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Luigi: Liaison of Ghosts Chapter 5.4 - Hey! Creatures! Leave Them Kids Alone!

MP - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5.1 -5.2 - 5.3 - (5.4) - 6 - 7.1 - 7.2 - 7.3 - 7.4 - 7.5

Part 4 of 10

[Prefer to read on ao3? Click here]

In which the final kid is found and Luigi deals with ghostly back-talk (and not in the way you think).

When Luigi re-enters the house, he immediately notices that the atmosphere feels, for lack of a better word, lighter. The oppressive energy from before has almost completely dissipated, like a heavy fog burning away in the morning sun. It’s incredible how much a difference it makes now that the home has four less entities darkening its halls. The improvement is welcoming, but Luigi doesn’t allow it to lower his guard.

Pepper once again leads the charge, snout to the ground as he tracks Gooigi’s scent. They trek silently through the halls, Luigi staying extra vigilant as the Polterpup focuses on their task. Soon, the duo find themselves at the bottom of a narrow staircase.

So, they’re on the second story, are they? It makes sense, now that Luigi thinks about it. Koojo had implied the summoning had taken place in a room upstairs.

Pepper abruptly leaps up onto the fourth step. They pause and turn around, looking at the plumber expectantly. Luigi holsters the Poltergust’s wand and silently ascends after them. He can’t help but wonder if the stairs have been tampered with—another haunting classic among ghosts and spirits. The thought has Luigi suddenly gripping the railing like a lifeline, memories of steps folding unnaturally like blinds in a window drifting to the forefront of his mind. He rather not have friction burns added to the growing list of tonight’s endured abuse.

A low growl pulls Luigi from his scrutiny of the old planks. His head snaps up to find Pepper just one step shy from the landing. The spectral canine's tail is low, though not tucked, and had the spirit possessed proper ears, Luigi is certain they would be drawn back. Luigi’s brows furrow with concern and trepidation. With each ghost he captured, Pepper had slowly begun to relax until they were more like their happy, go-lucky self. To see them so suddenly back on edge does not bode well.

“Pepper?” Luigi whispers, cautiously approaching the spirit, “What’s wrong?"

The Polterpup gives no indication that they heard him. Then, without warning, they leap the remaining distance to the second story landing. The air ripples around the spectral canine, and they vanish before they even touch the floor.

Now, disappearing from the visible spectrum is not exactly an unusual thing for spirits—especially Pepper—but Luigi knows magic-based shenanigans when he sees it. The Polterpup didn’t turn invisible, they were forcibly displaced.

The spirit canine had passed through a portal.

Luigi swears under his breath. He doesn’t have the tools to determine the nature of the portal—where it leads, if it is a one-way trip—and he doesn’t have the time to retrieve them. Still, it would be foolish to proceed without at least informing the professor of the situation. Luigi pulls out his battered phone and sends E. Gadd a quick update (as well as a silent thanks for “hero-proofing” the device). With that done, the plumber cautiously ascends the remaining steps. He hesitates at the landing.

He steps forward.

A fragile veil shatters like glass, and a thick miasma crashes into him like a wave. It’s as if Luigi had walked out into a blizzard after spending hours in a sauna. The air practically vibrates with negative energy, and the pressure is borderline suffocating. Luigi braces himself against a wall as he takes a moment to catch his breath and adjust to the staggering change in atmosphere.

And he thought the first floor had been bad.

Luigi has dealt with his fair share of dark entities in the past, but he can’t recall a ghost with this kind of power. Spirits, yes, but they didn’t usually exude such… malice. Not even King Boo. As difficult as it is for Luigi to admit, the spectral monarch isn’t necessarily evil. An egomaniacal jerk, certainly, but not evil. This ghost? Well, the plumber understands now why Nolem had been so disturbed by it.

Luigi distantly wonders how his partner felt when he had first breached the delicate barrier. As a supernatural entity himself, it may not have been as harsh, but certainly disconcerting. The plumber shudders involuntarily at the thought of what the kid must have endured. They would have adapted to it by now, but paranormal miasmas like this are especially taxing if you lack any experience with them.

Luigi straightens and gives his head a clearing shake. He fully turns around, not surprised, but no less uneasy to find the stairs are gone. In its place is a wall. When he reaches out to touch it, he finds it is completely solid—the portal had been one-way after all. On a whim, Luigi retrieves his phone and attempts to contact the professor. There isn’t the faintest signal. Luigi sighs, thankful that he had the foresight to contact his mentor before entering the unknown. He pockets the now useless device and begins making his way down the empty hallway.

There’s no turning back now.

Luigi silently takes in his surroundings as he goes. The walls are sparsely decorated with family photos and tasteful paintings. The jade-green wallpaper beneath them is minutely faded, but Luigi gets the impression that’s intentional. A plush, wine-red rug lies beneath his feet, narrowly concealing the worn floorboards below.

Luigi grimaces at the color-scheme. Definitely not to his taste, but he isn’t here to critique interior design.

The plumber pauses at an intersection in the hall, looking down each of the alternate paths with a frown. It’s unnervingly quiet, and there’s no visible abnormalities to indicate where the ghosts or wayward spirit hound may have gone.

Visible…

Luigi retrieves the Poltergust's wand from its holster and activates the Dark-Light. He aims the beam downward and sweeps it along the floor. Sure enough, a set of glowing paw prints shimmer into view, trailing down the adjacent hallway. With a silent cheer, Luigi follows Pepper's tracks.

The prints lead Luigi to the end of the hall and take a sharp left. Luigi silently follows, distantly noting that the trail has intermittent gaps near areas where the hallways branch off. Time passes. After turning what feels like the dozenth corner, Luigi finally stops—struck dumb by a new development.

The tracks are now pointing toward him.

Luigi frowns. He has been diligently following the paw prints, never straying from their path, and there’s no shift in the tracks to indicate Pepper had changed direction. So far, it’s been an oddly straight trail. The plumber turns in place and shines the Dark-Light down on the carpet behind him. He is further baffled to find the tracks abruptly end at the corner he had just rounded.

Luigi tears his eyes from the anomaly to properly inspect his surroundings. Now that he is paying closer attention, Luigi realizes that the hallway feels oddly familiar. The placement of the doors, the console table adorned with family photos, the painting of a lush meadow... he’s been here before. How had he gotten so turned around? It’s a large house, sure, but the plumber has navigated sprawling manors with little difficulty—this should be nothing in comparison.

Unless...

Dread settles in Luigi’s stomach as a theory pops into his mind. Without a word, Luigi returns the Poltergust’s wand to its holster and takes off down the hall. He turns left when it intersects with another hall, and again at the next corner. If he’s picturing the floorplan in his head correctly, he is currently in a hall that runs parallel to his starting point. Luigi turns right—

—and finds himself at the end of a very familiar hallway.

Luigi stares at the meadow painting with a neutral expression, but internally, he is screaming. The path he took should have led him away from here. It makes no logical sense that he ended up back where he started. But logic has no place here, Luigi realizes. Not where the paranormal are concerned.

There’s not a doubt in Luigi’s mind; the hallways have been enchanted. Specifically, where they intersect. Tracking Pepper is going to be next to impossible unless Luigi can establish a pattern.

He decides to first test the enchantment’s consistency. Will taking the same path yield the same results? The plumber dashes down the hall and turns left as he had before. He nearly trips when he winds up right where he came from.

Luigi glares at the meadow painting as if it had personally offended him. The drop-off points are indeed inconsistent. For clarity’s sake, he retraces his steps to see if it makes any impact. This time, Luigi ends up in a different hallway, one he doesn’t recognize. He can say this with confidence, because this one has an onion lying in the middle of the floor, and he would have certainly remembered passing that little oddity. 1

So much for finding a pattern.

Luigi distantly recalls a towering hotel and a floor ruled by a trio of ghostly magicians. How he traveled from room-to-nonsensical-room in search of the next elevator button. At one point, the triplets had placed an enchantment on the doorways, and the plumber found himself entering bathrooms instead of hallways, and stages instead of suites. There had seemed to be no rhyme or reason to where the doors led, but they had at least stayed consistent—the path remaining the same when he found himself backtracking.

Whatever spell this ghost is using is completely random. There's no puzzle for Luigi to solve, and that just makes things infinitely more difficult.

A familiar bark at his left quickly pulls Luigi from his silent musing. He whirls to the sound and is beyond relieved to find his canine companion sitting halfway down the adjacent passageway. Luigi moves to join them, but hesitates at the threshold of the intersecting halls, afraid he will be thrown into a new area should he dare cross. Seeing his hesitation, the Polterpup confidently trots up to the plumber and tugs on his pant leg until he crosses over the metaphorical line. Pepper releases their hold and dashes back down the hall with a bark of encouragement. The plumber casts a furtive glance over his shoulder, bemused.

Why hadn’t the enchantment worked that time?

Luigi quietly approaches Pepper, offering the latter a hushed reprimand for running off. His half-hearted scolding sputters out as he takes notice of what has captured the canine's attention. The pup is plopped before an innocuous, oak door. There aren’t any visible barriers, and the plumber doesn’t feel any malicious energy warning off potential intruders. While relieving, it doesn’t ease the trepidation settling in the plumber’s gut. He glances at the Polterpup; they don’t appear to be bothered by whatever lay on the other side of this door. Luigi cautiously grasps the handle, and when it offers no resistance, he opens the door.

The plumber isn’t sure what he expected to find on the other side—other than an angry ghost—but a cramped hall closet certainly wouldn’t have been his first guess. He is greeted by an assortment of coats, shoes, and—to his quiet amusement—a vacuum cleaner. Luigi quirks a brow at the bland discovery. Why did Pepper lead him to a closet? What was he supposed to find here?

Luigi reaches toward the wall of coats, intending to part them, when something suddenly lunges from the storage space’s depths.

“Take this, evil ghost!"

Luigi narrowly avoids being brained by a swinging clothes iron. When his attacker misses, their forward momentum sends them crashing to the floor in a heap. Luigi hastily steps back but pauses in his retreat as he takes in the ambusher’s appearance.

They’re a Doogan—an adolescent with russet fur and pale blue eyes. The longer patch of hair on their head is hidden by a baseball cap bearing a team mascot Luigi doesn’t recognize, presumably from the kid’s school.

Pepper curiously sniffs at the fallen teen. The Doogan scoots away with a startled yelp, holding the clothing iron up like a shield. “Stay back!” he barks. “I’m warning you!”

When Pepper ignores the threat and steps a little closer, the teenager thrusts his unconventional means of defense out to deflect them. Pepper, rather unimpressed, simply catches the ironing tool in his maw. The Doogan fumbles his hold in surprise. With a shake of Pepper’s head, the iron goes flying back into the closet.

The teen looks between his discarded weapon and the Polterpup with wide eyes. “What the—? Why didn’t it work?! I thought ghosts couldn’t stand iron!" 2

“Iron, as in the metal,” Luigi corrects, somewhat amused, “not the tool you use to get wrinkles out of clothes. Also, iron isn’t as effective as folklore makes it out to be.”

“Oh." The teen frowns to himself. “I knew I should have tried to whittle a stake instead."

“...where are you getting your paranormal information from?"

“The s/cryptids page on the ‘seenit’ forum. Those guys really seemed to know their stuff, so I, uh..." They trail off, looking up at the plumber with sudden recognition. “Star bits and pieces—you’re Luigi.” The teen smiles, laughing nervously. “Luigi’s in my house. I’m being rescued by one of the Mario Brothers. This is awesome."

Luigi can’t help but smile back, amused by the reaction. Mario faces star-struck gawping almost every day, but for Luigi, such encounters are still largely novel (he honestly doesn’t know how his brother handles it). “You must be Dane."

“Wha—Oh! Yeah, that’s me. Dane—Dane Pawper. Well, my parents named me Larry, so my full name is Larry Dane Pawper but who wants to go by Larry?" He blinks, suddenly looking embarrassed. “Sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous."

“No worries, I’m the same way." Luigi offers Dane his hand to help the teen up. They happily accept the offer, but grimace as they feel his damp glove.

“Hey, why are you all wet?” Dane asks, brow raised.

“I shower with my clothes on.”

That startles a laugh out of the teen, and Luigi is grateful they hadn’t been put off by his flat tone. Sometimes his sense of humor comes off as a touch derisive, even if it’s not his intention.

“No, but seriously, what happened?” The teen glances up and down the hall, as if searching for the cause of Luigi’s saturated state. “Did one of our pipes burst again?”

Luigi imperceptibly cringes, feeling a tad self-conscious. “A Blooper ghost threw your pool at me.”

“Oh...” Dane rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, looking anywhere but at Luigi. “I’m sorry. I... This is my fault. All these ghosts are here because of me," he mumbles. “I’m the one that read from the book."

Luigi’s brows rise marginally. Dane was the summoner? That certainly explains why the strongest ghost targeted him. “I don’t think it’s fair for you to take all the blame. From what Koojo told me, it was a group decision."

The Doogan’s eyes light up. “You talked to Koojo? Is he okay? What about the others?"

“He’s fine, they all are," Luigi assures. “They’re outside waiting with a friend while my partners and I handle the rest of these ghosts."

Dane’s shoulders sag with relief. “Thank the Stars," he sighs. Then, curiously, “Wait, partners? As in more than one? Is Mario here too?"

Luigi fights back a laugh. His brother is talented in many things, but for whatever reason, Mario flounders whenever he tries to wield the Poltergust.

“No, ghost hunting isn’t really his thing," he says mildly. “Pepper and Gooigi are my partners in crime tonight."

The teen perks, suddenly looking elated. “Dude! Same here!”

When Luigi gives him an odd look, Dane reaches into the pockets of his orange jacket and procures a pepper shaker and a pair of sunglasses with a large stylized ‘G’ printed on the arms. Luigi stares at the items with thinly veiled dismay.

“Good Grambi,” Luigi mumbles quietly, “The Boos back at the mansion would adore you.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Dare I ask why you have pepper in your pocket?”

“For protection,” the kid says like it’s obvious. “From demons!”

Luigi takes a deep, composing breath. “Remind me to make some book recommendations after we get out of here,” he says tiredly. “And to clarify, Pepper is my dog. Also, I said Gooigi, not the fashion brand.”

“Goo... igi...?” Dane repeats slowly. “Is that a portmanteau of ‘Goo’ and ‘Luigi’?”

Luigi offers a somewhat solemn nod.

“Uh... would this ‘Gooigi’ person happen to look like you if you were a lime-green fruit snack?”

“You’ve seen him?”

The teen suddenly looks embarrassed. “Yeah... I, uh, kinda ran away... from him...?” His voice lilts as if asking a question. At Luigi’s blank stare, he hurries to elaborate. “I didn’t know he was a good guy!”

“You just said he looks exactly like me.”

“Man, I don’t know! I thought he was some kind of evil shapeshifter the armored ghost summoned to try and trick me! When I first saw them, they were standing together all buddy-buddy, looking at that awful spell book.”

Luigi frowns to himself, unnerved by the revelation. Gooigi knows better than to attempt magic on his own. Luigi and the professor both were very clear in teaching him about the dangers of the arcane arts. What could have pushed Gooigi to ignore their warnings? And then there was the other matter...

“Armored ghost?” Luigi asks. Nolem had said Dane’s attacker was wearing a hood. He didn’t mention anything about armor…

“Yeah, it was a Koopa wearing old armor—really old armor—and he talked weird.” Dane begins to wring his hands nervously. “Anyway, your buddy tried to convince me he was there to help, but while I was distracted, the armored ghost snuck up behind me and grabbed me! Then it got really cold.” The kid shudders. “Next thing I know, I’m on the ground, and Gummy Man is reaching for me. I freaked out and ran past him, and then both of them started chasing me!” Dane frowns to himself. “I thought they were working together, but looking back, your buddy must have just been trying to stop the other guy...”

A dozen questions pop into the plumber’s mind. The first to leave his mouth is, undoubtedly, the least imperative.

“...Gummy Man?"

“I’m not very creative."

Maybe not, but Luigi is definitely going to tease his partner about this later. “What happened after that?”

“Magic hallway shenanigans,” Dane shrugs. “I turned a corner, and they were gone. I considered trying to find the stairs again, but I wasn’t about to risk another encounter with that armored jerk, so I hid in this closet instead. I’ve been here ever since.”

Luigi nods slowly to himself as he processes the teen’s words. When he doesn’t respond after a couple beats of silence, Dane regards him with apprehension.

“Hey, uh, you’re not mad at me, are you?” he asks timidly. “Cause I’m sorry about running from your friend—”

Luigi quickly shakes his head. “No! No, I’m not mad. Just... confused,” he brings a hand to his chin, but quickly aborts the move at the unpleasant feeling of his damp glove. “Your friend, Nolem, told me the ghost that came after you was wearing a hood, not armor.”

“Oh! No, he was right,” the Doogan nods emphatically, “The hooded ghost came after me first. The armored ghost didn’t start chasing me until after he fought the hooded guy.”

Luigi can feel a headache coming on. He’s been so focused on contending with the hooded entity that he completely forgot Koojo had said there were six ghosts. He sighs, resisting the urge to rub at his temples. “How about you start from the beginning? Right after the ghosts were summoned.”

“Uh... okay...” Dane scratches at the edge of his cap. “Well, we immediately knew something was off about the ghosts, but we—dumbly—tried to ask them questions anyway. They just... started laughing. Real creepy-like. All except for the armored and hooded ghost. I tried to read the spell that would dismiss them, but the hooded ghost swiped the book from me and then, boom! I’m suddenly pinned to the wall by magic.” The Doogan wiggles his fingers with emphasis. “All the other ghosts chased after my friends.” Dane pauses for a moment, looking uncertain. “Wait, no... not all the ghosts. The armored ghost stayed behind and started attacking hooded mcfreako. I think they were fighting over the spell book...”

Luigi winces imperceptibly. Whatever those dark entities wanted with the book, it couldn’t be good. “I take it the armored ghost won?”

“Not at first. The hooded ghost wasted no time in making use of that book. It did... something to the armored ghost—cast a spell on them, I think—and while our knight in rusted armor was recovering, it... called for back-up.”

...no. Oh please don’t let that mean what it implies.

“Dane,” Luigi says quietly, “How many ghosts are up here?”

“Including the hooded and armored ghost? Four.” 3

Luigi briefly closes his eyes, sighing heavily. It’s still less than ideal, but he was anticipating much worse. “Can you describe the other two ghosts?”

“Yeah. One of ‘em was a Clubba—shadowy, like the others—and the second ghost was... I don’t even know. They just kinda looked like a bad Halloween costume. Not very threatening. At. All.” The teen frowns suddenly, scratching their head. “Things sort of get fuzzy after that. If they summoned anything else, I don’t remember seeing it. I must have blacked out at some point, because one second everyone was fighting, and the next the hooded ghost was gone. Then the armored ghost had the book, and they were coming after me and I ran and somehow managed to lose them, but I couldn’t find the stairs because magic and then I saw your green friend with the armored ghost and got the world’s worst hug and freaked out and ran even more and—!”

“Whoa! Easy there, Dane. Deep breaths.”

“Sorry! Sorry, I know, I’m rambling again.” Dane takes an exaggerated breath and sighs. “Anyway, you know the rest from there. I ducked into this closet and... here we are.” He looks to Luigi, eyes imploring. “I don’t understand... Why are these ghosts so angry? All we wanted was for them to tell us our fortunes!”

Luigi stares back at the teen, utterly bewildered. “You summoned dark entities to tell you your fortune?”

“We didn’t know they were going to be evil ghosts! That’s not what the spell said!”

“What, exactly, was the spell?”

“…I don’t remember. Hold on, let me check.” Before Luigi can ask what they mean, Dane pulls a cellphone out of their pocket. “I took a picture of part of the page. It’s in a weird language, so I plugged part of the spell into Goomble translate. It says something about fortune telling ghosts.” The teen passes their phone to Luigi, who accepts it with raised brows.

“You have a signal up here?”

Dane shakes their head. “Nope. Not a single bar. But lucky for us, I had the foresight to do a screen cap on the results before we started the séance.” He frowns to himself. “Too bad I didn’t have the foresight not to read from the book in the first place.”

Luigi doesn’t deign to comment, too focused on scrutinizing the image on the Doogan’s phone. He vaguely recognizes the language, and though he is far from fluent, he can discern a few words and phrases. They, unfortunately, don’t line up with Goomble’s shoddy translation.

Luigi grimaces, looking rather pained. “Dane, this isn’t the correct translation.”

“Wait, Goomble translate is wrong?” Dane asks, eyes wide, “Since when does that happen?!”

Luigi isn’t sure if the kid is being sincere or facetious. Before he can decide whether to answer the question, Dane plows ahead with another one. “Well, what’s it say, then?”

“I can’t give you an exact translation, but I can promise you it’s not a spell to summon ghosts that tell your fortune.” Luigi pauses, looking more and more exhausted the longer he studies the image. “It summons ghosts that bring misfortune.”

Dane stares quietly back at the plumber. “…Someone at Goomble is getting fired.”

“I doubt it,” Luigi sighs, returning the teen’s phone. As an afterthought, he reaches into his pocket and procures a purple business card. He hands it to Dane. “Here, if you want to meet a real fortune telling ghost, I recommend Madame Clairvoya. She’s a bit… eccentric, but she won’t destroy your home or abduct your friends, so… there’s that.”

“I’m sold.” Dane flips the card, inspecting it. “Hey, why is this dry when you’re still all soggy?”

“I get all my business cards charmed by a stationary wizard.”

The teen blinks back at him.

“Yes,” Luigi says eventually, “that is a real thing.”

“Okay… why not get your clothes charmed, too?”

“Have you ever tried washing waterproof clothes?”

“…I see your point.”

A sudden growl startles the two mortals, drawing their attention to its source: the Polterpup. Pepper is staring down the hallway with utmost focus. Luigi follows their gaze. The hairs on the back of his neck rise.

At the end of the hall stands—err, floats—yet another Vitiate. They are a Koopa wearing armor from a time long passed. It reminds him of what the Koopatrol stationed at Bowser’s castle wear, only slightly more elaborate. They don’t appear to be carrying a weapon, but that offers little comfort; there, hovering at the entity’s side, is an old, worn book.

There’s no doubt about it, this must be the armored ghost Dane had told him about. But... where is Gooigi? Didn’t the kid say he was with the ghost when he last saw them?

‘They must not have appreciated Gooigi’s interference when they tried to capture the kid,’ Luigi thinks grimly. He sends a silent prayer to the Stars that his partner parted from the ghost in one piece.

“What’s with your dog?” Dane whispers, shielded from view by the open closet door. “Is there a ghost cat around here or something?”

Luigi shakes his head imperceptibly, not taking his eyes off the looming Vitiate. “We have company,” he quietly replies. “Get back in the closet. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out. Pepper? I want you to go with the kid.”

Dane looks like he’s about to protest, but seems to think better of it and squeezes back into the closet with a final uncertain glance at the plumber. Luigi looks down at Pepper. The Polterpup continues to stare down the hallway, seemingly ignoring him. It isn’t until Dane wordlessly beckons to Pepper that the canine finally moves. Luigi watches them slink away into the closet, bewildered. He shakes his head as he closes the door behind them. He could worry about Pepper’s strange behavior later.

Luigi has barely taken his hand away from the door when he detects movement from the Vitiate. He whirls around, poised to attack or defend, should he need to. Luigi tenses as the dark entity slowly stalks toward him. No... not stalks. The ghost’s movements don’t resemble that of a predator. They are being cautious, Luigi realizes. They are as wary of him as he is of them.

The armored Vitiate halts a few paces away and regards him quietly. Luigi finds himself mirroring their silent scrutiny. It takes him an embarrassingly long moment to register that the Vitiate’s eyes are glowing red instead of white. Now, usually red eyes are indicative of something sinister—something to be wary of—but that’s not necessarily the case when dealing with these types of ghosts. In life, this had been no run-of-the-mill Koopa—they had been a Dark Koopa. Dark species thrive in, well, darkness, and not just literally. Negative energy does not affect them the way it does other species. This carries on into the afterlife, shielding them from potential corruption.

In other words, they aren’t completely nuts. This makes peace-talks considerably more viable.

“R̸ets͢am̡ ̧s’̢melog ͜e͘m̛ilş ͘e̷ht e̢b ͠ts̷um ùoy̵.” 4

Luigi blinks. Or... maybe not.

The Dark Koopa nods to itself. “Yn̵n͠a͠c̸nų ́s̡i͏ ec͜na͢lb̨m͏e͞ser͘ eht͢ …se͡y. E͠ga͘ḿi͏ ͡rúo̸y ni ̢m̢e͡ḩt͘ ̨e̶d̡am ͘y͏l̷r͏a͞èlc ̵o͝uy̴.”

“Uh...” Luigi says intelligently, “What?”

“E͏c͠na̢ra̛ep̀pa͝ ͝ŕuoy ̕d̵n̷o̡y̢e̴b̷ ̕s̵e̸įt̕i̡ral͞imi̢s ͜e͡r͝a͢hs ͟uoy ́ta͟ht ̕ees̸ I...” the ghost sighs. “Evi͞tąr̛e͝p̢oo̢c͜ e̡r͢om ̨èb̛ ̛lļiw͢ ̢uoy epoh̸ ͏y̢lno ̴ņa͡c̢ I.”

When Dane had told Luigi that the armored ghost talked strangely, he had assumed that the entity spoke with an accent or another dialect—perhaps a different language altogether. But this... the ghost sounds like the time he and Mario had played one of their records in reverse to see if there really were secret messages hidden in the lyrics.

And the white knight is talking backwards...

…Backwards!

“That’s it!”

The armored Dark Koopa recoils slightly at his outburst, and Luigi is quick to placate them. “I think I have a way we can communicate. Hold on...” Luigi retrieves his phone and opens an audio recording application as the ghost watches on, perplexed. He holds the phone up, pointing the receiver toward the ghost. “If you speak into this, I can play it back in reverse and then I’ll be able to understand you!”

The Vitiate eyes his phone critically. They look back to Luigi, and even though he can’t see the entity’s face, Luigi gets the feeling they’re annoyed.

“Yr̀asse̢c̢e̴nn̸u ͘y̧l̷e͡r̷i͘tn̶e ̴s͏i͠ s͠ih̷t ͏t͞ub, ͝g͏n͟i͏k͏nih̵t reve͜lc ruo͏y ̛d͟nèmm͢o̸c̨ I̛,” they rumble. The ghost suddenly calls the floating spell book forth and opens it. They turn the open tome to Luigi and emphatically point to one of the passages. “Ka̕ęr̛b l͟l̴i̵w͝ ̵y͟aw ̀s͢ih͘t k̸a͞ep̛s͠ ͡o̢t̕ ̡em͟ ͡gnic̨r̢of ̢xeh̸ eh̶t̶ ͜d̴na͘ ,̀d͞uo͏ļa ͜s͏i͘ht ̸dae̵r͝.”

Luigi nearly trips backwards as the book is abruptly thrust in front of him. He can feel the blood drain from his face as he regards the book like one would a serpent poised to strike.

“Um...” he breathes shakily, “Magical books and I don’t really get along.” Luigi holds out the phone once more. “Look, I’m sure there’s a good reason you want me to perform magic, but I’d rather get a little context before I read from a book that was used to summon dark entities.”

The Vitiate growls angrily, but acquiesces despite their clear displeasure. Luigi breathes a sigh of relief as the spell book is called away from his personal space.

“Lĺe̕w͟ yr̷e̡v,” the ghost huffs. “Er͜u̧tan̷ ̛ỳm fo ͠ytįtne̢ na̕ ̀ni̶ ͏ht͝i̡af d͟ni̶ĺb eca͜lp̴ o̵t hsi̢lo̷of eb dlu̡o͡w ̨t̀i͠ es̴op̢p̡us ̸I̴. E̛t̷sa͟h ek̵a̛m t́ưb̶! ...tn̢emom͠ yn͘a ͜ta ̵rae̢pṕa ͞dl͡u̵o̸c̀ ͜ŗe͞ts͟a͢m ̢y̸m.”

Luigi doesn’t need to understand the Vitiate’s reply to pick up on their sense of urgency. He sets the phone to record audio and holds it up to the dark entity. “Okay, now tell me what spell you’re trying to get me to cast.”

“E͜sre̕ve͝r ͞ni ̴k̕a͞e̴ps ̢o̕t e̡m̕ ͜gn͜ic͢rof xeh͞ ́eḩt̶ ͡k͝a͢èr̨b̀ lliw ̀k̴oob ̨e̕ht͟ ́ņi ͘nóit̷at͝n͏a͢c͞ni ̵eh̕t. E͡ro̸m̀ g̸ni͟ht̕on͟.”

Luigi stops the recording and reverses the playback.

<< [“Nothing more. The incantation in the book will break the hex forcing me to speak in reverse.”] <<

Luigi hums thoughtfully. The two statements seemed to be out of order. Did the speech reversal go by sentence? How would the hex know where a statement begins and ends? Does the speaker have to already know what they’re going to say before they can talk?

Magic is weird. And complicated.

Luigi shrugs to himself. The plumber supposes he should be grateful that the hex’s reversal doesn’t go by word—that would make translation even *more *difficult. The audio still sounds a little off, but he at least can finally understand the ghost’s words. He starts a new recording. “Did you have my partner attempt to break the hex?”

“Kr͡ow t̴’n̢di̴d ti ̨os̸,̴ f͏fo saw̢ ̶n͡oit͞ai̶c̨n̴une͢ ̴şih͢ tu͘b, ͜s̢e̶y —” The Dark Koopa ghost stops suddenly, narrowing their eyes as they regard him. “...me̵l̀o̢g em̧ils ̡r͟uơy t��em̵ I̵ wonk̵ ̴ųoy did͜ ̵w͘o̴h?”

<< [“How did you know I met your slime golem?”] << a pause << [“Yes, but his enunciation was off, so it didn’t work—”] <<

Luigi frowns marginally. Slime golem? That’s... an interesting way to describe his paranormal partner. “Dane, the kid that summoned you, told me he saw you two together. Speaking of which, where—”

“Hct̷e͟rw ͞t͢a͡ht ot͞ ne͘ko͏p̛s ͘e̡v͡’͟ùo͞y͜?!”

Luigi reels back, startled by the Vitiate’s ferocity. He wordlessly starts a new recording. “I... didn’t quite catch that, but I have a feeling your angry interruption has something to do with Dane?”

The ghost growls lowly. To Luigi’s growing unease, their head turns to the closet door just over his shoulder. “…écn̡e͝ser̸p͡ ̷ym̕ ̵d̢e͏cnuón̸n͘a t́i re͢tfa͡ m̵oo͏r ta͡h͠t͢ otn̛i͠ ͝ret̢s͟kc͝írt̷ ȩh̨t d̵e͘re̛h̨su ̶uo͏y.” The entity’s eyes narrow. “Eh͜ ͜t’͘n͜s͠i ̀,̴ereh̷t͝ ̕ni̸ g̨n͞id͘i͢h̀ ̕s’e̛h? D̨r̷awoç eht͝.”

Before Luigi can think to stop the recording and play it back, the subtle creak of a door hinge captures his attention. He pleads to the Stars that it’s Gooigi or another ghost exiting a nearby room, but his partner can’t open doors and somehow an angry specter seems too merciful in the given moment.

“Uh... Luigi? Did you call my name?” Luigi whips around at the voice, wide-eyed. Dane is peering at him from around the partially open closet door. “’Cuz I heard you say ‘Dane’, like, twice now.”

“Er̕a̷ ̸u̷o̶y ̡er̕ȩht!”

Luigi snaps his focus back to the Dark Koopa in time to see them conjure up an honest-to-stars battle axe. Their piercing red gaze is honed on the Doogan, and they look positively murderous. Luigi, perhaps foolishly, is quick to leap between them.

“Wait!” he shouts, hands raised, “I know you’re angry at the kid for bringing you here, but this isn’t the way to handle it!”

“Nam̕u̵h,̶ g̡nihto̡n ̶w͞onk̸ uoy͟!” The ghost snarls, cutting their hand through the air in a command to move. “Dl͡i̴h͏c ̶ęht́ re̛t̕f͜a ̷to͟n m̴’i̸! Ed͞is͢a p̕ȩt̶s̛, wo͠n̴!”

Too afraid to take his eyes off the furious entity, Luigi forgoes checking the audio and hastily stuffs his phone back into his pocket. Keeping one hand raised, he allows the other to drift back to hover over the Poltergust’s wand. “Hold on,” he pleads, “I’ll read from the spell book like you asked, and we can properly talk this out, okay?”

The ghost turns their gaze back to Dane. For a terrifying moment, it looks like they aren’t going to yield. Then, to Luigi’s relief (and no small amount of dread), the spell book is called forward once more. It opens as it comes to a stop in front of the plumber. A section of one of the pages brightens slightly with an ethereal glow.

“K̵c̕iuq́ eb̶.” Luigi looks up from the old tome. The ghost hasn’t taken their eyes off Dane. “Ŗeg͜no̸l tnemo̡m a̷ tiaw ͟t’́nt́s͜um͘ h͘tur̸t e̡h́t,̀ ͠e̶k̀a͏s̵ r̸ùoy͝ ̷r̡o͞f͢.”

“Luigi! What are you doing?!”

Luigi dares a glance over his shoulder at the trembling, partially hidden teen. “Kid, get back in the closet! Let me handle this.”

“But you can’t seriously be considering using that book, right?!” he cries. “After everything you’ve seen tonight?! That armored jerk is probably trying to trick you into summoning more ghosts!”

“Dane, I know you’re scared but—”

“U͡oy ̴tc͢a͜r̛t̢s̶ìd ͘ot g̛ni̧yr͡t ̛e͠ra’y̡eh̕t; d̨e͡èh͟ ̛on̛ ͢me͢ht̨ ya͘p.”

The armored Dark Koopa gestures urgently at the book. “Ec͝n̕ah͝c̡ a eváh ll̕it̴s̨ e͘w ̧e͏l̢i͞h͞w wǫn͠ ́xe̕h ͠eht̸ ͏k͟aer͢b!”

“I don’t know what that thing just said, but don’t listen to ‘em! What if that spell curses you or something?!”

“E̵t̡ąti͘seh ̴u͡oy od̀ ́y͞h͜w?! G̷n͢il̢l̨ats ͢e͜r̛a ͡y͝e͝h͢t t͘a̶ht͏ ͘e͏e͏s̸ ̕t̷on ͠u̡oỳ na̴c —!”

“Maybe it did something to Gooigi!”

“Ru͠ç ͝u̷o͜y̕,͘ ̀e̡cn̢e̕l̸ìs͡!”

Before Luigi can react, the dark entity hurls their axe over his head with a furious snarl. Dane shrieks as the weapon sails past the door, inches from his face. Another axe quickly forms in the Vitiate’s hand. Luigi doesn’t give the ghost a chance to correct their aim. With practiced motion, the Poltergust’s wand is quickly swiped from its holster, and Luigi takes a familiar stance as the Strobulb charges. The Vitiate registers his movement and looks to Luigi right as the Strobulb flashes.

The ghost reels back with a cry. Ordinarily, this would be the part where Luigi activates the Poltergust’s intake, but... he hesitates. The dark entity shields their eyes and darts backwards, putting distance between them. As they retreat, the Vitiate blindly throws their axe in Dane’s approximate direction. It falls short of its target by a large margin, but the attempt is enough to scare the kid out of hiding.

“See?!” he shouts, scrambling to Luigi’s side, “That creep tried to kill me! I knew we couldn’t trust it!”

A white blur dashes from the closet, cutting off any retort Luigi may have had to Dane’s proclamation. It shoots past him and snatches the spell book, still floating before him, out of the air.

“Pepper?!” Luigi yelps, “What are you—?”

The Polterpup darts back the way he came before Luigi can finish. But instead of returning to the closet, the ghostly canine sprints to another door across the hall and barrels through it.

“Yeah! Pepper’s got the right idea!” Dane cheers, “Let’s split!”

A furious cry pulls both of their attention back to the Vitiate. They watch as a line of spear constructs materialize in front of the Dark Koopa. With a wave of the ghost’s hand, the spears align themselves so that their points are trained on the Doogan. Luigi takes note that the ghost has deigned to lower the visor of their helmet, rendering the Strobulb useless.

“...we’re boned,” Dane squeaks.

The Vitiate reels their hand back and quickly thrusts it forward, the spear constructs following suit. Dane takes off down the hall with a panicked scream, and Luigi quickly leaps between him and the oncoming attack. At the last possible moment, he activates the Burst function of the Poltergust. The constructs are blown away by the powerful gust. Before the Dark Koopa can summon more, Luigi levels a Suction Shot at their visor and fires. It hits its mark, sticking to the face plate and obscuring the ghost’s vision. As the latter struggles to remove the hinderance, Luigi turns to address his charge, only to find that the kid has already fled into the room where Pepper disappeared.

“Stars give me strength,” he mutters.

Fighting the urge to tear his hair out, Luigi quickly dashes through the open door and slams it shut behind him. The room he’s entered appears to be a bedroom, most likely for guests if the lack of personalization is anything to go by. Along the far wall are two large windows that overlook the side yard. Pepper paces beneath them, spell book still firmly clamped in his maw. Dane is standing in the middle of the room, staring at the plumber with wide eyes.

“What do we do now?” the teen asks, voice shaking. “We’re trapped.”

Luigi looks to the windows and back at Dane. “Do those windows open?”

Dane blinks slowly. “Uh... yeah, but—”

Luigi wordlessly passes the kid without waiting for him to finish. He hovers a hand over the glass of the nearest window, checking for traps. Finding none, he quickly flips the latches and, with slight difficulty, lifts the window open along its neglected tracks. There is a ledge below the window wide enough for them to stand on. He doesn’t immediately see an easy way to climb down, but it won’t prove to be a concern. He’ll have Pepper gently lower Dane to safety.

“Wait, you’re not seriously suggesting we climb out the window, are you?!”

“Not we,” he replies briskly, “you. I’m staying behind.”

“Huh?”

“I still have a job to do, and I need to get you somewhere safe,” Luigi nods to the window. “Climb out onto the ledge. You don’t have to worry about finding a way off the roof; Pepper will lower you down.”

“How can they—? Oh. Right. Ghost dog. They can float and stuff.” Dane steps over to the window, glancing back at the plumber. “Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?”

“I’ll be fine.” Luigi takes a knee in front of the Polterpup and extends a hand. “Here, Pepper, give me the book and help out the kid, okay?”

Pepper stares blankly at his hand. Then, to Luigi’s growing shock and frustration, the ghostly canine backs up in a clear refusal.

“Pepper, buddy, this isn’t the time for a game of keep-away,” he says, desperately trying to keep a level head. “Please give me the book and—”

A startled yelp from the teen abruptly draws Luigi’s focus away from the Polterpup. He turns and finds that Dane is gone.

“Dane?!” Luigi frantically rushes to the window. Did the kid fall?!

Before he can reach the windowsill, Pepper leaps past him and through the opening, spell book in tow. But, just as the ghostly canine passes over the window’s ledge, a familiar shimmer envelopes them, and they disappear.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Luigi whispers in disbelief. Apparently, the ghosts had been prepared for this. And if there’s a portal attached to *this *window, it’s likely the other windows are enchanted as well.

So much for an easy escape.

The hairs at the back of Luigi’s neck abruptly stand on end. He whirls around and has to bite back a scream when he comes face-to-face with the Dark Koopa Vitiate. Before he can react, the entity seizes him by the straps of his overalls.

“L̸o̸of̡ ͘g̀ni̶n̶aȩm͞-͟ĺle̕w͏ u͘oy̸, dnah ̷s̛’̢r͝e̵t̸s͡a̧m̕ ̡y͡m o͞tni ͞t̡hg̸i̷r gni̸yal̸p̴ ̵e̶r̕’uo̷y!” the Vitiate hisses. “Dnat͡sr̨e͡ḑn̴ư ̡u̵òy͟ eka͏m òt̨ ́e̢va̡h͠ ̶tsuj̷ l̀l’i̵, ne͜t̸s̛i͝l̀ t’̴no͏w͡ ̡uoy f͝i.”

The ghost lunges forward with a snarl, and Luigi feels a sharp chill shoot down his spine as he is pushed out the window. The next thing he knows, he is falling. It’s a very short distance, but Luigi is unprepared for the sudden drop and lands in an awkward heap.

“Luigi! Oh, thank Jaydes! I thought the ghosts found a way to separate us.”

Luigi looks up to find a very relieved Dane hovering over him. The teen smiles and offers Luigi a hand. He blinks dumbly at the appendage before slowly accepting the kid’s help.

“Thanks.” Luigi inspects his surroundings as he’s pulled to his feet. He’s dismayed to find they are back in one of the upstairs hallways. Fortunately, it’s not one occupied by an angry ghost.

But... why didn’t the Vitiate come through the portal as well?

“Well..." Dane says, breaking through Luigi’s stupor, “So much for that window of opportunity, eh?”

Luigi briefly closes his eyes and takes a deep, composing breath. He doesn’t know if that was an intended pun, but he refuses to comment on it either way.

“I should have known it wouldn’t be that simple,” he admits tiredly. “It rarely is.”

“In all fairness, I don’t know how you could have foreseen that our guest bedroom window would dump us out through a painting.”

At Luigi’s quizzical look, the teen points at a spot over his shoulder. He turns and is further exasperated when he spies the painting of the meadow.

“Actually, you’d be surprised how often I deal with painting portals in my line of work.” Luigi tentatively taps the canvas. Like with the staircase, it appears to be a one-way trip.

“Oh.” Dane eyes the painting with furrowed brows. “Do ghosts really like art or something?”

“…or something.” Luigi unconsciously frowns at the meadow painting. “Though I wouldn’t call it art.”

Dane says nothing. Luigi is suddenly uncomfortably aware that he had said that last part out loud. He cringes as he turns to find the teen staring at him. He begins to apologize, afraid that he may have offended them, when Dane cuts him off.

“Do… do ghosts have a thing for doors, too?”

That’s when Luigi realizes that Dane isn’t looking at him, but past him, down the hall. He follows Dane’s line of sight and must do a double take. The walls of the once-familiar hallway are lined to the brim with identical doors. Looking over Dane’s shoulder reveals the same sight.

“Not to this degree,” he answers distantly. “Those weren’t there a moment ago, were they?”

It’s a rhetorical question, but the teen shakes their head, confirming his belief. Luigi tiredly massages his temples. Things were only getting more complicated.

“Apparently the ghosts did not appreciate our escape attempt. They’re going to do all they can to make it difficult to try again.”

“What do we do now?”

“We find my partner.” Luigi looks to the Polterpup. He is quietly relieved to find that during his brief absence, the dog had relinquished their hold on the spell book. “Pepper, can you pick up Gooigi’s scent?”

The spirit canine lowers their snout to the ground and paces up and down the hall. They return to Luigi, whining dejectedly.

“Looks like we’re doing this the hard way,” Luigi sighs. “We’re going to have to check all the rooms.”

Dane looks at the plumber with wide eyes. “You mean we have to go through every single door?”

“Fortunately, no—most of them are fakes—but it’s still going to be pretty tedious.”

“Yeesh, no kidding.” Dane strides across the hall. “It would probably go faster if we each took a wall. How about I get this side of the hall and you get the other?”

“Ah... I don’t think that’s wise. There’s no telling what spells may have been placed on these doors. You could get hurt.”

The Doogan waves a hand dismissively as he approaches one of the doors. “I’m just gonna take a peek, is all. What’s the worst that can happen?”

Dane grabs the brass knob before he can respond. Luigi lunges, hand out-stretched in warning.

“Wait! That one is a—!"

The door swings open upon contact, slamming the teen harshly against the wall and pinning them in place. Pepper rushes over and begins futilely scratching at the paranormal trap. Dane’s muffled screams shock the plumber into action. He hastily retrieves the Poltergust’s wand, aims the nozzle at the door’s center, and activates the Suction Shot. Luigi yanks on the rope with one sharp tug, pulling the door off its hinges and shattering it into pieces. Dane collapses to the ground with a miserable groan. He blearily peers up at Luigi.

“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?" he wheezes.

Luigi grimaces, offering the Doogan a hand up. “I find it’s best not to say things that can tempt fate."

Dane stands with Luigi’s help, eyeing the plumber curiously. “How did you know that door was a trap?”

“It’s... kind of a six sense I have.” 5 Luigi shrugs. “Look, I appreciate that you want to help, but in this case, it’s best if I’m the only one checking doors.”

Dane cringes, watching as the remains of the trap fade out of existence. “Hard lesson learned.”

“And,” Luigi continues, a tad sharply, “when I tell you to do something—or not to do something—I need you to listen. Do you understand?”

The Doogan straightens from their slouch, nodding at Luigi with wide eyes. “Oh. Yeah, no problem.”

“I’m serious,” he says firmly. “Your actions back there escalated a situation that may have been resolved peacefully had you stayed hidden like I told you.”

Dane shrinks in on himself at the plumber’s tone. “’m sorry...” he says, contrite.

Luigi sighs quietly. “Okay then.” He walks over to where Pepper had left the spell book and scoops it up. An alarmingly powerful urge to open the book washes over him. Luigi stares down at the cover, startled. Is this the book’s influence? Does everyone who touches it feel this way?

Maybe letting Pepper keep it isn’t such a bad idea...

“Hey, uh... I can carry that for you, if you want.”

Luigi tears his gaze away from the book and looks back at the kid. He hopes he doesn’t look as unnerved as he feels. “What?”

“You know, so you can have your hands free,” Dane mimes a boxer’s stance, “for beating up ghosts and stuff.”

A fistfight with a ghost would go rather poorly, Luigi thinks, but the teen has a point. He can’t sufficiently defend anyone with a book tucked under his arm. Still, the notion of handing over the spell book fills him with dread and an anger that doesn’t feel like his own. “Okay,” he says, “But you must promise me not to open the book unless I tell you too, understand?”

“Yes sir!” Dane offers a mock salute. “I read you loud and clear.”

Somehow this doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence, but Luigi relents. Every fiber of his being is screaming at him to keep the book, to open it—!

“Here.”

Dane accepts the tome with a nod and tucks it under an arm. Something desperately urges Luigi to take it back, but he quashes the command with placation. ‘It’s only temporary,’ he tells himself.

“You okay, man?”

Luigi gives himself a quick shake. Focus! “I’m fine,” he says, convincing no one. “Just... do you feel anything while holding that book?”

Dane frowns. He gives the old tome a thoughtful look. “Buyer’s remorse, mostly. Why, do you get weird vibes from it?”

Luigi mirrors his frown. “...among other things,” he says.

“Cryptic.”

Luigi shakes his head. “Never mind.” He quickly takes up the Poltergust’s wand and approaches the next door. “Let’s get started."

Luigi: "The ghosts manifested these trap doors to make it more difficult to escape. They must be very cunning."

The ghosts: "Hey, you know what would be really funny—"

And so begins the second story shenanigans. I'm not super thrilled with how this chapter turned out, but it's also been rewritten to death, so I might just be tired of looking at the damn thing. Next chapter will be more fun (Gooigi's coming back y'all!).

Anyway, the final kid wasn't supposed to have as big of a roll as he ended up having, but my muse had other ideas. Please bear with me if you find him tiresome; things will start to (hopefully) make sense soon enough. ^^'

It's a surprise tool that will (not) help us later. ↩︎

When I first wrote this, I was going to have Luigi correct Dane by telling him that iron is a deterrent for faes, not ghosts, but when I was looking up different folklores for reference, I learned otherwise. Apparently, that's why a lot of older cemeteries are surrounded by iron wrought fences—it's to keep the ghosts contained. The more you know~ ↩︎

All the ghosts in this story are of established Mario-verse species/races. I'm clarifying this, because I want people to know it's possible to figure out the identities of the ghosts that have only been described so far. I've looked at this chapter so much at this point I honestly can't tell if I've made it too obvious or too vague... ↩︎

And now you know what the chapter summary was alluding to. I am. SO sorry for this. ^^' Fortunately, all key dialogue will be translated within the story. The rest is up to you. It's possible to read backwards, but if that's too tedious, you can paste the dialogue in the top text box here and it will reverse it for you. ↩︎

I always thought it was a neat detail that Luigi will look at trap doors as he passes them in the first Luigi's Mansion. Meta explanation: a subtle game mechanic that allows new players to sus out trap doors without having to constantly check the map. In-universe explanation: Luigi has an inner BS-ometer that is tuned specifically to doors. ↩︎

#luigi #polterpup #luigi's mansion #luigi's mansion dark moon #luigi's mansion 3 #fanfic #dialogue heavy #doogan #dark koopa #ghost #luigi's mansion au #LLoG AU #LLoG Fic #suit speaks #edit - fixed the footnotes (hopefully)

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snazzy-suit · 4 months

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LLoG Chapter 5.8 (Snippet) - Hey! Creatures! Leave Them Kids Alone!

*Minor out of context spoilers ahead!*

(For those that didn't see yesterday's post, you may want to read that first if you want a little more information.)

Professor E. Gadd is getting anxious.

Anxious, as in eager anticipation. Not anxious, as in worried, because the professor was not worried. Luigi has faced greater threats in the past—a slumber party crashed by angry ghosts is child’s play. Sure, these were stronger than your average ghosts. Yes, Vitiates are highly malevolent. And, okay, E. Gadd will admit that the children’s accounts were a touch concerning, but it was fine! Kids exaggerate when they’re scared. Luigi had just requested that he bring Gooigi as a precaution. Between the two of them, this hullabaloo will be taken care of in no time.

The professor glances at his watch—it’s a few minutes past the witching hour. What is taking the lad so long?

E. Gadd resists the urge to worriedly impatiently pace the yard. He settles on tapping his foot as a compromise. With a quiet huff, he folds his arms over his chest and casts his gaze over his anxious company. Luigi hadn’t talked to E. Gadd very long, but the old man learned enough to conclude that his Toad Assistants would be needed. Two are currently walking the perimeter of the sizeable home with a dark light and ectoplasm radar. After what appeared to be a Snifit Vitiate blasted through one of the walls and disappeared into the night, E. Gadd thought it wise to set up a patrol around the property. If the dark entity returned, or another tried to escape, there wasn’t much any of them could do about it, but at least now they wouldn’t be caught by surprise.

Two more assistants stand at the professor’s right, each shouldering a myriad of cleaning supplies. They very nearly left when they saw the damage to the outer wall, but the professor assuaged them with a promise to call in more help after Luigi finishes clearing out the house. Another Toad is currently on the phone with the owners of the property—who just so happened to be the parents of the remaining trapped youth. E. Gadd’s hearing isn’t the best these days, but even he can pick up the frantic voices on the other end of the line. Impressive, given that the Toad doesn’t have them on speaker phone.

E. Gadd silently thanks Luigi for banning him from interacting with mortal clients (even if he still disagrees with the plumber’s claim that he has “poor people skills”).

The professor looks over at his final Toad assistant. They are dealing with the slightly less enviable position of handling mortal clients in-person. Shortly after E. Gadd had arrived with his assistants, the one currently on the phone had taken it upon themself to notify the parents of the terrified youths (much to their horror). All but the missing Doogan’s parents have since arrived, and by the looks on some of the teens’ faces, they almost rather be dealing with angry ghosts (E. Gadd can’t blame them).

Presently, the parents are taking turns comforting/scolding their children and grilling the ever-patient Toad left to their mercy. The adults had at one point attempted to rope E. Gadd into the interrogation, but after the man strategically launched into a jargon-filled lecture about the paranormal, they quickly backed off. Sometimes it pays to be the smartest person in the room. Despite what Luigi seems to think, E. Gadd can tell when no one wants to hear an old man ramble thank you very much.

A sharp beeping tone startles E. Gadd from his musings. He scrambles to retrieve the device making the sound, his pulse skyrocketing upon recognizing the alert—Luigi’s signal was back in range! E. Gadd quickly taps the notification on the screen of the glossy black pad. A radar fills the screen, and towards the top, a green dot representing the tracker on Luigi’s phone (it’s not creepy, it’s security!) appears. E. Gadd grins. Whatever spectral magic tomfoolery had blocked the signal has finally lifted. The lad had done it!

“Professor?” One of the Toads calls, “What is it? Have you heard from Luigi?”

Without looking up, E. Gadd lifts a finger in a gesture to wait. He can feel dozens of eyes on him as he brings up the video calling app and attempts to contact Luigi. It rings once, twice, three times. Half-way through the fourth, Luigi’s face appears on the screen.

“Luigi, my boy!” E. Gadd exclaims, “It’s so good to—” He squints, adjusting his glasses as he scrutinizes Luigi’s appearance. The lad looks tired and a little worse for wear. But also, “Why are you all wet?”

“I tripped and fell head-first into a toilet,” he replies dryly, “What do you think?”

E. Gadd frowns at the distant gurgling laughter that undoubtedly belongs to Gooigi. “Don’t you get smart with me, sonny-boy. I was getting wor—” he coughs, “—ready to call your brother in for back-up because you were taking too long.”

Luigi’s brows knit together in confusion. “What do you mean? It’s only been—” he looks up, presumably checking the time on the screen. His eyes widen. “…over three hours?”

“In a house this size, it should have only taken half that time,” the professor huffs. “Either these were some really tough ghosts, or I need to whip you back into shape!”

Luigi grimaces, avoiding eye contact. “Things got… a little complicated. It’s a long story.”

E. Gadd grumbles at the vague explanation. He’ll get the details later, for sure, but for now, the professor accepts the dismissal. “Hm. Well, I suppose all that matters is that you got the job done.” He leans in marginally. “…you did take care of all of the ghosts, right?”

Luigi closes his eyes, looking almost serene. “This house,” he whispers in a nasally voice, “is clean.”

Stars above, the lad is in worse shape than E. Gadd thought. “And the young feller? Are they alright?”

“After some therapy, maybe. But yeah, Dane’s still in one piece.” Luigi turns the camera so it is facing the kid in question. Like Luigi, they are also a little worse for wear, but at the very least they don’t look like they just crawled out of a dunk tank.

Dane stares back at the professor with wide eyes. “Dude…” He suddenly looks to the side, presumably at Luigi. “You work with a ghost dog, a gummy man, and a wizard?!”

E. Gadd squawks indignantly. More gurgling laughter bubbles through the speaker, overlapped with a weary sigh.

The video suddenly jolts, and now Gooigi is taking up the frame. “I’m okay, too,” he chirps, “Thanks for asking.” A chipper bark from the off-screen Polterpup seems to mirror the sentiment (how barking can sound sarcastic, E. Gadd can’t say).

“I was making my way down the list!” E. Gadd splutters. “Besides, I knew you’d be fine. Luigi’s the danger-prone one between the two of you.”

“Remind me not to use you as a reference if I make a career change,” Luigi grumbles.

“I make no promises. Now, you four get your keesters out here post-haste! There’s a lawn full of worrywarts waiting for you.”

The camera turns back to Luigi. He seems surprised. “You’re still on-site?”

“You betcha! I thought it would be a good opportunity to test the Virtual Boo’s successor—the Scree-U!”

One of the Toads on his right does a spit-take. They are drinking a blue liquid that looks suspiciously like the chemical used to clean windows. “The what?”

“Professor,” Luigi groans, “We can’t use that name. I told you this multiple times.”

“And I still don’t understand why not.”

“Because it sounds too much like…” Luigi gesticulates vaguely. “You know.”

“No. I don’t.”

Luigi sighs. “It’s not marketable. Just trust me on this.”

“You said the same thing about the last name I suggested,” E. Gadd huffs, “The Wii-Boo.”

“Huh, that one sounds okay,” the spit-taking Toad muses. “What’s wrong with Wii-Boo?”

E. Gadd waves a hand toward his assistant, giving Luigi a pointed look. The Doogan gasps from off-screen.

“Oh…” The teen says quietly. He sounds like he’s trying not to laugh. “I get it.”

Luigi gives the professor a pointed look of his own. E. Gadd scoffs.

“Listen,” Luigi says, “We can workshop names later. In the meantime, professor, why don’t you look up?”

E. Gadd frowns. “Look up what?”

Luigi rolls his eyes. The camera flips, and suddenly E. Gadd is no longer seeing his young protégé, but himself, looking down at the Scree-U. The professor snaps his head up with a start. Luigi, Gooigi, Pepper, and Dane are all standing on the front porch. Luigi puts his phone away and offers E. Gadd a little wave.

“Hey, professor.”

The remaining occupants on the lawn take notice of the new arrivals. With varying cheers and exclamations, the group of teenagers rush to greet their freshly rescued friend. The Doogan passes an old tome (presumably the spell book that started this mess) to Luigi and hops off the porch to meet them. The parents follow at a more subdued pace, watching in weary relief as their children pull the Doogan into a crushing embrace. Luigi and his partners quietly skirt around the group, not wanting to interrupt the sweet moment. E. Gadd fumbles to put away the Scree-U and jogs over to meet them halfway.

“Glad you could finally join us,” E. Gadd says, bending over slightly from the brief exertion. “Though you could have warned this old man that you were leaving the house.”

Luigi quirks a brow. “Could you not tell from the background in the video that we were moving?”

The professor crosses his arms, looking unimpressed. “You mean like how you were able to tell that I was outside on someone’s lawn and not in my lab?”

“…he’s got you there,” Gooigi signs.

“That I do. And you, Luigi,” E. Gadd says, waggling a finger in the plumber’s face, “got a lot of explaining to do! Just what happened in there, hm?”

Luigi’s shoulders droop with a sigh. “Professor, I’m soaking wet, I smell like burnt calamari dipped in chlorine, and I’m tired. Can the debrief wait until after I’ve showered and gotten some sleep?”

E. Gadd frowns. He doesn’t like the idea of putting things off—recounting is best done when things are still fresh, after all—but the lad does look (and smell) pretty awful. Perhaps he can give Luigi a break, just this once.

“…fine,” he acquiesces, “But you’re leaving the Poltergust with me, and I want you over at my lab first thing when you wake up, understood?”

“Yeah, no problem,” Luigi says, already shrugging off the Poltergust. He sets it on the grass by the professor and pauses a moment, as if deliberating, and then holds out the spell book. “Can I leave this with you as well? It’s only temporary; I’ll take it to Merlon after our meet-up at your lab.”

“Hm… I don’t see why not.” E. Gadd accepts the book with a light shrug. He could always scan the pages into the Witch’s database in the meantime. With his free hand, he shoos Luigi away. “Now go on home and get yourself cleaned up. I’ll wrap things up here.”

Luigi hesitates. He looks to Gooigi—a silent conversation seeming to pass between them (E. Gadd was always equal parts fascinated and annoyed when the duo communicated that way).

“I’ll tell him my side of the story up through the Clubba fight,” Gooigi signs to his partner, “You can take care of the rest.”

Luigi smiles gratefully at the ectomorph before bidding him and the professor both goodbye. Pepper quickly trots after the lad. Luigi pauses by their mortal clients to wish them well, and is quickly swarmed by the grateful youths, much to E. Gadd’s amusement.

The professor sets the spell book down by the Poltergust and claps his hands to get the Toads’ attention. “Alright, quit yer gawping! The house is clear and we’ve got work to do. Damage assessment and clean-up teams, hop to it!”

A scramble of squeaky shoes meets the professor’s ear as his assistants rush past him. When the last spotted head disappears through the front door, E. Gadd turns and strolls to the mailbox at the property’s edge. He stops next to it and claps sharply once more. “Construction team!”

Half a dozen spirits wearing yellow hardhats suddenly appear on the visible spectrum. The closest one to the professor—a Goob with oversized headgear—waves an arm wildly in the air like a student trying to get their teacher’s attention. “Present!” they yell loudly.

E. Gadd hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “I need a few of you to help the Toads with clean-up. The rest of you are on stand-by for repairs.”

The Goob offers him a mock salute. “You got it, boss!” They turn and wave to the rest of their team. A Hammer, a Boo, and another Goob split from the group and make their way to the house.

E. Gadd watches the trio as they give the large gathering of mortals a wide berth (rather considerate of them, given what the children have been through). The Boo suddenly slows, and turns toward the crowd, a befuddled look on their face. E. Gadd follows their gaze; they’re looking at Luigi. The man is talking to some of the parents, but E. Gadd (and the Boo, for that matter) are too far away to hear the conversation. Luigi makes a slow, deliberate gesture, and then with a flick of his wrist, a business card appears in his hand. With another flick, the singular card turns into several splayed out in a fan. Luigi’s audience ‘Ooo’ and clap lightly in amusement.

E. Gadd looks back to the Boo. They are squinting at Luigi, like he’s a puzzle they can’t quite work out. Yes, E. Gadd finds his protégé’s affinity for card tricks vexing at times (and it’s why he’s vowed never to play cards with the man), but he doesn’t see what the hubbub is about. Why would sleight of hand catch a Boo’s attention? Boos can literally turn things invisible—much more impressive, in the professor’s opinion. After a moment, the Boo bobs in their equivalent of a shrug—seemingly drawing the same conclusion—and follows their companions into the house.

Hmm… odd, but Boos are odd entities, so it checks out. There’s nothing to worry about.

Nothing at all.

#professor e gadd #luigi #gooigi #LLoG AU #snippet #yes; this +2400 word literally chapter length thing is only a SNIPPET #please send help #did any of those Wii-U jokes make sense?#I was very tired when I wrote them lol #suit speaks

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