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liminalpsych-in-teyvat · 11 months

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It occurred to me I can post the rambling notes at the end of each fanfic chapter here on Tumblr and just link to the post so that I don't overfill the whole AO3 end notes box. And then I can be EVEN MORE RAMBLING if I want to be, without feeling stressed about it! *lets ADHD brain off the leash*

...anyway, um. I contained myself to a sentence or two with chapters 1 and 2, but it started getting out of control with chapter 3.

Notes for A Matter of Duty - Chapter 3: May have overestimated myself

Someday I will end a chapter on a positive note, but today is not that day. Tomorrow isn't looking so good either. It'll get better eventually, I promise a happy (ish?) ending and some comfort for all the hurt, it's just... going to get a lot worse before we get there.

My Google search history is a ride right now. This fic is spurring the strangest research. Have a sampling of the more interesting stuff for this chapter:

Ichigenkin: A video of someone playing the single-string zither that Ayato prefers.

Koto: The most *delightful* video of a koto master teaching a very enthusiastic, nerdy guitar player about the koto and how to play it. Their joy is infectious.

MA - The Japanese concept of space and time: A beautiful reflection on ma.

The history of lube: Genshin has elemental oils and they're too easy to incorporate into porn, but I found this fascinating. The equivalent period in Japan (Edo period / Tokugawa Shogunate) would have used tororo-jiru, a substance made from grated and mashed yams. Or clove oil (...I feel like that would burn? Mixed with camellia oil, it's traditional for lubricating Samurai swords and knives from tarnish and rust, so maybe the camellia oil makes it less, uh. Burning?). Before that, they used carrageenan from seaweed (also in China).

Japanese sex toys as portrayed in ancient Shunga: NSFW Edo-period graphic texts about sex toys in Edo period Japan. It's fascinating. I can't find any evidence of butt plugs in that period of Japan but they had them in Han dynasty China, and I'm sure Fontaine has had something like that for ages, so we're going with it for the sake of convenience.

A Beginner's Guide to Bottoming During Sex: I had an entirely different plan for this chapter, but then I learned it can take up to 3-6 weeks of consistent dilating practice to be comfortably ready to have anal sex. Plenty of people get there much faster, obviously, and Thoma probably won't take that long. But not being able to jump right to anal sex immediately made for better story anyway, and the fact that pushing too fast can injure you opened up story potential such as, well... what happened in the above scene.

At the beginning of the chapter, Ayato is practicing mindfulness meditation, and he's labeling thoughts that he notices before returning his attention to the object of focus (his breath). Specifically, he's practicing Ānāpānasati, because that's the kind of meditation I was trained in and know intimately (thanks, hippie Tibetan Buddhist-founded graduate counseling program), so it's easier for me to write about. Historically speaking, he'd probably be more likely to practice the Japanese Zazen meditation, or maybe a Zen version of anapana, but I'm unfamiliar with how it shows up in Zen; the version I wrote is probably closer to anapana in the Theravadan (common to south and southeast Asia) or Tibetan traditions.

Fanfic summary, warnings, and link beneath the cut before you decide whether or not you want to read it.

A Matter of Duty

"Back then, I had no choice but to accept the position I was in. While I desperately looked around for powerful supporters, I endured smear campaigns and attempts to exploit me. I had no other choice... I didn't mind what became of me, but my family... No one can ever be allowed to trample over my precious family."

How Ayato secured powerful supporters, endured exploitation, and weathered the storm of the years following the death of his parents... and how Thoma helped him contend with a bunch of self-serving, degenerate public officials.

And how, after much stilted fumbling and well-intended sacrifice, they learned the truth of one another's hearts.

Note: Mind the tags. More specific content warnings will be given at the beginning of each chapter, and the story tags will be updated as needed. All characters involved in any sex scenes are adults.

Rating: Explicit. It's porn with plot. Porn as a vehicle for plot, or plot as a vehicle for porn, you can interpret it either way. (I prefer: porn and plot as a vehicle for ~feels~)

Tags that I'm not actually turning into tags here, but it gives you an idea of what you're in for: Kamisato Ayato/Thoma (Genshin Impact), dubious consent but not between Ayato and Thoma, slow burn, sex ed, first time, self-sacrifice, humiliation, exhibitionism, oral sex, anal sex, bdsm, bad bdsm etiquette, rough sex, breath play, impact play, bondage, service kink, abuse, sadism, codependency, shame, guilt, jealousy, possessiveness, trauma, ptsd, dissociation, political sex work, or sex work for political maneuvering, or political survival sex work if that’s a thing, exploitation, blackmail, political machinations, political intrigue, no aftercare, maybe someday some aftercare, hurt/comfort, mostly hurt for a long time but eventually comfort, oblivious disaster gays, for such socially savvy people they are terrible at personal relationships, dominant Ayato, submissive Thoma, top Ayato, bottom Thoma, Ayato is incredibly parentified, Thoma has no sense of self-preservation, self-sacrifice isn't a contest but don't tell Ayato and Thoma that, it's like the snipe-the-check game at restaurants but with sex and politics, Kushiel's Impact, no really this was in my drafts for the longest time as Kusheline Thomato Fic, everyone's an adult in this timeline except Ayaka, she gets protected at all costs, original characters out of necessity, finding appropriate existing Inazuma npcs for some of these roles was impossible, no beta we die like ayato's parents

Full fic: A Matter of Duty on Archive Of Our Own

Chapter 3: May have overestimated myself: Ayato helps Thoma prepare for a meeting with a Kanjou Commission official. It doesn't go well.

Chapter 3 contains: sex education, first time anal play, anal fingering, unspoken D/s dynamics, teasing (verbal and sexual), sensation play, sex toys (butt plugs), oral sex, poor communication, guilt/shame, hints/allusions to past sexual trauma, crossing one's own boundaries / pushing oneself too far to try to please the other person (it's not really self-harm but it's possibly something in the neighborhood), feelings of betrayal and rejection

#a matter of duty #AMOD chapter 3 #genshin impact #genshin fanfic #ayathoma #thomato #kushiel's impact #kamisato ayato #thoma #writing #my writing #ayato #fanfic

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jean-does-not-have-a-horseface · 3 years

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➷Icarus

Pairings: Dabi/ Reader, Hawks/reader

Tags: pirate au, mermaid!reader, human!griffin!Hawks, pirate!dabi, angst, lots of it<3

Summary: set in an early 1700s au, during a time where Pirates have began taking over the seas and for runaway prince Touya, piracy is the only escape. But after the most unexpected event, his life takes a completely different turn.

Are y'all proud of me? Look at me! I made an edit, AN ACTUAL EDIT. okay quick thing to say before I hop into this is that I absolutely love this with all my heart. Writing it is my therapy, I hope anyone reading finds joy in this. Stay tuned for the next parts.

The first intake of air that enters your lungs feels like poison.

Sweet, mellow, nectar like poison is what you think of it nonetheless, especially if it's the only price you have to pay to bat your eyes to the aqua color of the sky. Today in particular the sun is too bright, too hot, to proud to shine over the little specs of clouds that dare litter that eternally beautiful azure canvas.

You can literally feel the river of tears that begs to stream down your eyes. Your hair is sticking to your skin annoyingly, but you don't dare brush it off, the little pools of seaweed that you've used to accessory yourself with are ghosting around you, spreading and straying away as you shift to your back.

As you lay on your back, letting the water push you to the surface, your ears are happily halfway submerged to the water, the tickling sensation soothing you just enough. Your (s/c) tail lays flat on the surface, halfway submerged much like the rest of your body. You bend it slightly to the side, flapping your tailfin onto the surface softly. Sprinkles of water splash over your torso, eager to finally find their way back into the water, like a fished out fish, racing in a match against time and the vaporising power of the burning sun.

Absurdly you float, feeling your body spinning and twirling as the tides swiped you from place to place. The dazzling sparkles of light that shine onto the water are magnetizing your gaze, pleading with you to fixated them with a look as the sun slowly travels its path to what seems as a few inches away from its previous spot, to you at least.

Your hand shoots up, right above your head, idling between you and your view of the enormous, bright star, as your long fingers spread you take a peak through the fishy fins that join them together. There's a deliberately feeling of malice and loath as you look at them -you've planted the seed of hatred towards the feature, not so long ago- and the slight undertones of your sheer and much illuminated skin looking fins stretch under your brain's command. You've never thought about it beforehand to this, but they hurt when you spread them, kind of like reminding you that there's a limit to what you're vulnerable or not.

At least the skin on his palm, the skin between his fingers isn't joined like yours.

Ironically, it gives you a sense of freedom.

You've only seen him on his ship. Once. But that doesn't stop you from having a painted image of him in the back of your head.

He's a timid buccaneer with a long ultramarine cloak, dreamy cerulean eyes, raven locks so unkept under the loops of his low ponytail and a barbaric lust to cause chaos. In other words, the Captain of a pirate ship.

That's all you need to know to be fascinated with him. You never heard his name, you never heard anyone speaking directly to him, all you had was a moment in which you exchanged looks, you with your pruned up fear of humans and him with big, bounty charged eagerness to spare you.

Maybe that was what had fascinated you about him in the first place. No other pirate had ever spared a mermaid with such light heartedness and a weird bubbly feeling in your chest had foamed its way into your heart ever since.

It's only when you feel you're disassociating out of this hybrid body that an all familiar trill filled your water muffled ears. That was your cue to swim to the shore.

With one deep breath of the surface air you submerged your form into the water, wobbling your tail around to cure any drizzling numbness that could occur were you to simply swim right on the spot. Your hands sway over your face and spread into half circular motions as you flap your fins and tail prominently, rising your body just under the surface.

You only open your eyes when you feel like your bird friend is close enough above the surface. And when you lock eyes with his golden orbs you notice the sly smirk that paints his whole face.

"Race you to the shore?"

Knowing full well that he can't hear your voice from the surface you nod sharply and only once, signaling your acceptance of his challenge. Ruby red wings flap hurriedly from his back, rustling the waters underneath him. You only grunt, because it's unacceptable that he believed he could throw you off track by doing the minimal damage to your surrounding environment.

Even for someone as fast as Keigo though, it's hard time mess up with the tides, even harder to compete with one if the most excellent swimmers, a merfolk.

Your tails flaps dangerously, torpeding your body forward and into a tube of salty bubbles as you swirl all around while swimming. Your eyes are fixated on Keigo, watching his every move as you shift through currents, the fins of your tail occasionally scraping over slack rocks ever so slightly. Your heart is pumping in your chest as you watch Keigo flap his wings again, you spare him a grin that mimicks his own and he raises an eye brow at you, extending an arm and taking his body just a foot more above the surface of the water.

His hand submerges into the water, startling you enough to make you widen your eyes at the sight of it. Little trails of his speed form in white foam behind his hand as he moves forward but you notice how the flat of his palm comes to scoop over the back of your head.

Like hell you're going to let him win this tim-

Your whole body is shaken suddenly as you are guided to the left, then to the right, your eyes squinting shut everytime your tail painfully bumps into the thin distances between the sharp, spike mounds of rocks you had failed to notice.

"Easy there, you don't have to rip your skull open to keep up with the fastest bird alive."

Keigo smiles at you and wiggles his eyebrow to your direction more than twice. It pokes your ego slightly. This playful comment nudges with your merfolk pride and the raptor seems to enjoy it, it seems like it's funny to him to mess with the way you swim when you can't exactly do the same for him up in the air.

And it's only when his hands wrap around you leisurely through the water, seemingly avoiding to actually touch you, but only interested in the intention to cage you that you pout and close your eyes, ready to flap your fins once more. That's the only advantage you need to outsmart him and out speed him.

Nevertheless, before you even manage to execute the first flap to your master plan, Keigo is quick to lock his hands around you, on you. He's even quicker to pull you over the surface.

"That's not fair!" You squeal.

"Isn't it?" The blond chuckles "I thought that you would like to come in tie with me for once"

"You're-"

"Insufferable?"

You laugh at him feverishly, as thin salty bubbles form in the pits of your chest. The soft exhale that travels out of your nostrils is a hot puff of air against Keigo's wet, naked chest, but instead of wincing to the tingling feeling, you feel the pleasant hum of a chuckle vibrate from his chest to yours.

"More or less"

It comes out as a soft coo, another huff of air against his chest though this time it's impossible not to feel how your skin feels against his. But that's just you, you remind yourself. From your point of view, you eye across his chest, careful not to let your face touch him, but your fins are beginning to betray you, perking up furiously.

Keigo seems to notice the way you shift against his grip, but he doesn't cease with his smile. It's only when he lowers you far away from his body though still keeping you in his grip that you see a fragment of his expression slip into what could be seen as sorrow.

"You merfolk could never convince me you're superior beings, you almost crushed against rocks" Keigo laughs.

Surprisingly, this time your chest doesn't feel heavy.

Instinctively you let your whole weight fall on his arms -what are you to a supernaturally strong griffin anyway. You hang your hands on both sides on your body, bobbing your fingertips right onto the surface, dipping them inches into the warm body of water.

"Sorry, your only obstacles seem to be puffy clouds huh?" Your sarcasm is lost in the grander scheme if the smoothness of your voice.

"You could never outrun me, let that sink in" He says, kidding with his head to the shore "where do I drop you?"

"Here's good, the sunset's nice from here" You reply "and yes, I can outrun you that's why I was so feverish about it."

The monotony in your statement is in contrast to its context and Keigo raises a brow at you, though it quickly drops as you manage to miss it. It's too eerie, too complex for his own good to pry into the feeling he's getting from your behavior, but if he were allowed to, he'd talk about how you don't seem to be your usual self.

With a swift flap of his wings he lowers himself into the water, his lungs filled with as oxygen as hes believed he needs from only a second ago. His hands come loose once the sheer liquid engulfs him; he feels how your fins tap against the feet, tickling him to the touch as the moisture softens them up again.

He wonders, if that's how soft his feathers feel to others.

His eyes don't open in the water, more likely because he's diving for the split of a second. It doesn't feel like a life time, just like any other time hes felt time pass by when diving, but he's putting that on you. He won't admit aloud, but his heartstrings pull slightly at the thought of you rooting yourself into him.

At least that's how he feels. And his smile widens when you pop your head out of the water you and shoot him a glare of your most glistening eyes with your lips pressed together in a thin line. He flies lower, with the intention of landing and flips his body so that his legs are facing the sand underneath him.

"Ah, today's nice." He sighs the moment he lies on his side, his elbow popping just in place for his hand to cup his face.

"It is, isn't it?"

Keigo smiles but a hollowing heat spreads to his chest, it's though as he can feel the bones underneath the layers of his own skin. It's his choice to ignore the feeling, rather, he coos a little over to your side, spreading a wing to your side. Red feathers splash happily into the water as they submerge, causing him to scrunch his nose pleasantly to the feeling.

"Keigo"

His feathers perk at the sound of his name, little, ruby feathers spike to his heart's commands. Tenderly your hand shoots to the sharp edge of his left wing, brushing down a few of the stray hawk downs.

He twitches to the touch; with legs that turn stiff as the slim looking black claws of his toes pop, his body shudders the peculiar affection. Keigo isn't used to being touched in the way merfolk get all tacky with each other. Griffin hybrids aren't as sleek and affectionate with their younglings, rather, being physical is discouraged.

"Mmhm?"

The way he coos against you like a little chick though, can't be discouraged by anyone other than you. As more feathers wrap around you, shielding your exposed scaly body from the scorching of the sun. The talons of his hands reach out to caress the hair above your ear, running some strands through his fingers.

You don't dare speak yet. There's a blasting of emotions that's happening inside your chest that your lungs can't respond to. It's only that, your face is so close to his, your nose almost in sync with his. But his eyes didn't look at you in a way that had once seeked.

Heavy chest and a quivering breath, even underwater. That's all the Keigo ever gave you. With his charms, and the perky feathers on his chest and hands that cooked everytime you were close. The pluming wings on his back that reaped the skies in a single flap; a creature worth of a mermaid's love was either worthy or atrociously mischievous, wasn't that the old saying?

And there was a time where you had been in love with him. A time where you had thought that mating for life with the griffin would be the right for you. Many merfolk had swam the path before, many had contributed to the birth of those atrocious, deadly sirens as a species, but at a time, the thought of your own little siren with Keigo sounded like a fairytail.

And that was all it was. Keigo had his eyes on a fairy, then on a raven griffin from his friend's flock.

If Keigo knew of all the hot tears you'd shed first him in the past, would he have sought to mate with you?

Well now you didn't care.

You didn't care about the world of creatures ever since that day.

"Keigo-"

"Y/n-"

You speak simultaneously, almost letting out the hazardous intentions of your statements overlap each other. It only makes you want to giggle though, as much as Keigo seems to want to sit back and wait for you to speak, the sheer profanity that lays beneath what you're planning to ask is coiling the blood in your heart in the most endearing way.

"Can I go first?" You ask and Keigo nods into your eyes.

His golden orbs dont leave yours, not even for a second.

"Is walking hard?"

Keigo's first response is to cock an eyebrow at you. It seems like such a silly, innocent question to which he can't give a definite answer, still the little smile that creeps to the corner of your lips is convincing enough for him to think of one

"Huh?" He laughs as well but this time, his hand comes to rest leisurely over your cheek.

You share a look in silence. The pointy tips of his talons are merely touching your skin in small places, while he scratches tenderly around your skin. Your faces are only inches apart and although it should hurt that he's only a ghostly breath away, your heart stutters at the thought of you learning more about walking.

"I'd like to walk"

In your excited state, you miss the way Keigo snuggles his nose right next to yours, unbeknownst to you, you deny the way his lips beg to clash with yours.

"Keigoo, tell me!"

Keigo seems to sigh a little over his own breath. The little nibble on his heart is quick and gone before he gets the chance to even feel it, so he doesn't blame it on the lack of the contact he had sought for.

"It's like," He pinches his nose "I guess it's like standing but with motion, like when you grab into a rock and pull your body around it?"

"Do I grab on rocks?"

"No, you just stand on your feet. And move them like so."

"Interesting"

Keigo scratches the coarse hair on his chin, puckering his lips to the side of his face as he's trying to think. As if he's trying to out the pieces together.

"And is it hard to learn how to walk?"

"Well I'll tell you if you tell me why you're so interested in learning all these stuff!" His claw soughs slightly onto the sight of your face, forcing you to face him once again.

He's never seen you express concern about this particular subject. But as he guesses, most mermaids do from time to time.

Nonetheless, now is his chance to spurt out what he wishes to say, now that his nose is on yours again. Now that your lips as ghosting over his again, now that your palm reaches slowly for the harsh flex of his bicep.

"I-"

But once again he's cut off.

"It's for a friend. She saw this pirate the other day."

The words that slip so reluctantly off your mouth finally manage to peak Keigo's interest in what you're trying to say. The mere hesitation in your struggling voice is accompanied by the twirling of your tail around his legs. It's a struggle to get as comfortable as before, but Keigo gladly ignores anything that doesn't involve staring in your eyes.

"Tell your friend" Keigo pauses. His wings push you onto him further, trying to coo you in his consultations "a pirate isn't worth her tail."

"But why" You mutter against him.

An atrocious feeling in his gut spurs the moment you let the palm of your hand slip down and splash onto the water. The silent act of giving u accompanied by you hanging your head an inch lower, just so that your lips miss contact by what can only seen like a huge gap. To him.

"They're sick, and they're thieves and they murder creatures for bounty"

"They do?" You ask, terrified

"They tie them to their ships, they shoot them, anything to carry them back to their orm and sell them for money. Tokoyami barely escaped them."

"How will they know I'm a creature if I have legs"

Keigo sighs. The memory is enough to send chills down his spine and cause the feathers on his hands and feet to spurt absurd and proudly. Whoever this friend of yours is, they're out of their mind.

There have been merfolk who have rejected their nature throughout their centuries to nest with humans, only to grow sorrowful in their regrets that they chose to live such mundane, mortal lives. To want to be with a pirate, the worst of the worst, someone who could only die in a few years of being on a ship, was like disgracing the creature world.

Wait- he heard right didn't he?

"You?"

#dabi x reader #hawks x reader #dabi #dabi is touya #hawks imagine #hawks x y/n #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #my hero academia #dabi my hero academia #hawks #keigo takami x reader

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