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I mean they are not wrong. I think my students know me better than I know myself.
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Teaching is hard. It's not for everyone. It's a draining, exhausting, exciting and wonderful profession. This year has been hard on a mental level. I'm emotionally exhausted from the amount of behaviors that I'm dealing with. I have kids with a variety of things going on with them. I am reluctant to say issues because issues are negative. I'm tired. This is 3 years in to my profession and 3 years into a pandemic. I'm not ready to quit because I'm not going to. Something has to change though because we are going nowhere. I am not a therapist. Please people of Tumblr who are parents, administrators and others understand that some teachers are leaving the profession because we are frustrated. We are burnt out. We are exhausted and are not able to do anything about it. You say Self Care. But you are not allowing us to decompress. Our prep times are taken away, we have more responsibilities and we have more duties. Subs are nonexistent so they pull paraeducators or ed techs. There is no support at all. Parents are not parenting. They expect us to parent and yell at us if we bother them. Or better yet, ask us how to parent their child. Not my area, I'm not a parent .Some are great.. trust me I have had some families who are wonderful.
We are not ok. We are struggling and tired.
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I have had 3 anxiety flare ups in the last week. Working out has been a life saver. Unfortunately. I had two of them at work. I need to find a way to reduce chest tightening at work. This pandemic has totally changed my life. Some good and some like this.
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2 pant sizes down even with all that Christmas food and chocolate.
Love the fact I started boxing this year. I love being able to take all my frustration and anxiety out on a bag with no feelings. I feel powerful and strong.
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I think working out is becoming a necessity now. I am proud of myself for pushing myself. 😌
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Remember Why You Started
Anonymous 
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What I'm doing today and tomorrow! I love learning new things.
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I am not feeling patriotic
I am ambivalent to celebrate the Fourth of July tomorrow. I really could care less about the national holiday.  I feel meh about it because it really is just a meh holiday. I also feel that this country really has nosedive or a spiral downwards lately. I also don’t really want to be around anyone. The one thing about quarantine was I didn’t have to come up with excuses of not wanting to do something.  I’m exhausted from our trip out west, and all I want to do is stay home, not watch fireworks and not get drunk. ( Well maybe the last one I could do but...)  But yay America! Another year of being a country. Wahoo..  just a big fat nope from me. Also tomorrow is supposed to rain. 
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Went to an old vegas club. It was super cool. Drinks were cheep. Highly recommend The Mint.
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Narrows walk in Zion National park
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Bryce Caynon is one of my new favorite places on earth.
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Utah is gorgeous.
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Hottttttt in the desert 🏜. Nothing for miles and miles. Reminds me of the movie Casino. I wonder where the body of those mobsters are??? Guess we will never know?
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Traveling to Las Vegas. Lol. Maine kids in Sin City.
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I don’t like feeling like this...
I don’t like feeling like this. I have severe  generalized anxiety disorder and was labeled as having a panic disorder, and I often feel like I am constantly one bad moment from a panic attack. Today I auditioned for a play and I don’t know I always feel like I’m never good enough. Never pretty enough, never talented enough to be in anything. I often feel sometimes why even bother because I never will get what I want. I’ve been crying since I got out of the audition because my husband is always better than I am. More extroverted, more adventurous, better actor, better person. I will only be good at being a good student, a teacher and nothing more. That’s how I feel. I’m not mad at him but mad at myself. It’s not his fault but I just feel like I’m never going to be able to do anything I love. I work so hard in all areas of my life. It’s just not fair. That I never get anything back. I give and give more of myself every single god damn day and I always feel less than, or taken advantage of, or just never good enough. I want to be.. I want to be more than a kind, sweet, nice and good person. I want to do what I want and I want to be more than this.. Whatever, I am.
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First Last day of school
Last year, our last day of school was March 16th, which was kind of not a last day. We didn’t really have the closure that was needed for that group of kids. I feel bad and I often think back wondering if I made the right choices on that day. Today was my first last day of school at MLS. It was a very up and down day for me. I was half way between crying my eyes out and content and ready for the next adventure. I cried a bit today. My second graders are going onto third grade. They came to me as first graders and we got through the shutdown and pandemic together. I have a deep relationship with all of those kids. My  youngers who will be my olders next year will still be there, which is good. I’m not giving up all 12.  
I can see the change and advancement as I continue on. I’m sure I have made plenty of mistakes this year, however, I am glad that we did what we did. I made it through one of the most challenging years of my life. It was worth it.
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Last week of school musings
Yeah, it’s the last week of school and I’m starting a blog. Go me. Apparently I wasn’t really great at reflection this year. Might have started this earlier if I wasn’t teaching during a  god damn pandemic. Teaching during a pandemic sucks. It just sucks. 
But on the bright side, I guess I learned a lot this year. Yeah I have determination, persistence and strength blah blah blah.. All those powerful woman adjectives that we pride ourselves in having. Does that mean it hasn’t left a scar. No.. I am scarred. Whether we like it or not we are going to be dealing with the after affect of this for a long time. I think about my students and wonder will they remember this or try to block it out. I am thinking about 9-11 and that was the scariest moment of my childhood. So is this current generation going to be marked by this? Probably, horrible to think so, but probably.  
Sigh, anyways.... what did I learn? Flexibility? Dealing with change constantly? Letting things go? Confidence?
I guess those things.  Does this make sense? Yeah I guess it does for me at least. 
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