lord-akumu

[lord-akumu]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[lord-akumu]

Playing with the devil right now(My family it's kinda against of it, but they don't know most of the flags)

Praying that no one in my family ever saw one of those flags(Glad that the non binary and trans are small)

#my post #good omens #crowley and aziraphale #archangel aziraphale #aziracrow #aziraphale #aziraphale good omens #aziraphale x crowley #azirowley #crowly x aziraphale #azicrow #aziraphel #good omens aziraphale #bottons #good omens bottons #crowley #crowley good omens #belas maldições #anthony j crowley #a j crowley #lgbt #lgbtq community #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbt bottons #agender #genderfluid #nonbinary #trans crowley #trans

[lord-akumu]

good ship, i need to draw them more

[lord-akumu]

If Muriel barely appear in the 3rd season I'm gonna fucking bite Neil Gaiman toes and ankles

#good omens #3rd season #third season #good omens season three #good omens season 3 speculation #neil gaiman #I'm gonna bite him #I'm gonna bite #muriel #good omens muriel #good omens tv #good omens thoughts #good omens gifs

[lord-akumu]

THE LITTLE HEAD KISS I CANT AHHHHHHHH

[lord-akumu]

I love how Twitter's art community it's like "You did a constructive argument on why the anatomy and perspective on my drawing is wrong, but I don't like it because 2 people with low self-esteem said that they never will create an art account because they can't hear criticism so you're wrong" while Tumblr's it's "Look at that gay mf" and everyone is like "Woooow what a beautiful gay mf"

Talking about gay mf, look at that cube that I did instead of doing my homework, his name is James, and, as you guys can see, he's obviously not straight

#art #illustration #my post #artists on tumblr #drawing #my art #traditional art #traditional drawing #traditional illustration #cube #art community #Tumbrl art community #twitter #Twitter art community #x #tumbrl #gay cube #gay mf #gay mfs

[lord-akumu]

Gnarpy

#art #digital art #digital drawing #digital illustration #illustration #my post #artists on tumblr #digital painting #drawing #my art #regretevator gnarpy #gnarpy fanart #regrevator #roblox #roblox regretevator #fanart #made in ibis paint #ibispaintdrawing #ibispaint art #ibispaintx #ibispaintapp #mlem

[lord-akumu]

Here's a Hannibal fanfiction, it's a translation of the fanfiction that I did during a boring class

It's an adaptation because a lot of things just make sense in portuguese

Also, sorry for any misspellings

So, here please yourselves with my little sh*t:

Cannibal Husbands

You just got back from the university, it was around 6PM, you come face to face with Hannibal, your dad, he was all wrapped in a plastic suit that covers his neck down, with some blood stains around the suit and on his face. He notices you and receives you;

Hannibal — Good night, my daughter

Y/N — Why are you like that?

Hannibal — Your dad was hunting and I was preparing the meat for the dinner

Y/N — The animal was alive? You had to kill it? You are all covered in blood...

Hannibal — Yes, Will though that he killed it, but he just knocked it, when I started to cut, it wake up and I had to do the rest

Y/N — Oh... I hope that he didn't suffer a lot before dying...

Hannibal — That's something I can't guarantee, but dinner will be pleasant

Y/N — Like always!

Suddenly, Will, your other dad, appeared drying his hair with a towel.

Y/N — How was the hunt?

Will — It was good, but today's dinner was kinda hard, Hannibal had to do my job while I was cleaning the blood

Y/N — You should be careful or people will think you killed someone

Will and Hannibal look at each other, Will looked kinda nervous and Hannibal looked less calm

Will — You should take a shower... — He said looking at you

Y/N — Okay...

Then he turns to Hannibal.

Will — I'll prepare the things to start the dinner while you take a shower

While you go to your room you turn to see your parents, you see Hannibal giving Will a quick kiss. They never showed much affection in front of you, Will didn't looked like he showed at all.

They cook together while you set the table and feed the dogs.

You and your parents eat the dinner together, like a family.

You never went hunting with Will, neither prepare the meat with Hannibal, they always did alone or with each other, it look like they had a secret that just they knew, the secret of how the meat tasted so different of any other place maybe; they said that it was deer, pig, chicken, rabbit, any type of meat, but the taste wasn't like any that you had in any restaurant or friend's house, but you didn't care, you just wanted that, one day, your dads tell you they secret to make such a delicious food.

#hannibal #hannibal lecter #hannigram #hannibal fandom #hannibal fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #will graham #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #murder husbands #they're gay for each other #hannibal series

[lord-akumu]

Here, Chiffon

Look at that cute baby

#art #digital art #digital drawing #digital illustration #illustration #my post #artists on tumblr #made in ibis paint #ibispaint art #ibispaintx #chiffon #sanrio #cinnamon roll #my edit #edit #cute #kawaii

[lord-akumu]

My friend just asked if I was going to end the Hannibal fanfiction...

I did that during a boring class in my WhatsApp conversation as a JOKE

And wtf I'm supposed to add? It's a story about you being the kid of Hannibal and Will and you don't know about they secret but want to know how to make meat delicious and hunt with Will, nothing more, nothing less

Update: Yeah I posted the english version here

#hannibal #fanfic #hannibal series #hannibal lecter #will graham #it was a joke

[lord-akumu]

My friend saw the dog's illustration and asked me to draw her, so I did, look at her :)

#my art #digital art #art #digital drawing #digital illustration #digital painting #illustration #my draws #tumblr draw #drawing #my post #my friends #friends #artists on tumblr #tumbrl

[lord-akumu]

My friend's dog "Rosinha"(Little Rose)

#art #digital painting #digital art #digital illustration #digital drawing #drawing #tumblr draw #illustration #dog #doggo #dogs #dogs on tumblr #dog drawing #dog illustration #my art #my post #my draws

[lord-akumu]

Decided that I didn't born to Instagram like my friends and install Tumblr

Don't know if was a good idea, but fuck it

No idea of what I'm doing

#fuck it