Buck has an idea.
Eddie's been avoiding him for a week.
And Buck is sick of it.
He's tired, and angry, and more than a little hurt, and he's sick of his best friend walking away from him at every moment.
And he's not stupid, he knows he was an idiot, but he's determined to fix it even if he has to kidnap the man and duct tape him to a chair.
But his idea is a lot more civilized. Kinda devious, but he doesn't care. They're worth the fight... So he thinks.
He's only known he's been in love with Eddie since he almost drowned. What a time for a realization like that?
But then again, nothing about their friendship has ever been perfectly timed.
So Buck's willing to fight for them. Even if Eddie ends up telling him he never wants to see him again. Though, it wouldn't make much difference from now.
Eddie only lets him past the door of the Diaz house to see Chris. He asks to be partnered up with Chim on every call. He sits beside Hen at dinner. He won't answer his phone.
There's only one thing to do.
Ambush him.
Buck marches determinedly into the station one afternoon when he's off shift, just when he knows they're scheduled for some downtime. (If he got a heads up from Chim, that's no one's business.)
He finds Eddie in the gym, sitting on a bench with some dumbbells. Buck strides in and stands in front of Eddie.
Eddie makes a move to leave, but Buck stills him with a hand on his shoulder.
"I just want to talk," Buck says.
"I don't want to talk to you," Eddie snips, looking up at Buck with something not quite angry in his eyes.
"Tough," Buck bites back.
"Buck, I-"
"We're going to talk about this, Eddie," Buck says firmly.
Eddie sits down hard on the bench with a put upon sigh.
"Thank you." Buck lets go of his shoulder and backs away a few paces. "Tell me why you're avoiding me."
He's not going to plead, and beg, and end up with some botched forgiveness like the lawsuit. He wants the truth. Even if it breaks them.
"You know why," Eddie says flatly, looking somewhere over Buck's left shoulder.
"Tell me anyway," Buck says.
Eddie presses his fingers to his eyes. "You almost died, Buck. Again."
"And that's why you're treating me like I've committed murder?" Buck asks.
"That might have something to do with it," Eddie snarks.
"Okay. Tell me how." Buck sits down on the bench opposite Eddie and leans his elbows on his knees.
Eddie rolls his lips and looks towards the locker room. Buck's fully prepared to follow him if he decides to walk away.
"You were reckless," Eddie finally says. "You didn't care what happened to you when you dove back in that water." He finally looks at Buck, his wide eyes shining.
Buck may be a lot of things, but he's not reckless. "I knew the risks."
"I know you know the risks, Buck," Eddie huffs. "The fact is you disregarded them."
"To save Bobby," Buck states, "just like you would've done."
"This isn't a contest," Eddie sighs. "What I would've done and what I did do are completely different."
"And I would've waited for Chim to get the oxygen, had we had the time," Buck reasons. "I wouldn't have been reckless if there wasn't a need for it, and I know you know that."
Eddie looks at his hands in his lap.
"So why are you shutting me out because I almost died?" Buck asks again. He knows there's something else.
Eddie folds his hands in his lap and looks over Buck's shoulder again. Buck's seen the stance before. When he first met Eddie, when they were fighting in a grocery store, when he left the 118. He's closing himself off.
Buck should've expected it. He just doesn't know how to break past it. What he's done in the past, cornering Eddie on Halloween after the lawsuit, or trying to drag Eddie out of the depths of his own mind, haven't worked. He chooses the more direct approach.
"Eddie, I had to corner you while I wasn't on shift just to talk to you," Buck says. "This is serious, okay? Don't close me off and push me away. Not again. I..."
I need you. I just want you to talk to me. I love you.
He can't bring himself to say any of it.
"Why do you want to know so bad?" Eddie snips.
"Because I miss you," Buck blurts out. It's the truth. It means just the same as the words he wants to say.
Eddie looks at him, wide eyed, his mouth open in shock.
Buck doesn't backtrack, or fill the silence.
Eddie unclasps his hands and rests them on the bench instead. "Just over a year ago, you did die."
Buck nods as Eddie takes a shuddering breath.
"The thought of going through that again..." Eddie shakes his head.
"Eddie, that's always going to be a possibility," Buck says gently. He doesn't like it any more than Eddie does. He still flinches when a car backfires. He doesn't like walking in open spaces with Eddie either.
"It's easy to say that when you haven't faced the certainty," Eddie says. His voice shakes and he swallows.
"Who says I haven't?" Buck asks, trying to keep the edge from his voice. He shouldn't be angry. Eddie's finally talking to him. "You were bleeding out in front of me. I had no idea if you were alive or dead before I got to you."
"I didn't know you were dead until we got you down," Eddie says. "I had no way of knowing if I could get you back this time."
"You were buried under thirty feet of mud," Buck says. "I thought I'd never see you again. Alive or dead."
Eddie ducks his head. He takes a deep breath and looks into Buck's eyes. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Buck asks with a frown. Eddie couldn't have known what Buck went through then.
"I didn't want to shut you out," Eddie says in a shaky voice. "I just... got scared. I already lost you once, and I can't handle doing it again."
"I'm scared too," Buck admits. "But it's a fear I'm willing to live with. Because it's you."
Eddie blinks at him, tears shining in his eyes. "Yeah?"
"Yes," Buck says reverently, almost like a vow.
For the first time in over a week, Eddie smiles at him, soft and sweet. "Then I'm willing to be scared with you."
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