ludibriadormonoteista

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Jaune: Hey guys! Check this out! *Balancing a Spoon on his Nose*

Blake: *Whispering* I could easily top that.

Ruby: How many spoons are we talking about?

Blake: Spoons?

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Jaune: Hey guys! Check this out! *Balancing a Spoon on his Nose*

Blake: *Whispering* I could easily top that.

Ruby: How many spoons are we talking about?

Blake: Spoons?

#rwby #rwby shitpost #jaune arc #blake belladonna #ruby rose #knightshade #blake x jaune #jaune x blake

[ludibriadormonoteista]

BEFORE and AFTER II

Part 1 here.

Before:

Jaune: *Yawn* Man. This Vytal Tournament sure got me tired. I hope my Team doesn’t mind me taking a nap this early in the-

*SCHWING*

Jaune: *With a Saber Pointed to his Face* …Noon.

Winter: Mr. Arc, I presume.

Jaune: T-That’d be me! Wait, were you just waiting for me by the dorms?

Winter: That’s classified. *Sheats Saber* Winter Schnee. Atlas Specialist. I have come to discuss matters pertinent to you regarding my sister.

Jaune: You’re Weiss’ sister?! Uh-! I mean-! We’re good friends! Yeah! Though I guess you could say we started off on the wrong foot…

Winter: Quite the laughable understatement, Mr. Arc. For you see, Weiss has detailed in her letters many instances where you publicly harassed her with your feeble attempts at courting her.

Jaune: Hey, I wasn’t harassing her-

Winter: In case you were not aware, Weiss is a very prominent figure in Atlas, and as such, receives multiple solicitations from wealthy suitors on a daily basis. Men with far more ambition and talent than you could ever hope to achieve in your life.

Jaune: Now, wait a minute. Just because I’m not rich, that doesn’t mean I’m not up to snuff.

Winter: Is that so? *Raises a Folder* Because this extensive background check I have on you says otherwise.

Jaune: Extensive what now?

Winter: *Reading* Lack of proper education. Zero prior experience in the field. And absolutely no training to speak of. The best I could find were your admission transcripts, which were all filled out using crayons for whatever reason.

Jaune: I had run out of ink, okay?!

Winter: SILENCE! If the circumstances were any different, I would have you placed under arrest and locked up in the remotest cell in all of Solitas! However, doing so now would violate the Vytal Treaty amongst the Kingdoms. So instead, I will advise you to recognize my authority next time you elect to threaten the sanctity of my dear little sister again. Verstehst?!

Jaune: Y-Yeah- I-I versteht(?) that, alright!

Winter: Splendid. I will be watching the tournament for the remaining of its duration. It would do you well to know your place in the meantime. That will be all. *Marches Away*

Jaune: T-Thanks, have a great day! Hahah... *Nearly Faints* Oh dear…

After:

Yang: Alright, VB! You’ve got nowhere to run!

Jaune: Knock it off, Yang! You’ve been chasing after me all morning! Can we please talk about this?!

Yang: Nuh-uh~ Ruby’s biological clock is ticking, and I’ll be damned if I let the Rose Bloodline end here!

Jaune: Don’t you think this is moving things between me and Ruby a little too fast? Can’t we at least settle for a date first?

Yang: Oh, I’ll arrange you a date, alright… WITH HER WOMB-! *Encased in a Block of Ice*

Jaune: …What just happened?

Winter: *Descending with her Maiden Powers* That should hold her for a while. Imagine my surprise it was just you two causing a ruckus around Vacuo. For a moment I thought Salem had arrived.

Jaune: Oh thank goodness! It’s you, Winter. Sorry for all the trouble, Yang and I had a disagreement and-

Winter: Never mind all that. I was actually meaning to talk to you privately about something.

Jaune: Really? Is it a mission?

Winter: In a manner of speaking, yes. Ever since you and your friends came back, I have been worried about Weiss’ sake. To think I once thought to have forever lost my sister to that blasted abyss…

Jaune: …Winter?

Winter: *Harrumphs* Alas. I have been thinking about your actions back at that bridge. You fought tooth and nail to protect Weiss despite your shortcomings. Believe me when I say you have shown yourself worthy of my sister’s hand and affection.

Jaune: Oh… Wow! Thanks, that’s a… That’s a lot to take in. I’ll be sure to think about it.

Winter: What is there to think about?

Jaune: …I’m sorry?

Winter: You misunderstand, Mr. Arc. I am not merely granting you my blessing to date Weiss. My sister deserves the best, and as your commanding officer, I demand that you provide the best for her.

Jaune: Uh…

Winter: FURTHERMORE! You are to, effective immediately, seek to copulate with my sister for the betterment of the Schnee Bloodline!

Jaune: EH?!

Frozen!Yang: !!!

Winter: With your Aura and Semblances combined, your firstborn will become a key component to winning this war, as well as generating the perfect heir to uphold both our families’ legacy! Of course, I do not plan on holding it against you in the events Weiss explicitly decides to have more children-

Jaune: Okay, STOP! Full stop! Demanding that I hook up with Weiss is already one thing! But you cannot in good conscience order me to sleep with her! She’s your sister, for crying out loud!

Winter: Exactly! She is my sister, and I intend on getting her the perfect husband! I was foolish to dismiss you before, but not anymore! Now come with me!

Jaune: H-Hey! Just hear me out for a second! What I’m trying to say is-

Winter: THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH! I will ask you one last time to not make this more difficult than it has any right to be! You can come along willingly, or I can drag you out by force! EITHER WAY, YOU WILL BE IN MY SISTER’S ARMS SOON ENOUGH!

Jaune: Y-You’re not serious, are you?

Winter: *Saber in Hands, Winter Maiden Powers in Full Effect* I WILL NOT BE DENIED OF MY FUTURE NIECES AND NEPHEWS!

Jaune: …I should get back to running.

#rwby #rwby shitpost #jaune arc #winter schnee #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #ruby rose #lancaster #ruby x jaune #jaune x ruby #whiteknight #weiss x jaune #jaune x weiss #yangposting

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Ruby: ...You know, when I asked if I could join you guys for tonight, I wasn't expecting this.

Jaune: Hey, can we roll it back a bit? I'm still trying to figure out my own gross income.

Ruby: Hi, Jaune! What are you all dressed fancy for?

Jaune: I've got a fancy date with Nora tonight. We're planning on... Heh heh... doing some "adult activities," if you know what I mean~.

Ruby: Ohoho, I know exactly what you mean~.

----------------------------------------------------

Nora: Alright, that's your taxes done! Now, let's look at your expenses and work out a budget!

[ludibriadormonoteista]

BEFORE and AFTER

Before:

Jaune: There’s no way I put my gear in locker 636 yesterday! I would've remembered having to count that high- AAAH! *Gets Shoved Against the Wall*

Yang: What are your intentions with my sister?!

Jaune: Your sister?! OH! You mean Ruby? We just met, like, yesterday!

Yang: You think I don’t know what your game here is?! That I would let some guy my sister just met taint what’s left of her innocence?! I mean, what are the odds Ruby's first friend at Beacon turned out to be some good-for-nothing boy like you?!

Jaune: Fifty-fifty? *Gets Shoved Harder* OW!

Yang: I’m going to make myself very clear here! If you so much glance at her the wrong way, I will show you a world of pain only the Grimm can imagine! Got that?!

Jaune: *Gulp* Y-Yes ma’am.

Yang: Good. *Releases Him* I’ll be watching you at the initiation. Don’t even think about sneaking in the same Team as Ruby.

Jaune: I-I’ll keep that in mind…

After:

Jaune: Hey Yang, I got your message. I just finished helping some refugees from Mantle settle in. What did you wanna- WHOA! *Gets Shoved Against the Wall* …Well, this feels familiar.

Yang: What’s your deal with Ruby, huh?!

Jaune: My deal with Ruby?

Yang: Don’t play coy with me now! Just answer the damn question!

Jaune: N-Nothing! There’s nothing going on between me and her!

Yang: Yeah, I can see that! WHY HAVEN’T YOU MADE A MOVE ALREADY?!

Jaune: I-I SWEAR, YANG! I WASN’T- Wait, what?

Yang: Ruby has been travelling with you for over a year now. So why haven’t you two started dating yet?!

Jaune: Wha-?! Wha-?! But you told me back at Beacon-!

Yang: That was ages ago, you numb-nuts! Listen, Ruby needs a supportive partner who’s willing to go through the same lengths you did to protect her. You’ve seen what she went through in the Ever After. Don’t you think she deserves to settle down with someone she likes?

Jaune: I get where you coming from, but still-

Yang: And besides, we need more of “Her Kind” now more than ever!

Jaune: …I don’t follow.

Yang: Do I have to spell it out?! *Shoves Him Harder* Ruby was Summer’s only daughter! She’s literally the last of her kind! If we’re gonna stand a chance against Salem and her army, we need more Silver-Eyed Warriors!

Jaune: A-And how am I supposed to help with that?!

Yang: You know exactly how.

Jaune: I… Do?

Yang: Jaune. My man. My fellow blond-in-arms… I need you to continue the Rose Bloodline.

Jaune: WHAT?!

Yang: You heard me! I’ve seen what your family’s capable of! You and Ruby are the only ones who can get us a fresh batch of Silver-Eyed Juggernauts in record time!

Jaune: Yang! You’re talking crazy now!

Yang: RUBY’S GARDEN IS RUNNING BARREN AND SHE IS IN DESPERATE NEED OF YOUR VIRILE SEED, JAUNE!

Jaune: Yang, please! Come to your senses!

Yang: I WON’T LET MENOPAUSE TAKE AWAY MANKIND’S LAST HOPE! YOU WILL MAKE ME AN AUNT EVEN IF IT’S THE LAST THING YOU’LL DO!

Jaune: SORRY! *Slips Through his Armor, Escaping her Grip* I just remembered I’m needed somewhere else! See ya! *Running for his Life*

Yang: HEY! GET BACK HERE! *Gives Chase* YOU WILL F#CK MY SISTER OR SO HELP ME!

#rwby #rwby shitpost #jaune arc #yang xiao long #ruby rose #lancaster #ruby x jaune #jaune x ruby #yangposting

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Lie Detector

Nora: Hey guys! Guess what I just found in the dumpster! *Slams Device on the Center Table* IT’S A LIE DETECTOR!

Ruby: Wow, really?!

Jaune: Does it still work?

Weiss: *Scoffs* As if. It was obviously thrown out for a reason.

Nora: Oh, is that so? How about we play a little game to test it out?

Ren: Maybe we shouldn’t-

Weiss: HMPH! I humbly accept your challenge. Do your worst, Valkyrie.

Nora: It’s on, then! First question: Have you ever spied on Jaune while he was hitting the showers?

Jaune: HUH?!

Weiss: Wha- What kind of question is that?! Of course not!

BZZZZZT!

Blake: So it does work.

Yang: HAH! Off to a great start, Ice-Queen.

Weiss: T-That doesn’t mean anything! Never in my life have I-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: Fine, I admit it! I accidentally had the displeasure of peeking on Arc ONCE!

BZZZZZT!

Blake: Just once?

Weiss: Okay! I might have run into him a few more times-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: A couple more-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: A dozen-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: Dozens-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: I did it close to a hundred times! AT BEST!

BZZZZZT!

Jaune: *shook*

Ruby: Why does it keep getting worse?

Weiss: ALRIGHT, I CONFESS! I PEEP ON HIM EVERY TIME HE’S IN THE SHOWERS!

BZZZZZT!

Pyrrha: You too? Eh-! I mean-! What?!

Weiss: OKAY, YOU GOT ME! I LIKE TO GO THERE WHENEVER HE’S NOT TAKING A SHOWER JUST TO IMAGINE HIM TAKING ONE! BUT ONLY SOMETIMES!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: AGH, SCREW IT! I DO IT EVERYDAY! IT’S ALL PART OF MY MORNING ROUTINE!

BZZZZZT!

Ren: I think we heard enough-

Weiss: FINE, IT’S ALSO PART OF MY NIGHTTIME ROUTINE!

BZZZZZT!

Yang: Geesh, you’d think someone would've taken a picture.

Weiss: I WOULD NEVER-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: I HAVE 735 PHOTOS KEPT DIGITALLY STORED IN MY-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: ALL THE PHOTOS ARE IN FILM AND I PAY A GENEROUS SUM TO VELVET EVERY MONTH SO I CAN REVEAL THE PICTURES IN HER SECRET DARK-ROOM BECAUSE I FIND IT ESTHETICALLY MORE PLEASING! THERE! HAPPY?!

…

Nora: Looks like you’re telling the truth. Good job, Weiss! How do you feel?

*THUD*

Nora: …Alright, who’s next?

#rwby #rwby shitpost #weiss schnee #jaune arc #whiteknight #weiss x jaune #jaune x weiss #nora valkyrie #ruby rose #lie ren #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #pyrrha nikos #This was definitely not plagiarized from youtube shorts- BZZZZZT!

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Emerald: *Breaking into Someone’s House* Alright, easy does it. Nothing like a good old-fashioned burglary to start the night. Let’s see what this place has in store for me.

Emerald: Oh, what’s this? A copy of Shrek on VHS?

Yang: *Breaks Through the Wall* STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!

Emerald: Aw, crap! It’s a Huntress!

Yang: That’s right! I’m here to stop you from stealing this- Is that Shrek?

-------

Yang: *Munching on Popcorn* Man, this is such a good movie.

Emerald: Yeah, tell me about it… Wait, I think we’re forgetting something.

Jaune: HEY!

YE: !

Jaune: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING IN MY HOUSE?! …Is that Shrek?

---------

Jaune: *Watching the Movie With Them* I, fucking, love, SHREK!

#rwby #rwby shitpost #emerald sustrai #yang xiao long #jaune arc #source: radical soda

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Knock Knock

Blake: *Opens Door* Ruby?

Dog!Faunus Ruby: *Holding Several Pamphlets* Hi! Miss Belladonna, is it? So nice to meet you!

Blake: …Ruby, you live here. You already know who I am.

Ruby: You’re absolutely right! Let’s skip introductions, shall we? *Clears Throat* So, I’m going from door to door to see if anyone’s interested in becoming Jaune’s pet today.

Blake: Ruby, is this some sort of attempt of yours at starting a cult centered around Jaune? …Again?

Ruby: Amazing question, you’re such a good girl.

Blake: *Ear Twitches* Go on…

Ruby: So basically, you become Jaune’s lap-dog, or lap-cat in your case, and you get to enjoy all kinds of benefits!

Blake: Benefits?

Ruby: You get to sleep around him whenever you want, he takes you on walksies, helps clean your ears, feeds you…

Blake: He feeds you?

Ruby: Oh yeah! His strawberry shortcake is to die for, believe me. OH! Remember that fancy tuna dish our teams had at our last get-together?

Blake: *Profusely Sweats* Yes…?

Ruby: Jaune cooked it himself. Family recipe, he says.

Blake: *Licking her Lips* Wait, *Shakes Head* You don’t take issue over the fact that he will be spending time with me?

Ruby: I thought so too at first, but I soon realized that Jaune deserves all the love he can get! More so than lil’ ol’ me could ever provide. Besides, we are just friends!

Blake: Uh, hum… Look, I’m sure this is nice and all, but I will admit this is a little weird even for me. And considering the type of stuff I’m into, that is saying something. Sorry, but my answer is no. *Grabs Doorknob*

Ruby: WaitwaitWAIT!

Blake: …What?

Ruby: Head pats.

Blake: …H-Head pats?

Ruby: Every. Single. Day.

Blake: *Both Ears Twitch* …On second thought, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try.

Ruby: Amazing! Now before you sign up, would you like to hear a few encouraging words of our sponsor, Mama Arc?

#rwby #rwby shitpost #ruby rose #blake belladonna #jaune arc #lancaster #knightshade #ruby x jaune #blake x jaune #dog!faunus ruby #cat!faunus blake #Isn't she already a cat Faunus? #Shut up

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Make up your “MIND”

~During the events of RWBY: Ice Queendom~

Jaune: Finally made it to rendezvous… Phew! Hey Ruby, sorry for being late-

Ruby: No time for that, Jaune! LOOK!

*Weiss’ fortress began resonating all throughout the Queendom*

Ruby: I’ve never seen the Nightmare Castle lit up like that before. I wonder what kinda evil schemes Negative-Weiss is plotting this time…

[}{]

*Negative Weiss is standing in a tall podium before thousands of Arma-Gigas*

Weiss: *Presses a Button*

*A gigantic holographic display suddenly blips in above her, showcasing Jaune’s Perfect Posterior in just his underwear*

Weiss: I WANT THAT ASS!

AND I WANT IT NOW!

Arma-Gigas: *SALUTING*

[}{]

*Triumphant music coming from the castle*

Jaune: …

Ruby: Oh…Kay?

#rwby #ice queendom #jaune arc #ruby rose #weiss schnee #weiss x jaune #whiteknight #rwby shitpost #Source: Gorgeous Freeman

[ludibriadormonoteista]

*Jaune is seen playing on a laptop alone in his dorm room*

Jaune: Oh, c’mon, Neptune! That was an 80% shot you just missed!

*Pyrrha suddenly enters the room after finishing her morning workout*

Pyrrha: Hello, Jaune. Were you talking to Neptune just now?

Jaune: Oh, not really. I wasn’t actually talking to him. It’s just a game I’m playing.

Pyrrha: A game? Which one is it this time?

Jaune: You’re gonna love this one. The name is Xcom 2. It’s a turn-based strategy game where you play as the Commander of an entire resistance group against an Alien coalition that has taken over the planet.

Pyrrha: Sounds… Really cool? *Not really into games*

Jaune: You can check it out if you want.

*Pyrrha shrugs, climbing onto the bed next to her leader. At that moment, Jaune selects one of his units, a female soldier with a minigun, and fires a barrage against an enemy trooper*

Jaune: Pretty awesome, huh?

Pyrrha: Yeah, pretty… Wait, that soldier with the beret and sunglasses looks familiar.

Jaune: Oh yeah, that’s Coco. I made her into the game.

Pyrrha: You made her?

Jaune: The game comes with a character pool in which you can create your own custom soldiers. It’s a very nifty feature.

Pyrrha: I see… How much time did you spend on that, exactly?

Jaune: A whole awful lot. I’ll show you in just a sec.

*A mission and a result screen later, Jaune gives Pyrrha a tour of his base*

Jaune: So this is the Avenger. A stolen alien ship and the perfect hiding spot for our base. And these *Click* are my soldiers!

*Pyrrha’s eyes widen as she sees the names of each character Jaune has made*

Pyrrha: Awnn~ These are all of our friends! Jaune, this is so cute!

Jaune: Heheh yeah, I mean... *Clears throat* Like I said, pretty cool. They all have different classes and specialties too. Like Nora here. *Click* She’s a heavy-gunner just like Coco, but she’s mainly built for demolitions. In short, she has a lot of grenades.

Jaune: I also assigned Ren and Ruby as Sharpshooters. Only difference being that Ruby is the dedicated long-ranged sniper while Ren is the gunslinger.

Jaune: Blake on the other hand is a Ranger solely built for stealth, making her perfect for scouting ahead and striking when the aliens least expect.

Jaune: As for Weiss, I gave her the role of Specialist. She ensures all of our soldiers are alive on the field while providing technical support with some objectives.

Pyrrha: Awn, she even has a cute drone following her. As does Yang…?

Jaune: Yeah, I sorta forgot to assign Yang a specific class, so the game randomly promoted her into a Specialist too. She technically has the same role as Weiss, but I mostly use her to shock enemies. Also, overwatch spam. Those are pretty powerful.

Pyrrha: *Snorts* As long as it stays true to her character.

Jaune: OH! Before I forget. *Click* Say hi to you!

*Pyrrha watched mesmerized at the screen as Jaune showed her a seamlessly flawless recreation of her in-game. From her hairstyle, to her armor, even the exact same tiara*

Pyrrha: Wow… How did you…

Jaune: I stumbled upon a Pyrrha Nikos character pack not long ago. You’d be surprise what the modding community can cook up from time to time. Though now that I think about it, I guess it’s kinda creepy seeing something like that from your perspective…

Pyrrha: No, NO! I loved it! For realsies! I, uh… What does she, eh, I do?

Jaune: Well, unlike other classes, yours here is actually a “Hero” class. In this case, a Templar. Someone who can run headfirst into combat with nothing but a pair of blades and come out unscratched. Kinda like, eh… You.

Pyrrha: /// /// Jaune…

Jaune: And I do mean unscratched. You haven’t taken damage the entire campaign. The RNGods must be pleased with you.

Pyrrha: *Pretending to have understood that* Wow, Jaune. This is so- *Blinks* Wait… Where is your character?

Jaune: My… Character?

Pyrrha: Yeah, your- Oh, I get. Since you play as the Commander, that means you must be him, right?

Jaune: Oh, not at all. I actually made a character after myself in-game too.

Pyrrha: Really? Well, where is he?

Jaune: *Winces* How do I tell you this… He died at Gatecrasher. You know, the very first mission of the campaign.

Pyrrha: …What?

Jaune: It was a really dumb move of me. I left him out of cover, and he got zapped by a Sectoid.

Pyrrha: …

Jaune: It kinda sucks to lose a soldier that early on in the campaign, but it’s nothing to worry about. And he was still a recruit, so nothing of value was really lost-

Pyrrha: Restart it.

Jaune: Huh? Restart what? The previous mission?

Pyrrha: The campaign. Restart it.

Jaune: What? Pyrrha, I’m already 5 hours in, I can’t just-

Pyrrha: RIGHT! *Snatches Laptop* NOW!

Jaune: H-HEY! *Struggles to get it back* DON’T TOUCH MY SAVE FILE!

Pyrrha: AND BE SURE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT THIS TIME!

Jaune: PYRRHA, KNOCK IT OFF! IT WAS AN ACCEPTABLE LOSS!

Pyrrha: YOU ARE NOT AN ACCEPTABLE LOSS, GOSH-DARN IT!

#rwby #pyrrha nikos #jaune arc #arkos #pyrrha x jaune #Jaune was playing with Ironman Mode enabled beeteedubs

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Slay the Dragon

Papa Arc: Son… The time has come. The infamous Yellow Dragon has been terrorizing our village for far too long.

Jaune: I hear you, father. I have been training my whole life for this.

Papa Arc: Indeed, you have. Take the family sword. You shall honor the oath you took and slay that foul creature.

Jaune: I will see that it is done, father. *Takes his leave*

Papa Arc: Now, hold on a minute. *Grabs his shoulder*

Jaune: Yes, father?

Papa Arc: Before you go, I want to make one thing very clear. I said Slay. Not Lay.

Jaune: …Yeah, I got it the first time.

Papa Arc: Slay, son. Not lay, not laid, not bang, not bed, not consummate, not taking her out for dinner. I want you to KILL that dragon.

Jaune: Father, I don’t-

Papa Arc: It’s a giant DRAGON for heaven’s sake. That monster is responsible for wiping out dozens of villages a year and has killed far more people than you will ever meet in your entire life. So PLEASE! Don’t waste your breath trying to woo that blasted creature!

Jaune: Dad, I’m seriously not gonna-

Papa Arc: I cannot stress how much we need that bitch dead, and the very last thing we need is for you to try and stick your dick in it!

Jaune: D-DAD!

Papa Arc: I want you to take this sword and plunge into the beast’s heart! Chop it into pieces if you must! Don’t stop until the life has left its eyes!

Jaune: ALRIGHT, GEESH! *Calms down* For the last time, I’m not gonna seduce the dragon or anything. I don’t even know where you got that idea from.

Papa Arc: I just want to make sure you understand what I’m saying.

Jaune: Father, I’m not one of those dragon-lovin’ degenerates from the southern islands, okay? You don’t have to worry about that.

Papa Arc: Glad to hear it. *Clears throat* Go forward, son. Make your ancestors proud.

Jaune: Yeah, yeah… *Finally leaves*

Papa Arc: Phew! Crisis averted. Ain’t that right, honey?

Mama Arc: It’s not gonna work, Nicky.

Papa Arc: What makes you say that?

Mama Arc: Take a good look. *Shows her dragon tail* I still can’t believe you convinced our son I’m a lizard Faunus.

Papa Arc: So what if I got lucky and got myself a wife because I couldn’t read instructions properly?! I could’ve been killed! I don’t want Jaune to make the same mistake and risk getting scorched to death.

Mama Arc: I don’t know, Taiyang’s spawn did seem very lonely last I checked. And that was 20 years ago.

Papa Arc: Well, then Taiyang’s spawn shall find plenty of companionship in the fiery pits of hell. For our boy Jaune will not rest until the Yellow Dragon’s life has been claimed by the sacred Crocea Mors-

[}}]

Yang: S’up, in-laws! I’ve been meaning to meet you guys. Huge fan of your work here. *Slaps Jaune’s back*

Jaune: *red* Yang, please…

Papa Arc: *Disgruntled noises*

Mama Arc: Oh, you must be our boy’s fiancé he wrote about. Come now sweetie, let me show you around the house.

Yang: You got it, mom! Can’t wait to meet my new sisters. Later, hubby~

Papa Arc: Jaune… What did I tell you?

Jaune: Tell me what?

Papa Arc: The thing we discussed? Before parting on your quest?

Jaune: What thing- Oh. Ooohhh……

Papa Arc: Do you have anything to say for yourself, young man?

Jaune: *Hand on the back of his head* I guess it slipped out of my mind…?

Papa Arc: Oh, something did slip, alright.

Jaune: It-It’s nothing like that! It all happened so fast, and-! Look, she’s on the run from a whole evil cult or some shit and I wondered if you and mom could let her crash here for a few weeks.

Papa Arc: And you didn’t think the neighbors would suspect anything from the blond girl with dragon horns waltzing around our house?

Jaune: I don’t know, I just figured we could tell everyone she’s a Faunus. Just like mom.

Papa Arc: *Wincing* About that, son…

#rwby shitpost #rwby #jaune arc #yang xiao long #dragonslayer #yang x jaune

[ludibriadormonoteista]

No one will believe you.

One faithful morning, Jaune finds himself cornered in the hallways by Blake.

Blake: *Pulls out her top and flashes him*

Jaune: "WH-WHA...?!"

Blake: "Go ahead. Tell the others. No one will believe you."

---

Later at Lunch

Jaune: "So, uh... Blake just flashed me this morning."

RWYNPR: *Stares at him*

Yang: "Eh. I believe you."

Ruby: "Sounds like something she'd do, alright."

Weiss: "Not the first time she violated the dress code."

Ren: "She actually did the same to me last week. Said no one would believe me."

Blake: *Scoffs* "You people are no fun."

#rwby #jaune arc #blake belladonna #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #lie ren #rwby shitpost

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Little German Weiss

Jaune: "NO, LITTLE GERMAN GIRL! DON’T GO INTO THE DUST MINES!"

---

5-year-old-Weiss: “Oh mein Gott! Zees is ein cave full of den Düstminen!”

#rwby #jaune arc #weiss schnee #rwby shitpost

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Worst Knightmare

Emerald: “Give it up! Or I will transform into your worst nightmare.”

Jaune: “Y-You wouldn’t dare!”

Emerald: “Wanna bet?”

*She activates her Semblance, turning into Jaune’s worst fears…*

Emerald: *In a wedding dress* “…Huh?”

Jaune: *Dressed as the groom* “AAAHH! I’m too young for marital commitment! I’d prefer if we took things slowly!”

#rwby #jaune arc #emerald sustrai #jaune x emerald #topaz

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Well, there was this one guy, but he was a bad father and got himself Merc'd in the end.

Labor Pains

Arkos Kid: *sniffles as Jaune heals scuffed knee*

Jaune: *using his semblance to heal Arkos kid* There we go…! Now we know, don’t we, that aura doesn’t stop you from hurting?

Arkos kid: *gingerly flexes knee* I thought aura made you invincible…! 😣

Jaune: *applies Pumpkin Pete-patterned bandage* Not quite, kiddo! Aura soaks up serious injuries, but it still hurts when you get hit!

Arkos kid: 😢

Jaune: …But you know what’s really crazy? Even when you’re hurting through your aura, sometimes your semblance still works!

Arkos kid: For real?

Jaune: For example, when you were born, your mom twisted the girders supporting the roof of the delivery room into scrap metal!

Jaune: …and when your aunt Nora went into labor with your cousins she sucked the electricity out of the monitoring equipment and crushed your uncle Ren’s hand like a potato chip!

Jaune: …and when your other aunt Blake went into labor she summoned a clone that slapped aunt Yang so hard she was knocked unconscious!

Jaune: …and as for your auntie Weiss, I’m not really sure what happened, but at the first contraction there was a flash of white light and aunt Ruby went flying through the window!

Arkos kid: …wow…you’d think the hospital would have a special room for huntresses having babies!

Jaune: Yeah, you’d think…! But apparently it’s cheaper for the insurance companies to just rebuild the delivery room and pay for the injuries! *ruffles Arkos kid’s hair*

Jaune: …and for the record, if I was the one who spent twenty-three hours in labor, I’d probably break something too! Make sure you hug your mom, kiddo!

[ludibriadormonoteista]

TV: “I’m Lisa Lavender reporting from this field...”

Nora: “See, this is why I don’t trust the News anymore. That’s a yard.”

#rwby #lisa lavender #nora valkyrie #source: Borderline Forever - Scott The Woz #rwby shitpost

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Lisa: “This is Lisa Lavender from VNN at the scene investigating reports of a food-fight that took place at Beacon’s mess hall.”

Lisa: “We have a witness who claims to have contributed to this gruesome incident.” *To witness* “What was it like in there at the time?”

Jaune: “IT. WAS. CHAOS! Men, women and children were being mowed down. Blood spilling all over the walls. I can still hear the wail and screams of the innocent-”

Jaune: “Whazzat? Oh, right. Our teams had a food-fight.”

#rwby #jaune arc #lisa lavender #source: Team Neighborhood - Chronicles - Frozen Fortress