erinabear

[erinabear]

Nightclub singer at home, ca. 1960s

[erinabear]

Dolly Parton photographed by Ed Caraeff for her “Heartbreaker” album, 1978.

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edwardian & victorian era women

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The Temblor mountains of central California in superbloom. 

we learned every inch of this range, it was our home and sanctuary, our playground, a fortress of forever changing intricacy. watched the flowers bud, bloom and begin to wither over the course of months. 

My spirit had been dormant for a while, and those mountains made me alive again.

Expired 35mm film from the attic.

[erinabear]

Perfume bottles from Sir Henry Wellcome’s Museum Collection.

[erinabear]

MARIE ANTOINETTE costumes appreciation: ― Marie Antoinette’s white dress (costume design by Milena Canonero)

[erinabear]

like a month ago I sat down next to my friend at a table at my favorite bar, turned to my left and saw @mothercain sitting across from me. I didn’t wanna be weird so I didn’t say hi and it also took me some time to work out that it was actually her, but if she sees this I just want her to know that I hope she enjoys living in Pittsburgh as much as I do. It’s cool when cool people move here.

#ethel cain

[erinabear]

It’s Black Friday and my body decided to stay up all night, probably because earlier this week I slept for two days straight. I don’t feel manic or super energized, though. Just awake.

The sun rises in an hour and all I want to do is sit on my patio while it does so and smoke a joint while I sip my coffee, but I’m not allowed to smoke on my own goddamn patio because my landlord’s a fascist. So instead of doing the kind and responsible thing and not smoking inside my apartment at all, I keep the windows open and burn incense and spray heavy duty air deodorizer. It mostly works.

I tried to severely limit my own screen time last night and failed. TikTok did me in. I did, however, spend more time overall playing ukulele and watching tv and writing than I did scrolling on my phone, which feels like progress.

I reached out to a psychologist a few days ago about seeking an official OCD/body dysmorphia diagnosis. I have a consult next week, and I think I’m going to ask about ADHD, too. I read an article about ADHD and perfectionism that made me cry because it literally felt like I was peeking into my own brain. The more I learn about it the more it all makes sense, and the more I wonder whether I actually have bipolar disorder and not just ADHD.

I’m not going to say that things can only go up from here, because something absolutely catastrophic could happen to me tomorrow, but it does kind of feel that way sometimes. Either way, I feel hopeful in this moment.

Today I’m going to clean my kitchen, which I haven’t fully done since I hosted Friendsgiving last Saturday. My bedroom is a goddamn nightmare, but part of getting that together involves choosing clothes to get rid of, and that feels too overwhelming for me right now. I think I might ask my friend Sarah to come over soon and hang out with me while I go through my entire closet.

I feel like I was limping along for a good while, just trying to get through each day, but right now I feel content and supported and loved, and that makes hard things feel easier.

#brain dump

[erinabear]

bought a ukulele to try to fix my bad brain and by golly, it’s working

#today i learned how to play beast of burden #i can do a basic blue progression too

[erinabear]

I believe this is what the children call “a vibe”

#taylor swift

[erinabear]

so real

[erinabear]

“stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist” my god they paywalled human connection

[erinabear]

thinking about jeff buckley being asked, "how do you want to be remembered?" and answering with, "as a good friend."

[erinabear]

And I just let the parking lot swallow me up / choking your tires, kicking up dust / asking aloud why you’re leaving / but the pavement won’t answer me

#music #julien baker #sprained ankle #Spotify

[erinabear]

Alexa chung <3

[erinabear]

LOVE being overdressed. Obsessed with it, actually. “Who you all dressed up for?” You, bitch, are we going to Cane’s or not? “Do you have an event today?” Yes, it’s called going to the grocery store.

[erinabear]

The Parent Trap (1998) dir. Nancy Meyers