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Sooooooooo I weighed myself for the 1st time in 4 months and I weigh 199 lbs. Surprisingly I'm pretty unbothered, of course I was lil upset, but I really don't care, cause I'm drinking my protein smoothies and gonna start weight lifting as a PE alternative 🙃
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Okay, well, you know what?
1. I don’t look like these fitblr girls while working out. I don’t wear make up and sometimes old workout clothes and I look like a sweaty hot mess. My hair is all over the place and my head is really red. But that’s okay because I love working out and I don’t care how I look while doing it. Looking at those beautiful fit strong women makes me want to workout and be a stronger person myself. But I really really really don’t look like that while doing my workouts.
2. Sometimes I really don’t feel like working out. This may be just a day or it can last a whole week. And you know what, that’s okay. If you don’t feel like it, you don’t need to do it. There will be days when I can’t bear it anymore to sit on the sofa so I will go for a run. Just because I want to. Or do some yoga or some circuit training. I don’t work out when I have bad period cramps. Or when I’m tired. I will rest my body and I will have some chocolate. It won’t hurt me to skip a few days.
3. I don’t always eat healthy. While it’s important to nurish your body and eat all kind of healthy stuff, I love to have a burger. Or pizza. Or fries with a milk shake. I really love those beautiful pictures of smoothie bowls, fresh salads and fruit. They motivate me and make me crave healthy food. But when you are able to listen to your body and your body wants ice cream, then let it have some ice cream. I’m not saying it’s okay to stuff your face with “unhealthy” food all the time. But it’s also not healthy to deprive yourself of some things which make you happy. To force yourself to just eat healthy. Why should I not be able to go out with friends for some delicious pasta. It’s important to find the balance between so called “good” and “bad” food.
4. I don’t weigh myself very often. Every few weeks, sometimes not even for months. It’s not about the number on the scale. It’s not. It’s about your body. The number on the scale might not be getting smaller but your body might be. While you build up those beautiful muscles, your body is getting slimmer and stronger while your body weight stays the same. Don’t weigh yourself every morning and evening. It’s not about the number on the scale. It’s just not.
5. It’s just about being happy.
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My body deserves better
My body deserves better. It deserves better than overeating, followed by periods of starvation. My body deserves better than to be filled with sugar and msg. Better than recieving hateful looks from its owner. Swelling up way too many sizes. I need to do better, be better, and take better care of myself. I eat out of boredom, sadness, happiness, joy, anger and every other emotion under the rainbow. I eat when people offer to pay, for celebration and every other reason too. I lastly i eat just to eat. I wanna say its learned behavior from my childhood (it is). But i've come to the relization that im old enough to steer my habits in the right direction, i can change. And of course it will be hard, but it will be worth it in the long run, because my body deserves better... i deserve better.
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I need to do this.
Ive always tried to lose weight, looked at pro ana, bought skinny jeans that were waaaaay to little, going semi vegan for like 2 weeks, and everything in between. Last time i went to the doctor i weighed 173 lbs and started crying, maybe it was because my period was around the corner or i was 14 and overweight i still dont know. I remember being little and not caring about my weight, what i ate, or what pants size i was, only stepping on the scale as a joke or just out of curiosity. Now i step on the scale out of fear that i might be inching closer to 200 lbs. I use to blame my dad for letting me eat so much mcdonalds over the summer and not pushing me to eat my greens or at least do 5 push ups, but what can i expect? Hes never raised any kids. I look at my 12 year old brother in envy, because he can eat a whole pot of spaghetti and still remain under the triple digits. I also blame it on the genetics of thyroid problems, obesity and poverty. But you know what? IM FUCKING TIRED OF IT! Im tired of people making excuses for me. Im tired of stepping on scales and crying. Im tired of always thinking about food. Im tired of doctors looking disappointed of me. Im tired of being another statistic to the government. Of feeling like shit. Looking at pictures of myself and fake smiling. Of crying late at night. Of doing my body wrongly. Im tired of looking for the easy way out. Im tired of writing shit like this. Its hard being fat and its hard losing weight, im choosing my hard right now. Im losing weight for the cute clothes, to be an example, to take care of myself, and because im learning to love myself. And this time im serious.
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