skinny--habits

[skinny--habits]

Yes i did just redownload myfitnesspal

So i guess thats it with the recovery

[skinny--habits]

I dont know if im ready to recover yet. I though i was okay with gaining like 3kg and just try to maintain and not lose that but its hard ive just assumed that once i start classes again i will get it together. I mean my whole life, cleaning, studying looking for a job but also getting it together always meant for me to lose the few more kg but is it worth all the progress i made? Its really hard trying to let go of this mindset and the addction of the sweet feeling of losing weight

#ed #personal #ana #mia #eating disorder #anamia #eating disorder tw

[skinny--habits]

hi so. my last bingo card was very popular (even though i think the vast majority of people did not understand the assignment /lh) so i made another one!!

i hope these are more fun then depressing, i like making them.

obviously, this is not a testament to how valid your ėd or dīsordered ėating is. your struggles are your struggles and therefore they are real, simple as that.

neither is this meant to romanticize ėds, it's all in good fun. thank you for understanding.

[skinny--habits]

Its such a weird state, to be in the best płace mentally ive ever been except my fucking eating disorder. I mean it also got better. Kind of. But im still stressed about eating four cookies at a christmas party, im mad at myself for eating so much. My sister bake them, they were delicious and it was so, so SO MUCH JOY. But before dinner she did a prank and joked that „the cookies have 2000kcal in them” and i shit you not i froze, with a cookie in my mouth, ready to spit it out. It was terror in my mind because when i took the first bite, ive already calculated how much its gonna be. And there i stood terrified. The 2k ready to kill me, she laughed and said the 2k is in the whole batch.

The relief.

She asked ,,Why would it matter, anyway?”.

And i know its shouldnt, but it would. It would kill me.

And in my mind, i know it doesnt matter. I want the joyful moments, dinner with friends, drinking wine. Existing. I want to live my life.

#personal #anamia #notpro #not pro just using the tags #ana #mia #ed #eating disoder thoughts

[skinny--habits]

Wtf my hip hurts from keeping my phone in the front pocket pf my pants because my hipbone was just poking it???Is that it??am i becoming skinny?????

Its also more uncomfortable to sit on like hard surfaces since my butt pillow is gone :(

#personal #anamia #notpro #ana #mia #ed #eating disoder tw

[skinny--habits]

Hit my lowest weight today and i dont feel a single thing abt it

#personal #anamia #notpro #ana #mia #ed #eating disorder

[skinny--habits]

Yall the scale showed 69 kg this morning, the last time i was at this weight was like 9 years ago literally starting middle school….where is the joy of this moment? I keep telling myself that once i reach 68(my lowest weight) its gonna come but its probably not going to. But also i am kinda happy about it cuz my boobs got smaller and i could buy myself a little cute bralette so i guess this is my reward

#personal #anamia #notpro #tw weight #eating disoder tw #eating disorder #ana #mia

[skinny--habits]

The scale showed 69.8 today……..i dont trust it yet, i dont know how to feel about it. I thought i would feel this overwhelming excitment but its not here yet. I lied to my gf again because shes been concerned about my weight, told her im 72kg, i feel shitty about lying again but i just know she would get really worried.

#ana #mia #personal #anamia #notpro #ed #eating disoder tw

[skinny--habits]

I have my scale back and i cant believe it that finally, FINALLY, i could be below 70kg even this week 😭😭😭😭today morning it was 70.5. i could hit my lowest weight in a bit fuck recovery nobody has to know, i can be actually skinny first time in my life, its almost here i can feel it

#ed #ana #mia #personal #anamia #notpro #tw ed relapse #eating disoder tw

[skinny--habits]

ive been doing so good for the past month or two i think, almost made me feel like i have some binge immunity but FUCK i ate a little bit more this weekend since ive been drinking and was hungover and the extreme hunger is kicking in. i can feel every cell in my body SCREAMING at me to go and eat and its so fucking hard to tell myself no. 

#ana #mia #anamia #pro ana #not pro just using tags #not pro #ed #eating disorder #personal

[skinny--habits]

I am going fucking insaneeeeeee i need to weigh myself but like IN THE MORNING because I HAVE TO KNOW how much i weigh and its KILLING ME that i dont know and i dont want to worry anyone but imma knock at my friends door who has my scale at 6am, like an addict i am,any day now because I NEED TO KNOW

#ana #mia #anamia #personal #ed #eating disoder tw #eating disorder

[skinny--habits]

i am so fucking ANGRY and i have nothing to be angry about

[skinny--habits]

I will try to eat two actual meals today(+my morning coffee snack) instead of just one meal and a little snack. Might not sound a lot but changing anything in my routine is scary af

#personal #anamia #notpro #ed #eating disoder tw #eating disorder #ana #mia

[skinny--habits]

Ngl happy about losing 20kg but i miss my big juicy ass :( its so flat now

#personal #anamia #notpro #ana #mia #ed #eating disorder

[skinny--habits]

I want my scale back and i want to go home and i want to hide and never come out to the world again i want to disapear i cant deal with the world with the Real world its so fucking scary. I cant do it on my own, but i cant be dependent on anyone. Nobody will ever take care of me, i dont know what i need so how do i know when my needs are not being met? I dont want to be a burden i dont want to ask for too much but i cant handle this. The world is real and im not. Im just a thought, an idea, no sense of what does it mean to be a human being. To act like one. How to eat like one. How to take care of myself. How to feel, what to feel, when to feel, i need someone to just explain to me everything so i can memorize it and start applying it and be fucking normal and function. I need someone to tell me what to do. To help me do things.

I need help and its the scariest thing to admit to myself. I need someone to help me. With my everyday tasks, with planning for the future with executing actual plans and dealing with change. I need help with living in the society, with talking to people, with knowing what is right and what is wrong.

I need help.

But how do i leave this idea of complete independence behind me? Ive idolized it so much, the perfect human can do everything by themselves, the good daughter never needs help, the smart student get everything done correctly, never need to have something explained twice. But im not that anymore. Im a child in a adult body with no idea what anything means.

#ana #mia #personal #notpro #anamia #ed #eating disoder tw

[skinny--habits]

me and my gf were visiting my folks, im staying here for the next three days. and yeah, im ‘recovering’ which means that when im alone i dont eat and when im with people i eat normally. and when im at my parents but kinda alone(aka not having to eat at the same time as other people) i just binge and binge. i feel like my stomach is going to explode. and even worse tomorrow is my grandparents wedding annviersary which means SO MUCH FUCKING FOOD 

i want to die i want to go back to my apartment and never eat a single thing ever again. FUCK this

#ana #mia #ed #eating disorder #anamia #personal #pro ana #pro mia #not pro just using tags

[skinny--habits]

I ate around 1200kcal today and i want to die, i dont really have a daily limit anymore but i almost never go above 1000. So if youre wondering thats how my recovery is going.

I also asked my friend to keep my scale at her house so i could stop weighing myself every day and its driving me crazy, but im wondering how much of this irritation is due to anorexic habits and how much is that my morning routine is now just tiny bit different and i dont do well with changing my routines

#ana #mia #ed #personal #eating disoder tw #it's not as simple as just eating #anamia #not pro just using the tags