#;do you still seek to know?

[ofiscariot]

XII. THE HANGED MAN.

the hanged man, pamela colman smith // judas hanged, nardo di cione // preparatory sketches for pitturi infamanti, andrea del sarto // “speculum imperfectionis: the image of judas in late medieval italy,” janet robson // “l’appeso/le pendu/the hanged man,” sherryl e. smith // the death of judas iscariot, julius schnorr von carolsfeld // the sacrifice of odin, lorenz frølich // “yggdrasil: the sacred ash tree of norse mythology,” the public domain review // anonymous verse, recorded by óláfr þórðarson // judas, gabriel von max // seventy-eight degrees of wisdom, rachel pollack // the gospel of judas

#good friday #judas iscariot #odin #tarot #the hanged man #web weaving #;do you still seek to know? #;oops! all towers! #;safe in the spots that the light can’t reach. #;the star that leads the way is your star.

[splatoonusna]

REJOICE IN THE GLORY OF COMBAT

#mun post #salmon run #if you know where that line if from you get a cookie #GOD i still have 0 idea how you manage glowflies on this stage and i've been doing this all day #also goldies are a bit scarce during seeking...

[bananonbinary]

as a certified Diagnosed Autist(TM) i cannot stress enough that i am not only pro- self-diagnosis, but also pretty anti- legal medical diagnosis. it is, at best, a cruel hoop we have to jump through so privileged people will deign to give us what we need. don't fucking do that shit unless you have to, it was disgustingly expensive, fucking humiliating, infantilizing, and dehumanizing, and would probably actively cause problems in my life if i didn't have some really good allistic (-passing) people in my corner and also wasn't so fucking disabled that it mostly doesn't matter.

literally get that diagnosis if you need it for job/school accessibility shit or SSI or whatever, and otherwise dont tell the government SHIT about yourself. there is zero good reason for them to want that information. that's between you and the people you want in your life.

#as a side note: this goes for gender too #dont fucking get a special marker on your passport or whatever #trying to get ssi has made me realize how deeply cruel the system is #never reveal any vulnerability you have unless it's absolutely necessary #do not do this stuff for validation the government is not your friend and you should seek emotional fulfillment elsewhere #hm this post turned out a lot angrier than i meant #guess i'm still mad about how awful the process was #it wasnt even long it was just. so *impersonal.* #this woman talked to me for two hours. went down a fairly bigoted checklist. #didnt ask me my own opinion on much of anything. and then declared a bunch of her impressions as if they hold weight just bc shes allistic #like how i have 'identity issues' (am trans and dont want a romantic partner) #and thats just. my permanent record of diagnosis! this two hour conversation with a stranger! she doesnt fucking know me #we paid like $500 for that

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"

"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules

i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen

and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway

#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once #because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die #based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this #also based on the expressions of affection #hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing #so i wonder if it runs over to 15 #he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things #faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill #but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think #or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor #hmmmmm #13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think #didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated #15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting #he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe #none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally #like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so #dont believe me gfkjghgjh #this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically #anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this #bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much #she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it #he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing #just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this #i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and #seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me' #i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this

[mortimer]

Those ppl who get really pissed at you & start whinging about gatekeeping when u say shit like mcr or billie eilish or whatever else band isnt goth are so fucking funny bc like . How r u living in the 21st century, with basically all of music history at ur fingertips, and YOU want to ascribe coolness to yourself by identifying with this subculture, and YOU refuse to actually then learn about it, and then YOU get mad when people can tell you clearly dont know what the fuck youre talking about? like do you hate learning about music that much? bc goth is not a synonym for "dark and edgy" its a specific subculture with its own history and subgenres and everything. and if u cant hear the sonic differences between christian death and paramore & u dont have a sense of how the scenes & history that produced those bands differ then yes you are a poser. no one is gatekeeping goth from you & frankly youre disrespecting your own music taste by not understanding its OWN history and trying to conflate it with something completely different bc it sounds cooler than saying yeah i listen to pop rock. quite literally the definition of posing

#Its ultimately anti-intellectualism at its core and it tells me you dont actually care about music or the history or context that makes it #Its one thing not to know what goth is and another altogether to not know and still feel entitled to it. U have to earn it baby #And the thing is. I think its fun to learn about music! Thats why I fucking care! #I ENJOY seeking out new bands and listening to new genres and gaining a deeper understanding of them. Do you?

[frodo-of-the-nine-fingers]

i think the actual disconnect between nie mingjue and jin guangyao is that nie mingjue is dying and knows he's dying and has to stick so so so closely to his morals and virtues or else it'll have been for nothing and then he'll have to come to terms with the fact that maybe he didn't actually have to die after all vs jin guangyao who wants to live, he wants to live and be safe and have all the things he was told he could never have-was told he was never good enough to have-and will do almost anything to make it so. and these are two like irreconcilable point of views right (and both Correct and Wrong at the same time) and so they can't understand each other because they aren't even having the same argument and neither of them can see that

#nie mingjue #jin guangyao #nieyao #it's good!!! #i think nmj never expected to survive the war against the wen too maybe so after he's both floundering and STILL dying #characters that didn't HAVE to die like that but did anyways because societal/family/narrative pressure etc >>>>>>> #⚰️ #I've been told it's real sweet to grow old #i think there's also this disconnect between the two of them in the story as a whole re that steinberg quote i posted earlier about kleos #nostos (glory seeking vs home coming) #where jgy is the kleos or glory seeker and nmj SHOULD be the nostos (@ #(and he IS to an extent) but also he ISNT because again he is dying-he knows hes dying you cant extract that from his character #and so there SHOULD be this conflict here from that but there just isnt because nmj isnt filling that role properly and i think that's part #of why jgy cant understand him #jgy is the kleos but nmj isnt a glory seeker (not outside of like the war and he's not doing that for glory etc) but he's also not nostos #he's theseus in the king must die #(sorry for referencing a bunch of shit in th tags pls pls pls ignore my rambling to myself about characters that are barely ever on page/ #screen and so we can never actually fully contextualize them because we dont actually know them but oh boy oh boy can we try) #so like what does a guy who will (allegedly) give up anyone and anything domestic to gain/retain status do against a guy who otherwise #would be the opposite and unwilling/unable to sacrifice anyone for these things do when said guy does neither 🤷‍♀️ #mine

[taz-writes]

here's a hot take for today

the narrative function of sex is the same as the narrative function of fight scenes is the same as the narrative function of songs in a musical

no i will not explain

#taz talks #writing #actually i WILL explain but i'll do it in the tags #these each serve the same function within their respective appropriate genres #each one is a kind of revelation #they heighten the connection between 2+ characters and highlight relationships and feelings and needs #they are out of place in genres where they do not belong and/or as curveballs when the narrative did not provoke them from the start #but they have the same sort of emotional/dramatic build-up #talk -> sing -> dance (talk -> yell -> stab) ((talk -> flirt -> You Know)) #and they are all expressions of intense physicality and intimacy through physical gesture and interaction #they are fundamentally empty and boring if there is not a deeper purpose or drive behind them #although they can still occasionally be entertaining on their own if your audience is specifically seeking that experience out #people who do not like them will be very unhappy to encounter one where it isn't supposed to be #it is very easy to ruin the mood with poor word choice #many people have an inherent sense for terrible ones but it's often difficult or complicated to explain precisely why a bad one fails #when executed properly they are a very raw and intimate expression of a character's most fundamental needs and desires #the fluff is stripped away and there is nothing left but a series of needs. conflicting or cooperating. #and even when you're lying during one it's still a form of truth #none of these things are remotely necessary to tell a powerful or compelling story but if you're going to use them you need to do it right #also all 3 of these things are difficult if not impossible to write if you are not both interested in them and personally invested #this post brought to you by me trying to write smut about my dnd characters and failing because i generally hate /reading/ smut #so i have none of the vocabulary or instinct for it that i do for. say. graphic violence (or lyrical poetry)

[tybaltsjuliet]

PUT THE "MAYDAY" BACK IN MAY DAY.

#scarfolk #scarfolk council #;do you still seek to know. #;scarfolk.

[blujayonthewing]

pitched battle inside my brain between the part of me that's desperately shaking myself by the shoulders going "YOU HAVE GOT TO ACTUALLY LIVE THE KIND OF LIFE YOU IMAGINE INSTEAD OF JUST SITTING AROUND IMAGINING IT UNTIL YOU DIE!!" and the part of me that's clutching my face going "is this allowed? is this allowed?? is this allowed???"

#trying to plan a solo cicada pilgrimage and getting brainworms about it yeehaw #'making a lot of plans and never actually doing things in real life' has been a problem for literally as long as I can remember #but I also feel like I've developed a learned helplessness over the last several years that's gotten worse as I've gotten older?? #me age twenty: I think I'm gonna take myself to chicago next week because I feel like going to the zoo #me age thirty: am I allowed to go camping alone. am I allowed to do a solo road trip. I need a grownup #to be extremely clear I am very much allowed and this is not justin's fault and I don't know where it comes from #like I'll run things by him lowkey seeking 'permission' that I don't even need and he'll be like 'yeah that sounds good to me' #and then I STILL won't do the thing because like. my brain keeps insisting there needs to be a grownup in charge?? HELLO I'M GROWNUP #anyway I'm doing cicada trip solo BECAUSE-- the drive is so long I want to do five days because two of them will just be driving #and he can't get that much time off work right now #AND because I literally only want to Be Camping and Looking At Bugs but he'd get bored of a week of that he likes Activities #me this morning getting insecure and weird: what are your thoughts... on cicada voyage.... #him after at first not even understanding the question: I'm SO excited for you?? you deserve to get to go absolutely feral??? #I do.... ;n; 💕 why am I so scared to be a person....... #about me #cicada quest

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #persona 4 #p4g #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #“i should be the one thanking you though” god yosuke GOD he still sees so much of this as him seeking justice for saki huh #nearly one year in and he still feels like this was a responsibility of his. that it was his burden that he had put on to yu. #that initial moment when he asked yu for help in entering the tv world like he still saw it as yu following through with his word primarily #i feel like there's an implication here that he thought yu might/could abandon this task for something else. #rank 10 when yosuke says “somewhere deep down I didn't trust you... no it's more like... i was jealous of you” idk i think on some level #yosuke didn't trust yu. i think yosuke who is used to being let down and used to only being paid lip service and superficial relationships #he didn't believe that someone as competent and as beloved and as enviable as yu would pull through for someone like yosuke #which again i want to shake yosuke like a snowglobe BECAUSE BBYBOY PLS HAVE MORE FAITH IN YOURSELF #DO YOU STILL NOT SEE HOW MUCH YOU'VE CHANGED YU AS MUCH AS HE'S CHANGED YOU #DO YOU KNOW UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN YU WAS THANKING YOU IT WAS FOR THE SAME REASONS?? #THAT YOU STAYED UNFLINCHINGLY BY HIS SIDE THROUGH GOOD TIMES AND BAD?? #THAT YU ALSO HAD HIS BURDEN OF BEING A WILDCARD DESPITE BEING SOMEONE THAT STAYED CAREFULLY DETACHED SOCIALLY #BUT YOU. YOSUKE. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT CHANGED HIS MIND AND HELPED HIM AND MADE HIM BETTER AND I #YU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT LOYALTY AND DEEP MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS LOOKED LIKE EITHER UNTIL YOU AAAA WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT #srry idk why that was in all caps i got very passionate for a moment #anyway. them. #he's good with his queue

[tomurakii]

I'm still a kipperlily apologist actually. Why are we starting the episode talking about how she's been in counselling since freshman year. Maybe after 3 years you should've counselled her better tf

#something is immensely wrong and has BEEN wrong. she absolutely needs help #but shes like 17. its not like shes fuckin innately evil or something. shes still younger than Ragh and Aelwyn were in season 1 #if Aelwyn can have stans so can Kipperlily #i just think it would be fucked up to do all this talking about her struggle with anger issues (and the fact that she's been seeking help) #since she was 14 and have that be it. like oh yeah she was just evil already. like surely thats not how this works #surely when brennan's been having so many of the bad kids embrace rage and has set up Ankarna to be maybe a victim hes not gonna like #villain typecast the kid who's been seeking help since her freshman year. surely we're not doing “anger issues mean you're evil” #kipperlily copperkettle #d20 #fantasy high #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #you know what YES im tagging this

[transmasccofee]

this scene is ruining my life at first I didn’t get it but now I get it and Aughdhyfhfheujfuejfjjfjfnv

#Kusuo learning from Akechi that competition can be fun and playful and not like. Torture. #And then learning that Kuusuke despite his shitty brother-isms is deep down seeking that exact thing #but just doesn’t know how to approach it #because of how their relationship functioned for years and how they both are #Like don’t get me wrong Kuusuke is uh. Not a good brother and his inferiority complex lead to him hating and mistreating his brother for #Many Years #And I don’t think this scene functions as forgiveness exactly (Kusuo still has resentment towards him in later arcs) #But I think it’s a moment where he realizes they’re both on some level really lonely people #Who have been fighting their whole lives #And being like “hey I don’t hate you. Let’s be friends instead of enemies.” #And Kuusukes response being “I should really be the one saying that to you” #I just. Like it’s a Start. #IDK like Kusuo was completely justified to hate his brother especially after something like the catgun arc #But he doesn’t and I think it’s because he realizes that his brother genuinely doesn’t hate him anymore #Their whole deal is just really interesting to me but idk how to phrase my thoughts on them coherently #The only thing I wish this arc had was Kuusuke having a “what did I do to you” moment but it is a comedy and we already got that from tori #so ynow #i just say he had that moment post meteor #does any of this make sense #Also it makes me so emo that he pictured akechi

[pansyfemme]

i mean. if people are uncomfortable with main characters cheating in fiction i do need to clarify that the ocs i draw all the time. do cheat on eachother. that is a main part of their storyline. so you do you but just know that is something that goes on

#also lots of semi-manipulative public mental health episodes #they do get help and work things out and re-establish bounderies #and a lot of the cheating is closer described as non properly established polyamory guidlines but over time they do find ways to deal with #things and their relationship is strengthened but it is messy to begin with #but i find kidd and noam’s story very based on self improvment for people with pre-established severe mental health conditions #where it is very much working around a lot of obstacles and finding ways to better yourself while knowing you have caused harm in the past #even if unintentionally or through a period of deluision #kidd and noam are important to me because they both have very different mental health issues and are activly flawed because of them #but still have to find ways to redefine their relationship to eachother while understanding that doing so means undergoing major changes in #their lives and their behaviors because neither can continue forward without seeking serious help

[backjustforberena]

I still love that the first time we see Corlys alone, with just his wife, the first thing out of his mouth is to basically ask: did i do okay?

and that her response is: calm down, you did fine.

#like i don't know WHAT you guys were watching if you think rhaenys is not an equal partner in that marriage #publically and politically OBVIOUSLY they are shown to be in different positions - he's the flipping lord and head of the house #but privately corlys actively seeks validation from his wife #he's genuine asking her opinion - he values it #he's doing all of this FOR HER as much as for his own ambitions #and i know that she's conflicted about it but it still counts as a total show of devotion despite this #they refused rhaenys the crown and corlys took that personally #house of the dragon #rhaenys targaryen #corlys velaryon #rhaenys x corlys

[sidesteppostinghours]

having a normal time this fine morning <- is making up an au for an au

#sorry im currently lying in bed merging the becker siblings with my “doesnt jump out the window during heartbreak” au and sobbing violently #that was a solo au for just cyrus and that was bad enough but inserting the siblings into it will genuinely be ruining the rest of my day #ok well. its way happier if all the becker siblings survive #but what Im thinking of is just one/two of them surviving #for cyrus specifically if he survived heartbreak he would keep being a hero #his suicidal tendencies would just be going 📈 #god. ortega finding the two of them again #iirc fawn was found first?? hed lose his shit about it #i think hed still have the puppetmaster scar bcs he was still touched by beartbreak #so hed. probably be equally insane about the two of them as ortega is. maybe more #MAN. HE WOULD HATE THE NEW SIDESTEPS WITH A BURNING PASSION #AND THERES TWO OF THEM. THEYRE MOCKING HIM. WHAT HE FAILED TO SAVE #he wouldnt try to kill them(bcs he still has a strong sense of justice in this au) but hes not above beating the living shit out of them #but like. if cyrus was one of the steps that “died”? hed still be a villain but i genuinely dont know if hed still be a hero hunter #too much pain attached to actively seek out the other sibling #i think people might be a lot more suspicious than they are currently because of his avoidance of the hero step #anyway. @ gideon and idle if you have any thoughts on this. please #i have to know what revenge scar river and present rivalry fawn would do in these situations #cyrus becker(s) #keeping up with the beckers #pulp speaks

[countess-of-edessa]

the thing about taking advice from anyone on tiktok or instagram including catholic and christian type influencers, parenting advice, relationship advice, etc, or internalizing any stories of horrible relationships and betrayal people tell on those platforms, or reading about all the ways interpersonal relationships can end horribly and be cycled through extremely quickly on those platforms is that you are necessarily then consuming the thoughts and experiences of someone who is willing to put their face and name on a public social media platform to talk at you. and like 1% of those people have a good reason for doing so and the other 99% are completely unhinged. so everything you’re consuming has first gone through the filter of "is this person weird and insane enough to make Instagram reels of themselves crying?" and if the answer is yes maybe their advice doesn’t apply to your life because you’re a normal person who would not do that.

#i don’t know if this makes sense but it’s something i was thinking about today #not that i really live my life according to Instagram reel advice but as a human being when i see something stated as fact i naturally seek #out the parts of it I believe or compare it to my current worldview #and when that person seems to have a lot of “clout” for discussing spiritual things….idk sometimes I’m like wait is this true? should i #believe this? and other times I’m like well is this a real pattern of behavior that can be observed in many people from different walks of #life including my own? this thing that all men do or all women do or the way all couples will eventually behave #this makes it sound like i am constantly on social media consuming hours of content which im really not #I’ll be on a train and scroll a little bit and something gets stuck in my craw #but with me I’m always like am i rationalizing this away because i don’t want it to resonate? #and I think in the case of anything on social media the answer can almost always be no #because im like wait. why would i take advice from someone who has a public Instagram account #im not saying a stopped clock isn’t right twice a day but really how much of my perspective and life experiences can they share in #when we have this totally totally mismatched worldview #(i mean this also applies to basically anyone offering any type of life advice who isn’t catholic about that) #(but when they are Catholics doing this that gives me slightly more pause for obvious reasons I’m like we are on the same team though?) #(and we are but only kind of and i do not have to listen to you because being an Instagram influencer is still cringe in 99% of cases.)