nobody-cares-like-they-use-to

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

“I just want someone to be truly happy because of me. Someone who is happy to see me, happy to hear me, happy to know me.”

— Unknown

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

Don’t ask someone with dementia if they “know your name” or “remember you”

If I can, I always opt to ditch my name tag in a dementia care environment. I let my friends with dementia decide what my name is: I’ve been Susan, Gwendolyn, and various peoples’ kids. I’ve been so many identities to my residents, too: a coworker, a boss, a student, a sibling, a friend from home, and more. 

Don’t ask your friend with dementia if they “remember your name” — especially if that person is your parent, spouse, or other family member. It’s quite likely to embarrass them if they can’t place you, and, frankly, it doesn’t really matter what your name is. What matters is how they feel about you.

Here’s my absolute favorite story about what I call, “Timeline Confusion”:

Alicia danced down the hallway, both hands steadily on her walker. She moved her hips from side to side, singing a little song, and smiled at everyone she passed. Her son, Nick, was walking next to her.

Nick was probably one of the best caregivers I’d ever met. It wasn’t just that he visited his mother often, it was how he visited her. He was patient and kind—really, he just understood dementia care. He got it.

Alicia was what I like to call, “pleasantly confused.” She thought it was a different year than it was, liked to sing and dance, and generally enjoyed her life.

One day, I approached the pair as they walked quietly down the hall. Alicia smiled and nodded at everyone she passed, sometimes whispering a, “How do you do!”

“Hey, Alicia,” I said. “We’re having a piano player come in to sing and play music for us. Would you like to come listen?”

“Ah, yes!” she smiled back. “My husband is a great singer,” she said, motioning to her son.

Nick smiled and did not correct her. He put his hand gently on her shoulder and said to me, “We’ll be over there soon.”

I saw Nick again a few minutes later while his mom was occupied with some other residents. “Nick,” I said. “Does your mom usually think that you’re her husband?”

Nick said something that I’ll never forget.

“Sometimes I’m me, sometimes I’m my brother, sometimes I’m my dad, and sometimes I’m just a friend. But she always knows that she loves me,” he smiled.

Nick had nailed it. He understood that, because his mom thought it was 1960, she would have trouble placing him on a timeline.

He knew that his mom recognized him and he knew that she loved him. However, because of her dementia, she thought it was a different year. And, in that year, he would’ve been a teenager.

Using context clues (however mixed up the clues were) Alicia had determined that Nick was her husband: he was the right age, he sure sounded and looked like her husband, and she believed that her son was a young man.

This is the concept that I like to call timeline confusion. It’s not that your loved one doesn’t recognize you, it’s that they can’t place you on a timeline.

What matters is how they feel about you. Not your name or your exact identity.

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

Fortesa Latifi, from The Truth About Grief.

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

“I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted.”

— Unknown

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

-William Wordsworth

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

Ain’t this the fucking truth!!!

“No one notices your tears, no one notices your sadness, no one notices your pain but they all notice your mistakes.”

— Unknown

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

i like the concept of soulmates—not a “you’re destined to meet me, and love me” kind of soulmate, but a “i’d pick you, every time.” kind of soulmate. a “no matter what happens, and what has happened, i want to go through it with you.” kind of soulmate. a “i love you by choice, and you’re a blessing, and i’m going to continue thinking about you this way not because i have to but because i want to.” kind of soulmate. a “you help me rest easy when everything is difficult” kind of soulmate. a “in every possible outcome, i want you there, to share it with me.” kind of soulmate.

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

i love chilling with people that make me forget i have a phone.

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

I just want to feel, for once, like I’m the only one in the world for you. Like you can’t, don’t know how to keep your hands or eyes off of me.

#love #life #feelings #words #relationship quotes #deep #relationships

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

“Unless you open up and share your feelings, no one can understand what you’re going through.”

— Kim Taehyung

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

“I thought about how you’re shaped so much by the people who surround you, and how careful you have to be in choosing them for this exact reason, and then I thought, despite all that, in the end maybe you have to lose them all in order to truly find yourself.”

— Jojo Moyes, Still Me

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

“If you have to speculate if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they don’t. It’s not that complicated. Don’t waste moments waiting and wondering. Don’t throw away your time dreaming of someone who doesn’t want you. No one is that amazing, and certainly not someone who would pass you up.”

— Donna Lynn (via thoughtkick)

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

But how?!?

“We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Overthinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. Just let it naturally evolve”

— Unknown

#unknown #motivation #quotes #relationship quotes #literature #writing #words #love

[nobody-cares-like-they-use-to]

I saw play by play in my head as I read this!!!

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.