not in first place.  I’m tired of giving you my money every year.  What’s not great to see is you and TJ blowing out each other’s O Rings every day on snap chat.  It’s a shame that another one of my college roommates enjoys milking cocks.  Urbancic was pretty obvious but I never suspected you. On the other hand, Jared has a pet rabbit, which is pretty fucking gay too.  This is pretty tough match up for me to choose.  Even though Jared has a pet rabbit, I still love a good underdog story. I’m predicting Sam loses out the rest of the season and Jared makes the playoffs.

Rabbit turd cleaner >>>>>>>> O Ring Admiral

MaKamaraca Gr8 Again vs The Injured Reserve

This matchup seems pretty even here.  Solden has one of the best, if not the best, names in the whole league and Casey hasn’t changed his name since last year.  This shows how much effort Solden is putting into this season compared to Casey. I’m sure Casey is busy though, there are a lot of welcome mats and uniforms he needs to keep clean in Northeast Ohio.  He’s also trying to kickstart his DJ’ing career so I don’t blame him for not having time to change his name.  Due to the fact that Solden has a great name and actually changed it from last year, I think he’s going to stomp on Casey like a welcome mat.

MAGA>>>>>>>>>>>Uniform washer

Don Julio vs. The Brady Bunch

Doug, I find your team name very confusing since you do not have Tom Brady.  Regardless of team names, I think you have a shot to take down Paul.  I haven’t seen any snap chats or Instagram posts on it yet but I’m sure Paul is going to be on vacation this weekend.  With that being said, there’s no way he’ll have time to set a bullet proof lineup.  But with Paul’s luck, he doesn’t have to set his line up to win.  I’m still going to go with Doug on this one.

Marsha Brady>>>>>>>> The Don Julio, World Traveler

G-Reg 3rd Leg vs. Nuk if Buk

Bennet and Dom have two things in common, making cocaine jokes and notifying each other about stock news articles.  Dom is by far the most active fantasy football player I have ever had the pleasure of coming in contact with.  I don’t know how you aren’t in first place.  Don’t be offended that I haven’t responded to any of your trades. I have no idea who you are trying to trade me and I really don’t feel like researching it.  Feel free to keep sending trades but I’m pretty positive I won’t respond.  Bennett is in a good position to take down Paul but the fact that he used to drive a Ford truck means he’s not going to have the horse power to take the lead. With that being said, I don’t think Bennetts team is going to have enough horse power to beat Dom this week.

Trade King>>>>>>>>>>Fuckers Only Run Downhill

Gurls That Swallow vs. Saviors of the Universe

I may not be paying attention to any football this year but I at least make an attempt to set my lineup every week.  It’s still early, but as of now TJ has not set his line up yet.  It doesn’t surprise me though, I’m sure he’s still trying to empty his asshole after Sam filled him up like a Boston crème donut this morning. It must be hard to get anything done when you’re living with Sam the Sword Swallower aka the O-Ring Admiral.  I’m hoping once you guys get this out of your system, you go back to banging chicks and not each other.  This world doesn’t need anymore gays.  Due to the fact that TJ will probably be getting lined up for the O-Ring Admiral instead of setting his line up this weekend, I think I’m going to win.

 Gurls That Swallow >>>>>> Tony Filled Up With Bologna

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 10 Preview

UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. My thoughts on having to put effort into fantasy.. Just kidding… but seriously, I feel like I have a past due assignment for my shitty English class in high school, only there would be less gay jokes in that paper.. but before that. I’d just like to say, the Browns will definitely have 5 or less wins this year, I was right. Chad was wrong. No ifs ands or butts about it. Speaking of butts, I see an ass tattoo in the near future for young Chadly.. As much as I wanted to be wrong, here we are in week 10, talking about which new coach we’ll hire and which 3rd stringers will start this week. Don’t worry gents, there’s always next year. Young Baker has arrived and if we find a young, fresh, hot.. I mean smart, coach for 2019, we might win 8 games… Actually, speaking of hot, we have a lot of hot dud… I mean match ups this week. But we’re gunna focus on the men themselves. Because players don’t matter at all… you can drop anyone you want without consequences. Right? This’ll be over soon, don’t worry.

G-Reg 3rd Leg (6-3) vs. Saviors of the Universe (3-6)

This match up is extremely intriguing… Quite possibly the most decorated Eagle Scout, truck-pulling, mud tugging, tree chopping, beard toting, flannel and coon-skin hat wearing, booger sugar loving, piece of man-missle in America… and the gayest straight mother fucker in the world… or is he?.. I’ve noticed a boost in TJ’s move lately, could be because he’s getting the D regularly at 12000 Edgewater… In what universe are these two friends? No, not the Marvel Universe… surprisingly this one. A world where a 4th grader with a beard can bring a pocket knife to school and never get in trouble, and one where you can get your little pee-pee played with in the middle of an open field for all to see… wow… what a special place… but here in the fantasy world, only one person can win the matchup (could be a tie, but low odds, so fuck off)… This week it’ll be the wooly mammoth himself, who claims victory.. Matthew Bennett.

The Brady Bunch (3-6) vs. MaKamaraca Gr8 Again (4-5)

Doug, how are things? How are your stocks? How’s your Grandfather? How old is he this year? Almost time for those good ole Christmas Ales yeah? I think we’re all caught up. Maybe one day we’ll meet again. And Solden….. Solden, Solden, Solden… North Royalton… what the fuckin shit.. you no sooner move home and you move to freakin Royalton?! That’s alright though... at least you have to ladies out there… Meredith and Claudette...for those of you that don’t know, Solden now lives above my recently divorced Director from Park Place Technologies.. she had some interesting things to say about her new upstairs neighbors in our deal review this week (not a joke. She did). Be careful out there buddy…. Claudette is allllllways watching… but although you have thee most awkward and terrifying neighbor ever, there is a silver lining. You’ll win in fantasy this week.

Green Eggs and Cam (3-6) vs. Gurls That Swallow (4-5)

I gotta be honest… although I probably talk to Shawn the least out of you flamers, he probably likes me the most. He probably shouldn’t be in this league because he’s not gay enough… but he’ll get there… I know he’s engaged.. but heeeee’ll get there… Holla on the other hand.. he does so much over the top country shit, it’s clearly to cover up his outrageous gayness. Full “blown” Broke Back Mountain, Medina style… is he from Medina? I don’t remember. Fuck it. Holla wins this week.

My team (3-6) vs. Blowin’ Down Ingrams (5-4)

LOL. One could not careless, and I don’t think the other could care any more. Me vs. Billy Bottle Service this week... I’m definitely the Cleveland Browns of this league. No matter what I do, I can’t get it right… Does that make me Jimmy Haslam? Yes.. but gayer. I’ll get it right eventually.. there’s always next year. Unless I quit again… *makes voice deeper*.. Chad Wernick, I’m a man missle, I fuck, I fuckin fuck bruh, fuckin smoke bruh, fuckin cheeeeeeeeeksssssssssssssssss, I fuck sooooo many sluuuuts, everyone wants me…FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKK YEAAAAAAAAHHH…… *Voice back to a normal human’s*. This kid is gunna need blood pressure meds yesterday… I’m convinced Chad is like Dr. Banner and the Hulk…the inner CHAD has literally taken over his regular human form, and he’s stuck as the Incredible Douche. Fucking and smoking everything and anything that moves. “CHAD SMASH”. Oh, and does anyone know if Dom and him moved out of the Bingham and into the Barley House basement? I’d say I want to win this week, but let’s be honest, I don’t care. Chad with the W.

Injured Reserve (5-4) vs. Golden Taints (6-3)

Casey is definitely on some sort of lake right now.. he’s been managing his team from a pontoon boat. Probably got some sick beats playing. “Jared you’ll like this one”… can’t hear you Case, you’re on a fucking lake somewhere. Is it any coincidence that Casey’s favorite downtown bar was Liquid? Get it? Ya know cuz of the water? Fuck off. Unfortunately, Liquid closed for the foreseeable future so he has absolutely no reason to come downtown and hang out with us. Also I think he’s scared of Natasha… it’s cool man, don’t worry... I literally never thought I’d meet a gayer straight guy than TJ… but I stand corrected… I am actually friends with a legit gay guy and Sam is gayer than that… Does Sam really even care if he wins this year? He’d probably be undefeated, but clearly hasn’t been focused on fantasy with his new Slam Piece at 12000 Edgewater... they’re looking for a house too… this is real information… this matchup is a tough call, but I think Sam pulls it out this weekend. That’ll probably be the only thing he’s pulling out……

GAME OF THE WEEK

Don Julio (7-2) vs. Nuk if you Buk (5-4)

Here we are. The last matchup. Finally almost done with this fuckin preview… Diesel vs. Billy Bottle Service’s cousin, Bobby Bottle Service… At this point in the preview, I’m tired… I’ve spent 2 hours at work writing this so my whit is reaching its end, but I’m fighting through it. Pauly D, probably been called cute in every preview this season, I wouldn’t know, I think I’ve read 2 or 3 maybe, I’m just assuming. Week 10 doesn’t change that. You’re still cute. And gay. Dom… like Chad, may have blood pressure and kidney problems from all the bottle service events, but I respect the ability to function as a productive member of society.. because I honestly would probably be dead. But the Financial industry does get wild… The Wolf of West 6th Street maybe? Just the gay version. Nevertheless, I’m sure you’re all sad this preview is at it’s end… The winner of this matchup is Pauly. I’m out. Carry on with your lives.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 9 Preview

                                                        Week 9 Preview

Welcome to the week 9 preview. After the long week 8 bye, we are back with previews! I hope you are well rested. Since it has been a while since I’ve seen you guys, expect my jokes to be outdated just like my fashionable clothes are. Its been a wild couple of weeks in the land. We finally fired Tyron Lue. If we had only done that a couple years ago, we might still have Lebron in Cleveland and we might have 3 of those 5 NBA titles we were talking about today. But that didn’t happen. The crazier thing to me is that we live in a world where Hue Jackson gets a longer leash than Ty Lue who took us to 4 straight NBA finals.(Even if he was holding us back the whole time) After Hue’s interview today you have to ask why they spent so much time drug testing Josh Gordon when it was Hue who was high the whole time. At least we managed to keep the one true good coach this City has had in a long time, Tito. Man would I love to chew some Dubble Bubble with that guy. Speaking of managers, lets slide into our first match up of the week.

 Blowing down Dudes(4-4) vs The Injured Reserve(5-3)

This is a matchup between a football guy and a DJ. Seems like on paper it should be an easy win for the football guy. But not so fast. The manager of the injured reserve must be amongst the league elites because after all, he has Patrick Mahomes on his team. Casey and Hue Jackson are the only two people in the world that saw him becoming an elite QB. Another key player on Choll’s squad is Isiah Crowell. That guy is an absolute stud. Tony has been a big crowell guy for a long. In the end this will probably be a close matchup. Injured Reserve take the D, I mean the W. Choll > Chad

Golden Ain’ts(5-3) vs The Brady Bunch(3-5)

This is just one of those matchups where no one is routing for Sam to win. But is anyone actually routing for Doug? I mean Fuck Doug. I still don’t know where that came from but it’s a classic. I’m sure Doug hates it though. Doug, what have you and your 401k looking ass been up to anyway? Now I haven’t seen much of Sam lately, but damn it sure seems like he has been going hard. I mean, I literally looked into buying stock in whatever company makes Juuls cuz of all the vaping you guys doing. Spoiler, they are still private @Dom. 

This matchup looks about as interesting as a Dayton Flyers Basketball game. Outside of Greg Olsen, there are a lot of players in this matchup that aren’t very interesting. The only reason Sam even drafted Greg Olsen is cuz he’s got the largest white hog in the league. And for the reason and that reason only, Sam takes the win. What kind of person doesn’t change the name of their team when they don’t have the player it is named after anymore… Sam>Doug

 Dumb fucking name(4-4) vs Nuk if you Buk(4-4)

There are just some names I think are stupid and solden happened upon one of them. I also happen to think ‘Jared Donovan’s Team’ is a pretty bad name. I mean really dude, you can workout an hour a day. You can style you hair every morning, but you can’t spend 5 minutes to come up with anything other than the default? I got sidetracked there. There are something in life that are guaranteed. Death, taxes, and endless trade proposal from Dom. I don’t even reply anymore to half of them. Those trade requests really take a toll on my body. So where does Solden live these days anyway? Did he even ever actually live in with Sam? The only thing more tiring than Doms trade requests are keeping track of where all of you guys live. But there is one constant in my life and that is Sam. That guy is on his 3rd roommate in Cleveland! He lived with Paul for like 5 years straight(minus that stint in Dallas with that old lady).  Not to bring up Hue one more time but Hue had as many wins as the Browns head coach as Sam has had room mates at 12000 Edgewater.  I think Dom pulls out a win here. How does a team with Marquez Valdes-Scantling not win every week with a name like that?  Solden does have some stud WRs  that could put up some numbers. And I gotta shout out to the one of the leagues best White WRs. Always a breath of fresh air seeing a white guy catch passes. Bold move starting the Cleveland D against the Chiefs. Maybe Greg Williams will make the browns Great again. Are you still holding on to 10-5-1? Or were we more likely to go 10-5-1 before we fired Hue? Dom>Solden

 Don Julio(6-2) vs Saviors of the Universe(3-5)

Now Paul scored a great name here! Oh wait, no he just got a lot of yardage with this name. Not sure what TJs game plan is. He doesn’t currently have anyone starting. Bold move cotton, we’ll see how this one plays out. In reality though, it doesn’t matter if he starts anyone or not.  His QB is Deshaun Watson. Need I say anymore? Paul does have a lot of studs on his roster. Is Conner still on the block?  I assume TJ didn’t have any interest in starting Jordy.  So Paul is gonna move back to Cleveland? Paul could probably move back in with TJ and Sam and nothing would change. They all sleep together every weekend already. Id like to say I even have the slightest clue with TJs team name is. But id be lying if I did. Prolly some superhero porn thing. In a reversal of roles(I assume), Paul pounds TJ. Paul > TJ

 Jared Donovan’s Team(2-6) vs Green Eggs and Cam(3-5)

I feel like this game is like the Thursday night game tonight.  What is odd about these teams is that they have some great players but neither team has had much success. Hats off to Jared for starting George Kittle. I’m still at a loss as to why Dom dropped this guy. He is shredding this year. Any team that has Tom is a team I want to do well. Does Jared read these things? Cuz if he does he should reallocate his time to checking his roster and starting players who aren’t on a bye week. So do you still have a pet rabbit? Whats up with that? I assume that was a Natashia thing but still, a rabbit? Then we have shawn, our newest member. We’re entering a new territory with Shawn. Its not unusual for us to welcome people who are fans of other teams. Sam with the Flyers, all those OSU fans, but never a steelers fan. This is a big step for us. On top of his questionable football alliance, Shawns getting married…to a girl. Didn’t anyone tell him were only into dudes? The name of the league is literally called the League of Awesome Dudes. Awkward. On a different note. I really think Sam should take your team name next year and make it ‘Green Eggs and Sam”. Either way, Shawn is a Bobcat and that is all that matters.

Shawn>Jared

G-reg 3rd Leg(5-3) vs Gurls that Swallow (4-4)

Writing about my own matchup is just less fun than talking about all of you people. I could talk about how holla is probably going to be slinging busch pops in the camo cans this weekend. Or how Holla  loves those heavy hotties . Or that Holla has his own house now, so he could literally be doing anything right now. He literally may sleep outside just so he can hear the cows mooing next door. Or maybe I could talk about how Hollas 6.2 is ready to screw(truck jokes). But I won’t talk about any of that. I will say that his squad is looking pretty solid this week. Between Gurley and Rodgers, they can put up some numbers. If my WRs can live up to their potential, they should be able to put up some points.  However Shady will probably let down. Holla> Me

 Well that about wraps up another preview that lasted longer hue Jacksons rein as a coach. I wish you all good luck in your games this week. Not everyone can win but the better teams will. I can’t wait to see Baker sling it this weekend. All is well down in Cincinnati even though this city sucks. Looking forward to seeing you all soon. If you were looking for some words to live by, remember that nothing is more expensive than a cheap haircut. And how about Nick Mullens? Watch out Jimmy.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

                                              Week 7 Preview

  Well. Well. Well. My turn to write, possible the four most cringe worthy words some of our grammar nazi’s could HERE. Jk, I used spell check after seeing so many red squiggly lines.. I also hope I already have a higher grade than TJ for turning my paper in on time. Now that I’m back from my woman’s retreat and survived the start of 26, things seem to be back on track. Back right of Dive bar was still filled with drugs and sluts, while we all just humped each other watching them.

  So the Cavs are back! But does it really mean anything anymore? We all know  what really matters now, our sweet prince in the orange and brown has this city feeling some type of way. I fully expect our boys to bounce back this week pumping our hearts full hope only to next week rip them out and question everything.

  A lot of interesting matchups this week in the LOAD, this thing is still wide open and up for the taking. I did some minor breakdowns but if you’re looking for in depth analysis, check Sam’s archives on famous penises. Now let’s head on down for a closer look at this week’s preview.

#4 Nuk if you Buk vs. #8 Blowin’ Down Ingrams

  Classic matchup between roommates here. Always fun when you have to watch the games in the same room as your enemy. But if I know these two, it will be plug and play, ask questions later this weekend in Athens, then they will check their lineups. Dom hasn’t been too confident in his team this season, and outside of Nuketown Hopkins and Run CMC it’s been pretty much booty cheeks. But with Coleman now the sole back in ATL I think he still flirts with a 6 or better, then leaves J bar and probably makes the fantasy playoffs as well.  

  Chad has fought bad luck all season long…. Wait should I just copy every other  preview I’ve wrote for him? Guy can’t ever catch a break in this league. Nonetheless, it hasn’t stopped him from trying to shoot his shot, and after he leaves Pigskin will prob send another trade. When (IF) Bell comes back he should sang some wins and make his end of season push. Bagging prospects in and out of the office is nothing new for him, staying active on the wire is second nature so I think he will be fine.

  A little too much fire power at WR, QB, and TE for Dom to handle this week. Not that either of them will know what the fuck is going on once Puerto Dan gets his first fortnite kill and the rush is passed around faster than a little boy in the Vatican.

Blowin > Buk

#9 SaviorsOfTheUniverse vs. #5 Golden Taints

  Let me paint you a picture. It’s a beautiful fall day, TJ is riding his vibrant hipster skateboard in Lakewood park after hitting the local Bed&Bath for the new spooky witches brew yankee candles. Raybans on, pants pegged, some sort of mash up between Imagine Dragons/Foo Fighters blaring off his phone with a pumpkin spice in hand. In his mind, he’s crushing it. He opens the instagram app to story for the world to see him in all his glory when, CRACK!!

  Enter the sandman Sam. Running over what he thought was just another basic bitch at the park. He’s already been through plenty of those on bumble this week. Sam has no time for apologies, on the way home from his third haircut this week, the chipotle he picked up is getting cold. Gotta catch the Thursday night game and strategically rethink his line ups. His opponent, TJ lying lifelessly, left behind has no idea he even has someone playing for he’s lost interest.

  When they both reconvene in bed that night, Sam tells the story of how he wrecked some chick at the park. TJ too ashamed to admit it was actually him, grabs his phone and starts tinkering, tinkering away like never before! He’s checking matchups, sending trades, even scouring the waiver wire. He’s found a new meaning in life, it’s not about looking good on instagram, it’s about destroying our friends in fantasy, it’s about bragging rights, it’s about wiping that fucking little smirk off that pussy cunts face. With a quick kiss, TJ says goodnight, rolls over and blows out his new spooky witches brew candle. For now, he’s the one smirking and a new fire has been lit within.

Saviors > Taints

#7 Gurls that Swallow vs. #6 MaKamaraca Gr8 Again

  “Cool, rip me apart I don’t even care. My team blows and I’m a terrible manager who can’t even win a solo match in fortnite.”  

  Holla, not a day goes by where I don’t wonder what you’re doing. You could snapchat two midgets fighting on top of a speeding car while naked grandmas cheer them on from a passing speedboat in a pool of grizzly mint long cut and I’d just smile and say.. Classic Holla.

  This matchup between my fellow county livin’ good ol’ boys is a toss up. Both have solid teams, with star RBs in Kamara and Gurley and strong WRs across the board, it’s gonna come down to the QB play. With the bad man on bye, holla will need to get lucky… Solden will bank on the elite Flacco to show up which is hit or miss. Seeing as this could go either way, I’m  just gonna go with with Holla to shake up the standings. That, and the fact Solden has been playing Fortnite for over a year and still doesn't have a solo win.

Gurls > Gr8

#10 Jared Donovan's Team vs. #11 The Brady Bunch

  Look, I’ll say this. Jared is doing better than I thought he would. Are some of his decisions questionable? Sure. But look at the things we do on the weekends. When healthy (which his team is not this week) he has enough firepower to make any matchup interesting. At the end of the day, he’s only 1 back from the playoffs, and 3 back from first place. You never know what you’re going to get with this guy, like does he like Browns? Does he hate the Browns? Does he think they’re super bowl ready, or are we scrapping the team? I can’t keep up with his rants anymore.

  Douglas Fir, how the heck are ya? Congrats on the new place! Your abundance of wide receivers is incredible. I imagine it’s modeled after your 401k. Throw in Ertz and i'm surprised you haven't produced a little better. I fully expect you to be the blowout of the week which probably means we have the upset of the week coming our way.. Either way you are by far the hardest person to write about in these things.

Bunch > Jared

#12 Green Eggs and Cam vs. #2 The Injured Reserve

  Shawn, the agent of chaos. Lurking in the shadows of the groupme just waiting for his time to strike. Comes in all reckless and shit, throwing out spots rumors just to stir the pot only to retreat back into the darkness. Just getting our juices flowing to sit back and watch the madness. So can I just say, goddamn it, I like the way you do business! No one loves anarchy more than me. I just feel so bad you're in 12th place :( and I hope you’re having fun. Keep that beautiful head of yours up, good times are only a few wins away! Some solid trades and waiver moves have your team rounded out nicely, but unfortunately two of your top guys are on bye. Shoot!

  Casey does what Casey does. Each year he has a stacked team thanks to auto draft, they get hurt, he comes around every winter solstice, cracks some jokes, drops a gif in the Groupme every few months, and we repeat. BUT this year, this year is different. This year… His guys haven’t gotten hurt yet. Other than that, I’ll see you at the gift exchange.

Injured > Green Eggs

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

#3 Don Julio vs. #1 G-reg 3rd leg

  Great matchup between two of the top three teams here. Bennett, how the heck does it feel to be in first? Teach. Me. Do you have more time because there’s nothing to do in Cinci? Or is it because you decided to draft some black guys finally? While he has been bulldozing his way through the weeks, my team has picked up some steam.With his top two receivers on bye, Bennett will rely heavy on the run game led by Sa oh my god look at this legs Barkley. With a tough matchups for the bro and the two Pats teammates he may finally score under 150 points again.

  I don’t always bet on myself, but when I do.. I double down. Baker is in for a big bounce back performance for both the Browns and my fantasy team. Pressure makes diamonds and this kids shitting gold, I think he has a coming out party (God please let him be German like us), along with Julio finally grabbing a tuddy or two monday night. Throw in great matchups for J Brown and the Hunt for Red Zone October to give me the edge in this one. Plus to add salt in the wound I’ve seen snow more recently than Bennett.. Although depending when you’re reading this, if you're at homecoming it only took you 13.7 seconds to get through this whole preview.

Don > 3rd Leg

That will do it for me this week. To everyone going to Homecoming, have fun and be safe! Leave your morals on Court St. and your standards at the Crystal. May your weekend be filled with hot nuts, rumple, and vegas bombs.To everyone else just watching football, best of luck and go Browns!!