Tumgik
#you get to hear all my feelings today
andthebeanstalk · 10 months
Text
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
16K notes · View notes
susponte · 8 days
Text
giving you all a cute little wave on this fine evening ♥️ i hope that you're doing well and that you're taking care of yourselves. don't ever be afraid to chase your dreams and to reach for "impossible" things. you'd be surprised what you can achieve when you stop holding yourself back. you're capable of so much more than you realize, and i hope that you can see that worth within yourselves.
#i know it hasn't been Too Long yet but i'm feeling like an entirely different person#finally at a place where i'm happy with who i'm becoming and how i'm choosing to live#i'm a little embarrassed (a lot) that you guys were all here for the growing pains & the ugly eras of that journey#but it's over now. it's so weird how?? things just fell into place once i found my purpose#who knew that helping people + getting healthy + cutting out bad influences would cure your mental health fr 🥹#but hey this is your sign. if there's something you've wanted to do but didn't think you could#go and take that risk! take a bet on yourself! you're worth the effort#it sounds so cheesy but I actually wake up excited every single morning#it's a new opportunity to get better and to push yourself to new limits#and what a gift that is!! to realize that today is the best you've ever been and the worst you will ever be#because it's all up from here 😤 you control who you are and how much you improve#anyways enough with the ted talk. i appreciate you all so very much.#keep taking care of yourself and pursue things that inspire your soul#tbh idk when I'll be back. i'm in the fire academy until the fall#i like being here but i owe it to my community to be the best firefighter that i can be#so i might just peek in and like some posts from time to time ♥️ maybe write on discord a bit on sundays#i'm still trying to figure it out lol. all i do is train and sleep 😭 but I'll fit this back in eventually#i miss you guys. i miss the creativity on the dash#feel free to infodump about your muses in my discord messages and I'll get to them when i'm not a zombie#but i do genuinely love hearing about the things you're passionate about#♥️♥️♥️♥️ you guys are cool as hell#mobile.
27 notes · View notes
pussymasterdooku · 14 days
Text
another day another medical malpractice…the allie experience!
9 notes · View notes
rithmeres · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media
genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry
#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages#i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3#might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now.#unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year#just enough for today.#lately when i've been praying it just looks like#please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL#things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart#i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything#all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food.#in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared#just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself#i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try#but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH.#please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it.#talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things.#i just wish i had someone to sit next to me.#personal#i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.
35 notes · View notes
roses-and-elixir · 2 months
Text
Those late evening, sat in the dark, parked car conversations just hit different.
14 notes · View notes
depravedangelbaby · 1 month
Text
weird day :) someone tell me they're proud of me please :)
8 notes · View notes
michameinmicha · 22 days
Text
Good thing tumblr doesnt have a post type for like voice messages or my vent posts would be absolutely insufferable
7 notes · View notes
monty-glasses-roxy · 7 days
Text
In other news, I just picked up a plastic packet full of very old spools of sewing thread and thought "okay I'll eat this and then I'll go" and my brain short-circuited for a moment. Go do what? I've no idea. It cut off completely. I'm gonna eat some sewing threads now apparently. Good for me good for me
6 notes · View notes
semiotomatics · 3 months
Text
idk abt yall but im still not over the fact that the internet lets you communicate w ppl literally all over the world, ppl you'd never have a chance to talk to otherwise. its just so cool to me!! i absolutely adore talking to ppl abt their cultures n their homes n their lives n getting to share mine in return. i know that as our online lives have gotten more complex the "internet culture" has kind of superceded a lot of ppls irl ones, at least when interacting in online spaces, but i rly hope we dont lose that desire to share pieces of where we came from w others. i think doing so not only enriches our own lives, but enriches our relationships w others as well.
7 notes · View notes
sysig · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Haven’t seen you around these parts (Patreon)
#Doodles#Deltarune#Rouxls Kaard#Pink Addison#Blue Addison#I feel like it might be a bit out there to say that Rouxls Kaard and the Addisons are equivalents to their respective chapters but like#Hear me out for like half a second lol#Handsome masc salespeople with an interesting relationship to the Secret Boss - yes I fully admit to being No Suit trash lol#I know you can't buy from the Addisons in the same way - like they don't get the vendor close up but they're Super trying to sell you stuff#I'm just saying there are enough similarities to justify mushing my previous fave with my current - faves I guess lol#They're all very Design y'know how it is - I think I still love Rouxls more but he's more difficult to draw so it's getting harder to tell!#It's all Blue's fault anyway lol as soon as I started drawing Rouxls again I had to have them meet somehow - he's literally in Chapter 2!#Why not wandering around lost lol#Me? Projecting onto my current fixations?? Psh no - they think he's handsome totally irrespective of me definitely lol#He is handsome ♥ If they happen to notice well what's the harm in that lol#The pirate hat is very goofy but I forgot about the eye patch :( It's also quite a handsome accessory!#You'll never get any sales if you get flustered by handsome customers! Very unprofessional!#Pink recovers but poor Blue lol - gotta be aggressive in today's fast paced market!#I do love the idea of the Premium Travel Package just being a map lol - ''You can find your way there'' thanks Pink#I am very pleased with that last panel haha they all turned out so cute! Poses and legs and expressions ah! Fun!#Maybe once he turns them down they can talk shop lol - literally
56 notes · View notes
killkillbitekill · 2 months
Text
god needing someone in your life at a very specific time but you know they're bad for you is so. screaming crying throwing up. I really need you right now but I can't talk to you. I need you to feel better but you'll also make me feel worse. do you understand
4 notes · View notes
lunarharp · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck
#witch hat tag#orufrey#uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me#iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted]#and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!?#I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just..#combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO...#CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU#apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered#the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time#where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad#why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so#he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart#did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so..#*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ????#you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them#i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop#i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan#i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring#today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it
68 notes · View notes
starbuck · 1 month
Text
What if my anxiety melted away and everything was fine, actually.
6 notes · View notes
So I'm having an equally shitty day therefore I wanted to remind us both that we're allowed to be petty and frustrated and feel bitter if someone else's hard work is being easily recognized while ours isn't! Hope your day improves aleks and I full on manifest the fattest promotion for you in the nearest future <3
I think I’m so frustrated because my education and my work credentials are (IMO) better than many of the other people who got converted before me and I’ve been told to my face it’s because of my personality (I tend to keep to myself at work/I don’t kiss ass/I don’t usually go out drinking or go to the company gym etc etc with my coworkers like they aren’t my friends but everyone else seems to be friends with each other outside of work). Like I wish I could tell you that working hard pays off but it doesn’t. Kissing ass and doing the bare minimum does. It feels so unfair to watch all the people who got hired after me getting into roles that are actually a career while I’m in a role that is basically a dead end. Like being told you’re going to get the conversion only to have it taken away and then hearing later that it was for petty reasons was so disheartening.
#idk if you guys remember that day I went to that dinner with my coworkers and came back home crying but#it was because one of my coworkers (who was hired two years after me and has already been converted and promoted twice)#she told me after the dinner that my conversion was given to someone else because the managers like her more than they like me#like imagine hearing that to your face? that your hard work and education credentials don’t matter at all when it comes to that decision#after that happened my manager at company A told me that if I want to get a conversion in the next two years I’d have to leave#imagine giving YEARS to the job and hearing that#anyway I’m SO salty and bitter today. I hate watching my coworkers get promotions.#every single person in my department who is a Company A employee has received 1-2 or more promotions in the last two years#and then they have the gall to say they don’t have the budget for my conversion#I’m salty as fuck. I can’t even lie#hope it will happen some day but even then part of me will feel like… sour about it.#I should’ve been converted years ago and it’s BULLSHITTTT#I even have insider info — my uncle (who is a company A employee) was offered a position in my department#when they lie to us and say they aren’t hiring but they offered to hire him??? make it make sense#he told me he was told that my department was getting five openings#and they ended up filling them with either external hires or internal conversions that weren’t me#I’m a salty bitch about it :|#the funny part is I received a consolation prize— I got a Company B promotion. which means they pay me more. lol.#okok im done im sorry <3#I hope your day will improve V !!!!! manifesting better days for the both of us#aleks.asks#aleks.moots#aleks & v
9 notes · View notes
Tumblr media
I see you 🌹
2 notes · View notes
floral-hex · 10 months
Text
I just want to get blasted, either out of my mind or into the sun, I’m not picky
#not me looking into the shitty guidelines for getting approved for medical marijuana in arkansas#yeeeaaaah looks like the process is ridiculously convoluted and pricey so nah#but missouri is just a few hours away so who knows#I hate weed for real. I mean it’s cool but I’ve had some bad experiences#but my anxiety is getting pretty rough and it would just be nice if I could turn my brains to mush every once in awhile#whenever my hearing gets bad I start freaking out and panicking and feeling sick. it suuuuuuucks.#anyway I have about 10 ‘emergency’ klonopin left which I don’t like taking bc I’m a hoarder and hate wasting stuff#like in video games when you stockpile potions but never use them#plus that shit can be addictive and I’m not a fan of that idea#tbh tho I diiiid take one earlier and I’ve been feeling preeeetty mellow#I ate two bowls of ice cream and I’m feeling good#I thought I had a drs appt coming soon to talk about anxiety meds but turns out it’s actually next month 🙄 so gonna reschedule that#anyway this was supposed to be a post about wanting to get blazed but I kinda whined all over these tags#whoops#uhhh…. how are you doing?#have you drank enough water today? for real#god I love ice water with a little lemon juice. I drink so much of that a day. it’s the best.#this isn’t important#if you read all of this then I love you#or at least like you. a little. a little bit. you’re good. I appreciate you.#ok I’m gonna go make coffee now#you can ignore this#text
11 notes · View notes