lostboy-in-a-blog

[lostboy-in-a-blog]

So it's been a while since my last post on here, or on anywhere for that matter, but here i am now. There's been alot going on, in my life and most stressfully in my head; so anyways here i am and its not truly with plessure that im back.

As i started this blog and hope to continue it, i want to go into the great issues of our day, now this issue currently does not leagally affect me (currently) though i susspect it will some time in the future as we seem to have gon through the time warp as a race... we are back to the 1920's to the 1950's with womens rights.

There is 37 countrys that are still or have gone back to the dark ages for women or anyone with a utarus.

women stood up for the rights to vote to have or not have a baby, women have fought to be belived on what they say, they fight for the right even till this day, did we think the fight was over when women were given the right to vote? when women was allowed to finally choose to have an abortion if they require, want, or need an abortion? or did we this the fight has just begun.

the fight is far from over for any women or any one with a utarus well reguardless of weather the fight was just beinging or just ending here we are at a full out war!

This year the US has made/ is making it illegal to abort your child, regaurdless of circumstances, it doesnt matter how old you are or anything, you have no right to your fetus other than to contain it for 9months, then squeeze it out and be a parent of an innocent child you never wanted or wasnt ready for, or give it up to be adopted and most cases those kids will end up in the system, a system that is broken and does not protect the children in its care.

these children born are going to be the unwanted generation, yes the whole "we want your baby, well take it in" and "theres parents out there just waiting for your unwanted child to be born" is a nice centament but please tell me if there are so many parents out there that want these unwanted children, please keep in mind theres a strict rule book to wheather these people are actually eligable to adopt or foster, then why not take in the millons of children that are born, are alive, are healthy and breathing right now...

oh you say because that child could cure cancer?

okay what about the child current alive and unwanted living in the system being passed from family to family, the kid being beaten by there so called parents they are staying with a few weeks till they get an offical adoption with will probably not happen, what about the kids who are being raped, groamed, molested, beaten, left to feel so unwanted they wish they was never born and then go on to commit suicide?

what about them? oh you dont care about them? theyre to old they can choose for themselves... of course they can karen a 5 year old knows better than to be alone in a room with a grown man they have been left with, stranger danger and all, their parents sound have taught them, no? they didnt have any no one wanted them yet, they was born and stuck in this room with this stranger cause the system said they will be safe.

okay what about this one mr men in the govenments who think they have the right to choose for someone else.

i saw on reddit a lawyer asking for advice, about their 10 year old client who was rapped and beaten and was scared to come forward was then found to be pregnant only 6 weeks along the baby didnt have a heart beat, didnt have a brain, no legs, arms, nothing to suggest life. yet was denied an abortion that would allow this child to not have her body further voilanted and out of her control, further trumor from being forced to go through childbirth at 10years old... SHE DID NOT CONSENT TO THIS. WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO RAPE HER AGAIN BY TAKING AWAY HER RIGHTS.

Well mr men, i hope you too have your rights stripped from you and maybe just maybe if were lucky the smarter sex will cut off your dicks but dont worry consent isnt needed its ours you dont own your body didnt you hear? bodies dont belong to their hosts anymore, have they ever?

better keep one eye open if you live with a women, dont forget that temper they cant control it right? hestria i think you used to call it, hear its making a come back.

[lostboy-in-a-blog]

is it in my head? That feeling, the feeling that i'm never going to be enough, for anyone.. including myself?

Why do we all question this? We should'nt feel like this ever, the world beats you down into nothing. Actually not the world, the people in it, we gang up on each other tear each other down, when we should be working together, building each other up, binging out the best in the people around us by unlocking the best in ourselves first.

There's so much pain in this world, all around us, a war that has been fought for so many years, so many I'm not even sure i remember when it started (probably before i was even born) i was never tought what the war was about, or why we were fighting, but now i understand it was a fight worth having, we retreated and the people, the innocent were completely taken over, we let down good people and let the bad win, the war doesn't stop there it will continue as it always has, there will always be bad people, people who want to destroy the light in the world, it's time to stop it, forgive those who made mistakes (not let them get off free but give them a chance to repent).

help those who need help, and stop those who wish to do more harm than good, and look at our own actions and see if theres something you can change for the better too.

[lostboy-in-a-blog]

we try to hide, as humans, maybe it's not all humans. Maybe just some, I know I'm hiding, trying to run away. Get away, be someone new, maybe just be me for once, just me not who they want, not who they see or how they think I am.

Maybe I'm broken but arent we all atleast a little?

I mean I've been hiding so long it became my saftey net, I've been in therapy for a while it took me along time to find someon who helped and maybe i let them in to much, or maybe I didnt open up enough bevause they discharged me a few weeks ago and since then its just been harder, we cut our sessions down to once a month and it hurt, but i managed because I knew she was still there to help me, I knew I wasnt alone because I could lock away my tears, my anger and talk to her when it was our time and by then yes the anger was gone and the fear the issues but now its like theres nothing to stop the feelings the thoughts from eating me up, swollowing me whole and theres no way for me to control them.

I'm starting to wonder was i better before, before the therapy, or am I better now?

Before the anger, the fear, the selfhate was a constant and then the therapy helpped that go not completely but enough for me to start liking life, and being okay with where and who I am. Now i's all coming back and feels worse because I know what it feels like to not deal with it anymore, and that just makes me more angry why cant i do that anymore!

This blog was meant to be about real issues everyone could relate to not just me venting but maybe, me venting helps someone else too. if you need help feel free to reach out to me!

[lostboy-in-a-blog]

Lately, well for the past year (maybe even longer) ive been romanticizing the idea of drowning. I remember as a child I went swimming and just fell to the bottom of the pool I dont remember if I couldnt get back up or whether i chose not to, but I do remember feeling a sense of peace and belonging at the bottom of the water. Maybe thats just the fact that as I got older I always felt at home in the water, two years ago that all changed the water became something I feared, recented, even blamed but thats another story for another day, for the last year I've tried to get more at home in the water again I miss the feeling of giving in floating on the top of the water or drifting to the bottom of the pool and feeling all the water on my chest like a pile of bricks on my chest, but in a diffrent way than my anxity made me feel, it was a power, I was in control and the water of that safe pool knew it.

I've become obsessed with all the horror movies and stories of people stranded in the ocean stuck and pulled under the waves, the natral disaster films with earthquakes and tsunamis the power of the great waves dragging me under as I debate whether to fight it or surender to my fate. (I know this is a terrible throught, and I hope it never happens but if a lone wave decided to take me and only me I honestly dont know if I would have the fight in me or even want to try to fight it).

I want to feel that power again; the power of being in control or maybe even hav that power taken away fully and just release me from this life, would that be so bad? Yes of course it would be I know that, but we know smoking is bad, we know alchol is bad, there are so many things we know are bad for us yet we do them everyday, or we want to. I've tried to make the erge, the thought subside but what use is it when truthful I want it and its like fighting off a shark its not as easy as it may seem.

We grow up being told to get back up when your knocked down, told if we cried 'I'd give you something to cry about' but that puts fear in you and you grow up with that your problems are nothing live in someone else's shoes they have it worse, when you grow up with that you don't know any better you weren't taught how to deal with your emotions you were taught to lock the away don't let them see you cry or they will give you something to cry about, that statement last's with you whether you see it or not. It's still there.

Get back up on that horse, but what if I want to lie down under that horse and cry in fetal possition? What then? Is that allowed? Was that an option? Questions worth asking but never enter our thoughts till the moment its all you ever think about in my case water, what is it in yours? Would you tell me if I listened and told you it's okay to feel that way, take your time get up when you are ready no one else knows when you are ready but you? Would that help? Would it make a differndence? Maybe, maybe not but thats okay, vent to me I'll listen, yell at me from the roof tops, scream I am a lost boy, I am a lost girl, I am a lost person, scream with me I promise i wont judge, I'll stand with you hold your hand and scream till i lose my voice, because your worth it.

I'm going on holiday to the sea today, and I'm going to work out my pain, my pressure, my heart ache on a painting by the sea of... well I guess drowning, people can see what they want, people can judge, fake concern while they walk pass me covered in the colour blue every shade I can get myhands on. Because at the end of the day its up to you what you let people see and I'm choosing to let them see my raw emotion everything I've been taught to hide from day one!

But even after all that I'll still be left with the feelings, and I'd still be left with the longing for that painful freedom... and thats okay with me because I'd have done something amazing, I fougt it! Maybe only for a short time but thats just as important, dont run before you learn to walk.

I would still be left with one important question, feeling, at the end of it though, would anybody care? But then again don't we all question that? Would you care... thats a powerful question, everybody cares till theres nothing in it for them. One of human fatal flaws at its finest.

#blog post #blog stuff #blogging #blogger #pain #depressive #water #love #care #scream #lost boys #art #emotion

[lostboy-in-a-blog]

We treat animals better than people.

Yes we might keep them in a cage but also a nice war house, we make sure they are safe, loved and cared for. (yes this is not always the case but I like to thnk the best)

I have lately been obsessed with the idea of having a pet ferret (they are so cute aren't they?) and I've been talking about it all day today and decribing how perfect it would be, all the things we could do together. See I know im not alone in this but I love animals way more than people I always have and to be honest with how cruel the world is I probably always will, but be honest can you blame me?

My perfect ideal of having a pet ferret would be going out together on walks with him wrapped around my neck or in my hoodie pocket, of course with a lead and harness for his saftey and other small animals we might see around. Maybe even get one of those cat carry backpacks, with the windows and airvents and go bike riding with him on my back and shopping having a good day out.

But it got me thinking I love animals even animals that eat other animals (ferrets live on raw meat only) alot more than fellow humans, because its very uncommon for an animal to turn its back on you and attack you out of no where (though this is uncommon it has been known to happen but normally in cases of neglect).

We humans seem to hurt each other alot more than other animals do.

But the moral of this post I'm sorry to say isnt that we treat eachother terrible (though it should be, and thats very true, and we should change that) but that I REALLY, REALLY and I cant stress this enough WANT A FERRET!

They are just so cute.

Just look how cute they are!

#ferrets #blog post #blog stuff #blogger #blogging #cute #truth #we can do this #make change #pets #seeking

[lostboy-in-a-blog]

We as humans like to think nothing we do matters, everything is fleeting, from the moment we are conceived, to the very moment we leave this world, we live as if nothing matters, but also as if everything does. We fight for power, Wealth, health, life, even death. We are the race of fighters we fight everything, nature, nurture, eachother, animals, the list is never ending.

We star wars of men, wars we have no reason to fight other than the over grossed smell of testsorone, we cause chaos, we cause pain, suffering, as we fight with our big guns, our swords hitting each other, bouncing as we share our blood as the slice into person after person, an till we finally fall on our own sword and the pattern starts anew.

Men think they should rule everything, control thoe seen weaker, make those seen as stronger into nothing. We are put into fractions, divided as people by sex, religon, colour, ethicity, sexuality, power, race, gender, wealth. We are all the same inside yet power is wanted by everyone. One thing everyone can agree on as humans we love our power.

It has been proven by the goverment, media, people of power, that women will always be seen as property of men, to be used, beaten, sold, and traded. From birth women are treat as less than man.

Lets fight the fight together as we cover the things the media are covering up as we show the truth about the worlds horrors, as we victomise anyone we see as less.

#blog post #blogger #blog stuff #blogging #the bitter truth #truth #newbie #media #womenempowerment #we will fight #fight the anorcy #we are here #lost boys