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dizzyhslightlyvoided · 4 years

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So when I was an egg in high school, I created a self-insert OC named Yar Kramer. I used him for a bunch of RPs, and several works of fiction, only one of which I actually completed. There were like two sprite comics and one thing I made that was literally just "sprites + dialogue and descriptions of the action", plus an unpublished and incomplete novel.

The original original roleplay was on a Hitchhiker's Guide website called the H2G2, created by Douglas Adams as an attempt at realizing the eponymous Guide (which has been largely supplanted by Wikipedia). My username was originally "Adolescent White American [wronggender] Who Likes 47" (I liked the number 47 to its frequency in Star Trek); people shortened this to "Yankee Kid, likes 47" and subsequently "YK-47" and just "YK", which I backronym'd to "Yaradovich Kramer"[sic], after Yaridovich from Super Mario RPG and Cid Kramer from Final Fantasy 8. He was originally a coolkid Jedi in a red jacket, but at some point I retconned it to generic "psychic powers."

I also roleplayed him on a few RP MUDs, but I don't really remember any details there.

The "Original" Story

The novel was going to be called "Red Jacket", I think. "Yar Kramer" was a witness-protection alias, and his original name was Daniel Lancaster (hmmmm, someone's primary identity doesn't match their birth name!); he and his family had been forced to work for an evil organization called Project Robinson, which intended to create genetically-engineered espers for reasons I'm not sure about now. Project Robinson was led by an evil scientist called Dr. Krause and a computer named Mother Brain; I justified stealing the name "Mother Brain" because there were three unrelated video games which featured a character by that name (Metroid, Phantasy Star II on the Genesis, and Chrono Trigger).

The Grim Reaper was a woman who talked in underlined dialogue, and whacked people over the head with her scythe rather than actually reaping. She'd changed her form in the 1960s because she found the whole "skeleton" deal to be depressing. She had a black motorcycle with a flame pattern and the text "Pale Horse", and the souls she collected traveled in a pink sidecar which said "Binky" on the side in Comic Sans (where "Binky" is obviously a Discworld reference). When I created this in the 00's, there was totally nothing significant about a character who'd clearly changed her gender, nuh-uh.

Yar's love interest was Mackenzie Robinson, one of Project Robinson's creation. Despite the fact that the gummint had an active hand in extracting Yar's family from Project Robinson, there was some FBI/CIA spook called Agent Pinkerton who hounded Mackenzie like Inspector Javert. I know he had a classmate named Eckhart, who was this ratty-faced jerk with a heart of gold, who was inspired by one of my RL classmates.

I also found a half-written script for a comic, which gets as far as a prologue, followed by a scene which estalishes the witness protection business. Yar jokingly introduces himself Trigun-style as "Yaradovich Halvorsen Thompson-Stryfe-Gainsborough Donatello Leonard Raphael Michelangelo Farnsworth Anderson-Smith Jean-Luc Jones Solo Pepper Tibloxley Amelia Fayette-Mahoney Kierkegaard Williamtonshireworth Melora Kramer I." Wow. Let's see, "Halvorsen" and "Kierkegaard Williamtonshireworth Melora" are clearly made from whol cloth, and I'm not sure where "Jones" came from, but other than that, I can see in order ... Trigun (Thompson and Stryfe), Final Fantasy VII (Strife and Gainsborough), all four Ninja Turtles, Futurama, The Matrix, Star Trek, Star Wars, Cowboy Bebop (re-engrished "Pepelu Tivruski"), and Slayers. Again, wow.

First Reality

The "main" sprite comic, which was a sort of Final Fantasy parody made mostly in RPG Maker, and which ran from 2001 to 2004 on Keenspace. Yar Kramer was a "Neo-Samurai" (basically a ripoff of SeeD from Final Fantasy 8), fighting alongside a dude named Shigeru 'Gary' Oak (Gary Oak except as an adult, with a gunblade and dressed as Seifer Almasy, with no sign of any pokemon), and Tina Branford (Terra Branford without her tragic backstory).

The setting was incomprehensible if you didn't have detailed knowledge of Final Fantasy 6, 7, 8, and also Mega Man X; nearly every single place name was named after something from Final Fantasy except for Death Mountain, where they went to in order to get the Triforce (long story). A pink-haired goofy-and-hyperactive Celes Chere was the princess of Mysidia, and was a FF8-Sorceress; she frequently went in disguise as a thief named Fobby, and used a Reploid named Dancer as a body-double.

The main villain was named Darklumen, and his evil plan was to destroy the world by weakening the fabric of existence by leveraging sprite comic cliches, thus demonstrating that I have always been Like That. (The fact that I had a direct author avatar called the "Ultimate Guardian Force" with semi-omnipotent powers over the comic isn't even worth dwelling on, because omnipotent "author" characters are par for the course with sprite comics.)

The other party members: Kefka Palazzo, who was the court jester for Mysidia; Enerion Imusen, a half-Esper who was invented from whole cloth, who overcame his hangups about being half-esper with Tina's help before he got killed off by the bad guy; and "Rock Light" (because one of the reality-damaging sprite comic cliches was "Mega Man is present"), who was actually the Great Guardian Force Yu-Yevon in disguise for convoluted reasons.

In the ending, it's mentioned that Gary marries Princess Celes, and sort of vaguely implies that Yar ends up with Tina. (Tina made actual romantic overtures to Yar halfway through the comic, but they were interrupted by shallow comedy.)

I absolutely refused to let go of a running gag in which a male character would say something that broke the fourth wall, and at least one female character would immediately yell at him for doing so.

... I actually found some MIDI songs in the First Reality files which I personally composed. Well ... I say "composed", but the Darklumen final boss music was clearly based on the Super Smash Bros 1's Final Destination music with techno-twittering from All Your Base, one was based on a boss theme from Final Fantasy X combined with anime music, and Yar Kramer's personal themesong was chiefly based on Glyde's theme from The Misadventures of Tron Bonne.

YaraY

The other sprite comic, hosted on a subdirectory of First Reality's site. The name came from Yar's evil twin, Ray Remark ("Yar" and "Kramer" spelled backwards), and also from the Japanese expression "yare yare" (translated in JJBA "good grief").

It was a shallow Bob and George-esque thing with Mega Man sprites, and invovled Yar's shenanigans opposite Ray Remark; a straightlaced roommate with blue hair named Elbert Ssab (I don't know where I got "Elbert" from, but I came up with "Ssab" after noticing that "Elbert" backwards is "Treble"); a Reploid named Jive who was an orange recolor of Zero from Mega Man Zero; and a girl in a pink shirt named Kira, whose character concept began and ended with "hyperactive blonde girl." At one point, there was a comic which depicted First Reality as an actual console RPG being played by Kira; this comic was then ported directly to First Reality.

I abruptly stopped updating it in the middle of a story arc in which Jive went off with a group Maverick Hunters which inexplicably included Zio from Phantasy Star 4, who was just there to be generically evil rather than actually pursuing any of his canonical goals.

Super Adventure Yar

And finally, the "sprites plus dialogue" thing. It used whatever anime, video game, and internet characters I was interested in at any given moment, and there were inserts from several people I knew online. All of whom were basically overpowered in some respect, i.e. one of the friend-inserts was literally just a redheaded Goku in a trench coat, except his Saiyan name was "Suckarot". It was the most absurd and ridiculous of these things.

Yar was your basic inexplicably-overpowered action-shounen protagonist, and people kept going "What!? Why is he so powerful!?" (If there was going to be an explanation, I never got a chance to give it and I don't remember what it was, but I doubt there was anything reasonable.) Of course, this was also true of pretty much every protagonist.

His fighting style involved throwing energy blasts, and his signature move was named "Island King Kamehameha", because I knew the etymology of the Dragonball attack, but the kind of creative person I was at the time was that nuance, self-awareness, and "general understanding of what I was putting into my stories" were something that happened to other people.

Mayl Sakurai was impulsively violent with a squeaky-mallet.

At one point, while the protagonists were discussing a plot point which Mayl wasn't present for, she said, "What the hell are you talking about?" and then tossed an entire burger into her mouth.

Cut Man's NetNavi was FishMan.exe.

Yar bought Chii Chobits from Strong Bad, who ran an unbelievably shady second-hand electronics store; Chii's copycat tendencies extended to copying other peoples' magic and superpowers.

He also bought a generic NetNavi and expressed the intention to customize it, but all sign of NetNavis were dropped after a few episodes.

The "ageless faceless gender-neutral culturally-ambiguous adventuring person" (AFGNCAAP) from Zork/Enchanter was one of the main characters. They frequently used spells from Enchanter such as "gaspar" ("provide for your own resurrection" -- basically like a Final Fantasy "Auto-Life" spell, but AFGNCAAP was also able to use it on others), "vaxum" ("make hostile creature friendly", and every single target which it actually worked on promised to kill them after it wore off), "krebf" ("repair willful damage"), and "talcor" (healing; this seems to be something I made up myself, because I can't find any references to it in Enchanter canon).

I insisted on using "he/she" and the like instead of just the singular "they", wow I was deep in the egg in 2004. But they did say "I don't have a gender" at one point!

Magus/Janus from Chrono Trigger was trying to take over the world using robotic Sinistars. His minions were "the Terrible Trio", which consisted of Onslaught from Marvel vs. Capcom 1, Dalton from Chrono Trigger, and Dynamo from Mega Man X.

I stole the "now I'm wet and on fire!" joke from the webcomic Adventurers! during a fight between Dalton and AFGNCAAP.

Magus got a Vegeta-style "suddenly I happen to be on the same side of the heroes" redemption with the sudden arrival of, um, the Saiyans. Starting with Raditz as just a retread of Dragonball Z.

After Raditz was beaten, he sent a message to Vegeta and "Zappa", who was just Nappa but with a terrible wig and an atrocious southern accent; I have no idea what I was going for there.

The planet Arlia from Dragonball Z was populated by clones of Alia from Mega Man X5. It had the same fate as in the show, namely that Vegeta and Zappa just casually blew it up after going on a rescue-a-princess quest.

There was an "It's a gundam!" joke there.

The Goku-expy friend-insert taught Yar how to fly Hitchhiker's Guide-style ("throw yourself at the ground and miss"), and how to use bullet-time.

Mayl trained under Magus. At one point, while she was fighting a friend-insert with a sniper rifle (who'd previously stolen everyone's wallets for no apparent reason), Magus remarked that she had "hidden potential" and noted that in her hands, her squeaky mallet was just as powerful as the sniper rifle.

Vash the Stampede showed up, and the plot promptly started getting derailed as everyone around him dropped everything to try to claim his $60 billion bounty (Onslaught, to Dalton and Dynamo: "We'll split it 50-50-50!").

At one point, Vash ran off with Chii for reasons that only slightly made sense in context, and Yar chased them to a town called Las Eisley.

The three of them got into a bar fight at a "restaulant"[sic] (I thiiiink this was originally actual engrish from Trigun itself?) which completely wrecked the building.

After the bar fight, Yar called up AFGNCAAP to make repairs using the krebf spell; AFGNCAAP asked, "Was all the damage willful?" and Yar replied, "Well, I definitely proceeded in the full knowledge that massive destruction would occur." Due to the rules of sprite-comic comedy, this was enough for krebf to work.

There was a "Dear Strong Bad, how do you type with boxing gloves on?" joke.

In the middle of everything else, I started writing an episode introducing Valkyries and Loki -- which displayed a surprisingly deep knowledge of Norse mythology on 18-year-old-me's part -- but I never finished it and my files don't even have the sprites for the main Valkyrie character, who was another friend-insert.

... All of these continuities just feel amazing to me in retrospect, because this is the kind of thing that can only happen in fanfiction. Only something using existing characters, our existing associations with these characters, can possibly reach this level of ridiculousness.

Which isn't to say it's all fun and games, though. I was a particularly un-woke Rotten Egg, which meant that there was rampant sexism, and lowkey fanservice. The concept might look fun, but the execution was invariably "the worst parts of the sprite comic fandom."

#yar kramer #original character #fanfiction #trans stuff #my stuff #re: my stuff #meta #shenanigans #meta shenanigans #bob and george #violence mention #death mention #sexism mention #long post in link

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ariabauer · 6 years

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100 Carmilla Stories - RunWithWolves Masterpost

Missing Hollstein? Already re-watched the series dozens of times? Need some Carmilla in your life? Then I have the fics for you. Seriously. I’ve written 100 Carmilla stories and categorized them here for your convenience (some stories fit into multiple but i did my best)

If you want...

Fake Dating/Marriage - i just really love this trope

Politician Carmilla has to get engaged to someone for her campaign and ends up with her long time best friend Laura. Marriage of Convenience

When Laura hears that actress Carmilla is fake dating her ex, she has some words for her best friend. A Rational Irrationality

Princesses Laura and Carmilla told the world they were dating to get out of arranged marriages. It’s easy til they fall in love. Not Really a Royal Romance

Laura wakes up in the hospital to find ex Carmilla at her side after they apparently got married a decade before. The Girl Who Got Away

As far as anyone knows, pHd candidates Laura and Carmilla hate each other. Lab Manager Laf is onto them. Worst Lab Partner Ever

General Fantasy - Supernatural beyond just vampires

Hollstein are dragon riders and Carmilla is not taking the responsibility seriously enough for Laura. Just A Girl and Her Dragon

Vampire Carmilla never expected to find old roomate Laura working a magical flower store in Diagon Ally. Lophii’s Blooms

Carmilla never wanted magic and Laura can’t unlock her own, they’re stuck together until they figure it out. circle of magic au Magic of My Own

Movies at Silas come to life and drag Carmilla into the role of Prince Charming while Laura gets sleeping beauty. Silas Movie Night

Werewolf Laura and Vampire Carmilla don’t get along and Carmilla doesn’t understand why Laura doesn’t turn her over tot he hunters. Like Cats and Dogs

Carmilla’s the best surgeon in the hospital but she swallows her pride and asks Dr Hollis for help when she gets an unusual sickness. Paging Doctor’s Hollis and Karnstein

Laura is angry because Carmilla thinks her blood tastes gross and spits it out instead of killing her. False Advertising

Clockwork Au: Laura and Carmilla to each have creatures made of clockwork (dragon and cat respectively) that represent their souls. Silver and Gold

Myths and Fairytales - sometimes you need a Hollstein happily ever after

Sassy Laura barges into Carmilla’s castle with a rose and demands a curse be lifted from her father. Beauty in A Beast ft Catmilla

Cupid Laura is determined to find vampire Carmilla’s soulmate even if Carmilla doesn’t want her too. Stalked By Cupid

Totally-in-love Laura and a tiny kitten Catmilla. Princess and the Frog twist, The Princess and the Kitten

Goddess of Spring Laura is accidentally kidnapped by Lord of the Dead Carmilla. Hades/Persephone AU. Queen of the Underworld

Carmilla goes overboard into the ocean during a storm and never expected a mermaid to pluck her from the sea. Kissed a Mermaid

War is over and shepherd god Carmilla can’t wait to go home to her wife. Sumerian god au. The Shepherd God

Orphan Laura falls in love with witch!Carmilla and chases after Carmilla when she runs. King Arthur au. Sword In My Stone Heart

The gods disappeared and Greek demigod Laura demands Sumerian demigod Carmilla help her save them. Daughter of Love and War

Science Fiction Fun - time travel and space and oh my!

Carmilla’s time machine keeps taking her to a small human child. When Carmilla stops coming back, grown up Laura stows away. Time Travel Malfunction

After graduation, bffs Carmilla and Laura take their spaceship on a roadtrip with definitely no pining. Roadtrip To the Stars

Captain Hollis is forced to let cocky co-pilot Carmilla join her starship crew as she tries to stop black holes from devouring the universe. Star Filled Memories

Cops or Superheroes Au - nothing like a good bout of crime fighting and a mystery to get flirty Hollstein roaring to life

Laura as a detective and Carmilla as the flirty annoying writer following her around as they try to solve murders. Write Me A Murder

Laura who doesn’t have superpowers trying to navigate a school for the superpowered featuring asshat with superstrength Carmilla. Powerless

FBI agent Carmilla trapped in a bank/bomb heist and sending flirty notes to the hostage negotiator Laura. Don’t Let Go

Supervillain Carmilla and superhero Laura being arch-enemies and yet their alter egos are roommates. Beneath the Boots and Leather

Special Agent Hollis would have an easier time getting through the laser field if her annoying partners wasn’t so flirty. Mission Flirtable

Vampires know there’s no such thing as superheros. Laura didn’t get the memo and she’s now Carmilla’s problem. Not a Superhero

Fire Princess Carmilla has flames at her fingertips and still isn’t ready for her air-powered roommate. atla au Fire In My Veins and Air in My Lungs

Star Reporter Laura is determined to get an interview with Superwoman if only her incompetent partner Carmilla stopped getting in the way. At The Daily Planet

Batwoman doesn’t have time for dating even if Wonder Woman ‘call me Laura' makes her heart flutter. No Dating For Batwoman

Could Be During Canon? - Trying to fit stories inside the world we love

Reincarnation AU where Carmilla's vampirism allows her to die and then come back to life 9 times. Nine Lives to Die

Carmilla plans a date after Laura asked her to the Zeta party. s1 Date Like it’s 1698

Each episode written in an extremely snarky tone in Carmilla’s diary. Dear Creampuff

Countess Karnstein is looking for the partner who dances in step with her. The Right Partner

Laura is the girl who cares and Carmilla doesn’t know what to do when she stops. s2 story. A Question of Caring

8 times Laura uses a Bandaid and 2 times she doesn’t. Stick an Apatosaurus to My Heart

Even though Laura’s dead, alt-Carm keeps hearing her heartbeat everywhere she goes. Floating Through A Stone Wall

Laura breathes until she doesn’t. Carmilla doesn’t breathe until she does. With Human Breath

Hollstein gets trapped in the s2 cellar with a magical snowstorm raging upstairs. Cuddling for warmth. Colder Than Our Hearts

Hollstein says hey a lot. It’s kind of their thing. A look at all seasons and the movie and what that word means. Hey

Canon Alternatives - twists on the way it went

Carmilla dies from the Dean’s sword and Laura brings her back, binding them together forever. The Golden Heart of Paris

Laura gets her heart back but doesn’t wake up so Mattie comes to her with a deal. Hold Her Hand

Danny is dead and the the campus is gone and Laura Hollis has had enough of people dying in her name. An Explanation for Deification

Laura saved them all from Vordenberg but paid a price Carmilla wish she hadn’t to channel a god’s power. Behind Your Ancient Eyes

Laura had meant to do romantic things for Carmilla, she’d just thought they’d have more time. I Meant To Do That

LaFerry fic where Laf is a ghost and keeps stealing substance from Carmilla so that Perry can touch them. Define Death

Saving Laura to be the only reason Carmilla would ever willingly get back inside the coffin. Coffin of Starlight

Barely friends Carmilla and Laura literally glued together including obligatory shower scene. The Sticking Incident

Mircalla’s doesn’t remember her past but her next client looks familar and, instead of taking her ‘services’, just wants to talk. Find You In the Dark

One Carmilla was bad, Laura has no idea how to handle 2 version of her ex girlfriend when they’re stuck in the library. Split Personality, Literally

Laura has amnesia but is thrilled to find out the hot vampire by her bed is her wife. Absolute jackpot Wake Up With a Hot Wife

Carmilla’s soul is trapped in the pit and Laura and the scooby gang have to figure out how to put her back together. Colours of A Soul

After Canon Ends - what could happen next

Post Movie Hollstein and their daughter go looking for the fountain of youth. Retcon the retcon. Family Trip to the Fountain

Papa Hollis gives a speech at a Hollstein wedding that gives all the feels as he tells Laura’s life story. That’s My Daughter

Vamp Laura going through a photo album and telling stories about her adventures with Carmilla. A Live Well Lived

Laura, her father, and eventually Carmilla leave letters on Laura’s mother’s tombstone. Until We Meet Again

Mortal Laura and immortal Carmilla trying to figure out their lives and how to handle forever. Dandelion Promises

Vampires can’t go inside churches but Carmilla still likes to listen to the bells. Laura follows her. post movie. Monstrous Grace

Laura leaves a letter for Carmilla to give to all of Laura’s reincarnations over the centuries. The One Who Loves Her Next

Pregnant Laura has weird 2am cravings for Carmilla to try and fill. 9 Months of Mustard

Musical Hollstein - Trying to write melody with words

Tired world class musician Carmilla gives beginner Laura lessons and falls a little bit in love with her and the music. Teach Me to Play

Carmilla’s sent to interview her ex, pop star Laura. It’s been years and Carmilla can still see the brokenness her mother put on Laura’s face. To Hope Beyond an Unfinished Melody

Coffee Shop and Cooking Hollstein

Laura moves in with the hot coffee barista she has a crush on it’s both the best and the worst. Coffee Cupcake Crush

Laura can’t make coffee but she can set up all her customers with each other, the only person she can’t find a match for is fellow barista and ‘cupid-in-crime’ Carmilla. The Ultimate Coffee Shop Au

Angsty chefs Hollstein run a cooking show but when things get hot in the kitchen, they become secret exes with benefits. Cooking With Hollstein

Human Hollstein - Nothing supernatural. Just our girls being cute.

Billionaire playgirl Carmilla can’t bring herself to be a playboy when it’s Laura she’s taking as her date. Read The Carmilla Karnstein Special

Laura sees a girl on the subway but couldn’t speak to her so writes a ‘missing person’ ad instead. Missed Connections

Aggressive salesman Laura sells girl scout cookies with tiny Laf and knocks on Carmilla’s door. Just Buy the Cookies

Adorable sticky note conversations between broody Carmilla and the girl on the day shift who stole her mug. The Mug Thief

Drunk Carmilla comes into Laura’s tattoo shop and demands a tattoo on her butt. Tattoos and Bikinis

Laura literally falls into Carmilla’s lap on the bus and a spunky older gentleman gives love advice. Strangers on a Bus

Laura’s not very good a camping and the night’s cold when your tent collapses, might have to share sleeping bags. To Build A Tent

Librarian Karnstein enjoys annoying Professor Hollis by rearranging the books to see her scrunched nose. Librarian Hottie

Laura signs up to be a toymaking Christmas elf but gets a grumpy partner who hates making toys. Christmas Trains

Hockey player Laura is determined to get concessions booth worker Carmilla to love the skating rink. Cookies Cupcakes and Hockey Captains.

High School Hollstein Stories

Nerd Laura becomes the quarterback and only reluctant cheerleader Carmilla doesn’t change around her. A Classic High School Love Story

Laura is desperate for cookies and Carmilla ate them all after high school home ec. How to Avoid Kale

Hollstein neighbours shoot nerf guns and marshmallow guns and water guns at each other. War of the Windows

Hollstein becoming friend in kindergarten and then grow up together while getting into all kinds of trouble. Loving Trouble

Hollstein with Animals - Fluffier than fluff because animals are fluffy

Reluctant dog walker Carmilla can’t say no to vet Laura’s requests to walk various animals so they get exercise. Puppy Dog Eyes

Pet Store worker Carmilla saves Laura after she kills Laf’s fish. Again and again. One Fish Two Fish

Carmilla’s cat to keep bringing home some mysterious girl’s underwear. Drawer of Lingerie

Carmilla’s cat gets Laura’s cat pregnant and Laura demands Carmilla co-parent the kittens. Bonus unexpected canoe. Kitten Kisses

Carmilla rescuing Laura from evil spiders in the laundry room. For Fear of Spiders

Playing With Words - Hollstein examined in a story

The story on campus before Carmilla reached room 307 told like Welcome to the Nightvale. Welcome To Silas

Writing the movie plot before the movie came out with Hollstein engagement and Ell closure. It’s Not About the Plot

Laura’s a baker, Carmilla’s a firefighter. An examination of what a Hollstein story really is. A Generic Carmilla Story

Detailing the 100 little ways Hollstein fell in love over the seasons. 100 Ways They Fell in Love

Soulmates - because who doesn’t love some soulmate Aus. Usually twisted from the typical soulmate version or an original idea

Tiny literal hearts to pop up every time Carmilla looks at Laura and all Carmilla wants is for Laura to NEVER SEE THEM.Love is Orange

The scars from one person to show up only on the body of their soulmate featuring a Carmilla who is scarless for centuries and a Laura who will only wear long sleeves. Scars Inside

Timer soulmate au where Carmilla meets a tiny five year old Laura on her first day of school and suddenly finds her timer has started counting down to the moment they fall in love. A Broken Pocketwatch

A mirror will let you see your soulmate every year on your birthday but everyone is convinced there’s been a mistake when 21th century Laura sees 17th century Carmilla in the mirror. The Mirror Between Us

Fairy Laura follows her soulmate compass through a jungle only to find a panther. Carmilla’s not interested in soulmates. Follow Your Arrow

Everyone is born with a soulmate marker to write the name of their chosen soulmate on their skin. Vampires don’t have ink. s1-3 We Chose Each Other

Child countess Carmilla wished on stars for a best friend and got an imaginary lion. Centuries later, child Laura makes the same wish and finds a panther on her doorstep. Wishing On Imaginary Stars

Carmilla has never seen color until the world starts flickering when a kid can’t find their mom. A Hint of Colour

You can hear the music of your own soul and your soulmate but vampire Carmilla can’t hear the music. After Ell separates them, can Laura find her again and again? In Every Universe You Are My Symphony

This has been a 3 year labour of love. The stories vary in length from about 2k to over 100,000k for a total of more than half a million words. Have suggested stories? Let people know! It’s a big list!

Hope you enjoy them and thank you for all of your support creampuffs! <3 Aria

#carmilla #hollstein #laura hollis #carmilla karnstein #runwithwolves #aria bauer #long post #masterpost

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happymetalgirl · 6 years

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Coheed and Cambria - Vaxis – Act I: The Unheavenly Creatures

If it weren't for the genuinely enthralling heaviness of the epic symphonic metal banger, "Welcome Home", Coheed and Cambria probably wouldn't really find themselves talked about all too much in metal circles. They've had a few other flashes of metallic vigor since then, like "The Broken" and "Here We Are Juggernaut", but for the most part, Claudio Sanchez and his instrumental company have focused on providing a mostly pop/proggy (and only slightly metal) backing to Sanchez' ongoing comic series, The Armory Wars. The band's momentary break from scoring the series on 2015's The Color Before the Sun took a surprisingly successful and emotive turn for the poppier after the seemingly forced pre-prequel double release, The Afterman.

The band are back to the lore of The Armory Wars on this new album whose lengthy title I'm just going to avoid writing, and with their longest effort to date at almost 80 minutes.

The lead single, "The Dark Sentencer" launches into a blood-pumping beat and chant-driven prog metal opus after the album's spoken word prologue. It's expansive, but it does lose its steam pretty quickly and doesn't really do enough to justify its length. The plincky electronic intro of "Unheavenly Creatures" leads into a standard poppy post-punk cut the band made their name on, one that feels like it would be at home in Hot Topic, but not quite as cringy as the music it would probably be surrounded by on the playlist. The album moves on to its second-longest song "Toys", which does a bit more to maintain its energy, with a somewhat theatrical drum crash intro leading into the kind of skilfully sung emotionally tinged alternative rock/post-punk anthem that I enjoy hearing from the genre, supplememted well with a melodic solo and wrapped up well with the song's empathetic chorus.

The song "Black Sunday" plunges the album into darker waters, but quickly adjusts to the colder temperatures with the band's more familiar, tempered approach to this kind of heaviness. The grand, heavenly sung outro ends the song on an unexpected, but definitely appreciated, cathartic note. The subsequent "Queen of the Dark" rides a floor tom beat through a growing atmosphere of uneasy guitar echoes and distortion. "True Ugly" leans again toward the band's post-punk tendencies, with an emphasis on the punk with the driving snare beat keeping the song adrenalized. Not that the band don't dip into their diva-ish melodies at some points to break it up, though they don't necessarily dip into their best reserve of those melodies. I found the repetitive bridge to be a little unconstructive, but luckily it doesn't stick around too long before the song "Love Protocol" relieves it of its duty with another soaring chorus that would get even the most lovesick emo to lift their chin a little.

Moving on to "The Pavilion (A Long Way Back)", the band again crank out another infectious, soulful alt rock chorus that takes me back to the best days of that style in a rush of lighter-waving melodies. The electro-tinged "Night-Time Walkers" is a bit more dragged out and less passionate than the long string of heartstring-pulling cuts before it does end on a more emotive note, and the following introductory piano of the emo metal cut "The Gutter" kickstarts the album's teeming guitar-cruch-driven and gang-screamed declaration of confidence, reinforced by the angelic soloing surrounding the "maybe over my dead body" refrain.

The song "All on Fire" is one of the milder new-proggy alt metal cuts on the album, but not so low of a slump it drags the album down too far to disrupt its momentum. No, the song "It Walks Among Us" does a bit more damage with a hollow punk rock attitude and a vocal delivery I just can't dissociate from Chad Kroeger. I'm sure that's not what the band were intending, but the rest of the song is pretty autopilot and doesn't do enough to draw my attention toward something notably positive. The album is picked back up from this one-two punch of staleness by the much more feelsy melody of the alternative emo rock of "Old Flames", which eventually concludes with a unifying repetition of emotive "na na nas".

The album's last song, "Lucky Stars", wraps everything up with the calmest display of sentimental balladry on the album, not the most convincing display of it, with songs like "Always & Never" bringing a lot more raw emotion to this kind of ballad. It's a welcome cool down, though, and one that the band certainly deserves.

This is probably the most consistently metallic I've heard Coheed stick to in a while, but also the most vibrantly emotional and unashamed music surrounding The Armory Wars in a while. The break from the story they took in 2015 must have been just what they needed to recalibrate and put their best foot forward on The Armory Wars, because this is quite possibly one of the band's most consistent and well-constructed albums, if not their best, rivaling the mighty Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: Fear Through the Eyes of Madness. I mean, damn, this album is the stylistic nostalgia trip I didn't know I wanted. Why the fuck in my mid-twenties do I like this so much. Bravo, Coheed, bravo. I thought I'd be reluctant for this and a potential second volume, but you have me looking forward to a follow-up.

#coheed and cambria #vaxis – act i: the unheavenly creatures #the unheavenly creatures #vaxis #progressive rock #progressive pop #metal #heavy metal #new music #new album #album review

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thaisibir · 6 years

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Be Kind To Yourself (5) - Wanda-centric Infinity War alt ending

Chapter 5/6: Truth Fandom: Avengers Characters: mainly [Wanda, Vision], T’Challa, Shuri, IW cast Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Wanda’s remarkable feat against Thanos leaves her with crushed arms and stroke-like symptoms. She feels unworthy of the gratitude and medical care from Wakanda, because what hurts her the most, still, was guilt. Always the guilt.

You can also find & read it here.

Ch. 5 below, Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4

Be Kind To Yourself (5) Truth

Slowly and carefully, Wanda drew her knees up to her chest, folded her arms, and rested her chin on them. The breeze, cool and soft, tugged at the ends of her hair. It turned her necklaces into pendulums as they swung back and forth between her thighs and belly. Dwarfed under the vast canopy of stars that blazed above her, wrapped up in her solitude, and far away from the hubbub still going on inside, she felt very small and lonely.

"Miss Maximoff."

Wanda flinched, despite the gentle utterance of her name. She whirled around to find T'Challa standing just behind her.

"I'm sorry for startling you," he said. "This suit is designed to make me almost unseen and unheard. Sometimes I forget that."

Wanda's hand flitted up to her chest in an effort to catch her breath and collect herself. She could barely tell his frame and figure apart from the shadows, the night sky. Only the glint of claws around his neck, and the silver seams of vibranium along the armor, gave him away. His feet made no sound against the stone as he drew closer and settled down next to her with lithe, fluid motion. Truly a black panther, not just in name. She should have expected him to find her out here, after she tried to detach herself from the rest of her team and took no part in the celebration.

Wanda heard the clinks of armor and a spear; Okoye had followed closely behind T'Challa.

Still seated, he twisted around to acknowledge the general with a small wave of his hand. "There's no need for you to accompany me out here, Okoye. I would just like to speak with Miss Maximoff alone. Please attend to my sister."

"As you wish, my king." Okoye stepped away, giving the two one last sweeping glance before leaving them on the balcony.

Wanda ventured a request: "Please, just call me by my first name, Your Majesty." Being called Miss made her feel both very old and very young. She had grown up poor, and quickly without her parents, in the slums of Sokovia. She could never get used to formalities.

"Wanda, it is." Without the cat-like helmet masking his face, the king smiled at her. "She's very impressed with you. Okoye."

Wanda straightened up and blinked in surprise. "I...I wouldn't think so."

"It's true. I'll have you know that she is very difficult to impress, but your show of power on the battlefield saved her twice, and now you wear panther claws. She will not forget that in a hurry." T'Challa craned his neck back. "So, what do you think of Wakanda at night?"

"Beautiful," Wanda replied. "I had never seen so many bright stars in my life. Where I grew up, pollution always fogged up the sky. You'd be lucky to get a glimpse of just one star at Sokovia." What she couldn't tell him was that this was the very same sky in her nightmares, the last thing she saw before everything around her went up in flames. Wanda couldn't hold her gaze to the stars for long, and returned it to her feet.

"My sister told me that your symptoms have practically resolved, but to me you still look unwell."

Though he said this out of concern, to her the remark seemed laced with accusation, as if he was saying "Come on, Wanda, why the hell can't you get your shit together?" At least, that was the nasty little voice hissed in her head. She tensed, trying hard not to meet his eyes.

"Your body has been healing well enough. The doctors, nurses, and Shuri did a wonderful job seeing to that. But I sense that we still haven't done everything we could for you. There is something about you that our technology cannot detect and our medicine cannot treat. Something that you're keeping tucked away from everyone around you. We are made up of more than just bodies. We have our souls, as well. Your soul does not know peace. It's filled with unrest."

Wanda bit down on her bottom lip, trembling in her tight, balled up position.

"My sister tells me that you don't sleep well at night. You have said that it's from the pain. But I don't think it's pain from your fight against Thanos. It goes back further than him. It's something older, and deeper."

She squeezed her eyes shut. With the king's arrival, it seemed as if he had her cornered in the balcony. Like a cat with prey. Though she was in no shape to do so, she wanted to run away so she wouldn't have to hear him go on.

"I have seen grief, in all of its terrible glory, from this costly war. But there's something else in you that I have not seen in Thor, or in Peter Quill." T'Challa's voice dipped, as if he was talking more to himself now. "I think I have seen it before...yes, in Zuri, and in my father, for the wrongs they've done when they tried to do right."

Tears pricked at the back of her eyes and a lump swelled in her throat. The king was terribly perceptive, wise beyond his years. He had her figured out, even when she hadn't had the courage to tell him for the longest time.

"Guilt. It's eating you alive. Be honest with me, Wanda. Is that it?"

At this, she burst into quiet sobs, ones that barely slipped through her lips but made her shoulders quiver uncontrollably and her chest ache. Wanda buried her face into her hands, feeling the warmth and wetness of tears on both of them.

To her surprise, he chuckled. When she looked up, the lift of his cheeks made his eyes crinkle merrily. "You know, I forgive you for tossing me into the jet bridge in Germany."

She didn't laugh, and slowly he reassumed a serious air. T'Challa had opened up the floodgates from within her, and the deluge swept her away in its release. In the midst of that tumult, she could almost hear Vision gently prompting her, "Tell him how you feel. Let it all out."

Wanda dashed at the tears with the back of her sleeve. Meanwhile T'Challa said nothing and waited as she struggled to compose herself, face him, and find the words. "The eleven Wakandans who were killed in Lagos...I am responsible for their deaths. Their blood is on my hands. Their voices follow me in my dreams. You are right, King T'Challa. I am guilty."

She did not expect forgiveness, and certainly didn't have the nerve to plead for it. No, just opening up in front of the king was enough of an obstacle for her to overcome.

"Wanda, look at me."

At his firm command, she complied. In his eyes, there was no trace of accusation she thought she had heard in his voice. Only sympathy, and compassion. "Being guilty is not the same as feeling guilty. Hard as it was for me to watch the deaths of my people, I came to believe that you and them were victims of being at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I'm no victim," Wanda murmured. "I'm the one to blame. My lack of control had killed them."

T'Challa said nothing to that. How could he deny it? Finally, he said, "I could go back and forth with you all night arguing the contrary, but that wouldn't do much for either of us, I suspect. Whatever we may think of what had happened, the past is the past. That would never change. What we can do is what we say and think here and now." He paused, almost in contemplation, then went on, "My father had never given the Avengers an official pardon for the incident in Nigeria, did he?"

Wanda cringed as she remembered the former king's words, ringing with disappointment and condemnation through the TV: "Our people's blood is spilled on foreign soil. Not only because of the actions of criminals, but by the indifference of those pledged to stop them. Victory at the expense of the innocent is no victory at all."

Up until that moment when the vest went off, she had been working seamlessly with Steve, Natasha, and Sam, executing maneuvers and neutralizing the threats as she had practiced so many times. Her team seemed well on their way to call it a victory. But in the end, everything fell apart. The last thing she heard that day had been the bomb, the inferno, the screams. All because of her. It had been so hard for Wanda to watch that, as well...not just the first time, but as her mind went against her will to play it over and over in her head ever since.

"Frankly, if King T'Chaka was here now, I'm not sure if he would give that pardon," T'Challa said. "But he is gone, and I am not my father." He rested a hand on her shoulder. "Let the claws be a sign of forgiveness, then, from me to you."

Mingled shock and horror jolted through her. "No, I can't accept it." Wanda's reply came swiftly, and her response took him aback. "I...I couldn't refuse it at the ceremony, with so many watching. I didn't want to insult anyone, not after your people had done so much for me. But now you invite me to be honest..." She sucked in and let out a shaky breath. "Well, this is my honest answer. I'm not worthy to wear this gift." She forced herself to go on, to finally share with him the nightmares that kept her from getting any real rest. Even now, though she sat up wide awake to confide in T'Challa, the claws draped around her felt too much like the claws of dead Wakandans that squeezed at her neck and haunted her dreams. She had trouble distinguishing one from the other. They felt the same. They were tearing her apart. Eating her alive, as the king had put it.

As he was taking all of this in, T'Challa looked dismayed. "You have been through so much. You lost your mother and father...your brother and home...and the man you loved. I can't bring back what you had lost, but I wanted to recognize your strength with the highest honor a king could give." He tipped his chin to the ground, his brow furrowed. "How foolish of me. Instead I've caused you greater pain."

"You weren't being foolish," she insisted. "You don't have to be sorry for anything, King T'Challa. The medical care and attention I've had here is more than enough for me. That I can take." With heavy, trembling hands, Wanda lifted the necklace over her head. "But I...I can't take this. I'm so sorry."

"Wanda..."

"Please." Her plea ended with a waver. She could not bear the weight anymore, and wanted so badly for him to relieve her of the burden. But T'Challa did not reach out to take it. She let the claws rest on her lap, and let the tears fall.

The king said nothing for some time, perhaps at a loss for words, then he replied softly, "I bear you no ill will, hatred, or blame for the eleven who had died that day. Neither do their families, when I last spoke with them to offer condolences. I want you to know that. It's a comfort to them, at least, that their loved ones could be brought home to rest. We have a saying here in Wakanda: 'Let the dead remain buried.' Do you know why we are so adamant about needing a body to bury?"

She had heard about it, but she shook her head.

"When the body cannot rest, the soul will not be able to rest, either. It will wander forever, restless and without peace, in perpetual torment. My father went to his grave carrying the guilt from his brother's death. I do not want you to end up like him. Lay your guilt to rest, while you can. " His gaze lowered to the necklace on her lap. "No one before had ever declined wearing the claws, but if that's what will help give you peace of mind..."

Nearby, unbeknown to Wanda and T'Challa, Shuri and Okoye had been listening in on the entire conversation. The general was keeping the princess company, and the king had never ordered his sister to stay away. Shuri and Okoye remained still and quiet as statues in the hallway for some time. Then they seemed to jerk to life as they heard Wanda murmur a farewell, their only hint of T'Challa stepping back from the balcony in his soundless suit.

Heavy-hearted and unsmiling, Shuri and Okoye needed no explanation as they watched the king return. Clutched in his fist, the necklace of panther claws swayed with every step.

#wanda maximoff #vision #scarlet witch #infinity war fanfic #mcu fanfiction #be kind to yourself

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baronvonn · 4 years

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Free Speech Leftists Still Exist

In brighter times, the reprimanding of Lindsay Shepherd at Wilfrid Laurier University would have found strong condemnation among left intellectuals. Instead, left publications largely chose to ignore the issue. You will find no pieces on Vox covering Wilfrid Laurier or Bret Weinstein’s clash with overreaching faculty at Evergreen, nor will the incrimination of BDS activism by US lawmakers find exposure outside of niche outlets like The Intercept. The free speech debate, in other words, has become too partisan.

When Lindsay Shepherd revealed that Jordan Peterson’s fears about Bill C16 were well-founded, and that pointing out that sex differences exist was considered by Wilfrid Laurier’s administration to be comparable to Adolf Hitler, the response of left publications was either disinterest or full-throated attacks on Peterson as a reactionary monster. If one sought to hear out Lindsay Shepherd, the outlets willing to speak with her were mainly conservative or libertarian YouTube channels belonging to figures like Stephen Crowder and Stefan Molyneux. The perception, understandably, follows that the right is in favor of free expression, and the left has become wholly illiberal.

But the hyper-partisan atmosphere surrounding free speech has ignored many left thinkers who have defended liberal principles relentlessly for years. There remain many on the left who stand for free expression and an open academy. Writing on his blog in 2015 Freddie de Boer made the obvious point that “the left should embrace free speech rights and other legal protections of rights because, due to our lack of power, the left is most likely to be subject to assaults on those rights from above.” Chris Hedges has also written forcefully against the idea of Nazi-punching as a political practice, and rejects Antifa and black bloc tactics. Angela Nagle has written objectively about the alt-right from a left position, seeking to understand web culture rather than ask for the censorship of unruly demons. Greenwald, Fang and Jilani at The Intercept routinely push back against leftist calls for censorship, and do so from their own understanding of left principles. And Jesse Singal at New York Magazine has pushed back on nonsense arguments equating free speech with violence.

Much of the commentary surrounding the regressive left traces its frustrations back to postmodernism. If knowledge is only a consequence of accepting or rejecting power structures, after all, then open debate between people can solve nothing. Language would only be an illusion designed to appease power structures or defy them. Appeals for ‘rationality’ and ‘objectivity’ would only be veiled appeals to the normality of whiteness. But recall that Noam Chomsky himself, a titan of left thought, rejected postmodernism for his entire life, and debated Michel Foucault in 1967, dismissing the blank slate and Foucault’s naïve argument that there was no defined human nature. Chomsky traces much of postmodernism to the peculiarities of French intellectuals in Paris, condemning them by noting that many were “the last Stalinists, if they weren’t Stalinists they were Maoists…Kristeva happened to be in the mid-70s, a flaming Maoist.” Chomsky was a scientist who fused his analytical attitude with critiques of media (many of which are now embraced by the right, as Donald Trump finds himself the enemy of conformist media consensus) and a dismantling of the arguments for United States military intervention. He was a modernist, and represents the rational left, which has always rejected postmodern assumptions about science, human nature and language.

Chomsky praised Alan Sokal, the professor behind the famous Sokal hoax, and he has spoken unequivocally in favor of free speech, especially for the most abhorrent elements of society. Chomsky said: “If someone calls you an anti-Semite…if someone says you’re a racist, a Nazi, you always lose. The person who throws them out always wins, because there’s no way of responding to such charges.” Understanding the nature of propaganda, one of Chomsky’s most famous quotes follows: “Goebbels was in favor of free speech for views he liked. So was Stalin. If you’re really in favor of free speech, then you’re in favor of freedom of speech for precisely the views you despise. Otherwise, you’re not in favor of free speech.”

The commitment of the left to non-dogmatic thought does not end there by any means. Young left writers such as Briahna Joy Gray have written nuanced critiques of Ta-Nehisi Coates and determinist identity politics from the left. Bernie Sanders himself has spoken against identity politics, and The Young Turks’ Jimmy Dore rails against the Democratic Party and the hypocrisy of using multiculturalism to cover up the dismissal of the working class. Elizabeth Bruenig is a socialist writer and a pro-life Christian, destroying conventional political boundaries. Just because there is a dark era in the state of our public intellectuals right now does not mean that new forces are not thriving on the margins, and seeking eventually to create a new left culture. Especially if the upcoming Generation Z is expected to reject identity politics, contrary to the millennials, a left understanding of history may be reborn entirely from its slow death in the 2010s at the hands of radical identity politics and the end of Obama’s broad but ultimately ineffective coalition to stop Donald Trump.

Shifting its ideas along with the left, figures on the right and in the center have also become increasingly critical of centralized corporate power. When James Damore was fired from Google for his views, the right of corporations to censor their employees became a serious problem. Facebook, Twitter and Google have earned the ire of conservatives for selectively applying algorithms, ‘shadow-banning’, and otherwise proving that they have the power to legislate content on their centralized platforms. Major tech companies, treated with unabashed optimism for decades, are now undergoing a major backlash from both the left and the right. In order to hold big tech accountable, and prevent humankind from transmuting itself into censored machinery designed to click on ads, the left and the right can and should cooperate to create a free and open internet. If net neutrality is dead, decentralization should follow – not the consolidation of speech on an increasingly few number of privately owned and centralized websites.

Libertarian attempts to create a decentralized internet, such as Peter Thiel and Curtis Yarvin’s ongoing Urbit experiment, strike me as necessary and interesting. I may disagree with Thiel, and Yarvin’s politics strike me as utterly abhorrent, but a dogmatic attitude that people we dislike and disagree with are incapable of contributing to the future will only cripple our ability to engage with reality. Decentralizing tech, or creating an individualized internet not subject to single social media leviathans whom we never consented to be ruled by, are promising goals if we hope to preserve a future of open discourse.

The margins of politics do often agree on certain critical ideas. Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump both opposed NAFTA and the Trans-Pacific Partnership, because they understood that global capital does harm middle class American workers who cannot be expected to compete with sweat shops in an open marketplace. I find Trump’s nationalism to be shallow, but leveraging national identity against a global cosmopolitan authority is a force that has found great traction across the left and the right. Few people find a world of impersonal cities connected by finance and run by decaying municipalities to be inspiring. If the entire world is being sculpted through capital to reflect the West, we must reconsider our priorities – the West is in a state of stagnation and atrophy, as unlimited global capital has in many ways taken our culture as far as it can go. The annual reiterations of Star Wars and an increasingly niche literary scene reflect repetition, exhaustion and pretentiousness as our main outlets of creative expression.

A kind of feeling is evident in the air, that we are at a point in history where we are burning our bridges to an old world and stumbling headlong like depressed and awkward homunculi into a new one we cannot possibly understand. As social media, virtual currency and technology only continue to accelerate their influence over our lifetimes, it does not make sense to hold on to old political arrangements. As far as I’m concerned, the left and the right are both dinosaurs coping with their own ignorance of major cataclysms to come.

We should follow Jordan Peterson’s Jungian advice in times in these – we have elements of our culture that we must preserve, such as individual dignity, human rights, free expression and opposition to censorship, and we must fight for that against both Donald Trump and the postmodern left. But how best to do that, and how most effectively we can translate the decaying political sphere of 2017 into a vibrant new renaissance, remains to be seen.

So here is my advice – those who emotionally resonate with the political right should seek to explore the rational arguments on the left, and those who resonate with the left should seek to understand the rational traditions of the right. If we become more like our enemies, or understand the souls of our enemies, perhaps we will find the enemy outside to evaporate, and locate a more ordered republic within. After all, that is the ultimate goal of all free and open discourse – to reach a higher vantage point through discussion than two eternally conflicting, isolated sides can ever achieve on their own.

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