pxaoaxp

[pxaoaxp]

i binged.

i literally cant stop crying, my eyes are sore. i feel like i deserve to DIE. im shaking, im crying. i would throw up but im in the hospital rn.

the only thing that keeps me up rn is that in leaving in 3 days and then i will starve myself like never.

#binge #addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #self h@rm #st4rv1ng #tw ana rant #depressing shit #pro for me not for thee #anor3c1a #i wanna lose weight

[pxaoaxp]

to have skinny body, first you need skinny mind-set

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #self h@rm #st4rv1ng #tw ana rant #depressing shit #pro for me not for thee #anor3c1a #i wanna lose weight #🕯️as a feather #skinnyyy

[pxaoaxp]

eating disorder ruins relationship with my mom so much.

she always get so mad at me when i dont eat. she doesnt understand. eating makes me cry, shake, purge and shes making it all worse. i cant keep living like this. i need her to stop forcing me if she wants me to eat. i just want her to be nice about it and i want her to understand. fuck.

i have also only 2 months to lose like 10kg ( i know it seens kinda crazy but ive done it before) because im going on vacation and when i think about it - i literally cannot push food thru my throat, like im blocked or something. and thats so good but when she force me to eat - im fucking dying on the inside.

so yeah, dont starve yourself.

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #self h@rm #st4rv1ng #tw ana rant #depressing shit #pro for me not for thee #anor3c1a #i wanna lose weight #ana trigger #ana meal #anorexcya #light as a feather #th1nsp1ration #tw restrictive ed #thinspø #thin$po #$elf h4rm #tw ed diet #ed behaviour tw #tw disordered eating #ed but not ed sheeran #ed dairy #tw ed sheeran

[pxaoaxp]

we’re ed girlies, of course we support recovery! (just not our own)

[pxaoaxp]

hey you’re not the only one there that failed to fail, things will work out in some way

thanks for your support, i really appreciate it 🤍

[pxaoaxp]

i had a suicide attempt today.

i survived. i literally "failed to fail".

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #self h@rm #tw ana trigger #ana meal #depressing shit #ed behaviour tw #st4rv1ng #tw ana rant #self h@te #schizophrenia #tw: suidice #suidical

[pxaoaxp]

the worst thing is that even if i will ever recover from ana, i will never forget because "stop eating" is literally carved into my thigh bro 💯

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #self h@rm #tw ana trigger #st4rv1ng #tw ana rant #pro for me not for thee #ed behaviour tw #ana trigger #ana meal #tw ana diary #ana bllog #anor3c1a #tw ed diet #tw restrictive ed #tw disordered eating #ed disorder #depressing shit #anorexcya #i wanna lose weight #light as a feather #ed not sheeren #skinnyyy #skinnyspø #it is what it is

[pxaoaxp]

haiii, so i had to stay the hospital :// its not that bad but BRO HOW TF IM GONNA SKIP MEALS💀

ill try to throw them out or i will just not eat lmao

todays calories: i think like 450 or 500.

burned: about 200.

_______________________________________________

(shit post)

so as you know im staying in the hospital and i had to weight myself and its so bad and so good at the same time. cause i weight so much and its disgusting BUT i thought i weighted like 4 kilograms more 💪🏻

the bad side though its that i feel like im gonna cry tomorrow if im gonna be forced to eat. like, FUCK NO i aint eating 💯💯

im feeling so euphoric too, gosh i missed this feeling so much. i love you ana so much.

bye byee!!! (im probably gonna post today🫣)

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #self h@rm #tw ana trigger #st4rv1ng #tw ana rant #pro for me not for thee #ed behaviour tw #depressing shit #tw ana diary #ana bllog #ana trigger #ana meal #tw ed diet #tw restrictive ed #tw disordered eating

[pxaoaxp]

BITCHES IM SO SCAREDZ IM IN A HOSPITAL RN AND I MIGHT HAVE TO STAY HERE BECAUSE OF MY HEALTH PROBLEMS.

KILL ME AAALAKAKAA

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #self h@rm #tw ana trigger #st4rv1ng #tw ana rant #pro for me not for thee #ed behaviour tw

[pxaoaxp]

(shit post)

update: i actually didnt starve myself and i ate over 1000cal (💀) BECAUSE im so sick, i have a very bad fever. ive been sick for 3 weeks now and its not getting better so i decided that im gonna eat because i need to get out of this and when im gonna be finally healthy im gonna starve and workout!!

its so hard for me to eat but i just need to rn.

also im going crazy mentally. like, my therapist told me couple months ago that i either have very bad anxiety or schizofrenia. now i feel like i know the answer but also im undiagosned so i dont know whats going on really. ive been hallucinating again, my thoughts arent mine, i cant sleep at all because i feel and see things that arent there. it SUCKS.

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #self h@rm #tw ana trigger #st4rv1ng #tw ana rant #pro for me not for thee #ed behaviour tw #ed not sheeren #tw ana diary #tw ed diet #tw restrictive ed #tw disordered eating #self h@te #ana bllog #ana trigger #schizophrenia #ana meal #anorexcya #anor3c1a #depressing shit

[pxaoaxp]

(about the last post..)

i know its seems pretty chill, the rules and stuff. i could just start by eating 100 calories a day but i know damn well that when i put myself into so much pressure i just end up binging. so im giving myself more "space" - one day i will eat 500 calories, one day 900 calories, one day 200 calories, and one day i will fast. it will depend on how i feel. i really want to give myself more comfort because i know its gonna be easier to me. i want to trust myself with food.

i just dont wanna lose myself during weight loss again, like i did last year. thats it.

good nightttt!!!

🍽️🐚🪽🕊️💌

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw restrictive ed #⭐️ving #tw ana rant #st4rv1ng

[pxaoaxp]

(shit post)

so im relapsing for real this time but i think that this time it may be better because ive been through it already so now i know my mistakes, what should i do and what i should not.

my main thing is not to purge because i dont want my face to look puffy and purging is very bad for me so yeah.

i wrote this in my notes and im gonna stick to it. i will be giving updates on how its going.

⬇️⬇️⬇️

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw restrictive ed #⭐️ving #tw ana trigger #ed not ed sheeran #i wanna lose weight #weight loss #ana trigger #ana bllog #ana meal #ed behaviour tw #ed not sheeren #ed disorder #it is what it is #shitpost #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm

[pxaoaxp]

realest post i saw today

#addiction #female manipulator #girlblogging #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw restrictive ed #⭐️ving

[pxaoaxp]

i hate alcohol so much.

but its the only way i can escape from reality that doesnt even exist.

#⭐️ving #tw disordered eating #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #tw ana diary #girlblogging #alcohol #female #female manipulator #addiction #self h@rm