kawaiiinene00

[kawaiiinene00]

everyday i keep petting his brother the way he liked to be pet, cat hates it but i keep accidentally do it and i feel so mean because he clearly knew it was his brothers favorite way to be petted too. like cat would often put his own hand on stupid octopuses head like he wanted to pet him too😭

eng-tw

(picture abow is stupid octopus, black rat is cat)

mention of animal d34th

im crying myself drunk, my rat (stupid octopus) died today. i held him right before they took him in to put to sleep, i cried so much. ive cried for hours non stop. i will never let this go, i cant forgive myself for letting him die. he was ONE years old and his death is all my parents fault, they refused to take him to the doctor and i cant forgive them. i dont want to be harsh on my parents but knowing he died while being scared and unable to breath breaks me. especially now that i know it could have been prevented. i blame them and i blame myself for being so stupid. his brother is now all alone and im scared that he will get depressed, my parents promised me we will get some new ones so that he wont be alone and sad, he needs a friend. but after all this im not sure if they are telling the truth. his brother (cat) might be completely broken right now and knowing i cant do much about it breaks me, it makes me want to break my fingers. i struggled with eating before but after stupid octopuses death i cant eat at all. i ate a burger today and i want to puke it up, i dont deserve the peace to eat, especially when i know it might be my fault he is dead, cat is sad, i am sad and he is dead. my parents try to comfort me but i cant help but burst into even more tears everytime i see them. i dont belive in god but if he exist, i hate him. i blame him. stupid octopus dont deserve this, no god should let innocent animals die. some might say that its the way of life but i dont agree with that, no god should let something like this happen, i blame god more then i blame my parents. i blame randoms more then i blame god, i blame randoms because it gives me peace, i will never be happy and i will never let others be happy. atleast not after his death, he didnt deserve to die scared and unable to breath. i cried into his fur, i pet him and kissed him before they took him. i blame them too, i will put them down. i wont eat until i can sleep, i can never sleep until i have gotten an explanation for his death. if im a bad person, why punish him? he didnt deserve it, neither does cat. i will never rest before i know for sure that he is at peace. i will go on with him in my memory and do all that i can for cat, give cheese, give treats, give healthy food, give pets, give kisses, give much water, give toys, give freedom, give peace, give him revenge for what they did to his brother. they loved eachother, in a brother way and it breaks me knowing he cant love him anymore. i will love cat and i will live for stupid octopus, i will love cat for myself and for stupid octopus, i will give everything to cat, both because he deserves it and so stupid octopus knows that even tough he cant protect his younger brother anymore, cat is still protected. rest easy stupid octopus. i will live for you, i will take your brother to your favorite place to remember you in, i will do everything for him you wherent able to finish, me and cat will miss you forever♡

[kawaiiinene00]

i have moved past this statement, i do not care for him or his validation anymore

all i need is his validation

#i hate men #bpd #autism

[kawaiiinene00]

i hate when someone catch me smoking weed or cigarettes or drink alcohol and they just go

“men dont like women that to those things”

like mf I DO NOT CARE, im not lighting up a joint and go “ooo i bet men will like me now” NO like im literally just doing it because the feeling while on it is nice as hell. like men is not the thing i think of while doing these things and i do not care if men find women that do these attractive.

and when people go “men like women with meat in their bones” I DONT CARE ABOUT THAT EITHER, im starving myself because my body feels nice and its an addictive feeling, i dont care if men like meat on MY bones because they are MINE and I like them WITHOUT the meat.

like stop telling women that their whole life has to be around men and what they like??!!

#autism #4n0r3xia #ed bllog #4norexi4 #ed not ed sheeran #femenism #feminism #idk how to spell #idk what else to tag #english #英語 #men ew #male moment #ed not sheeren #i have severe autism #bpd #i hate men

[kawaiiinene00]

all i need is his validation

#i love him #autism #bpd thoughts #bpd #i miss him #him #love #大好き #彼 #ああああああ #大好き彼 #双極性障害 #悲しい #寂しい

[kawaiiinene00]

eng-tw

(picture abow is stupid octopus, black rat is cat)

mention of animal d34th

im crying myself drunk, my rat (stupid octopus) died today. i held him right before they took him in to put to sleep, i cried so much. ive cried for hours non stop. i will never let this go, i cant forgive myself for letting him die. he was ONE years old and his death is all my parents fault, they refused to take him to the doctor and i cant forgive them. i dont want to be harsh on my parents but knowing he died while being scared and unable to breath breaks me. especially now that i know it could have been prevented. i blame them and i blame myself for being so stupid. his brother is now all alone and im scared that he will get depressed, my parents promised me we will get some new ones so that he wont be alone and sad, he needs a friend. but after all this im not sure if they are telling the truth. his brother (cat) might be completely broken right now and knowing i cant do much about it breaks me, it makes me want to break my fingers. i struggled with eating before but after stupid octopuses death i cant eat at all. i ate a burger today and i want to puke it up, i dont deserve the peace to eat, especially when i know it might be my fault he is dead, cat is sad, i am sad and he is dead. my parents try to comfort me but i cant help but burst into even more tears everytime i see them. i dont belive in god but if he exist, i hate him. i blame him. stupid octopus dont deserve this, no god should let innocent animals die. some might say that its the way of life but i dont agree with that, no god should let something like this happen, i blame god more then i blame my parents. i blame randoms more then i blame god, i blame randoms because it gives me peace, i will never be happy and i will never let others be happy. atleast not after his death, he didnt deserve to die scared and unable to breath. i cried into his fur, i pet him and kissed him before they took him. i blame them too, i will put them down. i wont eat until i can sleep, i can never sleep until i have gotten an explanation for his death. if im a bad person, why punish him? he didnt deserve it, neither does cat. i will never rest before i know for sure that he is at peace. i will go on with him in my memory and do all that i can for cat, give cheese, give treats, give healthy food, give pets, give kisses, give much water, give toys, give freedom, give peace, give him revenge for what they did to his brother. they loved eachother, in a brother way and it breaks me knowing he cant love him anymore. i will love cat and i will live for stupid octopus, i will love cat for myself and for stupid octopus, i will give everything to cat, both because he deserves it and so stupid octopus knows that even tough he cant protect his younger brother anymore, cat is still protected. rest easy stupid octopus. i will live for you, i will take your brother to your favorite place to remember you in, i will do everything for him you wherent able to finish, me and cat will miss you forever♡

#rats #ratblr #tw ana shit #ed bllog #英語 #sad thoughts #4n0r3xia #autism #ramblings #悲しい #ネズミ #ねずみ

[kawaiiinene00]

eng & tw ed-

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i want to be paper thin forever, to get scars by just walking to much, a little to much wind could bruis my small body, i want it and my family wants me to want it, beauty standards are sick but it keeps draggin me in, the paper thin tummys with small boobs and thigh gaps is all i want, i hate my fat boobs, tummy and thighs, im trying to starv as much as i can, ive gone down from 66kg to 53kg in a year but recently i went up again to 57kg, i almost ripped my face off, its true what they say,

“nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”

#ed bllog #ed not ed sheeran #4norexi4 #4n4rexia #4n0r3xia #4n0rexic #英語 #english #pr04ana #beauty standards #slowly dying #st@rving #st@rve