poemsfrommynotesapp

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

it’s a cold november day. the sky is bleary and it’s starting to rain. i send you a list of groceries and you pick them up at the store on your way to mine. when you arrive, i have a hot chocolate ready for you. i wrap you in a little blanket as you sit and watch me make comfort food for us. we chat happily about everything and nothing at all as the rain patters outside my window and the hot pan sizzles softly. we eat and cuddle on the couch, and i fall asleep to the sound of some lighthearted tv show that we’re watching together. life is good.

#manifesting #prose #words #i’m falling back in love again with my partner and i want to dream about the life that we could share if things go well #i’m nostalgic for a future that might not even happen #but i want it so bad #and for the first time in my life #it feels like that future might be within my grasp #i hope i’m not blinded by my love and optimism though

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

how do i tell you you’re my dream boy when i know i’m not your dream girl

—quokka

#thoughts for down under #poetry #words #haiku #poems

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

everytime i think about you      i cry

when i think about the person i want next to me      in my kitchen, with the soft morning light streaming in      late at night, with you coming home to me in my bed      in my life, as i walk through the streets and the autumn leaves start to fall i think about you      or if not you, then someone like you      who i have chemistry with      who doesn’t bat an eyelash at any of the identities that i hold      someone who sees me as so completely human      and someone who i can have fun with      who is stunned by me      but who also puts me in my place when i deserve it      someone who challenges me mentally and is careful with me physically

when i remember you      i remember you as liking me back      your cheeky smile      your long eyelashes and those warm eyes looking down at me      your satisfied little grin      and that little patch of hair in your beard where the hair grew thicker those memories are mine      even though you aren’t      even though      one day      you’ll be someone else’s

i forget      the excuses for why you couldn’t meet up with me      the way you would always be an hour late      when you told me that you didn’t have feelings for me like that      the way you ghosted me      and the way you moved on so easily

do you believe in falling in love with someone      even though you only had 3 months with them? i didn’t      but i did it anyway.

—i want someone like you, but i’m scared that you’ll be the only one for me

#thoughts for down under #poetry #words #poems #free verse

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

i want to haunt you the way you haunt me

#thoughts for down under #words

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

i just want to pretend that someone could like me back

#thoughts for down under #words

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

— Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena

[text ID:   Yesterday I advised you not to write me every day, I still hold the same opinion today and it would be very good for both of us, and so I repeat my advice today even more emphatically- only please, Milena, don't listen to me, and write me every day anyway, it can even be very brief, briefer than today's letters, just 2 lines, just one, just one word, but if I had to go without them I would suffer terribly.]

#thoughts for down under #not mine

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

in my waking hours,     i don’t love you anymore.     i haven’t in a while.

in dreams, however,    you always appear—not as     a brand new lover

   but always as one     who I’ve walked through life with, who      understands my soul. 

congratulations,     you thwarted The Fates. I think     they planned for us to 

   grow old together,     or maybe even just for     us to be first loves

but when I confessed    that I thought you might be the     one, you took the thread

   from the hands of the     Moirai and wove it into     a different pattern. 

–– i guess morpheus just never got the memo

#it’s been 2 years and this man is still in my dreams #when will he get the fuck out #hoping that with the relevance of sandman more ppl will read this poem #genuinely think it might be the best thing i’ve written in my life #also hope that morpheus will get the memo and have me stop dreaming about this man finally #words #poems #poem #tumblr poetry #haiku

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

filled with lust for some fucking guy

#fumbling on bumble

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

(an open letter to the boy who fucked me today)

when i pictured this moment where i opened my legs to someone for the first time i had imagined that i would have more control over the situation

i knew, going into the encounter, that i wasn’t emotionally attached to you which i was completely at peace with

i had thought that i would derive more pleasure from playing with you since i had made you come unexpectedly the last time and that had filled me with a giddy rush

i left our last encounter with my head held high knowing that in both our eyes, i had left a winner and you had left, cheeks pink with embarrassment

(and that had happened even though you had been warned; i had told you that i had a mean streak)

but today you entered with a sort of easy sense of belonging that i have only ever witnessed on the shoulders of men and today you entered me with a sense of violence

i permitted it because you had asked and because in the moment, i thought i had control

and when you asked to come inside i let you because i thought it ironic that you were finishing in a corpse

and even though after you finished, we had joked that i had won again looking back, i think i lost.

#to be clear this is not about rape #i gave my sober consent #it's just about sex that i kind of regret #but only just a little #mostly my attitude about it is that it was fine it was a thing that happened #i am not a person who subscribes to the concept of virginity at all #so like i'm whatever about it #fumbling on bumble #poetry #prose #putting a tw for sexual assault here though bc i know this could be potentially triggering for some ppl #tw sexual assault #sexual assault tw #words #oh and also to be clear a condom was used #stay safe kids!!!! use protection #tw necrophilia #i guess? #the line about finishing in a corpse is just about me being incredibly dead inside

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

it’s august, and i’m in the mood for love.

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

sometimes my body doesn’t feel real because it isn’t being held

—conditional reality; i was made to be loved

#touch starved #tumblr poetry #words #haiku #poem #poems #poetry

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

man sometimes i forget that some people aren’t even a little bit queer.

#fumbling on bumble

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

the truth of it is i have never been living my life for myself

—i consider everyone, but no one considers me

#depression #words #haiku #poem #poems #poetry

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

“All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack. This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth? The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen. At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours. Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk. But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting. The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate. They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole. And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.”

— Writings For Winter - For Twenty Year-Olds who have never been loved  (via beepboopboopbeep)

#not mine #fumbling on bumble

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

i’m so tired of growing up lonely!!!! you’ve constantly just been on the sidelines, trying to observe how other people live, how other people love and when someone deigns to talk to you you freeze up. you want to love and be loved so bad, but you’ve never done it before and you’re so scared of doing something wrong, of not being interesting, of being too ugly, of disappointing the other person and so you do what you’ve always done, which is retreat. you’ve been alone too long and you don’t know how to say yes, I’m interested, yes I want to see you, yes I want to feel you and know you and do nothing with you without coming off as desperate saying it directly. your mind goes crazy making calculations trying to figure out whether things would work with them, whether you can make it work with them, forgetting that you’re extrapolating data from a sample size of zero. at this point you don’t know if the butterflies in your stomach are caused by the person you’re talking to or the anticipation that yes yes yes this is finally going to happen, it’s finally going to happen to ME! your heart is beating so fast you think it’s going to burst and half of you wishes that they would just reject you so that your nerves could get some rest but the other half of you doesn’t know if you can handle another rejection, another person looking at you and thinking oh, nothing special here, I can do better than *that* and leaving you behind.

#not poetry #fumbling on bumble

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

love & isolation are so strange because in solitude, u create all these perfect scenarios for your imaginary darling—you would cut them fruit & dance in the kitchen & always kiss them twice in case the first one doesn't take properly—but as soon as you're given the chance, you fumble. it's so mortifying, having not practiced but so much time to plan it out, & you finally get your shot & you can hardly hold their hand or meet their eyes. you want love so badly & you've been deprived of others for so long, your actual capability is distorted. you wince at their touch or can only leave them small gifts when you're out of the room. the intensity increases, the thought that you don't deserve softness heightens. it's a terrible cycle: wanting & wanting & letting that want turn to a festering that ruins it before you can reel yourself back

#not mine #fumbling on bumble

[poemsfrommynotesapp]

it’s so unfair that i only ever get to go home in my dreams

—international kid

#far from home #lonely in the little city #poetry #haiku #poem #poems #words #tumblr poetry