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randomfandomlov3 · 8 months

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Episode of Darkness

Bucky x Fem!reader

Warnings: Depression, Suicidal ideation, breif mention of period, mention of the means. Let me know if I missed any.

Notes: Please be careful in determining whether this might be distressing for you. Your well-being and mental health are the top priority, and it's completely fine if you choose not to read. If you ever feel like no one cares about you, I promise you there is someone. if you can't find anyone let me be that person. i care about all of you.

Word Count ~ 1879

He dialed her number to convince her to come to training. Something about what Steve told him felt off, but Bucky didn’t dwell on it too long. The phone rang three times before she finally picked it up with a sleepy hello. “Doll, Steve told me that you didn’t feel like training today. If you’re not going, then I’m not going, and you don’t want Cap to be mad at both of us. now don’t make me come get you.”

“Okay, I’ll be there.” Her voice had an unusual flatness to it that concerned Bucky. She was always so enthusiastic to train. Maybe she was starting her period, sometimes exercise was annoying around then, but usually Bucky would have been informed so that he could tell Steve to chill with the training those days.

“I love you; I will see you soon, Doll.” Bucky said. As he grabbed anything he might need for training.

“Love you too.” Her response was shorter than usual, and she never left out the I in I love you. Now Bucky was getting even more worried. But his worries were briefly forgotten as he headed down to the training gym.

When he got there, he saw his doll talking to a concerned looking Steve. Was there something going on that he didn’t realize? Had she been hiding something from him? They hadn’t been together that long, but she already knew more about him and his struggles than most people did. Maybe she didn’t feel she could trust him enough, which was fair he didn’t trust himself completely either.

She turned to look at Bucky after she finished talking to Steve, she gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes before turning back to listen to the instructions. Every time Bucky looked over at her, he was met with a blank stare on her face. She was usually one of the most passionate people in the compound, especially when it came to training.

As soon as training finished, she was out of there heading back to her bedroom before Bucky even got a chance to speak with her. He worried that he might have upset her by making her come to training today.

“Buck, can I talk to you for a minute?” Steve interrupted Bucky’s thoughts, bringing his eyes away from the door. With a nod Bucky made his way over to his friend. “Did you tell your girl that she had to come to training today?” Steve asked already knowing he had.

“Well, yeah, I guess I told her that if she missed, I would skip, then you would be mad at both of us. Why is there something I don’t know about?” Bucky was getting really concerned now, had he pushed her boundaries. She had never told Steve about something like this without telling him first. Bucky’s mind began to spiral deeper into his thoughts, until Steve spoke up.

“There kind of is. She had told me that she wasn’t up to train today, which over the years I have learned not to question, and it means that she can barely get out of bed, so training feels like trying to climb Mount Everest, without any gear. Nat or I would always check on her after training to see if she needs anything, but the most we could do for her was offer support.” Bucky was even more confused now, she was always so happy, how had he not seen what was going on? Steve took in the expression on Bucky’s face and gave him a minute to process what he just learned about his girlfriend.

Bucky’s mind was racing too fast for him to make much sense of anything. “What does that mean?” Steve understood that Bucky knew but he needed to hear it laid out because he wasn’t believing that his girl might be going through things like this.

“She has depression. We had actually thought she had gotten through it; she hadn’t had an episode before today since you started dating. The medication she is on seemed to be working since her dose got upped to match the serum in her veins.” Bucky knew that she had been injected with the serum once while she was out on a mission, and her partner had turned out to be a hydra spy. “Before she met you the episodes were more common. I don’t know whether she just pushed through them, or you actually made things better for a while.”

Bucky’s heart pounded at the way Steve said a while. What was he trying to say? Did he think that he was no longer good for her? What was going to happen? Did he hinder her progress for the sake of his own?

“She told me that she was not upset that you convinced her to come to training. While understanding her emotions during the episodes is difficult, she wasn’t frustrated by you. Something else told me that if you hadn’t, she was slightly afraid of where her mind would have taken her this time.” Steve tried to say gently, but there was truly no easy way to tell someone that their loved one was struggling.

Bucky’s mind raced as he fully processed the news that Steve had told him. “I had no idea. I should have seen the signs or at least made her feel comfortable in confiding in me.” He clenched his fists at his sides frustrated with himself.

Steve could tell Bucky was going down the rabbit hole of his thoughts. “You can’t blame yourself, Buck. Everyone, including her, thought that she was doing better. I can’t tell you why she didn’t want to tell you, but as you probably know there is a certain fear and shame people often feel about struggling.” Steve rested his hand on Bucky’s shoulder and told him that they should go check on her together.

Inside her room she sat on the edge of the bed. Tears were streaming down her face as she muttered to herself. “You have no right to feel like this. He has been through so much and he doesn’t struggle like this. What right do you have to be depressed, you have a wonderful boyfriend, job, and friends? You’re just a fucking burden.” she growled into the mirror getting increasingly more frustrated with herself. She felt like she was a burden to everyone she knew, and a part of her wondered if they would be better without her. Her heart ached as she thought through her options, and choices she swore she would never make.

A knock on her door pulled her out of her thoughts and she wiped the evidence of tears off of her face. She got rid of all the evidence of crying that she could and opened the door. Seeing Bucky standing there looking concerned hurt her heart, but she tried to plaster a smile on her face. “Hey sweetheart, do you mind if we come in?” Bucky asked softly making her resolve waver. She stepped aside not trusting her voice, to allow the super soldiers into her room. She was used to Steve or Nat showing up during an episode, but not Bucky. That was the last person she wanted to burden.

“You have every right to feel like this. And you shouldn’t compare your journey to anybody else’s. But I also went through a terrible bout of depression when I first escaped hydra.” He had never bared this part of his past to her, but he knew he needed to. “Right after I escaped Hydra’s clutch, before Steve found me, I had considered ending it, I thought the world would be better with out a murderer like me.” Bucky stated causing Steve to tear up.

“I don’t struggle as much with it now, but sometimes my PTSD can still bring back feelings like that. so I never want you to feel like I won’t understand, or that you are a burden to me.” Bucky brushed a hair out of her face. Before cradling it in his hands and rubbing his thumbs on her cheekbones. His eyes burned with unshed tears, seeing his girl in such a negative mindset. His heart ached for her, and he wished he could take away her pain, but he knew the journey to recovery was a long one.

“I can’t-” She choked out, not sure how to explain the places that her mind had taken her today. Her eyes dropped unable to maintain eye contact right now. Luckily, she didn’t have to explain because Bucky caught a glimpse of her nightstand, which held her meds, gun, and her throwing knives. Those were never stored in her room, Bucky assumed for this reason. “I’m sorry.” Her voice sounded even more brittle than before.

Bucky looked over at Steve who stuck around to help provide support in any way he could, but even this was out of his experience with her. “Doll, I promise you things will get better some day, and I will be right by your side the entire time to help you through it.” His mind went to the horrifying future that did have her by his side anymore. “I know what it’s like to feel like a burden, and I want you to know, I choose you. I will always choose you, in every lifetime and dimension, I choose you, Doll.”

That caused the floodgates to open, she couldn’t hold it back anymore. Bucky pulled her into her chest as she sobbed the hardest, she had in front of him at least. She knew that things would get better eventually at least a little bit, they had every other time, but she didn’t want to drag Bucky down with her. She didn’t want to hinder his progress.

As if he could read her mind he soothed, “You help me so much when I am struggling, Doll. Please let me be there for you.” There was a begging tone in his voice, and she got a feeling that he couldn’t lose her. Like how she felt about him.

With a brave action she nodded her head, and allowed Bucky into her vulnerable side. She didn’t feel it was brave, but rather pathetic that she struggled with asking for help. Steve recognized that look in her eyes having seen it often during her episodes. “Asking for and accepting help, especially when you're struggling, is an incredibly difficult but brave and important thing to do. The team is here to help you and you're stuck with us, whether you like it or not.” Steve always tried to bring some humor and joy to her during her episodes.

She tearily laughed, making Bucky smile. “Thank you, both of you.” The storm was far from over, but she knew that she was not alone in this fight. But a part of her was still worried about latching onto Bucky and dragging him down with her.

“Cling to me, let me be your lifeline if nothing else. I want to give you reasons to fight to stay and hold you when you can’t find them.” Bucky said breaking her out of her thoughts. He knew struggles firsthand, but he also knew that it is possible to get to the other side.

A/N - Thank you so much for reading<3 My inbox/dms are open if you need someone to talk to. I love you all and I wish you the best in life.

Divider by @saradika

#bucky x f!reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #tw sui ideation #tw depression #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine

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randomfandomlov3 · 9 months

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randomfandomlov3 · 9 months

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Butterfly Kisses

Mob!Bucky x Fem!reader

Warnings: Violence, angst, swearing, mentions of parental deaths, mentions of torture, fluff, no Y/N use, Mob, Fear of thunderstorms mentioned. Let me know if I missed any.

Notes: This was my first attempt at a mob universe. Thank you so much for reading! <3 I ended this in a kind of weird spot, but I have no inspiration for what to do next so if you want more or have any ideas I would love to hear them.

Word Count ~ 7,783

She knew she had a bad feeling about going out today. Why didn't she trust her gut? Oh right, she has anxiety most of the time, that's why. That storm was not what she had planned for when she went out today, even if she had no choice, needing to go to her appointment. She took a deep breath trying to calm her racing heart.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" She glanced up at the ruggedly handsome stranger who just got on the bus.

"I don't mind," she whispered, making sure she was as close to the window as she could get. He sat next to her, careful not to press up against her.

He was used to hearing people's heart rates Increase in his presence, but the way her arms were wrapped around her body before he had even spoken to her, told him that something else was bothering her. That was confirmed when a loud crack of thunder happened and thinking it was her arm, she dug her nails into the skin. He felt the sting as the skin of his arm broke under one of her nails, the only people he had ever seen this terrified were those who were receiving fate from his hands. This pain however was nothing compared to what he has experienced previously.

She then looked down, and her mouth dropped, she just drew blood from the stranger who decided to sit beside her. "Oh my God, I am so sorry. I can't believe I did that. I should have a bandage in here somewhere." She started to dig through her bag.

"Don't worry about it. It doesn't even hurt."

She pulled out the only band-aid she could find, a cutesy kid's one with butterflies. "I don't want it to get infected, not that I am dirty, but you know." Carefully dabbing it with a Kleenex before sticking the bandage to his arm gently. No one had ever cared for him like this, even when his doctor bandaged his wounds. Reaching the final stop for this bus they both got off. She headed straight towards her destination horrified by what she had just done to the poor stranger, he on the other hand stared at her for a minute before unrolling his sleeves.

After her appointment with the doctor, she exited the building staring at her phone to check bus times. Not paying attention to where she was walking, she ran face first into a wall of muscle, that when she went to fall, caught her. Of course, it had to be him.

“I am once again so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention, because I wanted to make sure that my bus wouldn’t leave before I got there.” She rambled out, while he stared at her with an amused look on his face.

“Don’t worry about it, but this…” he gestured between them. “Might have made you miss your bus, but how about I give you a ride, it’s the least I could do for a beauty like you.” She shook her head in protest.

“It’s fine, I will just wait to catch the next one, but thank you for your offer.” She blushed at his compliment.

“Fine, at least let me give you my phone number in case you ever need anything, and I mean anything butterfly.” He pulled her phone out of her hand to enter his contact and double-check that this beauty wasn’t already taken. When she got her phone back, he gave her a wink and went on his way.

‘Dragonfly’ and underneath in the details he had written, “Bucky Barnes, but I’ll be your dragonfly if you’ll be my butterfly.” Her heart picked up again, but this time for something pleasant. She knew that the chances of seeing him again, though, were rather low. Luckily, the bus had been running late and she had managed to catch it, but there must have been something scary on the way, based on the fear on the driver’s face. The whole ride home she thought about the handsome stranger whom she assaulted twice and still had given her his number.

She tried to use the thoughts of him to block out the sounds of thunder outside the window. As she walked through the rain from the bus stop, she thought she saw someone watching her. Probably just paranoid, it was not likely that anyone would be watching her, she was nothing special. She went into her apartment and tried to forget about her anxieties of the day and relax.

He didn’t usually come to this part of town as both leaders know it is off limits, as it is where the daycares are. Children didn’t need to be a part of this life when they couldn’t even care for themselves. However he wanted to make sure that she was safe because he had not seen her in any of the businesses on his side before, he definitely would have remembered her. He did feel a little bit like a creep when he caught himself watching her play with the children in the yard of one of the daycares.

“I thought we had agreed this area was off-limits to both of us. Are you so greedy that you are willing to put these innocent children in danger?” Tony Stark the other leader in the city, quipped. Neither of them liked to share, but they knew at least right now that was what was best for everyone, and it was a big enough city that the only time they had to see each other was at their set-up meetings. “One of my men told me that this isn’t your first time in this area recently. I won’t let you claim it as your own. Or is it that there is something here that has caught your eye?” He pondered when he saw Bucky staring.

“Boss, what are we doing here? You have never shown interest in this area, for the safety of the next generation,” Sam whispered in Bucky’s ear, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Nothing, I just came to check for some things that aren’t sold anywhere on my side.” Bucky brushed the weird looks from his competitor off and headed towards the store. Inside he found exactly what he was looking for.

“Buck? Why are you getting a box of butterfly patterned band-aids?” Steve asked chuckling at the childish look of the box that his friend and boss was holding. The look that Bucky gave him wiped that off his face. He had never seen a look quite like this in the many years that he had known Bucky.

He couldn’t explain why, but having one on him, comforted him in ways that he had never felt before. They felt like how he imagined butterfly kisses would feel. It felt like he had found a missing part of himself, but why would someone like her ever choose someone like him? The only reason he could think of was out of fear, but he didn’t want that, if she didn’t want to be his or a part of his life, he would not scare her into it.

Then his phone rang.

On the way home from her shift at the daycare she was exhausted, but that uneasy feeling she had been experiencing the past few days was even more intense today. She knew that there were two main mobs within the city, but she had never encountered either, thankfully, and she learned from her current boss that they don’t control the middle for the safety of the children at the daycares. The feeling of being watched only got stronger the closer she got to home. Before she entered the apartment building, she looked up and saw a silhouette from within her apartment, but no one else has a key to her apartment, apart from the building manager who is a little old lady, and the silhouette was definitely too big to be her. Her first instinct was to duck into the nearby shop and call someone. But who? She just recently moved here, so her friends all lived hours away, and she didn’t have any family left. The kind stranger’s words rung through her mind, “I mean anything, Butterfly.”

She went into the bathroom, pulled out her phone and dialed the one person who might be able to help her. Her hands trembled in fear that he wasn’t serious.

“Hello, who is this?” His voice cut through the phone roughly.

“Mr. Barnes…” she tried to steady her voice to get the words out, but fear kept them tight in her throat.

“Butterfly? Is that you? Are you okay?” He had a surprised and panicked tone to his voice.

“Yeah, it’s me. Umm… I didn’t know who else to call. There is someone in my apartment, and I am scared to go in. I am currently in the store next door. I’m sorry, you are probably busy, I should have just called the police,” she rambled out, when she heard him curse on the other end.

“Butterfly, do not apologize, give me the address I will be right there.” He tried to hide the anger in his tone. She gave him the address of her apartment building and the name of the store she was hiding in.

“Where are you going Boss? Should we come too?” Sam and Steve watched as he climbed on his motorcycle.

“Follow in a car just in case you are needed.” His tone is harsh, so they know something serious is going on.

She browsed the shelves of the convenience store trying to calm her racing mind when the front doors opened and in walked Bucky. Her mind started to race at the look on his face. “I’m sorry, I disturbed you with something like this. I just really didn’t know who else to call.” She stared at her feet not wanting to look into his eyes.

His gloved hands held her cheeks so that she would look at him. “You do not need to apologize. I was serious when I said to call me for anything. You, butterfly, could never be a disruption to my day.” Her cheeks burned under his touch, and she nodded like he wanted. “Now, can we go check out your apartment together?" He saw her whole body tense. “Don’t worry, I will keep you safe.”

“Okay.” She exhaled and walked outside looking over her shoulder to make sure he is still with her. Taking a deep breath she got into the elevator and pressed her floor.

“How long have you lived here?” he asked trying to make small talk and calm her down a little.

“I hit the 3 month mark a few days ago.” She answered with a sigh. The elevator dinged open and one of the doors just down the hallway looked smashed in.

Bucky pulled out his phone and shot a text to his boys. He kept her distracted long enough that Sam and Steve could join them. “These are my friends, Sam Wilson, and Steve Rogers. They are going to help just in case the intruder is still in there.” She nodded, shaking each of their hands and introducing herself. Bucky leaned down to her ear, “Oh, so that’s the butterfly’s name.” She blushed at the feeling of his breath on her face. Steve and Sam led the way with Bucky keeping his eyes around her to make sure there was no one else lurking.

“It’s a mess, but the coast is clear. No one is inside. But I don’t think it is a safe idea for her to stay here for a little while.” Steve turned to her. “Do you have somewhere else you can stay?” She shook her head, about to say that she would just stay in a hotel.

“She will stay at my place. I have more than enough rooms, and she will be safe there. Butterfly go pack a bag and make sure you bring anything important, just in case someone tries this again.” Bucky said with determination, surprising everyone else. She gave a small nod before heading into her destroyed apartment.

“Boss, do you really think that it is smart for her to stay at the house, what if she gets snoopy?” Steve asked concerned about what his friend is thinking.

“If you can tell me somewhere she would be safer I’ll listen, but I know what I am doing.” Bucky entered her apartment to look at the extent of the damage caused. “This doesn’t look like how Tony’s men would do a job, but they must have been in a hurry.”

“Do you know why he would target her, especially when she lives within the neutral zone?” Sam questioned keeping guard at the door.

“She was at the daycare when we were talking. I think he caught me looking at her.” Bucky stated going to find where she was. She was standing at the entrance of her bedroom which had been absolutely destroyed, with a horrified look on her face. She slowly walked over to what used to be a crystal butterfly, she cradled the pieces in her hands and cried. “Butterfly, I can get you a new one of those, I promise it will be okay.” She aggressively shook her head.

“No, you can’t. No one can, well except my parents who are both dead now. This was what I had left of them.” Bucky’s heart broke as his girl sobbed her heart out in front of him. He carefully wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. For once in his life he was at a loss for words. She put the pieces into a small bag inside her bag. Then she got up and continued to try to pack. Grabbing a stuffed bear in a suit, she turned to Bucky, “I guess I was also given this by them when I was born, but that crystal has always had a deeper meaning.” Her bag is bursting by the time she is done.

“Was anything important missing?” Sam asked her carefully, but she just shook her head. The men led her out, Sam took her bag, and Steve stayed to deal with the police since he had the best luck with them.

Bucky led her over to his motorcycle and put the helmet on her head. “Safety first. Make sure to hold on tight.” She held on to him as tight as she could, making Bucky smirk. He didn’t like that she might have been afraid, but he did like that she found him comforting.

“Woah, is this where you live?” She expressed her impressment of the large home. She had seen one like this before when she was young, but even now they were impressive. He smiled at her amazement, as Sam and Steve pulled up in the car. Bucky got her bag out and led her into the house and up to what would be her room for the next while. It was almost the size of her whole apartment, and it had its own en suite bathroom.

“It’s getting late, have you eaten?” She nodded looking around her room. “Okay, get some rest, you could use it after a day like today. If you need anything feel free to text me,” he said, letting her get settled in for the night.

She fell asleep with a smile on her face. She woke up the next morning to a text on her phone. “Let me know when you are up, butterfly, so I can show you around.” Her heart fluttered at his hospitality, and a part of her hoped that it wasn’t all a façade.

“Good morning.” Is all she sent once she got dressed and ready.

“Morning, Butterfly. Sleep well?” Almost instantly she got a reply. A soft smile graced her face as she thought about him waiting for her to get up. Just as she was about to reply, there was a knock at the door. She opened the door to find Bucky standing on the other side, in a sharp black suit. “Shall we go to breakfast?” He asked with his usual charismatic smile.

“Sure, and by the way I slept well. How did you sleep?” She walked beside him as he went down towards his private dining room.

“Better, knowing you were safe.” He held open the door for her, allowing her to see the full breakfast spread that had been laid out. As they ate Bucky explained that he had a very important meeting today, so she was free to wander most of the house, but he would be busy. Once they finished, he showed her around a little bit and pointed out his office, which if the door is closed meant that he is busy.

He dropped her off at her room and gave her the number of Sam, so that if she couldn’t find something she could ask him instead. However, if it was an emergency, she was still to contact Bucky himself, but only in an absolute emergency.

Tony walked into Bucky’s office with his main man, leaving the others to help train the newbie. “Where’s Wilson? Isn’t he always here?” There was a mocking tone to his voice.

“It’s just Rogers with me today, but I could ask you that as well.” Bucky snarked back. This meeting was originally scheduled to talk about a deal of technology from Tony’s side. “Why did your men target an apartment in the off-limits zone?” He didn’t hold back any accusations.

“I didn’t order anything; how do I know that you didn’t do it and are trying to cover your tracks,” Tony remarked disliking the accusations. As Bucky went to respond his phone rang, and there were very few people whose calls would go through. Seeing that it was her calling he took a minute to step away to answer the call before coming back in a worse mood than he was before.

While wandering around the house, looking for the library she was told was somewhere, someone she had never met came up to her. “What are you doing in here?” He asked with a bite in his tone quickly grabbing her before she could move. She was gagged so that she could not speak or do anything. He pulled out his phone and texted his boss about the intruder who would be put in the basement for him to deal with after the meeting.

Her hands were bound with rope that he grabbed from a table in the basement, but she still managed to sneak her phone out of her pocket once he left. She did the one thing she was told to, but also told not to. She called Bucky.

“Is this an emergency?” He asked sounding annoyed.

“Well…” she mumbled out through the gag.

“I told you not to call me if it wasn’t an emergency. I need you to stop being a disruption, I let you stay here, and all that I asked in return was to not be bothered during meetings. I just hope that you didn’t ruin this.” He then hung up on her. She felt the tears welling in her eyes, even though she was used to being unwanted.

“Hey, Sam, do you think you could help me out?” She phoned him once she calmed down. He agreed and she explained what happened the best she could behind the gag in her mouth.

“I’m really sorry that happened. Bucky informed everyone that he had a guest staying over but I guess that dude didn’t read the message.” Sam led her out of the basement and back to her room.

“Thank you,” she whispered closing herself in her room, to start packing. Her bag was packed just as quickly as she unpacked it, and she decided that the best course of action was to leave through her window. She knows when she is no longer welcome in a place and Bucky had made it crystal clear. She had forgotten one thing in her big hurry, the broken pieces of crystal.

“Fuck.” That’s all that went through Bucky’s mind at the end of the meeting. Between Stark, having yelled at her, and this supposed intruder that he had to deal with, he was drained. First, he needed to get out his frustration, so dealing with the intruder was the first task on his list. His anger billowed beneath the surface. “If she hadn’t interrupted, Stark wouldn’t have had a chance to think up a story.” He mumbled as he headed down into the basement. Horror filled his expression, when he got down there and the room was empty, and looked untouched, which means one of two things; either he was lied to, or one of his men released the intruder.

“Hey, Boss, how did the meeting go?” Sam asked as he picked up the phone.

Bucky growled into the phone, “Do you know what happened with the intruder? Did someone release them?”

Sam was taken aback by the aggression that his boss was showing, he rarely got this mad, especially towards his men. “Umm, yeah, I let her out.”

He didn’t even get to finish before Bucky snapped. “Why the fuck would you do that Sam? Did you not think I already had enough on my plate?”

Confusion filled Sam as he tried to figure out how to explain. “She called me and explained the situation. If you had wanted her down there, why didn’t you inform me, instead of telling me to help show her around?”

There was a brief silence on the other end of the phone. “Wait, who was the intruder?” Sam explained that one of the other men put her down in the basement. His butterfly. Had that been why she was calling him; she had sounded muffled. Guilt began to curdle in his stomach. “Where did she go after?” He tried to calm his racing mind.

“She went back to her room; it was probably a scary experience for her. She was fighting back tears when I found her.” Swallowing down bile, Bucky thanked Sam before hanging up the phone. She hadn’t wanted to bother him, because she wasn’t physically in an emergency, but she had been mentally. But all he did was yell at her.

He didn’t know what he was going to say when he got to her room, but he needed to apologize. When he got there, he saw that the door was already open, but she wasn’t inside. None of her stuff was inside either. But there was something on the desk in the corner. And the window was open. He walked over to the desk and saw the bag of broken crystal and a note that sat in the middle of the desk.

“I’m sorry that I caused so many problems for you, Mr. Barnes, and I hope I didn’t ruin your meeting. Next time you bring a girl into your space, maybe make sure everyone knows that she is supposed to be there. Maybe we will meet again one day, but it would probably be best to try to avoid that. I will be out of the city in a few days, as to not cause you or Mr. Stark any problems. You will always be a dragonfly to me. You became a big point of change in my life, but it is only my beginning.

Signed, Butterfly.”

A few days. That was all he had to find her, and to beg her not to leave. How was he supposed to make this better? Had he already pushed her too far away? One of his men was excellent at fixing broken items, maybe that would be a starting place. He gathered the bag and went to make some phone calls.

She sat in the hotel room that she had rented for a few nights, and she tried to calm her mind and stop crying. She was used to not being able to stay somewhere too long, but she thought maybe she had found a place that she would have actually been welcome. A mob boss allowing her into his home, without knowing much about her. She got her hopes up, but she shouldn’t have. She knew better than that.

The phone that she was struggling to throw out, kept ringing on her nightstand. Showing his same caller id every ring. She couldn’t bring herself to answer because she couldn’t handle if he got anymore mad at her. What if he had wanted her to be tied up in the basement? She had been through torture before, but nothing hurt as bad as the thought of her dragonfly, being the one to break her.

A knock on her door pulled her out of her thoughts, as she fiddled with the business card that Tony Stark had left at her apartment between her visits there. She tucked the card away and got up to open the door.

“Ah, I finally found you. I was sent here to find you, because we found out that there is a very important missing document that belongs to them now. It had to have been you because you are the only one who would have had access while your parents were alive.” His words hit her like a truck. He must have been the one who trashed her apartment. As he pulled rope out of the bag on his shoulder, she just shook her head.

“I never took any documents, but I will come with you willingly, if I get my job back. I can even try to help find said document.” She said as she gathered her things including the phone, she shouldn’t have taken with her.

“I cannot promise that they will agree to any of that, but I will take you to my boss. But if we find out that you were lying to us, you know what will happen.” She rolled her eyes as she agreed to go with the stranger back to where she lived for the first 15 years of her life.

“She won’t answer her phone!” Bucky growled when Sam and Steve entered the room. “Do either of you have good news for me?” They both just shook their heads.

“She had been staying at a hotel nearby, but she apparently just left, with some man. But the worker was able to catch the man’s license plate number, it is a rental car from near the airport. We asked them who rented it, and they told us that the name that was given was an alias, HYDRA. We haven’t figured out what it means yet, but I think we are close.” Sam gave a run down of the events of the last few hours.

“So you’re telling me that she left in a random man’s car, and he took her to the airport?” Steve nodded confirming Bucky’s fears. He got up and grabbed his phone to call the airport to ground all the flights, there was only one slight flaw with his plan, the community airport was in Stark’s territory.

“Barnes, why did you threaten my airport? You have your personal one, I thought we discussed this.” Stark’s voice rang through Bucky’s car as he sped toward the airport.

“I can fill you in on details later, I just need the flights grounded for now. I fear there is a danger on one of the flights.” Bucky sounded panicked which was unusual especially when talking to his competitor.

“Fine, you’ve intrigued me, I will ground the flights, but it will cost you. We can meet up to discuss price after.” Tony hangs up to ground the flights, but it wouldn’t make a difference, their flight had already left.

It had been a month since she left, Bucky hadn’t been able to sleep properly since then. His search for her hadn’t stopped, and he held onto hope that he would find her and that she would be okay when he did. Fear filled his nights with thoughts about her having been kidnapped or hurt by the mystery man.

It was late by the time she made it to the city. She was in a bind, and she knew coming here would be a mistake, but this was the closest place that she knew she could hide. Staying here long though was out of the question, especially when she had those men on her back. What she hadn’t known was that the important document had been stored inside her teddy bear, she had found it when she tried to sew a hole that occurred from its travels. She had been away from her home for over ten years, but she never noticed the deed of ownership for her city, was in her teddy bear this whole time. She knew she had been destined to take over for her parents, but she never truly knew if that was what she wanted.

Tony Stark had been filled in on Bucky’s search for his butterfly when the sleepless nights started to get to him. Sleep deprivation can cause people to do strange things, and for Bucky that was ask for help, from his competitor, nonetheless. So when his phone rang with an unknown number, he answered it.

She introduced herself, and then said words that Tony never expected to come from her. “I need help, hiding from someone. I will only be in the city a few days, but he will probably come looking for me after I am gone. His name is Brock Rumlow.”

Tony shocked himself by breathing a sigh of relief, at the fact that she wasn’t hiding from Barnes. “I can help.” He gave her his address and then they hung up as she started to head over.

“Barnes.” Tony called Bucky, hearing him groan when he picked up the phone.

“What Stark? What do you want at 3 in the morning?” Bucky put his clothes on knowing he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.

“You will never guess who just called me. Butterfly is in the city and needs help hiding from a man named, Brock Rumlow. If you want to have a chance to talk to her, I would suggest coming over as soon as possible.” The gasp that left Bucky’s mouth almost made Stark laugh, but he knew if it was Pepper in her place, he would react the same way, that Bucky is.

Time felt like it was going in slow motion and fast forward at the same time as Bucky flew down the streets on his motorbike, to Stark’s mansion. He pulled up to the front gates, and they opened for him so he parked near the front door but not to close, so that if she saw it, wouldn’t run away. Just then the front door opened to reveal his butterfly looking confused.

“Tony, there is no paper out here, and anyway why would they deliver at this time of the night.” As she turned to go back in, she caught a glimpse of Bucky standing staring at her. Tony had done this on purpose, of course he had. Her eyes dropped to her feet as he approached.

He could feel all her muscles tense before she relaxed into his embrace. He had missed her so much that he didn’t care that they were standing in the front yard of his competition. When he finally let her go, she gave him a small smile before heading back inside. He followed, wanting, no needing, to talk to her.

“If you two want to talk, your temporary room, would be the most private place.” Stark’s mansion was pretty much the opposite of Bucky’s. High tech and modern, compared to Bucky’s old-fashioned style. They often mocked each other for it, but right now all Bucky cared about was his butterfly. She nodded as she led Bucky up the stairs to the room she would be staying in for a little while, while she gathered her bearings. The first thing that caught his eye, was a crystal dragonfly she had sitting on the desk.

“I’m sorry I was an ass for yelling at you. Sam explained the situation. I have been searching for you since the day you left. Where have you been all this time?” Bucky rambled out sitting on her bed.

“I was working, I knew I had overstayed my welcome in this city, so I went onto the next place. I accidently made someone very dangerous mad, so I just need to lay low and collect myself for a few days and then I will be on my way.” She walked over to look out the window.

“Is there anything I can say to change your mind? I don’t want you to leave again. I found a home in you; you have brought me more peace than I have felt in a long time.” Bucky pleaded trying to hold himself together. He was staring at the ground, so he didn’t notice her walk over to where he was sitting to join him.

“Why would you want me to stay all I do is cause problems?” She tried to get him to look at her. When their eyes met, she saw raw pain in his beautiful blue eyes.

“I was a jerk for making you believe that, you are the one who actually helps me, the one thing that brought me peace. Please, I promise I can keep you safe.” He grabbed a hold of her hands to try and get his desperation across.

“You weren’t the first person to tell me that, and well you probably won’t be the last.” She sighed leaning into his touch.

“I will if I have any say about it. Please give me a chance. If nothing else come stay with me, while you lay low.” She gave him a smile as he pleaded with her. He pulled her into her arms when she gave him a small nod. Tony smiled as he watched the interaction, he said it would be the most private, but not completely private, that was still his competition. “I couldn’t help but notice the crystal dragonfly on the desk, where did you get it?”

She looked at the dragonfly on the desk and smiled. “I bought it from the same place that my parents got me my butterfly. It represents the change that has come to my life due to a handsome stranger, and while I wasn’t sure if I would ever see him again, he reminded me of what my destiny is.” Her head pressed deeper into his chest out of comfort.

“And what, pray tell, is your destiny, Butterfly?” He asked leaning down to look her in the eyes.

“To lead. I was born to be a leader, and I was always a symbol of hope, for both my parents and the people they led.” She kept her response vague. Her heart pounded in her chest as he stroked her spine.

“My Butterfly, you are destined for great things, and I hope I can be by your side throughout it all.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head surprising her.

Very quietly she whispered into his chest, “I’d love that.” He just barely picked it up, his heart soaring at her words. He held her even closer to his chest, and then the door opened.

“Okay, love birds, I’m not offended that you would rather stay with him, and if you need anything from me, I will be happy to help, but please take all this lovey-doveyness back to your place Barnes,” Tony said as he leaned against the doorframe. Butterfly buried her face into Bucky’s chest out of embarrassment, causing him to laugh. Boy had she missed his laugh.

“Thank you, Stark. For taking care of, helping me find, and letting me know that my girl was in town. I am very grateful for your help.” Bucky stood to shake his hand.

“Yeah, yeah, just promise I get an invite to the wedding.” Tony joked as he shook Bucky’s hand. Giving Bucky one last wink, he left to let Butterfly pack.

“Butterfly, you left something behind when you were here last time,” Bucky mentioned as he carried her bag up to the room, she was staying in.

Holding up the imperfect crystal butterfly he said, “I had my man make sure that we could tell that it wasn’t perfect because I didn’t want you to feel like I was trying to erase that or that I had just found a new one.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she reached out to grab the butterfly. “It’s perfect thank you so much.”

He was so happy that she loved it, and he silently vowed to do anything it took to see her that way. After having carefully set it down on the desk she gave him a big hug, pressing her lips to his chest in the process.

“Can we talk about this dude who is coming for you? Because I can take care of him, but don’t ask how you don’t want to know.” Bucky asked as they sat down for dinner the next day.

She just shook her head. “Fine, I will share the details but, I only want to explain it once so can we set up a meeting with Mr. Stark.”

That confused Bucky, why did she feel that Stark also had to be there? “Butterfly, I promise you, I and my men can handle him just fine.”

“I know, you think that, but the only way to take him and his mob down for good would be to work with Mr. Stark because Rumlow has years of passed down knowledge on me.” She said pacing the room and surprising Bucky with the use of the word mob.

“How long have you known I was a part of the mob, Butterfly?” She just smirked at his question.

“Since you came to my apartment that day, one you were armed, and two Steve and Sam are some of your men rather than your friends. I also recognized the crest that you each were wearing. It was easy to figure out from there that the other mob boss in this city is Mr. Stark, but the one thing that I was never able to figure out is why you two are willing to split a city, but not work together.” She cut herself off there so that she could wait for Stark to arrive. Knowing how tough Bucky liked to be, she knew he would not call Tony over unless his life depended on it, so she took matters into her own hands and texted him to come.

“Umm, boss? You didn’t inform us that Stark was coming by today, is everything okay?” Sam asked entering the room with Steve. Bucky went to answer but Butterfly was faster.

“He didn’t know, but no everything is not okay, but I will explain it to you all at once. Let’s go to Bucky’s office.” She led the way to the office greeting Stark on the way. Butterfly sat down in Bucky’s chair and motioned for the others to take a seat on the other side of the dark wooden desk.

“What is going on, Butterfly? How did you make his mob angry?” Bucky asked utterly confused by her vagueness.

“Since when does your girl know about the mob? And that Rumlow dude, has one?” Tony Stark was trying to catch up, but he wasn’t the only one who was lost.

“No, he is just a mobster part of the mob that calls themselves HYDRA, they however used to be called SHIELD before being corrupted.” They stared at her with blank expressions on their faces. She knew she had lost them.

“Butterfly, a mob can’t be corrupted, it can be taken over, but I don’t think there is a way to corrupt something that does organized crime.” Bucky inserted confused as to what she meant, thinking that maybe she used the wrong word.

“I used the right word, but I guess I should explain everything from the very beginning.” She adjusted herself so she was sitting on the edge of the chair to appear more serious. “My parents were mob bosses together. They loved each other more than anyone I had ever met, and while they didn’t want to put their child at risk, they were willing to give up everything in order to have a child. It turned out that they struggled with serious fertility issues due to my mother having been tortured as a young child, by her parents' enemy. After years of treatment and trying, my mother finally became pregnant. However it was at one of the worst times possible, there was no way for them to give up the mob at that time because they were in the middle of a war.”

The shock that covered everyone’s faces made her smile; she knew more than they imagined. “Luckily, my mother was never one who did fieldwork, she was the strategist. I’m told that when I was born the war ended, and my parents, knew that I was destined to become a leader one day. I was given that crystal butterfly, for the nickname my parents had given to me when I was born, because I was a symbol of hope for my parents, for the future. Later when I was revealed to the community, I became a symbol of hope for them as well. I should explain something about my parents. They were absolutely ruthless when it came to anyone who tried to hurt me. They were surprisingly kind to the community, and they could be quite mean to their enemies. The community didn’t fear them, but they respected and relied on them.” She fiddled with the papers sitting on Bucky’s desk, while the others processed what she had told them so far.

“They sound like great people,” Steve added trying to ease some tension in the room.

“Yeah, they were the best. So I was kept a secret for my own safety for the first 9 ish years of my life, but I was also trained in self-defence just in case I needed it. I grew up surrounded by my parents’ people, and a few of them had children of their own that they would allow me to hang out with. But never in public. I’ll be honest, I rarely ever went in public, and even less with my parents. However I do remember one day I was out with my parents, we were driving somewhere when I was 15. I was relaxed in the backseat, while my father drove. They rarely ever drove, and I still sometimes wonder, if we hadn’t would one of them be alive, or would I be dead.” She had to look away, because the look of sadness in Bucky’s eyes, almost had her in tears.

“It was a thunderstorm that day. I remember as a loud crack of thunder happened, a bullet was shot and killed both my father and mother, causing the car to crash. I always assume that they thought the crash would have killed me. That’s why they didn’t aim a bullet for the back seat. I was not in great shape when I got out, but I was alive, and due to my training in patching up wounds, having worked with our mob doctor, for years, I was able to make it back home to pack a bag. I had tossed it out the window of my bedroom, and was getting ready to climb out, when I was taken down to the basement to be tortured until I promised to sign over the mob, or what the man I once knew as a friendly face hoped for instead, I died.”

Bucky stood up upon hearing this unable to hide his rage anymore. But he realized that is why she had been so terrified when they first met. “If you don’t mind me asking, why were you afraid of your apartment that day if you had been through all of this, Butterfly?” He asked curious to know her mind.

“Well, I was worried it was a local mob boss wanting to collect some money as protection, because as I learned from my travels, after I escaped the torture, while he wasn’t looking, making a deal leads to my identity being discovered and well, I could never stay somewhere people knew who I was because this isn’t some small new mob I’m dealing with. And he has years of knowledge about me, and my weaknesses, especially since most of them were present when I was training. So the thought of being found was not ideal. But when Rumlow came to my hotel room, after the incident, he said that his boss was willing to forget me escaping, if I gave him the document he needed, in order for him to have any sway with the other mobs. It was the deed to the part of the city my parents owned. When I was born, they put it inside my teddy bear, so that even if I tried to leave this life, I would take their legacy with me. I found it while I was sewing the bear back up in my old bedroom, but Rumlow caught me reading the document. So I shoved it into my bag and fled.” She exhaled trying to make sure she included all the details.

“The only place that I knew I would be able to hide in for a little while that was close enough was here, but I know they will be following me, so if I am not going to live the rest of my life on the run, I am going to need both of your help.” She sunk back into the chair from worry, and the mental exhaustion those memories created.

Nobody said anything at first, and she started to worry that they wouldn’t help her. She felt two strong arms pick her up and sit down with her in his lap. “Butterfly, I am so sorry that you had to go through all that, of course, we will help you. Right Stark?” Bucky gave a pointed look to Tony.

“Of course, you have become one of us, and we protect our own, even if she happens to be fraternizing with the competition.” Stark loved to joke even in times like this, which a lot of people said wouldn’t make a good boss, but he is one of the best.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #mob!bucky

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randomfandomlov3 · 10 months

Text

Price of love (Epilogue)

Warnings: Panic attack. Let me know if I missed any.

Note: Thank you so much for taking the time to read! <3

Word Count~ 595

“Ah, white wolf, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Shuri said greeting the super soldier at the entrance to her lab. She noticed you standing nervously tucked behind him. “And who is this?”

“She’s the reason we’ve come by to see you, we were wondering if you would be able to remove her HYDRA programming, as you removed mine?” Bucky put his arm around you to bring you forward. You bowed your head in respect for Shuri, but you were also nervous, what if she couldn’t help you?

“Ah, I’ve been expecting you. She is not quite what I pictured when Nat described her to me, but yes, the same process should work for her too.” Shuri started to explain that they first had to go see her brother to inform him of your arrival, then she would start the procedure.

King T’challa was extremely welcoming and pleased to help. Upon seeing how Bucky looked at you, he smiled. “White wolf, will you be staying here while she is in cryo? Not that she will take as long as you did.” Bucky nodded as your face paled.

Shuri explained how to get to the cryo chamber in case Bucky forgot, before giving you two some time alone. “Moonlight, you look really pale. Are you okay?” You shook your head as you stared at the ground. “What’s wrong can you talk to me?” He pleaded hoping he could help you.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe like your chest was on fire and you were drowning at the same time. this hadn’t happened in forever, but you would recognize the feeling of a panic attack anywhere. Bucky noticed and helped ground you and calm you down. “Whenever you were put in cryo, that was when my torture would ensue, or at least be strongest. I don’t know if I can be in the same room as a cryo machine again.” You panted out in a whisper.

Bucky’s heart ached for you, knowing the effects of trauma like that. “I will be with you every step of the way. I will be there right as you go in, and right as you come out. And I promise Shuri will take excellent care of you.” He wrapped you tightly up in his arms to convey his sincerity, before pressing his lips to yours, but not in a way of saying goodbye, but rather, I will be with you forever.

You let him lead you into the room and panic filled your chest again, but that time you pushed through it, repeating Bucky’s words over and over. I will be with you. Those were the last words you thought before you are frozen. Bucky returned to the place he spent a fair amount of time at during his own time in treatment.

A few weeks later, Bucky got a phone call from Shuri, telling him it was time for you to awaken, and that he should be there when you did. As he entered the room with you in your cryo sleep, Bucky wondered what you were thinking about when you were put under, because for him that was always what he woke up thinking. He just hoped that it wasn’t panic. He hated to see you in such a state.

The happy tears that streamed down both of your faces upon hearing that you were finally free, further strengthened the bond that the two of you had built over the few months since the incident. That day was the first day of the rest of your lives together.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader

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randomfandomlov3 · 10 months

Text

Price of love (Chapter 7)

Warnings: Disregard of life. Violence. HYDRA brainwashing. Trauma/backstory. Feeling of inadequacy. Let me know if i missed any.

Note: Thank you for reading! <3

Word Count~ 3297

“Hey…” You said as you entered his office. “I think I want to stay. My vacation taught me a lot about myself, and how to deal with things, so I think I am ready to return full-time. To continue counteracting the red.” Fury didn’t smile often and there were very few people who could make him, but you made him smile.

“You know that you don’t have to counteract anything, but I am glad that you are doing better. I missed your sunshine presence.” You couldn’t shake the guilt that easily but hearing that you were missed warmed your heart. You and Fury continued to discuss how you wanted to come back onto missions, if you wanted to keep leading a team, or if you would just rather work with another team. Your first scheduled mission started tomorrow, early. You never liked getting up early for missions, but it still happened from time to time.

The next morning you left a note on your door to explain your absence. With the fact that you are scheduled to be back in approximately a day. You headed down to the weapons room and packed what you thought would be needed. Then you walked through the silent halls down to the jet bay. Being the first one there you started to do the jobs that usually the mission leader would do.

Slowly the rest of the team arrived and piled on the jet. “Great, which one of us has to be paired with missing piece?” one of the other agents asked the mission leader. Your heart sank as you heard the title you had tried to get rid of for years. She was not who you were anymore, you were better than that.

With a laugh, the mission leader replied, “No one, just because Fury told us to take her, doesn’t that we had to treat her the same. And if she doesn’t return, oops… oh well.” The words crushed you as you realized your fellow agents didn’t have your back if something went wrong. Luckily, you had butt-dialled Bucky and got his voicemail, then Fury would have proof of the words these agents said, but none of that mattered if you didn’t survive this mission.

As the jet landed everyone was given a partner, but you. Then everyone was given their task. Yours was unnecessary and dangerous. This was supposed to be an extraction mission, to rescue some people who had been captured by HYDRA. You were tasked with going to their control room and downloading as much information as you could. They didn’t care that this wasn’t an abandoned base, nor did they have enough people to clear the base, that mission was scheduled for later.

“Just get in and out, that’s all you have to do.” You whispered to yourself as you turned invisible, although you knew it was pointless because HYDRA had ways to detect invisible things. Still, this was the directive given, so you were determined to follow it. Maybe after that, you would go back to leading your own team. If you survived that is.

As soon as you entered the correct room the lights went out, and just as your vision was adjusting everything went dark.

“Steve, I’m telling you, I’m worried. We need to go out there and find her. Her team is putting her in danger.” Bucky paced through the kitchen as Steve made some coffee. Waking up to a voicemail hearing that the agents you were on a mission with were deliberately putting you in danger, caused him to panic, he just started to get you back.

“You need to have faith that these agents will be smart, and you need to have faith in your girl, she has always been excellent on missions, even alone.” Steve understood his best friend’s concern, but he knew that they had to be rational about things.

With a huff, Bucky made his way down to the training room to get out his worries. Natasha was already training when Bucky stormed in. “Woah, what’s got you so stressed?” She knows that he rarely shows how he is truly feeling.

“Steve says that I need to trust that things will be okay but the agent’s on Moonlight’s mission, are willingly putting her in danger. This is her first mission since the one she got shot on, what if something happens to her.” Bucky exhaled sitting down. He then played Nat the voicemail. Natasha’s breath hitched, hearing how flippantly they were talking about her friend’s life.

“What do you say to joining me on the mission, to clear out that HYDRA facility? It was scheduled to leave when the other team got back, but I think that the sooner we leave the better. How does that sound?” Natasha packed up her bag and started to send a message. All of the agents on the mission were to be ready down in the jet bay by no later than one o’clock. The determination on Bucky’s face told her everything she needed to know. She gave him the same information she told the other agents, and they parted ways to get ready.

Bucky paced the jet bay, he had been ready for hours, having prepped the jet and everything else for this mission. “Hold on Moonlight, I’m coming to find you.” He whispered to himself. “I can’t lose you; I just got you back.” Natasha interrupted his rambling by setting her bag down beside him.

“We’ll find her, I promise.” She put a reassuring hand on her friend’s shoulder. “She’s strong, she’ll be alright.” She was not only trying to convince Bucky but also herself.

The entire flight over, Bucky was tense, worried about what awaited them at the HYDRA base. Would he even be able to find you within his past?

Natasha gave out the instructions and the pairings. She and Bucky were searching for you, that was their directive. “Let’s go find our girl,” Nat said with hope lacing her tone.

First, they checked in with the team that you came with, but none of them had seen you since you went off your own direction. As they snuck through the facility, Natasha felt a familiar chill, that she hadn’t felt in a while.

“We need to be careful,” Nat whispered with a hunch about that feeling. Bucky gave her a nod before refocusing on his surroundings. Her feeling didn’t prepare her for what was about to happen though. A strong force that felt like a foot, collided with Nat’s back and she stumbled forward. Bucky readied his knife as he tried to help steady Natasha. “No, it’s her, we can’t hurt her. We have to be careful.” Nat exclaimed as she turned trying to remember the signs of where you might be. The chill started to fade, and Natasha realized that you weren’t after them, someone else was your target. She ran after the fading chill and Bucky followed her.

“Where are we going?” Bucky asked matching her pace. He was very confused as to what was going on, why would you attack Nat?

“We have to find out who her target is. I’m following her chill, but it’s fading faster than usual.” Nat said as they fought their way through a group of HYDRA agents. She had promised that they would never get you again. One of the agents uses her moment of guilt, to surprise her. Natasha stunned him with her widow’s bite, but not before the agent caught her side with his knife. Luckily, it wasn’t a deep cut. As she got up, Bucky finished off the last of the other agents. There was just a trace of where you went left, as fast as she could manage, Nat took off towards you.

You were heading toward the entrance, and while Nat had hopes that you were just trying to escape, she knew that was not the truth. As she exited the building, she saw you standing talking to the agents you came on this mission with. Bucky was about to shout your name, but Natasha stopped him. “She’s not herself right now, and we don’t want to put anyone in unnecessary danger.” She whispered creeping closer to you.

Your first mission was to recover the people who were rescued by the extraction team. HYDRA had big plans for them. The other agents were less than pleased to see that you returned, but what they didn’t know was the fate that they had hoped you would meet, was the one you were directed to give to them. You pulled a knife out of one of your pockets, hiding it until you had them right where you wanted them.

“Watch out!” Nat shouted knowing she wouldn’t get there in time to protect them. That was enough to direct the attention away from the group and onto Natasha, and Bucky. You glanced at Bucky before locking your blank eyes on Natasha. “I’m going to need you to restrain her, James. You are the one person here she won’t risk hurting.”

His face paled with confusion. How did Natasha know that, was there more here than she was letting on? But Bucky did as he was told, as you charged toward Natasha, Bucky intercepted. You tried turning invisible in hopes to trick him, but he held you tightly. After a few minutes, you stopped thrashing about like you had been deactivated.

Natasha let out a sigh as she walked over to Bucky. “The worst should be over now.” She then spoke some words in Russian, but Bucky was too confused to comprehend what she was saying. As she finished you came to, with a panicked look on your face. You looked up to see Bucky holding you, and you couldn’t hold back your tears. You felt disgraceful crying on the battlefield, but if what you think just happened, happened, crying is the least of your problems. Still not understanding exactly what was going on, but having a hunch that HYDRA had taken control, Bucky pulled you into his chest so you could calm down.

“I’m sorry, I tried, but I guess I’m not strong enough. I failed, Habiba.” You sobbed out feeling like those years of practice went down the drain.

“You didn’t fail, and you are strong enough, but they were stronger this time. We will keep working on things until I can see if Shuri can give us a hand one more time.” Natasha glanced at Bucky hoping that he was understanding everything.

What happened next was something that almost no one there was expecting. The rest of the Avengers arrived, led by none other than Nick Fury himself. “Mr. Barnes, can I ask that you sit the rest of this mission out, to watch her?” The look in his eye told Bucky that Fury needed him to protect you like you were very important to him, rather than you might have been a threat. Bucky gave him a strong nod before picking you up and carrying you to the jet Fury had brought.

“It’s okay, Doll. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” You got up to pace when he set you down, thinking about whether you should tell him about your past now or wait until later. “If you don’t mind me asking, why did the other agents call you missing piece? And does it have to do with your time in HYDRA?” You took a deep breath to steady yourself.

“Well, I guess you do deserve to know me and that means my past too.” You took a deep breath before turning to face Bucky. “Let’s start at the very beginning. My dad met my mom after my older brother was born but before me or my baby sister. My brother always held a little bit of caution because he didn’t know this man, even though they tried insisting that he was his stepdad. But that never became important.” You exhaled a laugh.

“Anyway, my father was a Hydra officer when they met, it took a while, but my mom eventually learned what he did and even assisted him when he needed it. However, shortly before my little sister was born, they decided that they wanted out of that life. My mother was in blissful ignorance about the gravity of that decision, and my father ensured she stayed that way. He knew that there was no plausible way for him to leave HYDRA without it being taken down, which at the time seemed like an impossible task. But he also knew that his family would never be safe either.” You sat down next to Bucky.

“So he made a decision, one that changed my life, one that I wish he wouldn’t have made. When my siblings and I were young we took sleepy time medicine as my father called it, because he knew it would not be safe for us to potentially wake up in the middle of the night, when he had to do business. I am pretty sure he slipped my mom some in her bedtime tea though most of the time too. I remember the night of the incident perfectly. I think mainly because I have had to recall it so many times in therapy. My baby sister had been put to bed after her bottle and my older brother drank his juice then went to bed. I had drunk mine, but as I was lying in bed, I heard my father talking to my mom. She asked what she could do to help with the plan, but he insisted that she should go have a bath and that she should take her tea to relax since us kids were already in bed.” Your breathing started to shake as you tried to continue.

“What he did next haunts me to this day. He doused the house, every inch of floor, and every person in gasoline.” Bucky let out an involuntary gasp at your words. “I can still sometimes feel and smell it on myself. There were only four bodies retrieved, but they assumed for a while it was because the ignition point was in my bedroom that there was just no body left to be found. In reality, I ran, I tried to wake everyone up when I found out what he was doing but no one would wake. So I ran. I just about slipped and if I had I still wonder if I would have gotten out in time. I had to strip to get out of my room because all of our pyjamas had chips that set off an alarm if they left the bedroom.”

A shiver shook you as you gathered your thoughts. “My room was chosen as the ignition point because my father knew that I was the only one who sometimes woke up during the effects of the medicine. So not only I was running to god knows where I still cannot remember that detail, I was doing so in nothing but my underwear. Before I got to my destination, I was suddenly unconscious. When I woke up, I was in a HYDRA base.” Bucky’s hand covered his mouth as he tried to comprehend what you had gone through.

“The officer who was there greeted me by saying, ‘Ah, subject 219 you have grown since we last got to see you. Your father tried to keep you away from us, but we knew that he would fail. He was weak, and so was the rest of your family. Oh but you, you are something special.’ I didn’t understand what any of that meant at the time. I later learned that my mother agreed to be experimented on while pregnant with me. She didn’t show any signs of the experiment, so they figured that I had taken it on myself. I didn’t start showing signs of anything strange until that traumatic moment. I’ll be honest I still don’t understand the logistics of it. The main gift that I was given was invisibility. I can make myself and anything I have on me or am holding unable to be seen by any living or man-made creation, however as you might have noticed with Nat tracking me, I make the air around me colder.” Bucky wrapped his arms around you instinctually.

“My time at HYDRA was mostly used to assist their greatest asset, which is why, I’m assuming Nat instructed you to restrain me. She, missing piece, had been programmed to never be able to inflict harm upon the winter soldier.” His grip involuntarily tightened.

“I was rescued by Fury, about 2 years later, and I lived with him at shield headquarters until I became the head of my own team. But for the first few years, Fury had to fight the law in order for me to be allowed to stay there and not be sent to a juvenile detention center. Some members of the government tried to explain that I was really young when it happened so I wouldn’t have been capable of making the distinction between right and wrong, but that was proved false. I somehow had an impeccable sense of morality. Also the severity of the incident, they knew it was no accident. I don’t remember the initial story that Fury came up with for me, but I was eventually forced to do community work and go to court-mandated therapy, so that, to quote, ‘I never did something like that again.’ Fury has tried to get that expunged from my record, but if you dig far enough it still says that I was responsible.” You buried your face into Bucky’s chest to calm your shaking.

“Sometimes I end up in my old neighbourhood for missions, and I still hear people talking about my family, and how I should have been forced to meet the same fate, even though the death penalty was never used on children. If I am ever in public, I worry that people are going to recognize me as that child even though I look almost nothing like I did back then. That child feels like a whole different person. But my court-mandated therapy is why we met, well, indirectly. I finished serving my sentence, and I have kept up with therapy, but with a therapist who actually cares about the person they are working with. I still go by the other office though to make sure everyone is alright before heading into that room because there were a few sessions that I left and I considered ending it, but Fury reminded me that there is more to life than the past.” Bucky’s heart ached for you and the pain you had been through.

“He helped me find another therapist, and I saw them simultaneously because the government only recognized one therapist for the sentence. The way she asked me questions not only felt like an interrogation but also made me feel like I was the one at fault. That is one of the main reasons people have to do special training to interrogate children. But it shouldn’t have been an interrogation.” The tears you were trying to hold back started to wet his shirt.

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he rubbed your back. Bucky couldn’t believe that someone so happy and sweet had such a terrible past. He presses his lips to your head trying to figure out what to say in a moment like that. “You don’t have to say anything, I get that this is a lot of information.” You reassured him. Being that vulnerable took a lot out of you, so you curled deeper into him to rest for a little while. “Just rest, Doll. You are safe with me.”

Epilogue

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randomfandomlov3 · 10 months

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Price of love (Chapter 6)

Warnings: Carelessness. Talk of injury, and sacrifice. Swearing. Let me know if I missed any.

Note: I have always found emotion words that cannot be perfectly translated into English to be fascinating. Thank you for reading! <3

Word Count~ 2628

It had been 3 weeks since you left, and the air in the tower was tense. You brightened up every room that you walked into. Without you, Tony was more sleep-deprived, Wanda was more overwhelmed, Steve felt annoyed by everything, and Bucky was his usual grumpy self according to Sam. You were strolling through the streets of a small town in Europe when your phone went off.

“I know you said that you needed to take this vacation to find yourself, but I’ll be honest with you, the Avengers have been falling apart since you left. They are getting uncharacteristically sloppy out in the field; in fact, I have had to suspend most of them from missions right now. The only one whose behaviour hasn’t changed much is Barnes, so he is still allowed certain solo missions.” Fury rambled as soon as you answered your phone. “Barnes will be out on a mission for a week but if you could even just briefly come back and kick their butts for me, I would appreciate it.” You waited for him to stop talking so that you could actually have a moment to speak.

“You know the locals of all these towns I have visited have helped me find myself and deal with my struggles, so yeah, I can come back for a little bit. I cannot promise I won’t have to leave again but, at least to get them back in gear.” You said feeling grateful for all the locals, and the languages that you learned pieces of. They had much easier ways to describe how you were feeling. You exchanged goodbyes before you started to pack up and book a flight back. The entire way back you thought about what those past three weeks had meant to you and your journey. Their medical experts were also amazing at helping with pain management for your shoulder.

After meeting with Fury to understand what has been going on with the team, you headed to the tower. Taking a deep breath, you exited the elevator to get to the common room. A frown graced your face when you heard the yelling. It sounded like Steve and Tony were at each other’s throats for some reason. You rolled your eyes and put on your best smile, to prepare yourself for the battleground that you were about to walk into.

Nat looked annoyed at the men who had their backs to you. But then she spotted you and she could not conceal her gasp. “You’re back? Why didn’t you tell us you were coming back?” Nat jumped up to give you a big hug. That stopped the fighting going on as they turned to look at you. Everybody rushed over to get a hug.

“I’m actually back because Fury asked me to. He told me that you guys are getting sloppy and have been suspended from missions for the foreseeable future. Come on guys I know you are better than this. Tony, there’s a reason I got you that coffee pot that also acts as an alarm, so you have your coffee, but you also go to bed on time. The things in your baskets were chosen carefully for each of you. So that you guys would be fine while I was away, but that’s fine, I have some time, that I can stay and build a routine with. But I don’t yet know how long I will be staying, so please take every lesson seriously.” You plopped down onto the couch as you finished your spiel. The disappointment on everyone’s faces made your heart ache, and you wondered if you would be able to leave them again.

His muscles ached as he got off of the jet and started to head toward his room. He was planning to stop in the common area to let everyone know that he was back before he went to shower. As Bucky approached the common room, he heard a laugh he hasn’t heard in a long time. It sent pain and guilt straight to his heart. The one thing he had been trying to hide since you left. Needing to confirm his suspicion he stepped quietly into the room, but his sneakiness was destroyed when Steve spotted him.

“Buck look who’s back!” You glanced back at him with a soft smile on your face. All your feelings were still there but you could now label them and understand them better.

“Did your mission go alright?” You asked trying to get a clue if he got hurt. The look on his face looked like he was in pain, and you were not sure if you would rather it had been from the mission, or from seeing you.

He gave a shaky nod before glancing around the room. “When did you get back?” He tried to ask with as much nonchalance as he could.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be staying here too long, in the blink of an eye I will be out of your way again. Just here on request of Fury to get the team back in gear.” The smile on your face faltered ever so slightly.

His surprised look faded to what Sam would describe as his usual grumpy face. You then headed to your room to grab something you had gotten Bucky as a final gift and souvenir. It was the one thing you remember him and Steve talking about all the time. Some of his things including his dress uniform from the Smithsonian. Just as you were about to head out with the box in your arms a knock sounded at your door. You set the box back down to deal with whoever was at your door. With the biggest smile you could, you opened the door, but you faltered when you saw Bucky Barnes nervously standing on the other side.

“Look I want to apologize for the way I have treated you.” He stared at his feet while he talked, but the scent of blood distracted you.

“You're bleeding!” You carefully pulled him into your bathroom and sat him on the edge of the tub. His eyes traced every worried line on your face, and he longed to wipe them away, but he knew it was not his place.

“You really don’t have to do this; the serum will have me fixed right away.” He brushed off your attempt. He knew that you must just feel obligated to help him because Fury brought you back to help the team, so he must have noticed Bucky getting more careless with his life in the field. When the concern didn’t leave your face, in fact, it worsened when you go to pull his suit off his arms to get to the wound and he winced, he felt slightly guilty.

“If he ignores wounds when they are actively bleeding, how many missions has he nearly died in, and I haven’t been here to help him, for my own selfish reasons.” You thought to yourself as you exposed the wound and went to grab the first aid kit from under the sink. You walked him through everything that you were doing, trying to keep your voice level.

His head spun at the care you showed for him. “Can I ask you a question, Doll?” You paused briefly to look into his eyes with a nod. “Why did you write so much else to the others, but you just wrote that you were sorry on mine? And a follow-up question, what were you apologizing for?”

You had to swallow the lump that formed in your throat when you thought about the conversation you needed to have. “Well, umm…” Tears tried to fight their way into your eyes.

Bucky noticed how hard you were fighting to keep yourself together. He wanted to tell you to forget his stupid question, but he needed answers that have plagued his nights for the past month.

“I knew I had to have upset you, and I wanted to apologize for it. You avoided me for the few days before I left, and you specifically requested that I not be the one to administer your shot. So if you couldn’t even trust me anymore to be professional around you, I knew I must have fucked up badly. So as I wrote, I’m sorry.” You continued to work, and you hoped that he didn’t still feel uncomfortable with you helping him. Staring at the floor, you waited for him to respond.

“Doll, you didn’t upset me. I just know that you deserve someone who isn’t going to get you shot on missions.” Bucky averted his eyes from your face when you looked up in surprise. “I figured by giving you space, maybe you would forget about me and move on. I didn’t want to hurt you and because of me you were shot.”

You gently finished patching up his injury before sitting on the floor. “All it did was make me feel mágoa, and according to some locals of one of the places I visited, I had most likely gone through onsra. When I stopped in Portugal, I learned that one of the things I was feeling would be called Saudade.”

Bucky looked up at you with a blank expression. “Look, Doll, I am really sorry. But I understood none of the words you just said.” The slight laugh that left you had him feeling even more confused.

You looked down at your hands in your lap. “They are emotion words that don’t translate perfectly to English. Mágoa is a heart-breaking feeling, usually by being hurt by someone, that leaves long-lasting traces, visible in gestures and facial expressions. Onsra the bittersweet feeling of loving for the last time or realizing your love won’t last. And saudade is a somewhat melancholic feeling of incompleteness; longing for something that might never return. I also learned that increasing your emotional dictionary, allows you to be able to process those emotions better. Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear about all that.” You had a tendency to start rambling about things that you found interesting.

He reached a hand down to lift your chin, so you would look him in the eyes, and his thumb brushed away a stray tear. “Doll don’t apologize. I love to hear you talk especially about things that fascinate you. I am truly sorry that I made you feel all that, but at least you are alive.” Bucky removed his hand from your face, not wanting to set back the progress you had made.

“I need you to be honest with me.” You said with as much conviction as you could muster. The nod he gave you made you hope he would be. “Do you have feelings for me?”

“Doll, that doesn't matter, I am going to get you hurt.” His vague answer made your heart flutter in both a good and bad way.

“I need you to tell me the truth, then maybe you can understand why I did what I did. And why I would do it again in a heartbeat.” You gave him a warning look.

“Fine, yes, I do, and I have since you were going around the therapy office, asking if anyone needed anything.” The blush that covered his face, made you smile, and it gave you a glimmer of hope. You took his hand and lead him out of the bathroom. He followed behind you very confused.

“I protect the people that I care about, and even if you didn’t want me to, you are one of the people I care about the deepest. The reason why I was close enough to be able to protect you, is I had a feeling that the fear training wouldn’t work in the same way for you because, besides Steve, you had already lost everything that mattered. Hydra had even made you sometimes be the one to do it. Fear is something that you know too well, but you also have associated it with pain.” You explained everything that you had read about him and the exceptions to the fear training. His hand was trembling in his lap as he tried to stop it with the vibranium hand. Gently placing yours on top, you got his attention. “Can I ask you a question?”

He nodded trying to analyze the look in your eyes. The words he tried to say got caught in his throat at the thought of what you might ask him. His focus returned to you when he felt your thumb stroke over his hand.

“If one of your teammates, or agents on the mission, were in a situation where you could intervene and get shot and survive, or they would die, what would you pick?” You asked as gently as you could.

“I would get shot in a heartbeat. Especially if it was you, doll.” He responded quietly with a blush. You started to blush too. Maybe he was finally understanding why you did it. “But also I am a super soldier, it doesn’t take me long to heal.” You rolled your eyes. Or maybe he didn’t understand.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you would save someone’s life, even if it meant getting hurt. For you Bucky, honestly, you would be worth dying for. Not that I am planning on it, but if it ever happened, that would be the best way to go.” The sigh that left your lips caused Bucky to look up at your face again. He saw peace, but also some turmoil. “Anyway, umm, I had actually come to my room to get the gift I was going to give you. I wasn’t able to prepare it before I left, so I hope you like it.”

You got up and crossed the room to the box on your chair. It was an awkward size to carry so you were thankful you didn’t have to go far.

As you placed the box in his lap, he looked very confused. He wondered what he had done to deserve, something like this because it couldn’t have been something small and easy.

“Open it,” you prompted gently when he continued to stare at you.

He started to open the present with the utmost care. His breath hitched when he saw what was inside. “Doll, h-how did you get these? Steve said that he had been wrestling with them for a while, but they didn’t want to give them up.” You smirked causing him to worry that you had stolen them.

“No, I didn’t steal them. I may have given them some replicas from other veterans whose families didn’t see the value in them and explained that no museum-goer would be able to tell the difference. I apparently can be very persuasive when I want to be. They handed your things over without a fuss.” He looked up at you with glassy eyes, before he set the box down and pulled you into the tightest hug, he could without hurting either of you.

“Doll, thank you so much.” Bucky started to profusely thank you when there was a knock on the open door.

“Buck? I take it the apology went well.” Steve smiled briefly forgetting why he was there. When you both just stared at him, he realized that he came there for a reason. “Oh right, I just got a call from the Smithsonian, they have my things for me, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. Maybe we can get your stuff back after all.” Bucky grinned pulling away from the hug.

“I already got my things, but I would love to come with to thank them,” Bucky mentioned giving your hand one last squeeze before leaving the room with Steve.

Chapter 7

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #beautiful art #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader

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randomfandomlov3 · 10 months

Text

Price of love (Chapter 5)

Warnings: Angst. Crying. Let me know if I missed any.

Note: Thank you for reading! <3

Word Count~ 2110

He knew that his best friend just did what he thought would be in his best interest, but boy did it hurt to lose her. After he dropped you off at your room, Bucky went to find Steve. He knocked on his best friend’s bedroom door. When the door opened Steve is in shock to see Bucky standing there looking almost nervous. Steve welcomed him into the room and closed the door. “Hey Punk, I wanted to say that I am sorry for how I acted. It’s just that she was one of the best people I had ever met and felt comfortable around. I realize that I am just as much to blame for not telling you off sooner. But I was worried that maybe you were right, and maybe she deserves better than me. I did realize though, that I don’t want to lose you again.” Bucky put his arms out for a hug from his best friend.

Steve gave Bucky a soft smile before returning the hug. “I’m sorry that I meddled in things, Buck. I thought that experience would be good for you, but I knew you wouldn’t do it without incentive, I am really sorry if I messed things up. But just know anyone would be lucky to date you.”

He felt Bucky shake, as he felt tears on his shirt. “What if she was the only one out there for me, and I went and lost her.”

Steve’s heart ached. “I promise things will work out how they are supposed to.” They stood like that for a few minutes before Bucky collected himself and apologized. “You don’t have to apologize for this, I will always be here for you.” After they went their separate ways, Steve knew what he needed to do.

Your bag was empty, and you were trying to get a feel for the room when a knock interrupted your thoughts. When you opened the door, you saw Steve standing there. “Look, I wanted to apologize. I was the one who came up with the stupid idea of paying Bucky to date someone. I was just trying to get him back out there, and more comfortable with others. I can tell I was wrong though; he is heartbroken over this. Did you know he even refused the money after?” His words made you feel heavy.

“But then why didn’t he turn down your offer in the first place?” You were still unsure whether he cared for you.

“He was afraid. He thought that you deserved better than what he could give you. Someone with less baggage. But I promise he is worth getting to know.”

A soft smile graced your face. “I know, I had just started to get through his hard exterior. But I wish he would have let me make that choice for myself because I think that he might be it for me. Why am I telling you this? It doesn’t matter anyway; he would never see me like that after how I reacted.” You went to close the door on Steve, to go cry into your pillow.

He put his hand on the door to stop you. “I disagree, he is very much so still into you. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but he just spent a good 10 minutes crying into my shirt about you.” This shocked you; the unfazed assassin was crying over you. “Just think about it.” He took his leave, leaving you with your thoughts. Did Bucky really feel that way about you?

Probably one of the most terrifying things to do was to be seen entering the medical wing by the team. You were bombarded with questions about why you were going to the med bay, and if it had anything to do with you having been away for a couple weeks. Too tired to answer them you allowed them to follow you into the room where Helen said for you to meet her.

She looked around at all the people and back at you to make sure that you were okay with all of them being there. “Yeah, I don’t have the energy to explain everything to them right now so I was hoping you could,” You said with a big grin on your face, to keep up your sunshine persona.

"Well, okay then. How's your shoulder been feeling?" You gave it some gentle movements.

"It's been a little bit sore, but definitely better than it has been," you said, taking off your sweater to reveal the bandage.

"That's to be expected, you were shot in the shoulder, just 2 weeks ago. Now, let's take a look to see how it's healing." The room filled with gasps when she mentioned that you were shot. You didn’t notice Bucky leave the room. Dr. Cho took the gauze off and gave it a gentle wipe to not only check your pain response but also to remove any of the leftover cream. "It looks like it is healing just fine, and you should be able to get your antidote shot at the scheduled time. It doesn't look like you need any more antibiotics, but if anything about it changes come back to see me. And you can take ibuprofen for the pain from here on out, but once again if it doesn't work come back and see me." She reapplied the dressing and told you when she wanted to see you next. You went to the kitchen and smiled upon seeing Bucky standing there, but your bubble burst when he glanced at you before leaving the room. Maybe he was just trying to give you space to figure things out.

He never stayed in the same room as you over the next few days. What if Steve and Sam were wrong? What if he didn't like you anymore? What could you have done to upset him? Spotting Bucky across the room as you set up your station for the injections made your heart ache, you wanted to be happy, but he seemed to hate you. The first thing you did was give yourself the injection and shock so that you could be ready when everyone else arrived. “Agent Roberts? What are you doing here? Didn’t you get your shot already?”

She nodded as she came over to you. “One of the people who have an appointment today requested that they have anybody but you. I’m sorry, but after the agent you shocked, some people are a little wary of this.”

You faked a smile because you had a suspicion that that was not the case, but rather it was personal. She listened very closely to the instructions you gave her for the people who were there for accommodations not just because they were not able to get the shot the other time. Bucky overheard you and his chest hurt, hearing how much you cared.

You left the room trying to hide your broken heart. You decided to go for a walk to get some fresh air and clear your thoughts. Feeling your phone vibrate, you pulled it out to see a text from Natasha. “I heard that you left before the shots were given out is everything okay?”

You wondered who told her because the only one she really knew from the room is Bucky. “Everything is fine it was just requested that I don’t give them out.” You sent back, hoping she would drop the topic.

“Did you get yours though?” A sigh left your lips, you knew that she cared about you, but you didn’t want to talk about that anymore.

“Yes, I did.” You then turned your phone off to have a little bit of peace. The walk ended up leading you to a small café that you went to with Bucky on one of your dates. Feeling nostalgic you decided to go inside and get something to drink.

The lady at the front counter recognized you, but also the look of sadness on your face. “You need a chocolate milkshake, but if you ask me no man could ever be better than a chocolate milkshake.” She said to make you laugh.

“I do like me a chocolate milkshake. Alright, I’ll get one.” A newfound smile graced your face. Taking the milkshake, you went to sit in a booth by the window, to go through your thoughts.

As you were staring out the window a certain redhead comes to sit across from you. “You’ve been distant lately. Is there something on your mind?” Wanda asked setting down her milkshake.

That earned a smirk out of you. “You tell me.”

She looked down at her hands. “Okay, so your thoughts haven’t been very quiet, but I promise I only looked at them when I was concerned for your well-being. I hate seeing you so upset.”

You took a sip of your milkshake before answering, “I understand, I was just teasing you. I don’t mind you peeking in every now and then, it makes me feel cared for.”

The smile that covered her face made you smile as well. “I truly do care about you, which is why I think that you should focus on yourself right now because you are still trying to heal from the injury that you sustained on the battlefield. You need to do what’s best for you, and I promise to help you in whatever ways I can.” She lifted her glass to cheers yours.

“Thank you, Wanda. This means the world to me.” Once you both finished your milkshakes, you stood and hugged her. “I will see you back at the tower shortly, first I want to grab some things from the store.” You said your goodbyes and went your separate ways.

Re-entering your room you dropped the bags onto the floor. In the first bag you opened, you pulled out baskets. You arranged them all on the floor careful not to step on any as you went to grab the next bag. Bag by bag you built up these baskets to say thank you to the Avengers for how welcoming they had been, and essentially saying goodbye. Each of them was signed with a sunshine 🔆. You had to do what was best for you, and right now that was not staying here. They all had training right now, so it was the perfect time, you grabbed the baskets and placed one by each of their doors. Then you grabbed your bag and left the tower.

They were all very confused to see cute little baskets outside of each of their doors. Natasha picked up hers and read the note. “Thank you, Habiba. I need to do what’s best for me but let’s stay in touch.”

Sam also read his. “Thank you so much, for everything you have helped me with lately Sam. I will be gone for a while, but I would love to stay in touch.”

Each of the notes was personalized at least a little, but all Bucky’s said was, “I’m sorry.”

Wanda was proud that you took her advice, but she was going to miss seeing your bubbly face around the tower. “Does anyone’s say where sunshine is going?” Tony asked feeling slightly sad that you wouldn’t be around to randomly bring him coffee when he stayed up in his lab way too late.

Everyone just shook their heads. “Just that she will be away for a while,” Sam said, looking between everybody.

Bucky’s brow furrowed when he realized that you left longer messages on the others’, but he just got an apology, but he didn’t even understand why.

“What about you, Buck? I imagine she left you a longer message.” His heart shattered at his best friend's comment.

“All she wrote were the words ‘I’m sorry’ that’s it.” He then entered his room closing the door behind him. Why were you apologizing to him? He was the one who messed up. He was the one who got you shot. He was the one who broke your heart. What could you have had to apologize for?

You were not quite sure what you wanted to do forever, but right now, a vacation was needed. “Hey, Fury?” He hummed in response. “I was hoping I would be able to take a vacation for a while, you know, get out of the city and maybe find myself.”

You stared at your shoes, wondering what would be worse, being allowed to go, or being made to stay. “I think it would do you some good, we will miss you around here, but you being at your best will be what is best for your team.”

Chapter 6

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader

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