#//CHRIST THIS IS SO FUCKING LONGGGGG

[troublewithvampires]

salvatore siblings mega post.

just realized i've never made a post talking about sal's siblings? wack.

anyway, i don't have drawn visual references for sal's siblings, but i do have like. approximations. these aren't completely accurate but they're definitely close. (picrew link)

sal has three siblings, of which he's the youngest: jesse burke, beth armstrong (formerly burke), and martin burke. in modern day, beth and martin are still alive, but jesse died in the late 1990s.

more info and approximate faceclaims and picrews under the cut! this is really fucking long, though, so no one is obligated to read all of this. it got out of hand very fast.

short summaries:

jesse was a stockbroker who was involved in a lot of white collar crime and helped establish some of sal's mob connections. he and sal were closer than the other siblings, who were pretty distant. after sal went missing, jesse investigated himself and found out he was murdered--shortly after, victor had him... eliminated.

beth is retired now, married to her long-time best friend and mother to three children, who each are adults now with their own children. she became a mother younger than she was ready to handle, but she was determined to do right by her daughter and make a good life for herself.

martin is an army veteran, having fought and lost a leg in the vietnam war. in modern day, martin is happy with his long-time romantic partner, a man named carson, and their six dogs. after sal disappeared, martin and beth became close again, talking after years of bitterness.

content warnings: non-graphic talk of drug abuse/overdoses, suicide, terminal illness, transphobia, and abuse.

jesse burke - 1934-1999 (died age 65)

(approximate faceclaim: eric stoltz) (age in picrew: 35)

jesse was very close with beth and martin when he was younger, but after their father's death he began emotionally drifting apart from the family. he never had much of a chance to bond with baby salvatore, but he did what he could to help out around the house.

from the age of 16, he was basically the man of the house, despite being only a teenager at the time.

still, the moment he could, he left home to attend university (studying finance and business), and he found it was a breath of fresh air. he had a lot more to worry about with his studies, but he felt like he could breathe for perhaps the first time. so while he stayed in touch with his siblings, he rarely, if ever, came home after he left to go to school.

very book-smart and charismatic, very good at finding the right people to be friends with and making sure to leave an impression on them. though he was very intelligent and a hard worker, his greatest skill was identifying the right people to mingle with and making the right impressions on them. truly a king of networking.

this charisma helped get him in the door with the right people to get his foot in the door in wall street, and by the 1970s he was working with a prestigious stockbroking firm. jesse got to live his best 'wolf of wall street' life, without a care in the world.

as an adult, he actually was on pretty decent terms with salvatore, unlike his siblings. sure, they rarely talked, but he really respected what sal was doing. it wasn't legal, sure, but they were both making names for themselves away from their family. they were both businessmen, and jesse thought that was all that mattered.

jesse also was pretty accepting of sal being a man. he didn't *get* it, sure, but he saw no reason to question it and never made a big deal about it one way or the other. his little sister was actually his little brother? oh, cool. well at least he's making something of himself, unlike the other two.

he was so impressed with sal, in fact, that he helped sal with networking. jesse is the one who introduced salvatore to mario gianette, aka nickels. he was the *in* sal needed to finally start working with the boss he worked with until he died.

in the mid 70s, sal completely cut ties with their mother and other siblings. jesse reached out to him after this, and the two had a drink together. they didn't talk much, but they enjoyed each other's company.

in the early 80s, sal introduced jesse to his closest associate, victor bonicelli. jesse and victor got along very well and started working very closely together. sure, jesse wasn't directly involved with any of the *super* illegal shit (in his words), but he helped keep the operation running financially.

when sal disappeared in the mid-80s, jesse was devastated--much more than he was when his mom passed the year before. he had a very public breakdown and was strongly urged by his bosses to take a break from work. for the first few months, he tried to use his money and influence to *find* sal, to no avail.

in the meantime, he ended up leaning a lot on victor. sal was victor's best friend, right? so they could grieve together.

a few years later, jesse discovered that victor was behind salvatore's disappearance. before he could do anything with this information, though, victor had him taken care of.

in the late 80s, jesse's firm was the subject of numerous criminal investigations into his mob connections. before he knew it, all of his business partners were turning against him to save their skin, and he became the scapegoat for all of the debauchery he and his associates had been up to for years.

jesse was arrested and spent ten years in jail, losing basically everything he had in the process. during this time, he wrote dozens of letters to salvatore--he knew sal would never read them, but the guilt for working with his brother's killer was eating him alive and he had to atone *somehow.*

when jesse was released in 1999 on parole, he just kinda... fell off the map. about a month later, he was found dead in a hotel room after an overdose.

beth armstrong - 1938-present (still alive)

(approximate faceclaim: jane seymour) (age in picrew: 32)

beth is the middle child, and she certainly acts the part. with an inferiority complex a mile wide, she's always been keenly aware of the fact that she's not as impressive as her siblings in many ways. she's not as nice as martin, not as smart as jesse, not as hard-working as salvatore. she was just beth.

beth has never been very family-oriented, but as the siblings' mother had to spend more and more time away from home to earn the money to care for them, she was often stuck caring for her younger siblings.

she began to resent this as she got older. she'd always been outspoken and fiery (how else would anyone pay attention to her, after all?), but she became doubly so during her teen years and into her early 20s. she threw herself headlong into activism, right around the beginning of second-wave feminism and the flower power movement.

beth still lived at home in this time, helping take care of her younger brothers and the house when she could, at least up until she was 23 and their uncle clarence took sal away and enlisted him to work with his mob buddies. at the time, beth was fucking pissed at her mom for allowing it, which led to them having an explosive argument one night.

beth said some things she regrets, calling her mom an irresponsible cunt who never should've been a mom, and anna fired right back--she told beth to her face that she didn't know the first thing about motherhood, so she had no room to talk. she was *nothing* and would always *be* nothing to the people around her unless she got her shit together and stopped being such a self-righteous little bitch. after that, they nearly stopped speaking altogether.

about a week later, beth left home, moving out to live with a friend for a few months before getting an apartment by herself. she was determined never to go back.

for a few years, beth took a few odd jobs to get by, never really settling into one career. she tried to keep in touch with her siblings, but jesse was an asshole and martin seemed to be turning the same way. as for sal... beth never really understood him, and she was fine with that. she never approved of the shit he was involved with, but she knew he didn't have a choice. i think beth pitied him, but there was a part of her that was bitter. sal was at least *something.*

(and in regards to sal being trans... beth never knew about that, really, and as far as she knew, he was a cis woman forced to dress as a man to make money for their selfish irresponsible mom.)

then, when beth was 26, she had a drunken one-night stand with a man named robert, which resulted in her getting pregnant. robert gave her no way to contact him, and she couldn't find him in the end to tell him about his baby.

she didn't know what to do, and for a time she spiraled, terrified of what the future held. she couldn't have this baby! she couldn't be a mother. she didn't want to be a mother. but it seemed she didn't have much of a choice--abortion wasn't legal at this point, and beth couldn't in good conscience put the baby up for adoption.

eventually, she moved back in with her mom--anna seemed eager to meet her grandchild, enough so to forget about the previous animosity. by this point, sal had moved out entirely, but beth didn't pay much mind to that. she figured he was fine, happy somewhere with their uncle. aside from the money he sent each month to support her and their mom, she didn't care at all.

before she knew it, beth was back where she was before, living with a mother she constantly butted heads with. however, this time around, her priorities were different--she had her own kid to think about. beth was determined to be a better mother than anna, no matter what.

her daugher, allison, was born in early 1965, a tiny girl who screamed and wailed from the moment she was born. and beth... was apprehensive, but she loved this baby. and as she held her newborn, beth promised her in a quiet voice that she'd give her a good life. allison would never grow up feeling unimportant--beth would make sure of it.

in the years that followed, beth began throwing herself headlong into being a family woman. the same passion she once threw into activism was now dedicated to making sure this was a healthy, stable household for her daughter. she didn't always succeed, though, and in her desperation to make things be okay, she drove the family apart. martin moved back in for a short time, and he grew angry and bitter at her constant fretting that they needed to be a family and she needed to take care of them. she couldn't understand why he wouldn't cooperate with her, and he couldn't understand why she cared so much.

when her mom got sick, beth became even more entrenched in being a caretaker for those around her. she and her mom never got along, sure but the idea of living in a world without her made beth's head swim. she was constantly stressed trying to keep things together, but still, they fell apart.

in the mid 70s, beth ended up in a screaming argument with salvatore about this very issue. she thought he was being selfish for not wanting to come home and see their mom before she died, even though beth had once been the same way. by the end of the conversation, beth was in tears, and she told sal to go fuck himself. he told her to do the same. and they never spoke again.

beth kept living with her mother up until 1977, when allison was 12. that year, anna passed away. about a year before that, beth met a man named joey at her job as a waitress, and they'd hit it off right away. he was the new cook, and he was the first person in a long time to treat beth like she really mattered. they were fast friends, and they had a close bond. thicker than thieves in every sense of the word.

so, when beth came to joey in tears after her mother finally passed, joey had no problem moving beth and allison and into his place right away. not as a romantic thing, but to make sure his friend and her daughter would be okay. they had nowhere else to go, after all, and he had the space and money to be able to help them out.

beth, joey, and allison settled into their new life together gradually, soon becoming a close little family unit. joey and beth's relationship remained platonic for years, but they co-parented allison very well. for all intents and purposes, they were her parents.

to make things easier, eventually joey and beth decided to get married. not out of any romantic interest in each other, but just to make sure they could take care of allison and be there for each other. while living with joey, beth was allowed to really be herself, not forced to take care of everything and keep a splintering family together against all odds. it was... freeing. beth had two more children with joey (a boy named scott in 1979 and a girl named rebecca in 1982), though no romance blossomed between them still. they were happy to coparent as friends, with no spark of anything between them.

so freeing, in fact, that beth decided to leave the past behind. she wasn't interested in the sinking ship that was her old family--she had a new family, after all. one that loved and appreciated her.

still, she wanted to do right by her siblings, so she did keep in touch with them, to some degree. she never spoke to salvatore again, but she did send him one last letter that their mother had written him, as an attempt to offer some kind of closure. she never heard back, but she didn't think much of that.

... until sal went missing one year later. beth was shocked when she heard the news, and she spent the evening bawling into joey's chest. though she hadn't spoken to sal in years and had written off her old family for the most part, she couldn't help but wonder what could've been... sure, salvatore was an asshole, but still! it put something into perspective for beth: even if her old family was shit, they were still family, and she didn't want to lose them.

in the aftermath of salvatore's disappearance, beth reached out to martin, and the two started talking. they caught up, and over time they began to mend their damaged relationship. it wasn't perfect, especially because jesse never returned any calls from either of them, but it was real. the road was rocky, but it was there. for the first time in decades, beth's family began putting itself back together.

in modern day, beth is still married to joey, has retired from a fulfilling career as the manager of a grocery store, and her three children are now all adults with their own children. she is loved, and she is happy. she's had a lot of hardships in her life, but she's satisfied with where she is now.

martin burke - 1944-present (still alive)

(approximate faceclaim: paul blackthorne) (age in picrew: 33)

the youngest of the burke siblings, and the one who was hit hardest by their father's disappearance. martin always idolized their dad, and he never had much time to process that grief.

as a child, martin was always very kind and pacifistic, but both of those qualities certainly became less prominent with time. the older martin got, the angrier and angrier he became, and by the time he was an adult, he was *deeply* cynical and bitter towards those around him.

almost the moment he turned 18, martin left home to join the military. he grew up on stories about his cousin, scott, who was (in his father's words) a war hero during world war 2. martin was never close with scott, but he wanted to follow in his footsteps regardless.

after all, dad always talked about how great scott was. maybe becoming the kind of man his dad could be proud of would make martin feel closer to the old man.

anyway yeah lmao martin fought in the vietnam war. he was never particularly patriotic, but he went into the war thinking he'd be a *hero* and could *be a great man* just like scott. that didn't happen, though--instead, martin was severely injured in his first battle, and soon after he was medically discharged and sent home.

for the first few months after he came home, martin lived with his mom and sister beth while he recovered. his left leg was completely fucked, and ultimately it had to be amputated. he had to re-learn how to walk and function, and he also had to deal with his family.

during this time, he interacted with salvatore a few times, and he grew to resent sal for the pure, simple fact that sal had an *out.* he didn't *have* to be there, because he had a *job* and a *life* and *friends* who loved him, and he could just fucking go and never come back.

one day, martin met a man named carson, a nurse at the local hospital who was charged with helping martin with his physical therapy. immediately, martin was a huge dick to him--what kind of man took a job as a fucking *nurse* outside of combat?

carson quickly put that bitch in his place and martin shut his mouth REAL fast haha!

eventually, carson and martin became very close, and over the course of several years, they fell in love. eventually, they moved in together in the late 70s. after that, martin mostly stopped talking to his mother and sister, though he keeps in touch sometimes. he's much happier with carson's family.

when sal went missing in the 80s, martin was... unsurprised, but he was definitely upset by it. for a good few weeks, he wondered what could've been if he'd stayed in touch. maybe he could've done something. ultimately, though, he decided to just... move on and not dwell on it too much. enjoy the moment with the love of his life.

he had similar reactions to the deaths of jesse and his mom--sure, it sucked, but he had to keep going. and at least he had carson to lean on, as well as other friends he made over the years.

carson and martin are like... that old gay couple that's been together for decades, married in all but name. they're bonded for life, and they're enjoying growing old together with their dogs. (they have six dogs total: bandit, roger, pirate, zeus, ziggy, and princess)

modern day martin is still a little jackass, but he's settled down. he's no longer as angry and bitter, and now he's just like. a sweet old man.

#❝ ain't no jesus here‚ billy boy ❞ 「 ooc 」 #❝ there i was‚ a gangster turned vampire on the loose ❞ 「 headcanons 」 #//CHRIST THIS IS SO FUCKING LONGGGGG #//GODDDDDD #//anyway. not making separate tags for his siblings i think #//at least not right now #//walking into the ocean btw #drugs cw #suicide cw #terminal illness cw #abuse cw #transphobia cw #//the transphobia is the most minor of these #//and the suicide is more implied- #//intended to imply that jesse took his own life ultimately

[weirdcat1213]

ok i have an oreo on one hand and a shark plushie on the other, lets do this

trimax volume 8 (pls dont hurt me)

thoughts

BUT BEFORE THAT, ACTUAL QUESTION: how are the 1st timers holding up? yall doing good?

ok now long post is here

chap 1:

-oh that title page its SO FUCKING GOOD

-MY BOI HES HERE

-oh hes not....doing it by choice.....oh

-legato looking like a pizza pocket is the comedy relief we all need tbh

-GET HIS ASS VASH GET HIS ASSSSS

-oh my geesus i heard that, i felt that shit

-"they abuse us" and here you are knives...doing the same shit

-OH THANK GOD YOURE HERE

-could you look less happy while doing this shit knives? pls?

-something something divine punishment from the skies, something something yeah ofc not anyone can do that shit

-oh hey why is he with them i actually forgot

-aw :3 i wonder who taught him to not shoot to kill :3

-also pls leave him alone hes not just a killer pls youre hurting my feelings-

-:c

-STOP VASH DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT HOLY SHIT

-rem mention :c

-knives can you stop being right for a second, thanks

-the arm...wow

-OH YES ITS THIS MOMENT YES

-i dont remember what the other translation said but "that was the day we both lost our minds"....yeah im gonna sit with this one for a bit and cry cuz its true, they did

-oh yeah i didnt get this the 1st time lets try again :D

-ohhhhh....oh shit

-i hate siding with knives on this chapter but i cant help it. i also love the idea of being even

-also he looks so fucking cool while being evil, cool points for you knives

-"invasion" and it ends with him looking at the stars/nightsky? brilliant

chap 2:

-STOP BEING RIGHT KNIVES

-ALSO STOP DISTRACTING ME FROM WOLFWOOD TIME

-ah yes, the classic, sweetest, full of angst potential "i will remind of you of your home and how you dont belong there anymore" card, good to see you here

-oh god i forgot about this part, geesus

-ah crap i love this tho, gives you time to actually take in everything that knives is causing. its so easy to gloss over it with some quick panels but to actually take the time...i love it

-ok ik they get absorbed by knives but the idea of them flying away and being free (for a bit) is so pretty, im happy for them

-...geesus christ

-YES MY GIRLSSSSSSSSS :D

-it makes you wonder what they did to stay alive actually, like you never think of that stuff ig

chap 3:

-wait they didnt know???? hold up....yeah ig that makes sense but...hmmm

-YEAH YOU TELL THEM LUIDA >:D

-:c

-ALSO interesting how the borders didnt go black to represent a flashback, so maybe it wants to show how present is that memory in luida's mind. wow

-"maybe hes been waiting for us to come and help him" aaaand thats enough to make me tear up, im the weakest bitch on the planet let me tell you

-YES SEE LUIDA GETS IT

-GET WRECKED BY THE EXISTENCE OF GOOD PEOPLE ASSHOLE

-OH MAN HES BREAKING

-COOL ASS PANEL ALSO

-oh shit so he hit some plants oh shit oh damn

-AH SHIT

-omg she looks so epic while killing people <3

-THERE HE IS HERE WE GO YES GO GET YOUR HUSBAND

-oh look its the man in the tin can lmao

chap 4:

-KILL HIM WOLFWOOD KILL HIM

-HALF A YEAR???? damn i always forget, this is still going at the speed of light tho

-aw no :c my baby :c

-then again i like that you can see that even if it was just half a year (literally nothing for vash) it still caused him pain and suffering, 10/10

-GEESUS BRO HE JUST GOT FREE

-oh shit oh shit no

-im not really sure how he escaped legato but im glad :D also vash is longgggg i lvoe it :3

-well thats just depressing livio

-pls leave livio

-KILL HIM KILL HIMMMM

-ok but vash being basically a ragdoll rn while wolfwood is fighting and bleeding breaks my heart let me tell you

-wolfwood shut the hell up ok? shut up, i dont wanna hear it

-oh im going insane :) i hate wolfwood so much rn (his crime was to say sad things)

-OH IT WAS HERE I ACTUALLY FORGOT THIS WAS THE MOMENT AWWW HOLY SHIT MY BOY

-YES SAVE YOUR HUSBAND

-"youre not lost wolfwood" wolfwood saying all that shit outloud and IK FOR A FACT vash's heart almost broke ik it i feel it

-baby dont apologize :c

-............................................................ :c

-ah fuck hes here

-WAIT HOLY SHIT THAT LIKE SHADOW OF LIGHT???? AMAZING???

-oh oh im sick to my little stomach i fear oh geesus my boy, my baby, im so happy that wolfwood is all you need but also im so sad you dont have anything else, do i make sense?

-threatening you brother and begging him to not sacrifice himself in the same breath...knives the plant that you are

-woooooooooooooooooooooooooow i love that shit, hes so little...

-PLS GOD LET THIS BE IN STAMPEDE PLS PLS I WANT A SCENE WITH BOTH OF THEM IN THE SKY SO BAD PLSSSS

-im not entirely sure what is happening but damn thats nasty

-NO DONT FUCKING SAY THAT

chap 5:

-LMAO HIS FACE XD

-welp...this is terrible

-nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :c

-oh righttttt, i forgot about that plan, so thats why people called him chapel

-oh that panel with livio thats fucking brutal geesus nightow. like the old livio seems so pure and far away while the current livio is so violent and present

-my god he looks like shit

-MARLONNNNNNNNNNNNN :D

-oh meryl my girl :'3 omg shes the best

-im so depressed rn :D

-idc if hes rotting, sadly the man looks majestic af

-ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh ok

-NO DONT LEAVE PLS DONT FUCKING LEAVE PLS NO STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY

OH SHIT THIS IS FREE BIRD OH SHIT OH NO HELP HELPPPPPPPPPPPP

free bird time ig:

-freeeee biiiiird yeaah tururururururu

-wdym congratulations cmon man

-oh honey......

-awww :c

-oh wow now im DEPRESSED :D

-ugh that fucking face

-hes so cool sometimes >:D

-aw you made her cry :c

-"tired of filling a space in other peoples lives"....hmmmm

-aw :c

I hate whats coming i fucking swear.

#trigun #trimax #trigun maximum #trigunbookclub #this shit has me fearing for my life for reasons i wont mention #but MAN CAN WE GO BACK TO LIKE #VOLUME 1 #OF TRIGUN #PLS #PLS IM SO SCARED

[bby-calum]

Unexpected - S.M

a/n: hello! my first shawn imagine in a longgggg while. I hope you guys like this angst/fluff let me know!

word count: 1,678

masterlist: (x)

request: I was wondering if you could do an imagine where Shawn and y/n have an argument in public and try to keep it discreet but then y/n storms off and Shawn goes after her andthe paps have pics and video and it’s all over Twitter by the end of the day. Also could the ending have pure fluff?

synopsis: You and Shawn get into a heated argument in public. You’re sick of him prioritising his work over you, but he insists it’s all for a good reason. Has he pushed you too far?

“Jesus Christ, y/n. Talk to me, please,” Shawn begged quietly from the opposite side of the booth the two of you were sat in. You stirred your milkshake idly with the paper straw, trying your best to ignore your boyfriend. “Look, I’m sorry okay. Whatever it is I’ve done, I’m sorry.” You could tell he was growing frustrated. You hadn’t said anything for over ten minutes.

“You’re always fucking sorry,” you mumbled. You closed your eyes and sighed deeply. You looked up at his face. His jaw was clenched, his nostrils flaring and the vein on his forehead was visible. He was angry. “I’m sick of it Shawn.”

“Sick of what?” He said, exasperated.

The truth was, the past few weeks, Shawn hadn’t been the best boyfriend. He’d been letting you down more frequently than not, cancelling plans or forgetting to even tell you he couldn’t make it. He favoured the studio over nights spent with you. The only reason he was here in this diner with you now was because you had told him you needed ‘crisis talks’. He knew something was wrong, but wasn’t quite sure what was upsetting you so much.

You laughed sadly. “You don’t even know what you’ve done wrong!” Your voice was raised slightly. Shawn didn’t want things to escalate in public, especially since he’d noticed the group of teenage girls that just entered the diner clock him.

“Can you just tell me what’s going on, babe,” he said quietly, attempting to hold your hand across the table. You pulled your hands away quickly, leaving them to rest in your lap. “Please, baby.” His voice cracked as he fought back tears, causing an ache in your chest. 

Avoiding eye contact, you fixed your gaze on the traffic outside in the busy streets. “I feel like I don’t even know you anymore, Shawn. Every time we make plans, you cancel, or I show up and wait for two hours before you even reply to my texts to tell me you’re not going to make it. I’m never invited to the studio anymore. You’re being so fucking distant and I’m sat at home ripping myself to shreds trying to figure out what it is I’m doing wrong.” There was a short pause before Shawn opened his mouth to say something. You stopped him before he could. “And don’t you dare say it’s because of your fucking job.”

“But it is!” he defended. You grabbed your bag from the seat next to you and stormed out, not once looking behind you to see if you had followed. “Y/n,” he called. “Jesus,” he mumbled under his breath, grabbing a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and leaving it on the table before racing outside after you. He had noticed the group of girls from earlier had their phones out recording what had just happened, but he didn’t even care that this would probably end up all over the internet later, he just needed his girl back.

He watched you close the door of the cab you just hailed and tried his best to keep up with it as the vehicle sped away. He only managed a few seconds before the cab was already out of his sight. 

“Fuck!” he shouted, earning disapproving glances from people passing by. His hands ran through his hair, tugging at the strands as he attempted to steady his breathing, to no avail. “Fuck,” he said again, quieter this time. 

Shawn thought about the past month or so, realising now how bad it had looked. Yes, he had been rather distant, but that was only because he was so engrossed with the project he was currently working on. He wanted to finish it as soon as possible so he could share it with you. 

He was still frustrated that you had thought he was distancing himself to hurt you - you’d kick yourself once you found out, he knew that. He was angry at himself though, angry that he had let it get this way. Shawn punched the lamppost to his left, immediately regretting his decision. A woman gasped as she walked past the sorry sight of Shawn taking his anger out on the metal post. He nursed his throbbing hand, cursing, and hailed the next cab. 

Once he arrived at the apartment you shared, Shawn was disappointed to see you weren’t here. He pulled his phone out from his jeans pocket, about to call you, but was distracted by the flood of text messages from his manager. There were screenshots of hundreds of tweets by fans, all talking about the argument you and him had just had in public. Those girls in the diner, Shawn thought, they must had already posted those videos of the two of you heatedly discussing your relationship. He opened the Twitter app, and there it was, the video of you storming out of the diner and him chasing after you. They’d even managed to record him punching the lamppost. He winced watching the footage, it reminded him how badly his hand was hurting. 

An ice pack held to his hand, Shawn dialled your number. To his surprise, you picked up. He prayed you hadn’t seen the footage on Twitter. “What, Shawn?” your tone was icy. It pained him. “What do you want?”

“Just tell me where you are, babe, please. Please just let me explain. I need to see you.” Shawn was desperate now, he couldn’t lose you. It killed him seeing you so upset and angry with him.

“I’m at my mom’s,” you finally said. 

“I’m on my way,” he said, grabbing his backpack and stuffing inside his laptop and the gift he was planning on giving to you tonight.

~

Knocking on the door of your mother’s house with his good hand, Shawn chewed his bottom lip nervously. Waiting for your mother to open the front door felt like a lifetime. 

“She’s upstairs,” your mother told him. He charged up the stairs and into your room, not bothering to knock on your childhood bedroom door. You were sat on the edge of your bed, cheeks tearstained and eyes bloodshot. 

“Y/n,” he said, his voice wobbling as he tried to control his emotions. 

“What is going on, Shawn?” you asked. “What have I done that’s made you want to push me away?” Shawn made his way over to you, enveloping you in his strong arms. You tried to fight his touch, but it was no use. Instead you sank into his body, sobbing into his chest. 

“Nothing,” he blinked tears away. “Baby, y/n, I promise, you haven’t done a single thing wrong. I was just waiting for the right time to show you what I’ve been working on.”

“What are you talking about?”

Shawn sighed. “Look, yes, now I realise that I probably haven’t gone about this the best way. But there is good reason as to why you haven’t been invited to the studio recently. And I’m sorry I’ve been flaking on you so much, I didn’t even realise how much I was doing it. I was just so excited to get this record finished. I- it’s for you, babe. The sooner I got it finished, the sooner I could ask you- look,” he shrugged the backpack from his shoulders and pulled his laptop out. Logging on, he opened a file titled ‘WYMM’. “I was going to wait till tonight to show you this, but, well- I don’t know. I finished it yesterday. It’s ready. Just watch,” he instructed. 

Before you on the laptop screen was a video Shawn had made, compiled of short clips he had taken on his phone of you when you hadn’t noticed. It was a film of your happiest moments as a couple, staying up late in his old apartment, watching the sunset together at the beach, travelling the world together, moving in to the new apartment together, that time he pulled you on stage in front of thousands of people just to tell everyone how much he loved you. Over the video was a track you hadn’t heard before, a love song, sung by Shawn. 

It was beautiful.

At the end of the video, text reading ‘look behind you’ came up on screen. Confused, you turned around, seeing only the headboard of your bed.

“Oh,” Shawn said hastily. “Well, uhm, when I was going to show you this, tonight, erm, I was going to be behind you, on one knee, and, wait a sec,” Shawn delved back into his backpack, pulling out a small velvet box.

“Shawn,” you said, shocked and confused as you realised what was happening. 

“-and then I was going to ask you to marry me.” Shawn opened up the box, revealing the most beautiful engagement ring you had ever seen. You were speechless. Shawn cleared his throat. “I get that I’ve been a bit of a dick recently, I didn’t mean to, I promise. I’ve been working a lot, I know. But I bought this ring last month and then I had this idea about this video and this song and I just wanted it finished as quick as I could so I could ask you to be my wife.”

Tears were falling down your cheeks again, but this time with happiness.

“And I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry for upsetting you so much,” he continued. “But y/n, baby, please, will you marry me?”

“God, I feel so stupid,” you laughed, wiping the tears from your cheeks as Shawn looked at you expectantly. “Yes. Yes I’ll marry you.”

Shawn smiled and kissed you hard before pushing the ring onto the fourth finger of your left hand. It fit perfectly. After a few minutes of ‘I love you’s and passionate kisses, you noticed Shawn’s hand, bruised and bloody.

“Jesus, baby, what happened?” You asked, inspecting the damage.

“Lamppost,” he shrugged. 

“Let me clean it up for you,” you said, standing up to find the first aid kit buried in one of your drawers.

“Thank you, my fiancée,” he said, making you smile. 

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes angst #boyfriend!shawn #shawn #sm #my works #shawn fluff #shawn imagine

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

Against Expectations

fuck i hope u guys are happy you made me finish it even tho it’s crappy so here take it @not-close-to-straight @reioka @thealextheshipper 

I made a new post because it is longgggg but here take it. Trigger Warning for self-depreciating and depressive thoughts and negative body image

It was expected that Tony didn’t have any pools or hot tubs, after Afghanistan. It was also expected that he wouldn’t want to expose himself all that much with the arc reactor. And before... before it hadn’t mattered. The girls he slept with didn’t care at all, and he never left the lights on and they were always too drunk to remember, so it never mattered much.

It was completely humiliating, absolutely disgusting. His body was ugly. He hated to look at it. He only thanked God that they were all easy to hide.

And no one questioned the fact that he never talked about it with them, because he acted as if he had no heart in the first place, and he was good at that. He always had been. It was self preservation.

It was honestly ridiculous. It defied all logic and everything he knew, and he hated that, and he hated that he couldn’t fix it, and he hated that he hated his body.

Because it hadn’t been hard to hide before the Avengers. A bit of makeup here and there, and that was that. But now... now he was terrified. Completely mortified someone would discover that Tony Stark had a heart, and it was far, far too big to be contained behind the arc reactor.

Ana and Edwin’s names had appeared first. He was four, five maybe. Those were both written just under the waistband of his jeans, easy to hide. He had been completely ecstatic that the two people who he cared about most, who cared about him most, who took care of him through sickness and sadness when his parents were away, were his soulmates. They were, understandably, surprised that their names had been scrawled across the hips of their young master. He could see their shock the first time he told them, and was afraid he had done something wrong, but they recovered quickly, and never treated him any differently. They were affectionate, and he never questioned why they asked him to keep it a secret, because they knew what was best for him. It was only later when he learned how incredibly unusual it was, not only because of the age, not only because there were two of them, but because his was not on their skin. He only found out after their deaths. When lovers asked, he told them they were real tattoos he had gotten to honor some people he’d lost. They didn’t question it.

JARVIS was next. At first he was confused, mortified and completely humiliated that an A.I. could be his soulmate. That wasn’t possible, was it? Perhaps his soul was different. He had been broken upon creation, the marks on his skin didn’t mean anything. That was printed along his right shoulder, easy to hide with some good makeup, and it became part of his morning routine to cover the mark. JARVIS knew, obviously, because JARVIS could see it whenever it wasn’t covered. But the A.I. never mentioned it. Maybe his computer was just as stumped as he was.

Rhodey was soon after that, a practiced signature on the inside of his right wrist. Mortification morphed into humiliation and he was so, so very confused. Because really, he didn’t think about Rhodey like that. Yes, he loved Rhodey, but not in a way that he was told soulmates were supposed to, and he knew for a fact Rhodey didn’t feel that way about him. He began designing his own makeup to cover the marks, almost irremovable, waterproof and smudge proof.

Yinsen was a surprise, and took him off guard, when he found the small scrawl near the edge of his arc reactor. Luckily, it looked enough like discolored skin that no one, Yinsen or anyone else, gave it the second look to see what it really was, but perhaps that plagued him as much as anything else when he got back. And the fact that he had lost him. He covered that name out of self preservation, and wished there was a way to cut it out of him.

Perhaps it said something that Obie’s name never appeared on his skin. Perhaps his soul knew what his brain didn’t. But he couldn’t help but think that the names were mocking him -- he had never met anyone with his name as well. They meant nothing. They were only a cause of pain. He started to hate his own skin.

Pepper’s was the only one he felt no desire to cover up. He wore it loud and proud, front and center over his heart, her loopy scrawl perfect with a small heart over his own. He loved it, and the way Pepper lit up whenever she saw it. But the longer their relationship went on, the more the mark seemed to pain her, and he started to hate that one as well. He never let her see his others. He couldn’t hurt her like that. He would suffer alone.

He never asked her where his name was, if she even had it.

Happy’s was small and unobtrusive, on his chest just under his right arm. Professional, looping, ridiculous. This was getting ridiculous!

Coulson was never meant to appear, but he did. The name never faded after the agent’s death, and that’s when Tony knew he was completely broken. He didn’t like going to doctors, seeing their faces when they noticed his many names. Often tears dripped down onto the signature on his left thigh, when he knew he was broken and the world was against him. That didn’t matter, because the makeup was waterproof, but he knew it was there, as strong as ever even after the shattering death. None of it made sense, but he supposed it wasn’t supposed to. It was only the universe toying with him.

He felt Steve’s name appear on him the first time they met eyes, a sharp burning along his right collar, and Jesus Christ he had never been more glad for the cut of his shirts, because otherwise that would be incredibly difficult to hide. Steve’s was neat, unobtrusive, uniform and perfect. Just like the man. And he hated it. And he hated himself. He started waking up earlier and covering up more carefully.

Bruce’s shaved itself into his skin when Hulk woke him up after the Battle of Manhattan, an untidy scrawl along the left side of his stomach, and that was when he vowed he would never take his shirt off in front of them. He would wear an undershirt with a hole cut out so they could access the arc reactor if necessary, although he didn’t particularly want them seeing the arc reactor either, but he was completely convinced no amount of makeup could cover his self hatred and shame.

Shawarma afterwards, with the others dozing around him as he carefully shifted his ribs to see if he could take the suit off; that was when the rest appeared, a physical pain that almost tore at his heart in complete disgrace. He managed not to let it show. He found them in the mirror later, in the dead of night when only JARVIS could see; Thor’s blocky letters on the back of his left shoulder, Natasha’s professional cursive on the inside of his right thigh, and Clint, damn him, had taken up residence with a tramp stamp, because of course he had.

He couldn’t let them see. No way he would let them see.

Being the master of masks and excuses, he always managed to wheedle his way out of group activities which involved any sort of skin exposure, and perhaps the others caught on to it, because Pepper started making more comments about how nice his body was and he had the sneaking suspicion they had been talking to her behind his back. Luckily Pepper was normally too busy for sex, or too much enjoying herself to look closely. He was starting to slip, and he knew it. There was too much responsibility, too much shame, too many flashbacks and too much heartache, and too many names, and he couldn’t cover them all, hell he couldn’t even reach Thor’s and Clint’s.

And then Bucky. Sweet, broken Bucky. Stumbling into the tower one day beat up and bloody, ready to spill secrets and sins and begging for respite. Tony was nearly as hysterical as Barnes at that point, if he was being honest, and meeting his eyes...

It seared across the back of his neck, possessive, right under his hairline. It was covered, thank God. The only way he could see it was for JARVIS to take a picture for him. Bucky’s handwriting was neat, surprisingly so, with a bit of a shake at the end of the ‘y’ and ‘s’ in his name.

And then Pepper, leaving.

And then. And then. And then.

And he was tired. He was so tired. He had lived a long time, too long, he should be dead, why wasn’t he dead, why couldn’t he stop living on borrowed time. And it didn’t matter anymore, it didn’t.

He was careless.

He got drunk.

He washed clean.

And the next morning, there was an attack. He went to battle like that, in his boxers inside the suit. And that... that was a mistake. That was the biggest mistake of his life.

Of course it was some magic user, of course they had teamed up with MODOK. It hurt, Jesus Christ the others didn’t understand, it hurt to be torn out of the armor like that, to have the reactor strain in his chest to remain where it was supposed to be. To fall in a heap on the pavement, exposed to the world. To look up and realize that there was no way you could hide anymore.

Somewhere, distantly, Bucky screamed in rage. Natasha was cursing in various languages. Hulk was making the buildings shake with his anger.

Tony’s shoulders trembled. They had seen. There was no mistaking that they had seen. God, he doesn’t have to look, those reactions are clear enough. They hate him. He’s such a fucking freak.

JARVIS showed up to defend him, his spare suits flying in rage and glory. Beautiful. At least the things Tony made were beautiful. At least the things Tony made had to love him.

He sat there, cold, crying, until hands started to touch his shoulders, guide him to his feet. The team. They were staring at him. Of course they were. He was a freak.

But then Bucky reverently touched the back of his neck, hands shaking, where he knew the man’s name to reside. And their expressions all morphed into something Tony wasn’t adept enough in emotions to read, gently trailing their fingers over their names. Bruce was wrapped in a blanket and started to cry.

“Oh, Tony. Oh, Tony!”

Tony shivered. He knew it was disgusting. They didn’t have to cry about it.

“Coulson,” Clint breathed, tracing gently over the name, making Tony shudder with his touch.

“He’s dead,” Tony responded, his voice cracking, and the tears were back, God, how embarrassing could he be? “He’s dead. I’m a freak. I know. Please. Please don’t leave. I don’t have anything left.”

Steve frowned, glancing up at the others, before carefully rolling up his right sleeve, licking his thumb and rubbing at the skin there on his wrist. And Tony watched, not sure what he was feeling, as his name appeared like magic. Small, neat, like he had been taught by his father. Unobtrusive. Permanent. Binding.

And he watched in wonder, as the others held out their right arms, rolling up their sleeves and rubbing at the makeup there, and his name... His name... There were so many names. One on each of them. Oh God, how had he not known?

“We didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Bucky breathed, his voice as reverent as his touch. “God, Tony, you... You’ve been hiding this all this time?” Tony nodded, his throat thick, his eyes hot.

“It’s disgusting.” It came out more like a cracking question. Natasha, who hadn’t taken her fingers off her name, rubbing over it endearingly, shook her head.

“Beautiful,” she breathed.

Tony cried.

#long post #fuck it im not cutting it #soulmate au #polyamory #tony stark #tony stark x the avengers #talon writes #marvel fic #marvel fanfic #against expectations #collecting names #jarvis #bucky barnes