#<--- probably a fair reaction

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[kaltacore]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

#sorry. i cannot shut up about this. this scene stuck with me the moment i saw it and i just couldn't get it out of my head #i mean. i liked essek well enough. i just got attached to other characters more. but then 'it's not fair' happened and it sealed the deal #it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people #his reaction wasn't intentional. it didn't change anything. but it showed how humane he had become. how deeply he cared #mighty nein are no joke pal #they're gonna make you feel all these unknown emotions like sympathy and love and affection even when they're incredibly painful #essek experiencing closeness and attachment in all their forms. as something beautiful and something aching. is so important to me #they saved him because they had good hearts! and these good hearts sparked so much joy around them! #but if a good heart grants you an ability to experience joy so profoundly. it makes everything else feel like that #you get it. i hope you get it. anyway e140 did so much psychic damage on me i probably will never recover #in a good way mostly <3 but yeah. yeah. it makes me feel a little insane #the mighty nein #essek thelyss #critical role

[sysig]

Something old and borrowed (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Sans #Papyrus #Gaster #Gaster is visiting again - and has once again ended up in Sans' crosshairs #Papyrus knows about it but there's only so much he can really do - reminders are good! He sees you both! #It's never really brought attention to once Gaster is back that Papyrus is wearing his childhood scarf :0 #To be fair there's a lot going on at the time lol - what they're wearing is definitely low on the list of priorities #Realigning with reality > what are my children wearing #And they're wearing all of his hand-me-downs! Unwittingly but they were all his clothes other than the stuff they found and made #But the scarf was from Gaster's childhood - has Feelings attached #Not that he's getting any of what the boys have claimed as theirs back haha #It's kind of sweet that it's living a new life with Papyrus :) Sweet children wearing cool scarves! #Obviously Sans would not interpret any of Gaster's reactions charitably haha - deservedly! #But he's just looking because he's reminded of himself! Actually that probably wouldn't be taken well either lol #Can't help what he feels - and it's generally harmless :) #As long as he's good about it haha #Just avoiding another lecture by not bringing it up haha #He's learning! #Drawing little Gaster was fun too ♪ Stripes for kids! A cute little lad #Sans also disengaging - they're both improving :) - mostly because if Gaster's not up for the fight then why expend the energy #Conserve his energy in case he does and otherwise for when Papyrus gets back

[thecandlesticksfromlesmis]

finding out a stranger on the internet has blocked you is honestly so relatable. like yeah I get it, I’m tired of me too. at least one of us can escape 🫶🏻

#i was sent a post I thought was funny #then clicked on the blog to get more good content and couldn’t see the blog #my immediate reaction was ‘fair enough’ #keep 👏🏻 me👏🏻out👏🏻 #I hope the final straw was the die young barricade video #but honestly in reality it was probably because I frequently cosplay Enjolras #which to be fair could be considered a red flag

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

I know this has been ragged on a million times but I gotta

#also like. the patriars are just?? there??? #they see a grimy travelworn group of adventurers crash the archduke's coronation #and instead of kicking them out he goes 'oh heyyyyy!! ☺️☺️☺️ long time no see~ 🥰 let me update you on my - sorry - *our* evil plan!! 🤭🤭“ #and openly reveals one of the adventurers as a fucking bhaalspawn?! #he's not speaking quietly or anything #there's a very large tiefling who is on fire and getting angrier by the second so clearly SOMETHING is up #the bhaalspawn in question looks fucking pissed #did they just want the tea or #i guess it doesnt really matter what they do b/c none of that conversation leaves that room #so i think they're all just too psyched for the surprise soap opera to think about what they're hearing all the way through #anyway. i wish the game had different reactions if you've already told the party that youre a bhaalspawn #wyll gave corentin the same exact speech twice which. fair. they probably needed to hear it #but still #shadowheart's the only one who didnt react again iirc but i might have just been reeling too much from karlach's to remember it #bg3 #digital art #my art #bg3 spoilers #bg3 act 3 spoilers #corentin #bg3 wyll #bg3 karlach #bg3 shadowheart #bg3 gortash #bg3 durge #dark urge #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 tav #sketch #the prodigal saer

[generationlosscorkboard]

I love tuning in to a ranboo vod whilst I Attempt Something and casually finding out that sometime in the near future Chronicle Zero is going to get intense and have days "where there's going to be a lot."

Godspeed update blogs, godspeed.

(and to myself too, jesus christ-)

but yeat there's that, and there's apparently been something that "no one has caught on to yet-"

I have no idea if this applies to me or not bc I'm pretty sure Ranboo doesn't know about this Digital Corkboard just yet (although I wouldn't mind staying under the radar for a BIT longer ahah), but for now I'm going to assume (and probably rightly so) that it does, and I GOTTA KEEP LOOKING-

#gen loss #generation loss #chronicle 0 #zero talks #zero thoughts #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #<--- probably a fair reaction #just screaming #so much anxiety #lol i'll be fine #anyways dream 2 comes out as soon as my phone finishes uploading these damn files (unrelated to the blog-)

[nellectronic]

never would have predicted the toll this is taking on my mental health

#can’t say what this is about because— nope can’t say that either. if I say that it’ll be obvious what it’s about #but yeah I am experiencing things I did not think I would be experiencing #even when— hm. probably shouldn’t say that either. I guess ‘delayed reaction’ describes it well enough #of course I thought everything would be fine at first #I would not have s— oh no I definitely can’t say that. to anyone ever probably #delete later #<- paranoid that I’m not being vague enough which to be fair is probably the case #I think I need to— yeah I can’t say that either #Achievement Unlocked: ***************** ****** #screams into the void

[pinkeoni]

Just submitted to Sundance

#now we play the waiting game #getting in is a big if but my film prof said i have a fair chance to hey i’ll take it #the short i submitted has played in a smaller fest before but obvi this one is much much bigger #this will probably be the last festival i submit this project too for its festival run #and this summer i think i’ll start something new maybe try to collab with friends #also i love using leland for reaction images cause its so fucked up and unsettling #but also ray wise has great facial expressions #personal

[diningpageantry]

haaaaiiii guyyyyssss (gn) probably gonna be on here more often again soon. life events occurring. have occurred? still occurring, i suppose.

i'll probably post abt it more in depth at some ltr point, still in the very early stages of some stuff. i dont want to classify them as positive or negative things, however they're certainly things.

there's a lot of thoughts in my brain (hah), and ultimately i want to share them, but for now this is kind of me waving at everyone with a smile while my life has an "under construction" sign

#the last sentence also pertains to system stuff bc there was a major split from a significant alter #so like imagine an 'under new management' sign as well #not a host shift tho afaik but the split has resulted in a new fronter who's very active and has been co-con very frequently since #i've been having a Time recently in ways i'll ltr divulge abt but i finally established a solid communication with her today and that helped #i dont know how many splits/alters had broken off because intuition is saying a few but she's the most present and active in my awareness #i think we settled on her name being Lily but that may not be concrete #for a few alters i get like a single letter for their name and i try to work with them to find a name within that letter that feels right #one of my oldest and closest alters has only had the letter 'E' for the longest time and he and i cant find a solid name yet #every now and again im like 'edgar??? edwin??? edward??? emil???' and he's like 'fuck if i know' so like. fair enough dude. #i wonder if he'd like ez/ezara given that's a name we picked for ourselves pre-diagnosis however he doesn't fit that name in my opinion #ANYWAY. Lily is a teen girl in very much every way possible and she's very much an ANP #she is loved but as i type that she made it clear she's having an eyeroll reaction but that is the best i've got lol #i dont really mention system members often on here and mention them moreso to friends however i have a feeling she'll want a sideblog tbh #which is not something i've created/done for alters before as generally most of the system choose to be more private #but she seems extremely social and i want to give her her own space #i hesitate to give her an okay posting on her own on here mainly because i am an adult and i consider this blog an adult space #but im also okay discussing her in reference if that makes dense #anyway. yeah. as you can probably imagine shit has been Going On given there was a major split/restructuring but again that's for later #that's enough rambling from me lol ttyl

[lunarblazes]

silvery barbs haters simply cannot touch us because we already inflicted them with disadvantage. i love first level spells

#dnd #is this a fair spell? no probably not #is it fun as hell? yeah absolutely #plus i have OTHER FIRST LEVEL SPELLS i wanna cast and it’s limited by being a reaction #idk man i just think banning this spell is a bad call it provides so much clutch opportunity for players

[halforcdad]

really saw someone call lucy immature and compare lucy not telling kate she was looking for a new apartment to lucy getting upset at kate for not telling her why she made the move from DIA to FBI (to point out the hypocrisy of not communicating) like what is context

#ncis hawaii #i hesitate to call the discussion around the sneak peek discourse and blow it out of proportion but y'all LMAO #not every slip-up in communication is a huge problem thats just real life i thought we wanted imperfect characters #comparing lucy getting upset bc of the big reveal that kate cared enough abt her to stay in hawaii and turn down a big promotion #after a looong day of compounding emotional turmoil and thinking kate was gonna die #does not really compare to lucy doing this and not telling kate #and lucy wasnt mad at kate for not telling her she was moving to fbi she was mad bc kates whole thing was keeping secrets #and not being upfront abt feelings and how much their relationship meant to her until it was too late #looking for a new apt probably is a thing you would normally tell your SO to be fair but like #this is obviously supposed to be a feel-good ep for kacy and i feel like some of the talk around it and esp lucy has not been in good faith #its just one sneak peek but fandom is all about over speculating and discussing and theorizing and i love that #but some ppl are a little too quick to dogpile on lucy always lol #i also dont think lucy masterminded that as her way of telling kate to get a reaction #bc she seemed genuine when she said is everything okay and pleasantly surprised when kate brought up how often shes over #like lucy probably thought this was all nbd just another thing i have to do and wasn't even thinking abt moving in but obv im speculation #might delete this later i didnt expect to get so spirited over the discussion #I was focusing on lucy saying her life is just work gym and kate like wow thank u for my life #communication is always a work in progress whether youve been together for 5 months or 50 yrs

[13eyond13]

.

#been thinking about genetics and nature vs nurture and all this sort of stuff a lot lately #and just contemplating why people are the way they are and how much is sort of hardwired vs learned etc. #anyway I'm definitely wayyyy more like my dad than my mom and i think i have actually learned to become sort of the ideal companion #for people like my mom #because my mom is the harder to please and stronger personality in the household who is way more obviously emotional and sensitive #and i empathized with her automatically in a sort of female solidarity way as the household is all boys otherwise #but anyway i know im just naturally like my dad in disposition and humour and looks and everything else but i also know i probably studied #how he handles my mom and her outbursts and insecurities and learned to react to it similarly to him as well #she's a very odd mix of one of the most empathetic kindest people you'll ever meet and also incredibly critical and sensitive to criticism #and she barely ever will tell you you did a good job at anything and will point out mostly only the bad stuff or flaws in whatever you do #yet also HATES that her own mom is exactly the same way and was traumatized by that growing up herself #i honestly 100% believe her mom (my grandma) is undiagnosed autistic and simply doesnt even realize how she comes off but it really #affected my mom growing up and now she is constantly on alert for anything that could possibly be a critique of her and will throw you #under the bus instead if you ever say something even remotely close to negative about her or arent extremely thoughtful about showing up #to the multiple events she hosts every single week #anyway the way my dad usually reacts is just being extremely quiet and steady and dry humoured in reaction to this and when she starts #critiquing him and bringing up all his past failures as a way of making herself feel better about her own bad self esteem he kind of just #takes it and doesnt take it personally because he knows shes doing it for low self esteem reasons #even though its not really fair to him and she would absolutely hate anybody doing the same to her #when i think of my dad's gentle quietness and humour and how much he hates being aggressive or critical i think of when we played a #board game called qwelf once and in the game he was made to act like a drill sergeant and scold and yell at all of us as we moved #our pieces around the board and the best he could do was to mutter stuff like 'get your buns in gear there soldier!' #it makes me lol to remember it my god he simply can't it's the most unnatural thing for him in the world #anyway i always wonder how much of my similarities to him are just genes and how much are learning from him #by watching and admiring and mimicking #because having nieces shows me that kids are absolutely little sponges who try to do everything they see you doing without even knowing #if it's a good thing to be mimicking or not and that can be a bit of a terrifying responsibility as the adult #i am glad i learned good coping mechanisms from dad and how to handle unfair criticism and lack of praise in stride as well but #something i had to teach myself as an adult was how to have healthy boundaries and be assertive when i feel like im being treated poorly #because my parents are both huge people pleasers who struggle with it themselves

[wildflowercryptid]

as much as i'm treasuring year 3 in awl bc i know bea won't want tris to dote on her as much as a teen, i am looking forward to seeing her come more into her own when it comes to her interests in year 4. also, i can't wait to see old man gustafa.

#i've been avoiding looking up screenshots of him year 4+ bc i want it to be surprise #fair warning i probably will be unhinged when i finally get to see his older design #and i will be projecting that reaction onto tris bc they'd probably find him hotter as they age ( receding hairline be damned ) #i don't know if he'll have one in the remake but i'm just considering it canon that he does #teen bea just gagging in the corner while her parents are being annoyingly lovey dovey is a very funny image to me #( but really she's thinking '' i hope i can have a relationship like that someday... '' 🥲 ) #mj.txt

[randomrandy]

Random post: “reblog if you *thing I agree with”

My brain: if you reblog this you’re a virtue sighing whore who just wants internet clout. If you don’t reblog this you’re a heartless monster who should be shot in the street. Kys

Me: wtf

#originally I had this big long post explaining my complex feelings about posts like these #cause they do cause me a not constructive or reasonable amount of stress #but I’m very much aware that my reaction to them is not normal and very much colored by my ocd #the person who made it and the people who rebloged it probably did not intend for me to be reacting this way #there isn’t any malicious intent. most people don’t want or expect stranger on the internet to have panic attacks over tumblr posts #I don’t blame anyone for making or rebloging them. #I also don’t know if it’s even right for me to ask people not too? it’s not they’re responsibility to cater to my weird needs #so I just block and filter as much stuff as I can to try and avoid it #cause if I didn’t my entire blog would be them and I’d have to delete tumblr cause it would be actively detrimental to my mental health #but every once in a while one sneaks through. cause people will censor words or not tag stuff #or make posts that don’t follow the standard format #so I’ll see if and probably reblog it cause I don’t want to deal with the overwhelming guilt and subsequent panic attack #(this is not a good thing and will only make stuff worse btw) #and it’ll suck #but I don’t think it’s fair to hold a stranger responsible for that #but it still sucks #and I don’t know what to do about or how to feel about them #okay so the whole post ended up in the tags anyways sorry #there’s no conclusion or lesson to this I’m just ruminating #which is also not good sooo #moral ocd #ocd #actually ocd #vent #ramble #kind of both I guess? #might delete this later #if I remember

[drysauce]

im still thinking about how yesterday when my cousin and her roommate/bestie came to visit and hang out she introduced her as her girlfriend and i was incredibly surprised not really because they're dating but mainly because i didn't expect that i'm not the only non-straight person in this family lmao

#i. haven't told them that tho #anyway i really hope they didn't take my reaction badly because i didn't comment on that and just moved on to saying hi #but it was probably visible that i was a bit surprised lol #but to be fair i react the same if straight couples tell me they're dating i sometimes just forget that friends can end up like that

[kaeyachi]

not genshin/kaeya

my mother, human jumpscare extraordinaire, walked thru a pitch black hallway, somehow quietly opened a door the notoriously noisy door, and rapidly walked up to my cousin's face (who was in bed) to stare at him (like one of those creepy speed walking demons in movies), nearly making him scream so late in the night

she just wanted to check if we were already sleeping and i don't think my cousin would be able to after that lmao

#kaeyachi randoms #it was very scary but i just ended up cackling seeing my cousin look so frightened #also probably coz ive done my own fair share of scary moments #one time i scared someone by walking behind them...they were holding a knife and lets just say im glad their first reaction is to scream #also i just really wanted to tell all of you of this coz its soooo funny