mariancsearle

[mariancsearle]

New Show Recs PLEASE

I have been STRESSED & DEPRESSED for waaayy too long. I need a new show with new material to help me. I need something I can look forward to. Something to take me away for a while. I need a new obsession. I'll show you some shows I love... Please help me find something.

#heartstopper #911 #supernatural #doctor who #sherlock bbc #merlin bbc #ted lasso #atla #stranger things #friends #white collar #gilmore girls #tvd #psych #criminal minds #good omens #new girl #shadowhunters #teen wolf

[mariancsearle]

I did deserve better. I deserved to have my father at my wedding. He deserved to meet all of his grandchildren. He deserved more time with my mother. 

I didn't deserve to see almost the exact same conversation play out between Maggie and Gary as my parents right at he very end. The reassurances she and the kid(s) would be ok. I didn’t deserve to watch YET AGAIN another person I love die from cancer right in front of my eyes while I could do nothing to stop it. 

Cancer doesn't care about what you deserve. Death doesn’t care. 

This isn’t a show to watch if you want to be protected from the world and the things that happen to people who deserve differently. 

You're right. We deserved better, they deserved better, but what we got was real. This show ended the way it began. The death of a friend. However what it taught us is that there is life and love and beauty after death and that they will be ok and so will we because we've lived and loved and learned. 

Gary Mendez deserved better! And so did we!

He deserved to grow old with Meggie

He deserved to raise Javier

He deserved to be there when Collin passed

He deserved to be at all of his friends' moments and to watch all the young ones grow up to be the wonderful young men and women that they're

He deserved to live a long, happy life

We deserved a happy ever after ending. Life is too hard and there is enough sadness. The show already had enough hardship, we and the characters deserved a happy ending, just pure happiness

#a million little things #gary mendez #maggie bloom #amlt

[mariancsearle]

I have a brother named Andrew. He is four years older than me. He was born with a lot of disabilities. He grew up needing a lot of help because he was very limited. He is still my favorite big brother. A literal angel. Christopher reminds me a little bit of him sometimes. When I was 7 and he was 11 he died. Very suddenly. He was with his nurse (his Carla if you will) while the family was out that day. His nurse went to the bathroom and came back. She was gone maybe 2 minutes if that. In those two minutes he left. She thought he was asleep at first but went to check on him anyway and noticed the lack of breathing and a pulse. She called 911 and worked on him, the EMTs worked on him. Got a hold of my dad and finally had to call it. He was gone in the time it takes to go to the bathroom. My big brother gone just like that! Now. I cannot stress enough how worried I was about Christopher in those couple of minutes when Eddie came back and he was sleeping. Especially in this type of episode. I was seven again. I was so worried. My heart was racing too fast. I realized he was fine but I still couldn’t calm down. That was rough. I didn’t like that feeling. So do with that information what you will. I just needed to get that out. I love my wee woo show but dang the emotional damage it causes me is intense.

#911onfox #911 spoilers #911 fox #buddie #christopher diaz #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck and eddie #buckley diaz family #diaz boys

[mariancsearle]

Three minutes and seventeen seconds

[mariancsearle]

The way I avoided the spn prequel because I’m still emotionally scarred from the finale but now I’m being sucked right back in…

[mariancsearle]

I don’t choose what to post, the hyper fixations, choose what to post

[mariancsearle]

andrew garfield

[mariancsearle]

Eddie: you're stuck with us, we arent leaving you behind, we will always be together

Also Eddie:

[mariancsearle]

[mariancsearle]

eleven + putting his arms around amy and rory

[mariancsearle]

Everything I’ve learned about minecraft youtubers has been against my will

[mariancsearle]

Oddly enough the last thing I expected to find when looking up Ben Platt Darren Criss was multiple pictures of Ben Platt and Darren Criss... together. 

Why was i looking up Ben Platt Darren Criss...

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xZOLPPGQMPNqV2TbYcMrD?si=8ab6d2950760422d 

#ben platt #darren criss #dear evan hansen #glee #sing to me instead #homework #spotify #music playlist #playlist

[mariancsearle]

When my cat stares at nothing… I get scared.

#catlife #cats #my cat #cat mom #pet animals #pets

[mariancsearle]

Now we know this gem in the promo was brought to us by: Because, Evan.

#because Evan #evan buckley #buck and eddie #buddie #edmundo diaz #evan buck buckley #Eddie Diaz #911onfox #tv: 911 #911 #911 on fox #911 fox #911 spoilers

[mariancsearle]

“Because EVAN...”

[mariancsearle]

911 & Lone Star came into my life as I was losing too many of my favorite shows. 

When I lost these worlds I had spent so long visiting and loving I thought I’d never again truly feel the kind of joy I felt being in an active fandom. 

These shows showed me I was wrong. 

Once again I find myself facing a finale night for a show I am wholly invested in and with the promise of renewal I don’t have to feel that sinking empty of no matter what happens there will be no tomorrow here. I feel, again, no matter what happens there will be a tomorrow.

So while I am freaking out about these characters and their lives, I am also enjoying this feeling. I feel like I’ve come back to life. I am a fangirl in my bones and this show gave me something to love again. This internal pain that haunts my days and this ever shaking worry that shows in my every movement just mean to me that I have found something that makes me feel. I have lived through devastating loss both fictional and real. This isn’t anything new to me but it’s also different this time around. 

I will spend the hours leading up to this finale night literally shaking and unable to think of anything else. Afterwards I will be feeling a lot of emotions. Whatever those emotions are will be up to the finales themselves. However I will spend the next hiatus counting down the days and theorizing and rewatching and enjoying the feeling of being in this limbo with others once again in my life. I have missed this excitement and dread and confusion and hope. I have missed having something to love in this way and I will forever be thankful to 911 and Lone Star for bringing me back to fangirl life. I’d still be lost in the darkness if it weren't for these first responders and I will never forget them for that. 

On to the last hours of waiting for a finale of my new favorite shows. 

#911 #911 fox #911 on fox #911 lone star #lone star

[mariancsearle]

Me @ the 9-1-1 writers:

#911 fox #911 #Buddie