#(and yes I am also aware that imposter syndrome is an even bigger thing with POC esp WOC)

[butterscotchblues]

186.

186 days.

i want to name what I'm feeling but I honestly just think its plain ol fear.

i'm scared, man.

i'm scared for this world. for the people currently being enslaved and occupied and martyred around the world. for the black and brown and queer folx right here. for fucking everyone living under this maniacal and blood thirsty capitalist regime.

i'm scared for myself. of myself? there's a difference. and i think i'm feeling both.

it's strange, i have what feels like soooo much clarity but the main thing that clarity is bringing up for me is "i don't know". i'm fully aware that at this point in life, i do not know my next move. my relationship and my sobriety and my ability to make an incredible cup of coffee are the only things i am very sure about right now. realized that i've been pretty passive in my own life when it comes to sustaining myself. i kinda just give it to god, but not in the way folx be talking about. like where they pick a goal, do as much as they can to attain said goal and then give the rest to god.

feels like i'm sort of working backwards. just allowing the opportunities that present themselves to shape me or my situation. which, i mean, can be beautiful... don't get me wrong. but there NEEDS to be a balance, y'know. let shit come but also don't say yes to everything (i don't) and also put yourself out there! otherwise, is your life really yours?

i've always let my life come to me. instead of confidently and unwaveringly choosing the life that i want. my music, my art, my job. there are so many ideas i've had over the years that i haven't executed. mostly out of fear. and complicity.

damn man, i'm really going in. but i'm not berating myself. just saying what it is. this is catharsis, not self-deprecation.

it's kind of embarrassing to admit? i'm overwhelmed by all the things that i want to do or are even curious about.

i've never been a hustler. never been a grind machine. very much a "taking the scenic route and chillin as much as possible along the way" kinda gal lol. that doesn't embarrass me. i don't believe in hustle culture at all.

but i do believe in attention as currency. and i do think that my attention has been in places that do not serve me. and that if i focus that attention on knocking down these invisible imposter syndrome walls and putting myself out there and making new things that might just suck at first, that i'll be taking my power back. and subsequently creating the life that i actually want.

was talking to kenny about the same thing a few days ago. "paying" attention.

i will say, though, as the world does it's thing and we sit on the brink of a 3rd world war, and brown folx document themselves being bombed on their land with our tax money and black folx film themselves being lit on fire to bring attention to their enslavement... what i "want" feels like it's constantly evolving and including more and more people. like, yes its my life but it's so much bigger than me.

chris sent me a copy of his chapbook and so far, it's so good. he sent it to me and then thanked me for starting him on his poetry journey. bro wtf. i'll never forget that. he is one of the most talented writers and lyricists i've ever heard and he credits me (!!!) with the start of this poetry journey???

so beautiful. so affirming. so fucking cool.

[christiandomme]

And another thing!

The thing about the “you’ve finally shown me that I am not enough” that really gets me?? Is that I am waiting for it?! How many years am I friends with you? How many I love yous? How many things do we overcome together? How many sincere shows of connection? And I am still waiting for every single person in my life to inform me that they have finally realized that I am too much or too little. 

I am loved! I am respected! I have dozens of healthy relationships with tons of affirmation! 

And I still constantly wait with baited breath for when we reach the limit. 

And what really galls me, is the freaking relief that I feel when someone chooses not-me. ‘Ah yes, you were correct. You are grieving because you have lost a connection but doesn’t it feel so nice that they told you a hurtful thing or stopped communicating after all? You don’t have to wait for the shoe to drop any longer. End of a relationship after seven years? You’re sobbing but at least you don’t have to wonder when you won’t be enough to keep them anymore! You’ve arrived!” Like, I hate that feeling but also the sigh of release of loosing the thing I was so convinced I could never keep is... a whole wheelbarrow of complex. 

#you get to hear all my feelings today #they are spilling out #making posts in between work projects as an emotional release valve #anxiety who is she? #I have a secure attachment to my parents! I have decent relationships with my siblings! I have no spiritual truama! #I have decent self confidence in my body and my brain! #I cognitively know I am a sum good in people's lives #and yet I am moving through life just ALWAYS WONDERING WHEN THEY WILL BE DONE WITH ME #I did not sign up for this #and yes I know imposter syndrome is a thing #especially with female g&t kids #but yowza #emotional wellness #oh and there is a whole essay to be written about how this insects with how I do D/s #d/s and mental health #(and yes I am also aware that imposter syndrome is an even bigger thing with POC esp WOC)

[ginnyzero]

The Writing Community On Twitter

The Writing Community on Twitter

So, there is a large writing community on twitter just like there is on facebook and tumblr and growing on Instagram and the whole business that is authortube. And while I guess this could apply to any social media spaces, let’s focus on the writing community and twitter because twitter is where professional writing/publishing community hangs out. Sure, some professional authors have things like tumblr, Instagram, or youtube, or even facebook, but most, if not all, also have a twitter presence, along with publishers and agents.

Because of this, a lot of indie authors and querying authors also hang out on twitter and all together they form THE WRITING COMMUNITY.

Be aware they are not a Reading Community. In fact, the reading community is just the writing community blasting ads into that hashtag. Most of your book promotion, especially if you’re an indie author is going to be promoting at other indie authors. This is and isn’t useful.

The first big question you need to ask yourself before joining the twitter writing community is what you’re looking to get out of it. 

Do you want to sell books? Prepare to make it an entire job of talking to people all the time. Do you want to connect with your favorite traditionally published authors? Make a list of those authors and check it periodically. You will see publishing drama in every genre.

Do you want to find agents/query, do pitch contests, and find writing conventions? Then twitter is the place you need to be. Find the agents in your category and follow them. Find the pitching contest main coordinators, follow them. Find WriteHive and follow them. Agents will give advice about how to query and what they’re looking for. This is valuable information.

Do you want writing advice?

Well, 280 character tweets don’t really make for nuance. And while the pro authors may give out advice from time to time, there are a lot of authors out there asking random questions, giving random advice which may or may not work for you. In other words, if you need writing advice, stick thee to tumblr. Or even go to Youtube.

Because, twitter fights break out all the time over the simplest of advice from the ‘bigger’ accounts. You, as a writer, need to discover the process/methods that work for you. On tumblr, you can find these different methods by say, following hey writers and other similar blogs, the literary architect is another good one, who will have long articles about different types of outlining, and how to do dialogue, and what is pacing. You can look through the options without people’s egos getting into the way of “I do it this way and everyone should do it this way!”

Are you looking for an editor?

Oh geez, um. –gestures at WriteHive, go to WriteHive- Yes, there are lots of editors on twitter. Some of them have said outrageous things. Many of them may not have credentials. They’ll jump into your DMs with ads for their services. And if you’re looking to query, you may not need an editor anyways!

If you go to twitter because you want to support fellow indie authors and you want to buy their books, then you don’t even need an account! Look for tags that are to the effect of Shameless Self Promo Saturday, or Book Boost or Book Promo, or yes, Reading Community. Free Book. Kindle Unlimited. All of these are good tags if you’re looking for indie books. You’ll definitely see a lot of the same authors promoting their books in these tags over and over. You will also find a large group of Wattpad authors too.

I ended up making a wishlist on Amazon with indie author books. Once you start purchasing/getting free ones, Amazon will start recommending them to you. I have 300+ books on my Kindle that I have mostly gotten for FREE. I’d say 1/10 happen to be any good. (Yay, they’re free?)

The second thing you really need to examine about yourself when it comes to joining a writing community pretty much no matter where is ‘how secure am I in my writing abilities?’

Twitter is a lot of writers shouting into the void about their writing in and out of tag games, and pretty much every opinion they may have about writing, readers, politics, religion, and their kids and dogs. Plus how much they’ve wrote. How much they’ve edited. If they’ve received a review and if they liked/didn’t like said review even if it is bad form to say so. And you will be bombarded with this day after day and even the strongest of writers can begin to doubt themselves.

If you’re prone to depression, imposter syndrome, or have huge doubts about your writing, I’d, um, stay out of the twitter writing community.

Thirdly, twitter is a dangerous numbers game. A lot of people in the writing community on twitter do what is called ‘follow for follow.’ They follow you. You follow back. Maybe they unfollow you if they just wanted the number. Maybe they don’t tweet anything but ads. Maybe they’re bullies/homophobes/transphobes/racist/misogynistic, or even bots! So, you end up with a lot of followers and next to no interaction because these people aren’t there to really interact, they’re there to shout into the void.

And interaction fuels the algorithms, so if you don’t have interaction your tweets won’t show up in the main feeds, so unless your friends use lists to keep track of you, they might not see what you say.

Yes, even the most positive of twitter accounts can be shouting in the void for likes and retweets. It can be very disheartening very quickly especially if you start doing something and a few days/weeks later you see a bigger account start saying the same things you’re saying instead of… oh retweeting your tweets.

Is it provable? Probably not.

Any social media is a huge amount of emotional labor. It’s up to you to decide where you put your emotional labor when you also need to have it for working, family, friends, and writing! A lot of the people I know in the writing community on twitter have to take breaks from it. Twitter is not real life. The echo chamber is very real.

There is a lot of chatter in the writing community about supporting each other and doing things for each other so people can find success. I honestly don’t know if anything will ever come of it because most of the conversation swirls through unorganized indie authors. Writing conventions like Write Hive (completely online) and 20 Books Las Vegas might be more worthwhile on authors helping authors than twitter.

I’m not really ready/prepared to talk about my personal experience with the writing community on twitter with examples publicly. And I definitely don’t want to bring up names. But if you’re here on tumblr and thinking about getting into twitter, examine what you’re looking for and need before putting in your time and emotions.

#writing tumblr #writrblr #writing advice #writing community #twitter

[camillemontespan]

the making of drake walker [interview]

@jovialyouthmusic @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @sirbeepsalot @moonlightgem7 @pug-bitch @burnsoslow @ibldw-main @mskaneko @emceesynonymroll @katedrakeohd @emichelle @notoriouscs @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @star-spangled-eyes @drakesensworld @gardeningourmet @rainbowsinthestorm @stopforamoment @dcbbw @iplaydrake @drakewalkerisreal @nazariortega

DRAKE THE DILF!!!

    ********************************************************************************

The Duke of Valtoria gives a deep chuckle as he studies the screen that shows the photographs of him for this interview. He points at the photograph that will become our chosen cover and says with his face blushing, 'My wife will frame that one.'

I look at the photograph and avert my eyes. It's a good picture of the Duke of Valtoria. It's completely different to most stiff upper lipped Dukes who have been our interview subjects before - for one thing, he is standing in a swimming pool with a white t-shirt that has gone see through, showing off his broad chest and muscles. He is the complete opposite of what you imagine a Duke to look like and I have to say that the change is very much welcome.

He's wearing a denim shirt now and his hair has been dried. We sit down at the bar by the hotel pool and he orders two coffees for us.

Drake Walker has been the Duke of Valtoria for five years. In this time, he has married the woman of his dreams, become a father to two children and set up a mental health campaign which has exploded into something much bigger than he anticipated - more on this later. He has had a busy five years and I wonder how he feels.

'I feel really good,' he tells me with a warm smile. 'Genuinely really good. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin which has been a long time coming, believe me.’ 

I’m meeting him today to discuss the expansion of his mental health campaign, Mind over Matter. What started as a small campaign to raise awareness of mental health in men has now switched up a gear and is being made into a registered charity. 

In case you missed it (have you been living under a rock?) Mind over Matter is a mental health campaign which involved Drake, his friends and men in Cordonia going on outdoor activities. What was mocked as simply being a glorified 'boys weekend' was suddenly praised when Drake had the idea to Vlog their activities. As the men trekked up mountains, abseiled, kayaked etc, they opened up and started talking about their worries, fears and hopes. It became a safe space for men who felt like they couldn't share feelings. Maxwell Beaumont admitted that he still thought about his mother who passed away when he was ten years old, but he didn't want to burden his brother. Drake told him to be honest because 'you are brothers, you're blood. Share the load.' As they talked, a charity donation line was set up so viewers could donate money to various mental health charities. It became a huge deal and it was all the brainchild of Drake Walker. Did he see this coming?

'Never in a million years,' he answers honestly. 'But now it's happened? I want to go bigger. I want it to become one of the main charities in Cordonia. If there's a guy out there struggling with depression, anxiety, alcoholism, anything, I want him to know he can contact Mind over Matter so he can speak to a qualified health professional and get the help he needs. I don't want anyone else to feel as alone as I did.'

I ask him to elaborate. He smiles. 'Growing up in court, I felt like an outcast. I hated everyone and they acted like I was the shit on their shoe. I built up walls around myself - no, scratch that, I built a fucking fortress - and I didn't let anyone in. But it all changed when I met Camille.. She basically saved my life.'

I've met Camille a handful of times and she's always been warm and kind. She looks like the type of woman you can share a bottle of wine with and chat about men. Drake let's out a deep laugh. 'Oh my god, she is! If you ask her to do that, she would do it. She's always up to talk.'

I imagine she has played a part in making Drake more vocal about his emotions. He nods eagerly. 'Absolutely. When we first met, I was such a dick to her. Thing was, I always found myself watching her, wanting to be part of her conversations but I stopped myself.'

Why?

He looks at me seriously. 'Because I felt like I wasn't worthy. Trust me, when people treat you like you're the shit on their shoes, you start to believe it. Why would this amazing woman waste her time talking to me? So I tried to hate her but couldn't. She took the time to talk to me, joke around. She broke down those walls I built and I'm forever grateful to her.'

Drake is keen to stress that he forces himself to be open about his feelings now. 'If I don't, I'm a hypocrite. I am the figurehead of a mental health charity. If I can't discuss how I'm feeling, then how can I preach to everyone else?'

I ask if it takes work. He nods. 'Every day.'

I decide to move the conversation onto something lighter. I want to know about his kids. Are they different?

He grins, happy to be a father. 'Well, Luna is a baby so it's hard to tell, but she is certainly a different baby compared to how Lily was. Luna is so quiet. She observes everything with these big round eyes, like everything is a wonder to her, and I constantly catch myself thinking baby girl, if I could just be in your head for one minute.. '

He goes quiet with a dopey smile on his face. He then shakes his head. 'They both have my smirk though.'

I ask to see the smirk.

He smirks.

Oh my. The Smirk makes me melt (it deserves capital letters).

Drake leans forward and whispers conspiratorially, 'My wife loves my smirk.'

I ask what family life is like. What is a day in the life entail?

'Usually, Lily wake us up when the sun hasn't even risen yet and screams IT'S MORNING TIME! She will usually be carrying her sister. Somehow, Lily's managed to work out how to unhinge the crib which is actually terrifying..'

Secret genius?

Drake chuckles. 'I think she has plans for world domination. She's only five and already, she's got the mind maps and dastardly plots..'

I smile at his easy humour.

'Camille refuses to get a nanny so she will look after Luna while I do the school drop off. I come home, take Luna, Camille goes to her appointments, she comes homes, we switch and I start work.' He stops then looks at me steadily. 'Jesus, this is such a boring article. I'm sorry. I'm a dad now, my life is just nappies, lack of sleep and wondering if my daughter's poo is a natural colour.'

I will be honest here. I've met Drake a few times and he used to be.. Well, he was always friendly, but he was never this forthcoming. Now he opens up more, jokes around, smiles a lot. I ask if Mind over Matter has helped him.

'It has, yes. But also I'm just happy. I feel content, like I'm right where I'm supposed to be, you know? I have an amazing wife, two beautiful daughters and I have a purpose. I'm more sure of myself now.'

Now he seems to have matured, what kind of dad is he? I imagine he's quite serious and overprotective.

He laughs. 'Yes, I'm very overprotective. God, Lily came home the other day and showed me her collection of leaves. Yes, leaves. Apparently, in her class, if a boy has a crush on you, he gifts a girl a leaf and vice versa. Leaves have become a sort of declaration of love. And she has four! FROM THE SAME GUY!'

I tease that Lily has a boyfriend. Drake shudders. 'Don't push me.'

He then grins. 'Clearly, he's got good taste.'

Is he serious then?

'Hell no! I'm honestly a really fun dad. Am I embarrassing? Maybe.. I do Iove a dad joke. But I take part in Lily's tea parties, I wear a plastic crown and everything. Sometimes, if we're pushing the boat out, we pour chocolate milk into the teacups.' He smiles again.' Tea party days are the best days.'

I ask if he can see himself having a son. He bites his lip thoughtfully.

'No.. I used to. When I allowed myself to start dreaming about raising a family, sure I wanted a little Drake Jr. But nah, I like having girls. They're cute and they're miniature versions of their mom. How can I not want that?'

He clearly adores his wife. You see paparazzi pictures of them and they always look so close. Often, Drake would be shielding her from the cameras or taking her hand to help her out of cars. 'I'm a gent,' Drake shrugs. 'I'm also of the opinion happy wife, happy life. She's my priority. Always has been, always will be.'

I ask what's new for the Duchess. She is very engaged with her duties and seems to aways be visiting children's hospitals or promoting charities.

'She fits into her role brilliantly,' Drake tells me. 'Given she was a commoner before, and an American one at that, she's really settled into being a Duchess. I was in awe. She takes the time to get to know her public, she never complains, she cares. I'm so glad that we both got to learn our roles at the same time. She kept me feeling positive.'

Did he ever think negative?

'I always worried I was failing as a Duke,' he admits. 'I thought I wasn't doing anything. I felt like everyone could see right through me.'

Imposter syndrome?

'Yes!' he cries. 'Definitely. It took me a while to find my feet.'

The interview is beginning to wrap up. Since the past five years have been a whirlwind, is he expecting the same to happen for the next five? He is launching Mind Over Matter as a charity after all. He gives me a warm smile. 'Honestly? Once it's launched, I'm taking it easy. I'm taking my family camping for a weekend. I've got it all planned. I know I go camping a lot for Mind Over Matter so you'd think I'd be sick of it but honestly, I don't. I love being outside and if it means I get to have fun with my children, teach them new things and spend time with my wife, I'm happy. But the next five years? You can't plan it. Everything that's happened to me in my life so far, I never imagined ever happening to me. But I'm excited. So fucking excited.'

I can tell you this, reader. Drake has found himself on steady ground. Long may it continue.

#drake walker #trr fanfic

[inspiredactionlife]

5 Tips for Success From a Recovering Pragmatist

Success is whatever we define it personally to be.  For some, success means simply, to be happy, for others success means to be financially bountiful.  Whatever the end goal of success may be for you there are still basic self imposed rules that we place upon the journey to success.  The power, or lack thereof, lies in those rules.

As a die-hard pragmatist, everything I did was measured against those “self-imposed” rules. Rules that I, subconsciously, placed there in order to protect myself from failure, embarrassment or let down. It was not until I did a thorough self-evaluation did I realize that among other things, the one main attribute that I used to like about myself was the very thing that held me back from pursuing the success in life that I absolutely desired; my pragmatism. Pragmatism....everything is black and white...always protected me, defended me, kept things under control for me, allowed me to proceed with caution on all fronts of my life so that I wouldn't have to look like a fool for trying things that I actually really wanted to try or do.  So now that I have found out this “life hack” that I am no longer bound by self-imposed imprisonment of my potential, I want to share it with all my fellow pragmatists out there because you know who you are...

 Failure Means that Success is Just a Little Further Down the Road: Admit it, a pragmatic person is nearly allergic to failure or rejection. We don't want to be exposed as an imposter.  We have perfectly curated our image and skill set so the last thing we want is to blow the cover off of our perfectly coiffed personal brand.  We want to be the most sensible person in the room.  We can recite evidence for every decision we have arrived at, we can roll out facts, figures, flow charts you name it, to protect our decisions.  Therefore we cannot possibly fail because we were so cautious and sure that the only roles we would take on are the ones we demonstrably have done with success in the past; anything beyond that is far too risky for us.  Well, guess what? If you do what you've always done, you will get what you always got.  Ask yourself, if you died today would you be taking any dreams and unused talents with you? I know I can say unequivocally YES to that.  I just couldn't live with that now that I am mindful of this concept.   I have consciously decided to say good-bye to my old friend fear and hello to positivity.  I now talk to myself about the fact that failure is just a small bathroom break on the way to my final destination of success.  Pursue the ideas that are IN you, not what's expected OF you by others.....that has been so freeing!  This leads me to my next tip...

 Stop Being a People Pleaser: You know what I mean.  Not much explanation is needed here.  Not everyone is going to like you no matter what you do to make them happy.  I realized that I was trying to make everyone else around me happy...but me.  You know what was the real rub was on this...it didn't work anyway.  You can't fake happiness especially with your friends and family.  They can sense the energy you put out whether they can clearly decipher it or not...they know.  The old adage, “If mama ain't happy; ain't nobody happy”.  Very profound wisdom there.  Happiness comes from within and is not to be confused with contentedness or complacency.  Let that sink in for a bit....

 Success Leaves Clues, Patterns & Choices: You may have heard this quote before. How many times have you heard somebody say, If I can just get through this day or this week or this year, things will all get so much better.  We are unwittingly in survival mode a lot of the time because life is challenging.  It is busy and sometimes it feels like there aren't enough hours in the day; or this is what we tell ourselves...so it is. My favorite quote is from Henry Ford, he says “Whether you think you can or you can't; you're right.”  Once I became aware of just how much power my mind wielded over my life this quote struck me as so profound and ultimately life-changing.  I had to stop, dead in my tracks and take stock of what my thoughts and “mind-movies” as I now like to call them, had been up to this point.  What do you say to yourself throughout the day if you really stopped to be mindful about it?  I'm going to tell you, you would be shocked at the things you say to yourself which in my case my self talk ultimately lead to a very calculated and underwhelming use of my natural gifts and talents.  I was not putting myself out there because what difference could I make?  There are so many better writers, speakers, motivators, life coaches out there; what makes me think I would succeed...the old Imposter Syndrome! If all of us would just stop, take the time to reconnect with ourselves and get re-acquainted with ourselves, we would be so amazed at the outcome.  Success leaves clues...at times you may have to go all the way back to childhood to remember what you like, what you are just NATURALLY good at and what lights you up. There have been clues all along the way. We were far less inhibited as children then we are as adults so what were we good at then? What did we like to do then?  After doing this quiet exercise for a few days, I re-remembered that I liked ballet and I was good at it...so I ran out and signed up for adult ballet...it lights me up. I shunned my practicality and inhibitions and said...I'm doing this for me and I don't care what anyone says about it! It was great.  What clues has your UN-pursued life left for you?

 Feed Your Faith and Starve Your Doubt:  This also takes some practice but in what has become my new normal and mantra, if there is an idea inside me and I get a prompting about it, I will now act on it no matter how illogical it may sound.  Sometimes you just have to listen to your instincts or your gut and act on what it tells you if it is in alignment with who you are. For example, I had a little quick thought like wow wouldn't be great to be Tiger Woods out there and experience winning the Masters after this long road back to success....that would not be a thought that was in alignment with who I am, because I am an atrocious golfer despite my best efforts...terrible...just terrible. However, it was the following of that internal nudge that ultimately lead me to a abrupt career change into Life Coaching.  I really had never even heard of such a thing, but as mentioned above, success leaves clues!  I had been the unofficial life coach to all of my friends and even acquaintances my entire life, inadvertently.  It was as if destiny just reached down and dropped this neatly into my lap and now here I am.  I will continue to believe that I am walking in the path that I was always meant to walk in and it feels invigorating every single day of my life.  

 Think Big in Small Spaces: Limits, labels, parameters, stereotypes, judgments...we have all felt and absorbed the messages that society has foisted upon us.  We make snap judgment upon ourselves and others because society has told us to. You are a victim, you are oppressed, you are under-educated, you are not smart.  Sometimes it can be hopeless to even dare to dream because of where we came from or who are parents were or how much money we have or don't have.  I'm here to declare that no matter what your life circumstances are, your future will not be defined by them if you dare to want better for yourself AND believe that you can have better.  I don't care who you are.  Also play big.  I so wish someone had told me this in a realistic conversation and explained to me why this is true for me.  There are many unaccounted for years that I just was getting by and limiting my potential because nobody gave me “permission” to be a success.  Everyone had permission to succeed.  Always go bigger than your practicality says you should. If it's in you and aligned with who you are, I truly believe you can have it.  We would have NONE of the modern inventions if those people played small ball.  Thank goodness they didn't.  They were the crazy ones that followed their instincts and put aside their inhibitions and went for it.  Remember that.

  Life is now and it is NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT.  Get in the game and stop wasting time.  It will be the best decision you have ever made.  

#motivation #lifecoach #mindset #how to succeed #limitingbeliefs #live your best life #its never too late #dreambig